Speaker 1: Why you keep self sabotaging your budget and how to stop.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
Speaker 2: save money, embrace.
Speaker 1: Simplicity, and deliver your life.
Speaker 3: Here your hosts Jen and Jill.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast.
Speaker 4: My name is Jen, my name is Jill.
Speaker 1: And today we are sharing a rerun of episode two
Speaker 1: hundred and seventy three. So if you have not been
Speaker 1: with us since then it's going to be new to you.
Speaker 1: And if you have, well, then this might be helpful
Speaker 1: information if you've found yourself self sabotaging. If not, then
Speaker 1: just turn it off.
Speaker 4: What we've learned is nobody scrolls back into the archive, nope,
Speaker 4: ours or others.
Speaker 1: So curating the episodes that you need to hear from
Speaker 1: two plus years ago so you don't ever have to
Speaker 1: scroll back more than two years. We're going to curate
Speaker 1: the best steps for you, and this is one of them.
Speaker 4: First, this episode is brought to you by the Perfect Sweatshirt.
Speaker 4: It's got everything you need. It's got the hoodie, it's
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Speaker 1: Play in the essence of self sabotage. I told Jill
Speaker 1: to not write down her sponsor second, and I guess
Speaker 1: that was outside sabotage.
Speaker 4: But I see what we'd come You see what we
Speaker 4: can up with on the fly.
Speaker 1: I also came up with mine on the fly. You
Speaker 1: often do that the next one on the sixth. So,
Speaker 1: but we really do believe in that's the spreadsheet. I
Speaker 1: think it's helpful, it's inexpensive. We absolutely do. We just
Speaker 1: don't always believe in ourselves.
Speaker 4: And actually we're running a sale on that soon. Get
Speaker 4: our friend letter for golfriendspodcast dot com and you'll have
Speaker 4: access to any sale coman.
Speaker 1: We also did not look up We knew that there
Speaker 1: would be some kind of discount when we said this
Speaker 1: the last time, and instead of pausing and going to
Speaker 1: look up what that was before we hit record on this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, we decided not to know. We're gonna self
Speaker 4: sabotage ourselves. We're gonna be We're gonna make you sign
Speaker 4: up for our newsletter so you can get the code.
Speaker 1: Because if there's anything that you can expect, it's that
Speaker 1: we're always going to self sabotage ourselves.
Speaker 4: Right, But here's how to stop doing that learn from us.
Speaker 1: Here's how to stop doing it with your budget.
Speaker 4: This first article comes from the Motley Fool and titled
Speaker 4: six ways to stop sabotaging your finances, although they actually
Speaker 4: go into six ways that you are sabotaging your finances
Speaker 4: or we are sabotaging I'll say we, because I'm not
Speaker 4: trying to point fingers here. I'm a part of this.
Speaker 4: It's a I fall victim to the holiday spending. So
Speaker 4: it's going through what are some of the things that
Speaker 4: kind of interrupt our best laid plans? But then what
Speaker 4: can we replace it with?
Speaker 1: So we'll go.
Speaker 4: Through all six. The first one, the first thing that
Speaker 4: we can do to sabotage our financial goals and best
Speaker 4: laid plans is not having best laid plans.
Speaker 1: You know it.
Speaker 4: It's called not budgeting. So and they reference a debt
Speaker 4: dot com survey that showed that thirty three percent of
Speaker 4: Americans do not budget their money, although ninety three percent
Speaker 4: believe that everyone should. So you've got a bit of
Speaker 4: a gap there, and honestly, I would imagine it's higher
Speaker 4: than that, although thirty three percent, that's a lot of people.
Speaker 4: And then even when we do set a budget, whether
Speaker 4: or not we're looking at it, paying attention to it,
Speaker 4: following it as a whole other ballgame. You know, we
Speaker 4: also describe budgeting as a spending plan, So if that's
Speaker 4: a more approachable term for making a plan for your money,
Speaker 4: then sure, call it whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 4: But we're not going to do very well if we
Speaker 4: don't actually know what we're doing, if we've not assigned
Speaker 4: a task for our money, or know how much is
Speaker 4: going coming in or going out. So instead of not budgeting,
Speaker 4: we could try creating a spending plan, creating a budget
Speaker 4: and viewing it as a tool in order to meet
Speaker 4: our goals. Again, Jen mentioned all the different a few
Speaker 4: different episodes that you could queue up if this is
Speaker 4: your particular area of sabotage to your finances is just
Speaker 4: like not doing it, not having the motivation, feeling like
Speaker 4: it's going to be strict and stringent, all of these
Speaker 4: things that kind of rail against this thing that we
Speaker 4: know we should be doing. Look at some different alternatives
Speaker 4: to maybe what you have in mind as what a
Speaker 4: budget looks like. It does not have to be a
Speaker 4: strict spreadsheet that details things down to the penny. There
Speaker 4: is so much freedom and flexibility in this. But having
Speaker 4: some sort of plan is going to help us not sabotage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it doesn't have to be a restrictive plan.
Speaker 1: You know that we love to make a you know,
Speaker 1: a guilt free, values based budget. That's and I think
Speaker 1: so this leads into numbers two. The second self sabotage
Speaker 1: is building an impossible budget. I know this was my
Speaker 1: problem because I looked at numbers on a screen and
Speaker 1: I said, and I wrote them down, and I said,
Speaker 1: this is the perfect budget. This is what I should
Speaker 1: be spending on this, this, this is what I have
Speaker 1: to spend on this, and so this is what I
Speaker 1: should have left over. And this was a budget for
Speaker 1: an ideal person, not a budget for me, not for
Speaker 1: where I was at. And so doing that and failing
Speaker 1: at it month after month led me to stop budgeting.
Speaker 1: And so I was trying to create these impossible budgets,
Speaker 1: which just led me to not budget at all. And
Speaker 1: so I think those two can go hand in hand
Speaker 1: more than we think. And the thing to do instead
Speaker 1: is to create a flexible budget, is to we see
Speaker 1: them so like we hear zero based budget and you know,
Speaker 1: fifty third twenty budget. We think we have to stick
Speaker 1: to these things, these models that other people have made,
Speaker 1: when really you just want to have a plan for
Speaker 1: your spending and life always finds a way to interrupt
Speaker 1: your best laid plans, and so finding ways to navigate
Speaker 1: that we had. I forget which challenge it was that
Speaker 1: we did in the membership, but like I think it
Speaker 1: was for goals that we had people identify, like, Okay,
Speaker 1: they're going to be roadblocks for you, you know, creating
Speaker 1: these habits to get to these goals. Think of them
Speaker 1: now and think of ways you can go around them,
Speaker 1: Like just just anticipate them. Think of them now. You know,
Speaker 1: if you go back and look at your last ninety
Speaker 1: days of transactions and look at the ones that you
Speaker 1: wish you hadn't made, that's a roadblock. Look at that
Speaker 1: and figure out what was What was something that I
Speaker 1: could have said or done differently so that I could
Speaker 1: have avoid spending this money that I really didn't want
Speaker 1: to spend. So just do that in advance.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and this next one is kind of connected to
Speaker 4: that idea of what you're saying, Jen. Another area that
Speaker 4: we can sabotage ourselves is not saying no. It's kind
Speaker 4: of like a double negative. But the inability to say
Speaker 4: no usually well to both ourselves and others. I can
Speaker 4: really identify with this one, particularly when it comes to
Speaker 4: something that seems really fun, like if you throw a
Speaker 4: fun activity at me, it is very hard to say
Speaker 4: no to myself or others. And I'm not advocating for
Speaker 4: deprivation here, but I think this is an area that
Speaker 4: can really, like truly sabotage what we've said we wanted
Speaker 4: to do, and it doesn't have to. I have tried
Speaker 4: to challenge myself to find a way to be able
Speaker 4: to say yes to whatever is excited me, but know
Speaker 4: to the interruption of financial goals that it might mean.
Speaker 4: So like, for instance, there have been many times when
Speaker 4: it's not difficult to like try and get me to
Speaker 4: go out to eat. Cooking sometimes feels like overwhelming, and
Speaker 4: I like going out to eat, But some weeks it's
Speaker 4: not in the meal plan, it's not in the spending plan,
Speaker 4: it's just not there. But there are many times where
Speaker 4: Eric is very successful and just hey, let's go hit
Speaker 4: up the heavy hour, like let's go, you know, all,
Speaker 4: I got to run a Low's, but of course ends
Speaker 4: up taking like two or three hours instead of the
Speaker 4: fifteen minutes he thought. And now I'm hungry, and so yes,
Speaker 4: it's easy for me to say, yes, let's go out
Speaker 4: to eat. But and I'm not saying that this happens
Speaker 4: perfectly every time. Sometimes I just do, I give in,
Speaker 4: and I sabotage in some small ways the thing that
Speaker 4: I said that I wouldn't do. But I have found
Speaker 4: in some conditions like this happy medium, where I'm able
Speaker 4: to kind of create that pause of ooh, I'm excited
Speaker 4: about that. I don't have to deprive myself of the
Speaker 4: entire thing. But what is a good negotiation here? What's
Speaker 4: a good compromise? And so there have been times where Okay, yes,
Speaker 4: I would love to go out, but let's eat the
Speaker 4: dinner that I've prepared and just go have a drink out,
Speaker 4: or let's eat here and let's just get out of
Speaker 4: the house. Let's go on a scooter ride, let's go
Speaker 4: on a walk, let's go do whatever it is. It
Speaker 4: doesn't have to be that I don't do something or
Speaker 4: I don't have fun. But it doesn't have to mean
Speaker 4: that I'm spending a ton of money that I didn't
Speaker 4: plan or want to spend. And that's also connected to
Speaker 4: what we talk about regularly of values based spending, and
Speaker 4: so the kind of what to do instead here in
Speaker 4: that when we recognize that inability to say no to ourselves.
Speaker 4: I think the biggest piece and they reference this in
Speaker 4: the article, is creating a pause, just an opportunity to
Speaker 4: reflect and process doesn't have to be very long. We're
Speaker 4: not talking about getting our journal out and sitting with
Speaker 4: quiet music for an hour, but thinking, oh, okay, what's
Speaker 4: happening here? What is it that is causing me to
Speaker 4: want to spend this money? Is it aligned with my values?
Speaker 4: Is it actually something I need or want or has
Speaker 4: been on my radar or priority list for a while,
Speaker 4: or is it not? Is it totally peripheral. I'm going
Speaker 4: to be really bummed in a week when I look
Speaker 4: back at this expenditure, that this happened, and is there
Speaker 4: an alternative? Is there some way that I can engage
Speaker 4: in this while not maybe spending as much or spending
Speaker 4: at all, and still get the thing that like, the
Speaker 4: fun piece, the connection with others, you name it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, It's this hard balance between saying no and
Speaker 1: not depriving yourself, right, Like we love no spend challenges,
Speaker 1: which at their core really seem to be depriving because
Speaker 1: we're saying, actually, don't spend money on anything, whether you
Speaker 1: value it or not, just for a month. But it's
Speaker 1: in order to get clarity on really the priorities of
Speaker 1: what you value. If you have an income that where
Speaker 1: you can afford everything you value, that is fantastic, that
Speaker 1: is the goal is to create that, But not all
Speaker 1: of us are there yet, and so on the way there.
Speaker 1: While you are achieving other financial goals, there are always
Speaker 1: going to be some values and things you love that
Speaker 1: lose out to higher value things and higher value goals.
Speaker 1: And I think that's where we say we want to
Speaker 1: say yes as much as possible, as long as it's
Speaker 1: within the parameters of that plan. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean we have to prioritize that what else
Speaker 4: in life can we say yes to every single thing
Speaker 4: and it actually go well or be beneficial. So there
Speaker 4: will have to be even in the midst of identifying
Speaker 4: our values, poritizing what am I going to tackle first?
Speaker 4: What's going to take precedent here?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And even in the cases where you can afford everything,
Speaker 1: eventually everything then becomes less meaningful. I know what it's
Speaker 1: going to say meaningless, but like less meaningful. When you
Speaker 1: are forced to choose, the thing that you choose automatically
Speaker 1: becomes more special. And so that's not like a way
Speaker 1: that we kind of want to like live our lives.
Speaker 1: But it can be some solace to know that when
Speaker 1: you choose everything, like when you're in that spending mode
Speaker 1: where you're just spending on everything, then nothing is really meaningful.
Speaker 1: But when you're making these intentional choices, the things you
Speaker 1: say yes to are more special. Maybe that's somehow encouraging.
Speaker 1: Probably not in the moment, but just sit with it.
Speaker 1: We'll see. Number four is caring what other people think.
Speaker 1: This is Yeah. I again, I feel personally like I
Speaker 1: could have written this because one of the things that
Speaker 1: kept me spending was not so much caring what people think,
Speaker 1: but just caring about being their fomo. Honestly, it was
Speaker 1: like fear of missing out. It wasn't even necessarily what
Speaker 1: they thought of me, but it did depend. I mean,
Speaker 1: it was kind of I didn't want other people having
Speaker 1: fun experiences and then hear about it later, so it
Speaker 1: was still like other people oriented. So it can be
Speaker 1: I think this can go to either way and it's
Speaker 1: why finding your values and maybe we should have switched
Speaker 1: up this week and next week or next episode the
Speaker 1: next one's about values. Whoops. But it's really important to
Speaker 1: go on the difficult journey of figuring out who you
Speaker 1: are and what you want and what you value, so
Speaker 1: that you can know, am I is this what I want?
Speaker 1: Or am I being influenced by somebody else? Or am
Speaker 1: I like kind of quasi trying to impress this person
Speaker 1: or have the same experiences that make sure they don't
Speaker 1: experience something fun that I didn't, So that you can
Speaker 1: get to the point where you stop caring earlier in life.
Speaker 1: I'm there, Yeah, I hit that.
Speaker 4: I'm a little concern for what the rest of life
Speaker 4: is going to look like, because I don't think you're
Speaker 4: supposed to, like truly stop caring until you're like in
Speaker 4: your sixties. But it's happened in my thirties, so stay tuned.
Speaker 1: There's always more room to care less. That's true. I
Speaker 1: believe that. I truly believe that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And there's a reason that there's a term for
Speaker 4: this type of scenario of keeping up with the Joneses.
Speaker 4: But the reality is that it always will fall flat
Speaker 4: if that's the aim, it will never be achieved or
Speaker 4: when it is, when that target is hit. If that's
Speaker 4: the target, it will quickly shift to a new target,
Speaker 4: and there is very little actual personal fulfillment in that. Again,
Speaker 4: we all can fall into this or sabotage ourselves in
Speaker 4: this way and want things that other people have or
Speaker 4: want to be perceived in a certain way. But I
Speaker 4: think challenging ourselves to have a deeper aim in the
Speaker 4: way that we live our life, which connects to how
Speaker 4: we spend our money, is ultimately what's going to be
Speaker 4: most fulfilling. We need to have deeper, more anchored aims
Speaker 4: than just what is the person next to me doing.
Speaker 4: So the next one in the way that we can
Speaker 4: sabotage ourselves is by making spending easy really just not
Speaker 4: having many boundaries or parameters or barriers to spending making
Speaker 4: and I'm talking primarily impulse spending, because we all spend money,
Speaker 4: and no part of us as advocating for never spending
Speaker 4: and never buying things and never doing fun stuff. So
Speaker 4: that when we don't have many barriers in place or
Speaker 4: tethers on our ability to spend, again, it lowers the
Speaker 4: barrier to entry for some of those impulse purchases, and
Speaker 4: this can happen to any one of us, and the
Speaker 4: article kind of references this example. This might not be
Speaker 4: for everyone, but helpful to kind of understand. When we
Speaker 4: have our debit cards or credit cards already entered into
Speaker 4: whatever website, whether it's Amazon or a place that we
Speaker 4: regularly schedule or shop at online, it already has that information.
Speaker 4: We don't have to go find our credit cards or
Speaker 4: type it all in again, it's just yet put in
Speaker 4: the shopping cart and one click buy and done. That
Speaker 4: can make it really easy for us to late night
Speaker 4: when all of our decision making fatigue has caught up
Speaker 4: with us and our guards are down and we're just
Speaker 4: scrolling and buying and scrolling and buying. And so if
Speaker 4: that's you, one of the things that can be done is,
Speaker 4: first of all, not make it so easy to get
Speaker 4: to those sites on your phone. So if that's like
Speaker 4: a late night thing that's happening, instead put a block
Speaker 4: on those maybe don't have those apps downloaded on your phone,
Speaker 4: or find some way to interrupt your habit of picking
Speaker 4: up your phone after ten pm and scrolling those sites,
Speaker 4: or put and all of these habits are going to
Speaker 4: need to be replaced with something. It's not a matter
Speaker 4: of just cutting it out, it's what am I going
Speaker 4: to do instead? And so could there be a game
Speaker 4: that you play on your phone instead of shopping? Could
Speaker 4: there be a book that you read instead of shopping?
Speaker 4: Like find other things that are going to keep you
Speaker 4: entertained rather than just the shopping piece. They also reference
Speaker 4: in this article paying cash that for me is not
Speaker 4: the answer, it could be for you. So I'm mentioning
Speaker 4: it because for some people it feels like a bigger
Speaker 4: barrier to have to spend cash on something. They actually
Speaker 4: feel it coming.
Speaker 1: Out of.
Speaker 4: Their wallets in that way. For me, when I spend cash,
Speaker 4: I just feel like, oh, there's no log of this.
Speaker 4: It's fair game, Like spend it however you want to,
Speaker 4: because you're never going to see it again. So whatever
Speaker 4: it is for you, identifying how have you potentially made
Speaker 4: spending easy and in what ways can you create barriers?
Speaker 4: I know we've talked about even with emails, the unroll
Speaker 4: me site that you can sign up for and it
Speaker 4: kind of compiles all of the different email list that
Speaker 4: you're on and so you're not consistently being bombarded with
Speaker 4: all these ads and marketing techniques that sometimes you might
Speaker 4: impulse spend on. So there's all sorts of technology and
Speaker 4: things that we can implement ourselves to interrupt this kind
Speaker 4: of thoughtless, mindless impulse purchasing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no spending after nine just try that role. Try
Speaker 1: that role on for size. Once nine PM hits, we're
Speaker 1: not buying anything. And then the last one on this
Speaker 1: list that we will just go through briefly, because why
Speaker 1: do we really have to reiterate this is your self
Speaker 1: sabotage number six, failing to imagine the future because you will,
Speaker 1: on average, live till eighty something and on average you
Speaker 1: will only work until sixty three. So the average person.
Speaker 1: And I know, like mom said, you're special, but like
Speaker 1: she was probably average too, and you're probably all average,
Speaker 1: you know, So like, just plan to live into your eighties,
Speaker 1: plan to retire average.
Speaker 4: No one's pointing fingers, we are all I'm looking at
Speaker 4: my shelf, like I can see myself in the in
Speaker 4: the video camera as I say this, and I'm looking
Speaker 4: at myself and saying, your average.
Speaker 1: Jen, So stop stop thinking you're gonna die in your fifties,
Speaker 1: and so just say you need to and the point
Speaker 1: of that is is that you need to be putting
Speaker 1: savings for retirement into your plan. There. If you are
Speaker 1: old enough to be able to queue up this podcast
Speaker 1: and listen to it with the attention span to listen
Speaker 1: all the way through, then you are old enough to
Speaker 1: invest for retirement. And that's even Yeah, no, absolutely you are. Uh,
Speaker 1: even if you're not eighteen yet, there's still ways that
Speaker 1: you can start doing that. So, yeah, it is never
Speaker 1: too early. You save money on retirement the earlier you start.
Speaker 1: So if you're really looking for ways to save money
Speaker 1: from this podcast, here's a good one. Start investing earlier.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and now for the next article.
Speaker 1: So our next one is from Well and Good and
Speaker 1: it's five sneaky ways your mind sabotages you're spending. And
Speaker 1: these are really short, so we'll go through them quickly
Speaker 1: because it's more of a less like actionable steps and
Speaker 1: more of like, here's some places to give yourself grace
Speaker 1: or here's some places you might want to dig into.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and my disclaimer is, first of all, the word
Speaker 4: sneaky in this title I have to disagree with, Like,
Speaker 4: none of these are that sneaky, and you'll kind of
Speaker 4: see why as we go through them, but also the
Speaker 4: purpose of well our intention in talking about this article
Speaker 4: is is to continue to challenge us towards curiosity about self,
Speaker 4: which can lead to greater understanding of self, which can
Speaker 4: lead to creating systems, habits, mindsets around the things that
Speaker 4: we know to be true about who we are, and
Speaker 4: create an individualized plan that is aimed at well being
Speaker 4: and freedom and helps us in our finances. So a
Speaker 4: lot of this article, at least when I read it,
Speaker 4: can come across as just like oh, and here's a problem,
Speaker 4: and here's a problem, and here's.
Speaker 1: A problem the titles. The titles are abrasive. I will
Speaker 1: say that I felt.
Speaker 4: Right without much way of like, okay, but what do
Speaker 4: we do about this? And so that's where your fellow
Speaker 4: frugal friends will kind of fill in the blanks. But
Speaker 4: I think some of these are worth noting because we
Speaker 4: are whole people and a lot of these mental, emotional,
Speaker 4: relational things things that are identified in this article are accurate.
Speaker 4: While come across abrasive, it's worth identifying them so that
Speaker 4: you could take a deeper dive on the things that
Speaker 4: feel relevant for you and how understanding that more might
Speaker 4: help you in your financial decisions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm not even going to read the ones
Speaker 1: that the titles that they wrote. I'm just going to
Speaker 1: write the one read the ones that Jill rewrote. So
Speaker 1: number one is your attachment style impacts your relationship with money.
Speaker 1: And I was unfamiliar with attachment styles, but apparently they
Speaker 1: are how you relate to others. So secure, avoidant, anxious, disorganized.
Speaker 1: If you recognize one of those or multiples in your
Speaker 1: relationship with others, those have a direct effect on how
Speaker 1: you relate to money. So this doctor says each attachment
Speaker 1: style may respond from that desire to avoid discomfort. And
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot. I mean, even if you
Speaker 1: don't have what this article calls an insecure attachment style,
Speaker 1: that's offensive. I'm very secure. I'm very secure in my
Speaker 1: negative attachment styles. Thank you. I really some of our
Speaker 1: spending is to avoid discomfort, I think. And so I've
Speaker 1: I've found that, like very eye opening, that if you
Speaker 1: can identify something in your relationships, then it's very likely
Speaker 1: that it's going to have some impact in your money.
Speaker 4: So to fill in the blanks a little bit more
Speaker 4: attachment styles that it is research done by psychiatrists and
Speaker 4: psychoanalyst John Bowlby who identified various attachment styles and children
Speaker 4: to their parents or caregivers. So the four different attachment
Speaker 4: styles that you listed anxious, avoidant, disorganized, secure, those are
Speaker 4: the four attachment styles identified by Bowlby that happens and
Speaker 4: occurs as children, and it is particularly related to the
Speaker 4: way that we've attached to our parent or caregiver, and
Speaker 4: it has to do with how they responded to us
Speaker 4: in childhood and what that instilled in us and our
Speaker 4: understanding of relationships and so these different attachment styles, then
Speaker 4: most research points to the fact that you're really not
Speaker 4: going to change an attachment style. Whatever was instilled in
Speaker 4: you as a child is the attachment style that you're
Speaker 4: living with. That again, I don't want to not have
Speaker 4: room for hope here or that we can't learn more
Speaker 4: about ourselves or operate aimed at health within those attachment styles.
Speaker 4: But whatever is instilled in us as far as attachment
Speaker 4: to our parent or caregiver can then bear weight and
Speaker 4: impact on our relationships and behaviors into adulthood. So this
Speaker 4: isn't like I don't want to say, oh zero, focus
Speaker 4: in on attachment style and make all of your financial
Speaker 4: decisions around that or any other.
Speaker 1: Aspect of life.
Speaker 4: But if this sounds curious to you, of I wonder
Speaker 4: what my attachment style is, what was learned for me
Speaker 4: in response to my parent or caregiver, and how does
Speaker 4: that impact my relationships. Certainly this is the curiosity with self,
Speaker 4: the understanding of ourselves that will help us in the
Speaker 4: way that we relate, and of course it bears impact
Speaker 4: on our behaviors. The article doesn't go into much depth
Speaker 4: about what that's going to mean, and I would say
Speaker 4: understanding our attachment style will first and foremost help us
Speaker 4: in relationships and our relationship with ourselves. But then peripheral
Speaker 4: impact can be our relationship with money and the decisions
Speaker 4: and behaviors that occur in us as a result of that.
Speaker 4: So just a quick side note on attachment style.
Speaker 1: I'm thank you for giving that XP nation because it's
Speaker 1: super fascinating. I ever heard of this before.
Speaker 4: My clinical licensure is surfacing here in this.
Speaker 1: I know that's why we pay you the big bucks,
Speaker 1: because you got those letters.
Speaker 4: Okay, number two, this one is so so true. We've
Speaker 4: talked about this a lot. Is our emotions and that
Speaker 4: includes being disregulated can impact our money decisions. I don't
Speaker 4: love how the article only focuses on disregulated emotions. I
Speaker 4: think we move in and out of being regulated and disregulated,
Speaker 4: and both can bear weight and do bear weight on
Speaker 4: the money decisions that we make. We don't only make
Speaker 4: poor money decisions when we're disregulated. We can also make
Speaker 4: poor money decisions when we're regulated. But recognizing what happens
Speaker 4: for us when we are in either state, whether feeling
Speaker 4: really kind of lacking control in our emotions, or feeling
Speaker 4: really down or sad, or feeling really elated and happy
Speaker 4: and on top of the world, all of these things
Speaker 4: can impact what we choose to do with our money.
Speaker 4: We've talked about this in depth, so I'm not going
Speaker 4: to say much more than that, other than it's worth
Speaker 4: looking at and maybe even keeping a journal, keeping a log, recognizing, oh,
Speaker 4: and I'm feeling this way, Here's what I'm likely to do.
Speaker 4: Is that beneficial for me? Great? Let's keep doing that,
Speaker 4: Is it not? What could I replace that with?
Speaker 1: Absolutely? Number three is neuro divergences that need to be considered.
Speaker 1: So that's an umbrella term for any all variations, including ADHD, autism,
Speaker 1: asperger dyslexia, epilepsy, hyperlexia, OCD, turette. Yeah, so a lot
Speaker 1: all right, And there are a lot more people that
Speaker 1: have no or divergences, whether even slightly, that do impact
Speaker 1: how you budget and you don't even realize it. And
Speaker 1: so I think having that's one of the important parts
Speaker 1: of really figuring out yourself and doing kind of that
Speaker 1: deep work, so that if you have kind of tendencies
Speaker 1: towards one of these, even if it's undiagnosed, but maybe
Speaker 1: you just see something and I'm mostly talking about ADHD,
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot more people that have that
Speaker 1: just because of the you know, environmental like environmental situation
Speaker 1: is just so ripe for creating that it looks. I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people kind of can tend towards that,
Speaker 1: And so learning from that and giving yourself grace in
Speaker 1: the way you budget. It doesn't mean you can't budget,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you are incapable of budgeting. It means
Speaker 1: you you should budget differently, and a lot of that
Speaker 1: means a little bit more flexibility in your budget, and
Speaker 1: I think all of us need more flexibility in our budget.
Speaker 1: But just definitely having more grace for yourself if you
Speaker 1: do tend towards one of these divergences.
Speaker 4: Yeah, whether neurodivergent or neurotypical. It's important to understand our
Speaker 4: personal makeup and the way that we make decisions, the
Speaker 4: way we view the world around us, how that impacts
Speaker 4: our behaviors. It's important for all of us, and I
Speaker 4: think giving the permission to create, particularly when we're talking
Speaker 4: about finances, a system that includes and recognizes those aspects
Speaker 4: of ourselves, not trying a one size fits all, because
Speaker 4: one size does not fit all. I think T shirt
Speaker 4: companies are recognizing that. Now, amen, And so whatever you
Speaker 4: know about yourself, not putting that aside and trying to
Speaker 4: make a round peg fit into a square hole, but
Speaker 4: incorporating that, How does my knowledge about whatever it is
Speaker 4: that I know about myself, whether it's one of the
Speaker 4: neurodivergences that gen listed or something else or not even
Speaker 4: under that category. Whatever, we're all humans, and so what
Speaker 4: does that inform me about how I can be kind
Speaker 4: to myself and my approach to finances while also not
Speaker 4: ignoring it, right, not going to either extreme of oh
Speaker 4: well because of this, I'm not capable at all, or
Speaker 4: because of this, yeah, you name it it could go
Speaker 4: in either direction, but utilizing this knowledge and information to
Speaker 4: inform and create systems that are to you around finances
Speaker 4: and next number four is our own manipulation of ourselves
Speaker 4: is one of the things that can lead to sabotage
Speaker 4: of money. I don't I don't love this terminology, like
Speaker 4: I don't love the term manipulation. I'm not saying it
Speaker 4: doesn't exist, but it sounds quite negative that we're like
Speaker 4: manipulating ourselves.
Speaker 1: I don't think a lot of it is on purpose
Speaker 1: or is like maniacal or negative.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I think I think maybe a better way
Speaker 4: to define this would be what's realistic or not realistic?
Speaker 4: In what ways are we maybe thinking something is going
Speaker 4: to happen. This might be like fantastical thinking versus what's
Speaker 4: reality or creating something I know that we meant in
Speaker 4: that first article, creating something that's completely unrealistic, not not
Speaker 4: something that's possible for us or desired. Even this can
Speaker 4: be that give some examples of like oh, I'll do
Speaker 4: that later, or I'll totally budget when XYZ happens, And
Speaker 4: I don't think that's manipulation. That might be just like
Speaker 4: thinking something's going to be true. That isn't true, Maybe
Speaker 4: having a fantastical view of ourselves and what we're going
Speaker 4: to do or what we're capable of, and not actually
Speaker 4: looking at, well, what are my patterns of behaviors and
Speaker 4: what could I reasonably expect to get done in the
Speaker 4: next week, Or is it true that tomorrow I'll do
Speaker 4: the budget or is it better that I'll do it
Speaker 4: right now? Carve out space as I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 4: So just kind of, yeah, I guess that there's a
Speaker 4: possibility that we kind of like trick ourselves. But I
Speaker 4: think it's just a matter of looking at what's reasonable,
Speaker 4: what's realistic, and not continuing to find ourselves in this
Speaker 4: cycle of telling ourselves something's going to happen when it's
Speaker 4: not going to happen, and maybe even we know full
Speaker 4: well it's not going to happen. So just taking a
Speaker 4: little bit more of a realistic approach with ourselves.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like selective rationalization. It's you're saying you're gonna
Speaker 1: it's definitely I'm going to do this tomorrow. I'll just
Speaker 1: fall asleep tonight. I'll track today's and tomorrow's transactions tomorrow.
Speaker 1: It's what it sounds like, But I think when it
Speaker 1: comes to the first sentence was like, it's important to
Speaker 1: be aware when someone else is attempting to manipulate you.
Speaker 1: And I know this is talking about self, but I
Speaker 1: think a lot of our manipulation is like super well intentioned. Honestly,
Speaker 1: most most manipulation is like just the people around us
Speaker 1: wanting what they think is best for us. And we
Speaker 1: can take some of that on and internalize it and
Speaker 1: kind of create that in ourselves and want what other
Speaker 1: people think is best for us, when really we should
Speaker 1: be doing a little more realistic rationalization on okay, what
Speaker 1: is best for me, So just a little addition to that.
Speaker 1: And then the last one is you're still embracing learned
Speaker 1: behaviors that no longer serve you. This was the only
Speaker 1: one that I thought was not abrasive. But so this
Speaker 1: kind of I think, I guess, ties a little bit
Speaker 1: into the attachment styles, but is focused on things that
Speaker 1: you can change. So they're saying our upbringing around finances
Speaker 1: and money greatly affects our spending habits in the future.
Speaker 1: For example, if you were raised by people who had
Speaker 1: insecure attachment styles, you likely picked up on their spending
Speaker 1: habits for me. It was my mom always every weekend
Speaker 1: we went to the mall. Like shopping was a hobby,
Speaker 1: it was an activity, and so that was the way
Speaker 1: we bonded, and if we wanted to bond, we went
Speaker 1: to the mall. And that when I became an adult.
Speaker 1: And I think about this every Black Friday too, because
Speaker 1: my favorite part of Thanksgiving was not the meal. It
Speaker 1: was planning the Black Friday shopping route and acquisition of
Speaker 1: sale items. That was the best part for me. And
Speaker 1: nobody is surprised if you know me and that habit,
Speaker 1: that behavior no longer serves me in adulthood. And it
Speaker 1: was kind of a little difficult to let go of
Speaker 1: it was it took my job actually requiring me to
Speaker 1: work every Black Friday for five years. That broke me
Speaker 1: of it. So thank you, Greg, Thank you Greg. So yeah,
Speaker 1: like there are these things and you can accept that.
Speaker 1: Like when I was younger, Black Friday, you know, strategic
Speaker 1: shopping was very fun and it served me in that way,
Speaker 1: and it no longer serves me today. And so I
Speaker 1: can be happy about what I did and when I
Speaker 1: did it and still change and create different behaviors today
Speaker 1: without feeling guilty about the past without losing anything in
Speaker 1: the present or future.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean just recognizing cycles and patterns of behavior
Speaker 4: and where to interrupt them. Sometimes it can help us
Speaker 4: to even draw it out, like literally draw out a
Speaker 4: circle and identify, like where does it start, what happens next,
Speaker 4: what happens next, what happens next, what's the end? How
Speaker 4: does it then get back into the cycle again, And
Speaker 4: then once we have that written out around the circle,
Speaker 4: identifying where can this be interrupted, what point do I
Speaker 4: want to interrupt it? And with what can I interrupt it,
Speaker 4: and just begin practicing changing and shifting some of those
Speaker 4: learned behaviors.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know how I love to interrupt you when
Speaker 1: you are just on this like rampage of wisdom.
Speaker 4: With something that doesn't need to be shifted or changed.
Speaker 3: The bill of the week.
Speaker 2: That's right, it's time for the best minute of your
Speaker 2: entire week.
Speaker 3: Maybe a baby was born and his name is William.
Speaker 2: Maybe you paid off your mortgage, maybe your car died
Speaker 2: and you're happy to not have to pay that bill anymore.
Speaker 1: Duck bills, butfalow bills.
Speaker 3: Bill clion, this is the bill.
Speaker 2: Of the week. This has come from Florida and few
Speaker 2: months ago I applied to have my PMI removed. So
Speaker 2: my house had gained quite a bit of equity in
Speaker 2: the last housing bump. So this past month was the
Speaker 2: first month that I didn't have to pay PMI on
Speaker 2: a fairly new mortgage. And so that's one hundred and
Speaker 2: twenty dollars a month. But I'm going to continue to
Speaker 2: just keep paying it against the principal, so one hundred
Speaker 2: and twenty bucks additional onto the principle. Over the life
Speaker 2: of the loan, it'll be another seventy four grand, So
Speaker 2: I'm pretty happy about that. Thanks.
Speaker 4: Yes, Tim from Florida, this is amazing well done. Yes,
Speaker 4: I mean that PMI. That's one of those things that
Speaker 4: once it's rolled into your mortgage many people can forget about.
Speaker 4: But the fact that you remembered it and you were
Speaker 4: able to get rid of it, it sounds like before
Speaker 4: when you thought you could, because the value of your
Speaker 4: home increased, which is amazing. So that's something.
Speaker 1: There's just a tip for all hashtag housing in Florida
Speaker 1: to be everywhere.
Speaker 4: Really yeah, take a look at But then how whise
Speaker 4: of you to keep paying what you were used to
Speaker 4: paying towards your mortgage and applying that what you were
Speaker 4: paying a PMI to the principle instead and the difference
Speaker 4: that's going to make for you in the long run.
Speaker 4: That's just you've just hacked some housing, right there. Tim
Speaker 4: from Florida, Well done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love this because PMI, especially right now when
Speaker 1: it's not advantageous to refinance, but so many housing values
Speaker 1: have gone up to where so many people can get
Speaker 1: PMI off and you can make the decision. I can
Speaker 1: either like, stop, you know, buying lattes and save one
Speaker 1: hundred and twenty dollars a month. Or I can just
Speaker 1: look at this one simple thing that I didn't even
Speaker 1: know existed, or that I could remove and just take
Speaker 1: it off, and I can buy all my lattes and
Speaker 1: save the same amount and not think about it. It's
Speaker 1: so easy. And I will say that sometimes you will
Speaker 1: have to pay for an inspection, not inspection appraisal to
Speaker 1: do that if you're not refinancing. Honestly, it's a lot cheaper.
Speaker 1: It's like five hundred dollars versus closing costs for refinancing.
Speaker 1: But you would make that out ideally if the interest
Speaker 1: rates weren't crazy. So if you think your mortgage has
Speaker 1: gone up, check Zillow and then take a little bit
Speaker 1: off of that because Zillo is very generous. See, if
Speaker 1: you have that twenty twenty percent equity, I think I
Speaker 1: think they might require maybe just a smidge over, they'll
Speaker 1: automatically take it off. I think it at twenty five
Speaker 1: percent of the loan paid off. But that doesn't necessarily
Speaker 1: mean you have to pay off twenty percent of the loan.
Speaker 1: To get PMI removed, you have to have that twenty
Speaker 1: percent of equity. So if your house price has gone up,
Speaker 1: check it. You may be able to get PMI off
Speaker 1: and have those lattes.
Speaker 4: M love that if you are listening and you're similar
Speaker 4: to Tim from Florida just hacking housing and getting rid
Speaker 4: of PMI and paying down principle, or your like Jen
Speaker 4: who is just concerned about getting her lattes and no
Speaker 4: one yelling at her. Whatever your bill is, send it
Speaker 4: to us, really truly, we've ripped through a lot of
Speaker 4: our bills now and we need more. So Frugal friendspodcast
Speaker 4: dot com, slash bill, leave us your bill. You won't
Speaker 4: be waiting in the wings for six months anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is not something we thought about when we
Speaker 1: went to two episodes a week. This was an oversight
Speaker 1: and we need your help. We need your bills.
Speaker 4: We do need your bills, and now it's time for
Speaker 4: they're happening around.
Speaker 1: All right. So today in the vulnerability Lightning, vulnerability, lightning,
Speaker 1: Pew pew, how do you divert yourself away from self
Speaker 1: sabotaging behaviors. Let's give the people some real world, actionable tips.
Speaker 4: Let's give them something talk about, Let's give them something
Speaker 4: to do.
Speaker 1: Okay, and yours is good, jill Ah.
Speaker 4: This one took a lot of thought from me. I
Speaker 4: really had to think through like what what could be
Speaker 4: myself sabotaging? And I did mention this already, so but
Speaker 4: it's this is true for me, bears repeating, Yeah, I
Speaker 4: do pause. I have kind of formed so much of
Speaker 4: a habit of this that I don't truly hardly notice
Speaker 4: it anymore. But if I think about my behaviors, I pause.
Speaker 4: When it comes to spending, whether I'm at home and
Speaker 4: shopping online or out in a store, I do regularly
Speaker 4: check in with myself to determine how I'm feeling about
Speaker 4: making the purchases, whether I feel like it's a good decision,
Speaker 4: if it's actually something that is on the list or
Speaker 4: is truly going to solve a problem, or if it's
Speaker 4: in the spending plan, and that pause. Many times that
Speaker 4: check in is yep, good to go, keep moving forward.
Speaker 4: But there are plenty of times too where that pause
Speaker 4: makes me realize, yeah, I'm feeling uneasy about this. I'm
Speaker 4: feeling kind of uncertain about springing for this item that
Speaker 4: wasn't on the list. It kind of just caught my eye.
Speaker 4: I don't actually think I'm going to be thrilled that
Speaker 4: I bought this when I get home or when it
Speaker 4: arrives at my doorstep, and okay, let's take it out
Speaker 4: of the cart. That can still create more pauses of Now,
Speaker 4: how am I feeling now that it's not in my
Speaker 4: cart anymore? But this, I think has been something And
Speaker 4: I can't totally say when this fully solidified for me
Speaker 4: as a habit, but now that it's kind of just
Speaker 4: become part of my regular practices, I think it's a
Speaker 4: huge thing that has helped me in my finances. Maybe
Speaker 4: in our after show I'll talk about how that can
Speaker 4: swing the other way. I realized this, I wanted to
Speaker 4: talk with you about it.
Speaker 1: Okay, I can't wait to hear for me, I think,
Speaker 1: so I have two kind of two things. So the
Speaker 1: first is, now that we're doing more home renovations, we're
Speaker 1: buying a lot more on Amazon. So before, like the
Speaker 1: way I diverted myself was I just like didn't go,
Speaker 1: like I didn't have the app. I just stayed off
Speaker 1: and I would you know, I would play solitaire or
Speaker 1: something instead. But now I kind of have to be there,
Speaker 1: and so I have been kind of doing that, not
Speaker 1: a thirty day rule, but like putting things in my
Speaker 1: car into the leaving them there for like a very
Speaker 1: long time to make sure that I still want them,
Speaker 1: to make sure I can't find them secondhand or for
Speaker 1: free on the buy nothing group. So that has been
Speaker 1: kind of my first one. And then the second, I
Speaker 1: think my most kind of self my most destructive spending
Speaker 1: behavior is definitely like fast food. It's just been a
Speaker 1: habit since since I became a mom. Honestly, I have
Speaker 1: picked up like I never did fast food before I
Speaker 1: had a child and I was a vegetarian, so it
Speaker 1: was just like not the only place I could really
Speaker 1: go with was Taco Bell and that's not fast food.
Speaker 1: That's that's fast Mexican, so it doesn't count. And so
Speaker 1: so this is actually like my biggest struggle right now
Speaker 1: is actually this one, and it's the one that I'm
Speaker 1: really having trouble overcoming. So I am buying more snacks
Speaker 1: like snack bars, because especially in pregnancy, like hunger will
Speaker 1: just come over me, but the will to make food
Speaker 1: does not come over me at the same time. And
Speaker 1: so having like kind bars or RX bars or like
Speaker 1: bars has been something that has been helpful for me.
Speaker 1: And I'll keep dried fruit in my glove compartment because
Speaker 1: that can stay in my hot car and not get gross.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that has been those tactics.
Speaker 4: Nice. Yeah, And here's the thing too, at least for you, Jen,
Speaker 4: for right now. Again, I think life has lived in seasons,
Speaker 4: and I think recognizing what that means for you right
Speaker 4: now and giving some space for it, maybe even starting
Speaker 4: to put it into the budget for now, because not
Speaker 4: only are you a mom of a toddler, but you're pregnant.
Speaker 4: So I don't anticipate that what you're describing is gonna
Speaker 4: last super long. But you're extra tired and you have
Speaker 4: extra demands on you and your body. That okay, So
Speaker 4: like what if more convenience foods are necessary for the
Speaker 4: next three months? What could that mean for me? And
Speaker 4: how could I make decisions that I feel like more
Speaker 4: healthy for me but still allows room for convenience, Like
Speaker 4: I just I still think that there's space for this.
Speaker 4: Like we're not static, you know.
Speaker 1: Right, and the bars are kind of my like compromise
Speaker 1: to be like I really shouldn't be, you know, going
Speaker 1: to McDonald's Chick fil A as frequently as I am.
Speaker 1: I want to have more like nutritious foods, but I
Speaker 1: also don't expect myself to meal prep like I once
Speaker 1: did in my heyday. So you's kind Oh girl, he
Speaker 1: has had did and that day, that day is over
Speaker 1: the golden years. The sun has set on that day.
Speaker 4: The sun might rise again when all of your children
Speaker 4: are like able to wipe themselves.
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, what a dream. You've put hope in my heart.
Speaker 4: Oh I'm so glad. I hope, I hope we put
Speaker 4: hope in all of your hearts today, And just at
Speaker 4: least motivation for curiosity about yourself and how the makeup
Speaker 4: of who you are impacts your spending and ways in
Speaker 4: which you can tailor your spending and your money decisions
Speaker 4: around that.
Speaker 1: Well, we are done for the most part with our renovations,
Speaker 1: and I I'm not buying as much Amazon anymore, so
Speaker 1: I think I have gotten a lot better at this.
Speaker 1: But I got a dog, and I don't know a
Speaker 1: lot about dogs, So I do have to stop myself
Speaker 1: from buying things that ads say will be good for
Speaker 1: your dog or that your dog needs. Because also all
Speaker 1: dogs are different, so even somebody like tells me like
Speaker 1: those are really good for my dog might not be
Speaker 1: good for my dog. So that is I'm having to
Speaker 1: like give myself like pause, yeah on that.
Speaker 3: That's tough.
Speaker 4: That and marketing towards parents, I think just praise upon
Speaker 4: people because it's what you really care about. There are
Speaker 4: real problems you're trying to solve for some of them,
Speaker 4: problems that don't actually have a solution, but they're going
Speaker 4: to try and make you think that their product does
Speaker 4: and doesn't matter to them whether or not it actually works.
Speaker 4: You've already bought the thing. Oh yeah, we got to
Speaker 4: be so careful.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I mean, for me, I still do those check ins.
Speaker 4: I'm not a super spendee person, and I really like
Speaker 4: to think before I make my purchases. I love having
Speaker 4: that list in my phone of the things that I'm
Speaker 4: on the hunt for.
Speaker 1: And you just updated that list with your new style.
Speaker 1: I did. Yeah, whatever it's called. You got your style done.
Speaker 4: Yes, I have a friend Brenna.
Speaker 1: Shout out to.
Speaker 4: Her who does helps people create their own style theory
Speaker 4: and figure out what clothing works best for their body type,
Speaker 4: their personality. And it felt like doing our colors two
Speaker 4: point zero where Okay, now I know what colors are
Speaker 4: going to work on me, and now I also know
Speaker 4: what cuts, fabrics, lines, shapes are going to work best
Speaker 4: on me. And it is making shopping so much easier.
Speaker 4: And now I can know when I buy this thing,
Speaker 4: it's going to be a staple. I want it to
Speaker 4: be long lasting so I can spend the money on,
Speaker 4: you know, a more ethical or sustainable brand for those things.
Speaker 4: I'm still on the hunt for a summer dress and
Speaker 4: a skirt that can be like versatile.
Speaker 1: But she comes into the office this morning like a looker,
Speaker 1: like where are you going right here?
Speaker 4: Just to podcast? I thought that we were making video
Speaker 4: for YouTube today. We're not. We're just we're just on
Speaker 4: the mic.
Speaker 1: My two year old got some kind of schmutz on
Speaker 1: my shirt, so there was no way I already came,
Speaker 1: not ready to record.
Speaker 4: I mean, you look great, you got earrings on, your
Speaker 4: hair's done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I didn't. I mean I wanted to take
Speaker 1: pride in my appearance. I'll never be.
Speaker 4: This young again, right, So I know I'm really starting
Speaker 4: to embrace that when I'm in when i'm in my seventies,
Speaker 4: I'm going to look back and think I was so young. Yeah,
Speaker 4: so I need to live like that, right.
Speaker 1: And if you need to live like that on a budget.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. We hope you'll continue to listen.
Speaker 1: And if you liked the podcast, I think you'll like
Speaker 1: our book, By What You Love Without Going Broke. It
Speaker 1: is available wherever books are sold and at your local library.
Speaker 1: And our friend Sage Comstock, who I recognize who we've
Speaker 1: never actually met, but I recognize Stage's name, is a
Speaker 1: longtime listener, had this to say five stars. Financial literacy
Speaker 1: with a mental health spin. This book was so so
Speaker 1: refreshing for me. It's a book about finances with a
Speaker 1: focus on mental well being. This would be a great
Speaker 1: book for beginners who are just beginning their financial journey
Speaker 1: and more experienced money managers. That may be feeling ashamed
Speaker 1: or looking at money from a place of fear. This
Speaker 1: book really shines compared to other financial books because the
Speaker 1: authors call out how our own psychology and commonly held
Speaker 1: beliefs about my mind can complicate money management self sabotage.
Speaker 1: The authors give them self give them self space to
Speaker 1: discover their journey with finances in a non judgmental way,
Speaker 1: which encouraged me to do the same with my own journey.
Speaker 1: Then they provide actionable steps to manage money with the
Speaker 1: confines of your own psychology in a way that promotes
Speaker 1: financial and mental being. I've been listening to Jen Jill's
Speaker 1: podcast for years. Their teachings have helped me turn my
Speaker 1: financial picture around without the guilt or self flopulation that
Speaker 1: too often comes with managing money. This book is a
Speaker 1: fantastic culmination of their expertise. Thank you, say.
Speaker 4: Sich, that's awesome, Thanks for thanks for getting the book,
Speaker 4: Thanks for your review, Thanks for being a longtime listener
Speaker 4: of the podcast. We love our longtime listeners and new listeners.
Speaker 4: I think the community just keeps growing. So if that's you,
Speaker 4: if you've been either one, if you're a new listener
Speaker 4: or a longtime listener and you've never left a rating
Speaker 4: or review of this show, please do that. If you
Speaker 4: have the book and you've not left a rating or
Speaker 4: review of the book, please do that. It really really
Speaker 4: helps us, and it's free. It's a free activity that
Speaker 4: you can do to help us for a ring. So
Speaker 4: thanks for listening. We'll see you next time.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Google Friends is produced by Eric Sirianni. Oh wow, okay,
Speaker 1: so normal. We're recording episodes like a month in advance.
Speaker 1: The last couple of weeks we've been backloading interviews, so
Speaker 1: this episode actually comes out in one week.
Speaker 4: We're just one week away, and so much is going
Speaker 4: to change. You are gonna be anything you want. O gosh,
Speaker 4: get it out now.
Speaker 1: Won't be any more chances well, it'll still be relevant.
Speaker 1: You let me say things. By the time they come out,
Speaker 1: it's like, wow, somebody else said that ten times over.
Speaker 4: Other than the big change of you you gonna be,
Speaker 4: You're gonna be home with Kai for the summer.
Speaker 1: So you stay at home mom.
Speaker 4: Know we're still running the business, but you will be
Speaker 4: primarily home with him through the summer.
Speaker 1: My mom told somebody that I was a stay at
Speaker 1: home mom, and we just laughing about why keeps saying
Speaker 1: that somebody. And the only reason I know is she
Speaker 1: was standing next to her co worker and a new
Speaker 1: coworker came in and was like, Oh, what does your
Speaker 1: daughter do? And my mom said, she's a stay at
Speaker 1: home mom. And the person she's standing next to was like,
Speaker 1: your daughter is a published author and has a podcast
Speaker 1: and teaches personal finance. And my mom thought that that
Speaker 1: was funny that she had like come in. She did
Speaker 1: not think it was funny that she herself thought I
Speaker 1: was a stay at home mom. That's not what she
Speaker 1: told me, the story.
Speaker 4: For which is wild to be hearing you describe this
Speaker 4: because your one child is in school, your other child
Speaker 4: is in daycare, and you come to the office five
Speaker 4: days a week to work on the business that we
Speaker 4: co own. So like, there's nothing about your situation that
Speaker 4: is stay at home mom. But what also, I realized
Speaker 4: after you told me the story last week. I had
Speaker 4: a realization while I was combing my hair the other
Speaker 4: day thinking about this and just like, haha, how funny.
Speaker 4: And then I paused and thought, what does that mean
Speaker 4: about me? Like I don't have kids. We do the
Speaker 4: same thing, and I don't even have kids, Like, what
Speaker 4: would your mom say about what I knew?
Speaker 1: And she did not ask?
Speaker 4: Well, Jill runs the business when you stay at home.
Speaker 4: Jill's business O, Jill's just stay at home wife, you know,
Speaker 4: just w we all aspire to be that.
Speaker 1: I'm real good for the summer if I'm gonna be honest,
Speaker 1: you know what, though, Like.
Speaker 4: If we could just drop off the other role though,
Speaker 4: I mean, like I still want to be married, but
Speaker 4: like just to stay at home, I must stay at home.
Speaker 4: I don't want I don't want the title to like
Speaker 4: reference any kind of responsibility. I just want to be
Speaker 4: at home doing what I do. Oh wow, we can dream,
Speaker 4: you know, in the summer if you wish up honest