Speaker 1: It is dead Ass podcast presents a Day with K
Speaker 1: presents a Gay with K featuring ask.
Speaker 2: Tripa, that's right, that's right. The Gay's taking over for
Speaker 2: the nine to nine of the two thousand.
Speaker 1: Dead Ass baby listening letters. Count your Days triples on set. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Kadan and I'm Devou and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 3: You may know us from posting funny videos with.
Speaker 1: Our voice and reading each other publicly as.
Speaker 4: A form of therapy.
Speaker 5: Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 1: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.
Speaker 5: Sir, we are.
Speaker 3: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 3: my's most taboo topics.
Speaker 1: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 6: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 6: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 6: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,
Speaker 6: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 5: Were about to take philosof to a whole new level.
Speaker 1: Dead Ass starts right now. All right, y'all, it's funny.
Speaker 5: I just realized where the story time is.
Speaker 1: Tell us about a time when you realize trivial was
Speaker 1: the coolest person you ever met, Like ever, first time
Speaker 1: I met Trible real quick was at Stitcher Studio.
Speaker 4: We were in LA.
Speaker 1: We had finally moved, We already had the podcast underway.
Speaker 1: We were recording in New York near Bryant Park, and
Speaker 1: then once we made the transition over to LA with
Speaker 1: the whole family, that's when we finally met you at Stitcher.
Speaker 1: At that point, were you already there or were you
Speaker 1: working on our podcast while we were in New York?
Speaker 4: I can't remember.
Speaker 2: No, I was someone else, right, Yeah, okay, I think
Speaker 2: it was just Tiffany. At the time, I was living
Speaker 2: in Chicago and then they made me move.
Speaker 5: To LA uh huh.
Speaker 2: And then I started working on y'all's podcast, right, and
Speaker 2: I remember them telling me like, this is the podcast
Speaker 2: you'll be working out on, like when I was kind
Speaker 2: of in the interview process because I had to get
Speaker 2: like a new role at the company to start working
Speaker 2: with y'all. So I was like a married couple, a
Speaker 2: straight married couple, like I ain't even about to be
Speaker 2: into it. And the first I was upseessed, I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I can't believe.
Speaker 5: People like that.
Speaker 4: Did it make you think about potentially being straight.
Speaker 2: But this last breakup did like this thirty six about
Speaker 2: I'm thirty six and by the time this comes out, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's making me want to be straight.
Speaker 5: Oh shit, man.
Speaker 4: Is it hard in these streets for a lesbian woman?
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, it is hard for me. I think
Speaker 2: I'll just be on trash and I don't realize it.
Speaker 1: So it's the type of people, yeah, that you are encountering.
Speaker 5: It is.
Speaker 2: I think I'm attracting people. I have such a dynamic
Speaker 2: personality pretty much you.
Speaker 4: Here exactly like what's not to love?
Speaker 2: And I think that people, the people that I attract,
Speaker 2: they want to be me. They don't necessarily want to
Speaker 2: be with them. So I feel like they want me
Speaker 2: to save them from being introverted or save them from
Speaker 2: being like bored.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So they're looking for entertainment essentially. Yes, that's that's what
Speaker 1: I think, right, But you want to be entertained.
Speaker 5: I want to be entertained.
Speaker 1: I want to be at some point, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Somebody Triple said the dms are open.
Speaker 2: They wide open, but today we're doing listener letters.
Speaker 1: Yes, so this is gonna be fairly interesting that I
Speaker 1: was not in town, you know, so we hear, and
Speaker 1: I figured who better to do listener letters than me
Speaker 1: and Triple You sift through them, you see them. You're
Speaker 1: in charge of the dead ass advice Gmail dot com.
Speaker 5: Amen.
Speaker 1: And I mean, you see a lot of things up
Speaker 1: in that email box.
Speaker 2: And I'd be having a lot of opinions, a whole lot.
Speaker 2: But I can never say have.
Speaker 4: A chance to say yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes in the after show you give your
Speaker 1: two cents, but not always about the listener letters the show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could I be one to email some of
Speaker 2: y'all back, like you didn't get a therapist.
Speaker 1: This is not the place, listen, John that zero will
Speaker 1: finds you a hero exactly.
Speaker 2: But luckily I am an unlicensed therapist. So I think
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give some good advice tucky.
Speaker 1: For us today. Well, you know, a quick storytime. Tell
Speaker 1: me if you're gonna give me a story time about
Speaker 1: the time you got some really bad advice.
Speaker 2: I'll be thinking about this all the time. I remember
Speaker 2: when I started working, I must have been in high
Speaker 2: school and I wanted to buy like a pair of
Speaker 2: boots or something that was one hundred dollars and I
Speaker 2: probably had like one hundred and twenty dollars, and I
Speaker 2: told my step mom, like, I want to buy these
Speaker 2: boots for one hundred dollars, and she said, it's your money.
Speaker 2: And that piece of advice plays in my head every
Speaker 2: time I want to buy something I can't afford.
Speaker 5: So that has to be the worst advice that I've
Speaker 5: ever got because I use it to make that regularly
Speaker 5: all the time.
Speaker 1: You justify it by say it but it's my money though, yes, exactly,
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna make some mold spend that, so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna spend it.
Speaker 5: They say, that's what the song said.
Speaker 1: Karaoke time, so Triple K prepared with karaoke. It's giving
Speaker 1: that you have like a whole juke box of your head.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I do.
Speaker 1: Is it giving ninety ninety two thousands or is.
Speaker 5: It ninety ninety two thousands?
Speaker 2: I love old school same when I was a kid,
Speaker 2: I used to play like music from the seventies and
Speaker 2: my sister would be like, put on Jah Rule.
Speaker 1: Can we listen to John Rule, Shauncey, Jolie Baltimore.
Speaker 2: No, I'm trying to listen to this everything. I'm trying
Speaker 2: to listen to Marvin Gaye in here.
Speaker 5: I mean, I like that. Want to listen to Steely
Speaker 5: Dan and this bitch?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You know what I really liked.
Speaker 4: I didn't know who sang the song the song Sarah Smile,
Speaker 4: and I was like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I love I always say if I was born like
Speaker 2: in the sixties, I would have been a halling Oats groupie.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's giving that giving that I can get the
Speaker 1: field too. It's just so halling Oaks.
Speaker 5: It's definitely would have been on the road.
Speaker 4: With list saying okay, now, so we got for karaoke today?
Speaker 2: What's the matter with your life? Why you gotta mess
Speaker 2: with mine? Don't keep sweating what I do because I'm
Speaker 2: gonna be just by.
Speaker 5: If I want to take a guy home with me tonight,
Speaker 5: it's not your buzzads. And if she want to be in.
Speaker 2: The freaking sell it on the weekend, it's not your business. Now,
Speaker 2: who dope trying to take with mine? I tell you
Speaker 2: one more time.
Speaker 4: It's not your business.
Speaker 2: That's who do you think you are putting your cheap too?
Speaker 2: Since sin, that's my favorite part. I wish the song
Speaker 2: end it right there. That's my favorite part.
Speaker 1: So good. I didn't even remember that part. But it's so,
Speaker 1: I mean, we're gonna give it two cents because that's
Speaker 1: clearly why y'all rote in today.
Speaker 5: That's such an appropriate song. Who do I think I
Speaker 5: am putting my cheap suess and sin that Triple exactly.
Speaker 4: That's who it is. That's who it is. You got
Speaker 4: two cents to pay these Billso is a question.
Speaker 5: I ain't got nothing on it.
Speaker 4: And listen, if it's your money, what did you say?
Speaker 5: My say? And I want it? Now? Wait? What commercially
Speaker 5: have you g work worth? Ain't seven seven cash?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 5: Ain't cash? No?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I cannot even do. This is gonna
Speaker 1: be a great episode, y'all. We just over here, Kiki
Speaker 1: and cackling and all that stuff, were about to get
Speaker 1: into your business. So stick around. Triple's gonna get the
Speaker 1: two cents. She's gonna find it to pay these bills,
Speaker 1: and we're gonna come back that we're here discussing triples curls.
Speaker 1: It's giving.
Speaker 5: I could do this.
Speaker 2: I could do a ponytail, I can blow dry, and
Speaker 2: that's what you're gonna get.
Speaker 4: Oh, I've seen it. I've seen you pull it together.
Speaker 5: Baby, Yeah, I pulls it pulls it. That's one thing
Speaker 5: you do.
Speaker 1: You walking here looking like a whole hole boat and
Speaker 1: then we like tripple. We got a party or something
Speaker 1: to go to. It's the that was birthday dinner and
Speaker 1: she comes out looking like a whole glass Candleope, now orange,
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 5: I love that. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 4: It wasn't getting orange, it was getting CANDLEO. It was.
Speaker 5: It was nigger in it.
Speaker 1: She sure was. That's a fact. Dial Back the footage
Speaker 1: Patreon Ganggang. You can see you'll get exclusive content there.
Speaker 5: It was giving genetically modified carrot.
Speaker 2: Oh baby, not the GMO with the thick ass carrot, leaving.
Speaker 1: Carrot residue everywhere you go, that orange ink. All right, now,
Speaker 1: let's get serious. Time to get into y'all's business. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go ahead and read these listening letters and triple
Speaker 1: you will feel free to jump in with me, and
Speaker 1: we are going to see how we could help y'all
Speaker 1: through these situations, because one thing y'all have, the situations
Speaker 1: are going to situate all right now. Number one, Hey, y'all,
Speaker 1: so me and my husband have been married for five years.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty nine and he is thirty. Right now, we
Speaker 1: aren't living together because our house is being repaired. I'm
Speaker 1: at my dad's and he doesn't want my husband. Oh,
Speaker 1: we don't want his husband. Your husband there, okay with that.
Speaker 1: Initially we were all staying here, but my husband felt uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: so he went to stay with at his grandma's house.
Speaker 1: We have four kids and they're staying with me. Since
Speaker 1: we've been apart, my husband has gone clubbing. We don't
Speaker 1: do clubbing. I knew nothing about it and found out
Speaker 1: because I was checking my ePass statements or easy pathspath
Speaker 1: or epas. Okay, easy Paths is New York or the
Speaker 1: northern side of thing.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 1: Then I found out that after the club he went
Speaker 1: with his homeboy to a girl's house, that his homeboy
Speaker 1: has been having an affair with. My husband claims that
Speaker 1: he's just sitting on the couch. Let's be real. There's
Speaker 1: always a friend at the house. But he's sticking to
Speaker 1: the script that he didn't do anything. Every time his
Speaker 1: dirt comes to light, he lies about it and I
Speaker 1: have to pull information out of him.
Speaker 4: He will never willingly say it.
Speaker 1: He says he's been going through a lot mentally with
Speaker 1: being apart from his family, but I mean, I'm just
Speaker 1: as alone while trying to take care of all four
Speaker 1: kids by myself.
Speaker 4: I'm ready to leave. My peace. Insanity is more important
Speaker 4: to me.
Speaker 1: I've sacrificed so much, and all he's done is take
Speaker 1: He tries to gaslight me and say, if if I'm
Speaker 1: allowed my own mind, the devil and the devil, wait,
Speaker 1: if I'm allowed my own mind and the devil.
Speaker 4: To not trust him?
Speaker 1: Like, boy, your lies and secrets are causing me not
Speaker 1: to trust you. There have been about three or four
Speaker 1: other instances where he lied about stuff I found out about.
Speaker 1: So this isn't the first situation. I want some advice
Speaker 1: because I'm ready to bounce. I'm not a believer in
Speaker 1: staying because of the kids. My parents did more damage
Speaker 1: to me and my siblings with all that flip flop
Speaker 1: bs hmm.
Speaker 5: What we talking about over here?
Speaker 1: Well, I will start by saying I am not a
Speaker 1: believer either in keeping it together for the kids. I mean,
Speaker 1: I have had moments where we've, like you know, over
Speaker 1: the years, been like damn, like do we stick around
Speaker 1: or do we not? And then you do think about
Speaker 1: the kids. I mean that's a thing. But I also
Speaker 1: realized the damage and staying around for the kids. But
Speaker 1: let's talk about homeboy being out in these streets. I
Speaker 1: think this is like a was this a pass for
Speaker 1: him to be like, Oh, I had a little freedom
Speaker 1: because no one's clocking my in and outs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so. I feel like he was already
Speaker 2: doing dirt. First of all, here's my advice. Okay, okay,
Speaker 2: if you really want to get down to the bottom
Speaker 2: of it, you need to hit up that friend's wife
Speaker 2: and tell her what you know. Oh, because then you're
Speaker 2: gonna blow the whole spot up and find out what
Speaker 2: really went on.
Speaker 5: Okay, that's all you gotta do.
Speaker 1: So wait, Triple, you're saying that she needs to stick
Speaker 1: her nose in some other married people's business.
Speaker 5: He threw he threw his friend under the bus.
Speaker 2: So I feel like and that's probably if if he's
Speaker 2: not telling the truth, that's what he's banking on, is
Speaker 2: that she's not gonna put her nose in other married
Speaker 2: people's business. But he put the business out there, so
Speaker 2: now he can't really control what she does.
Speaker 1: Wait, but did he say that the friend was married,
Speaker 1: Because it says after finding out he went to the
Speaker 1: club with his homeboy to a girl's house that his
Speaker 1: homeboy was having an affair with.
Speaker 5: So I would assume yeah, right, because.
Speaker 1: Either somebody somebody's married. Let's say the friend is married.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Man, I don't know about.
Speaker 5: Like blowing the whole operation up.
Speaker 1: Do you think to get to the root of the problem,
Speaker 1: that she should just like blow everything up and just
Speaker 1: be like, listen, here's what's happening.
Speaker 2: Well, or I mean, I guess you can make an
Speaker 2: empty threat to the husband, like, oh, I'm gonna just
Speaker 2: call such and such a wife and see if she
Speaker 2: knows about homegirl. Oh, because I don't feel comfortable knowing
Speaker 2: this information. If she finds out and the husband is
Speaker 2: that they thrown each other under the bus, right, he
Speaker 2: gonna be like, well, so I'm gonna call him Curtis.
Speaker 5: I don't know why he feel like a Curtis. Well,
Speaker 5: Curtis was over there with me.
Speaker 2: Like, then Curtis is gonna be like I told my wife,
Speaker 2: and then the lady gonna be trying to fight your wife.
Speaker 1: Right, Why don't you say something before this kind of thing?
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe not too. I don't know if they
Speaker 1: have the kind of relationship where she is close with
Speaker 1: homeboy Curtis's wife.
Speaker 4: Let's say that she could.
Speaker 1: Feel comfortable to do it, But I mean, I'm also
Speaker 1: wondering what the underlying issue is here because she did
Speaker 1: say this has happened a couple of times. So has
Speaker 1: this just sparked her feeling like, you know what, maybe
Speaker 1: things haven't been on the up and up anyway. So
Speaker 1: this house repairs to situation is maybe forcing both of
Speaker 1: them to see where they really want to exist. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because being married five years, I mean it's really not
Speaker 1: that long. No, I don't know how long they've been
Speaker 1: together with four kids. She's twenty ninety, he's thirty. So
Speaker 1: I mean the history there and the time frame is
Speaker 1: really not that what's the word seasoned for lack of
Speaker 1: a better word, Like, it's not that they've been together
Speaker 1: for like ten years, twenty years, you know.
Speaker 5: So it's hard to say.
Speaker 2: Him that her dad knows something about him that she
Speaker 2: didn't disclose in the letter, because she did say her
Speaker 2: father doesn't want him there, which I can.
Speaker 1: Want to be a dad instant, like a man to man,
Speaker 1: like he know, like, oh, this is the game moving right?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems like that because if I would I
Speaker 2: would say, if the dad has his shit together enough
Speaker 2: that her and four kids can come stay at his house.
Speaker 2: He's a kind of man with a little bit of substance,
Speaker 2: maybe a little bit.
Speaker 1: That's a good point you brought up, because actually kind
Speaker 1: of glazed over that. But yeah, what's the underlying reason?
Speaker 1: That's what that would be my follow up question to her,
Speaker 1: what's the underlying reason why your father would didn't want
Speaker 1: his son in law with his wife, which is his daughter,
Speaker 1: right and grandchildren.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because when I first read it, I thought maybe
Speaker 2: that was her boyfriend, because you know, old school parents
Speaker 2: be like, you ain't sleeping in the air with no
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: But that's her husband. They're married.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for short, Devin, I definitely had moments when we
Speaker 1: were dating. I remember one time in particular, we both
Speaker 1: were doing something. We were both exhausted, like I was
Speaker 1: doing something. He came home from practice or whatever, and
Speaker 1: we literally were in his sister's room. Parents weren't home.
Speaker 1: We were dating at the time. It was college, and
Speaker 1: we were in his sister's room and we were just
Speaker 1: talking and I remember him falling asleep like one way
Speaker 1: on the bed and I fell asleep. We probably made
Speaker 1: like a v Like we were not even like cuddle canoodling,
Speaker 1: like clothes.
Speaker 5: On, everything, just like passed out sleep.
Speaker 1: And Devell's mom came in and saw us, and she
Speaker 1: she just looked at us in the bed and then
Speaker 1: she just went downstairs. Oh right, and then she called
Speaker 1: out to the two of us, like, come on down
Speaker 1: real quick.
Speaker 4: I want to talk to you. So he looked to me.
Speaker 1: He was like like because one thing, his mom and dad,
Speaker 1: like their family do these family caucuses. So I went
Speaker 1: downstairs with him and his mom is sitting there in
Speaker 1: the kitchen and she has a couple of ice and
Speaker 1: she has a can of pepsi and a straw and
Speaker 1: she said, so she's He's like, yeah, ma, and she's
Speaker 1: just like motions for us to sit. She don't even
Speaker 1: say that, She's like motions. I'm like, was she the Godfather?
Speaker 1: Like what are we doing here? You know?
Speaker 5: So she motions for us to sit. So we sit.
Speaker 1: It's getting awkward. There's a silence there. So she pops
Speaker 1: the top of her pepsi and then she starts slowly down,
Speaker 1: I mean, not making eye contact nothing like she was
Speaker 1: focused on like opening her pepsi.
Speaker 4: She poured it over the ice. You know, you watch
Speaker 4: like we're all watching the.
Speaker 5: Fizz like do this like it goes down.
Speaker 1: Then she takes the straw and she slowly likes circulates
Speaker 1: the ice.
Speaker 5: And the pepsi.
Speaker 1: And then finally, after at least about two minutes, she's
Speaker 1: just like, did I miss the wedding?
Speaker 5: Oh my god?
Speaker 4: And I was like, oh, no, about hit the.
Speaker 1: It's giving out of wedlock vibes, it's giving shacking up.
Speaker 5: And Deval was like, yo, ma, why are you being
Speaker 5: on dramatic and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: We wasn't even you know, Deval in true devoal form.
Speaker 5: Let his mom have it. And I'm just like looking
Speaker 5: at the two of them. You know that dog that's
Speaker 5: on the memes now that be like looking back and forth.
Speaker 5: And I was like, what the hell is happening here?
Speaker 1: So saying that to say, now that they're married, you
Speaker 1: would think that dad would be like, all right, it's
Speaker 1: my son in law, my family together. But it's giving
Speaker 1: that there's definitely some sort of like it's like, so
Speaker 1: it's giving the husband could not wait for a little
Speaker 1: bit of leeway to be able to just be outside,
Speaker 1: and the fact that he doesn't even feel comfortable saying
Speaker 1: to her like I'm going out you have to find
Speaker 1: out through the ePass statements. And he's staying at a
Speaker 1: girl's house, I mean a friend's house where girls are
Speaker 1: and there's access and all of that. The fact that
Speaker 1: you have to pull information out of him clearly is giving. That.
Speaker 4: It's giving more like.
Speaker 1: He has something to hide, because if if he didn't,
Speaker 1: he would just be like, yo, I'm going out here,
Speaker 1: like there's nothing to do with it. I'm at granny's house,
Speaker 1: Like what are we doing. We're not watching Golden Girls
Speaker 1: at night, like I want to.
Speaker 4: Go and chill.
Speaker 2: Right, And I'm a firm believer in you cannot tell
Speaker 2: your partner what to do. Just because you do something
Speaker 2: or you don't do something, it doesn't mean that your
Speaker 2: partner has to.
Speaker 4: Do or All right, that's a good point, but if.
Speaker 2: You're in a relationship with somebody, you have to be
Speaker 2: brave enough to be honest with them about where you differ.
Speaker 2: You know, like you might not want to go to
Speaker 2: the club, but I want to go to the club.
Speaker 2: I like hanging out with my friends. I like being
Speaker 2: a part of the messy bullshit be cause I feel
Speaker 2: like there is a chance that he could have went
Speaker 2: to his friend's mistress's house with him and just didn't
Speaker 2: want to go back to his granny's house.
Speaker 5: So he like, I'm gonna just chill over here. I'm
Speaker 5: gonna chill here on the couch.
Speaker 2: If the mistress got kids, they got carpri sons, snacks
Speaker 2: and shit, he like, I'm gonna stay over.
Speaker 5: Here real quick. We're then got the.
Speaker 2: Kids snacks that I like, you know, but very true.
Speaker 2: If he's not being open enough to tell her and
Speaker 2: he's just pretending like, oh, yeah, we don't go to
Speaker 2: the club. I don't like one to the club. I
Speaker 2: feel like there's so many more lies, right, And.
Speaker 1: If it mattered enough to him, he could have just
Speaker 1: been like, babe, like, yeah, I'm at home boys house.
Speaker 1: Yeah he's doing his thing, but that's their business. Like
Speaker 1: I'm not getting involved in it, but I'll just be
Speaker 1: here chilling because we're traveling together.
Speaker 4: Or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1: It's just the fact that he's not having the conversation
Speaker 1: with her, and it almost is given like she's just
Speaker 1: been looking for a reason to bounce.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it also is kind of giving like she
Speaker 2: might not be making it easy for him to be
Speaker 2: honest or easy for him to want to be a
Speaker 2: respective truth. Yeah, because he I mean, I feel like
Speaker 2: him being like, oh, it's hard on me because I'm
Speaker 2: not with my wife and my kids. Like that's a lie.
Speaker 2: If you wanted to be with him, you would have
Speaker 2: been with him and said at the club in fact,
Speaker 2: but obviously, like it seems like he's not really taking
Speaker 2: an issue with being away from her.
Speaker 5: He like, oh god, thank god, it's almost like giving life. Yeah,
Speaker 5: I'm out this bitch.
Speaker 2: You're so young, Like you're not even thirty yet, you
Speaker 2: definitely still want to go have fun. Yeah, you're definitely
Speaker 2: still not at your height of maturity or at your tiredest,
Speaker 2: even with four years, you.
Speaker 1: Know, because baby before kids. At forty, it's a different
Speaker 1: ball game.
Speaker 2: It's definitely one thing I feel like I do, and
Speaker 2: sometimes it can be to a fault, but I look
Speaker 2: at what I'm doing to contribute to a situation as well,
Speaker 2: Like you're not, you know, being honest with me, Am
Speaker 2: I making it easy for you to be honest the.
Speaker 5: Club, I don't want to go to the club.
Speaker 2: Is that something that I you know, and being too
Speaker 2: rigid about Is there a way that I can be
Speaker 2: more flexible.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, she may not be giving him like a
Speaker 1: safe space to feel like he can even express how
Speaker 1: he feels.
Speaker 4: I think that that's a good side I could.
Speaker 1: All right, So we came a long way in talking
Speaker 1: that the.
Speaker 2: Friend give her a call, do what she's up to,
Speaker 2: you know, blow the shit up real quick. Maybe you
Speaker 2: don't have to say nothing right off back, but get
Speaker 2: to talk and see what it's like.
Speaker 4: How things are going on that side. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: Good luck to you, says Hopefully you guys can find
Speaker 1: some kind of common ground and if there's things that's
Speaker 1: just not working out, you know, though I'm not going
Speaker 1: to be the first one to be like leave, get
Speaker 1: a divorce or but you know, it's given that there's
Speaker 1: some underlying shit that's been happening for a while, festering,
Speaker 1: and this just kind of exposing it now for you guys.
Speaker 1: So good luck to you all right on to the
Speaker 1: next one, and hello Devalen Kadeen. I know both of
Speaker 1: you will read this, but Kadeen, I could really use
Speaker 1: some advice from one wife to another. My husband and
Speaker 1: I have been together in all for twelve and a
Speaker 1: half years, that's dating and marriage, and I'm not writing
Speaker 1: to complain about my marriage. We are still very much
Speaker 1: in love and I'm happily married. I feel this issue
Speaker 1: I'm having is more to do with me, and it's
Speaker 1: affecting how I feel about being married. I met my
Speaker 1: husband when I was twenty three and he was twenty nine,
Speaker 1: and I had only one serious relationship before him. We
Speaker 1: fell in love almost immediately, moved in together when I
Speaker 1: was twenty five, and by twenty seven I was walking
Speaker 1: down the aisle. Now that I'm thirty six, I've been
Speaker 1: finding myself reflecting more on life. Sometimes I wonder did
Speaker 1: I get married too soon? Although I love my life.
Speaker 1: Now that I'm four years from forty, I wonder if
Speaker 1: I really gave my self a chance to experience life
Speaker 1: before marriage. I got with my husband when I was
Speaker 1: pretty young, and mostly all of my life's experiences has
Speaker 1: been with a partner. I never felt like I was
Speaker 1: truly an independent woman because I always had my husband
Speaker 1: to fall back on. It's crazy, but I've been feeling
Speaker 1: this way a lot lately, and I wonder if it's
Speaker 1: too late in my life for me to feel fulfilled
Speaker 1: in other ways. Just my marriage. I haven't spoken to
Speaker 1: my husband about my feelings. It's not like he's doing
Speaker 1: anything wrong as a husband, and I don't want him
Speaker 1: to feel like I'm attacking him. Honestly, like I said before,
Speaker 1: maybe it's just me. I spent my years being a loving,
Speaker 1: dedicated partner, and somehow I feel like I've lost myself
Speaker 1: in the process. I want to grow in so many
Speaker 1: other ways than just being someone's wife. My husband and
Speaker 1: I never had children, and I'm still a lot older.
Speaker 1: But I'm still a lot older now. Is it too
Speaker 1: late for me to get started focus on me and
Speaker 1: figure out what I want? Is it normal for me
Speaker 1: to feel this way? Thanks for any advice. That's literally
Speaker 1: was me. Yeah, that literally was me. I mean I
Speaker 1: met Devell and we started dating in college, right eighteen,
Speaker 1: nineteen years old, babies prior to him two or three.
Speaker 1: You know guys that I spoke to in high school,
Speaker 1: so really didn't know who I was. And it's difficult
Speaker 1: when you are grown with someone trying to grow as
Speaker 1: an individual, grow alongside someone while considering someone's feelings at
Speaker 1: the same time.
Speaker 4: Like, that's a lot to juggle.
Speaker 1: So I start by saying, hey, no, you are not,
Speaker 1: you know, weird for feeling this way.
Speaker 4: I feel like when you approach.
Speaker 1: A milestone birthday, which I did at thirty and forty,
Speaker 1: it's like you tend to reflect on like, Okay, where's
Speaker 1: life going now.
Speaker 4: It's like that getting to.
Speaker 1: The top of the roller coaster, and it's like you're
Speaker 1: looking down and you're looking around, and.
Speaker 5: You're like, did I make the right decision?
Speaker 1: And then you get to the top and it's just
Speaker 1: like free falling from there. I've also felt in many
Speaker 1: moments too, like did I just not have a chance
Speaker 1: to explore? And that's not to explore with other men
Speaker 1: per se or sexually or anything. It's just like, am
Speaker 1: I really sure of who I am at this age?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: What would I do if my partner wasn't here? Right?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 2: What could I do if I wasn't having to consider
Speaker 2: somebody else?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And I think it's really a blessing that she doesn't
Speaker 2: have kids. The reason why I picked this letter is
Speaker 2: because I feel like you're kind of at that stage
Speaker 2: now where you're like, Okay, let me figure out what
Speaker 2: it is that I want to do just for me,
Speaker 2: and I am at the stage where I'm like Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm tired of being independent for the bird.
Speaker 5: And that's funny.
Speaker 1: I was going to say to you Tribble, like, do
Speaker 1: you feel that much more fulfilled because you haven't had
Speaker 1: to consider anybody else.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm at the point in my life
Speaker 2: where I feel like I've done everything that I've wanted
Speaker 2: to do for myself and by myself. That I could
Speaker 2: happily go into a season or a new lifetime of
Speaker 2: my life considering some one else. I think that that
Speaker 2: would be a happy transition for me, because I've spent
Speaker 2: all this time doing things that I want just for
Speaker 2: me and whatever I want to do whenever I want to.
Speaker 4: Do it right.
Speaker 2: But I also had times in my early twenties or
Speaker 2: my mid twenties, I'll say, like approaching thirty, where I
Speaker 2: felt like I was getting too old, it was too
Speaker 2: late for me to do certain things.
Speaker 5: My career wasn't where it was supposed to be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And after twenty nine things started to move in
Speaker 2: a direction because I had been working on it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I feel like as long as you come to
Speaker 2: the awareness and you start to do something about it,
Speaker 2: you know time it will only get better with time.
Speaker 4: That's a good point you made.
Speaker 1: I think there's that mental shift that's happening now for
Speaker 1: women particularly. I say that because we have a timeline, right,
Speaker 1: especially if you do plan to have children, So you're
Speaker 1: looking at this like twenties as the time where you
Speaker 1: should be figuring everything out. So by that way, by
Speaker 1: the time you're hit thirty, like you should be hitting
Speaker 1: the ground running with whatever it is that you want
Speaker 1: to do. Yeah, but we're finding more and more now
Speaker 1: that people are like delaying that process, and not necessarily
Speaker 1: because they want to, but it's because they haven't found
Speaker 1: the right situation, the right partner. They are, they have
Speaker 1: career goals, financially, associo economically, they just can't do the
Speaker 1: things they want to do. So I feel like our
Speaker 1: generations particularly is starting to kind of move the goalposts
Speaker 1: on that timeline a bit. But there's something about that
Speaker 1: like end of twenties, early thirties that really make you
Speaker 1: feel like, oh my god, I'm running out of time.
Speaker 1: But I will say when you hit that mid to
Speaker 1: late thirties, hitting forty, you kind of have found your
Speaker 1: rhythm and you're like, Oh, all the shit I used
Speaker 1: to worry about before, I'm not really as worried about it.
Speaker 1: Why Because I've put the work in, because I know
Speaker 1: more of what I want. I've had the life experience,
Speaker 1: I have the wisdom, you know, I'm in a place
Speaker 1: where I can better decide, like, Okay, now here is
Speaker 1: what I want moving forward. So her being thirty six
Speaker 1: now and having like this reflection moment and like feeling like, damn,
Speaker 1: have I done enough? It's still not too late, And
Speaker 1: the fact that you have a husband who is supportive,
Speaker 1: I think it's worth having the conversation with him.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, that's the good thing about it. You don't have
Speaker 2: any kids, so it's not like you're held back by.
Speaker 1: Anything, right or your fuck ups will then impact exactly anybody.
Speaker 5: You can try to do whatever you want to.
Speaker 2: And your husband, if he's supportive, he's a good husband,
Speaker 2: because it sounds like her just wanting to protect his
Speaker 2: feelings even shows that they have and like mutually supportive
Speaker 2: emotional relationship, which sure sounds kind of healthy. Yeah, So yeah,
Speaker 2: I think that it would be great for both of them,
Speaker 2: because he probably feels that in a way too, Like
Speaker 2: if they've been doing everything together since their early twenties,
Speaker 2: he probably feels like, oh, man, I don't really get
Speaker 2: to do like this and that they might have. I
Speaker 2: don't know if they have friends or if he has
Speaker 2: a career that she doesn't feel like she has, but
Speaker 2: there's nothing really holding her back from him. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: think that maybe they just don't understand because some people
Speaker 2: are taught like in relationships, you are with your husband
Speaker 2: and that's it. Like I have aunts who one of
Speaker 2: my aunts spends like all of her time with her husband,
Speaker 2: their best friends. They do everything together and it's cute.
Speaker 2: But it's like, I mean, do y'all have friends outside
Speaker 2: of this?
Speaker 5: So happy? I mean right?
Speaker 1: Like do you shame people? But just like are always
Speaker 1: into each other because like we've had couples that come
Speaker 1: our you know, friends and stuff like that over the years.
Speaker 4: Be like, oh my god, you guys are so obsessed
Speaker 4: with each other. Like yeah, like you still do that
Speaker 4: for each other, Like y'all still hug on each other.
Speaker 1: You know, you have people who judge that, and I'd
Speaker 1: be just like we overhere minding our business, like what's
Speaker 1: the problem. Yeah, but I think the good thing here,
Speaker 1: Like you know, he's twenty nine or they've been together
Speaker 1: since twenty nine and twenty three, so it's still relatively
Speaker 1: young as well for a man, so you never know,
Speaker 1: since he might be feeling the same way too, there
Speaker 1: may be things that he wants to do. And then
Speaker 1: I spoke to the val about this recently because we
Speaker 1: were joking about how we always have people at our
Speaker 1: house like kids, family, whatever, and this is how.
Speaker 5: I'd be thinking, like I might have to get in
Speaker 5: a foster care soon, aka the residents.
Speaker 1: But no, we're just like this always. So I'm here,
Speaker 1: always something happening, something's filmed me, like there's always something here.
Speaker 1: And then I look at the house.
Speaker 4: And I'm just like, oh my god, Like there's shit
Speaker 4: all over the walls.
Speaker 1: Like there's the holes from from balls being thrown downstairs
Speaker 1: and all that. And I told Devella, was like, this
Speaker 1: is not our house, like we just stay here, like
Speaker 1: we just oversee and pay for the footach, you know.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I've never had a chance in life
Speaker 1: to just have my own apartment, have my own space.
Speaker 1: Like I have a friend who just recently bought a
Speaker 1: condo in Miami and that's like her like second spot
Speaker 1: to just go and chill. And I was like I
Speaker 1: want that, Like I just want to go and have
Speaker 1: a spot that I can go to that's like all
Speaker 1: white and it's Florida ceiling glass. And but that's a
Speaker 1: dream that I've had because I hadn't had that in
Speaker 1: my twenties. I wasn't like that single independent woman working,
Speaker 1: which I know that would have probably been my story
Speaker 1: had I not met tove Right.
Speaker 5: And that friend too, probably would trade your life.
Speaker 1: That's a fact because she literally said to me, do
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 4: Like I just want to be able to chill something.
Speaker 1: I want to be able to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't want to take that gig because my husband
Speaker 1: got it, like you know, and it's just so much
Speaker 1: so crazy how it's like a grass is always greenery
Speaker 1: about it. I want troubles fro and I don't have.
Speaker 5: That, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get the things that you got that
Speaker 1: I don't. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: It's not knowing all of the work. What's hard about it.
Speaker 2: You get the negative. You just get what looks good
Speaker 2: about it and what you don't have. We're always paying
Speaker 2: attention to the things that are not present. That's where
Speaker 2: discomfort comes, and that focus on what's not present.
Speaker 1: Dis comfort, unhappiness, yes, ful filment, And so we should
Speaker 1: be looking at the things that we do.
Speaker 2: Have exactly and how those things can aid you in
Speaker 2: your journey wherever you want to go from here. You
Speaker 2: have a supportive husband, you don't have any kids. I
Speaker 2: don't know if you have a job. I don't know
Speaker 2: if you have friends. But if you do have friends,
Speaker 2: lean on them for support. If you don't have friends,
Speaker 2: lean on your personality. I mean you rode into dead ass.
Speaker 2: So you like talking to strangers, you know.
Speaker 5: What I mean? Family kind of.
Speaker 2: Right now, you do not know these people, but you
Speaker 2: can use those same skills.
Speaker 5: Like I moved to Rhode Island.
Speaker 2: I got on bumble BFF to meet like other black
Speaker 2: women in Rhode Island because otherwise it seems like, you know,
Speaker 2: black people seem like they live underground in Rhode.
Speaker 1: About to say all the black people in the Rhode Island,
Speaker 1: there are there are, There's like seventy five percent of
Speaker 1: black people in Rhode Island are foreign born.
Speaker 5: So there's not really like any African Americans.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of Dominicans, There's a lot of like Haitians,
Speaker 2: Cape Verdeans, a lot of Cape Verdians, a lot of Caribbeans,
Speaker 2: So yeah, they're somewhere, but I gotta find one exactly exact.
Speaker 5: Nigga brick roads, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: So that's something you could do, like just you know,
Speaker 2: maybe one night you leave your husband at home and
Speaker 2: you go do something with some girls that you need,
Speaker 2: or go through something by yourself.
Speaker 1: By yourself, because a lot of it seems like a
Speaker 1: self discovery for her. That's happening now too, and for
Speaker 1: hubby to not feel at you can approach it like baby, No,
Speaker 1: first of.
Speaker 4: All, it's not you and me.
Speaker 1: If you're starting there, they're like, yo, I love the
Speaker 1: life that we're building together. I love that you are
Speaker 1: supportive and you've provided this lifestyle for me where I
Speaker 1: have this level of.
Speaker 4: Comfort, you know.
Speaker 1: But as I'm just looking at some of the things,
Speaker 1: like maybe there's things I want to explore, you never
Speaker 1: know he might be able to help facilitate that for
Speaker 1: you or do it with you, or whether that's traveling,
Speaker 1: seeing new things, doing new things, like there's a lot
Speaker 1: of things. I have a friend of mine who actually
Speaker 1: devouts cousin who's doing like forty things before forty oh yeah,
Speaker 1: so like within this thirty ninth year of life, she's
Speaker 1: just trying forty new things cool. And that's the great
Speaker 1: part about life. It's like there's always something that you
Speaker 1: can do. There's always a hobby that you can pick up.
Speaker 1: You didn't like shit before, you like it now great, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's so many different things that you can get involved in.
Speaker 1: So I think it's a healthy conversation for you to
Speaker 1: have with hubby. And there may be some things that
Speaker 1: you discover about him that he wants to do as
Speaker 1: well too, So that way you know he ain't at
Speaker 1: the club running up your easy past statement, and that's
Speaker 1: how you find it out he likes club.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: I don't know what a men do when women aren't
Speaker 2: in the house by theyself. He might have he might
Speaker 2: got a real old fart he's been holding in, you
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, and he wants you to leave
Speaker 2: down so he can let it.
Speaker 4: Out or something and then basking it by yeah.
Speaker 5: And just smell it like that seems like something men.
Speaker 5: I love pretending. I don't get.
Speaker 2: Men at all, Like I love pretending, but I also
Speaker 2: like something that I wonder about straight women too, is
Speaker 2: do women do straight women feel like they have to
Speaker 2: be even if they've been together this long, that they
Speaker 2: have to live up to a certain expectation to keep
Speaker 2: their man like attracted to them, to keep some type
Speaker 2: of like.
Speaker 5: Image, you know, because maybe if.
Speaker 2: If she feels that way, maybe she feels closed up
Speaker 2: and she needs to like open herself up and not
Speaker 2: be afraid to even show her partner.
Speaker 5: A part of her.
Speaker 1: I mean, I do feel like I, personally, as a
Speaker 1: straight woman who's married to a man, feel the responsibility
Speaker 1: first to myself to just like maintain a level of how.
Speaker 5: Do I feel?
Speaker 1: Because if I feel like, if I feel good and
Speaker 1: whether that's physically, mentally, emotionally, inside whatever, then I can
Speaker 1: show up better for my partner. But I also do
Speaker 1: feel like a level of responsibility to maintain an image
Speaker 1: of like who my husband met like you met me
Speaker 1: as a girlfriend, we were winding and dining. I looked
Speaker 1: a certain kind of way, like getting back there too
Speaker 1: is important for me for him, But like you said,
Speaker 1: it's like maybe she wants to peel back the layers
Speaker 1: of like, Okay, I've been having to maintain this image
Speaker 1: for a while or I don't want to say facade,
Speaker 1: but it's like, you know, you maintain a certain persona
Speaker 1: within a relationship, but it's okay to change, It's okay
Speaker 1: to evolve. Like the whole point of it is that
Speaker 1: you should, like, you shouldn't be the same person at
Speaker 1: twenty three that you are now at thirty six, and
Speaker 1: you won't be at forty six.
Speaker 4: You know, that's the beauty of life.
Speaker 1: So my advice to you as we close out this
Speaker 1: listen another number two and take a quick break, is
Speaker 1: just to have that conversation with hubby and I think
Speaker 1: because you said he's been you've spent those years being
Speaker 1: a loving, dedicated partner and you feel like you've lost
Speaker 1: yourself in the process. It's okay to feel like that,
Speaker 1: like you've invested that time. But now see how he
Speaker 1: can pour back into you so your cup can be
Speaker 1: filled and overfloweth Darling, do way different, girl, A way.
Speaker 1: We're gonna do this break situation real quick, okay, and
Speaker 1: then we're gonna move back.
Speaker 4: Into more listening letters with Rebel. Did I say it right?
Speaker 5: Trouble, Yeah, I still have. You haven't found the pennies yet?
Speaker 1: No, No, I ain't got it.
Speaker 4: I'm on now, I got Zell cash quick pay.
Speaker 1: We got there's too many options, there's too many options.
Speaker 1: All we're gonna find some money to pay these bills
Speaker 1: and we'll be back with more listening letters and ask trouble.
Speaker 1: All right, and we are back chomping at the bits,
Speaker 1: ready to get into this third listening that are you ready, trips.
Speaker 5: I'm ready?
Speaker 4: All right, let's do it.
Speaker 5: Chomping at the bits is wild, Like who says that,
Speaker 5: I don't know, I.
Speaker 2: Have a whole like library of ship in your mind.
Speaker 2: Then I'd be like, why that's jumping at this?
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 4: As long as it's not showing my age, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: That is like I don't want to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: like the aunties and aunties be saying like chomping at
Speaker 1: the bits.
Speaker 5: Like, no, I don't think it's old.
Speaker 2: It's like just when you have like a wide vocabulary
Speaker 2: of colloquialism, you could be highly relatable to any audience
Speaker 2: I love, and you always have something new to say,
Speaker 2: like yeah, that's good, that's why you're good at what
Speaker 2: you do.
Speaker 5: Come on, give me my flowers. Come on, I'm gonna
Speaker 5: big you up. Plant me a garden.
Speaker 2: Yeah, listen, when the ship takes off, I want you
Speaker 2: to remember these compliments.
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, be like, Triple stop, give me more. Well,
Speaker 1: let's be honest, let's be clear. At Stitcher, you did
Speaker 1: say that you could see me having a daytime.
Speaker 5: Shit, I did, I really did.
Speaker 1: So Triple was one of the first two to already
Speaker 1: foresee that and manifest.
Speaker 5: Absolutely and then yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I love that for us. And now I was getting
Speaker 1: further affirmations here, like after sitting down, who was it,
Speaker 1: I think it was my sister or Be Simo.
Speaker 5: Josh just like hey, like yo.
Speaker 1: This is mad good kay, Like I ain't seen you
Speaker 1: in this light before gay And I was like, thanks, brother.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2: And I think I think Be Simone is very good
Speaker 2: at speaking too. But for somebody like her who has
Speaker 2: a podcast, who does some of the things that you do.
Speaker 5: To be like, you're great at this.
Speaker 1: That's the first thing she said once we were cut,
Speaker 1: and I was like, really, yeah, I'm like things, you know,
Speaker 1: because I'm a self sabotage. I got imposter syndrome, like
Speaker 1: a mug. I'll be over here doing all the things
Speaker 1: trying to avoid the inevitable. But like she did say,
Speaker 1: and you brought that to light to me this morning again,
Speaker 1: like the fear that you have around a certain situation
Speaker 1: is God like pushing you into that more.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I receive.
Speaker 5: All of it.
Speaker 2: And I definitely see myself in your experience in that
Speaker 2: specifically because I have that same that hesitation.
Speaker 5: I don't want people.
Speaker 2: To I don't want to be perceived, so I don't
Speaker 2: even be wanting to post on the internet. I'd be
Speaker 2: scared as hell. But what further you get, the more
Speaker 2: you inspired me to go further?
Speaker 1: So, oh, I love that. For we did we just
Speaker 1: have a moment you did, We had a moment on
Speaker 1: camera with y'all. I love that.
Speaker 5: Thank you say.
Speaker 1: We're gonna do this together though we're gonna write this
Speaker 1: out together, the whole cruise all here.
Speaker 5: I love that.
Speaker 4: All right, Dear Devale KaDee, what dear Devalent Trible? I
Speaker 4: Rokadina Trible today.
Speaker 1: Rather, I first want to say, I love you both
Speaker 1: so much, and I've been following your journeys since black
Speaker 1: love as a millennial who aspires to be happily married.
Speaker 1: I genuinely respect and value your perspective and outlook on
Speaker 1: healthy relationships.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Therefore, I would like to hear your opinion and advice
Speaker 1: on my current situation. So you're gonna get married and single? Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: I'm a twenty seven year old black woman and my
Speaker 1: boyfriend of almost three years is thirty three. We met
Speaker 1: at my old job, which I quit almost a year
Speaker 1: ago due to burnout. My boyfriend does not make nearly
Speaker 1: as much as I used to. We worked in the
Speaker 1: same building, but held different positions. Since I quit my job,
Speaker 1: I've been focusing on building my business while utilizing side
Speaker 1: hustles to keep my business my bills paid. I et uber, lift, tutoring,
Speaker 1: freelance jobs, etc. So my boyfriend and I have recently
Speaker 1: moved in together a couple of months ago to help
Speaker 1: alleviate some of our financial stress.
Speaker 4: Smart.
Speaker 1: He is also offered to pay the full rent as
Speaker 1: opposed to going half like we agreed, because he understands
Speaker 1: that my money is funny right now. This brings me
Speaker 1: to my question, how do we prioritize quality time with
Speaker 1: a very limited resources living while living together? We often
Speaker 1: argue about this because he feels like we need money
Speaker 1: to go out on nice dates or do stuff, do
Speaker 1: fun stuff. On the other hand, I can care more
Speaker 1: about the quality time instead instead of wait, hold on, sorry,
Speaker 1: you know I've been making up words while I read.
Speaker 1: I care more about the quality time itself than the
Speaker 1: money aspect. The most effort he'll make is putting something
Speaker 1: on Netflix for us to watch. Dating during quarantine and
Speaker 1: now living together has me Netflix and chilled out. I
Speaker 1: know it's only temporary, but I do want. I do
Speaker 1: not want our lack of money to negatively impact our relationship.
Speaker 1: Should I just suck it up and be patient? Am
Speaker 1: I asking too much of him right now? Please help?
Speaker 1: First of all, could be.
Speaker 5: Words that are not on the pit that is absolutely true.
Speaker 2: Reading along like it doesn't say that that's not what.
Speaker 1: It is, almost as I you know what happens. I'm
Speaker 1: building the story in my mind, so I'm already like
Speaker 1: reading the story before it happened, and then I get
Speaker 1: caught up when I actually get back to the script.
Speaker 1: Let me stop doing that. That's a bad habit of mind.
Speaker 1: And I do tend to read fast. That's my other problem.
Speaker 1: Listen to me, brain me and talk fast, read fast,
Speaker 1: walk fast.
Speaker 2: All that stuff on the other hand, my brain moves
Speaker 2: very slow, so I'd be getting everywhere.
Speaker 5: Mentioned up later.
Speaker 1: And bitch can't read, especially if I have to read
Speaker 1: too much. I told you already, I was the kid
Speaker 1: that used to practice reading beforehand. And you know in
Speaker 1: class when you got to my portion of the passage,
Speaker 1: I'm in bad When somebody didn't get in the lineup.
Speaker 4: It was, It's bad. It's bad, all right.
Speaker 1: So to answer this girl's question today to I don't
Speaker 1: think you necessarily have to be married per se to
Speaker 1: have an opinion about this here too, I think you
Speaker 1: guys are making, first off, the right decisions for the
Speaker 1: financial portion of the relationship. Right so, right now, your
Speaker 1: money's a little funny, like you said, so deciding to
Speaker 1: get together. It's awesome that he's paying the entire rent
Speaker 1: while you get your situation together as well too. But
Speaker 1: it seems like their value in what or their idea
Speaker 1: of what quality time looks like is different. Are you
Speaker 1: guys accustomed to doing more lavish more you know, outside
Speaker 1: that require money date night situations or not?
Speaker 4: What's your take on these trips?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I picked this letter because in my previous relationship we
Speaker 2: had kind of this issue where.
Speaker 5: We were bored. Like a lot of time we.
Speaker 2: Would like spend weekends just watching movies, and a lot
Speaker 2: of that time would be because I'm like I don't
Speaker 2: want to spend money, and I make more money than her,
Speaker 2: and she pays more bills than I do, so when
Speaker 2: we did go on dates, I would feel like I
Speaker 2: need to pay. We would go like out to dinner
Speaker 2: and eat everly nice places and you know, spend one
Speaker 2: hundred and fifty two hundred dollars on dinner or something
Speaker 2: like that, like you know, maybe a couple times a month, okay,
Speaker 2: but if you don't have that, I think that the
Speaker 2: burden does fall on one person sometimes to be the
Speaker 2: one who can actually go find something to do.
Speaker 5: That's the hardest part.
Speaker 2: Like people get overwhelmed with like, well how do I
Speaker 2: find something fun to do, and they just don't do it.
Speaker 5: Don't do it?
Speaker 4: Ye just end up not doing it?
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: And it also is I think a difference in mindset
Speaker 1: of like what the quality time looks like. So, for example,
Speaker 1: in your previous relationship, did you differ on like what
Speaker 1: that quality time looks like where you just felt like,
Speaker 1: you know what, as long as we're together doing something,
Speaker 1: it is quality time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I felt like, as long as we're together doing something,
Speaker 2: it's quality time. I think that she had kind of
Speaker 2: an idea in her mind about what I thought was fun.
Speaker 2: You know, that kind of made her a little bit
Speaker 2: unable to like step up to the plate, right, And
Speaker 2: then we would like Netflix.
Speaker 5: And Jill a lot.
Speaker 2: We like different movies, but we would kind of switch
Speaker 2: off on who kicks with you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: So because you also want to get to know your
Speaker 2: partner by.
Speaker 5: Getting to know what they like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's a lot of free things to do
Speaker 2: in every city where you don't have to spend money,
Speaker 2: or you can take what you're already spending money on
Speaker 2: and making.
Speaker 5: Activity out of it.
Speaker 2: Like it's when it's warmer going into the fall, farmers
Speaker 2: markets are popping up in cities. Yeah, there are in
Speaker 2: the summertime. There's like festivals in most cities that you
Speaker 2: can go you don't have to spend any money, open
Speaker 2: and stuff like that picnic where you take your groceries,
Speaker 2: you know, maybe buy a bottle of wine to spend
Speaker 2: a lot of.
Speaker 5: Money on that.
Speaker 2: The one thing we would try to like play games,
Speaker 2: but it's hard to play games with just two.
Speaker 1: You know what, im who's gonna be the banker?
Speaker 5: It don't work.
Speaker 2: So I definitely would rather be outside, Like let's find
Speaker 2: a new part of the city that we haven't been to,
Speaker 2: or a park that we haven't been to, a hike
Speaker 2: that we haven't done. Let's go in a group like
Speaker 2: we go on, well we used to before I got dumped.
Speaker 1: Wait you were the dump e.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I've never broken up with anybody, so allest advice I'm
Speaker 2: giving all about leaving people, don't.
Speaker 5: I've never done zero experience.
Speaker 2: Oh man, But like group rides. Group you got a bike,
Speaker 2: you on a bike ride. That's fun, that's fun. You know,
Speaker 2: We're sorry, go ahead. Free from before, there's a lot
Speaker 2: of things that you could do for free or with
Speaker 2: little money, even like in Chicago, I don't know what
Speaker 2: city they live in, but in Chicago they used to
Speaker 2: have brands would come to Chicago a lot and throw
Speaker 2: like brand events where you can try whatever like product
Speaker 2: they have, and they would collaborate with local artists and
Speaker 2: local creators to create some type of like activation.
Speaker 5: And it was pretty much finding what your interest is. Yeah,
Speaker 5: you know there usually it's like liquor sponsors or something
Speaker 5: like that.
Speaker 2: I hello, and then you go home and a drunk
Speaker 2: night at all with us unless y'all mad each other,
Speaker 2: y'all arguing and cry.
Speaker 1: Unless you're like me and I fall asleep because I'd
Speaker 1: be having like a two drink next to the already
Speaker 1: know he's like depending on the drink and where we
Speaker 1: go in and how long to ride his home. Baby,
Speaker 1: I got bit about this much window before she is
Speaker 1: knocked out.
Speaker 4: There's no return, there's no return.
Speaker 1: But you know, you're absolutely right about that. I have
Speaker 1: a friend of mine, actually a couple that I know,
Speaker 1: and they are always outside, like always doing something, and
Speaker 1: it's just sometimes likes you said, it's just like they're
Speaker 1: at some like you know, ice cream pop up in
Speaker 1: the park, or like they're sitting down on the grass,
Speaker 1: like you know, playing cards. And what forced Devalen I
Speaker 1: to do that too was COVID, Like we were tired.
Speaker 4: Of each other sitting in that house just looking at
Speaker 4: each other.
Speaker 1: You got the kids everywhere, so we would just go
Speaker 1: back to the basics, like what did we like to
Speaker 1: do before we had money. Yeah, we like to play cards,
Speaker 1: we like to eat, just chill we put on Freaking
Speaker 1: R and B Nineties Your Nineties R and B, and
Speaker 1: we would just take drives, put the windows down, put
Speaker 1: our feet up, start snacking on some stuff, play some cards,
Speaker 1: play some music, sing at the top of our lungs.
Speaker 1: You know, there's so many different ways that you can
Speaker 1: spend quality time, but it may be worth having the
Speaker 1: conversation with your partner to say, you know, what, what
Speaker 1: does quality time look like to you? And divalon I
Speaker 1: have disagree is as well when it comes to quality
Speaker 1: out of time because for me, sometimes quality time is
Speaker 1: like we're in the same space, we're in the same room.
Speaker 4: Like that to me is like, okay, we're together, right.
Speaker 1: But Devo likes active quality time where he feels like
Speaker 1: we are actually connected, we are actually having a discussion,
Speaker 1: they are actually touching and feeling like that for him
Speaker 1: is quality time because we're engaged and locked in. So
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm like, babe, we've been hanging out together, like
Speaker 1: I've been on a couch watch the TV. But but
Speaker 1: He's like that to me is not necessarily quality time
Speaker 1: because we're not engaged with eat each other. So it
Speaker 1: might be worth having the conversation to say, you know
Speaker 1: what what does that look like for you, and then
Speaker 1: expressing to him like, Yo, we don't have to spend
Speaker 1: money all the time if we're going to be saving
Speaker 1: and you're making the sacrifice right now because this is the.
Speaker 4: Season of life that you're in.
Speaker 1: Because every relationship, every person has that sacrificial season, and
Speaker 1: they'd be maybe several throughout life where you have to
Speaker 1: just buckle down and say this is what it is
Speaker 1: right now, and it forces you to be creative, but
Speaker 1: it's also setting you up for more in the future,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: So I will say I have three pieces of advice
Speaker 2: for cheap dates and figuring out how to do more
Speaker 2: consistent dates.
Speaker 4: I love actionable list.
Speaker 2: So and I will say cheap not necessarily free. One
Speaker 2: of them is there's a lot of games out there now.
Speaker 2: We have one called I think it's just called where
Speaker 2: Should We Begin.
Speaker 5: It's Esther Perell.
Speaker 2: She's a famous couples therapy relationships therapist. She has a
Speaker 2: card game that has questions, so you get to kind
Speaker 2: of engage there. There's like prompts and then you have
Speaker 2: your own prompts and you answer based on what your
Speaker 2: prompts are. So that helps you to actually connect. Even
Speaker 2: if y'all are having a Netflix and Chill night and
Speaker 2: you say, Okay, while we're having you know, in between episodes,
Speaker 2: let's pull a card or something like that where we
Speaker 2: can actually talk and connect, because maybe that is the
Speaker 2: thing about Netflix and Chilling, because you're just sitting there
Speaker 2: not talking talking exactly.
Speaker 1: It's like blending it in conversation game.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't want to spend the money on
Speaker 2: it because it's probably maybe twenty five dollars.
Speaker 5: Make one yourself.
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's probably googleable too, right.
Speaker 2: I made a game one time, Yeah, a conversation game.
Speaker 2: There's also one called The End that's for relationships. Red
Speaker 2: Table Talk has won. There's a bunch of them, but
Speaker 2: that's one thing. Two is subscribe to your local newspaper
Speaker 2: because newspapers are yes, I don't get the I don't
Speaker 2: get the physical I get the digital version. Because every
Speaker 2: week usually there's always like a culture reporter and they're
Speaker 2: going to report on what's going on in your city.
Speaker 2: So if there's a new art installation, if there's an
Speaker 2: event coming up, if there's a new venue or restaurant
Speaker 2: or something like that, they're going to write about it.
Speaker 2: So you always know, like what's on the post in
Speaker 2: your city, but there's also usually a list, like a
Speaker 2: roundup of what's going on this week, and it's stuff
Speaker 2: that you probably wouldn't think to do, so you'll be
Speaker 2: able to create new.
Speaker 5: Experiences.
Speaker 1: It's interesting you said that because I was actually looking
Speaker 1: for the kids for that. You know, still like being
Speaker 1: from New York and now here only three years, it's
Speaker 1: still like a lot of things I don't know, they
Speaker 1: haven't seen a lot of like what's in our quote
Speaker 1: unquote backyard. So I just like google literally things to
Speaker 1: do in the area for kids, and there's so many
Speaker 1: things that was stuff for adults, like, yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: good idea, the local newspaper. I don't even think of that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Google is a good one. Instagram is also good.
Speaker 2: If you search hashtags like hashtag your city, hashtag like
Speaker 2: your city and something you're interested in doing, like Atlanta
Speaker 2: nightlife or gay Atlanta or you know, whatever it is
Speaker 2: that you're interested in.
Speaker 5: Follow those hashtags and you'll.
Speaker 2: Start to see like posts or look at who uses
Speaker 2: them and follow those if they're like event hosts or whatever,
Speaker 2: then you'll start to see like what's going on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the algorithm. Algorithm will push it your way for sure.
Speaker 1: It's funny, Mom and I was talking to my mom
Speaker 1: about date nights and stuff. I'm like, yeah, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to find some pluf for date nights. So I got
Speaker 1: me me on the prow. Maybe be sending to me
Speaker 1: all the dms like here's a nice date night spot.
Speaker 1: Try something new here, you know. So yeah, they're out there.
Speaker 2: To sign up for a couple of newsletters. So you
Speaker 2: get those emails and you know. The third thing is
Speaker 2: create a shared calendar and start putting those events that
Speaker 2: you find.
Speaker 5: Even if you're not able to go.
Speaker 2: If there's like a weekly something or a monthly something,
Speaker 2: just put it on the calendar so that you know,
Speaker 2: if you're bored on a Saturday night, you take a
Speaker 2: look at the calendar and say, oh, this is happening tonight,
Speaker 2: let's go, let's just check it out.
Speaker 1: Let's just check it out. I have an open mind, right,
Speaker 1: exactly right, And if the event sucks, what do you do?
Speaker 1: Leave exactly and go home Netflix and.
Speaker 5: Talk about it. That's another way to connect. That's how
Speaker 5: you can.
Speaker 1: Trash the event was exactly all right, awesome, good luck
Speaker 1: to you guys as you kind of rebuild, and I
Speaker 1: hope you find a really good job soon where you
Speaker 1: can get back on your feet and you can have
Speaker 1: those nice date nice.
Speaker 5: That you used to. You need to get a job.
Speaker 5: That's number one.
Speaker 2: Let's be worried about date night. You need to be
Speaker 2: working on your resume. Let's have a date night where
Speaker 2: we apply.
Speaker 5: That's heavy as.
Speaker 1: Fuck, heavy assay in that one triple way to bring
Speaker 1: our back to reality. Oh my gosh, all right, hey
Speaker 1: Kadeen in treble, what you know?
Speaker 4: First off, I want to say I love y'all. I
Speaker 4: feel like y'all are my older cousins or something.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll tak an older cousin as long as you
Speaker 1: can't call me on all right. Yeah, I need some
Speaker 1: advice on how to get rid of this sadness and
Speaker 1: anger I've built.
Speaker 5: Up towards my dad.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, I feel that it is ruining a lot
Speaker 1: of my friendships, relationships and more. A lot of people
Speaker 1: tell me the first sign of a little trouble I
Speaker 1: take off. Not too long ago, I was locked up
Speaker 1: in the hospital for suicidal thoughts.
Speaker 4: Oh man.
Speaker 1: As I started talking to my therapist, there were a
Speaker 1: lot of things I had to unpack. One of those
Speaker 1: things was how I feel towards my dad. My therapist
Speaker 1: then told me the only way I can get past
Speaker 1: this is if I had a conversation with my dad.
Speaker 1: I asked if he could go, could do therapy, a
Speaker 1: therapy session with me, and he refused. The whole time
Speaker 1: I was locked up in the hospital, he did not
Speaker 1: come or talked to me on the phone. Now, there
Speaker 1: are a couple of reasons why I feel this anger
Speaker 1: towards my dad. When I was a child and I
Speaker 1: would make him mad, he used to call me a
Speaker 1: fat ass. I got picked on at school for being
Speaker 1: fat all the time, but to hear it at home
Speaker 1: was worse. Man, I'm not going to say that I
Speaker 1: was all innocent, because I was not. I'm an aries
Speaker 1: the bell, and one thing about us is we're going
Speaker 1: to say what's.
Speaker 5: On our mind. That's absolutely.
Speaker 1: To others it may sound harsh, but we're just brutally honest.
Speaker 1: So I was washing dishes, talking junk about him, acting
Speaker 1: like my sister and I were his slaves that.
Speaker 4: He could clean up. Sometimes. He told me that's what
Speaker 4: he had kids for. Man, Man, I.
Speaker 1: Didn't mind cleaning but some days I would finish washing
Speaker 1: dishes and he would go cool a cook, go and
Speaker 1: cook a full course meal, and it would only be
Speaker 1: for him. He then would leave all the dishes in
Speaker 1: the sing for me or my sister to wash them.
Speaker 1: So this particular day I was going back and forth
Speaker 1: with him. As I was washing the dishes. I said
Speaker 1: something really smart, and he said, who do you think
Speaker 1: you are? I said my full name and said that
Speaker 1: that's who I am. He slapped me in my face.
Speaker 1: I was so shocked and hurt, but I slapped him back.
Speaker 1: Then he grabbed me by the throat and started choking me.
Speaker 1: Oh lord, I grabbed a knife and put it by
Speaker 1: his throat so he would let me go.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 1: Now, when we didn't wash the dishes, take the garbage out,
Speaker 1: garbage out, or do the laundry, he would call us
Speaker 1: some lazy whoes, lazy hoes, or worse. It wouldn't apologize
Speaker 1: and try to do better. It was an ongoing thing.
Speaker 1: He would wait two or three days after something major
Speaker 1: happened and try to give us money or take us
Speaker 1: out to eat. When we would bring it up, he
Speaker 1: would do that he could do better. He would say,
Speaker 1: well at least I stayed unlike my dad. Wow, so
Speaker 1: he have his own dad issues. My mama is in
Speaker 1: my life. They're actually married, but he never did those
Speaker 1: things in front of her. I would cause I was wondering, like,
Speaker 1: where's mommy future? She was just raised by dad, but
Speaker 1: mom was there. I would ask her why she's still
Speaker 1: married to him because they sleep in separate rooms. She
Speaker 1: would say, your dad is not that bad. You have
Speaker 1: some kids. Oh, you have some kids that get raped
Speaker 1: and stuff by their father. Wow, that's so, that's the
Speaker 1: quote what her mom would say to her. Well, we
Speaker 1: all still live together, but we don't talk to him.
Speaker 1: I feel like a father is supposed to teach his
Speaker 1: daughters how a man should treat her. My sister has
Speaker 1: two real had had two real relationships that have ended
Speaker 1: because the guys were abusive. I know I don't want that,
Speaker 1: but it seems like that's all we attract. No, I
Speaker 1: don't want to be in the club when we don't
Speaker 1: find No, I don't be in the club when these
Speaker 1: guys find us. We are in restaurants, movies, stores, and college.
Speaker 2: So she's basically trying to figure out how not to
Speaker 2: be pissed off as somebody who keeps pissing her off.
Speaker 5: Wow. I picked this one because heavy, heavy, heavy stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is way heavier than anything I've ever been
Speaker 2: through my parents, except for my dad calls me fat
Speaker 2: every time I see him.
Speaker 4: I mean at this point too, that's like a term
Speaker 4: of endearment.
Speaker 1: I feel like even with like within my culture, it's
Speaker 1: like when you see someone that is like, wow, girl,
Speaker 1: get the infect it. Look you're looking healthy.
Speaker 5: That's like a sign of like happiness. And I'm like, no, no,
Speaker 5: that's not what he's saying.
Speaker 2: That's because I've always been very small, like I'm pa
Speaker 2: teen in then, and so my dad and my dad
Speaker 2: does not know how to show loving kindness, like affection.
Speaker 2: He thinks that he's being funny and he's really just
Speaker 2: being mean.
Speaker 1: Right or is he trying to like share truth in
Speaker 1: es that's like really not just it's mean.
Speaker 5: It's just mean.
Speaker 2: He doesn't know he he does a lot of Somebody
Speaker 2: was saying, like they have to say, honey. I think
Speaker 2: Jazzy was saying that he gives a lot of vinegar.
Speaker 2: My dad is vinegar a lot of But I have
Speaker 2: just learned to either not respond or to be like
Speaker 2: I don't talk to.
Speaker 5: Me that way.
Speaker 1: Does it really bother you?
Speaker 5: Though? Yeah, it does it used too.
Speaker 2: Now it's just kind of annoying because I'm just like,
Speaker 2: why don't you think of anything else to say? Right?
Speaker 5: This is the first thing.
Speaker 2: I don't live at home, you know, so when I
Speaker 2: see my dad, it would be nice for him to say, oh,
Speaker 2: it's good to see you, but to say I see
Speaker 2: you're getting fatter, and I'd be like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Bro? So, how is your relationship been with him? Just
Speaker 1: like growing up? Has it been a thing where it's
Speaker 1: been a bit tumultuous or like he just has always
Speaker 1: had like.
Speaker 2: A We've had our tumultuous times. He's definitely not like this,
Speaker 2: like right, not abusive, not abusive. He's you know, more
Speaker 2: of a caretaker than this, you know, but it's just
Speaker 2: not affectionate.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: And my mom in the same way she grew up,
Speaker 2: she was mean to us growing up, And so I
Speaker 2: have had to talk to many a therapist about my
Speaker 2: relationship with my mother. And something that they say that
Speaker 2: I hate to hear is like, you're an adult now,
Speaker 2: child anymore. You get to decide what to do with
Speaker 2: this relationship. You don't have to sit there and take it.
Speaker 2: You don't have to put yourself in a position that
Speaker 2: feels bad for you, but you do have to take
Speaker 2: care of yourself. That's your responsibility now it's no longer
Speaker 2: their responsibility.
Speaker 1: It's funny you say that, because the first thing that
Speaker 1: came to mind to me is like, I don't care
Speaker 1: the fact that he's your father, Like fuck that, nigga,
Speaker 1: Like why should you still subject yourself to this kind
Speaker 1: of treatment, especially because you were clearly abused, Yes, as
Speaker 1: a child, it's clear that your father was also abused
Speaker 1: in some capacity as a child, And to him, it's like,
Speaker 1: I'm here and my father wasn't so be happy for that.
Speaker 1: I had you here to take care of me, because
Speaker 1: he probably has his own abandonment issues with his mother, father, whoever,
Speaker 1: whatever his situation was growing up.
Speaker 4: And I applaud you, says for being in.
Speaker 1: Therapy now because you're trying to work through these things,
Speaker 1: because I hate to hear that you've had suicidal thoughts.
Speaker 1: You were locked up in the hospital, your father didn't
Speaker 1: care to come and show up. It's probably also him too,
Speaker 1: knowing what drove you there, and he doesn't want to
Speaker 1: face that either you know, but I'm at the point
Speaker 1: now and it could just be you know, forty year
Speaker 1: Oldkidinge or I'm just like I don't care who you are, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't have to subject myself to being in your presence.
Speaker 4: I have boundaries.
Speaker 1: If you don't want to respect them, I'm going to
Speaker 1: still enforce them anyway and just make sure that I'm
Speaker 1: living in accordance. What makes me insane? You know, at
Speaker 1: the very least, your sanity at this point should be priceless.
Speaker 1: And it's crazy that you feel like, you know, damn,
Speaker 1: this is my parent. Clearly her mom too as well,
Speaker 1: having to kind of see this stuff happening from the sidelines.
Speaker 1: I know she said a lot of things didn't happen
Speaker 1: at least to her mother's knowledge in front of her mom.
Speaker 1: But you know, there's some abuse probably going on to
Speaker 1: with mom and dad, Like there are separate rooms for
Speaker 1: a reason. You know, mom probably knows exactly who she's
Speaker 1: dealing with as well too. And if her response is like,
Speaker 1: your dad's not that bad some kids have are they
Speaker 1: getting raped and stuff by their father?
Speaker 4: Like how is that a response to your daughter.
Speaker 2: Which sounds like your abuse up to a certain point, right,
Speaker 2: instead of recognizing that trauma is all relative, you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, and that shouldn't be happening either.
Speaker 5: Rape should be happening, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Sexual abuse shouldn't be happening, but neither should verbal or
Speaker 2: physical abuse either.
Speaker 5: Like, none of that is acceptable.
Speaker 2: And some people just have stayed in the situations so
Speaker 2: long that they've learned to accept it.
Speaker 5: And that's what you don't want to do.
Speaker 4: Don't have to be.
Speaker 5: It doesn't have to be.
Speaker 2: But the longer you stay in it, the longer it's
Speaker 2: going to become your normal. I also had to learn
Speaker 2: that your body. There's a book called The Body Keeps
Speaker 2: the Score, and that's literally what happens when you get
Speaker 2: around your father or somebody who has done you wrong
Speaker 2: in a way, especially if it's a physical abuse situation.
Speaker 5: Your body is going to react before your mind does.
Speaker 2: So, even if you're in the house and you feel like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm not talking to him, you know, and that's fine,
Speaker 2: it's not I'm sure you feel tense when I'm sure
Speaker 2: those suicidal ideations are coming from your body reacting to this,
Speaker 2: to the environment that you're in with the person and
Speaker 2: that you're with the abuser.
Speaker 5: Your body is.
Speaker 2: Saying like you're in danger, and your mind reacting to
Speaker 2: that is giving you these like thoughts of sadness and
Speaker 2: depression and wanting to end your life because you are
Speaker 2: in a dangerous situation that you cannot get yourself out of.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Your body is like, this is mortal danger because we're here.
Speaker 2: We're stuck here, you know what I'm saying. So I
Speaker 2: would say you have to find a way to separate yourself,
Speaker 2: at least for a time, from your dad, you know,
Speaker 2: and from the things that aren't healthy for your mental health.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wonder how old this person that she sounds young?
Speaker 1: Yeah, she didn't give it any age here because I
Speaker 1: was wondering to at this point, you know, can she
Speaker 1: separate herself? Can she be in a different environment. Can
Speaker 1: she move out and live with, you know, someone else.
Speaker 1: Can you be on your own for a little bit,
Speaker 1: Like to me, I think that would be the first
Speaker 1: step in creating that boundary where you have it's the
Speaker 1: sane space to exist where you live, Like when you
Speaker 1: walk through your front door, whatever those four walls look
Speaker 1: like for you should be a safe space exactly, and
Speaker 1: a haven for you, not somewhere that you go to
Speaker 1: to further elevate your anxiety.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So good luck to you, sis as you try
Speaker 1: to navigate what this would look like.
Speaker 4: But I think you're in the right place. First off.
Speaker 1: I'm with therapy knowing that your life is valuable. You
Speaker 1: are enough. You don't have to be a product of
Speaker 1: your environment. It's going to probably take some work, you know,
Speaker 1: to get through this. But just because this person is
Speaker 1: your father does not mean that he needs to stay
Speaker 1: active in your life.
Speaker 4: Because he's clearly not active in a good way.
Speaker 5: It does not. Yeah. No, couldn't be me, darling, couldn't be.
Speaker 4: Me neither, for sure.
Speaker 1: Good luck to you, sis. This is a really good
Speaker 1: time with your t I think it needs to be
Speaker 1: a thing. If you want this to be a thing, y'all,
Speaker 1: let us know, right and I let us know. Give
Speaker 1: us some feedback on Patreon comment about it. I think
Speaker 1: this is dope, and I think I loved having you
Speaker 1: here for a change. I mean, I feel like, after
Speaker 1: freaking fourteen seasons, it's about time we put you in
Speaker 1: front of the camera.
Speaker 5: I know you know what I'm saying. And the haters
Speaker 5: didn't want me to be here.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, But look at them now,
Speaker 1: look at them now, look at them now, look at you? Now?
Speaker 1: How can people feel like, you know, trible? Like this?
Speaker 1: Even this shirt that I'm wearing here today, Triple got
Speaker 1: it for me because she saw it and she was like, man,
Speaker 1: I was thinking, if you can I saw this ABC
Speaker 1: D dead ass D dead ass?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I love the brand who made them?
Speaker 1: Yeah, who's the brand that made that? I really like that.
Speaker 1: It's super clever. But yeah, keep writing them, y'all, to
Speaker 1: these instla letters. I think I might just bring you
Speaker 1: back for the listener that episode because this is fun because.
Speaker 5: I'll be reading them and I'll be like, y'all are insane.
Speaker 4: Chopping at the big at the beds now?
Speaker 1: This is This is the entertainment that I get as
Speaker 1: a mom before with a husband.
Speaker 4: That keep me busy. I like to know what's going on.
Speaker 5: In the world, y'allma this way, Yeah.
Speaker 4: It's very more interesting.
Speaker 1: Keeps giving his pulse in the community, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, his pulse will Triple go ahead and tell
Speaker 1: them where if they want to write in his listen letter,
Speaker 1: tell them where they can find you.
Speaker 2: You can write in too, dead ass Advice at gmail
Speaker 2: dot com. That's d E A d A S S
Speaker 2: A d V I c E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: That was a really great job.
Speaker 1: Save that moment. I popping in there another time or two.
Speaker 1: Where can they find you?
Speaker 2: Though?
Speaker 1: Like, talk about ask Trible really quick before we go,
Speaker 1: because you too have launched your own no thing you're
Speaker 1: doing here now called ask Trible, So this is the
Speaker 1: perfect opportunity to tell people what it is you trying
Speaker 1: to do girl, or what you're doing not trying, you're
Speaker 1: doing it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, most people find me when I'm when I get
Speaker 2: to plug my stuff on dead Ass, so I appreciate that.
Speaker 5: Dope.
Speaker 2: Ask Trible at ask Trible on Instagram, or you can
Speaker 2: go to tribstcool dot com. I offer coaching for new
Speaker 2: podcasters and existing podcasters. If you're an independent podcaster and
Speaker 2: you want to learn how to take your podcast to
Speaker 2: the next level, you can hit me up at tribsdcool
Speaker 2: dot com schedule your coaching session. You know, I give
Speaker 2: you two three hours of my time and follow up
Speaker 2: if you like that. If you want to just follow
Speaker 2: me personally and see because.
Speaker 1: She's a freaking riot. As you should.
Speaker 5: I'll just be doing ship on the internet.
Speaker 1: I already told Triple that she needs to become some
Speaker 1: sort of wedding correspondent. Make it a thing, because people
Speaker 1: have people, they pay people to host weddings like MC weddings.
Speaker 1: You would be you would have such a market that
Speaker 1: would be high a trible for your wedding. Let me
Speaker 1: tell you she's going to do hosting MC and correspondent works.
Speaker 5: She'll interview your guests, amen custom package. That would be dope.
Speaker 1: You can interview folks on on the spot. You can eat,
Speaker 1: you can drink, you can have a good time. You
Speaker 1: might meet your boo there at wedding. That's the best,
Speaker 1: the best place because.
Speaker 2: The girl under them dresses, they want to get their
Speaker 2: little you know what I'm saying, wedding ring to.
Speaker 5: Squeezing them legs.
Speaker 1: You know, if you're catching the bouquet, catching the guard.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure which way it goes now at this point.
Speaker 5: Now, just know that Triple is on the prow a.
Speaker 5: She is on the prowl.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like the teacher says, but
Speaker 1: it's lesbian zoo.
Speaker 4: What you gotta be watching. You gotta be watching to see.
Speaker 2: But you can follow me at trips the Cool t
Speaker 2: R I B b Z the Cool on Instagram.
Speaker 5: That's pretty much the only place I'd be.
Speaker 4: That's the only place she'd be. That's where you'd be at.
Speaker 1: We'll find her there sliding to the DMS too, if
Speaker 1: you're interested as well too. I mean, shoot, we might
Speaker 1: have a next segment called Date Trible at the next
Speaker 1: live show or something. I mean, all the ideas be
Speaker 1: in the building.
Speaker 5: Baby.
Speaker 4: You know, we love our people.
Speaker 5: They do.
Speaker 4: We love We love y'all. We love y'all.
Speaker 5: We love y'all.
Speaker 1: All right, any moment of truth. I just realized we
Speaker 1: didn't have a moment of truth.
Speaker 5: The moment of truth is y'all think then and devou
Speaker 5: be reading these emails, and they don't they be me.
Speaker 2: It be triple So I know all your business. Thank
Speaker 2: you so much for keeping me entertained.
Speaker 1: And a moment of truth for me is just like
Speaker 1: man giving trip or her flowers.
Speaker 4: You've been rocking up with us.
Speaker 5: For a minute.
Speaker 1: Now. We love you.
Speaker 4: You are family choice at this point, our producer. But
Speaker 4: more than that, the kids love you.
Speaker 1: You know, even though a couple of them who's the
Speaker 1: decoded saying.
Speaker 5: How do you yet?
Speaker 4: He'll he'll wave, He'll wait, okay, wave.
Speaker 5: If I do anything more than wave, he'd be.
Speaker 1: Like, it's getting hard to get though. I think he's
Speaker 1: trying to play hard to get from early. So you know,
Speaker 1: don't feel no kind of way. Don't feel that kind
Speaker 1: of way. But we love you, We thank you. The
Speaker 1: audience loves you, our listeners and our viewers you they
Speaker 1: literally know that you're part of Dead Ass the podcast,
Speaker 1: and we appreciate you so much.
Speaker 5: Yes, oh we love you too.
Speaker 1: All right, now these kids be in the background. You know,
Speaker 1: some of these days i'd be wondering, you know, somebody
Speaker 1: gonna take a soft.
Speaker 5: Air because, like.
Speaker 4: I mean, listen, it's rampant these days. Before we go,
Speaker 4: what's that one thing in Dead Ass about?
Speaker 2: I'm dead ass about having fun. Whatever I do, wherever
Speaker 2: I go, I'm gonna have a good ass time.
Speaker 4: That's a fact.
Speaker 5: It's a funeral, honey, I'm having a good.
Speaker 1: Sack because the repass plate though, come on, now have
Speaker 1: you seen that? Paid The picture of a plate circulating
Speaker 1: on Instagram and people have been like, where do you
Speaker 1: think this is happening, and people have said a repass
Speaker 1: or what was it?
Speaker 4: I think it was the other one.
Speaker 1: People said repass or baby show must have been got
Speaker 1: to had a meatballs.
Speaker 4: You gotta have to taste Selag little wings whatever.
Speaker 2: I know, I'm gonna laugh, I'm gonna have fun. I
Speaker 2: do not care about anything else.
Speaker 5: I love that. I love that.
Speaker 1: And see what am I dead ass about today? I'm
Speaker 1: dead ass about having triple back on with me. Hey man,
Speaker 1: be dead ass about dead ass about that. We will
Speaker 1: see how this whole thing pans out to be dead.
Speaker 5: Ass about getting Tyler to put a ring on my finger. Perry, Yeah, Perry, Oh,
Speaker 5: I never got to do this hate TP you know
Speaker 5: I've been watching for a long time. You have to.
Speaker 2: I'm gay, but I don't think that matters. That said,
Speaker 2: you could dress up like Medea and we could get
Speaker 2: it on.
Speaker 5: You know, I cannot even tell on that note.
Speaker 1: Be sure to find us on Patreon, Gang Gang Gang.
Speaker 1: We were having a lot of fun over here. Exclusive
Speaker 1: dead ass podcast I can't even talk. Exclusive dead Ass
Speaker 1: podcast video content as well as more after show footage,
Speaker 1: Ellis family content. You can find me on social media.
Speaker 5: Kadeen.
Speaker 1: I am the podcast page. Of course dead Ass the Podcast,
Speaker 1: and of course my boo continue to show him love.
Speaker 1: I am Devo and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: please be sure to rate, review, and subscribe.
Speaker 5: Dead Ass y'all, Yes.
Speaker 3: Got dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network
Speaker 3: and is produced by Donor Pinya and Triple. Follow the
Speaker 3: podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and
Speaker 3: never miss a Thing