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Speaker 1: Your hair looks so good today. I woke up. Did

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Speaker 1: you really that good? I?

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Speaker 2: Did you love that?

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Speaker 3: I mean obviously, like I had to fix it a

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Speaker 3: little bit, but like I didn't have to wet it

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Speaker 3: or anything.

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Speaker 2: I just used my hands.

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Speaker 1: The best days are like that. I feel like cold

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Speaker 1: weather vibes are always way better for hair.

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Speaker 3: Well, do you think it's because you're kind of in

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Speaker 3: hibernation mode and you're not like it's you're not hot

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Speaker 3: when you're sleeping and you're like flipping over.

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Speaker 2: I'm probably slept really still last night.

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Speaker 1: I think it's the air. I mean, based on my job, Like,

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Speaker 1: when there's humidity in the air, it's so much harder

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Speaker 1: to work with hair. And when when there's the air

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Speaker 1: is dry like it is in the winter, you can

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Speaker 1: easily add moisture and things like that. But you don't

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Speaker 1: have flyways, you don't have fuzzies. It's just like your

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Speaker 1: hair is just more manageable.

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Speaker 2: So it's just I'm glad I've got a pro. I

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Speaker 2: just like a rock.

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Speaker 1: It's the dry air. Anyway, we were out last week

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Speaker 1: because I was sick, but I loved that. Literally was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, But I have the best episodes. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to post one of my favorite episodes you and

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Speaker 1: I had done on Valentine's Day. It is so funny

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Speaker 1: to listen back to. It was really funny. I hope

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Speaker 1: you guys enjoyed. And I'm sorry that I've been out

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Speaker 1: because I've been sick, but we're back. I have a

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Speaker 1: little raspy voice sometimes I feel this voice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I went last night and saw a writer's round and

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Speaker 3: one of the guys was like.

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Speaker 2: I'm really sorry. I've been like seeing a lot this week.

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Speaker 3: And someone screamed, your voice sounds better when it's weak, and.

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I don't know that.

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Speaker 3: That was very nice, but I didn't know the difference,

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Speaker 3: and I thought his voice sounded really cool.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, raspy is always. When I was a kid,

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Speaker 1: I used to like want to lose my voice so

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Speaker 1: bad and I never would, but like getting the rasp

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Speaker 1: I thought was so cute. And then I one time

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Speaker 1: in my entire life lost my voice and I actually

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Speaker 1: got put on vocal rest by a doctor. I couldn't

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Speaker 1: record for like two weeks. It was so But did

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Speaker 1: they say if you do strain your voice when it's raspy,

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Speaker 1: like you could actually really injure your vocal ter vocal

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Speaker 1: cord or something. Yeah, So I was like, I'm not

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Speaker 1: trying to do that, So I got one vocal rest.

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Speaker 3: I used to lose my voice, like the first day

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Speaker 3: at four age camp, like I would get most spirited.

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Speaker 1: It's very on brand for me.

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Speaker 3: I would always get like most spirited camper. But I

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Speaker 3: love a kid that has a naturally raspy voice, like

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Speaker 3: my niece has like a little husky voice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so cute.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the rasp is really cute. Well, so anyway, we

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Speaker 1: are actually here. I love this topic that you and

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Speaker 1: I are going to talk about today, and I was

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Speaker 1: talking about this with you. I'm trying to figure out

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Speaker 1: exactly how to frame to you guys what has been

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Speaker 1: happening in my head. But I think I'm going to

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Speaker 1: try to make sense of it. So basically, I've just

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Speaker 1: been in this season. I don't know if it's because

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Speaker 1: it's in winter and you're more contemplative because you're inside more,

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Speaker 1: or if it's like my age, I'm forty two, which

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Speaker 1: I think I was saying to you before, this is

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Speaker 1: when people have midlife crisis. Right, it's like forty to

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Speaker 1: forty two, which in astrology is also like your Saturn return,

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Speaker 1: and so it's like it is the time where you

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Speaker 1: really start to analyze your life. And for me, it's

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Speaker 1: been this season of the last five years. There's been

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Speaker 1: a lot of change in my life. We also went

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Speaker 1: through a pandemic, like the whole world has actually changed, right,

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Speaker 1: And then I hit this age range and I think

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Speaker 1: I'm just very contemplative during this time, Like I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: to myself, Am I doing things that are in line

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Speaker 1: with this person that I've become, that I've evolved into,

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Speaker 1: who is actually my most authentic version of myself? And

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Speaker 1: are the things that I'm doing, the people that are

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Speaker 1: in my life, the work that I'm doing, the clients

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Speaker 1: that I have, Are these things in line with who

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Speaker 1: I feel like I am at this stage of life?

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Speaker 1: Is the message that I'm putting out on this podcast

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Speaker 1: what I want to say? Like those are the questions

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Speaker 1: I'm really asking myself. And I posted this like question

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Speaker 1: box on my Instagram because I was like, am I

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Speaker 1: the only one that's feeling this? Like I know, sometimes

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Speaker 1: I get kind of deep in my thoughts and some

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Speaker 1: people are like, what the fuck is happening. It's like

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Speaker 1: times well sometimes yeah, I just really like to analyze it,

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Speaker 1: like think through things, and people don't align. But this

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Speaker 1: question people really seemed to align with. And I asked,

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Speaker 1: what's something you used to chase that you now realize

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Speaker 1: isn't important? Because that's just what's coming up for me,

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Speaker 1: Like all of these reflections on me wanting to live

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Speaker 1: as my authentic self in all areas of my life

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Speaker 1: is making me reflect back on all the things and

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Speaker 1: experiences that I've gone through and go, wow, like that

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Speaker 1: didn't that doesn't matter to me at all anymore? And

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Speaker 1: isn't it so weird that it used to hold so

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Speaker 1: much power in my life?

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Speaker 3: I yeah, I mean I think there's probably a lot

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Speaker 3: of reasons why that happens. But yeah, I think just

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Speaker 3: growing up and experiencing life. The older that you get,

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Speaker 3: and you know, I'm seven years older than you. I'll

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Speaker 3: be fifty this year. And it was funny because when

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Speaker 3: you posted it, obviously responded with something crude because that's what.

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Speaker 1: I do to Kelly, and we'll give you this answer later,

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Speaker 1: We'll give you that.

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Speaker 3: He It's I'm very on brand, but I've been sort

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Speaker 3: of in this phase too, And I think for me,

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Speaker 3: I have finally rounded the corner where I realized that

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Speaker 3: I've been able to look at my life and been like,

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Speaker 3: experiences and spending time with the people that I love

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Speaker 3: are truly the thing that like fill my cup. Things aren't.

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Speaker 3: And I look around my house and I'm like, what

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Speaker 3: are all these things? And then I think about my parents' house,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, every time I talk to my mom,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, can you please just start throwing away shit?

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Speaker 3: Because A I don't know the sentimental value it holds

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Speaker 3: for you. B I don't know the financial value that

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Speaker 3: most of these things have.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I know the few things that.

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Speaker 3: I want that will remind me of my parents until

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Speaker 3: the day that I die, But I don't.

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Speaker 2: Need all of that.

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Speaker 3: And I also don't want to just throw away things

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Speaker 3: that are worth money. I'd much rather than get rid

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Speaker 3: of things now when they're still here and they can

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Speaker 3: benefit from whatever it's worth. So it's to me, it's

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Speaker 3: like not just a physical declutter. It's such a mental

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Speaker 3: and emotional declutter, even though there's a lot of there's

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Speaker 3: a physical component to it. But I think it's just

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Speaker 3: you know now that I'm like rounding the corner to

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Speaker 3: old age. I want to pour all of my energy

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Speaker 3: into people and things that I know I love already.

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Speaker 3: It's not about like finding the validation and something anymore.

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Speaker 3: And I used to think I had to have things

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Speaker 3: and do things to feel validated. And I suddenly I

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Speaker 3: woke up one day feeling like I was past that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's actually interesting that you bring that up, because

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Speaker 1: after I posted that question, I posted about a closet

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Speaker 1: sale that I'm a part of in Nashville. It's like

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Speaker 1: this big online sale. It's well Dressed dot com if

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Speaker 1: you guys want to go shop on March second through fifth.

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Speaker 1: But I literally am feeling the same thing. Like I

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Speaker 1: cleaned out my closet because I was realizing I have

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Speaker 1: so many clothes, and like obviously over the years, Brains

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Speaker 1: have sent me a bunch of stuff that I wore

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Speaker 1: for photo shoots or something like that, and it just

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Speaker 1: sits in my closet basically the same thing all the time. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it's just like I started to be like, I

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Speaker 1: just feel like I have so much stuff in my house,

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Speaker 1: Like there's so much stuff that I don't even ever

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Speaker 1: realize is here. You know, like my closet is. I

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Speaker 1: have a room that I made into my closet upstairs

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Speaker 1: in my house, which is awesome, and I never even

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Speaker 1: enter it. I just get stuff out of my laundry

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Speaker 1: room downstairs, and I hear the same thing over and

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Speaker 1: over because I'm just comfortable and I'm lazy when it

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Speaker 1: comes to my own dressing a lot of times. And

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Speaker 1: so I was like, I gotta just sell this, and

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna give some money to the people that lost

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Speaker 1: stuff in La fires because of it, because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't need all this, like it is a gift

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Speaker 1: that I've had it, But how do I like pay

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Speaker 1: it forward or give back to other people? Because like

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Speaker 1: that's what I actually feel very led to do right now.

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like we're in this weird time in

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Speaker 1: the world where so much is happening and it's like

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Speaker 1: very divided feeling, and instead I want to feel like,

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Speaker 1: how do we help each other, like in a community

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Speaker 1: kind of mindset. And that's kind of a different topic,

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Speaker 1: but for some reason, like you said, it's all tying together.

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Speaker 1: For me. It's like I want to live in this

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Speaker 1: place where my heart feels connected to the things I'm

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Speaker 1: doing what I'm saying. And also the stuff that I have,

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Speaker 1: Like if I don't feel connected to it, why do

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Speaker 1: I need it? Like why is it even here?

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Speaker 3: You know what's interesting, And I hadn't thought of this

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Speaker 3: until you just said something about like giving money to

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Speaker 3: people that lost everything in the LA fires. I wonder

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Speaker 3: if there is something subconscious in witnessing that happen from Afar.

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Speaker 2: All of us watched it unfold.

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Speaker 3: You know, I know a lot of people that it

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Speaker 3: happened too, and it's incredibly sad, but it did make

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Speaker 3: you realize that them being safe what is truly what

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Speaker 3: was most important.

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Speaker 2: And even though a house provide.

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Speaker 3: Is not just a building, and it's not just stuff,

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Speaker 3: it provides safety and all the other things, like things

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Speaker 3: don't matter in the way that like your own personal

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Speaker 3: safety matters and your life matters. And so I wonder

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Speaker 3: if there's some things subconscious it's just that us witnessing

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Speaker 3: that that's probably be a lot harder to see if

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Speaker 3: I'd lost everything. You know, it's interesting, it hadn't popped

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Speaker 3: into my head and tell you said that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know you just said that. But like

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Speaker 1: the people who are saying that the most to me

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Speaker 1: right now are my friends in La And of all places, La,

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Speaker 1: I think is considered probably the most vain place of

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Speaker 1: our whole country, and so like it's very interesting for

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Speaker 1: that energy to be coming out of that city. And

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Speaker 1: that's That's just not the only place. It's like, there's Asheville,

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Speaker 1: there's all these other places. Over the past five years

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Speaker 1: since the pandemic, I feel like so many things have

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Speaker 1: gone through transitions like that, and there's been so much

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Speaker 1: loss that maybe we are kind of being asked to

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Speaker 1: look at this stuff, and or maybe it is subconscious

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Speaker 1: like you said, where it's just being kind of driven

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Speaker 1: into my brain of like, yeah, I don't know, I've

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Speaker 1: personally gone through what I would deem a lot of

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Speaker 1: like loss, but it came from places that like it

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Speaker 1: made me realize what my actual real values are too,

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Speaker 1: or like maybe what I was saying earlier, where it's

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Speaker 1: like those things have pushed me into connecting with myself

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Speaker 1: in a much more like who am I and what

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Speaker 1: I don't know, like finding my most authentic voice kind

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Speaker 1: of way. So I don't know, maybe it's just like

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Speaker 1: a overall worldwide declutter, but it was really interesting to

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Speaker 1: me to see like listener or people that follow me

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Speaker 1: on Instagram's responses because they were so in line, and like,

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Speaker 1: I want to get to some of those, but I

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Speaker 1: want to ask you first. I mean, I know you

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Speaker 1: gave the joke. Do you want to tell the people

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Speaker 1: what you said? As your answer, I said, pussy right.

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Speaker 1: So the question again for you guys, was what is

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Speaker 1: something that you used to chase that you now realize

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Speaker 1: isn't importance? And I mean that is actually true.

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Speaker 2: I mean it's true.

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Speaker 1: But as I've told you guys, Chip loves to slide

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Speaker 1: into my DMS with all his knowledge about vaginas.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I can, I can look back and know that

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Speaker 3: it was never really truly important.

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Speaker 2: It was I was.

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Speaker 3: It was important because I needed to put up a

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Speaker 3: facade or I was trying to change or like bury

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Speaker 3: something that was true to me. But you know, I

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Speaker 3: knew that she would get the joke.

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Speaker 1: It made me laugh. I thank you. I needed that

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Speaker 1: that day, so it really made me giggle. So what

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Speaker 1: would your real answer be though?

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Speaker 3: I think for right now it's external validation.

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Speaker 1: And anything more specific than that, or like like what

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Speaker 1: are the themes underlying or like the things that are

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Speaker 1: making you think of that.

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Speaker 3: I've always wanted to be liked by everybody. That's always

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Speaker 3: been something that's really important and it's and it's something

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Speaker 3: that I'm aware of, and I know it's not a

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Speaker 3: healthy thing, and it's not even something that I chose.

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Speaker 3: It's just something that I know about myself. And because

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Speaker 3: of that, I've got a I know a lot of

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Speaker 3: people like I'm not like trying to be like I'm

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Speaker 3: the most popular person in the room, but I've lived

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Speaker 3: in a lot of cities, I'm incredibly social. I want

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Speaker 3: to be liked. So I put myself out there for

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Speaker 3: that reason. And it's exhausting. And I have amazing friends,

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Speaker 3: and I have amazing acquaintances. You know, I've been amazing

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Speaker 3: people that I just know through work. But I you know,

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Speaker 3: as I get older, I realize, like I want to

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Speaker 3: spend my time either by myself getting to know myself better,

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Speaker 3: there's the word, no, I want to know, or really

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Speaker 3: just spend the time with the people that really fill

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Speaker 3: my cup the most. And that doesn't mean that like

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Speaker 3: people who are my friends aren't my friends anymore like

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Speaker 3: the more peripheral friends. Because friendships take, they shift and

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Speaker 3: I'm sure one day I will think of somebody, and

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Speaker 3: I'm going to make it a goal of mine to

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Speaker 3: like be more proactive about just like reaching out and saying, hey,

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Speaker 3: I was thinking of you, and like not make it

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Speaker 3: about like let's get together, but just like, hey, I

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Speaker 3: hope you're having a good day. You've been on my mind,

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Speaker 3: that kind of thing. But it's for no other reasons.

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Speaker 3: I'm not doing that to feel validated in any way.

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Speaker 3: It's more to like make sure they feel validated and

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Speaker 3: in the stuff that I don't know if I'm answering

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Speaker 3: the question properly right now, but like in recognizing that,

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Speaker 3: like I feel like I'm shedding a lot of like

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Speaker 3: the shit that I thought gave me external validation, like

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Speaker 3: just having things, and coincidentally, in having this discovery, I'm

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Speaker 3: pouring so much more into myself that like I'm happier

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Speaker 3: than ever. I'm actually shedding pounds. I built a gym

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Speaker 3: in my house, so I had to shed a bunch

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Speaker 3: of just stuff to like make room for it.

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Speaker 2: And I'm finding that the.

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Speaker 3: Validation that I always craved is inside me, and it's amazing.

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Speaker 3: It's really amazing, Like I mean, I could stay home

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Speaker 3: alone for the next three months and be happy because

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Speaker 3: I do know that there are people out there that

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Speaker 3: love me. I can check that off. But I'm so

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Speaker 3: happy that I've like landed in this place and learned

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Speaker 3: that it comes from inside. And it's it feels weird

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Speaker 3: to be forty nine years old and finally realizing that,

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Speaker 3: you know, and I don't even think I was like

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Speaker 3: a depressed person like I was.

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Speaker 2: I've always been no, yeah, but it was like I was.

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Speaker 3: I never granted myself that like grace, and it's really

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Speaker 3: nice to find that well.

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Speaker 1: And it's interesting because, like I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: what you just described is more of that people pleasing

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Speaker 1: stuff that we talked about and you thought, and I've

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Speaker 1: done this too. If they all like me, I'll feel content,

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Speaker 1: I'll feel But it's like when we do that, we

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Speaker 1: really miss the whole experience of the things that are

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Speaker 1: going to make us satisfied on the inside, which is

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Speaker 1: what I hear you saying now. So I don't think

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Speaker 1: you can like put an age or a marker on

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Speaker 1: when we find that, Like everyone's on their own journey,

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Speaker 1: and so that is interesting, Like it seems like you've

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Speaker 1: given up a little bit of chasing all the affirmation

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Speaker 1: and external validation and found that you're finding so much

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Speaker 1: more peace and happiness from giving it to yourself and

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Speaker 1: being on that journey of like spending time with yourself,

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Speaker 1: working out, like doing the things, like you're taking care

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Speaker 1: of yourself.

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Speaker 3: It's amazing. Yeah, it feels really good.

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Speaker 1: We had a lot of responses from listeners saying the

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Speaker 1: same thing, wanting everyone to like me. That was one

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Speaker 1: that Kelly. Another Kelly said, Our friend Charlie Wersam said,

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Speaker 1: approval and permission from my parents are peers pretty much anyone.

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Speaker 1: I love hearing from people like that too, Like Charlie's

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Speaker 1: a very successful musician and he and I talk about

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Speaker 1: this all the time, like it's so crazy you can

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Speaker 1: have all this success that looks like, oh well they

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Speaker 1: should be so thrilled and in your mental or emotional state,

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Speaker 1: is still to chase, like getting your parents to say

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Speaker 1: how proud they they are of you, right, or like

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Speaker 1: the small things that people would never even know, let's

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Speaker 1: see hustle culture. That kind of falls in line with that.

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Speaker 1: A lot of approval from others, Approval that I made

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Speaker 1: the right choice, validation from others, friendships, if someone is disrespectful,

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Speaker 1: like just let it be. Stop chasing people. Basically, agreement.

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Speaker 1: That was a big one, like having to have everyone

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Speaker 1: like you and agree with you popularity, even though leaving

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Speaker 1: behind my people pleasing is hard and those are cheap

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Speaker 1: dopamine hits. That was one that Mandy said, like I'm

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Speaker 1: leaving behind cheap dopamine. You know, like these things that

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Speaker 1: feel good in the moment, right, not necessarily like the

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Speaker 1: long lasting things.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think it's important too, you know, for those

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Speaker 3: who love you to get to love the whole you.

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Speaker 3: And if you're people pleasing or you're chasing that dopamine hit,

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Speaker 3: you're hiding a part of yourself. I think we're all

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Speaker 3: so worried that if we show our true selves we

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Speaker 3: will lose people in our lives, whether it's our parents,

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Speaker 3: our friends, our jobs, whatever. But I think people that

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Speaker 3: truly love you are the ones that stay, and they

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Speaker 3: want to know all the sides of you. They want

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Speaker 3: to know your quirks, they want to know your flaws,

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Speaker 3: they want to know what you disagree on, Like that's

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Speaker 3: what makes life rich. This is some of this stuff

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Speaker 3: is harder because it's real vulnerability.

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Speaker 2: It's not shock.

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Speaker 3: The shock stuff is probably just more embarrassing because it's

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Speaker 3: not really who we are. It's just this is really

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Speaker 3: who we are when we get into these words and.

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Speaker 1: Talk about exposure. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: But and but it's helped me, Like I feel like

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Speaker 3: this has been part of the journey of me finding

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Speaker 3: myself finally.

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Speaker 1: So I love that, Yeah, I think. Yeah, Like for me,

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Speaker 1: it's a similar thing probably with chasing like the external

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Speaker 1: like outside of myself. I think everyone can relate to that.

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Speaker 1: And I think when you get older or that's something

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Speaker 1: like maybe even when I turned forty and I'm in

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Speaker 1: mine came with a lot of different things of like, okay,

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Speaker 1: well I've already like been publicly humiliated, so like what yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you sort of are like and the sun still came up,

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Speaker 1: Like you realize like how much you can survive. I

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Speaker 1: think when the shit hits the fan a lot of times.

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Speaker 1: But for me, I told you this before we started recording, Like,

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Speaker 1: I think the reason I'm even contemplating a lot of

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Speaker 1: this is because I realized how much time I spend

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Speaker 1: with work, you know, and like we all work a lot,

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Speaker 1: and you do, what's the statistic it's like wild when

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Speaker 1: you get to the end of your life and people

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Speaker 1: are analyzing the hours that they spent with work, and

380
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Speaker 1: if you realize, like it's not something you care about.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to waste my time doing stuff that,

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Speaker 1: like even if it brings me a bunch of money,

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Speaker 1: Like that's just not satisfying to me anymore. Of course

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Speaker 1: I want all of those things, but like, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: love money, yeah, of course, but it's like I really

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Speaker 1: truly care more about how does it feel to me

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day, And like when I'm

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Speaker 1: on my deathbed, I want to look back and feel

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Speaker 1: proud of like whether it's the legacy I'm even just

390
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Speaker 1: leaving behind with our friends or people that knew me,

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Speaker 1: like if it's on a small scale or a big scale,

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Speaker 1: whatever it is, Like, I just want to feel proud

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Speaker 1: of the person that I was more than anything. I

394
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Speaker 1: think at this point, like how did I make people

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Speaker 1: feel or something like like those kind of narratives really

396
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Speaker 1: started to matter to me more. And it was interesting

397
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Speaker 1: because when I was thinking about this, I was like,

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Speaker 1: what has shifted for me most? And like the bigger

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Speaker 1: thing was I used to really feel like, Okay, to

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Speaker 1: make an impact, I have to have a lot of

401
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 1: exposure to a lot of people, and like everything has

402
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Speaker 1: to be big. So like that was how I kind

403
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,960
Speaker 1: of got out of line with who I was in

404
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Speaker 1: the first place. Now I'm like, okay, how do I

405
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Speaker 1: just talk about things that people relate to or that

406
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Speaker 1: maybe five people go, hey, I feel that too, Like

407
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Speaker 1: that's where my heart really feels the most, or I

408
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:31,679
Speaker 1: feel the most authentically myself, And so my career goals

409
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:35,520
Speaker 1: have changed even and I think that that, Yeah, that's

410
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Speaker 1: the whole point to me. But it's hard because then

411
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:41,280
Speaker 1: you're like wired to do these certain things, like to

412
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 1: chase success and like look at the metrics of numbers

413
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,640
Speaker 1: and that means, okay, yes, this one worked. And it's

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Speaker 1: like did it though, like just because a bunch of

415
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Speaker 1: people listened, Like did something resonate? Did people get anything

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Speaker 1: out of it? Like what you're talking about where it's

417
00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:01,080
Speaker 1: challenging you to grow? Like, right, did they connect with you?

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Speaker 1: Did you meet a new person who's had a similar

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00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 1: experience that helped you through that? Like it's just shifted

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Speaker 1: for me. Does that make sense?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I mean I recently heard this quote that I think

423
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Speaker 3: relates to it in this way.

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Speaker 2: On your deathbed.

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Speaker 3: When you ask people who are dying, ninety one percent

426
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Speaker 3: of people will tell you that they regret the things that.

427
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Speaker 2: They didn't do more than the things that they did.

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Speaker 3: And I think the way that you take that to

429
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 3: like the workplace and like realizing what is serving you

430
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Speaker 3: what's not is you're now at a place where you

431
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Speaker 3: can reflect on your past. You're in a place where

432
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Speaker 3: you're financially stable enough to be like, wait a minute,

433
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Speaker 3: this isn't working.

434
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Speaker 2: It's making me unhappy.

435
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Speaker 3: I need to lean into the things that I want

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Speaker 3: to do that are going to make me proud.

437
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 2: Of my life.

438
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 3: And I'm not going to worry about the regret of

439
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 3: the things that I have done because those are done. Like,

440
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,480
Speaker 3: you can't control it, you can't change it. But what

441
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 3: you can do is you can you can be on

442
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 3: a path to your death that you won't have any

443
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 3: regrets for the things that you didn't do.

444
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,400
Speaker 2: And I think that's a really eye opening thing.

445
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 3: It's like, I don't want to go to my deathbed

446
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,240
Speaker 3: with a whole list of things, like I want to

447
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 3: write a screenplay this year, and it's something that I'm

448
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,600
Speaker 3: actively working on that I've had the idea for for

449
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 3: twenty years, and I'm doing it in my free time

450
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 3: and I don't even care if he gets made or

451
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 3: anyone reads it. I just have this idea and I

452
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,199
Speaker 3: don't want to lay on my deathbed thinking about why

453
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 3: didn't I fucking write that screenplay? Because I could get

454
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 3: hit by a bus in six weeks and if I'd

455
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:48,160
Speaker 3: never started it, then that's a regret.

456
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,360
Speaker 2: And I don't want to do that. You know, that's

457
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:50,680
Speaker 2: just one.

458
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 3: There's a million examples, and I'm sure we all have them,

459
00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 3: But I think that plays into sort of where your

460
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:57,640
Speaker 3: head's at too.

461
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:02,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, you're making me so today it's like so interesting. Well,

462
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 1: it's just I think it's just like I've known you

463
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 1: for so long, and so it is really cool when

464
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 1: you get to experience evolution together. Do you know what

465
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Yeah, I really am witnessing right now how

466
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 1: much you've grown in the last couple of years. Yeah,

467
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,639
Speaker 1: specifically this last year. I feel like you've been on

468
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:24,000
Speaker 1: like a fast track and you feel very like authentically

469
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,359
Speaker 1: you and with yourself.

470
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:31,440
Speaker 3: Well, I think when I finally did enough to recognize myself,

471
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 3: that's what fast tracks it. You know what you mean,

472
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 3: like I finally got to a point where I was

473
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 3: seeing and this isn't just like about a physical transformation

474
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 3: like I was seeing, there was I was starting to

475
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 3: see myself come out of that fog. So when I

476
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,239
Speaker 3: look in the mirror, I'm like, there you are, And

477
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 3: so it fast tracks it because it's I mean, I

478
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 3: think it's you know, any type of result driven thing,

479
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 3: Like you know, you're like, God, I got to write

480
00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,640
Speaker 3: a paper for school today, and it's like in your

481
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 3: mind you're not doing it. And the second you get

482
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 3: a page riot and you're like, oh shit, I've got

483
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,159
Speaker 3: a page done. I'm gonna knock this thing out. Like

484
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:10,919
Speaker 3: I think it's just I'm seeing the fruits of my

485
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,439
Speaker 3: labor and I'm like, oh wow, I can do this.

486
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 3: Oh there I am, And it just makes me more

487
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 3: excited to be me and like check those things off

488
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,040
Speaker 3: of my to do list.

489
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,440
Speaker 1: You know, we're not so busy trying to worry about

490
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: what everyone else feels about you. You're actually like, what

491
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,880
Speaker 1: the fuck do I feel about me? Do I even

492
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: know who I am? Like these are the questions I'm

493
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:33,159
Speaker 1: asking myself right now, and I think you're actually living

494
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 1: it out.

495
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 2: Well also too.

496
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 3: You know, anything that you're going to put yourself into

497
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,320
Speaker 3: is going to be whether it's a relationship, whether it's

498
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:45,720
Speaker 3: a job, whether it's family, whether it's community work, it's

499
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 3: going to be more fulfilling and more successful if you're

500
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 3: arriving at it whole and happy.

501
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,960
Speaker 2: You know, Like I think it's so. I'm talking to a.

502
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 3: Friend a lot who is having problems in her marriage,

503
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 3: and from where I'm sitting, because I'm just looking at

504
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,520
Speaker 3: it from the outsider's perspective, I'm like, Yo, don't you

505
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 3: think this would be a lot easier if you weren't

506
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,399
Speaker 3: blaming your significant other for everything and picking apart the

507
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,439
Speaker 3: relationship and worked on yourself to find, like to make

508
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 3: yourself whole so that you can show up happy.

509
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you're.

510
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 3: Never gonna find the fix in them.

511
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: You have to fix you.

512
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 2: And then you're like.

513
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 3: Holy shit, Wow, I've got everything I ever wanted right

514
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 3: in front of me.

515
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:28,359
Speaker 2: Why was I so miserable?

516
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 1: Isn't that wild about relationships? I have lived so much

517
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 1: of my life thinking if they just then, like, if

518
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 1: they just did this, then I would feel better. And

519
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: it's like the answer is never in that because you

520
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 1: got to know it for yourself, and they could be

521
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,439
Speaker 1: being the perfect human, like they could be doing everything

522
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 1: right and you could still be miserable. And it has

523
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 1: so it really has nothing to do. We just project

524
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 1: a lot onto like our relationships. I also think like

525
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,679
Speaker 1: one of my downfalls has been I don't know if

526
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,159
Speaker 1: this is like I have like some sort of to

527
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,600
Speaker 1: scarcity mindset or what. But you mentioned money when you

528
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: were initially just talking and you were like, so you're

529
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 1: at a place where you said to me, you're at

530
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 1: a place where you're financially stable enough to be able

531
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,439
Speaker 1: to let go of stuff. And that is true, but

532
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: I will tell you it is tricky, Like I have

533
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,919
Speaker 1: found that my go to still sometimes I'll be like,

534
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:22,120
Speaker 1: you know, like yeah, like I don't feel like, oh,

535
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 1: I can't take that client on because they're not aligned

536
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 1: with me. I'll go, should you try to figure out

537
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 1: a way to work with them to you know whatever,

538
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: Like try to find ways to finagle myself into doing

539
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 1: something that I know won't serve me because I've convinced

540
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 1: myself that the money yes. And so that's another piece

541
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 1: of like that's kind of where I was when I

542
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 1: was cleaning out my closet was just sort of like, yeah,

543
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 1: all this stuff is nice, and it is nice and

544
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 1: I love fashion. Like, don't get me wrong, there are

545
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,200
Speaker 1: definitely ways that I could convince myself to keep everything

546
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: in my closet because you know, there will be that

547
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 1: one party that I'll want to wear that one right,

548
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 1: But like when I really started to think about it,

549
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: I was like, no, you won't like no. And also

550
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 1: I have a roof over my head, I have other

551
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 1: clothes in my closet. Like I'm trying to really trying

552
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: to change my mindset around money to like do you

553
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,120
Speaker 1: really need that? Or does our culture just convince us

554
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,959
Speaker 1: to be so materialistic and excessive?

555
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 3: Like right now, I have to mention the multi trillion

556
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 3: dollar advertising business that it's built to make you feel

557
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 3: like you need it. It's not even just the culture

558
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 3: like that that is a symptom of being advertised to

559
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,919
Speaker 3: and then we all feel that.

560
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 2: And then I.

561
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,879
Speaker 3: Mean, it's like, how many times this year have we

562
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,640
Speaker 3: talked about wanting new cars?

563
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 2: I know you and I both, but you realize that.

564
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: I have not bought a new car because every time, like,

565
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 1: my car is twelve years old. By the way, you

566
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 1: guys like this is not like I don't dr have

567
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: a luxury car, but it works and it works and

568
00:26:57,560 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 1: it's paid off and it's paid off. And like what

569
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,439
Speaker 1: I I keep getting to every time I go to

570
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 1: buy a new car or start looking is like cars

571
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,199
Speaker 1: are really expensive right now, and the cars that I

572
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 1: want are really expensive, right so it would it would

573
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: make me have to take that extra client or it

574
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: would make me have to like stress something a little

575
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,880
Speaker 1: bit more, you know, and I'm like, is that worth it?

576
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:24,399
Speaker 1: Because like my ins, no, it's not. It's a need exactly.

577
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,359
Speaker 1: And so those are the kind of things that like

578
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: it is really interesting how like our culture and I mean, fuck,

579
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: I was an influencer. I know, I still talk about

580
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: stuff like that. And it's like we literally are wired

581
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 1: to tell ourselves all the things we don't have, and

582
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: then your brain tricks you into thinking the same thing.

583
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 1: If I just had that, then like if thens come

584
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,640
Speaker 1: up like then I'll be happy. And that isn't where

585
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 1: it's going to be found. And I think back to

586
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 1: like the years that I've made the most money of

587
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,439
Speaker 1: my life. Was I happy? No? Because I had no

588
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,200
Speaker 1: fucking life because I was working all the time, right,

589
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 1: So I don't know. It's just like I'm not sitting

590
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 1: here trying to be like I don't like nice things

591
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,639
Speaker 1: I do, So don't get that twisted. Like I definitely

592
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,959
Speaker 1: I am not saying that. I'm just asking myself, like do

593
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 1: I need all the things that our society convinces us

594
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: that we need, or do we need to maybe think

595
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 1: about like reframing our structures, like we are the richest

596
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,880
Speaker 1: country in the world, like you go to other countries.

597
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 1: Having a car in general is a luxury, and we're

598
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 1: sitting here like do I have a nice enough car?

599
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 1: You know?

600
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 3: Like and look, let me tell y'all, she is not

601
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 3: driving up in a beater either, Like it's like a

602
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 3: perfectly great car.

603
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 2: Fine, yes, yeah, you'd be happy.

604
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 3: To pull up into any valet with it and not

605
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 3: be embarrassed to hand those keys off. It's not Kristen

606
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 3: Wig and Bridesmaids.

607
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that either.

608
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong with that. Her car worked and when

609
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 2: it broke down she met a cop.

610
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 1: So I was like, are you talking about me? But

611
00:28:55,600 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 1: you're actually well, speaking of relationships, this is an interesting

612
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: one that I think a lot of people wrote back

613
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: with so like our friend to Amy actually said this,

614
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: But one of the jokes in our friend group is

615
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: always that Amy was single for a long time and

616
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 1: then she was like, I have to you know, her credentials.

617
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 1: Like one of her main things she would say was

618
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 1: they have to have a tool belt or drive a truck.

619
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 1: And so she responded to me with that because of

620
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 1: course it's hot. Yeah, but like over the last year,

621
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:29,200
Speaker 1: Amy has realized through some dating experiences, those aren't the

622
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 1: things that matter. And I think she was eliminating a

623
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 1: lot of men because they didn't fit that credential. Actually,

624
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: the Kirby Brunette, another one of our followers, said, guys,

625
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: you drive a pickup truck, Like that doesn't matter to

626
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: me anymore, right, And I think it's like, as you

627
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: get older, you start to realize I could date a

628
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 1: guy that checks all those boxes that like lines up

629
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: completely on paper, but he treats me like shit. So

630
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 1: and I'm miserable in this relationship. Yeah, the superficial things

631
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 1: like that was a lot of the feedback we got

632
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:04,760
Speaker 1: was just even marriage. I know, like I've talked about

633
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: that evolving through the years of like what do I

634
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 1: actually think about relationships? What do I actually want in

635
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 1: my life or what do I feel pressured to want

636
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: because I'm a woman from the South and everyone else

637
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 1: is doing this. You know, do I really want kids?

638
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 1: Do I really want to get married? Or am I

639
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 1: on a different trajectory And I'm having a hard time

640
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:29,240
Speaker 1: accepting that because I feel like an outsider, Like have

641
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 1: you dealt with that at all? With dating?

642
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent.

643
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 3: And you know, I feel really lucky, like I have

644
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 3: a lot of chosen family who I love and my

645
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 3: life is really full. And the person I dated most recently,

646
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:45,239
Speaker 3: I I empowered myself and I was like, when I

647
00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 3: was getting crumbs, I was like, listen, dude, like it's

648
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 3: been fun to getting to know you, but I'm going

649
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 3: to go find someone who values spending time with me

650
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 3: more than you do because you're giving me crumbs and pieces.

651
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 1: You know why you can say that now so confidently

652
00:30:58,240 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: because you.

653
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I value me.

654
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 3: But I have a really full life, So it's like

655
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 3: I don't need that. I don't need a relationship to

656
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 3: be happy, and I would much rather now walk into

657
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 3: a bar, restaurant wherever and have a gravitational pull that

658
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 3: someone sees my spark and wants to get to know me.

659
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 2: And I think it feels a lot more realistic.

660
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 3: I'm not trying to convince anybody to like me at

661
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 3: this point, Like sorry, I don't, I don't. I'm not

662
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 3: for sale, you know, for sale? Like you know I

663
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 3: don't have to market myself.

664
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: Well you shouldn't have to write, like, yeah, if I

665
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 1: died alone, it'd be fine, Like, well, you don't die alone.

666
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 3: What do I wish that I had a kid? Some No, no,

667
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 3: they'll be nurses.

668
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: Well people, we can redefine what that means, right, Like.

669
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,440
Speaker 2: Totally, I don't feel alone.

670
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: I don't reationship like it could be your friends, it

671
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 1: could be your family.

672
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 3: Like, by the way, you can be in a marriage

673
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 3: and be fucking more alone than.

674
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 1: My relationships, You're still alone. I feel the most I've

675
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 1: ever felt in my life.

676
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 3: But yeah, there are those pressures. People are always saying,

677
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 3: you'd be a great dad, you'd be and I agree,

678
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 3: I think i'd be a great dad.

679
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 2: But I've never.

680
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 3: Had that thing where I'm like, I have to have

681
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 3: a child, And there are times I've explored it. I

682
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 3: don't I truly believe that I couldn't do it on

683
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 3: my own. So I would never do. But also there

684
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 3: was a moment a couple of years ago where Elle

685
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 3: called me and was like, this girl that I know

686
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 3: is put her baby up for adoption, and I gave

687
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 3: them your name.

688
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 2: And I equated it.

689
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 3: To like if I were driving down the freeway and

690
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,479
Speaker 3: I saw a puppy, I would stop and pick it up. Like,

691
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 3: of course that wasn't what I was looking for that day,

692
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 3: but if a child fell in my lap, I would

693
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 3: do everything I could to give it the best life possible,

694
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 3: of course, but I don't have to go out and

695
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 3: pay us Sarah get it, or go through the whole

696
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 3: like adoption thing and torture myself with that because I

697
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 3: don't feel that burning thing. But yeah, I mean, I

698
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 3: think it's like there is so much much external pressure

699
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 3: to fit into the crowd, and if you don't feel it,

700
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,719
Speaker 3: you don't feel Look at Goldie Hawn and Russell Russell.

701
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 3: They're probably the longest running Hollywood relationship we can think of,

702
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 3: and they did it. They're doing it their own way.

703
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 3: They never got married. They're just together and family is

704
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 3: what you make it.

705
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 1: I think it's also just like looking at your life

706
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: in the metrics of success, like how do we define

707
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 1: success and do they actually align with who you think,

708
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 1: who you feel you are, and why you feel like

709
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: your soul is here on this earth in this lifetime.

710
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 1: Like I mean, I feel the same as you about

711
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: the kid thing, Like I'm a cancer through and through,

712
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 1: Like I have so much cancer in my chart on

713
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 1: all these different things in astrology, and that's all about

714
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 1: mothering and nurturing and all of those things. But like

715
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 1: where it is in my chart actually shows me that

716
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 1: it's probably wasn't necessarily to be in these traditional ways

717
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 1: of nurturing and mothering and caring for people. And I

718
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: do feel like I do that with friends and all

719
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 1: these things. And I saw this podcast yeah yeah, and

720
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,959
Speaker 1: like the communication aspect of it too. But I pulled

721
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: up Netflix last night and you know at the top

722
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:13,800
Speaker 1: they run those banners, and it was this comedian I

723
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 1: wish I could remember her name. She was doing this

724
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: bit about infertility and she was like, you know, I

725
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 1: never wanted a kid until like that came off the

726
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,839
Speaker 1: table as an option, and they started playing hard to get.

727
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 1: When kids started playing hard to get, Yeah, but it's

728
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,960
Speaker 1: basically she's like, I love something unavailable. So I started

729
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: chasing it like crazy, Like it was like, yeah, basically,

730
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 1: she got to the end of her thirties and it

731
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 1: was having a hard time getting pregnant, and then was like,

732
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: oh my god, I really want this now, you know.

733
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 1: And I identify with that, like I never was too

734
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 1: a place where I was like, I really am ready

735
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 1: to have a kid, but you'r gind of collogist starts

736
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 1: talking to you in this way of like, uh, you're

737
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 1: thirty five, it's a geriatric pregnancy, and all of a sudden,

738
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, urgency, I gotta figure out how this.

739
00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:57,959
Speaker 3: Yeah.

740
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like it wasn't really ever fully in line.

741
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 1: And then look at that my like fertility treatments didn't

742
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: work out, and that's because it wasn't the path that

743
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 1: I was supposed to go down. And I'm like you,

744
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:10,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't feel led to adopt, Like it hasn't.

745
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,320
Speaker 1: That hasn't felt like my calling. If a kid dropped

746
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 1: him my lap, like you said, I know I would

747
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 1: give it the best life ever. Because I've also been

748
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,959
Speaker 1: in that situation where I've dated a person with kids

749
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 1: and like it was a very big priority to me

750
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: to show up well for them. But yeah, so I

751
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 1: think it's just like asking ourselves, like, are these measures

752
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:32,759
Speaker 1: in these metrics that we put on success true for us?

753
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 1: Are they given to us by our culture? Like? Are

754
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: we hustling to try to make something work that's like

755
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,359
Speaker 1: not really making us happy or really aligned with what

756
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: we want? And like when we look back, are we

757
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:47,439
Speaker 1: going to be pissed that we gave so much time

758
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 1: and energy or money or whatever it is to that thing?

759
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 2: I think So.

760
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 1: I was going to read a couple more of these

761
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: wrong relationship he was an narcist, had to go no.

762
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 3: No.

763
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,799
Speaker 1: That reminds me of what you just said. Oh, this

764
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 1: is an interesting one. Calling other people out for lies

765
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 1: and bullshit like that used to matter to them and

766
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 1: now it doesn't. I identify with that too. It's like,

767
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 1: you're not going to change anybody. Why are you going

768
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 1: to get an energy if it doesn't serve you, like,

769
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 1: let it go, walk away, do whatever? Busy social calendar?

770
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: Do you identify with that one at all?

771
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 3: Yes, it's so funny. The weekends roll around now and

772
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 3: people are like, what are you doing?

773
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 2: I was like.

774
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:37,239
Speaker 1: Nothing, Yeah, and you liked it. I love it. Designer

775
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 1: bags superficial stuff. Yeah, yeah, superficial stuff, crazy weekends. It's

776
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 1: another one. Good appraisals at work. I always wanted to

777
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 1: go above and beyond. It's just not necessary. That's interesting

778
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 1: because you're giving energy that wasn't asked of you to give,

779
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 1: and all you're doing is chasing approval then I.

780
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,320
Speaker 3: Guess right, yeah, and making somebody else.

781
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: Rich living up to everyone else's expectations.

782
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:00,919
Speaker 2: That's a good one.

783
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 1: Big one. Marriage, marriage again, busyness, networking events, hustle culture,

784
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: wanting everyone to like me, advancing my career, perfection, validation

785
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 1: from family. Girl boss energy. I've been talking about that

786
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 1: one a lot. It's interesting, like this girl boss energy,

787
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,759
Speaker 1: I don't do you? Does this register at all with you? Yeah?

788
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:28,680
Speaker 3: I mean yeah, there's been that whole movement around it. Yeah,

789
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 3: And in some ways it's kind of anti like it's

790
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 3: like fake feminism. Yeah, because first of all, it's it's like,

791
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 3: you want to be a boss, be a boss. You

792
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 3: don't have to be a girl boss, you know what

793
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 3: I mean. It's like, why are we surprised at like

794
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 3: someone who is driven and commands respect and is a

795
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 3: good leader because she has a vagina. It makes it different. No,

796
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:52,760
Speaker 3: that's just a boss.

797
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 1: There's just certain people. Yeah, I think what I struggle

798
00:37:56,560 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 1: with it And like what started to make me angry

799
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 1: was the praise that our society gives that. It's kind

800
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 1: of like what I was saying earlier. When I was

801
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 1: making the most money in my life, I didn't see

802
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,440
Speaker 1: you guys, do you remember that? Like I was so

803
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:14,640
Speaker 1: busy because I was working like eighteen hour days. I

804
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 1: had no dating life, I didn't see my friends. I

805
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,399
Speaker 1: barely talked to my family, Like all that I did

806
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: was work, and so yes, that one part of my

807
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: life was working. But like to me, I'm like, that

808
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 1: doesn't look like a successful human to me, and it's

809
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:32,320
Speaker 1: not living. So it's like it's interesting because our culture

810
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 1: has all these markers of what success looks like or

811
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:38,840
Speaker 1: what a girl boss would be. And I'm like, Okay,

812
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 1: the new kind of girl boss I want to be

813
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:44,399
Speaker 1: is like a well rounded person, Like do I have

814
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: all these areas in my life? Am I happy truly

815
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 1: on the inside? Like not the measures of success that

816
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,400
Speaker 1: I used to have, And so like when I'm seeing

817
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 1: these people get praised for like, oh they're so good

818
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: at business. Look at other killing it you're a boss

819
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: or whatever, but I I know what's happening behind the scenes,

820
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: Like they don't sleep, they're not taking care of themselves,

821
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 1: their family lives going to shit, their relationship is shit,

822
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,400
Speaker 1: Like I just don't know. I'm like, why are we

823
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 1: praising that then?

824
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,759
Speaker 3: But it's also a backhanded compliment.

825
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 2: It's like, why should we be surprised that there's.

826
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 3: A driven woman, and because we would say it about

827
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 3: someone like that that if that is truly like what

828
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 3: is making them happy is building this company's and it's

829
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 3: filling their cup. Awesome, But I don't think that we

830
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:34,799
Speaker 3: should pray because it's almost like validating women trying to

831
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:39,319
Speaker 3: fill what has historically been like a masculine role. And

832
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 3: to me, that kind of like I don't think there

833
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 3: should have ever been a divide, Like it's only because

834
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 3: we held women down for so long. And if there

835
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 3: is a woman out there that wants to be a boss,

836
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 3: go do it. If it makes you happy, do all

837
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 3: those things, but it should be what's filling your cup?

838
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 3: And because she is a vagina, I don't think it

839
00:39:58,480 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 3: should separate her.

840
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 1: Totally fair argument.

841
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's why I hate that movement, Like you too,

842
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:06,839
Speaker 3: because then it's like now you've got it. Now they're

843
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 3: putting another expectation on women that maybe the woman all

844
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,360
Speaker 3: she wanted to do was be a great mom and

845
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 3: like help in our community.

846
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 1: Well that's that was my point exactly. And I think

847
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 1: that every single person has a different wiring. I think

848
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: we came here for different reasons. I think we came

849
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:27,320
Speaker 1: here to learn different lessons, and not everybody is gonna

850
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 1: be wired to be a boss or be a leader,

851
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: and that's good. Like we need people to be leaders,

852
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: and we need people to be really good nurturers, and

853
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 1: we need people to be really good at like detail tasks,

854
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 1: you know, like we need all pieces. And I think

855
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: that I don't like this movement because it doesn't it

856
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 1: doesn't praise us being individuals. It makes it like, if

857
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 1: you want to be looked at as successful, here's how

858
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:57,400
Speaker 1: it looks. And it's like that's not that isn't true.

859
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: So I'm really like hopeful because Aquarius energy, I know,

860
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 1: I'll always bring it back to astrology and you're like,

861
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 1: what the fuck does that mean? But like Aquarius energy

862
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 1: is all about like individualism and like humanity, but everyone

863
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 1: working together as a whole. And it's like, if you

864
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 1: actually look at how things work as a whole, you

865
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:20,040
Speaker 1: need all the pieces. And I just want us all

866
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:24,319
Speaker 1: to be looked at as successful for our peace, I guess,

867
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:28,359
Speaker 1: And how we show up, if we like actually show

868
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: up as our individual selves, that's the beauty. That's like,

869
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: that is the boss energy, you know, right, not just

870
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 1: because you're the leader. Like I'm glad we have the leaders,

871
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: and I'm glad we have the strong voices and like

872
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 1: the one who can get up and like take charge.

873
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, we need that.

874
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,879
Speaker 1: But I'm also glad that I have my people who

875
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 1: are my nurtures and like the soft people or like

876
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 1: I have some friends who are really really like they

877
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,879
Speaker 1: love caretaking and they're good at it and they're good

878
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: and the plans and like, thank fucking God, because I'm not.

879
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 2: That's not me.

880
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not me.

881
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 3: A little bit Further than my rant about the girl

882
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:12,440
Speaker 3: boss thing, it also infers that men like I kind

883
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 3: of hate the term girl dad, Like he's such a

884
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 3: good girl dad.

885
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 2: It's like.

886
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 3: Every father should try to be the best father they can,

887
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 3: or don't be a fucking dad, like you know what

888
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 3: I mean, Like it's a backhanded compliment, you know. And

889
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 3: also it's like kind of saying, like, well, that guy's

890
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 3: a shitty dad. You know, that's what we should be.

891
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 3: Like if someone's not a good girl dad, they're a

892
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 3: shitty dad.

893
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,239
Speaker 2: If they've got a daughter.

894
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:40,479
Speaker 1: Being a good dad should be based on like how

895
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:42,440
Speaker 1: hard are you trying to like connect and show up

896
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 1: for your kids?

897
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 2: For your kids?

898
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:50,959
Speaker 1: A girl a boy like be a good dad. Yeah,

899
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 1: I hear it.

900
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,760
Speaker 3: And it also kind of says that like guys can't

901
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 3: be guys shouldn't be in the nurturing role, you know,

902
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 3: because if a girl is a girl boss, and that

903
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,480
Speaker 3: means that guys are as bosses and like, no, like

904
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 3: I think that there's sensitive sides to men. We all

905
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 3: have a masculine, feminine side and we should all be

906
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 3: able to tap into those things. So, you know, let's

907
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:14,480
Speaker 3: not divide, let's unite and all find our role in

908
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 3: society and just be kind and loving and do our parts.

909
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 1: Amen.

910
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I listen to a lot of mel

911
00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:23,320
Speaker 2: Robin's girl.

912
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:31,280
Speaker 1: Let them. Let's end on a positive note, like, let's

913
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 1: think about this shift. I was going to ask you,

914
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 1: what do you value now that you didn't used to?

915
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 1: So basically like the reverse of that question, the initial

916
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:41,240
Speaker 1: question that we asked.

917
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like it's obvious, but it's and

918
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:46,360
Speaker 3: when you told me that we were gonna end on

919
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 3: this pot, it's myself saying it's obvious. It's also weird

920
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 3: to say because I can't believe that I didn't before.

921
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 3: And it's really liberating to be like, yeah, no, I

922
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 3: value myself finally. And when you say like you love,

923
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 3: like you've been teary eyed love you love seeing this

924
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:06,279
Speaker 3: evolution in me, it's like.

925
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 2: God, damn, I do too.

926
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:12,319
Speaker 3: And my job is really taxing, but it's also something that.

927
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:12,919
Speaker 2: I really love.

928
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 3: And you know, lately, I've been able to like face

929
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 3: the harder things a lot easier because I'm confident in

930
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,880
Speaker 3: my position in them, and I know that, like, if

931
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 3: I'm pushing back on something or I disagree on something,

932
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 3: it's coming from a place of like caring about the

933
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:31,959
Speaker 3: long term thing. It's not about wanting to be right

934
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 3: or wanting to be argumentative, or wanting to prove someone

935
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 3: wrong or whatever it is. It's just about caring. And

936
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 3: that feels really good. And I don't know that I

937
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 3: was always had that pure motivation before and I just

938
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,800
Speaker 3: think it all comes from like valuing myself.

939
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:54,160
Speaker 1: It's interesting because I think that I had that same

940
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: shift over the last couple of years, and it was

941
00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:02,240
Speaker 1: because the crashes came because the like burns, falling apart, loss,

942
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: whatever you want to call it. I think when you

943
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:07,600
Speaker 1: experience something like that, and we all experienced it somewhat

944
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,880
Speaker 1: collectively because of the way the world has gone, I

945
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: do think it brings you to yourself the most. Or

946
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 1: maybe it's just where you are in your life journey

947
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,239
Speaker 1: or whatever. And as you were saying that, I'm like,

948
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 1: I think mine is the same. It's the self, but

949
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,400
Speaker 1: I would maybe say it in a way of like

950
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:27,240
Speaker 1: my worth, like knowing that, like my worthiness doesn't come

951
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: from having the perfect relationship, being a girl boss and

952
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 1: being successful or deemed successful on the outside, chasing all

953
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:39,840
Speaker 1: the clients in the world or whatever it was. And

954
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 1: it's interesting because I think the reason, like I wanted

955
00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: to talk about this on the podcast is like, when

956
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 1: I look at my relationship now and even the dating

957
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 1: that I was doing before I got into this relationship,

958
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 1: you know, I've had a series of toxic relationships before this.

959
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:56,719
Speaker 1: It wasn't like I just like knew how to do

960
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 1: relationships like It was a very big learning for me,

961
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 1: and I learned through relationships, so there had to be

962
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:09,800
Speaker 1: failure for me to yes. And the last like toxic

963
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 1: relationship that I was in has been one of my

964
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 1: greatest healers because it brought me to such a low

965
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,360
Speaker 1: that like, I had to climb my way out of it.

966
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 1: But once I climbed out of it, I was like

967
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: a hell no to anyone that showed me any sort

968
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,720
Speaker 1: of resemblance to things that I had had in the past.

969
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,359
Speaker 1: And it didn't. I didn't even have to understand it.

970
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:33,920
Speaker 1: It was like the second I sensed it, it was

971
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 1: a no for me, and I would just walk away,

972
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 1: and I would do it kindly, like hey, I just

973
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 1: think we're on different journeys, or like, you know, I

974
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: didn't really feel the need to explain to anyone why

975
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go on more dates or anything

976
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 1: like that. It was just the second I sensed that

977
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 1: it wasn't going to be good for me and I

978
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:49,520
Speaker 1: wasn't going to be able to show up as the

979
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: best version of myself, I would leave. And that's because

980
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 1: I valued myself in a new way and I've done

981
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: that again with clients. Like it's like what I'm where

982
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 1: we're talking about where I used to not turn out

983
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:02,839
Speaker 1: on anything, to just say yes all the time because

984
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:06,399
Speaker 1: I felt like this need as a freelancer to say yes,

985
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:08,880
Speaker 1: to show up to like pull a rabbit out of

986
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:12,080
Speaker 1: a hat, even when it was killing me internally or whatever.

987
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:15,880
Speaker 1: I do it in friendships. And the one area I

988
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 1: think that I still have left is maybe like public perception.

989
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 1: And that's a tough one for me because and I

990
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 1: don't know, I hate talking about this, so I try

991
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 1: not to live there and you can help me maybe

992
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 1: navigate how to do this. But like there's been a

993
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 1: narrative that's been put out about me that isn't me.

994
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 1: It's not true, it wasn't ever true. None of the

995
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 1: things that happened were true. And then there was this

996
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:41,799
Speaker 1: like false narrative, and so I still feel like a

997
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 1: buck up against that because of trolls on social media and.

998
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, and they're out of your control.

999
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,799
Speaker 1: They're out of my control. And the fact that that

1000
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:53,839
Speaker 1: content still happens or like that narrative still gets put

1001
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 1: out or whatever, also out of my control. And it's

1002
00:47:56,640 --> 00:48:00,640
Speaker 1: kept me very stifled in like how to move forward publicly,

1003
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 1: like I literally don't a lot of times, and I

1004
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 1: think I'm finding like, Okay, I want to get back

1005
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 1: to the things that used to make me passionate, although

1006
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 1: they've shifted, like a lot of it is still there.

1007
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: I love beauty, I love heart, connection talks like I

1008
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:16,920
Speaker 1: love all of the same things and actually in a

1009
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:20,279
Speaker 1: more clear way. But I haven't quite figured out how

1010
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:25,040
Speaker 1: to value myself enough to go up against negative feedback.

1011
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 1: Would that be a way to say it?

1012
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I mean I think that it's exploring how

1013
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:33,080
Speaker 3: to filter some of that stuff out, because I do

1014
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 3: think that there are tools that we can talk about offline.

1015
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 2: That could help.

1016
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:41,279
Speaker 3: Okay, cause it's really easy from my position to be like,

1017
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:42,759
Speaker 3: you just got to ignore it, but.

1018
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 1: Well that's what everyone says to me, you've lived it.

1019
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I recognize that that's not the solution,

1020
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:54,560
Speaker 3: but I do think that valuing yourself and being able

1021
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:57,759
Speaker 3: to put yourself out in the world in the most

1022
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 3: authentic way is the only way to shut people down.

1023
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 2: And shut people up.

1024
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:06,759
Speaker 3: Because they're going to see the real you, and some

1025
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:08,120
Speaker 3: people you're never going to convince.

1026
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:10,479
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean there's a lot of people going.

1027
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,160
Speaker 3: To come to some people you're never going to convince,

1028
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:16,800
Speaker 3: and they just get people. Yeah, their their lives are small,

1029
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 3: and it's like you don't want to get off on

1030
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:23,399
Speaker 3: like even giving them any credence at all, because that's

1031
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 3: taking away your joy. So I think it's like, let's

1032
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 3: let's research on how you can filter some of that

1033
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:32,919
Speaker 3: stuff out, like even through keywords so it doesn't even

1034
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 3: reach you.

1035
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:35,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, I mean I think yeah.

1036
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:37,799
Speaker 2: Because now now you know the language.

1037
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 1: M h. Well, there's certain times where it's like, yeah,

1038
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 1: I can like get past it. But I think what

1039
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:45,000
Speaker 1: is the hardest is when I do feel like I'm

1040
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:47,239
Speaker 1: like coming from a place of this is me here.

1041
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 1: I'm like what you were saying in the beginning of

1042
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 1: this podcast is vulnerable, and then it gets met with

1043
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 1: that and I'm like, wait, but that's not what happened,

1044
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:55,759
Speaker 1: and like people are like, well, then why didn't you

1045
00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 1: tell your story? And I'm like, because if I tell

1046
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 1: my story, do y'all understand what happens in like media

1047
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:05,200
Speaker 1: and public eye and like how it gets twisted, but

1048
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:08,880
Speaker 1: also like the war that begins because.

1049
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 3: In like picking it's.

1050
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:19,359
Speaker 1: Just like my like heartbreak and personal relationships. I don't

1051
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 1: really want them to be like popcorn bait in like

1052
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: for public consumption in that kind of way. And I

1053
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 1: don't also feel good. I've never felt good, and this

1054
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:31,880
Speaker 1: is like the thing that has kept me the most

1055
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 1: from never like doing this so far. But it's like

1056
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 1: I don't feel good sending that energy back, Like I

1057
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: don't want to play that game where I'm sending back

1058
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:43,200
Speaker 1: like well, here's the receipts and here's why that's not

1059
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 1: true and whatever.

1060
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:46,960
Speaker 3: They call it the court of public opinion for a reason,

1061
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 3: like and you don't feel like you have to defend yourself,

1062
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:50,880
Speaker 3: then don't go to fucking court.

1063
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:54,360
Speaker 1: Well I want to, of course, but it's like I

1064
00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 1: don't feel good about like that's not it's not in

1065
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 1: my control then, like once I say it, it's not

1066
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: in control for my control of what happens next or

1067
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:05,400
Speaker 1: the hate that goes to another person, or like I

1068
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 1: just and I just I'm like I don't want to

1069
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 1: participate in that. And so but then people believe, well,

1070
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,319
Speaker 1: if she's not saying anything, then that just must mean

1071
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 1: that it's true or whatever.

1072
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 3: I think any good publicists would tell you in crisis mode.

1073
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 3: The best thing to do is to say nothing.

1074
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 1: That is what everyone.

1075
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just yeah, just don't say anything, because it

1076
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:27,719
Speaker 3: validates it, it gives it oxygen. And the truth is

1077
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 3: is you know in your core the truth and if

1078
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 3: you live that, I mean that doesn't mean that it's

1079
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:37,080
Speaker 3: not hard. Yeah, but I think time is really the

1080
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 3: only thing that makes it better. You know. And there's

1081
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:42,480
Speaker 3: still people whose lives are so fucking boring that they're

1082
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 3: sitting around thinking about this still or bringing it back up.

1083
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 2: You know.

1084
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,279
Speaker 3: It's really embarrassing, is what it is. And juvenile.

1085
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:55,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, and your loved.

1086
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 3: So everybody please slide into your DMS with some love.

1087
00:51:57,560 --> 00:51:59,919
Speaker 1: Today, maybe cry good.

1088
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1089
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:05,320
Speaker 1: Anyway, It's about funding your right people, is what I've decided.

1090
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 1: So I really like that's just what I'm in search

1091
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:12,479
Speaker 1: of now. Is like the things that used to matter

1092
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 1: to me were having the most like big numbers and

1093
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:17,840
Speaker 1: all the things, And now I'm like, I really just

1094
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:21,799
Speaker 1: actually care about genuine connection with the right people, and

1095
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:23,759
Speaker 1: people I can learn from and they can learn from me,

1096
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:26,200
Speaker 1: and they have exchanges like you and I are having

1097
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,760
Speaker 1: right now. Like that is what I want, and that's

1098
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 1: that's what I want to spread.

1099
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 3: So yeah, let's shed the bullshit. You know, Like it

1100
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:35,839
Speaker 3: feels really good. I think you and I are both

1101
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:39,760
Speaker 3: sitting here examples of it. And yeah, nobody's life is perfect,

1102
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 3: but we all have the power to make it better. Yeah,

1103
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:46,080
Speaker 3: and if that means shedding some bullshit, shedding some friends,

1104
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 3: shedding the bad relationship, quitting a job that's not serving

1105
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:52,160
Speaker 3: you anymore, even though it's fucking scary, you have to

1106
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:55,440
Speaker 3: think about all the time that you're wasting that doesn't

1107
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:58,880
Speaker 3: serve you, and when you free up that time, the

1108
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,279
Speaker 3: things that do serve you have have the space to

1109
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,640
Speaker 3: enter your life, whether it's a job that you finally love,

1110
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:08,920
Speaker 3: a relationship that like you never thought was possible, having

1111
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:10,359
Speaker 3: a kid, whatever it is.

1112
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 1: It's like you're yeah, it's so millions.

1113
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 3: I know it sounds woo woo, but it feels fucking good.

1114
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 1: Amen. All right, Well, I'm gonna let Preacher Chip take

1115
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 1: us out today. So on that note, if you guys

1116
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:28,680
Speaker 1: have stories like this or you're relating to us at all,

1117
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,279
Speaker 1: please email us at the Edge at Velvet edge dot

1118
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,879
Speaker 1: com or you can always slide into my DMS. I'm

1119
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: at Velvet's Edge. I loved getting this feedback from y'all too,

1120
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:41,000
Speaker 1: and like the interactions that I have from asking that question.

1121
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of you guys and I

1122
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 1: talked in the DMS as well, and that was just

1123
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 1: this is that's what this is about for me. So

1124
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:50,440
Speaker 1: slide on in at Velvet Edge Chip.

1125
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 3: I'm at Chip Doors. It's hip d O R. S. Ch.

1126
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:58,160
Speaker 1: And as you guys go into your weekends and you're

1127
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:00,800
Speaker 1: living on the edge, I hope you guys are remember too.

1128
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 2: A casual bung bye.

1129
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm

1130
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 3: Mm hm