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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John. We're the ancient

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Speaker 1: two case Storytime podcast hosts, and we have some ancient

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Speaker 1: wisdom in the stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: If you want to.

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Speaker 1: Hear the wisdom from two old heads that know more

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Speaker 1: than they know what to do with, you're gonna have

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Speaker 1: to wait for a quick message from our sponsors for

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Speaker 1: the next two minutes or so.

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Speaker 3: I was asked to gain weight so I don't outshine

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Speaker 3: the bride.

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Speaker 4: That's just an upsetting thing to hear.

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Speaker 3: Earlier this year, my cousin Jeff. Jeff asked me twenty

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Speaker 3: two female, if i'd be willing to be one of

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Speaker 3: his fiance's thirty female bridesmaids for their wedding this fall.

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Speaker 3: While I've known Julie for about five years, we've only

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Speaker 3: met a couple dozen times or so, usually at family gathering.

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Speaker 3: We weren't even Facebook friends until I agreed to be

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Speaker 3: one of her bridesmaids. So no, we're not exactly close.

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Speaker 4: And what on earth are you doing being her bridesmaid?

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from deleted and if you

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Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime subreddit. I agreed to do it only

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Speaker 3: because Jeff has always been like a big brother to me,

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Speaker 3: and he explained that Julie couldn't find another bridesmaid she

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Speaker 3: needed four. She's rather reserved, some might say witchy and judgmental,

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Speaker 3: and doesn't have a lot of friends. She doesn't have

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Speaker 3: any sisters either, So even though I knew it would

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Speaker 3: be costly, it's adding up to around two thousand dollars now.

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Speaker 3: I did not regret the decision at all until today.

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Speaker 3: Here's what happened. This past weekend. I finally got fitted

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Speaker 3: for my dress. The Maid of Honor has been bugging

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Speaker 3: us to get fitted asap to send pictures of us

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Speaker 3: wearing the dress Julie had chosen for us, So, even

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Speaker 3: though the dresses needed alterations and I won't have the

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Speaker 3: final product for another couple of weeks, I posted a

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Speaker 3: picture of me wearing it in our bridesmaid group on Facebook,

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Speaker 3: just as I'd been asked. This morning, I woke up

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Speaker 3: to find that the Maid of Honor had sent me

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Speaker 3: a long series of messages via Facebook Messenger. The messagers

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Speaker 3: start out really nice, thanking me for getting fitted. I

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Speaker 3: think I'm the only one besides her who has done so.

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Speaker 3: Buying my dress and shoes without whining about the price

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Speaker 3: in the group, et cetera. Then she hit me with

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Speaker 3: this bomb show, we're going to have to do something

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Speaker 3: about your looks. Unfortunately, you know that the bridesmaids can't

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Speaker 3: look better than the bride Lol.

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Speaker 2: A joke, right, Nope.

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Speaker 3: She went on to tell me that she'd noticed for

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Speaker 3: my Facebook profile that I exercised quite a bit, and

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Speaker 3: she suggested I stop doing that between.

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Speaker 2: Now and the wedding.

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Speaker 3: She joked, I e lol at the end of every

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Speaker 3: other sentence, that I was going to make Julie, her

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Speaker 3: and the other bridesmaids look old and fat if I

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Speaker 3: didn't at least gain a few pounds. Think about it

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Speaker 3: like this, Now you have a reason to eat pizza

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Speaker 3: and ice cream every day.

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Speaker 4: Lol.

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Speaker 3: She also said that obviously I shouldn't wear any makeup

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Speaker 3: on the wedding day to make it more fair for

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Speaker 3: Julie and the rest to look as young as me.

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Speaker 2: It didn't end there.

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Speaker 3: She wondered if it'd be possible to wrap my front

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Speaker 3: airbag down at least a cup size an ace bandage

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Speaker 3: or something, And as for my hair, well in early

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Speaker 3: nineties style would be perfect. Something to make me look older. Finally,

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Speaker 3: as though I couldn't be more annoyed and shocked by

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Speaker 3: all of this nonsense, she dropped the lols and got serious.

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Speaker 3: The wedding is about Julie, not you. It's your duty

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Speaker 3: to not show her up on her big day. You

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Speaker 3: agreed to this responsibility, and like it or not, you

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Speaker 3: have to live up to it.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: I expect you to understand that and not ruin what

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Speaker 3: should be the happiest day of her life by making

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Speaker 3: the wedding all about you. How on earth do I

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Speaker 3: reply to a long winded series of messages like that.

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Speaker 3: It's never ever been my intention to show up anybody

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Speaker 3: in the wedding party, least of all the bride. I

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Speaker 3: never even wanted to be a bridesmaid. I never comment

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Speaker 3: in the Facebook group. I don't debate about this or that.

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Speaker 3: I just do what I'm told. I'm doing this for Jeff,

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Speaker 3: not Julie, and until now I've been willing to do

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Speaker 3: whatever is asked of me. Also, it's not my fault

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Speaker 3: that Julie is to be blunt rather chubby. Not my

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Speaker 3: fault that are made of honor is pushing forty two

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Speaker 3: and looks it. It's not my fault that the other

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Speaker 3: two bridesmaids are not exactly in great shape either. Is

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Speaker 3: it really my duty to purposely let myself go for

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Speaker 3: the next three months?

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Speaker 2: I don't think so.

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Speaker 3: No makeup on the wedding day, fine, no problem, bad

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Speaker 3: hair do uugh, so long as it's temporary, I guess so.

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Speaker 3: But wanting me to gain weight get out of shape,

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Speaker 3: I mean, first of all, I doubt that even if

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Speaker 3: I did stop running every morning and quit going to

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Speaker 3: the gym right now, I'd look significantly closer to what

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Speaker 3: the maid of honor obviously wants. I get lots of

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Speaker 3: exercise at work. I'm a waitress, I'm very active in general,

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Speaker 3: and I have a strong metabolism. What does she want

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Speaker 3: me to do start eating McDonald's every day from now

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Speaker 3: until the wedding.

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Speaker 5: It's just an absurd thing to I really hope that

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Speaker 5: you don't play along with this and you just go,

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Speaker 5: I'm not gonna do this. And if that's a problem,

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Speaker 5: then I now I just won't be a bridesmaid. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: not even like being mean, just like, this is my

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Speaker 5: care for you. I'm not gonna do this, So I'm

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Speaker 5: just not doing it.

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Speaker 3: I'm honestly at a lot on how to reply to

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Speaker 3: the maid of honor. Should I just ignore it? Should

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Speaker 3: I tell Jeff that I'd rather not be a bridesmaid anymore?

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Speaker 3: Should I contact Julie and tell her what the maid

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Speaker 3: of honor said?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Oh, and by the way, I've already paid for the dress,

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Speaker 3: the shoes, the plane ticket, and reserved a hotel room

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Speaker 3: and rental car. So I'm going to the wedding no

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Speaker 3: matter what.

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Speaker 5: Ah, you can just go to that place and do

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Speaker 5: whatever you want instead, But I'd.

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Speaker 3: Be willing to take a wash on the dress and

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Speaker 3: just go as a guest if there was a polite

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Speaker 3: way to get out of it.

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Speaker 2: Now any advice, please? Thanks? And we have some comments.

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Speaker 4: No no, no, no no no no no no no

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Speaker 4: no no.

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Speaker 3: You have done nothing wrong and the maid of honor

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Speaker 3: sounds insane. Who says these things to another person. Please

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Speaker 3: don't stop your lifestyle or change yourself so you can

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Speaker 3: look a bit more run down by wedding time. In

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Speaker 3: my opinion, either ignore the message and go straight to Julie,

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Speaker 3: or respond with something short but polite, saying that you

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Speaker 3: can't accommodate her requests and then go straight to Julie.

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Speaker 2: Ask Julie if this is something.

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Speaker 3: She agrees with, because if so, oh, then you can

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Speaker 3: no longer fulfill your role as her bridesmaid. And OP said,

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Speaker 3: I considered that, but I have a feeling the maid

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Speaker 3: of honor discussed this with Julie first. They're best friends

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Speaker 3: and the maid of honor. I said things in the

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Speaker 3: group before, like Julie wants this or Julie decided that.

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Speaker 3: Keep in mind, Julie is a member of the Facebook group,

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Speaker 3: but she never posts or comments, but she does look

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Speaker 3: at what people post, including the picture I put up

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Speaker 3: that caused all this. Her name is listed under the

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Speaker 3: scene by link. What I really don't want to do

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Speaker 3: is create unnecessary drama. I'm meant to I assume that

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Speaker 3: the bridesmaids will be getting their hair and makeup done

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Speaker 3: together on the wedding day comment three. My response would

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Speaker 3: have been, Lol, what the actual f is wrong with you?

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Speaker 5: Can I just quickly comment on that like thing where

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Speaker 5: opis like, I don't want to cause unnecessary drama, not Op,

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Speaker 5: but yes, it's there's no way around causing You're going

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Speaker 5: to have a confrontation where you go, hey, if this

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Speaker 5: is what you want. I find that unacceptable, so I

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Speaker 5: won't be doing this. Whether you talk to Jeff, or

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Speaker 5: you talk to the actual bride, or you talk to anybody,

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Speaker 5: you're gonna have that moment. So don't worry about creating drama.

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Speaker 5: This wasn't your idea.

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Speaker 2: Comment four.

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Speaker 3: Now you know why she doesn't have a lot of friends.

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Speaker 3: Either her maid of honor scares everyone away and she

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Speaker 3: doesn't stick up for people, or Julie agrees with her

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Speaker 3: maid of honor. Honestly, I'd ignore it. Nothing you say

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Speaker 3: will change any opinions. What are they going to do?

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Speaker 3: Take you out of pictures for being too beautiful and

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Speaker 3: we have an update, They're just.

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Speaker 5: Going to photoshop like a bunch of mud and bad hair.

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Speaker 5: They're gonna put like a bunch of birds in your hair.

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Speaker 3: Thanks to the advice I received in that post, I

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Speaker 3: decided to contact Julie, my cousin's fiance directly. I used

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Speaker 3: Facebook because we're not that close relationship wise or geographically. Basically,

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Speaker 3: I sent her a message asking her if the maid

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Speaker 3: of honor was being serious in her messages to me,

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Speaker 3: and I included the messages so she could read them.

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Speaker 3: Julie didn't respond right away, but on Monday, my cousin,

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Speaker 3: her husband to be, called me and said that she

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Speaker 3: showed him my message.

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Speaker 2: He was angry.

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Speaker 3: He said that the Maid of Honor is a huge

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Speaker 3: witch who has been trying to control every aspect of

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Speaker 3: the wedding, right down to who should or should not

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Speaker 3: be invited, as though that's her choice. My cousin and

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Speaker 3: I had a good talk about it, and I was

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Speaker 3: so relieved to hear him say that Julie was just

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Speaker 3: as stunned by the Maid of Honor's messages to me

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Speaker 3: as I was, but paranoid me. I wasn't fully convinced

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Speaker 3: until I spoke to her this morning. She is livid

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Speaker 3: at the Maid of Honor.

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Speaker 4: Yes, this is why we do communication.

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Speaker 3: Apparently she also sent similar messages to one of the

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Speaker 3: other bridesmaids too, not as bad as the one she

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Speaker 3: sent me, but close. She assured me that she was

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Speaker 3: sick and tired of Maid of Honor's insecurities and swore

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Speaker 3: that she'd had nothing to do with the messages I received.

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Speaker 3: Julia went back on to thank me for bringing this

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Speaker 3: to her attention and made me promise to look my

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Speaker 3: best on the wedding day, which is a huge relief because,

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Speaker 3: like I said in my post, I've already committed a

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Speaker 3: lot of time and money to this and I really

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Speaker 3: didn't want to spend the next couple of months breading

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Speaker 3: the event itself. As for Maid of Honor, Julie said

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Speaker 3: she was going to talk to her soon. She sounded

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Speaker 3: aang when she said that. Also, I just noticed an

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Speaker 3: hour ago that the Maid of Honor is no longer

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Speaker 3: a member of our bridesmaids group on Facebook.

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Speaker 5: Uh oh, I hope you don't get recruited to be

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Speaker 5: made of honor. Oh yeah, as basically just an acquaintance.

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Speaker 3: I'm wondering now if she did talk to Julie and

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Speaker 3: through a tantrum and quit or something. If so, I

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Speaker 3: feel really bad. But somebody had to say something to

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Speaker 3: Julie about it, right, I don't know. All I know

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Speaker 3: is I'm still a bridesmaid. The bride in question wants

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Speaker 3: me to look my best, and I'm happy about that. Okay,

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Speaker 3: we have some comments, Okay, Comment one amazing how someone

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Speaker 3: pushing forty can be so delusionally childish. Oh Pie says

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Speaker 3: she works in human resources, is twice divorced and has

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Speaker 3: three children by three different men and only has custody

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Speaker 3: of two of them. She's not just childish, she's a

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Speaker 3: control free comment or two.

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Speaker 2: Please don't feel bad.

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Speaker 3: You've just made Julie's wedding day much more bearable for

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Speaker 3: the bride, yourself and the other bridesmaids, and probably the groom, groomsman, guests,

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Speaker 3: efficient photographer, and anyone else remotely connected to the wedding.

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Speaker 3: If she is brazen enough to send you that message,

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Speaker 3: I guarantee she would have made everyone's life's head. Enjoy

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Speaker 3: the wedding, do your best to help the bride and

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Speaker 3: the other bridesmaids look their best, and don't worry about

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Speaker 3: that snotty.

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Speaker 2: Maid of honor.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I'm glad it was exactly what we were hoping,

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Speaker 3: and just that, like Julie had no idea of.

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Speaker 4: What was going on, Julie didn't know.

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Speaker 5: My brother shamed my sister in law, so I exposed

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Speaker 5: his dirty secret.

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Speaker 3: Ooh, you said, I'll give you my dirty little SECRETO.

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Speaker 6: And I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, I'm Keon.

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Speaker 5: Long story short, my brother and sister in law are

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Speaker 5: divorcing because my.

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Speaker 4: Brother couldn't keep it in his pants.

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Speaker 5: He has made life hard for sister in law and

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Speaker 5: has been a disrespectful man baby, even though he's the

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Speaker 5: one who cheated. By the way, this comes from user

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Speaker 5: middle Tank thirty seven thirty seven, and if you want

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Speaker 5: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 5: Okay storytime subreddit. It's safe to say my brother and

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Speaker 5: I are not on good terms, but he was dragging

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Speaker 5: his feet when it came to moving out, stressing sister

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Speaker 5: in law out, so I.

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Speaker 4: Suggested we get a place together.

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Speaker 5: It got a boot up his behind, and with me

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Speaker 5: pitching in with rent, he had more options, so we

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Speaker 5: quickly found a place. I arranged for brother and sister

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Speaker 5: in law's mutual friends to help us move. I told

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Speaker 5: sister in law to leave everything to us, go out,

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Speaker 5: spend the day with the guy she's been dating, and

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Speaker 5: when she got back she'd have the house to herself.

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Speaker 5: I even said I'd pick my niece up from school

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Speaker 5: so she didn't have.

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Speaker 4: To worry about it.

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Speaker 5: Everything was going smoothly and we were preparing the last load,

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Speaker 5: but then sister in law came back.

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Speaker 4: I don't know why.

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Speaker 5: She wasn't supposed to be back until the evening when

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Speaker 5: my brother and his friends would be long gone. Now,

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Speaker 5: it's not that it's a secret that she's dating or anything,

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Speaker 5: it's just that they've only been dating for a month

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Speaker 5: or two. They're still in the getting to know you phase,

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Speaker 5: and they're not at the stage where they introduce each

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Speaker 5: other to all their friends and family. Those closest to

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Speaker 5: her know about him, like her mom, a few girlfriends,

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Speaker 5: and me, but not the mutual friends yet. It's a

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Speaker 5: little awkward since they've never met him and don't know

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Speaker 5: who he is. But everyone says hi to him and

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Speaker 5: they're friendly, and then start chatting with sister in law,

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Speaker 5: asking her how she is, how her day was, eladi

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Speaker 5: da di da. My brother looks her date right in

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Speaker 5: his eye and says, as loudly as he can.

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Speaker 4: Enjoy fing my wife, as if she was the one

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Speaker 4: cheating or something.

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Speaker 6: They're friends and her neighbors.

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Speaker 5: Everyone goes silent and just stares at sister in law

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Speaker 5: and her date. Sister in law was humiliated. I could

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Speaker 5: see it on her face, so I snapped just as loudly. Well,

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Speaker 5: at least she waited until after the breakup, unlike you

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Speaker 5: and your girlfriend. Yes, I'm sorry what is that?

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Speaker 4: Oh, that is the dropped upon you.

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Speaker 5: I guess my brother didn't appreciate me exposing his to

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Speaker 5: eat it. So the confrontation escalated, and I said and

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Speaker 5: did some things, so I regret some I wish I

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Speaker 5: had done sooner. Well, now sister in law is unhappy

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Speaker 5: the way that things escalate it. Obviously she's furious at

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Speaker 5: my brother, but she's also upset with me. She says

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Speaker 5: I let my temper get the better of me, and

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Speaker 5: that I've probably burnt a bridge with him and now

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Speaker 5: we have to live together. I shouldn't have let him

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Speaker 5: rile me up. She's devastated that my brother and I

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Speaker 5: have fallen out. I think she hoped my offer to

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Speaker 5: move in with him was a sign I forgave him,

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Speaker 5: but I don't. I did it to get him out

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Speaker 5: of the house so she wouldn't have to put up

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Speaker 5: with his BS anymore. And honestly, like if your relationship

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Speaker 5: with a sibling, I'm an only child, so I can't

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Speaker 5: really speak with certainty, but I feel like if calling

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Speaker 5: your brother out on absolutely his BS is going to

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Speaker 5: irreparably damage your relationship, I don't know. I don't know

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Speaker 5: how beneficial or positive it could ever be. Their mutual

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Speaker 5: friends say I should have handled it differently, like more

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Speaker 5: calmly and not made a scene, and that I shouldn't

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Speaker 5: have aired dirty laundry in public.

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Speaker 4: I said he started it.

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Speaker 5: My brother's best friend said, yeah, what he did was crappy,

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Speaker 5: but I have to understand things are complicated and my

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Speaker 5: brother is having a hard time right now.

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Speaker 2: What the actual who boooooo.

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Speaker 5: I don't care about my brother or his crappy friends,

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00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,000
Speaker 5: but I'm worried I made sister in law's life harder.

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Speaker 4: That maybe I embarrassed her too.

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Speaker 5: She's really upset, and while a lot of it is

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Speaker 5: with my brother, I can tell she's also unhappy with me.

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Speaker 4: Maybe I took it too far? Am I the ahole? Comments?

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Speaker 4: Number one?

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Speaker 6: Your sister is probably worried about you.

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Speaker 5: It's never nice to see family members fight, even if

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Speaker 5: there's a valid reason for it. I don't know how

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Speaker 5: close you are with your brother before this. Either way,

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Speaker 5: I don't think you were in the wrong. Your brother

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00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,720
Speaker 5: was bang out of order. What was he trying to

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00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,400
Speaker 5: achieve with this? Definitely nothing good? Do his friends know?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 5: Why do they think they're divorcing? I'm very concerned about

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00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,360
Speaker 5: his friends, saying he's having a hard time but not

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00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,720
Speaker 5: considering how hard this is for your sister. Did they

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00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,200
Speaker 5: stick up for her at all?

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Speaker 4: Not the ahole hope, he says.

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Speaker 5: The two of them practically raised me, so I was

337
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,160
Speaker 5: always very close to both of them. But I'm not

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00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,480
Speaker 5: on such good terms with him now, not after this.

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00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,600
Speaker 5: After his friends pulled me off him, they dragged him

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Speaker 5: to the van and told me to stay here while

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00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,240
Speaker 5: they sorted things out, whatever that means.

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00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:58,200
Speaker 4: But no, they don't know.

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00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,240
Speaker 5: They got told generic bs like oh they just drifted

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00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,480
Speaker 5: apart and things weren't working. They don't even know the

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00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:07,200
Speaker 5: person he's dating is his mistress. Reply, Oh my god,

346
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,720
Speaker 5: what is it with men like this? They cheat, they

347
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,880
Speaker 5: leave their wives, they wreck their families, but they do

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00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:13,840
Speaker 5: everything they can just to make as much of a

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Speaker 5: mess as possible.

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Speaker 4: And he is still seeing his a fair partner the cheek.

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Speaker 5: I think maybe you should talk to his friends, tell

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00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,920
Speaker 5: him what he really did, or else your brother is

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00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,880
Speaker 5: going to try and twist things around. He was trying

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00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,280
Speaker 5: to twist the narrative already, trying to make it seem

355
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,240
Speaker 5: like your sister in law was the cause of their divorce.

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00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,280
Speaker 5: You need to set the record straight. As Opie says, Oh,

357
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,880
Speaker 5: trust me, I plan to tell all of his friends.

358
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 5: Comment To says, your sister in law doesn't want to

359
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,760
Speaker 5: see yourself as the one who broke the family apart.

360
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,760
Speaker 5: So I'd suggest keep telling her repeatedly that she did

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Speaker 5: nothing wrong and that she's not making anyone pick sides.

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Speaker 4: And you know it. You aren't choosing her side.

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00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,920
Speaker 5: You are and always were, on the side of truth,

364
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,600
Speaker 5: the side of what's right. And you wouldn't stand for

365
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,280
Speaker 5: anyone simply or not treating anyone as she's been treated.

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00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,480
Speaker 5: That's not you picking a side. That's the principle. You

367
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:01,200
Speaker 5: wouldhere too and always have. Opi says, that's advice, thanks man.

368
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,560
Speaker 5: I do plan on talking with her in a bit.

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00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,440
Speaker 5: I think that, and I know she is upset because

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00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,680
Speaker 5: she and my brother practically raised me.

371
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,280
Speaker 4: My mom passed away when I was a kid.

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00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,800
Speaker 5: I used to look up to my brother and we

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00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,320
Speaker 5: were close, and I know she's devastated that we're not

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00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,320
Speaker 5: getting along. Honestly, this is more like watching parents divorce

375
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,040
Speaker 5: for me than a sibling. I want her to know

376
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Speaker 5: that this isn't her fault. She did nothing wrong in

377
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,560
Speaker 5: any of this, and there is an update she.

378
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,360
Speaker 2: Didn't do anything wrong. It's good to hear it.

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00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,960
Speaker 5: I think maybe you need to apologize for having to

380
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,160
Speaker 5: be dragged off of your brother.

381
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,960
Speaker 4: I talked it out with sister in law.

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00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,040
Speaker 5: The reason she was upset was because she was worried

383
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,240
Speaker 5: I'd be arrested, like if my brother chose to press

384
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,680
Speaker 5: charges or something. Okay, clearly there was a tackle. She

385
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,760
Speaker 5: didn't want me getting in trouble. She was more worried

386
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,320
Speaker 5: about me than herself. As always, she says, I gave

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00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,800
Speaker 5: him ammunition, either to use against me or to play

388
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,360
Speaker 5: the victim or both. She's grateful I stood up for her,

389
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,760
Speaker 5: but whish is I hadn't been so physical about it,

390
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:53,600
Speaker 5: which is fair.

391
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,760
Speaker 4: Also, I found out why she got there early.

392
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,760
Speaker 5: My brother texted her said we were at the new place,

393
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,000
Speaker 5: but he thinks he left the up on, so could

394
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,880
Speaker 5: she swing by to check it? But of course we

395
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:05,240
Speaker 5: weren't at the new flat. We were still unloading the van.

396
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:07,520
Speaker 5: She wasn't expecting anyone to be there. Sister in law

397
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,159
Speaker 5: is paranoid about that kind of thing due to a

398
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,960
Speaker 5: house fire when she was a kid. She won't even

399
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,400
Speaker 5: allow candles in the house in case it starts a fire,

400
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,399
Speaker 5: so he knew she'd come running over. My brother wanted

401
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,359
Speaker 5: her to come back while everyone was still there. He

402
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,320
Speaker 5: had been planning to humiliate her. Oh, and her date

403
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,080
Speaker 5: was there because he noticed a suspicious.

404
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:24,480
Speaker 4: Bruise on her arm.

405
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,640
Speaker 5: He went with her because he didn't want her going

406
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,399
Speaker 5: in the house alone in case my brother was waiting

407
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,159
Speaker 5: for her or something.

408
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,640
Speaker 4: So that's a whole other level.

409
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,760
Speaker 6: Of a holiery I found out about not great.

410
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,880
Speaker 4: His best friend, Tommy, reached out to me to talk.

411
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,920
Speaker 5: Turns out, my brother told Tommy he and sister in

412
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,800
Speaker 5: law separated, but the plan was for them to work

413
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,879
Speaker 5: on their issues, get some space, and come back and

414
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,960
Speaker 5: try again. But instead sister in law started dating someone new,

415
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:47,840
Speaker 5: which is one hundred percent not what happened. Now, Tommy

416
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,080
Speaker 5: didn't blame or begrudge sister in law for it. In

417
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,480
Speaker 5: his mind, that's what separations are for. But that's what

418
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,680
Speaker 5: his comment on how my brother was having a hard

419
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:58,160
Speaker 5: time and things being complicated was all about. Tommy then said,

420
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,159
Speaker 5: based on some of the things I said during the

421
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,280
Speaker 5: confrontation that what my brother told him isn't the full story.

422
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,520
Speaker 5: I said, no, none of what my brother said was true.

423
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,160
Speaker 5: I told him the truth. I showed him the proof.

424
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,800
Speaker 5: And originally Tommy didn't want to play sides. They all

425
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,040
Speaker 5: went to school together, and although he's closer to my

426
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 5: brother than sister in law, he's still good friends with her.

427
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,400
Speaker 5: He had to think about it for a little while

428
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,040
Speaker 5: but decided he is one hundred percent on sister in

429
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,960
Speaker 5: law's side. He told the rest of their circle of

430
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,080
Speaker 5: friends the truth as well.

431
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,359
Speaker 4: My brother doesn't know that they all know.

432
00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,320
Speaker 5: Oh boy, they're still talking to him, but they've all

433
00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:30,280
Speaker 5: agreed that if he ever tries to pull something like

434
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,920
Speaker 5: what he did on moving day, they'll step in. Oh

435
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,080
Speaker 5: and Tommy said to him and the other guys chewed

436
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,639
Speaker 5: my brother out for what he did when they got

437
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,399
Speaker 5: to the flat. I wish they'd done it sooner and

438
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,439
Speaker 5: maybe more publicly, but it was good to hear he

439
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:41,760
Speaker 5: got a stern talking to.

440
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,360
Speaker 3: Nonetheless, yeah, in that moment, everyone should be calling him out.

441
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 3: You should not have been the old I mean, well,

442
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,359
Speaker 3: they didn't know, but stoll still not something you say.

443
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,160
Speaker 5: Tommy also apologized to my sister in law for not

444
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,880
Speaker 5: stopping my brother and made it clear, nobody hates her,

445
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:58,240
Speaker 5: nobody blames her, and if my brother gives her any trouble,

446
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 5: just let them know. I'm officially moved moved in with

447
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 5: my brother and it's awkward a f. He won't talk

448
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,920
Speaker 5: to me, he won't acknowledge me. But whatever, I don't

449
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,080
Speaker 5: give a f if he ever talks to me again.

450
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 5: As long as he leaves sister in law alone, we

451
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,440
Speaker 5: have a little bit more story left. I think you

452
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,120
Speaker 5: should be living with this guy. No, that's an untenable

453
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:18,760
Speaker 5: living situation.

454
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:19,680
Speaker 4: How long is your piece?

455
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe that's the only thing he's holding him there.

456
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,280
Speaker 5: All I really care about is that sister in law

457
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 5: has plenty of backup me, my brother's friends, and I

458
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,240
Speaker 5: don't know her date very well, but he seems like

459
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,440
Speaker 5: a solid guy. When my brother teed off on moving day,

460
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,960
Speaker 5: he just took her into the house, didn't engage with

461
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,080
Speaker 5: my brother, just got her out of there. My brother, meanwhile,

462
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 5: hasn't learned a dang thing because he lied and told

463
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:44,200
Speaker 5: his trashy mistress that he got his bruises from sister

464
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 5: in law's date. The guy went nowhere near him, by

465
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,920
Speaker 5: the way. Also, he can keep trash talking sister in

466
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,920
Speaker 5: law and play victim. I don't know what I'm going

467
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 5: to do with him. I hate what he's done and

468
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 5: hate that he's walking around as if he's the victim.

469
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,640
Speaker 5: It's so frustrating that he's not really faced any real

470
00:19:58,680 --> 00:19:59,920
Speaker 5: consequences for what he did.

471
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 6: But I don't know what else I can do. And

472
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,879
Speaker 6: that is the end of that story.

473
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,160
Speaker 5: I feel like all of his friends knowing and imploding

474
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:07,520
Speaker 5: on him.

475
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,359
Speaker 4: That's kind of a consequence. But yeah, you know, the

476
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 4: worst consequence that he can face is being himself. What

477
00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:13,880
Speaker 4: a miserable guy.

478
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,720
Speaker 3: My estranged sister wants to use me as a work reference.

479
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:19,680
Speaker 2: I refuse.

480
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't even know this, lady. Nah.

481
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:25,120
Speaker 3: My sister female thirty eight and I female forty one

482
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 3: were very close growing up. We had the usual bickering

483
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,600
Speaker 3: when we were younger, but when we were older, we

484
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,919
Speaker 3: traveled together, were roommates for a while, hung out together

485
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,439
Speaker 3: with our kids all the time, and talked on the

486
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 3: phone multiple times a day. By the way, this comes

487
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,600
Speaker 3: from stuff my headholes on.

488
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,880
Speaker 2: The r slash too Hot Take subreddit.

489
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 3: If you want us to make your own stories, go

490
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,160
Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit. About ten years ago,

491
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 3: she suddenly ghosted me. I lived very remote from family,

492
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 3: so just showing up was not an option. I would

493
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,840
Speaker 3: call and call, I would write letters, but never got

494
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,479
Speaker 3: any response. I would ask my family what was going on,

495
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 3: and she always had excuses as to why she.

496
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 2: Wasn't talking to me.

497
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 3: She didn't have time, she didn't have money for her phone, whatever.

498
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:12,959
Speaker 3: Never mentioned having any fights or disagreements. Excuses were always logistical.

499
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 3: After three or four years of this, I respected her

500
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 3: decision and I took an intense class on forgiveness. I

501
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 3: used her as my area to work on. I knew

502
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 3: that me harboring any resentments would only hurt me. Part

503
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 3: of the exercise was to write a letter to the purse.

504
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 3: I poured my heart into the letter, and some of

505
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,639
Speaker 3: it was definitely not kind to her. I knew she

506
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,119
Speaker 3: would never see it, so I threw all my resentments

507
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,120
Speaker 3: in there. It was an exercise for me, not for her.

508
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 3: My mother and I would send letters to each other,

509
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,760
Speaker 3: and I would always send her some of the things

510
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 3: that I was working on in the various classes I took,

511
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 3: or things that I found interesting. So I told her

512
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,679
Speaker 3: about the class I was taking and I sent her

513
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 3: the letter that I wrote about my sister. Whether that

514
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 3: was right or wrong, I thought maybe it would help

515
00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 3: her understand how much the ghosting devastated me. Since I

516
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 3: had no contact with my sister, maybe a family friend

517
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:07,439
Speaker 3: could help navigate. They were equally confused as I was.

518
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 3: At least that's what they were telling me. Lash forward

519
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:14,120
Speaker 3: a few years later, nothing has changed. I have relocated

520
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 3: back to a few hours distance of my family. Nothing

521
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 3: has changed between my sister and me. Her story now

522
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,119
Speaker 3: is that I wrote her letter and it was harsh

523
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,399
Speaker 3: and mean, and that is the whole reason that she

524
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,480
Speaker 3: has cut me off. Even though this was something I

525
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 3: sent to my mom, somehow my sister got her hands

526
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 3: on it. My mom claims that my sister stumbled upon it,

527
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 3: that she did not give it to her. Yes, it

528
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 3: was mean. I pulled no one tows in that letter

529
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 3: because it was like a diary exercise. It was never

530
00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 3: meant for her to read. But she is now using

531
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 3: that to justify why she has nothing to do with me.

532
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 3: I guess we'll just ignore the first five years she

533
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,480
Speaker 3: ghosted me with no reason. Those were just practice. At

534
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 3: this point, my family's doing two Christmases. I try to

535
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 3: go out of town around Thanksgiving. It's all weird. I

536
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 3: did attempt to reach out to her again, which she ignored.

537
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 3: I'm told that she actually got mad at the rest

538
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,879
Speaker 3: of the family because she assumed that they put me

539
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 3: up to it. My perspective is when people show you

540
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 3: who they are, believe them. She has made it clear

541
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 3: that I don't matter to her and she doesn't want

542
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,480
Speaker 3: me in her life. I have long come to terms

543
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,400
Speaker 3: with that. My dad reached out to me a few

544
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 3: weeks ago to tell me that my sister is applying

545
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 3: to be a sort of big sister of sorts and

546
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:28,119
Speaker 3: she needs three references that aren't family because my last

547
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,000
Speaker 3: name doesn't match hers. She wants to use me. I

548
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 3: have a number of issues with this.

549
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:33,920
Speaker 2: She has so few.

550
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 3: Friends in her life that she has to use me.

551
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,399
Speaker 3: She ignores all of my efforts to reconnect over the

552
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 3: past decade, but can't be bothered to call me personally

553
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 3: to ask her life is a hot mess, to the

554
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 3: point where the entire family admits that she's a wonderful

555
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,920
Speaker 3: friend to her current children, but a horrible parent. How

556
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 3: about put the fire out in your own house before

557
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:54,920
Speaker 3: going to fight the fire next door.

558
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like it sounds like she just shouldn't.

559
00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 4: Be doing this.

560
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 3: When my dad asked me if I was willing to

561
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 3: be a reference for this, I was absolutely flabbergasted at

562
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,679
Speaker 3: the audacity. I told him, absolutely not, and if she

563
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 3: wants to use me, she can have the balls to

564
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 3: reach out to me directly and have a conversation. Well,

565
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,880
Speaker 3: he calls me back a little while later to tell

566
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 3: me that she already submitted the application and put me down.

567
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 3: So now I have two emails from this organization asking

568
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 3: for a reference other than two family events.

569
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:27,600
Speaker 2: That we are at together.

570
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 3: I haven't had a conversation with her in a decade.

571
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 3: I've never asked my parents to divide holidays or events.

572
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,239
Speaker 3: I can show up where I need to be and

573
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 3: conduct myself like an adult. My parents say they are

574
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 3: sick of this divide and just want to be a

575
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 3: family again. My father has screamed at me about our

576
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 3: silly little thing. Any attempts to remind them that she

577
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,159
Speaker 3: ghosted me out of nowhere for years without a word

578
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 3: are met with anger that I should just get over it.

579
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 3: I am planning to just ignore the emails from the organization.

580
00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:00,719
Speaker 3: I cannot in good conscious lie. My bigger question is

581
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 3: when my parents come at me about not doing this,

582
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,439
Speaker 3: how do I navigate it. Yes, I am a grown

583
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 3: but adult, but Dad's temper is fearsome. I am currently

584
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,679
Speaker 3: living in a house he owns at his request to

585
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,959
Speaker 3: help take care of Grandma, his mom, who is in

586
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 3: her nineties. I work remote, so I can live anywhere.

587
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 3: It's absolutely miserable here, but it definitely helps the family out.

588
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 3: Once I'm no longer needed here, I will be immediately

589
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 3: moving back to where my job is. I feel confident

590
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 3: that I have done the right thing on my end.

591
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,480
Speaker 3: I have attempted hundreds of times to reach out over

592
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 3: the years and finally accepted that I am not.

593
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 2: A part of her life.

594
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:42,120
Speaker 3: I took classes to come to terms with it, and

595
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 3: I'm in a good place. I don't wish any bad

596
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 3: things to happen to her. I have accepted the way

597
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 3: things are. It just seems too convenient that the family

598
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 3: wants me to ignore those years where my heart was

599
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,959
Speaker 3: broken because she's suddenly cut me off with no reason.

600
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 3: I've done a lot of work and taken a lot

601
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 3: of classes and therapy to be able to communicate about

602
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 3: how people treat me. Unfortunately, no one else in my

603
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 3: family has. I feel like I'm all over the place

604
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 3: and not clearly explaining anything. I just know that at

605
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,399
Speaker 3: some point it's going to be World War three when

606
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,880
Speaker 3: they come asking about that reference again. Any advice would

607
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 3: be helpful.

608
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 2: We have an edit.

609
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 3: Thank you all so much for the feedback. I'm definitely

610
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 3: not going to lie for her. I think my bigger

611
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 3: issue is that I feel like I've become an emotional

612
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 3: one chewing bag for my dad. He and my mom

613
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 3: are still married but lives separately. They are still very

614
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 3: close and hang out together all the time. I live

615
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 3: in another house with my grandmother. He has made it

616
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 3: clear that if I move out, Grandma will have to

617
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 3: go into a facility of some kind.

618
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 2: My mom has had.

619
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 3: Some super scary health issues lately, and I know that's

620
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 3: got my dad very concerned. So the first time he

621
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 3: trauma dumped on me, it hurt, but I tried not

622
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 3: to take it personal. This past weekend, he did it again,

623
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 3: screaming at me about things that my grandmother is doing,

624
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 3: things that my sister is doing, telling me that he

625
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 3: doesn't care about me and that I'm effed up all

626
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 3: because I have boundaries. I refuse to let my grandmother

627
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 3: or anyone else walk all over me.

628
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:11,880
Speaker 2: I've done too much work for that.

629
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 3: Grandma has proven herself to be a very unreliable narrator,

630
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:19,679
Speaker 3: entirely self absorbed, and gives zero f's about how anyone

631
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 3: else feels. She does what she wants, and no one

632
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 3: can tell her any different. I'm the only one that

633
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 3: attempts to hold her accountable for what she does to me.

634
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 4: Where did Grandma come from?

635
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 3: I know that was so out of the blue. Everyone

636
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,159
Speaker 3: else just pretends it doesn't happen for me. She is

637
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 3: permanently on an information diet in the gray rock zone.

638
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 3: My sister actually has very little to do with my dad.

639
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 3: She only calls him if she needs something, and she

640
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 3: never calls my grandmother. Grandma cries over this regularly. She

641
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 3: lives with my mom with her kid. She's actually married,

642
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 3: but her husband lives in his own place. I have

643
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 3: no clue what that's all about. Not my monkey's, not

644
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 3: my circus. Just writing this all out has really shown

645
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,439
Speaker 3: me how much this whole thing is.

646
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 2: And we have an update.

647
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, get space from your whole family, dude, Get space

648
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 6: from all of them.

649
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 2: Don't write that letter.

650
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,719
Speaker 3: I haven't spoken to my father since he screamed at

651
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 3: me last week. A couple days ago, I was working.

652
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 3: I worked from home and was in my room and

653
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,919
Speaker 3: my door was half closed. I guess he was dropping

654
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 3: my grandmother off, and all of a sudden, I turned

655
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,120
Speaker 3: around and he's in my room, walking towards my bathroom.

656
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,119
Speaker 3: It was really weird because there's a common bathroom in

657
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:28,200
Speaker 3: the hallway that is usually used. Why would you suddenly

658
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 3: feel the need to use mine. It fell almost aggressive. Normally,

659
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 3: if he comes over, he's super respectful about knocking or

660
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 3: making sure I'm not in a meeting.

661
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 7: It was just weird.

662
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 3: But the real update is that I went to lunch

663
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 3: with my mom yesterday. She's still working on recovering, but

664
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 3: she's out of the hospital and doing physical therapy. She's

665
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 3: able to walk short distances, so I took her to

666
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 3: lunch to get her out of the house. I wasn't

667
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 3: going to tell her about the bs with my dad,

668
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 3: but I guess my grandmother and dad had said to

669
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 3: her that they weren't going to attend anymore get togethers

670
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 3: unless the entire family was there. Yes, it doesn't matter

671
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 3: to them whether any of us have other plans or

672
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 3: have any feelings on the matter. Right So, usually on

673
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 3: the fourth of July they all get together because it's

674
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 3: my sister's birthday. Dad called Mom to ask what the

675
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 3: plans were, and Mom told him that he wasn't invited.

676
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 3: I had to give her a double high five for that.

677
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 3: My sister has made it clear what her boundaries are,

678
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 3: and I had to give my mom props for the

679
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 3: respecting those boundaries. It made me realize that all the

680
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 3: bs with the family has been around me putting up

681
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 3: boundaries about how I'll be treated and stuff like that. Anyway,

682
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 3: that led us to talking about the whole situation with Dad,

683
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 3: Grandma all the thing. My mom is a pretty gentle person.

684
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,520
Speaker 3: When she heard the things my dad had said to

685
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:41,360
Speaker 3: me last week, she actually dropped the F bomb that

686
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 3: has only ever happened a couple times in my entire life.

687
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 2: Her response was something like, how effing dare he?

688
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 3: I told her about the threats about me living here

689
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 3: and spelled out that I'm absolutely miserable that I'm worried

690
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 3: about it being nuclear if I try to move out.

691
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 3: She told me flat out that I've done so much

692
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 3: already by giving them the help for the last three years,

693
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 3: and that she one hundred percent supports me leaving when

694
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 3: I'm ready to. She said, Grandma has the finances to

695
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,360
Speaker 3: get the help that she needs and says that I've

696
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 3: done enough. The reference letter never came up given the

697
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 3: conversation that we had. I'm sure my mom would have

698
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 3: brought it up if it was a big deal. In fact,

699
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 3: I don't know if she even knows about me being

700
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 3: asked about it, since everything came through my dad. At

701
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 3: this point, the reference seems minor compared to the relief

702
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 3: that I'm feeling that I was heard, that I'm supported,

703
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 3: and that it's okay if I start working on moving

704
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 3: on with my life. I feel like I matter, So

705
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 3: that's a win.

706
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 4: Well, that's good.

707
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 6: That's a good place to be feeling like you matter.

708
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 4: That's a good place to leave it.

709
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: John here, og host. We're gonna get back to these stories,

710
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.

711
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 5: My wife agreed to open our marriage, but she couldn't

712
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 5: handle me with somebody else.

713
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 2: She with other people though.

714
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 5: Last summer, while on vacation, my wife DEDI twenty seven

715
00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 5: female and I twenty nine male, were approached by another

716
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,480
Speaker 5: couple while on a cruise. We had dinner and drinks

717
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 5: with them for a couple of days and had interesting

718
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:11,239
Speaker 5: conversations about their open relationship. They floated several options.

719
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 6: To us, a threesome, a soft or hard swap.

720
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 5: But in the end we both weren't comfortable with the idea.

721
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from user throwaway. Too new

722
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 5: to know and if you want to submit your own stories,

723
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 5: go to the our slash Showkay Story Times Suburn. I'm Dakota,

724
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 5: I'm Carly, and we already give good advice, give fully,

725
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 5: but we don't know all the answers. I'm not the

726
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 5: all seeing, all knowing I We just know what we

727
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 5: would do in any given situation. So if you would

728
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,880
Speaker 5: do something different, let us know what it would be

729
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 5: in the comments op he says. We researched and talked

730
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 5: until we finally felt ready to start exploring.

731
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 4: First, it was.

732
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 5: Fun going through the apps and looking at different profiles.

733
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 5: We both saw the responses we were getting and laughed

734
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 5: at some and cringed at others. This went on for

735
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,600
Speaker 5: several weeks until she finally had a short list and

736
00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 5: sent out four responses. All four answered quickly, and she

737
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 5: began texting and talking before setting up her first date.

738
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 5: We both had butterflies when she left. Per our protocols,

739
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 5: she sent me his picture and made sure his ID

740
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 5: matched the name he had given her. I did a

741
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 5: quick search and sent her a thumbs up. She sent

742
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 5: a check in through our tracking app that she was

743
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,959
Speaker 5: at his house with an emoji that meant she felt safe.

744
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 6: A few hours later.

745
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 5: I got a notice she was mobile and a text

746
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 5: she was on her way home. She came home bouncing

747
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 5: and giggling through the front door. I bet she was

748
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 5: doing that there as well. She had brought me a

749
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 5: pastry home, and while I ate that she showered. Then

750
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:39,239
Speaker 5: I got to experience reclamation spicy sleep with her, and

751
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 5: she brought with it some awesome energy and passion. We

752
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 5: talked the next morning, both excited about the previous night.

753
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 5: We had made plans for a date night for the

754
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 5: two of us the following night and had a wonderful time.

755
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 5: The following week, she met a guy number two for

756
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 5: a short coffee date after work. They hit it off

757
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 5: and made plans for a date the following week. Our

758
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 5: arrangement in the beginning was a one date per week

759
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:05,959
Speaker 5: limit at her request. She had her second date with

760
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 5: guy number one that same week, but I said the

761
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 5: coffee date couldn't count as a date since it was

762
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 5: basically just a meet and greet. The second date with

763
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 5: guy number one went well, and I got another dose

764
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 5: of emotional energy afterwards. Okay, after her second date, I

765
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 5: got an invite from someone I had been talking with,

766
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 5: and we set a date to have drinks and see

767
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 5: where things led.

768
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 6: I was excited, but Dede was struggling a little.

769
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 5: As I got ready to leave, we hugged it out

770
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 5: and I offered to stay if she wanted me to,

771
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 5: but she said she needed to push through it and

772
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 5: would be all right. I met Kathy, and, per protocol,

773
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 5: sent Dede a picture and began talking with her. We

774
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 5: were getting along grade and she suggested going somewhere a

775
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 5: little more quiet. I was waiting for a response from

776
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 5: Dede and sent a question mark, which was followed by

777
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 5: a thumbs up. Kathy and I stopped at a bakery

778
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 5: and then went to her house, where I checked in again.

779
00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 5: We cuddled for a while and made out on her couch.

780
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 5: Kathy said she didn't want to have spicy sleep on

781
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 5: the first date, which I respected. However, later she initiated

782
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:18,080
Speaker 5: some mouthstuff which became mutual and ended in the shower together.

783
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 6: As I got dressed to leave, Kathy said.

784
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 5: We had unfinished business and wanted to know when.

785
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 4: We could see each other again. I told her.

786
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 5: About my weekly limit and that sometime next week would

787
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 5: be lovely. I came home to find Deede in tears

788
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 5: and it looked like she had been crying for quite

789
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 5: some time. She thought she could handle it, but said

790
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 5: she just went downhill the whole night. I did everything

791
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,280
Speaker 5: I could to comfort and reassure her, and she finally

792
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,840
Speaker 5: settled down and just cuddled until we went to sleep.

793
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 5: The next day, she was withdrawn and moped around the house.

794
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,960
Speaker 5: I finally got her to open up and talk about it.

795
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,760
Speaker 5: She felt like she needed more time to be okay

796
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:00,280
Speaker 5: with sharing me and asked if we could slow down.

797
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 5: I said I would, and asked if she wanted to

798
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 5: talk to someone or if both of us should see

799
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 5: a counselor together. The next day, I was doing some

800
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 5: chores outside and when I came in, I heard Dede

801
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 5: talking on the phone making plans for next Thursday. When

802
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 5: she got off the phone, I asked her who she

803
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 5: was talking to, and she acted startled and started talking

804
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 5: about taking the cars down to get them washed. I

805
00:35:22,239 --> 00:35:24,239
Speaker 5: asked her what was going on next Friday, and she

806
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 5: said she had a date with Guy number two. I

807
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 5: said I thought we were going to slow down and

808
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,839
Speaker 5: work on some things first, and her answer was they

809
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 5: had already planned their date last week when they had coffee,

810
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 5: and she felt bad about canceling on him. I asked

811
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 5: her if I was the only one not allowed to

812
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 5: date because of her feelings, well, she got to keep

813
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 5: dating other people. After some back and forth, she said

814
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,120
Speaker 5: it wasn't fair to guy number two because he had

815
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 5: already made plans. So I picked up my phone and

816
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 5: started texting. When I was done, did he asked me

817
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 5: what I was doing. I said I was confirming a

818
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 5: date with Kathy for next Friday. Wednesday morning, before we

819
00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 5: left for work, Dedee came to me asking to please

820
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,719
Speaker 5: cancel my date with Kathy until she could get in

821
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,280
Speaker 5: and talk with her therapist. I asked for her phone

822
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,879
Speaker 5: and started composing a text message to guy number two.

823
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,719
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, but I've closed my open marriage with my

824
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:12,760
Speaker 5: husband until I can work through some of my issues.

825
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 5: I hope you understand how sorry I am and forgive

826
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 5: me for the short notice, but my marriage is the

827
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 5: most important thing to me right now. I handed the

828
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 5: phone back to her to read and said, if you

829
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 5: hit send, I'll cancel my date and then you can

830
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 5: copy it and send it to guy number one as well.

831
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 5: She looked like I had just run over her dog

832
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 5: with the car. She said, I was being mean and

833
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:33,880
Speaker 5: didn't care about her feelings.

834
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 7: You were being mean.

835
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 3: I think that she's also being completely unfair. But I

836
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 3: think immediately opening your phone and planning a date with

837
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 3: someone after she expressed that was mean.

838
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:46,359
Speaker 4: You know what's really mean.

839
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 5: I think strangers on a cruise dictate what you do

840
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 5: in your marriage.

841
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's mean.

842
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, we should just be closing this down for good,

843
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 2: for now.

844
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,839
Speaker 5: I asked her if that message wasn't the same thing

845
00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 5: she wanted me to send to Kathy.

846
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 6: I said it was her choice, but to make it quick.

847
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 5: I told her I had agreed to slow things down,

848
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 5: but I expected that it would be fair and she

849
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 5: would do the same. Maybe we just need to close

850
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:11,799
Speaker 5: and start over, or maybe just stay closed if this

851
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 5: is how she's going to handle issues when they come up.

852
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,400
Speaker 5: I don't think it's fair for her to close my

853
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 5: side when I did nothing wrong. Any advice would be appreciated.

854
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 5: And there's an update it says closed.

855
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly if it's either you guys are both gonna

856
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 3: have it open or you're both gonna have it closed,

857
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 3: and there shouldn't.

858
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,839
Speaker 2: Be like this one or the other kind of thing.

859
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, whatever, which wife wu says you gotta move

860
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 3: your mouse. Married woman here, she's in the wrong. She

861
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 3: wants it open for her and close for her hobby.

862
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

863
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 3: I think they're both in the wrong and they just

864
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 3: need to close it, which it seems like they did.

865
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 5: Buddy, it sounded like you really enjoyed that reclamation crackdown.

866
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 5: What's the problem now you go get you gotta get

867
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 5: some reclamation from Kathy.

868
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 3: Well. I can't totally underst stand him being like it's

869
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 3: not fair that she's going to keep going on dates

870
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 3: and that I'm not allowed to anymore, but also at

871
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 3: the same time, like, don't be vindictive about it and

872
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 3: don't immediately be like, oh, you have a date that

873
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 3: you like already had pre scheduled. Well, I'm going to

874
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 3: schedule one right now because I know it will upset you,

875
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,720
Speaker 3: Like that's you're just both being petty and discussed.

876
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 5: Well, to be fair, I think that that's like the easiest,

877
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,399
Speaker 5: quickest way to be like, Hey, do you see how

878
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:24,919
Speaker 5: ridiculous you're being right now?

879
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 3: Being like because I didn't even know what ridiculous, Because ridiculous.

880
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:33,480
Speaker 5: It's her being like, well, I can't cancel the date

881
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 5: because we.

882
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:37,359
Speaker 2: Already totally cancel the date. And he also doesn't have to.

883
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 5: Be like well, because I think him and Kathy already

884
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:41,400
Speaker 5: has right.

885
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 3: No, he planned that because she said she already had

886
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 3: something planned.

887
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 4: Oh well whatever, I don't know.

888
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:49,040
Speaker 3: You guys clearly both don't want this.

889
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:49,919
Speaker 7: Just close it.

890
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 5: Update so died. He sent the message I wrote with

891
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 5: an addition, due to a crisis I had after my

892
00:38:56,080 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 5: husband's first date. Guy number one was gracious and understood,

893
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 5: and guy number two was very rude and blocked her afterwards.

894
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 5: She has an appointment with her therapist on Monday morning,

895
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 5: but our couple's therapists can't see us for ten days.

896
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 5: Her therapist did talk with her on the phone for

897
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,920
Speaker 5: twenty minutes. Today, Dede has been listening to podcasts or

898
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 5: had her nose in a book since last weekend. We

899
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:18,840
Speaker 5: both kind of agree that instead of keeping busy and distracted,

900
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 5: she just sat and let it overwhelm her. Monday night,

901
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 5: after her session, she wants to sit down and talk

902
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,400
Speaker 5: with me about reopening, starting with a date with Kathy

903
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 5: and me that Friday.

904
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 6: If she feels ready.

905
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 5: He both agreed to stay in contact with guy number

906
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 5: one in Kathy, guy number two, and everyone else we

907
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 5: know contact for now. So we made a deal. I

908
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:40,799
Speaker 5: get to go on two dates and if she could

909
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 5: learn to deal with it, that she could start dating again.

910
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 5: When she came home from her first two dates, I

911
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 5: was happy and supportive and we ended up having some

912
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 5: austrom splashers sleep. When she got home after my first date,

913
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,359
Speaker 5: which didn't end with splash ash sleep, I came home

914
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 5: to a crying mess. Rather than getting to ride that feeling,

915
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,440
Speaker 5: I got pulled down into a pit of despair. I

916
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 5: told my if they coming home to that wasn't worth

917
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 5: the effort and we might as well stay closed.

918
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 6: She went to her.

919
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 5: Therapist and she had a plan to go out with

920
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 5: a girlfriend and keep herself busy instead of sitting at

921
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,840
Speaker 5: home and circling the drain thinking about my date. I

922
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 5: went on the next date and came home before she did.

923
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 5: When she got home, I got a hug, but that

924
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:20,400
Speaker 5: was about it. At least she wasn't crying, and it

925
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,720
Speaker 5: was some improvement. Friday morning, she woke up whining about

926
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:27,160
Speaker 5: my third date and wanting to know if I would

927
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:30,240
Speaker 5: postpone it. I said it would be unfair to cancel

928
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 5: my date with Kathy on such short notice, but if

929
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 5: she felt that way, we could just chalk this up

930
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 5: to a failed experiment and go back to monogamy. We

931
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:39,759
Speaker 5: ate lunch together later and she said she felt better

932
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 5: about it and wanted me.

933
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:41,959
Speaker 6: To go ahead with my date.

934
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:45,239
Speaker 4: I had a great time and came home just bouncing.

935
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 5: But when I came home I saw two wine bottles

936
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 5: almost empty in the kitchen counter and Deeede curled up

937
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 5: on the couch intoxicated. I didn't get a warm welcome home.

938
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 5: She was short, sarcastic, and mean.

939
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 6: I said, that's it.

940
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 5: This isn't going to work out, and she could consider

941
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:01,319
Speaker 5: our marriage closed again that I went to bed. See

942
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 5: the fact that you're using that as like it's a

943
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 5: this is a punishment.

944
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:05,359
Speaker 6: Fine, this is gonna work.

945
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 4: It's closed.

946
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 3: I think that's what's annoying me. Like, I get that

947
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 3: she's being really like all over the place, and she

948
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 3: should like figure out exactly what she wants before they

949
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 3: try this again. They both need to figure out what

950
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:18,360
Speaker 3: they want before they try it again. But it's the

951
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 3: fact that when like, and she's not handling it well, guys,

952
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:24,760
Speaker 3: I know, But then he like immediately comes back with like, okay, fine,

953
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 3: Like no, dude.

954
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 2: He's like, that's what it's like. He's like, you're just

955
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 2: closed it already.

956
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 3: Like you guys can't sit down and have a normal

957
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 3: conversation about this without one of you getting pissy and

958
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 3: running away.

959
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 5: It's just if you're if you're someone's partner, and it's

960
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 5: like you should you, you dude, have the intuition to

961
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 5: know she's not okay with it. She's saying she's okay

962
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 5: with it because she probably thinks you want her to.

963
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 4: Be okay with it really bad, because you've made it

964
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 4: clear you kind of do, cause it's.

965
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 3: Like right, and it's just she's cheating and that's a

966
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 3: whole nother problem then, But we don't, like we don't

967
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 3: know that for sure. Yeah, guys, I don't know man,

968
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 3: Casey Walker says, dude, where at you guys are looking

969
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 3: for a stupid This whole thing is stupid.

970
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 2: Yes it is.

971
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 6: Saturday morning.

972
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 5: I woke up disappointed and slightly angry about the whole situation.

973
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,239
Speaker 5: I got a hungover DEDI out of bed and said

974
00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 5: we needed to have a serious talk. I waited until

975
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 5: she was on her second cup of coffee before I

976
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 5: got started. Our deal was I would go on a

977
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 5: couple of dates, and if she was fine, she could

978
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,320
Speaker 5: start dating again. If she wasn't fine, we would close

979
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 5: for six months to give her time to exercise her demons,

980
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 5: and then I would start dating. If things went well,

981
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 5: she could then start dating again herself. I told her

982
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 5: I was through. I didn't want to come home after

983
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,800
Speaker 5: a date and have to deal with all this drama again.

984
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 5: I said, that's not what she had to deal with

985
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 5: when she came home, and it just wasn't fair.

986
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,319
Speaker 3: Well, buddy, I feel like you got to enjoy her

987
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 3: coming home too.

988
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 2: I feel like you've both enjoyed that.

989
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,239
Speaker 6: One, right, That's what I'm saying.

990
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:52,799
Speaker 5: It's like if you if you did enjoy that and

991
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 5: you hadn't gone on any dates, then why do you need.

992
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 4: To do it again just like just es it?

993
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:00,879
Speaker 5: Yeah, said she was sorry for what she said last night.

994
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 5: She knew she acted awful towards me and kept saying

995
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,240
Speaker 5: how sorry she was. I reminded her what we agreed

996
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 5: upon and that she should send a last message to

997
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 5: anyone she was still talking to before she blocked them

998
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,120
Speaker 5: and deleted all her dating profiles. She wanted to stay

999
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 5: in contact with a couple of them since they had

1000
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:20,800
Speaker 5: become friends, but I said they would be a distraction

1001
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 5: and temptation.

1002
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 4: That wouldn't be healthy.

1003
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 5: I told her we could have one more couple session

1004
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 5: for closure, and she could keep seeing her individual therapist

1005
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 5: or get a new one if she thought that would help.

1006
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,400
Speaker 5: Maybe in the fall we could revisit this again. She

1007
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 5: begged for another chance, but I said I couldn't take

1008
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 5: the emotional rollercoaster anymore. She just needed more time to

1009
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 5: sort through and deal with her feelings before we opened

1010
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,320
Speaker 5: up again. She said I was lucky to find someone

1011
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 5: like Kathy, whom I connected with so fast, and she

1012
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 5: was afraid it might take a long time for her

1013
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 5: to find somebody like that.

1014
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:51,720
Speaker 6: When we tried again.

1015
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,680
Speaker 5: I have tried the last few weeks to be supportive

1016
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 5: and showered Deity with extra love and attention to help

1017
00:43:57,200 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 5: her get through this. For now we are closed. I

1018
00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 5: feel some resentment and I'm sure Dd may as well,

1019
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 5: and we will address that. Update two, my wife coming

1020
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 5: to terms with my dating other people.

1021
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:14,240
Speaker 2: Great cool. I'm so happy for you guys.

1022
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:17,799
Speaker 5: Who are these master like who talked to you on

1023
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 5: this cruise? It's just like the most like convincing, smooth talking.

1024
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:25,800
Speaker 4: Stores of all.

1025
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:30,400
Speaker 6: Why do they why? Why? Why do they feel the

1026
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 6: need that it has to be open?

1027
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 5: This story is just because it's like once you open

1028
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:36,759
Speaker 5: it and close it, it's like we failed, you know,

1029
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 5: we we we're not we're not on top anymore. We're

1030
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 5: like we're not transcendent, Like we're just like everyone else.

1031
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 5: So we lost the game.

1032
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 6: Like I don't get it.

1033
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 2: Neither of you are okay with this. Just keep it closed, please.

1034
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 5: Please, my goodness, My wife Didi met my other partner

1035
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:58,359
Speaker 5: Kathy for lunch without me present. Kathy was more experienced

1036
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 5: in ethical non monogamy and was able to relate to

1037
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 5: d D and also dispel some preconceived notions she had

1038
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:07,240
Speaker 5: Dede came back from lunch with a much better mindset,

1039
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,800
Speaker 5: and she has been dealing with our dates much better.

1040
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 6: The three of us.

1041
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:13,200
Speaker 5: Went out to dinner together last week and it was

1042
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:16,440
Speaker 5: really special. Dede has also been working with her therapist

1043
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 5: to understand and deal with her feelings without spiraling whenever

1044
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 5: I go on a date. That and our new puppy

1045
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 5: have done wonders for her mood swings.

1046
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,919
Speaker 4: On the last few dates, she has.

1047
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 5: Been more engaging when I return, and her mood definitely brighter.

1048
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 5: We're starting to reconnect more emotionally and physically, which has

1049
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:36,760
Speaker 5: done wonders to improve my experience since I was feeling

1050
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 5: guilt and stress returning home to the point of wanting

1051
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 5: to just throw in the towels.

1052
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:42,919
Speaker 6: If the situation is.

1053
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 5: That when you when your wife went on these dates

1054
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,719
Speaker 5: and you liked it when she came back home and

1055
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 5: you reclaimed her, and then when you went on dates

1056
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 5: and you came back home she was upset, and you go, Okay, well,

1057
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 5: I don't like that. This makes you upset. I don't

1058
00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:59,359
Speaker 5: think this is going to really work. Let's go back

1059
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:02,240
Speaker 5: and she goes, no, no, no, I absolutely have to get cracked

1060
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 5: by other people, and you go, well, I'm not okay

1061
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 5: with that.

1062
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 6: Guess what your marriage just.

1063
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:10,279
Speaker 2: Broke where you guys just close it? Close it?

1064
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,960
Speaker 5: Well, if she's demanding, like, oh, I'm not no, I

1065
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 5: need to keep doing this.

1066
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 3: Some somewhere is the broken you broke it. I don't

1067
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 3: even know you broke something.

1068
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 2: You guys switched codes.

1069
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 7: I'm over it.

1070
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:26,400
Speaker 5: You've broken your marriage, just finish it. We both agreed

1071
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 5: that she should start dating again since she has come

1072
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 5: so far. Her previous contacts have moved on since she

1073
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 5: shut her side down, so she has had to start

1074
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 5: from scratch. She's talking to a few guys but has

1075
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:38,799
Speaker 5: yet to meet one in person. Kathy and I are

1076
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 5: only seeing each other once.

1077
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 6: A week for now. That may change when DeeDee starts

1078
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:43,760
Speaker 6: dating again.

1079
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 5: I brought up the topic of overnights with Kathy, but

1080
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,720
Speaker 5: she thinks it's too soon to push Dede's comfort level.

1081
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 5: I agreed, but it's something that we are both looking

1082
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 5: forward to. This whole experience has brought us closer together,

1083
00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 5: and we talk about relationship issues way more than we

1084
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:03,319
Speaker 5: did before. I'm looking forward to both of us being

1085
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 5: able to date and explore this new chapter together.

1086
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 6: I can't wait for you to get to the divorce.

1087
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 5: Chapter because that comes right after this one. Buddy, ooh,

1088
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,280
Speaker 5: that's the end of that story.

1089
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:18,719
Speaker 3: My wife ended things with our poly friends after they

1090
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 3: tried to exclude me.

1091
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:22,840
Speaker 7: You can't handle my wife. You don't deserve me.

1092
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 3: So I twenty eight male, and my wife Gwen twenty

1093
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 3: nine female, met five years ago at a monch and

1094
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 3: really connected.

1095
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,799
Speaker 2: It was lust at first sight.

1096
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 3: We dated for a year, and when she got a

1097
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 3: job offer in another city, I asked her to marry

1098
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:42,799
Speaker 3: me and stay. She stayed, but wanted an open relationship

1099
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:46,280
Speaker 3: because she was by We opened up six months later

1100
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 3: and got married soon after.

1101
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes.

1102
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 3: From Throwaway to Play, and if you want to submit

1103
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,520
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r okay storytime subreddit.

1104
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:57,839
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to get give

1105
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,840
Speaker 3: good advice. Goofily, but we don't have all the answers.

1106
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 3: We only know what we to do, So let us

1107
00:48:03,520 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 3: know what you would do in the comments. And Opie

1108
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:09,799
Speaker 3: says we both date separately. I have a couple of

1109
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 3: friends with benefits and she has a girlfriend.

1110
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 2: Who I adore.

1111
00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:18,239
Speaker 3: Last year she started dating a couple male female, Tom

1112
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:21,719
Speaker 3: and Kathy. They do in overnight every other weekend or so.

1113
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 3: The two girls are super close and her husband plays

1114
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 3: with them sometimes. Last month, they told Gwen they were

1115
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 3: hosting a spicy hobby event and wanted her to attend.

1116
00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 3: They really built it up as a large event and

1117
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 3: got her pumped up. She came home and was telling

1118
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 3: me everything about it, and I expressed a desire to

1119
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,680
Speaker 3: go with her, as we had been getting into different

1120
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:49,279
Speaker 3: things lately. She was talking to Kathy and mentioned we

1121
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,840
Speaker 3: were looking forward to attending, and was asking more questions.

1122
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:56,440
Speaker 3: Towards the end of her call, Kathy asked if Gwen

1123
00:48:56,680 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 3: truly wanted me to attend or if I was in see.

1124
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 3: Gwen explained how we were looking to spice up our

1125
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:07,399
Speaker 3: routine and this event sounded exciting for both of us.

1126
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 3: That next weekend, Gwen went to Tom and Kathy's place

1127
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 3: and had a good time, but before she left, Tom

1128
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 3: said that the event was invitation only and not a

1129
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 3: plus one event. Gwen got a little upset, but Kathy

1130
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 3: said they could work something out where everyone was happy.

1131
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 3: Gwen came home upset and told me what transpired and

1132
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 3: how she was unhappy with how things worked out, especially

1133
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:35,080
Speaker 3: Tom waiting till she was about to.

1134
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:37,399
Speaker 2: Leave to spring the news to her.

1135
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,520
Speaker 3: I was disappointed and told her if she wanted to

1136
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 3: go without me, there would be other events we co'd

1137
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:46,520
Speaker 3: go to together, but she was confident in what Kathy

1138
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:47,279
Speaker 3: told her and.

1139
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:48,880
Speaker 2: Was sure we could go together.

1140
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:52,520
Speaker 3: Gwen reached out to Kathy a couple of times but

1141
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,879
Speaker 3: never got a firm answer. Gwen left Friday to spend

1142
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 3: the night at Tom and Kathy's again, but called me

1143
00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:01,319
Speaker 3: about nine pm asked asking if I was out or

1144
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 3: at home and was heading back to our house. I

1145
00:50:04,680 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 3: met her there and she was super emotional, she said.

1146
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 3: She asked about the event when she got there, and

1147
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:14,400
Speaker 3: they evaded discussing it. She told Kathy she was not

1148
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 3: comfortable being around Tom that night, and the two of

1149
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:21,960
Speaker 3: them went off together and talked. Kathy told Gwen that

1150
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:25,080
Speaker 3: there was another spicy hobby event in January at a

1151
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 3: club that the four of us could attend together, but

1152
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:31,120
Speaker 3: that I wouldn't be able to attend this event at

1153
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,440
Speaker 3: their house. Gwen told her that we had already scheduled

1154
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 3: that night as a date night and if I wasn't

1155
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:39,799
Speaker 3: welcome she wouldn't be able to attend either. After some

1156
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:42,759
Speaker 3: more discussion, Gwen said maybe they needed to take a

1157
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 3: break and maybe in January, after that event, she.

1158
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:47,399
Speaker 2: Could reevaluate their relationship.

1159
00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:50,799
Speaker 3: She left without talking to Tom, but he called her

1160
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,840
Speaker 3: on the way home and accused her of holding Kathy's

1161
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:56,600
Speaker 3: feelings hostage and how wrong that was?

1162
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:57,319
Speaker 7: Was it even mean?

1163
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, like Gwen' said a boundary, gonna come. I don't

1164
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:04,359
Speaker 3: think I can go come this have plans? Yeah, And

1165
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:05,719
Speaker 3: he's like getting mad at her.

1166
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 7: She's like, well, you're you're holding Kathy's feelings hostage. I

1167
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 7: can't hold her feelings hostage. That's not how feelings work.

1168
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:14,960
Speaker 7: She's completely in control of around feelings.

1169
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:18,000
Speaker 3: Gwen told him nothing of the kind, but said they

1170
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:22,200
Speaker 3: weren't taking her feelings into account either. She accused Tom

1171
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:24,120
Speaker 3: of not wanting me there because they didn't want to

1172
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:27,920
Speaker 3: share Gwen's attention and I would have spoiled their plans,

1173
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 3: She said. He got quiet and Gwen told him not

1174
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:34,759
Speaker 3: to contact her again. Gwen cried on my shoulder the

1175
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 3: rest of the night, and I told her she was

1176
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 3: right to end things with them. Kathy tried to call

1177
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 3: the next morning at least five times, but Gwen wouldn't answer.

1178
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:47,359
Speaker 3: She left several tiery voicemails pleading with Gwen to talk

1179
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 3: to her, and left two long text messages and emails.

1180
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,920
Speaker 3: I'm trying to stay neutral, but it wouldn't bother me

1181
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 3: if she shut the door on that relationship. But Gwen

1182
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 3: and Cathy had a strong bond for over a year,

1183
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 3: and I can tell it's taking a toll on Gwen.

1184
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:04,720
Speaker 3: Gwen came home with a big grin and a couple

1185
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:08,759
Speaker 3: of messages. First was a text from Kathy saying she

1186
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:10,799
Speaker 3: would love to come to dinner at our house this

1187
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 3: Saturday and possibly stay the night. She also requested that

1188
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 3: the three of us have dinner together. She is anxious

1189
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 3: to finally get to know me better. Second was an

1190
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 3: email from Tom. He apologized for making a lot of

1191
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 3: grave errors around the party and how he handled things.

1192
00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 3: He was also very disturbed that Gwen and I no

1193
00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 3: longer considered their house a safe place. He wanted to

1194
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:38,240
Speaker 3: take all of us out to dinner somewhere and discuss

1195
00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 3: things and mend some fences. He was very contrite and

1196
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 3: took the blame for all the mistakes that were made.

1197
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:48,600
Speaker 3: Gwen told Kathy, we could see her anytime after six

1198
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 3: on Saturday. She had also composed a response to Tom's email.

1199
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 3: It was lengthy, and I told her she could have

1200
00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 3: easily just shortened it to pound. Sand I talked to

1201
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 3: out of her version and told her to just agree

1202
00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:03,279
Speaker 3: to meet them in a.

1203
00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:05,479
Speaker 2: Couple of weeks so she could see how.

1204
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:08,880
Speaker 3: Her date with Kathy went first, any advice, And we

1205
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:10,040
Speaker 3: do have an update, But.

1206
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 7: I'm honestly I don't quite there's a lot going on here. Yeah,

1207
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:20,040
Speaker 7: Kathy and Tom seem like they're creating problems where there

1208
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 7: aren't any, right, But I also think that if I don't,

1209
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 7: maybe maybe we don't need to be having a relationship

1210
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 7: with these people that are.

1211
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 3: Right, Because wasn't making Gwen only dating Kathy. Yeah, so

1212
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:35,399
Speaker 3: she's not even really dating Tom for so for Tom

1213
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:37,560
Speaker 3: to like come in and be like the one kind

1214
00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 3: of controlling things was weird to me.

1215
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:40,240
Speaker 4: Weird.

1216
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,320
Speaker 7: All of this is weird. I just I feel like

1217
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:44,280
Speaker 7: I would want to like take a step back from.

1218
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 3: The right right, which just sounds like she did. Yeah,

1219
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:49,760
Speaker 3: So I'm just kind of like, where's this going.

1220
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:52,360
Speaker 7: I don't know, I need more information. Update.

1221
00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 3: So Kathy took my wife up on her invitation for

1222
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:58,800
Speaker 3: dinner and a date at our house. My beef ribs

1223
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:01,759
Speaker 3: came out perfect and the whole dinner was spot on.

1224
00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:05,839
Speaker 3: Kathy went on and on about how good everything was,

1225
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 3: and we had a good conversation but skirted some of

1226
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:12,320
Speaker 3: the issues Gwen had lately. I stayed long enough to

1227
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 3: help put the leftovers away and load the dishwasher. Then

1228
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:19,000
Speaker 3: I opened the second bottle of wine and made my exit.

1229
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 3: When I got back after eleven PM, they were in

1230
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,319
Speaker 3: the spare bedroom with the door closed. I slipped into

1231
00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:28,400
Speaker 3: the shower and got ready for bed. Gwen popped in

1232
00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:30,920
Speaker 3: and said good night, and I heard her open her drawer.

1233
00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 3: She said Kathy was staying the night. I woke up

1234
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:36,879
Speaker 3: to the smell of fresh cinnamon rolls and came into

1235
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 3: the kitchen to find them both at the table drinking coffee.

1236
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 3: Kathy got up and thanked us for a wonderful time

1237
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 3: and gave me a hug before grabbing her bag and

1238
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 3: heading for the door. Gwen walked her out to her

1239
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 3: car and they hugged and kissed before Kathy drove off.

1240
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 3: Gwen said they had a great time and got up

1241
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 3: for another cup of coffee, making me wait and ask

1242
00:54:56,640 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 3: about anything else. She smiled and said before I got back,

1243
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:02,560
Speaker 3: they were cleaning up a little and Kathy asked if

1244
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 3: I was coming back. Then she said she wished I

1245
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:09,319
Speaker 3: would reconsider coming next weekend to the party. Gwen told

1246
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 3: her we had both had some interest in exploring, but

1247
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 3: wanted our first exposure to be together. Then she went

1248
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:19,920
Speaker 3: on to say how underhanded Tom had handled it and

1249
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 3: strung her along by not giving a definite answer until

1250
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,799
Speaker 3: the next morning after he got to play with the

1251
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,760
Speaker 3: both of them. After being manipulated like that, she didn't

1252
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 3: feel safe at their house anymore, especially at a party

1253
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 3: like that, she said. Kathy changed the subject and asked

1254
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 3: if we had given Tom's invitation to dinner any thought.

1255
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 3: They talked about it, and Gwen told Kathy maybe we

1256
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 3: could do it this Friday, the day before the event,

1257
00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:47,520
Speaker 3: otherwise it would have to wait till after the first

1258
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 3: of the year. With the holidays falling the way they did.

1259
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 3: Gwen brought up when Kathy wanted to schedule another day,

1260
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,839
Speaker 3: and they both decided to hold off till after the holidays.

1261
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,879
Speaker 3: We were both surprised she didn't try to pressure Gwen

1262
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:04,880
Speaker 3: more and just dropped everything after casually mentioning them. Depending

1263
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:08,560
Speaker 3: on how dinner with Tom goes, Gwen wants to continue

1264
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:15,239
Speaker 3: on with Kathy and we have another update, but any thoughts.

1265
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 7: I don't trust Kathy either. Yeah, she's trying to say like, oh,

1266
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:22,640
Speaker 7: it was Tom. I would love for you to come though,

1267
00:56:22,680 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 7: but it was it was Tom's fault. Why this all happened, right?

1268
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 7: I I don't know. I don't quite trust her.

1269
00:56:28,600 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not sure how I'm feeling you.

1270
00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:35,279
Speaker 7: Doesn't I don't know. I feel like Kathy and Tom

1271
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:38,520
Speaker 7: are just gonna make this whole thing right too tricky.

1272
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:41,439
Speaker 3: I feel like we totally could have just been like, hey,

1273
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:44,000
Speaker 3: it's not gonna happen for this event, but we'll reconsider

1274
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:45,960
Speaker 3: for the next one, and everyone should.

1275
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 2: Have just dropped it. Yeah, let's move on for it's

1276
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:51,439
Speaker 2: not gonna work this time. Update too.

1277
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:54,359
Speaker 3: So Gwen and I took Tom up on his offer

1278
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:56,439
Speaker 3: to take us out for dinner to try to mend

1279
00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:59,960
Speaker 3: some fences and clear the air. It was a nice restaurant,

1280
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 3: not too loud we couldn't talk, and not so quiet

1281
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:07,479
Speaker 3: we couldn't talk about delicate topics without being overheard, Tom

1282
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 3: apologized for not being clear about the party and communicating better.

1283
00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:12,320
Speaker 2: He was sorry.

1284
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 3: Gwen felt unsafe at their house now and hoped after

1285
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 3: the dust settled, they could take turns hosting their get togethers.

1286
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 3: Gwen was quick to point out that she felt manipulated

1287
00:57:21,640 --> 00:57:24,920
Speaker 3: by not getting a straight answer about her request and

1288
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:28,120
Speaker 3: being strung along with promises to work out something, and

1289
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:31,320
Speaker 3: that there was some wiggle room where an accommodation could

1290
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:34,240
Speaker 3: be made for me to attend. That last part, she

1291
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 3: was staring at Kathy the whole time. To top it off,

1292
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 3: she felt used when she wasn't given a final answer

1293
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 3: until after Tom had gotten a chance to get in

1294
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:46,200
Speaker 3: her pants. Kathy was the one to apologize now and

1295
00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 3: said that was never her intention and that she wanted

1296
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:51,720
Speaker 3: Gwen at the event and was trying to find a

1297
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 3: workaround to make that happen.

1298
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:55,320
Speaker 2: Gwen said because of.

1299
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:58,479
Speaker 3: The way things went down, she no longer felt safe

1300
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 3: at their house actually if Tom was there, and now

1301
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 3: there was no way she would attend even if I

1302
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:09,400
Speaker 3: was invited. Luckily, the food came out and the temperature

1303
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 3: at the table came down a few degrees as the

1304
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 3: dinner wound down, Tom extended an invitation to a New

1305
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 3: Year's Eve party one of his friends was throwing. He

1306
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,800
Speaker 3: said it would be a great opportunity for us to

1307
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:24,480
Speaker 3: meet some of his friends and for Tom and Kathy

1308
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:26,520
Speaker 3: to get a chance to know me better. It's a

1309
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 3: little bit left, but I'd.

1310
00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:31,280
Speaker 7: Agree with cow about as God. Kathy's she's up to something.

1311
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 2: She's up to something.

1312
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:34,880
Speaker 7: I feel like this is they're all up to something.

1313
00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:36,920
Speaker 7: I saw a lot of comments that were saying, like

1314
00:58:37,040 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 7: Kathy and Tom want Opie's why Gwen? Yeah, to themselves,

1315
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:46,080
Speaker 7: that's what it feels like. Yeah, and I feel like

1316
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:48,480
Speaker 7: the dinner to clear the air. They're just doing it

1317
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 7: for the look of it, not actually because they want to.

1318
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 3: It was just to get her comfortable to continue back

1319
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:54,800
Speaker 3: to where they are, or to get her to come

1320
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:56,640
Speaker 3: to the party. I think, I don't get what's so

1321
00:58:56,760 --> 00:59:00,600
Speaker 3: wrong about Opie going to this party because.

1322
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 7: They don't want him there.

1323
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 3: I know, but it's like your whole story is completely crumpled,

1324
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:07,800
Speaker 3: because it's like, just let op comme and we'd have

1325
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 3: no problem, zero issue.

1326
00:59:09,760 --> 00:59:11,640
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's trap, says.

1327
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,520
Speaker 3: I thanked him for the invitation, but declined as we

1328
00:59:14,520 --> 00:59:17,280
Speaker 3: were already going to one of my partner's houses to

1329
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:21,200
Speaker 3: their party. Gwen told Kathy after Christmas they should get

1330
00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:24,240
Speaker 3: together again, and they hugged it out. I shook Tom's

1331
00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 3: hand and thanked him for dinner, But when he went

1332
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 3: to say goodbye to Gwen, she managed to keep the

1333
00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 3: table between them.

1334
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:33,280
Speaker 2: Oh, just like hugging him over the table. I guess

1335
00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:35,120
Speaker 2: she's like, bye bye bye.

1336
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, clearly she doesn't feel comfortable with Tom. It doesn't

1337
00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:41,520
Speaker 3: seem like it, which, like I totally agree. It feels

1338
00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:43,400
Speaker 3: like I feel like it's been really weird for.

1339
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 2: And it was. It was achy Yewie handled that.

1340
00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1341
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 3: Overall the dinner stayed pretty civil, no yelling or blood

1342
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 3: was spilled, but it did get a little chilly at times.

1343
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 3: With any luck, Gwen can soelve the her relationship with

1344
00:59:55,480 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 3: Kathy and continue going forward. And that's the end of

1345
00:59:58,520 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 3: that story.

1346
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:01,960
Speaker 1: Sam here og host. We're going to get back to

1347
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:04,520
Speaker 1: these stories. But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

1348
01:00:04,520 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 7: First, my wife wanted to open our marriage after she

1349
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:09,640
Speaker 7: slept with a coworker.

1350
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:12,280
Speaker 2: You have to open it before you sleep with them.

1351
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:15,200
Speaker 7: So I mail thirty nine have been married to my wife.

1352
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:19,160
Speaker 7: Female thirty one for six years. We have two young kids.

1353
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 7: It started as a very passionate relationship, and although the

1354
01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:27,920
Speaker 7: initial passion has waned, we have been still are very

1355
01:00:28,040 --> 01:00:31,400
Speaker 7: much in love. We communicate well and fights are usually

1356
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:34,640
Speaker 7: brief and conducted civilly. That had problems on and off

1357
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:36,920
Speaker 7: in our marriage, but nothing that I thought was fatal

1358
01:00:37,480 --> 01:00:40,240
Speaker 7: or that couldn't be resolved with some work and or therapy.

1359
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:43,360
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from apprehensive log and if

1360
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 7: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1361
01:00:44,760 --> 01:00:47,800
Speaker 7: r slash Okay story time supparate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly.

1362
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:49,760
Speaker 7: We're here to give good advice Goofily, but we don't

1363
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:51,760
Speaker 7: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

1364
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:54,680
Speaker 7: so let us know what you would do in the commons. Recently,

1365
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:59,680
Speaker 7: she hasn't been spicyly satisfied and it has really been

1366
01:00:59,720 --> 01:01:02,880
Speaker 7: bought her. I've suffered from ED my whole life, but

1367
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:07,160
Speaker 7: we have spicy sleep pretty regularly. The ED flares up periodically,

1368
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,280
Speaker 7: but it's a real issue when it does, and the

1369
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:13,200
Speaker 7: psychological damage it does to her self esteem lasts even

1370
01:01:13,240 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 7: in the periods where I'm not experiencing experiencing ED. I

1371
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:20,280
Speaker 7: know my fear of ED affects our spicy sleep life.

1372
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:23,439
Speaker 7: We discussed going to see a couple's therapist, and we've

1373
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 7: just started seeing one. I've also got some psialysis, but

1374
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:31,400
Speaker 7: it's incredibly expensive here and I'm not sure it's dealing

1375
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:33,840
Speaker 7: with the source of the problem. My wife mentioned to

1376
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:36,000
Speaker 7: me a few weeks ago that she had been out

1377
01:01:36,040 --> 01:01:38,360
Speaker 7: with some friends from work and started flirting with a

1378
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:41,600
Speaker 7: guy she works with I'll call them Jay. She confessed

1379
01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:44,440
Speaker 7: there was mutual attraction of a kind she hasn't felt

1380
01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:49,480
Speaker 7: for years. Oh oh zoo jeetin. They discussed the mutual

1381
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 7: attraction but didn't act on it. Before our first therapy session,

1382
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 7: she raised the idea of opening our marriage to solve

1383
01:01:56,520 --> 01:02:02,400
Speaker 7: her problem of spicy dissatisfaction. I've certainly fantasized about her

1384
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:04,920
Speaker 7: with other guys, and I might not be opposed to

1385
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:08,400
Speaker 7: her having casual hookups or maybe even swing if we

1386
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:12,160
Speaker 7: could establish some good ground rules. However, we've only just

1387
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:15,760
Speaker 7: begun therapy and I really don't know how I would

1388
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:18,840
Speaker 7: feel about it in reality. My biggest problem, though, came

1389
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:20,960
Speaker 7: up when I mentioned that if we ever did go

1390
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 7: down the monogamous road, I would never be comfortable with

1391
01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:27,360
Speaker 7: her sleeping with anyone she worked with or who was

1392
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:31,680
Speaker 7: a friend, and especially not Jay, because it feels like

1393
01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:34,320
Speaker 7: the wedge between us that started this. However fair that

1394
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:37,600
Speaker 7: feeling might be. She went quiet for a minute, then

1395
01:02:37,680 --> 01:02:41,320
Speaker 7: said he's the first person in a long time she's

1396
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:44,240
Speaker 7: had a strong attraction to, and that she's worried she

1397
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:47,440
Speaker 7: would have trouble finding someone elsewhere that she could experience

1398
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:51,400
Speaker 7: spicy satisfaction with some guidance from this community and especially

1399
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 7: from those who have been through similar situations, would be welcome,

1400
01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 7: and there is an update. What do you think they

1401
01:02:57,160 --> 01:02:57,560
Speaker 7: should do?

1402
01:02:58,440 --> 01:03:00,840
Speaker 2: Shit, I think she's gonna cheat with you either way.

1403
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:02,400
Speaker 7: Yeah, I don't think that.

1404
01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:06,160
Speaker 2: Like, I don't think you should then like let her Yeah.

1405
01:03:05,800 --> 01:03:08,200
Speaker 7: Uesus says it's not cheating when they've been communicating about

1406
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:08,680
Speaker 7: it openly.

1407
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 3: However, cheating because he said he with no, he said no,

1408
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:13,240
Speaker 3: don't do that.

1409
01:03:13,320 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 7: And also she said that we've confessed feelings.

1410
01:03:16,680 --> 01:03:18,360
Speaker 2: They're flirted a whole bit.

1411
01:03:18,440 --> 01:03:21,440
Speaker 7: Yeah, they've already been flirting, So emotional cheating has happened

1412
01:03:21,480 --> 01:03:24,320
Speaker 7: before it was discussed openly, and now she's saying I

1413
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:27,920
Speaker 7: want to have spicy sleep with him, and Opie said, no,

1414
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,320
Speaker 7: I don't want that, and so if she still does that,

1415
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:31,120
Speaker 7: then that's cheating.

1416
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:33,800
Speaker 3: Like they fully were like, if we open it, it's

1417
01:03:33,840 --> 01:03:36,640
Speaker 3: going to be no coworkers and no friends. Yeah, will

1418
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:38,240
Speaker 3: have to be people we do not know, and she

1419
01:03:38,320 --> 01:03:41,560
Speaker 3: was like, okay, but like I really like my coworker

1420
01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 3: and friends.

1421
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:44,160
Speaker 7: Okay, what have you thought about? I want to do

1422
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:44,960
Speaker 7: it anyway.

1423
01:03:45,320 --> 01:03:45,600
Speaker 4: Jay.

1424
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:49,640
Speaker 7: AnyWho, My wife and I realized very soon after we

1425
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:52,440
Speaker 7: had the initial conversation about Jay that we've both been

1426
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:56,600
Speaker 7: fantasizing about bringing other people into the relationship. We talked

1427
01:03:56,640 --> 01:03:59,800
Speaker 7: about this, both got very aroused and ended up having

1428
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:02,760
Speaker 7: the best spicy sleep we've had since before we were married.

1429
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:05,200
Speaker 7: Since then, we haven't been able to keep our hands

1430
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:09,440
Speaker 7: off each other, and the shared fantasies continue. All great

1431
01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:12,000
Speaker 7: so far. However, my wife brought up the subject of

1432
01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:15,360
Speaker 7: Jay again the evening after we had the great spicy sleep.

1433
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:18,320
Speaker 7: She said she had previously thought that the marriage was

1434
01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:21,720
Speaker 7: over and had in fact had spicy sleep with Jay

1435
01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:25,920
Speaker 7: despite assuring me and me trusting her that I was

1436
01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:30,040
Speaker 7: just feelings at the stage. It was quite a complicated deception,

1437
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:32,080
Speaker 7: with her telling me she was going on a trip

1438
01:04:32,480 --> 01:04:34,680
Speaker 7: where she had to stay overnight, when in fact she

1439
01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:37,080
Speaker 7: and Jay spent the night at a hotel. As you

1440
01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:40,520
Speaker 7: can imagine, I was extremely hurt and upset. I hadn't

1441
01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:43,840
Speaker 7: thought her capable of such a serious deception. She slept

1442
01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:46,120
Speaker 7: on the sofa and I spent the night in shock,

1443
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:50,800
Speaker 7: thinking things over and over. The most surprising thing for me, though,

1444
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:52,760
Speaker 7: was the fact that I didn't really care about the

1445
01:04:52,800 --> 01:04:56,680
Speaker 7: fact that she'd had spicy sleep with Jay. I was

1446
01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:59,720
Speaker 7: and still am very upset about the deception, but the

1447
01:04:59,760 --> 01:05:02,360
Speaker 7: thought what of her effingem doesn't really bother me, and

1448
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:03,760
Speaker 7: in fact is kind of hot.

1449
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:04,200
Speaker 3: Sir.

1450
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:06,520
Speaker 7: Okay, okay, hold on a minute.

1451
01:05:06,680 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 2: So he's just mad that she lied.

1452
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:12,160
Speaker 7: Yes, okay, it's okay if you like are into her

1453
01:05:12,480 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 7: having spicy sleep with other people, But don't forget.

1454
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:16,920
Speaker 2: That she did cheat, so was still cheating, still cheating.

1455
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:18,880
Speaker 7: We talked about this, and I made it clear that

1456
01:05:18,960 --> 01:05:21,520
Speaker 7: she wasn't off the hook for cheating. But it has

1457
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:23,320
Speaker 7: made it more clear to me that I don't think

1458
01:05:23,360 --> 01:05:25,920
Speaker 7: I'll suffer so much from the jealousy issues I was

1459
01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:28,360
Speaker 7: worried about. It has made it clear to me that

1460
01:05:28,440 --> 01:05:31,880
Speaker 7: I think non monogamy is possible, maybe even the best

1461
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:34,760
Speaker 7: for us. However, I said that for us to move forward,

1462
01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:37,960
Speaker 7: Jay has to be off the table. She was hesitant

1463
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:40,560
Speaker 7: to agree, for the same reason as before that she's

1464
01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:42,640
Speaker 7: worried about not being able to make a connection with

1465
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:45,400
Speaker 7: anyone else easily. I left her alone to think about it,

1466
01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:47,480
Speaker 7: and about a day later, she said she wanted to

1467
01:05:47,520 --> 01:05:51,480
Speaker 7: break off contact with Jay. Fixing our bedroom issues now

1468
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:54,880
Speaker 7: seems within reach to her. The ed hasn't reared its

1469
01:05:54,920 --> 01:05:57,720
Speaker 7: head since before. All this happened without touching the siasis,

1470
01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:00,800
Speaker 7: and we still have the marriage kids to fight for.

1471
01:06:01,880 --> 01:06:05,560
Speaker 7: Our marriage already seems better. That brings me to why

1472
01:06:05,640 --> 01:06:08,800
Speaker 7: I'm making this post. Although things seem like they're getting better,

1473
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:11,400
Speaker 7: I feel like so much has happened in the past week.

1474
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:13,720
Speaker 7: My emotions are all over the place, and there's still

1475
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:17,600
Speaker 7: so much uncertainty. We are seeing the therapist again next week,

1476
01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:19,680
Speaker 7: and of course I'll bring all of this up, but

1477
01:06:19,760 --> 01:06:21,880
Speaker 7: it would be useful to know whether this community has

1478
01:06:21,880 --> 01:06:25,320
Speaker 7: any advice. Am I stupid for thinking things can work

1479
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:27,600
Speaker 7: now after the cheating? Is it all going to go

1480
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:29,680
Speaker 7: pear shaped as soon as we get near the bedroom

1481
01:06:29,680 --> 01:06:32,280
Speaker 7: with other people? For real, how easy is it going

1482
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:35,200
Speaker 7: to be to find others who are interested in this lifestyle.

1483
01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:38,440
Speaker 7: I think my ideal starting point would be a similar couple,

1484
01:06:38,600 --> 01:06:40,720
Speaker 7: i e. People who are very committed to each other

1485
01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 7: but are aroused by the idea of including others in

1486
01:06:43,480 --> 01:06:46,800
Speaker 7: the bedroom. And there is a second update, But I

1487
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:48,400
Speaker 7: honestly don't think that anyone.

1488
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:49,880
Speaker 6: I don't know.

1489
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:52,520
Speaker 7: I don't know if Reddit will be entirely helpful here.

1490
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:58,760
Speaker 7: I yeah, because I think most of Reddit's advice would

1491
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:03,000
Speaker 7: be that you should divorce, yeah, because she cheated on you. However,

1492
01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:06,680
Speaker 7: I will say that this is not really a normal

1493
01:07:06,720 --> 01:07:10,280
Speaker 7: situation because it seems like you're super chill with it.

1494
01:07:10,560 --> 01:07:14,600
Speaker 7: Uh yeah, And I feel like if you are already

1495
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:17,520
Speaker 7: kind of like chill with her having spicy sleep with

1496
01:07:17,560 --> 01:07:20,440
Speaker 7: another person and you guys have kids, Like this is

1497
01:07:20,600 --> 01:07:23,800
Speaker 7: never my advice, but I think maybe you could work

1498
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 7: through it. Yeah, this is literally never to be Yeah,

1499
01:07:27,720 --> 01:07:31,560
Speaker 7: how I totally work through this. Never my advice, Never

1500
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:36,160
Speaker 7: my advice, It is such a specific situation. Update two, Well,

1501
01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:39,280
Speaker 7: we found a really good therapist who specializes in E

1502
01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:42,960
Speaker 7: and M, which is ethical non monogamy. Although I did

1503
01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:45,400
Speaker 7: have in mind the advice that we shouldn't be thinking

1504
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:47,320
Speaker 7: about E and M until we had sorted out the

1505
01:07:47,360 --> 01:07:50,520
Speaker 7: problems in the marriage. The therapist didn't push it on

1506
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:52,920
Speaker 7: us in the first few sessions were focused on just

1507
01:07:53,040 --> 01:07:56,720
Speaker 7: fixing the underlying problems. It turns out that those problems

1508
01:07:56,760 --> 01:08:00,000
Speaker 7: were serious and we're damaging the marriage, but weren't actually

1509
01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:03,320
Speaker 7: that difficult to fix. I won't bore you with details

1510
01:08:03,360 --> 01:08:06,760
Speaker 7: of generic marriage problems, but we made some changes and

1511
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:09,320
Speaker 7: added some long D and ms and ended up happier

1512
01:08:09,400 --> 01:08:12,280
Speaker 7: than we have ever been, probably since we first started dating.

1513
01:08:12,920 --> 01:08:15,600
Speaker 7: After a few sessions, we started talking seriously about E

1514
01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:19,640
Speaker 7: and M. My SOO hasn't dropped the idea, and I

1515
01:08:19,760 --> 01:08:23,839
Speaker 7: was still interested. After some very careful boundary setting, including

1516
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:25,560
Speaker 7: that Jay, the guy she had cheated with in the

1517
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:28,559
Speaker 7: first place, was completely off the table, we decided to

1518
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:32,960
Speaker 7: tentatively start dating other people. I think the story from

1519
01:08:33,040 --> 01:08:35,640
Speaker 7: year is probably similar to many other people exploring in.

1520
01:08:35,800 --> 01:08:36,879
Speaker 4: M, but all included.

1521
01:08:36,920 --> 01:08:40,120
Speaker 7: Anyway, we used dating apps, found that S was getting

1522
01:08:40,200 --> 01:08:42,559
Speaker 7: way more matches, as I understand is often the case

1523
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:45,720
Speaker 7: with MF couples. However, I did get some matches and

1524
01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:48,280
Speaker 7: started chatting with a few people We both went on

1525
01:08:48,320 --> 01:08:50,360
Speaker 7: a few dates, made a few mistakes here and there,

1526
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:53,719
Speaker 7: and had some fun times. We were both struggling with jealousy,

1527
01:08:53,760 --> 01:08:56,400
Speaker 7: but it's getting easier with the increasing trust between us

1528
01:08:56,439 --> 01:08:59,120
Speaker 7: and the improving understanding ever wants and needs. There is

1529
01:08:59,200 --> 01:09:00,679
Speaker 7: a little bit left this story.

1530
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:04,559
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't like being like, Yay, I'm happy

1531
01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:07,879
Speaker 3: this worked for you, because it's like, I'm so upset

1532
01:09:07,960 --> 01:09:10,960
Speaker 3: that she lied and cheated and deceived you, but you

1533
01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:14,320
Speaker 3: are really excited about it.

1534
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:18,000
Speaker 7: I really want everyone to realize or to understand that.

1535
01:09:18,080 --> 01:09:22,479
Speaker 7: I this is not my advice for any other story ever,

1536
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:25,599
Speaker 7: but I think that you guys can work it out as.

1537
01:09:25,439 --> 01:09:26,080
Speaker 4: You have been.

1538
01:09:26,280 --> 01:09:29,080
Speaker 3: I would prepare yourself for the fact that she'll probably

1539
01:09:29,160 --> 01:09:32,160
Speaker 3: maybe do it with someone that you don't want her

1540
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:32,719
Speaker 3: to again.

1541
01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:35,559
Speaker 7: Yeah, but I mean the oopy says they're figuring it out.

1542
01:09:35,640 --> 01:09:39,800
Speaker 3: But if you are also okay with that, then okay.

1543
01:09:40,160 --> 01:09:42,080
Speaker 7: I feel like OPI would be like, hey, don't lie

1544
01:09:42,120 --> 01:09:44,320
Speaker 7: to me. But I'm kind of into it as of now.

1545
01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:46,960
Speaker 7: I have someone i'm dating regularly and there's a really

1546
01:09:47,000 --> 01:09:50,559
Speaker 7: good mutual attraction. She was specifically looking for someone practicing

1547
01:09:50,640 --> 01:09:53,600
Speaker 7: me and m after having some bad experiences with possessive

1548
01:09:53,640 --> 01:09:56,960
Speaker 7: and overbearing partners. My SO has had some bad luck

1549
01:09:56,960 --> 01:10:00,040
Speaker 7: in keeping partners interested after one or two dates. I

1550
01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:01,639
Speaker 7: wonder if that has something to do with how men

1551
01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:05,040
Speaker 7: behave in spicy related relationships generally. But I think she

1552
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:08,360
Speaker 7: may have found someone recently who she'll see regularly. The

1553
01:10:08,439 --> 01:10:11,800
Speaker 7: initial chaos of emotions and stress after we almost separated

1554
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:15,560
Speaker 7: has gone. We both worked really hard on fixing the marriage.

1555
01:10:15,760 --> 01:10:19,800
Speaker 7: Communication and trust is much better. We're actively practicing E

1556
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:21,880
Speaker 7: and M and both happier than we have been in

1557
01:10:22,040 --> 01:10:24,400
Speaker 7: years with it. Of course, it could still all go

1558
01:10:24,520 --> 01:10:26,719
Speaker 7: pear shaped, but it was going that way anyway before

1559
01:10:26,720 --> 01:10:28,920
Speaker 7: we tried it, and that's the end of that story.