1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,119 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:08,160 Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio COVID boom uh, well, 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:11,240 Speaker 1: our kids coming that this is it. There's no stock 4 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: to l a X At eleven thirty in the morning 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:18,279 Speaker 1: to take our flight. We got on the plane with 6 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,240 Speaker 1: masks and gloves at a garage bag tied to my waist. 7 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:25,279 Speaker 1: I light saw, wipe everything a thing. We got to 8 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 1: that airbb and we hold up for two weeks. We 9 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,479 Speaker 1: just we took our temperatures every day at nine am 10 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,880 Speaker 1: and five pm, and I recorded it and I still 11 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 1: have it. And one day I'm gonna show Bibby when 12 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: she says, Daddy and data tell me about the year 13 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:51,239 Speaker 1: I was born. I'm gonna be like, pull up a chair. Hello, everybody. 14 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Katie's Crib. Happy World Surregacy Day. How 15 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: cool is that? World Surrogacy Day? Ah? That makes me 16 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:08,920 Speaker 1: really happy. And I found, well not found. I know 17 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 1: such cool parents who have their baby through a surrogate 18 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 1: and I wanted to talk all about it. On today's episode. 19 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: I am talking to Josie and Rob Yonkers, who are 20 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: incredible parents and friends. We talk in the whole episode 21 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 1: about their surrogacy journey, how they found their surrogate, how 22 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: they found their egg donor, what their birth story was 23 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 1: like during the beginning of the global pandemic, and how 24 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,199 Speaker 1: it's going for them right now as parents of little 25 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:47,320 Speaker 1: Vivian Magic. Yonkers Z Josie is a Hong Kong born 26 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: Canadian fashion stylist, journalist, and producer. He's known for being 27 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 1: a former fashion director at W magazine and editor in 28 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 1: chief of Yahoo Style. He's also the creative director of 29 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 1: the American edition of L Magazine, one of the most 30 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 1: widely read fashioned magazines in the world. His husband, Rob Yonker, 31 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: serves as a fashion design and education consultant. Rob has 32 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,400 Speaker 1: fifteen plus years of domestic and international experience in both fields. 33 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: He's the co host of Secret Guy to Fabulous on 34 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 1: Logo TV. The two of them welcome their first child 35 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: together via surrogate, Vivian Magic Yonker Z in late April. 36 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, Joe and Rob, you guys, I 37 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,920 Speaker 1: don't know when we first met. I mean, I feel 38 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 1: like it's been forever, forever ago, like some event or 39 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 1: something Hollywood. She she makes sure some El magazine. I 40 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:45,000 Speaker 1: think I remember the Katie we did El magazine Women 41 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 1: in TV, And I think that was also the night 42 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:53,240 Speaker 1: that Rob sat next to Megan Markle had a whole 43 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 1: evening with the future Duchess of Can You Stand It? 44 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 1: Like can you Stand It? Okay? So l has a 45 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:07,640 Speaker 1: lot of fancy events, multi multiple dinners with the future Duchess. 46 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 1: So I adore you guys when I heard that you 47 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: were on the road to parents, and I just felt 48 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: super connected to you guys because we're all parents, but 49 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 1: also we're parenting during a pandemic, but also because we 50 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 1: share one of the most special bonds in the world, 51 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: which is our night nurse Alexandra, who has been on 52 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: this podcast. You guys, she was your night nurse and 53 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: then she moved from yours to me, and I was like, 54 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 1: we are forever connected. We have so many things to 55 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 1: talk about. But did you both always know you wanted 56 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:50,920 Speaker 1: to be parents? Uh? No, not me. I honestly thought 57 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 1: of both ways of having my life. I thought, Okay, 58 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 1: I don't need to have kids. I don't have this 59 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: huge inner desire, but if I did have them, I'm 60 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 1: sure it'd be a blast. And when I first met Rob, 61 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: I always knew that he was going to be an 62 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: amazing parent. He's incredibly warm, he's incredibly thoughtful, selfless in 63 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: so many different ways that you have to sort of 64 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 1: be as a parent, and and and he's been that 65 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 1: with all of our friends and everything. I mean, I 66 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: think in my head I always did. I still remember, 67 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,080 Speaker 1: and I don't know why, but even being in the 68 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:24,360 Speaker 1: sixth grade thinking of names for my kid and like things, 69 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 1: but more of all the time, and you know, I 70 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,800 Speaker 1: would go through stages like oh, I want a girl 71 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 1: and I want to boy. Then I want a girl 72 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: and I want to boy, and then you become a teenager, 73 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 1: and then you struggle with self identity and being gay, 74 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,719 Speaker 1: and then as you get your twenties and thirties, and 75 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:39,520 Speaker 1: this was like eighties and nineties, it stuck becoming a 76 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: reality because it's like, well, I'm not going to be 77 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,600 Speaker 1: able to ever get pregnant if I'm gay and I'm 78 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: in a same sex relationship. Neither of us are going 79 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:48,159 Speaker 1: to get pregnant. I don't know how this is going 80 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: to really work. You know, I wasn't completely informed of 81 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 1: all the possibilities back then. Certainly nobody talked about surrogacy 82 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 1: fostering an adoption was really not for same sex couples. 83 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: It was really not accessible to to someone in the 84 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 1: gay community. So it wasn't something that you just said, oh, well, 85 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 1: everyone else is doing it. Look at all of these 86 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,679 Speaker 1: great celebrities that are doing it that we can see 87 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 1: and I can live that kind of life. So it 88 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 1: was just something you just assume at some point in 89 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 1: your life for you that it was not gonna happen. 90 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: So then that moved on, and I remember before I 91 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:26,279 Speaker 1: met Rob, I'm ran into a publicist, a celebrity publicist 92 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:29,480 Speaker 1: who was huge and he had kids, and he told 93 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: me about a surrogacy agency in Los Angeles, and I 94 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,840 Speaker 1: was still living in New York that really um primarily 95 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 1: served the l b G t Q community long or 96 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 1: that this is really a big thing, And I remember 97 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 1: I always kept that in mind. I would serve the 98 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: site and I would look at it and it's a 99 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: very different back then. It was, you know, looking at 100 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: all different egg donors, et cetera. And I was like, 101 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: oh my god, this is like a fantasy well that 102 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:53,919 Speaker 1: I would want to do. I told a friend of 103 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 1: mine back then when I learned about it, who was 104 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 1: a producer ABC, and she was fascinated and she did 105 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: a segment for Night Fine on that agency eighteen years ago, 106 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,960 Speaker 1: and and I've never forgotten it. And then I met Rob, 107 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 1: and then you know, we were in our world wind thing, 108 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 1: and then we didn't think about it, and then it's 109 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,479 Speaker 1: sort of really resurfaced again. I think you mentioned on 110 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: the Canadian journalist Carol Offs podcast as it happened that 111 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 1: surrogacy instead of adoption was really the choice that you 112 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: guys were going to make in the road you were 113 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,359 Speaker 1: going to travel. Tell me about that that choice in 114 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 1: that conversation, you know, Katie. For me, I always thought 115 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,160 Speaker 1: if I was going to have children, that adoption would 116 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: be the road we would go down. And this is 117 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:37,719 Speaker 1: a really personal thing for me, because, um, I think 118 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: adoption is amazing and it's incredible. But we got to 119 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,840 Speaker 1: the point where we met with an adoption attorney and 120 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 1: she broke everything down for us. They'll give you best 121 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 1: case scenarios, worst case scenarios, and I had a real 122 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: epiphany within myself and I had to say what Rob. Emotionally, 123 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 1: I don't know that I could handle that journey. And 124 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:06,480 Speaker 1: there was a part of me that felt very guilty, 125 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 1: like I had let myself down. Um, it really took 126 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 1: me a while to kind of get get through that, 127 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 1: but just that moment of wow, like emotionally, I I 128 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 1: don't think I can ride that ride. And I think 129 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: it's the most amazing thing and the most selfless thing 130 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 1: to do, but at that point in time, it seemed 131 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 1: like the unknowns were there were too many unknowns and unpredictable. 132 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,640 Speaker 1: Now listen, nothing with having a baby is predictable or 133 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 1: or controllable per se. But in that scenario, I just thought, Rob, 134 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 1: this isn't for you right now, and I did. I 135 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 1: felt really let down. And then we started discussing surrogacy 136 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 1: and and we hadn't met and then we had gone 137 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 1: to see the agency to sort of really weighed out 138 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: the pros and cons and and really it was all 139 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: out of what Rob was saying. I think, you know, 140 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 1: we definitely adoption was on the table, and we met 141 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 1: with an amazing adoption attorney in New York who was 142 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: very straightforward with us and we love her. But you know, 143 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 1: she said, if you think this is Juno, it's not. 144 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: I think it is not going to be a pretty 145 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 1: co ed cheerleader who got a mistake in Connecticut and 146 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: is now giving up her dream baby. It's like, it 147 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 1: isn't that. And the fact is like, there are many, 148 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: many states that have the ability for the birth mom 149 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,480 Speaker 1: to change their mind after change their mind way down 150 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 1: the road. And for us, I don't know that we 151 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,079 Speaker 1: could have gone through the roller coast of that particular 152 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,959 Speaker 1: emotional journey. And I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just 153 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,679 Speaker 1: saying that personally to us and what we could do. 154 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,240 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it has nothing to do with right or wrong. 155 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 1: It's just emotionally, I am incredibly anxious, nervous person. Totally. 156 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: You're in East Coast, you're in New Jersey, you run, 157 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,959 Speaker 1: you run like super anxious. So do I I get. 158 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 1: My head goes right to like, you know, she's giving 159 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: you best case, worst case, but my head goes, well, 160 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:02,679 Speaker 1: yours is gonna worst case. And I was like, okay, 161 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:05,839 Speaker 1: like you're not ready for this right now? We think, 162 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,960 Speaker 1: oh my goodness, there are so many children in the 163 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 1: world that need a safe place to be raised and 164 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 1: love and all these things, And sadly it's a very complicated, 165 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,679 Speaker 1: arduous up and down process, which I'm curious to hear 166 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 1: how the surrogacy process was for you. We actually did 167 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,319 Speaker 1: a bunch of episodes on Adoption, I think season two, 168 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 1: and we were talking to Shonda Rhymes adoption lawyer, and 169 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 1: I was like, this is I mean, it was just 170 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:36,760 Speaker 1: like very eye opening about how wild the process is. 171 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 1: So tell me now that you had decided that surrogacy 172 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,959 Speaker 1: was the way to go. Did you end up going 173 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: with the people you had talked to like eighteen years earlier. 174 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: Was it a different agency? Tell me about your surrogacy process. Well, 175 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: actually yes, we went with that agency, but in a 176 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: really strange roundabout way. I mean I had that talk 177 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,839 Speaker 1: show on ABC and our person who was in charge 178 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,560 Speaker 1: of social media at the time, he had twins via 179 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 1: surrogacy too, and I was talking to him about it 180 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: and he said, well, you know, we didn't use an agency, 181 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: but we had all these individuals because as you do it, 182 00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:11,679 Speaker 1: there's a lot of many elements. We need an ib 183 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: F doctor, you need a legal lawyer, you need a petition, 184 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: you know, all of these different things. So it doesn't 185 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 1: it's it's an army that actually makes it all happen 186 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,080 Speaker 1: for you. And he said it would have been easier 187 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,079 Speaker 1: if he had to do it again to do it 188 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: through an agency who could actually handle all that, because 189 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 1: we don't know any of the things that we need. 190 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: VV Magic Younger z vv Magic, which is Vivian Vivian Magic. 191 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,840 Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with the name. It's beautiful, it's perfect. And 192 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,440 Speaker 1: how old is she right now? Almost seventeen months? Your 193 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 1: incovert station with your story. Get the whole pregnancy right, 194 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: and then you can decide whether or not you're you 195 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: are in continuation of being in conversation with each other 196 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,200 Speaker 1: for the rest of your baby's life. Right. Yeah. You 197 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,439 Speaker 1: know what's interesting is like, do you think once people 198 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: have gone through this, it's like, oh, now we've got 199 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,319 Speaker 1: all this knowledge about her, how everything works a Z 200 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 1: you are learning as you go. It's kind of like 201 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 1: surrogacy is still this little bit of a mystery, a secret. 202 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 1: How does it all happen? Um? And I mean I 203 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:29,200 Speaker 1: can kind of break down in simple steps how it 204 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:32,320 Speaker 1: how it all works. Yes, I want to hear about 205 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:37,840 Speaker 1: how did you choose your surrogate? Um and tell me 206 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 1: about her pregnancy? All right, so let me just pull 207 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,320 Speaker 1: the whole curtain back and a disclaimer, Joe is probably 208 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 1: going to freak out later because I am bluntly honest 209 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 1: about me. And here's the reality. Surrogacy, the way we 210 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:59,080 Speaker 1: did it with an agency is incredibly expensive, so there's 211 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,600 Speaker 1: no there's I think there's no reason to deny that. 212 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: And we were lucky enough to have the money to 213 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 1: go through this process. So step one is finding your 214 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,040 Speaker 1: egg donor. I think what a lot of people don't 215 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 1: understand is that. And I think in the majority of 216 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 1: states it's actually illegal to have your surrogate also be 217 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 1: the egg donor, so your surrogate has no bloodline to 218 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: the baby. So again we say, oh, we went with 219 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 1: an agency. They send you their data bank with all 220 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:36,840 Speaker 1: the medical information, photos from childhood to adulthood, family history, education, 221 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 1: some of them had videos, so you're looking through this 222 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 1: database of people. It was like a psycho Tinder. We 223 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:46,120 Speaker 1: would that was like our night activity, like, oh, let's 224 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 1: get in bed and scroll through the girls. It felt 225 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:52,200 Speaker 1: like really odd, wow, And it also I think it 226 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:57,200 Speaker 1: brings up so many questions. For example, um, you know 227 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: all of us that our parents you you really don't 228 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,640 Speaker 1: care what your child looks like. It's all that's not important. 229 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,599 Speaker 1: But in surrogacy you have to make those decisions. In 230 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: choosing an egg donor, you have to decide so for us, 231 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:11,679 Speaker 1: and everything is kind of for us. For us, what 232 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: worked was, you know what, let's find an egg donor 233 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 1: who could resemble either of us. Yeah, that has like 234 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: a mixed background. So we were kind of primarily thinking 235 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:29,320 Speaker 1: Asian and Caucasian. Just what felt right for us, um 236 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,560 Speaker 1: so that you know, our daughter could look like either 237 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 1: of us. Of course, a lot of people choose that. 238 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 1: I We've had episodes on sperm donors. I mean it's 239 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 1: it's a very like common thing. Well, you got to 240 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,319 Speaker 1: start somewhere, just like what are is the box? We're 241 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: trying to contain this in it. The funny part of 242 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: this is we're going through the data, the data anything. 243 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: We're thinking if nobody feels right, nobody feels right. So 244 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,160 Speaker 1: we speak with the agency and we love them, don't 245 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 1: get me wrong, but they said, well, if you'd like 246 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,320 Speaker 1: were x amount more, we and introduce you to the 247 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:06,680 Speaker 1: people at Oh my, this is real life. This is 248 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 1: a show. Has anyone made this show? So it's really good. 249 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:14,959 Speaker 1: Let's make a KB. They have a much larger data 250 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: bank they can zero in more specifically, however, there's a Timeline. 251 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 1: Don't quote me on this, but it was something like 252 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 1: from the time they do their search and hand over 253 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,800 Speaker 1: the list, you have two weeks to decide for whatever reasons, 254 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: and what comes in is this list that says okay um, 255 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: I call it the proven winner people who have been 256 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 1: egg donors in the past. This is what her fee 257 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: is based on the amount of eggs that she produced 258 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: the first time she did it. So that's actually how 259 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: we found our egg downer. No, it's super super crazy 260 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: and like they literally because they type in and it's 261 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,280 Speaker 1: like I kept saying, it's like sleep Green. You can 262 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 1: check off all the boxes of things that you want, 263 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 1: send you an entire list, and then we picked, and 264 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: we had two weeks to pick. Like Rob said, we 265 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: found her on one of the last days and I 266 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: woke up and I don't remember this on January one, 267 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:13,360 Speaker 1: twenty nineteen, and we paid for her the first thing 268 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 1: we did on on New Year's Day. Oh, that's so beautiful. 269 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 1: And also for don't egg donors, you're looking at like 270 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 1: medical history and stuff like that, right, like the most 271 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 1: important factors for for us. I keep saying for us, 272 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: because I know people get offended by everything, but for 273 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:32,760 Speaker 1: us medical background. Yeah, and you have to match with 274 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,560 Speaker 1: this donor. Your stuff has to match with their stuff, 275 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 1: so that comes for you choose them. But we looked 276 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,640 Speaker 1: at her history, we looked at her upbringing. She actually 277 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 1: interestingly was adopted, but we had you know, she had 278 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 1: medical records and things for her biological parents. Um, and 279 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 1: we laugh because your head spinning. You're going, how are 280 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: we picking? How are we picking? What's the most important? 281 00:15:55,800 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: IVY League? School doesn't matter, education, nature, nurture. I said, okay, Rob, Like, 282 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 1: when you meet a person, what's the most important thing? 283 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 1: Look in their eyes? And for me, when I looked 284 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 1: in her eyes and said, wow, this is like a 285 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: really beautiful being and this is her, I agree. We 286 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: just connected. And she incidentally had done this before with 287 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 1: a branch of the ib F office that we were 288 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 1: also doing in Pasadena. I think everything worked out and 289 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,360 Speaker 1: like you know, and in our particular instance, another thing 290 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 1: that we learned along the way without our iv F 291 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: doctor said, when you pick a viable egg, don'ner that 292 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: you guys are interested in, send the profile to us 293 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: and we'll match the genetics before you commit. Oh how great, 294 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: so that your sperm there are no medical issues, and 295 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: there's no medical issues like. There's no like because if 296 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 1: you both line up, say for example, of having Ta 297 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 1: sax or one of the other two hundred and sixty 298 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 1: four genetic diseases, if you guys line up, then oh 299 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 1: my gosh, you've gone through this whole process of picking 300 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 1: an egg donner, and then it's not great that her 301 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: egg and your sperm something could be messed up and 302 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: then would not take when we transferred, and I think 303 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: what was so interesting with the nurse said to me 304 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: one day at the office and she said, you know, 305 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: I'll be honest and tell you guys that you guys 306 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:09,159 Speaker 1: are in probably a better position because you guys, I 307 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,560 Speaker 1: get to match all of the genetics and run it 308 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,720 Speaker 1: through the machine and tell you everything about whether it's 309 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 1: vibrale or not. When a heterosexual couple comes into us 310 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,480 Speaker 1: and says we can't get pregnant, what we'd like to 311 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,960 Speaker 1: We just help them try to get pregnant. We do 312 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,920 Speaker 1: not run through their genetics because it's not our place 313 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 1: to tell them that they're not genetically compatible as a couple. 314 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,639 Speaker 1: You guys are just merely picking someone out of entire 315 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,960 Speaker 1: data bank as someone to match and if it doesn't match, 316 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 1: you guys will just match with someone else. And so 317 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,959 Speaker 1: it's a different scenario. And I was like, oh, that 318 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:44,240 Speaker 1: is so different and interesting and so scientific and medical 319 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,800 Speaker 1: at the same time. Yeah, but amazing. I mean it's 320 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,560 Speaker 1: this is like so cool you. I literally just had 321 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,680 Speaker 1: a friend who had some weird tests come back. She's pregnant. 322 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 1: They found out like her and her husband are like 323 00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:03,320 Speaker 1: cousins removed like from that, Like I am not even kidding. 324 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: The baby's fine, They're fine, it's okay. But they were 325 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,200 Speaker 1: like they figured that out like way after the fact. 326 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,040 Speaker 1: So we've got the egg donor, We've got her. We've 327 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: got her egg. We're gonna put her through the IVF 328 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 1: process where she is going to do the two or 329 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:22,320 Speaker 1: three month situation where she takes the hormones, she goes 330 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:26,400 Speaker 1: under briefly and they get eggs out. Now, how are 331 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:32,680 Speaker 1: we picking a surrogate? You know that process, that data 332 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:36,120 Speaker 1: bank was much smaller to be. To be honest with you, 333 00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:38,879 Speaker 1: I know, surrogacy is really hard. We've done. We had 334 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 1: Gabrielle Union on and she was talking about her surrogacy 335 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: experience that I've had a bunch of friends go through it. 336 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,200 Speaker 1: It's very hard to find a surrogate. By that point 337 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,480 Speaker 1: in the process. The agency knew us very well, knew 338 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:53,119 Speaker 1: our personalities, and they did a great job of trying 339 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 1: to match us with potential surrogates. You know, Joe can 340 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: give me the details. But we met we only met two, 341 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: you know, via like zoom, and the first one dropped out. Um, 342 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:10,919 Speaker 1: you know, honestly, I think she was in it for 343 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:15,520 Speaker 1: money and ended up getting a job instead of doing this. 344 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 1: You know, it is what it is like. People is 345 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:23,280 Speaker 1: different motivation. But the second surrocuit that they hooked us 346 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:28,880 Speaker 1: up with, we've had a dream experience. The most lovely 347 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,680 Speaker 1: girl twenty nine years old in Minnesota, divorced mother of three, 348 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:38,639 Speaker 1: had always felt this desire to be part of this 349 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,760 Speaker 1: journey with a family who couldn't have their own child. 350 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 1: Her husband when she was married did not want any 351 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 1: part of that. She got divorced and decided, you know what, 352 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,119 Speaker 1: this is one of the things I'm gonna do because 353 00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: I always wanted to. And obviously she has three kids, 354 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 1: so she was that like such a great sign for 355 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: you that like she's got this, she's carried well, I 356 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:01,680 Speaker 1: mean literally legally you're not even allowed to be a 357 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,880 Speaker 1: circuit unless you've had a kid before. And I've come 358 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: to understand there's a lot that people think circuits to 359 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,160 Speaker 1: do it for money. The circuits really do it because 360 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,400 Speaker 1: they love being pregnant, they love being able to help others, 361 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 1: and I think that's really what came through with our 362 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 1: particular circuit. In our particular instance, I mean, just to 363 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,399 Speaker 1: get into the nitty gritty the this is why the 364 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,879 Speaker 1: agency was so amazing. They're like, we are going to 365 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,480 Speaker 1: find you a circuit, but not any surrogate that's going 366 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: to be able to be applicable, because it really depends 367 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,400 Speaker 1: on the state that they live in. Because we are 368 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: a same sex couple. Every state has very different regulations, 369 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,400 Speaker 1: and I think up until recently, the last state where 370 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 1: sergucy was illegal was New York. New York. It literally 371 00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:43,360 Speaker 1: just changed like six to eight months ago during COVID 372 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,920 Speaker 1: they changed, but it was illegal to be a surrogate 373 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,920 Speaker 1: or to have certainty in the state of New York, 374 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:52,560 Speaker 1: which you would, which is shocking, shocking. But that being said, 375 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,639 Speaker 1: there are many states in this country right now that 376 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,639 Speaker 1: have different regulations. So our agency said, we can't just 377 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,520 Speaker 1: find you a circuit in any state because a lot 378 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: of states will not allow the same sex couple surrogacy. 379 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 1: A lot of states will not put the same sex 380 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: couple on a birth certificate of the surrogacy. And certain 381 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,240 Speaker 1: states will say, oh, you can put one of the 382 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,239 Speaker 1: same sex couple who is a biological parent, and then 383 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 1: the surrogate goes on the birth certificate. So they're like, 384 00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 1: we don't want any good, it's a nightmare. Or some 385 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,120 Speaker 1: states require you to put the egg donor on as 386 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,359 Speaker 1: on the birth certificate. So ultimately it gets whittled down 387 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,840 Speaker 1: to like, here's a small handful of states that will 388 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 1: actually allow a birth certificate to reflect both of the 389 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 1: same sex parents. Good old Minnesota. Good old Minnesota. But 390 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,160 Speaker 1: the first woman that we interview with, she is an 391 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,760 Speaker 1: Alabama Can you believe that Alabama is one of those 392 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,560 Speaker 1: states that would allow this. So you know, for us, 393 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,880 Speaker 1: it was all of the learning, um journey and everything, 394 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,280 Speaker 1: and I think just a quick store and I tell 395 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 1: us all the time and rob stick of it. But 396 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,919 Speaker 1: I think what was so great was that trying to 397 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,880 Speaker 1: explain to people what the surrogacy even really is, and 398 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,720 Speaker 1: that how the surrogate is very different than the egg donor, 399 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,159 Speaker 1: and it is not a connected thing. There is no 400 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 1: genetics from the surrogate to our egg, et cetera. And 401 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,320 Speaker 1: the very first woman that we had interviewed that we 402 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,400 Speaker 1: liked and ultimately didn't happen because she took another job. 403 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 1: She was a single black mom in Alabama. She had 404 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: a son, and she was like a lovely woman. We 405 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 1: had we had met with her via zoom, and I 406 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 1: remember sitting in in New York and having coffee with 407 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,399 Speaker 1: an old colleague of mine from l and saying what 408 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,159 Speaker 1: was happening? And I was saying, like, you know, like 409 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,000 Speaker 1: a single black mom is going to give birth to 410 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: a half Asian half callcage. And this was a very 411 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 1: intelligent person I was having coffee with and her mind 412 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: bum and she's like, I never would have thought about that. 413 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,159 Speaker 1: And I said, well, for us, that's the new normal, 414 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:46,720 Speaker 1: Like that is the new family. Yes, people are very confused. 415 00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 1: Even in Gabrielle Union's episode, her father who like explaining 416 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,119 Speaker 1: this to anyone who's this is big for us to 417 00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:57,879 Speaker 1: wrap our head around. Yet someone who's like maybe in 418 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 1: their eighties or whoever old Gabrielle Union's dad, is you know, 419 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,680 Speaker 1: like coming around being like, wait a second. Even if 420 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:09,920 Speaker 1: the surrogate is white and she uses your egg and 421 00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,800 Speaker 1: you're a black person, she's going to give birth to 422 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 1: a black person. You're like, Yeah, the surrogate is the 423 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,160 Speaker 1: home that the baby comes in, but it is not 424 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,119 Speaker 1: any of the genetics. It's not the egg, it's not 425 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,240 Speaker 1: it's not amazing until you articulated. I think people don't 426 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,520 Speaker 1: really connect all the dogs because it isn't part of 427 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,920 Speaker 1: their everyday life. Like, we haven't been in a place 428 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,639 Speaker 1: where everybody has talked about surrogacy in a very open way. 429 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 1: I mean, this was Rob's point at the very beginning, 430 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 1: which was true. He's like, I want to be very 431 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,920 Speaker 1: open about this because for us, it's like we're throwing 432 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,120 Speaker 1: through Instagram and all of a a sudden, two gay friends, 433 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,920 Speaker 1: here's the baby, welcome and we're like, where did they 434 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:58,119 Speaker 1: come from? I think you mentioned on Carol's podcast that 435 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,159 Speaker 1: there were a lot of highs and lows during the surregacy. 436 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:05,639 Speaker 1: Were there scares? Were there? Like? Were you guys constantly 437 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: in touch, like via text with how she was feeling 438 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,119 Speaker 1: in getting to know her. We knew the type of 439 00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 1: person she was, we knew her lifestyle. We knew actually 440 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,560 Speaker 1: took care of herself and her family, and we just 441 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,600 Speaker 1: let it go. We were like, look, every once in 442 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:21,040 Speaker 1: a while, I like a number two at McDonald's. Sure 443 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,280 Speaker 1: give me that two burgers in the fries. If this 444 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 1: is what she wants, fine I can. I just said 445 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,000 Speaker 1: a number two at McDonald's. That sounded horrible, but you 446 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:29,720 Speaker 1: know what I know. Yeah, yeah, I was like, wait, 447 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,640 Speaker 1: are we talking about the meal? I was like, are 448 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,639 Speaker 1: we taking it? You mean? Like, and she's very healthy, 449 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,200 Speaker 1: She's very active. So we felt really competent in her 450 00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:42,639 Speaker 1: ability to um really have a great pregnancy in that 451 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:44,479 Speaker 1: sense and take care of our baby. She was sure 452 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,280 Speaker 1: was a healthier than us. To be quite honestly, she 453 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,800 Speaker 1: was telling up that her ex husband had a heart scare. 454 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 1: So they had gone much more vegan and healthy and vegetarian, 455 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,520 Speaker 1: and she had added protein back into her diet which 456 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,119 Speaker 1: got pregnant. She was incredible. When I tell you we 457 00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:00,280 Speaker 1: had the ideal situation. We truly did the that we 458 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:03,480 Speaker 1: created with her. UM. Just to jump forward a sec 459 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,439 Speaker 1: We're still in touch with her and we say I 460 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 1: love yous. We um are close with her children. We 461 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 1: have a very open relationship, and we I think we 462 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 1: always will. Robin or birth there two days apart, I think, 463 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,160 Speaker 1: you know what. I think that's highs and lows. Really 464 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,200 Speaker 1: was really more about like the minute you start to 465 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,399 Speaker 1: become a parent, everything is terrifying, do you know what 466 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: I mean? So terrified. So like we did the transfer. Oh, 467 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,280 Speaker 1: I hope it takes. I hope it takes. I hope 468 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,040 Speaker 1: it takes. Then we've crossed that bertile. Then it took, 469 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 1: and she's officially pregnant, and it's like, I hope she 470 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:35,679 Speaker 1: keeps it. I hope she keeps it. Yeah, Like, are 471 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:37,440 Speaker 1: we gonna make it past twelve weeks? Are we gonna 472 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,520 Speaker 1: get twelve weeks? Are we gonna make it past twenty weeks? 473 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 1: Are we gonna get past this? Scan? Are we gonna 474 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 1: get past this? And not being able to see her 475 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 1: or be with her? Because it really is a lesson 476 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:50,639 Speaker 1: in letting go of control. We had no control none. 477 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,439 Speaker 1: You have to just feelly no, you guys are pregnant too, 478 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,440 Speaker 1: and that's how we feel, you know, like my pregnancy 479 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,199 Speaker 1: is the whole time. I'm like, you're just you know, 480 00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,960 Speaker 1: Jesus take the wheel or whoever You're not you know 481 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,159 Speaker 1: what I mean, Like it's the biggest lesson and like 482 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,800 Speaker 1: I cannot control this. It's so much bigger than me, 483 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: so highs and lows in learning, Like, oh my gosh, 484 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 1: I'm terrified. Oh my gosh, we've crossed another hurdle. Did 485 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,720 Speaker 1: she get birth during cod No? No, no, yes, yes, 486 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,760 Speaker 1: we know a month after lockdown, but two weeks after 487 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,680 Speaker 1: lockdown we had to make a constition about what to do, 488 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:26,000 Speaker 1: Like we can tell you because it was a huge 489 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:29,680 Speaker 1: part of the equation. Um, so I mean backtrack. I 490 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,960 Speaker 1: went to Minnesota at twenty weeks due to the whole 491 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 1: twenty week appointment, and we got her heart beat and everything, 492 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:38,119 Speaker 1: and then Rob had to work so he couldn't leave. 493 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 1: But then we went back together at twenty eight weeks 494 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 1: and we saw her, and then we got back there 495 00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:46,640 Speaker 1: at delivery. But for for the birth, Oh my god. 496 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 1: All right, this is how it goes original plan. Right, 497 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,960 Speaker 1: You're having your baby the most magical, amazing time in 498 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:56,440 Speaker 1: your life. My mom's gonna fly in from New Jersey. 499 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 1: We're all gonna stay there together, our surry gets kids 500 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:01,440 Speaker 1: of our He asked, when the baby is born, can 501 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 1: we hold her? Yes, yes, yes, a family there the 502 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,680 Speaker 1: whole thing. Um, Alexandra, the amazing night Nurse is also 503 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,960 Speaker 1: flying with us. We have no clue what we're doing. 504 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:14,879 Speaker 1: COVID boom, uh well our kid is coming that this 505 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 1: is it. There's no stop ye. No one called yeah, yeah, yeah, 506 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:20,240 Speaker 1: right right. We said to my mom, look, we're not 507 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,159 Speaker 1: taking this risk. Sorry, we'll see you when we can 508 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,440 Speaker 1: see you. Alexandra Night Nurse. Guys, I'm really really sorry. 509 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:30,440 Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable flying right now. Okay, Um, so, 510 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:36,760 Speaker 1: holy shit balls. Everybody had an opinion. Everybody, We're getting 511 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,919 Speaker 1: random calls. Listen, I just wanted to tell you I 512 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,840 Speaker 1: think you should drive to Minnesota and well, guys, we 513 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 1: think you should fly. Everybody had an opinion. We finally 514 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,879 Speaker 1: looked at each other. I said, Joe, this is the 515 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,520 Speaker 1: beginning of parenthood. This is when we have to make 516 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 1: decisions for us and make the best decisions for our child. 517 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 1: Welcome to this world. Oh my god, I have goose bumps. 518 00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:02,240 Speaker 1: This is so. We said, of contact, We're going to 519 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:06,879 Speaker 1: meet more people along the way, driving or flying, driving hotels, motels, 520 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: gas stations. Is that eating? Okay? So we flew lights, 521 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,880 Speaker 1: all wipes in hand, masks, the gloves, the whole thing. 522 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 1: Remember this is very early on. Yeah, we didn't even 523 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,919 Speaker 1: have any answers. We didn't know what we know now. Yeah, 524 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,800 Speaker 1: we rent an arianb in Minnesota to quarantine two weeks 525 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,920 Speaker 1: before we get there. We're quarantining. It's just the two 526 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,840 Speaker 1: of us with all our stuff. And we didn't know 527 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,479 Speaker 1: at that point whether the hospital was going to admit 528 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:39,600 Speaker 1: us in. Oh my god, one or both or not. 529 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 1: So I was calling every day very suation. But look, 530 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 1: we ended up in a great spot. We were very fortunate. Um, 531 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,440 Speaker 1: the hospital we were at had had no COVID cases. 532 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:59,240 Speaker 1: We're both allowed in the delivery room. We actually stayed 533 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 1: in the hospital all They were incredible with us and 534 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,520 Speaker 1: we were there for every part of it. Oh, you 535 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 1: got I know down. I remember we locked down in 536 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: March eighteen. Uh, the Vivy's do date was apok So 537 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 1: we had always planned we had tickets ready to go 538 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,240 Speaker 1: on April eighteenth. We're gonna get their week earlier, which 539 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:22,400 Speaker 1: is what the agency recommended. And then when we locked down, 540 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: I looked at Rob and I said, what are we 541 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,960 Speaker 1: gonna do? What? Because there was constant changing rules of 542 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,480 Speaker 1: like you have the quarantine for two weeks. If you're 543 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:32,400 Speaker 1: coming from a hot zone and this and that, you 544 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: may be allowed in, you may not be allowed in. 545 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,800 Speaker 1: And I said, we can't afford to miss being in 546 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,719 Speaker 1: their delivery room because we missed the quarantine moment. So 547 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: I said we could just make our pull the trigger 548 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: and make our own self decision to do self quarantine. 549 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,160 Speaker 1: So we said fine, we changed our tickets. We left 550 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,640 Speaker 1: for Minneapolis on April five. I remember all of this. 551 00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:53,200 Speaker 1: The two days before I left, I was on CNN. 552 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,280 Speaker 1: I took a picture. The banner underneath said less next 553 00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:00,520 Speaker 1: week will be worse than nine O level and and 554 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:04,400 Speaker 1: Pearl Harbor combined based on COVID and or what was 555 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,479 Speaker 1: called Corona back then. And we were like, okay, we're 556 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,040 Speaker 1: gonna do this. We're gonna get the airbnb. We get 557 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:12,840 Speaker 1: to l a X at eleven thirty in the morning 558 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:17,120 Speaker 1: to take our flight. It was empty, ghost everything was gated. 559 00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:19,360 Speaker 1: The lights were also when vacuuming in a corner. We 560 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:21,239 Speaker 1: get on the flight, it's just Rob and I'm two 561 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,520 Speaker 1: people in the back. That's it going to Minneapolis. You guys, 562 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:31,560 Speaker 1: this is like Captivatingly I'm sorry, I'm just like I mean, 563 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:34,200 Speaker 1: and it's only such an thank God because everything worked 564 00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:37,680 Speaker 1: out beautifully, thank God. But now we can look back 565 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: and say, okay, whatever we didn't know back then, we 566 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:43,480 Speaker 1: were wiping down cans of tomato sauce. Oh yeah. We 567 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 1: got on the plane with masks and gloves at a 568 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 1: garage bag tied to my waist. I light saw white 569 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,600 Speaker 1: everything thing, don't touch this. We had to have my 570 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,000 Speaker 1: brother from Canada send us lights all white because we 571 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 1: didn't have anything. We had three suitcases packed. One was 572 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 1: just robin eyes, like sweatpants. One was everything for baby 573 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,160 Speaker 1: because we're like, what if we're stuck on the road, 574 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 1: what have airline shut down? Katie? We packed paper towels 575 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,840 Speaker 1: because we didn't know what the situation would be at 576 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:13,080 Speaker 1: the grocery stores there. COVID has affected everyone, every single 577 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,840 Speaker 1: person on this earth in some way. Our experience of 578 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,800 Speaker 1: the the picture you paint of what it's going to 579 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,560 Speaker 1: be like when you have your child, that joy, that excitement, 580 00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 1: that just such a human emotional moment. Then on the 581 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:30,120 Speaker 1: opposite side is the most terrifying, scary thing you've ever 582 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,920 Speaker 1: lived through. And you put them together, it throws you 583 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 1: for a loop. But I would say in those moments, 584 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 1: you don't have like this is our baby, this is 585 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 1: our baby. What do you do for your kid? You 586 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,440 Speaker 1: do everything you can. So we had to hear in 587 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,200 Speaker 1: that mode whre it was like, okay, checklist worst case scenarios. 588 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,200 Speaker 1: If this happens, We're gonna do this. If that happens, 589 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,040 Speaker 1: what do we need to bring? Maybe there won't be 590 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,200 Speaker 1: paper towels, Let's bring extra weights. I had a running 591 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,560 Speaker 1: note before we left that I literally was like petrified 592 00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,680 Speaker 1: because you couldn't get tested back then, you didn't know 593 00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,719 Speaker 1: what they tests weren't even like created yet, and if 594 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,520 Speaker 1: they were, they were like falls. You know who, she 595 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: might to be hospitalized on a ventilator. What they even 596 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:12,440 Speaker 1: did a test back then? We got to that AIRBB 597 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:15,040 Speaker 1: and we hold up for two weeks. We just we 598 00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 1: took our temperatures every day at nine am and five pm, 599 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,680 Speaker 1: and I recorded it and I still have it. And 600 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,400 Speaker 1: one day I'm gonna show Bibby, which she says, Daddy 601 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,680 Speaker 1: and data tell me about the year I was born. 602 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to be like pull up a chair because 603 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,400 Speaker 1: it is everything to do with that, everything to do 604 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,880 Speaker 1: with our journey, everything like we're the only people in 605 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:35,640 Speaker 1: the maternity board and we lived in there. You guys 606 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,160 Speaker 1: have to write this book or this show or something. 607 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:42,200 Speaker 1: I mean, this is just incredible. It's incredible. Her birth 608 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:47,280 Speaker 1: story is just amazing. And how was the birth Katie. 609 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,880 Speaker 1: It's so funny because it felt like the calmest thing ever. 610 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: So the hospital was lovely are the health insurance company? 611 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,720 Speaker 1: Everything the way it worked was really really beautifully done. 612 00:32:58,120 --> 00:32:59,880 Speaker 1: It was so great as two gay men to be 613 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,360 Speaker 1: really treated as the parents of this child. And we 614 00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:06,040 Speaker 1: had our own room. I mean, this is funny in itself. 615 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,479 Speaker 1: We each had one of the hospital beds, and I 616 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:10,520 Speaker 1: remember it was like, oh, the baby might comes to 617 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,160 Speaker 1: whatever the hospital called up. Hey do you want lunch 618 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,080 Speaker 1: or I'll have a grilled cheese and a tomato soup. 619 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,760 Speaker 1: I'm sitting there. I had done some like eye patches, 620 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:22,640 Speaker 1: you know whatever the nurse and says it's time. I'm like, oh, perfect, 621 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,600 Speaker 1: I just finished my lunch. We walk in. I had 622 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,120 Speaker 1: said to myself, listen, you are going to faint if 623 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,600 Speaker 1: you watch anything. I walked in that room and something 624 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,240 Speaker 1: came over me. I said, I want to see it all. 625 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:38,520 Speaker 1: Joe was recording I was holding her hand. Um, I'm 626 00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,040 Speaker 1: so emotional, you guys, so beautiful, she says to us. 627 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:46,040 Speaker 1: She said, um, listen, I've done this before. Here's how 628 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,600 Speaker 1: it's gonna work. Both my hand. They're gonna tell me 629 00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:52,600 Speaker 1: to count to thirty and stop. You keep counting, all right. 630 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,960 Speaker 1: I don't think what's going on. He holds my hand. 631 00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:59,560 Speaker 1: She is squeezing, squeezing, squeezing. Count one, two three. We 632 00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,760 Speaker 1: hit the one thirty two. She's still pushing. What was 633 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 1: it forty seconds the baby was out? No, I thought 634 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,680 Speaker 1: you kind into a leapon and the baby was out. 635 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:08,719 Speaker 1: Now it was like just past thirty and that's it. 636 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:13,239 Speaker 1: The baby two pus came with her hands. I swear, 637 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 1: this is so funny. In say yes. The hands were 638 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,600 Speaker 1: like I have a picture of this hands in prayer 639 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 1: position with his giant head of hair. I was like, 640 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,840 Speaker 1: oh I got a baby with hair. Awesome. Yes, I 641 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:29,239 Speaker 1: was all he wanted. On the floor. They were like, 642 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,360 Speaker 1: wait a sec, she's already here. There was no pushing. 643 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:36,600 Speaker 1: This woman is oh you guys, and now you have 644 00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:40,160 Speaker 1: a baby. You have no Alexandra, No night nurse were 645 00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:43,640 Speaker 1: in COVID. Who was there to help you? Like you said, Joe, 646 00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,359 Speaker 1: you would never changed a diaper, no one, And we 647 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,040 Speaker 1: had the nurses teach us a lot of things. I 648 00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,320 Speaker 1: have to say, like, this is also why there's no 649 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:53,839 Speaker 1: so much more level of education needed. Even a lot 650 00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:57,839 Speaker 1: of the nurses and even the attending pediatrician didn't really 651 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,960 Speaker 1: understand the surrogacy. They said, wedn never had this before 652 00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:04,640 Speaker 1: in our hospital. And they thought that our surrogate was 653 00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:08,600 Speaker 1: also the genetic birth mother of our daughter. And they 654 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:11,200 Speaker 1: even said, oh, she looks like you to our surrogate. 655 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,239 Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's you could definitely do a part 656 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:19,680 Speaker 1: two about like etiquette. Oh yeah, people have absolutely no idea. 657 00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:22,080 Speaker 1: Somebody came in. One of the nurses came in and 658 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 1: again they were all incredible, and I think it's just 659 00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:28,640 Speaker 1: a lack of lack of education, it's a lack of experience. 660 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,680 Speaker 1: She kind of took my hand and said, I just 661 00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:33,759 Speaker 1: feel so bad. How is that mother going to let 662 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:38,840 Speaker 1: go of her baby? And I was like, she's not that, 663 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,240 Speaker 1: she's not her, but it's not her baby. I mean really, 664 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:46,160 Speaker 1: it's like, so, oh, here's a question. Does a surrogate 665 00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:50,279 Speaker 1: always breastfeed or not? It's up to you. So the 666 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:54,080 Speaker 1: the relationship we had built with her. She said, listen, guys, 667 00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: I'll do whatever you want me to do. We had 668 00:35:56,200 --> 00:36:00,319 Speaker 1: planned early on we were mostly gonna go with formula um. 669 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,120 Speaker 1: They had told us, like listen, the colostrum that sort 670 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,880 Speaker 1: of first, all of the breast milk very good for 671 00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:09,480 Speaker 1: the immune system, COVID. Okay, So she said, I'll do 672 00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,040 Speaker 1: whatever you want. So we said cool, like we weren't 673 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,839 Speaker 1: worried about the baby latching on or whatever. And she 674 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,600 Speaker 1: ended up We just love her. She ended up staying 675 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:22,120 Speaker 1: in the hospital on her own accord for another three days. 676 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,759 Speaker 1: Do breastfeed the baby so that so that we could 677 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,759 Speaker 1: make sure she had enough colostrum and immunity built when 678 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,879 Speaker 1: we traveled home. We left when she was three days old. 679 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:34,800 Speaker 1: We left from hospital to airport. This is how great, 680 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:36,799 Speaker 1: like we knew Vivy was from the very beginning. So 681 00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:38,319 Speaker 1: we put her in the car seat, we put the 682 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:41,200 Speaker 1: plastic thing over it, We say goodbye. The night before, 683 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 1: I slept one hour because like I said, I've never 684 00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:45,200 Speaker 1: changed back before. They said, a baby before. I don't 685 00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,120 Speaker 1: know how this works. So they put her in our 686 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,200 Speaker 1: room because previously she sat with the nurse that she 687 00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:50,200 Speaker 1: put her in a room, and I was like, I 688 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,279 Speaker 1: never slepped at just like every time she made a noise, 689 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:56,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, whoa hers, Oh my gosh, it's so fucking 690 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,480 Speaker 1: terrifying verifying. So then I stayed away from most of 691 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,600 Speaker 1: the night, and then we got up and then we 692 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:03,200 Speaker 1: put her in the car seat. I could drive two 693 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: and a half hours from where we were at the 694 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,719 Speaker 1: Mayo Planic to the Minneapolis Airport. We got through security, 695 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 1: we got on a plane. It was another two and 696 00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,840 Speaker 1: a half hour ride. Um, and then we got in 697 00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:15,080 Speaker 1: a car and drive home to our house. The whole 698 00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:16,959 Speaker 1: thing was a little bit about like seven or eight hours. 699 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,279 Speaker 1: She never really cried, She didn't even food. We didn't 700 00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:24,839 Speaker 1: even have to change a like three days old. And 701 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:26,560 Speaker 1: you know, it's like, oh my god, her first time 702 00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,400 Speaker 1: in a car seat, but it was for us it 703 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 1: was like, oh, first time in a car seat, first 704 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:32,520 Speaker 1: time with us alone with her. She's gonna find an 705 00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,640 Speaker 1: airplane's gonna get in another car, We're gonna go home. Wow, 706 00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,719 Speaker 1: you guys just jumped forward and did a lot of 707 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,400 Speaker 1: stuff right off the bat. I know you guys have 708 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,560 Speaker 1: to go so very quickly. I just want to ask you, 709 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:49,080 Speaker 1: parenthood is maybe in a sense, well, I think, I mean, 710 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,920 Speaker 1: I don't know that I have one word for it. 711 00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:54,560 Speaker 1: I mean I think I I have loved it. It 712 00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:56,960 Speaker 1: is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And 713 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,960 Speaker 1: I think you hear that from everyone, So I don't 714 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:04,360 Speaker 1: I don't want to be no, say it again. It's okay, um, 715 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:08,600 Speaker 1: But I think for me, and parent is so anticipatory. 716 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,480 Speaker 1: So for me, it's like I'm constantly worried about the 717 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,640 Speaker 1: next thing. We've touched on this before it's like, oh, 718 00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:15,320 Speaker 1: is she gonna be can It's gonna be that? And 719 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,279 Speaker 1: then I'm gonna be like, is she's still breathing? And 720 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,479 Speaker 1: then we've gotten over the three months over she gonna 721 00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,040 Speaker 1: hit her head? Is she gonna It's always gonna be 722 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:24,640 Speaker 1: something all the way up until the point she's like 723 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:26,759 Speaker 1: driving and dating and all these things that I'm gonna 724 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,680 Speaker 1: be like consistently worried. And I realized that that level, 725 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,960 Speaker 1: that mile level of anxiety and worry will just be 726 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,720 Speaker 1: a part of you. So I think you've just learned 727 00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:39,600 Speaker 1: to live with that, and I'm okay with that. And 728 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:45,480 Speaker 1: it's been incredibly satisfying to see another little human being 729 00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:51,120 Speaker 1: start to become someone, if that even makes any sense, 730 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,800 Speaker 1: And if you can't even think someone at seventeen months, 731 00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:58,040 Speaker 1: she is, she's becoming someone. It's and you guys have 732 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,919 Speaker 1: a huge hand in that. It's incredible. What about you? 733 00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,560 Speaker 1: I would say that just like life, it's it's it's 734 00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:08,719 Speaker 1: a journey. It is not a destination. You are on 735 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:12,399 Speaker 1: your toes constantly, no matter how much help you may 736 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:15,480 Speaker 1: have or whoever's around or whatever is going on, that 737 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:18,040 Speaker 1: child is yours. If you're not with them, they are 738 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,800 Speaker 1: on your mind. I would say it's brought about shifts 739 00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:25,120 Speaker 1: in me. And because these little beings are watching everything 740 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 1: you do here and everything you say, and you can 741 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 1: see them from a very young age emulating you. So 742 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,680 Speaker 1: it is adjusted the way that I may handle myself. 743 00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:35,880 Speaker 1: I would say that it's really put me in a 744 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:39,239 Speaker 1: place where I want to be the best version of myself. Yeah, 745 00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:42,200 Speaker 1: there really our greatest teacher. I had someone on the 746 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:46,040 Speaker 1: podcast that is like, you get the child that raises 747 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,080 Speaker 1: you to a level of consciousness that you would have 748 00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,080 Speaker 1: never been able to get to without that child, Because 749 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,480 Speaker 1: they are pushing you're really working hard to be your 750 00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:59,040 Speaker 1: best version so that they can model that, But good lord, 751 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,440 Speaker 1: is it hard. And I think she's gonna be this 752 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,640 Speaker 1: incredible human being. Like I think there are no accidents 753 00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:05,640 Speaker 1: and there's no coincidences in life. The fact that she 754 00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:09,920 Speaker 1: was born at the very beginning of the pandemic um 755 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:11,479 Speaker 1: you know, for all of that, Like I think about 756 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,160 Speaker 1: this all the time. I think that she was born 757 00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:18,400 Speaker 1: in uh Minnesota, outside Minneapolis, a month before George Floyd, 758 00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,719 Speaker 1: like not far from that, and like the realities, Like 759 00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:24,040 Speaker 1: I feel like there are a lot of things that 760 00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:29,759 Speaker 1: make the year that she was born an incredibly historic 761 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:34,200 Speaker 1: year for many many reasons. And I think that as 762 00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:36,919 Speaker 1: we see her start to grow and she starts become 763 00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,279 Speaker 1: so independent of a voice and opinions and and and 764 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:42,919 Speaker 1: become this little person, look at how many lives she's 765 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:45,680 Speaker 1: changed already. I mean, I think about those nurses that 766 00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:49,000 Speaker 1: were at the Minnesota hospital who never had an experience 767 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,160 Speaker 1: like that, and and viv Is who brought that to them, 768 00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,960 Speaker 1: Like that's so cool, Like that nurse in her life 769 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,440 Speaker 1: will get to say, you know, I had never birthed 770 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,480 Speaker 1: a sir and get baby before with you know, and 771 00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,440 Speaker 1: it was not easy to get there, you know, Like 772 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,480 Speaker 1: we say this all the time. We sat down at 773 00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,040 Speaker 1: that agency and the first thing they said, well, like, 774 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:09,799 Speaker 1: doesn't think about two and a half years. And Rob 775 00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:11,239 Speaker 1: and I looked at that were like, oh, we don't 776 00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:13,800 Speaker 1: have that kind of time. Then they're there. And I 777 00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:16,879 Speaker 1: think the other thing with parenthood, more than anything else 778 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,879 Speaker 1: in my life is until you are one, you don't 779 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:24,600 Speaker 1: realize every cliche is true. My mom always says to me, Oh, Rob, 780 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:26,799 Speaker 1: I'm sure like you're gonna have so many times where 781 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,520 Speaker 1: you wish you could go back and stick your foot 782 00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,600 Speaker 1: in your mouth. Basic based on why can't my sister 783 00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:35,960 Speaker 1: have a normal conversation with me, you know, because kids 784 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:39,000 Speaker 1: are all consuming and I'm now running around, Oh she's 785 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,080 Speaker 1: got this, she's got that, trying to have a FaceTime 786 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:44,239 Speaker 1: and you know she's pulling up, but she's opening up cabinets. 787 00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,920 Speaker 1: Katie's cripple exist because we haven't even gotten to the 788 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,960 Speaker 1: teenage years, which I am like, right now, we're just 789 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,319 Speaker 1: trying to keep them alive and like not open up 790 00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:56,200 Speaker 1: things or digest laundry detergent and like eat something they're 791 00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:59,000 Speaker 1: allergic to or whatever, which is hard when we start 792 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:03,399 Speaker 1: getting into like the real emotional work which we are 793 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:07,560 Speaker 1: doing now, but like I'm talking heartbreak and identity and 794 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:12,520 Speaker 1: values and opinions and the first time they feel less 795 00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:16,239 Speaker 1: than all of these things. I'm like, what did we do? 796 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:23,480 Speaker 1: Holy ship? This is crazy? You guys, thank you so 797 00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:26,440 Speaker 1: much for coming on Katie's Crib. This was so epically 798 00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:30,399 Speaker 1: important and I learned so much and I know our 799 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:33,200 Speaker 1: listeners did as well. Katie's Crib will be around a while, 800 00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:35,040 Speaker 1: and I just need to keep checking in with you 801 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:41,000 Speaker 1: guys and parenthood and on our Vivian Magic yonker Z. 802 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,480 Speaker 1: We love you guys. Thank you so much. Have a 803 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:58,479 Speaker 1: great day. Thanks Katie Bye. Thank you guys so much 804 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:02,400 Speaker 1: for listening to Katie's career is And again, Happy World 805 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:05,400 Speaker 1: Surrogacy Day. What do you guys want to talk about 806 00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:10,120 Speaker 1: in this season? Tell me talk to me, questions, comments, concerns. 807 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,080 Speaker 1: You can always find me at Katie's Crib at Shonda 808 00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:16,840 Speaker 1: land dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda 809 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:19,719 Speaker 1: Land Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. For more 810 00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:22,480 Speaker 1: podcasts from Shanda Land Audio, visit the I Heart Radio app, 811 00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,280 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. 812 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:43,080 Speaker 1: You can never know until you try Ride