1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,199
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

2
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,920
Speaker 1: okay storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,920
Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

4
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,799
Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

5
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:13,240
Speaker 1: I think my son is dating his best friend. They're

6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:18,040
Speaker 1: both males. Well that's all right, that is all rats,

7
00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:22,159
Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with that. Hello all, Just to

8
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:26,400
Speaker 1: be clear, my husband fifty male and I forty seven female,

9
00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:29,880
Speaker 1: are not against our son in any way. We're simply

10
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,040
Speaker 1: unsure of the correct way to approach our son about this.

11
00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:37,040
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from you Mission Software eighty

12
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:38,440
Speaker 1: three eighty eight, and if you want to submit your

13
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,120
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the our slash Showkay story, I'm

14
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:43,280
Speaker 1: subbering it. I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, I'm Keon, and we

15
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,920
Speaker 1: already give you good advice goofully, but we don't have

16
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,440
Speaker 1: all the answers, So if you would do something different

17
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,440
Speaker 1: than what we would do, I don't I just let

18
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:55,040
Speaker 1: us know in the comments or in the chat. It's

19
00:00:55,080 --> 00:01:00,280
Speaker 1: all good and op here says this all started a

20
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,840
Speaker 1: year ago when my now fifteen year old son had

21
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,000
Speaker 1: just turned fourteen. It was summertime and my son was

22
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,600
Speaker 1: enrolled in a lacrosse camp. One day, he came back

23
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,520
Speaker 1: from camp and told me he met a boy from

24
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,840
Speaker 1: another team named Marcus, which is a fake name. My

25
00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:16,920
Speaker 1: husband and I were excited to hear that he was

26
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:20,280
Speaker 1: making friends. I suggested that he should invite Marcus over

27
00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:22,760
Speaker 1: one day. My son seemed happy to hear this, and

28
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,520
Speaker 1: they started to hang out a lot over the summer.

29
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,040
Speaker 1: About a month into the summer, I was cleaning out

30
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,600
Speaker 1: my son's room while he was at camp and noticed

31
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,119
Speaker 1: that his computer was open and unlocked on his desk.

32
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,000
Speaker 1: I tried my best not to be a snoopy mother,

33
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,760
Speaker 1: but since it was just sitting there, I thought I

34
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,920
Speaker 1: might take a quick look and make sure he was

35
00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:44,280
Speaker 1: being safe. We had just recently given him access to

36
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:48,920
Speaker 1: some social apps such as Pinterest, Instagram, and Schnerpchat. I

37
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,280
Speaker 1: just wanted to check to make sure he wasn't doing

38
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:55,000
Speaker 1: anything possibly dangerous. First thing I saw when I opened

39
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,320
Speaker 1: Safari was three tabs. One was an article about a

40
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,920
Speaker 1: bunch of Pride flags, one was a whiz to determine

41
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:06,880
Speaker 1: your guitar parentheses, Still not sure what that is, and

42
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,000
Speaker 1: the third is a YouTube video about a YouTuber's journey

43
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:11,639
Speaker 1: coming out of the closet.

44
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,400
Speaker 2: All Seign's point.

45
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,680
Speaker 1: At first, I was confused and unsure what this meant.

46
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:23,360
Speaker 1: I called again, silly, It's pretty clear what it means.

47
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,280
Speaker 1: I called my husband into the room and showed him

48
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:30,360
Speaker 1: the tabs. He just sighed and brushed it off. My

49
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,840
Speaker 1: husband then explained to me that he did the same

50
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:36,440
Speaker 1: thing when he was a boy. No, he didn't. Your

51
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:41,400
Speaker 1: husband wasn't googling dar quizzes on Facebook when he was

52
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:41,919
Speaker 1: a child.

53
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, how old is her husband?

54
00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:46,040
Speaker 1: Yeah that's not.

55
00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,280
Speaker 2: Was that around back then?

56
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,480
Speaker 1: I think it seems that many teenagers will experiment around

57
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,720
Speaker 1: this age to try and figure out things about themselves.

58
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,359
Speaker 1: So both of us just brushed it off as normal

59
00:02:56,400 --> 00:03:00,040
Speaker 1: teenage behavior. Well, next thing, we knew, Marcus and my

60
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,960
Speaker 1: son were hanging out almost every other day. If they

61
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,040
Speaker 1: weren't hanging out together, they were texting or calling. I

62
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,040
Speaker 1: mentioned to my husband that I felt like our son

63
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,080
Speaker 1: and Marcus had grown very close in a short period

64
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,120
Speaker 1: of time. He agreed, but also noted that it was

65
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,960
Speaker 1: perfectly healthy and that they were both good kids, so

66
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,240
Speaker 1: we should give them time to hang out and have fun.

67
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,440
Speaker 1: I completely agreed, but I've always been a bit protective

68
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,160
Speaker 1: of my son and just wanted to make sure he

69
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,200
Speaker 1: and Marcus wouldn't have a bad fallout that would leave

70
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:31,919
Speaker 1: him super upset. That's that's a canon event. Everyone has

71
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:35,240
Speaker 1: to have that happen at some point. You can't protect

72
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:40,040
Speaker 1: your kid from that, right right, It's gonna happen out

73
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,480
Speaker 1: of life. So both of us gave them space to

74
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,960
Speaker 1: hang out and enjoy the summer, though I still kept

75
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,080
Speaker 1: a bit of an eye on them. The first time

76
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,560
Speaker 1: I noticed that my son and Marcus might be dating

77
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,640
Speaker 1: was one night when I came downstairs into our kitchen

78
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,640
Speaker 1: during one of their sleepovers and found them cuddling on

79
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,800
Speaker 1: the couch. Marcus had his head on my son's chest

80
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:03,080
Speaker 1: and my son had his legs wrapped Marcus's Tourso this

81
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,280
Speaker 1: wasn't just some kind of position where it might have

82
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,880
Speaker 1: looked like they were sitting close to each other. They

83
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:11,320
Speaker 1: were very obviously cuddling and even holding hands. I quietly

84
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:13,520
Speaker 1: returned to my room and explained to my husband what

85
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,719
Speaker 1: I saw two boys cuddling. He agreed with me that

86
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,000
Speaker 1: our son and Marcus had been getting very close lately.

87
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,919
Speaker 1: Neither of us were surprised to find this as we

88
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,440
Speaker 1: had kind of expected it. We decided to let it

89
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,400
Speaker 1: play out quietly and see if they would come to

90
00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,400
Speaker 1: us first. We had no clue how long they had

91
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,279
Speaker 1: been hiding this relationship or if they were even officially

92
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,359
Speaker 1: dating yet. Now that they're both fifteen, it's been about

93
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,040
Speaker 1: a year since they met each other. They still haven't

94
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,400
Speaker 1: come to talk to us, and I don't know Marcus's

95
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,360
Speaker 1: parents stance on this topic, so I don't want to

96
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,159
Speaker 1: bring it up to them and potentially cause Marcus any

97
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,640
Speaker 1: trouble at home. My husband and I are pretty sure

98
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,839
Speaker 1: they're dating, as we've seen them cuddling multiple times and

99
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,080
Speaker 1: even caught them kissing once when they thought they weren't

100
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,159
Speaker 1: being watched. Okay, why are we doing this?

101
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:58,920
Speaker 2: I think we know now. I think we don't need

102
00:04:58,960 --> 00:04:59,960
Speaker 2: to be spying on our kids.

103
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,599
Speaker 1: You don't need to have the spy plane, despy, the

104
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,680
Speaker 1: secret kiss cam. They're just like around the corner, just

105
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:11,720
Speaker 1: like waiting, right. It's like in the kind of shenanigans

106
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:12,720
Speaker 1: are they going to get up to.

107
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:16,640
Speaker 2: You have a house plant that you're like looking like

108
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,040
Speaker 2: peeping through.

109
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,080
Speaker 1: Stop using your peepers to peep on your son.

110
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:23,080
Speaker 2: Quit it.

111
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:28,159
Speaker 1: Neither my husband or I are opposed to our son

112
00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,040
Speaker 1: being gay or to our son having a boyfriend or girlfriend,

113
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,840
Speaker 1: but I'd really like him to come to us and

114
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,760
Speaker 1: tell us first. Even if I have to go to

115
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:40,200
Speaker 1: them and talk privately with Marcus and my son, I'd

116
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,040
Speaker 1: rather do that sooner than later and have this conversation

117
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,599
Speaker 1: so they can understand we accept and love them. I

118
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,480
Speaker 1: also feel like we're intruding on their privacy and they

119
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,800
Speaker 1: would have more freedom and comfort if they could tell

120
00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:56,120
Speaker 1: us openly. Any advice would help. Thank you, And we

121
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,520
Speaker 1: do have some comments, but yeah, I guess I've already

122
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,719
Speaker 1: said my advice. Yeah, do you have any advice?

123
00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,039
Speaker 2: I mean, first, I just want to applaud Yeah, good

124
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:06,800
Speaker 2: job parents for at least asking about this. I feel

125
00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:09,360
Speaker 2: like that's so nice. I feel like if I found

126
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,680
Speaker 2: out that my parents were going to Reddit asking like

127
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:16,240
Speaker 2: how do I be okay with then I would be like, oh, yeah,

128
00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:16,880
Speaker 2: that's sweet.

129
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,159
Speaker 1: It's not like how do I fix this? It's like

130
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,440
Speaker 1: how do I make sure they know that this is okay?

131
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,520
Speaker 2: How do I not mess this up? But yeah, I

132
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:27,160
Speaker 2: feel like in any situation with your kids, I feel

133
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,719
Speaker 2: like just being super chill is the best way to go, Like,

134
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,000
Speaker 2: you know, you want them to feel comfortable, and that's

135
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,200
Speaker 2: the best way to do it. Just be like, yeah,

136
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:39,920
Speaker 2: you can tell me anything. Have I mean, okay, I

137
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,040
Speaker 2: would say, have little reaction to it. But at the

138
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:46,240
Speaker 2: same time, like I have had friends that came out

139
00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:48,520
Speaker 2: and then there wasn't much of a reaction. It was

140
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,760
Speaker 2: just like okay, yeah, like we knew, and then they

141
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,800
Speaker 2: were kind of bummed, like they wanted it to be

142
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,840
Speaker 2: like happy in the celebratory in a way. So yeah,

143
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,200
Speaker 2: I mean definitely, yeah.

144
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:58,880
Speaker 1: Just give them a hug.

145
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:04,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're so Yeah, we always love you, like I'm

146
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,440
Speaker 2: so happy that you're able to share this with us.

147
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:11,320
Speaker 1: Yes, easy, exactly literally that, yeah, exactly that. Yeah. We

148
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:16,200
Speaker 1: have some comments here giving their own advice. I wouldn't

149
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,520
Speaker 1: bring it up, but I would show support in other ways.

150
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:24,040
Speaker 1: Maybe put a little magnet on the bridge equality there

151
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,560
Speaker 1: you go, or put one of those signs in the

152
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:31,920
Speaker 1: garden about everyone being welcome in your home, subtle hints

153
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,560
Speaker 1: that you are accepting he will come to you in

154
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,280
Speaker 1: his own time. It is twenty twenty five, and some

155
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,480
Speaker 1: kids don't feel the need to come out. If you've

156
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,880
Speaker 1: always been accepting and live in a place that's accepting.

157
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,120
Speaker 1: Just casually tell your kid to invite his boyfriend to something.

158
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,160
Speaker 1: Use the word There may be a reaction and there

159
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,800
Speaker 1: may not be. I don't agree with that. I don't

160
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:55,000
Speaker 1: agree with just like surprise, like, yeah, bring your boyfriend,

161
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:58,920
Speaker 1: be like I'll be off what yeah yeah?

162
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,720
Speaker 2: No, just yeah yeah, because that's like outing them way.

163
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,800
Speaker 1: So Opie responds to this, what would you do if

164
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,760
Speaker 1: he was dating a girl? What kind of questions would

165
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,840
Speaker 1: you ask? Then ask the same ones to him. Opie says,

166
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,440
Speaker 1: this is a great comment. I would like to thank

167
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,920
Speaker 1: all of you who left comments similar to this. I

168
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,320
Speaker 1: never even thought about the fact that both relationships should

169
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,080
Speaker 1: be looked at completely the same. This makes me feel

170
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,360
Speaker 1: much more comfortable talking to him about it. And there's

171
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:28,240
Speaker 1: an update from eleven hours later. Looks like somebody had

172
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:32,400
Speaker 1: a conversation. Okay, let's get into it. I read as

173
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,360
Speaker 1: many of your comments as I could and sat down

174
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,960
Speaker 1: with my husband to talk about what to do. We

175
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:40,320
Speaker 1: ended up just quietly bringing up to my son in

176
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,120
Speaker 1: the middle of lunch a conversation that I had a

177
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:47,600
Speaker 1: friend who just started dating his boyfriend and wanted us

178
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,760
Speaker 1: all to meet him, which is true. I was told

179
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,280
Speaker 1: this a few weeks ago. This family friend is a

180
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,280
Speaker 1: classmate from college that my husband and son know well,

181
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,160
Speaker 1: and my husband made a few comments on how happy

182
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,760
Speaker 1: he was for said friend. Our son made a few

183
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,800
Speaker 1: nice comments, but didn't say much for the rest of dinner. Yeah,

184
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:06,040
Speaker 1: I think that was good. I think you made a

185
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:10,640
Speaker 1: little comment saying, hey, my friends, that's cool. Yeah, let's

186
00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,640
Speaker 1: go support him and his boyfriend. Right right here, you go,

187
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,200
Speaker 1: and that's all you gotta do.

188
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:16,800
Speaker 2: I agree.

189
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,760
Speaker 1: About an hour ago, my son came forward to me

190
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,480
Speaker 1: and my husband and explained that he thought he might

191
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,480
Speaker 1: be gay or by and he wasn't sure.

192
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,120
Speaker 2: And then Dad's like, yeah, me too.

193
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, Dad's like I get it. He explained to me

194
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:37,760
Speaker 1: that Marcus' parents were pretty non supportive of that kind

195
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:41,720
Speaker 1: of lifestyle. So after hearing Marcus's fears about coming out

196
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:44,960
Speaker 1: to his parents, my son got scared as well. He

197
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,000
Speaker 1: and Marcus are not officially dating because they weren't quite

198
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,960
Speaker 1: sure what to do or how to move forward. I

199
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,120
Speaker 1: came clean to my son that I happened to see

200
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,600
Speaker 1: his computer and saw him multiple times with Marcus. My

201
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,520
Speaker 1: son was understandably upset at first, but said that he

202
00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,199
Speaker 1: was glad I made the subtle comment at lunch, as

203
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,840
Speaker 1: it gave him a way to open up to me.

204
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,920
Speaker 1: I explained to him that if he's comfortable and Marcus

205
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,960
Speaker 1: is comfortable, we should have a conversation with Marcus to

206
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,960
Speaker 1: try and figure out how to help him talk to

207
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,920
Speaker 1: his parents about this issue. Ah.

208
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,800
Speaker 3: Yes, don't working out.

209
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:23,480
Speaker 1: We're trying our best and we're succeeding. Love that, gotta love.

210
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,400
Speaker 2: That, Gotta love that, gotta love that, because love is love.

211
00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:31,000
Speaker 1: Love his love, baby, love, his love babies. We have

212
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:34,000
Speaker 1: a comment here from op to finish this off. We

213
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,520
Speaker 1: have explained to our son very clearly that Marcus is

214
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:40,080
Speaker 1: always welcome here, either as a friend or a potential boyfriend.

215
00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:42,599
Speaker 1: My son is grateful for this, and I've spoken to

216
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,800
Speaker 1: Marcus over the phone already. Marcus is showing some interest

217
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,880
Speaker 1: in wanting us to help him talk to his parents,

218
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:51,480
Speaker 1: but is understandably not quite sure yet. And that is

219
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:57,160
Speaker 1: the end of that story. Wow, wow, wam bam shang

220
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:01,960
Speaker 1: a lang. He didn't you did it a good way.

221
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:03,480
Speaker 1: You did it the good way totally.

222
00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:08,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, that comment worked, plan plan worked, so great job

223
00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:11,800
Speaker 2: And yeah, now at least you know. Unfortunately you can't.

224
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,400
Speaker 2: You might not be able to change Marks's parents' mind.

225
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,400
Speaker 2: I don't know how much you could say to them

226
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,480
Speaker 2: to help with that, but yeah, I'm glad at least

227
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,880
Speaker 2: that they have one household to go to that's safe.

228
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:24,680
Speaker 2: I think that's that's huge.

229
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,719
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

230
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:27,520
Speaker 1: on to the next one.

231
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:32,720
Speaker 2: I was bad mouthing my stepsister and she unfortunately heard it.

232
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,600
Speaker 1: Not only are you a bad mouth, you're a loud mouth.

233
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,880
Speaker 2: For context, I'm male forty four and we'll be having

234
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,640
Speaker 2: my birthday in a few days. My father, male sixty six,

235
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,640
Speaker 2: has been ill with cancer and is married to his wife,

236
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,920
Speaker 2: female fifties. I have a real sister, female twenty two

237
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:52,360
Speaker 2: for my dad and my mother sixty six female, and

238
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,840
Speaker 2: for what it's worth, we operate as one family. My

239
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,640
Speaker 2: mother and my dad's wife are like sisters. Weird, but

240
00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:01,240
Speaker 2: it works. By the way, this comes from Captain's log.

241
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,800
Speaker 2: Talked back and he would submit your own stories. Go

242
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,520
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay story time, it's separaddit and

243
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:10,360
Speaker 2: I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here to

244
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,079
Speaker 2: give good advice, goofy, But we don't have all the answers.

245
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,040
Speaker 2: We're just gonna guess what we would do in this situation.

246
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,600
Speaker 2: But let us know what you would do in the comments.

247
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:20,280
Speaker 2: So OPI says, So, my dad's wife has a daughter,

248
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,520
Speaker 2: my stepsister, Fema thirty four, who oddly enough has a

249
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,360
Speaker 2: birthday just before mine, coming up next week. We would

250
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,360
Speaker 2: call her Daf, she said years ago to some donor

251
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,080
Speaker 2: at her old job. We don't use step in our family.

252
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,000
Speaker 2: These are my siblings, when explaining why she had a

253
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,120
Speaker 2: different last name. This was before she changed her last

254
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,960
Speaker 2: name to ours. Daf isn't like us. Dad works in tech,

255
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,440
Speaker 2: Mom works for the state, and dad's wife works in

256
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:48,960
Speaker 2: human resources. We're practical and level headed. Daf is a feeler.

257
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,480
Speaker 2: She gets upset over the simplest thing. When Dad got

258
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,400
Speaker 2: sick the first time, she was living at home with

259
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,920
Speaker 2: him and his wife and apparently did something to piss

260
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,920
Speaker 2: them off. He lost it a little, and yeah, she

261
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,800
Speaker 2: went to her room and closed the door, and he

262
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,680
Speaker 2: went into her room and gave the my house, I

263
00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:08,600
Speaker 2: can go where I want speech, And he made fun

264
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:12,120
Speaker 2: of her for crying that she lost her job. I

265
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:13,640
Speaker 2: wouldn't call that a simple thing.

266
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:19,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, call that valid. That's yeah, that's totally.

267
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,640
Speaker 2: Cry release my job? Are you kidding me? Totally?

268
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,079
Speaker 1: That sounds so it's like, oh, you cry baby wearing away.

269
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:29,320
Speaker 1: I'm unemployed but gonna make my money.

270
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:32,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, yes, you just.

271
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,120
Speaker 1: This chilly lady. Look at you.

272
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,120
Speaker 2: Oh man. She lost her job due to the pandemic

273
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,720
Speaker 2: and wasn't paying rent that month.

274
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:41,560
Speaker 1: He said.

275
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,600
Speaker 2: She got dramatic and cried, got in her car and left,

276
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:48,400
Speaker 2: didn't come back until morning, and avoided him. She avoided

277
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,199
Speaker 2: him for over a month, paid rent through her mother only,

278
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,120
Speaker 2: and would not be in the same room as him.

279
00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,360
Speaker 2: Dad was hurt because he had been with her mom

280
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,280
Speaker 2: since she was a teen. She treated him like she

281
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:04,280
Speaker 2: was scared of him. Well maybe why am we yeming

282
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:04,719
Speaker 2: at him?

283
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:04,959
Speaker 4: So?

284
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,160
Speaker 2: Yeah? That Father's Day, daf bought him a gift, but

285
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,920
Speaker 2: acted like she didn't want to be out the dinner

286
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,320
Speaker 2: and sat near her mom the whole time. She tried

287
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,040
Speaker 2: to make small talk with me and my sister, but

288
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,960
Speaker 2: I kept trying to bring the conversation to Dad, and

289
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,520
Speaker 2: she would just focus on my sister. She didn't have

290
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,040
Speaker 2: to be there. I joked, you're an actress, right then

291
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,200
Speaker 2: act when she said she was there because her mom

292
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,400
Speaker 2: asked and she didn't want to be there. Uh. Daf

293
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,480
Speaker 2: calls my sister and me her big brother and little sister,

294
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:36,160
Speaker 2: and I would never say anything to her face. But

295
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,400
Speaker 2: then Thanksgiving happened this past year, and I got a

296
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:44,040
Speaker 2: little tipsy. Oh what's gonna happen on Thanksgiving? My sister

297
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,400
Speaker 2: is old enough to drink, and Daff came to the

298
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,800
Speaker 2: house and acted like she was happy. She and I

299
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,680
Speaker 2: used to watch Star Trek and drink a lot together

300
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,200
Speaker 2: on holiday nights whenever we stayed over at my dad's,

301
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,720
Speaker 2: and she asked to renew the tradition with my sister.

302
00:14:56,280 --> 00:15:00,320
Speaker 2: My sister was excited, so I agreed. We drank and drank,

303
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,240
Speaker 2: and Daf eventually got tired and said good night, so

304
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,080
Speaker 2: it was just me and my sister. I was relieved

305
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,200
Speaker 2: and changed the show to something that I actually wanted

306
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:12,960
Speaker 2: to watch. Sis complained as its tradition to watch Star Trek.

307
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,440
Speaker 2: I told her it was something Daff and I did

308
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,760
Speaker 2: because I mentioned liking sci fi forever ago when Dad

309
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,600
Speaker 2: was dating his wife, and Daff suggested it and wanted

310
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:23,960
Speaker 2: to make it some dumb tradition. But I never actually

311
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:27,400
Speaker 2: said I wanted to. Thank they'll tell you really really

312
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,000
Speaker 2: feel day.

313
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,680
Speaker 1: That's the peril of lying about stuff I.

314
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:35,040
Speaker 2: Said I wanted to. I just agreed because she was sensitive.

315
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,000
Speaker 2: My sister said she wanted to keep the tradition as

316
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,120
Speaker 2: a sibling tradition, and I said DAF is not a

317
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,200
Speaker 2: real sibling and kind of laughed, like, girl, come on,

318
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,760
Speaker 2: you know, she's dad's wife's kid. She's a screw up.

319
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,680
Speaker 2: But mom would unlive of us if we didn't try,

320
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,480
Speaker 2: or something like that. Yeah, that's pretty rough. I'm guessing

321
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:54,640
Speaker 2: DAF overheard.

322
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,000
Speaker 1: Uh oh, oh.

323
00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,240
Speaker 2: I know it sounds mean. I kind of rambled at

324
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,760
Speaker 2: it because of the rum, and I noticed that my

325
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:08,600
Speaker 2: sister's face was still and realized it DAF was right

326
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:12,880
Speaker 2: behind me. Oh, she's like totally right behind me and

327
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,400
Speaker 2: she I turned, but DAF had already left to go

328
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:19,960
Speaker 2: back to the guest room. I felt bad. I eventually

329
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,360
Speaker 2: tried to knock on the door, but she just cried loudly,

330
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:24,760
Speaker 2: and I got frustrated and went to bed, thinking that

331
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,040
Speaker 2: she would be fine in the morning. That was months ago,

332
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:32,160
Speaker 2: and DAF apparently hasn't been communicating with anyone in the family,

333
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,960
Speaker 2: including her mom. She didn't come to Christmas or Kwanza

334
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 2: or the Super Bowl, which sucked because my parents are

335
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,320
Speaker 2: vegan and she's the only one who cooks vegan, so

336
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,160
Speaker 2: mom asked me to try it. I reached out to him.

337
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,880
Speaker 1: Actually, you kind of sucked for that. Yeah, you literally

338
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,600
Speaker 1: just went yeah, and it sucked as no one's seen her,

339
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:55,080
Speaker 1: and also I had to cook the vegan food for Thanksgiving. Right,

340
00:16:55,080 --> 00:17:01,000
Speaker 1: it's like, let's maybe shift off focus.

341
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Like I don't I don't really know if

342
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,720
Speaker 2: I would call that over overly sensitive. You've said some

343
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,960
Speaker 2: pretty harsh things about her when you thought she wasn't around.

344
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I will say, though, like, you know, you're allowed

345
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,679
Speaker 1: to be sensitive and you're allowed to feel things, But

346
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:23,439
Speaker 1: if the reaction to stuff is to just completely like, yeah,

347
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,359
Speaker 1: like fall off the face of the earth, it's like,

348
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:32,080
Speaker 1: that's not really a manageable life decision. Sure, because there's

349
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,080
Speaker 1: always gonna be times where like your feelings are gonna

350
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,639
Speaker 1: get hurt, right at some point, I agree, and you

351
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,040
Speaker 1: can't get a solution. Can't always just be I'm gonna

352
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:39,840
Speaker 1: run away.

353
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,400
Speaker 2: Right, you gotta find a different coding mechanism. Yeah, for sure.

354
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 2: I reached out to her to ask about her recipes,

355
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,320
Speaker 2: trying to start a conversation over text, but Daft didn't respond.

356
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,560
Speaker 2: But apparently when my sister asked Daph what she wanted

357
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,400
Speaker 2: for her birthday the other day, Daff responded and chatted

358
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,480
Speaker 2: with her. I texted her yesterday about my birthday party

359
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,639
Speaker 2: at Dad's and she still hasn't sanded. I complained to

360
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,600
Speaker 2: my sister again yesterday evening and she blew up at me.

361
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,800
Speaker 2: My sister has a blindside when it comes to Daf.

362
00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,800
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I think you might. They are closer

363
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,439
Speaker 2: in age, and Daft watched my sister sometimes when Sis

364
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,200
Speaker 2: was boed ish five ish. So my sister thinks I'm

365
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,760
Speaker 2: the a whole? But am I? I mean it was

366
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,320
Speaker 2: a convo between me and her and I was wasted.

367
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 2: I care about Daft, but she's just a feeler artsy

368
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,000
Speaker 2: Partsy works in the arts. I feel like we can

369
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 2: just move past this, but she still has been radio silent.

370
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,640
Speaker 2: Both our birthdays are coming up. Am I the A hole?

371
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,760
Speaker 2: And we do have an edit? But what do you

372
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 2: think Dakota is op THEA hole?

373
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:44,480
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, but it's not like you said that.

374
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,440
Speaker 1: We're trying to say that to her face, Well, that

375
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,000
Speaker 1: would really make you the I think it was unfortunate.

376
00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:51,399
Speaker 2: I feel like, but then your.

377
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,119
Speaker 1: Reaction to it is what made you more of an

378
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:54,520
Speaker 1: a whole?

379
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,520
Speaker 2: Got it, I'm an a whole. I can accept that.

380
00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:01,160
Speaker 2: I will reach out to Daft and try to I'm

381
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,320
Speaker 2: working on the wording. But I see then maybe there

382
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,320
Speaker 2: was more that she was going through that she never

383
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,280
Speaker 2: told me about. I love my sister Daf and shouldn't

384
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,560
Speaker 2: have scrutinized our relationship so clinically, and I was wrong

385
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,640
Speaker 2: to say unkind things. It will take me some time

386
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 2: tonight to figure out the words to tell her that

387
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,639
Speaker 2: I'm sorry and I love her and I want to

388
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,640
Speaker 2: rebuild a better relationship with her. Thanks for all who

389
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,160
Speaker 2: were kind, even those who were direct but not cruel

390
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,040
Speaker 2: to my family. Hopefully Daf will forgive me and come

391
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,400
Speaker 2: back to us and we do have an update. Thank

392
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 2: you for your help crafting this text. I sent her

393
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,960
Speaker 2: this text. Hey, Daf, I'm really truly sorry. I'm thinking

394
00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 2: endlessly about the last words we really heard from each other.

395
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,639
Speaker 2: I'm realizing they are very different the last thing you

396
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,280
Speaker 2: said to me was good night, I love you. Those

397
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,879
Speaker 2: are the last words I heard you say too or

398
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,240
Speaker 2: about me. That should have been what you heard back.

399
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,880
Speaker 2: It was beyond cruel of me to say what I said.

400
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 2: I won't try to excuse any of it. It was wrong,

401
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,399
Speaker 2: no matter how I meant it. I am reading I

402
00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:00,800
Speaker 2: hurt you horribly. You're not a grew up. You're a

403
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:05,359
Speaker 2: human and heck far kinder than me. The truth is

404
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,320
Speaker 2: I was a waiener. And the truth also is I

405
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,760
Speaker 2: love you, and I know that may not be something

406
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,399
Speaker 2: you believe right now. Honestly, you don't owe me anything

407
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,840
Speaker 2: after what I said. I miss you, and I really

408
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 2: hope you're okay. I miss you with us. I want

409
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,919
Speaker 2: to drop off your gift for your birthday, and I

410
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,919
Speaker 2: can just drop it on your porch. We don't have

411
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,520
Speaker 2: to talk until you're ready, and I understand if that's

412
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,200
Speaker 2: not for a long while. I should have never belittled

413
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,000
Speaker 2: you or dismissed your feelings. You deserve better from your

414
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 2: big brother. You deserve better from me in a lot

415
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,240
Speaker 2: of ways. I will try to be better if you

416
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,560
Speaker 2: are open to chatting and helping me figure out the

417
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 2: best way to do that. I would really appreciate it.

418
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 2: I want to do better, but I know it's not

419
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 2: your responsibility. I will work to be better regardless. Please

420
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,440
Speaker 2: reach out when you're ready. I would like to apologize

421
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 2: in person. If you're okay with that, Love you, And

422
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 2: there is a second update. Okay, beautiful, good job. Yeah,

423
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 2: you have to start to compla responsibility. Didn't try to

424
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,439
Speaker 2: excuse it at all, And I like that he acknowledged

425
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,160
Speaker 2: the last words that she said to him. Yeah, last

426
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 2: time they talked. I think that's probably something that she

427
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 2: thought about. So that's that's really really smart, really smart.

428
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,720
Speaker 1: Good job. We're making headway.

429
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. So on to update number two. She texted

430
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 2: me back early this morning and we talked a bit.

431
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,840
Speaker 2: She will also call me on her way into work.

432
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 2: Things are looking up, thanks again to the kind people

433
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 2: who helped. And I'm just gonna roll right into it.

434
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 1: Let's go.

435
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 2: Hi. I'm the a whole step brother who was a

436
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,879
Speaker 2: wiener to my sister. I got justifiably roasted on my

437
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,679
Speaker 2: last post, and some of you were kind enough to

438
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,439
Speaker 2: message me to point out how problematic my words and

439
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,679
Speaker 2: behavior husband, and in one discussion, the realization hit me

440
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 2: that I have trauma and struggled to process emotions, which

441
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 2: is a reason but not an excuse. I reached out

442
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 2: to my sister. I think we called her a daph

443
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 2: I was thinking danger prone Daphne from Scooby Doo because

444
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,199
Speaker 2: she's kind of a klutz, and not saying that to

445
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:03,959
Speaker 2: be mean but funny, and she agrees.

446
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 1: Wait what Daphne was a klutz and Scooby Doo I

447
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 1: thought more so Velma was the clutch because she's always

448
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,879
Speaker 1: losing her glasses. But I guess she was the nerd.

449
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 2: She was the nerd, but he also said, yeah, danger

450
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:17,359
Speaker 2: prone Daphne was.

451
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:21,119
Speaker 1: Ah, yeah, she is the trap one. He's like, what

452
00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:25,119
Speaker 1: is this mysterious square on the floor? I wonder if

453
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 1: I should stand on it?

454
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 2: Oh no, not the trap door again. Daf texted back

455
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 2: after my apology and said she was happy to hear

456
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 2: from me and have an apology, and she invited me

457
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 2: to her birthday party, which occurred last night, but wanted

458
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 2: to grab a pint beforehand. The day before, she was

459
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 2: in a show which I didn't know about before, but

460
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 2: it was at a theater in our city near a bar,

461
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 2: so she could meet me after I decided to surprise

462
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 2: her and got tickets for myself. My girlfriend woo, that's

463
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:56,120
Speaker 2: the perfect move.

464
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 1: There you go.

465
00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 2: We saw the show, and you guys, Daft was bloody

466
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 2: freaking brilliant. I am not one for theater. I usually

467
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 2: get bored, but this was a comedy and it was hilarious.

468
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,960
Speaker 2: Daff was one of the two leads, and I was

469
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 2: laughing my butt off the whole time. My girlfriend commented

470
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,720
Speaker 2: that she never saw me so happy before. Oh wow.

471
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 2: Daph found us in the lobby and had been crying.

472
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 2: She was so happy that we came as usually. She

473
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 2: told me she had no one in the crowd from

474
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:29,360
Speaker 2: our family. Oh dude, that that's rough. Whenever that happens.

475
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 2: It meant the world to her to share her hard

476
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 2: work with us. It occurred to me that we don't

477
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 2: ever go to her shows or book signings. She writes

478
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:42,399
Speaker 2: books too, that dad stopped going entirely years ago and

479
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 2: talked his wife out of going almost every time. Oh

480
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 2: my god, you was right. I gave my girlfriend a

481
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 2: kiss to see her off, and my sister and I

482
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,879
Speaker 2: sat at the bar and talked. She was isolated. She

483
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 2: was an only child and was so excited to get siblings,

484
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 2: but I always seemed cold to her. Suppose I am.

485
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 2: I come off as robotic. I can get teased to

486
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 2: this day about it, but I usually wave it off.

487
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 2: She said, I was hard to pin down, and the

488
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 2: tradition was her way of connecting with me, even if

489
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 2: only annually. She said it was one of her favorite

490
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 2: holiday traditions, and it broke her heart when I said

491
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 2: I hated it. I took your advice and did not

492
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 2: interrupt her or tried to excuse anything. I only nodded.

493
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 2: I won't lie. It's hard not to be a wiener.

494
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,239
Speaker 2: I have the urge to cut in and be like, no,

495
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 2: that's not what I said, or hey, that's not fair.

496
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 2: But this is the most we've talked to each other.

497
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,959
Speaker 2: So I kept my peace very smart. I was a

498
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 2: horrible brother tour. She recounted many times when she felt

499
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 2: I just didn't like her, let alone love her. You

500
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 2: figured she was just sensitive, because that's what everyone says.

501
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 2: If she ever complained and shoved down her feelings until

502
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 2: she was feeling so bad about herself, my jaw hit

503
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 2: the floor. I never knew this. I hugged her and

504
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 2: apologized and cried like a moron for I don't know

505
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 2: how long. I told her I loved her, but I

506
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,640
Speaker 2: suck at showing it, and we'll do better. I apologize

507
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 2: for all the harm, but saw saying sorry it was

508
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 2: not enough, and with her permission, I would like to

509
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 2: be better. She looked happy to have an apology, but

510
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 2: then skeptical about me doing better. I intended. I intend

511
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 2: to make her less of a skeptic. I asked how

512
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 2: can I do that, and she suggested therapy. I laughed,

513
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,919
Speaker 2: but saw that she was serious, and I have an

514
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 2: appointment this evening. There's a little bit more to the.

515
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 1: Story, but it was not built for this era. No,

516
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, yeah, you have problems like processing your

517
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 1: own emotions. Yeah, like expressing yourself like in real ways,

518
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 1: Like you should go to therapy. And you're like, shake out.

519
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:38,159
Speaker 1: This dork is dork in her feel it's telling me

520
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:38,919
Speaker 1: to go to therapy.

521
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 3: Oh you're serious, yeah, yeah, ah, okay, no, I'll I'll

522
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 3: I'll do that right right Oh shoot, okay, right away, booked,

523
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 3: booked and busy right away with therapy.

524
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,400
Speaker 1: Yeah you should go to therapy.

525
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

526
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 1: If you're like yeah, no, I guess I have trauma

527
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 1: and I can't really ever express my emojis properly.

528
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 3: Right, right, but therapist, Yeah, maybe, just maybe there is

529
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 3: a little bit more to this story.

530
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 2: I have a lot of work to do, but intend

531
00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:11,119
Speaker 2: to be a better brother and person thanks to everyone

532
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 2: who helped me reconcile with my sister. She doesn't want

533
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 2: to talk to dad yet, which I said, I understand,

534
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 2: but she is happy to have me in her life

535
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,439
Speaker 2: and I am too. I also want to say, I,

536
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 2: for my own mental health, will not be getting in

537
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 2: depth regarding my parents and will ignore rude comments about it.

538
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 2: This has opened up the realization of past traumas and

539
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 2: I need to work through that before engaging in a

540
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 2: discussion about it, because I know it can devolve into

541
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 2: an unhealthy whole. So I will not participate. And that's

542
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 2: the end of that story. I think that's a great idea.

543
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 2: I think we need to figure out what our own

544
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 2: feelings are and our own traumas are before we talk

545
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 2: to the internet about it, because holy crap, yeah, they

546
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 2: will have opinions. And that's the end of this story.

547
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 2: We're going on to the next one.

548
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,199
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We'll get back to the stories but

549
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My other

550
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 1: was scammed and it ruined everything.

551
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 2: Ah quit ruine and everything mom.

552
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,160
Speaker 1: Last night I got a call from the state Police

553
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 1: informing me that my mother was the victim of a

554
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:15,440
Speaker 1: Nigerian slash Jamaican scam ran over the phone and through

555
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: the postal service. She fell for it the Nigerian prince.

556
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: This scam had been going on for twelve to fourteen months.

557
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,160
Speaker 1: I'm an adult female thirty two and have lived approximately

558
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 1: four hours from home for ten years. Apparently she was

559
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: led to believe that she won the lottery, but was

560
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 1: told by the scammers that she needed to send some

561
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: money so they could free up funds or whatever. By

562
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: the way, this comes from user blue Shirt blue Shirt

563
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 1: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

564
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 1: to the r slash Showa storytime subvered it. I'm Dakota,

565
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,400
Speaker 1: I'm Angie, I'm Keon. We're already give you good advice goofully,

566
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 1: but we don't have all the answers, so if you

567
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,920
Speaker 1: would do something different, let us know what you would

568
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 1: do in the comments. As op says, you'll hear about

569
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: these all all the time. So at first, I thought, Okay,

570
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 1: she lost maybe a few thousand Live and Learn, But no,

571
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,920
Speaker 1: The state trooper went on to say that she sent

572
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: them money in prepaid cards to the tune of one

573
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: hundred and ninety four thousand dollars money.

574
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 4: No.

575
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 2: Wowow, wow, I.

576
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: Am concerned for your mother's mental health. Wow to send.

577
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,880
Speaker 1: First of all, you won the lottery, did you play? Yeah?

578
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 1: Second of all, why do you have to send two

579
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 1: hundred grand of Google Play store cards to Nigeria and Jamaica?

580
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 1: Oh lordy, they don't run the lottery now. She then

581
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: took out a home equity loan on the home she's

582
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 1: owned out right for twenty years, and mailed the scammers

583
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 1: another one hundred k in cash.

584
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 4: Mailed her home.

585
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: If I hadn't initially screened the call from the state

586
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 1: Police and had to go through dispatch to connect with

587
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: the trooper, I would have thought the entire thing was

588
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: an awful joke. I'm going home tomorrow to talk to

589
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 1: my mother and figure out what the heck is going on.

590
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 1: My question for you, find folks, is because I'm absolutely

591
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: shocked by the scope of this issue. I'm pretty scattered

592
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: right now, and I need to cover my bases. With

593
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 1: her and figure out what money she has and what

594
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 1: else might be going on. The two hundred and ninety

595
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 1: five thousand is gone, but she's got to live somehow.

596
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 1: I'm hoping for some advice on things I must remember

597
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: to ask and points I might not have thought of.

598
00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 1: The case is with the USPS and the FBI now,

599
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 1: but the police felt that there was one hundred percent

600
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: no chance any money would be recovered, and I believe them.

601
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: My mom is sixty six and has a history of

602
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 1: being pretty frugal, so the idea of her doing all

603
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: of this is just way out there. I'm going to

604
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 1: insist on a medical evaluation, but she does work full time,

605
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: so I'm not sure that dementia exact is a factor.

606
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 1: I'll answer any questions if you need clarification. Any help

607
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: would be appreciated. My mind is just reeling. Thank you,

608
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 1: and we have some comments. Come at number one. I'm

609
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 1: too sorry this happened to your mom. I am a

610
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 1: fraud investigator for a bank and see these situations all

611
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: the time, and it's always heartbreaking. I'm wondering if she

612
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: may have actually been a victim of a romance scam.

613
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 1: That would explain a lot of her strange behavior. If

614
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 1: she thought she was sending money to a boyfriend or

615
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: fiance overseas and was blinded by love, it would make

616
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: her a whole lot more likely to make those decisions.

617
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 1: It certainly could have been a lottery scam, but the

618
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 1: extremely high dollar amount and the extended timeframe are usually

619
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 1: indicative of romance scams. The scammers in this case are

620
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 1: playing the long con. They make you fall in love

621
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 1: with them, usually over at least six months, and then

622
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 1: they start asking for money. They're overseas and want to

623
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 1: come see you, they promised, but you just need to

624
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 1: send them money first so they can pay their taxes,

625
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 1: or get any bowl at test or buy a plane ticket,

626
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 1: et cetera. Here's a great resource about romance scams that

627
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:15,840
Speaker 1: we often share with our clients who have been victimized.

628
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 1: That's romance scams dot org. Opie says, I am already

629
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: planning on creating fraud alerts and probably closing every account

630
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: possible to minimize the chances for continued damage. I don't

631
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 1: know yet if this was a romance scam, but that's

632
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 1: a really sick thing to exist. The state trooper I

633
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 1: spoke to seem to have pretty complete information, but I

634
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: will be sure to double check with my mother when

635
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: I talk to her to make sure that she's told

636
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 1: them what she's telling me. I mean, do you have

637
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: an edit? But yeah, well we how do we handle

638
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: our mom falling in love with the Nigerian making lottery scammers?

639
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 2: Dude, I don't know. I mean hopefully that that resource

640
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 2: could help. I wonder, like what they what's on the resource,

641
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 2: Like if it's examples of a people in that situation.

642
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 2: It would make sense if it was a romance scam

643
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 2: because she kept a secret. Like I feel like, if

644
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 2: she you know, with something else, you would probably be

645
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 2: excited about it. But if she kept a secret, it's like, well, yeah,

646
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 2: maybe she was didn't want to share the part of

647
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 2: her life, especially if she's like still married.

648
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, that definitely does make a lot more sense. Yeah,

649
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 1: because if you won the lottery and it took twelve

650
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: to fourteen months for you to get your money, I'd

651
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,880
Speaker 1: be like, all right, I'd be like something suspicious after

652
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 1: week two. Yeah, I'd be like that's yeah, that's that

653
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: something is a miss right, there is something rotten in

654
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 1: the state of Denmark.

655
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, we.

656
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 1: Haven't had it. Thank you everyone for your help. I'm

657
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: both amazed and sad that so many others have similar

658
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: stories about their parents or grandparents being scammed, but seeing

659
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: several people talk about how they eventually got through it

660
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: has been really reassuring, even if the stories aren't exactly

661
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,719
Speaker 1: happy once, I have an action plan for things I

662
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 1: need to do and question I need to ask tomorrow.

663
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, And there is an update. I

664
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:11,000
Speaker 1: met with my mother yesterday. The scammer's got her pretty good.

665
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 1: Several posters were very accurate in detailing what happened. Before

666
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 1: I had the details. She was told she won the lottery,

667
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: needed X amount of money to pay taxes, insurance, etc.

668
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 1: She cleared out her entire retirement it is gone, and

669
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 1: the home equity line of credit on the house is

670
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 1: also cashed and gone. Although I did my best to

671
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 1: explain to her that the way she sent the money

672
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: in cash through the mail is untraceable, she is mostly

673
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 1: convinced that since the state police reported it to the FBI,

674
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 1: the government will be able to get her money back.

675
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

676
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 1: I assessed her current financial situation and while it's not good,

677
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,719
Speaker 1: it's manageable. She still has enough money to pay her

678
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 1: current expenses. I got her scheduled for a doctor's appointment

679
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 1: and will be attending the appointment with her, providing them

680
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 1: with this information beforehand, because I do want her screened

681
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: for dementia and for depression. But honestly, I don't think

682
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,879
Speaker 1: she has dementia or even early onset issues. I think

683
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 1: she was just lonely and colorable and maybe greedy, and

684
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 1: was a perfect victim. It's incredibly sad. I'm ordering her

685
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 1: a whitelist device to prevent more phone calls. I am

686
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 1: not taking charge of the mail just yet. I am

687
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 1: following the advice of the posters who suggested I not

688
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 1: add my name to her accounts, but I will be

689
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:39,280
Speaker 1: arranging power of attorney so I have access to that information.

690
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:41,880
Speaker 1: I do have a few questions that I know you

691
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 1: can answer. My mom has a car loan for approximately

692
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 1: two hundred dollars a month for about the next four years.

693
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 1: Should I be encouraging her to take money from what

694
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 1: limited savings she still has to pay off this debt

695
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 1: now or keep that money as liquid resources in case

696
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 1: of other emergencies other than the home equity line of

697
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: credit and some minimal credit card debt of less than

698
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 1: one thousand dollars. This is the only money she owes anyone.

699
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 1: Could anyone direct me to layman friendly tax information. My

700
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 1: mother was able to withdraw her retirement without early penalties,

701
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 1: but I'm not well informed on what taxes she may

702
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,600
Speaker 1: owe on that money. Anyway, I have encouraged her to

703
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 1: discuss the scam with her tax prep person, because when

704
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 1: posters suggested, she may not have to pay taxes on

705
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: that money if we can prove that it was stolen,

706
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: so to speak, I am paraphrasing, though, sorry. Last question

707
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:36,839
Speaker 1: that I need feedback on. My mother is at an

708
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,359
Speaker 1: age where she could retire and have about the same

709
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 1: amount of income on Social Security as she does working.

710
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 1: I don't want her to retire until the moment she

711
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 1: sells the house and is ready to move to me,

712
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 1: it makes sense for her to keep working for as

713
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:54,280
Speaker 1: long as possible while she is hopefully healthy and able

714
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 1: to do so. If anyone has helped their parents make

715
00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 1: this decision, I'd appreciate some advice on how to addressed

716
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 1: this further. I did put a fraud alert on her credit.

717
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 1: She insists that the scammers never asked her for her

718
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:10,200
Speaker 1: driver's license, so security number, or any banking or credit information.

719
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 1: It turns out my mother was the one who contacted

720
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 1: the police, apparently after she had already mailed them nearly

721
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 1: three hundred thousand and they still wanted more money. She

722
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 1: felt as though something was not kosher with the situation.

723
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,279
Speaker 1: Insert crazy laughter here.

724
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,720
Speaker 5: You should have thought something goes up after the first

725
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:38,760
Speaker 5: five hundred dollars. God, in like Google store cards or whatever,

726
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,960
Speaker 5: like in prepaid cards.

727
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 1: Who's the lottery is? Like, I need you to buy

728
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: one hundred visa gift cards that are worth five hundred dollars. Yeah,

729
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 1: and send those to us. Also, Yeah, send that overseas

730
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:58,239
Speaker 1: to Nigeria and then you'll get your lottery money. Yeah,

731
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:03,239
Speaker 1: come on, I do it. Oh. And I'd like to

732
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 1: point out that my mother went to a different bank

733
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 1: than her normal one for the home equity line of credit,

734
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:11,360
Speaker 1: so the new bank wouldn't have suspected anything unusual was happening.

735
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:13,799
Speaker 1: According to my mother, the scammers told her to use

736
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:15,879
Speaker 1: a different bank because as a new customer, you will

737
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 1: get a better interest rate. How nice that they were

738
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 1: looking out for her. Ugh, guys, I'm just so sad

739
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 1: about all of this. The money's gone and she doesn't

740
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 1: quite realize that yet. The plans we were tentatively making

741
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 1: for to sell her home and buy another outright are

742
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 1: shot now that there's a heelock to pay off. So

743
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 1: one hundred k off of whatever she might get for

744
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 1: her current home go towards that loan, and she's got

745
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,840
Speaker 1: whatever is left to live on. Well, we do have

746
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:47,760
Speaker 1: a little bit more story. Check in on your folks, yep,

747
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: checking on your people. Make sure they're not getting scammed

748
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 1: out of three hundred thousand dollars. Oo boy, I don't

749
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 1: think she'll get enough to buy a house in my

750
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 1: area outright, at least not a decent house. So now

751
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: we're looking at renting and downsizing things that she is

752
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 1: not mentally prepared to do. It's going to be awful.

753
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,560
Speaker 1: It's already awful. I want to thank everyone again for

754
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 1: your advice and the help that you've already offered. I

755
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 1: also want to tell everyone that when they are home

756
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 1: over the holidays, to talk with all their relatives about

757
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 1: this story and make them aware of these scams and

758
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:27,319
Speaker 1: empathize how important questioning these types of windfalls can be

759
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: in protecting yourself. If my mother had told me she

760
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 1: thought she won a prize but needed to send money

761
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: to claim it. I could have put the brakes on

762
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 1: this hundreds of thousands of dollars ago. And that is

763
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:41,120
Speaker 1: the end of that story.

764
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:46,439
Speaker 2: My ex roommates stole money and lied about it.

765
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 6: Confront her about that.

766
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:52,399
Speaker 2: Posting this about my friend. See who I'm currently caring for.

767
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 2: This story isn't just his word. I've been helping him

768
00:38:56,080 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 2: with paperwork and going through the downloaded Instagram conversations, message

769
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 2: with legal aid and emails between his ex housemates and

770
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 2: his disability advocate. Oh wow, this is in Victoria, Australia.

771
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:11,359
Speaker 2: Rental bond is similar to an American deposit, what you

772
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 2: pay when you move into a rental place. By the way,

773
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 2: this comes from Blankton Electronic sixty one. And if you

774
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

775
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,800
Speaker 2: slash Okay storytime to separated it. And I'm Angie, I'm Carly,

776
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice Googly, but we

777
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We're just gonna guess what

778
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 2: we would do in this situation. So let us know

779
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comment, so Opie says,

780
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:34,879
Speaker 2: CI is physically disabled and on Centralink. Last October, Cy

781
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:38,920
Speaker 2: answered a housemate ad and moved in with an engaged couple,

782
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 2: b and Riley, who both use dadam pronoun. Ci paid

783
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 2: bond and rent right away to b He keeps screenshots

784
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 2: whenever he pays bond, rent or bills and still has these.

785
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,399
Speaker 2: That's smart to do, honestly, either way, if you trust

786
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 2: your people or not. When he moved in, the couple

787
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 2: told Say that they would be living there until June

788
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 2: or July twenty twenty Later, they told him February twenty

789
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 2: twenty five, and then messaged him in December twenty twenty

790
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 2: four that they were moving out in a month. Si

791
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 2: had to scramble to find a place in time and

792
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 2: ended up in a boarding house that was unsuitable for

793
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 2: his disabilities. He is now living somewhere safe. Around this time,

794
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 2: Be and Riley posted on social media that they had

795
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,919
Speaker 2: bought a house. The couple told Si that the real

796
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 2: estate were being difficult and not giving the bond back.

797
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 2: In Victoria, if the real estate or landlord doesn't return

798
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,320
Speaker 2: a tenants bond, the tenants can apply for bond return

799
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 2: via VCAT, which is the rental tribunal. SI suggested VCAT

800
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 2: and the couple said that they were going to apply

801
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 2: but couldn't afford it. SI offered to pay for it

802
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 2: because he desperately needed his bond money back, but the

803
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 2: couple told him he wasn't actually on the lease, so

804
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 2: he couldn't do anything. Hi, I'm sorry, how is he

805
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 2: not on the lease? How did that happen? How would

806
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 2: he know if he's not the lease? Because do you

807
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 2: have to sign something when you're on the lease.

808
00:40:57,400 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 4: I mean, if he came in as like a sublet,

809
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 4: maybe it was like an illegal sublet that he just

810
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 4: wouldn't have known. But Riley, that would mean that Riley

811
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,760
Speaker 4: and uh b B Why.

812
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally? Oh my goodness. It's worth noting that b

813
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,439
Speaker 2: and Riley were posting about getting lip fillers, la boo

814
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 2: boos and a pool table for their home bar while

815
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 2: telling say that they couldn't afford VCAT.

816
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 4: La boo Boo's already making it into these stories is

817
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 4: the best I know.

818
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 2: We've caught up with the times now. It costs about

819
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:32,919
Speaker 2: seventy dollars AD, which is less than a labooboo. From

820
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 2: February to June, the couple kept telling Say that they

821
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,880
Speaker 2: couldn't give his bond back because they hadn't gotten fares

822
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 2: back from the real estate. They said they were too

823
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 2: stressed out and two burnt out to do the VCAT paperwork.

824
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,839
Speaker 2: Riley sends Si a few one hundred dollars payments, which

825
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 2: they said were out of their own pocket, but those

826
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 2: stopped in April. SI offered again to pay for the

827
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 2: VCAT and help with paperwork, but the couple kept making excuses.

828
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 2: Riley said that the two of them had a bad

829
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,760
Speaker 2: case of the VID, even though Bee was posting Instagram

830
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 2: stories of them going out. Starting in May, SI's health

831
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 2: drastically declined. He has nerve damage in his lower back

832
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,759
Speaker 2: that makes walking difficult, and his medication makes it hard

833
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 2: for him to talk or control his hands. Me and

834
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 2: a couple of others have been helping him with daily

835
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:20,400
Speaker 2: living tasks, and I've been helping him with paperwork and appointments.

836
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:24,320
Speaker 2: Riley began getting hostile, telling Cy that they or b

837
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 2: would send payments that never arrive. When Cy politely said

838
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,879
Speaker 2: he hadn't received them, Riley would snap that they had

839
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 2: no money and they were paying Cy out of pocket,

840
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:39,439
Speaker 2: even though the payments had stopped months ago. Riley told

841
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 2: Sy not to push them because they were at their

842
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,319
Speaker 2: wits end. Despite claiming that they had no money, the

843
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 2: couple were still posting about new furniture and renovations. This

844
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 2: is like not even cheap stuff.

845
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 6: Like at least be smart about it, right ya.

846
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 2: Like maybe don't go on Instagram and post these things,

847
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,240
Speaker 2: or like block them from your story or something.

848
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 6: So they googled the conversion rate.

849
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 4: The seventy Australian dollars is like forty five US dollars,

850
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

851
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 2: Which is nothing compared house renovations. It's crazy. In June,

852
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 2: Side told a hospital social worker about the bond situation,

853
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 2: and the social worker reported it. His case was referred

854
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 2: to a community legal service, which advised his disability advocate

855
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 2: to send a demand letter for the rest of his

856
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 2: money back. Good, okay, we're getting some legal action here go.

857
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 2: Thank goodness. At that point, everyone thought b and Riley

858
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,399
Speaker 2: had gotten their bond back. A VIKA is usually done

859
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 2: two weeks after leaving a property. Not five months later.

860
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:41,839
Speaker 2: The real estate agency was contacted and it turned out

861
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 2: b and Riley didn't get their bond back because of

862
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:47,920
Speaker 2: rental arrears. They hadn't been paying rent, but they were

863
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 2: still taking his rent money. Yeah, oh my goodness. This

864
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 2: was news to Side because he was paying rent to

865
00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:58,960
Speaker 2: b B and Riley had kept size bond money, never

866
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 2: launched it, never admitted, never added him to the lease,

867
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,600
Speaker 2: and also kept his rent money instead of paying it.

868
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 2: They didn't get their bond back because of rental arrears,

869
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,640
Speaker 2: then lied to Side for months saying they couldn't give

870
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 2: his bond back because the real estate hadn't returned theirs.

871
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess that's true. They didn't receive their bond.

872
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,919
Speaker 4: Back, but yes, it's a little bit of a pay

873
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 4: this man his money back.

874
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,320
Speaker 6: You guys suck, Oh my goodness.

875
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:28,879
Speaker 2: Like, if you're getting extra money from someone that you're

876
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:31,360
Speaker 2: screwing over, at least use that to pay the rent.

877
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 6: Right, Come on, how were you not even paying the rent?

878
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:34,399
Speaker 1: Right?

879
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 2: They had known all along that they weren't getting their

880
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 2: bond back and misled Sigh by claiming they were paying

881
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 2: him back out of their own pocket when his money

882
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 2: had already gone into their pockets. Additionally, Bee had sent

883
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 2: sig messages they claimed were from the real estate agent,

884
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 2: but when contacted, the agent said she had never said

885
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:59,440
Speaker 2: those things. This is They're messing everything up, these guys.

886
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,719
Speaker 2: I'm so worried for you, Si, I know. I mean,

887
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 2: at least SI seems to have a lot of like

888
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:07,279
Speaker 2: legal people behind him, you know.

889
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:09,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, for sure. I'm just wondering.

890
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:13,240
Speaker 4: And I guess he also did take like very good

891
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,440
Speaker 4: pictures and like documentation of everything.

892
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,839
Speaker 6: So yeah, it could work out.

893
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 2: I have hope. I have hope, and like the real

894
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:24,800
Speaker 2: estate agent could say something too. Yeah, let's see. SI's

895
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 2: advocate sent b and Riley the demand letter via email.

896
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:31,080
Speaker 2: They replied by claiming SI never cleaned and then he

897
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:32,320
Speaker 2: did nothing around the house.

898
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 4: Well, now that doesn't really let you keep his rent.

899
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:40,839
Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, absolutely not, like there's no lease agreement about that.

900
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 4: Sorry, the disabled tenant, Yeah, the nerve damage in his back, yes, Cleen,

901
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,320
Speaker 4: how much he wanted him.

902
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 2: To eat, and I'm sure he still.

903
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 4: Did anyway, right, Yeah, I don't believe anything that Riley

904
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 4: and be said.

905
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:59,800
Speaker 2: Yeah. Then they claimed SI trashed the place before he left.

906
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,799
Speaker 2: Days later, Riley claimed that they had talked to SI

907
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:06,800
Speaker 2: about paying some costs and Sy had refused. The advocate

908
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 2: knew they were lying and trying to muddy the waters.

909
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 2: The downloaded sharehouse messages contained conversations about SI cleaning, doing chores,

910
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 2: and mowing. Oh my gosh, he was mowing while disabled.

911
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 2: How do you do that? That's crazy. The conversations after

912
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 2: they all moved out were about the bond, with no

913
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:28,080
Speaker 2: mention of any cleaning that SI didn't do. Instead, there

914
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 2: were messages of SI offering to pay for the VCAT

915
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:33,439
Speaker 2: so they could all get their bond back. When SI

916
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 2: was reading the emails, he confirmed that he did clean

917
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 2: and do chores, and that the conversations Riley mentioned never happened.

918
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 2: Be and Riley also said it was SI's fault that

919
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 2: he wasn't on the lease, which is ridiculous because even

920
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,480
Speaker 2: if that were true, it's still illegal for them not

921
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 2: to return his bond money. If they had added side

922
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 2: to the lease, he would have done a VCAT and

923
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 2: found out much sooner about the rental arrears. In between

924
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 2: attacking SI, the couple said it was unfair for the

925
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:04,360
Speaker 2: advocate to take legal action if they didn't return size money.

926
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 2: They never mentioned how fair it was for them to

927
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 2: take and spend his money and lied to him about

928
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 2: it for months. They also treated the disability advocate the

929
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 2: same way they treated SI, promising payments that never came.

930
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 2: Riley offered to pay SI back fifty dollars a fortnight,

931
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:24,280
Speaker 2: and the advocate agreed. Riley sent one fifty dollars payment

932
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:27,359
Speaker 2: and then stopped. When the advocate emailed to remind them

933
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 2: of their agreement, they ignored her. This is the scummiest

934
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:35,160
Speaker 2: thing I've ever witnessed. They sprung it on side that

935
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 2: they were moving out, leaving him scrambling for housing in

936
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:40,760
Speaker 2: a crisis. They lied to him about his bond money

937
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:43,440
Speaker 2: for months, claimed they were too stressed or broke to

938
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 2: do the VCAT, even when Sy offered to pay for

939
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:49,759
Speaker 2: it and handled the paperwork, and kept promising payments that

940
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:53,399
Speaker 2: never came. They lied to a disability advocate about someone

941
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 2: who can barely speak for himself. It's hard to get

942
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,439
Speaker 2: much lower than that. We're going to a community legal

943
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,920
Speaker 2: advice again and small claims court whin size health improves.

944
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 2: The case keeps getting bounced from service to service, and

945
00:48:05,880 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 2: we're already drowning in paperwork for all his medical and

946
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 2: daily living needs. A case manager just took over from

947
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 2: the advocate this week, but we're not sure how much

948
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 2: he can help. Any advice would be appreciated, and there

949
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 2: is an update. But oh wow, boy, do you have

950
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 2: any advice for them at all?

951
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 4: It sounds like you guys got it down pretty good,

952
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 4: you guys, your advocates and stuff your SI.

953
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:34,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't have much legal knowledge so especially

954
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 2: about Australia, right, So, like I don't know how like

955
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 2: what else you could do, but yeah, it seems like

956
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,319
Speaker 2: you're doing the most you can. You've got everyone on

957
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:46,360
Speaker 2: your side. I feel like if you did take this

958
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 2: a small claims court you would definitely. Yeah.

959
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 4: It's one of those things where it's like you obviously

960
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 4: haven't been the one doing anything wrong, right, So, like

961
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 4: it seems pretty unlosable.

962
00:48:56,160 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 2: Right exactly. So I hope this update as much hope

963
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:04,759
Speaker 2: as I do. So update. Firstly, SI is doing much

964
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:07,879
Speaker 2: better lately, Okay. He now goes to a medical center

965
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 2: closer to him than the hospital that he was previously at.

966
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 2: He joined a few online communities and is trying to

967
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:15,880
Speaker 2: start a group for disabled people in our area to

968
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:20,160
Speaker 2: get community and give advice and recommendation. As for being Riley,

969
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 2: they paid SI his money back, They apologized for lying

970
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:27,000
Speaker 2: to him for months, and for lying about him to

971
00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:30,719
Speaker 2: the disability advocate, and they both took full accountability for

972
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 2: their actions. Okay, wow, okay, Opie says.

973
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 1: Nah, I'm just kidding, YEA.

974
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:44,280
Speaker 2: Scared of that. Instead, they posted online about going on vacation. Yes,

975
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,279
Speaker 2: despite claiming for months that they were too stressed to

976
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:51,799
Speaker 2: do the VCAT paperwork and two broke to return size money. Somehow,

977
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 2: Be and Riley weren't too stressed or too broke to

978
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:58,920
Speaker 2: book and pay for flights and all other vacation costs,

979
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:01,759
Speaker 2: just like when Riley told Si that they and B

980
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:04,360
Speaker 2: had a bad case of the VID and B was

981
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 2: posting Instagram stories about going out the same day. Magically, here,

982
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 2: someone should call the Vatican because these two are just

983
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:16,479
Speaker 2: constantly having miracles. We haven't heard anything from the case

984
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 2: manager right now. We've still got appointments and daily living stuff,

985
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:21,960
Speaker 2: and SI says he doesn't want to think about the

986
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:24,640
Speaker 2: couple anymore, so we're leaving it for now. We did

987
00:50:24,719 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 2: file a police report about the situation. The police said

988
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 2: that they couldn't charge the couple because it's a tendency matter,

989
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:32,840
Speaker 2: but at least now there's a report. If we do

990
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 2: go to small claims court or if b and Riley

991
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:38,799
Speaker 2: try to financially exploit another vulnerable person. The real estate

992
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:42,120
Speaker 2: agency aren't happy about being dragged into this over eight

993
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:45,359
Speaker 2: months after the tendancy ended, but oh well, SI didn't

994
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:46,959
Speaker 2: want to be a part of this either. The only

995
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,360
Speaker 2: people who wanted this to go on for so long

996
00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 2: are Be and Riley because they still refuse to return

997
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 2: size money. SI said he doesn't want to think about

998
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:58,920
Speaker 2: them anymore, so we're respecting his wishes. The main upsetting

999
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 2: thing was Riley. SI and Riley both paid from the

1000
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:04,879
Speaker 2: same home state and had similar rough upbringings. SI had

1001
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,240
Speaker 2: offered to pay and help Rilly with filing the FECAT

1002
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:09,480
Speaker 2: when Riley told him they were too stressed. So I

1003
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:12,279
Speaker 2: even looked after b and Riley's dog for free when

1004
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:15,600
Speaker 2: they went on vacation over Christmas. And even after all that,

1005
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:19,480
Speaker 2: Riley still lied to Sigh for months, refused to return

1006
00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 2: his money, even knowing SI was low income and desperately

1007
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 2: needed it, and smeared a Sigh to his disability advocate.

1008
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:28,440
Speaker 2: So I saw Riley as a friend and someone who

1009
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 2: had gone through similar things. Riley just saw Siah as

1010
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:34,480
Speaker 2: someone to take advantage of as I said before, it's

1011
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 2: hard to get lower and to answer some questions I

1012
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:39,919
Speaker 2: got on Reddit and Facebook, this post wasn't a dig

1013
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 2: at non binary people. I did not read it like

1014
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 2: that at all. It was crazy, that is mild. Most

1015
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 2: of the people involved in this are queer, including me.

1016
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,480
Speaker 2: That's how we all know each other. I have friends

1017
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 2: who know be and Riley, so that's how we knew

1018
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 2: what they had been posting. But my goodness, just.

1019
00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:02,480
Speaker 4: The worst people that you give them with or no, yeah.

1020
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 2: I know, I feel like they need to be taking

1021
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 2: screenshots of like all of the Instagram stories of the

1022
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 2: expensive things they're.

1023
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:12,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I fully thought this whole time that they were

1024
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:16,239
Speaker 4: posting that stuff with like knowing that SI was like

1025
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 4: on their socials and stuff. Right, So I'm a little

1026
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,920
Speaker 4: bit glad at least that they like thought they were

1027
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:23,160
Speaker 4: clever enough.

1028
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 2: To like get away with it, and it's like stupid.

1029
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 4: Good on your friends for reaching out and being like, hey,

1030
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:30,319
Speaker 4: by the way, they're on vacacious right right.

1031
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 2: I'm glad that like the friends like op of b

1032
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:36,759
Speaker 2: and Riley are not you know, on their side, B

1033
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 2: and Riley. It's just interesting because we see so many

1034
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 2: stories where it's like, oh, yeah, like these people are

1035
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 2: doing this to be like their whole friend circle is

1036
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:48,799
Speaker 2: like on board with them, also against me, and so

1037
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 2: it's kind of nice seeing the friend's perspective and being like, yeah, no,

1038
00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 2: they're terrible people.

1039
00:52:53,840 --> 00:52:55,200
Speaker 6: We don't support them.

1040
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,240
Speaker 2: But there is a little bit more to the story.

1041
00:52:57,520 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 2: So I wasn't expecting them to accuse him of not

1042
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 2: cleaning or the other lies. He had to download his

1043
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 2: conversations with the couple for legal services. It was just

1044
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:08,600
Speaker 2: lucky that the things they were accusing SI of were

1045
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 2: easily disproven if you scroll up the sharehouse conversation to

1046
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:13,920
Speaker 2: when they were all living there and a little bit

1047
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 2: of an edit. CI is very non confrontational, and even

1048
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:20,800
Speaker 2: though he'd talk to them friendly and politely, the couple

1049
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 2: would overreact. For example, in January, just after they had left,

1050
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 2: SI asked the couple if they could affward him the

1051
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 2: email conversation between them and the real estate agent, and

1052
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 2: B replied, we're not against you, so I would have

1053
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:37,239
Speaker 2: to reassure them. He didn't think they were against him,

1054
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:40,319
Speaker 2: but the whole time they were they were. When SI

1055
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:43,000
Speaker 2: told Riley that he hadn't received a payment, Riley said

1056
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 2: was being sent. Riley went off with I'm at my

1057
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,760
Speaker 2: wits end, so CI wasn't in a position to confront

1058
00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:54,120
Speaker 2: them and say, you're clearly lying about the VCAT or

1059
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 2: if you can afford it, buy lip fillers each, you

1060
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 2: can afford to return my bond money. And that is

1061
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:00,880
Speaker 2: the end of that story.

1062
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 1: John here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories,

1063
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,200
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break from ass from our sponsors.

1064
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 4: I accidentally sent a message about my friend to her

1065
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:12,839
Speaker 4: and it turned into chaos.

1066
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:15,279
Speaker 2: Maybe it's something she just needed to hear.

1067
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:18,799
Speaker 4: I thirty female, have been friends with Deb twenty six

1068
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 4: female for almost five years. We met through our significant others.

1069
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:23,320
Speaker 6: They're brothers.

1070
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 4: We used to be super close, dinner, sleepovers, errands, you

1071
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:32,560
Speaker 4: name it. I supported her through friendship, family and relationship issues,

1072
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:36,880
Speaker 4: but rarely leaned on her in return, mainly because it

1073
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 4: always seemed like she was going through something I didn't

1074
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:42,359
Speaker 4: want to add to it. By the way, this comes

1075
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 4: from new Awk Mommy Kay, and if you want to

1076
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1077
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:50,879
Speaker 4: storytime subreddit. I'm Carly and I'm Angie, and we're here

1078
00:54:50,920 --> 00:54:53,399
Speaker 4: to give good advice, goofy, but we don't have all

1079
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:55,640
Speaker 4: the answers. We only know what we would do, So

1080
00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:57,320
Speaker 4: let us know what you would do in the comments,

1081
00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:00,200
Speaker 4: and Opie says, I decided to move out out of

1082
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:03,760
Speaker 4: our town and a few hours away. Deb never really visited,

1083
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:05,799
Speaker 4: but I didn't think much of it since I was

1084
00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 4: still in her area for work. Things changed after I

1085
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,960
Speaker 4: got engaged. She was in my bridal party and helped

1086
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:15,719
Speaker 4: a lot at first, but as time went on, she

1087
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:19,320
Speaker 4: became more flaky, mainly canceling last minute when I asked

1088
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:22,760
Speaker 4: for help on diis usually related to her mental health

1089
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 4: and having a bad work week. I checked up on

1090
00:55:25,200 --> 00:55:27,600
Speaker 4: her every time, but she'd always say things were fine.

1091
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:31,120
Speaker 4: For context, I asked for help for my bridesmaids twice

1092
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 4: over the span of eight months.

1093
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:38,480
Speaker 2: Wow, she's really going for no Bridezilla. Opposite of Bridezilla here.

1094
00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:42,880
Speaker 4: Like I will barely contact. Then came my bridal shower,

1095
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 4: which went poorly because my bridesmaids didn't get along aw

1096
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:52,399
Speaker 4: clashing personalities and communication. It was clear that my bridesmaids

1097
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:55,080
Speaker 4: didn't want to be around each other. It wasn't until

1098
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:58,080
Speaker 4: I felt some tension when one of them told me privately.

1099
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:02,240
Speaker 4: It resulted in one person going home early, some ganging

1100
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 4: up on others, and everyone throwing shade at one another.

1101
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:06,800
Speaker 2: Who are your friends?

1102
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:10,440
Speaker 6: How was like their first hang out? That's crazy?

1103
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 2: You guys don't even know each other.

1104
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 6: Pretend for an hour?

1105
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:17,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I had to stay in the middle to

1106
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:22,320
Speaker 4: play peacemaker. Naturally, I was upset by this. I vented

1107
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 4: to deb afterward. She was my ride home, mainly about

1108
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 4: how sad and disappointed I was that no one could

1109
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:31,719
Speaker 4: get along and that no one bothered to tell me,

1110
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:36,360
Speaker 4: not realizing she did take it personally. Apparently that was

1111
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 4: the start of her resentment. Months later, she grew distant,

1112
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:44,320
Speaker 4: barely responding to texts and ignoring me and my husband

1113
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 4: at family events. When I asked if something was wrong,

1114
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 4: she said no. But then I started to be more

1115
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:53,759
Speaker 4: confrontational because I knew something was off. She said, I

1116
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 4: was selfish, thought I was better than her, and never

1117
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:01,400
Speaker 4: gave her closure from an old conversation about clothes I

1118
00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 4: was donating and my sistic acne. Weirdly enough, she said

1119
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:07,839
Speaker 4: I chose this because I failed to speak to her

1120
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 4: about the bridal event after my initial venting, when in reality.

1121
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:15,080
Speaker 4: I decided to just eventually move on from it and

1122
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 4: never speak about it again. I asked for examples where

1123
00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:21,920
Speaker 4: I spoke to her condescendingly, but she couldn't provide any.

1124
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 4: I also noticed she said a few other insulting things,

1125
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 4: things I personally wouldn't say to my friends. I apologized anyway,

1126
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:33,480
Speaker 4: and we agreed to move forward, though things never felt

1127
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 4: the same. Since then, our conversations have been dry and

1128
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:40,640
Speaker 4: I've been the only one reaching out. I've started feeling

1129
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:43,840
Speaker 4: like she only stays in touch when it's convenient. Fast

1130
00:57:43,880 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 4: forward a few months. She's now engaged to my brother

1131
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:50,440
Speaker 4: in law. My husband and I moved even further away.

1132
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:53,880
Speaker 4: I also had an emergency surgery and was in recovery

1133
00:57:53,920 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 4: for six weeks. I noticed she eventually reached out to

1134
00:57:58,240 --> 00:58:01,680
Speaker 4: me on week four, despite being told what had happened

1135
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 4: early on, and never checked again. We had a few

1136
00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:08,360
Speaker 4: more in person family events. We would speak civilly, but

1137
00:58:08,520 --> 00:58:12,360
Speaker 4: nothing of any substance, and my husband noticed she was

1138
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:16,919
Speaker 4: still ignoring him even after we both sent her birthday gifts.

1139
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 6: In the mail.

1140
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:20,360
Speaker 4: I knew I wanted to address this, but decided to

1141
00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 4: wait it out a little longer until we hung out

1142
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:25,280
Speaker 4: one on one. I had been turning to my sister

1143
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 4: for advice these past few months on how to approach

1144
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:33,080
Speaker 4: this to avoid a big blow up like we previously had. Today,

1145
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:36,480
Speaker 4: I accidentally sent her a text meant for my sister.

1146
00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:41,120
Speaker 4: Uh oh, something casual, but it included the line deb

1147
00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 4: still isn't talking to husband? Really isn't like the worst

1148
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:47,160
Speaker 4: thing to Yeah, accidentally, sin, I know that.

1149
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 2: Really doesn't sound that bad, but based on everything else.

1150
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 6: She's gonna take it bad.

1151
00:58:51,560 --> 00:58:53,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's gonna blow it out of portion for sure.

1152
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:59,960
Speaker 4: I realized it, immediately apologized twice and explained the contest.

1153
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:03,680
Speaker 4: She's read everything but hasn't responded. I know it was

1154
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:06,600
Speaker 4: wrong to send that message, and I know exactly how

1155
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 4: she's probably feeling her and disrespected. I would be feeling

1156
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 4: the same way. But I also felt like this friendship

1157
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:17,000
Speaker 4: has been one sided for a while. I'm wondering if

1158
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:19,600
Speaker 4: I should try to fix this again or just let

1159
00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:22,360
Speaker 4: it go and accept that this friendship has run its course.

1160
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:25,480
Speaker 4: We have some comments. Commenter one, I would send one

1161
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 4: final message about how one sided things have felt and

1162
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:31,520
Speaker 4: let her know you're open to reconnecting, but balls in

1163
00:59:31,520 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 4: her court. Personally, I don't understand why she's resentful at all.

1164
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 4: She needs to communicate better, Opi responds, I sent one

1165
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:43,040
Speaker 4: final message after realizing my mistake, basically apologizing to not

1166
00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:46,080
Speaker 4: have spoken to her earlier about this and going to

1167
00:59:46,120 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 4: my sister first. I'm also stating I'm more than willing

1168
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 4: to chat more about this when she's ready, so the

1169
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:54,200
Speaker 4: ball's in her court. Last time, she sat on the

1170
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:56,520
Speaker 4: message for a week or two, then agreed to a

1171
00:59:56,520 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 4: phone call. Commenter two, I may be totally off base here,

1172
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:02,320
Speaker 4: but I kind of get the impression that you don't

1173
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 4: want to fix things, and you're maybe seeking validation to

1174
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 4: let this friendship fade out. I wish I understand, because

1175
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 4: it's tough to let someone go who was once so

1176
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 4: close to you, but it is a part of life.

1177
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:18,040
Speaker 4: Not every friendship is forever. You can still be cordial

1178
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 4: with her and catch up at family events, but you're

1179
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 4: totally justified in stepping back if this friendship is not

1180
01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:27,920
Speaker 4: bringing you joy anymore, Opie says, now that you've pointed

1181
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:30,360
Speaker 4: it out, you may be correct. I didn't think about

1182
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:32,560
Speaker 4: it like that. I think up until this point, I

1183
01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:34,880
Speaker 4: kept holding on to the first few years of our

1184
01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:37,640
Speaker 4: friendship because I knew what type of friendship we were

1185
01:00:37,640 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 4: capable of having. I thought I knew that she wasn't

1186
01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:43,400
Speaker 4: this person that I'm seeing now. I think I was

1187
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 4: hoping she was just going through something for a while

1188
01:00:46,360 --> 01:00:48,920
Speaker 4: and would reach out when she was ready, mainly because

1189
01:00:49,160 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 4: we would speak, she'd always have something going on. But

1190
01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:55,960
Speaker 4: I'm starting to think that isn't the case. Grieving failing

1191
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 4: relationships is hard.

1192
01:00:57,240 --> 01:00:59,320
Speaker 6: We have an update, though, Oh boy.

1193
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:03,640
Speaker 2: What a man see messy situations mess I agree with

1194
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:04,919
Speaker 2: that first commentary a lot.

1195
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 4: That's like she's just awful at communicating.

1196
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:08,720
Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, totally.

1197
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:11,720
Speaker 4: You can't sit here and be like, I'm so mad

1198
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:13,720
Speaker 4: that you did this. Isn't this but I'm not gonna

1199
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:14,760
Speaker 4: tell you any of.

1200
01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:18,320
Speaker 2: That, right, It's like you just can't complain at that point,

1201
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 2: like yeah, and it was just so much like high

1202
01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:26,600
Speaker 2: school stuff. And when she's twenty six, it's like, come on, dad,

1203
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:29,200
Speaker 2: say what are you doing? That is very hard that

1204
01:01:29,240 --> 01:01:31,600
Speaker 2: it's like she's doing all of this high school stuff

1205
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:34,200
Speaker 2: and then now they're like in the same family and

1206
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:37,600
Speaker 2: you kind of can't avoid it. It's just getting so

1207
01:01:37,720 --> 01:01:40,320
Speaker 2: much worse. But I mean, it sounds like you're doing

1208
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:43,080
Speaker 2: everything right, Opie. Yeah, doing all that she could.

1209
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 4: If this is where you want to draw the end

1210
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,760
Speaker 4: of this friendship, I think that's fine.

1211
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:48,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, not really much of one.

1212
01:01:48,760 --> 01:01:49,760
Speaker 2: Right update.

1213
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:53,120
Speaker 4: After apologizing to Deb, I decided not to reach out

1214
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 4: again and let her come to me if she wanted

1215
01:01:55,600 --> 01:01:58,120
Speaker 4: to talk. I'd already been coming to terms with the

1216
01:01:58,160 --> 01:02:01,120
Speaker 4: idea that this friendship is done and that I made

1217
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:04,240
Speaker 4: my peace. Then this evening, my brother in law, who

1218
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 4: I've never had issues with before, called my husband and

1219
01:02:07,560 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 4: completely went off, saying I'm a liar, manipulator, and a

1220
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:15,520
Speaker 4: bunch of other names and stuff. He said they're cutting

1221
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:19,200
Speaker 4: contact because I was gossiping about Deb with my sister

1222
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:22,640
Speaker 4: when I've really been turning to my sister for advice

1223
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:24,520
Speaker 4: on how to move forward with Deb.

1224
01:02:24,840 --> 01:02:25,680
Speaker 6: They accused me.

1225
01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:29,160
Speaker 4: Of treating them badly since my bridal weekend. He also

1226
01:02:29,240 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 4: claimed that I've been throwing quiffs at them and talking

1227
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:35,760
Speaker 4: down to them. From how he described things, it sounds

1228
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:38,640
Speaker 4: like he didn't even read the text thread, maybe just

1229
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 4: got a verbal summary.

1230
01:02:40,200 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 2: Sounds like it.

1231
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:44,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, probably not my smartest move, but I called him

1232
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:48,200
Speaker 4: myself afterwards. I'm used to talking with him directly. We've

1233
01:02:48,240 --> 01:02:52,000
Speaker 4: known each other for nine years. We actually stayed calm.

1234
01:02:52,040 --> 01:02:55,560
Speaker 4: I asked for specific examples of what I supposedly did,

1235
01:02:55,760 --> 01:02:58,880
Speaker 4: because I genuinely couldn't think of anything that would justify

1236
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 4: what he was saying. He couldn't give me a single example.

1237
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:05,160
Speaker 4: Keep in mind, Deb still hasn't spoken to me or

1238
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:07,560
Speaker 4: responded to my text. I told him I had given

1239
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:11,760
Speaker 4: Deb multiple chances to air out any lingering issues during

1240
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:14,600
Speaker 4: our last spat, which I had to encourage an actual

1241
01:03:14,640 --> 01:03:17,880
Speaker 4: conversation even then, and she said she'd gotten it all

1242
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 4: out of her system.

1243
01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:21,520
Speaker 6: So to my knowledge, this was worked out.

1244
01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:25,680
Speaker 4: Now they're saying I'm resentful over how my bridal weekend went,

1245
01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:28,840
Speaker 4: even though I've truly moved past it. I don't even

1246
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:32,040
Speaker 4: talk about that weekend anymore. He says he doesn't see

1247
01:03:32,080 --> 01:03:35,000
Speaker 4: any other bridesmaids being chewed out. But I never even

1248
01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:36,880
Speaker 4: chewed Deb out over that weekend.

1249
01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:38,400
Speaker 6: Plus I've had.

1250
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:41,520
Speaker 4: One on one conversations with the other ladies. Why would

1251
01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:44,400
Speaker 4: any of that be brother in law and Deb's business.

1252
01:03:44,600 --> 01:03:47,440
Speaker 4: I really don't understand why they're still so hung up

1253
01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 4: on that weekend or how any of this justifies their reaction.

1254
01:03:51,080 --> 01:03:53,600
Speaker 4: I suspect Deb was already looking for a reason to

1255
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:57,480
Speaker 4: end things, and that accidental text gave her the opportunity

1256
01:03:57,520 --> 01:04:01,160
Speaker 4: to say you betrayed me by gossiping, rather than admitting

1257
01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:03,720
Speaker 4: she'd been hurt for a long time. I've spent the

1258
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:07,320
Speaker 4: last thirty six hours reflecting and trying to see things

1259
01:04:07,360 --> 01:04:08,600
Speaker 4: from different point of views.

1260
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:10,480
Speaker 6: I still feel guilty.

1261
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:13,320
Speaker 4: About the text, and I am still willing to apologize

1262
01:04:13,320 --> 01:04:16,120
Speaker 4: in person for that, but I honestly don't believe I've

1263
01:04:16,160 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 4: treated them the.

1264
01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:17,600
Speaker 6: Way they're claiming.

1265
01:04:17,840 --> 01:04:20,800
Speaker 4: I also don't regret turning to my sister for advice

1266
01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:24,160
Speaker 4: on this situation, especially after our first spat where we

1267
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 4: agreed to move forward. I've only seen them three times

1268
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:31,360
Speaker 4: in the past year, all at family gatherings, all less

1269
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:34,400
Speaker 4: than two hours at a time, and every time I

1270
01:04:34,560 --> 01:04:37,160
Speaker 4: try to include them in a conversation and ask them

1271
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:40,240
Speaker 4: about their life. I fully expected brother in law to

1272
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:43,320
Speaker 4: side with Deb, but if they truly have examples of

1273
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:45,760
Speaker 4: time I was hurtful, I'd like to hear them so

1274
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:48,439
Speaker 4: I can apologize or explain a little bit more.

1275
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:53,120
Speaker 2: But uh, ugh, Yeah, I really want to know what

1276
01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:56,480
Speaker 2: exactly happened on the Bridesmaid weekend, because right, we know

1277
01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:58,720
Speaker 2: that they were arguing. We know that there was all

1278
01:04:58,760 --> 01:05:01,720
Speaker 2: this shade and drama and Opie was just kind of

1279
01:05:01,720 --> 01:05:03,680
Speaker 2: in the middle of it. But like, I want to

1280
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:05,200
Speaker 2: know what was said?

1281
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:07,080
Speaker 6: Right, What was this drama?

1282
01:05:07,440 --> 01:05:07,600
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1283
01:05:07,600 --> 01:05:11,080
Speaker 2: Totally, because I'm guessing that, like if OPI was in

1284
01:05:11,120 --> 01:05:13,240
Speaker 2: the middle of things, then maybe some people were saying

1285
01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:17,080
Speaker 2: things to Deb and Deb was saying other things, and

1286
01:05:17,120 --> 01:05:20,160
Speaker 2: then OPI was kind of like siding with the other people,

1287
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:23,280
Speaker 2: or maybe not even siding, but like just bringing up

1288
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:27,080
Speaker 2: a point that the other person said, and and Deb

1289
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:31,200
Speaker 2: probably took it all wrong. Totally just assuming that, but yeah,

1290
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:34,160
Speaker 2: it would guess right. But it's just I feel like

1291
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:36,760
Speaker 2: you're totally fine, Like if all of your friends were

1292
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:39,360
Speaker 2: doing that that weekend, maybe you just need to have

1293
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 2: better standards for fray, I don't know, but so maybe

1294
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:47,400
Speaker 2: this is a good opportunity to enforce that, to have

1295
01:05:47,480 --> 01:05:48,320
Speaker 2: those standards.

1296
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:52,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I fully agree, we got a little bit more.

1297
01:05:52,120 --> 01:05:52,960
Speaker 6: At this point.

1298
01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:55,840
Speaker 4: I'm not looking to fix things with Deb or rebuild

1299
01:05:55,840 --> 01:05:59,640
Speaker 4: the friendship. I've accepted that ship has sailed. What I

1300
01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:02,120
Speaker 4: am trying to figure out is how to handle things

1301
01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:06,320
Speaker 4: moving forward in a calm and civil way, especially at

1302
01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:09,760
Speaker 4: family events. I don't want tension to spill over into

1303
01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:12,840
Speaker 4: the wider family or make things awkward for my husband.

1304
01:06:13,120 --> 01:06:15,920
Speaker 4: I guess I'm just feeling sad and disappointed that it

1305
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:19,240
Speaker 4: ended like this after many years of effort, and I'm

1306
01:06:19,280 --> 01:06:22,080
Speaker 4: trying to find the balance between keeping my dignity and

1307
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:23,560
Speaker 4: not holding on to bitterness.

1308
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:25,280
Speaker 6: That's the end of that story.