Speaker 1: We're still operating the same time construct as people did
Speaker 1: fifty years ago, one hundred years ago, two hundred years ago.
Speaker 1: That is insane. I have three eight hour days in
Speaker 1: a day. I get twenty one days in a week.
Speaker 2: His dream was to be a professional baseball player. He's
Speaker 2: an entrepreneur, a flangerbiz podcast host.
Speaker 1: Today, he's recognized as one of the premier business leaders
Speaker 1: in the world at my letter, your identity isn't your career.
Speaker 1: It's not your identity. It's a very dangerous way to
Speaker 1: live your life. It's a hack to confidence. Nobody talks about,
Speaker 1: is Jay. This is an all time great conversation.
Speaker 2: Right before we jump into this episode, I'd like to
Speaker 2: invite you to join this community to hear more interviews
Speaker 2: that will help you become happier, healthier, and more healed.
Speaker 2: All I want you to do is click on the
Speaker 2: subscribe button. I love your support. It's incredible to see
Speaker 2: all your comments and we're just getting started. I can't
Speaker 2: wait to go on this journey with you. Thank you
Speaker 2: so much for subscribing. It means the world to me.
Speaker 1: The number one health and well in the podcast, Jay Setty,
Speaker 1: Jay Sheetty.
Speaker 2: Set Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose, the number
Speaker 2: one place that you come to listen, learn and grow.
Speaker 2: Today's guest is one of your favorites, someone that I
Speaker 2: love to sit down with, a dear friend of mine
Speaker 2: who we always seem to connect on a frequency and
Speaker 2: vibration level like no other. I know you're going to
Speaker 2: be excited because you've been asking for him to come
Speaker 2: back on the show. Our guest today is ed my Let,
Speaker 2: a highly successful entrepreneur who's blended his unique experiences with
Speaker 2: a diverse set of practical strategies that have made him
Speaker 2: one of the most sore after inspirational speakers in the
Speaker 2: world today. Please welcome to the show, my dear friend
Speaker 2: ed my Ed.
Speaker 1: I love you brother. Great to be with you. I
Speaker 1: last saw you in Dubai well speaking, so it's nice
Speaker 1: to be on us ur so fun.
Speaker 2: You were so kind because my card in shop at
Speaker 2: the airport and me and Edie were speaking of the
Speaker 2: same event. We were staying at the same hotel because
Speaker 2: he was organized, and so I said there and I
Speaker 2: was like, do you mind if I just sit in
Speaker 2: your car? And you were so kind, ready to jump it.
Speaker 1: I get to have a half an hour with Jay Shetty,
Speaker 1: Are you crazy? I'm going to take that time anytime
Speaker 1: I can do it.
Speaker 2: I loved it, man. I was so glad we bumped
Speaker 2: into each other because I feel like every time we're together,
Speaker 2: our hearts just open up greed, There's so much trust,
Speaker 2: there's so much love. So thank you for coming back.
Speaker 2: Like I said, the last episode we did together crushed
Speaker 2: people loved it. You and I wanted to start with like,
Speaker 2: you know, and I know I'm asking you this because
Speaker 2: I know you'll give me a genuine, honest answer. But Ed,
Speaker 2: You're so confident, You're so strong, you're powerful. But at
Speaker 2: the same time, I know that you are going for
Speaker 2: your own healing journey, your own struggles, your own challenges,
Speaker 2: like what what have you been working on inside?
Speaker 1: Wow? What a great question. Thank you for that. I
Speaker 1: have to say I told you off camera. I know
Speaker 1: if I don't say this, I won't feel right. You
Speaker 1: have the most unique combination of confidence and humility about
Speaker 1: anybody I've ever met. Those are people I love the most.
Speaker 1: I love being around confident people, but they have these
Speaker 1: high doses of humility, which keeps them humble. It causes
Speaker 1: them to still want to learn and grow. They don't
Speaker 1: think they know everything. Those people last the longest in
Speaker 1: business and in any endeavor. Same time, if somebody doesn't
Speaker 1: have a lot of confidence, you feel like you're carrying
Speaker 1: those folks your friends through life all the time. So
Speaker 1: in my case, you know, I grew up as a
Speaker 1: son of an alcoholic, and I think to some extent
Speaker 1: there's these this wiring that happens when you're a child,
Speaker 1: and so some of the wiring I've recently discovered. I
Speaker 1: had Bert Kreischer, the comedian, on my podcast, and it
Speaker 1: sort of came out of me when he was there.
Speaker 1: Bert's a very well known drinker, and it's almost a
Speaker 1: joke about how much that he drinks. And I asked him,
Speaker 1: I said, Bert, what kind of a husband or father
Speaker 1: do you think you are? And he said, I think
Speaker 1: I'm a ten out of ten. And I think he is.
Speaker 1: And I told him, I said, you know, I just
Speaker 1: discovered something about myself brother, and it was that my
Speaker 1: dad's drinking. It wasn't just that I was worried, you know,
Speaker 1: is he going to get in a fight, is he
Speaker 1: going to be mean? Or mom and dad in a disagreement.
Speaker 1: I said, what happened. Was I worried about my dad?
Speaker 1: Is he going to come home tonight? Is he safe?
Speaker 1: Is he in danger? And that wired into me as
Speaker 1: a little boy, the neurology the pattern of worry and fear.
Speaker 1: And so as I've gotten to be an older, grown man,
Speaker 1: I've uncovered that the last year or two, I have
Speaker 1: a pattern where I have a tendency my emotional home,
Speaker 1: so to speak, as I go back to worry and fear,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to I don't want to live
Speaker 1: that way, and so I've been working on unwiring that.
Speaker 1: That's the thing I've been working most on my healing
Speaker 1: journey is you know, it's okay, Everything's going to be okay.
Speaker 1: I'm blessed, I'm favored. And it's undoing that wiring of
Speaker 1: worry and fear. Because we all have an emotional home.
Speaker 1: We all have three or four emotions that no matter
Speaker 1: what happens in a given week or month, we're going
Speaker 1: to get it. So if your emotional home is anger
Speaker 1: or worry or fear of frustration, no matter what the
Speaker 1: external conditions are, you're going to find a way to
Speaker 1: get your hitt of it. It's your home Conversely, if
Speaker 1: your emotional home is peace or equanimity or bliss or ecstasy, passion, focus,
Speaker 1: you'll find a way on a regular basis to get
Speaker 1: that emotion that you're familiar with, because we're wired for
Speaker 1: it in our bodies and our minds to be familiar
Speaker 1: with those emotions. So I just chose, what are the
Speaker 1: emotions I want? Don't want to live and worry and
Speaker 1: fear even though my external life is so great, I
Speaker 1: still have a tendency to worry and live fearfully. Or
Speaker 1: how do I want to live? I want to live
Speaker 1: in peace, I want some equanimity, I want blessed in
Speaker 1: my life. And so I've been rewiring that, and it's
Speaker 1: something I've been really really excited about and proud of
Speaker 1: that I've done that work at you know, at fifty
Speaker 1: years old, fifty two now it's been happening.
Speaker 2: Oh well, I'm so glad I asked that question already.
Speaker 2: I'm late because I think you're so right. I think
Speaker 2: everyone who's listening will be able to relate to what
Speaker 2: they're wiring is from childhood, where do we go? What's
Speaker 2: our emotional home as you just called it, correct, where
Speaker 2: do we disappear to And it's really interesting because I
Speaker 2: always talk about my childhood similarly being quite chaotic and
Speaker 2: quite intense. But my mother's love was like this protective shield.
Speaker 1: You've told me that that.
Speaker 2: Really helped me. And now when I'm listening to you,
Speaker 2: I'm actually thinking what I want, and I think what
Speaker 2: we're both trying to develop is peace in the storm. Amen,
Speaker 2: it's equanimity in the imbalance.
Speaker 1: That's correct, right, And in my case, not to create
Speaker 1: the storm all the time.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, But in all.
Speaker 1: Honesty, a few things I discovered a few years ago.
Speaker 1: I used to brag a lot. I am unbelievable under stress.
Speaker 1: I operate amazingly under chaos, which is true because I'm
Speaker 1: so familiar with it. But what I found out about
Speaker 1: myself was, to some extent I created a lot of it.
Speaker 1: In other words, I wasn't comfortable in my life. Maybe
Speaker 1: people can relate to this if they really take a
Speaker 1: look at themselves. I wasn't comfortable when things weren't a
Speaker 1: little bit chaotic. Because in life, we move towards really
Speaker 1: what we're most familiar with. We keep moving back to
Speaker 1: the familiar. That's why some people will date the completely
Speaker 1: same person in a different body. You and I have
Speaker 1: talked about with your amazing work, right because we move
Speaker 1: towards what we're familiar with. So I it's had a
Speaker 1: tennessee in my life to create a lot of stress
Speaker 1: and chaos because I operated so well in it. It
Speaker 1: was a familiar state to be in, even though it
Speaker 1: didn't serve me. And so a lot of that work
Speaker 1: I've done in healing and digging deep in my life
Speaker 1: it served me. Not just in healing, it's made me
Speaker 1: a better businessman, It's made me a better father and
Speaker 1: often cases a better friend because I'm not constantly creating
Speaker 1: this stress and chaos around the people that I love
Speaker 1: the most.
Speaker 2: How do you stop creating stress and droma? Well, one
Speaker 2: is why do we do it?
Speaker 1: And how do we do it? Because we're familiar and
Speaker 1: we wire these things in our bodies and so this
Speaker 1: is really technical stuff. But I anchored the good states.
Speaker 1: And so what happened was is that usually we're wiring
Speaker 1: happens is in a highly emotional state. We anchor it
Speaker 1: in our bodies physically, that's what we do. And so
Speaker 1: the way out of that is to begin to anchor
Speaker 1: the great states so I take advantage of great states. So,
Speaker 1: for example, just a few weeks ago, my daughter was
Speaker 1: home from college and we took a walk on the
Speaker 1: beach and it was just this blissful experiences me and
Speaker 1: the you know, one of the people I love the
Speaker 1: most in the world, and I'm feeling this great peace
Speaker 1: and love from my daughters. We're walking and I anchored it.
Speaker 1: I literally anchored it in my body. I literally snapped
Speaker 1: my fingers as I went and I anchored that state.
Speaker 1: And so or when I'm walking on stage, I'm about to,
Speaker 1: you know, have to speak, and that adrenaline hits me,
Speaker 1: and that euphoria, the spirit, the energy hits me. I'll
Speaker 1: anchor that state physically. And so what happens is I'm
Speaker 1: rewiring myself physically. For example, like I pray on my
Speaker 1: knees every night, and so I've been doing that for
Speaker 1: a number of years. I feel great peace when I pray.
Speaker 1: What's ironic about it is not only is the prayer
Speaker 1: now peaceful, but the actual physical move of getting on
Speaker 1: my knees triggers that state. So this is a very
Speaker 1: detailed answer, but I've rewired. Okay, So I've rewired. So
Speaker 1: everybody when you're in that blissful state. Everyone's ever heard
Speaker 1: a song from a different time and it just triggers
Speaker 1: a state. It's not the words and the music, it's
Speaker 1: what was going on in that moment. You've anchored it
Speaker 1: in your body. So when I'm in a good state,
Speaker 1: a great state, I take advantage of it. I don't
Speaker 1: let it pass. I anchored in my body, and I've
Speaker 1: sort of rewired myself so that when these ones that
Speaker 1: I don't want come along, I have a neurology. I
Speaker 1: can change out of that move and do something physical
Speaker 1: and it's simple. It's not complicated to be tugging your ear,
Speaker 1: feeling something on your shirt, something you do on your knees.
Speaker 1: So I've created like triggers in my life to put
Speaker 1: me back in that state, and over time that's become
Speaker 1: my wiring now, not the old one. This is more
Speaker 1: familiar to me than the old one. Tendency now is
Speaker 1: to move towards the familiar state of bliss of joy.
Speaker 1: I'd say seventy five eighty percent of the time now
Speaker 1: that's where I live, whereas before ninety five percent of
Speaker 1: the time I live the other way.
Speaker 2: I love that advice, and please be as technical and
Speaker 2: as detailed as you like, because you spark so much
Speaker 2: for me, I was thinking that, actually the truth is
Speaker 2: everyone already has subconscious anchors that we're not choosing. And
Speaker 2: so an example is when I'm working with a client,
Speaker 2: often they'll say to me, the moment their head hits
Speaker 2: the pillow, all of their anxiety goes crazy. What is that.
Speaker 2: It's an anchored state.
Speaker 1: It's actually your head hitting the pillow exactly exactly right.
Speaker 2: The emotion is creating a sense of breathlessness, maybe tight chestedness,
Speaker 2: mental anxiety. And until you retrain that act of I'm
Speaker 2: going to let my head hit the pillow, I'm going
Speaker 2: to experience piece, maybe going to play a sound. Maybe
Speaker 2: I'm going to feel a certain temperature, Maybe I need
Speaker 2: to do some breath work, like until you reanchor that state,
Speaker 2: like you're saying, your head hitting the pillow will never
Speaker 2: change no matter what you do.
Speaker 1: No matter what you do external, as long as the
Speaker 1: external conditions of your life continually dictate how you feel,
Speaker 1: you're an out of control human being. So at some
Speaker 1: point you have to do things internally that change how
Speaker 1: you feel. Because the quality of our life well, you know,
Speaker 1: this is the quality of our emotions, that's the caliber
Speaker 1: of our life. So I remember a long time ago.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you a quick story. I had not made
Speaker 1: a money for a long time as a businessman. I
Speaker 1: finally make some money, finally, right, But my emotional home
Speaker 1: was fear. And by the way, the other side oftentimes
Speaker 1: of fear can manifest itself as anger, shows up as anger.
Speaker 1: But when you see an angry person, you're seeing a
Speaker 1: scared person. And so I was a worrier and a
Speaker 1: fearful person. Anyway, I was building my first dream home
Speaker 1: and on the way over there, an appointment had canceled
Speaker 1: or something, and I was duh. And then the contractor
Speaker 1: had messed something up. We've all had that in a moment.
Speaker 1: And I walk into this mansion I'm building, and I'm
Speaker 1: mad and I'm stressed, and I'm angry, and ooh, where's
Speaker 1: the contractor? And I look into the kitchen and there's
Speaker 1: five men, and there are five or six men in there.
Speaker 1: All men had come from Mexico. And these men had
Speaker 1: left their families, and the reason they had come there
Speaker 1: was to send money home to their families and work.
Speaker 1: And they're in there and they were doing work. They
Speaker 1: loved that they were great at working on my mansion.
Speaker 1: And I watched them for a minute. I stood and
Speaker 1: watched them, and they had their mariachi music playing, and
Speaker 1: they were laughing and joking and blissful and also doing
Speaker 1: work they cared about that mattered, that they were great at.
Speaker 1: And in that moment, I stepped back, and I almost
Speaker 1: out of my body. I went, if life is the
Speaker 1: quality of your emotions, They're kicking my tail. They're winning
Speaker 1: it life, and I'm losing. I have all these things
Speaker 1: to be grateful for around me, but my home that
Speaker 1: I keep going back to is fear, anger, and worry.
Speaker 1: These guys who had to leave their families to come
Speaker 1: to another country just to support them, Imagine how difficult
Speaker 1: their life was there. They had to leave their country
Speaker 1: and their children to come here to work to support
Speaker 1: their families. And they're joyous and blissful and doing work
Speaker 1: that matters to them and that they're great at. And
Speaker 1: so I decided, it's you don't want the mansion you want,
Speaker 1: how you think it'll make you feel. You don't want
Speaker 1: the relationship you want how you think it'll make you feel.
Speaker 1: You don't want to be fit and sexy and jacked.
Speaker 1: You want how you think it'll make you feel. So
Speaker 1: what if I could get the emotions. If I could
Speaker 1: have these emotions, maybe getting the things I want would
Speaker 1: be that much easier. And so I focus. Now. Everyone
Speaker 1: has goals of their physical things they want, but for me,
Speaker 1: a lot of my outcomes now are emotionally driven because
Speaker 1: I think if I'm in the right emotional state, I
Speaker 1: can produce the physical things I want.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you make better decisions, right, You're more clear. Your
Speaker 2: vision makes sense. I'd completely agree with you. It's like,
Speaker 2: and I think a lot of us feel like the
Speaker 2: more we do, the more we take on, the more
Speaker 2: amount of things we do, the more likely we're going
Speaker 2: to be successful. And I wanted to talk to you
Speaker 2: about this in terms of your schedule because I know.
Speaker 1: That that's like you and I have talked about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, walk me through your schedule. What does it
Speaker 2: look like right now?
Speaker 1: It's busy. But I have learned you and I just
Speaker 1: were talking about this. I have learned to say no,
Speaker 1: and I've learned this is just recent. I am a
Speaker 1: people pleaser, and so a lot of times because I
Speaker 1: am you know I have a deep voice, and maybe
Speaker 1: I look a particular way, you wouldn't know that inside
Speaker 1: is this person. I just want to please people and
Speaker 1: make them happy because of my child that if my
Speaker 1: dad was in a good mood, maybe you wouldn't drink
Speaker 1: that day. If I brought home an A on my
Speaker 1: report card, then he'd show me love. So I've I
Speaker 1: conflated in my life brother love with significance, and I
Speaker 1: thought when I would do something significant, it felt like love.
Speaker 1: But they're two different things. Most people are that way
Speaker 1: as well. If I can just perform, if I can
Speaker 1: just do something, people will love me. So I've changed
Speaker 1: that and in my schedule, so I have learned to
Speaker 1: do things that I love, that make me feel good,
Speaker 1: that contribute. My schedule's busy, though, I mean I'm up
Speaker 1: very early in the morning most of mornings. I've got
Speaker 1: a routine that I do. I travel quite a bit,
Speaker 1: just like you do. But what I've really learned to
Speaker 1: do is to choose things in my life that both
Speaker 1: are productive, but that also give me a sense of
Speaker 1: contribution and joy, not just productive anymore. So I've said
Speaker 1: no to things. Recently, there's a TV show that I'm
Speaker 1: doing right now. Another one came up, and I've always
Speaker 1: really wanted to do this particular show. It doesn't serve
Speaker 1: my current dream. So what I do as I check
Speaker 1: in and I ask myself, I audit, is that still
Speaker 1: my dream? Is that still what I want? There's this
Speaker 1: great clip on social media going around right now with
Speaker 1: Jim Carrey. I don't know if you've seen this, but
Speaker 1: I've watched it and I've sent it to so many
Speaker 1: of our friends. I thought I sent it to you.
Speaker 1: Maybe I didn't. And he says something in this clip.
Speaker 1: I'll paraphrase it, I'll mess it up, but he basically
Speaker 1: says in this clip he says, I'm going to say
Speaker 1: something you've never heard an actor say before. And an
Speaker 1: interview say what's that? And Carrie says, I've had enough.
Speaker 1: I've done enough. I've made enough movies, I've had enough success,
Speaker 1: I've won enough awards, and now I want to just
Speaker 1: do things that bring me peace and joy. That's a
Speaker 1: courageous choice in life. And so what he did is
Speaker 1: he audited, is this still my dream? And I think
Speaker 1: a lot of times in life, we just have this
Speaker 1: dream that was given to us by our parents. Or
Speaker 1: our friends, or there's an expectation and we're chasing a
Speaker 1: dream that was maybe never ours or no longer is.
Speaker 1: And so now I really audit that I audit the
Speaker 1: fact of whether or not this is something that is
Speaker 1: still my dream? Is it consistent with where I want
Speaker 1: to go now? But I'm busy, you know, I'm twelve
Speaker 1: fourteen hours a day. So my physiology matters, my hydration matters,
Speaker 1: my juney water matters. All these things matter to me
Speaker 1: in my life so that I'm feeding my soul and
Speaker 1: my spirit so that I am my best when I
Speaker 1: come do a I show like yes today.
Speaker 2: If anyone doesn't know, Edward's just on stage with our
Speaker 2: good friend Brendan Boushard in La. It came straight.
Speaker 1: Into the studio here, that's right.
Speaker 2: And you always this energy like you have the ability.
Speaker 2: I think I talk a lot about the difference between
Speaker 2: time management and energy management. And you're someone that whenever
Speaker 2: I'm with you, you're always highly energetic. For you, You're
Speaker 2: always you know, there's that I feel that I feel
Speaker 2: your spirit coming through yourself.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm conscious, Jade, like you are. I'm conscious of
Speaker 1: something I think most people are oblivious to And here's
Speaker 1: what it is. You are always making people feel something.
Speaker 1: Most people aren't aware of this. No matter what, you're
Speaker 1: making them feel something. It could be. They could feel
Speaker 1: important and needed and loved. They could feel slighted and invisible.
Speaker 1: They could feel that you're demeaning to them, but you're
Speaker 1: making them feel something. So I try to really focus
Speaker 1: on my intentions. When I met Wayne Dyer when I
Speaker 1: was very young. At that time, he was writing a book,
Speaker 1: What a Beautiful Man.
Speaker 2: I think people don't know me read ye special.
Speaker 1: Well, I got to tell you, you remind me a
Speaker 1: lot of Wayne, a lot, I mean. And he was
Speaker 1: a dear, dear friend. Your spirit is very similar and
Speaker 1: uh and I don't know a lot of people that
Speaker 1: remind me of Wayne, but you do. And he was
Speaker 1: so good to me. But when I met him, it's
Speaker 1: a funny story. It's a long time ago, but I
Speaker 1: was I had luckily I work out so I'd won
Speaker 1: my first trip ever to Hawaii with the company I
Speaker 1: was at. And I got up in the morning before
Speaker 1: the sun was up, because that's my routine, beat the
Speaker 1: sun up, and I ran on the beach and as
Speaker 1: I'm running, this man's coming towards me. I could see
Speaker 1: a bald guy, sweaty, hairy back. I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to bump into this guy. And as he gets closer,
Speaker 1: I go, oh, my gosh, that's Wayne Dyre. It was
Speaker 1: in Maui and he gets past me. We're both were
Speaker 1: in ony walkman, that's how old we all both are.
Speaker 1: And I pull my walk out of it. You're dating yourself
Speaker 1: now and I go, doctor Dyer, you change my life,
Speaker 1: and don't you love when someone says that to you.
Speaker 1: To this day, I remember saying that to him, and
Speaker 1: he takes his hey out a deep voice like me,
Speaker 1: takes his headphones off, running and he goes I highly
Speaker 1: doubt that. He goes, I bet you changed your life,
Speaker 1: But how did I help you? And he stops the
Speaker 1: run jay and he walks over to me and I
Speaker 1: end up sitting on the beach for an hour and
Speaker 1: a half watching the sun come up with Wayne Dyer
Speaker 1: and at the end of the conversation he says to me,
Speaker 1: he says, ed, I think you're going to change the
Speaker 1: world now. At that time, I thought I was probably
Speaker 1: the only person he ever said that too. In hindsight,
Speaker 1: he probably said that too much, But he said, and
Speaker 1: it's not because of your amazing brain or you have
Speaker 1: a unique ability to communicate ed. But that's not why
Speaker 1: he said, you're a good man. Listen to this what
Speaker 1: he said, bro, He goes, you're a good man, he goes,
Speaker 1: you have great intentions, and he goes, if we never
Speaker 1: talk again, and we ended up talking the rest of
Speaker 1: his life. He said, I you to always link your
Speaker 1: confidence to your intentions, not your abilities, because you'll be
Speaker 1: chasing that tale all your life. In so, if he goes,
Speaker 1: there's a great He was writing a book at the
Speaker 1: time called The Power of Intention. But I didn't know
Speaker 1: that when I look for confidence, like before this interview
Speaker 1: or that speech I just gave, or if for anybody
Speaker 1: listening to going into a sales call or a meeting
Speaker 1: or a first date, your confidence isn't your beauty or
Speaker 1: your ability, it's your intent. And so I always that's
Speaker 1: one thing I know to be true about me. I
Speaker 1: don't always believe in my ability or my talent. That's
Speaker 1: fleeting or what happens when a speech goes bad, or
Speaker 1: a meeting goes bad, or a company goes bad. I
Speaker 1: don't want to predicate my confidence on that. I predicate
Speaker 1: it on my intentions, and I'll remind myself because I
Speaker 1: actually believe I'm a good person, and I don't think
Speaker 1: enough people give themselves credit for being good and kind
Speaker 1: and that they give people grace and they want to
Speaker 1: contribute and help. You should generate so much confidence from
Speaker 1: that intent to serve that you ought to walk into
Speaker 1: a room and own it. Not because you're arrogant or
Speaker 1: you're amazing, but because your intentions are so good. It's
Speaker 1: a shell of confidence. I hack. The confidence nobody talks
Speaker 1: about is intention, and I learned that most from Wayane.
Speaker 1: And so it's why I can bring an energy to
Speaker 1: something because I'm pretty confident. And that confident is that
Speaker 1: I'm going to say something amazing. It's that my intent
Speaker 1: is to serve. And so you've vibrated a high frequency.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is why we get along. This is I
Speaker 2: can relate completely. I've always said whenever anyone asked me
Speaker 2: what my morning routine is, the number one part of
Speaker 2: my morning routine, apart from the meditation, workout, all that
Speaker 2: stuff is refining and purifying my intention. I've always said
Speaker 2: that because I feel like your intention can either be
Speaker 2: a seed or a weed. Wow, and a seed is growing,
Speaker 2: and a weed when it starts to grow, it looks
Speaker 2: the same thing as a seed. But my teachers would
Speaker 2: always tell us they're like a weed will strangle the seed,
Speaker 2: like a weed will completely destroy a great plant because
Speaker 2: of its intention.
Speaker 1: What do you do? I'm curious. That's so good, that's
Speaker 1: really good. What do you do with the weeds in
Speaker 1: your life when they begin to grow around you as
Speaker 1: you have a strategy for that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I find that there's almost a mental plucking an
Speaker 2: extraction process, and it starts with an awareness of why
Speaker 2: am I making this decision or what is driving me
Speaker 2: towards this? And if the intention is not love, service, joy, growth,
Speaker 2: then chances are if it's ego, revenge, jealousy, envy, greed,
Speaker 2: if it's all those, I know those are weeds. But
Speaker 2: that requires me to sit still and sit quietly in
Speaker 2: order to really be honest with myself when it's uncomfortable
Speaker 2: to say, oh, Jay, you're just doing that because you're envious,
Speaker 2: and being able to say that to myself and not
Speaker 2: hate myself for that, but to realize it's just a
Speaker 2: weed in a garden. If you see a weed in
Speaker 2: your garden and you start hating the whole garden. That
Speaker 2: doesn't make any sense. You just go and pluck that
Speaker 2: weed out. And so I feel for me it requires
Speaker 2: that awareness, that stillness and an extraction that's really good
Speaker 2: and it's and I think that's partly what probably why
Speaker 2: I think we get along so well because of that intention.
Speaker 2: But I want to ask you, how do you are
Speaker 2: good develop and build and help people choose an intention
Speaker 2: that lives off the page, Because I think we're all
Speaker 2: used to now, like my intention today is right, but
Speaker 2: that's not what we're talking about. How does your intention
Speaker 2: come off the page and come into your day.
Speaker 1: It's a great question. I tell them all. You validate
Speaker 1: your intention with your action, So I like to. I
Speaker 1: call it validating it, and so I like to give
Speaker 1: myself evidence that it's true. I'll give you an example
Speaker 1: one of the things right now that I'm really working
Speaker 1: on in my life. And it's not easy for me
Speaker 1: because I've lived another way. I love to just share
Speaker 1: the things that are negative about me because I think
Speaker 1: it gives people hope. If this guy is screwed up
Speaker 1: as he is, can win. Maybe I got some hope.
Speaker 1: And one of the things that I've lived with a
Speaker 1: lot in my life is I think I have judged
Speaker 1: people too much and not extended enough grace. But the
Speaker 1: last ten years of my life, man, I'm really proud
Speaker 1: of myself. I've extended grace to people. I feel better
Speaker 1: about me. Brother, when I extend grace to another person,
Speaker 1: I just feel good about me, particularly maybe when they
Speaker 1: don't deserve it in the moment. Give you an example,
Speaker 1: Give you a quick story.
Speaker 2: The stories are great. You've been coming. I love.
Speaker 1: About three weeks ago, my kids were home for the holidays,
Speaker 1: and so we were at dinner, and this is treasured
Speaker 1: time with my kids because they're both away at college.
Speaker 1: And so we walk into a restaurant, a great restaurant,
Speaker 1: not like an amazing place, but a good restaurant. We
Speaker 1: walk in and from the lobby, I can hear these
Speaker 1: kids screaming. And I'm an introvert, so I like quiet meals.
Speaker 1: I like to actually be able to hear the people
Speaker 1: I'm talking with. I like quiet restaurants. This was normally
Speaker 1: very quiet places where I picked it. This night, it
Speaker 1: was not quiet in there, and I could hear these
Speaker 1: children screaming. And you know when you're a parent like
Speaker 1: I am. Sometimes you're like, what is why don't you
Speaker 1: I would never let my kids act like that. There's
Speaker 1: easy to judge, and I didn't. So anyway, we walk
Speaker 1: into this restaurant and guess who we sit next to
Speaker 1: the table I could hear from the lobby there's five
Speaker 1: kids at this table with two parents, and the kids
Speaker 1: yelling and screaming, and one of them is running a
Speaker 1: circle ound there. One of them through some food, and
Speaker 1: the mother had kind of had her head down the
Speaker 1: whole time, and she really my tendency would be to
Speaker 1: judge that family. This is an extreme story, but it
Speaker 1: gives you an example of why I work on them validating.
Speaker 1: So it's good enough to say my intention is to
Speaker 1: get people grace, but I need to validate it. And
Speaker 1: so my kids were kind of looking at me because
Speaker 1: they know their dad, you know, and I went, I'm
Speaker 1: going to extend grace to that family right now. And
Speaker 1: I actually told my family, I said, you guys, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's gonna sound crazy, can we just say a quick
Speaker 1: prayer for them over there? They're like very close to us.
Speaker 1: And the rest of the restaurant had noticed them too,
Speaker 1: and so I said, they say a quick prayer, and
Speaker 1: they go Max say the prayer, I say to my son,
Speaker 1: So my son says a quick blessing for that family,
Speaker 1: and then my daughter says, Daddy, let's buy them dinner.
Speaker 1: I'm like, now you're pushing me. But okay, okay, we'll
Speaker 1: get their dinner too, but we're not going to tell
Speaker 1: them anyway, So we extended grace, and the entire meal
Speaker 1: they were noisy and chaotic. Anyway, the end of the
Speaker 1: meal they left before we did. And so they left,
Speaker 1: and Nick got very quiet in there and like, ah,
Speaker 1: but the whole time I had extended grace, I didn't
Speaker 1: judge them, which would be a tendency I would normally
Speaker 1: maybe do in my past, but now I'm validating this
Speaker 1: new intention of mine. Anyway, we pay the bill and
Speaker 1: we leave, and two days later, I'm hitting a couple
Speaker 1: of golf balls at the golf course and the server
Speaker 1: that night was hitting balls next to me, and he saw,
Speaker 1: mister Milett, that was so kind to you to buy
Speaker 1: the meal for that night for that family in light
Speaker 1: of the funeral. And I said, what, he goes that
Speaker 1: family that night, he goes, you know, they had come
Speaker 1: there to celebrate. They had just left the funeral of
Speaker 1: their grandmother. I said, you're kidding me, and he said no,
Speaker 1: and the grandmother would come in here with them. They're
Speaker 1: a very close family. The kids don't normally behave like that,
Speaker 1: and the mother that night was so down. It's her mom.
Speaker 1: The kids are extra close to her because their husband
Speaker 1: when he was deployed in Iraq, the grandmother lived with
Speaker 1: them and sort of raised them. And so they had
Speaker 1: just left the funeral that night and were having the
Speaker 1: dinner and I went there, you go, you never know
Speaker 1: what someone's carrying. You don't know the burden they're carrying,
Speaker 1: and hurt people, hurt people, people in pain, tip will
Speaker 1: create pain for other people. And I was like, what
Speaker 1: a blessing that I've got to this point in my
Speaker 1: life that I do extend grace even when it doesn't
Speaker 1: seem like somebody deserves it because you don't know what
Speaker 1: they're carrying. So I validated that intention with my behavior,
Speaker 1: and thank god I did not knowing what they were
Speaker 1: going through. So it's a really beautiful culmination of the
Speaker 1: story that you just don't know what someone's carrying, extend grace,
Speaker 1: give people kindness, do everything you can not to judge.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Wow, that's powerful. Man's Yeah, that's crazy, but it's
Speaker 2: and sometimes we don't always get the reward of that
Speaker 2: loose true. But we have to recognize, as we know
Speaker 2: in our own lives that we know we're always going
Speaker 2: through something. We know our friends are going through something,
Speaker 2: our family is going through something. Everyone on your team
Speaker 2: is going through something. How we can't extend that is crazy.
Speaker 2: But I want to ask you something. There's a lot
Speaker 2: of people who I know will be listening, and I
Speaker 2: know that our community and our audience are good hearted, loving,
Speaker 2: wanting to be better people. We all want to improve,
Speaker 2: as do I. I've got so much more healing left
Speaker 2: for you, and I know how community does. But they
Speaker 2: often feel like even though they lead with love, everyone
Speaker 2: around them is causing them pain, is negative, is toxic.
Speaker 2: They don't feel that around them, and they almost get
Speaker 2: exhausted trying to be this bigger, graceful kind of person.
Speaker 2: And I'm sure you felt that. I know you're the
Speaker 2: right person asked this question too. What do you do
Speaker 2: when you feel everyone around you is bringing you toxicity,
Speaker 2: negativity and poor energy? How do you operate?
Speaker 1: I reduce proximity to them in those moments. And sometimes
Speaker 1: they are the weeds that needed to be weeded out
Speaker 1: of your garden. That's the most difficult decision. But sometimes
Speaker 1: it's not weeding them out, it's reducing proximity. And then
Speaker 1: I've created some havens that I can go to to
Speaker 1: sort of escape that for a few minutes. And so
Speaker 1: some of those are actually people. I've got two or
Speaker 1: three people in my life that when these other people
Speaker 1: are losing it and acting in a toxic way, or
Speaker 1: acting out or antagonistic towards me or other people, I've
Speaker 1: got another person or two that I can go to
Speaker 1: that shifts my state. That is my rock. That is
Speaker 1: someone that I can express myself to. For some people
Speaker 1: that might be therapy, but in my case, I've got
Speaker 1: two or three just great friends that I can go to.
Speaker 1: They set me straight, They give me, they give me perspective. Yes,
Speaker 1: what great friends give me is they give me perspective.
Speaker 1: This will pass. They're going through something. Rise above this.
Speaker 1: And see, when some people walk into a room, they
Speaker 1: adapt to the energy in the room. Greatness is walking
Speaker 1: into a room and shifting the energy. And so I
Speaker 1: believe I'm built for those moments that over time, I'm
Speaker 1: built to shift the energy in the room, shift it.
Speaker 1: And the way that you do it is, to me,
Speaker 1: it's just really speaking truth to people and sometimes in
Speaker 1: a kind way, speaking truth to them about their behavior
Speaker 1: and their conduct and letting them know that you're better
Speaker 1: than this. You are better than the way you're conducting yourself.
Speaker 1: You're better than this. And here's why I do that. Truth.
Speaker 1: I think vibrates at the highest frequency, and so if
Speaker 1: you want to influence somebody, you have to be vibrating
Speaker 1: at a high frequency. That's telling someone the truth. In
Speaker 1: the moment. You can tell the truth to somebody in
Speaker 1: a kind and gentle and generous way. But when you
Speaker 1: don't address someone's behavior that's toxic towards you, you're not
Speaker 1: operating in truth. And what happens is you reduce your
Speaker 1: own vibrational frequency and they can get worse. So the
Speaker 1: way you rise above and shift the energy in the
Speaker 1: room is actually by operating in truth with somebody saying, look,
Speaker 1: I love you, I believe in you, and that's why
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you the truth right now. And
Speaker 1: here's the truth. This thing you're doing right now, this
Speaker 1: way you're handling yourself is so much so beneath who
Speaker 1: you really are. You're cable of so much greater. And
Speaker 1: I want you to know I love you and believe
Speaker 1: in you enough that I'm going to share with you
Speaker 1: the truth. And by the way, there comes these intentions too.
Speaker 1: If someone if you've sown enough seeds into someone, they
Speaker 1: know your intention. I think you can challenge people. I
Speaker 1: think great people are good at challenging other people. And
Speaker 1: the only way that you can challenge somebody is they
Speaker 1: have to know you love and believe in them first.
Speaker 1: Like even in your companies, you're just listen, Jay's life
Speaker 1: is just exploding. Write everything about that he's got going.
Speaker 1: So a lot of people depend on you, a lot
Speaker 1: of people work with you, and you've got to be
Speaker 1: able to challenge them to raise their standard. You can't
Speaker 1: do that first. You have to make deposits into people
Speaker 1: before you can make withdrawals. Because anytime you're challenging someone
Speaker 1: is saying I need you to step up. That's a
Speaker 1: form of a withdrawal. It just is you have to
Speaker 1: have made the deposits in someone of belief and love first,
Speaker 1: and then if you operate in truth, man, your frequency
Speaker 1: is vibrating real high. You can shift an environment and
Speaker 1: shift to the energy.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that.
Speaker 2: And it's and it's not a technique, No, it's it's real.
Speaker 1: It's real.
Speaker 2: Like it's not like I always find like, it's not
Speaker 2: like you'd be nice to someone so you can ask
Speaker 2: for something back, And that's the way you're saying it.
Speaker 2: It doesn't come that way. And I I love that
Speaker 2: idea of raising and shifting frequency, and I actually want
Speaker 2: to give more people the encouragement and courage to be
Speaker 2: able to do that, because I think we all do
Speaker 2: feel I can't shift it, I can't do anything. I'm
Speaker 2: not in control.
Speaker 1: My reminder would be truth is what shifts the room,
Speaker 1: and when you come from a loving place and a
Speaker 1: truth telling place. Here's the other thing. I said this
Speaker 1: to you one other time. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: was on the show or not, but I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people feel inadequate about that, like I'm not qualified,
Speaker 1: there's nothing great about me, like I've never I've not
Speaker 1: achieved something or or The other thing they do is
Speaker 1: they hold their sins or mistakes of their life as
Speaker 1: like weapons against themselves, like, you don't know about my divorce.
Speaker 1: You don't know that I did this thing I'm not
Speaker 1: proud of. You don't know I had this business failure
Speaker 1: or I didn't you know. I've gained some weight and
Speaker 1: so I made a commitment to get fit. And I'm
Speaker 1: not anymore. I'm not qualified to shift the energy or
Speaker 1: change other people. And one of the best examples of
Speaker 1: that ever I've shared this with you before is my dad.
Speaker 1: When my dad got sober, it changed our entire family's life.
Speaker 1: I mean, it just changed everything. That one decision my
Speaker 1: dad made. And after I wrote my book and after
Speaker 1: my dad passed away, I woke up one night it
Speaker 1: was like three AM, and I was crying and kind
Speaker 1: of startled my wife and she's like, what's going on, Babe?
Speaker 1: I said, Babe, I just realized something here. I am
Speaker 1: fifty two years old. My dad had been sober for
Speaker 1: thirty five years. That's never dawned on me. I went,
Speaker 1: someone helped my dad. I've told you this before, and
Speaker 1: she goes, what, honey, I said, someone helped dad, and
Speaker 1: that person changed my entire life. That act of helping
Speaker 1: one person, the ripple effect is I'm his son, and
Speaker 1: I've been blessed to reach millions of people around the world.
Speaker 1: That person doesn't know that helping my dad change millions
Speaker 1: of lives, And she goes, my gosh, that's incredible. I said,
Speaker 1: that's not the most incredible thing. The most incredible thing
Speaker 1: is what qualified that man to help my dad, who
Speaker 1: I didn't know who he was at the time. She says,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I said, not how perfect he was,
Speaker 1: not how stupendous, not his amazing achievements. What qualified him
Speaker 1: to help my dad was that he was also an
Speaker 1: alcoholic at one time, he was a drug addict, He lied,
Speaker 1: he lived in the shadows. And so actually, in life,
Speaker 1: we're most qualified to help the person we used to
Speaker 1: be yes, And so in life, it's not that you're
Speaker 1: better than these people. It's that you can help people
Speaker 1: that used to be like you. That you used to
Speaker 1: operate in a way that didn't serve you, Maybe you
Speaker 1: behaved in a way that wasn't conducive with your character.
Speaker 1: Because of that, you're qualified to help people that are
Speaker 1: operating that way. So you're immensely qualified in life to
Speaker 1: shift other people. If you're willing to be vulnerable and
Speaker 1: reveal your imperfect you don't connect with anybody, be going
Speaker 1: I'm amazing, like I imagine the podcasting. Like, brother, get
Speaker 1: honest with you. I have no problems. There's no healing left.
Speaker 1: I'm just kicking butt everywhere I go. And you're like,
Speaker 1: well me too, man, We're just touring the globe and
Speaker 1: dubaye together. You know that's not the truth. The truth
Speaker 1: is the way you connect is by going, here's all
Speaker 1: the things on that art.
Speaker 2: This is what we did in that guy, just what
Speaker 2: we did in.
Speaker 1: The car with each other. Right, So like that, you're
Speaker 1: revealing your imperfections. That connects you with people, and just
Speaker 1: for everybody to remember, you were born to do something
Speaker 1: great with your life, and when you were a little
Speaker 1: boy or a little girl, there was probably one person
Speaker 1: who made you feel that way, and you ought to
Speaker 1: give yourself the gifts right now of who is that person?
Speaker 1: When you're a little girl or a little boy, they
Speaker 1: made you feel special, and there's probably only one, maybe two.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was your parents, or your grandmother or a grandfather,
Speaker 1: a coach, a religious figure. There's someone that was in
Speaker 1: your life and that you felt something about you because
Speaker 1: of the way they looked at you or spoke to you.
Speaker 1: And the amazing thing about that is they were right
Speaker 1: about you. They were right for me. It was my Papa,
Speaker 1: my dad's dad. I'm named after him, and used to
Speaker 1: drive he pick me up on Sundays. We'd go get
Speaker 1: donuts Jade to get for my cousins before church, and
Speaker 1: he'd drive me. I'd look up at Big Papa. Everyone
Speaker 1: when you think about that person, you'll get emotional for
Speaker 1: you at your mom right, and he would look down
Speaker 1: at me and he'd go, Eddie, you're my favorite. He
Speaker 1: had all these great kids. You're my favorite. You're amazing.
Speaker 1: You're gonna do something great with your life. You're the
Speaker 1: special I go. I am, Big Papa, I am. And
Speaker 1: this little boy could feel his belief and his love.
Speaker 1: He was the only person who ever treated me that way.
Speaker 1: The rest of the world's never treated me that way,
Speaker 1: but Big Papa did. And then when other grandkids were born.
Speaker 1: I remember my cousin Peter was born in Jay you'll
Speaker 1: laugh at this, and he called me. He goes, hey,
Speaker 1: your cousin Peter was born today. He's amazing, six pounds
Speaker 1: seven ounces. He's got our blue eyes. Eddie and I go, oh,
Speaker 1: that's awesome, Big Papa.
Speaker 2: And he go, but you're my favorite.
Speaker 1: You're my favorite, and all my life I've carried that
Speaker 1: feeling from Big Papa with me. And the truth is,
Speaker 1: if you've had that person in your life, they were
Speaker 1: right about you. Yes, you're supposed to do something great
Speaker 1: with your life. And the reason it makes you emotional
Speaker 1: when you think about it now is because it's true
Speaker 1: and truth vibrates at the highest frequency. So if you're
Speaker 1: listening to this or watching it, it's like, have that reminder,
Speaker 1: give yourself the gift. Maybe your Big Papa's gone now
Speaker 1: and not even hear anymore. Honor them with who you become.
Speaker 1: Honor them with the life you build, Honor them with
Speaker 1: the choices you make. And take that belief. Imagine what
Speaker 1: God believes in you. If that person believes in you,
Speaker 1: take that belief and use it as fuel in your
Speaker 1: life to have some strength and confidence to shift other
Speaker 1: people's lives. And that's for me. That was Big Papa.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know you. I was going back with you
Speaker 2: when you were saying it. And there's something known as
Speaker 2: a loving kindness meditation. It's very popular in Buddhism in Hinduism,
Speaker 2: there's a similar practice and I led this meditation when
Speaker 2: I was on tour with every audience across the whole world.
Speaker 2: And what you have to do in this meditation is
Speaker 2: you have to close your eyes and you have to
Speaker 2: allow yourself to reexperience a moment you felt the most love.
Speaker 2: For some people, it's their wedding day. For some people
Speaker 2: it's their car with their grandpa. For some person it's
Speaker 2: their mother, whatever it may be. And you have to
Speaker 2: relive it, feel it through the five things you can see,
Speaker 2: the four things you can touch, the three things you
Speaker 2: can hear, the two things you can smell, and the
Speaker 2: one thing you can really immerse yourself in it and
Speaker 2: then feel it in your heart and then feel it
Speaker 2: cascade from your heart all across your body. And then
Speaker 2: if you try and give it out to your friends
Speaker 2: and family, to the stranger at the restaurant, to the
Speaker 2: rest of the world. It's so possible because you're feeling
Speaker 2: as you're saying, that will never run out man your
Speaker 2: memory of your grandpa saying that to you, that will
Speaker 2: never ever expire. It will always be there. And the
Speaker 2: amount that can be recycled into giving love to others
Speaker 2: and to feeling loved always, Whereas what we do is
Speaker 2: we try and set for the next person to love us.
Speaker 2: We're setting for that next person to say something amazing
Speaker 2: about us, and with that you're always running out because
Speaker 2: it comes once and it goes, and it comes and
Speaker 2: it goes. Whereas that one person you're so right, that
Speaker 2: loved you gay.
Speaker 1: This is an all time great conversation, right, it's because
Speaker 1: we just went I think there's a validity to what
Speaker 1: you just said to a true that's just so profound.
Speaker 1: It's very difficult in life to transfer to somebody that
Speaker 1: which you're not experiencing. So in order to transfer true
Speaker 1: love and true belief in somebody, you have to be
Speaker 1: experiencing it so that you can give it to somebody.
Speaker 1: And so given yourself that gift allows you to give
Speaker 1: it an abundance to other people. Ya, that's really good,
Speaker 1: that's awesome meditation.
Speaker 2: I think one of the reasons again, while we get along,
Speaker 2: but why we're having this conversation is that we both
Speaker 2: believe in this paradox, so we're both talking about currently
Speaker 2: at the beginning of this conversation have talked about very
Speaker 2: like spiritual emotional universal ideas of existence, but at the
Speaker 2: same time we're both good at getting stuff done.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just yes, not all philosophy correct, right, And I.
Speaker 2: Think that's something that I've always tried to do in
Speaker 2: my work, where it's like I don't want anyone in
Speaker 2: the world to just think that, oh, if I change
Speaker 2: my mindset, everything's just because I don't want to fool
Speaker 2: people and I don't want to mislead people, because I
Speaker 2: know in my life that spirituality and strategy have had
Speaker 2: to go to get that sincerity and structure have had
Speaker 2: to go together, and I find that that combination is
Speaker 2: what's allowed me to live a fulfilling and successful life
Speaker 2: and continue to create it.
Speaker 1: You ever made a decision unless you've taken an action
Speaker 1: to validate it, Yes, exactly, And that's the thing that
Speaker 1: you're exactly right. People that come to our events or
Speaker 1: may just hear this conversation, go, oh, I just really
Speaker 1: need to sit around and really vibrate high and think
Speaker 1: about things. No, you don't. You have to put your
Speaker 1: feet on the ground and you've got to go to work,
Speaker 1: and you've got to go The real truth is if
Speaker 1: you've made a decision, and it's real you'll validate it
Speaker 1: with your work. You'll validate it with your effort and
Speaker 1: the choices that you make. And the truth is this, Like,
Speaker 1: here's the other thing. A lot of my confidence comes
Speaker 1: from I'll I'll be candid with you, and I know
Speaker 1: this about you. I'm going to outwork you. Here's the truth.
Speaker 1: I'm going to outwork you. One thing I learned from
Speaker 1: my dad is that, listen, a lot of my confidence
Speaker 1: comes from the fact that I deserve to win. And
Speaker 1: I deserve to win because I'm working my tail off,
Speaker 1: and I don't think enough people give themselves the gift
Speaker 1: of just super hard work. I mean, I know your schedule,
Speaker 1: you know mine. We were talking about that. But the
Speaker 1: truth I've just this is just something I'm saying. If
Speaker 1: I don't validate with an action, it's like you said
Speaker 1: with your books, like I love you. No, that's a verb.
Speaker 1: There's an action that's taken to validate that I love you.
Speaker 1: There's things I can do to give evidence of the
Speaker 1: fact that I love you. And so no, you can't
Speaker 1: just sit around and think about these things. You've got
Speaker 1: to get to work. You've got to implement them. And then,
Speaker 1: by the way, when you do that all. Listen. The
Speaker 1: reason I can speak with such clarity on this stuff
Speaker 1: is I've done them there. I've been in situations where
Speaker 1: this stuff has been tested and tried and true. So
Speaker 1: I'm a huge, huge advocate of work of taking the
Speaker 1: steps necessary to do it. And I know that that's
Speaker 1: something with you. Like when I met you, I had
Speaker 1: a notion about you that wasn't accurate, which was that
Speaker 1: you were more of just this. Listen, We're just going
Speaker 1: to get quiet and meditate and empty our minds here
Speaker 1: and everything we want is going to come our way.
Speaker 1: Then I met you and I said this to you
Speaker 1: off camera. There's a fire and an intensity and a
Speaker 1: work ethic to Jay that I think would surprise most people.
Speaker 1: You're this very unique combination of this very trankful, peaceful,
Speaker 1: loving kind being who's also wound tight and wants to
Speaker 1: win and is intense and it's going to make things happen,
Speaker 1: and wants to max out his life and isn't just
Speaker 1: sitting around waiting for it to come his way. He's
Speaker 1: going to get a lot of it. And that's one
Speaker 1: of the things I admire about you.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, walk me through how you've translated that grace that loved,
Speaker 2: that kindness into a plan for like twenty twenty four
Speaker 2: Like how do you translate that? Like what does your
Speaker 2: day look like? What does a quota look like? You've
Speaker 2: built businesses that are successful. I want to know that
Speaker 2: part because I love that that connection that I'm trying
Speaker 2: to make here between this sincere heart with this strategic mind.
Speaker 1: It is my perception of time, and so I have
Speaker 1: I believe you can bend and manipulate time, and so
Speaker 1: here's what that looks like. I don't buy into a
Speaker 1: twenty four hour day. That's an archaic timeframe. See, you
Speaker 1: and I live in an age where think about it,
Speaker 1: one hundred years ago, if I wanted to get something done,
Speaker 1: I'd have to write it down somewhere, stick a stamp
Speaker 1: on it, or put it on the back of a
Speaker 1: horse a few hundred years ago, and you'd get it
Speaker 1: in a month, and then you'd translate to get it
Speaker 1: back to me in a month. Now I can text
Speaker 1: you in three seconds, but we're both going to manage
Speaker 1: time in twenty four hours. When I was in school,
Speaker 1: I had to go to a library to research something
Speaker 1: in a thing called an encyclopedia, right, and then write
Speaker 1: it all down, type it on a typewriter. If you
Speaker 1: make one key mistake, you got to redo it. Now
Speaker 1: I can google it, print it out and it's done.
Speaker 1: Yet the same timeframes are managed. And so that's insane, right,
Speaker 1: I can email, I can text, I have got all
Speaker 1: these things on my phone. So we're still operating the
Speaker 1: same time construct as people did fifty years ago, one
Speaker 1: hundred years ago, two hundred years ago. That is insane.
Speaker 1: And so I have a huge advantage in my life
Speaker 1: that my days are mini days, and so I have
Speaker 1: three eight hour days in a day. I get twenty
Speaker 1: one days in a week, twenty one days in a week,
Speaker 1: and so my first day is six am to noon,
Speaker 1: and in that day, we've all had that day where
Speaker 1: we go, Man, I've got more by eight am done
Speaker 1: than I've done in a week. That should be every
Speaker 1: day if you want it to be. It's your expectation
Speaker 1: of time. Here's the thing. When something is scarce, it's
Speaker 1: more valuable. Okay. So that's why a diamond is worth
Speaker 1: more than a piece of paper, because it's more scarce.
Speaker 1: When your time becomes more scarce, it becomes more valuable.
Speaker 1: And other people treat you with more value. So that's
Speaker 1: one benefit. But my first day six am to noon,
Speaker 1: and in there, I'm trying to get in there the
Speaker 1: amount of productivity, joy, business, fitness, whatever it might be
Speaker 1: that I would get in a twenty four hour day,
Speaker 1: compressed and manipulated that time to the eight hour window.
Speaker 1: Why because of all the technology at my advantage. Now,
Speaker 1: there may be some days that's a netflix and chill
Speaker 1: day for me. I'm not saying you have to be
Speaker 1: hyper productive. That's okay that maybe on Sundays a lot
Speaker 1: of people have that. I'll have a day like that,
Speaker 1: but it's not every day. And so the second day
Speaker 1: starts at noon and it runs all the way. Usually
Speaker 1: sometimes I even shrink them to six hours. Sometimes sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll go six am to noon, so that's a six
Speaker 1: hour window. I give myself a two hour buffer. The
Speaker 1: second day starts from noon to six pm, and in
Speaker 1: that second day, I'm trying to get the same amount
Speaker 1: of stuff I would get in in a twenty four
Speaker 1: hour day in my six to eight hour window. This year,
Speaker 1: there's six hour days. There's six am to noon, noon
Speaker 1: to six pm, and six pm to midnight. Now I'm
Speaker 1: gonna sleep in there. I'm gonna get rest, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have laughter, I'm gonna have faith, I'm gonna have cooling
Speaker 1: at time. But now what happens is about noon. Every day,
Speaker 1: this thing goes off in my head and I evaluate,
Speaker 1: what did I get done? What do I need to
Speaker 1: double my efforts on, what can I celebrate? What did
Speaker 1: I learn? So when an average person does it at
Speaker 1: the end of their day, I'm doing it at noon,
Speaker 1: and it now automatically goes off. It's weird. My mind
Speaker 1: knows when noon is, and it knows when six pm is,
Speaker 1: and the same thing happens at six pm. And then
Speaker 1: I'll run it again. And so I'm getting twenty one
Speaker 1: days a week. You stack that time frame up over
Speaker 1: a year. When you get seven days, and I'm managing
Speaker 1: time this way. I compressed and bent time. I'm probably
Speaker 1: gonna win. You stack that up over a year, five years,
Speaker 1: ten years, and all of a sudden, I've had all
Speaker 1: these more days. And here's the other thing. I just
Speaker 1: get a longer life. I'm getting multiple lives in one life,
Speaker 1: simply because I've taken control of what time looks like.
Speaker 1: So they used to be eight hour days. You asked
Speaker 1: about twenty twenty four, they're now six hour days, and
Speaker 1: so I've get more done oftentimes by ten am than
Speaker 1: most people will get done in a twenty four hour day.
Speaker 1: And here's what that here's what that looks like really quickly.
Speaker 1: Too many people schedule one hour long meetings. If we're
Speaker 1: going to be tactical, most meetings don't need to be
Speaker 1: an hour, but we schedule them an hour because everybody's
Speaker 1: always done that. So my team knows, is this a
Speaker 1: twenty eight minute meeting? Is this a five minute meeting?
Speaker 1: Very rarely of the hour long meetings, because when you
Speaker 1: have an hour long meeting, now you're pacing yourself to
Speaker 1: fill the hour in. But I've only got a six
Speaker 1: hour a day here, So there's a lot of twenty
Speaker 1: eight minute long meetings that other people are taking an
Speaker 1: hour to do. We're just that much more productive, that
Speaker 1: much more efficient in our time. And so that's how
Speaker 1: you actually get the day done is because this one
Speaker 1: hour concept is that you say I'll meet you at
Speaker 1: nine o'clock. I got nine to ten blocked off. Well,
Speaker 1: why most meetings don't need to be an hour long.
Speaker 1: Most business meetings don't. Most conversations don't, and that, by
Speaker 1: the way, will give me more time. Maybe my lunch
Speaker 1: is now an hour and a half with a friend
Speaker 1: because I've bent a manipulated time in my I called
Speaker 1: mini days.
Speaker 2: That's so I'm so happy you shaid that, because I
Speaker 2: just just even that concept of us understanding how we're
Speaker 2: using time in an archaic way and thinking about how
Speaker 2: many hours in a day in an archaic ways bananas
Speaker 2: to me. Concept and in itself is mind man.
Speaker 1: And you can create your own version of a mini day.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're gonna have two. Maybe you're gonna break your
Speaker 1: day into two. You know me, it was eight hours
Speaker 1: and I've moved it to six, and I felt no difference.
Speaker 1: But I love that time clock. There's not enough time.
Speaker 1: Most people evaluate their goals, like really productive people, they'll
Speaker 1: do it at the end of a day, in the middle,
Speaker 1: maybe the end of a month. How did my January go?
Speaker 1: And you know this, most people it's the end of
Speaker 1: the year. So most people's a year. Some will do
Speaker 1: it a month, really productive people, maybe the end of
Speaker 1: the day. I'm doing that three times in a twenty
Speaker 1: four hour day. Now, the breakthroughs, the learning, the course correction,
Speaker 1: the strategic moves. I make that get me back on
Speaker 1: track when I'm off track, and my bad days are
Speaker 1: only six hours long, right, so that gives me permission
Speaker 1: to shift at noon. Okay, this is a new day,
Speaker 1: get I get a do over, I get to start again.
Speaker 1: So it's just a matter of using a time construct
Speaker 1: that fits with technology in these times.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's almost like saying, yeah, we're driving cars now,
Speaker 2: but it would take me a month to get tonight. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it doesn't make.
Speaker 1: Any make any sense to a twenty four Wow.
Speaker 2: What's been the habit? Because you also said you shifted
Speaker 2: from eight hour days to six hour days. Why, First
Speaker 2: of all, why did you do that? What was the
Speaker 2: benefit of that?
Speaker 1: The shift for me was that it was the one hours.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why am I taking these one hour long
Speaker 1: meetings if I'm moving to twenty eight minutes? And by
Speaker 1: the way, it's awesome, and even you and I, even
Speaker 1: when we communicate, it's oftentimes it's like you and I
Speaker 1: have these beautiful quick conversations. But they by the way,
Speaker 1: there are some times with my friends I need to
Speaker 1: go deep and we need three or four five hours.
Speaker 1: But I also I know there's a lot of times
Speaker 1: in life, Like you ever have that friend that doesn't
Speaker 1: know when the text exchange is done, you know that
Speaker 1: versu Andy, You're like, all right, man, we've got okay,
Speaker 1: it's over now, Like we're both going to go now
Speaker 1: text other people or do other things. I've just gotten
Speaker 1: a little bit better at buttoning things up, you know,
Speaker 1: so to speak to I phraseology and terminology. I was
Speaker 1: in a meeting a long time ago with Alex Rodriguez.
Speaker 1: I'll never forget this. It was a really great meeting.
Speaker 1: And I know you know you know them as well.
Speaker 1: And so I was a meeting with Alex, and I'll
Speaker 1: never forget he said, he's a gracious duty, he's a
Speaker 1: good dude. But our meeting was supposed to end at
Speaker 1: one o'clock in the afternoon. And I remember we were
Speaker 1: in the middle of something and I was at his
Speaker 1: house and we were actually we were actually was back then.
Speaker 1: It was actually a j Loo's house, but Alex was
Speaker 1: there anyway, And I remember at about twelve fifty eight
Speaker 1: he looked at his watch and that gave me a cue.
Speaker 1: And at one o'clock he just stood up kind of
Speaker 1: in the middle of the meeting, and that signified the
Speaker 1: meeting was over, and it wasn't rude. His team just
Speaker 1: knows when the meeting times up, we're done, we're done.
Speaker 1: And what that is that's set a context and a
Speaker 1: tone that when we have a meeting that's this long,
Speaker 1: that's how long it is. And setting up those kind
Speaker 1: of disciplines and kind of barriers around your life, guardrails
Speaker 1: around your life, protects your time.
Speaker 2: And it's uncomfortable to do that because we feel as
Speaker 2: people please is which a lot of us are. We're
Speaker 2: scared to do that because we're thinking, oh God, if
Speaker 2: I stand up, is everyone going to think like I'm
Speaker 2: like stuck up? Like you know, there's gonna be that sense.
Speaker 2: How do you deal with that discomfort and that awkwardness
Speaker 2: of I'm setting a boundary to protect myself, but I'm
Speaker 2: scared how people are going to perceive me.
Speaker 1: It's just being gracious when you do it. And it's
Speaker 1: also eventually, what I've found is, like I said earlier,
Speaker 1: people now respect my time a little bit more. I
Speaker 1: become more listen. There's a pace in a rhythm to success.
Speaker 1: Here's something no one talks about when it comes to
Speaker 1: success and being productive. And you know this. There's a
Speaker 1: rhythm and a cadence to it. It's an invisible thing
Speaker 1: that the people that are winning somehow have found themselves.
Speaker 1: You know this with the actors, you've worked with their entertainers.
Speaker 1: It's hard to express, but they found a rhythm and
Speaker 1: a cadence to their life that creates momentum in their life.
Speaker 1: Momentum is a major magnifier in life. When you get momentum,
Speaker 1: but there's a rhythm to it. And when you sort
Speaker 1: of aren't disciplined with your time and a meeting runs
Speaker 1: over ten minutes or twenty minutes, you are not in
Speaker 1: the rhythm of success. There's a pace. It's not her
Speaker 1: it's not hurry or rush, but it's a little quicker
Speaker 1: than most people. Though successful people walk a little faster.
Speaker 1: They're in a little bit more of a hurry. They
Speaker 1: talk a little faster. There's a rhythm and a pace
Speaker 1: and a intensity, a passion to the dialogue and the conversation.
Speaker 1: You know exactly what I mean, and it's invisible. Maybe
Speaker 1: you can express it well right now too, have you
Speaker 1: seen it? And until you find that you're not really
Speaker 1: in the rhythm of hyper productivity or bliss or success,
Speaker 1: and when you're around people that possess that rhythm, you
Speaker 1: feel it, and that isn't demeaning when they do it.
Speaker 1: There's a graciousness to it and a respect you have
Speaker 1: that they respect themselves, and you enough in that moment
Speaker 1: to be organized enough and disciplined enough not to let
Speaker 1: it bleed into a place that it doesn't need to go.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, it's actually looping back. I'm so glad you
Speaker 2: raised that because it's such a subtle point, and to me,
Speaker 2: it comes back down to something I raised earlier, of
Speaker 2: this energy and time balance, because the question I ask
Speaker 2: myself is the time that I set the meeting is
Speaker 2: based on when I think my energy will be best,
Speaker 2: And the amount of time I give a meeting is
Speaker 2: the amount of time I can give intense, hundred percent energy.
Speaker 2: So I'm not For example, when I'm recording a podcast,
Speaker 2: we do two podcasts a day maximum. The reason for
Speaker 2: that is I know if I did a third one,
Speaker 2: I have the time to do a third one, but
Speaker 2: my energy is not there. My presence is not that
Speaker 2: I'm not at a one hundred percent intensity, which means
Speaker 2: the quality drops really, so it's also not just doing more,
Speaker 2: as you're saying. It's not just doing more because I
Speaker 2: can squeeze more in a day. I just know the
Speaker 2: third podcast is going to be the worst one that
Speaker 2: I record, and so we don't do it.
Speaker 1: By the way, you should have told me that about
Speaker 1: two years ago. Ah No, seriously, that you're one hundred
Speaker 1: percent right. And I make that mistake sometimes of doing
Speaker 1: four in a day, and it's not fair to the
Speaker 1: third and fourth person. It's not going to do it.
Speaker 2: You might be able to do it. We all have
Speaker 2: different capacities.
Speaker 1: You're right. And the other thing I do in my schedule,
Speaker 1: since we're being tactical, is I like to load up
Speaker 1: my Mondays and Tuesdays with heavy things early in my week,
Speaker 1: and I like the later part of my week to
Speaker 1: be a little bit more peaceful and joyous, so that
Speaker 1: I'm sort of building towards it's almost like my super
Speaker 1: Bowl almost my Mondays and Tuesdays those are going to
Speaker 1: be heavy days. The other thing I do is my
Speaker 1: most important meetings. I kind of know me. I'm not
Speaker 1: particularly a great early morning person, nor am I great
Speaker 1: late at night. I'm really in a good space about
Speaker 1: when we're recording this right now. That's sort of noon
Speaker 1: to three pm window for me. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I'm the most hydrated. I've already worked out, so my
Speaker 1: really important meetings I try to schedule in my highest
Speaker 1: energy state when I know I'm peeking in my given day.
Speaker 1: So you're one hundred percent right about that.
Speaker 2: And I think these are the mechanics of how you
Speaker 2: connect energy and the real world, because you can't just
Speaker 2: say I worked out this morning, I feel good, Everything's
Speaker 2: going to go all right now. And I think we
Speaker 2: have that kind of we have this checklist mentality of
Speaker 2: if I've done these three things, then everything else will
Speaker 2: go okay. But actually all the other stuff needs to
Speaker 2: be managed and intentionally designed. I think I've been talking
Speaker 2: a lot about this recently with people that I think
Speaker 2: often we think if people are casual or relaxed or
Speaker 2: laid back, then things will work out better. But actually
Speaker 2: you find, as you're saying, most success, productivity and joyfulness
Speaker 2: is intentionally designed in order to create an experience. And
Speaker 2: I wanted to get your thoughts on that, Like.
Speaker 1: You're a billion percent right, Yeah, the higher you climb,
Speaker 1: there's all this other stimulus happening in your life. Right So,
Speaker 1: if you don't create those constructs now, when you get
Speaker 1: to a point where you get the things you want
Speaker 1: in your life, the demands on your energy and time
Speaker 1: only increase, and your ability to manage that and create
Speaker 1: structures around you that keep you productive. That's a huge
Speaker 1: thing you've just shared. I've watched a lot of people
Speaker 1: climb to a point, and when they get to that point,
Speaker 1: they didn't create new structures around them to support the
Speaker 1: next level. Every level you climb requires a different type
Speaker 1: of energy and structure. And so some things, even that
Speaker 1: I'm doing right now, I know maybe four or five
Speaker 1: ye now, I'm gonna have to reevaluate those that will
Speaker 1: change with the conditions of my life. For me right now,
Speaker 1: as busy as I am, it requires more intent to
Speaker 1: structure than ever in my life. And if I didn't
Speaker 1: create them when things weren't quite this busy, I don't
Speaker 1: think I would have continued to flowed into the next state.
Speaker 1: And I've watched a lot of people get to a
Speaker 1: place and then they can't navigate that next level because
Speaker 1: of the structure, maybe the lack of a team around them,
Speaker 1: quality people management of those things, and so I'm always
Speaker 1: trying to be ahead structurally to my results. What most
Speaker 1: people think is I'm going to produce this thing and
Speaker 1: then when I get there, I'll figure it out from there.
Speaker 1: That stagnates your growth. You've got to be preparing and
Speaker 1: expecting that growth and creating the structures around you to
Speaker 1: facilitate it. So it continues to flow.
Speaker 2: So good, so good, and I think we get sentimental,
Speaker 2: and we get sentimentally it's so good. I can't let
Speaker 2: go of this habit or this structure or this thing
Speaker 2: because it got me here, and I feel like you
Speaker 2: have to get really non sentimental, like so right, what
Speaker 2: you're saying about is preparing.
Speaker 1: Well, mine's my morning routine. I used to have a
Speaker 1: very long morning routine. Cold plunge, meditate, pray, gratitude, ritual, stretch,
Speaker 1: you know. And the thing got so long that I'm like,
Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm two hours into a routine. Here, I
Speaker 1: gotta get the work. You're gonna get some stuff done,
Speaker 1: and so you kind of be. And what it was
Speaker 1: is I started to accumulate these sentimental things that man,
Speaker 1: that day I cold plunged. I had a big speech
Speaker 1: that day, so I better keep cold plunging every day,
Speaker 1: and I better keep it. I started stacking up this
Speaker 1: closet full, and I had to come in and it's
Speaker 1: like an old closet full of clothes. I had to go,
Speaker 1: which of these don't I wear anymore?
Speaker 2: Yes, And I'm.
Speaker 1: Gonna take this one and give it away, like and
Speaker 1: so you're right. It's it's the sentimental holding on to
Speaker 1: things that got you where you are won't get you
Speaker 1: where you're going. And so I have to constantly kind
Speaker 1: of audit my closet, so to speak. And so my
Speaker 1: morning routine now is nowhere nearly as sophisticated as it
Speaker 1: used to be. It's much more brief, but it's sir now,
Speaker 1: it serves who I am now, it serves my ambitions
Speaker 1: and goals now. And so you're one thousand percent right
Speaker 1: about that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: A lot of people I speak to as well, they
Speaker 2: struggle with and I've struggled with this in the past,
Speaker 2: where you know what you need to do, you know
Speaker 2: how much time you have, but then you procrastinate, you overthink,
Speaker 2: and I'm sure you get asked this question all the time,
Speaker 2: but I still see it again and again and again
Speaker 2: in the same people where they tell me Jay, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna have this done, gonna I'm accountable, I'm gonna commit,
Speaker 2: But then somehow it still doesn't happen for them.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: What have you found is really useful insight for someone
Speaker 2: who finds themselves constantly getting stuck. They know what they
Speaker 2: need to do, they know how much time they have,
Speaker 2: but they keep procrastinating and overthinking.
Speaker 1: One. You're trying to get your life back to your identity.
Speaker 1: You and I've talked to this analogy before, so I'll
Speaker 1: be quick with it. But your identity, your personal belief
Speaker 1: in yourself. Your identity is like the thoughts, beliefs, and
Speaker 1: concepts you hold to be most true about you. It's
Speaker 1: a thermostat setting on your life. We talked about this before.
Speaker 1: Give you two things, So like this studio or in
Speaker 1: I don't know, seventy two degrees in here right now,
Speaker 1: something like that. The external conditions that it's a cold,
Speaker 1: rainy day here in la. The external cond's put fifty
Speaker 1: degrees outside. That does not affect the internal thermostat in
Speaker 1: this room. It is seventy two degrees. If it was
Speaker 1: ninety degrees outside, the air conditions will come on and
Speaker 1: cool this room back to seventy two degrees. You procrastinate
Speaker 1: because your results are about to exceed your identity, and
Speaker 1: you're turning the air conditioner on. So if right now
Speaker 1: you're getting seventy two degrees of you believe in yourself
Speaker 1: at seventy two degrees of wealth or abundance of productivity,
Speaker 1: and you've started to heat it up to eighty five
Speaker 1: ninety one hundred degrees, you subconsciously turn the air conditioner
Speaker 1: on of your life to cool it back down to
Speaker 1: what you really believe you're worthy of and you deserve.
Speaker 1: So the deep work is you've got to raise that
Speaker 1: identity of what you believe you're worth to eighty five
Speaker 1: ninety one hundred degrees. How do you do that? Typically
Speaker 1: proximity to people who live at that thermostat setting, they
Speaker 1: will heat you up to theirs. So that's a huge one.
Speaker 2: That is a huge I just want to make that
Speaker 2: you made that sound so si bilend you made it
Speaker 2: really easy. That is the huge one. Yeah, that is it.
Speaker 2: It is at that gut level.
Speaker 1: I watch it. That's why you'll see somebody who, for example,
Speaker 1: their love thermostatus seventy two degrees and you go on
Speaker 1: you double date, they're with their dream person. You're like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, they're in love. It's blissful. They're at
Speaker 1: ninety one hundred degrees of love in their life. And
Speaker 1: a year later you run into them and you're like, so,
Speaker 1: how is Steve or how's janis? Oh, it didn't work out.
Speaker 1: What happened was they turned the air condition on and
Speaker 1: cooled it back to what they believe they deserve, oftentimes
Speaker 1: or wealth. We've all had these friends that there're seventy
Speaker 1: two degrees of wealth and all of a sudden, man,
Speaker 1: their business is kicking eighty five ninety one hundred. And
Speaker 1: what happens is it seems coincidental all supply chain, Oh
Speaker 1: this or that a customer broke off, a car broke down,
Speaker 1: I had to loan money to a friend. No, those
Speaker 1: were circumstances. What really happened was you turned the air
Speaker 1: conditioners on and you cooled your life back financially to
Speaker 1: believe what you believe you're worth. Same in your body,
Speaker 1: someone's seventy two degrees of fitness. They're getting in shape,
Speaker 1: they've lost the ten pounds, they look great, and you
Speaker 1: see them in a year and they've come all the
Speaker 1: way back and gained it back, and you're like, what happened?
Speaker 1: They turned the air conditioner on of their life and
Speaker 1: got back to what they believe they're worth. You got
Speaker 1: to change that thermostat setting. And it's typically like in
Speaker 1: my faith life, if I was a seventy two degrees
Speaker 1: in my faith, I started to surround myself with some
Speaker 1: men in my faith life. Man, they live in their
Speaker 1: faith at ninety five and one hundred. They heeded me
Speaker 1: up by proximity. Now my thermostat setting is different, So
Speaker 1: that's a biggie. The second one with procrastination is you've
Speaker 1: developed a false belief system in yourself of what you
Speaker 1: need to know to take action, and so successful people
Speaker 1: are willing to step into the unknown and the unprepared
Speaker 1: more than people who are unsuccessful. Now I'm not saying
Speaker 1: I don't like to research. Like Pod, you're super prepared
Speaker 1: for today, so am I. But there are just situations
Speaker 1: in my life of what I think I need to
Speaker 1: know is much lower than most people to step into
Speaker 1: the space and perform. So procrastination is really saying I
Speaker 1: got to know a little more. I gotta prepare little
Speaker 1: bit more. I gotta get a little bit more ready,
Speaker 1: a little bit more ready, a little bit more ready,
Speaker 1: and you keep raising the readiness quota to a point
Speaker 1: where you never take action. Got to get to this
Speaker 1: point where you're like, I'm going to get into the room,
Speaker 1: I'm going to start to write that paper, I'm going
Speaker 1: to start the book. I'm going to get into that
Speaker 1: and I'll figure it out when I get there. And
Speaker 1: most people that are successful have this internal belief system
Speaker 1: that I don't need to know everything to take action.
Speaker 1: I just need to know enough to get in the
Speaker 1: room and I'll figure it out from there. And you've
Speaker 1: known this with all the successful people you've coached. That
Speaker 1: is something they possess in droves, is the ability to
Speaker 1: get into a space and step into a room and
Speaker 1: figure it out from there and not have to know everything.
Speaker 2: And that's how most of them discovered their passion, even
Speaker 2: discovered it, because they were just pushed into it. I
Speaker 2: remember the first presentation I ever gave. The speaker had canceled,
Speaker 2: really and my friend said to me, well, there's no speaker.
Speaker 2: You've got to give the tour. And I was just like,
Speaker 2: what do you mean, I've got to give the tour?
Speaker 2: Like the speaker was really like well known and like
Speaker 2: in the community and all the rest of it, and
Speaker 2: they're like, no, no, no, but we haven't got a backup,
Speaker 2: and we can't invite someone last minute because it would
Speaker 2: look bad on them. But because you're a nobody, basically
Speaker 2: you can give the tour.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Was just like, So I started preparing and I had
Speaker 2: three days, So I started preparing, I started doing it.
Speaker 2: I went up there and I just did it and
Speaker 2: I loved it, and I was like, oh, this is
Speaker 2: my this is this feels right for me. And I
Speaker 2: would never have discussed that. But I didn't get pushed
Speaker 2: into it. It would never have happened.
Speaker 1: That's a beautiful story.
Speaker 2: Never have happened. And so I think so many times
Speaker 2: that you're so right, and I love that you addressed
Speaker 2: the first part about belief of what we deserve. I
Speaker 2: just want that to sit with people because the way
Speaker 2: you like just put that out there, like I'm like,
Speaker 2: that is exactly it. That there is some part of
Speaker 2: us that just doesn't believe we deserve. Yes, the level
Speaker 2: of success with strivings, right.
Speaker 1: And those those those subtle, subconscious air conditioners of our
Speaker 1: lives that cool down show up as coincidences, you know,
Speaker 1: but really they're not. They're by design because you're going
Speaker 1: to cool your life back to what you believe you deserve.
Speaker 1: Every day, when I work with athletes, or like, what
Speaker 1: do you do with the pro athletes you work with,
Speaker 1: I'm mainly you know this. Even what do most people want?
Speaker 1: When someone's really successful, what are you working on? Usually
Speaker 1: their identity or their confidence. It's usually those two things,
Speaker 1: and their identity is the more important thing. Now. The
Speaker 1: other thing that happens is for a lot of people
Speaker 1: with their identity is they'll attack their identity to the external,
Speaker 1: to their beauty, to their performance, to their career, and
Speaker 1: then when they lose that career or they lose that
Speaker 1: NFL football career they've got, then they don't know who
Speaker 1: they are without it. So this identity should be deeply
Speaker 1: rooted in who you are, not just what you do.
Speaker 1: That's all.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about that, because I've been playing around with
Speaker 2: that a lot myself lately and in trying to articulate that,
Speaker 2: because I think the world has convinced us that what
Speaker 2: we do is our value. So even people's introductions to
Speaker 2: themselves is oh yeah, I'm an accountant, I'm a lawyer,
Speaker 2: I'm an author, I'm a coach, I'm a podcaster. Whatever
Speaker 2: it is we're describing, I am followed by a doing word,
Speaker 2: not a being word. And so even our value in
Speaker 2: society is also and so I went to that college
Speaker 2: is so, and so has that job, Like we see value.
Speaker 2: And even in the past, the way you had value
Speaker 2: was someone was a blacksmith and someone was a baker,
Speaker 2: and that was their value. And then even before that,
Speaker 2: we used to barter because of what we did, and
Speaker 2: then we could trade that. So so much of identity
Speaker 2: for hundreds of years has been tied up in what
Speaker 2: we do.
Speaker 1: By the way, it's a you're so brilliant, bro, I
Speaker 1: love our conversations. It's a very dangerous way to live
Speaker 1: your life. When your identity is tied up in what
Speaker 1: you do as arouser than who you are, as you
Speaker 1: say being, you're in a very dangerous place because if
Speaker 1: it's tied to those things and they then they don't exist.
Speaker 1: You're completely lost without them. And it is a very
Speaker 1: shallow and I don't mean like shallow in the sense
Speaker 1: that like you know, shallow, like a crash. I mean
Speaker 1: it's not a very There's not a lot of depth
Speaker 1: to that identity that is long lasting when it's attached
Speaker 1: to what we do, or what we look like, or
Speaker 1: what we've achieved. You know, you'll say that you're right.
Speaker 1: I've just I just met someone the other day who
Speaker 1: I knew immediately they lacked a strong identity because they can.
Speaker 1: They immediately just resumeated me. I did this, I did that,
Speaker 1: I achieved this, I was written here, I was that.
Speaker 1: And I actually stopped them, and because I really liked them,
Speaker 1: and I won't say who she was, but I said,
Speaker 1: you know, I really like you. I like you. What
Speaker 1: impresses me is you who you are, your kindness. She's brilliant,
Speaker 1: by the way, this woman too, You're so brilliant, You're
Speaker 1: so kind. That's your identity. Your identity isn't your MBA.
Speaker 1: Your identity isn't your career. That's not your identity. But
Speaker 1: they've linked it to that, and it is a dangerous
Speaker 1: way to live your life. And it's not a deep
Speaker 1: way to live your life. A deep way to live
Speaker 1: your life where you can make impact in multiple areas
Speaker 1: is to root your identity and who you are, those intentions,
Speaker 1: the things that you believe to be true. Your character,
Speaker 1: the way you conduct yourself, your value in life, your value,
Speaker 1: your valuable That's where identity is deeply rooted, not in
Speaker 1: the external. It's okay to be proud out of your
Speaker 1: degree or your achievement, or your career or your company.
Speaker 1: That's different being proud of something and having a sense of,
Speaker 1: you know, gratitude for what you've achieved. That's great, But
Speaker 1: when you link your identity to it, you're in a
Speaker 1: dangerous and shallow place.
Speaker 2: Absolutely last question ed. We've talked about peace, We've talked
Speaker 2: about productivity. How does it not lead to burnout when
Speaker 2: you're trying to do all this right, you're working on
Speaker 2: the intern or self, you're working on the productivity. It's like, gosh, Jay,
Speaker 2: I'm exhausted trying to do all this and exhausted trying
Speaker 2: to manage Like I want to be successful, but I
Speaker 2: want to be spiritual. I'm trying to do it. I
Speaker 2: want to be everything and do everything. Like, how how
Speaker 2: have you managed and what have been your reflections on burnout, exhaustion,
Speaker 2: and then of course ruining relationships in the process.
Speaker 1: Well, I've done all those, so I have experience in
Speaker 1: burnout and ruining relationships and messing things up. And here's
Speaker 1: what I've learned. I want all the things I want,
Speaker 1: but I don't have to have them right now. And
Speaker 1: it's the right now of life. I gotta be in
Speaker 1: a hurry. I gotta do it, I gotta do it.
Speaker 1: I can do it now now, now. Now, there's a
Speaker 1: power of now. Some people lack the ability to operate
Speaker 1: in the now, but for me, it's I have built
Speaker 1: into my life rest. Last night I slept twelve hours, wow.
Speaker 1: And the reason was is I've been getting to the
Speaker 1: point right now where I'm tinkering on the edge of
Speaker 1: too much now, too much now, too much now, And
Speaker 1: so I reflect back on my faith, I reflect back
Speaker 1: on I love. I mean, there's basic things I know
Speaker 1: you do. But I'm a big person on earthing and grounding.
Speaker 1: I love to get outdoors. I love to put my
Speaker 1: bare feet in the ground and let that recharge me.
Speaker 1: I'm real big on my recharge stuff now. And sometimes
Speaker 1: that means lots of sleep, believe it or not. I
Speaker 1: used to brag that I got five or six hours
Speaker 1: of sleep, and I could operate on that. And I've
Speaker 1: learned over time, maybe there's a season for that. That's great,
Speaker 1: But there's also a season where I listen to my body.
Speaker 1: You're the best at this, but I've gotten better at
Speaker 1: listening to my spirit and my body. And when my
Speaker 1: spirit is screaming at me, you need to rest, you
Speaker 1: need to reach charge. I listen to my body, especially
Speaker 1: at fifty two years old. My body will speak to
Speaker 1: me even more now than sometimes it ever has in
Speaker 1: my life, and I listen to it, and I've given
Speaker 1: myself to gift. I'm not afraid anymore. You and I
Speaker 1: have talked about this privately. I'm not afraid anymore that
Speaker 1: I'm gonna lose momentum. I can say no to something,
Speaker 1: I can rest, I can recharge, I can reflect, and
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean I'm gonna lose momentum. I used to
Speaker 1: believe if I don't keep going, I'm gonna lose the
Speaker 1: momentum I've got. And the truth is, that's an insecurity
Speaker 1: in me. That's my lack of identity screaming at me.
Speaker 1: And there's really three things. Whether you believe in whatever
Speaker 1: your spiritual beliefs are. But if I if I was
Speaker 1: the adversary or the devil, what would I do to
Speaker 1: try to get you off track. What would I do?
Speaker 1: There's really three things. The first thing I would do
Speaker 1: is I get you to doubt three ds. I'll get
Speaker 1: you to doubt. Can I get jayshtty doubting himself, doubting
Speaker 1: that it matters, doubting his ability, doubting he can go
Speaker 1: to the next level. I'm gonna get him to doubt. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: if I me too, Me too. I can see it
Speaker 1: on your face right now, me too, doubting me. The
Speaker 1: second thing, as I'll get them discouraged. I'll have a
Speaker 1: real critic. I'll have some hits, have a miss or
Speaker 1: two swinging a miss right. If I can get them discouraged,
Speaker 1: then I got them. And the third thing, if I
Speaker 1: can't do that, or I'll do both, I'll get them
Speaker 1: a bit. Delusional. Delusion is believing something's worse than it
Speaker 1: is or better than it is. And you thought stack
Speaker 1: and you start to stack it. What about this? What
Speaker 1: about this? What about this? What about this? And I
Speaker 1: get you magnifying something to believe that it's a far
Speaker 1: bigger problem than it is, far more dramatic than it is,
Speaker 1: or far better than it is.
Speaker 2: You just explain my last twelve months. Oh my god. Wow.
Speaker 1: And so those are the three d's, and so it's
Speaker 1: it's doubt, discouragement, and delusion. And what I try to
Speaker 1: do is when I see them showing up and they do,
Speaker 1: I go, I know exactly what this is. This is
Speaker 1: this is the negative coming to get me. This is
Speaker 1: trying to get me off course and my dreams and
Speaker 1: my vision and my contribution. And I am not going
Speaker 1: to let other people be cheated because I doubt and
Speaker 1: I'm discouraged and I'm delusional. And so I really focus
Speaker 1: when those things come up, and I identify them when
Speaker 1: they're there, and I root them out because I know
Speaker 1: where they're coming from and they're not coming from good.
Speaker 1: They're not coming from God, they're not coming from high
Speaker 1: vibrational frequency. They're coming from the worst of the worst.
Speaker 1: And so I absolutely rid them out when they show up.
Speaker 2: That is a huge gift to me. You have no idea.
Speaker 2: You have no idea, O brother, genuinely, you have no
Speaker 2: idea that a.
Speaker 1: Be your a gift to me every time that is no, that's.
Speaker 2: A real gift, EDM. I let everyone follow ed on
Speaker 2: Instagram if you don't already, go and listen to this
Speaker 2: podcast max out and books. I mean no, no, no
Speaker 2: new books right now, just the Power one more. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the book we discuss last and Power one More.
Speaker 1: Help anybody anyway I can, Man, and you're the best.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for coming back. I love these conversations. Honestly,
Speaker 2: they're so healing and therapeutic to me. I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm that seventy two spending time at the ninety five.
Speaker 2: It's like it really does heat me up, honestly, genuinely
Speaker 2: like these these are such life giving some psicians for me.
Speaker 2: So I'm so glad we recorded. I'm so glad we're
Speaker 2: going to share it and thank you. Grateful man, genuinely grateful.
Speaker 1: So, my brother, you're blessing of my life. You're blessing.
Speaker 2: Thank you. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my
Speaker 2: interview with doctor Daniel Ahman on how to change your
Speaker 2: life by changing your brain.
Speaker 1: If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with
Speaker 1: a healthy brain.
Speaker 2: You know, I've had the blessing or the curse to
Speaker 2: scan over a thousand convicted felons and over one hundred murderers,
Speaker 2: and their brains are very damaged.