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Speaker 1: That's all right, all right, this is uh an emergency.

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Speaker 1: I am Rappaport Podcast. This is an emergency. I am

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Speaker 1: Rappaport Podcast coming live from New York City. All right.

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Speaker 1: And it ain't about it, Bola, it ain't about the

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Speaker 1: fucking Knicks. Taylor Swift has been anointed the promotional face

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Speaker 1: of New York fucking City. Okay, Taylor fucking Swift. Now,

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Speaker 1: I know you think that I don't know about Taylor Swift,

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Speaker 1: and I'm judging a book by our cover. But I

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Speaker 1: do know about Taylor Swift. Okay. I know she's very talented.

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Speaker 1: I know she writes her own songs. I know she's

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Speaker 1: very rich. I also know she's very fucking skinny. Okay,

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Speaker 1: she's very thin. She's also from Tennessee. Now, I do

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Speaker 1: not think I should be the ambassador of Global welcoming

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Speaker 1: to New York City. There's other people that are probably

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Speaker 1: more qualified. I have spent a lot of the last

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Speaker 1: twenty years living in uh Los Angeles, pursuing my career.

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Speaker 1: I got two kids out there, I got an ext wife.

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Speaker 1: I went out there when I was nineteen. I've been

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Speaker 1: back and forth. I got a place in New York.

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Speaker 1: But I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm gonna I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna reveal something very shameful. I have a fucking California

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Speaker 1: driver's license. Now, who knows what kind of driver's license

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Speaker 1: Taylor Swift have. She might have a New York driver's license. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't funked up. But if this fucking girl, Taylor

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Speaker 1: Swift is going to be the global ambassador for tourism

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Speaker 1: and welcoming New York and all that ship, there's so

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Speaker 1: much ship she needs to do. Okay, this is how

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Speaker 1: it works. Number one, and again, I would like to

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Speaker 1: help Taylor Swift become acclimated with New York as a

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Speaker 1: real New Yorker. Okay, Number one, I'm gonna take this

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Speaker 1: fucking girl. She's a girl, young girl, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: twenty something like that. I'm gonna take her on an

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Speaker 1: eating tour of New York. And we ain't going to

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Speaker 1: Lascalaw and we ain't going to live this place and

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Speaker 1: that place. We're going around on the subway. Take the

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Speaker 1: fucking makeup off, put your hair in a bun, wear

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Speaker 1: some jeans and a T shirt. Nobody's gonna fucking bother you.

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Speaker 1: No one will look at you. He will. She's very

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Speaker 1: pretty and she looks tall, so they might bother her.

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Speaker 1: They might look at her. But if she takes the

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Speaker 1: makeup off and and puts her hair in a bun,

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Speaker 1: wear some jeans and like a hoodie and whatever, will

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Speaker 1: be fine. I guarantee you we've fund. Let's just bring

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Speaker 1: a goon. She could bring one of those goon bodyguards.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure she has goon bodyguards. He could lurk in

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Speaker 1: the background just in case she gets out of hand.

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Speaker 1: But I don't think anyone will evening notice her on

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Speaker 1: the train. Okay, nobody notices me, But I ain't know

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Speaker 1: Taylor Swift. Okay, but I do ride the fucking train.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take her first. We're gonna wake up. Me

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Speaker 1: and Taylor Swift. We're gonna meet. I'm gonna be yo,

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Speaker 1: what's up, Taylor? How you doing? No problem with you

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Speaker 1: being the global Ambassador of tourism from New York City.

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Speaker 1: Of course it makes sense that Robert de Niro was

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Speaker 1: the global Ambassador of New York City and now you're

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Speaker 1: the global ambassador. Makes total sense. How are you, sweetheart?

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Speaker 1: I'm good, Mike. Nice to meet you. All right, First, thing.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna it was. We're gonna go to Second Avenue

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Speaker 1: on eighty one between eighty two. This is for breakfast.

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Speaker 1: Fucking take Taylor Swift. We're gonna go get a fucking bagel,

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Speaker 1: cream cheese and locks toasted everything bagel from H and

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Speaker 1: H Bagels on Second Avenue. Okay, we're gonna go in there.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna fucking blow her mind, and she's gonna eat

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Speaker 1: the whole thing. And she ain't gonna be allowed to

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Speaker 1: go to the bathroom without an escort, okay, because I

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Speaker 1: don't want no pukin. I don't want no fucking trickery.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna eat that ship. You canna eat the whole thing,

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna fucking you're gonna sucking. I'm keeping my

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Speaker 1: eye on you, all right. You're not excusing yourself from

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Speaker 1: the table because you're really think the problem that I'm

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Speaker 1: having with Taylor Swift is that she's too thin. She's beautiful,

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Speaker 1: She's like a male nourished deer, and and I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna, I'm gonna sucking, uh, you know, feed her

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Speaker 1: and bring her back to life. Okay, because we need

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Speaker 1: to have some meat on those bones if you're gonna

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Speaker 1: represent New York and New Yorkers. So we're gonna have

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Speaker 1: that bagel, cream cheese and locks, and she's gonna be

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Speaker 1: wearing sneakers. We ain't getting on no fucking ubers. We're

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Speaker 1: not taking no cabs. Then we're gonna plow around, bang

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Speaker 1: our way throughout the city. We're gonna walk around. We'll

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Speaker 1: make it out to Queens. I don't know, we'll we'll talk,

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Speaker 1: we'll chat about music, you know, and all that ship.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I mean, Taylors, but this is

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Speaker 1: around nine in the morning. Okay, we're gonna get that bagel,

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Speaker 1: cream cheese and locks. Everything bagel toasted with some tomatoes

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Speaker 1: and some capers from H and H Bagel on Second Avenue.

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Speaker 1: The best motherfucking bagel, cream cheese and locks in New

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Speaker 1: York City, hands down. I don't give a ship. There

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Speaker 1: might be as good, but there ain't nothing better. Then

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Speaker 1: me and Taylor are gonna make our way out to

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Speaker 1: a story of Queens and we are gonna go to Salon.

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Speaker 1: Chris is Sandwich King of a Storia. Okay, this is

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Speaker 1: a real Deli, fireman, policeman, correction officers, fucking you know, garbage. Man,

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Speaker 1: This is like a real spot. You walk in there,

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Speaker 1: you order your sandwich, fresh meat, fresh fucking bread. It's

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Speaker 1: it's great. It's a true deli. It's a true New

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Speaker 1: York deli. It ain't a seven eleven and ain't even

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Speaker 1: one of these fucking weird bodega's. You walk into the

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Speaker 1: playing fucking music. It sounds like you're in an episode

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Speaker 1: of Homeland. No disrespect, okay, but it's supposed to be

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Speaker 1: a bodega. Turn on some fucking salt, some music. All right.

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Speaker 1: This is a true delhi. It's in a story of Queen's.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna get a couple of snapples. I prefer to snapples.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna order a sandwich for Taylor. I'm gonna say,

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Speaker 1: what do you want? You like turkey, like ham? You're like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to hear no shit about your vegan.

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Speaker 1: No vegan is going to be the global and asciter

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Speaker 1: of tourism and welcoming to New York City. So if

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Speaker 1: you're a vegan tailor again, red flag were red flag

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Speaker 1: in your ass? You're eating some ship this day, all right.

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Speaker 1: You already had a bagel cream cheese and locks. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna order the bomb, which is uh potpourri of meats

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Speaker 1: with spicy peppers and everything on it. It's a fucking

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Speaker 1: mammoth monster sandwich. Then I'm gonna walk her to a

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Speaker 1: Story of Park and we're gonna sit down, me and

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Speaker 1: Taylor Swift. We're gonna eat the sandwich. Okay, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: eat the sandwich. And I'm gonna have my two snapples,

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Speaker 1: and she's gonna have her two snapples, and we're gonna

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Speaker 1: eat the sandwich. And I'm gonna watch her eat that

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Speaker 1: fucking sandwich. And you're gonna eat that whole fucking sandwich, Tailor,

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Speaker 1: and you're not gonna puke it up. You're not gonna

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Speaker 1: try to get cute and and and finish some of

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Speaker 1: it or now put some in your your your you

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Speaker 1: know you're fucking Gucci purse for later. You're eating that

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Speaker 1: whole goddamn sandwich. Okay, you're eating that whole goddamn sandwich.

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Speaker 1: All right. Then we're gonna leave a Story of Park.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna be full and disgusted with ourselves. Okay, we're

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Speaker 1: gonna be so full and disgusted with ourselves and and

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Speaker 1: we're gonna be on like assault. Like we're gonna need

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Speaker 1: water at this point because that pursudo and that meat

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Speaker 1: and that uh, that provolone and all that stuff, it'll

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Speaker 1: dream you, it'll drain. You said, we're gonna we're gonna walk.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna walk it off. We're in a story that

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Speaker 1: no one's gonna give two dicks about you. Taylor Swift, Okay, Dan,

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Speaker 1: just since one foot now, we're just we're gonna walk.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna take a fucking walk me, You and me

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Speaker 1: and Taylor. We're gonna walk. It's gonna take about forty

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Speaker 1: five minutes. We're gonna have on some some new balances

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Speaker 1: or whatever. She probably wears nikes. I'm gonna have on

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Speaker 1: my new balances. Our feet are gonna be comfortable. You're

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Speaker 1: not wearing You're wearing jeans and some new balances. You're

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Speaker 1: not gonna wear one of those goofy hats, and you're

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Speaker 1: not gonna wear one of those like skinny you know,

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Speaker 1: like dresses. You're gonna dress the way I tell you

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Speaker 1: because you're in my fucking city, and uh, you know,

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Speaker 1: people are piste off that you're that they'd rather have

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Speaker 1: big hands from mob. Wife's be the fucking global ambassador.

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Speaker 1: But I'm gonna help you out. So then we're gonna

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Speaker 1: go get dessert. We're gonna get some fucking dessert. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna go get ices out in Corona, Queens at the

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Speaker 1: Lemon King of Corona. All right, we're gonna go out there. People.

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Speaker 1: If you've ever seen The King of Queens, he shows

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Speaker 1: the Lemon King of Corona. He they show that in

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Speaker 1: the in the credits of the of the show. So

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Speaker 1: we're gonna go out to, uh, the lemon Ice King

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Speaker 1: of Corona. It's all ices. It's really good. It's and

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Speaker 1: we're gonna go out there. There's a park they called

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Speaker 1: Guinea Park. My friend George, he he hipped me to

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Speaker 1: this ship about twenty years ago. Ben Farreemo, all right,

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Speaker 1: it's a little spots on the corner and me and

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Speaker 1: Taylor Swift, we're gonna go out there, and you're gonna're

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Speaker 1: gonna order some fucking fresh, a made, authentic Italian icas.

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Speaker 1: Now this place they have all different flavors. But and

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell Taylor this beforehand, they don't give a

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Speaker 1: ship who you are. Taylor Swift they don't even give

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Speaker 1: ship that it's me bringing you, Taylor Swift to the

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Speaker 1: Lemon King of Corona. But they don't mix, so you

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Speaker 1: can't the order peanut butter with chocolate. You want one

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Speaker 1: fucking peanut butter, you get one fucking chocolate. They're not

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Speaker 1: gonna mix. Strawberry and I don't know vanilla. They got

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Speaker 1: all kind of flavors, peppermint, it's all fresh. Coconut. The

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Speaker 1: coconut has real coconut in it. We're gonna order those.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna eat about four or five of those. Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is what's gonna happen with me and Taylor Swift,

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Speaker 1: and then everybody's gonna be happy. They nobody's gonna give

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Speaker 1: you any problems, Taylor Swift about you being the the

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Speaker 1: welcoming the welcoming course here and we're gonna go out

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Speaker 1: there and and and at this point, you've had the bagel,

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Speaker 1: you've had this this monster sandwich, and now you're having

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Speaker 1: four ices. You're gonna feel like you want to vomit.

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Speaker 1: You're not gonna do that. You're not You're not a puker.

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Speaker 1: You're better than that, Taylor Swift. You're better than that.

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Speaker 1: All right, we're gonna have my favorite flavor is I

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Speaker 1: usually get like the peanut butter, then I get the

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Speaker 1: mint chip. Then I'll maybe get like I'll go into

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Speaker 1: some like like an exotic fruit, like a pineapple or

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Speaker 1: like a you know, lime, you know, something like that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what you're into, Taylor. They got all

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Speaker 1: flavors for you, but you can't mix order two at

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Speaker 1: a time, mix it yourself, but they're not gonna mix

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Speaker 1: it for you. And then I think, you know, we

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Speaker 1: just might take a cab back into the city. At

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Speaker 1: this point, we're gonna get into the city. We're staying

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Speaker 1: the funk away from SOHO because that's not gonna work

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Speaker 1: out for us, because then the paparazzi is gonna be

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Speaker 1: onto us and they're gonna think Michael Rapp reporters banging

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Speaker 1: Taylor Swift. No, I'm not. I'm not doing that. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to help her, help herself. And I think that

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Speaker 1: the rest of the afternoon, maybe we'll go funk. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what are we gonna do. We'll go to

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Speaker 1: a movie, We'll just like hang out. We'll walk around,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'll show you some spots I'll give you

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Speaker 1: my tour of movies that were made in New York.

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Speaker 1: I'll take you to all the spots where they filmed

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Speaker 1: Popacrannge Village, all the spots where they filmed uh Raging Bull, uh,

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Speaker 1: the Surplico spots. I'll take you to the uh. I'll

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Speaker 1: show you my little, my little walking tour of of

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Speaker 1: places that movies that I love, that were filmed in

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Speaker 1: New York that still exists very I love doing it.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna start getting dark, okay, and then we're gonna

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Speaker 1: get on a bus. Me and Taylor Swift are gonna

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Speaker 1: get on the fucking bus. Were then on the first

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Speaker 1: Avenue bus. We're gonna ride all the way the funk

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Speaker 1: uptown to Patsy's, Patsy's fucking Pizza. We're gonna get We're

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Speaker 1: gonna get off on a hundred sixteen street. Nobody's gonna

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Speaker 1: give a fucking shit about you, Taylor. There's not gonna

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Speaker 1: no paparazzi. Maybe every now and then somebody might want

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Speaker 1: to selfie, but you know what they're going I want

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Speaker 1: a selfie me too, okay, because this is I'm not

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Speaker 1: a fucking slouch either, Taylor, Swift and and when we're

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Speaker 1: up town, uh you know, uh, we're we're gonna fucking

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Speaker 1: people are gonna be excited to see me too, not

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Speaker 1: just you. You ain't the only one who people are

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Speaker 1: gonna want selfies for and instagram with and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: They're gonna be excited to see me. To Taylor Swift,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna go to Patty's. We're not sitting down. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna go to the takeout place and we're gonna order

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Speaker 1: a pie. Okay, if you want pepperoni on it, knock

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Speaker 1: yourself out. Patsy's Pizzeria. It's been there since I don't

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Speaker 1: fucking know, true New York. You could go sit down,

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Speaker 1: but we're not sitting down. We're just getting slices. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna order a pie. It'll take about fifteen minutes, twelve minutes,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Again, Snapple very important to eat a Snapple,

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Speaker 1: to drink a Snapple with your pie. We're gonna get

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Speaker 1: a pie, and me and you are gonna finish the

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Speaker 1: fucking pie. It's gonna be about eight slices or six

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Speaker 1: slices each. We're gonna scarf that fucker down together, Okay,

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Speaker 1: And at this point, you're gonna be very full. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna walk it off afterwards. The pizza is very light,

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Speaker 1: it's very it's not thin cross. And this bullshit like

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Speaker 1: in l a Lago, a good thin crest fun. There's

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Speaker 1: no fucking such thing as thin crust. There's either a

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Speaker 1: good fucking slice or not a good slice. All this

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Speaker 1: bullshit about thin crust. Listen, a good fucking slice of

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Speaker 1: pizza is a good slice of pizza. Always like terms

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Speaker 1: and it that that that in Italy they served that

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Speaker 1: like that, like on the bread. That that's that's thin crust.

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Speaker 1: That's in Italy. Ain't in Italy. You're gonna be on

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Speaker 1: a hundred eighteenth and first avenue in Spanish, Charlem Taylor.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna eat this pizza. It's New York pizza. There's

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Speaker 1: either New York pizza or it's not New York pizza.

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Speaker 1: And they don't make New York pizza outside of New York. Chicago,

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Speaker 1: you're a great city. I love you. Your pizza is

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Speaker 1: like a fucking it's a sloppy mess. It's great, but

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Speaker 1: it's a sloppy mess. You might as well eat a

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Speaker 1: bowl of chili. Okay, all these places in Texas, so

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Speaker 1: they got like New York pizza in Texas. There's a

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Speaker 1: couple of places in l A. One place in l

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Speaker 1: A that has really good New York pizza. Okay, other

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Speaker 1: than that, they don't have New York pizza. Mulberry Street

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Speaker 1: in Los Angeles they have good, true New York pizza.

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Speaker 1: All this fucking even this place, Two Boots. They gotta

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Speaker 1: Two Boots, which is based out of New York. But

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Speaker 1: it's not even New York pizzas like some exotic kind

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Speaker 1: of you know, sushi pizza and it's great, but it

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Speaker 1: ain't just a regular slice. Patsy's in New York. Spanish

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Speaker 1: Arm has been there since the fucking beginning of time.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna get our fucking slice, Taylor Swift, and then

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Speaker 1: we're gonna fucking walk it off. We're gonna walk it off,

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Speaker 1: you and me, and at the end of the day,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna be monitored to make sure you don't fucking

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Speaker 1: throw it up or shoot it out or I don't

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Speaker 1: know what kind of fucking devices you might be using

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Speaker 1: to say that, skinny, but we're gonna put some weight

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Speaker 1: on you. We're gonna put some weight on you, you

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Speaker 1: go through this day of eating with me Michael Rapp Report,

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Speaker 1: then you come on the I Am Rappaport stereo podcast

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Speaker 1: and you discuss it with the people, all right, and

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Speaker 1: then I am going to stand by you and I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna validate you as somebody who should be the representative

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Speaker 1: of of tourism or global ambassadorism or where the funk

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Speaker 1: they granted you for New York. All right, and I'll

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Speaker 1: stand by you and I'll be or I'll say this

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Speaker 1: broad can eat. She could fucking throw it back anyway.

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Speaker 1: This is Michael Rapp Report. This was an emergency I

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Speaker 1: Am Rapp Report podcast. It wasn't about a bowler. Is

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Speaker 1: it a bowler or a bowl? Iye, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It was about Taylor Swift. I got you back. We'll

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Speaker 1: hook you up and we're gonna spend the day together

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna be uh, you know, you're being ready

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Speaker 1: to go, and you could you could say, yeah, you

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Speaker 1: know what, I earned my ship and we're gonna put

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Speaker 1: about eight to ten pounds on you and we're gonna

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Speaker 1: get you. We're gonna get you back to health. This

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Speaker 1: is Michael Rappaport. This is the I am Rappaport Podcast,

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Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. Once upon a time, there was

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