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Speaker 1: Hey, this Sanny and Samantha, and welcome stuff. I never

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Speaker 1: told you your prediction of by Heart radio, and welcome

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Speaker 1: in to another edition of Happy Hour. As always with these,

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Speaker 1: we are not currently sponsored by anything we mentioned uh

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Speaker 1: and also drink responsibly. Yes, are you used to be anything, Samantha.

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Speaker 2: I am keeping it pretty low key. I have this

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Speaker 2: new probiotic drink that I bought from Trader Joe's, again

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Speaker 2: not sponsored uh with. It's called Agua de Keifer and

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Speaker 2: apparently it's like a Mexican keifer and.

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Speaker 3: I love it. It's so tasty.

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Speaker 2: I mix it with some orange juice, though, give you

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Speaker 2: more vitamin C. Yeah, so I'm doing that today. Keep

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Speaker 2: it as simple, what about you nice?

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Speaker 1: I have a friend who lefts of beer at my

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Speaker 1: apartment and I'm drinking that and that's that's the story.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to say what it is. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was like, all right, this will this is all

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Speaker 1: going to be here. I'm drinking she loved it. Here

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Speaker 1: here it is. So today I wanted to talk about

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Speaker 1: something I've kind of talked about before, and just the preface,

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Speaker 1: this is like a very privileged thing to complain about.

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Speaker 1: And I know that but it is also something that

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Speaker 1: I deal with all the time, and it is that

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Speaker 1: I make everything and exercise and productivity. I make everything work.

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Speaker 1: And so this has been on my mind because I'm

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Speaker 1: so stressedus thinking about it. We are starting Dungeons and

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Speaker 1: Dragons again this year, and I just spent this weekend

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Speaker 1: kind of grappling with I. I should also say, like

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Speaker 1: I love I love everything I'm going to talk about,

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Speaker 1: but that's kind of the point, is that I take

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Speaker 1: these things that should be fun and I make it

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Speaker 1: into a job. So I had to we have reached

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Speaker 1: the end of where where what I had written for

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Speaker 1: Dungeons and Dragons. Because just as a reminder again, I

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Speaker 1: am the game master, the dungeon master of this game.

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Speaker 1: I realifally've been playing for like four years, we've played

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Speaker 1: a long time. And I was the dungeon master for

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Speaker 1: my previous campaign and we played that for a long time,

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Speaker 1: and so all of this is on me. You can

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Speaker 1: find pre written campaigns. You can buy a pre written campaign.

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Speaker 1: Somebody gave me one for Christmas. But I wrote the

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Speaker 1: whole thing, which means you have to really spend a

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Speaker 1: lot of time thinking about how it's going to play out,

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Speaker 1: What is going to be the payout? What is going

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Speaker 1: to be What are the things they could possibly do

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Speaker 1: that you're not anticipating. Also, I've talked about it before,

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Speaker 1: but I write a lot of this in code. When

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Speaker 1: I say it's work, it's work. But I really I

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Speaker 1: do really like it. And again, this is something I chose.

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Speaker 1: This is not no one put it on me. I

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Speaker 1: think people would have been perfectly fine if I had

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Speaker 1: just done one that was already written. But I have

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Speaker 1: these really high standards for myself, and so like D

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Speaker 1: and D should be a fun thing, it is a

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Speaker 1: fun thing. But I can't tell you how much stress

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Speaker 1: I had this weekend doing it. I was texting with

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Speaker 1: you and your partner because the last WAS two remaster

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Speaker 1: came out. I desperately wanted to play it. I didn't

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Speaker 1: because I've got to do this. But video games aren't

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Speaker 1: immune from this either. I also put on the calendar

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Speaker 1: when I will play video games, when I will let

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Speaker 1: myself play video games, So in that way, it becomes

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Speaker 1: something that is also no longer just a fun thing.

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Speaker 1: It's like, oh, it's on my calendar, I have to

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Speaker 1: do it now, or I won't do it. And this

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Speaker 1: is one of the reasons why I've talked about this before.

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Speaker 1: I don't like open world games. I think they're great,

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Speaker 1: but they're not for me because I stress out so

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Speaker 1: much about completing every task. I like a game where

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Speaker 1: there's an ending and the story is done, and then

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Speaker 1: I can stop or I can play it again, but

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Speaker 1: the story will still come to an end and it

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Speaker 1: is done. Instead of me wandering about trying to find

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Speaker 1: this many mushrooms of a certain type, I don't like it.

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Speaker 1: It stresses me out. And the same has also become

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Speaker 1: true of fan fiction. Because I still love it. I

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Speaker 1: love writing it. It's the thing I enjoy. But now

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Speaker 1: it's on my calendar every week. You have to write

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Speaker 1: this much, you have to publish this, you have to

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Speaker 1: do this. I turned it into a job. I turned

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Speaker 1: it into a thing that I have to do, and

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Speaker 1: so it's like, there's still things that I enjoy. Don't

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Speaker 1: get me wrong that it's not what I'm saying, but

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Speaker 1: it has become a stress. I made it a stress

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Speaker 1: and it wasn't that before. Like I just I feel

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Speaker 1: like I can't just enjoy something. I can't just enjoy it.

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Speaker 1: It has to be somehow productive and good, like I

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Speaker 1: keep talking about. You've heard me say it a million times.

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Speaker 1: One thing I love about fan fiction is it doesn't

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Speaker 1: have to be good. You can just read whatever. You

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Speaker 1: can write a note at the top that's like I

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Speaker 1: didn't really think this through great, but I can't do it,

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Speaker 1: and I get in my head like this isn't good.

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Speaker 1: So I just I edit and I edit and I

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Speaker 1: keep working on it. And a part of this is

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Speaker 1: a part of fandom, which is this loyalty I've discussed before.

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Speaker 1: But you feel like if you don't, if you're not

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Speaker 1: doing it, it'll die, like like literally, because I'm writing

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Speaker 1: in a very niche space, right, Like I get if

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Speaker 1: I don't publish, other people won't publish, and then it'll

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Speaker 1: just slowly die and then I won't have anything to read.

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Speaker 1: So now it's my responsibility, like I have to keep

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Speaker 1: publishing stuff. And I've been thinking about too, like because

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Speaker 1: I've even sort of jokingly said, you know, I could

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Speaker 1: turn the Last of Us Too into like a side gig.

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Speaker 1: I could play it and make money, which you know

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Speaker 1: isn't a bad thing. But I just don't like that.

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Speaker 1: I've really divorced myself from the I just want to

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Speaker 1: play it, or I just want to write it like

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Speaker 1: it's is it on my calendar? No, Okay, I can't

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Speaker 1: do it. And you know, we were sort of talking

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Speaker 1: about this recently too, because we are very, very very fortunate.

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Speaker 1: It Do not get me wrong that we have flexible

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Speaker 1: jobs and that we get to talk about things that

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Speaker 1: we watch or play. But you and I talked about

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Speaker 1: it when I came over recently and we were like, well,

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Speaker 1: we'll play this game and then we'll do an episode.

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Speaker 1: It's work now, and it does sort of take you.

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Speaker 1: It's a different mindset where you're like, Okay, what am

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Speaker 1: I going to talk about? Specifically? What is it? What

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Speaker 1: is it? What is it? And again, that is a

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Speaker 1: great fun job to have, or we get to talk

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Speaker 1: about board games, for example, But I just feel like

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Speaker 1: it's sort of saturated all the rest of my life,

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Speaker 1: and I was always like this this is I think

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Speaker 1: it's just sort of gotten really tense lately. But I do.

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Speaker 1: I'm the person who loves to watch the movie and

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Speaker 1: be like, let me tell you, these things are my thoughts,

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Speaker 1: and I write essays about things because I have to

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Speaker 1: be ready to fight with anybody about having an opinion.

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Speaker 1: So it's not like it's new. It is like part

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Speaker 1: of my personality. I think I was just sort of

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Speaker 1: like this weekend when I was so stressed and I

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Speaker 1: was trying to get all this stuff done, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, but this was originally supposed to be like

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Speaker 1: a fun thing. And that's something else I've talked about before.

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Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm really separated from my body.

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Speaker 1: Like I don't eat because I want to. I don't

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Speaker 1: eat what I want unless it's still the ruth friends.

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Speaker 1: I don't sleep when I want to, and I don't

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Speaker 1: sleep when I'm tired. I don't watch things when I

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Speaker 1: want to, or play things when I want to, or

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Speaker 1: write things when I want to. So it's like I'm

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Speaker 1: sort of divorced from this whole thing. Like it's like

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Speaker 1: I have to tell myself to do these things. I

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Speaker 1: put things on calendars, and I do often end up

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Speaker 1: enjoying those things, but it's not coming from like, oh, hey,

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Speaker 1: like there's no simultaneousness of oh, you know what would

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Speaker 1: be really nice right now, I'd love to play this

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Speaker 1: game that's not on the schedule, you can't do it,

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Speaker 1: So I don't know and I do think that that's

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Speaker 1: part of what we've talked about before, with the whole

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Speaker 1: sort of hustler economy being productive as sort of a

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Speaker 1: moral thing, and I do take pride in it. Like recently,

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Speaker 1: our D and D group and our text messages, they

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Speaker 1: were being very kind and like, oh God, you're such

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Speaker 1: a They just played Balder's Gate and they were like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you're such a good gay master like that, and they

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Speaker 1: kept saying like, oh, you're really good, and I liked that, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: thank you. And it's just kind of so much work

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Speaker 1: behind it that I did again myself. They didn't ask it,

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Speaker 1: but I'm worried if I didn't play the Dungeon Master

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Speaker 1: the game Master, no one would and then we wouldn't play.

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Speaker 1: So it's sort of this, I mean, I had about

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Speaker 1: to do it. I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I mean not that I don't want you to play.

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Speaker 2: I want you to play because I know you enjoy it,

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Speaker 2: but meaning like, if you're starting to not enjoy it

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Speaker 2: and you're feeling like you're forcing yourself to do it,

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Speaker 2: and you think that it's going to die because you

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Speaker 2: didn't do it.

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Speaker 3: If it dies, is that a bad thing?

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's what I've been thinking about, Like I

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Speaker 1: do love it, and I think, like I don't think

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Speaker 1: anyone would do it. I don't think if I did,

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Speaker 1: if I stop, no one would do it. Maybe this

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Speaker 1: says more about the group than you, I know, but

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Speaker 1: it's true. It's like the only reason I started doing

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Speaker 1: this at all was because I knew if I didn't

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Speaker 1: do it, no one else was going to do it,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted to do it, Like I kept I

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Speaker 1: wanted to play. So what I mean is it's a

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Speaker 1: question I'm going to have to think about when this

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Speaker 1: comes to an end, because they are close to the

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Speaker 1: end and it could be I'm just at a I

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Speaker 1: told you I'm at the part of the game that

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Speaker 1: it's definitely going to be the hardest part, which is

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Speaker 1: where they could choose like fifteen different things, and so

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Speaker 1: I had to be ready for those fifteen different things.

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Speaker 2: This is what you get for playing with ridiculously intelligent

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Speaker 2: people who are all individual personalities on their own, so

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Speaker 2: make the most difficult choices.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I literally was like sitting there because it gat

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Speaker 1: I codd So basically like like okay, if they do this,

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Speaker 1: if they do this and then this, then this and this,

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Speaker 1: but I it's an interesting exercise in the human psyche,

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Speaker 1: to be honest, because I was like, well, what questions

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Speaker 1: are they going to think? What weird things are they

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Speaker 1: going to want to do? And I do maybe I'm

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Speaker 1: just tired. I do really like it, like it's always

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Speaker 1: fun after we do it. I think it's just that

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Speaker 1: I at the beginning, I had so much inspiration, and

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Speaker 1: now I'm at the end, and I'm like, it's not

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Speaker 1: going to be the ending they want. It's not going

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Speaker 1: to live up to what I want and what they want.

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Speaker 1: And that's what happened in my last campaign actually, because

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Speaker 1: it was during the pandemic. Doing it virtually was really

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Speaker 1: difficult because so much of what I do is like,

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Speaker 1: look at this diorama. I made no joke. So eventually

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Speaker 1: we got to this big boss battle, and it took

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Speaker 1: so long between every playthrough, no one could really remember

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Speaker 1: what was going on in this like epic story I

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Speaker 1: had composed and no one could really remember. And then

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Speaker 1: it was taking so long for the fight to end

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Speaker 1: that people, I think, just got tired of it. And

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Speaker 1: so I was like, all right, well just end it,

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Speaker 1: and so it didn't. And I think, you know, I

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Speaker 1: think in person it would have been better, but I

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Speaker 1: can I will never know for sure, but it was

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Speaker 1: one of those things that kind of stuck with me,

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Speaker 1: like I'd put all this work into it and then

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Speaker 1: I got to the end and it was like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: I'll just get it up with Yeah. And I also

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Speaker 1: just I don't know. I think a lot of people

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Speaker 1: feel this way. I feel like I don't have as

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Speaker 1: much and it can't be true, but it feels like

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Speaker 1: I don't have as much time as I used to.

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Speaker 1: It feels like I'm always working on something.

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Speaker 2: No, I think it could be true at that whole level,

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Speaker 2: like because you've added more things to your plate, whether

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Speaker 2: you recognize it or not, people have moved into town

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Speaker 2: that you don't see are asking for some of your

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Speaker 2: time as well. We added more episodes, you added more

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Speaker 2: episodes savor, You're added fan fiction writing to your miniless

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Speaker 2: So I think you're running in that level.

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Speaker 3: But you also.

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Speaker 2: Challenge yourself to make it be complete in an amount

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Speaker 2: of time that's seemingly unrealistic, meaning immediately, like you have

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Speaker 2: to do it immediately, which is again, as a procrastinator,

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Speaker 2: do not have this part problem?

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Speaker 1: Instead, I'm like I got it, I got it.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you also feel like because you have two co

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Speaker 2: hosts who are those types of personality that you have

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Speaker 2: to make sure you're at the front of it just

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Speaker 2: in case. So that's adding on to that level of

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Speaker 2: immediacy on top of I must prepare for fifteen thousand

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Speaker 2: different scenarios of everything, not just D and D yeah,

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Speaker 2: but also yeah. Maybe doing the schedule, which has kept

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Speaker 2: you together is also.

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Speaker 1: By maybe I mean, and it is like that actually

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Speaker 1: is part of the problem. It's like less that I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh god, I have to get in front of my

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Speaker 1: too lovely. It's more that I feel like I can't

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Speaker 1: enjoy something until I'm done with work. Like so it

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Speaker 1: becomes sort of a like again with the calendar, like

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Speaker 1: if this is not done, then you can't go do

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Speaker 1: a thing that you want, and that propels me to

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Speaker 1: get a lot of things done early. That also impacts

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Speaker 1: to sleep, eating. But I don't know. Again, this is

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Speaker 1: like a very I don't want it to. I kind

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Speaker 1: of feel like I'm the person in a job interview

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Speaker 1: that's like my one problem is I'm so good at

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Speaker 1: stuff I wanted to sell at all, But it just

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Speaker 1: like I do want to have like a good a

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Speaker 1: good game and a good fan fiction and all that stuff.

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Speaker 1: People are so nice. I don't want to make it

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Speaker 1: sound like anybody has been making me feel bad or

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Speaker 1: that they're owed this a lot. It's just me. But

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Speaker 1: I was thinking about it too, because I am so

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Speaker 1: bad at sleep and I've gotten better. But I'll literally

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Speaker 1: like this morning, I was laying in bed and I

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Speaker 1: was like thinking about how I was going to say

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Speaker 1: things in the podcast and what episodes we can do

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Speaker 1: and all this stuffen.

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Speaker 4: I was like, stop.

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Speaker 1: Working, this is this try to sleep. And I know

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Speaker 1: everyone does that. We talked about that recently. This is

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Speaker 1: not a unique thing to me, but it just feels

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Speaker 1: like every second my time has to be productive. And

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Speaker 1: that's one of my favorite things is to lay in

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Speaker 1: bed and just kind of think about stuff that isn't work.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to lose that too.

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Speaker 3: It's very interesting.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like that's I get a lot of

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Speaker 1: my best like imaginative ideas.

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Speaker 3: That's fair.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, But again, I think this also comes back to

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Speaker 2: you keep saying like everybody does this, not necessarily like

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Speaker 2: the sleep you get is unreal to me.

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Speaker 3: It kind of scares me for.

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Speaker 2: You, because I'm like, how do you function? And I

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Speaker 2: get like some people don't need all that sleep, and

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Speaker 2: I have the opposite problem of like sometimes I sleep

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Speaker 2: too much. I've I've gotten better, I've done some new

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Speaker 2: regiments at night and I think it's helping h But like,

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Speaker 2: I definitely sleep for at least six hours. Doing less

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Speaker 2: than six hours makes me dysfunctional. So when you're talking

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Speaker 2: about I got more than four hours of sleep, I'm excited.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, what the f how are you standing? And

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Speaker 2: I know you also sit to rest, But it's not

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Speaker 2: as normal as you think that, And not that it's

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Speaker 2: like you're abnormal, you're weird. It's just like, no, there's

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Speaker 2: I mean, this can cause issues with the anxiety and

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Speaker 2: especially like if I don't get enough sleep, I'm nauseous

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Speaker 2: all day.

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Speaker 3: It's weirdly odd to me like that.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure there's a thing and the doctor could tell

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Speaker 2: us exactly what's wrong with this, but like in that level,

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Speaker 2: like that's probably a lot of things are linked to that.

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Speaker 3: So like the whole level of like I know everybody

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Speaker 3: goes like no, that's not as normal as you think that.

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Speaker 5: You get checked out I still hold to you that

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Speaker 5: you need to get checked out. There's things that you

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Speaker 5: need to go get checked out. I'm going to say

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Speaker 5: that again.

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Speaker 2: I love you, but like in that level of like

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Speaker 2: these are some of these things are yes, absolutely, like

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Speaker 2: just there's not enough time in the day. Some of

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Speaker 2: these things are yes, you putting it on yourself and

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Speaker 2: it's causing you so much anxiety. And some of these

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Speaker 2: things are like, yes, it's a physiology, you need to.

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Speaker 4: Get that checked out. With much love, maybe maybe oh yeah.

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Speaker 4: That was kind of like the joke with the.

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Speaker 1: The Last of Us two coming out was everybody was

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Speaker 1: asking about it, and I was like, literally, if I

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Speaker 1: start to play this now, that's it like all day,

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Speaker 1: it would be a disaster. I just I wish I

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Speaker 1: had better, Like I wish I allowed myself more room

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Speaker 1: to be like, oh you want to do that, Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's see that. That's all.

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Speaker 3: You should get your health checked.

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Speaker 1: It's not like you're saying I'm insane.

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Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, no.

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Speaker 1: This is the thing.

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Speaker 2: Like some of these things are legitimate. Some of these

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Speaker 2: things are because you're ignoring things. So my sleep has come.

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Speaker 2: You did tell me that, which is impressive, which I'm

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Speaker 2: glad because I was really concerned. I was like, you

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Speaker 2: cannot survive on two hours of sleep at night. It's

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Speaker 2: not it's not gonna work.

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Speaker 1: Apparently I was telling you about this, but apparently during

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Speaker 1: the pandemic, especially for women, that has become a pretty

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Speaker 1: common thing because it's what's happening is I'm essentially waking

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Speaker 1: up and not going back to sleep, and apparently during

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Speaker 1: the pandemic a lot of people that happens like normally,

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Speaker 1: but normally you just go back to sleep because we're

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Speaker 1: all like anxious and stressed. You don't just go back

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Speaker 1: to sleep. Your brain starts to be like, let me

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Speaker 1: work on site. Before the pandemic, I've long been anxious. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you've had issues with sleep before. But my sleep

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Speaker 1: thing has changed from what it was before the pandemic.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true.

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Speaker 1: It's still trouble to sleep, but it's different.

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Speaker 3: It's different.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, it's.

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Speaker 2: A different troubles I remember the episode. It was pretty pandemic.

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Speaker 2: I think so, studio, So don't mind on me with

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Speaker 2: a pandemic.

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Speaker 1: Never listeners, never, well, I would love to hear if

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Speaker 1: anybody has any thoughts on this, If you connect to this.

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Speaker 1: If you've like taken every hobby you have and made

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Speaker 1: it into some kind of work exercise, I'd love to hear.

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Speaker 3: I feel like a lot of mothers would understand this.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I think so. I think so. You can email

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Speaker 1: us at Stepania mom stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You

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Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at momstol Podcasts, or on

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Speaker 1: TikTok and Instagram at stuff I Never told you. We

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Speaker 1: have a tea public store, and yes we have a book.

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Speaker 1: Thanks as always to a super producer, Christina, executive producer Maya,

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Speaker 1: and your contributor Joey. Thank you and thanks to you

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Speaker 1: for listening stuff I Ever told you his prediction of iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 1: For more podcasts on my heart Radio, you can check

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Speaker 1: out the heart Radio app Apple Podcasts, or you listened

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Speaker 1: to your favorite shows