WEBVTT - Gotta Move On 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.320 Welcome to Can'tfuley Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and 0:00:03.360 --> 0:00:16.040 The Black Effect. What Up, y'all? Welcome back to you 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:19.040 get another Canfully Reckless episode with your girl Jess Ilarius. 0:00:19.120 --> 0:00:21.280 I will be fixed and mess like I do all 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:23.560 the time each and every week, each and every Wednesday, 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:25.840 you catch me on the Black Effect podcast. So we 0:00:25.920 --> 0:00:28.440 got voice memos that we're gonna jump straight in. Let's 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:28.840 get it. 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:31.600 Here's my mess, Jess, and I hope you can fix it. 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:32.520 I am. 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:35.720 I am twenty three years old and fixing and get 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:37.240 a divorce. Let me tell you why. 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:38.680 And like really, I just need to. 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:42.040 Know if I'm wrong, because I kind of feel like 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:44.839 I am, but I might not be, you know, so 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:47.000 I want to give myself the benefit of the doubt. 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:48.080 So here's what happened. 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:50.840 Been in the same relationship with the same girl six 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:52.080 going on seven years. 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:53.840 I mean we've been on and off, you know what 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:57.680 I'm saying, Like we didn't consistently stay together, but like we've. 0:00:57.560 --> 0:01:00.920 Been together like for the past six for seven years. 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:04.880 Everybody around me know that's for me and I am 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:07.360 for her, Like it was no question about it even 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:09.920 when we wasn't together. Like, fuck with who you wanna 0:01:09.920 --> 0:01:12.640 fuck with. You know where home is at. You know 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:15.000 what I'm saying. But it just got to the point 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:17.759 just where it was like too toxic. So this last 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:19.800 November that just passed, I lost my grandmother. 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:22.840 She meant everything in the fucking world to me. Though. 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:24.800 This woman raised me, This woman took care of me. 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:28.039 She is like the epitome of strong Black women. And 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:28.880 I learned. 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:31.520 Everything that I know about being a strong Black woman 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:35.320 from her. I lost my grandmother on the ninth of November. 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.360 My wife left me on the seventeenth. Now here's where 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:41.320 shit starts to get juicy. Right whole time my wife 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:43.360 left me, I'm telling her, like, baby, listen, I'm gonna 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:45.000 do everything I can to make this right. 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:47.360 Like I'm gonna figure out how to be a good 0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:47.840 wife for you. 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:49.480 I'm gonna figure out how to be a good mom. 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:52.600 Oh because mind you, she like cheated on me and 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:53.160 had a baby. 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:56.080 But I love my baby. That is my child, bro, 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:58.160 Like I was. I was in the room when he 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:00.600 was born, like watched him come into this world. There's 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:02.920 nobody on this earth that could tell me that's not 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:03.360 my child. 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:04.240 Nobody. 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:07.040 I don't care there is nobody on this earth that 0:02:07.040 --> 0:02:08.239 could tell me that's not my son. 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:08.680 Man. 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:11.359 So I'm telling her, like, you know, I'm gonna be 0:02:11.440 --> 0:02:13.160 a better wife, Like I'm gonna be a better partner 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:16.359 to you, like all this other stuff. While she's gone, Like, bro, 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:18.280 she left me, and I'm telling her all this, right, 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:21.360 So I kind of told her like, yo, let's. 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:21.880 Try and fix this. 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:23.920 Let's let's put some effort in. You know what I'm saying, 0:02:23.960 --> 0:02:27.040 Like I'm putting in an effort, like help me a little bit, please. 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:32.000 So she kind of entertained me for about a month 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:33.840 and a half, two months. I'm not gonna say she 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:35.360 put in the same amount of effort. 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:38.040 I did, perfect word, she. 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:41.799 Did entertain the idea, so like I can appreciate that, 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:42.560 you know what I'm saying. 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:45.280 But it just got to a point just where I 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:46.280 was like, bro, like. 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:49.320 You not even giving me ten percent of what I'm 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:50.000 giving you. 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:52.600 You know what I'm saying. And I understand marriage is hard. 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:54.040 That's why everybody keep telling me. 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:55.760 Bro, And that's why I feel so wrong about this, 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:58.520 because everybody keeps saying, well, marriage is hard, y'all need 0:02:58.560 --> 0:02:59.560 to work it out, y'all need. 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.680 To work on it. God, been fucking trying to work 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:04.840 on this shit. Bro. I can't work whenever. All I'm 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:06.880 working with is a damn brick wall, you know what 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:10.399 I mean. I'm over here working by my damn self. Bro. 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:13.359 So, like I finally just told her, like, listen, I'm 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:16.000 not gonna do all this confusion. I'm not gonna go 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:17.840 back and forth, like if you want to be with me, 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:19.280 tell me you want to be with me, and we'll 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.560 fucking work. I will put in work every minute of 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:27.560 every day. So side note, her and my sister are 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:30.760 best friends. I have not asked them to cut that 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:34.239 friendship because I understand that they are both emotionally. 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:36.080 Supportive to each other and they need each other. My 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:38.760 sister's going through a lot, obviously, my wife's going through 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:39.560 a lot. You know what I'm saying. 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:41.160 I'm not asking either one of them to go through 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:45.400 that alone, for real, I'm not whatever. I'm helping my 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:49.920 sister move into her new apartment, and my ex was there, 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:54.200 but like they had this dude there that was helping 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:55.080 my sister too. 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:56.400 Like helping me lift the counsel and stuff. 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:59.960 Because I couldn't listen by myself and dudes start flirt 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:02.520 with my wife right in front of me, and my 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:05.240 wife started flirting back right in front of me. 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:08.560 So I fucking left, I did. I put the couch down. 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:10.640 I got in the fuck apartment, I put it down. 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:15.160 I left. I said, y'all figure this shit the fuck out. Now. 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:17.080 My sister understood while I left. 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:20.320 My ex on the other hand, started calling me childish 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.240 and y'all list and that the third calling me disrespectful. 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:25.320 I said, Bro, you're talking about disrespect but you flirted 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:27.400 right in front of my face. Okay, whatever. 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:30.919 So I basically told her, like, listen, if it's not 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:34.000 about our child, if it's not about pickups and drop 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.159 offs and you know, school and all of that, we 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.880 don't need to talk no more. For real, we don't. 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:42.000 And now that I have said that, just it's like 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:44.960 every time I turn around, she want to offer something else. 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:46.559 She wanted to talk about something. 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:50.200 Now we got conversations out to ask. We got to like, 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:52.320 where the fuck was these conversations whenever. 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:54.360 I was sitting here begging you for him, bro? Yeah, 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:55.600 Like I don't get it. Bro. 0:04:56.000 --> 0:04:59.120 Now I'm not chasing or ask no more. It's like, oh, 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:02.200 why you're not chasing something ain't right now you want 0:05:02.240 --> 0:05:04.320 to come back and everything is you know, now you 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:08.040 want to start paying attention and shit, And like. 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:11.599 I'm a real spiritual person, so like on the backside. 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:12.520 Of this, I'm sitting here praying God. 0:05:12.520 --> 0:05:14.680 I'm begging God, like, bro, tell me what I tell me, 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:16.040 what it is I'm supposed to be doing, show me 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:18.400 the ways, like show me the past that you have 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:19.039 laid out for me. 0:05:19.120 --> 0:05:22.760 Please don't like tell me you know. And I finally 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:24.600 heard God tell me one night. He said, Bro, just 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:27.000 give up, just stop. Just stop. That's not that's not 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:28.719 feeding you, that's not working for you. 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:29.599 To stop. 0:05:30.080 --> 0:05:32.919 And then right after God told me to stop, I 0:05:33.000 --> 0:05:35.560 start to seeing all these things, and I feel like, 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:38.760 like it's so confusing because it's good things. It looks 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:40.479 like it's good things or things that I want. But 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:42.680 at the same time, the Bible says that the devil. 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:42.880 Can come in me. 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:44.039 Yeah, there you go. 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:48.200 I'm so caught, Like, there you go. Why why did 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:48.719 it take. 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.159 You so long to do the things that I'm begging 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:52.839 you to do? And then why as soon as God 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:55.160 told me to stop begging, why did I start getting. 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:56.320 Those things from you? 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:57.920 You know what I'm saying, but that. 0:05:57.920 --> 0:06:00.760 Feels kind of manipulative, bro, Like I feel devil trying 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:02.800 to work his way in and I'm not really having that. 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:05.279 Just no, well don't that's what you gotta do. You 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:06.279 can't let him have it. 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.760 Girl, I know this is like seven minutes of bullshit. 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:13.120 It's not all of that to say, Am I wrong 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:19.080 for leaving a relationship? No, I know you're probably gonna 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:22.880 need some a little bit more contact, if you know. 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:24.800 If you do, just fucking let me know and I'll 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:26.640 get back to you, just like you always say you're 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:27.480 gonna have to get back to me. 0:06:27.560 --> 0:06:29.960 I'll get back to you. But like, no, I really 0:06:29.960 --> 0:06:32.320 cut it. I cut all of it. I told like, no, 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:34.119 you can't come spend night at the house. 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.280 No more like he could still come, our son can 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:38.080 still come, but you can't. 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:40.360 Like no, I can't. I can't send you no money 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:40.680 for gas. 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:42.320 I can put gas in your car so you can 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:44.719 give my son to school, but I'm not gonna send 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:47.360 you no one hundred dollars or nothing like that, Like no, 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:49.560 I'm not gonna pay this and that, Like all I'm 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:51.760 focused on is my child now, and part of me 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:54.720 feels bad about that for real, I really do, because 0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:57.000 I've never in all the years we've been together. 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.800 I've never done that. But the other part of me 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:01.360 like this what I need to heal. 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:05.800 Yeah, absolutely, you're right, but just the sick girl like 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:07.000 I'm sorry for rambling. 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:12.400 If you could help me, please do. If you can't, 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:14.640 at least talking to shit. You know what I'm saying. 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:15.880 Make me laugh about. 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:18.600 This sua oh girl, so I can get it up 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:19.200 out of my head. 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:20.480 Man, Yeah, I just. 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:24.480 Yeah, just just help me out, please. 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:27.600 I got it. Please please please, I got you, baby girl. 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:29.840 Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good, 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:32.160 but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:35.320 If you love me, you'll listen, Okay. So look, this 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:38.120 is what it sounds like to me. I know you've 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:40.920 been on off, you know, on again, off again. I 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:42.960 think you said on and off again or a six 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:46.080 seven year relationship. All right, but you know y'all got 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:48.000 you said, y'all, got your toxic wage, y'all. You know 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:49.880 y'all going through shit. No relationship is perfect. At the 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:52.800 end of the day, she stepped out and she cheated 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.720 on you and came back with a baby, not only 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:58.920 was that just her cheating, but to come back with 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:03.040 a baby, you know, you laid down with somebody unprotected 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:05.760 and you actually allowed yourself to bring a life into 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:09.560 this world that we didn't give each other permission to 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:11.600 go do. I mean, you guys both are women, and 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:14.920 it's certain becauss you have to take when two women 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:16.720 are trying to have a baby. You know, and I 0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:18.160 want to know, is this something that you two ever 0:08:18.200 --> 0:08:21.160 talked about having kids to get being married and starting 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:24.320 a family, because if so, how she did it was 0:08:24.360 --> 0:08:26.600 fucked up from the jump. The way she went about 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:29.640 it was was super affed up. To me. That was 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:33.080 flag one portrayal. You know, you went and you went 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:34.480 and go lay down with a nigga. I don't know 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:36.360 if she's bisexual. I don't know if you guys are 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:39.480 just you know, lesbian or you know, you just going 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:44.680 one way. I'm not sure, but something tells me that 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:46.959 that was not the case. I'm not sure. You got 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:48.440 to let me know, give me that thing. I don't 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:51.120 really need too much contact. You told me everything that 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.199 was great enough for me to advise you afterwards. But 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:56.720 I just want to know if she when you met 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:59.480 her were you under the imperson that she was just gay, 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:04.679 or she went both ways, polyamorous, you know, bisexual, whatever 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:08.160 she identifies as. Did y'all clarify that. That's first, Like 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:10.000 I said, that's a red flag. She stepped out, brought 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:12.840 her baby back, and now you're raising the baby. So 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:14.559 not only does she step out with a nigga, she 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:16.560 stepped out with an aint shit nigga. Because that baby 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:20.240 has two moms and no father. You know, well biologically 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:22.960 a father, but has no dad. You know what I mean. 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:26.320 That's your baby. Can't nobody tell you nothing else? That 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:29.800 is your child. And I love how you are so 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:32.200 open to say that. You know, I stepped up to 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:34.440 take care of this child. You know, my wife stepped 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:37.280 out on me. But boom, we made it work. As 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:40.880 far as people saying, oh, marriage is hard, marriage is hard, 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:44.480 marriage is hard, I honestly feel like you don't talk 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:48.040 to married people about marriage. You do marriage your own way. 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:50.520 You know, everybody's marriage is different. We got some fucked 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:52.880 up marriages, we got some hard marriages, we got some 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:56.760 easy marriages. We got people who don't look at their 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:59.280 marriage as work. When you look at it as work, 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:01.360 you get tired. Of because niggas get tired of going 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:04.000 to work. You understand what I'm saying. You can't compare 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:07.800 your marriage to a job. Although there is work that 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:10.560 has to be done, there is foundation that has to 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:14.400 be built, there are personalities that has to be learned, 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:18.240 there are compromising situations that need to be addressed, and 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:20.720 all that type of just's all types of work that 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:22.720 goes into it. But if you do it with the 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:27.400 right person, it doesn't really seem like work. It seems 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:32.000 like just something that you're working to make perfect. You 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:34.600 understand what I'm saying. It doesn't seem like work. It 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:38.199 just seems like something that you're working to make beautiful 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:42.560 or working to keep beautiful and sacred and precious and private. 0:10:43.240 --> 0:10:46.439 That's also the problem with marriage is today a lot 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:50.320 of marriages are so fucking loud everybody hears it. So 0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:52.920 everybody now is in your business and shit, and you 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:54.800 let people in your business, and you let how other 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:57.920 people feel about your business fuck with you. You know, a 0:10:57.920 --> 0:11:01.040 marriage is supposed to be between two people, and with 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.000 that being said, everything is inclusive. There's a husband, a wife, 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:06.480 a wife, a wife, a husband, husband, whatever it is 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:10.160 you both put in the equal amount of work. Like 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:13.160 you said, you felt like you was doing it with 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:16.360 a brick wall. You said, she entertained you when she 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:18.839 came back. She entertained it for a few months. The 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.160 y'all got back together and all that shit. She entertained. 0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:23.800 That was the perfect word, because you were being tolerated. 0:11:24.679 --> 0:11:27.000 That's what it was. She was just entertaining the idea, 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:29.040 just to say she did give it a try. Her 0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:32.080 heart was never there now I'm not saying before. Her 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:35.400 heart never got back once she cheated, and once she 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:37.840 got you know, started treating you that way, and you 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:40.440 chasing her, and y'all weren't even together when you was 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:42.400 telling her that you would be the best you that 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:45.160 you could beat. For y'all, family, for that baby, for 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:48.400 your son, everything you know, all inclusive, like a family 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:52.040 and a marriage should be. She wasn't stunning it. She 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:54.400 didn't give a fuck. She was already out still doing her, 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:57.320 I bet, but still falling back on you because you 0:11:57.440 --> 0:12:02.800 take care of her. You've always taken care of her physically, financially, 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:04.960 You've always taken care of even when y'all fell up 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:08.960 on hard times. If so, you know, you've always understood 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:12.600 what a healthy relationship was all about. And she didn't. 0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:15.199 Y'all in two different spaces in your life. Y'all been 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:17.600 into different places in your life. You just couldn't see 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:21.040 it yet. I love how you're very aware. You're spiritual. 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:24.560 So God makes his children aware of the dangers around them. 0:12:24.960 --> 0:12:26.840 He makes us, He opens our eyes to things that 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:29.120 we couldn't see before. See. This is why I don't 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:32.200 like to get the devil credit, because sometimes God will 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:36.720 even allow the same thing to keep hurting you until 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:39.760 you stop it, until you walk away from it. Because 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:42.839 sometimes we put what we want over what we need, 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.040 over what feeds us. And you said, God spoke to 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.400 you and said, this is not feeding you. Give up. 0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:52.840 It's not making you. It's breaking you. Okay, it's not 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:57.320 filling you up, it's draining you. Okay. Another thing you're 0:12:57.320 --> 0:12:59.520 not gonna like that. I'm gonna say you might have 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:02.760 to break time with that baby as well, because that's 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:06.000 her seed, that's her seed from another man. You watch 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:09.000 that baby be born, you help raise that baby, You 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:13.439 are taking care currently of that baby. But you may 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:16.400 have to break those ties because she's always going to 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:19.360 use the baby for manipulation. I bet you. I don't 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:21.200 need to know how old she is. I don't need 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:23.000 to know it. I don't need to know nothing else. 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.920 She's going to use the fact that you are that 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:30.040 baby's mother and you've been there since the birth. And 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.960 the daddy probably ain't shit. He ain't worth for half 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:36.840 a fucking penny, probably so, But she wants her child 0:13:37.000 --> 0:13:39.800 to know what a family is. Even if she got 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:42.200 to force you to stay in her life by staying 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:46.120 in the child's life, she'll do that. That's not good. 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.200 That's not good because she's still taking advantage of you. 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:52.320 She's still using you, and that's not what somebody who 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:55.800 loves a person does not at all. If you love me, 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:58.440 you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:02.400 I want to tell you this. I was in a 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:06.120 relationship before with somebody who did the same exact thing 0:14:06.679 --> 0:14:09.559 that she did. I had to break up with this 0:14:09.600 --> 0:14:13.480 guy and stop chasing him and stop begging him to 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:16.160 be with me, stop begging him to love me like 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:18.640 I loved him. I had to stop doing all of that. 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:21.280 Fell back. I didn't move on with another person quickly. 0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:22.440 You know. It took me a while because I was 0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:25.120 still on him, but I let my dignity go a 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.600 little bit doing that, begging a man to you listen, 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:29.560 I know, you know what it's like, because you just 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:32.600 begged a woman to be with you. I begged a 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:35.920 man to be with me who knew he wanted to 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:38.320 be with me, but he was just so fucking prideful 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:43.120 with a big ass ego. He didn't even fucking realize 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:45.880 that I was the one until I left. I fell 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:48.360 the fuck back and I moved the fuck on, and 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:50.920 now you on my ass. Now you're in my ass. 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:53.840 Now it's like, oh, damn, she ain't chasing me. As 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:56.720 long as a person can look back and see you 0:14:56.880 --> 0:15:00.360 chasing them, they comfortable. They gonna take their time any 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:02.560 event he looked back and you ain't there no more. 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:06.320 It's like, oh, hold up now by myself, hold up, 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:07.800 hod up? Why the fuck she not chasing me? What 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:09.960 was this? Is new schedule programming? What the fuck is 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:10.320 going on? 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:10.520 Like? 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:13.800 What is this? It puts them in a panic because 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:16.280 they always expect for you to fucking be there when 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:18.520 they want to fall back on you, when they want 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:20.320 to be caught for the time being, and then they 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:22.200 want to run off again and now you got to 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:25.120 start the race of chasing them again. That's not what 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:28.600 we're doing. That's not what you're doing either. You're going 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:30.920 to take your own advice, because I bet you don't 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:34.240 even realize you gave your self advice talking to me, 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:37.360 telling me your story. You talk to God about it. 0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:40.600 God came back and told you. You know, but then, 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:42.760 like you said, you felt like the devil came and 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:44.960 now I think that was still God. I think that 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.560 was still God, And in my opinion, that was still God. 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:49.520 We're not gonna give the devil no credit. Now we 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:51.080 know he exists, and we know that he played He 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:53.080 don't play fair either. But we also know that God 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:55.240 loves to teach us lessons, and when he felt like 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:58.480 we not learning, maybe he'll switch up how we learn. 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.040 He'll switch up the work sheet on us. Well, we'll 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:04.720 switch You know, it's a thousand ways of skin of cat, right, 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:07.920 maybe the first way ain't work. So, man, he gonna 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:09.800 hit you this way. Now, he's gonna want He wants 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:12.480 you to do it this way. God said, look, let 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:16.080 it go. Then she started acting great again. Oh my God, 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:18.240 you know blah blah blah blah blah, doing everything you wanted. 0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:20.320 But God already told you to let it go. Right, 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.400 she came back, started acting crazy again. God told you 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.280 let it go. God said, oh, oh, you ain't gonna 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:29.200 believe me. You ain't gonna take the advice I gave you. 0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:31.120 You still want her to keep treating you bad, to 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:34.080 keep showing you that she ain't shit. All right, cool, 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:36.720 let her keep showing you that you ain't shit. I 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:38.560 ain't gonna tell you again let it go. I'm just 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:41.000 gonna have to make her show you that she should 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:43.640 be let go because God was trying to protect you 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:46.400 from further hurt telling you to give up. All we 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:49.360 gotta do is listen. I know you heard him because 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:52.160 you repeated to me what he said to you. You know, 0:16:52.720 --> 0:16:54.760 but you weren't listening because you didn't. You didn't do 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:57.360 you didn't act on it. It wasn't an action. I 0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:01.560 want you to really, really, really sit with yourself and 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:03.760 think about what you deserve, think about what you want, 0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:06.119 think about moving forward, which you will tolerating what you 0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:08.480 will not tolerate because you're not going back there. It 0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:11.119 might be hard to wing yourself off that baby, but 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:12.800 that's what you're gonna have to do. You gotta break 0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:15.399 tithes with Shorty because she she I'm not saying she 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:18.359 don't give a fuck about you. She don't care like 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:22.679 you care. She don't really have a genuine heart for 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:26.840 you. You know, I think she appreciates you loving her child, 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:29.399 but I don't think there's anything there with her. And 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:32.239 so I think you did great by even opening up 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:34.919 to me about this. You know, I give kudos to 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:38.560 all the men and women who open up themselves, you know, 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:41.480 to me and even trusting me. You know, y'all know 0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:43.520 who I am. You know I'm just with the mess. 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:44.200