1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,320 Speaker 1: Welcome to Can'tfuley Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio and 2 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 1: The Black Effect. What Up, y'all? Welcome back to you 3 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: get another Canfully Reckless episode with your girl Jess Ilarius. 4 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,280 Speaker 1: I will be fixed and mess like I do all 5 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,560 Speaker 1: the time each and every week, each and every Wednesday, 6 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: you catch me on the Black Effect podcast. So we 7 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: got voice memos that we're gonna jump straight in. Let's 8 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:28,840 Speaker 1: get it. 9 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,600 Speaker 2: Here's my mess, Jess, and I hope you can fix it. 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:32,520 Speaker 1: I am. 11 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 3: I am twenty three years old and fixing and get 12 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,240 Speaker 3: a divorce. Let me tell you why. 13 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 2: And like really, I just need to. 14 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 3: Know if I'm wrong, because I kind of feel like 15 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,839 Speaker 3: I am, but I might not be, you know, so 16 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 3: I want to give myself the benefit of the doubt. 17 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 2: So here's what happened. 18 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:50,840 Speaker 3: Been in the same relationship with the same girl six 19 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 3: going on seven years. 20 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 2: I mean we've been on and off, you know what 21 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 2: I'm saying, Like we didn't consistently stay together, but like we've. 22 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,920 Speaker 3: Been together like for the past six for seven years. 23 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 3: Everybody around me know that's for me and I am 24 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 3: for her, Like it was no question about it even 25 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 3: when we wasn't together. Like, fuck with who you wanna 26 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 3: fuck with. You know where home is at. You know 27 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 3: what I'm saying. But it just got to the point 28 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,759 Speaker 3: just where it was like too toxic. So this last 29 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 3: November that just passed, I lost my grandmother. 30 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 2: She meant everything in the fucking world to me. Though. 31 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 2: This woman raised me, This woman took care of me. 32 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 2: She is like the epitome of strong Black women. And 33 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 2: I learned. 34 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,520 Speaker 3: Everything that I know about being a strong Black woman 35 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,320 Speaker 3: from her. I lost my grandmother on the ninth of November. 36 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,360 Speaker 3: My wife left me on the seventeenth. Now here's where 37 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,320 Speaker 3: shit starts to get juicy. Right whole time my wife 38 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 3: left me, I'm telling her, like, baby, listen, I'm gonna 39 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 3: do everything I can to make this right. 40 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 2: Like I'm gonna figure out how to be a good 41 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 2: wife for you. 42 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 3: I'm gonna figure out how to be a good mom. 43 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 2: Oh because mind you, she like cheated on me and 44 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 2: had a baby. 45 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 3: But I love my baby. That is my child, bro, 46 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 3: Like I was. I was in the room when he 47 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 3: was born, like watched him come into this world. There's 48 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 3: nobody on this earth that could tell me that's not 49 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:03,360 Speaker 3: my child. 50 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 2: Nobody. 51 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 3: I don't care there is nobody on this earth that 52 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,239 Speaker 3: could tell me that's not my son. 53 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:08,680 Speaker 1: Man. 54 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,359 Speaker 3: So I'm telling her, like, you know, I'm gonna be 55 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 3: a better wife, Like I'm gonna be a better partner 56 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:16,359 Speaker 3: to you, like all this other stuff. While she's gone, Like, bro, 57 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 3: she left me, and I'm telling her all this, right, 58 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 3: So I kind of told her like, yo, let's. 59 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 2: Try and fix this. 60 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,920 Speaker 3: Let's let's put some effort in. You know what I'm saying, 61 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 3: Like I'm putting in an effort, like help me a little bit, please. 62 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 3: So she kind of entertained me for about a month 63 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 3: and a half, two months. I'm not gonna say she 64 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:35,360 Speaker 3: put in the same amount of effort. 65 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 1: I did, perfect word, she. 66 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,799 Speaker 3: Did entertain the idea, so like I can appreciate that, 67 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 3: you know what I'm saying. 68 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 2: But it just got to a point just where I 69 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 2: was like, bro, like. 70 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 3: You not even giving me ten percent of what I'm 71 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 3: giving you. 72 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. And I understand marriage is hard. 73 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 2: That's why everybody keep telling me. 74 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 3: Bro, And that's why I feel so wrong about this, 75 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 3: because everybody keeps saying, well, marriage is hard, y'all need 76 00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 3: to work it out, y'all need. 77 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,680 Speaker 2: To work on it. God, been fucking trying to work 78 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 2: on this shit. Bro. I can't work whenever. All I'm 79 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 2: working with is a damn brick wall, you know what 80 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,399 Speaker 2: I mean. I'm over here working by my damn self. Bro. 81 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:13,359 Speaker 3: So, like I finally just told her, like, listen, I'm 82 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 3: not gonna do all this confusion. I'm not gonna go 83 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 3: back and forth, like if you want to be with me, 84 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 3: tell me you want to be with me, and we'll 85 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 3: fucking work. I will put in work every minute of 86 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 3: every day. So side note, her and my sister are 87 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 3: best friends. I have not asked them to cut that 88 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:34,239 Speaker 3: friendship because I understand that they are both emotionally. 89 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 2: Supportive to each other and they need each other. My 90 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 2: sister's going through a lot, obviously, my wife's going through 91 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 2: a lot. You know what I'm saying. 92 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 3: I'm not asking either one of them to go through 93 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 3: that alone, for real, I'm not whatever. I'm helping my 94 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 3: sister move into her new apartment, and my ex was there, 95 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:54,200 Speaker 3: but like they had this dude there that was helping 96 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 3: my sister too. 97 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 2: Like helping me lift the counsel and stuff. 98 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 3: Because I couldn't listen by myself and dudes start flirt 99 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 3: with my wife right in front of me, and my 100 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 3: wife started flirting back right in front of me. 101 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 2: So I fucking left, I did. I put the couch down. 102 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 2: I got in the fuck apartment, I put it down. 103 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:15,160 Speaker 2: I left. I said, y'all figure this shit the fuck out. Now. 104 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 2: My sister understood while I left. 105 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 3: My ex on the other hand, started calling me childish 106 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,240 Speaker 3: and y'all list and that the third calling me disrespectful. 107 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 2: I said, Bro, you're talking about disrespect but you flirted 108 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 2: right in front of my face. Okay, whatever. 109 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,919 Speaker 3: So I basically told her, like, listen, if it's not 110 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 3: about our child, if it's not about pickups and drop 111 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 3: offs and you know, school and all of that, we 112 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 3: don't need to talk no more. For real, we don't. 113 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 3: And now that I have said that, just it's like 114 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 3: every time I turn around, she want to offer something else. 115 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,559 Speaker 2: She wanted to talk about something. 116 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 3: Now we got conversations out to ask. We got to like, 117 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 3: where the fuck was these conversations whenever. 118 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,360 Speaker 2: I was sitting here begging you for him, bro? Yeah, 119 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,600 Speaker 2: Like I don't get it. Bro. 120 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 1: Now I'm not chasing or ask no more. It's like, oh, 121 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 1: why you're not chasing something ain't right now you want 122 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: to come back and everything is you know, now you 123 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: want to start paying attention and shit, And like. 124 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,599 Speaker 3: I'm a real spiritual person, so like on the backside. 125 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 2: Of this, I'm sitting here praying God. 126 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 3: I'm begging God, like, bro, tell me what I tell me, 127 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,040 Speaker 3: what it is I'm supposed to be doing, show me 128 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 3: the ways, like show me the past that you have 129 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,039 Speaker 3: laid out for me. 130 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 2: Please don't like tell me you know. And I finally 131 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,600 Speaker 2: heard God tell me one night. He said, Bro, just 132 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 2: give up, just stop. Just stop. That's not that's not 133 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,719 Speaker 2: feeding you, that's not working for you. 134 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:29,599 Speaker 1: To stop. 135 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,919 Speaker 3: And then right after God told me to stop, I 136 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,560 Speaker 3: start to seeing all these things, and I feel like, 137 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 3: like it's so confusing because it's good things. It looks 138 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,479 Speaker 3: like it's good things or things that I want. But 139 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 3: at the same time, the Bible says that the devil. 140 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 2: Can come in me. 141 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go. 142 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 2: I'm so caught, Like, there you go. Why why did 143 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:48,719 Speaker 2: it take. 144 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,159 Speaker 3: You so long to do the things that I'm begging 145 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,839 Speaker 3: you to do? And then why as soon as God 146 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 3: told me to stop begging, why did I start getting. 147 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 1: Those things from you? 148 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:57,920 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, but that. 149 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 3: Feels kind of manipulative, bro, Like I feel devil trying 150 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 3: to work his way in and I'm not really having that. 151 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,279 Speaker 1: Just no, well don't that's what you gotta do. You 152 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,279 Speaker 1: can't let him have it. 153 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 2: Girl, I know this is like seven minutes of bullshit. 154 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 3: It's not all of that to say, Am I wrong 155 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 3: for leaving a relationship? No, I know you're probably gonna 156 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 3: need some a little bit more contact, if you know. 157 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,800 Speaker 3: If you do, just fucking let me know and I'll 158 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 3: get back to you, just like you always say you're 159 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:27,480 Speaker 3: gonna have to get back to me. 160 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 2: I'll get back to you. But like, no, I really 161 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 2: cut it. I cut all of it. I told like, no, 162 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,119 Speaker 2: you can't come spend night at the house. 163 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,280 Speaker 3: No more like he could still come, our son can 164 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,080 Speaker 3: still come, but you can't. 165 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 2: Like no, I can't. I can't send you no money 166 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 2: for gas. 167 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 3: I can put gas in your car so you can 168 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,719 Speaker 3: give my son to school, but I'm not gonna send 169 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 3: you no one hundred dollars or nothing like that, Like no, 170 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 3: I'm not gonna pay this and that, Like all I'm 171 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 3: focused on is my child now, and part of me 172 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:54,720 Speaker 3: feels bad about that for real, I really do, because 173 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 3: I've never in all the years we've been together. 174 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 2: I've never done that. But the other part of me 175 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:01,360 Speaker 2: like this what I need to heal. 176 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, you're right, but just the sick girl like 177 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 1: I'm sorry for rambling. 178 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:12,400 Speaker 2: If you could help me, please do. If you can't, 179 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 2: at least talking to shit. You know what I'm saying. 180 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:15,880 Speaker 2: Make me laugh about. 181 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,600 Speaker 3: This sua oh girl, so I can get it up 182 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 3: out of my head. 183 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: Man, Yeah, I just. 184 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, just just help me out, please. 185 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 1: I got it. Please please please, I got you, baby girl. 186 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: Hold up, Hold up, I know the ship getting good, 187 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 1: but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. 188 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen, Okay. So look, this 189 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,120 Speaker 1: is what it sounds like to me. I know you've 190 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,920 Speaker 1: been on off, you know, on again, off again. I 191 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 1: think you said on and off again or a six 192 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 1: seven year relationship. All right, but you know y'all got 193 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,000 Speaker 1: you said, y'all, got your toxic wage, y'all. You know 194 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 1: y'all going through shit. No relationship is perfect. At the 195 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 1: end of the day, she stepped out and she cheated 196 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: on you and came back with a baby, not only 197 00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 1: was that just her cheating, but to come back with 198 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 1: a baby, you know, you laid down with somebody unprotected 199 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: and you actually allowed yourself to bring a life into 200 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: this world that we didn't give each other permission to 201 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 1: go do. I mean, you guys both are women, and 202 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: it's certain becauss you have to take when two women 203 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 1: are trying to have a baby. You know, and I 204 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: want to know, is this something that you two ever 205 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:21,160 Speaker 1: talked about having kids to get being married and starting 206 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 1: a family, because if so, how she did it was 207 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 1: fucked up from the jump. The way she went about 208 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: it was was super affed up. To me. That was 209 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 1: flag one portrayal. You know, you went and you went 210 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: and go lay down with a nigga. I don't know 211 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 1: if she's bisexual. I don't know if you guys are 212 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 1: just you know, lesbian or you know, you just going 213 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 1: one way. I'm not sure, but something tells me that 214 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:46,959 Speaker 1: that was not the case. I'm not sure. You got 215 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 1: to let me know, give me that thing. I don't 216 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 1: really need too much contact. You told me everything that 217 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,199 Speaker 1: was great enough for me to advise you afterwards. But 218 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: I just want to know if she when you met 219 00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 1: her were you under the imperson that she was just gay, 220 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:04,679 Speaker 1: or she went both ways, polyamorous, you know, bisexual, whatever 221 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: she identifies as. Did y'all clarify that. That's first, Like 222 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 1: I said, that's a red flag. She stepped out, brought 223 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,840 Speaker 1: her baby back, and now you're raising the baby. So 224 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,559 Speaker 1: not only does she step out with a nigga, she 225 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,560 Speaker 1: stepped out with an aint shit nigga. Because that baby 226 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:20,240 Speaker 1: has two moms and no father. You know, well biologically 227 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,960 Speaker 1: a father, but has no dad. You know what I mean. 228 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 1: That's your baby. Can't nobody tell you nothing else? That 229 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: is your child. And I love how you are so 230 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: open to say that. You know, I stepped up to 231 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 1: take care of this child. You know, my wife stepped 232 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,280 Speaker 1: out on me. But boom, we made it work. As 233 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,880 Speaker 1: far as people saying, oh, marriage is hard, marriage is hard, 234 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: marriage is hard, I honestly feel like you don't talk 235 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 1: to married people about marriage. You do marriage your own way. 236 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 1: You know, everybody's marriage is different. We got some fucked 237 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: up marriages, we got some hard marriages, we got some 238 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 1: easy marriages. We got people who don't look at their 239 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: marriage as work. When you look at it as work, 240 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 1: you get tired. Of because niggas get tired of going 241 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: to work. You understand what I'm saying. You can't compare 242 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: your marriage to a job. Although there is work that 243 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 1: has to be done, there is foundation that has to 244 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 1: be built, there are personalities that has to be learned, 245 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 1: there are compromising situations that need to be addressed, and 246 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 1: all that type of just's all types of work that 247 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 1: goes into it. But if you do it with the 248 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 1: right person, it doesn't really seem like work. It seems 249 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 1: like just something that you're working to make perfect. You 250 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying. It doesn't seem like work. It 251 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:38,199 Speaker 1: just seems like something that you're working to make beautiful 252 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:42,560 Speaker 1: or working to keep beautiful and sacred and precious and private. 253 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 1: That's also the problem with marriage is today a lot 254 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 1: of marriages are so fucking loud everybody hears it. So 255 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 1: everybody now is in your business and shit, and you 256 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 1: let people in your business, and you let how other 257 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 1: people feel about your business fuck with you. You know, a 258 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 1: marriage is supposed to be between two people, and with 259 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,000 Speaker 1: that being said, everything is inclusive. There's a husband, a wife, 260 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: a wife, a wife, a husband, husband, whatever it is 261 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 1: you both put in the equal amount of work. Like 262 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: you said, you felt like you was doing it with 263 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: a brick wall. You said, she entertained you when she 264 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,839 Speaker 1: came back. She entertained it for a few months. The 265 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: y'all got back together and all that shit. She entertained. 266 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: That was the perfect word, because you were being tolerated. 267 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 1: That's what it was. She was just entertaining the idea, 268 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 1: just to say she did give it a try. Her 269 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,080 Speaker 1: heart was never there now I'm not saying before. Her 270 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: heart never got back once she cheated, and once she 271 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,840 Speaker 1: got you know, started treating you that way, and you 272 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,440 Speaker 1: chasing her, and y'all weren't even together when you was 273 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: telling her that you would be the best you that 274 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: you could beat. For y'all, family, for that baby, for 275 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: your son, everything you know, all inclusive, like a family 276 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 1: and a marriage should be. She wasn't stunning it. She 277 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 1: didn't give a fuck. She was already out still doing her, 278 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,320 Speaker 1: I bet, but still falling back on you because you 279 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 1: take care of her. You've always taken care of her physically, financially, 280 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,960 Speaker 1: You've always taken care of even when y'all fell up 281 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:08,960 Speaker 1: on hard times. If so, you know, you've always understood 282 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 1: what a healthy relationship was all about. And she didn't. 283 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,199 Speaker 1: Y'all in two different spaces in your life. Y'all been 284 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: into different places in your life. You just couldn't see 285 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 1: it yet. I love how you're very aware. You're spiritual. 286 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 1: So God makes his children aware of the dangers around them. 287 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,840 Speaker 1: He makes us, He opens our eyes to things that 288 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: we couldn't see before. See. This is why I don't 289 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,200 Speaker 1: like to get the devil credit, because sometimes God will 290 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:36,720 Speaker 1: even allow the same thing to keep hurting you until 291 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,760 Speaker 1: you stop it, until you walk away from it. Because 292 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,839 Speaker 1: sometimes we put what we want over what we need, 293 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: over what feeds us. And you said, God spoke to 294 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 1: you and said, this is not feeding you. Give up. 295 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,840 Speaker 1: It's not making you. It's breaking you. Okay, it's not 296 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:57,320 Speaker 1: filling you up, it's draining you. Okay. Another thing you're 297 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: not gonna like that. I'm gonna say you might have 298 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 1: to break time with that baby as well, because that's 299 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 1: her seed, that's her seed from another man. You watch 300 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:09,000 Speaker 1: that baby be born, you help raise that baby, You 301 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:13,439 Speaker 1: are taking care currently of that baby. But you may 302 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,400 Speaker 1: have to break those ties because she's always going to 303 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: use the baby for manipulation. I bet you. I don't 304 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,200 Speaker 1: need to know how old she is. I don't need 305 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 1: to know it. I don't need to know nothing else. 306 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: She's going to use the fact that you are that 307 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 1: baby's mother and you've been there since the birth. And 308 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 1: the daddy probably ain't shit. He ain't worth for half 309 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: a fucking penny, probably so, But she wants her child 310 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 1: to know what a family is. Even if she got 311 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 1: to force you to stay in her life by staying 312 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,120 Speaker 1: in the child's life, she'll do that. That's not good. 313 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: That's not good because she's still taking advantage of you. 314 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:52,320 Speaker 1: She's still using you, and that's not what somebody who 315 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 1: loves a person does not at all. If you love me, 316 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 1: you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. 317 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 1: I want to tell you this. I was in a 318 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: relationship before with somebody who did the same exact thing 319 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,559 Speaker 1: that she did. I had to break up with this 320 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 1: guy and stop chasing him and stop begging him to 321 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 1: be with me, stop begging him to love me like 322 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: I loved him. I had to stop doing all of that. 323 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 1: Fell back. I didn't move on with another person quickly. 324 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 1: You know. It took me a while because I was 325 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: still on him, but I let my dignity go a 326 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 1: little bit doing that, begging a man to you listen, 327 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 1: I know, you know what it's like, because you just 328 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 1: begged a woman to be with you. I begged a 329 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,920 Speaker 1: man to be with me who knew he wanted to 330 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 1: be with me, but he was just so fucking prideful 331 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:43,120 Speaker 1: with a big ass ego. He didn't even fucking realize 332 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 1: that I was the one until I left. I fell 333 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 1: the fuck back and I moved the fuck on, and 334 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 1: now you on my ass. Now you're in my ass. 335 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,840 Speaker 1: Now it's like, oh, damn, she ain't chasing me. As 336 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: long as a person can look back and see you 337 00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:00,360 Speaker 1: chasing them, they comfortable. They gonna take their time any 338 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 1: event he looked back and you ain't there no more. 339 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 1: It's like, oh, hold up now by myself, hold up, 340 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,800 Speaker 1: hod up? Why the fuck she not chasing me? What 341 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: was this? Is new schedule programming? What the fuck is 342 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 1: going on? 343 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:10,520 Speaker 2: Like? 344 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 1: What is this? It puts them in a panic because 345 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 1: they always expect for you to fucking be there when 346 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: they want to fall back on you, when they want 347 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 1: to be caught for the time being, and then they 348 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 1: want to run off again and now you got to 349 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,120 Speaker 1: start the race of chasing them again. That's not what 350 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 1: we're doing. That's not what you're doing either. You're going 351 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: to take your own advice, because I bet you don't 352 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: even realize you gave your self advice talking to me, 353 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 1: telling me your story. You talk to God about it. 354 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 1: God came back and told you. You know, but then, 355 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,760 Speaker 1: like you said, you felt like the devil came and 356 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 1: now I think that was still God. I think that 357 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: was still God, And in my opinion, that was still God. 358 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 1: We're not gonna give the devil no credit. Now we 359 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: know he exists, and we know that he played He 360 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 1: don't play fair either. But we also know that God 361 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,240 Speaker 1: loves to teach us lessons, and when he felt like 362 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 1: we not learning, maybe he'll switch up how we learn. 363 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,040 Speaker 1: He'll switch up the work sheet on us. Well, we'll 364 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 1: switch You know, it's a thousand ways of skin of cat, right, 365 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,920 Speaker 1: maybe the first way ain't work. So, man, he gonna 366 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,800 Speaker 1: hit you this way. Now, he's gonna want He wants 367 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: you to do it this way. God said, look, let 368 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:16,080 Speaker 1: it go. Then she started acting great again. Oh my God, 369 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,240 Speaker 1: you know blah blah blah blah blah, doing everything you wanted. 370 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 1: But God already told you to let it go. Right, 371 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:24,400 Speaker 1: she came back, started acting crazy again. God told you 372 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,280 Speaker 1: let it go. God said, oh, oh, you ain't gonna 373 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,200 Speaker 1: believe me. You ain't gonna take the advice I gave you. 374 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,120 Speaker 1: You still want her to keep treating you bad, to 375 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 1: keep showing you that she ain't shit. All right, cool, 376 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 1: let her keep showing you that you ain't shit. I 377 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 1: ain't gonna tell you again let it go. I'm just 378 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 1: gonna have to make her show you that she should 379 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 1: be let go because God was trying to protect you 380 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: from further hurt telling you to give up. All we 381 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 1: gotta do is listen. I know you heard him because 382 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,160 Speaker 1: you repeated to me what he said to you. You know, 383 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: but you weren't listening because you didn't. You didn't do 384 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: you didn't act on it. It wasn't an action. I 385 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,560 Speaker 1: want you to really, really, really sit with yourself and 386 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 1: think about what you deserve, think about what you want, 387 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,119 Speaker 1: think about moving forward, which you will tolerating what you 388 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 1: will not tolerate because you're not going back there. It 389 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,119 Speaker 1: might be hard to wing yourself off that baby, but 390 00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 1: that's what you're gonna have to do. You gotta break 391 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 1: tithes with Shorty because she she I'm not saying she 392 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,359 Speaker 1: don't give a fuck about you. She don't care like 393 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:22,679 Speaker 1: you care. She don't really have a genuine heart for 394 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 1: you. You know, I think she appreciates you loving her child, 395 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 1: but I don't think there's anything there with her. And 396 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,239 Speaker 1: so I think you did great by even opening up 397 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,919 Speaker 1: to me about this. You know, I give kudos to 398 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: all the men and women who open up themselves, you know, 399 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 1: to me and even trusting me. You know, y'all know 400 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 1: who I am. You know I'm just with the mess. 401 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:44,200 Speaker 1: My news is real. 402 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:44,399 Speaker 2: You know. 403 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,760 Speaker 1: I'm also known as clapback Queen. I'm also known to 404 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 1: talk shit about any and everybody, whatever, whatever. But what 405 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,679 Speaker 1: I do want everybody to take from carefully reckless and 406 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,240 Speaker 1: just fix my mess, is that I do genuinely care 407 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 1: about people. I really do. I care about people, and 408 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 1: I care what hurts people too. I'm a glutton for 409 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 1: helping people and giving them my personal experience because I 410 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: learned from all experiences. What makes me wise is other 411 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: people's experiences and seeing how they handled it, you know 412 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: what I mean, going through certain situations and because y'all. 413 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 1: Some of y'all. Y'all might call up with y'all mess 414 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,359 Speaker 1: on Breakfast Club, whether I fix your mess on Breakfast Club, 415 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:23,000 Speaker 1: whether I fixed your mess last weekend at the Beatt Awards, 416 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,679 Speaker 1: you know, or whether I fix it on my podcast. 417 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,800 Speaker 1: So what I got friends that just called me like, Yo, 418 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,880 Speaker 1: you fix a nigga's mess. You know, strangers mask away, 419 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: fix mine. You're talking to a bunch of strangers every 420 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 1: week fixing that mess. Yo. My grandfather called me and 421 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: asked me about some mess he needed me to fix. 422 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,160 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, even if I've never 423 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 1: been through the situation that you guys are privying me to, 424 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 1: I guarantee you I can still pull something out of 425 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,159 Speaker 1: my head to relate to you. I give some of 426 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 1: the best advice. I'm just gonna say that I give 427 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,760 Speaker 1: some of the best advice. So check back in with me. 428 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 1: I know you are an avid, carefully reckless listener. I 429 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:00,919 Speaker 1: love it. Make sure you check back in with me. 430 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,280 Speaker 1: I really do. I want you to stand on your strength, babe, 431 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 1: because you got it. And just like that, we come 432 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,199 Speaker 1: to the end of another Carefully Reckless episode with the 433 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,200 Speaker 1: segment Jess fix my mess with your girl, Jess hilarious, 434 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,719 Speaker 1: the one and only. I want y'all to tune in 435 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,479 Speaker 1: every Monday at eight pm on YouTube. The more you 436 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 1: don't know more as in my last name mwr E. 437 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 1: My name is Jessica Robin Maher as y'all hear Charlemagne say. 438 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:28,280 Speaker 1: Every day I've been filming my own docuseriies y'alls, reality 439 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,679 Speaker 1: of me being on the road and different sides to 440 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 1: just a lot of people. Just see one or two 441 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,680 Speaker 1: or three sides of Jess. It's so many layers. Y'all 442 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 1: should call me onion girl. Oh no, no, no, no, I 443 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 1: ain't trying to smell like meeting him. No, no, na, 444 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,639 Speaker 1: just giving smelly again. Look come on now, Oh shit, 445 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 1: we didn't have a smelly week, so shit. But no, 446 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,960 Speaker 1: all right, I want y'all to see all sides of me. Y'all. 447 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: See me as a mom, y'all, see me as a 448 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: girlfriend maybe I don't know it, y'all. See me as 449 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,760 Speaker 1: a big sister, y'all, see me as a daughter, y'all. 450 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: Get to see me as a great friend. Y'all. Get 451 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 1: to see me and all different realms my spirituality and 452 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 1: how I am outside of Jess hilarious. So that's why 453 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: it's called The More You Don't Know docu soades. It 454 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 1: drops every Monday at eight pm only on YouTube. Make 455 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: sure you catch up we on like the fifth or 456 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,760 Speaker 1: sixth episode. Now I Love you guys and in my 457 00:20:16,800 --> 00:21:31,679 Speaker 1: deepest pan voice, Can't Fully Reckless is a production of 458 00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, 459 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen 460 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:40,919 Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.