WEBVTT - Think could, not should

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to think could, not should. Focusing on

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<v Speaker 1>what you could choose to do helps you see possibility

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<v Speaker 1>and that might help you make real progress toward your goals.

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<v Speaker 1>A person who reviewed one of my books recently noted

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<v Speaker 1>that I rarely used the word should. Instead. This person

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<v Speaker 1>wrote that I generally aim to show people what they

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<v Speaker 1>could do and how they might benefit. I hadn't thought

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<v Speaker 1>about it that way before, but it is true in

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<v Speaker 1>the strategies I share, and as I think about my

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<v Speaker 1>own decisions, I definitely leaned toward considering what we could

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<v Speaker 1>do instead of feeling constrained by should. Whatever those are, anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>could opens up possibilities well, Should invites obligation and guilt.

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<v Speaker 1>Possibilities are a lot more attractive and often more helpful too.

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<v Speaker 1>In practice, what this means is that when you are

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<v Speaker 1>facing a problem, you want to generate lots of potential solutions.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe there are ideas that are more common or that

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<v Speaker 1>someone has told you are right, but there may be

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<v Speaker 1>other options too. If you generate lots of possibilities, you

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<v Speaker 1>might decide that some are appealing, which means you are

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<v Speaker 1>more likely to follow through on them. So, for instance,

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<v Speaker 1>let's say you are having trouble sleeping. Lots of advice

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<v Speaker 1>out there suggests not having screens in your bed room,

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<v Speaker 1>and maybe that does help a lot of people. But

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<v Speaker 1>if you aren't going to move your TV out of

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<v Speaker 1>your bedroom, then it is not helpful to berate yourself

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<v Speaker 1>over that fact. Instead, try thinking about all the things

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<v Speaker 1>you could do to sleep better. You could try limiting

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<v Speaker 1>caffeine and alcohol in the afternoon and evening. You could

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<v Speaker 1>try avoiding screens for a half hour before bedtime. You

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<v Speaker 1>could try meditation, a sleep story or another app to

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<v Speaker 1>help you go to sleep. Maybe you could try melatonin,

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<v Speaker 1>or you might change the temperature or some other such intervention.

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<v Speaker 1>When you look at the list of goods, you might

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<v Speaker 1>find one you will actually stick with. Or maybe you

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<v Speaker 1>want to contribute more to your retirement account. You keep

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<v Speaker 1>telling yourself that you should go out to dinner less,

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<v Speaker 1>but when it is six, suck and you're hungry, and

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<v Speaker 1>other folks suggest restaurants, Well, so it goes. What if

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<v Speaker 1>instead you generated other possibilities. You could start a side

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<v Speaker 1>gig and put half your earnings from that into your

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<v Speaker 1>retirement account. Maybe you love to eat out, but you

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<v Speaker 1>don't watch that much TV. If so, you could cancel

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<v Speaker 1>some streaming services and put the money you save into

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<v Speaker 1>the account. When you get a raise in January, you

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<v Speaker 1>could direct all the increase to the retirement account. You

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<v Speaker 1>get the idea. What are all the options and which

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<v Speaker 1>ones sound appealing? No need to chastise yourself about what

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<v Speaker 1>you should do but aren't doing, and I am putting

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<v Speaker 1>the word should in quote marks there. Instead, focus on

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<v Speaker 1>what you could do and what makes the most sense

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<v Speaker 1>in your life. That truth is, as an adult, there

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<v Speaker 1>are very few things that you absolutely have to do.

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<v Speaker 1>There may be consequences to doing or not doing various things,

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<v Speaker 1>but sometimes should is a story we are telling ourselves.

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<v Speaker 1>There are often multiple ways to accomplish the same goal.

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<v Speaker 1>If you are most likely not going to pursue one

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<v Speaker 1>of those approaches with any particular zeal, then there is

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<v Speaker 1>no point feeling himmed in by it and feeling guilty

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<v Speaker 1>that you are not doing it. Instead, look at all

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<v Speaker 1>you could do that way you put yourself in the

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<v Speaker 1>driver's seat. I hope you feel the same way about

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<v Speaker 1>before Breakfast. I have produced almost one thousand unique episodes

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<v Speaker 1>at this point, all of them with some bit of

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<v Speaker 1>advice on how to take your day from great too awesome. Ideally,

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<v Speaker 1>you view the show as a sore of ideas and possibilities,

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<v Speaker 1>not assignments. You do not have to try every tip

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<v Speaker 1>you hear. Some might not be wise for your life,

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<v Speaker 1>and some might just sound silly or unappealing for your

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<v Speaker 1>particular situation, and that is fine. These ideas are options,

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<v Speaker 1>just ideas you could try out if you wanted to.

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<v Speaker 1>If a tip appeals to you, that is wonderful. If not,

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<v Speaker 1>you can let it pass on by. In the meantime,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

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<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey everybody, I'd love to

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<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's b the number

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<v Speaker 1>four then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot

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<v Speaker 1>me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart

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<v Speaker 1>media dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with

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<v Speaker 1>all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to

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<v Speaker 1>staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I

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<v Speaker 1>heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit

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