1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,840 Speaker 1: And I think that idea of being around yourself is 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,240 Speaker 1: becoming stronger and stronger in the world because we are 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:08,920 Speaker 1: in more demand of the people around us. You're always 4 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 1: reachable on your phone, someone can always find you wherever 5 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 1: you are, Someone's always emailing you at any point in 6 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,319 Speaker 1: the day, and so there's very few times in the 7 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,159 Speaker 1: day now that we actually have time to ourselves, and 8 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,239 Speaker 1: that time to ourselfs actually fuels and powers all the 9 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 1: time we spend with everyone else. Hey, everyone, welcome back 10 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:38,160 Speaker 1: to on Purpose. It is twenty twenty two, and you 11 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: have turned up. It has been phenomenal to see hundreds 12 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 1: of thousands of you, millions of you listening to on 13 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: Purpose every day and every week. And I can tell 14 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 1: that each and every one of you want to make 15 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:58,400 Speaker 1: twenty twenty two a different year. I can see it already. 16 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 1: I can see the reviews. I can see the way 17 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: you're listening. I can see the way you're turning up. 18 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,759 Speaker 1: I see you posting one Instagram, and I can see 19 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:10,560 Speaker 1: that you've dedicated, committed, invested to make twenty twenty two 20 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 1: better than last year. Now I'm sitting here right now 21 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: in the room I grew up in, in my parents' 22 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,960 Speaker 1: home in London. I'm getting back to la very very soon. 23 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 1: I've just been visiting, spending time with family, spending time 24 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,680 Speaker 1: with friends, seeing people that I haven't seen in a 25 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: very long time, and it's really been a beautiful experience 26 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: to reconnect with some of the most important relationships in 27 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 1: my life, whether it's my best man, some of my 28 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: closest friends growing up, of course, my mother and my sister, 29 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:46,760 Speaker 1: my in laws, and our beautiful family that we have here. 30 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 1: And as I'm reconnecting, one of the things I realize 31 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 1: is that year upon year we forget that we have 32 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 1: to reconnect even with the people that we live with. 33 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: We have to reconnect even with the people that we 34 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:11,079 Speaker 1: see often. We have to renew, we have to revive, 35 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 1: we have to create an energy that makes a space 36 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,920 Speaker 1: where we can flourish and everyone around us can thrive. 37 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 1: And often in our loving relationships, in our romantic relationships, 38 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:32,640 Speaker 1: things just continue to be the same, and this is 39 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: our hope. We almost hope that they stay the same. 40 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,239 Speaker 1: I know all of you that had an amazing twenty 41 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,359 Speaker 1: twenty one with a partner are saying, I really hope 42 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 1: twenty twenty two goes the same. And then for those 43 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,839 Speaker 1: of you who are not in a relationship, I'm sure 44 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,799 Speaker 1: you're thinking, well, I hope I can find someone this year. 45 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 1: I hope I can meet someone this year. But in 46 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,680 Speaker 1: both those cases, if you do the same thing as 47 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: you did last year, things will not stay the same. 48 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:02,399 Speaker 1: See when you do the same thing every single year 49 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: in the same approach, it doesn't sustain something because at 50 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: one point, your energy, your enthusiasm starts to dip, and 51 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: so the reward starts to dip as well. It is 52 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: so important to revive, to renew, to re energize the 53 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 1: relationships that matter in our life. Today, I want to 54 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: share with you the intentions, the practices that we need 55 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,359 Speaker 1: in our relationships. Now, whether you're single or whether you're 56 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,080 Speaker 1: in a relationship, you can apply this to your romantic relationships, 57 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 1: your professional relationships, your personal relationships. It truly grows across 58 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 1: the broad But I am also going to be speaking 59 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:43,320 Speaker 1: about romantic and love based relationships because I think that's 60 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: sometimes where we need it the most, and those are 61 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: the relationships that have the biggest impact on our lives 62 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 1: because we're with that person every single day or seeing 63 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:57,000 Speaker 1: them regularly at least, so let's start with number one. 64 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: The first thing I'm going to say that you want 65 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 1: to do the relationship that matters in your life. And 66 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: this applies to your partner, your spouse, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, 67 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: whoever it is is weekly checkens. Now, I know this 68 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: sounds corporate, it sounds professional, it sounds very un relationship 69 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: love like. Well, here's the truth. It is very busy 70 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: during the week. I'm sure you feel that you don't 71 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:26,200 Speaker 1: even get to some time to yourself, let alone time 72 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,920 Speaker 1: with your partner. You're rushing around, you're doing the chores, 73 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 1: you're taking the kids here and there, You're, you know, 74 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 1: just immersed in your own life. And the idea that 75 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: someone is going to every day, sit down, be present 76 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: listen to me. In today's world, I actually think it's 77 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: a lot of pressure. And often I'll hear clients say 78 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: to me, oh, but she doesn't have time on a 79 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 1: daily basis, and I ask them more, how much time 80 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,159 Speaker 1: do you have? And they say, well, I might have 81 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,920 Speaker 1: at least fifteen minutes, And I think, well, the mind 82 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,599 Speaker 1: space that it takes to be present for someone else 83 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 1: for fifteen minutes when we all don't have fifteen minutes 84 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 1: for ourselves makes it really difficult to bring someone's energy there. Right. 85 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 1: If you imagine that you've been on one hundred miles 86 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: per hour at work, you've been on one hundred miles 87 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,000 Speaker 1: per hour at home, and all of a sudden someone saying, well, 88 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 1: can you just slow down and spend fifteen minutes with me? Now, 89 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,279 Speaker 1: you may say, well, everyone should be able to do 90 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 1: that if they love you, and I'm not disagreeing with 91 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 1: that as one of your values. But what I am 92 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: saying is having a weekly check in takes the pressure 93 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 1: off on a daily basis and gives the opportunity for 94 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,920 Speaker 1: a deep, meaningful connection, and that's what we're all truly 95 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: looking for. We think what we're looking for is the 96 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: quick fix. As long as we see each other for 97 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: ten minutes a day, everything's gonna be great. But the 98 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,719 Speaker 1: truth is that we miss the depth in that moment. 99 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 1: We miss the depth in that connection, and the depth 100 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 1: is really what satisfies us now. A lot of what 101 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to be sharing in this episode, including this 102 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:00,919 Speaker 1: one with the weekly check in, and I'm going to 103 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 1: dive into it a bit deeper, is this idea of 104 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 1: sentiment versus systems. A lot of us like to build 105 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: our relationship based on sentiments or sentimentality. If you love me, 106 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 1: you'll do this. Well, you chose to be with me, 107 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: Well you know if we're in this together. These are 108 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:29,119 Speaker 1: all sentimental statements. And often our sentiments make us wait 109 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:32,279 Speaker 1: for the other person to prove themselves. We're waiting for 110 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 1: the other person to create a plan of action. We're 111 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,560 Speaker 1: waiting for the other person to say the right thing, 112 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 1: or do the right thing, or ask the right thing. 113 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:47,159 Speaker 1: And sentiments lead to disappointments. Sentiments lead to disappointments because 114 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:52,280 Speaker 1: they have no structure. They are an expectation without a system. 115 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,359 Speaker 1: And so just like a company culture can often have 116 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: too many systems and not enough sentiment. So when I'm 117 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 1: speaking at a corporate company, I'm recommending that they bring 118 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: in more sentiment. They bring in more of that heart, 119 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: they bring in more of that love, that empathy, the vulnerability, 120 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: that compassion. But often in our personal relationships were so 121 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: deeply ingrained in the sentiments that we haven't created any systems. 122 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 1: So the creating of a weekly check in is creating 123 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,800 Speaker 1: a system. And in this weekly check in, you could 124 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,240 Speaker 1: answer three questions, and of course you can edit these 125 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 1: questions as time goes on, what has been your highlight 126 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 1: of the week, what has been the toughest thing of 127 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 1: this week? And how can I help you? These three 128 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: questions create such a beautiful foundation on which to build 129 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: a real relationship. When I've done this activity with rather 130 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: in the past and she asks me, what's been your 131 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 1: highlight this week? Well, I'll say, well, I just interviewed 132 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: this incredible person on the podcast and I can't wait 133 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 1: for everyone to hear it. And then I did this 134 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: solo episode and I was really in the zone and 135 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 1: I really connected with my community, and that made me 136 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 1: feel really excited. And then she'll say, well, what's been 137 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: tough for you? And I'll say, you know what, I've 138 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,320 Speaker 1: just she said a lot on lately, and I'm feeling 139 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: a bit tired. I know I need to get to 140 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:23,640 Speaker 1: bed a little earlier. I may not have enough energy 141 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: this weekend to do anything too strenuous. I may need 142 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: a relaxing weekend. And she says, well, how can I 143 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 1: help you? And I say, you know what would really 144 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 1: help me, It's just you know that this week I'm 145 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:40,719 Speaker 1: dealing with a lot And if you ever talk to 146 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 1: me and you approach me and I'm snappy or I 147 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 1: get triggered. I just want you to know it's not you, 148 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 1: it's me, and I want you to know that when 149 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 1: I do act in that way, give me the benefit 150 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: of the doubt and say, hey, cheers this because you've 151 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,720 Speaker 1: got a lot on right now, and chances are I'll 152 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: be able to answer that and just feel really understood, 153 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 1: and that would really help me. Notice how the help 154 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 1: I was asking for was not asking her to do something. 155 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 1: Help doesn't mean can you sort this out for me? 156 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: Can you do this for me? And often what we 157 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:16,680 Speaker 1: do with our partners is we request physical help, but 158 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:21,080 Speaker 1: not mental and emotional help. Requesting mental and emotional help 159 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 1: is far stronger. If I asked Riley, oh, well, can 160 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: you do this chore for me, our partner may end 161 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 1: up feeling that we just don't want to do our chores, 162 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: Whereas when I say, can you just understand that if 163 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: I do things a bit slower this week or I'm 164 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 1: a bit late this week, I just want you to 165 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 1: know why. And I think this is what those weekly 166 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: checkings are about. It's helping your partner understand why you're 167 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:46,680 Speaker 1: doing things the way you're doing them. Often we're just 168 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 1: doing things like maybe we haven't cleaned up, or maybe 169 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: we forgot to take the trash out. And if you're 170 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:54,840 Speaker 1: not having this weekly checking with your partner, your partner 171 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,960 Speaker 1: starts to notice a pattern. They start to think you 172 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 1: don't care. They may know that you're busy, but you're 173 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: not busy enough to explain why. And that's often what 174 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: our sentiment does. It says, well, you should understand why 175 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: I'm busy. You should know, you should be able to 176 00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 1: see it. That's a sentiment. A system is We're going 177 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: to have a weekly check in where i explain to 178 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,320 Speaker 1: you why I'm doing what I'm doing. So that weekly 179 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:23,439 Speaker 1: check in, it just takes those three questions. It's really simple, 180 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:27,840 Speaker 1: and you can do a smaller version before going to 181 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: bed if you like a smaller version of asking similar questions, 182 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 1: what are you grateful for today? You know, what did 183 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 1: you struggle with today? And how can I help you tomorrow? 184 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 1: Even having this conversation before you go to bed can 185 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 1: create such a beautiful bond between two people. The second 186 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 1: intention is to plan holidays and vacations in advance. A 187 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,199 Speaker 1: lot of people are getting throughout their year and then 188 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: finally they realize seven months in that they haven't been 189 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: on a vacation, they haven't taken a break, and then 190 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 1: they're trying to book last minute, and then that gets stressful. 191 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,120 Speaker 1: Then maybe you don't get the hotel you want, the 192 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 1: flight you want, or the place you want, and then 193 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 1: there's this kind of discomfort or this disappointment around the 194 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,880 Speaker 1: vacation now that's looming over. Oh, I wish i'd planned it, 195 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: I wish we booked this. Maybe we didn't get the 196 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,840 Speaker 1: right dates. All of those kind of stresses that almost 197 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 1: make your vacation not feel like a vacation. So what 198 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,960 Speaker 1: I'd love for you to do is look at the 199 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:26,200 Speaker 1: arrowhead and in that year, I want you to think 200 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: about where are you planning your major vacation and where 201 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,560 Speaker 1: are you going to take mini breaks? Now, depending on 202 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: your own budget, your own life set up, whatever situation 203 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,680 Speaker 1: you're in, you need to think about having a longer 204 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,959 Speaker 1: vacation for yourself to truly refuel. And I want you 205 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: to consider mini breaks. And when I say a mini break, 206 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,040 Speaker 1: it could be a day, right, it could be just 207 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,200 Speaker 1: driving out of town. It could be two nights, it 208 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 1: could be a weekend. Whatever is realistic for you. I 209 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,040 Speaker 1: really believe that a mini break, whether it's a day 210 00:11:56,120 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 1: or two days every quarter allows for that revival ularly, 211 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 1: and then having one vacation of maybe five to six 212 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:06,240 Speaker 1: days seven days can be a really good way of 213 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: reboosting your energy. And when you look at your calendar 214 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: now and you plan this in advance, not only does 215 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,599 Speaker 1: it give you something to look forward to, it ensures 216 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,800 Speaker 1: that you are taking touch points. You are having these 217 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: milestones as a way of reflecting on the year. Sometimes 218 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 1: we get a Christmas or New Year's and we say, 219 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, the year went so fast, I don't 220 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 1: even know where it went by, what did I even do? 221 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: And then I think, wow, January is actually a great month, 222 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 1: but I forgot about it because the last two months 223 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 1: have been tough. Wow is that what we did in May? 224 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:45,600 Speaker 1: So if you're quarterly reflecting, reviewing, and renewing, you're keeping 225 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: that positive energy throughout the year. If you had a 226 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 1: tough couple of months at the beginning of the year 227 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,439 Speaker 1: and you take a mini break, which is a day 228 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 1: a weekend to do something that is meaningful to you 229 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 1: and to reflect, to review and to renew, guess what 230 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,960 Speaker 1: the next three months are going to be far more 231 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,040 Speaker 1: filled with positive energy. And now if you have that 232 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: positive energy and then you take another mini break, you're 233 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 1: going to be able to keep that going. And So 234 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 1: what I often find is this idea of planning in advance. 235 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 1: It's something we want to do, but we don't always 236 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 1: do it because we don't see the value in it. 237 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,080 Speaker 1: We think, oh, yeah, we'll get cheaper prices or cheaper hotels, 238 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: cheaper flights. That's great, that's really important. But even more 239 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 1: important is figuring out a way that you can keep 240 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:36,200 Speaker 1: your powerful positive energy maintained throughout the year. I always 241 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,960 Speaker 1: really like us to start focusing on protecting the mind. 242 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 1: I know we focused on protecting the pocket, which is 243 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 1: really important, but it's also really important to protect the mind. 244 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 1: And often we forego the protection of the mind because 245 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:54,079 Speaker 1: we're too obsessed with all the physical aspects. Now, this 246 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 1: one really really made an impact when I started researching it. 247 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 1: We have to establish new responsibilities and new division of labor, 248 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: division of chores around the house. This study from the 249 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 1: Pew Reset Center said that for American couples, gender gaps 250 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 1: in sharing household responsibilities persist amid the pandemic as of October, 251 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 1: fifty five percent of men say they are very satisfied 252 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: with this aspect of their relationship, compared with thirty eight 253 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: percent of women. And that is the way household chores 254 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 1: are divided, So men seem to be happy with the 255 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: way they divided. Women don't. And another area where gender 256 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 1: patterns have shifted is in views about how well spouses 257 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 1: or partners are balancing work and personal life. Among married 258 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 1: or cohabiting adults with a working spouse or partner, men 259 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: forty eight percent are more likely than women forty percent 260 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 1: to be very satisfied with this aspect of their relationship. 261 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 1: So what I find is interesting about the division of 262 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,200 Speaker 1: labor and division of chores in the home is this 263 00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 1: idea that it's really easy to get st in our 264 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,560 Speaker 1: ways and think, oh, yeah, but you've always done that, right, 265 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 1: I've always done this, And I think it's imperative that 266 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: you sit down with your partner and you redefine chores, 267 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: redefined responsibilities. This would happen in a job too, and 268 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 1: this is healthy in a job too. It's figuring out, well, 269 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 1: what are we going to do new this year? What 270 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: are we doing next this year? And if you don't 271 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 1: have this conversation, chances are that someone could be in 272 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 1: the home feeling used, feeling undervalued, And that's really what 273 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 1: we're focusing on here, is you don't want to let 274 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: someone feel that for too long a time. And I 275 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 1: know that Riley and I we've been back in London 276 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 1: and we haven't seen much of each other over the 277 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 1: last three weeks because she's been catching up with her parents, 278 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 1: I've been with mine, and I know that when we 279 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 1: get back to la the number one thing I want 280 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,440 Speaker 1: to do is re established like what we want to create, 281 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 1: what we want to do, how I can be helpful, 282 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: how I can be useful to her, And I know 283 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 1: what that does is that creates this injection of strength 284 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 1: and excitement within a relationship. The fourth step is make 285 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 1: sure you discuss alone time. A lot of the time, 286 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: when we want alone time, we make time for it. Well, 287 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 1: a lot of people don't even make time for it. 288 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 1: So first of all, this is the year where I 289 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 1: want you to make sure you make time for yourself 290 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: because during the pandemic, of course we're all locked in, 291 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 1: we're in the same space. I think alone time decreased massively. 292 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:32,320 Speaker 1: And the thing about alone time, especially for someone who's 293 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 1: more reserved. It's highly rejuvenating. We've known for a long 294 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: time that extrats get their energy from being around people, 295 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 1: but introverts get their energy from being around themselves. And 296 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 1: I think that idea of being around yourself is becoming 297 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 1: stronger and stronger in the world because we are in 298 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 1: more demand of the people around us. You're always reachable 299 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 1: on your phone, someone can always find you wherever you are. 300 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,680 Speaker 1: Someone's always emailing you at any point in the day, 301 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 1: and so there's very few times in the day now 302 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 1: that we actually have time to ourself, and that time 303 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,160 Speaker 1: to ourself actually fuels empowers all the time we spend 304 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,040 Speaker 1: with everyone else. So if we sometimes feel that we're 305 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:16,120 Speaker 1: always agitated, stress, distracted, not focused, it's because of how 306 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 1: we spend the time when we're by ourself. That time, 307 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,119 Speaker 1: whether it's used for meditation, whether it's used for reading 308 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: a book, whether it's used for just being present with ourself, 309 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 1: is so powerful. But here's the thing. If you're taking 310 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: it without explaining it to your partner, chances are they're 311 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,080 Speaker 1: feeling like you don't want to spend time with them 312 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 1: when that isn't the case. Hopefully the case is it's 313 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,480 Speaker 1: not that I don't want to spend time with you, 314 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:45,919 Speaker 1: It's that I prioritize spending time with myself for this 315 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 1: much time. Notice how those are two different things. I'm 316 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,800 Speaker 1: being pulled by the attraction to spend time with myself 317 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,919 Speaker 1: rather than pushed away from being with my partner. But 318 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: because of our trauma, because of our baggage, because of 319 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 1: our past, A lot of the time time when that 320 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,879 Speaker 1: happens in a relationship, a person in their own insecurity 321 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,680 Speaker 1: starts to believe that we don't want to spend time 322 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:11,080 Speaker 1: with them, that they are less valuable, that they are 323 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,440 Speaker 1: not worthy of our time, that we have something more 324 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,159 Speaker 1: important to do. It isn't more important, it is central 325 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 1: to our lives. There's something really interesting. We look at 326 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 1: things as binary, unimportant or important, but really it's circles 327 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:30,200 Speaker 1: degrees of focus in our life. If we don't focus 328 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 1: on ourselves, what do we have to give to anyone else? 329 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:38,080 Speaker 1: And our alone time brings us up and our confidence 330 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,600 Speaker 1: up to come back to say, hey, here's what I 331 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,399 Speaker 1: learned today, here's what I did today, here's what I 332 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,840 Speaker 1: experienced today. And so as much as we need to 333 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,240 Speaker 1: discuss alone tim, we also need to discuss and plan 334 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:50,159 Speaker 1: together time. And I think that's the point that often 335 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 1: we don't do either we default into spending time with 336 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,600 Speaker 1: ourselves or we default into spending time together. And the 337 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,640 Speaker 1: idea is that more that we can be intentional about, Hey, 338 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,679 Speaker 1: here's what I'm doing this week. Let me let you 339 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,119 Speaker 1: know when I'm doing it. So me and rather you 340 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 1: have this where she will tell me if she's planning 341 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,399 Speaker 1: a girl's night or hanging out with the friends, or 342 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,399 Speaker 1: even spending time alone, and she'll say, look, Tuesdays my night. 343 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,119 Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, fine, tuesdays to night. I'm 344 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,000 Speaker 1: going to try and spend time with my friends too. 345 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,359 Speaker 1: That way we can be together on Wednesday. And I 346 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: think a ratio that's really worked for me and her 347 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 1: is that I know that one day a week I 348 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,639 Speaker 1: need to spend time alone, and she kind of feels 349 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,359 Speaker 1: the same that one evening a week she needs to 350 00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:27,160 Speaker 1: spend alone. Now, there may be two nights a week 351 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,160 Speaker 1: that we spend together, right, So that's three nights out 352 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,480 Speaker 1: of the week, and we're going to plan those. And 353 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,120 Speaker 1: then there are about two nights that we may spend 354 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 1: with collective friends, right, seeing people that we know and love, 355 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 1: and that could be family too, And that takes you 356 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 1: to five and there's still two nights left. Those two 357 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 1: nights can be mixed. So you want to create a 358 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 1: ratio of time spend together, time spent alone, time spent 359 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: with the same friends, and time spent with our own friends. 360 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: So I may see my own friends once a week, 361 00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 1: I may see myself once a week. I'm seeing rather 362 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 1: maybe two to probably three evenings a week, and then 363 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,560 Speaker 1: we still have two evenings to spend time with friends. 364 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,440 Speaker 1: Create a ratio of your evenings. It really helps you 365 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,479 Speaker 1: define the amount of quality time you're getting together. And 366 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 1: then you want to define the activity as well. You 367 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 1: don't want to just say we're going to look for 368 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 1: something to watch if you haven't found something to watch. 369 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: Do not go down that road. It used to upset 370 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 1: me so much when we try and spend a night 371 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 1: and one and a half hours We'll be trying to 372 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: pick something to watch, and I'd think, well, I would 373 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,680 Speaker 1: have actually preferred if you read a book. I read 374 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,080 Speaker 1: a book, and then we just shared what we learned. Actually, 375 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,120 Speaker 1: what I'd prefer is if we watched a workshop together 376 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 1: or a seminar or an interview or a podcast together. Actually, 377 00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:38,399 Speaker 1: what I probably would have preferred is if we just 378 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: went on a walk together, if that was possible, Just 379 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,560 Speaker 1: going on a walk together, doing something health and wellness 380 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:49,320 Speaker 1: based together can be so powerful. The next point is 381 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:54,199 Speaker 1: is a really interesting one. Choose questions you want to 382 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,960 Speaker 1: be asked and the ones you want to answer. For 383 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,840 Speaker 1: a long time, when I first got married to Rather, 384 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: she'd always ask me how did your day go? And 385 00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,920 Speaker 1: my response would always be like, I really don't want 386 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: to talk about my day, Like I really don't want 387 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,040 Speaker 1: to talk about that. That's not what I want to 388 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 1: focus on. And what I found is that reaction and 389 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 1: response led to rally asking less and less questions, to 390 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: the point that then I was like, well, don't you 391 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 1: care about me? Now? Notice how it was my response 392 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 1: and reaction that created that. But then the ego and 393 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,640 Speaker 1: the mind say, well, if you cared about me, you'd 394 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,560 Speaker 1: know the right question to ask, and you should have 395 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,639 Speaker 1: known what I meant by that. But the truth is, 396 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: no one knows what you meant by that. They get 397 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 1: scared that every time they ask you about something you 398 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 1: look upset, so now they stop doing it. So one 399 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:41,879 Speaker 1: of the things I recommend to a lot of my 400 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 1: clients is choose the question you want to be asked 401 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 1: at the end of the day and inform your partner. 402 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 1: Educate your partner with that question, right, educate your partner 403 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,600 Speaker 1: with that question. So I'll give an example some of 404 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,360 Speaker 1: the questions I don't like answering, how was your day? 405 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,320 Speaker 1: I don't enjoy that question. Personally, what do you want 406 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,359 Speaker 1: for dinner? I don't enjoy that question. One of the 407 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:03,479 Speaker 1: things I've always said to Rad is make whatever you want. 408 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 1: You're amazing. I will eat it, and I will be 409 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,320 Speaker 1: happy and I'll be satisfied. Do not need to ask me, 410 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:08,760 Speaker 1: because if you ask me, I'm going to choose something 411 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:13,200 Speaker 1: unhealthy and I'm going to make it complicated. I'd rather 412 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:18,720 Speaker 1: live a healthy, conscious life right now. With RADI sometimes 413 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 1: I'll say, too, well, you know, tell me a bit 414 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 1: about this amazing opportunity you have, or tell me about this, 415 00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,439 Speaker 1: or should we talk about what you've been up to 416 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 1: on social media? And she said, well, no, I don't 417 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 1: really want to talk about that with you, Like, that's 418 00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:30,119 Speaker 1: not what I want to talk about. So it's really 419 00:22:30,119 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 1: healthy because I think I'm being helpful. I think i'm 420 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 1: actually supporting her, but actually it's not what she wants. 421 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 1: That's not the kind of support she wants. So we 422 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,679 Speaker 1: really have to educate our partners in the questions we 423 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,399 Speaker 1: don't want to be asked, and we don't have to 424 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,399 Speaker 1: take that personally or feel they're hiding something. It's the 425 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,920 Speaker 1: idea that that triggers something uncomfortable in them, or they're 426 00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,760 Speaker 1: just tired and don't want to talk about it. So 427 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: then what do we want to talk about? What questions 428 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,879 Speaker 1: do we like being asked? I think one of the 429 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 1: biggest questions I like being asked is it's something you've 430 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,159 Speaker 1: learned this week. I really like that question because it 431 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,560 Speaker 1: helps me mine well, let me think about it. Who 432 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 1: did I meet this week? Who did I interview this week? 433 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,400 Speaker 1: What did I read this week? And I love being 434 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 1: able to reflect on that because I can often forget 435 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:16,240 Speaker 1: that right. And Radley loves asking questions about what she's 436 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 1: grateful for what she's learned as well. Notice how these 437 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 1: are really powerful, practical, simple steps that you can put 438 00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,119 Speaker 1: into place whoever you are, wherever you are in any relationship. 439 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,919 Speaker 1: This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships. You can do 440 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,240 Speaker 1: this in the workplace. You can do this with family, 441 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 1: but it's about establishing systems over sentiments. Do not live 442 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: your life trying to just sentimentally create a good space. 443 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 1: Most likely it will not survive. It's the systems that survive. 444 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,520 Speaker 1: So what's fascinating to me in the next step is 445 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:51,280 Speaker 1: that studies show that going to bed at the same 446 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:56,159 Speaker 1: time is extremely important for a relationship. And this, to 447 00:23:56,320 --> 00:24:01,159 Speaker 1: me is one of those hidden underrated elements. Now, when 448 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 1: I met Rady with someone who's always woken up early 449 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 1: and slept early, I'm someone who's generally woken up early 450 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,600 Speaker 1: or early ish compared to her, But my sleep term's 451 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,040 Speaker 1: kind of been varied, right, like some days I'll sleep late, 452 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:17,480 Speaker 1: some days I'll sleep early. This is before we started 453 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,480 Speaker 1: living together, and RADI was the one who's saying, well, 454 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,480 Speaker 1: why don't you sleep earlier. We'll be able to meditate more, 455 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,240 Speaker 1: we'll be able to be fresh. Show you know, why 456 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,760 Speaker 1: don't we go to sleep at the same time. And 457 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,040 Speaker 1: I didn't actually realize the benefit of this at the time. 458 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 1: At the time, it completely didn't recognize what was happening. 459 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,679 Speaker 1: And now when I look at all the studies, all 460 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,200 Speaker 1: the studies show that couples who go to sleep at 461 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,520 Speaker 1: the same time have healthier relationships. A survey carried out 462 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,679 Speaker 1: as shown the stats as regards to the number of 463 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,359 Speaker 1: American couples who go to bed together. This study reveals 464 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 1: at about sixty percent of American couples sleep together. Really, 465 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 1: what this does is that it creates a point of connection. Right. 466 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 1: It creates a point of connection and gives you the 467 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,600 Speaker 1: opportunity to resolve differences. It also gives the idea of 468 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:06,520 Speaker 1: that we're connected. Right, we haven't done anything together today, 469 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 1: We probably haven't even had time to eat together. But actually, 470 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 1: this time together allows us to feel connected. It allows 471 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,119 Speaker 1: us to feel intimate. Marriage dot Com says that research 472 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:21,120 Speaker 1: shows that couples will fall asleep together tend to experience 473 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,919 Speaker 1: better rem sleep than couples who may not have this 474 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,040 Speaker 1: as a habit. M Rapid eye movement sleep is one 475 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,480 Speaker 1: of the four sleep stages in which the eyes move 476 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:33,679 Speaker 1: rapidly behind closed eyelids. During this stage, brain activity is 477 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 1: at its peak, and the brain also works actively to 478 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,679 Speaker 1: replenish itself. Amazing, right that by going to sleep at 479 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 1: the same time as your partner, we're feeling that deep 480 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,880 Speaker 1: asleep as well. So I want you to really think 481 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,679 Speaker 1: about that. I know you'd rather watch TV, you need 482 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,879 Speaker 1: to catch up on work, I know all of those things. 483 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,640 Speaker 1: But what if this was going to be the thing 484 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,840 Speaker 1: that improved your relationship and, by the way, improved your health. 485 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:04,600 Speaker 1: If you can get to bed earlier together, that is 486 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:09,760 Speaker 1: going to create such an amazing routine. And routine leads 487 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:14,000 Speaker 1: to a rhythm, and rhythm is what creates spontaneity. First, 488 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,640 Speaker 1: we have to start with structures, start with systems, Start 489 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,560 Speaker 1: with routine. That routine creates a rhythm. We're going to 490 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,959 Speaker 1: bed together every day. We can now create a routine 491 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,920 Speaker 1: around it. We can create a beautiful practice around that, 492 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: and then that leads to spontaneity and excitement. Creating an 493 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,879 Speaker 1: evening routine that you share together just before bed is 494 00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,560 Speaker 1: such a beautiful and powerful thing. One of my favorite 495 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,720 Speaker 1: things is I get Rady to This sounds terrible now, 496 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,600 Speaker 1: but it's one of my favorite things to do. I'll 497 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,679 Speaker 1: get Raley to cleanse my face, show she has all 498 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,600 Speaker 1: of her stuff, and I'm like, okay, okay, dear to me, 499 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,480 Speaker 1: And it's just one of those things that we laugh about. 500 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,919 Speaker 1: Should be a complete kid about it and you know, 501 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,639 Speaker 1: put it all over my hair and beard and all 502 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,119 Speaker 1: the rest of it. But it's just the idea of 503 00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 1: it creates playfulness and creating evening routine together can be really, 504 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:06,080 Speaker 1: really truly powerful. Now, the final intention that I want 505 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:09,400 Speaker 1: to share with you is something that requires really no 506 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 1: change apart from a few words today. How you say 507 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,359 Speaker 1: goodbye and how you say good morning, how you say 508 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 1: good night, and how you say good love matters. It 509 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:33,000 Speaker 1: truly matters. How you share those beginning and ending moments matter. 510 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 1: If you could raise your game just for those two 511 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:40,560 Speaker 1: words good night, good morning, if you could be conscious 512 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,000 Speaker 1: instead of eighty percent of us look at our phones 513 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:44,880 Speaker 1: first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. 514 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,359 Speaker 1: After we see our partners at night and before we 515 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,040 Speaker 1: see them in the morning, our phone gets more FaceTime 516 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,600 Speaker 1: than the people we love the most. What if you 517 00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 1: turned over and said a beautiful good morning. What if 518 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,919 Speaker 1: you turned over and said a beautiful good night. What 519 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,920 Speaker 1: if every time we say goodbye before work that there 520 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,520 Speaker 1: was presence, attention and love in your eyes? How different 521 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,400 Speaker 1: would that feel. I make it a point that no 522 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:08,920 Speaker 1: matter where I am in the house, if I'm leaving 523 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,720 Speaker 1: the house, I have to go up to rather give 524 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,200 Speaker 1: her a kiss and say hey, I love you. I'll 525 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,239 Speaker 1: see in a few hours. I have to do that 526 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,679 Speaker 1: because I just really feel that I would regret it 527 00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 1: if I didn't, but also because it creates this beautiful, 528 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:27,160 Speaker 1: beautiful connection and it just takes ten seconds, twenty seconds. 529 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,160 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. 530 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,960 Speaker 1: I am so grateful to each and every one of 531 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,080 Speaker 1: you for the love that you give on purpose these 532 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 1: solos for me. I hope that you're enjoying them. I'm 533 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 1: really putting on my heart and soul into really mining 534 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,480 Speaker 1: the things that I'm working on with clients, the things 535 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 1: behind the scenes that you may not hear about, and 536 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,640 Speaker 1: giving you really practical insights and tips and tools that 537 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,720 Speaker 1: you can practice and actually implement into your lives. And 538 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 1: I think I see that because I see all the 539 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:59,840 Speaker 1: incredible reviews that you're all leaving, and I want to 540 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,520 Speaker 1: a few for you, because hey, this is why I 541 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 1: do this. So this is from MW a work of art. 542 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,760 Speaker 1: Jay not only saved my life but also my relationship 543 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,360 Speaker 1: with my partner. I value his episode with guests, but 544 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,040 Speaker 1: I listen a little extra and his solo episodes He 545 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 1: is a part of my mindful moments, and he changed 546 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,120 Speaker 1: my life. I've been listening since the beginning, and I 547 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 1: was only a sophomore in high school. This is still 548 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,280 Speaker 1: the only podcast I've been able to consistently listen to. 549 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,040 Speaker 1: I feel like he's my good friend who always knows 550 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,280 Speaker 1: just what to say to make me feel better and 551 00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 1: see things the way I need in that moment. He 552 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 1: breaks things down so I can make small changes in 553 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,480 Speaker 1: my life that make a major difference. His book is 554 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,040 Speaker 1: also phenomenal, and I've read it twice and got something 555 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,640 Speaker 1: different out of it each time. Thank you for changing 556 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:47,040 Speaker 1: my life. Wow, Wow, I am blown away. I just 557 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 1: found that now. Literally I opened up the app and 558 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:53,240 Speaker 1: I'm looking through. I am so grateful. This one is 559 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,000 Speaker 1: from Antoinette Powell, getting to the heart of the matter. 560 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,960 Speaker 1: That is what this podcast does. As painful or unpleasant 561 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,440 Speaker 1: as it was to answer the nine questions with thoughtfulness 562 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:05,160 Speaker 1: and honesty, it was also liberating. He's guiding your way 563 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:09,200 Speaker 1: from New Year's resolutions and towards ongoing improvement of how 564 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,360 Speaker 1: you think and make decisions, with the likelihood of much 565 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,840 Speaker 1: better outcomes and quality of life. Thank you, Jay, God 566 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 1: bless you for delivering such powerful and life changing perspectives. 567 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,200 Speaker 1: Thank you. These are really melting my heart. It's been 568 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 1: a while since I've opened these and read them, especially 569 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,880 Speaker 1: live on a podcast. This one's from Matt B. I 570 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 1: love this. Please leave your names so that I can 571 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,840 Speaker 1: shout you out. This is Matt B. Jay just started 572 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,920 Speaker 1: listening to your content. I want to say thank you 573 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 1: for verbally giving shape to the things I was too 574 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,240 Speaker 1: tentative or scared to acknowledge. Love, launch and learn resonated 575 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,040 Speaker 1: with me as a new entrepreneur and father of three. 576 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I'm swimming in open water without direction. 577 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 1: Your latest podcast gave me confidence in what I am 578 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,640 Speaker 1: doing and why I'm doing it. Thank you and have 579 00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,400 Speaker 1: a great twenty twenty two and beyond. I mean, there 580 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: are so many more here that I want to read 581 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 1: and that I want to share. But please give your names. 582 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,200 Speaker 1: I love being able to give you a shout out. 583 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,120 Speaker 1: And by the way, if you see me, this happened 584 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,040 Speaker 1: this week. I bumped into someone who said, Jay, I 585 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,640 Speaker 1: listened to you on the podcast and you said if 586 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:11,480 Speaker 1: you see me, come and give me a big hug. 587 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,520 Speaker 1: And they did that, and it made me so happy, 588 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,600 Speaker 1: and so that applies to each and everyone. Thank you 589 00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:19,680 Speaker 1: so much, everyone sending so much love your way, have 590 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,880 Speaker 1: an amazing week, and I'll see you again next week