Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2: I'm learning love who I am again. I'm strong, I
Speaker 2: feel free, I know every part of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And that will always out way if you feel it,
Speaker 1: but you are, She'll some love to the view.
Speaker 2: Why get there?
Speaker 3: Take you one day? And did you and die out way?
Speaker 4: Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and Leanne and we have
Speaker 4: a question for you. We're starting a five part series
Speaker 4: on self image, and Leanne has the five the five ingredients,
Speaker 4: but we'll start off with a question of do you
Speaker 4: know your true value and worth?
Speaker 3: Like, really do you?
Speaker 4: Because I feel as though there's times in my life
Speaker 4: where already be like, sure I know my worth, and
Speaker 4: then if I were to really break it down and
Speaker 4: assess it, I had very little self worth. And I
Speaker 4: think if we're honest with ourselves at times, and I'm
Speaker 4: sure Leanne, it's it can be a roller coaster, but
Speaker 4: the goal would be to have more days knowing our
Speaker 4: value and worth than not.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, it's not this straight line trajectory. And you know,
Speaker 1: this is a topic that I love to talk about
Speaker 1: and really this is what got me obsessing over studying
Speaker 1: the female brain and self image.
Speaker 2: And it's like, what makes us see.
Speaker 1: And perceive ourselves the way that we do, and why
Speaker 1: do our brains play tricks on us?
Speaker 2: Like why do we do what we do?
Speaker 1: And for me, this started with the question of like,
Speaker 1: why did I just lose one hundred pounds and make
Speaker 1: over my body but I still feel fat? And I
Speaker 1: put fat in air quotes because that was my self image,
Speaker 1: But I still felt unworthy and unlovable and undesirable and
Speaker 1: fill in the blank. And why didn't my mind and
Speaker 1: my brain and my self image play catch up with
Speaker 1: what was going on in my physical appearance? And that's
Speaker 1: why I became obsessed with researching and understanding the intricacies
Speaker 1: of the female self image because you know, as as
Speaker 1: we've talked about before, I struggled and suffered with food
Speaker 1: and my body image and self image for decades and
Speaker 1: the world really was throwing more diets at this deeper problem.
Speaker 1: And you know, the stuff that we're going to talk
Speaker 1: about on this series, it's not really taught in the
Speaker 1: mainstream and it's not made readily available to women. And
Speaker 1: that's why I'm so purposeful about talking about this, but
Speaker 1: you know, I I distilled it into this five ingredient
Speaker 1: recipe that we're going to talk about over the next
Speaker 1: five weeks. That I believe that when you combine these
Speaker 1: ingredients correctly, it is going to lead to a healed
Speaker 1: self image and truly feeling worthiness down in your bones,
Speaker 1: like not this ambiguous like just love yourself the way
Speaker 1: you are, kind of fake positivity that a lot of
Speaker 1: us are getting from Instagram or the mainstream, you know,
Speaker 1: but really taking it looking at it as this this
Speaker 1: you know, kind of scientific, systematic approach, And honestly, it's
Speaker 1: one of those things like when everything feels out of control,
Speaker 1: how we feel about ourselves actually is the one thing
Speaker 1: that we can influence. And for me, this all started
Speaker 1: because I realized I was saying things like self love
Speaker 1: and worthiness, but I never really defined it and how
Speaker 1: can you go reach for something that you don't know
Speaker 1: what it is? And I found it was an ambiguous
Speaker 1: definition for a lot of the women that I was
Speaker 1: working with as well. So really, if you want to
Speaker 1: look at it, the next few weeks is about defining
Speaker 1: what worthiness and value is to you. And you know,
Speaker 1: if you maybe are listening to this, there's a good
Speaker 1: possibility that you maybe picked up the same storyline or
Speaker 1: learned the same thing that I learn, which is that
Speaker 1: accepting yourself meant that you could accept yourself when you,
Speaker 1: you know, lost the weight or earn more money or
Speaker 1: cross that proverbial finish line. Or maybe you learned that
Speaker 1: taking care of yourself meant either meticulously, you know, tracking
Speaker 1: and monitoring your weight or your food intake or your
Speaker 1: calorie expenditure, or judging, comparing and criticizing yourself when you
Speaker 1: weren't doing those things, you know, Or maybe you learned
Speaker 1: that your self esteem was determined by how much you
Speaker 1: stacked up against those around you right, Or maybe you
Speaker 1: learn that your self worth was something that was based
Speaker 1: on the number on the scale or the number in
Speaker 1: your bank account or some other golden carrot that you
Speaker 1: thought you were air quotes supposed to achieve, or that
Speaker 1: your ability to endorse and be proud of yourself was
Speaker 1: based on what you thought other people thought about you,
Speaker 1: Or maybe it was like for me, it was pretty
Speaker 1: much nonexistent that, like, you know, standing in my gifts
Speaker 1: and my talents and extraordinariosities which is made up word
Speaker 1: that I just made up, you know, was bragging or
Speaker 1: unlady like. And so these are really the five ingredients
Speaker 1: that we're going to walk you through over the next
Speaker 1: five weeks to just really give you the ability to
Speaker 1: take ownership and influence an agency over your true definition
Speaker 1: of self love and self worth because it's something that
Speaker 1: I truly believe we all need to define.
Speaker 4: And so here in week one we're covering self acceptance,
Speaker 4: and then week two will be self care, week three
Speaker 4: self esteem, week four self worth, and week five self endorsement.
Speaker 3: And I love that you use the word ingredients.
Speaker 4: I just made pancakes this morning for my So let's
Speaker 4: say we're whipping up a batch of pancakes and by
Speaker 4: week five the pancakes should be ready to go. And
Speaker 4: I know that you said if you feel as though
Speaker 4: after people listen to this that okay, they'll be set
Speaker 4: up and they'll be on the path of knowing their
Speaker 4: true value and worth or at least having a definition
Speaker 4: for it so that they even know what they're what
Speaker 4: they're looking for. But I will say, it's not just
Speaker 4: gonna because you listen to this, and then week five,
Speaker 4: it's not whila. You know when you're making pancakes, you
Speaker 4: have to pay attention. You have to flip, you can
Speaker 4: easily burn them. You have to make sure the center
Speaker 4: is cooked. It might end up being wrong. So there's
Speaker 4: details I think that we need to pay attention to
Speaker 4: past week five obviously, So look at all the work
Speaker 4: that you're doing after you gain all of this information
Speaker 4: as the flipping of the pancake, and then eventually you're
Speaker 4: going to get to put syrup on and enjoy it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and sometimes you burn them and sometimes you got
Speaker 1: to throw away a match, you know. But that's a
Speaker 1: really good distinction to bring up. This isn't a one
Speaker 1: and done conversation. I'm constantly tweaking my own recipe, and
Speaker 1: I think it really just going into it knowing that
Speaker 1: it is a lifelong conversation. But what I will say
Speaker 1: about it is, you know, we talk about awareness. Awareness
Speaker 1: like having the ability to become aware of something that
Speaker 1: you weren't currently aware of before. And I do believe
Speaker 1: what I will say with certainty is that just becoming
Speaker 1: aware of these ingredients and seeing them through this new lens,
Speaker 1: it is enough to start really redirecting your brain in
Speaker 1: that direction so that you can start building the pathways.
Speaker 1: Get that as I call it, air attention, intension, and repetition, Like,
Speaker 1: nothing is going to become who you are until you
Speaker 1: practice it and your nervous system learns it. So this
Speaker 1: is really going to get those pathways going and really
Speaker 1: start seeding this in your brain. But yeah, it is
Speaker 1: a lifelong practice, but these are the conversations that will
Speaker 1: get you started and get on that journey and really
Speaker 1: take you in that new trajectory.
Speaker 2: Because if you are going down.
Speaker 1: The road of you know, shame, blame, guilt, comparisonitis, lack
Speaker 1: of self worth, you know, outsourcing yourself worth, all those things,
Speaker 1: that doesn't stop until you actually shift it. So this
Speaker 1: could be day one of this new conversation.
Speaker 4: Okay, so let's start with self acceptance first. Ingredient, just
Speaker 4: pulled it out of the pantry.
Speaker 1: Right, It's the first one that we start with because
Speaker 1: I've found this is the hardest one for us because
Speaker 1: most of us are walking around straight up rejecting ourselves
Speaker 1: or looking for reasons why we're not good enough, we're
Speaker 1: not worthy, all.
Speaker 2: Of those things.
Speaker 1: So you know, first, like I said, let's define it, right,
Speaker 1: So there's a couple of sides of self acceptance that
Speaker 1: I think are super important.
Speaker 2: First is this idea of accepting.
Speaker 1: Yourself as you are, warts and all right, but without
Speaker 1: all of that shame, blame, guilt, comparisonitis, perfectionism, self condemnation,
Speaker 1: all of that. And that is the tricky part, right,
Speaker 1: because so I know for me it was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I accept myself well except for that part of me,
Speaker 1: or I accept myself except for that part I hope
Speaker 1: nobody ever finds out, or like, when I lose the weight,
Speaker 1: then I'll accept myself. And there's all these conditions, right,
Speaker 1: So what would it look like for you to just
Speaker 1: accept you as you are?
Speaker 2: Right? And here's the big distinction. You do not have
Speaker 2: to like it. Right.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying like, oh joy to the world, I
Speaker 1: all of a sudden love the things I've been rejecting
Speaker 1: and not accepting. But if you want to pass through
Speaker 1: into that sphere of self love and self worth and
Speaker 1: self acceptance, I believe the first thing you have to
Speaker 1: pass through is just accepting where you are without shaming it,
Speaker 1: blaming it, guilting yourself comparison itis. Because what's the alternative
Speaker 1: where you are right now? First of all, where you
Speaker 1: are is not who you are right It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that that's who you are and where you're going to stay,
Speaker 1: but where you are right now and what's led you
Speaker 1: up until now, and who you've been and who you
Speaker 1: haven't been, and the things that air quotes failed or
Speaker 1: didn't work out or whatever right or your comparison to
Speaker 1: where you think you should be where you are right now,
Speaker 1: it has already taken place. It's in the past. So
Speaker 1: shaming it, blaming it, comparing yourself it's not going to
Speaker 1: change where you are right now. And again, you don't
Speaker 1: have to like it, But that's where I invite you
Speaker 1: to just start accepting where you are right now, even
Speaker 1: when you don't like it, and just acknowledge that, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is what's happening now. Who do I want to
Speaker 1: be in the face of it? And one of my
Speaker 1: favorite quotes on this is when you argue with reality,
Speaker 1: you suffer, and Byron Katie said it, when you argue
Speaker 1: with reality, you suffer. So the opposite of accepting yourself
Speaker 1: is arguing with reality and creating your own suffering, saying, man,
Speaker 1: I wish this didn't happen. I wish I wasn't here
Speaker 1: right now. I wish I didn't weigh what I weigh
Speaker 1: right now. I wish, you know, I didn't have these circumstances.
Speaker 1: And it's like, well, you it is right now, this
Speaker 1: is what's happening. And so the sooner we can accept it,
Speaker 1: the sooner we can actually move through it and become
Speaker 1: who we want to be in the face of it
Speaker 1: and actually transform it. But you're not going to be
Speaker 1: able to transform it when you're shaming it, blaming it,
Speaker 1: comparing it, wishing it wasn't so. And so the first
Speaker 1: layer of self acceptance is really just the acceptance piece
Speaker 1: of the puzzle. Again, you have permission not to like
Speaker 1: it right, but just accepting it without all of that
Speaker 1: that drama, the shame or wishing it wasn't so, arguing
Speaker 1: with reality and causing more suffering around it.
Speaker 4: I think that denial is something we've all danced with,
Speaker 4: oh yeah, in our lives. Like I know, there's plenty
Speaker 4: of times I have been in denial, and so awareness awareness.
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm even taking this in and thinking of
Speaker 4: times you know, where you say in private how you
Speaker 4: feel or act or do, and then what you present
Speaker 4: is that lining up?
Speaker 3: Is it matching?
Speaker 4: Are you in integrity with where you want to go,
Speaker 4: where you want to be, and I feel like there's
Speaker 4: times where I haven't been and that's when I was
Speaker 4: suffering the most. And there are times where I sort
Speaker 4: of there was denial, but there was also the numbing.
Speaker 4: So then there was also I didn't have the bandwidth
Speaker 4: to be aware because I was blocking it all out,
Speaker 4: you know. I just was like, Yeah, this isn't really happening,
Speaker 4: this is not reality. And so I'm super excited to
Speaker 4: dive more into these things. And yes, step one it
Speaker 4: might seem really simple of like, oh yeah, duh, I
Speaker 4: need to accept myself. But once you start paying attention,
Speaker 4: I think it'll be shocked at how many times you
Speaker 4: are in denial or you are ignoring, like huge flags
Speaker 4: that are totally right in front of your face. But
Speaker 4: sometimes it's you don't see it until you see it
Speaker 4: and then you can't unsee it.
Speaker 3: Hopefully.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, No.
Speaker 1: You bring up such a good point, because the cost
Speaker 1: of not accepting and living in that non reality you
Speaker 1: mention it. We all have coping mechanisms. I've used them all,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, food, netflix, wine, you name it.
Speaker 1: And when we're numbing it doesn't. It doesn't go away,
Speaker 1: and it just further contributes to us not accepting and
Speaker 1: living in a non reality. And like you said, we
Speaker 1: create our suffering in that by just and often dealing
Speaker 1: with it and just acknowledging it is so much easier
Speaker 1: than not but we just think it's easier to avoid it,
Speaker 1: distract it, numb it out, and so it keeps us
Speaker 1: down that spiral. And that's why we need to have
Speaker 1: these conversations that enlighten us and give us that awareness.
Speaker 4: So if someone were to have a conversation, like with
Speaker 4: their friend or a coworker or a spouse about self
Speaker 4: acceptance and maybe digging a little deeper into it, what's
Speaker 4: a conversation starter in your mind that they could, you know,
Speaker 4: sit down and have an honest Like if I was
Speaker 4: still married, I could see myself sitting down with Ben
Speaker 4: and being like, Hey, do you think I accept myself?
Speaker 4: Or do you think you accept yourself? And then there's
Speaker 4: now you have a partner in this, And of course
Speaker 4: there's a lot of work for you to do on
Speaker 4: your own, but if you do have a friend or
Speaker 4: a significant other, or you want to talk to your
Speaker 4: teenager about self acceptance, which, by the way, if you
Speaker 4: are raising kids, they're paying attention to exactly how you
Speaker 4: treat yourself.
Speaker 3: And a fact as a person. Yeah, they're absorbing.
Speaker 4: It and eye I have to pay attention to that.
Speaker 4: With my sixteen and a half year old daughter, I
Speaker 4: know she's watching all kinds of things and seeing how
Speaker 4: I talk to myself and how I behave and how
Speaker 4: I treat myself. So that's very important to me to
Speaker 4: model to her because I.
Speaker 3: Don't want her to.
Speaker 4: I mean, we're all going to make mistakes, and of
Speaker 4: course she's going to, but I guess I just don't
Speaker 4: want her to pick up certain things from me that
Speaker 4: are going to impact her down the line. Although it's
Speaker 4: inevitable if you're a parent, we're not going to have
Speaker 4: right perfect days. But if someone were to sit down
Speaker 4: with insert whomever and have a conversation about self acceptance,
Speaker 4: what would you say?
Speaker 1: I mean, the first thing I would invite people into
Speaker 1: is like, you can't love what you don't accept. You
Speaker 1: can't properly care for and take care of and be
Speaker 1: emotionally available to that which you don't accept.
Speaker 2: So a prompt that I do on a regular basis is.
Speaker 1: I'll write at the top of a piece of paper,
Speaker 1: where am I arguing with reality? And it just becomes
Speaker 1: so clear, like, where am I arguing with reality? Well,
Speaker 1: I'm wishing that this wasn't so, or I'm wish that
Speaker 1: I wasn't here I'm thinking about X and wishing it
Speaker 1: didn't happen or shaming myself for it. But it's already so,
Speaker 1: you know, and like when you look at it through
Speaker 1: that those goggles like where am I not accepting what's
Speaker 1: really happening and not dealing with it? That would be
Speaker 1: the first step because then you're just literally like bringing
Speaker 1: your logic and reason brain.
Speaker 2: Back to the data of it.
Speaker 1: But this also brings up really like the another side
Speaker 1: of self acceptance that I feel like isn't talked about,
Speaker 1: which is, you know, I think there's a lot of
Speaker 1: you know, thought processes out there that's like, oh, just
Speaker 1: accept yourself and love yourself no matter what. And I
Speaker 1: do believe that that is great to an extent, but
Speaker 1: it can also make us feel a little bit guilty
Speaker 1: or cause us to feel like am I doing something wrong?
Speaker 2: That I'm struggling with.
Speaker 1: This, and that if we do want to you know,
Speaker 1: up level our lives in any area of our lives.
Speaker 2: It makes us feel or it has the.
Speaker 1: Potential to make us feel bad, because it's like, wait
Speaker 1: a minute, I'm hearing I'm supposed to love myself no
Speaker 1: matter what, and so here's what I say to that
Speaker 1: piece of it, Like, there are elements of your life,
Speaker 1: ways of being, or habits or tendencies that you might
Speaker 1: have that you're allowed to say, you know what, I
Speaker 1: accept myself, but I also no longer want to accept
Speaker 1: this as my default, and I want to up level.
Speaker 1: And I want to draw a line in the sand
Speaker 1: and say, listen, what you've been doing up until now
Speaker 1: is fine. I'm not shaving it, but I no longer
Speaker 1: want this to be who I am. I want to
Speaker 1: up level, and giving yourself permission to up level, but
Speaker 1: obviously not at the expense of your health, not the
Speaker 1: expense of your happiness, and without going into that self rejection.
Speaker 1: But I think giving yourself permission to see the difference
Speaker 1: between like no longer accepting certain ways of being that
Speaker 1: might be toxic or not healthy for you does not
Speaker 1: mean that you don't accept yourself. But that's where it's
Speaker 1: extra important to go back to the flip side of acceptance,
Speaker 1: which is accepting the reality without adding in your own
Speaker 1: shame story, your own blame story, and I think they
Speaker 1: go hand in hand. So in answer to your question,
Speaker 1: the first thing I would be, I would just like,
Speaker 1: take an audit and this might change every day. Take
Speaker 1: an audit of where you're just not accepting reality and
Speaker 1: you are creating your own suffering. But then the flip side,
Speaker 1: where are you not like saying, Listen, I love myself
Speaker 1: and I accept myself, but I also want to up
Speaker 1: level and this is really important, and I'm drawing that
Speaker 1: line in the sand, and I'm radically committed to becoming
Speaker 1: the version of myself that no longer struggles with this,
Speaker 1: or the version of myself that has overcome this, and
Speaker 1: focusing on that too, and giving yourself permission to accept
Speaker 1: yourself and want to up level without feeling guilty about that.
Speaker 4: Okay, where am I arguing with reality? So that's either
Speaker 4: something you can do as a journal prompt and work
Speaker 4: through it daily, yeah, at least once a week, just
Speaker 4: do regular check ins. Or if you've got a friend
Speaker 4: or a partner you're doing this, you can share with
Speaker 4: each other, Hey, what's up?
Speaker 3: Where are you arguing?
Speaker 4: With reality today or this is what I'm noticing in
Speaker 4: me and just I feel like having someone to talk to,
Speaker 4: even if it is your journal, is going to be
Speaker 4: beneficial over this five week course. So thank you for
Speaker 4: that prompt, Land, where am I arguing with reality?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 4: Next week going to be talking about self care, so
Speaker 4: that will load up next Saturday and perfect it'll be
Speaker 4: on the weekend so you can do some self care
Speaker 4: for yourself, which looks so different for every single person.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I'll just say that what is.
Speaker 4: Self care for me is not going to be what's
Speaker 4: the same for Leanne, which is not going to be
Speaker 4: the same for you. But it's just again finding the
Speaker 4: definition defining that for yourself so that you have a
Speaker 4: guide and you can move towards knowing your true value
Speaker 4: and knowing your true worth, which is the question do
Speaker 4: you really know it? Because that's the goal we all
Speaker 4: want to So Leanne, where can people find you?
Speaker 1: Everything you need to know is over on Leannellington dot com.
Speaker 1: You can find me also at Leannellington on Instagram. And
Speaker 1: if you want to take a deep dive into how
Speaker 1: to rewire your female brain for freedom and peace of
Speaker 1: mind and self image, you can find my free masterclass
Speaker 1: over there as well.
Speaker 4: And I am at Radio Amy on Socials, which Leanne
Speaker 4: I'm going to also throw out. She has a new podcast,
Speaker 4: it's been up about a month or so, What's God Got.
Speaker 3: To Do with It? It loads up every Tuesday.
Speaker 4: Definitely recommend that you check that out, even if you're
Speaker 4: like I don't really know how I feel about God.
Speaker 4: It's not just that although Lianne is someone who recently
Speaker 4: discovered her faith, Well, I'll let you get to know
Speaker 4: Liane and her journey by listening to it, but just
Speaker 4: know that it's a safe space for whatever you're exploring.
Speaker 4: And I love that question too of what's God got
Speaker 4: to do with it? So thank you Liane, and all right,
Speaker 4: we'll see you all next Saturday for self care.
Speaker 2: Bye bye