Speaker 1: My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of this podcast
Speaker 1: is joy. I talk to interest in people about what
Speaker 1: brings them happiness. Here's my favorite car collector. I think
Speaker 1: he had a late night show at some point I
Speaker 1: can't remember.
Speaker 2: Here he is Jelena. All right, we're up. So here's
Speaker 2: the thing. So we're not no video?
Speaker 1: No, Well, here's the thing why I no video because
Speaker 1: this is the reason why I don't do it, because
Speaker 1: people like you, some performers want so much makeup and
Speaker 1: hair done.
Speaker 2: Yeah not me, no, no you.
Speaker 1: So I tell you what I'm doing right here, right
Speaker 1: right as I'm enjoying a cup of coffee.
Speaker 2: Now, I know that you don't drink coffee.
Speaker 3: No, don't drink coffee, and you don't apocops. I ever
Speaker 3: had of Seinfeldt on comedians and cars getting confident.
Speaker 4: It was awful. You know, I don't like hot liquids.
Speaker 2: Now, see this is but this is what about soup?
Speaker 2: Does soup come into.
Speaker 4: The soup is just a way to screw you out
Speaker 4: of a meal?
Speaker 2: Enough soup.
Speaker 3: Oh, here's a bowl and it's wet, thanks so having
Speaker 3: a wet bowl, yeah, something I can chew, thank you.
Speaker 2: But Hold on a second.
Speaker 1: Is it because it's a whole liquid or because it's
Speaker 1: just a liquid.
Speaker 3: It's not a meal? Does it have to be a meal?
Speaker 2: Yeah? But you but you won't have soup because it's
Speaker 2: a drink.
Speaker 4: Well, plus, I don't like hot liquid.
Speaker 1: If you don't like, what about gaspacho or maybe a
Speaker 1: cold borche No horrible?
Speaker 2: So so really it's about liquid. Do you ever drink
Speaker 2: any liquids at all? Yeah?
Speaker 4: I drink a lot of water, a lot of fruit juice.
Speaker 2: You drink beer?
Speaker 4: No, never had a beer in my life.
Speaker 2: You never had a beer. Never a beer. You ever
Speaker 2: drink any of the hoots at all? No?
Speaker 3: No, No, I have nothing to guess that. I have
Speaker 3: no interesting And I was always a designated driver. I
Speaker 3: was always a car guy. So to me, it's not
Speaker 3: true because you love the car. I'll drive you Jerk's
Speaker 3: home and that's fine.
Speaker 2: All right. So you so very few liqu and no soup. Well,
Speaker 2: I see I'm worried that.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: Look, none of us are getting younger, jay right right,
Speaker 1: So the certain point in life, soup is kind of
Speaker 1: gets attractive to the older gin.
Speaker 2: That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 4: Seventy three and I haven't been there yet.
Speaker 1: Well that you're just saying that you know that there
Speaker 1: was your souper years. Maybe coming up and get used
Speaker 1: to it, let's hope not all right? So listen, your
Speaker 1: mother was Scottish and my mother was Scotish. And my
Speaker 1: wife has a theory about stand up comedians that their
Speaker 1: mothers have to be Scottish or they have to be
Speaker 1: cold with bad boundaries.
Speaker 4: So my mom was not cold. My parents are very
Speaker 4: good that way.
Speaker 2: She have good boundaries. I don't know what you mean
Speaker 2: by boundaries. Well you know, and not do I but
Speaker 2: you know a lot of people talk about it.
Speaker 4: Well you know, how long are you in Hollywood? In
Speaker 4: an hour now? And you've got boundaries?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I'm just wondering that.
Speaker 4: You see, I never heard any of it.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: It's so funny where I grew up, I was the
Speaker 4: laziest person.
Speaker 3: That anybody knew. I come here, Oh, Jay's the hardest
Speaker 3: working guy. No, it's just where you grow up. It's
Speaker 3: that you know, you grew up in New England with
Speaker 3: Silence Manor and Ethan Frome and all these depressing books
Speaker 3: about fresh.
Speaker 4: Yet you work hard that you die, then you got Littlematoya?
Speaker 2: Is it you die.
Speaker 4: After you get and then you die whatever it is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just all life is awful, you know, Sonny,
Speaker 3: you comes to Hollywood and all the lights of ride
Speaker 3: and it's sunny outside.
Speaker 2: And wage were you when you came here?
Speaker 3: I started coming here, I guess when I was nineteen
Speaker 3: twenty something like that, not in nineteen twenty nine, when.
Speaker 2: You were nineteen twenty nine. But here's the thing.
Speaker 1: You came out here to do comedy because you're you're
Speaker 1: Boston right right, right right? So did you ever do
Speaker 1: stand up in Boston before you came out here?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know that was a great thing because growing
Speaker 3: up in Boston then I never met another stand up comedian.
Speaker 3: Occasionally comedians would come to like the Chateau to Ville
Speaker 3: in Framingham. It was one of those fancy well yeah,
Speaker 3: it's one of those places like near a mall and
Speaker 3: it's got like a fountain in front. That I worked
Speaker 3: there with Tom Jones, I worked there with Perry Como,
Speaker 3: I like Dion Warwick, you know all those acts from
Speaker 3: that era. Yeah, yeah, and that was and that was
Speaker 3: an opening act that was literally wanted.
Speaker 1: To you wanted to be a stand up dot Young
Speaker 1: at nineteen and twenty years old. Oh yeah, you got
Speaker 1: to be sucked up in some way then, because nobody
Speaker 1: wants to be a stand up.
Speaker 4: Why wouldn't you want to be a standard?
Speaker 2: Well back in the day, nobody wants. I mean nowadays
Speaker 2: people want to do it.
Speaker 4: Interesting.
Speaker 3: I when I watched TV, Yeah, all comedians were middle
Speaker 3: aged Jewish men like Rodney, like Henny Youngman, all those guys,
Speaker 3: all all the catskill comics. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 3: Robert Klein came along. Was a huge influence on me.
Speaker 3: Robert was about ten years old than me, and he
Speaker 3: was a middle class kid. Parents weren't wealthy, but he
Speaker 3: didn't grow up doing the depression, just talking about the
Speaker 3: same kind of things I talked about. And then Carlin
Speaker 3: at that point had just about nineteen seventy early seventy
Speaker 3: to one released his Class Clown album. And I used
Speaker 3: to do George's routines in my head, and I'm doing
Speaker 3: silent to myself, and then I'd add my own jokes
Speaker 3: at the end. So when I would go to audition
Speaker 3: to places, I would stand backstage. I'd get into it
Speaker 3: by doing George's thing, and then when I walked, I say,
Speaker 3: you know, when I have school.
Speaker 4: You know I didn't.
Speaker 3: I didn't do any George's material, but I just to
Speaker 3: get a rhythm to it.
Speaker 2: You know that's interesting. Yeah, And were you friendly with George.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's very new judge. From the very beginning. It
Speaker 4: was always very nice to me.
Speaker 2: So was client.
Speaker 3: You know, all comics are pretty nice. Steve Martin helped
Speaker 3: me get this, and I show Steve Martin told Johnny
Speaker 3: about me. I chose Johnny about Ellen DeGeneres. I find
Speaker 3: comedians help other comedians. I don't find it to be this.
Speaker 3: I mean, there were there obviously some thrown people around,
Speaker 3: and that's not unusual, but it's not the norm. You know,
Speaker 3: as a comic, you can't do every job. If I
Speaker 3: couldn't get something, I go, oh, you should. Like there's
Speaker 3: a gig I do in Rhode Island. I at the
Speaker 3: Orderam Museum. It's it's kind of like Pebble Beach East.
Speaker 3: It's like it's a car show and I've hosted it
Speaker 3: for the last four or five years. But I'm out
Speaker 3: of material at this point. You know, I said, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm being.
Speaker 4: Bi Billy Gardell, and so I brought you know, Billy Gardell.
Speaker 2: Great guy, wonderful comic.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, and he did a great job. He killed
Speaker 4: and I felt good that I helped him. He felt good.
Speaker 4: They got to do a corporate day that paid a
Speaker 4: lot of money and it was fun.
Speaker 2: So I'm so wait, hello, you and I be friends
Speaker 2: for a while. You didn't think of putting me up
Speaker 2: for the fucking corporate.
Speaker 4: No, I never never thought, actually what to do it?
Speaker 4: Next year?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll do it next year. I'll get it. Yeah, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: because let me just say it's on the East Coast.
Speaker 3: I like the idea cars and like car gotta work,
Speaker 3: you gotta work reasonably clean, super.
Speaker 2: I did gigs with you, right, Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 2: I'll do it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't mind working clean. The older I get and fight,
Speaker 1: the easier it gets to work clean. I've noticed that.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, I find when you're twenty five, yeah,
Speaker 3: and you say the word pussy girls go oh, well,
Speaker 3: we said, oh my god, when you're sixty five ooh,
Speaker 3: not old guys.
Speaker 2: And you know what, they got a point, Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 2: it is. It's true. It's true.
Speaker 3: You know, it's fun to grow INDI I act yeah,
Speaker 3: because my point of view is always from an adult
Speaker 3: observing things, how stupid this is or whatever it is,
Speaker 3: you know, And as a young person it didn't work
Speaker 3: quite as well as it does now. Now you can
Speaker 3: be a bit curmudgeously.
Speaker 2: And I was.
Speaker 1: Struck by your stand up, like when we were working
Speaker 1: in the Midwest this summer, like you threw it down. Man,
Speaker 1: it's like a full solid hour and you and like
Speaker 1: the material is fresh and.
Speaker 3: Well you try to have a joke every six to
Speaker 3: nine seconds. That's that's I think, really you see it.
Speaker 2: Because I don't think of it like that. I don't.
Speaker 3: I mean, everybody's different, it's just different to me.
Speaker 4: It's like a music show.
Speaker 3: You open with your hits boom boom boom joke, junke
Speaker 3: junk junk joke, and then in the middle you do
Speaker 3: the comedic version of a battle. You tell story, Oh
Speaker 3: you know, my ipe and I would go to this place,
Speaker 3: and there are little humorous jokes along the way, as
Speaker 3: opposed to That's.
Speaker 1: Very interesting to me because I do think of it
Speaker 1: in kind of musical terms. Yeah, as well, it's a
Speaker 1: it's kind of a musical perform Are you musicians?
Speaker 4: You play anything I played trumpet, but then I realized
Speaker 4: I couldn't talk and play trumpet at the same time.
Speaker 2: That's a terrible instrument for you to play.
Speaker 4: You should play like.
Speaker 2: A guitar in fourth grade at the time. Jay, I'm
Speaker 2: going to tell you something right now. You know I
Speaker 2: adore you.
Speaker 1: But because you played trumpet in fourth grade doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you played fucking trumpet right exactly.
Speaker 4: That's why I quickly got rid of it.
Speaker 1: But you do see, I think a lot of the
Speaker 1: stand ups that I like are also the thinking musical
Speaker 1: terms of what they do.
Speaker 3: You know, the most musical comic I can think of
Speaker 3: as Franklin a Ji.
Speaker 2: You know Franklin, I don't know.
Speaker 4: African American comic very big in America.
Speaker 2: He had an album out.
Speaker 4: Thirty forty years he moved to Australia.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: He's a jazz comedian. He plays jazz and he does
Speaker 3: kind of it. He has one of my favorite bits.
Speaker 3: He talks about the guy. Oh, there was an Olympic
Speaker 3: guy from some country and he ran in the marathon
Speaker 3: and he came last. He was dead last, and he
Speaker 3: just as he's running, he's going on. I mean, I've
Speaker 3: been training, I've been working a I could have sat
Speaker 3: on a couch and watch TV. I'd still be last.
Speaker 3: I mean, it does a lot more to it than that.
Speaker 2: He does a lot better, but.
Speaker 3: It's just very funny and he just thinks in jazz terms.
Speaker 3: You know, I was fortunate I got to work with
Speaker 3: all the great jazz musicians, Miles Davis stands against Mose Allison,
Speaker 3: A Montremal, Rousson, Roland Kirk, all these guys.
Speaker 4: And with jazz. There was a place called Lenny's on
Speaker 4: the Turnpike in Boston, Okay, and.
Speaker 3: That was a jazz club and real hard called Buddy Rich,
Speaker 3: real hardcore jazz, the real deal. You went to see
Speaker 3: that and the first time because usually I used to
Speaker 3: play scriptnized, but now you suck suck. People just screamed,
Speaker 3: so you really didn't know if you're any good or
Speaker 3: not right. But with the jazz, onis man and walked
Speaker 3: on say silence.
Speaker 2: Did they noted and snap their fingers?
Speaker 3: You know, not quite that much, but they would listen,
Speaker 3: you know, like Miles's audience, any of those audiences, I went, oh,
Speaker 3: this is really you know ross sound.
Speaker 2: Roland.
Speaker 4: I don't know if you've ever heard of him, he
Speaker 4: might be before your time.
Speaker 2: It's possible.
Speaker 4: Ros sound Roland correct. African American guy, blind, right.
Speaker 3: But famous because he could hold a note indefinitely, and
Speaker 3: he could play two instimits in the same time. He
Speaker 3: could play the sacks and the clarinet at the same time.
Speaker 2: And that's crazy. How does that even pause?
Speaker 4: Because he could breathe through his nose.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, but he was blind.
Speaker 3: So and we played primarily African American artists. It places
Speaker 3: like the Sugar Shack in Boston, and he would go
Speaker 3: on stage and you go, I'm gonna.
Speaker 4: Bring out a young brother. I Probab's gonna tell that
Speaker 4: it is, you know. He gives the whole thing like
Speaker 4: I was a black head.
Speaker 2: Yeah, please welcome j.
Speaker 4: Letto, you know, and I come out and go.
Speaker 2: He doesn't.
Speaker 3: And he thought that was the funniest thing, right. He
Speaker 3: loved doing that routine every night with people, bring on
Speaker 3: a young.
Speaker 4: Brother, tell it like it is, Yeah, who you know?
Speaker 4: Black audience is. I get all worked up, you know,
Speaker 4: and then I walk out, what's this?
Speaker 1: You know, here's the thing because you talk about that
Speaker 1: right now, like you even telling that story to me
Speaker 1: right now, like people are going to get bent out
Speaker 1: of shape because of you know, you mentioned race of
Speaker 1: any kind and this, you know, different races of any kind.
Speaker 1: And people are already on the balls of their feet
Speaker 1: looking for a fight, which I kind of I'm getting
Speaker 1: a little tired of it.
Speaker 2: I think everyone else is too, does it.
Speaker 3: I'm the best one happened a couple of months ago. Yeah,
Speaker 3: my wife maybe in a little Chinese restaurant Westwood. It's
Speaker 3: got like fourteen tables if that many, and the mother
Speaker 3: runs the cashier and takes the orders, and the dad's
Speaker 3: to cook, and it looks like the kids or cousins.
Speaker 2: It looks like a family.
Speaker 3: So we got our food and sitting there and you're
Speaker 3: kind of it's right next to UCLA. In fact, it
Speaker 3: is UCLA, and a lot of students are on the table.
Speaker 3: I just said to my wife, God, this woman's really
Speaker 3: working her ass off. And a girl in the next table,
Speaker 3: or a young woman at the next.
Speaker 4: Table, goes, uh, she's a server. And I said there,
Speaker 4: I'm not mad here, but I do think before I speak.
Speaker 3: I said to myself, is she a waitress, No, she's stewardess. No,
Speaker 3: she's a woman. First, let me say this woman is
Speaker 3: working her ass off. Now, if I had said the
Speaker 3: server is working her ass, you probably saying she's a woman.
Speaker 1: Right, and you should have probably just said, hey, you're
Speaker 1: doing a great job in that way.
Speaker 3: But to me, because I don't really want to. I mean,
Speaker 3: first of all, I get an annoyed because I think, oh,
Speaker 3: do you really think I'm being sexist by saying that.
Speaker 3: I would say this man. I didn't say girl, I
Speaker 3: didn't say chick. I didn't say waitress. I said this woman.
Speaker 3: I mean, what is wrong with it? And she had
Speaker 3: to well, now, you're if I had said server, isn't
Speaker 3: that demeaning?
Speaker 4: I mean, that's all she is. Isn't she a.
Speaker 2: Woman defining someone by their job?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I said so, But she was so anxious to jump
Speaker 4: on this.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's a it's a little kind of
Speaker 1: fashion that the young folks went through for a while
Speaker 1: that they wanted to fine.
Speaker 2: You know what when I was, when I was their age,
Speaker 2: I was a punk rocker. I was a pan of
Speaker 2: the ass too.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I know when you think about a stupid people.
Speaker 3: Our generation was the burning down the Bank of America building,
Speaker 3: and oh my god, remember the SDS to to make
Speaker 3: up for racial injustice. They should kill every third white
Speaker 3: baby born.
Speaker 2: I remember something.
Speaker 3: I remember some SDS guy saying that early on Okay,
Speaker 3: you know, just crazy talk, just crazy talk. So to me,
Speaker 3: a lot of his like, I never use the word
Speaker 3: bitch on stage. I know women don't like the words,
Speaker 3: so I don't use it. And to me, you know,
Speaker 3: it's funny because I do a joke where I see
Speaker 3: the women where I say, your Northwestern University did a
Speaker 3: study about the differences between.
Speaker 4: Men's brains and women's brains. This is amazing.
Speaker 3: Listen to this, and you see the women go, you know,
Speaker 3: they kind of like it seems women's brains are located
Speaker 3: in their head.
Speaker 4: Who saw that coming? And then they and they laugh
Speaker 4: more than it.
Speaker 3: Is funny because I'm not It's not an insult. It's
Speaker 3: not the usual.
Speaker 2: Well I never understood anyone.
Speaker 1: Look, to me, an audience is it doesn't have a
Speaker 1: race or a gender or anything like that.
Speaker 2: It's an audience is an audience and you don't.
Speaker 3: Know, but no, but an audience does have the best
Speaker 3: audiences is a fully male, female, black, white, Asian integrated
Speaker 3: audience where they all totally For example, you know, if
Speaker 3: you have done a corporate event where it's all men. Yes,
Speaker 3: unless it's all football jokes or gun jokes or something,
Speaker 3: it's terrible.
Speaker 2: I did it.
Speaker 1: I did a corporate events once Pele Beach and I
Speaker 1: used to do this bit about Tom Cruise. This is
Speaker 1: a long time ago because I actually am a big
Speaker 1: fan of Tom Cruise.
Speaker 2: But it wasn't the most flattering really yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was a piece of stand up right. And it
Speaker 1: was just after he jumped on Oprah's couch and I
Speaker 1: was dicking around with that, and and I was doing
Speaker 1: this piece and this piece. It was a good it
Speaker 1: was a good bed and every night it killed. I said, well,
Speaker 1: I'll do it this corporate It was a clean bit.
Speaker 1: It was nothing like that in it. And at this
Speaker 1: corporate event, I did this Tom Cruise thing. Died on
Speaker 1: his ass, like really badly died nothing, sure, nothing crickets
Speaker 1: And I come up with it. Wow, that was a
Speaker 1: rough crowd, and went somebody should probably tell you Tom
Speaker 1: Cruis law firm.
Speaker 2: It was this lawyer.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it was because you do a lot
Speaker 1: of corporate gigs and you work clean.
Speaker 2: I've seen you don't work. You don't work squeaky clean.
Speaker 4: No, PG.
Speaker 2: Thirty. Right, so you.
Speaker 1: You work, you don't you drop the F bomb and
Speaker 1: you don't do that kind of thing. But but it's
Speaker 1: kind of it's grown up, right, it's an adult show,
Speaker 1: but it's not an adult try.
Speaker 4: It's not balloon animals.
Speaker 2: Right, No, it's definitely not that.
Speaker 1: Do you ever run into it with because I've had
Speaker 1: people say to me at corporate gigs.
Speaker 2: You gotta be really careful here. They really do you
Speaker 2: ever they ever say that?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: Everybody trusts?
Speaker 4: I always ask, is this.
Speaker 3: Like a born again thing? Is a chairman the born
Speaker 3: again guy or something?
Speaker 2: Would you be able to cope with that? So if
Speaker 2: he will, I can work.
Speaker 4: You know something.
Speaker 3: I booked myself into Oral Robinson University, want just to
Speaker 3: see if I could play it, and they said, look,
Speaker 3: we don't like sex jokes, we don't like drug jokes, politics,
Speaker 3: everything else is fine, and they were fine, they just
Speaker 3: didn't want any dick jokes.
Speaker 1: Right, So that's probably not one I should be doing. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't do it, none of those jokes. No, no, no.
Speaker 3: But what I mean to me, a guy is paying
Speaker 3: me to do a job. I don't quite get guys
Speaker 3: to go. So I told him to go shove it
Speaker 3: and I did what.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't get I got to.
Speaker 2: Agree with you. I don't understand that. What are you then?
Speaker 2: Don't take the gig like to me?
Speaker 3: I know the you know, to me, an audience is
Speaker 3: like an orchestra. You want to get a nice rolling
Speaker 3: laugh going. I remember I had a joke. I'm sorry,
Speaker 3: I don't remember the joke, but it was when Hillary
Speaker 3: Clinton was running for president, and also so was Reggie
Speaker 3: Jackson and a bunch of other people, and I had
Speaker 3: a joke about each candidate. And the Reggie Jackson joke
Speaker 3: was a political joke. It wasn't about him being black.
Speaker 3: It's just okay that got a laugh when they got
Speaker 3: to the Hillary joke.
Speaker 2: I remember I was going.
Speaker 4: And I just hated the guttural laugh.
Speaker 3: I got on here because I realized, oh, they think
Speaker 3: I'm they think I'm making fun of her because she's
Speaker 3: a woman candidate as supposed to just a candidate.
Speaker 4: So I just dropped the joke.
Speaker 3: I took it out and it kept it and the
Speaker 3: audience is much better because it just kept a nice
Speaker 3: even you know, you got a nice.
Speaker 2: Rolling boil going with the craft.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then you do something that's overly sexist or
Speaker 3: overly whatever.
Speaker 2: I know what you mean. I've felt it as well.
Speaker 1: There are gags that the joke's not worth it. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: l Sally, you still always say that to me. Peter
Speaker 1: lo Sally was my boss and Late Night. I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, Peter did the Tonight Show for so long
Speaker 1: and whenever I did a joke that I you know,
Speaker 1: it was like near the knuckle, right, and you would say,
Speaker 1: is it.
Speaker 2: Is it worth it? Is it really worth it? That joke?
Speaker 2: Isn't that good? Because he would say, you know, jokes
Speaker 2: like a house or a car, there's always another one.
Speaker 2: You know, you can do another joke right right.
Speaker 1: And when I first started, I was like, no, that
Speaker 1: is worth it right. Very quickly I was like, now
Speaker 1: you're right, fuck it, We'll we'll be here tomorrow night.
Speaker 2: It's uh, we'll do that. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: To me, you just sort of learned to read your audience.
Speaker 2: Let's talk a.
Speaker 1: Little bit about Late Night though, bringing that up because
Speaker 1: of Peter when you took over on the Tonight Show.
Speaker 2: So when was that early nineties ninety one?
Speaker 4: I started guest hosting in eighty six, eighty seven.
Speaker 2: Right, how long would a guest host gig B would
Speaker 2: be like a week? Would it be like a night?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: Well you got one night?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: And Johnny used to do that towards the end of
Speaker 1: his run. Right, he would bring people in and.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and there were like, uh six or seven guys
Speaker 3: that were being considered.
Speaker 2: Did you ever have guest hosts when you were doing it?
Speaker 4: No, I have to die.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: Once.
Speaker 3: I did it once because Katie Couric wanted to switch seats.
Speaker 3: NBC thought it would be a fun thing this, so
Speaker 3: we did it one day.
Speaker 2: They did the same thing with Drew Carrey. Yeah right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I didn't quite get that, but no, I didn't know.
Speaker 3: To me, when you have guest hosts, it just means
Speaker 3: more work for the staff, right, because they may have
Speaker 3: to put the monologue together instead of you. They have
Speaker 3: to figure out can this guy talk to a sked
Speaker 3: and go over every single note.
Speaker 2: It's a job.
Speaker 1: It's very hard to do for one Night's a little
Speaker 1: easier to do it for, you know, a couple of
Speaker 1: years and one night?
Speaker 2: I get that?
Speaker 1: Is that something? Because it's funny? You grew up in
Speaker 1: an era. Correct me if I'm wrong, But I think
Speaker 1: I'm right. You grew up near when Johnny was the
Speaker 1: gold standard, and obviously he was the king. So did
Speaker 1: you have aspirations to be the Tonight Show holister? Was
Speaker 1: it just like because you were a come you kind
Speaker 1: of drifted into that direction.
Speaker 2: You kind of went that way. Yeah.
Speaker 3: It was the only job in show business that I liked, right,
Speaker 3: because I like to be a round show business as
Speaker 3: opposed to in it. You know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I saw a movie with you in
Speaker 1: it once, like years years terrimories.
Speaker 4: But to me it was a jungle movie. Did I
Speaker 4: see you in the Bill Maher in the.
Speaker 2: Job via the Jungle?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't remember what the movie was. I've done
Speaker 1: some real clunkers as well.
Speaker 3: I just liked you because, like I say, I don't
Speaker 3: want to be Charlie Sheen, but I boy, I enjoyed
Speaker 3: being a round Trali she I enjoy watching Charlie crash
Speaker 3: and burn and.
Speaker 4: And not in a mean way, just in a funny way.
Speaker 1: You want to be around the circus folk, but you
Speaker 1: don't necessarily have that's right, That's.
Speaker 3: Right, and I used to enjoy it. That's what's great
Speaker 3: about being your host of it. I don't have to
Speaker 3: go to the party. To me, it's really what happened
Speaker 3: to the party. Oh my god, I can't believe that
Speaker 3: you know and you hear the story or whatever it
Speaker 3: might be.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I felt that way about did you watch
Speaker 2: the movies?
Speaker 4: When people were on the show, always watch the movie?
Speaker 2: See I never watched the movie.
Speaker 1: I had a completely different What was your philosophy then,
Speaker 1: that you wanted to know the movie would be to
Speaker 1: be able to talk about it.
Speaker 3: I think people like it. I know a lot of
Speaker 3: guests if you made the effort to read their book
Speaker 3: or whatever it is they had, Yeah, they would really
Speaker 3: be impressed.
Speaker 4: I mean they would write you a note. I can't
Speaker 4: believe you went to my movie.
Speaker 2: No, I never I never did. I did the complete opposite.
Speaker 2: That's funny.
Speaker 1: No, but just because well you were clearly much more
Speaker 1: successful than I wasn't it. But what I felt about
Speaker 1: it was if I knew about it, then the two
Speaker 1: of us are talking about the movie we've both seen.
Speaker 1: If you were on plugging a movie and I haven't
Speaker 1: seen it and we're talking about and you're telling me
Speaker 1: about the movie, I'm like, oh, this sounds like a movie,
Speaker 1: And I want to see. And that was my philosophy.
Speaker 1: And Pete used to fight me on a lay. You're like, nah,
Speaker 1: you just told me it's a big star. You got
Speaker 1: to go see this movie. I'm like, but if I've
Speaker 1: seen the movie, then I'm going to talk to him
Speaker 1: about the movie that ever we're both seeing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you talk about what you liked about it
Speaker 3: or what the you know, the character delineation or whatever
Speaker 3: it is they did.
Speaker 4: Come on, No, I enjoyed that part of it.
Speaker 3: I would try watch a movie if I got to
Speaker 3: a part of that was partially challenging for the actor.
Speaker 4: I remember that, and I bring it up in the
Speaker 4: interview and.
Speaker 3: Oh, you know, because everybody in show business is insecure.
Speaker 2: Oh sure, they think, I remember once.
Speaker 4: You know, publicity agents are my favorite.
Speaker 2: I wanted to see.
Speaker 3: Yes, I say, the guest is, but one of those
Speaker 3: subtle marches through I said, hey man, pretty good job.
Speaker 3: Really enjoyed you in the movie. And the president pretty good?
Speaker 2: Pretty good? I what it was great. You didn't say great.
Speaker 3: No to me, I meant really that means oh, I
Speaker 3: went like, whoa pretty good man?
Speaker 2: Nice job?
Speaker 4: And I said nice job.
Speaker 3: But I said, I generally enjoyed it, well, didn't sounds
Speaker 3: like okay, guys young at me, it's so shut up,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 2: I bet you I can tell you there's like off
Speaker 2: the microphone. I bet you I can tell you this.
Speaker 1: But the thing is, I think about it as well,
Speaker 1: like the show business. Because you said everyone in the
Speaker 1: show business insecure. I think you're right, and I think
Speaker 1: that a lot of people in show business they're crazy, damaged,
Speaker 1: you know, unemployable in any other business.
Speaker 2: That's true, and they're all a little little nuts.
Speaker 1: And the question that I go asked, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you guy asked this, but like if there was
Speaker 1: somebody on who's like super famous, like Tom Hanks was
Speaker 1: on or so, people will always say, well they nice?
Speaker 1: Was he a nice guy? Was was she a nice woman?
Speaker 1: Was are they nice? And like, well, they were nice
Speaker 1: to me? But because they're doing a talk show and
Speaker 1: they're professional. But the choice is why is that important
Speaker 1: to people like you know, Like I don't know, I'll
Speaker 1: ask your question.
Speaker 4: Did your opinion of Woody Allen movies change after you
Speaker 4: heard all the things.
Speaker 2: Oh the stuff about Woody Allen?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean did a change or did you think, well,
Speaker 4: it's a.
Speaker 1: It's a good question, but it's a little tricky for
Speaker 1: me because I wasn't a huge fan anyway.
Speaker 3: I won't a huge anyway. But I like someone I
Speaker 3: like to think like. To me, it's funny when I
Speaker 3: hear someone tell an exaggerated version of a story where
Speaker 3: they did something mean but didn't mean to But if
Speaker 3: I know there really means oh no, that kind.
Speaker 2: Of really did mean to hurt somebody.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, so to me, yeah, I think it
Speaker 3: does matter. I always equate kindness with intelligence. I've never
Speaker 3: met a kind person who was not intelligent. And by intelligent,
Speaker 3: I don't mean it's mathematically smarter. I mean just the
Speaker 3: idea that a kind person can read another person's face
Speaker 3: and realize where to go, or how to be sensitive,
Speaker 3: how to whatever. To me, that's intelligence. To me, I
Speaker 3: find really cruel people and mean people. They might be BookSmart,
Speaker 3: but they're not intelligen. Does that make any sense to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course it does.
Speaker 1: It's actually it's a very nice way of looking at it.
Speaker 1: I think that that's true. But if I look at
Speaker 1: someone like, here's someone I don't know, I know nothing
Speaker 1: about them, but I'm a fan of his work.
Speaker 2: Ousio was born.
Speaker 1: Right right Osi was born, is like, you know, he's
Speaker 1: a game changer of a singer in a band, hugely important.
Speaker 2: I don't need him to be nice. Did he bite
Speaker 2: the head off the bat? Or did he not buy
Speaker 2: the head off the bat? I don't know.
Speaker 1: If I was, you know, like, if I was heavily
Speaker 1: involved in the world the bats, maybe it would be.
Speaker 4: Well, but let's go back. Did the wordy Allen stuff
Speaker 4: change your opinion of his work?
Speaker 1: You know, did it? You know what it probably did?
Speaker 1: If I'm honest, I probably yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I think you're fighting a bat is
Speaker 4: different than you know, yeah, well, you know.
Speaker 2: Yea marrying your daughter?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so what did you do?
Speaker 3: Did you bite the head off a bat?
Speaker 4: Maybe?
Speaker 3: Or did you actually.
Speaker 2: Definitely marry your stab dough exactly exactly. I hear what
Speaker 2: you're saying.
Speaker 1: These are extremes, all right, But what I think is
Speaker 1: kind of weird to me is that maybe not the nice,
Speaker 1: but the idea that everyone's going to be like a
Speaker 1: Sunday school teacher while.
Speaker 3: Giving sample someone it's a way to get here. I'm
Speaker 3: not a big road rage guy. One day I'm here
Speaker 3: in La you know, a guy behind b b BB,
Speaker 3: you know, like, oh, he wants to go around me,
Speaker 3: go on me. It goes around me, gives me the finger,
Speaker 3: yells you know, fuck you. So I come up to
Speaker 3: the next light.
Speaker 2: I look at him. I go, let me guess, what.
Speaker 4: Are your fifty five bald, fat? Divorce?
Speaker 3: Your kids? Hate your job? What was your greatest day?
Speaker 3: Was it in high school?
Speaker 2: And the guy starts crying, Oh Jesus.
Speaker 4: And he goes, yes, you're right. I went, oh yeah.
Speaker 3: I realized as a comic you have the ability to
Speaker 3: size people up pretty quickly, and I'm hitting. Everything I
Speaker 3: said was exactly So I said, pull over, pull up.
Speaker 3: So I got on mic, I get this guy. Look
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: He goes you go.
Speaker 3: I got kids.
Speaker 4: I got two girl They don't speak to me.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is a terrible so I said,
Speaker 2: they did.
Speaker 3: I like Taylor Swift. I said, I tell you what.
Speaker 3: I got Taylor Swift on the show on Wednesday. Okay,
Speaker 3: why don't you bring your two girls? But they like
Speaker 3: to oh god, what do you Okay? So and Taylor Swift,
Speaker 3: I told her she couldn't have been nicer, came out,
Speaker 3: gave the kids a couple of albums signed. I mean,
Speaker 3: the sweetest person you could imagine.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just a lovely, lovely person. She didn't have to
Speaker 4: do it. I said, I had this guy and I
Speaker 4: cut him off, and so many's I mean the guy,
Speaker 4: the guy literally had a breakdown.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But you know what's interesting about that story, which I
Speaker 1: like that story. I like it for you, I like
Speaker 1: it for Taylor Swift. I like the fact that it happened.
Speaker 1: I wonder if that guy, if that happened today, that
Speaker 1: guy would have a phone in your face record you slicing.
Speaker 2: And dicing them and they posted it on the internet.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe not more than likely, you know, maybe I
Speaker 2: got you.
Speaker 4: Know something you can only live in the time you
Speaker 4: live in. That's true.
Speaker 3: It's like could Muhammad Ali beat the Rocky Marciano?
Speaker 2: You know? All right? You want to take that? No,
Speaker 2: all right?
Speaker 4: You know that kind of thing.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I know, but I mean, you're right.
Speaker 1: I want to complain about it a little bit though,
Speaker 1: because I feel like the filming of everything is like
Speaker 1: we volunteered to be in Big Brother.
Speaker 2: It's not even like someone on each other.
Speaker 3: Funny thing about Big Brother because people always say Big
Speaker 3: Brother is watching blood. You know, to me, probably the
Speaker 3: greatest day in media history was the Rodney King trial.
Speaker 3: The Rodney King thing is Rodney King coming along? According
Speaker 3: to the police, he had seven people in a Hyundai
Speaker 3: going one hundred and seventeen miles an hour to all exaggerated. Okay,
Speaker 3: that's what the news said at seven o'clock. I believe
Speaker 3: that same evening the guy who shot that footage, who
Speaker 3: chose not to give it to the news, who put
Speaker 3: it out on the internet, right, and then suddenly people
Speaker 3: saw raw unfiltered news and you saw this guy get
Speaker 3: the crapp beat out of me because it looks like
Speaker 3: you did that terrible And then you realize, because what happened,
Speaker 3: You give it to a news guy and they'll go
Speaker 3: the editor will go, well, this is inflammatory people, this
Speaker 3: is this cause. Right, let's just say it's like when
Speaker 3: I grew up in Boston, a woman was never raped,
Speaker 3: she was accosted, right, you know, they never tell you
Speaker 3: what I said. Now, you live in a world where
Speaker 3: you get your news unfiltered, exactly as it happens.
Speaker 1: Have you traveled the outside of the US, travel South, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you just show.
Speaker 3: Us well like do England and no, I don't really
Speaker 3: work it where I well, I've been to Italy, I
Speaker 3: in Saudi Arabia, but a few places. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 3: find it totally different.
Speaker 1: Everybody speaks English, well yeah to you, but I mean
Speaker 1: if you're doing a corporate gig in Italy, people will
Speaker 1: speak you know. It's like I've talked to Tomas, right,
Speaker 1: you know Tomas who works with me, right right right,
Speaker 1: So Tomas who you know produces this podcast.
Speaker 2: You also, I love Italy, right right?
Speaker 1: I love Italy And to my sister me, you love Italy,
Speaker 1: I said, yeah. He says no, he Tamasa's has managed
Speaker 1: heavy mail bunds. He has to work in Italy. He said,
Speaker 1: if you had to work, oh my god, very idea. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like because it is that kind of things when
Speaker 1: people say, you know what the.
Speaker 2: Oh I love Scotland so much. You Scottish people are
Speaker 2: so friendly.
Speaker 1: I went tried being Scottish with a Scottish person and
Speaker 1: see it fucking friendly. Oh yeah, yeah, it's a saying.
Speaker 1: So listen, let's talk a little bit about.
Speaker 2: The cars, all right. What do you want to know? Well,
Speaker 2: I want to know how it started. Was it your dad?
Speaker 4: Was it was I.
Speaker 3: Go up in a rural area and they're always broken.
Speaker 3: Snowmobiles and abandoned cars not so much now now where
Speaker 3: you abandoned a car, it's soft working. Yeah, it's got
Speaker 3: a computer that In the old days, people are abandoned
Speaker 3: a car because distributor broke. All right, that's an easy
Speaker 3: enough fixed to somebody who has a little bit of
Speaker 3: mechanical knowledge.
Speaker 4: Or there are things of that nature. You know, a
Speaker 4: car from the.
Speaker 3: Teen's twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, you could leave for ae
Speaker 3: hundred years and you probably get ustarted pretty easy because
Speaker 3: mechanical things break, electrical things erode, and you look at
Speaker 3: a relay box. It might be shiny, but you can't
Speaker 3: tell what's going on inside it, you know. But you
Speaker 3: can look at a fuel pump and go, oh, well,
Speaker 3: here's here the gear. The gear is broken or the
Speaker 3: keyway is busted, you know. So they're easier to fix.
Speaker 1: So that was what threw you in, was the mechanical
Speaker 1: nature of the fact that you could fix them when they.
Speaker 4: Were Anything that rolls explodes and makes no you know.
Speaker 3: When I was I was like eleven, somebody abandoned a
Speaker 3: Renault four CV, which is like the French version of
Speaker 3: the Volkswiger. And we had three acres behind our house,
Speaker 3: so my mother would watch us through the kitchen window
Speaker 3: and we just drive around. And so of course now
Speaker 3: the parents would be taken away, you'd be putting foster care,
Speaker 3: and you know, it would be it's a whole difference.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well you just said it's bare now, yeah, well in
Speaker 3: some ways, yeah all right, yeah.
Speaker 1: So you started playing around to the but as you
Speaker 1: go older, right, and you start like you.
Speaker 4: Here's the thing, here's the main facts of it. We
Speaker 4: are in an objective business. Some people like you, some
Speaker 4: people think you suck, some people think you are better
Speaker 4: than me, some people better. But when you have a
Speaker 4: car and it's broken and now it's running, no one
Speaker 4: can say it's not running. You know, you can say
Speaker 4: it's still not funny. Even if other people laughing and
Speaker 4: you're not. No one can say the car is not running.
Speaker 1: You think that's why old comedians, Well a lot of
Speaker 1: comedians are in the cars because of the same reason you.
Speaker 4: Actually most comedians are not into cars.
Speaker 2: On a second, Jerry's in the cars. Yeah, I'm in
Speaker 2: the cars a little bit. I know a.
Speaker 3: Million guys I remember, you know, rich Jenny called me
Speaker 3: one time. Oh he was funny. He had the best
Speaker 3: gay marriage joke back in the days when it was illegal.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he would go, gay guys have the ideal life, Larry,
Speaker 4: I'd love to marry you, but it's against the law.
Speaker 4: Imagine if you can say that to a girl. Oh,
Speaker 4: I love to are you honey, but it's against the law.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 4: I used to love that bit. And you know it
Speaker 4: wasn't offensive.
Speaker 3: It was because that was It's just totally he wasn't
Speaker 3: enough anybody.
Speaker 4: He called me my time. He goes, hey, what's the
Speaker 4: best car to get girls? I go, well, I said,
Speaker 4: I I only.
Speaker 3: Have one girl and I've had her for like twenty
Speaker 3: six years at this point, so I couldn't tell you that.
Speaker 3: But what are you like? Well, a Corvette? Could can
Speaker 3: you get girls with carpette? Some girls like Corvette? Some
Speaker 3: girls think how old are you?
Speaker 2: You have a Corvette? You know?
Speaker 3: I said, So he guess a Corvette, you know, And
Speaker 3: of course he knows nothing about what it's capable of whatever.
Speaker 3: Just all this maybe he just got it together. What's
Speaker 3: the best car to get girls? This is just my
Speaker 3: favorite thing.
Speaker 1: It's funny because I've never really understood that as a thing.
Speaker 1: I guess maybe back in the day when you know,
Speaker 1: hey baby, do you want to sit in the rumble
Speaker 1: sheet or something, but.
Speaker 3: A rumble seat. Yeah, back in the day, in the
Speaker 3: day in the Roman.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was the nineteen twenties in Scotland, So it's funny.
Speaker 1: Richard Jenny rich was one of the last gigs he
Speaker 1: had actually, or one of the last things I remember
Speaker 1: him doing.
Speaker 2: He was on my show. Yeah, yeah, and he.
Speaker 1: It wasn't long after that that he that he you know,
Speaker 1: that he killed himself. But I don't like it was
Speaker 1: anything to do with my show, but be sure.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I met him in Australia when I was starting out.
Speaker 2: I was at the Melbourne Comedy Festival, right and he
Speaker 2: turned up.
Speaker 1: He had these two very glamorous looking women right in
Speaker 1: each arm and he walked into the.
Speaker 2: And I was like, how does the guy do that? No,
Speaker 2: I realized he must have had a Corvette, that's what
Speaker 2: it was.
Speaker 4: But really funny, Oh yeah, super funny.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: He had very fast.
Speaker 3: Quick fast, very New York you know, he had that
Speaker 3: New York attitude. Yeah, yeah, No, he was really just
Speaker 3: a great great comic that was a sad, sad story.
Speaker 1: It's an interesting thing, and Rich is a good kind
Speaker 1: of example of it is that the persona that he
Speaker 1: had on stage was very different to who the guy
Speaker 1: he was. Rickles was very like this as well. People
Speaker 1: used to think Rickles was like when he was on
Speaker 1: he was the inso guy. But you remember Don, he was, Okay,
Speaker 1: he's a pussy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a very nice guy. I love I love Don.
Speaker 2: Don was great.
Speaker 3: Don was great, but even Don you know, the network
Speaker 3: would censor him and he would. I remember one time
Speaker 3: he came on and you know Kevin and Kevin, you banks,
Speaker 3: he going, there's Kevin, Kevin, Kevin's people in the park
Speaker 3: a lot still on hub caps, and I go, no,
Speaker 3: I don't have hubcaps anymore.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: You know what's interesting. I remember seeing Rickles once and
Speaker 3: Rickles never swore that's right, okay, But when he did
Speaker 3: racial stuff, you know, and and the Puerto Rican guy
Speaker 3: is this, and the black guys is, and the younger
Speaker 3: audience is kind of like hmm, and older people laugh hysterically.
Speaker 3: And then he had a joke with a punchline with
Speaker 3: him saying shit, you know, just like that, and the
Speaker 3: young people laughed and the old people went, oh yeah,
Speaker 3: So it was really two different audiences.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny. I never had him say do the
Speaker 2: ship joke?
Speaker 3: Well, it was one of those things where you know,
Speaker 3: it leads up to it, and then he said, yeah,
Speaker 3: I can't.
Speaker 4: I can't remember what the bit was.
Speaker 1: When I first when I first met him, he Peter
Speaker 1: Sally introduced me to Recles and I said, we we
Speaker 1: come on the show, mister Rickles. He went, I gotta
Speaker 1: be honest, kid, I'm gonna wait and see if you're ahead.
Speaker 2: Okay, So when he came on the.
Speaker 1: Show he said, I said to him, I am I
Speaker 1: am I hit now He went, no, but I felt
Speaker 1: sorry for her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's funny. He was a strange, strangely lovely.
Speaker 4: He a lovely guy and he grew up in the
Speaker 4: era when the mob guys really controlled it, and till
Speaker 4: the day he died, he would never tell a story.
Speaker 4: I go down, let me ask you about no.
Speaker 3: No, no, I know, like I remember we went to
Speaker 3: downtowns once and I said, well let's let's talk like
Speaker 3: the mob.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean, he would just not even joke
Speaker 4: about it.
Speaker 2: He was as well as Larry King. You remember Larry
Speaker 2: was kind of yeah, yeah, he was. He was connected
Speaker 2: in Miami at one point. Yeah, that was yeah, that
Speaker 2: was the old school. Guys. Do you ever run into
Speaker 2: that in Boston when.
Speaker 4: You were a kid, because well, I'll tell you they
Speaker 4: have people there. I'll tell you a story.
Speaker 3: One day I get a call from Sinatra had an
Speaker 3: agent named Jack SULLARTI. They go Jay Sinatra watching to
Speaker 3: play this Italian thing some some benefited in a country
Speaker 3: club in Chicago. It's Italian American thing. And you gotta
Speaker 3: work clean, you instance, you gotta work clean. It's gonna
Speaker 3: be a priest there, you know. I said, okay, I'll
Speaker 3: work clean.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: So I get there, I got up and I do
Speaker 3: my little thing. I get some laughs and thank you
Speaker 3: very much, and I sit down. So they introduced this guy.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to say the name because his kids
Speaker 3: are still alive, a real gangster, right okay, And he
Speaker 3: gets upthing you don't want everyboddy, Hey, what the fuck's
Speaker 3: going on?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: Like that?
Speaker 4: And the priest goes like this, and the priest goes,
Speaker 4: but hey, father, shut up.
Speaker 3: He's just screaming. And I mean the veins are popping?
Speaker 3: Is that when you see a psychopath, just lose it.
Speaker 3: But you got your ten grand of paper bag, right,
Speaker 3: father shut just screw and the priests holding his bag
Speaker 3: with the ten grand and like this, you know, and
Speaker 3: he's just and guys will holding him like.
Speaker 2: Mother fuck, just go after the prie.
Speaker 3: You're just screaming at the guy, you know.
Speaker 2: He said.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, oh jeezuz, and the crowd is like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, because this guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the way to lose a crowd if you
Speaker 1: if you go psychle on. Yeah, and it doesn't even
Speaker 1: have to be the priest, just anybody.
Speaker 3: If I remember the story they told, the heartwarming story,
Speaker 3: some teenagers had broken into his house, yeah and still
Speaker 3: stolen something. Okay, They found them two weeks later, and
Speaker 3: they'd been skinned alive. Somebody somebody hung them by their wrists,
Speaker 3: stripped them and run a straight razor from their arms
Speaker 3: down to their toes and just peeled off, peeled off
Speaker 3: a layer of skin until these guys slowly blended it.
Speaker 3: And it was like, oh, okay, So so that was
Speaker 3: ho scary, you know. So so I'm sitting there and
Speaker 3: just watching this whole thing play out and they take
Speaker 3: him away, right, So the ladies said, he go, hey,
Speaker 3: he com here, come here. He goes, he says, you
Speaker 3: play golf. Well, come on, God, come come with here.
Speaker 3: So he and I are a golf cad.
Speaker 2: He goes, you know, we we have the loan to
Speaker 2: come to this. You know what he said?
Speaker 3: He said no, and I said, well, you know, he
Speaker 3: started busy fucking explodes again, you know, and I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm sing I could never.
Speaker 2: Play golf with a guy who had skinned people.
Speaker 4: And I'm not doing it again.
Speaker 2: Do you play golf?
Speaker 4: No? No, I don't think you were. If you could
Speaker 4: play in twenty minutes, maybe, but also.
Speaker 1: If the you know, the carts are ship I mean,
Speaker 1: if it was maybe if you got it, but maybe
Speaker 1: if you had a Corvette.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Corvette.
Speaker 3: But I mean but the point of this was just
Speaker 3: most people think, you know, my favorite thing and the
Speaker 3: French Connection was the best movie to do. Whenever you
Speaker 3: watch TV, when a guy bob put the gun down,
Speaker 3: I know you don't want to shoot me, okay, And
Speaker 3: the guy always puts the gun down and cannon or
Speaker 3: magnum or whoever it is, takes a gun away from.
Speaker 2: That's a pretty good.
Speaker 4: I mean, I believe igot that right. Remember that that
Speaker 4: was a French connection where the transit cop, the French
Speaker 4: guy was running from Popeye Doyle.
Speaker 3: He's on the train, he's got a gun and the
Speaker 3: guy goes, look, I know, you don't want to shoot me.
Speaker 3: You don't want to. He just shoots him. At four
Speaker 3: or five, there's the guy away, go Okay, thank you.
Speaker 3: That's what really happens in real life. All these people
Speaker 3: think they're going to be a hero because they know
Speaker 3: he's really a good guy. To No, there are evil
Speaker 3: people in the world. There are bad guys out there,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 2: But I'm still I'm still happy about you bringing up Cannon.
Speaker 4: Canon Cannon.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love Cannon.
Speaker 1: You know what, Like he was like a three hundred
Speaker 1: pounds deck to if he's eight right right?
Speaker 2: He would run after teenagers.
Speaker 3: No no what it was. But he would park in
Speaker 3: the alley and it's big Lincoln and the crook would
Speaker 3: run towards him and he don't the door. The driver's
Speaker 3: door bang, and that would hit them, you know, and
Speaker 3: knock him out.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And I think it's maybe time for a
Speaker 2: canon reboot.
Speaker 1: I know, Billy hadn't lost all that weight, it'd be
Speaker 1: he'd be p Yeah, but he's all thin and gorgeous.
Speaker 2: Now that's the problem.
Speaker 4: He does look great. He does look like one hundred
Speaker 4: and seventy eight pounds. It's unbelieved he lost the whole person.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's crazy. Yeah, yeah, but it looks.
Speaker 4: It looks great. And you know something, I was telling
Speaker 4: him this the other night.
Speaker 3: A lot of guys that used to be fat aren't
Speaker 3: really funny anymore because their whole persona was based on
Speaker 3: being fat, being fat and being but you know something,
Speaker 3: you look out, you're thinking, well, he's always been a
Speaker 3: skinny guy, right, because he doesn't. It doesn't reflect in
Speaker 3: anything that he does. I mean, he's really he was.
Speaker 2: A graceful man. I mean we talked. It's funny.
Speaker 1: We talked ages ago because he was a big final.
Speaker 1: Laurel and Hardy I was a big final. Yeah, I loved,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. And one of the things about Babe
Speaker 1: Hardy was that is his grace. Yeah, you know, the
Speaker 1: lightness of his feet, that kind of it was funny.
Speaker 3: You know, Louis Anderson the same thing. You know, we
Speaker 3: had great dignity about it. He was right, he moved
Speaker 3: his hands very slowly and fold them in his lap,
Speaker 3: and and and you never saw sweating on stage, right,
Speaker 3: But he always had those bits about his mom didn't
Speaker 3: like cats because they licked the butter and all that
Speaker 3: kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: You know the guys you're talking we're talking about, you know,
Speaker 1: the like Louis was one, Gilbert was another one, Gilbert
Speaker 1: Godfried was another one.
Speaker 2: Like real kind of idiosyncratic character that I don't look.
Speaker 1: I don't pay a lot of attention to the young
Speaker 1: comics right now.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you do. I don't see a
Speaker 2: ton of that. I see a lot of a.
Speaker 1: Lot of the same, like you know, you you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of not as much eccentricity of performance. Maybe
Speaker 1: there's some really good ones. I mean I watched Michelle
Speaker 1: Wolfe on Netflix.
Speaker 4: You see her, you see her new special. You know something.
Speaker 4: I thought it was terrific.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I thought she was because I thought,
Speaker 3: you know, when she done all the White House stuff,
Speaker 3: it's like, that's.
Speaker 2: A terrible gig. You've done it. I've done yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, but I mean it's all politics, it's it's how
Speaker 3: stinging can it be? And to watch her latest one,
Speaker 3: all these are real jokes. She's really good, yeah, and
Speaker 3: really yeah, she's really funny. Yeah and yeah. I really
Speaker 3: enjoyed it. And the one that's done in three parts
Speaker 3: or four parts, that's what I'm talking about, twenty minutes segment.
Speaker 3: And I watch it and I thought, boy, she's really
Speaker 3: really good and it's a shame that she got beat
Speaker 3: up so badly over.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, it happens with the why. Like Colbert
Speaker 2: would be.
Speaker 1: Up pretty badly for what he did at the White
Speaker 1: House as well, but ultimately it worked out for him.
Speaker 1: And I think that it's one of those weird gigs
Speaker 1: the way I done it. I remember when I did it.
Speaker 1: I talked to you before I did it. You remember that, yeah,
Speaker 1: because you remember you said to me, it's just not
Speaker 1: about you.
Speaker 2: Just remember it's not about it, right, right.
Speaker 1: And I talked to you, and I talked to Drew
Speaker 1: Carey because Drew had done it as well.
Speaker 2: But I thought it was a hard gig. It's like
Speaker 2: a really tough corporate.
Speaker 3: Well, it's an impossible gig, yeah, because everybody's you know,
Speaker 3: looking in the mirror. You know, Yeah, that's right. It's like, no,
Speaker 3: it's really no about it. And when you have time
Speaker 3: about like Obama, who is a really good comic up. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he goes on first, and now you follow him. I didn't.
Speaker 2: I didn't do it with it, but I did it
Speaker 2: with George boot.
Speaker 3: I did it with Reagan. I'll tell you what I
Speaker 3: first time. I did it with Reagan. So I'm backstage
Speaker 3: and this general comes in. He goes, hey, hey, hey,
Speaker 3: you do comic. Yeah, yes, sir, I'm Janet. He goes,
Speaker 3: I'm selling. This is my committed to chief. You understand
Speaker 3: that this is my boss. He is the leader of
Speaker 3: the free world. You don't insult him. You don't tell
Speaker 3: you he's just and he's poking me in the chest,
Speaker 3: you know. And I said, well, okay, yes, you understand.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he leaves. Okay.
Speaker 3: I'm thinking, oh man, I'm starting to change jokes now.
Speaker 3: And then and then all of a sudden, George Schultz
Speaker 3: comes in, remember him, Yeah, and.
Speaker 4: He's really drunk.
Speaker 3: He goes, right, now, come here, when you get up there,
Speaker 3: you nail Ronnie's ass to the wall.
Speaker 2: You understand me.
Speaker 4: I go but back, I tell me scary he works
Speaker 4: for me. I'm like, I'm the defense guy. You make
Speaker 4: fun of that thing on Reagan say.
Speaker 3: You think got his hair color? You think got his
Speaker 3: real hair color? And I go, I don't know, No,
Speaker 3: you've got I saw Now the what do I do?
Speaker 3: I remember my opening joke was, I want to cry
Speaker 3: to you, late Nancy Reagan. I'm winning the Humanitarian of
Speaker 3: the Year award. I'm glad she beat out that conniving
Speaker 3: little bitch mother Teresa. That's funny, Joe and Reagan fell
Speaker 3: off the chair. I thought, well, then I knew I
Speaker 3: was in Yeah, I knew it was okay. But but yeah,
Speaker 3: but that it is. It's an impossible game.
Speaker 2: It's really hard. Is there any because I've got a
Speaker 2: couple of jokes.
Speaker 1: One of them was the white of Corresponded Dinner that
Speaker 1: I never told that I was going to do the
Speaker 1: joke right to the last minute, and.
Speaker 2: Then I did.
Speaker 1: And I have tuned my life that I've never done.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you them in a minute.
Speaker 2: But do you have any that you thought I was
Speaker 2: going to do this joke?
Speaker 3: You know, it's so funny. The only jokes I remember
Speaker 3: are the ones that made an impression, Because as a comic,
Speaker 3: you have things that put a notch in your brain.
Speaker 3: You just remember, like that first joke I told about,
Speaker 3: you know, the robin hood thing and all that. I remember,
Speaker 3: so you remember everything. I remember being five years old
Speaker 3: and my mother taking me too, because we didn't have
Speaker 3: babysitters then, so he just took me everywhere. So we
Speaker 3: went to my aunt and Eddie, my aunt Edia's house
Speaker 3: on the Italian side, and it's.
Speaker 4: All women drinking wine.
Speaker 3: And I'm sitting on the floor and I was looking
Speaker 3: at the women and I said, hey, Mom, why do
Speaker 3: women have humps like camels? And they're they're all drunk anyway,
Speaker 3: and they're all screaming.
Speaker 4: I'm thinking, what did I said somewhere about humps?
Speaker 3: And I always remember that because I got it. So
Speaker 3: it's a comic. I think when you say something and
Speaker 3: it gets a laugh, you just, for the most part
Speaker 3: pretty much remember it because.
Speaker 1: I'm told with the ones that you made a decision
Speaker 1: not to tell the joke for another reason.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I can't I remember the jokes.
Speaker 2: I can't remember. I have two. I'm going to tell
Speaker 2: you them.
Speaker 1: One was a White House correspondence to her where there
Speaker 1: was a lot of trouble was the very last Bush
Speaker 1: and Cheney and all those guys were up there and
Speaker 1: Rumsfelders around all that stuff, and I was going to
Speaker 1: say at the start of it, it's great to be
Speaker 1: up here. We want to see all these guys together
Speaker 1: in one room again until the trial. And I thought
Speaker 1: that was a pretty good joke. And they said to me,
Speaker 1: probably a good It wasn't the White House. It was
Speaker 1: one of my own guys said, probably a good idea.
Speaker 1: If you don't do that joke, people are still a little,
Speaker 1: you know, uncomfortable as a pretty decent joke. And the
Speaker 1: other one, I'm kind of still thinking that maybe I
Speaker 1: should have done it, and maybe I shouldn't.
Speaker 2: And here's what it was.
Speaker 1: I had a book come out, my own, a biography
Speaker 1: come out, right, And it was the same week as
Speaker 1: Ted Kennedy, his biography came out. He had just died
Speaker 1: that week, right, And Mackenzie Phillips's book come out where
Speaker 1: she talks about having sex with her dad, Oh right, right,
Speaker 1: And there were all three of us. Was buying for
Speaker 1: the number one spot in the New York Times bestseller list,
Speaker 1: and I knew I wasn't going to get it because
Speaker 1: Ted Kennedy had died and Mackenzie Phillips talks about having
Speaker 1: sex with her dad, right, right. So I was doing
Speaker 1: this event in Union Square at the Barns and Noble,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to do this joke and my publicier says,
Speaker 1: that's a great joke, and I beg, you don't do it.
Speaker 1: I went okay, but the joke I was going to
Speaker 1: come on stage and say in my book, Mackenzie Phillips
Speaker 1: focks Ted Kennedy. I didn't do it, and I kind
Speaker 1: of wish I had done it, but I'm kind of
Speaker 1: glad I didn't.
Speaker 4: No, No, that's a funny joke.
Speaker 2: But you know, the tempers were flaring at the time,
Speaker 2: and it was probably.
Speaker 3: I always did those things you want to say. I'm
Speaker 3: not going to say who it was, but I had
Speaker 3: someone on who was very sensitive and they'd just gotten
Speaker 3: glasses and they had a big nose, and I said,
Speaker 3: and I wanted to say, oh, did the nose come
Speaker 3: with the glasses, But I knew.
Speaker 2: They'd be yeah, they'd be hard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well you can you know, you don't want
Speaker 1: to hurt someone's feelings. We're not in that game, you
Speaker 1: know what. I feel bad.
Speaker 4: That was the thing about being a talk show she
Speaker 4: got to know.
Speaker 3: When I was a comedian when they did the monologue,
Speaker 3: and I was a host when I did there because
Speaker 3: a lot of times, yeah, I totally agree with the
Speaker 3: battle and you lose the war, you know.
Speaker 1: Totally totally. I always felt as well. And this is
Speaker 1: why I love doing your show is because I felt
Speaker 1: like I was. You took the word host like literally
Speaker 1: like I'm here to holdt I want you to feel
Speaker 1: good when you have a good time.
Speaker 2: I want you to enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1: And that's how I took that from you know, it
Speaker 1: was on your show. I was like, no, that's how
Speaker 1: I want to be because I've done other shows where
Speaker 1: I felt I've got to wash my ass here. You know,
Speaker 1: I'll put one foot wrong and I'm going to be
Speaker 1: made a fool of. And I never felt that when
Speaker 1: I was working with you, and I hope that anyone
Speaker 1: who was on myles you felt the same way.
Speaker 2: It was like, you know, I'm I don't know here.
Speaker 2: And funny enough, I was talking to Ball.
Speaker 1: The other day, who was like my number one all time.
Speaker 1: You know, she's like on the show every other week.
Speaker 2: She was great.
Speaker 1: She was you know, everyone has a guess, like I'm
Speaker 1: sure you had him, and I'm going to ask.
Speaker 2: You who it was in a minute.
Speaker 1: But but I was talking to her and she said, well,
Speaker 1: it was weird for me because because I always thought
Speaker 1: she was a great improviser. And she said, no, I
Speaker 1: hate that. I always like knowing what I'm going to do.
Speaker 1: I was like, that's weird. I always thought you loved improvise,
Speaker 1: and then that's why you always did my show and
Speaker 1: she went, no, I.
Speaker 2: Just trusted you, right, And I was like, oh, that's great.
Speaker 2: It makes me feel good. Yeah yeah, and so tell
Speaker 2: me who you were.
Speaker 4: Who were your go tos? And you know Terry Bradshaw
Speaker 4: was pretty Yeah, he's pretty funny.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know the he hit a talk show.
Speaker 4: Yes, that's the daytime talk show or something. But you know,
Speaker 4: Terry was the best one ever. And you could not
Speaker 4: have planned this. He comes out and he goes Jay,
Speaker 4: I heard that monologue. That monologue sucked. That was the
Speaker 4: worst jokes ever. He's just trashing around me. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: I said, I said, you know, I can shut you
Speaker 4: down with forwards.
Speaker 2: No, no you can't.
Speaker 3: I can't.
Speaker 4: What I said, your fly is open and his pants
Speaker 4: were wide over.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, and he looked down and he fell
Speaker 3: off the Cherries laughing, so right, he just felt so stupid.
Speaker 3: He was.
Speaker 2: He was a great one. I said. I had him
Speaker 2: thirty maybe fifty four times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the comics are always good. You were good,
Speaker 3: Jerry was good. Robin Williams of course was good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Robin kind of took coover. I used to like that.
Speaker 2: You just hand them the reins.
Speaker 4: Yeah, right right, you just let him go. You can
Speaker 4: really interact with him. But you know what my favorite
Speaker 4: two was with Rodney because when I would watch Rodney
Speaker 4: with Johnny, Johnny would beat the straight mane tough week, Rodney, Oh,
Speaker 4: ron Johnny, I tell you this week is all right,
Speaker 4: but last week it was cold, really cold out. So
Speaker 4: oh Johnny was so cold and yeah.
Speaker 3: I know again when I would get Rodney, Oh, that
Speaker 3: was my favorite thing to uh been a tough week,
Speaker 3: go oh Jay, I'll tell you it's it's all right now.
Speaker 2: But last week I got to tell you know.
Speaker 3: Did I tell my Rodney story about No, I'll tell
Speaker 3: you Rodney story. I've told this story, but no to me.
Speaker 4: I had Rodney on the show.
Speaker 2: Okay, Rodney Dangerfield Rodney in.
Speaker 3: Two thousand and four, and Rodney was a little older. Yeah,
Speaker 3: a little more frail. And he comes up and he's
Speaker 3: doing the show, he's doing his stand up. I knowic
Speaker 3: he's sweating more than you know. As someone who watches
Speaker 3: comics and you know them personally, you can tell when
Speaker 3: they're a little off.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I could tell what Jerry's killing, but it's it's not
Speaker 3: his normal, super hard kill. It's just a real And
Speaker 3: Rodney he would always touch his tie. This time his
Speaker 3: hands were kind of He's just a little you know,
Speaker 3: So I said to Debbie. Our producer Wie Vickaus I said,
Speaker 3: I said, I think Rodney's having a stroke. Call the cops,
Speaker 3: call that paramedics.
Speaker 2: She goes. You think that's good. I think he is. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: so if.
Speaker 4: He sits now, Jay, I will tell you, I'm all
Speaker 4: right now, Ja.
Speaker 3: But last week, you know, and and he's got the
Speaker 3: handkerchief and he's really sweating. But he gets through it
Speaker 3: and he does fine. Okay, now the show ends. Just
Speaker 3: as the show ends, Roddy goes through his dressing room
Speaker 3: and the paramedics come in, and I say so going
Speaker 3: to say Rodney, as the paramied, I think made a
Speaker 3: stro I didn't have a stroke.
Speaker 2: Well he did have a stroke. You saw that.
Speaker 3: Well, he was just off. He was just off. So
Speaker 3: they took him away in an ambulance. He went to
Speaker 3: the hospital.
Speaker 4: I didn't live much longer than that. And then his
Speaker 4: wife Joan calls me. He says, you got to come
Speaker 4: to the hospital. Rodney's in a coma.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: I get there and Roddy's lion there. His eyes are open,
Speaker 3: and she says Jay. The doctor says, Rodney can hear us,
Speaker 3: but he can't respond to us, you know. So I'm
Speaker 3: telling him how much we love him and how great
Speaker 3: he was to all his comics, you know, letting us
Speaker 3: work Rodney's Club and yeah, Rodney Dangerfields and all blah
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. So his wife John says, Rodney, she goes, Jay,
Speaker 3: put your finger in Rodney's hand. She goes, Rodney, if
Speaker 3: you know it's Jay, try and squeeze his finger. So
Speaker 3: I put my finger in Rodney's hand like this, and
Speaker 3: I went, Rodney, that's not my finger, okay.
Speaker 4: And Rodney's shoulders go like this. They just move and.
Speaker 3: He moved and the doctor comes. I mean he moved together.
Speaker 4: And he died right after that.
Speaker 3: But but you got to laugh yeah, we got to
Speaker 3: laugh out of Runney.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, and it.
Speaker 3: Was kind of I mean, I don't say it to
Speaker 3: be mean or to be funny. He just is a
Speaker 3: life well led you know. He and he was a
Speaker 3: wonderful guy and he was a smart guy. I you know,
Speaker 3: you never met Rodney in the middle. Well, you know
Speaker 3: the whole thing about being an aluminum siding salesman. You know,
Speaker 3: if comedy doesn't make any well he did. He was
Speaker 3: a lumin sidning salesman. But he was a great luminiu
Speaker 3: he was. He was so successful he quit show business
Speaker 3: to sell a woman and signing. Then, at age forty four,
Speaker 3: his face finally grew into his act. He began to
Speaker 3: look like the sad sack.
Speaker 2: That he was.
Speaker 4: And that's when he really became famous. Because see, I.
Speaker 3: Remember Rodney before he had no respect. When he used
Speaker 3: to do bits right and he would do bad. I
Speaker 3: remember one bit he had. I can't recreate it, but
Speaker 3: this is the essence of it. He goes walking the
Speaker 3: flight to sixty five Airlines. He'd be the pilot, you know.
Speaker 3: He goes, we're flying over right now over to Indiana
Speaker 3: rat a desolate park. If you look down on the
Speaker 3: left side of the plane you can see the remains
Speaker 3: of Flight four eighteen that crashed right there in the ground.
Speaker 3: Bob you with me, I'm not when weren't you know?
Speaker 4: It was just like a just hilarious, just like a
Speaker 4: funny almost like a very Bob Newhart.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, And then later he got into doing bits.
Speaker 3: Do you ever see a movie called The Projectionist? It
Speaker 3: was done I think in sixty nine. Rodney was in
Speaker 3: that place that he was good. He was good and
Speaker 3: back to school. One of the funniest Yeah to me,
Speaker 3: that that thing about in the Union.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the guy goes, I'm going to build an imaginary factory.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, how are you gonna pay off this guy?
Speaker 2: And pay off that guy? You know? And just so funny.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was really the funniest guy. And I knew
Speaker 3: Rodney forty years. I have no idea if he's a Democrat.
Speaker 3: I have no idea if he's a Republican. All we
Speaker 3: ever talked about with jokes, he that is true with
Speaker 3: with he had the essence, he had quick jokes. One
Speaker 3: of my favorite Rodney jokes is I walked past the
Speaker 3: strip joint he said, topless and bottomless I went in.
Speaker 2: There's nobody there.
Speaker 3: I mean it's a great topless there's nobody there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's a great jock.
Speaker 3: And the other joke you had, like my doctor said
Speaker 3: he a semen sample and he still sampling your own sample,
Speaker 3: so I gave my underpants. You know, just those kinds,
Speaker 3: just those stupid kind of jokes and just just hilarious,
Speaker 3: just hilarious.
Speaker 1: You ever intimidated by anyone that you ever? You ever
Speaker 1: have a guest and you guys actually get nervous. I
Speaker 1: had a couple, but you ever have anyone?
Speaker 2: You think?
Speaker 4: One day I had Roger Moore on.
Speaker 3: So I'll tell you about Sean Connor for Roger Moore,
Speaker 3: and we'll tell you. I said, where do you go
Speaker 3: on vacation? Where you go to India? Going to India?
Speaker 2: Quite often go to India. Yeah that's quite a trip.
Speaker 2: Oh not really, Well how often do you go? Oh well,
Speaker 2: going every weekend.
Speaker 4: Every weekend to India.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I mean that's it's not a long flight. No, no, no,
Speaker 3: we drive really drive to India from from England.
Speaker 2: No, no, from California.
Speaker 4: He was trying to say, India, didn't you know, Oh,
Speaker 4: it's just like a whole wasted segment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're trying to talk about India.
Speaker 4: Sean Connor is my favorite because Seawan Connor is the
Speaker 4: only guy I have heard.
Speaker 3: My mother referred to in a sexual way. That's a
Speaker 3: real man, Gamil.
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, No, the women were different.
Speaker 1: I introduced my wife to Sean Connery and her breast
Speaker 1: let up, and I didn't even know breast could do that,
Speaker 1: that's right. Yeah, but Sean Connery probably went through life
Speaker 1: thinking that women's breast let up all the time.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: But I've never that's the only time I've seen it happen.
Speaker 1: I introduced her to and she went, oh, hello, San,
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. He's like, very nice to meet
Speaker 1: your Megan Boom. Well he didn't talk to to our
Speaker 1: bottom department, he I mean her, But it was really.
Speaker 4: I know, well, most people don't know he was mister
Speaker 4: Universe third runner und Yeah, that's right, nineteen fifty three.
Speaker 2: He was.
Speaker 4: He was a long shoreman and he was a tough.
Speaker 2: Sound very tough. You know the story about him. Johnny Stumpinato.
Speaker 2: Oh no, you get in a fight with Johnny.
Speaker 1: Johnny Stumpinado brings a gun on at the set. I
Speaker 1: can't remember the movie. He was doing a movie with
Speaker 1: Lana Turner La tire right, Yeah, and the rumor was
Speaker 1: that Big Tam as he's known in Scotland or Sean
Speaker 1: Connery was having an affair with Lana Turner, which knowing
Speaker 1: him and knowing.
Speaker 2: About her today, it's probably it's a pretty good even
Speaker 2: money bet.
Speaker 1: Stomperonnado, who's our gangster boyfriend, turns up, points a gun
Speaker 1: at showing points a handgun at Sewan Cornery. He takes
Speaker 1: the gun, he smacks ahead of the gun and she
Speaker 1: got the fuck out bring a gun onto a place
Speaker 1: of water. I mean, it's like he was a tough guy.
Speaker 1: He was from a very tough part of Edinburgh and
Speaker 1: he was very kind.
Speaker 3: Of and he's the only guy you know you always
Speaker 3: hear at jokes and knee slamper.
Speaker 4: He's the only guy I ever saw.
Speaker 3: Slape what's the leadst filthy jewel going about g you know.
Speaker 3: I mean, he would laugh like like he was a pirate.
Speaker 4: And he was the only guy that ever took a
Speaker 4: shower in a tonight showed jesssing room because the justsing
Speaker 4: room is a small ones.
Speaker 2: I remember.
Speaker 4: Shower but nobody. He's and he would say, take.
Speaker 3: A head on you and the news crew, news guys,
Speaker 3: news that to run down with the headphones. Who's shouting down?
Speaker 3: I said, Sean Connery, Oh yeah, but oh yeah, you
Speaker 3: know it was it was he. They took this rough thug,
Speaker 3: they put him in a savile roast suit. They taught
Speaker 3: him a little bit about wine, so he came across.
Speaker 3: He was the only really dangerous Bond I never got.
Speaker 3: Roger Moore is always a pill, very dope buy. He
Speaker 3: was kind of like the comedy bone, you know.
Speaker 4: But him and and Daniel Craig.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can believe Daniel Craig, Daniel, but.
Speaker 4: Sean Connery had the height, he had the weight, Yeah,
Speaker 4: he had.
Speaker 2: The threat was pretty good for the nineteen eighties.
Speaker 3: But but Sean Conny just had the physical presence. I mean,
Speaker 3: the Bond films are funny, being goes gold.
Speaker 4: Finger the man, but a big fat guy can barely
Speaker 4: speak English, slabbering over himself. How was this guy in
Speaker 4: the song Tony but yeah, in the in the in
Speaker 4: the song women.
Speaker 3: Oh he's cold finger, you know, oh please you know
Speaker 3: that Sean Connery.
Speaker 2: I think it's in the movie Goldfinger.
Speaker 1: He wears a little toweling many like it's like little
Speaker 1: shorty shorts. Yeah, the zip that goes up the front
Speaker 1: and a little thing like that. It's the most ridiculous
Speaker 1: looking outfit.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And I.
Speaker 1: Remember we were watching it, like when one of my
Speaker 1: boys was Lettle. We're watching introducing them to an know
Speaker 1: Bond movie. In my I said to Meghan, that's uh,
Speaker 1: that's a stupid looking.
Speaker 2: At it that. She went, No, one shot Connery and
Speaker 2: then a breshlet up again. Oh yeah wow. And he
Speaker 2: wasn't even there.
Speaker 4: Yeah he was. He was quite a guy.
Speaker 2: He was. He was a very impressive.
Speaker 4: I mean, he was a guy for his time. Because
Speaker 4: you watch it now and it's so incredibly sex it's shocking,
Speaker 4: but it was what it was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anybody, look, buddy, we're done for the recording. You
Speaker 2: and I can talk anything. Yeah, we're done. But listen, that.
Speaker 4: Went pretty quick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, we do talk a law Yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot more than I talked to any other former
Speaker 1: host of The Tonight Show.
Speaker 2: You're the one I talked to them.
Speaker 1: Well, they and I think that you know, I had
Speaker 1: such a good time when we were doing gigs with
Speaker 1: our Senio this summer.
Speaker 2: We should do it again.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love doing those.
Speaker 1: He's a great guy too, see you guys, a great guy.
Speaker 3: I tell you a story about our Sceno. It was
Speaker 3: so funny. I think I told you about with Barry manelog.
Speaker 3: You know, I was saying, no, tell me, Well, he
Speaker 3: was the only real threat. That was one Carson was
Speaker 3: afraid of our senior well because it was hip, Yeah
Speaker 3: it was. He was good black, it was young, it
Speaker 3: was everything Johnny wasn't, you know. And you know, like
Speaker 3: when Dana Carvey did Carcinio, he did a comedy oppression
Speaker 3: of a brilliant impression.
Speaker 2: Johnny just hated.
Speaker 4: Made him very nervous.
Speaker 3: Anyway, So the first night of our Sinio show, he goes,
Speaker 3: You're not going to see Barry Manilo's ass on this show.
Speaker 3: This show is all about the funk. It's about to
Speaker 3: mute hit it, you know, in the band place game. Okay,
Speaker 3: So I remember watching that shown. Now this is the
Speaker 3: time when he and I were supposed to be fighting, right.
Speaker 2: You understanding it?
Speaker 4: Well, he had I'm going to kick Leno's ass and
Speaker 4: all this stuff going on.
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny because I think of you two
Speaker 2: is being very good.
Speaker 3: We were very good, yeah, and we still are and
Speaker 3: we were even during that. So anyway, so I'm watching
Speaker 3: him every night to make sure we don't do the
Speaker 3: same jokes, because you need to do that, you know.
Speaker 3: And I hear him say about December. Now, come on,
Speaker 3: I guess in September. And about December he goes, and
Speaker 3: next week on the show, Barry Manilow, you know, I have.
Speaker 4: To say sorry.
Speaker 2: The next stag call like, oh, hi.
Speaker 4: Can I speak to you, Senor Hall, This is Jay Leonard.
Speaker 2: Just a minute. Oh he doesn't want to speak to you.
Speaker 2: That just just he doesn't want to speak to you.
Speaker 4: I said, no, he needs to hear what I have
Speaker 4: to say, you know.
Speaker 2: He goes, what do you want to what do you want?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Next week, very mantel.
Speaker 4: And then he falls off the chair.
Speaker 2: He's laughing. So I go, oh, he wants to see.
Speaker 4: His ass come back, because you realize when you do
Speaker 4: these shows, you need everybody.
Speaker 3: You gotta take the room.
Speaker 4: Can't every night you got but and from that point
Speaker 4: now we both laughed at him.
Speaker 2: That was you know, when the news broke that I
Speaker 2: was going to do the late night show. When I
Speaker 2: was taking it over.
Speaker 1: I was a YouTube concert in Forum in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: and you know, the little backstage area and some backstage there,
Speaker 1: and Chris Rock is there and he comes over and
Speaker 1: he goes, you're the guy taking over the show, and
Speaker 1: I went yeah. He goes, you gotta do that ship
Speaker 1: every fucking night, and I went yeah, and he went, no, man,
Speaker 1: every fucking night.
Speaker 2: I went yeah. And then it kind of haunted me.
Speaker 2: It was like a movie.
Speaker 3: See. I found every night easier because if it didn't
Speaker 3: go well, I got some I can't stop and dwell,
Speaker 3: I got.
Speaker 2: To move out. That is the glory of it.
Speaker 1: But the truth say is, but the time I was done,
Speaker 1: I mean, what did you do twenty five years.
Speaker 3: Twenty two years, twenty three, Well, I mean twenty five
Speaker 3: kind of guessing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I had a ten years and that's yeah,
Speaker 1: that's there's a bit two more than I really was.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't there appointment.
Speaker 4: You're like, no, I'm pretty good at simple, repetitive fasts.
Speaker 2: So yeah, well.
Speaker 4: I enjoy you know, I enjoyed it. I liked the
Speaker 4: discipline of writing jokes every day.
Speaker 2: Great at it.
Speaker 4: I like that you got pencils down, I gotta go. Okay,
Speaker 4: if it didn't, if the show wasn't any good.
Speaker 3: I got another show tomorrow, and three days later you
Speaker 3: forgot about that show that wasn't very good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1: It was interesting now that all these shows hang around
Speaker 1: and people pick apart from a show and broadcasting like,
Speaker 1: I don't even remember doing that, you know, I know,
Speaker 1: I know, it's crazy.
Speaker 4: You know, it's different.
Speaker 3: You know. The saddest thing about late night is everybody
Speaker 3: doing it is really good.
Speaker 4: The trouble is, you have these streaming services. You can
Speaker 4: watch the Lord of the Wings trilogy without commercials. You
Speaker 4: can watch all three Godfather movies. You know, every talk
Speaker 4: show you watch now, because the viewing audience is smaller,
Speaker 4: there's even more commercials. So you watch the monologue five
Speaker 4: and a half minutes than seven minutes of commercials, then
Speaker 4: six and a half minutes a show than nine minutes
Speaker 4: after midnight of commercials, and it just makes it, you know,
Speaker 4: And it's not the it's not the host fault.
Speaker 2: It's just it's so yeah, exactly. Yeah, No, I'm glad
Speaker 2: I got out with it. We got at the right time, winnning.
Speaker 2: Oh we did.
Speaker 4: Yeah, nobody's making that kind of money anymore.
Speaker 2: All Right, well, let's get the fuck out. Here's to
Speaker 2: drive a car, Yeah, anytime,