1 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:07,680 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane. 2 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:19,799 Speaker 1: Never told your production of I Heart Radio. Here's a 3 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 1: question for you. I feel like you've told me before, 4 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: but I can't remember. Have you ever been in a play? Oh, 5 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: we have not talked about this, and yes, I was 6 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 1: actually in drama for two or three years. Oh what 7 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 1: was your starring role? Give me some hits, Samantha McVeigh. Hits. 8 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 1: So I figured out that I'm a lazy, lazy person, 9 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,480 Speaker 1: so memorizing things was not my favorite. And even though 10 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 1: they liked my talent as an actor, I didn't get 11 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 1: leading roles. I was my very first production. I was 12 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 1: a stage manager and I didn't know what the hell 13 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,280 Speaker 1: I was doing. But because I talked to the game 14 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: of looking like I was organized and knew what I 15 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: was doing, they put me there and then it was 16 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 1: one of our competition plays. It's a huge mistake, huge mistake. 17 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 1: We didn't do awful, but I was a nervous wreck. 18 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: But we did many a place with its sound off, 19 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 1: no noises off, and that wow, this is how long 20 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 1: it was noises off? Um, and I played I forgot 21 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 1: what character it was. I was very maternal apparently in 22 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 1: my roles. Uh. In most of the plays, I will 23 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,479 Speaker 1: give you that. For some reason, they put me as 24 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: a mother figure. I don't know. Did you dies, I 25 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,759 Speaker 1: don't know. Did you get nervous? Were you nervous performer? 26 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,959 Speaker 1: I can't remember being nervous. I think that I was 27 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,800 Speaker 1: nervous building up, kind of like how you and I 28 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 1: have talked about this fact. Until I get on that 29 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 1: stage or onto that moment, I'm good, but it's the 30 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: build up. Yeah. Um. And even now as I'm thinking 31 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,639 Speaker 1: about it, I can't quite remember all of my roles. 32 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 1: But I will say I had really good comedic timing 33 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: enough to know when I would get the big laughs. 34 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: And I usually would was the one that would get 35 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:04,320 Speaker 1: the big laughs. That's a skill. I mean, I'm just saying, 36 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 1: and I think I already know this answer. But you know, 37 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 1: I'm not talked about have you been in place? Well? 38 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,440 Speaker 1: I know you've been in movies. You've been in tons 39 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 1: of movies, but well, tons is an exaggeration, but I 40 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:19,640 Speaker 1: appreciate it. Uh, I have been in place. What My 41 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 1: first role was tree number two? Uh? In the play 42 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 1: The Square, So bar on the Square play from Delonaga. 43 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: I was Tree Number two and also the Shopoholic UM. 44 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 1: And I was an extremely nervous performer, Like I even 45 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:46,400 Speaker 1: would get cast in like a wead role and then 46 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 1: I would lose it because my voice would just shaker. 47 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 1: I would shake and my my brain would go like 48 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 1: totally numb. Um. And then I did a bunch of 49 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 1: plays back when I was deter rman to be an actor, 50 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,679 Speaker 1: like maybe six years ago, and all of them are 51 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: really really messed up dramatic roles. Um. And I had 52 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: an instance and this this is very embarrassing, but I 53 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 1: will share it UM, where I was a very I 54 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: was clearly struggling with a lot of emotional issues with 55 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 1: my husband in the play, and there was one part 56 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: where I like crouched out and I was saying something 57 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:32,560 Speaker 1: really serious and everyone was like, oh, so good. And 58 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 1: afterwards somebody came up to me. I was like, that 59 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: was a really bold choice you made, uh, because my 60 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 1: fly had come on the zipford come undone when I 61 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,600 Speaker 1: crouched and I was wearing white underwear that were stained 62 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: with blood, but it was stage prop blood from another 63 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: thing I had done, and so they thought it was 64 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 1: some kind of weird like miscarriage. Thing I was doing, 65 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh no, please tell me you 66 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: leaned into that. I mean, oh, I pretended like, ok, 67 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: I guess okay. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had 68 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 1: any mishaps like that. Most of mine roles I always, 69 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: like I said, I was very maternal or matron lee. 70 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:17,159 Speaker 1: So I had the old makeup and gray hair. Those 71 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 1: were the main problems for me. So I didn't have 72 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,919 Speaker 1: that type of mishap. Yeah. I for some reason, I 73 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:30,640 Speaker 1: get always the like very troubled. Yeah this is yeah, 74 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:33,920 Speaker 1: make kind of fit our personalities a little bit, A 75 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: little bit, a little bit, I don't know I feel 76 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:41,040 Speaker 1: about that, but not really troubled. But you can get 77 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: to that point, which is why you write tragedy in itself. Yes, yes, 78 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: I like a good drama, like a good tragedy. They're 79 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,160 Speaker 1: definitely my favorite. I did do a comedy and that 80 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 1: one was much more intimidating to be by far Um. 81 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 1: But anyway, all that to say all of that to say, 82 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:03,720 Speaker 1: we're talking about productivity again, but also uh specifically specifically 83 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:08,159 Speaker 1: performance guilt, which is something I've been experiencing. And while 84 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:12,200 Speaker 1: we do have jobs that are performance based, I do 85 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 1: think what We're talking about a lot of people do experience. 86 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: It's not just performers who feel it. Um So Yeah, 87 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:22,720 Speaker 1: since COVID there have been so many articles on productivity 88 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:27,359 Speaker 1: during the pandemic and quarantine, alternately claiming it's okay to 89 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,720 Speaker 1: not be productive, or like, don't even imagine being productive, 90 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: or don't treat this like a sabbatical, don't waste time 91 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 1: in quotes are tips on how to be more productive, 92 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: and many other articles on how this whole thing has 93 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 1: further exposed in always on work culture Right, and though 94 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: we talked about it not too long ago, we wanted 95 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,159 Speaker 1: to readdress what does productivity look actually look like today? 96 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,599 Speaker 1: And are we overdoing it? Does our go get them 97 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 1: and do more attitude help or hurt? And yeah, the 98 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 1: whole level of does it put to the point that 99 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 1: we have to perform and show once again we are 100 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: always on top of it, We are amazing. We can 101 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: never be you know, at fault for things and even 102 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 1: we you and I have talked about this plenty of 103 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 1: times that it kind of comes into if we're not perfect, 104 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 1: if we're not always on point, Yes, part of our 105 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:22,279 Speaker 1: imposter syndrome that we're not doing enough and so therefore 106 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:27,839 Speaker 1: we're not qualified for this. Yeah, And to be clear, 107 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 1: this is not uh something that has been limited to 108 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: quarantine for me and I know for probably most people. Um, 109 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: but in our job specifically, there are times where, for 110 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:49,440 Speaker 1: one reason or another, I am just not on, like 111 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:55,480 Speaker 1: it's not there. And I remember once I I had 112 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 1: just found out this like horrible news, and I had 113 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 1: to go into a studio and I recorded the episode, 114 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 1: and every every now and then I think about that 115 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 1: episode and people wrote in and they're like, it just 116 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 1: sounded like you weren't interested, that you weren't into it, 117 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 1: and they were right, and it's it's like that balancing 118 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 1: act of this has to be done. There's a deadline, 119 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 1: but I don't have it. And that's happening more and 120 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 1: more during quarantine because there are so many stressors, there's 121 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 1: so much stuff, and it feels like such an excuse 122 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: when and sometimes it's not even you or me, or 123 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: it could be someone else on our team there they 124 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 1: are not there that day or whatever for whatever reason, 125 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: and the work suffers for it. And I felt such 126 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: a guilt about it, like I'll lie awake thinking about it. Right, 127 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,160 Speaker 1: I think you and I have had this before. I mean, um, 128 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 1: recently I kind of lost it and said, I can't 129 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:56,040 Speaker 1: do this today, I can't do this. I am monitor 130 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 1: my voice changes. I think that's you and I've talked 131 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 1: about this. I actually a more monotone. I've become very 132 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 1: just robotic and trying to move through it. Um. But myself, 133 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 1: as a social worker who has gone through, you know, 134 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 1: a lot of therapy and stuff, also, I am angry 135 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 1: with myself that I can't I just won't sit um. 136 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: But at the same time, it is it's this, It's 137 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 1: this balancing act of fulfilling your obligations and being responsible, 138 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 1: but at the same time listening to your body and 139 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 1: listening to your mental health as well. So where is 140 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,880 Speaker 1: that balance? Who are you hurting? What are you hurting? 141 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 1: And who do you owe allegiance to? At the point time, 142 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 1: it kind of does feel like you're betraying someone if 143 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,320 Speaker 1: you can't entertain them to a certain point. I know, 144 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:41,839 Speaker 1: you know, you and I have talked about this a 145 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:43,680 Speaker 1: lot of times. As in fact, we talked about it 146 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 1: because you and I hang out often and we communicate 147 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 1: so differently about what we want or having to make 148 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: decisions or who's doing what that we over communicate sometimes. 149 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 1: I know I do because I want to make sure 150 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 1: it's perfect. But anxiety level of being perfect or making 151 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 1: something perfect and making everyone comfortable, it's so high. And 152 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,319 Speaker 1: then you put yourself in a pandemic in the quarantine 153 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 1: where you've backtrack and everything you may have done wrong, 154 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,840 Speaker 1: and this is this is an overwhelming guilt. And then 155 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:22,960 Speaker 1: at the same time, you're not doing enough. Yeah, yeah, 156 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:27,319 Speaker 1: it is. And I think because we are hearing, we're 157 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: seeing all these articles about how to be more protective 158 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: or or the other day I was reading somebody and 159 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: good for her, but she was like, I'm having the 160 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 1: best time in Corny. I'm getting all this done. And 161 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:42,679 Speaker 1: we we put that pressure on ourselves and it may 162 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: I get angry too. I'm like, well, why can't I 163 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: be better at this? It's not like I have other faiths, 164 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 1: right right? Um? And we did our in our remote 165 00:09:55,720 --> 00:10:01,079 Speaker 1: work episode that came out recently, we talked about this 166 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: and about kind of this bleed of working home life 167 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: and that balance and how a lot of us actually aren't. 168 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:12,199 Speaker 1: We're working more, right, but I feel like I'm working more, 169 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 1: but I'm not working better and that upsets me. But 170 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: I also am trying to be compassionate of well, there 171 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 1: is a lot going on and there's only so much 172 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,440 Speaker 1: you can push yourself. I think it's also because you 173 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: are quarantined, especially you you're by yourself, and as well 174 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,480 Speaker 1: as you have done and as much support group you 175 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:40,319 Speaker 1: may have, the inner dialogue never dies. And being by yourself, 176 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,880 Speaker 1: you who have trouble sleeping, myself who has trouble with 177 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 1: depression and anxiety both, it just kind of builds on 178 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 1: itself when you start to argue and you allow the 179 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: darker side to take over, and it kind of like 180 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,400 Speaker 1: I just got done with the Caroline on and lady 181 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,720 Speaker 1: like doing an Instagram life thing and I feel awful, 182 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 1: and not because I did anything wrong, but I'm just 183 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,960 Speaker 1: second guessing everything I said and feeling embarrassed about half 184 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,320 Speaker 1: the things I said and if I probably went back 185 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: and looked at it, which I haven't. M H, it 186 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,679 Speaker 1: was fine, Yeah, I mean, my rational part of me 187 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,840 Speaker 1: is everything was fine, but the inner dialogue that I 188 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,200 Speaker 1: can't shut off, and especially trying to perform, especially being 189 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,559 Speaker 1: you know, I want to do these things. I want 190 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 1: to be better at these things. So this is a 191 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,640 Speaker 1: great time to learn your skills, you know, to better 192 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,319 Speaker 1: your skills, but then feeling like, oh, yeah, there's nothing 193 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 1: I can do right, yeah, And I just want to say, 194 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 1: like not to tuot our own horror. I think we've 195 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: been doing a great job. It's just it does come 196 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:50,679 Speaker 1: down to inner dialogue and just having days where you 197 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 1: it's such a slog and I know a lot of 198 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: people are feeling that. And it was interesting when I 199 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 1: was researching this kind of, like very briefly, I found 200 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 1: a lot of articles about how people use hustle the 201 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 1: side hustle as a way to convince ourselves that we 202 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:12,200 Speaker 1: have control where we actually probably don't, especially in a 203 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: capitalistic society that doesn't really care about you, Like oh, 204 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 1: if I do this and do this and do this, 205 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,680 Speaker 1: I'll succeed, Like these are things I have control over, 206 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 1: And how a lot of people, particularly in the United States, 207 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,200 Speaker 1: use productivity as a coping mechanism, and that ranks so 208 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:29,080 Speaker 1: true for me of like, well, what did what did you? 209 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,240 Speaker 1: What did this day amount to? Oh, I did this 210 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 1: list of things. I accomplished this list of things, And 211 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 1: how some people have even made it almost a moral 212 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 1: thing where it's like something you are a good person 213 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: if you're productive. Um, and then of course we all 214 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,200 Speaker 1: know people are behave differently under stressed. Some thrive under 215 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:54,959 Speaker 1: stressed and some don't. But just U, I guess I've 216 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: never really thought about it in that way, and this 217 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,240 Speaker 1: is a time where I'm having to examine it. I know. 218 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:04,760 Speaker 1: I've seen a lot of people doing the whole if 219 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 1: I speak it out, it will come true, so you know, 220 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: bringing words to life essentially, and I've seen that as 221 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: a conversation about making money and so the hustle um 222 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 1: doing this, I'm going to have a savings account. I've 223 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 1: seen that as a big thing and that's great, lofty goals. 224 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,040 Speaker 1: But for me as a part of it's like, oh 225 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: I can't. It's not because I'm being self deprecated, because 226 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,040 Speaker 1: that's not possible, you know, Like that's for everyone. And 227 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: putting this out there for yourself as self motivation it's great, 228 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 1: but setting yourself up to fail is a whole different story. 229 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 1: And that's what I've seen a lot of, like the 230 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 1: back and forth of like, yeah, these are really great things, 231 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 1: but realistically you're in an area, you're in a country 232 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 1: that if you've not been given these things because your 233 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 1: family already has it. You may not ever, and that 234 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:52,680 Speaker 1: doesn't make you any less. Just because you didn't have 235 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 1: the same opportunities does not make you less. But you 236 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: set yourself up to fail when you put that same 237 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,839 Speaker 1: standards on yourself as those who's got the money, who's 238 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 1: that money, and pretend like that was their goal. It's 239 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: just it's really interesting to see these American dreams when 240 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 1: it's like, it's not an American dream, it's a rich 241 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,839 Speaker 1: person jury. It's the billionaire's dream to continue to get 242 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,000 Speaker 1: more money because they've already had that money, or being 243 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 1: to continue or has a big system that helps them 244 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 1: build up. So this could be a whole conversation if 245 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 1: we're talking about monetarily successful capitalism and who doesn't help 246 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: doesn't really help the working man? No man, well man, yes, yes, yeah, 247 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:35,520 Speaker 1: that is a whole big conversation, um and all, and 248 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:41,160 Speaker 1: a lot of this could be expounded out, but for now, 249 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 1: that's sort of it's been on my mind lately, a 250 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: lot of guilt around not it's not that I'm not productive, 251 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:54,760 Speaker 1: I am, it's now I have a guilt that it's 252 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 1: not good what I'm producing and it's only going to 253 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: get worse because contrary to what you see on social media, 254 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: things are not getting better and we should not necessarily 255 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: operate at full yeah social status. Um, but continue because 256 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I've put up some really pretty 257 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 1: pictures of beaches, but I've been fortunate enough to have 258 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:22,920 Speaker 1: connections like you and people who have been uh quarantined 259 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: enough and have a small circle, and then being able 260 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: to be in an isolated area but outside of that 261 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 1: that's it, and seeing people like talking about traveling and 262 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,440 Speaker 1: going and seeing in restaurants and things, and and I'm like, 263 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 1: oh no, I'm missing out. Maybe I'm overreacting. But at 264 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 1: the same time, but also part of this is like 265 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 1: we had over a thousand deaths today alone. You know, Um, 266 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 1: that's not happen. It's not nothing slowing down. It's continuing 267 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,240 Speaker 1: to be worse. It's continuing to happen. The fires in 268 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 1: California are ugly, are like really really horrendous and very 269 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: very tragic, and it's not slowing down. So not to 270 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 1: be the sad sack of the group as I always am, 271 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 1: it's not necessarily going to be better. We're gonna have 272 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 1: to start allowing ourselves to forgive ourselves on everything we 273 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 1: can't meet and that's part of the trick of this 274 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 1: whole damn thing. Yeah it is, it is, um, and 275 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: we're all figuring it out. It's different for everybody, so 276 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,520 Speaker 1: but it's okay. We're here with you. We are. I 277 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 1: still KNT makes our dough bread neither well, I haven't tried, 278 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,800 Speaker 1: but I suspect it won't go well. I am going 279 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,720 Speaker 1: to try it though, trand as like everyone's done with it, 280 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 1: that's right when I'm like, it's time I paused on 281 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: my knitting. Uh, my basil plants have died the only 282 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: place I have. They died because I was gone this 283 00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 1: week and um, I didn't set up proper right my 284 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:06,359 Speaker 1: own mind row. Um. So yes, I have a million 285 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:11,360 Speaker 1: many of failures in my pocket, but it doesn't mean 286 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,359 Speaker 1: I won't keep trying. I'll go buy another basic plant somewhere. 287 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,959 Speaker 1: This is an interesting It became more of a downer 288 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 1: than I thought it was going to be, but I 289 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: should have known that's what we do. Yeah, well, we 290 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:31,040 Speaker 1: would listen together. Um. We would love to hear from 291 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 1: any listeners about your thoughts on productivity and performance, guilt, 292 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:42,680 Speaker 1: or just how's it going for you was happening for you. Yeah, 293 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:46,040 Speaker 1: how's your quarantine going? You can email us at Stuff Media, 294 00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,119 Speaker 1: mom Stuff at I hurt media dot com. You can 295 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 1: find us on Instagram at stuff I Never Told You 296 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:53,359 Speaker 1: are on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always 297 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,640 Speaker 1: to our super producers Andrew Howard and j. J. Pasbay. 298 00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 1: Sorry for making you sad, and thanks to you for 299 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:03,920 Speaker 1: listening Stuff I've Never Told You, production of I Heart Radio. 300 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,880 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, Visito I Heart 301 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,159 Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your 302 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: favorite shows.