1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,639 Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren z E mc coomedy from the 3 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 1: home office in Austin, Texas, LZ, what's on your mind today? 4 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 2: I got a. 5 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 3: Little playbook topic for us to get into today. Okay, 6 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 3: I'm calling it simply daddy issues. 7 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,799 Speaker 1: Oh god, how long is this podcast going to be? 8 00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 3: Okay, well, you've already hit the nail on the head. 9 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 2: My friend, here's what I want to talk to you about. 10 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 3: And I think this is going to be an interesting 11 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 3: discussion for us to have, like male female relationships wise, 12 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 3: what's okay to say? 13 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:40,199 Speaker 2: Basically? 14 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 3: So, I was getting a coffee the other day with 15 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 3: a friend. She's a little younger than me, and she 16 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 3: was kind of asking my advice because she lost her 17 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 3: dad a few years ago, and she was asking my 18 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 3: advice about dating. Because when you've lost a parent and 19 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 3: you're dating and you're young, especially, people like assume that 20 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 3: you still your parents. So the first, you know, one 21 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,319 Speaker 3: of the early questions on a first date is like, 22 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 3: so where does your family live? 23 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 2: Where are your parents? 24 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,800 Speaker 3: And you know, I would usually avoid a bout being like, yeah, 25 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:09,760 Speaker 3: my mom's in Chicago. 26 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 2: And then they're like, oh, okay, so, but like and 27 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 2: where's your dad? And then you're like, so, my dad's dead. 28 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: Yes. Uh. 29 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:18,840 Speaker 2: It can get uncomfortable quickly. 30 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,120 Speaker 3: You try to the other person says sorry, you try 31 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 3: to make them feel better, et cetera. But so she 32 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 3: was asking me my advice on how to handle it 33 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 3: in the conversation, and she said, I just feel like 34 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 3: I'm worried these guys are going to think I have 35 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 3: daddy issues and some have even said that to me before, like, oh, 36 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 3: daddy issues. 37 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,759 Speaker 2: And I said I hate that phrase, and she. 38 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 3: Goes, I do too, And we were just kind of 39 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 3: talking about, like, you know, why does it bother us? 40 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 3: And then as I started to think about it, I thought, well, 41 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 3: but you know, it's unfair of me. I've used the 42 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 3: phrase mommy issues before about it, and I just wanted 43 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 3: us to get into are these phrases okay to say? 44 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,239 Speaker 2: What do they convey? 45 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 3: Now? 46 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 2: I'm rhyming and does anyone not have these issues? What 47 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 2: do you think? 48 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:22,639 Speaker 1: First of all, they're okay to say here's what they convey? Oh, look, 49 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 1: I think they are okay because they're real. 50 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:31,920 Speaker 3: On both you know, by the way I've changed my 51 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,799 Speaker 3: own mind about it. Literally, like I was at first 52 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,640 Speaker 3: in that conversation with her, like, man, I hate that phrase, 53 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 3: but I realized, I think I'm just kind of sensitive 54 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 3: to it. And then when I found myself using the 55 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 3: phrase mommy issues, I thought, oh my gosh, I'm a hypocrite. 56 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:47,799 Speaker 2: Do you know why I think it is? 57 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,359 Speaker 3: I think it's because, especially when we're young, and I'm 58 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,840 Speaker 3: really giving it up to freud. 59 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:53,680 Speaker 2: Here uh huh. 60 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 3: Well, not in a weird way, but like we tend 61 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 3: to date some version, we tend to date a version 62 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 3: of that parent because and I think it's just because 63 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 3: that's the relationship, that's the model we have, that's the 64 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 3: relationship we've seen. 65 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: For sure. The psychology has a huge part of that. 66 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 3: Like if you love your parent, yeah, I mean I 67 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,840 Speaker 3: loved my dad. So what do you think you think? Well, 68 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 3: I want to find someone who's gonna treat me the 69 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 3: way my. 70 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 2: Dad treated me. 71 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 1: He is the strength, he is the voice of reason 72 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 1: and education and love. 73 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 2: And then if you've lost your daddy're trying to replace 74 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:29,200 Speaker 2: your dad. 75 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know, Like, I think these are 76 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,359 Speaker 3: very real and I realize what I really the reason 77 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 3: I really. 78 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 2: Wanted to talk about it is because it's like we 79 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 2: got to normalize it. We all have issues. Shout out 80 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 2: to doctor Phil's new book. 81 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: We've got issue issues, and we do and look to 82 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: a certain degree. You're right, we all do have issues. 83 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:50,840 Speaker 1: But as you said, you lost your dad at a 84 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 1: young age, but let's say it was a younger age, 85 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: even like you know when you are five, six, seven, 86 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 1: ten years old, you know that impact of losing that 87 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: figure in your life. Like you said, you will, you 88 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: will seek that out and that I think that's the 89 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 1: truest definition of daddy issues is when a female has 90 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:19,799 Speaker 1: never had that male role. Therefore they seek it in others. 91 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,600 Speaker 1: And sometimes it can be in a bad way. That 92 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 1: will seek out kind of any sort of male support 93 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,919 Speaker 1: and love, and oftentimes it can find itself in a 94 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,920 Speaker 1: very toxic way. When we say guys have mommy issues, 95 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 1: a lot of times we can be too attacked, we 96 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: can be too attached. 97 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,839 Speaker 2: By the way. I'm actually not saying that about you. 98 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,279 Speaker 3: I truly don't think you are, but you're right, that 99 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,280 Speaker 3: is the stereotype in it. And then the second you said, 100 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 3: that's several of like my friend's husbands popped into mine, 101 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:49,920 Speaker 3: or guys that have. 102 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: Been coddled and taken care of and always pampered and 103 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:57,720 Speaker 1: you know, had your bottom wiped for you your whole life. Therefore, 104 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 1: you are not a grown funk man who can. 105 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,279 Speaker 3: Stereotype is he's too attached to his mommy, has mommy issues. 106 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 1: No one ever cut the umbilical cord, as they like 107 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,560 Speaker 1: to say, yes, and so you are still attached to 108 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,160 Speaker 1: the hip and the mom and typically the mom and 109 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: the interesting thing. And we need to get into this 110 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:17,560 Speaker 1: because the daddy issue often has to do with the 111 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 1: dad either dying sadly or just not being a part 112 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 1: of your life. 113 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 2: The dad could have left with the mom, it's too 114 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:24,480 Speaker 2: much apart. 115 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:28,600 Speaker 1: The mom is about being there. Yeah, that's very interesting. 116 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,520 Speaker 2: Probably indicates who's doing a lot of the child rearing, 117 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 2: you know. 118 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm just taking what you're saying because I 119 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:40,679 Speaker 3: completely agree. It's kind of like the stereotype of daddy 120 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 3: issues mommy issues would be the woman is trying to 121 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 3: fill the void and the guy is like too full. 122 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 1: He can't fill the void, can't separate, he can't step 123 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 1: up and fill that void himself and become a man 124 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,600 Speaker 1: and become independent and strong, and that's what women are. 125 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 3: Like, you know, I will say, you know, it's I mean, 126 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 3: and look I also I mean, first of all, I'm 127 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 3: trying to normalize this because no one has a perfect upbringing, 128 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 3: no one has a perfect parents, because people aren't perfect, 129 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,560 Speaker 3: and people are out there raising people. 130 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 2: We all like, like. 131 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 3: You know, everybody's a go my trauma. Yeah, sure we 132 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 3: all do. We all have issues from our parents. We 133 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 3: all have stuff we have to work through. We all 134 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,600 Speaker 3: should keep working on yourself, try to be better, and 135 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 3: so it's just normal. We're all gonna have some stuff 136 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,720 Speaker 3: that we have to deal with, and our parents are 137 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 3: the most formative thing in our lives. 138 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 2: They shape who we become. 139 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 3: I always feel like the people I know who are 140 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,279 Speaker 3: kind of the most damaged people are people who did 141 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 3: not feel love. 142 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:44,599 Speaker 2: From their parents. Like I think that's such a like 143 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:45,839 Speaker 2: we're all a little bent. 144 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 3: But if you know people who are really broken or 145 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 3: people who didn't feel that, and I pity them I 146 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,840 Speaker 3: deeply because even though I lost my. 147 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:55,480 Speaker 2: Dad, I had love from my dad. 148 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 3: But I also think like a silver lining of these 149 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,200 Speaker 3: issues is fine finding a way to be strong. 150 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 2: Like I know, I don't know why I don't know 151 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:04,599 Speaker 2: if it's because. 152 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:08,880 Speaker 3: Millennial women all grew up idolizing journalists because they were 153 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 3: that was the job every woman in every rom calm, 154 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 3: we grew up watching hat But I actually know a 155 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 3: lot of successful female journalists who lost their dads young, 156 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 3: and that's like interesting to me. I sometimes think there's 157 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 3: a you know, certainly, if you lose a parent, hopefully 158 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 3: you come out like stronger and wanting to do them proud, 159 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 3: and you work really hard through that loss. That would be, 160 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 3: like to me, really the best case scenario, so you 161 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 3: wouldn't get like broken and stunted by it. 162 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 2: The by the way, do you think you have mommy issues? 163 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 3: Your mom does listen to the podcast, so yes, it's 164 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 3: two incredibly strong moms the wonderful. 165 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: Something that really stuck out to me. And again, I 166 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 1: had you spring this subject on me today. 167 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 2: I did not give them my heads up about this part. 168 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,400 Speaker 1: So while I don't have the research in front of me, 169 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,840 Speaker 1: I have done research on this, and I've read and 170 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 1: I've listened to many podcasts about this. It is without 171 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: a doubt scientifically proven that children are much more successful 172 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 1: education wise future relationships being healthy and strong in every 173 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: which way, if there is a healthy male female presence 174 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: in the house, two strong parents, you're growing up in 175 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 1: a loving family unit. And that may be a mom 176 00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:49,840 Speaker 1: and a dad, it may be you know, a strong grandparent. 177 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: It's just having a significant presence of family and being 178 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 1: responsible to others as you are growing up and having 179 00:08:56,280 --> 00:09:00,559 Speaker 1: that love. It is astronomical the numbers how much they change, 180 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 1: of how stronger they are in education and graduating high school, 181 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 1: going to college, getting jobs, et cetera. And it all 182 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:09,960 Speaker 1: kind of comes back to this right of if we 183 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 1: don't have that or if we have it and it's 184 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 1: toxic or bad, it does the exact opposite well. 185 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 2: And you know, also a question comes up of like 186 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 2: what's toxic? 187 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,520 Speaker 3: Like I said, I I want to normalize the phrase 188 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 3: a little bit and normalize the idea. Because an ex 189 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 3: boyfriend of mine is coming to mind. He had a 190 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,440 Speaker 3: very stable family upbringing. 191 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:33,880 Speaker 2: He had a. 192 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 3: Great mom, a stay at home mom, dad, like a 193 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 3: ton of love in his house. But his parents had 194 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,760 Speaker 3: this policy that they never fought in front of their kids. Ever, 195 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,600 Speaker 3: so he did not know how to have an argument. 196 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:51,559 Speaker 3: Oh interesting, like he couldn't. He found it paralyzing. He 197 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 3: thought like if we ever disagreed, it would like we 198 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 3: broke up because like he. 199 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,840 Speaker 2: Couldn't disagree his mind. 200 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 1: No one ever fought. 201 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, now, my parents and I love them. They fought 202 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,319 Speaker 3: in front of us quite a lot. Two attorneys to 203 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,720 Speaker 3: strong willed people. I had to do the opposite. And 204 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,839 Speaker 3: this is definitely why this guy and I didn't work out, 205 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,880 Speaker 3: amongst other things. But I thought fighting was so normal 206 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,560 Speaker 3: that like if I didn't have fighting in a relationship. 207 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,080 Speaker 3: And I had to realize this about myself and I 208 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 3: always am still working on it. But I was like, I, 209 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 3: fighting doesn't mean love, like I kind of thought fighting 210 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,840 Speaker 3: and passion were like, like that meant you cared. And 211 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 3: I had to realize, Okay, I don't have to always 212 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 3: be in the state of turmoil. Fighting doesn't mean love, 213 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 3: and we can discuss without screaming. And I had to 214 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 3: unlearn that behavior and when these were like the opposite scenarios. 215 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,599 Speaker 3: But we both still had to do work on ourselves, 216 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 3: me and the sex boyfriend. 217 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,280 Speaker 1: You know well, and you and I have had to. 218 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: I think that's a big part of a relationship and 219 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 1: a big part of our marriage, and I think anybody's 220 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:59,560 Speaker 1: relationship is learning how to argue, learning words that are 221 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:03,439 Speaker 1: okay to be said, words that someone might not like said, 222 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:07,479 Speaker 1: having those conversations as you start fighting and you start disagreeing. 223 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,839 Speaker 1: I know, people it's hard to believe, but Lauren and 224 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 1: I sometimes disagree, and you know, we have our arguments 225 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 1: and our fights, so to speak. And it's knowing how 226 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 1: the other person. It's being respectful kind of setting ground 227 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: rules to war. It's the Geneva convention, if you will, 228 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 1: and I think it's important. And so the only way 229 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,679 Speaker 1: you really have those discussions is lines are crossed and 230 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:32,800 Speaker 1: realizing that it's okay, you know, like one fight or 231 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,000 Speaker 1: someone going a little too far. And I'm not talking 232 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: about abuse in any way. I'm just talking about your 233 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: garden variety arguments that someone says a little something too strong. 234 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: You're like, who whoo hoo oh, I don't like it 235 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 1: when that happens, Okay, and you remember that for next time. 236 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 1: And you and I had to teach, you know, we 237 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: had to learn. Sure we have those discussions well, and. 238 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 2: It come when it comes. I'm going back to the 239 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:54,199 Speaker 2: parenting thing. 240 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,480 Speaker 3: But what's also interesting about like any of this, is 241 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,560 Speaker 3: that the rhetoric and the education on what's right to 242 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:01,680 Speaker 3: do or always evolving. 243 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 2: I mean, think. 244 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:06,079 Speaker 3: About how different like what our parents thought good parent 245 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 3: what they thought good parenting was, versus what people say 246 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 3: good parenting is now. And the problem is that as 247 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 3: like the advice changes and the education changes, only time 248 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 3: tells if that's really true. 249 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:18,760 Speaker 2: Like I saw this tweet the other. 250 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 3: Day about I guess there's a book out now called 251 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 3: bad Therapy, and it kind of dives into how this 252 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 3: person with this person poses And I haven't read the book. 253 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,319 Speaker 3: I'm just remembering the tweet, but the takeaways seem to 254 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,600 Speaker 3: be that, like the research they're citing and what they're 255 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:40,439 Speaker 3: posing is that by giving a recent generation like too 256 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:44,040 Speaker 3: much therapy, we've kind of actually made them mentally weak 257 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,560 Speaker 3: because they're constantly so focused on like, what are my 258 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:49,000 Speaker 3: mental issues? What are my mental issues? And it's made 259 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:52,199 Speaker 3: them weaker and unable to deal with those mental issues, 260 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 3: you know. And then I look at like my mama, 261 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,679 Speaker 3: if I tried to talk to her about how I 262 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 3: was feeling, she said, you've had enough airtime, go do 263 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 3: your homework. 264 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,079 Speaker 2: And maybe I wish you'd listen to my feelings a 265 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 2: little more. 266 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 3: And maybe that's why I got into speaking for a 267 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,320 Speaker 3: living because I wanted my airtime. I mean, I can 268 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,680 Speaker 3: draw all the lines. So do I have mommy issues? 269 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 2: Yes? 270 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 1: I love that she used airtime. 271 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:12,959 Speaker 2: Airtime. 272 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 1: This is long before you were ever on the air. 273 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: She knew that phrase. It's indiculous, had enough airtime. 274 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 3: It's right there. All the tree of trauma is right 275 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:23,480 Speaker 3: there with all its brands. 276 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:27,720 Speaker 1: That what made you seek out this endeavor in this business. 277 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 2: I have a microphone in my hands talking about what. 278 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:38,960 Speaker 1: Damny freud. So our takeaway is these phrases daddy issues, 279 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:44,679 Speaker 1: mommy issues. They can be overused, but they can be used, 280 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: and I think they can be very accurate in what 281 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:48,760 Speaker 1: they can describe. 282 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,880 Speaker 2: I think we both have daddy issues and mommy issues. 283 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: Of course, and by the way, everybody does. As much 284 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,839 Speaker 1: as I would like to think that I have been 285 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 1: the perfect parent and I have raised my children perfectly. 286 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,559 Speaker 3: God, the sequel to this will be the kids come 287 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 3: on ice thank you too soon. 288 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,320 Speaker 1: I think there have been one or two mistakes made 289 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 1: and things that we'll. 290 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 3: Let them bring up a little more and really be 291 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 3: able to articulate what those issues. 292 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,320 Speaker 1: I will let them go to therapy and figure this out. 293 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 1: But yes, none of us are perfect, as much as 294 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: we would like. At the end of the day, we 295 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 1: do the best we can with the knowledge we have. 296 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 1: And I think to my generation of so many latchkey 297 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 1: kids who parents never came to any practices and parents 298 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 1: were never involved in anything, and maybe they made it 299 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 1: to our graduation, that was about it. We came home 300 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 1: alone and YadA YadA to the helicopter parenting generation. And 301 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: all that does is create different adults that will give 302 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: different things into this world. Are any of them all 303 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: the way right? No? Are any of them all the 304 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: way wrong? No? Not either, But none of us are perfect. 305 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,840 Speaker 3: I saw this another great phrase the other day. I 306 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:58,040 Speaker 3: think on Instagram someone said, have empathy for your parents. 307 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 3: It's their first time too, and I thought, God, that's 308 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 3: so simple but so poignant that you're you know, my 309 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 3: mom's in her sixties right now. She's never been in 310 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 3: her sixties before, She's never parented thirty something year old 311 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 3: kids before. Like, everybody is doing it all for the 312 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:20,920 Speaker 3: first time. And if someone is doing their best, then 313 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 3: just love them and know they're trying. And again, don't 314 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:31,560 Speaker 3: put that like pressure of perfection on yourself, because what's 315 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 3: deemed perfect and great, and what a parent you are 316 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 3: today could be looked at totally differently tomorrow, in a 317 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,320 Speaker 3: month and a couple of years. 318 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,440 Speaker 1: I promise you it will be yes. 319 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 3: So I'm taking the negative connotation away from the phrase, 320 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,440 Speaker 3: I'm owning it. I have daddy issues and I have 321 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 3: mommy issues too, but I love dad and mom both. 322 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: We have a lot of issues, which is great because 323 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 1: that means we have a lot more to talk about. 324 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,400 Speaker 1: We'll see again next time. Thanks for listening. Follow us 325 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,240 Speaker 1: on Instagram at the most dramatic pod ever, and make 326 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: sure to write us a review and leave us five stars. 327 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: I'll talk to you next time.