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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID edition.

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Speaker 1: I'm your host Cold Stratton in for Kevin Pollock. Let's

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Speaker 1: meet her alchemist Shelley. First up, it's Chris Alvarado. Chris

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Speaker 1: put together a lineup of five musical artists if you

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Speaker 1: could have like a dream concert. I don't really know

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Speaker 1: a lot of music. Um, you don't have five bands

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Speaker 1: you've liked in your entire life. I don't think so,

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Speaker 1: I'm being honest, Um bands, No, I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: don't I can't answer the question. I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: like him hip hop, m I likes jazz, so maybe

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Speaker 1: like like Woo Tank Clan or something, and then like

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Speaker 1: Dave Brubeck or something, and then, uh, I don't even know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, Bob, I don't know. It's a terrible concert.

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Speaker 1: Somebody who's such a music guy, tell me what you're

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Speaker 1: feeling right now. I don't know. It's your concert, man,

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Speaker 1: I don't care. I don't even know. Hard for me

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Speaker 1: to narrow down to five, but I didn't think it'd

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Speaker 1: be the opposite that you couldn't get. I can't name

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Speaker 1: I can't name five bands. I don't think. Thank you,

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Speaker 1: I've been Bob Dylan next up and then Aerosmith three times. Alright,

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Speaker 1: good question, have no problem. What do you think on that?

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Speaker 1: A month from now you send me your answers. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Next up, James Heeney. James, I know that you're super

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Speaker 1: scientific and you do a lot of studies and stuff,

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Speaker 1: but how many licks does it take to you to

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Speaker 1: the center of a test ro pop? What's the official

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Speaker 1: number there? Uh? Well, it's it depends on if you're

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Speaker 1: going to focus on one side, because you can get

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Speaker 1: to the center on one side and a little less

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Speaker 1: than three hundred licks and that's from back a tongue

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Speaker 1: to tip a tongue. Uh. But if you're rotating, like

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Speaker 1: if it's instead of like you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: So if you go back to uh, that's a little

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Speaker 1: less than three um. But if you're swirling it, you

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Speaker 1: could cut your tongue and it's dangerous, so be careful. Alright,

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Speaker 1: good data to put that to the test. Can I

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Speaker 1: just add that if you don't have a Patreon, this

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Speaker 1: might be the best time to get it to see

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Speaker 1: James explain what he just said. He's meeting himself right now.

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Speaker 1: Next up, Craig Kikowski. Craig, did you have a VHS

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Speaker 1: tape you wore out as a kid. It's a movie

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Speaker 1: you watched ton Uh. Yeah, there was a summer and

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Speaker 1: I think I've alluded this to this before when my

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Speaker 1: best friend Toby and I decided we were going to watch, uh,

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Speaker 1: Purple Rain and this is Spinal Tap every day of

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Speaker 1: the summer. And I think this must have been because

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Speaker 1: both of both of those movies came out, and I

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Speaker 1: think we made it for like a week of having

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Speaker 1: to watch Purple Rain and Spinal Tap every day. But

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Speaker 1: I think I don't. I mean, worn out is merely

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Speaker 1: metaphorical because those tapes still exist at my parents house.

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Speaker 1: There you go, do you Indeed? It is kind of

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Speaker 1: sad though, like if stuff you taped off TV, it's

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Speaker 1: just starts to degenerate or whatever, and it's like you

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Speaker 1: can't even see it anymore, and eventually you know it

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Speaker 1: will disappear if you even really care and have those

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Speaker 1: tapes anymore. But you know, I like family recitals or whatever,

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Speaker 1: you got to digitize them. I mean, Prince and Spinal

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Speaker 1: Tap would be in my top five bands for a concert. Definitely,

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Speaker 1: There you go. I mean, I can come up with

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Speaker 1: so many. I mean, guys, here one of our favorites

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Speaker 1: hustle saying, it's all, uh, you're a big Dallas Cowboys fan.

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Speaker 1: Everybody knows that. But let's say they never existed. What

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Speaker 1: team do you follow instead in the NFL. That's a good,

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Speaker 1: very good question, Cole. Thanks for asking. I can give

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Speaker 1: you five at the least, but I'll start off with

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Speaker 1: the Chicago Bears. That's probably the first team I watched

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Speaker 1: UM and the Jim mcman years and I really liked them.

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Speaker 1: And then I usually whenever I go and live somewhere

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Speaker 1: for a long time, I usually root for a local

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Speaker 1: team as well. So when I was in New York,

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Speaker 1: I was more of a Giants fan, even though their

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Speaker 1: NFC East as well. Here in l A, I am

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Speaker 1: pulling for the Rams more than the Chargers. So um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I like Green Bay. I mean, I think keep going.

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Speaker 1: I can just go down the list. Nice. You know,

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Speaker 1: Chicago Bears could play your dream concert, Chris, I get

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Speaker 1: to shoot super Bowl shuffle it for a couple of hours. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so we have Super bowl S shelf from the Bears.

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Speaker 1: We have spinal tap Prince. I think we're doing good.

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Speaker 1: I want to hear. Yeah, this is Chicago. You can

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Speaker 1: just have Chicago as well. You know, Chicago with the

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Speaker 1: Chicago Bears mashup be pretty great? Uh great? And finally,

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Speaker 1: last but not least, you know him, Joey Greer. Joey

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Speaker 1: Uh God, I hear you got hired to write a

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Speaker 1: brand new movie introducing new characters to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

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Speaker 1: Tell us a little bit about him. Guy, I am

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Speaker 1: so stoked to talk about this. I cannot believe this

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Speaker 1: is the first time I'm allowed to say this. I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm out. I'm outside the contract islands where they say

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Speaker 1: you can't talk about this, you can't talk about this.

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Speaker 1: But even better news, they're saying I should talk about

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Speaker 1: this because you're not. You're gonna love This is a

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Speaker 1: new character, a whole new uh storyline that's gonna be

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Speaker 1: popping up here. This is phase seven in the m

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Speaker 1: c U. I know we're on phase six, but this

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Speaker 1: is phase seven, so this is gonna be coming down

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Speaker 1: just a little little bit later. So what if this

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Speaker 1: character I have here is nuts. His name is is

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Speaker 1: Blimbo and he's got he's a clown. Craig played him

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Speaker 1: at one point. Uh, he's a cop exactly. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: love it. Great, Craig will look forward to those checks. Uh,

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Speaker 1: let's do a damn show, everybody. All of our seen

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Speaker 1: suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon

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Speaker 1: v I p s to become a Patreon supporter of

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Speaker 1: the show and enjoy exclusive content and their perks, just

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Speaker 1: head on over to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this.

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Speaker 1: If you'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email,

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Speaker 1: please write to the podcast at our new email address,

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Speaker 1: alchemy This email at gmail dot com. That's alchemy com.

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Speaker 1: Scene one is from Ophelia, who wrote simple scene suggestion

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Speaker 1: phone sex line. Thanks Ophelia, maybe, um, maybe are you

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Speaker 1: going to answer that phone? Yeah? Yeah, it's just um

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Speaker 1: its first? What I mean? First? First, David getting too bed? Okay, baby,

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Speaker 1: why don't you go to sleep. I'll take this call

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Speaker 1: on the work in the morning. Yes, of course, I'll

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Speaker 1: keep it down. Mhm ha ha I have my I

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Speaker 1: want my fantasies to come true. Well, thank you for

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Speaker 1: calling the fantasy hot line. Where your fantasy is my

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Speaker 1: hot line? Good slogan. I like it a lot. So

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Speaker 1: how do we do this. How does this go? I

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Speaker 1: had this my first time. Call an animal nervous got

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Speaker 1: him in a little nervous. Okay, okay, no problem. Um

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Speaker 1: uh you just you just picture a scenario that would

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Speaker 1: make you so hot, and you tell me that scenario

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Speaker 1: nice and slow, and then I'll I'll listen to you.

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Speaker 1: Uh so I had to do the heavy lifting. That's

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Speaker 1: how this goes? What makes you hot? Jee has a

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Speaker 1: lot of a lot of question. I'm trying to give

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Speaker 1: me one second. I'm so sorry, but no, I was

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Speaker 1: just I was just getting my cigarettes. I'm sorry. You

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Speaker 1: shouldn't smoke in bird. No, I'm thinking how I'm going

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Speaker 1: to that? I'm going literally I can't sleep. I love you? Okay,

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Speaker 1: what are you saying? All right? Am I being charged

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Speaker 1: for that downtime? I know it's per minute here and

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Speaker 1: I just want to make sure can I get pro rated?

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Speaker 1: Make okay? Um? So thank you. I've got some weird fetishes. Um.

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Speaker 1: The thing that I mostly like is watching the hunger

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Speaker 1: Hungry hippos eat every single marble that just like that

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Speaker 1: makes me crazy. Oh yeah, so maybe like we can

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Speaker 1: pretend we're playing hungry Hungry hippo. Huh yeah, that's so hot. Okay,

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Speaker 1: here's which which which hippo? Are you? Which color? Probably purple?

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Speaker 1: And okay, I don't know what are the colors? I

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Speaker 1: think there is purple. It depends on the addition in

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Speaker 1: the year. But you can be the purple one. That's fine.

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Speaker 1: I'll be I'll be red. Oh my god, what color

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Speaker 1: are you gonna be? Red? Oh my god? That is

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Speaker 1: so hot? Bring bring okay, give me one second. Hello. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's Terry. I'm calling from my eleven thirty. Oh hi, Terry,

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Speaker 1: thanks calling the sexual hotline where you're sexual. Wa Wait,

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Speaker 1: worse Phil, this is not Phil's voice? What's up? Worse Phil? Um?

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Speaker 1: I don't know? Is filling your fantasies? No? Phil knows

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Speaker 1: what I like. He knows I like to be talked

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Speaker 1: to as as different celebrities. That's my thing. That puts

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Speaker 1: me in a great mood. Why don't I fill in

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Speaker 1: your fantasy? Phil? You're no your Phil, your your your friends.

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Speaker 1: Feel okay, just just give me some impressions so I

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Speaker 1: can just not just smoke in the bedroom. Could you

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Speaker 1: put sorry babe? And oh my god, you look fantastic.

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Speaker 1: It's it's like you got like new jewelry on your clothes.

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Speaker 1: Just look, that's crazy. Are you familiar with the word entrepreneur?

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Speaker 1: I am business owner? Look whatever it is. Yes, I

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Speaker 1: want to be my own business. What's going on? What

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Speaker 1: do I have to do? Okay, well, hold on. Do

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Speaker 1: you like money? Yes? Yes, I'm in. Yes, Yes, I'm in. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Well I'm gonna throw you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. It's

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Speaker 1: gonna trial by fire. Okay, okay, welcome to your new career.

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Speaker 1: Give me one second. Booooooo, I've been on a hole

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Speaker 1: for seventeen hours now. Um is really expensive? And don't

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Speaker 1: allan to finish a game of hunger hungry hippos? And Uh?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I feel like I

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Speaker 1: need to fund Guess who just showed up the yellow hippo? What?

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Speaker 1: What am I doing? What is it? Start talking? Start talking? Hello?

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Speaker 1: I am I'm just told just start talking. So here

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Speaker 1: I go. UM, I don't know. Are you familiar with

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Speaker 1: press on nails? Uh? I can offer you right now

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Speaker 1: a one time deal of sixty nails available to your

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Speaker 1: doorstep in the next three days for the low low

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Speaker 1: price of two hundred dollars. I'm sorry, how much supposed

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Speaker 1: to jack off to this what thing dong thing dong? Hello, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I got a package of sixty press on nails. Just

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Speaker 1: needs you to sign right here, you Timothy Whitener. I

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Speaker 1: am Timothy Whitener. Alright, just sign right there. Now. You

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Speaker 1: gotta use your own pen. Uh, I don't. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I have a pen. You don't have a

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Speaker 1: pen in your entire this is what is this like

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Speaker 1: a three bedroom? Too bad? Yeah, I mean I'm sure

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Speaker 1: I have a pen somewhere, but like, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I ordered sixty lee press on nails. I'm sorry, are

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Speaker 1: you Timothy Whitener? I am Timothy Whitener. Yeah, okay, you

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Speaker 1: ordered some press on nails, So if you could just

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Speaker 1: sign it, okay, Yes, I mean I supposed it could

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Speaker 1: be my my ex wife, sir, my job I got.

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Speaker 1: I got like forty more deliveries today. All right, I understand.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I don't want to want to hold you up,

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Speaker 1: but I really my my ex wife left me a

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Speaker 1: couple of months ago, and uh, she took most of

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Speaker 1: the pens. To be honest, that's rough A good attorney.

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Speaker 1: Huh actually had a great attorney. No, Uh, what's there,

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Speaker 1: what's what's her attorney's name, Julius Bernstein. Oh yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've seen I've seen that. If you're a good and

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Speaker 1: divorced called you it's an earworm, right, yeah, it gets

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Speaker 1: in there. Yeah, yea yeah, I have no use for

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Speaker 1: Lee press on. Okay, take your plane pulled off. Look

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Speaker 1: at that your new range rover. All those phone calls

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Speaker 1: you've been making have paid off. Baby, you did it.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna get job. You're a boss, bitch, your your

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Speaker 1: your business, lady. It's amazing. This is Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this is crazy. This is so much. I just didn't

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Speaker 1: think three months after my four we're doing right, you

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Speaker 1: know what it is. We're doing right, selling press on nails.

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Speaker 1: You're so crazy, this is nuts. I've already got sixteen

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Speaker 1: people to work underneath me, and I'm already having all

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Speaker 1: the shipments go to us. And trust me, it's not

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Speaker 1: a pyramid scheme. It's not a pyramid scheme. And people

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Speaker 1: are getting hot from this. Yeah, people love it. People

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Speaker 1: are just super excited. It's like nuts, Hey, will you

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Speaker 1: come in, come in my house and me real quick,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna divorce my husband. Well I just

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Speaker 1: sure in my car. But okay, well we'll look at

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Speaker 1: it a second. Bab oh yeah, actually could you come

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Speaker 1: in the kitchen? Yeah, come in? They fell just looking

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Speaker 1: over the accounts. It's uh, I don't know. I feel

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Speaker 1: like we're doing pretty good right now. Yeah, I'm doing

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Speaker 1: pretty good. You're gonna be getting a call from Julius

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Speaker 1: bourbon Stein soon. What I want to divorce? Hey, if

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Speaker 1: you're getting nut you, I guess. So why what's going on?

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Speaker 1: I thought? Should I be here for this? Yes? Rose Rose,

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Speaker 1: We're gonna have some Rose baby, I hope give me

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Speaker 1: one second for me. No, yeah, hello, hello, I speak

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Speaker 1: to fell plate Um. Phil is no longer with us.

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Speaker 1: How can I turn you on? H This is Juliet

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Speaker 1: bb oh hey hi hi, um, yes, yes this is Phil,

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Speaker 1: this is Felt. This is Phil. You are Phil? I

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Speaker 1: mean not really but yeah. People didn't call asking for Phil,

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Speaker 1: but it's my number. Anyway, I am hiring you Phil. It.

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Speaker 1: I'm just so sorry you're going through this. Um, just

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Speaker 1: it's it's a love. Yeah. Here's the thing. It's weird.

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Speaker 1: Is I used to get such good. I used to

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Speaker 1: I have a pretty successful sex line and I do

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Speaker 1: celebrity impressions. I wants to a while do house calls

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Speaker 1: to this or that, and then nobody calls me anymore.

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Speaker 1: Now my wife's leaving me. Well, I mean, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what to say. I've heard I have heard her

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Speaker 1: say that. What she answered the phones? Yes, this is Phil,

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Speaker 1: I thought, I that's just crazy. She makes me feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm crazy. She says, No, I didn't say that afterwards. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what to say. Look,

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Speaker 1: I got a new land Rover. I really want to

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Speaker 1: test dride and this is like a really like ft

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Speaker 1: up kind of situation. I just don't you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? Are you asking me to take a test

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Speaker 1: ride in your land Rover? What do you asking me?

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Speaker 1: Jarlus Um, thanks for taking my case. I just I

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Speaker 1: feel like I was kept on that phone sex line

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Speaker 1: for many many days, and you know the banks for

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Speaker 1: closing on my high else and uh, I just uh,

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Speaker 1: I need to You don't have to explain yourself to

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Speaker 1: be friend. That is outrageous. And your fantasy was never granted,

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Speaker 1: was it? Now? If we never put the marvels in play,

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Speaker 1: it was we just we were as side hippos. But

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Speaker 1: as far as it went. Look, we're gonna take them

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Speaker 1: for all their worth, uh cash value automobiles, and you're

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Speaker 1: gonna be swimming and Hippo's my friend. That's the dream.

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Speaker 1: That's the dream. Thank you for taking it. M h.

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Speaker 1: Dennett's coming the hell? Who are you? Uh um um

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Speaker 1: barrel Okay, I'm coming from like a Ferrell cat. It's

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Speaker 1: f Or. I'm looking for my ex husband, Dennis. It's

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Speaker 1: actually a traditional Greek name, so he goes by his

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Speaker 1: first name whenever, Thomas Whitmer, whatever the hell whatever my

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Speaker 1: ex has been like four months, I forgot Farrell. Who

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Speaker 1: is it? Mr wer here? What the hell are you

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Speaker 1: doing here? God, so much has happened. I look you

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Speaker 1: you try to stick it to me by ordering me

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Speaker 1: a bunch of lee press on nails. You took all

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Speaker 1: my pens. And then Farrell, you know, he was this

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Speaker 1: nice delivery guy, showed up. We fell in love. We

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Speaker 1: we live here together now, Oh my god, I want

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Speaker 1: to get back honey. No, I've moved on. I heard

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Speaker 1: I heard Julius Bourbonstein. J It's just it's just I'm

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Speaker 1: this class action lawsuits just dream. I had to give

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Speaker 1: up my land rover. I just got a new one.

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Speaker 1: I had to give that up. Everything. Please, what would

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Speaker 1: all right? The honorable Judge paris rising, please entering the

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Speaker 1: car room. Everybody here in the case of Hippo and

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Speaker 1: White nerve versus fantasy line right, your honor high, your honor. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'll address you, alright, go ahead, everyone, Just just for

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Speaker 1: the record of everyone, state your names that way I

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Speaker 1: have them correctly, Your honor Julius Bourbonstein for the plaintiffs.

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Speaker 1: Good to see you again, Julie. You know if you divors. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I'm impartial, though I can't. Can't sing along

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Speaker 1: all right? Uh, and introduce your your client there, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: introduced me. Okay, I'll induce myself. First of all, Hi,

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Speaker 1: good morning and hello. Second of all, it's a beautiful day.

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Speaker 1: Your honor objection. Julius berber Steed is the prosecution hand

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Speaker 1: the defense. I don't see how this is gonna work.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna allow it. Okay. Look, I'm also I'm representing

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Speaker 1: the plate deff at the defendant. Okay, it seems like

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Speaker 1: it saves us money somehow. I'm Timothy Whitner. Uh, Julius

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Speaker 1: bourbon Stet is my attorney. This is my lover Ferrell,

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Speaker 1: my ex wife. What's my name? No, I was, I

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Speaker 1: was married to Phil. Phil's here in the house. I

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Speaker 1: feel it's me. It's me back here. No, now I'm

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Speaker 1: a note. Say that you're Phil? Do I have that incorrect?

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Speaker 1: I do go by Phil sometimes? Yes? Is that confusing?

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Speaker 1: Can I Can I approach the bench judge? Yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna allowed. Listen, she answers. I think that this

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Speaker 1: is what I think happened. I think she hijacked my

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Speaker 1: Jack offline. I had a successful business. Say that again,

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Speaker 1: I write this down. That could be a good That

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Speaker 1: could be a good jingle. Yeah, yeah, Hi Jack the

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Speaker 1: Jack off line college Julius. Well, unfortunately I don't have

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Speaker 1: the line anymore. Well that's Julius. So I think my

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Speaker 1: wife took my jack off line and she's been answering

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Speaker 1: as Phil. But that's not her name. Can you get

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Speaker 1: to the part where there was a crime committed? Oh,

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00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:57,159
Speaker 1: I believe that she's stolen my identification and then she

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Speaker 1: got divorced using this. This actually was her lawyer, your honor.

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Speaker 1: I thought this was a civil case. This is a

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Speaker 1: civil case. Uh you, Mr Phil, Uh, this case is dismissed.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go have a someway. I was dismissed. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I didn't get any justice. I mean nothing

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Speaker 1: at all. I'm thanks for closed to my house. And yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: I mean here you go. This is a nice little

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Speaker 1: one room apartment here. Alright. My only rule is this?

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Speaker 1: All right? No dogs? Do you understand? Yeah? I understand.

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Speaker 1: All right? Any dogs in here, you're out. You get me.

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Speaker 1: How do you feel about hippos? Is that a joke? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: You want a sixty ton animal in here that needs

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Speaker 1: constant water and I don't know how much food. I'm

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Speaker 1: just asking. I don't think I have one. Mr Horner.

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Speaker 1: You're on the fifth floor. Do you actually think this

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Speaker 1: building is structurally sound to hold that kind of animal? Okay,

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00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 1: so I forget I asked. You know what I'm sending

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Speaker 1: your app location? Oh no, hi, I'm here to look

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00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: um here to see the one bedroom. Oh yes, right

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00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 1: this way, of course? Are you looking at me? Up

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00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 1: and down? You got me? Yeah, that's okay, that's okay,

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00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:31,439
Speaker 1: that's okay. No, no, no, So right up here right

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Speaker 1: here is this is it? This is open floor plan

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00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,440
Speaker 1: right here. The toilet is right next to the bed

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00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 1: and no bathtub, no shower. Uh, and there is there

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00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:48,919
Speaker 1: is a hot plate over it. Okay, this is nice.

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00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:54,919
Speaker 1: This is nice. And the animals loud no dogs actually

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00:22:54,960 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 1: for you? Uh all right, that's our first nation. We've

346
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 1: gotten into apartment rentals. I think he's The scene too,

347
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,639
Speaker 1: is from Patriot Alchemy Inniac Nicholas Mark Power, who wrote, Hi, Kevin,

348
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 1: what's up? Yes, I'm referring to the short lived fat

349
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 1: of putting cheese whiz and catch up on waffles. Good times,

350
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 1: but lots of tummy sorrow after anyhow. Scene suggestion three

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00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 1: news crews at a New Screws Corp. Presser. I love

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Speaker 1: you all, except Craig because he is better than that. Nicholas.

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00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,440
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, guess, but this flat tire. This is pretty bad.

354
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 1: Don't know we're gonna be able to make it to

355
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 1: that New Screw convention, but we're a new Screw. We've

356
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Speaker 1: got to cover the New Screw press. I understand that.

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00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 1: I understand that. Look, I'm doing the best I can.

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00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 1: I've I've called the the headquarters. If they can't send

359
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 1: another van, It's like, this is not gonna this is

360
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: not gonna work for us, Okay, there's three news crews

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00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,920
Speaker 1: on this bus here and we all need to get

362
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: there screws. Okay, look, I'm just telling you what's going on. Bus.

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00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,479
Speaker 1: We've chartered a bus. Newscrew, newscrew. Hello, just grew up here?

364
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: New crew? Yeah, Hi, Bobby McAvoy, mactime MacLife. Um, how

365
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 1: what is the e t A on getting this tire fixed?

366
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 1: No idea. We're still waiting to hear back. So I

367
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:42,679
Speaker 1: just yeah, someone new new screw. Chuck McAvoy. Uh, this

368
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:50,440
Speaker 1: guy's brother, head of McAvoy Korean Timer. All right, what

369
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 1: do you know about the new screws that are being released?

370
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 1: I don't know. They're threaded differently, I don't know. Alright,

371
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, were going to start the press conference

372
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 1: for the new screws, um just to get away? Where

373
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 1: is Tim? There's a couple of Yeah, Tim, I don't

374
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,919
Speaker 1: think we should start this. I mean, some of the

375
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 1: new screws aren't here to cover the new screws, so

376
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: this press release should probably hold until they arrive. You

377
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 1: can do something. These news crews don't want to be

378
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 1: here for the new screw then screw them all right,

379
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 1: question screwed I have a question. Not yet. That's a

380
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 1: I don't think that's a young boy. It's a small person.

381
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 1: I think it's just very elderly man. Sorry, news crew crews.

382
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 1: Is this thing going to leave anytime soon? I don't know. Okay,

383
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 1: I don't know. You keep on asking the questions. Sorry, sorry,

384
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: I'm scoop screw you new uh not where your name is?

385
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 1: I don't give a fucking show with your publication? Keys

386
00:25:55,560 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 1: fucking luck. I'm mad at him. Oh. I mean, we're

387
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 1: the only three news crews in this city because the

388
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 1: rest of the news screws are taking a news cruise

389
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 1: to the Bahamas. Okay, okay, alright, okay, all right, News

390
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:16,719
Speaker 1: crew New Okay, yeah, hi, MCA boy. Does anybody here

391
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: know how to change a tire? I do? Mhmm, I

392
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 1: know how to change a tire. Okay, okay, okay, here's

393
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,400
Speaker 1: the Here's I just want to throw this out there.

394
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 1: Nine times out of ten, would I'm changing a tire?

395
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:38,160
Speaker 1: I have another tire to put on. M News crew

396
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 1: crew Glass Midnight Action News. Now, Wait, how many are

397
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 1: how many are here? Maybe we do have more than

398
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 1: three news crewise news cruise. I mean the one the

399
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 1: one on the boat. Um, this is supposed to be

400
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 1: a cruise for news cruise, but it seems like we

401
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 1: only have one group. You guys are from. I thought

402
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 1: it was for nudes. Oh, the Nudes cruise is next week.

403
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: I thought it was from my band New Shoes. Oh okay, Oh,

404
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:12,960
Speaker 1: this is gonna be even worse for you because the

405
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 1: New Shoes cruise was last week. Excuse me, where's Blues Clues?

406
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:22,399
Speaker 1: Blues Clues is downstairs in the TV room. All right, okay,

407
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 1: so you need to put on some clothes. Yeah, you're right. Okay,

408
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,679
Speaker 1: So this is indeed the News Cruise and not the

409
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: Nude cruise and not the New Shoes cruise. Correct, it

410
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: is the News Cruise. I can't wait. Okay, okay, alright, alright,

411
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:37,680
Speaker 1: so we're on this bus here. We gotta figure this out.

412
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: So you're saying, nine times out of ten you usually

413
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: have another tire to put on? What about one another time? Uh?

414
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 1: The other time, I just take the tire off and

415
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,199
Speaker 1: we used the room. I call it. Let's do what

416
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 1: do you say, cruise? I'm just saying that if we

417
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 1: if we do have a flat, maybe we should get

418
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: off the bus and huh, just take the weight off

419
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 1: the bus. So the bus news cruise, News, cruise, gentlemen,

420
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: I have a helicopter to catch what is midnight? Where

421
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: you going? All? She just chucked onto that ladder. It

422
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 1: just dangled that ladder and she climbed right up it.

423
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: God damn it. Glads is gonna get the scoop. Sorry, scoops,

424
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 1: It's okay, guys, we gotta figure this out because if

425
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 1: you know, if we get scooped, scoops get scooped on

426
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 1: this like in trouble. We're in trouble. Okay, okay, okay.

427
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 1: Well have you you've seen The Lord of the Rings,

428
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: which version, well, honestly, the whole tale is told of

429
00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 1: them taking the long journey and they're on foot and

430
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 1: they just run a great deal of it. O cruise

431
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 1: and nails from truth is out there dot Org. You're

432
00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 1: a new crew. Maybe maybe what's happening is that all

433
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 1: the buses are they like in that movie with Stephen

434
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: A King, All the busts are coming alive over drive,

435
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 1: over drive, and they're all coming to live. Chris maximum Over,

436
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: you got covered in red dots. Uh, oh my god.

437
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: He was right. He was right about everything. Doctor we're

438
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: bringing in a patient names Gladys cell. She'll say she

439
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: was on a rope ladder hanging off a helicopter and

440
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 1: she had a telephone poll. Oh my god, she's gorgeous.

441
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 1: Doctor focus his body on her. Jeez, doctor, we just

442
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:47,239
Speaker 1: need to save her life. Doctor, please focus. I mean,

443
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 1: this is why I'm here, This is why I do

444
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 1: this job. I know you are newly single because of

445
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: the divorce. We all heard about that, but I got

446
00:29:54,920 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 1: newly screwed, newly screwed. Yeah, your wife, doctor, Julius, Julius, julius.

447
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: Doctor focus. We need to say, um, we're gonna have

448
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: to close down the um price. We're doing a press release.

449
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 1: We can't. We're gonna have to. They're not here and

450
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: no one's coming. Did you ever think about that? How much?

451
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: How much is it gonna cost us if we just

452
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: keep it for I don't know us? Four more offers?

453
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 1: Eight bucks? Like eighty bucks? Yeah, tim, tim, um, excuse me,

454
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 1: excuse me? Just hold on? Are you looking for the

455
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 1: boos closing room? No? Okay, hold on, saying yeah, go ahead,

456
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 1: I need eighty dollars. Oh yeah, here we go, because

457
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 1: we can't hold as much longer we have to get

458
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: the word out. It's a screw that screws itself in.

459
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 1: I mean, this is huge in the screw world. I

460
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,120
Speaker 1: know we're gonna have this a little bit longer. Here.

461
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: Let me just pay this guy that's the property manager.

462
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:08,960
Speaker 1: I guess here's eight bucks. Oh, thank you very much. Okay, Now,

463
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 1: young boy, what is you? What was your question? He's

464
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 1: an old man. Oh sorry, old man? What's he your question?

465
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 1: I was just wondering if everything okay? Oh man, are

466
00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: you getting the giggles? I'm fine, I'm fine. Okays. Hector's

467
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: not in his room. Hector's not in his room. I

468
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: don't know how he got out. I don't know how

469
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 1: he got out. The guys eighty six, I don't know

470
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: where he went. I don't know how he got there.

471
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 1: But he's not in his room. Any sex actor, actor's

472
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:50,680
Speaker 1: anty sex. They come off the board, all right, news crewpup.

473
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 1: That was a really good job of putting that truth

474
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 1: seeker in the tire to keep it inflated. So now

475
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: we are ready to row roll. Is that right? But

476
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: I don't know who knows how to drive a bus

477
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: like this. I mean, I've driven a bus before I

478
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 1: could give it a shot, scoop scoops. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

479
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 1: I drove an s F Muni truck a bus for

480
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 1: about two and a half weeks until the big quake

481
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 1: took it under. Wow, I thought you just drove a

482
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 1: coop scoop. Yeah, that's what I drive. Now. I'm afraid

483
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 1: to get behind the wheel of a giant bus as

484
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 1: to what happened last time. You know, give it a shot.

485
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 1: We need this, We need this al right, guys, that's

486
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 1: scoop scoop, scoop, scooo, sco scoop. All right, everybody behind

487
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 1: the yellow line, because here we go. What's that? Honey?

488
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: You want me to do some carpentry around the house,

489
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 1: Go screw yourself. No not, you dear the screws. They

490
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 1: screw themselves. Now, hey, we we can run it as

491
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: many times as you like. We need to wait for

492
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 1: the actress who's playing your wife. You can't just do

493
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: all the lines yourself. Look, uh, you book me from

494
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 1: two pm to three pm. I've got another gig at

495
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 1: three Okay, Okay, what's it gonna cost us? What's it

496
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 1: gonna cost us? Well, my standard rate, Okay, it's eighty bucks.

497
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 1: Then for four hours. Guys, I'm sorry, Midnight is not

498
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,760
Speaker 1: gonna be able to make it to record apart right now.

499
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:32,080
Speaker 1: She's she's in a terrible accident in turn, stop talking,

500
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: you're in you're the wife. Yeah, you're promoted. He's nearly's

501
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 1: attractive as glad as Midnight. Um, we are here. We

502
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: want to hear about the news crowd. Go screw yourself? What?

503
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 1: What what is this? Yeah talking to you? I don't

504
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: I don't do a press conference for first for bloggers.

505
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 1: Go screw yourself? What's going on here? Hey? New news crew? Newscrew?

506
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 1: What is that the slogan? Orcause he really want us

507
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 1: to screw ourselves? That was an actor? Ladies and gentlemen. Fus,

508
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 1: I'm out of here. I'm sorry. Is their new crew

509
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 1: newscrow news crew? Is there no one here to tell

510
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 1: us what's actually happening? Because we used a guy as

511
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 1: a tire to get here, and I kind of feel

512
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 1: like we need to get the scoop scoop he's a scoop.

513
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 1: Of course, I'm not sure what that means by the tire,

514
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: but yes, me and my my vice president here will

515
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 1: tell you about the screw that screws itself, so you

516
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,320
Speaker 1: don't have to worry about being We have a man

517
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:52,680
Speaker 1: around a wheel. Uh, miss night, wake up, open your eyes,

518
00:34:55,080 --> 00:35:06,399
Speaker 1: a beautiful I'm your doctor, Dr Pervor to the Dr

519
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:10,399
Speaker 1: Perv to the ola. I will be right back by

520
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 1: the way. That tooth looks good on you. Uh. Hey, Gladys,

521
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: I'm your nurse, Dr Purveyor. I guess was called away momentarily. Um,

522
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 1: how are you feeling? Okay? Well, I guess I guess

523
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:32,759
Speaker 1: I should be the first to tell you that you're

524
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 1: your career news is over. And you're also not nearly

525
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:45,959
Speaker 1: as beautiful as you were before. Oh and that's our

526
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:51,760
Speaker 1: second scene. So tragic for Gladys Midnight. What a bummer

527
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 1: for her. Our third scene is from Patreon v I P.

528
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 1: Curtis Wilcox, who simply wrote, Craig is Sherlock Holmes. Thanks.

529
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:11,799
Speaker 1: So this apartment is a two bedroom to bath. Um,

530
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 1: somebody already has one room, so you would be taking

531
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 1: the other room. And yeah, is it is it customary

532
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 1: to have just show people places that already have somebody

533
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:27,359
Speaker 1: living in it? I mean no, Yeah, the tenant who's

534
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 1: been here has been here a long time. I live

535
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 1: right downstairs, so uh, dctor, you would. This is close

536
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 1: to the hospital, so if you want to start practicing. Yeah,

537
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 1: I just feel awkward about it. I've never had a

538
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: roommate before, and I thought I was looking at one

539
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: bedroom apartment and you haven't had a roommate in seventeen years.

540
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: This is your roommate. Can you guess his name? Because

541
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:55,960
Speaker 1: he's going to guess. I'm allergic to smoke, so you can't.

542
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: Actually smoking is allowed in this building. So oh, as

543
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 1: a matter of fact, you only think you're allergic to smoke.

544
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 1: What you're allergic too is peanuts. Oh yeah, he's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

545
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,359
Speaker 1: I mean I know I'm allergic to peanuts. I mean,

546
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 1: how did you know I'm allergic to peanuts? Well, the

547
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 1: telltale rash on your own wrist, rash, unrist the first

548
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: thing I noticed when you walked in the room. All right,

549
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: listen up. Scotland Yard got and announced me. Unfortunately Mr

550
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 1: Holmes has moved to Burbank, California, will no longer be

551
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 1: able to assist us. We'll have to do stuff on

552
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: our own. Director, do you want me to get you

553
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 1: another chair? You keep on trying to swing that arm

554
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 1: around the back of the chair. You want to get

555
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 1: you a different one? And now like that one? Yeah?

556
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: I know that chair? You. We gonna so be cases

557
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 1: without Sherlock Holmes. I know it's going to be a stratch.

558
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to do our own police for it

559
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 1: for once, but I, for one think we can do

560
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 1: it all right? Then, director, do you want me to

561
00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 1: get you a number? Oh? Hey, what's up? Sure luck?

562
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: Coming back to the dispensary to re up. I see, yes,

563
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 1: I want that push that I had last week. Oh

564
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 1: you like that sticky iggy guys, don't you? Yes? Yes?

565
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 1: And uh sumedables my friend Dr Watson here, m M okay,

566
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 1: thank you, just cept stuff please, okay, okay, okay, dontal

567
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 1: anybody I work at the hospital. Just really really sorry

568
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,399
Speaker 1: to Bart. But then there's been a murder next door?

569
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 1: Can it wait? I mean there's nothing I can do, Honestly,

570
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:38,200
Speaker 1: I'm a doctor. If somebody has been murdered, sounds too

571
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 1: late for me. But there's blood all over this bevmo Well, Watson,

572
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:48,320
Speaker 1: it's a It appears the game is afoot. Sherlock. You

573
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 1: probably shouldn't want that much. Sure shit, that was a

574
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 1: thousand milligrams dude. Oh that was that? What just one day?

575
00:38:56,719 --> 00:39:00,759
Speaker 1: Oh ship Sherlock, all right, brought the body up to

576
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 1: your apartment. You're gonna pay me or what? Okay? All right, okay,

577
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 1: are you gonna pay me or what? Man? Okay, I'm

578
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 1: trying to My wallet is in my pants. Come on, man,

579
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: hurry up, man, I'm trying to get Look, but if

580
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 1: you don't pay me, I'm gonna pick I'll pay for

581
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 1: the Here. This is the oldest trick in the book

582
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:31,280
Speaker 1: from my new roommate. Here's eighty eighty bucks said eight hundred.

583
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 1: Come on, luck, you said, all right, listen up Scotland,

584
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 1: y'all more news on the shell like comes front. He's

585
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 1: checked into celebrity rehab for a really terrible drug problem.

586
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,600
Speaker 1: So we can't even communicate with him if we need

587
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:51,719
Speaker 1: any advice for the next sixty days. There's bloody hell

588
00:39:51,800 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 1: to the books that. Um my name is Fred Durst

589
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 1: and I am an alcoholic aid and in fact, you

590
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 1: were the lead singer of Limp Biscuit. What this is

591
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 1: an anonymous program? How did you know that? I just

592
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 1: recognized you from the videos? Ah, yes, I'm not any

593
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 1: fancy deduction I was doing. I know it's not my turn,

594
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 1: but I just want to say, Mr Dust, you're if

595
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 1: I had to pick five bands, um, you would be

596
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:31,240
Speaker 1: really the tough one. Really, yes, yes, yes, you have five.

597
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: Really I couldn't really feel the other four, but I

598
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 1: know limb Biscuit could fill all five. What I'm sorry, continued,

599
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,200
Speaker 1: Please just I feel like, you know, I feel like

600
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,759
Speaker 1: I'm always looking for the clues as to what led

601
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,879
Speaker 1: me here. You know, how did I end up here?

602
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 1: And I I just don't know. I just don't know,

603
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:56,720
Speaker 1: series of bad choices. Why are you laughing at that? Dude?

604
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 1: Are you talking to me? Yeah? Why? Why guys listen,

605
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 1: Let's uh, let's just break it up for a second.

606
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 1: Door Drew, all right, and I want to make sure

607
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 1: that everyone here knows that Moriarty. Yes, interesting, go up.

608
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 1: So uh, I just want you to know I'm here

609
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 1: for you. I want to care for you, and I

610
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:21,760
Speaker 1: want to also let you know that there's cameras everywhere

611
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: and we will be using all the footage in any

612
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:27,320
Speaker 1: way that we want. Okay, Drew, would you like another

613
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 1: chair to put your arm around? Is that why you're

614
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 1: reaching back trying to find I'm trying to find if

615
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,840
Speaker 1: you can find another chair, that's fine, if you can

616
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 1: find the angle for so, Just so we're clear, you know,

617
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: I want I'm here for you all so I want

618
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 1: to just get to the root of it. Sure, loock,

619
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 1: you come from overseas, yes, but we also live in

620
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:53,360
Speaker 1: the same sea. Do you see? Wow? What kind of

621
00:41:53,440 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 1: riddle is that? Mariarty? Look, I overcame a cocaine addiction,

622
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 1: all right, and ever since I moved to Burbank, I've

623
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:12,800
Speaker 1: gotten addicted to nibles. They were the shape of gummy worms.

624
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 1: Now I have a new sidekick, Fred Durst. Oh yeah, yeah, Hey, Hey,

625
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:24,319
Speaker 1: it appears Durst the game is a foot great gat,

626
00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna make you two accountability partners. All right,

627
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:31,120
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Are you saying that the victim did it

628
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 1: all for the nookie? I think so. I don't know.

629
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:38,280
Speaker 1: They came into this bath bo they were yelling about

630
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,359
Speaker 1: the nookie and how much they wanted it, and then

631
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 1: this massacre happened. All right, Well, let me um, let

632
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 1: me call in Holmes and Durst. It seems like it's

633
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:52,240
Speaker 1: right up their alley. They just got released from celebrity

634
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:57,920
Speaker 1: rehab today. So I've got Durst on auto dial because, um,

635
00:42:58,040 --> 00:42:59,760
Speaker 1: I used to be in Sugar Ray and we played

636
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,399
Speaker 1: played Warp Tour together one year, so let me how

637
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:07,920
Speaker 1: long ago was that? Yeah, it was, So it's been

638
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:11,919
Speaker 1: a it's been a touch but I still have min here. So,

639
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 1: um are you sugar right? Yeah, Mark McGrath got all

640
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 1: the attention, but Sugar Ray and myself. I was on

641
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 1: the xylophone and they cut me out pretty much the

642
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 1: entire recording session. You can occasionally here a little like

643
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:33,480
Speaker 1: on the end of Like Fly. That's about it. I mean,

644
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 1: it was pretty embarrassing when they kicked me out of

645
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 1: the band after the first Warp Tour. We should get

646
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,879
Speaker 1: back to the case. Yeah. Anyways, I'll just give him

647
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 1: a call. We'll get him out here. And he's not

648
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 1: picking up with that on blame up. I mean, well,

649
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 1: it appears, my dear dust that the murderer it was

650
00:43:52,560 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 1: a gigantic dog. Oh, a gigantic dog. Yes, ask me

651
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 1: how I know that Durst? Come on, Come on, that

652
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 1: Watson was up to speed in no time. Wait, how

653
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:16,280
Speaker 1: do you know it was a large dog because these

654
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 1: tell tale trucks and this distinct pile of dog droppings

655
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 1: which you have stepped in my dear boy, why did

656
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 1: you say tale twice? Dogs only have one tail? Ah?

657
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 1: But does this one have to whoa? Well? All right,

658
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:40,840
Speaker 1: I mean I'm starving, dude. I didn't this body was

659
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,239
Speaker 1: from the roommate that you moved me in here with.

660
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:45,799
Speaker 1: You can't kick me out of here for a dead

661
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:49,400
Speaker 1: body in this part. Yeah, Dr Watson, listen, if you

662
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 1: are a real doctor, I work at the Burbank Hospital

663
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:57,440
Speaker 1: just across the way. I mean, I didn't choose the roommate.

664
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,439
Speaker 1: You sent me in here with him. And now there's

665
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:02,279
Speaker 1: a body here, and you work in a hospital, so

666
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 1: exto facto, the body's yours. Come on, I helped safe people.

667
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:11,879
Speaker 1: This is a dead body. It's like four or five

668
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 1: days dead. Why don't you take your cane and your

669
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 1: silly limb there you are? Hey, hey, it's son of

670
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 1: a bitch. Six hundred dollars. That wasn't It wasn't. I

671
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,880
Speaker 1: didn't want the body to bring this dead body if

672
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,320
Speaker 1: you and you're gonna pay me eight hundred bucks. And

673
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 1: I didn't count it until I got on the bus. Hey, Maverick,

674
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,280
Speaker 1: you know what I love about your business model, dude,

675
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 1: is that whoever orders the dead body did be moved.

676
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 1: You'll bunk up his friend. You know what I mean?

677
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: If people get paid and I love them, dude, I

678
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 1: love that about you. Yeah, just have smoking my weed, man,

679
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:54,800
Speaker 1: all right, but like, what do you like about me? Uh?

680
00:45:55,000 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 1: Two drinks? Yeah, they're both for me. Um, I don't know.

681
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 1: So you have the straight somebody orders the dead butt?

682
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,320
Speaker 1: You bringing up get paid? You fuck up the bread.

683
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:14,560
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, excuse me? Here are you Fred Durst? Oh?

684
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:21,319
Speaker 1: Uh yes, yes, I know. Col guys, guys, look look

685
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:25,799
Speaker 1: at the table over there. Is that is that Julius Firmstein,

686
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 1: that divorced layer. Oh my god, it is a look

687
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:36,720
Speaker 1: at joke at the barst called Jolie or just something

688
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 1: like that, something catchy. You know, it's got to be

689
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 1: an air worm. Now we should just wait for the

690
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,280
Speaker 1: other actor and then you can work off of them

691
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 1: if you want. Okay, yeah, all right, he's held up somewhere.

692
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:50,839
Speaker 1: I don't know what the intern is gonna jump in intern,

693
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 1: jump in here. I don't know what that turns. You

694
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 1: want to do the jingle by yourself? Is that what

695
00:46:56,760 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 1: you're saying, Julius? Okay, bro okay, bringing the answer. Let's

696
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 1: let's hear what he's got. Okay, um oh, this is

697
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 1: a real, real honor. Um. I just never thought i'd

698
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 1: get here, you know, once they kicked me out of

699
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 1: Sugar Ay, I thought my everything was over. And anyways,

700
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: it's a big it's a big pleasure. Let's do this,

701
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:24,120
Speaker 1: Let's do this, Let's do this, Sugar Sugar ray. Yeah

702
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,200
Speaker 1: that's me. You don't think I exist. You're the best.

703
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 1: You're the best part. Thank you. I really appreciate that.

704
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 1: Once I get kicked out of the band, I got

705
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 1: in the law enforcement for a little while, and that

706
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:36,840
Speaker 1: didn't really do it for me. And it's glad to

707
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:38,839
Speaker 1: be back in entertainment, you know. Okay, so I'll take

708
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:40,720
Speaker 1: the main melody and then you can just do hype

709
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 1: on the side and a little bit of silophone. Yeah great,

710
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 1: that's perfect affair. Looking to get divorced called joulieas one

711
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 1: time little we got it there. Wait hey, hold on,

712
00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 1: hold on. He left it out, saying by um oh,

713
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 1: so dude, manh like we're not. I thought we weren't done,

714
00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:08,719
Speaker 1: like kicking back, dude, I thought we were. Man, I

715
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,920
Speaker 1: thought you started sleep at the bar, just left. I

716
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 1: was just down my downers kicked in, but then I

717
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 1: got so so so how do people find you to

718
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 1: even know that you've moved dead bodies? Look, man, I

719
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 1: don't know. It's my job, all right, I don't know.

720
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 1: Excuse me, excuse me? Is that your bus double parked

721
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 1: out there with the guy wheel? Yeah? It is all right?

722
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: What's to your asshole? It's still it's blocking the driveway. Man,

723
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 1: you gotta let people in love a guy, Let me

724
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: out of here. You got a problem? Go around, man, Yeah,

725
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 1: go around, dude, We told him. Yeah. Man, look Fred, dude,

726
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 1: what's up? What? Man? I can't hang out with you anymore? Man,

727
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,480
Speaker 1: what Look, I know I moved dead bodies around, and

728
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:01,120
Speaker 1: I got fucking crazy drug addictions due. But you're a

729
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:05,840
Speaker 1: bad influence, all right me? Yeah? You are you sure

730
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 1: this is the manuscript you want to submit, Mr Conan Doyle?

731
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 1: And the thing's all over the place that mystery gets

732
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:22,879
Speaker 1: hijacked but dursted, I'm sure. Yeah, uh huh. I've never

733
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 1: known that all these years. Arthur Conan Doyle was an

734
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 1: eighty six year old man named Hector quite the norm

735
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 1: to plume. Well that's the one I want, all right.

736
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 1: Well we'll publish this and see what happens. I feel

737
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,239
Speaker 1: like there will be some blowback, and that's how we

738
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:51,600
Speaker 1: solved the murder of the man tire elementary. My dear Durst. Wow, wow,

739
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 1: you've got to have one. You're good, You're good. I'm

740
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:04,800
Speaker 1: Sherlock Holme and this is Burbank and that is our show.

741
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 1: Let's uh, thank you to olcome to see what they're

742
00:50:10,239 --> 00:50:16,279
Speaker 1: up to. Craig Atkovsky uh cole. Uh if if people

743
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 1: would listen to a previous episode, we were talking about hippos.

744
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:20,720
Speaker 1: On this episode, we know that a group of hippos

745
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:22,919
Speaker 1: is a bloat. Uh do you know what a group

746
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:29,320
Speaker 1: of rhinos is called? I do not crash crash of rhinos.

747
00:50:29,480 --> 00:50:35,879
Speaker 1: So that's what I've been up to. Animal collectives, prick

748
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 1: prickle of porky fines. That's one. That's a good one.

749
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 1: That's a good one. Uh cool, So definitely look how

750
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 1: animal collectives. They're actually really entertaining. Animal collective, I would

751
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: have my top. It's really good, really good. They'll play

752
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:53,799
Speaker 1: that concert along with Lutangy about Dylan, Chris Alvarado, Hello,

753
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:59,400
Speaker 1: the Beatles or something? People do love? This? Is it

754
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,239
Speaker 1: to please other people? Yeah, I don't know. It just

755
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 1: seems like one of the answers, um get take Penis

756
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 1: in the Schlogs at Chris Alvarado Instagram at the Comedy

757
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:17,920
Speaker 1: Figs another podcast where we discuss and philosophies about comedy.

758
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 1: Thank you nice saying thanks everybody, thanks for having to me.

759
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 1: You can follow me on socials at at a tool

760
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:28,879
Speaker 1: Time A t U L Tamy still not hitting back

761
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:30,959
Speaker 1: hearing from the Indian people listening. So if you're Indian

762
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,400
Speaker 1: out there listening to Alchemy This, I'm around. Hit me up.

763
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:38,719
Speaker 1: There you go, James Aeney, I'm just so glad to

764
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 1: be here. And if you want to contact me, you

765
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 1: can get a hold of me through the review section

766
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:47,440
Speaker 1: of your favorite podcast listening platform. This one's from Izzy Lion.

767
00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:50,640
Speaker 1: I don't think he's lying. Uh, And the title is

768
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:52,279
Speaker 1: is it weird that I feel like the cast are

769
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:54,800
Speaker 1: my friends? And it goes on to say the majority

770
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:57,400
Speaker 1: of my last leafter stems from listening to Alchemy This.

771
00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 1: My Dungeons and Dragons Dungeon mster recommended the show last year.

772
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 1: I quickly consumed all of it. Then I selfishly ignored

773
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:08,759
Speaker 1: James is please for refuse until today. By the way,

774
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:10,439
Speaker 1: they can get kind of blue, but I'm totally here

775
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: for it. Keep it weird. That's pretty fantastic, Joey Grahare,

776
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 1: I mean all of it and more. Uh. And if

777
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:24,480
Speaker 1: you're really thinking about it, you know there's there's opportunities.

778
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 1: But the best way to go about it, I'd say is, honestly,

779
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: just take a second, you know what I mean, throw

780
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 1: it all down and then look at it and then

781
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:38,759
Speaker 1: just go right A truer words were never said. I'm

782
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 1: at Cole Stratton on Twitter at Stratton Cole on instagram

783
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:44,440
Speaker 1: s f sketch Fest dot com, check out past shows

784
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:47,240
Speaker 1: or whatever else. Uh, this has been really fun, guys.

785
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 1: Let's thanks our engineer and producer Doug Babe and the

786
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 1: fine folks at iHeart Media dot com. Please write to

787
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 1: us at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's

788
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:08,600
Speaker 1: Alchemy this email dot Until next time,