1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,479 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we break 8 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 1: down the Psychology of our twenties. Today, we're going to 9 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 1: discuss something a little bit different. 10 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 2: We're going to talk. 11 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 1: About what it means to be an attractive person, our fascination, 12 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: our obsession with beauty, and why it is that we 13 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:56,360 Speaker 1: find some people more good looking than others, alongside the 14 00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: impact of phenomena like pretty privilege and the impact act 15 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 1: of beauty standards. This is an episode that I've wanted 16 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,640 Speaker 1: to do for a while because I think a lot 17 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 1: of us in our twenties, myself included, spend a lot 18 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:15,040 Speaker 1: of time thinking, worrying, judging ourselves based on whether or 19 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: not we match up with a version of what is 20 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: conventionally beautiful. It's something that we cannot deny caring about. 21 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 1: We are constantly aware, I guess of some invisible standard 22 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: of attractiveness, of beauty, of looks, of features that are 23 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:37,479 Speaker 1: going to make us more socially appealing. And I think 24 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,959 Speaker 1: at times we are too aware to the point that 25 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 1: it really influences our behavior. We change certain things about ourselves, 26 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 1: the clothes we wear, the hairstyles that we have, our makeup, 27 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: even our weight, our physical form, our facial features through 28 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: things like cosmetic surgery as a way to not only 29 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 1: feel more confident, but I also think to conform to 30 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: a lot of societal expectations and norms around beauty. I 31 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 1: think at times that this comes at a really huge 32 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 1: personal consequence where we are unable to see our worth 33 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 1: beyond our physical appearance. We begin to see our bodies 34 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,960 Speaker 1: in very unrealistic ways or kind of refuse to feel 35 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 1: good about ourselves unless we look a certain way on 36 00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:25,080 Speaker 1: the day, and unless we conform to what the beauty 37 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,679 Speaker 1: standard is of the day or the month or the year. 38 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 1: You know, are we trying to look like a Kardashian 39 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 1: today or like Belaha did or some other model or 40 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:38,400 Speaker 1: famous image of what beauty is and should be. And 41 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: I think that can be harmful, and it's obviously on 42 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 1: our minds a lot. A study published in Australia literally 43 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: just a few months ago, suggested that nearly a third 44 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,600 Speaker 1: of women in their twenties have considered or are considering 45 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:55,359 Speaker 1: cosmetic surgery. I won't lie, I'm in that boat. I've 46 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,040 Speaker 1: spoken to my friends about baby botox or filler or 47 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,880 Speaker 1: chin reduction surgery so much this past year, more than 48 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 1: I ever thought that I would. And I used to 49 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: feel really ashamed that I didn't love my body enough 50 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 1: to keep it the way that it was. But I've 51 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: realized and I've come to recognize that our obsession with 52 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 1: attractiveness is also highly universal, and, as psychology will show us, 53 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: very instinctual to our human nature. Part of human nature 54 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: is a desire to be attractive, because attractiveness symbolizes so 55 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 1: much more than just surface value looks. Attractiveness has this 56 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: unspoken and implied association with things like status and wealth, 57 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: but also of course health, reproductive value, the quote unquote 58 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: quality of our genetics. These are all characteristics that we 59 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: are hardwired to value because they are associated with better 60 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: life outcomes and a higher kind of place in the 61 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: social hierarch. If you want to think about it in 62 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 1: a very rudimentary way psychologists who kind of examine the 63 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: social and the psychological impacts of beauty, They often explain 64 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 1: why we find certain things attractive, why we are concerned 65 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: with our looks, based on our ability to reproduce, based 66 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 1: on what they call our mating instinct. So some of 67 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,080 Speaker 1: these theories are of course a little bit outdated in 68 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 1: the modern world, but it's been suggested that one of 69 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: our primary drives as humans is to basically just have 70 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,839 Speaker 1: children and to have the healthiest offspring possible so that 71 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,480 Speaker 1: they are more likely to survive and. 72 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 2: Carry on our genetics. 73 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:46,479 Speaker 1: Part of having healthy children comes down to picking a 74 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 1: mate whose own DNA background genetics is going to best 75 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 1: match ours and create the kind of children offspring kids 76 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: that are going to have a fighting chance. This is 77 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:06,760 Speaker 1: very very evolutionary. Obviously, nowadays we have so many different 78 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: medical innovations and techniques and methods that it doesn't really 79 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 1: matter if you know your child has certain little quirks 80 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: about them or certain things where they're not as healthy 81 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,839 Speaker 1: as they should be, like, they're still going to survive 82 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 1: potentially to old age. But back in the day when 83 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: we didn't have medical care because we were like roaming 84 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:33,480 Speaker 1: the jungle roaming the Sahara. Picking the right partner who 85 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 1: was going to give your kids the best chance of 86 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:41,719 Speaker 1: survival was really important. Obviously, when we are making that decision, 87 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,560 Speaker 1: we cannot peer into someone's genetic blueprint and find out 88 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: if they are healthy or not. We can't peer into 89 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,919 Speaker 1: their DNA and find out what kind of medical preconditions 90 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,920 Speaker 1: or predispositions they have, but we can look at their 91 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 1: physical traits and kind of identify whether or not A 92 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 1: these characteristics are indicative of better health and b would 93 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,239 Speaker 1: that make for healthier offspring who are more likely to survive. 94 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 1: So the things that we typically see is beautiful things 95 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:16,360 Speaker 1: like youthfulness, good skin, nice hair, tall muscular, large eyes. 96 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 1: They are actually all indicative of someone's almost capacity to 97 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: survive and also. 98 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 2: Of their health. 99 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:28,360 Speaker 1: That is why we find certain things attractive, not because 100 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: they are more attractive in a really arbitrary sense, but 101 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 1: because of how they help with our sense of security, 102 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:40,279 Speaker 1: our sense of survival, our ability to pass on our genetics. 103 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: So the one I always think of is like why 104 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: we find tall men more attractive? Like there really isn't 105 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:50,919 Speaker 1: any reason other than a very biological evolutionary reason to 106 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: have a preference for taller men, if that is your preference. 107 00:06:54,160 --> 00:07:00,000 Speaker 1: But previously, prehistorically, someone who is taller may have been 108 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: more athletic, may have been stronger, may have been more 109 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 1: able to reach the fruit high up on the tree. 110 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: Those were all big perks, big kind of pros when 111 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 1: it comes to producing healthy, surviving children. Those factors are now, 112 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 1: as I said before, not as important, but they are 113 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 1: still part of our genetic blueprint. They are still part 114 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 1: of our DNA. And it's interesting because the standard of 115 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: what we find attractive is actually pretty consistent across populations, ages, genders, ethnicity, 116 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 1: with only a few deviations, suggesting that really, deep down 117 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: there is this kind of profile or image of the 118 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 1: perfect person. So in one meta analysis, they looked at 119 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 1: over nine hundred studies on this, and they found that 120 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:54,600 Speaker 1: if they gave people a big group of different individuals 121 00:07:54,640 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 1: from different backgrounds, different ages, different genders, all of those things, 122 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: most people in these large groups would come to an 123 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,400 Speaker 1: agreement on who was the most attractive amongst this group, 124 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: even if they themselves had different backgrounds. This strongly suggests 125 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 1: that judgments of physical attractiveness are really hardwired into human genetics. 126 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 1: They're also likely to be fixed at a really early 127 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:26,400 Speaker 1: stage in kind of our upbringing and development, we actually 128 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: devote entire portions of our brain to evaluating characteristics of attractiveness. 129 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 1: They did studies on six month old infants, and what 130 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,320 Speaker 1: they found was that these kids, although they are only 131 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: six months out of the room they can't even speak yet, 132 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:45,439 Speaker 1: they look longer at the faces of adults who we 133 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 1: would call objectively attractive, and they spend less time looking 134 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 1: at faces of those who we would judge as not attractive. Because, 135 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: as we've concluded, it's not just about beauty, the social 136 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 1: idea of beauty. It's about something very primal, an animal 137 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 1: in our brain that has been programmed to pay attention 138 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 1: to looks. The brain is actually such a good detector 139 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: of beauty that it can actually judge the appeal of 140 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: a face before we are even aware that you've seen it. 141 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,880 Speaker 1: So when participants in a recent study were presented with 142 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 1: an attractive and an unattractive face, they had only thirteen 143 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 1: milliseconds to look at them both, and from that just 144 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: very very brief vision, they were able to judge which 145 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:40,599 Speaker 1: of these faces the average person would call more attractive. 146 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,880 Speaker 1: So they're not even consciously aware of the stimuli, and 147 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: yet we are almost on an unconscious level able to 148 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,959 Speaker 1: pick up the certain features that make a person healthier, 149 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,480 Speaker 1: make a person more attractive, make a person more desirable 150 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: when it comes to mating. So what are the summer 151 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,440 Speaker 1: the features that we're kind of we universally accept as 152 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: being attractive that we're looking out for. Key elements that 153 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:11,679 Speaker 1: go into our appraisal of beauty on a very very rudimentary, 154 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 1: primal level are age and health, as well as facial symmetry, 155 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: body proportions, facial color, and texture, mainly to do with 156 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 1: things like skin. Youth is obviously a major component when 157 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: it comes to attractiveness. Older faces are judged as less attractive, 158 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: less energetic, once again because of reproductive viability. So we 159 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,720 Speaker 1: do have this obsession with wanting to look younger because 160 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 1: we understand that looking younger means that we are more 161 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,079 Speaker 1: attractive for the average person, because it indicates that our 162 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 1: time to have children has not yet come to an end. 163 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 1: This really explains like our obsession with botox and youthful 164 00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: beauty routines and retinal and whatever else there is that 165 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: is meant to keep us looking younger for as long 166 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 1: as possible. Facial and body symmetry are also a big 167 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: thing that we instinctually look for. And I found this 168 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: really interesting when I discovered this, because the reason why 169 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:18,440 Speaker 1: we like symmetrical faces is really fascinating. There are really 170 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 1: small variables that can make it so that we do 171 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,679 Speaker 1: not have a symmetrical face. You could have a slightly 172 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: wider jaw on one side, or one of your eyes 173 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,679 Speaker 1: could be like a tiny fraction lower than the other one. 174 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: One of your cheekbones might stick out just a wee 175 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,679 Speaker 1: bit more, a little dimple on one cheek. These are 176 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 1: just small quirks that we may love in someone else 177 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: and that we might find attractive. But what this science 178 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: in the psychology is suggesting is that when we look 179 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,040 Speaker 1: at someone who has a symmetrical face versus an asymmetrical face, 180 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,840 Speaker 1: our preference is always going to be for symmetry. Firstly, 181 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 1: symmetry is good is valued because it's easier to interpret 182 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 1: the emotions of those who have this kind of bilateral symmetry. 183 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: So basically it means that if you have someone whose 184 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 1: face is kind of exactly the same on either side, 185 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: you know exactly how emotions are going to be displayed 186 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 1: compared to someone who might have small, little differences that 187 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:24,199 Speaker 1: might warp how you would traditionally or are used to 188 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:29,240 Speaker 1: seeing emotions. It's also the fact that asymmetry, having a 189 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: little bit of a difference is kind of a sign 190 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: of congenital or developmental defects. Not so much anymore, but 191 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 1: in the past they might be a sign of malnutrition 192 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:48,080 Speaker 1: or infection, or indicative of a deeper genetic mutation. You know, 193 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: those minor variations like having a dimple, having like a 194 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 1: slightly higher cheekbone that is not going to have any 195 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: functional consequences. They do not have a dramatic impact on 196 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 1: our lives. But what we are finding again and again 197 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 1: is that symmetry is much more attractive. It is more 198 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 1: highly rated as being associated with dominance and health and 199 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,560 Speaker 1: sexiness once again, because it comes back to the genetic 200 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:20,320 Speaker 1: desirability of a mate. Beauty perceptions obviously differ for men 201 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: and women, particularly when we're talking about cisgender heteronormative men 202 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 1: and women, and that's really where most of the research 203 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,960 Speaker 1: is being done. Because I don't know about the rest 204 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,439 Speaker 1: of the scientific community, but the psychology community is a 205 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,679 Speaker 1: little bit behind in recognizing kind of the diversity of 206 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: genders and sex. But from what they've shown, when we 207 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,840 Speaker 1: look at things like facial hair, for example, that is 208 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:47,560 Speaker 1: indicative of higher testosterone levels, it's also associated with greater 209 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,920 Speaker 1: fertility and strength. So women are more likely to prefer 210 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: men who have those features or who have a muscular 211 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 1: build or high cheekbones, not just because they're more sexually attractive, 212 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:02,480 Speaker 1: but because they might be a better long term mate. 213 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 1: And then when it comes to women and male preferences, 214 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:10,920 Speaker 1: for women, often it's things like having large hips, having 215 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 1: large breasts, having nice skin, having long hair, because it 216 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: indicates that you are going to be able to give 217 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 1: birth to healthy children, and also that you have like 218 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: you're getting good nutrition, that you are healthy, that you 219 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:29,520 Speaker 1: are taking care of yourselves. These are just some of 220 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: the features that we're looking for that a lot of 221 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 1: people find attractive, right and once again, it's mainly linked 222 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: to reproductive capacity viability. And I feel like we spend 223 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 1: a lot of time here discussing that fact, what we 224 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: find attractive and why, but I also want to investigate 225 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: what are the consequences of meeting that profile of attractiveness 226 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:59,000 Speaker 1: or not. You know, it's not all about mating and 227 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: having kids. I think we are a bit more evolved 228 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: nowadays to realize that not everyone wants to have children, 229 00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 1: but based on our conclusions, beauty standards are only important 230 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 1: because of how they relate to reproducing. If that's the case, 231 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 1: you have this whole group of people who don't want kids, 232 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 1: and yet they still really care about their looks. So 233 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:26,200 Speaker 1: we're kind of missing a part of the equation here. 234 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 1: I think that is that we as a society implicitly 235 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 1: understand and acknowledge that how we look, our beauty levels, 236 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:40,920 Speaker 1: our attractiveness levels, they are important for our social relationships 237 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,520 Speaker 1: and for how we are treated. A lot of that 238 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: comes down to the concept of pretty privilege, our acknowledgment 239 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 1: that people who are perceived as more beautiful or as 240 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 1: meeting beauty norms are going to get better or preferential treatment. 241 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 1: So there was a study conducted back in two thousand 242 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: and nineteen published in the Behavioral Science Journal. It found 243 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 1: that throughout the world, attractive people show greater acquisition of 244 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 1: resources and better treatment than others. And it's often those 245 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 1: people that we celebrate and promote and see as beautiful. 246 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 2: They follow a. 247 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,440 Speaker 1: Very similar formula. They are thin, they are white, they 248 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 1: are young, they are cisgendered, they are tall, they have 249 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 1: good skin, they have long hair. Not necessarily the everyday person, 250 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: and definitely not the only version of beauty. And you 251 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,760 Speaker 1: know what, let's point out the obvious before going any further. 252 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: That is super unfair. It's unfair. It is an unfair 253 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,760 Speaker 1: world to live in, especially when the way that you 254 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 1: look really has nothing to do with how good of 255 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 1: a person you are. It is genetic luck. It has 256 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,840 Speaker 1: nothing to do with your value as a person, how 257 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 1: kind you are, how intelligent you are, how caring you 258 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: we are, and yet we cannot implicitly escape this privilege 259 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,159 Speaker 1: that exists all around us, whereby if you happen to 260 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 1: match this profile of what is attractiveness, life just might 261 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,400 Speaker 1: be a little bit easier for you. So they've done 262 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,320 Speaker 1: studies on this, and they have found that people who 263 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: are appraised as objectively beautiful, they are paid more, they 264 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 1: get considered for more jobs, they are seen as nicer, 265 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,880 Speaker 1: as more intelligent, more trustworthy. They even did this one 266 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 1: quite recently and it was around employment, and they found 267 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,199 Speaker 1: that if you are someone who is good looking, you 268 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: make about twelve percent more than people who are deemed 269 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,080 Speaker 1: less appealing. It's the same thing with real estate brokers. 270 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 1: If you're more attractive as someone who works in real estate, 271 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: you make a lot more money. Psychologists call it the 272 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 1: beauty premium. Essentially, it is the income gap between attractive 273 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 1: and unattractive people, and one study has suggested One group 274 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:05,679 Speaker 1: researchers suggested that this beauty premium, this income gap is 275 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: comparable to the gap between genders or ethnicities. We have 276 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,679 Speaker 1: some idea of why that is, but just because we 277 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:21,680 Speaker 1: understand that it comes from this, like weird genetic blueprint preferences, offspring, whatever, 278 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,639 Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily make us feel good. It doesn't make 279 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 1: us feel better to understand that even though it's biology 280 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,680 Speaker 1: and it doesn't have much to do with us, it's 281 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: not in our control. 282 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,200 Speaker 2: It's still pretty unfair. 283 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,119 Speaker 1: It's also really interesting to me because although we do 284 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: have some really universal ideas of beauty, the standards around 285 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:46,160 Speaker 1: us are constantly shifting and impossible to me. One week 286 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: we need to look stick thin. The next week we're 287 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,880 Speaker 1: expected to look lean and muscular. After that, we're meant 288 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: to have really big boobs and big butts. That is 289 00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 1: because beauty standards are social norms, meaning that they are 290 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:04,920 Speaker 1: socially constructed. A social construct is not only very likely 291 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 1: to shift and change quite quickly, often with no reason, 292 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:13,040 Speaker 1: but it actually has no real meaning beyond the group 293 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:17,919 Speaker 1: in which it is enforced. Social constructs only have power 294 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 1: if the group chooses to enforce them. They are literally 295 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: not real, but they do feel real because they are 296 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 1: enforced in very implicit ways, for example, limited clothing sizes 297 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:39,119 Speaker 1: at stores, limited shades of makeup, identical models in every advertisement. 298 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,840 Speaker 1: But the fact that they are a social construct means 299 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:47,359 Speaker 1: that they can be changed almost overnight or dramatically, because 300 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 1: they are derived from really the minds of millions of people, 301 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:55,760 Speaker 1: but then backed up by and reflected by industries who 302 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 1: make money from your insecurity, who make money from selling 303 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:03,240 Speaker 1: a a new standard and new product, a new version 304 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:07,439 Speaker 1: of how you should be. How is it that we 305 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,240 Speaker 1: are meant to keep up with those changing beauty standards 306 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,679 Speaker 1: that make it so your looks have to be the 307 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,200 Speaker 1: center of your universe, kind of a constant source of attention. 308 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 1: I think that that is really, really impossible, especially when 309 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,640 Speaker 1: we understand that we will be validated by society if 310 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,000 Speaker 1: we are conventionally attractive. All of us want to be accepted. 311 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: All of us want preferential treatment, all of us want 312 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 1: to be treated well. And what beauty standards and pretty 313 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 1: privilege is really telling us is that you can have 314 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,400 Speaker 1: that life. This can all be unlocked for you if 315 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 1: you just conform to how we would like you to look. 316 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 1: That has a lot of consequences for our mental health, 317 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 1: our social health, our emotional health. So how do we 318 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:54,200 Speaker 1: kind of break free from these expectations and this pressure 319 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 1: and just be happy with who we are beyond our 320 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 1: physical appearance. 321 00:20:58,920 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 2: We're going to talk. 322 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 1: About all of that and more after this shortbreak. The 323 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: problem with beauty standards and the pretty privilege that comes 324 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 1: along with it is twofold. Firstly, it teaches us that 325 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 1: our value is entirely derived from our physical appearance rather 326 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,719 Speaker 1: than the contents of our character and our soul and 327 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,679 Speaker 1: our personality. Secondly, it says, and it shows us, and 328 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:33,120 Speaker 1: it ingrains in us, that we need to change in. 329 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 2: Order to be accepted. 330 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 1: That leads to a lot of very deeply rooted dissatisfaction 331 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:43,399 Speaker 1: with our bodies, with how we look, and this misconception 332 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 1: that our lives would be better if we just looked 333 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:50,400 Speaker 1: a certain way or fixed something about ourselves. I see 334 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 1: this all the time in my own behavior, in the 335 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 1: behavior of those around me, and it's so upsetting to 336 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 1: think how many of us believe that if we just 337 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: lost some weight be able to find love, or if 338 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:04,640 Speaker 1: we fixed our skin, we would be liked more by 339 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 1: people that we work with, or people around us, or 340 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:10,160 Speaker 1: people on the street. If we just touched something up there, 341 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:14,560 Speaker 1: altered something here, we would be more successful. It is 342 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,680 Speaker 1: never ending, because I think when you start believing this 343 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 1: myth sold to you by a society obsessed with beauty, 344 00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:25,280 Speaker 1: that changing your appearance will somehow change the quality of 345 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 1: your life, you will always find something else to be 346 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:31,160 Speaker 1: unhappy about or to not like about yourself. It's why 347 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,200 Speaker 1: we now see these terms for people who are addicted 348 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:38,200 Speaker 1: to plastic surgery or body modifications. It's why we're seeing 349 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:43,479 Speaker 1: rising numbers of body dysmorphic disorders and eating disorders. Harvard 350 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:47,040 Speaker 1: University even published a paper on this recently, suggesting that 351 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:51,919 Speaker 1: when we see our value as being determined by beauty, 352 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:56,879 Speaker 1: this translates into self objectification and that negatively impacts the 353 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:02,160 Speaker 1: treatment we feel we deserve, especially for women, where when 354 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 1: we begin to see ourselves as an object that can 355 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: be admired, that looks beautiful. We kind of start to 356 00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:14,919 Speaker 1: minimize these other aspects of our identity and ourselves that 357 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 1: are more important. Self objectification is associated with decreased political activism, 358 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:27,639 Speaker 1: less assertiveness, poorer workplace performance, because when we conform to 359 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:32,639 Speaker 1: an idea that beauty is our only value in the world, 360 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,879 Speaker 1: that we need to look a certain way, what that 361 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:41,159 Speaker 1: basically means is that your accompanying idea of personhood and 362 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:47,120 Speaker 1: personality is restricted. It becomes less multi dimensional. You don't 363 00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:49,960 Speaker 1: need to be intelligent, you don't need to be creative 364 00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:53,639 Speaker 1: or assertive. You are merely something that is nice to 365 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,160 Speaker 1: look at, which we know is entirely incorrect. We are 366 00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:03,679 Speaker 1: incredibly nuanced, rounded, deep individuals. But when we form an 367 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:08,439 Speaker 1: obsession with our looks and needing to fit a certain 368 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 1: standard in order to be accepted, that really just becomes 369 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 1: the highlight. It becomes the only thing we can focus on. 370 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,760 Speaker 1: So I want to offer a few reminders here for 371 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,199 Speaker 1: those moments when you're buying into the beauty standards, the 372 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:23,600 Speaker 1: pretty privilege. 373 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 2: Of the world. 374 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 1: Number One, there might be one standard of beauty that 375 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,439 Speaker 1: is most common, but that doesn't mean that beauty is 376 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:37,199 Speaker 1: a singularly defined thing, as the saying always goes, Beauty 377 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 1: is in the high of the beholder, and the things 378 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,920 Speaker 1: that we might see as flaws, others might see as 379 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:46,399 Speaker 1: kind of really beautiful parts of our tapestry as a 380 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:50,679 Speaker 1: human or a really attractive quirk. I think sometimes with 381 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,560 Speaker 1: phrases like that, we think that they've just been developed 382 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,560 Speaker 1: to make us feel better. But I'm always surprised by 383 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,920 Speaker 1: how much truth there are in these like everyday meta 384 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:05,399 Speaker 1: or idioms. So research has actually suggested that beauty is 385 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 1: in fact in the high of the beholder. There is 386 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 1: a preference for certain physical traits, but also it is 387 00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 1: our individual life experiences that leads us to find certain 388 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 1: people more attractive than others, not just our genetics, not 389 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,919 Speaker 1: just our DNA. It's why your best friend might be 390 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 1: like absolutely smitten with someone and you think they are 391 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:28,880 Speaker 1: like a solid three. It's why we have different types. 392 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:34,560 Speaker 1: It's why we find some celebrities unattractive, because life experiences 393 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 1: are equally important. 394 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:36,040 Speaker 2: Here. 395 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: It is about environment, It's about how much we value 396 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,199 Speaker 1: things like uniqueness, who our friends are dating, who we 397 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,880 Speaker 1: have dated in the past, what our culture is promoting 398 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,119 Speaker 1: as attractive even what our parents look like, and that 399 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,359 Speaker 1: is a whole other chapter of psychology that I don't 400 00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:55,240 Speaker 1: think we have time to get into. But essentially, some 401 00:25:55,280 --> 00:26:00,520 Speaker 1: people theorize that we actually prefer partners who resemble our parents, 402 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,439 Speaker 1: and that is super weird. Some people say it's true, 403 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 1: a lot more people say it's false and a little 404 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,240 Speaker 1: bit delusional. But I think it's evidence to show that 405 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,680 Speaker 1: it's not all about biology in these moments. 406 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:14,120 Speaker 2: It also is. 407 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 1: About how we have been raised, how we have been 408 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:23,480 Speaker 1: conditioned to see beauty, and also the kind of deviations 409 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,160 Speaker 1: in that as well, such that even if you don't 410 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:30,000 Speaker 1: feel conventionally attractive, there is someone out there who's looking 411 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 1: at you being like I think that they are the 412 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:32,920 Speaker 1: most beautiful person in the world. 413 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:33,639 Speaker 2: You know. 414 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 1: I used to have this like real deep hatred for 415 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,480 Speaker 1: this mole I had on my face. I used to 416 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,800 Speaker 1: google like skin removal places like once a day at least. 417 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,479 Speaker 1: And it's so interesting because my current boyfriend loves it. 418 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,720 Speaker 1: He's like, that is so cute. You can just never 419 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:53,439 Speaker 1: tell what someone is going to find beautiful about you 420 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,920 Speaker 1: that you might actually find really unattractive, because once again, 421 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,040 Speaker 1: you can choose to conform and try and fit in 422 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,280 Speaker 1: to someone else's version of a perfect body and a 423 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,959 Speaker 1: perfect face and whatnot. But when you do that, you 424 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:08,440 Speaker 1: also reduce your individuality in the process, and I think 425 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:12,439 Speaker 1: that individuality is what people ultimately love the most about you. 426 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 1: My second reminder, and I think it goes without saying, 427 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,400 Speaker 1: but your appearance really is the least important thing about you. 428 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:24,640 Speaker 1: Your body is going to change as you age, as 429 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,800 Speaker 1: you go through certain life events, but what will hopefully 430 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:31,480 Speaker 1: not change is the contents of who you are and 431 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:35,399 Speaker 1: how authentic and true to yourself you really choose to be. 432 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,520 Speaker 1: I'm always reminded of this role Dyal quote. He did 433 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,119 Speaker 1: this book children's book called The Twits, and in it 434 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 1: he says, a person who has good thoughts cannot be ugly. 435 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 1: You can be the most hideous person out there, but 436 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,840 Speaker 1: if you have good thoughts, if you are kind to 437 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:59,200 Speaker 1: other people, these will shine out of your face like sunbeams, 438 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:03,840 Speaker 1: and you will always look lovely. I truly believe this 439 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:10,200 Speaker 1: kind people can never be unattractive because they have shifted 440 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,480 Speaker 1: beyond thinking about themselves only on the singular dimension of 441 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:18,480 Speaker 1: appearance and have a holistic view of their character, what 442 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,360 Speaker 1: they bring to the world, how they treat others, how 443 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:22,800 Speaker 1: they treat themselves, that is so. 444 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:23,720 Speaker 2: Much more important. 445 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,160 Speaker 1: Additionally, something I like to remind myself when I start 446 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 1: to kind of think too much about my looks and 447 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 1: start picking at things, start googling random surgeries in Turkey, 448 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:39,440 Speaker 1: is that some of the greatest, smartest, most valuable people 449 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 1: in this world do not meet the profile of what 450 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 1: is attractive. People like Einstein, Steve Jobs, mother Teresa. I 451 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: don't think they could have done what they'd done if 452 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 1: they spend all that time worrying about their physical appearance 453 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,720 Speaker 1: more than their vision for the future. And I think 454 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,800 Speaker 1: it goes to show that in a world that really 455 00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 1: wants to teach you and really wants to enforce this 456 00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,080 Speaker 1: philosophy that your looks are really, really valuable and really 457 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 1: important and should be a big focus, there are thousands 458 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,160 Speaker 1: millions of people who aren't thinking about that, and who 459 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,000 Speaker 1: are thinking about how they can actually contribute to the 460 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 1: world in a really meaningful way. And if they decided 461 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,280 Speaker 1: that they would rather focus on beauty and attractiveness, we 462 00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,200 Speaker 1: would miss out on a lot of amazing inventions, a 463 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,360 Speaker 1: lot of amazing changes. 464 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:28,480 Speaker 2: In this world. 465 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:33,480 Speaker 1: Number three, my final reminder. We can say all that 466 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 1: we want about beauty standards and what makes someone attractive 467 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:41,239 Speaker 1: from kind of an evolutionary biological standpoint, but time and 468 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 1: time again, what Trump's attractiveness is confidence. Much like kindness. 469 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:51,480 Speaker 1: I think confidence has this ability to always make you 470 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 1: the most attractive person in the room. And there's a 471 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:58,160 Speaker 1: science behind this. When you believe in yourself, when you 472 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 1: are self assured, when you know who you are, that 473 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:05,600 Speaker 1: kind of radiates outwards. It makes you appear more attractive 474 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:08,680 Speaker 1: to others. And it's this energy that a lot of 475 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 1: people often call the glow right, this like magnetic golden aura. 476 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:20,200 Speaker 1: And in one study conducted by the Society for Personality 477 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:25,040 Speaker 1: and Social Psychology, they recruited a bunch of people and 478 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:29,400 Speaker 1: they had half of them fake confidence in these make 479 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:34,000 Speaker 1: believe dating situations, and they found that these individuals who 480 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,840 Speaker 1: kind of faked it till they maked it were rated 481 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: higher in romantic, romantic attractiveness and just overall desirability again 482 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:46,200 Speaker 1: and again and again. Additionally, a lot of the things 483 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:50,520 Speaker 1: that we inherently kind of genetically desire in a partner 484 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:55,080 Speaker 1: are really difficult to observe directly unless you actually take 485 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,840 Speaker 1: time to get to know someone. Things like intelligence, drive, 486 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:03,720 Speaker 1: social status, physical ability, personality. They are kind of things 487 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: that we understand about ourselves but other people don't understand 488 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:11,680 Speaker 1: about us. However, when you are confident, a lot of 489 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 1: people around you will assume that there is a reason 490 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:19,160 Speaker 1: to that confidence, because you do have an actual sense 491 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,960 Speaker 1: of value. I think, I hope that makes sense, but 492 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 1: I guess what it says is you don't have to 493 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 1: These people don't have to question whether you have value, 494 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 1: whether you're worth knowing, whether you're worth dating, whether you're 495 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,400 Speaker 1: worth investing in, because you already know it, and so 496 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:35,040 Speaker 1: they're more likely to believe you if you believe in yourself. 497 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:37,760 Speaker 1: I think that just goes to show that beauty is 498 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:41,000 Speaker 1: obviously not just skin deep. It's so much more nuanced 499 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: and psychological and emotional, and our preoccupation with it is 500 00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 1: also probably going to be causing us more harm than good. Whereby, 501 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,840 Speaker 1: the more we become fixated on changing things, the less 502 00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 1: confidence we have, so the less attractive we kind of become. 503 00:31:56,680 --> 00:32:00,400 Speaker 1: When we reframe our perspective and take physical appearance off 504 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,240 Speaker 1: a pedestal, we feel so much more free to not 505 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:07,680 Speaker 1: have to perform, and we can worry about pretty privilege 506 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,840 Speaker 1: and beauty standards as much as we like. We can 507 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 1: acknowledge that the world is really designed for a small 508 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,600 Speaker 1: group of people. But each day you also get to 509 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,880 Speaker 1: make a choice about whether you want to spend your 510 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 1: time thinking about this and trying to conform and spending 511 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:29,040 Speaker 1: money to look a certain way, or whether there's something 512 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,479 Speaker 1: else that is going to be more valuable that you 513 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,880 Speaker 1: can do with that time. How many hours are you 514 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 1: wasting fixating on something that really isn't a true marker 515 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,520 Speaker 1: of who you are? How many minutes do you spend 516 00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,320 Speaker 1: thinking like, my makeup doesn't look great, it looks a 517 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,920 Speaker 1: bit kicky. No one is really noticing that, And if 518 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:54,160 Speaker 1: they're making a snap judgment based on that small aspect 519 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,200 Speaker 1: of who you are, that is highly superficial and it 520 00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,400 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with you. So it's kind of 521 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: like a bit of a like a balancing act here. 522 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:08,080 Speaker 1: What are you giving up by spending time thinking about this, 523 00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:11,560 Speaker 1: and what could you gain by spending that time thinking 524 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,640 Speaker 1: about something else, Thinking about how you can give back, 525 00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 1: thinking about your goals, thinking about your dreams, thinking about 526 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,520 Speaker 1: other people and how you can make them happy, how 527 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:24,720 Speaker 1: you can make them feel loved. There's one more exercise 528 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,920 Speaker 1: that I really want to share when it comes to 529 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 1: feeling a little bit weighed down by beauty standards, pretty privilege, 530 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,360 Speaker 1: all of that, and that is a self love, self 531 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 1: gratitude checklist. This involves writing down ten things that you 532 00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,880 Speaker 1: love about yourself that have nothing to do with what 533 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:46,480 Speaker 1: you look like, whether that is your creativity, how thoughtful 534 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,480 Speaker 1: you are, that you're strong, kind, a good cook, a 535 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:53,440 Speaker 1: loving daughter, a loving sister. I think we have been 536 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:58,160 Speaker 1: conditioned into seeing ourselves only as other people see us, 537 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 1: which is through the lens of obviously physical appearance. But 538 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,000 Speaker 1: when we actually break down that facade and really examine 539 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: who we truly are, if all of those things were 540 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:11,919 Speaker 1: taken away, we are able to get more in touch 541 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,560 Speaker 1: with the core of our true self and actually do 542 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:18,040 Speaker 1: something with that, do something valuable with all that time. 543 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:22,640 Speaker 1: I would also say, what you consume is what you believe. 544 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 1: So if you are constantly being exposed to only one 545 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,360 Speaker 1: type of individual on social media on TikTok on Instagram, 546 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,640 Speaker 1: you of course are going to have a very limited 547 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:36,000 Speaker 1: sample of what the average person truly looks like. It 548 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,879 Speaker 1: is one of the mechanisms by which beauty standards become 549 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:43,880 Speaker 1: indoctrinated and continue to control and influence us. Social media 550 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:48,480 Speaker 1: is very, very powerful. It is almost a way of 551 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,319 Speaker 1: learning what society wants from you through the kind of 552 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,720 Speaker 1: content that you're exposed to. So I would really encourage 553 00:34:55,760 --> 00:35:00,000 Speaker 1: you to diversify who you follow, really question why these 554 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,200 Speaker 1: models and people look the way they do. How attainable 555 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,719 Speaker 1: that really is? What would you be giving up to 556 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,319 Speaker 1: be that person to look a certain way? And is 557 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:11,319 Speaker 1: it really worth it to just conform just so that 558 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:15,920 Speaker 1: people like you more? Maybe I'm starting to believe that 559 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:20,479 Speaker 1: it really isn't worth it, especially since when you try 560 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,280 Speaker 1: and fake being another person someone that you're not, when 561 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:27,400 Speaker 1: you give up your very much individual, unique beauty, you 562 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 1: actually miss out on meeting people who would really have 563 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:33,239 Speaker 1: just loved the real you, And I think that's such 564 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: a shame. So one final disclaimer, I don't want this 565 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:43,200 Speaker 1: to come off as like an admonishment of beauty or 566 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,200 Speaker 1: seeing the need to take care of ourselves is a 567 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:50,000 Speaker 1: bad thing, or you know, not sometimes benefiting from the 568 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,680 Speaker 1: confidence boost of looking really good and wearing makeup and 569 00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,440 Speaker 1: having your nails done and your hair done, This is 570 00:35:56,560 --> 00:36:00,600 Speaker 1: kind of by no means permission to quit as people 571 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,560 Speaker 1: who do experience pretty privilege or who are conventionally attractive. 572 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,279 Speaker 1: I think, obviously empowerment comes in so many forms, and 573 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,880 Speaker 1: some of that might come from changing our physical appearance. 574 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,960 Speaker 1: But I also think it's important to examine the societal 575 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:19,759 Speaker 1: influence that sometimes leaves us feeling obligated that we need 576 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:23,520 Speaker 1: to meet conventional beauty standards in order to achieve some 577 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:27,000 Speaker 1: level of happiness or to be accepted or to be 578 00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:32,200 Speaker 1: treated well. When we feel shame in that sense, shame 579 00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,680 Speaker 1: for just being who we truly are, nothing good really 580 00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:38,080 Speaker 1: comes from that. So you can still accept that beauty 581 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,680 Speaker 1: standards have a role in our lives and that there 582 00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:43,560 Speaker 1: are certain things that maybe do align with the implementation 583 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,280 Speaker 1: of beauty standards that you enjoy. Like I said, getting 584 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,320 Speaker 1: your nails done or investing in a really nice outfit 585 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:52,080 Speaker 1: or following trends that is still totally fine as long 586 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:56,080 Speaker 1: as it doesn't feel like necessary, as long as it 587 00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:59,719 Speaker 1: doesn't feel enforced, as long as it doesn't feel like 588 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,359 Speaker 1: if I don't do these things, my life will not 589 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,680 Speaker 1: be as good as I want it to be. So 590 00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,879 Speaker 1: I really hope that you've enjoyed this kind of more 591 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:12,760 Speaker 1: rambly episode. Honestly, it's just been something on my mind. 592 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:17,480 Speaker 1: I've just been really considering attractiveness recently, really been like 593 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,560 Speaker 1: looking at people on the street and being like, you're attractive. 594 00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:21,759 Speaker 1: I can tell why is that? 595 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:23,279 Speaker 2: Why do I want to keep looking at you? 596 00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,200 Speaker 1: Why do I keep looking at myself in the mirror? 597 00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 1: Why do I keep picking at my skin, picking at 598 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:31,319 Speaker 1: little things on my face or my body that I 599 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,120 Speaker 1: just don't quite like? Where does that come from? 600 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:34,279 Speaker 2: So? 601 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:38,200 Speaker 1: I hope that this has been interesting, fascinating and lightning, 602 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,840 Speaker 1: that you have at least learned something, And if you 603 00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:42,880 Speaker 1: haven't learned something, I hope that it's just left you 604 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,600 Speaker 1: feeling a little bit better, a little bit more encouraged 605 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:47,799 Speaker 1: by the fact that you are not the only one 606 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:53,279 Speaker 1: who was thinking about beauty in maybe a dangerous toxic way. 607 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:57,480 Speaker 1: I think it is very universal in our twenties, something 608 00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:59,640 Speaker 1: that we should discuss more, something that we should be 609 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,880 Speaker 1: more open and about that this is not an isolated issue. 610 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,200 Speaker 1: All of us are consuming very similar content, feeling very 611 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:10,000 Speaker 1: similar things about what society expects from us in terms 612 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,759 Speaker 1: of looks. So thank you so much for listening to 613 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 1: today's episode. As always, if there is a friend who 614 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,239 Speaker 1: needs to hear this, please feel free to share it 615 00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,799 Speaker 1: with them or leave a five star review wherever you 616 00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,440 Speaker 1: are listening. Make sure you are following us so that 617 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,279 Speaker 1: you know when new episodes come out and we are 618 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:30,319 Speaker 1: still taking episodes suggestions. We're always taking episode suggestions, So 619 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,560 Speaker 1: if there's something that you want us to speak on, 620 00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,160 Speaker 1: want us to look into, want us to understand the 621 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:39,239 Speaker 1: psychology of for you, please follow me at that Psychology 622 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:42,319 Speaker 1: podcast and shoot me a message and I'll chat to 623 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,600 Speaker 1: you over there. As always, have a lovely week. We 624 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:49,920 Speaker 1: will be back next week with another episode.