WEBVTT - INAS X - Home Grown Hummus 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:03.760 Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke. 0:00:03.920 --> 0:00:06.600 I'm your host, Coleen Witt, and today we have very 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:11.440 very special guests, recording artists in naz x is in 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:16.680 the building. Hey, hey, I am really excited to have 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:17.120 you here. 0:00:17.280 --> 0:00:18.560 I'm so excited to be here. 0:00:18.960 --> 0:00:23.040 So you really look like you are really into cooking, right. 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:26.360 I'm so excited about this, Like literally it's dope because 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:29.080 this idea that we went to is like, so like 0:00:29.160 --> 0:00:30.200 this just excited me up. 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:33.120 Yes, what are you gonna be having us eat today? 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:35.680 Okay, so today we're gonna be having. 0:00:35.479 --> 0:00:42.479 Hummus samas, the organic original homemade Arab ways. 0:00:43.120 --> 0:00:47.440 I love that. I love that because basically, what you're 0:00:47.479 --> 0:00:50.640 telling me is that instead of me buying hummus from 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:54.680 the containers, that I can actually make it at home 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:56.200 and it's budget. 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:59.360 Friendly, literally so much more budget friendly and just just 0:00:59.440 --> 0:00:59.960 better take. 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:03.240 Really, so we gonna find out today. 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:05.760 It's literally real, let's get it. I'm excited about it. 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:32.520 Yes, so tell us what it takes to make homemade hummus. 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:36.360 Okay, So we have the chickpeas. 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:37.880 And these are canned so people don't have to boil 0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:38.160 them in. 0:01:39.160 --> 0:01:42.840 And we love Goya products always always, so yeah, the 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:46.240 Goya product will work. But whatever product chickpeas boom. And 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:49.040 then honestly, the lemon juice and the olive oil, I 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:50.440 don't know. If we have our olive oil. 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:52.360 We can have someone run and get it. 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:55.560 Yeah, the olive oil, the lemon juice just crucial like anything. 0:01:56.560 --> 0:01:59.800 Middle Eastern they always put lemon juice and olive oil anyway, always. 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:03.440 Oh really, even in all the all the like cooking dishes. 0:02:03.520 --> 0:02:05.720 Cooking always get olive oil. 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:10.000 Is like our especially Palestinians, like olive oil is the. 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:11.480 Thing because we like grow olives. 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:14.160 So it's like oh yeah, like my mom would tell 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:16.400 me like oh yeah, we would grow olive trees. Like 0:02:16.440 --> 0:02:18.200 literally you might like to. I would drink the olive oil, 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:21.560 organic real organic stuff. Drink yeah, like my grandpa would 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:23.520 drink the olive oil. Is like so healthy. But it's 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:24.800 like olive oils. 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:27.760 And everything sound healthy. Okay, have you ever drink. 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:29.440 Ours in America? 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:31.280 Because they put so much stuff on our stuff, So 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:32.960 I don't know if we could do that, but you know, 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:36.360 olive oil is there. We go in the extra virgin period, 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:38.480 So I don't know about these brands, but you know, 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.920 like it's so good, Like I honestly olive oil and 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:42.240 everything for us Arabs? 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:43.800 Is it? Okay? 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:45.680 Oil and a lemon juice. You gotta put the lemon 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:46.280 juice and everything. 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:48.359 Literally, Okay, what are the other ingredients? 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:50.280 And then just a bunch of seasonings. So some of 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:52.840 the seasonings are like you know, some traditional and then 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:54.720 some stuff. I'm going like a little out because I 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:56.280 like to like season my stuff. 0:02:56.480 --> 0:02:57.799 Okay, so season the taste. 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:02.000 And there's peppers, yes, so we have Do we have 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:02.600 the peppers? 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:04.919 Yeah, in that little orange case? Oh my god, yes, 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:06.240 but I don't know if those were the right ones. 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:07.760 Oh no, these aren't the right ones. But we're gonna 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:10.000 just use this as an embellishment at the end. That's 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:12.799 what was cute. It'll be cute chipotle peppers and a 0:03:12.800 --> 0:03:14.880 double sauce ooh a doubo Okay, cool. 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:18.480 Well, I don't know what roasted peppers in a can 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:19.000 look like. 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.440 I don't know, Like literally, I think it was supposed 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:21.919 to be the jar. 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:24.520 The jar. I tried, I tried. I didn't know what 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:25.359 I was looking for. 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:26.760 No, I ain't a roast chef in here. 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:28.079 We just be doing it. 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:30.680 But we were doing it and we're doing it right, 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:33.320 and you have garlic and onions teach us how to 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:33.640 make it. 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:36.560 Okay, Okay, so literally, okay, the thing is is like 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:38.280 the garlic and the onions, I would have liked to 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:40.000 like roast it up and stuff to make it a 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:42.200 little bit that, But since it's not that, we're not 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:43.040 gonna put them in today. 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:46.040 We're just gonna have them as cute little decoration. 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:46.760 Cerations on the side. 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:50.560 Okay, But okay, so we're gonna start with the chickpeas. 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:51.200 Got it? 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:51.600 Now? 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:52.440 Do we get started? 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:52.760 Yes? 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:57.000 Get started? And do we have to I'm genuinely really 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.480 invested in this. I'm hoping that I never buy how 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:03.280 much again after this. But do we have to drain 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:04.480 the liquid out of the key? 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:06.160 Yes, we do it. 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:07.440 You could use those blue keys. 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:11.720 Look, I'm asking all the right questions, really, okay, honestly, 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:13.960 just like like, we do have to drain it out 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:19.400 because this water that they have it's sitting in it's. 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:20.599 Just you know, it's like fermented or something. 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:23.280 Yeah, it's fermented, And it's not really like necessary because 0:04:23.440 --> 0:04:26.560 the thing is you're supposed to soak the chickpeas overnight 0:04:26.760 --> 0:04:29.440 if they're fresh fresh chicken, you know, but they're already 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:31.440 soaking them, so it's like perfect because. 0:04:31.240 --> 0:04:32.840 You have to Oh they're not soft in there. 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:35.000 Yeah, they're soft now because they soaked them. 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:38.400 So if I were to get a bag of chickpeas, 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:39.240 the dry one. 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:41.640 You can just soak them overnight and then they come 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:43.720 like this and they become fermented and stuff and then 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:44.920 you just like drain it out. 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:45.880 You can use that too. 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:47.440 Oh I don't have to boil them. 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:49.320 Yeah, you don't have to boil them. So the thing 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:52.160 is is if you do boil them, it's like the replacement. 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:53.560 Either you soak them or you boil them. 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:54.000 Either. 0:04:54.160 --> 0:04:56.560 Or we have this other dish called food and it's 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:58.120 like garbonzo beans. 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:00.400 Is that what it is? Or these are the girls. 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:02.760 It's another bean. I only know in Arabic it's fooled, 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:05.200 but like literally it's another bean. And with that one 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:07.119 you cook and that you have to cook that one. 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:08.120 This one is optional. 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:08.880 You cook it. 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:09.840 You can soak it every night. 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:12.160 Okay, So for all y'all listeners, you can actually get 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.120 the bag, soak it overnight and then wake up put 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:15.800 it in a blunder. 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:19.400 Yeah, let's think, let's get it very excited. 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:21.760 We ain't never had this dish ever in the history. 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.200 This is three seasons and we've never had anybody make 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:25.800 homemade humus. 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:27.359 Oh my god, this is so exciting. 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:30.520 It's so crazy because I would wake up in the morning, 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:33.480 like growing up, and then this would be like our breakfast, 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:36.800 you know, like yeah, and I hated it growing up, right, 0:05:36.920 --> 0:05:38.760 I hated it, Like I was like I don't want that, 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:40.040 Like I don't want it. 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:41.680 And then because you ate it so much. 0:05:41.839 --> 0:05:44.240 Yeah, yeah, like you know, you were so used to it, 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:45.599 you know, you get so used to it and stuff. 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:48.880 And then I literally like then it became a viral sensation. 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:51.520 And then I was like that everywhere as home as 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:54.160 helmus hummus, and I'm like, as an Arabic girl, it's 0:05:54.160 --> 0:05:55.960 the most interesting thing ever to see, you know what 0:05:56.000 --> 0:05:58.240 I'm saying, Because you're like, I would have never thought that, 0:05:58.279 --> 0:06:00.760 like things like this would have been viral because I 0:06:01.000 --> 0:06:01.520 was a little girl. 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:02.839 You just grow up like it's a part of you know. 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:03.320 What I'm saying. 0:06:03.480 --> 0:06:05.760 It's like a part of the culture. It's like if 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:08.640 you're if you're a Jamaican and you eat like jerk chicken. 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:11.440 All yeah, well I don't even use jerk chicken. Yeah 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:14.720 something like who was it? Like Trevor Noah had a 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:18.640 joke about his friend that was Indian and his friend 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:21.840 like just hated eating different versions of curry every day, 0:06:21.920 --> 0:06:26.240 and Trevor was like so annoyed with eating I think 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:30.040 just school lunch. So they would like trade or whatever, 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:32.520 because that kid was just like, I can't even look 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:36.640 at the curry. Dang. Okay, we're just kidding, all right, 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:37.760 were we only need one? 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:40.320 Need one anyway, We're gonna try it all out, okay, 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:43.480 so boom, but we got this stuff in here, the 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:46.160 chickpeas in here. We gotta throw in the olive oil, 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:47.360 of course, because. 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:49.360 It's how you know you a real cook. Right here. 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:52.039 She she didn't even pull out a measure and she 0:06:52.080 --> 0:06:55.000 never was there's not even a measuring anything on the table. 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:57.360 She just took the olive oil and she just ran 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:00.440 it through. Okay, got it. She was signed a generous 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:03.280 for y'all listeners. She was generous the olive oil, okay. 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:06.159 And then when I was honestly, it would be cute 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:07.840 if we had like whatever, but we're just gonna throw 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:10.760 in these seasonings, like straight up this season. Okay, So 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:13.160 I love me some garlic. We gotta put the garlic 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:16.040 garlic powder. I would have loved to roast a garlic 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:18.760 and put in the fresh garlic nothing like it. But 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:20.520 since we don't have that, we're gonna just put in 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:21.360 the garlic powder. 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:24.720 And when you say you roast, what does roasting look like? 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:26.800 When I just put it on the stove and then 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:27.760 put it with some oil and. 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:31.720 Just like like almost like a saltee. Yeah, so it 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:32.760 has that like little. 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:35.160 I start getting my terminology for my cooking up. Oh 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:40.320 my goodness's yeah. I like, yeah, the onion garlic nothing 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:43.440 like it. Always we saw ta onion and garlic in 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:44.200 every dish too. 0:07:44.200 --> 0:07:46.000 That's not always. 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:50.160 Onion, garlic and lemon. Ye. And you're and your first generation, 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:54.520 did you at all grow up in Palestine? 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:55.760 No? 0:07:56.800 --> 0:07:57.480 Have you visited? 0:07:57.760 --> 0:07:58.000 No? 0:07:58.280 --> 0:08:02.000 Okay, so my whole life Palestine has been more unfortunately, 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:05.720 you know, high family members go back there and you know, 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:08.400 just come back different. So it always gave me a 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:11.200 like damn, like I want to go back there so bad. 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:14.160 But you know, it's like there's traumatizing, it's traumatizing. 0:08:14.240 --> 0:08:16.520 Yeah, my mom had a very traumatizing experience. 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:19.160 So I think that for me it was always like 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:21.160 I always have dreamed to go back, but I always 0:08:21.240 --> 0:08:22.960 like in the right time one day, you know what 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:24.720 I mean, And that's like the dream and the goobo. 0:08:24.920 --> 0:08:28.800 Now for me, it's like I love like going back 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:31.120 to any of the parts of the Middle East. Like 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:32.960 I stopped in Dubai and I was like, oh my god, 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:34.640 you know what I'm saying, you just feel the vibe 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.120 because I feel like being in the Western world, being 0:08:37.320 --> 0:08:40.200 in America, like it's so different when you go to 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:42.280 that side of the world, and I really haven't experienced 0:08:42.280 --> 0:08:44.280 it as much as I need to, you know what 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:46.320 I'm saying, Like as much as I want to. And 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:49.000 I mean, like there's so many places right now out 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:51.280 there that are just so beautiful, soapopen and just so 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:53.559 like it that I haven't seen yet that I'm just 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:55.480 dying to see. But of course, like I want to 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:57.559 go back so bad, but I've never spent as much 0:08:57.800 --> 0:08:59.840 like time there or anything. I went to Egypt when 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:02.600 I'm like sixteen with the family, and that was like 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:04.319 the closest thing I kind of got to it because 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:08.040 Egypt is right across you know, the water. But yeah, 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:10.280 that's it. And I one day, one day, god willing, 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:11.800 we'll be going back, you know what I mean? One 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:14.400 day that's the goal, because honestly, I'm not gonna lie. 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:16.320 It's such a we just want to, you know, you 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:17.920 want to experience the motherland. 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:17.679 You know what. 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:19.959 Yeah, of course I think it's I think it's important. 0:09:19.960 --> 0:09:23.400 But I also understand as a Jamaican, I ain't been back, 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.960 and all my Jamaican friends like talk crap because they're like, 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:28.000 you've never been there and you're a Jamaican and dah 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:30.280 dah da da. I'm like, man, you hear all these 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:34.320 stories about stuff that may have happened in your family. 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:36.360 You like, I don't know if I'm ready to do that. 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:38.560 But now that I'm older, I'm like, yo, it's definitely 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:40.160 on my bucket list. But when I was younger, you 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:42.400 couldn't pay me to go back there because that was scary. 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:44.680 It was scary. Yeah, you hear all these stories. 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:45.920 But then now you're like, oh. 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:46.600 My god, I really want to go. 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:47.680 Yeah I want to. I want to. 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:48.839 I want to roots. 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:50.360 Yeah, your roots exactly. 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:52.400 And that's what's so important, And honestly, a lot of 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:54.040 Arabs will do that to me too. They'll be like, 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:56.680 but you've never gone back or I speak Arabic, that's 0:09:56.720 --> 0:09:59.480 my first language technically, oh okay, yeah, but it's very 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:02.320 like broken, like it's like we say Macusa, so it's 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:03.760 like it's like broken, like you know what I mean, 0:10:03.760 --> 0:10:06.640 because it's americanized because I speak English so much. 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:11.840 Now do do the Palestine? Does the Arab culture judge 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:16.040 if you're you're your is it Arabic? 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:16.600 Yeah? 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:19.880 Is it? If it's like not perfect? Because I know 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:24.440 in the Spanish community they all judge. Yes, they discriminated. 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:27.840 The Arabs in the Latin community and the Arab basic 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:30.400 so much alike, like my mom's that's friend growing up 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:31.959 saying it's like Puerto Rican That's why I use like 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:34.640 Adobo Goyle products, Like I just like, you know, my 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:37.960 favorite food is Puerto Rican food technical because I'm just 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:41.520 like so obsessed with the whole Spanish culture period. But 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:44.360 I feel like it's the same way, like it's very 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:46.960 judgmental if you're not if you don't speak clear like 0:10:47.160 --> 0:10:49.000 Spanish or clear Arabic, they're. 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:49.680 Like super judgments. 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:52.280 How you're saying no, No, they talk, you know, a lot 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:54.679 of crap. Yeah, it's the same way. And it's the 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:57.000 same way too, I know in the Latin community and 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.360 the Arab community of like if you're Puerto Rican and 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:01.920 Dominican and yeah, it's a little different. 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:02.920 Like you know, yeah, they'd be like, don't get it, 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:04.600 don't get it messed up, got it messed up. 0:11:04.679 --> 0:11:07.720 It's the same thing with the Arabs. But honestly, for me, 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.319 like you know, now, for me, I love it all. 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:12.400 Like people think I'm Latino all the time and I'm 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:14.200 from New York, so I love it. I'm like, yeah, 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:19.800 oh they are all like what, like, I'm very much 0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:22.120 so that, you know. So I feel like cause we're 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:24.360 so we're so like entertime. So me, I'm just like 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:26.640 if someone confused me for Latino, or someone confused me 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.280 for another Arab thing, I love it. 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:30.040 People get really offended by that. 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:32.200 They're like, don't do that, don't do that, I'm not 0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:34.240 that or whatever, and I'm like whatever. 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:37.920 Like people will literally confuse me for Latino. They'll be like, yeah, 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:42.080 Puerto Rican or they so I keep telling myself if 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.800 I learned Spanish, I'm claiming. 0:11:44.640 --> 0:11:47.200 Noah, if you walk up on me and you're like, oh, 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:48.160 are you Puerto Rican. 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:52.000 If I know how to speak it, I'll be. 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:53.760 Like a Spanish country. 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:56.079 They they they start speaking to me in Spanish and 0:11:56.120 --> 0:11:58.600 then I get by, but then it starts getting. 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:00.480 Mad real like busted. 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:03.800 Okay, I really am not for real because my actient 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:05.920 be on place and they'll be like, oh, you speak Spanish, 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:09.240 just go in okay, But then I want to learn sometimes, 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:11.400 so when I go, like, I'll go because Mexico's right there, 0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:13.320 So I'll go to Mexico, take a trip, and then 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:15.880 it's literally like well, they'll start speaking to you, and 0:12:15.920 --> 0:12:18.400 then you're like, okay, teach me some Spanish. And then 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:20.160 they want to speak English. It's like no, no, no, 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:22.200 Like my aunt can do that to me too. They'll 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:23.880 speak to me in English and I'm speaking into them 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:25.480 Arabic and I'm like, speak to me in Arabic so 0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:27.079 I can get my Arabic up, and then they start 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:27.800 speaking to me English. 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:30.079 I'm like they like, we don't have time to do this, yes, 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:31.600 like no, no. 0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:33.480 No, don't play with us right now. Don't play with us. 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:36.000 I get that though, too, because whenever I'm around like 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:38.439 my Spanish friends. You know what I do. I tell 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:41.040 their kids. That's what I learned. If you go after 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:44.120 the kids, yeah, they're more likely to help you out 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:45.680 and be like, all right, could we could do this, 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:49.040 We could talk to you in Spanish, but adults always alike, yeah, 0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:49.880 that's over. 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:51.680 It, like literally, and I'm like, well, I'm trying to 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:53.560 get my stuff up. You know, I don't got nobody 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:55.400 to practice with. You know what I'm saying. We out 0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:58.040 here in La you know what I'm saying. But I 0:12:58.040 --> 0:12:59.600 think even for my mom, I only speak to my 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:01.599 mom in Ah, so it's weird because then when I 0:13:01.600 --> 0:13:03.440 speak to her in Arabic, I just feel so weird. 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:06.120 But some people speak to their parents in Arabic and 0:13:06.160 --> 0:13:07.920 that's how they keep it up, you know what I mean. 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:10.160 Me, I've only spoken to my mom in English. 0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:12.800 Like technically, we taught my mom English when she came 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:15.600 all out here to New York from Palisade, and she 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:19.040 just was just learning from like the like TV shows 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:21.360 and stuff, and then we were speaking only English. She's working, 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:24.000 and then that's how she learned English. So we, like 0:13:24.200 --> 0:13:25.760 her kids like kind of told her English. 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:26.400 And that's a lot of it. 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.760 And how good is her English anything? Really? 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:29.560 Yeah, she sounds like. 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:33.079 A New York like, you know, Middle Eastern woman, you know. 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:35.240 But you know from New York. I'm gonna be like 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:37.480 hitting you up when I'm on that side, Like, well, 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:40.679 I was saying, take me back to what was going 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:44.679 on in the era of you eating hummus to not survive, 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:47.720 but you know, in the times of just take me 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:49.880 back to what was going on during the time of 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:52.320 eating and making homemade hummus. 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:56.480 You know, I feel like, for me, it's really crazy 0:13:56.520 --> 0:13:59.000 because like you know, when you're a kid, you like 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:02.160 just you just take so many things like for granted, 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.200 you know what I'm saying, And I feel like even 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:06.679 like things like this, it's like, you know, yeah, like 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:09.120 I guess it's this is just such a cheap meal 0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:11.520 that you can make no matter what, no matter cause 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:14.640 I grew up in Brooklyn, Like I was born in Brooklyn, 0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:16.600 New York. You know, Sunset Park, Brooklyn, New York, which 0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:20.640 is a very Latin community. And when I was a teenager, 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:23.600 my mom she started a business, and my mom my 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:26.400 stepdad they started a business together. So it started kind 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:29.600 of like we experienced being very broke, having no money, 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:31.920 living in like a two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. You 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:33.840 know what I'm saying, having no money, like literally like 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:35.640 small two bedroom apartment building. 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:36.840 And how many siblings do you have? 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:39.640 I have three, but at the time, it was just 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:41.760 me and my older brother. Okay, so I have a 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:44.080 little brother and little sister as well. They're my like babies. 0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:46.600 My siblings are my everything. But me and my older 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.120 brother was just us at the time. And then my 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:51.240 little brother was born and then we wounded up when 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:54.520 I was around a teenage, like around there in New York. 0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:57.280 When you start when you're like like living in New York, 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:00.600 you either are broke or you got money. Period, either broke. 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:02.520 There is no real class and if you're able to 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:04.680 live in New York City, you're either broke you got money. 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:05.600 So we were just broke. 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:07.560 So when my mom started her business when I was 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:10.040 a teenager, because she was my mom was really a 0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:11.400 self made woman. 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:13.840 Like she sounds like she came by herself. 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.560 She came by herself with my father oka and yeah, 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:18.640 like it didn't unfortunately work out with my father, so 0:15:18.680 --> 0:15:21.080 then you know, like her she met my stepfather and 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:23.760 it was kind of like my mom was Christian. 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:27.000 My father and my stepfather were both Muslim Arab men. 0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:30.600 So I mean my mom being a coming to America 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:32.680 and having to work and figure it out and having 0:15:32.720 --> 0:15:35.600 both parents having to you know, it's hard, you know, 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:39.240 and it kind of I saw my mom really like 0:15:39.320 --> 0:15:42.520 for her kids go so hard and figure it out. 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:45.280 Like she was working at supermarkets in Brooklyn, like working 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:48.120 at you know, like arrest someone else's restaurant, working on 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:50.320 wherever she could work to figure it out and make 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:53.720 the money for her kids. And you know, then she started, 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:55.720 her and my steps id were working for this person 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:59.120 that was in this business, and they figured out the business. 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:00.880 And then my mom was like, I could do this. 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:03.040 So then she was like I could do this on 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:04.760 my own. I'm gonna do it, you know what I'm saying. 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:06.160 And then you know, I'm a kid, so I don't 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:09.240 know what's going on, and she just like and she 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:12.320 was basically by herself in America. Her family was like 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:15.680 in Palasine or around the world, you know, like and 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:18.800 her my mom being Christian, my father being Muslim. Marrying 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.200 each other was a very Romeo Juliette story, like it 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:24.320 was like forbidden, you know, so like they fell in love. 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:26.720 But of course moving to America and Brooklyn, New York, 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:28.600 you know a lot, it was a different thing. Yeah, 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:30.440 it was different era, Like it was hard, it was 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:33.400 too hard. So but my mom had that really like 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:36.120 she's like the ultimate. She's like my biggest inspiration. She's 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:39.640 such a self made iconic woman to me because I 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:42.240 saw her really figure it out. You know, we were 0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:44.240 like so broke living in Brooklyn. I was always a 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:46.160 broke friend, you know what I mean. I was always like, 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:48.840 had no money, no nothing, like you know, I remember 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.680 going to like the grocery store, going anywhere and being 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:54.120 so jealous or being so jealous of my rich friends. 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:55.800 Like god, I wish I was whatever I had. 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:57.680 More, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, And then when 0:16:57.720 --> 0:16:59.600 my mom started her business when I was a teenager, 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:03.000 like it didn't really start doing well, and then it 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:06.160 started doing well. Out of nowhere, we moved to Connecticut. 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:08.359 So in New York, you know, most people. 0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:10.200 Either moved to Connecticut, or they moved to Jersey, or 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:12.000 they moved to Long Island, or they moved out of 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:14.960 New York unless you got money, like ye to afford 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:17.440 New York. And if you want to afford New York. 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:20.720 But so we moved to Connecticut, and as a teenager, 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:22.879 my whole world changed. Like it was like what the 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:24.480 heck is going on? You know what I mean? 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:27.240 And at the time I was like so not with it. 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:29.800 But then when after it happened, it was like I 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:33.200 don't know everything kind of like, yeah, everything started changing 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:35.359 and I experienced a different life in Connecticut, Like I 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:37.760 was now the friend that had more money. 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:41.000 You know, and and more space, right, did get stuff? 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:41.320 Yes? 0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:43.480 And when yeah, Like it was kind of like a 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:46.800 thing where it was like you experience how people like 0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:49.640 change with you, how people like when I didn't have money, 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:51.760 they treat you away, and then when you start having 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.720 some like some like people start, it's like different. But 0:17:54.840 --> 0:17:56.720 it's like it was always like I was always like 0:17:56.760 --> 0:17:59.520 as a kid, I was like I wanted people to 0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:02.119 like me so hard and so bad. So when I 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:04.840 didn't have the money, you know, I was always like, oh, 0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:06.200 I want more, I want more, I want more. And 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:08.959 then when I had more, you start realizing that people 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.600 might not always want to know you or to be 0:18:12.680 --> 0:18:14.680 friends with you for you. They might just be doing 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.199 that for what you have. Yea you know, so it 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:19.959 was weird, but I experienced both, and I am so 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:22.720 thankful now as an adult that I get to experience both. 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:25.760 And then as an adult, I experienced both having no 0:18:26.040 --> 0:18:26.800 you know what I'm saying and. 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:27.680 Having you know what I mean. 0:18:27.720 --> 0:18:29.760 So it's like good to experience both so you really 0:18:29.800 --> 0:18:31.400 realize things of you know what I mean. 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:36.080 People like Dinnell did that also, Like was there difficult 0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:38.200 like friendship dynamics with that change. 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:41.600 Yeah, the friendship dynamics were always really challenging for me 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:44.480 because like it was like I always had a lot 0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:46.720 of friends, I was always really popular, I was always 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:48.919 really pop, and I was always that. But it was 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:51.720 really hard for me to like I had like a 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:55.159 like you know, like you know, having immigrant parents and 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.119 this that they were figuring it out. It was a 0:18:57.160 --> 0:19:00.399 hard family life. So I always went out and seek 0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:03.080 that validation from my friends and seek that validation. And 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:04.840 I feel like movie to Kataga was the hardest thing 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:06.760 ever because I was the only Arabic girl. 0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:11.840 Next question, and then there was a period. We all 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:13.160 know this period. 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:17.320 You feel me, Okay, we got I don't. 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:21.480 Even I don't know how to safely say this in 0:19:21.520 --> 0:19:26.560 the right words. But there was a period where America 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:32.760 was I would say discriminatory towards Arabs of You know 0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:35.800 after around nine to eleven. You're from New York where 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:39.040 you and you were during that did you have to 0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:41.240 like come face to face with any of that even 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:45.320 though you don't don't fully look have the look or 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:47.800 did you have the look or what was that experience? 0:19:47.880 --> 0:19:50.120 Like you know what, I'm not gonna lie, like being 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:53.320 in Brooklyn, New York is such a melting pot and 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:55.240 it's the most magical place in the world to me, 0:19:55.560 --> 0:19:57.640 Like I've been so many places in the world, there's 0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:00.159 nothing like New York. I love it more than like anything, 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:02.680 you know, there's nothing like it because it's like it's 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:05.040 such a melting pot. I never felt like I was different, 0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:07.880 even when you know, of course being the money thing 0:20:08.000 --> 0:20:10.200 makes you feel different in New York, you know, having money, 0:20:10.240 --> 0:20:12.680 not having money, and that experience is what makes it different. 0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:15.800 But the color of your skin, your religion, anything, it 0:20:15.800 --> 0:20:18.360 doesn't matter. Like my mom's best friend was Puerto Rican, 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:20.760 her other best friend was Jewish. My mom's Palestinian, Like 0:20:20.800 --> 0:20:24.959 it was never a thing, you know, but then and 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:27.720 you know, her Jewish friend was married to a Dominican guy. 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:29.760 Like you know what I'm saying, Like it was real 0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:31.920 New York, New York stuff, you know what I'm saying. 0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:33.120 So it's just it's really like that. 0:20:33.200 --> 0:20:35.720 So of course when you when I moved to Connecticut 0:20:35.840 --> 0:20:40.440 is when I really started experiencing real discrimination, real because. 0:20:40.280 --> 0:20:43.000 Isn't Connecticut is I would say, it's more white? 0:20:43.119 --> 0:20:58.480 Was this absolutely, so I would experience real discrimination amongst 0:20:58.960 --> 0:21:01.920 black white community, which in America is a real thing, 0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:02.399 you know. 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:03.520 And I would really. 0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:06.280 Experience it in places like Connecticut, like you really smaller 0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:08.520 towns is where you really start seeing like, oh there's 0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:10.920 still racism, Like it's still a real thing. It's still 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:14.159 white privileges still, you know. And I got to experience that. 0:21:14.200 --> 0:21:17.960 And then also me being like the only Arab thing 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:21.240 to hit the you know, at the time, to hit 0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:25.520 the town. It was intense, Like I feel it before, 0:21:25.640 --> 0:21:27.520 it was around that time, and it was like it 0:21:27.560 --> 0:21:30.480 was really hard because I feel like for me not 0:21:30.560 --> 0:21:32.960 being not looking like that, it was like not wearing 0:21:32.960 --> 0:21:35.440 the full scarf, but I would like family members that 0:21:35.480 --> 0:21:38.119 would wear the scarf and stuff like I would experience 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:39.520 and see what they would go through and it would 0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:42.080 really bother me, you know, like they would get real 0:21:42.119 --> 0:21:45.960 hate for wearing the scarf, like real hate, real discriminate, real, 0:21:46.480 --> 0:21:48.520 real hate speech and all that, and I would be 0:21:48.560 --> 0:21:50.320 like yo, and I would get mad, like yeah, I'm 0:21:50.320 --> 0:21:51.040 still a New York girl. 0:21:51.040 --> 0:21:52.080 So I would be like, yeah, what's up? 0:21:52.320 --> 0:21:52.840 You know what I mean? 0:21:56.320 --> 0:21:56.560 Yeah? 0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:59.200 Yeah about the way I got to, like for real, 0:21:59.280 --> 0:22:01.080 like go go go. Then you holding me back because 0:22:01.320 --> 0:22:03.400 you know what I mean, Like you. 0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:08.640 Know you got you ready, I feel your whole energy. 0:22:09.480 --> 0:22:12.199 But like when it comes to people I love, like 0:22:12.359 --> 0:22:14.760 I'm like I'm gonna step you know what I'm saying, 0:22:14.800 --> 0:22:16.879 Like it's like like you're about to you know what 0:22:16.920 --> 0:22:19.200 I mean, Like none of that. I don't like any 0:22:19.240 --> 0:22:22.000 discrimination or any racism around me, you know what I mean, 0:22:22.040 --> 0:22:24.760 because it's just like I have, like coming being a 0:22:24.760 --> 0:22:27.160 New York girl. I remember growing up, my best friend 0:22:27.160 --> 0:22:35.399 group was literally every single race, you know, black, White, Chinese, Asian, Africa, everything. 0:22:35.600 --> 0:22:38.240 So it's like that's all I ever knew. So when 0:22:38.240 --> 0:22:41.840 I started experiencing discrimination, it was like such a foreign. 0:22:41.480 --> 0:22:41.960 Thing to me. 0:22:42.359 --> 0:22:45.560 But at the same time, you know, it's like it 0:22:45.640 --> 0:22:47.480 was never a thing that I could accept a like 0:22:47.560 --> 0:22:49.520 or anything. And even now it's like never, I just 0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:51.800 don't stand for any of that. So and I think 0:22:51.840 --> 0:22:53.680 that that's that's that's really been a part of why 0:22:53.680 --> 0:22:55.959 I'm and I just love culture so much that the like, 0:22:56.119 --> 0:22:58.359 even though I'm a hundredsent Palinian, I'm such a blend 0:22:58.400 --> 0:23:00.640 of cultures. And I think that that's in New York 0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:01.879 and me, and that's what I'm so proud of. The 0:23:01.880 --> 0:23:05.400 Connecticut to me was like, yeah, it's good to experience 0:23:05.440 --> 0:23:09.480 small town things that I can relate to literally anyone, 0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:12.360 which is an amazing thing. Like, yes, small town mentality, 0:23:12.520 --> 0:23:15.160 small town people, I can relate to, big city people 0:23:15.200 --> 0:23:16.440 I can relate to you know what I mean, Like 0:23:16.480 --> 0:23:19.000 I can relate to anything because of that, you know. 0:23:19.400 --> 0:23:22.000 But yeah, that that is definitely a real thing. Especially 0:23:22.040 --> 0:23:25.159 in America. Small towns are definitely experiencing a lot of racism. 0:23:25.280 --> 0:23:29.399 So yeah, they are, I one hundred percent agree in 0:23:29.480 --> 0:23:32.600 small towns especially I hate, I hate to say this, 0:23:32.840 --> 0:23:35.399 especially with small white towns. Yeah, Like I don't know 0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:37.800 how it is, like because some of the interviews, when 0:23:37.840 --> 0:23:40.280 we interview some of the guys from the South or Atlanta, 0:23:40.840 --> 0:23:43.480 you know, they definitely paint a picture, but I would 0:23:43.480 --> 0:23:48.920 imagine that environment's majority black with sprinkles of white. But 0:23:48.920 --> 0:23:51.960 but I definitely I went to Upstate New York when 0:23:52.080 --> 0:23:54.919 our family couldn't afford the city life, and yeah, it 0:23:55.000 --> 0:23:59.080 was like, uh, it was like it wasn't fun, it was. 0:23:59.119 --> 0:24:00.520 It was actually that I think the first time I 0:24:00.520 --> 0:24:03.280 ever heard the N word. Yeah, that was the first 0:24:03.280 --> 0:24:04.960 time I see my mom get called innward and I 0:24:05.000 --> 0:24:07.280 was like, what is that? I was really young, like 0:24:08.000 --> 0:24:09.959 y so means her And that was when my parents 0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:13.159 was like, you know, this is what racism is, and 0:24:13.200 --> 0:24:16.879 you gotta go almost above and beyond to like break 0:24:16.880 --> 0:24:22.879 that stereotype, to retrain what has been taught. But now 0:24:23.160 --> 0:24:25.479 you grow up in this household, you're eating the hummus, 0:24:25.520 --> 0:24:27.560 which I'm guessing all the stuff is in there, so 0:24:27.600 --> 0:24:28.960 all it has to be blended. 0:24:29.320 --> 0:24:31.280 Okay, ready to be blended and see what's up? 0:24:31.400 --> 0:24:35.760 So where on this journey does music enter the scene? 0:24:35.960 --> 0:24:37.280 Ooh, I love that question. 0:24:37.480 --> 0:24:42.800 Okay, So music was always a heavy part of my life, 0:24:42.960 --> 0:24:46.720 Like I in the first grade living in Brooklyn because Brooklyn, 0:24:46.800 --> 0:24:50.040 New York is the creative capital to me, like it's 0:24:50.080 --> 0:24:53.240 like creativity galore. You know. So I was in band 0:24:53.280 --> 0:24:55.840 and chorus, like in the first grade, I played cheer 0:24:56.359 --> 0:24:57.640 like that was my first thing. 0:24:57.840 --> 0:25:00.960 Like I was okay, like literally, I've just seen Share 0:25:01.040 --> 0:25:03.920 by the Way Life performance and it was. 0:25:04.480 --> 0:25:08.479 Iconic, like she's, yeah, the goddess and she's just like everything. 0:25:08.480 --> 0:25:09.680 But I didn't know that as a little girl. 0:25:09.720 --> 0:25:11.800 They just had me saying I got you, babe with 0:25:11.880 --> 0:25:14.879 and my my partner Newton at the time, he was 0:25:15.440 --> 0:25:19.240 sunny and he was he was a black boy, but 0:25:19.440 --> 0:25:22.560 you know, it's yeah, but whatever. It was like we 0:25:22.640 --> 0:25:24.400 did it and it was so it was like I 0:25:24.440 --> 0:25:26.800 just remember that being my first performance and the thrill 0:25:26.920 --> 0:25:28.120 that that gave me. And I was in the first 0:25:28.119 --> 0:25:33.440 grade and like growing up Arab Also, my mom was 0:25:33.560 --> 0:25:37.080 Christian convert and my so I was raised mostly Muslim, 0:25:37.119 --> 0:25:40.200 so and I identified with both, like got both religions. 0:25:40.280 --> 0:25:44.040 I'm all, I love God period, but because I love Jesus, 0:25:44.200 --> 0:25:46.199 I went to church. I went to Catholic school, but 0:25:46.320 --> 0:25:48.440 I love the Islam religion so much, so I say 0:25:48.480 --> 0:25:50.520 prayers and both. I could pray both. I love both 0:25:50.600 --> 0:25:53.199 all the things. But for me, it was kind of 0:25:53.280 --> 0:25:57.520 like very very forbidden to do anything like that music creative, 0:25:58.040 --> 0:26:01.960 Oh is forbidden. You can't be half naked, you can't 0:26:01.960 --> 0:26:04.560 be on the stage, you can't be there's. 0:26:04.800 --> 0:26:09.040 Music is hot has well? Looking at your stuff? Now, 0:26:09.240 --> 0:26:12.199 I'm guessing everything has evolved drastically things just. 0:26:12.280 --> 0:26:14.800 Like I have. I was a rebel, but now I'm 0:26:14.800 --> 0:26:16.159 a rebel with purpose, you know. 0:26:16.200 --> 0:26:20.159 Okay? Oh I like that? Okay, there did you just 0:26:20.200 --> 0:26:20.600 come up with? 0:26:20.640 --> 0:26:20.760 There? 0:26:20.840 --> 0:26:23.639 You've been saying that, but like I think I just 0:26:23.640 --> 0:26:28.000 said it that. I want to see that from that one. Okay, 0:26:28.000 --> 0:26:31.760 I got it. Rebel with purpose like it's real life. 0:26:31.760 --> 0:26:34.399 It really is. It really is, but like honestly, because 0:26:34.440 --> 0:26:36.879 the rebel with purpose is a real thing because I 0:26:36.920 --> 0:26:39.520 was a very rebellious child. Like I was very like 0:26:39.960 --> 0:26:43.159 went against the grain. Wasn't allowed to drink and smoking 0:26:43.359 --> 0:26:45.879 and strain and smoking. It wasn't allowed to dress the 0:26:45.920 --> 0:26:47.280 herd stress how I wanted. 0:26:47.520 --> 0:26:49.400 You were your mom's worst night my. 0:26:49.320 --> 0:26:52.920 Mom's worst nightmare, my mom's worst nightmare. And I love 0:26:53.000 --> 0:26:54.880 my mom so much. I love my mom. 0:26:55.480 --> 0:26:58.720 She saw this, she would be sitting here like she knows, 0:26:58.840 --> 0:26:59.280 she knows it. 0:26:59.400 --> 0:27:01.800 She's am I staying again sometimes but whatever, she loves me. 0:27:02.080 --> 0:27:04.840 But you know, it's like whatever, like if at the time, 0:27:05.560 --> 0:27:07.320 it took a long time to get my mom support 0:27:07.320 --> 0:27:09.520 on the music thing. That took a long time because 0:27:09.520 --> 0:27:12.119 when I first started deciding to do music, I remember 0:27:12.160 --> 0:27:14.240 it was always something I've jumped of doing. But when 0:27:14.280 --> 0:27:18.280 I decided to do it, everybody hated. Everybody was against it. 0:27:18.359 --> 0:27:19.920 And how old were you at that time? 0:27:20.119 --> 0:27:22.120 I decided I was going to do music at like seventeen, 0:27:22.200 --> 0:27:22.680 Like I'm. 0:27:22.600 --> 0:27:24.880 Oh, yeah, they are scared to death. They like, wait, 0:27:25.080 --> 0:27:25.760 no college? 0:27:25.920 --> 0:27:26.600 Yeah music? 0:27:26.840 --> 0:27:29.119 Yeah, oh my god, you were killing people. It's one 0:27:29.160 --> 0:27:32.200 thing when you say it at twelve, it's another thing. House. 0:27:32.400 --> 0:27:34.520 Yeah, literally, I said it at seventeen, and I went 0:27:34.560 --> 0:27:36.359 for it. I went, I decided. I went for it, 0:27:36.359 --> 0:27:38.400 Like it was so fast. I decided and I went 0:27:38.440 --> 0:27:39.120 for it so quickly. 0:27:39.280 --> 0:27:40.920 What did going for it look like? 0:27:40.920 --> 0:27:43.000 Like? I just like I remember with it. By the 0:27:43.080 --> 0:27:45.479 time I was eighteen, I tried out for X Factor. 0:27:45.880 --> 0:27:48.600 I got a vocal coach. I wounded up moving back 0:27:48.640 --> 0:27:51.080 to New York. I got an internship wait where were you? 0:27:51.119 --> 0:27:52.520 Oh? From Kinetics six to New York. 0:27:52.680 --> 0:27:54.200 Go back to New York. I got an internship with 0:27:54.240 --> 0:27:56.200 Death Trip You weren't playing. I was not playing around 0:27:56.240 --> 0:27:58.080 when I decided music was what I was going to do. 0:27:58.119 --> 0:28:00.520 And because I always I wanted to figure out what 0:28:00.560 --> 0:28:01.680 I was gonna do with the rest of my life, 0:28:02.080 --> 0:28:03.960 I was like having to go to school, go to college. 0:28:04.400 --> 0:28:07.479 And then my little sister, you know, she's like my baby, 0:28:07.560 --> 0:28:09.680 and she was born and she changed my life. 0:28:09.720 --> 0:28:11.840 She gave me like reason, like it was like this 0:28:11.880 --> 0:28:15.840 little girl hilarious. Yeah, nobody ever says that about the 0:28:16.040 --> 0:28:19.920 little sister. Yeah, nobody said. I love my little brother 0:28:20.040 --> 0:28:22.440 and I look up to him now even though he's 0:28:22.480 --> 0:28:24.560 like thirty, but I had never looked at him and said, 0:28:25.000 --> 0:28:25.919 you give me purpose. 0:28:26.000 --> 0:28:27.000 No, she gave me purpose. 0:28:27.040 --> 0:28:29.240 She gave me life. She really did. She really did. 0:28:29.320 --> 0:28:31.399 Like and then we named her like Jenna. 0:28:31.920 --> 0:28:34.960 We look at you, how old were you when she 0:28:35.080 --> 0:28:37.480 was born. I was like around at sixteen seventeen, Like, 0:28:37.480 --> 0:28:39.440 oh you were around that was around that age? 0:28:39.560 --> 0:28:40.920 Okay, she really So. 0:28:40.920 --> 0:28:44.080 You gots a weigh in on the naming and everything. 0:28:43.560 --> 0:28:46.480 Naming and I had a saying it because Jenna and 0:28:46.560 --> 0:28:50.600 Arabic Jennah means heaven, so Jennah. So that's why I 0:28:50.640 --> 0:28:52.160 was like, Okay, that's her name, because she's my heaven. 0:28:52.400 --> 0:28:53.280 And like literally she. 0:28:53.400 --> 0:28:55.800 Were you and were you? You were the youngest before her. 0:28:56.200 --> 0:28:58.040 I have a little brother too, so he was born 0:28:58.080 --> 0:28:59.680 like right before he moved to Connecticut. 0:28:59.800 --> 0:29:01.640 No, but I'm saying it was you and your older brother. 0:29:01.760 --> 0:29:04.880 Yeah he was older. Yeah, so technically she broke the 0:29:04.920 --> 0:29:06.160 spell of you being the youngest. 0:29:06.240 --> 0:29:09.320 No, it was older brother, me, little brother her. 0:29:09.560 --> 0:29:12.160 Okay, So it was like two said, wow, what makes 0:29:12.160 --> 0:29:13.000 her so special? 0:29:13.200 --> 0:29:16.040 She's just like I always wanted the sister. And then 0:29:16.080 --> 0:29:17.800 it took a long time, but then when I got it, 0:29:17.840 --> 0:29:20.920 and then she looked exactly like me, and it was like, literally, 0:29:21.000 --> 0:29:23.280 this is like my inner child in real life. 0:29:23.280 --> 0:29:23.880 You know what I mean. 0:29:23.920 --> 0:29:27.320 So you know when you're like, I'm healing my inner 0:29:27.400 --> 0:29:30.200 child in real life, Like I see her and she 0:29:30.320 --> 0:29:33.560 looks exactly like me. Like even now, like she looks 0:29:33.600 --> 0:29:35.760 a little different, but she looks exactly. She looks like 0:29:35.760 --> 0:29:37.600 she could be my kid. Everyone always thought she was 0:29:37.600 --> 0:29:39.640 my kid. I would walk around and she was my kid. 0:29:39.960 --> 0:29:42.400 You know, it's like a whole thing. Yeah, it was 0:29:42.440 --> 0:29:44.520 so dope like she and she was you know, it 0:29:44.600 --> 0:29:47.480 was kind of like being an Arabic American woman. I 0:29:47.520 --> 0:29:49.440 went through so much as a woman, and I feel 0:29:49.440 --> 0:29:51.480 like I just didn't want her to go through so 0:29:51.600 --> 0:29:53.680 many things that I went through, and I feel like 0:29:53.680 --> 0:29:56.920 like inside outside anything, I just so my purpose was 0:29:56.920 --> 0:29:58.360 like I have to protect her and I want to 0:29:58.360 --> 0:29:59.280 make I want to change. 0:29:59.520 --> 0:30:01.040 What are some all the things that you had to 0:30:01.120 --> 0:30:03.800 go through? If it's okay for you to say and 0:30:03.840 --> 0:30:07.120 comfortable say as a woman that you would go as 0:30:07.120 --> 0:30:09.840 far as to say, I don't want her to experiences like, 0:30:09.960 --> 0:30:11.320 what were those experiences? 0:30:11.640 --> 0:30:15.960 I think an immense amount of abuse and suppression and 0:30:16.040 --> 0:30:19.040 just things that I think every woman goes through, no 0:30:19.120 --> 0:30:21.880 matter who you are or what race you are. But 0:30:22.000 --> 0:30:24.880 I think that being raised the way that I was 0:30:25.000 --> 0:30:29.000 raised and being in like I think the amount of 0:30:29.880 --> 0:30:32.320 pressure that I had on me to be a certain way, 0:30:32.440 --> 0:30:35.000 not being that way, the amount of names I would called, 0:30:35.000 --> 0:30:37.200 the amount of abuse physical abuse. I went through a 0:30:37.280 --> 0:30:39.160 lot of like I went through sexual abuse. I went 0:30:39.200 --> 0:30:43.440 through so much abuse and allowing things that like as 0:30:43.480 --> 0:30:45.880 a kid or as a young adult, or things that 0:30:45.920 --> 0:30:47.720 I just shouldn't have ever allowed or wouldn't her are 0:30:47.760 --> 0:30:51.160 allowed as an adult now, wish that didn't have happened 0:30:51.160 --> 0:30:54.160 to me or wish that I had more protection, you know. 0:30:54.240 --> 0:30:56.600 So it became a thing for me to want to 0:30:56.640 --> 0:31:00.200 protect her and protect younger girls period, like if I 0:31:00.200 --> 0:31:03.640 can be a stronger person and a stronger voice so 0:31:03.680 --> 0:31:05.959 that they don't be cause for me, it was a 0:31:06.000 --> 0:31:08.680 lot of especially as a child. I was a pretty 0:31:08.720 --> 0:31:11.440 young girl, so I had to I got a lot 0:31:11.480 --> 0:31:14.640 of things and didn't have the right amount of protection 0:31:14.760 --> 0:31:16.600 that I feel like I wish that I had, you know. 0:31:17.200 --> 0:31:19.360 And it was kind of like an unfortunate thing that 0:31:19.520 --> 0:31:23.200 just you know, for me, Like I've had so much 0:31:23.240 --> 0:31:26.080 healing from you know, and I think one day I'll 0:31:26.080 --> 0:31:28.600 be able to fully open up and talk about it. 0:31:28.640 --> 0:31:30.720 But I think as a woman, especially with any form 0:31:30.720 --> 0:31:33.280 of sexual abuse, especially as a child, I think it 0:31:34.480 --> 0:31:36.600 affects you for the rest of your life. 0:31:36.840 --> 0:31:40.000 Yeah, I think it's in my personal opinion, it is 0:31:40.120 --> 0:31:43.720 the worst form of abuse. The second would probably be 0:31:43.800 --> 0:31:46.560 mental and third would be physical. Old the irony isn't 0:31:46.600 --> 0:31:48.800 that weird, And I think it's just because to unpack 0:31:48.880 --> 0:31:52.000 that wound, it's not like a bruise that you kind 0:31:52.040 --> 0:31:54.080 of like work through and it goes away like that 0:31:54.160 --> 0:31:58.040 wound is just time and a lot of digging if 0:31:58.040 --> 0:32:00.360 you even want to dig, if you want. Your body 0:32:00.440 --> 0:32:03.560 usually will protect itself, especially when you're young. It like 0:32:04.000 --> 0:32:05.160 hides it or blocks it. 0:32:05.280 --> 0:32:05.400 Right. 0:32:05.920 --> 0:32:09.560 But it's interesting to say that because one of the 0:32:09.640 --> 0:32:11.719 questions I wanted to like kind of touch on is 0:32:11.800 --> 0:32:14.520 if your mom was working as much as you say 0:32:14.560 --> 0:32:17.800 she was, Like who was actually taking care of you 0:32:17.880 --> 0:32:18.560 and your brother? 0:32:19.280 --> 0:32:22.200 I mean, she was the luckily thing about the business 0:32:22.240 --> 0:32:25.200 that she started when she was able to be present, 0:32:25.360 --> 0:32:29.160 and she her side of the business was homeworking, so 0:32:29.240 --> 0:32:30.960 she worked out of the house, so she was able 0:32:30.960 --> 0:32:31.640 to be very present. 0:32:31.680 --> 0:32:35.200 So that was great, But before that she probably wasn't 0:32:35.240 --> 0:32:38.280 right when she was grinding like that. Yeah, because I 0:32:38.400 --> 0:32:41.040 was like, hm, when when she first came here, it 0:32:41.040 --> 0:32:43.600 sounded like it was a lot of pressure. Yeah, but 0:32:43.800 --> 0:32:46.600 it's cool that she saw an opportunity where she could 0:32:46.640 --> 0:32:48.840 do both if you think about it like that, Like 0:32:48.920 --> 0:32:52.320 she was like, I could raise my kids and bust 0:32:52.360 --> 0:32:55.200 my and make this money. And she chose that route 0:32:55.280 --> 0:32:57.560 the second she could, which kudos to her. 0:32:57.760 --> 0:33:01.200 Yeah, and my mom has tried likes as you know, 0:33:01.280 --> 0:33:05.440 being I feel like being a mother in America, raising 0:33:05.560 --> 0:33:09.160 kids right now and for the last twenty thirty forty 0:33:09.240 --> 0:33:12.640 years is so hard, Like you know, it's so hard 0:33:12.760 --> 0:33:15.320 whether you're single or in a relationship or married or whatever, 0:33:15.440 --> 0:33:18.360 like and being a father as well is really hard. 0:33:18.360 --> 0:33:21.840 But mothers, I feel like, take on like ten times, 0:33:21.840 --> 0:33:24.680 like we have this whole, Like my mom took on 0:33:24.920 --> 0:33:27.960 ten times the stress and probably you know what I mean, 0:33:28.000 --> 0:33:31.000 that pressure, and ten times that that want to like 0:33:31.280 --> 0:33:32.360 I just want to do good for. 0:33:32.360 --> 0:33:34.840 My kids exactly like that driving. 0:33:34.520 --> 0:33:36.719 That driving factor, you know what I mean. And I 0:33:36.720 --> 0:33:40.120 feel like I have only understood that from my the 0:33:40.200 --> 0:33:41.800 love that I have for my sister because I don't 0:33:41.800 --> 0:33:44.120 have kids yet, and for the love that I for 0:33:44.200 --> 0:33:48.080 my family. But that intense love, that intense like yeah, 0:33:48.120 --> 0:33:50.800 my mother has. Yeah, she always was that and I'm 0:33:50.840 --> 0:33:52.800 so blessed to have that. And she tried her best 0:33:52.840 --> 0:33:54.280 and no matter what I feel. 0:33:54.040 --> 0:33:57.320 Like you even would have reveled with purpose, she tried 0:33:57.360 --> 0:33:57.720 her best. 0:33:57.800 --> 0:33:59.479 No, I love you, I want, but like I you know, 0:33:59.560 --> 0:34:01.880 I think that there was a lot that you know, 0:34:02.000 --> 0:34:04.480 when you're a rebel and you're dealing with all these 0:34:04.480 --> 0:34:06.280 things and you're dealing with the abuse, you do it. 0:34:06.280 --> 0:34:08.680 And then that's probably where the rebels. 0:34:09.440 --> 0:34:12.200 Yeah, of course, because I just didn't feel like, you know, 0:34:12.520 --> 0:34:15.600 you're running away. I was running away from my traumas. 0:34:15.600 --> 0:34:17.560 I didn't want to deal with it. And then as 0:34:17.560 --> 0:34:20.080 an adult, you just have to. It just hits you 0:34:20.160 --> 0:34:22.759 face on. You just start experiencing your trauma and other 0:34:22.800 --> 0:34:26.200 people you just start projecting your traumas or whatever, and 0:34:26.200 --> 0:34:28.480 it's not a thing. So I think for me, like 0:34:28.600 --> 0:34:32.160 healing became like the essential thing because I feel like 0:34:32.239 --> 0:34:35.319 with all of those with all of that trauma, I 0:34:35.360 --> 0:34:38.919 feel like, you know, you never really understand like why 0:34:39.000 --> 0:34:41.000 until you become an adult and then you talk to 0:34:41.040 --> 0:34:43.080 other people who go through it or you're like, damn, okay, 0:34:43.080 --> 0:34:46.600 this is why. Like we all go through the same things. Yeah, 0:34:46.600 --> 0:34:49.120 it's crazy, like we really do well and we all 0:34:49.160 --> 0:34:50.839 get out of it the same way, and we're all 0:34:50.960 --> 0:34:53.400 kind of the same and that's what makes us so connected, 0:34:53.440 --> 0:34:54.080 you know what I'm saying. 0:34:54.120 --> 0:34:58.560 So I love listening to people's stories. I don't know why, 0:34:58.560 --> 0:35:01.200 but I love like all the hoarding and addiction shows 0:35:01.719 --> 0:35:04.400 because you just never you know. I think also like 0:35:04.440 --> 0:35:06.560 growing up in New York, you see, like my parents 0:35:06.600 --> 0:35:10.440 the way they got us. Somehow they successfully got four 0:35:10.560 --> 0:35:14.560 kids to not do drugs really, and it was just 0:35:14.560 --> 0:35:15.960 like going around New York and be like, you know 0:35:16.000 --> 0:35:19.520 that heroin Addicts was a doctor. At some point they 0:35:19.760 --> 0:35:22.520 just smoked a cigarette and just ended up a heroin. 0:35:26.200 --> 0:35:29.800 But after watching these shows, you realize, you know, the 0:35:30.600 --> 0:35:32.920 overall theme in a lot of the shows was like 0:35:34.080 --> 0:35:36.120 mishandled trauma. You'd have a kid that was like a 0:35:36.200 --> 0:35:39.440 varsity student or was doing well, and it was like 0:35:39.480 --> 0:35:43.040 a mishandled trauma. Maybe the mom didn't believe the abuse happened, 0:35:43.200 --> 0:35:45.080 or you know, they kind of brushed it off, or 0:35:45.120 --> 0:35:46.759 they said, hey, if you didn't sneak out at night, 0:35:46.920 --> 0:35:50.000 maybe this didn't happen. It was always like just one 0:35:50.480 --> 0:35:57.840 mishandled like trauma and that spiraled into like a pivot 0:35:58.040 --> 0:36:01.640 or whatever. And and obviously I love people's stories, so 0:36:01.680 --> 0:36:03.279 I not I think about it makes sense that I'm 0:36:03.320 --> 0:36:06.440 obsessed with these shows. But but yeah, it's always a 0:36:06.480 --> 0:36:09.839 mishandled trauma that kind of lead you in the wrong 0:36:10.400 --> 0:36:12.759 lead you yeah, kind of go, this person was going 0:36:12.800 --> 0:36:15.480 straight and then it was a mishandled trauma. 0:36:15.680 --> 0:36:17.239 That's so crazy that you shay that too. Because I 0:36:17.239 --> 0:36:19.040 was just watching this Simon Bios doc. 0:36:19.400 --> 0:36:20.439 I want to see it so bad. 0:36:20.520 --> 0:36:21.239 Oh, it's so good. 0:36:21.280 --> 0:36:22.440 I won her on the show by the way. 0:36:22.520 --> 0:36:25.640 Oh it was so good. God Willing. You know, it's 0:36:25.680 --> 0:36:27.799 kind of happened everything, but it's really good. But it 0:36:27.880 --> 0:36:29.480 was so good. It's so good. I mean, there's still 0:36:29.480 --> 0:36:32.480 more episodes of Think coming, but she it is that 0:36:32.600 --> 0:36:34.839 and it's like trauma catches up to you and then 0:36:34.880 --> 0:36:38.760 it's like this whole thing that you're the mental health 0:36:38.800 --> 0:36:42.080 thing is like a very real thing, and like it's 0:36:42.160 --> 0:36:45.279 you know, the deterioration of it from the trauma and 0:36:45.320 --> 0:36:47.480 the abuse is a very real thing, you know. And 0:36:47.560 --> 0:36:50.000 I feel like for me, I also got diagnosed with 0:36:50.040 --> 0:36:51.120 multiple sclerosis. 0:36:51.280 --> 0:36:53.799 I definitely wanted to touch on that. Yeah, yeah, look 0:36:53.920 --> 0:36:55.320 like because I hear the term. 0:36:55.200 --> 0:36:58.680 Alt oh man what oh shoot, Well, yeah, here's the thing. 0:36:58.760 --> 0:37:01.680 I make it look very good. But it fucking sucks. Sorry, 0:37:01.680 --> 0:37:03.080 I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to be cursing. 0:37:03.960 --> 0:37:06.560 It sucks. It really does. I'm not gonna lie. 0:37:06.600 --> 0:37:09.320 Like I in the beginning was like really like positive 0:37:09.360 --> 0:37:12.480 and happy and it's a blessing. Another thing that I 0:37:12.480 --> 0:37:15.480 feel like all these things Finally I've realized, like, you 0:37:15.600 --> 0:37:17.719 have to talk about it, you have to use it 0:37:17.760 --> 0:37:21.000 because everyone is going through something. Everyone is going through 0:37:21.000 --> 0:37:23.960 something or their family member or something, so it's so important. 0:37:23.960 --> 0:37:27.359 But the reality of it is is, yeah, having a Yeah, 0:37:27.480 --> 0:37:29.080 a disease, no matter what kind. 0:37:29.160 --> 0:37:31.480 It sucks, and it's multiples. 0:37:32.960 --> 0:37:37.040 It's an autoimmune, it's a it's autoimmune. It's a sister. 0:37:37.200 --> 0:37:40.160 It's basically a sister disease kind of to lupus. So, 0:37:40.400 --> 0:37:44.839 and it's kind of likeli or something. People think about 0:37:44.840 --> 0:37:47.080 that a lot. No, it's okay, but it's kind of 0:37:47.120 --> 0:37:49.319 the same thing in a similar name, but different. So 0:37:49.360 --> 0:37:51.520 it's it's it's more of an internal thing. It's your 0:37:51.560 --> 0:37:55.680 immune system. Uh, it's compromised. Immune system is attacking nervous system. 0:37:56.040 --> 0:37:59.520 Lupus is immune system is attacking joints and organs. MS 0:38:00.120 --> 0:38:03.840 system is attacking nervous system, So nervous system is compromised 0:38:03.840 --> 0:38:05.480 as well. So I mean, it's just like your spy 0:38:05.600 --> 0:38:07.920 and your brain. And you know, you can live with 0:38:07.960 --> 0:38:10.759 the disease forever as long as it's regulated and as 0:38:10.800 --> 0:38:13.800 long as you never get attacks. So when I got diagnosed, 0:38:13.840 --> 0:38:15.800 I had an optic nerve attack, I started losing my 0:38:15.920 --> 0:38:18.880 vision in my left eye. Yeah, scary. It was the 0:38:18.880 --> 0:38:21.080 scariest thing in my life. And then I was on 0:38:21.160 --> 0:38:23.799 stereod treatment. I got cured one hundred percent, thank god. 0:38:23.880 --> 0:38:25.560 And then now I'm on a treat and a great 0:38:25.600 --> 0:38:28.439 treatment that has kept me one hundred percent regulated where 0:38:28.440 --> 0:38:30.680 I don't get any attacks, where I'm very healthy. I'm 0:38:30.800 --> 0:38:31.320 very great. 0:38:31.719 --> 0:38:36.319 But you have beautiful, stunning eyes, like you have really 0:38:36.320 --> 0:38:36.799 great eyes. 0:38:38.920 --> 0:38:41.080 No, it was the worst thing of my life. Like 0:38:41.120 --> 0:38:43.080 I was like what And it was like you almost 0:38:43.080 --> 0:38:46.239 felt I almost felt like like that beauty thing it 0:38:46.360 --> 0:38:48.400 was gone because I feel like I was like cross 0:38:48.400 --> 0:38:49.640 eyed and I was like, oh my god, I'm not 0:38:49.680 --> 0:38:53.200 beautiful anymore. And it changes your values because you're like 0:38:53.320 --> 0:38:55.720 with or without you know, the internal beauty that stuff, 0:38:55.920 --> 0:38:58.799 so like you got to be internally beautiful, so you know, 0:38:58.920 --> 0:39:01.480 But I feel like for me, it was it was 0:39:01.760 --> 0:39:04.279 it was a crazy experience. I wasn't able to talk 0:39:04.280 --> 0:39:06.120 about it for a long time. And now I've been 0:39:06.120 --> 0:39:08.880 dealing it with it for so long and it doesn't 0:39:08.920 --> 0:39:11.120 get easier. You just kind of get better at it, 0:39:11.200 --> 0:39:13.160 you know, yea, And it is a very much so 0:39:13.280 --> 0:39:13.879 like I deal with. 0:39:13.840 --> 0:39:15.080 A lot of anxiety and depression. 0:39:15.120 --> 0:39:17.440 I've dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression, and 0:39:17.480 --> 0:39:20.920 that's been my That's that we all do. Everyone who 0:39:21.000 --> 0:39:23.120 has that deals with it, and that's like the good. 0:39:23.360 --> 0:39:26.160 Like if you have anxiety with it, it comes with it. 0:39:26.400 --> 0:39:29.000 And then if you have anxiety and depression, that's good. 0:39:29.200 --> 0:39:30.680 That's good as long as you don't end up in 0:39:30.680 --> 0:39:32.319 a wheelchair, you know what I mean, because there are 0:39:32.360 --> 0:39:35.800 people who literally in a wheelchair. Unfortunately, this disease immobilizes 0:39:35.840 --> 0:39:39.120 you completely, or it can. But now with the advanced technology, 0:39:39.360 --> 0:39:40.480 it can it can. 0:39:40.600 --> 0:39:42.160 Oh there's a chance that it won't. 0:39:42.280 --> 0:39:46.319 Yes, no, there's now with advanced technology. It like it's 0:39:46.480 --> 0:39:49.720 very very very rare because the technology is to advance 0:39:49.920 --> 0:39:52.319 my doctors, you know, I've been going to cedars us 0:39:52.360 --> 0:39:54.719 see like these great places. I went to Yale, Harvard, like, 0:39:55.040 --> 0:39:57.040 I went to like the best doctors, so these doc 0:39:57.120 --> 0:40:00.239 because I've been super interested in not only like you know, 0:40:00.239 --> 0:40:02.279 and finding a cure for it, because there is there 0:40:02.320 --> 0:40:04.640 is a cure for everything. And I feel like for me, 0:40:04.840 --> 0:40:07.080 it's been like you know, learning, I've been getting more 0:40:07.080 --> 0:40:09.760 involved with the MS society and going to more events 0:40:09.800 --> 0:40:12.680 and getting more involved the fundraising events, and we're like, 0:40:12.719 --> 0:40:15.000 they're raising so much more money for research and for 0:40:15.040 --> 0:40:17.520 all the things, and it's so advanced with all the technology, 0:40:17.520 --> 0:40:20.600 with all the research that it's so regulated. Like I 0:40:20.640 --> 0:40:24.839 am doing amazing, Like I am doing better and thank god, 0:40:24.920 --> 0:40:25.239 Like I. 0:40:25.200 --> 0:40:27.839 Worked so hard for you when you were diagnosed. 0:40:27.600 --> 0:40:31.520 I was like twenty one. Wow, it was like really 0:40:31.560 --> 0:40:34.760 like I went on my first national tours when everything 0:40:34.760 --> 0:40:36.920 happened for me so fast. Yeah, it was crazy. I 0:40:36.920 --> 0:40:39.719 started doing music, I got internship, then I started, I 0:40:39.760 --> 0:40:41.799 went on then Boom. Then I went on my first 0:40:41.880 --> 0:40:42.560 national tour. 0:40:42.800 --> 0:40:46.440 How soon after you started the internship and for two years? 0:40:46.760 --> 0:40:49.040 Two years so my first national tour and. 0:40:49.160 --> 0:40:51.279 You moved Who did you move to New York with? 0:40:52.040 --> 0:40:53.200 By myself and my best friend. 0:40:53.760 --> 0:40:56.480 Oh he was oh he was giving your mom straight heart. 0:40:56.640 --> 0:40:59.719 Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, Souker took her good 0:41:00.400 --> 0:41:02.360 until the tour started and stuff. And then I was 0:41:02.360 --> 0:41:05.319 on tour and doing a national tour. Postone this she 0:41:05.480 --> 0:41:07.160 was like, oh, yeah, okay, now you do something. 0:41:07.200 --> 0:41:08.839 And did you have a deal when you got the tour? 0:41:09.080 --> 0:41:10.840 Yeah, I was in I was in a I was 0:41:10.840 --> 0:41:13.640 in a deal, but it wasn't the best of deals. 0:41:13.640 --> 0:41:15.839 Of course, the first deals are never the best. Worst 0:41:16.200 --> 0:41:20.480 in the when you're young. Oh yeah, I don't think 0:41:20.480 --> 0:41:21.320 I've ever made. 0:41:21.280 --> 0:41:23.560 They got me, they had me. Yeah, they had me, 0:41:23.680 --> 0:41:26.200 they had me. But you know, I'm free, honey. So 0:41:26.560 --> 0:41:28.399 but like I'm not gonna lie, you know. And I've 0:41:28.400 --> 0:41:30.799 signed deal since and it's been great. But like, honestly, yeah, 0:41:30.880 --> 0:41:33.239 as a new artist, you don't know nothing anything. I 0:41:33.320 --> 0:41:35.920 knew nothing, and I didn't have anybody in the industry 0:41:35.960 --> 0:41:37.560 like parents or anything, so I really didn't know. 0:41:37.560 --> 0:41:39.759 I had to like really like build like did you 0:41:39.800 --> 0:41:43.480 have to deal with like the when I'm say, the 0:41:43.520 --> 0:41:44.760 toxic masculinity? 0:41:44.800 --> 0:41:46.520 Come on, let's talk about it. 0:41:46.719 --> 0:41:49.200 I love these conversations. 0:41:51.280 --> 0:41:53.440 I've been in the industry and this is why. 0:41:53.560 --> 0:41:56.040 Yeah, come on, like this is Yeah, we have to 0:41:56.080 --> 0:41:58.359 talk about it more because I feel like it is 0:41:59.320 --> 0:42:02.120 like it's it's a disease in and of itself, Like. 0:42:02.120 --> 0:42:04.759 You know what I mean, you have to be like it. 0:42:05.800 --> 0:42:08.560 There's no rule book that comes with this game, right, No, 0:42:08.680 --> 0:42:12.080 there's a beautiful, attractive girl that has her eye on 0:42:12.120 --> 0:42:13.279 the prize and. 0:42:13.000 --> 0:42:17.400 Then you have to navigate through a masculine yary sharkwaters. 0:42:17.400 --> 0:42:19.640 You're in shark shark, and you got to convince the 0:42:19.680 --> 0:42:33.319 sharks that you're not, because I don't even notice even 0:42:33.360 --> 0:42:35.600 with this show, they'll be like, what's the numbers? Looking like, Yeah, 0:42:36.000 --> 0:42:38.640 it don't matter. If you have a million good things, 0:42:38.960 --> 0:42:42.080 they still that's to them. Is the verification or is 0:42:42.080 --> 0:42:45.160 it more important because you can touch base with your fans? 0:42:45.200 --> 0:42:47.680 Which one is do you think is more important as 0:42:47.719 --> 0:42:48.320 an artist? 0:42:48.480 --> 0:42:50.440 I think it's like a little bit of both, But 0:42:50.520 --> 0:42:52.960 I think that touching the fans is the most important thing. 0:42:53.040 --> 0:42:53.480 Honestly. 0:42:53.560 --> 0:42:56.840 I think like with appeasing like these those kinds of people, 0:42:56.920 --> 0:43:01.319 they're only appeased when you're like really moving an audience anyway, 0:43:01.520 --> 0:43:03.239 you know, So you got to move the audience. They're 0:43:03.239 --> 0:43:06.680 never a piece. It's never enough, like a million, a 0:43:06.680 --> 0:43:08.920 million villowers, Well, why don't you have ten million? This 0:43:08.920 --> 0:43:09.879 person has fifty million. 0:43:09.960 --> 0:43:12.000 You're well over three, so you're good, you know what 0:43:12.040 --> 0:43:14.040 I mean? It would be crazy that if people are 0:43:14.120 --> 0:43:16.680 still coming to you're like, well, where where's that five? 0:43:17.320 --> 0:43:19.880 No, it is that or it's like literally or nowadays 0:43:19.960 --> 0:43:21.800 it's like you got to have those kinds of numbers 0:43:21.800 --> 0:43:23.759 across the whole board, you know what I. 0:43:23.800 --> 0:43:25.920 Mean, like like on every plate, on every. 0:43:25.680 --> 0:43:28.160 Platform, and it's like, okay, like be realistic, you know 0:43:28.200 --> 0:43:28.560 what I mean. 0:43:28.920 --> 0:43:31.600 Also, I think Country Wayne had said it best, like, 0:43:32.880 --> 0:43:35.040 you know, I think there was a period where he 0:43:35.160 --> 0:43:38.320 had Facebook following but not the other followings. But Facebook 0:43:38.360 --> 0:43:41.640 following was that older demo that actually spent money, right 0:43:41.680 --> 0:43:43.000 and like you know, really pulled. 0:43:43.120 --> 0:43:45.359 And then all of a sudden, like Facebook started monetizing 0:43:45.400 --> 0:43:47.560 and faces started you make money on Facebook. Now you 0:43:47.600 --> 0:43:49.920 can make money through Facebook and Instagram. So then it's 0:43:49.960 --> 0:43:52.680 like all these platforms change and it's just like it's 0:43:52.719 --> 0:43:55.239 so interesting and it's like okay, so I feel like 0:43:55.320 --> 0:43:57.480 that's what's It's like this weird thing that you kind 0:43:57.480 --> 0:44:00.000 of always have to keep balancing out. It's like, okay, 0:44:00.000 --> 0:44:02.520 I gotta focus on this posting. For me, I'm always 0:44:02.560 --> 0:44:04.880 trying to find that balance because it's always like, you know, 0:44:04.880 --> 0:44:06.920 when I started building the social media I started becoming 0:44:06.920 --> 0:44:09.560 the social media influencer. But it's like I was doing 0:44:09.640 --> 0:44:13.759 music and on tour Billboard first, I just started have 0:44:13.880 --> 0:44:15.879 to start doing this because it was like you have 0:44:15.960 --> 0:44:18.000 to do this as the part of the whole thing. 0:44:18.160 --> 0:44:21.160 You know, you have to post and this and that, 0:44:21.239 --> 0:44:22.759 and people got to know what you're doing. People want 0:44:22.760 --> 0:44:25.680 to know everything about you nowadays. And it's not that 0:44:25.840 --> 0:44:27.879 you don't want people to know everything about you. It's 0:44:27.920 --> 0:44:30.320 just that when you're doing music and you're doing something 0:44:30.360 --> 0:44:32.759 like you want people to focus on that. 0:44:33.000 --> 0:44:35.960 Yeah, And the music is your body of work, and 0:44:36.000 --> 0:44:39.000 it's the closest it's actually your vulnerability right there. 0:44:39.080 --> 0:44:39.239 Right. 0:44:39.800 --> 0:44:44.160 Social media is a different visual more self short term 0:44:44.360 --> 0:44:48.560 visual form. It's got to be. They're really two different worlds. 0:44:49.320 --> 0:44:51.400 But I'm glad to hear that you were able to 0:44:51.520 --> 0:44:54.120 like conquer that second one. That second one is a beast. 0:44:54.200 --> 0:44:57.120 I'm not gonna lie. It was like definitely like it's 0:44:57.160 --> 0:45:00.400 still constantly like figuring it out. Oh you know what 0:45:00.440 --> 0:45:03.400 I mean, because once you build, like you constantly figure 0:45:03.400 --> 0:45:05.640 out algorithms, the way the platform is set up, what 0:45:05.680 --> 0:45:07.759 they're doing with the platform on their end, you know, 0:45:08.000 --> 0:45:09.560 because you build this following and then it's like you 0:45:09.560 --> 0:45:11.600 build it and then you kind of god got to 0:45:11.880 --> 0:45:15.040 keep going and you know, revamping it and things. So 0:45:15.120 --> 0:45:17.640 I think it's a learning process. But I've been I've 0:45:17.680 --> 0:45:21.920 been on some lately like like, you know, be patient 0:45:21.960 --> 0:45:25.000 with your process because yeah, you know what I mean, 0:45:25.000 --> 0:45:28.239 because like like at some points it is a lot 0:45:28.280 --> 0:45:30.480 of pressure and you kind of become like like, oh, 0:45:30.520 --> 0:45:32.680 like I'm trying to get to this next milestone this list. 0:45:32.840 --> 0:45:34.400 But then it's just like just be patient with that 0:45:34.440 --> 0:45:37.160 because you will get there and it will happen. But 0:45:37.320 --> 0:45:39.040 just at least I've been trying to at least enjoy 0:45:39.040 --> 0:45:41.800 the process, because you know, in this industry it's hard, 0:45:41.880 --> 0:45:45.279 like everybody's there's always something more you have to do. 0:45:45.360 --> 0:45:47.600 There's another metric and another another. 0:45:47.400 --> 0:45:49.400 Goal posted on the metric, and then you never really 0:45:49.440 --> 0:45:52.279 get to enjoy the moment and what's going on in 0:45:52.320 --> 0:45:54.160 the moment. And I think sometimes it's like that's what 0:45:54.200 --> 0:45:56.080 I've been trying to do because I've learned and I 0:45:56.200 --> 0:45:58.720 realized like, oh, I'm trying to get to this level, 0:45:58.880 --> 0:46:00.840 but then this person is trying to get to my level, 0:46:01.120 --> 0:46:03.000 and you not even enjoying this. Sohole. 0:46:03.120 --> 0:46:05.359 You know, My dad had pointed that out when I 0:46:05.400 --> 0:46:08.320 was younger. I had a company it was like magazine 0:46:08.320 --> 0:46:10.120 for ten years, and I would cry him if I 0:46:10.160 --> 0:46:11.960 got a parking ticket. I'd be like, Dad, I'm ready 0:46:12.040 --> 0:46:14.520 jump off a bridge. I got a twenty dollars parking ticket. 0:46:14.880 --> 0:46:15.640 I can't do it. 0:46:15.680 --> 0:46:18.399 That's real, And my dad would be like I think 0:46:18.400 --> 0:46:20.440 it was my dad and my business partner at the 0:46:20.440 --> 0:46:23.120 time who was like, m you need to start taking 0:46:23.200 --> 0:46:25.799 five minutes, even if we're at a major show that 0:46:25.880 --> 0:46:29.359 you produce. Take five minutes. Take it all in. Don't 0:46:29.360 --> 0:46:31.279 even work, don't even say nothing. To take it all in. 0:46:31.440 --> 0:46:33.840 But my dad came up with this idea where and 0:46:33.880 --> 0:46:35.239 I still have it in my house. If you go 0:46:35.280 --> 0:46:37.360 in my house, I don't do it all over my walls. 0:46:37.400 --> 0:46:40.279 I call it the Wall of Fame, which is like 0:46:40.840 --> 0:46:42.560 just it's a hallway because I have a lot of 0:46:42.560 --> 0:46:46.560 stairs and I just put really hard accomplishments on there. 0:46:46.920 --> 0:46:51.640 It's literally ill. It's random posters or whatever, and it's 0:46:51.760 --> 0:46:53.359 just the wall of fame. And it's not like in 0:46:53.400 --> 0:46:55.680 your face, like, hey, this is who I am. But 0:46:55.760 --> 0:46:57.520 if you were to walk the stairs in my house, 0:46:57.600 --> 0:47:00.040 there is literally like the wall of fame minutes the 0:47:00.120 --> 0:47:02.839 most random, hardest shit that I ever set my mind on. 0:47:03.160 --> 0:47:06.080 And I actually pulled it off, you know. I put 0:47:06.080 --> 0:47:08.839 it up there and I don't really look at it, 0:47:08.880 --> 0:47:11.239 but I know it's there. And my dad was like, 0:47:11.400 --> 0:47:13.960 you're getting to the point where the goalpost moves so 0:47:14.120 --> 0:47:16.319 much and you're hitting these goals, but you're not even 0:47:16.400 --> 0:47:18.960 realizing you're not even taking it. You don't even take 0:47:19.000 --> 0:47:21.239 one second to take it in. So that's when a 0:47:21.280 --> 0:47:25.120 twenty dollars or one rejection or one cancelation, you're ready 0:47:25.120 --> 0:47:29.560 to quit because you forgot this wall of fame of accomplishment. 0:47:29.960 --> 0:47:32.040 That's so true too, because I feel like I'm not 0:47:32.080 --> 0:47:35.640 gonna lie like like you have to kind of like 0:47:35.760 --> 0:47:38.560 sometimes when I have those moments, I try to. I've 0:47:38.560 --> 0:47:41.000 been trying to talk to the right people too, because 0:47:41.000 --> 0:47:43.239 you know, when you're in that moment, you can talk 0:47:43.280 --> 0:47:45.160 to the right person who can like literally give you 0:47:45.200 --> 0:47:48.480 that affirmation and give you that reminder like that, like 0:47:48.600 --> 0:47:51.560 remember what you accomplished, remember how much, Remember how far 0:47:51.600 --> 0:47:54.480 you've come, Remember when you started, like those little reminders, 0:47:54.600 --> 0:47:56.000 or you could talk to someone else who will make 0:47:56.000 --> 0:47:58.200 you feel like more shit, like oh you know, yeah, 0:47:58.280 --> 0:48:01.520 maybe you should give a maybe it's not working out, 0:48:01.800 --> 0:48:05.400 you know what I mean. And I literally had that. 0:48:05.280 --> 0:48:08.279 Moment recently where someone did that, yeah, like. 0:48:08.280 --> 0:48:10.919 With someone really close to me, and it's like, well, yeah, 0:48:11.000 --> 0:48:13.239 maybe you should, maybe you should give up. I don't know, 0:48:13.440 --> 0:48:16.359 Like it's like, what if I'm having this moment, that's 0:48:16.360 --> 0:48:18.920 a last thing I want to hear. You're terrible, like 0:48:19.360 --> 0:48:21.040 literally never come to you advice again. 0:48:21.120 --> 0:48:24.360 Well, yeah you gotta. Also, I think I learned I 0:48:24.400 --> 0:48:27.360 would say a couple of years ago, is that the 0:48:27.520 --> 0:48:31.560 real friends your real day once And this is how 0:48:31.600 --> 0:48:36.600 I judge friendship across the board. You want a friend 0:48:36.800 --> 0:48:40.520 that is happy when you're up, like and also down 0:48:40.560 --> 0:48:43.840 when you're down. Man, there's too many relationships we have 0:48:44.000 --> 0:48:46.440 nowadays where you got the friends that are happy when 0:48:46.440 --> 0:48:48.680 you're up, but they're not down when you're down. And 0:48:48.719 --> 0:48:51.359 now then you have the friends that are down for you, 0:48:51.480 --> 0:48:53.919 will kill for you, but they're not happy when you up. Yeah, 0:48:54.160 --> 0:48:57.719 the real friendship, and I think Oprah recently said on 0:48:57.760 --> 0:49:00.360 the clip, is the one that has no jealousy, because 0:49:00.360 --> 0:49:03.399 the one that has no jealousy can actually value when 0:49:03.440 --> 0:49:06.000 you're up and be like, hell yeah, motherfucker. We all like, 0:49:06.480 --> 0:49:09.160 my girl got pregnant the other day. We all celebrated, 0:49:09.280 --> 0:49:12.359 like you got a Yeah, what is it? What is it? 0:49:12.440 --> 0:49:14.080 They find out what is it? You know, we're just 0:49:14.120 --> 0:49:17.400 happy for that went genuinely down to the toes, like 0:49:17.480 --> 0:49:18.879 happy happy, like. 0:49:18.920 --> 0:49:21.640 You swear, you know, real too, like. 0:49:21.560 --> 0:49:24.080 Really because we knew that's what that person wanted, so 0:49:24.200 --> 0:49:27.080 we feel it. Even when they're down, you're showing up. 0:49:27.200 --> 0:49:28.879 And it's weird for me too, it's weird. 0:49:28.960 --> 0:49:31.560 I had this moment, another moment, a lot of moments, 0:49:31.640 --> 0:49:35.520 but I had another moment recently where I sometimes, you know, 0:49:35.560 --> 0:49:37.040 as a artist, you get close to people that you 0:49:37.040 --> 0:49:40.080 shouldn't like. Sometimes you're glad people, you know. Some people 0:49:40.120 --> 0:49:42.160 get close to the glad people. Some my gam people 0:49:42.160 --> 0:49:44.439 have been my best friends and are still mad tight. 0:49:45.200 --> 0:49:47.120 Sometimes you get close to certain gland people and it's 0:49:47.120 --> 0:49:49.360 like not the smartest of the thing. As the artist, 0:49:49.480 --> 0:49:52.120 you're the boss and you're also the like, these are 0:49:52.160 --> 0:49:55.240 your employees, but they become your friends. But it's hard 0:49:55.320 --> 0:49:57.960 because it's like, that's hard when you're like your employees 0:49:58.000 --> 0:49:59.879 your friends because at the same time there has again, 0:50:00.239 --> 0:50:02.839 there has to be a level of respect. So once 0:50:02.920 --> 0:50:05.239 that there's a boundary that gets crossed, so you become 0:50:05.280 --> 0:50:08.720 too personal, the respect is gone, and as the artist, 0:50:09.239 --> 0:50:11.160 people don't realize that we really are the last ones 0:50:11.200 --> 0:50:11.520 to eat. 0:50:11.600 --> 0:50:12.839 Like people don't realize that. 0:50:13.160 --> 0:50:18.720 People don't really dropping gems that really show my honest opinion, 0:50:18.920 --> 0:50:21.960 really show you did the work. But yes, you are right. 0:50:22.120 --> 0:50:24.319 Repeat that again, the last one to eat. 0:50:24.480 --> 0:50:25.680 We really are the last one to eat. 0:50:25.719 --> 0:50:27.840 I was just watching this clip from this songwriter that 0:50:27.880 --> 0:50:29.960 I know that he's a great songwriter and everything, but 0:50:29.960 --> 0:50:31.680 it's like he was saying, oh, like the songwriter is 0:50:31.680 --> 0:50:34.080 the last one to eat. No, the artist is the 0:50:34.120 --> 0:50:37.160 last one to eat. The songwriter eats before even us. 0:50:37.280 --> 0:50:41.360 Everybody eats before us. Everybody eats before us. And whether 0:50:41.400 --> 0:50:45.440 you're signed independent, the money gotta come out of somewhere, yeah, 0:50:45.560 --> 0:50:48.840 somebody's pocket, ye, And it gotta come back to somebody's pocket. 0:50:48.960 --> 0:50:51.160 And if it don't come back, even though you could 0:50:51.200 --> 0:50:54.880 pay you could have a budget five dollars, fifty thousand dollars, 0:50:55.000 --> 0:50:57.960 five hundred thousand dollars, five million dollars, doesn't matter if 0:50:57.960 --> 0:51:00.720 that once that money goes back, you gotta get it return. 0:51:00.760 --> 0:51:01.200 It has to be. 0:51:01.680 --> 0:51:03.600 It gotta be recouped, you know what I'm saying. And 0:51:03.600 --> 0:51:06.359 then people don't realize that, you know, as the artist, Yeah, 0:51:06.400 --> 0:51:08.319 like the money is coming out and it's coming out 0:51:08.320 --> 0:51:10.680 of your pocket. And that's why it's like people even 0:51:10.719 --> 0:51:13.480 think like, yeah, like I was watching a documentary recently 0:51:13.520 --> 0:51:15.520 with Michael Jackson's bodyguards or something. It was like a 0:51:15.600 --> 0:51:18.080 new one, newer one, and it was like Michael didn't 0:51:18.120 --> 0:51:20.600 have money at the end of his career. Michael, Michael, 0:51:20.760 --> 0:51:22.319 do you know what I mean? Michael? You know, he 0:51:22.360 --> 0:51:24.720 wasn't able to pay so he can't pay his employees. 0:51:24.800 --> 0:51:26.880 Employees' is like, and he needs his bodyguards. 0:51:26.880 --> 0:51:29.120 He can't even pay his bodyguards, and he needs a protection, 0:51:29.440 --> 0:51:31.520 can't even pay his bodyguards or whatever it is. You 0:51:31.640 --> 0:51:33.439 need this and you need that, you can't even pay 0:51:33.480 --> 0:51:36.400 for that. So you try to build relationships and build friendships, 0:51:36.440 --> 0:51:38.960 and then it starts crossing lines or whatever. Even if 0:51:38.960 --> 0:51:41.000 you're paying them, you still around them all the time. 0:51:41.000 --> 0:51:42.040 You want to be friends with them. 0:51:42.360 --> 0:51:44.920 It's so hard, especially if you're starting out and you 0:51:45.000 --> 0:51:48.680 do like we're working with a budget. So say you 0:51:48.680 --> 0:51:50.560 and I are working together and you can't pay me 0:51:50.600 --> 0:51:52.840 as much right right, and you say it, I'm like, Okay, 0:51:52.840 --> 0:51:55.400 I believe in you too. That's where the lines do 0:51:55.480 --> 0:51:59.360 get blurred because there now it's like both people crossing 0:51:59.360 --> 0:52:00.200 that little. 0:52:00.480 --> 0:52:04.160 Thing that yeah, yeah, that awkward little boundary thing that 0:52:04.200 --> 0:52:06.680 you're like, oh, it's a trust thing that has to happen, 0:52:07.000 --> 0:52:08.239 or you don't know if you could trust the person. 0:52:08.280 --> 0:52:09.880 You don't know if the person is like but I 0:52:09.920 --> 0:52:12.160 think it's like what you said, it's an exchange. It's 0:52:12.320 --> 0:52:15.400 it's a common, fair exchange that has to happen. 0:52:15.440 --> 0:52:17.840 And I think that people when you're the boss, it 0:52:18.040 --> 0:52:21.879 really that kind of fucks you over the moment because 0:52:21.880 --> 0:52:25.480 it's never it's never a fair exchange, but one person 0:52:25.960 --> 0:52:30.200 is technically holding the burden. So yes, you're right, and 0:52:30.640 --> 0:52:33.160 you with a dagger because you're like, fuck, I should 0:52:33.239 --> 0:52:34.480 have never crossed that line, you. 0:52:34.320 --> 0:52:36.520 Feel me, because it's like, there's never going to be 0:52:36.560 --> 0:52:38.680 a fair exchange because you're when you're the boss, you're 0:52:38.680 --> 0:52:41.319 already in a higher level and no matter what how 0:52:41.400 --> 0:52:42.880 much they get. 0:52:42.760 --> 0:52:46.239 And they're coming in it from a whether it's an 0:52:46.239 --> 0:52:49.120 act of service, they're they're coming to gain. So it's 0:52:49.120 --> 0:52:52.000 it's not a in a weird sort of sense, it's 0:52:52.239 --> 0:52:54.719 I'm coming to get this. 0:52:55.520 --> 0:52:57.160 As much as I can. Yeah, right, you know, and 0:52:57.200 --> 0:52:59.279 it's and then you wind up feeling like, yeah, like 0:52:59.400 --> 0:53:01.880 it's a it's an unfair exchange. So I think for 0:53:01.960 --> 0:53:04.440 me lately, it's definitely been that. It's definitely been like 0:53:04.920 --> 0:53:08.360 truly truthfully, like like it's all a part of the process. 0:53:08.400 --> 0:53:10.560 But then you have to you realize that and you're like, well, 0:53:10.800 --> 0:53:12.640 if all of this is a case, then there's a 0:53:12.680 --> 0:53:14.640 reason why you start realizing that people are the way 0:53:14.680 --> 0:53:16.480 they are. Or even if you're like, oh, they call 0:53:16.520 --> 0:53:19.200 you this and they call you that, whatever, they don't 0:53:19.239 --> 0:53:21.080 know how much it took. They call you a bit 0:53:21.120 --> 0:53:23.600 really because they don't know how well that day, Well 0:53:23.640 --> 0:53:26.600 how why was I a bitch that day? Like how 0:53:26.680 --> 0:53:28.360 much I gotta deal with on a daily basis, Like 0:53:28.400 --> 0:53:29.680 you know what I'm saying. So I feel like even 0:53:29.719 --> 0:53:31.400 when I used to hear like Jlo used to be 0:53:31.440 --> 0:53:32.880 called that, and I'm like, Jaalo. 0:53:32.840 --> 0:53:36.279 Was a boss goat, the goat working her as working. 0:53:36.040 --> 0:53:38.520 Her ass off, like if she like and I think that, 0:53:38.680 --> 0:53:41.000 you know, it started becoming like a thing that people 0:53:41.080 --> 0:53:42.520 just use it to like, Oh, I don't like Jlo 0:53:42.600 --> 0:53:44.640 because she's mean, and you don't know if Jaylo's meaning. 0:53:44.719 --> 0:53:47.040 I never met her, you meet her, she's mad nice. 0:53:47.040 --> 0:53:48.560 People say the same thing about Nicki and nice. I 0:53:48.560 --> 0:53:50.680 met Nikki. She was so nice to me, So I 0:53:50.719 --> 0:53:52.600 don't know what y'all talking about, Like you know what 0:53:52.600 --> 0:53:55.040 I'm saying crazy, So I don't know, like she was 0:53:55.120 --> 0:53:57.120 nice to me. So everyone has their own experiences. But 0:53:57.160 --> 0:53:59.680 I think it's crazy when like the general public judges 0:53:59.760 --> 0:54:02.440 and artists like that when an artist gives nothing, we 0:54:02.480 --> 0:54:05.400 give nothing but love. And you know what I'm saying 0:54:05.440 --> 0:54:07.520 to the world, like, no matter what artist has on 0:54:07.560 --> 0:54:09.759 their personal life going on, it's different to the world. 0:54:09.800 --> 0:54:12.600 We're giving art. We're using our traumas and using it 0:54:12.640 --> 0:54:14.759 to give art to the world. And we live in 0:54:14.800 --> 0:54:16.799 America where it's like all they do and all we 0:54:16.880 --> 0:54:18.600 do is try to tear our artists down. But I 0:54:18.640 --> 0:54:20.520 think like something has to give where we have to 0:54:20.600 --> 0:54:23.959 understand that, like every artist is a human and even 0:54:23.960 --> 0:54:25.800 if they're like they always are trying to like demonize 0:54:25.800 --> 0:54:27.719 the artists, like oh, I've been seeing that about a 0:54:27.760 --> 0:54:30.440 lot about j Lo, and I'm like, I love j Lo, Like. 0:54:31.480 --> 0:54:33.719 Oh my god, I love her. I think the best 0:54:33.760 --> 0:54:34.680 thing to do is like. 0:54:34.680 --> 0:54:36.560 The greater you are, the more haters you have, and 0:54:36.560 --> 0:54:37.640 that's how you know you're doing. 0:54:37.480 --> 0:54:38.800 Something right exactly. 0:54:39.320 --> 0:54:39.960 That's the tea. 0:54:40.040 --> 0:54:40.560 That's the tea. 0:54:40.680 --> 0:54:41.200 That's the tea. 0:54:41.680 --> 0:54:45.279 And I think at some point we all got to 0:54:45.320 --> 0:54:48.600 realize there's nobody, nobody on the planet, not the richest man, 0:54:48.640 --> 0:54:51.399 not the brokest man, not the one with the most 0:54:51.400 --> 0:54:56.200 baby daddies, the one no kids, whatever. Every person has 0:54:56.239 --> 0:54:59.000 to come face to face with problem. There is no problem. 0:54:59.160 --> 0:55:01.880 There is no person and living on Earth right now 0:55:02.239 --> 0:55:06.680 that doesn't have problems. That's the part of being human. 0:55:07.000 --> 0:55:08.640 And I think if we all walked around with a 0:55:08.680 --> 0:55:11.239 shirt and said hey, I got problems and everybody just 0:55:11.239 --> 0:55:15.560 walked around, they'd be like, well, ship, you know. And 0:55:15.600 --> 0:55:17.480 I was sad about the human races, like, well, I 0:55:17.520 --> 0:55:18.560 got problem. What's your problem? 0:55:18.600 --> 0:55:18.640 With? 0:55:18.760 --> 0:55:19.959 My problems worse than your problem. 0:55:19.960 --> 0:55:23.759 It's like, yo's got a problem for real though that's 0:55:23.800 --> 0:55:24.839 a fact, that. 0:55:24.880 --> 0:55:28.080 Is a yo. We should literally print shirts. But I 0:55:28.200 --> 0:55:29.960 guarantee if you put the whole world and I got 0:55:30.040 --> 0:55:33.160 prom shirts, I got problem, people will just literally compare. 0:55:32.960 --> 0:55:37.120 Problems hard though that person's. 0:55:36.800 --> 0:55:40.799 Crying because they didn't have a McDonald's burger, get them, 0:55:41.080 --> 0:55:41.840 they start hating. 0:55:42.760 --> 0:55:45.759 It stops. Oh yeah, she went through this, he went this, Well, 0:55:45.800 --> 0:55:48.879 I went through this and that's what I there is 0:55:48.920 --> 0:55:52.839 that thing and it's constant, like that separation. We all have, 0:55:53.320 --> 0:55:56.480 like ego, but you gotta realize, like you know what 0:55:56.520 --> 0:55:58.160 I mean, even when you said, well you walk in. 0:55:58.160 --> 0:55:59.200 That's you're the baddest in the room. 0:55:59.239 --> 0:56:01.319 That's your ego. But then you immediately like, well, oh 0:56:01.320 --> 0:56:02.600 should I just had a bad day and I just 0:56:02.800 --> 0:56:04.840 to talk to someone like that's the real you, you 0:56:04.840 --> 0:56:06.799 know what I'm saying. And then it's like you have 0:56:06.880 --> 0:56:10.160 to I've been trying to find that balance. And I 0:56:10.200 --> 0:56:12.879 call her like because my so yeah with lover girl, 0:56:12.960 --> 0:56:14.880 lover girls like me, I'm a lover girl, that's me. 0:56:15.160 --> 0:56:17.360 I'm a love girl. But my alter ego is a 0:56:17.400 --> 0:56:21.240 trat Princess Jasmine. So like literally it's like yeah, like literally, 0:56:21.280 --> 0:56:23.319 so I kind of like have to separate the two 0:56:23.320 --> 0:56:26.279 because I do have my super loving me, you know, 0:56:26.520 --> 0:56:28.680 but then I do have my dragon side, my you know, 0:56:28.760 --> 0:56:30.880 my New York girl don't play with me side. So 0:56:30.920 --> 0:56:32.880 I feel like that is a real and I call 0:56:32.960 --> 0:56:35.840 it a trat Princess Jasmine because Princess Jasmine is the 0:56:35.960 --> 0:56:39.000 only Middle Eastern pop culture girl we got. But you know, 0:56:39.040 --> 0:56:39.879 I love Fun. 0:56:40.080 --> 0:56:43.479 Yeah, I love it. I love it. So how would 0:56:43.480 --> 0:56:47.160 you describe this latest AP and all of that. 0:56:47.360 --> 0:56:50.479 Yes, yes, So I mean it's an exciting time because 0:56:50.520 --> 0:56:52.960 I feel like now I haven't dropped the project yet, 0:56:53.000 --> 0:56:55.560 I've just been dropping like singles, and I feel like 0:56:55.640 --> 0:56:59.160 with lover Girl, it's been like I like my first project, 0:56:59.200 --> 0:57:01.759 I was like, what is the the name gonna be? Like, 0:57:01.840 --> 0:57:04.440 you know, lover Girl came to me one morning I 0:57:04.480 --> 0:57:07.440 woke up and then like, I was like, I want 0:57:07.440 --> 0:57:09.239 to name it something with love. I was thinking about that, 0:57:09.280 --> 0:57:11.280 and then I just thought about lover girl. And obviously 0:57:11.400 --> 0:57:14.000 Drake did Certified lover Boy and stuff, and people call 0:57:14.040 --> 0:57:16.280 themselves lover boy. And then nobody did love a Girl, 0:57:16.280 --> 0:57:17.720 so I looked it up and then the only person 0:57:17.760 --> 0:57:20.920 who did it was Tina Marie. And and like when 0:57:20.960 --> 0:57:23.000 I first started singing and doing open mics in New York, 0:57:23.000 --> 0:57:24.880 people used to compare me to Tina Marie. These pig 0:57:25.040 --> 0:57:27.280 your voice, you sound like her, so like I was 0:57:27.320 --> 0:57:29.480 like wow, and then I never really like I would 0:57:29.800 --> 0:57:31.320 do my research on Teena Marie. She was one of 0:57:31.320 --> 0:57:33.840 the artists I studied, of course, but then it was 0:57:33.880 --> 0:57:35.680 like I never really heard her name too much. So 0:57:35.680 --> 0:57:37.200 then when I looked up lover Girl, I saw Tina 0:57:37.240 --> 0:57:38.640 Marie the only person who had a song it was 0:57:38.680 --> 0:57:40.440 lover Girl years ago. I was like, all right, I 0:57:40.480 --> 0:57:43.640 gotta do pay homage and she spelled it two separate, 0:57:43.760 --> 0:57:45.640 so I was like, okay, I'm gonna do lover Girl. 0:57:45.680 --> 0:57:48.240 It's official and named the project lover Girl, and then 0:57:48.320 --> 0:57:50.440 I just like I was like realizing, like damn, but 0:57:50.480 --> 0:57:52.040 I got this whole other side to be my trap 0:57:52.040 --> 0:57:53.200 Princess Jazz in sidey. 0:57:53.720 --> 0:57:55.200 I love that name, by the way, you know what 0:57:55.240 --> 0:57:55.720 I'm saying. 0:57:56.040 --> 0:57:57.520 So yeah, it's kind of gonna be like an A 0:57:57.640 --> 0:58:00.440 B side a lot of girls coming out into September, 0:58:00.480 --> 0:58:03.280 and then by January, my birthday, I'm gonna be dropping 0:58:03.320 --> 0:58:05.880 the B side Chrap Prins Jasmine. So it's like yeah, 0:58:06.080 --> 0:58:08.360 like and it's like super fun because it's like lover 0:58:08.480 --> 0:58:11.720 Girl is like totally this side, you know, sweet side Girl, 0:58:11.760 --> 0:58:15.520 sweet Love Girls side, soft Girl, Chatterers, Jasmine is on 0:58:15.600 --> 0:58:18.680 my you know, I'm on my BS. No that I 0:58:18.920 --> 0:58:20.040 like it. I like that. 0:58:20.200 --> 0:58:22.880 So it's like but overall, it seems like it's an 0:58:23.080 --> 0:58:25.120 empowerment album. 0:58:25.000 --> 0:58:27.480 Absolutely, Like I feel like Love a Girl, I made 0:58:27.520 --> 0:58:30.200 when I was like more so like in love, and 0:58:30.560 --> 0:58:32.840 it was, you know, all the music was very much 0:58:32.840 --> 0:58:34.440 so like I was in a relationship. I was in 0:58:34.440 --> 0:58:36.840 love and then you know, now I'm like, you know, 0:58:37.080 --> 0:58:38.320 not in the relationship anymore. 0:58:38.520 --> 0:58:44.640 And then Princess Jasmine came out and said, Periodey, I'm 0:58:44.680 --> 0:58:47.920 looking forward to seeing what Trap Prinscetas Jasmine is saying 0:58:48.000 --> 0:58:50.160 on this album because I ain't in a relationship right now, 0:58:50.200 --> 0:58:51.960 so I need to listen to Trap Princess. 0:58:52.120 --> 0:58:54.800 Yeah, yeah, exactly, That's what I've been on because like 0:58:54.840 --> 0:58:56.880 Love a Girl, I'm not gonna lie like I even 0:58:56.920 --> 0:58:59.439 for me. I love my lover Girl's side. I love 0:58:59.520 --> 0:59:02.640 my that, but the Trappers is Jazzmine and the records 0:59:02.680 --> 0:59:05.600 that that and that energy is definitely what I'm on 0:59:05.680 --> 0:59:08.160 right now, and I feel like it's it's very empowering 0:59:08.240 --> 0:59:11.320 because it's like, you know, there are certain things that 0:59:11.400 --> 0:59:13.800 I feel like I'm rapping more on it, you know, 0:59:13.920 --> 0:59:16.680 and there's some yeah, like literally so it's like there's 0:59:16.680 --> 0:59:19.480 some things that I can't always say singing, and when 0:59:19.480 --> 0:59:21.120 I want to say when I'm on my BS, I 0:59:21.160 --> 0:59:23.600 want to say some things my bs is my bush, 0:59:23.920 --> 0:59:25.400 not my bull, my boss. 0:59:25.960 --> 0:59:27.680 You feel me like you feel me. 0:59:27.720 --> 0:59:30.200 So it's like kind of like I want to say 0:59:30.240 --> 0:59:32.160 things that I just say when I'm be rapping, and 0:59:32.200 --> 0:59:33.840 it's just crazy because I feel like there's no a 0:59:33.960 --> 0:59:37.000 rap girl rapping and singing right now, Like it's a 0:59:37.000 --> 0:59:37.680 whole other thing. 0:59:37.800 --> 0:59:39.640 So it's like I love that you're proud of it too. 0:59:39.960 --> 0:59:44.200 Yeah, yeah, Like I'm so I'm so excited about this 0:59:44.600 --> 0:59:47.120 era because I'm like, even especially with the trappers to jazz, 0:59:47.160 --> 0:59:50.040 there's a lot of Now obviously there weren't a lot 0:59:50.040 --> 0:59:52.120 of Middle Eastern girls doing it, but now there are. 0:59:52.240 --> 0:59:54.280 There's so many more, and I love it. But I 0:59:54.320 --> 0:59:56.760 feel like for me, it's always about being a chillblazer. 0:59:56.760 --> 0:59:59.480 It's always about like setting the tone. It's always about 0:59:59.480 --> 1:00:01.520 taking it to the next level, takes to the next place. 1:00:01.840 --> 1:00:04.920 And I feel like like being that you know, that 1:00:05.200 --> 1:00:07.120 person that takes it there, Like I want to take 1:00:07.120 --> 1:00:08.760 it there, you know what I'm saying. So I feel 1:00:08.760 --> 1:00:11.440 like in American culture, most of the stuff that we 1:00:11.480 --> 1:00:13.600 listened to is like I grew up in this urban 1:00:14.040 --> 1:00:14.680 rap music. 1:00:14.800 --> 1:00:16.200 J G is my fair rapper. 1:00:16.280 --> 1:00:17.960 I saw did you see my jay Z painting. O. 1:00:18.120 --> 1:00:20.080 Yes, I did, okay, And I was like, okay, And 1:00:20.080 --> 1:00:20.680 they didn't. 1:00:20.440 --> 1:00:21.800 Know it's jay Z because I didn't know it's New 1:00:21.840 --> 1:00:23.840 York and he doesn't really look like jay Z that much. 1:00:23.880 --> 1:00:25.200 His face, he's a little I gave. 1:00:25.080 --> 1:00:27.200 My mom this. My mom drew the picture. Oh your 1:00:27.240 --> 1:00:28.840 mom mission, my mom. 1:00:29.000 --> 1:00:30.439 I'm sorry, my mom, love you, Mama. 1:00:30.560 --> 1:00:32.040 I take that back. Then I was like, jay Z, 1:00:32.200 --> 1:00:33.000 so I feel bad. 1:00:33.040 --> 1:00:36.000 The picture she had to work with was so and 1:00:36.080 --> 1:00:38.400 so I said, I was like, I want the biggest 1:00:38.440 --> 1:00:39.160 picture of the. 1:00:39.240 --> 1:00:42.040 Demeanor and everything. I knew it was him, and then 1:00:42.400 --> 1:00:44.120 I knew it was his the MARSI part, you know 1:00:44.120 --> 1:00:44.440 what I'm saying. 1:00:44.480 --> 1:00:46.600 So I was just like, okay, yeah, Brooklyn jay Z And. 1:00:46.560 --> 1:00:48.800 They're like, is that j Zz? 1:00:49.680 --> 1:00:51.959 Mainly like the little water coolers on the side. 1:00:52.080 --> 1:00:54.320 I just always said that I've always wanted to be 1:00:54.360 --> 1:00:55.160 like a female jay Z. 1:00:55.240 --> 1:00:56.400 When I broke like, that's me. 1:00:56.800 --> 1:01:00.080 That was me right, like right, because he's just like 1:01:00.160 --> 1:01:02.680 the blueprint to it all, like you know, just and 1:01:02.840 --> 1:01:06.600 you said the blueprints literally of course fun intended. You know, 1:01:06.680 --> 1:01:08.640 it's like the blueprint to it all, and you know 1:01:08.680 --> 1:01:11.919 it's crazy because it's like, you know, being nowadays, being 1:01:11.920 --> 1:01:13.520 able to be an artist or being able to be 1:01:13.960 --> 1:01:16.760 doing something and then being a boss is just so 1:01:17.160 --> 1:01:20.720 important nowadays to have that element because it creates that longevity. 1:01:20.800 --> 1:01:23.200 Like you said, also, I think it's also that having 1:01:23.200 --> 1:01:25.200 that business element. A lot of artists that I see 1:01:25.440 --> 1:01:28.040 that they do last they had the business element to 1:01:28.080 --> 1:01:30.240 them as well, because if you just like allow other 1:01:30.320 --> 1:01:32.360 you can't. This is a business. This is your craft, 1:01:32.400 --> 1:01:35.040 This is your business, is your stuff, and you know 1:01:35.080 --> 1:01:37.200 you have to have it like it's the most successful 1:01:37.240 --> 1:01:39.520 artists take that very seriously. Yeah, you know, so I 1:01:39.520 --> 1:01:41.640 feel like I take that very seriously. And I feel 1:01:41.640 --> 1:01:43.320 like I see other artists who are just like yeah, 1:01:43.880 --> 1:01:46.120 just who are like they don't know about anything going on, 1:01:46.200 --> 1:01:48.920 and I'm like, uh, not me, you know everything going on. 1:01:49.040 --> 1:01:50.960 But at the same time, you know, it's like, as 1:01:50.960 --> 1:01:53.040 an artist, you just want to be creative, So. 1:01:53.560 --> 1:01:56.160 You got to balance both. Tell everybody how they can 1:01:56.240 --> 1:01:57.800 keep up with you, even though I'm pretty sure I 1:01:57.800 --> 1:02:01.600 ain't know how, but go ahead, sure, Instagram handles. 1:02:01.520 --> 1:02:04.080 Yes, follow me on all the things, all the things 1:02:04.120 --> 1:02:07.280 I net x, I n A S dash x or 1:02:07.320 --> 1:02:09.040 is this just I N A s X. 1:02:09.120 --> 1:02:13.840 Yeah, got it all right. Thanks for feeding us some great, amazing, 1:02:14.000 --> 1:02:37.000 homemade hummus. Peace out, y'all. Yay for more eating while 1:02:37.080 --> 1:02:41.040 broke from iHeartRadio and The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app, 1:02:41.160 --> 1:02:44.240 Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.