WEBVTT - Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:04.960 Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.840 my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:12.160 experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:17.200 near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:20.439 could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO 0:00:20.720 --> 0:00:25.079 or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:28.120 spark learning, and build real connections. 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:29.560 I can't wait to meet you. 0:00:29.920 --> 0:00:32.839 There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:36.400 private Q and a intimate meditation and a meet and 0:00:36.440 --> 0:00:37.720 greet with photos. 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:39.360 Tickets are on sale now. 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:43.520 Head to Jsheddy dot me forward Slash Tour and get 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:44.200 yours today. 0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:49.680 Don't say I'm anxious, Say I feel anxious because and 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:52.560 that allows you to be a human having an emotion 0:00:53.400 --> 0:00:56.720 and trying your best to figure out why. Sharing your 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:59.960 anxious feelings in a way that you don't identify with them, 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:03.960 that invites connection and now we can talk about it. 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:07.720 And once we start revealing it, that's really the first 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:08.360 step to healing. 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:11.320 The number one health and well in the podcast. 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:18.000 Jay Setty, Jay Sheddy, see Lenly Jay shet Hey everyone, welcome, 0:01:18.040 --> 0:01:20.600 back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:25.640 learn and grow. Today's guest is on for his third time. 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:28.560 Came on in season one. I'm always super grateful to 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:30.840 my friends who showed up when we were this tiny 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:33.200 little podcast trying to figure out our way, and when 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:37.920 they come back with new exciting information, reflections, revelations, I 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:40.640 can't wait to have them back on the show. Today's 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:44.800 guest is none other than Humble the poet, an artist, rapper, 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:49.920 spoken word artist, international best selling author, and former elementary 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:50.559 school teacher. 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:51.640 If you didn't know. 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:55.440 Known for his tattoos, beard, head wrap, and infectious smile, 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:59.920 he captivates audiences with thought provoking ideas that challenge can 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:04.440 conventional wisdom. Humble's dynamic live performances have taken him to 0:02:04.560 --> 0:02:08.680 major festivals all across the world, and he's been featured 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:12.840 in The New York Times, BuzzFeed, Vogue, Rolling Stone, and 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:16.040 hulf Post. Humble is the author of Unlearned Things No 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:18.440 One Else Can Teach Us, and here to talk about 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:20.200 his latest book, which I want you. 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:21.080 To grab right now. 0:02:21.320 --> 0:02:26.680 It's called un Anxious Fifty Simple Truths to help overthinkers 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:30.760 feel less stress and more calm. If your goal this 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:35.000 year is to manage and navigate anxiety better, this is 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:37.359 the book for you. It's called Out Anxious. We'll put 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:39.800 the link in the comments. Welcome back to on Purpose, 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:42.800 My dear, dear friend, one of the realist guys I know, 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:46.239 someone that I slouch around when he's here, and my 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:50.359 full self because we do this offline anyway, Humble the poet. 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:51.960 Humble. It's great to have you back then. 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:53.520 That's great to be here. Thank you so much. That 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:54.480 was an awesome intro. 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:57.800 Dude, It's just it's so fun when, like you know, 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:01.720 I've really been thinking about that first season so much lately, 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:04.320 and it's because there's so many guests who've kind of 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:06.639 come back. So we just had doctor daniel Lehman on. 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:09.680 It's been his fifth time he's been on in six years, 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:12.560 which is insane. Chloe Kardashian just came back on for 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:15.520 the second time, and she was one of those first 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:19.160 people that really helped us grow. And so it's just 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:22.320 like people who believed in the show when it was 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:24.799 you know, finding its way, and you were one of them. 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:25.960 So I'm very grateful to you. 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:29.000 I appreciate you having me back then. It's always been amazing. 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:30.560 You're the best, all right. I want to dive in 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:33.480 because this book. You dropped so many bars in this 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:35.480 book that I was like, the only way to do 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:38.280 the book justice and for people to realize it's worth 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:41.280 picking up is me to read stuff from the book. 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:45.160 And right in the introduction you say something, and I 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:46.680 think it just sets the tone for the rest of 0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:51.760 the book. You say, anxiety isn't something that needs curing. 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:54.480 Why was that important for people to know right at 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:55.000 the beginning. 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:57.120 I think when I started the journey, it was really 0:03:57.160 --> 0:03:59.960 about meeting people where they're at. And I think now 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:02.080 how that mental health is, like mental health awareness has 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:04.880 really become normalized. It may have gone a little bit 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:08.160 too far with people identifying with certain things that they're 0:04:08.160 --> 0:04:11.839 struggling with. And it's like, anxiety is not a problem. 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:15.280 It's not a disease, it's not dandruff. It's not a 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:17.320 condition that we have to deal with. It's a signal 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:20.279 it's here to help us. And what we need to 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.240 do is reevaluate our relationship with it. Right now, where 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:27.720 we're at is we medicate, avoid, and distract, and all 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:30.840 of those are understandable coping mechanisms. They help us in 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:33.560 the moment, they help us feel better, but none of 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:35.080 that in the long term is going to help us 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:37.599 become better. And what it is is we just have 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:40.520 to pay attention to what anxiety and anxious feelings are 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:42.479 trying to tell us. And the big thing with that 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:45.039 is changing our relationship in a way that makes us 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:47.840 not think like, oh, because I'm having anxious feelings, that 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:51.039 must be weak, something's wrong with me. Nobody else is 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:53.480 dealing with this, and it's like, no, you are absolutely 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:57.760 normal for having anxious feelings. And to start that's the 0:04:57.760 --> 0:05:00.400 first idea. We have to understand, treating ourselves with grace 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:03.440 that this is completely normal. And then once we get there, 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:06.080 we can start this journey going from managing it in 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:09.159 helpful ways and then also growing from it. We don't 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:11.719 want to just keep soothing anxiety. We want to gain 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:14.400 strength through paying attention and understanding what it's trying to 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:14.720 tell us. 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:16.200 One of the things me and you talk about a 0:05:16.240 --> 0:05:20.160 lot when we're having our offline conversations is this difference 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:23.200 in the idea of East and West. So the Western 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:27.479 ideology is I had anxiety, I don't have it anymore, 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:30.920 So everything's painted as this before and after, and we 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:33.960 know that the East, which we both take inspiration from, 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:36.840 is more cyclical, where it's like, well, wait a minute, 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:39.080 anxiety isn't going to go away. It's going to keep 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:41.360 showing up in my life in different ways. Now, if 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:43.680 anxiety shows up in the same way, it's because I'm 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:46.560 not learning, I'm not strengthening, I'm not hearing the signal 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:48.719 as you just called it, absolutely, and it's going to 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:50.440 show up in different ways because even if I hear 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:53.080 the signal of anxiety here, anxiety is going to show 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:55.279 up in another way over here. And so I love 0:05:55.360 --> 0:05:57.640 that you really make it clear off the bat that 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:02.040 this isn't about solving a problem. Yeah right, it's not 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:03.160 about getting rid of it. 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:05.200 Yeah. What I'm promising in the book is I'm not 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:08.160 promising to cure anxiety. I'm promising to cure the despair 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:11.280 around anxiety. And the despair is when we feel hopeless 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:13.920 because we don't think we have options. So this book 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:17.640 is full of options to better understand anxiety and to 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:21.760 go from managing to striving and growing and becoming stronger 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:25.080 from it. And because we feel hopeless, that's where we 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:27.240 stop and a lot of the tension that we carry 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:31.480 comes from resisting these emotions. It's not the emotions themselves. 0:06:31.640 --> 0:06:35.400 Anxious feelings aren't harming us. Resisting and avoiding these anxious 0:06:35.400 --> 0:06:37.040 feelings or what's actually doing the damage. 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:38.200 Oh, I love that. I love that. 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:41.400 I think it resonates so strongly with me because I've 0:06:41.400 --> 0:06:43.880 been thinking a lot about how when you're anxious about something, 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:47.000 you feel like you only have two options. So it's 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:49.720 like I either overcome this and my life's going to 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:51.960 be better, or I'm stuck with this for the rest 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:54.360 of my life and my life's over right. We kind 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:56.880 of get these two extreme options and the fact that 0:06:56.920 --> 0:07:00.520 you're saying, well, wait, wait a minute, there's a third option, fourth, 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:03.480 and there's fifty in here. That's actually what we all 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:06.679 want to feel. I remember when I was anxious about 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:09.760 the fact that I hated my job, my career wasn't 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:11.880 really going where I wanted it to go. But then 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:15.720 I was anxious about leaving. I realized the problem was 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:17.760 my anxiety was all based on the fact I had 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:18.680 limited options. 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:19.520 I thought, I. 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:22.080 Either stay somewhere I hate, or I leave, and then 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:24.640 I'm lost because I don't know what's gonna come. And 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:27.680 as soon as I started updating my LinkedIn resume and 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:29.720 I saw other job offers coming in and there are 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:32.600 other options, I was like, oh, it's not as bad anymore. 0:07:33.040 --> 0:07:35.520 But nothing really changed apart from the fact that I 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:39.239 could see a few steps further. What have you found 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:41.120 is the best way to open up your mind to 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:45.000 more options when you're in a position where you feel 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:47.240 imprisoned and trapped by your thinking. 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:51.560 So I love the idea that curiosity is courage in disguise. 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:54.080 And what we realize is is often when we have 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:57.320 this kind of dualistic thinking, this is good, this is bad, 0:07:57.440 --> 0:08:00.720 this will help, this will hurt, that's us limiting our scope, 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:03.000 as you said, and that's us being judgmental. And the 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:05.120 only antidote to that is to be curious, is to 0:08:05.120 --> 0:08:08.720 ask more questions, to explore the gray between the black 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:11.320 and white. And as we start doing that, more options arise, 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:14.520 and we also start to realize often the fear that 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:17.240 I'm dealing with is related to a story that I've 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:19.720 told myself that I can only do this, or I've 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:22.560 gone so far, I've climbed this mountain, and now people 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:24.000 will seeing them a failure if I have to climb 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:25.680 all the way back down to find a new mountain. 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:29.760 So I realized, keeping our mind open, keeping our hearts open, 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:33.280 requires curiosity, and that really is what courage is. And 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:35.280 often we think this is a light switch. We think, 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:37.760 you know, either I'm confident or I'm not confident. I'm 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:39.400 going to fix this or I'm not. And it's like, really, no, 0:08:39.440 --> 0:08:43.200 it's a dimmer and it's not simply a failing on 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:44.959 our part if we start to feel like this. We 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:48.880 live in a society that really encourages us to Okay, well, 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:51.720 if this is difficult, let's rearrange our lives to avoid it. 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.000 You know. A personal story for example, this book was 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:58.360 inspired through one of our conversations when I was reaching 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:00.640 out to you to come on the podcast the Last Book, 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:03.559 and I explained that I feel a lot of anxiety 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:06.400 around asking for help and you know, and you said 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:08.880 many beautiful words to me to help soothe that, but 0:09:08.920 --> 0:09:11.599 I didn't address the fear of rejection I had. I 0:09:11.679 --> 0:09:14.320 didn't address any of that. And then I caught myself saying, well, 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:15.920 you know what, maybe this will be the last book 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:17.640 and I'll never have to ask for a favor. Again, 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:21.640 that is not healing. That is me rearranging my life 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:24.840 so I don't have to face the thing that is 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:28.119 giving me anxious feelings. And there's no growth in that. 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:31.360 That is me temporarily managing it because I'm going to 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:33.520 have to ask for help. And what we have to 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:37.000 realize is these challenges are an invitation for growth. Our 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:40.480 triggers are an invitation for growth. There's an opportunity here 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:42.400 for us to not only deal with them in a 0:09:42.440 --> 0:09:45.560 healthy way, but then also to growth through them because 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:48.360 all of our growth happens outside of our comfort. And 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:51.000 that's a really interesting thing where I've realized, I'm like, Okay, 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:53.960 I can feel better by avoiding asking for help, or 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:56.719 I can be better by leaning into this and being 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:57.440 okay with that. 0:09:57.520 --> 0:09:59.840 It's powerful when you paint that picture. Because I'm sitting there, 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:02.240 I mean, I'm trying to think about all the times 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:05.320 I've avoided things that I didn't want to do. And 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:08.080 I remember at one point I just avoided working out, 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:10.319 Like I love playing sport, but I just didn't want 0:10:10.320 --> 0:10:12.480 to work out. I didn't enjoy it. I come up 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:14.960 with loads of excuses. I arranged my life in a 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.920 way that I didn't have to do it. And as 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:20.600 I grew older and you realize the value of getting 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:23.440 stronger and taking care of your body, not just esthetically 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:26.559 but for the purpose of health, like to actually live 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:29.080 a healthy life, a strong life. You start going, well, 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:31.240 wait a minute, actually, it was only doing the thing 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:34.360 and turning up when I didn't want to that has 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:37.080 left me feeling better and stronger as opposed to when 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:38.480 I was running away from it, I was just getting 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:39.240 weaker and weaker. 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.800 And that's exactly how we should look at mental health. 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:44.360 I think right now we're looking at mental health like 0:10:44.360 --> 0:10:46.960 it's this very fragile crystal that we have to protect 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:49.040 from the world and like, oh, I'm going to avoid 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.520 this person to protect my mental health. No, and mental 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:54.720 health is a tool, it's a muscle. It's what allows 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:58.040 us to deal with struggle. Struggle isn't the enemy. Struggle 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:00.480 is the vehicle that makes us more of a that 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:03.600 makes us more emotionally strong, that makes us more self aware. 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:06.400 Every time we have a negative experience that we get triggered, 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:10.240 we're giving ourselves data. That data is a gift for 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:12.560 our self awareness so we can better understand who we 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:14.880 are and it's just like you said, if you want 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:17.640 to help me move a couch, working out at the 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.559 gym and voluntarily lifting heavy things, we'll prepare you for that. 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:22.720 It's the same thing with our mental health. We have 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:27.520 to voluntarily put ourselves in uncomfortable situations. We have to 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:33.240 challenge ourselves on purpose voluntarily, so when challenges find us, 0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:36.800 we're more resilient, we're more confident, we'll feel more safe 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:37.720 to deal with that stuff. 0:11:37.880 --> 0:11:40.480 Yeah, and this isn't about making your life harder. It's 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:43.199 being able to make your life harder in a controlled, 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:46.600 choice based environment. Like it's not like just like you're 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:48.720 not just training drama in your life. That's not the point. 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:50.960 Definitely not drama. But I think the name of the 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:54.200 podcast on purpose. When you discover your purpose, even if 0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:58.160 you devote fifteen minutes to like digging in and picking 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:01.200 up as much weight with that purpose as possible, that's 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:03.480 going to energize you to a level that most of 0:12:03.559 --> 0:12:06.320 us never experience until we figure out that thing that matters. 0:12:06.600 --> 0:12:08.960 So it's really not about adding drama to our lives. 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:11.320 But it's really about carrying as much weight as we 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:13.600 can to see how strong we can be. We can 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:17.600 only get stronger through struggle, and if we voluntarily put 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:20.200 ourselves in stressful situations. And it could be even like 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:22.160 think video games. We're not going to buy a video 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:24.720 game if it's easy. You know. We want there to 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:26.720 be a challenge. We want to fall on our face, 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:29.040 get back up and try again. And it's the same 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:32.160 thing with life. It's this is how our batteries get charged. 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:37.720 It comes through choosing to do hard things voluntarily on purpose. 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:40.640 And that can be anything for some people. It could 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:43.040 be a specific art. It could be drawing, it could 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:45.040 be working out, it could be jiu jitsu, it could 0:12:45.080 --> 0:12:47.719 be any type of challenge. And this is going to 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:49.640 charge our batteries so much more than a two week 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:51.959 vacation lying on a beach doing absolutely nothing. 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:54.680 Yeah, and it builds more confidence, right, because when you're 0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:55.520 doing difficult things. 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:56.320 I always say to people. 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:58.600 Someone asked me the other day, they said, Jay, how 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:01.920 do I feel confident before I do this? And I said, 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:06.160 I never feel confident before I do something. I feel prepared, 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:09.960 I feel organized, and I feel practiced. I feel confident 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.319 after I conquer it. So when I'm about to give 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:14.800 a talk, I don't feel confident before I give a talk, 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.280 But I know I've practiced, I know I've prepared, and 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.400 I know I'm organized. Now I give the talk, and 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.480 then I feel confident because I've built and you muscle 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:24.520 built a new skill, whatever it may have been. And 0:13:24.559 --> 0:13:27.400 so this idea that I need to feel confident before 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:30.880 I do something, I need to not feel anxiety before 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:34.360 I do something is actually quite unnatural. How do we 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:38.680 get comfortable with discomfort? How do we get comfortable with 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:43.280 uncertainty when we're wired to want things to feel good 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:44.079 and be comfortable. 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:46.559 I think it's recognizing that a we're wired for a 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:49.079 world that we don't live in anymore. So we are 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:52.920 getting way too much stimuli. We're comparing ourselves to way 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:54.920 too many people, we know way too many people. You know, 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:57.200 we're really wired to be in much smaller communities. And 0:13:57.280 --> 0:13:59.199 bringing up this concept of confidence I think is really 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.240 important because it goes back to that idea that it's 0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:03.480 not a light switch. I like to think about reading. 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:06.400 We didn't not know how to read, and then one 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:08.960 day know how to read. We started by learning the alphabet, 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:12.280 learning the sounds, two little words, three little words, four 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:15.520 little words, until we could all read big, complex novels. 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.480 That was like a fourteen to fifteen year journey. You know, 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:20.880 we may not have realized that was happening because it 0:14:20.880 --> 0:14:22.720 was in school. It was fun. We may not have 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:24.920 had a choice we had to go anyways. But as adults, 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:28.800 the thing is all of our growth came from doing 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:31.640 the struggling with a book when you were reading it. Now, 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:34.040 as we become idols, we avoid all these things that 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:38.920 are struggling. And it's really reevaluating our relationship with difficult 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:42.200 things and challenges. And it's absolutely correct. Both motivation and 0:14:42.200 --> 0:14:45.280 confidence they don't come before action. You can't wait till 0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:48.920 you're motivated to do something. Doing something will make you motivated, 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:52.320 Doing something will make you confidence. And this also brings 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:55.200 up a really important idea that as we have this conversation, 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:56.920 this is really going to hit people logically like, oh 0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:58.560 that makes so much sense. That makes so much sense. 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:02.000 But for the body to really believe this, you can't 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:05.400 make sense to the body. You have to practice this. Yeah, 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:07.160 you know, if I asked you to stand up and 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:09.560 fall backwards and I say I'll catch you, your brain 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:11.640 might be like I trust them. Your body is still 0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:13.520 going to be a little bit nervous. Let's say I 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:15.840 catch you, and then I'm like, let's do it again. 0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:18.280 You'll be a little less nervous, but you're still going 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:19.960 to have some nerves. We might have to do it 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:23.120 fifteen times for your body to completely trust the process. 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:27.680 We have to practice. Practice makes progress, and we have 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:29.840 to get out of this binary of like I can't 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:31.960 do it, or I'm perfect at it. I can't do it, 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:34.600 or I've mastered it. We have to just continually be 0:15:34.720 --> 0:15:37.280 on a journey and celebrate the progress that comes from that, 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.360 and that progress is what builds our confidence and slowly 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:42.440 turn up that dial because that's the only way it's 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:42.960 going to happen. 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:49.040 You say, anxiety overestimates the threat and underestimates our ability 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:50.880 to deal with it absolutely. 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:52.040 What did you mean by that? 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:54.440 So I heard a really interesting quote which was anxiety 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.840 is when your intelligence grows quicker than your courage. 0:15:57.080 --> 0:15:58.480 Hmm, okay, yeah. 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:02.080 And oftentimes when when we're younger, we accomplish amazing things 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:04.320 that we don't know we're supposed to be afraid of it. 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:06.120 We don't even know we're be afraid of playing on 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:08.240 the street or what have you. What the stresses are. 0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:10.520 You may have accomplished something where the odds were against you, 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:12.680 but you didn't know the odds, so you didn't feel 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:15.640 that anxiety. So when our intelligence grows, now all of 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:19.520 a sudden, our imagination is being used to invent threats, 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:23.640 right to detect threats, things that may or may not happen, 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:26.120 and then that holds us back from actually acting because 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:28.000 the triggers are at Magdalah. We have a little tiny 0:16:28.040 --> 0:16:29.600 part of our brain, the side of an almond, called 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.040 the amygdalah. In the book, I call it our survival brain, 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:37.600 and it's like a very undertrained but loving bodyguard that 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:39.760 wants to protect you from everything. But its definition of 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:45.800 danger is uncertain, unrecognizable, unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and these we know 0:16:46.240 --> 0:16:49.920 aren't things that are actually dangerous. Struggle isn't danger, challenge 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:52.320 isn't danger. But when we come across that, we're gonna 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:55.000 speak ourselves out of it. So it's really important to 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:58.240 understand this kind of idea that we need to feel 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:02.000 the fear and do it. Anyways, resilientiance doesn't feel good 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.440 when you're being resilient, when you have to be resilient, 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:07.119 when you have to be strong, it's not going to 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:11.200 be a great feeling, and that's okay. Building resilience voluntarily 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:13.639 doing difficult things may not be a good feeling, but 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:16.119 that's okay because we're not here to live a life 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:20.479 without suffering. We're here to see our own potential and 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:23.239 see how much we can endure. And again, it's not 0:17:23.280 --> 0:17:26.560 about putting yourselves in uncomfortable and dangerous situations. It's about 0:17:26.600 --> 0:17:30.240 realizing that life is chaotic, life is random, most of 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:33.040 it is out of our control. Let's stop tensing ourselves 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:35.760 by trying to hold onto everything, let the chips fall 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:38.480 where they may, and trust ourselves that we can handle 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:39.520 whatever's come in our way. 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:42.840 I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special 0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:45.199 with all you TA lovers out there. And even if 0:17:45.240 --> 0:17:49.440 you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling 0:17:49.520 --> 0:17:53.000 sodas that are good for you, listen to this RADI 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:57.000 and I poured our hearts into creating juny sparkling tea 0:17:57.280 --> 0:18:01.040 with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body, 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:04.679 and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:08.320 refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day. 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:13.320 Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:16.800 that act like superheroes for your body to help you 0:18:16.840 --> 0:18:19.760 adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:24.879 Our superfive blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ushwaganda, 0:18:25.240 --> 0:18:29.160 acirolla cherry, and Lion's Made mushroom and these may help 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:32.840 boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, 0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:37.400 combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:42.280 function even better. Juni has zero sugar and only five 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:46.159 calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your 0:18:46.200 --> 0:18:50.040 body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So 0:18:50.200 --> 0:18:55.080 visit Drinkjuni dot com today to elevate your wellness journey 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:58.840 and use code on Purpose to receive fifteen percent off 0:18:59.080 --> 0:19:04.160 your first order. That's drink Juni dot com and make 0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:07.720 sure you use the code on purpose. I remember for 0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:10.719 years I'd given talks about how failures are stepping stones 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:13.720 to success and how like you got to feel the 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:16.919