WEBVTT - “I’M RE-LEARNING HOW TO BREATHE” 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.320 Hello, what's up therapy cable? 0:00:04.160 --> 0:00:04.320 Hi? 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:05.680 What's your name? Good sir? 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:08.520 Uh? My name is Willy. 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:09.640 Willy. 0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:14.320 Yes, so w I Willy. 0:00:14.920 --> 0:00:15.520 What's up Willy? 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:18.320 How you doing today today? 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:21.160 I'm pretty doing pretty well today. We'll not too bad, 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:26.160 but they honestly, well, it's well gish, but you know, Saturday, 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:29.800 not too bad. 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:32.960 How I feeling today? Am I cool? Am I blessed? 0:00:33.280 --> 0:00:33.479 You know? 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:34.800 Yeah? 0:00:34.840 --> 0:00:39.919 I mean I should be right, I should be I 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:44.080 think I should be blessed. I'm too I'm I think 0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:46.839 I'm coming to the realization that I'm just I'm just 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:52.440 a neurotic guy. And I've wondered, I'm like, can I 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:57.160 change that about myself? Can I become a different thing 0:00:58.000 --> 0:00:58.800 than who I am? 0:00:59.000 --> 0:00:59.240 Or am? 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:00.040 I just kind of. 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:05.480 Bound because I was looking through journals that I'd written 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:10.080 like seven years ago, and truthfully, the way that my 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:14.280 brain operates and the way that the things I've wanted 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:17.240 out of life and the way in which I've operated 0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:22.959 in life have actually remained relatively consistent over the past, 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:25.560 like as long as I've you know, even been keeping 0:01:25.600 --> 0:01:29.760 records of those things, and even you know, before the 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:31.399 records I think about, you know, when I was a 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:38.360 child and whatnot. And I've always been adventurous and entrepreneurial 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:41.440 and deeply neurotic and anxious. 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:43.600 And part of me thinks if I've been that way my. 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:50.440 Whole life, I think I think might be that way forever. 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:51.640 But I don't. I don't know. 0:01:51.720 --> 0:01:54.760 It's been both a blessing and a curse to me. 0:01:55.640 --> 0:02:01.320 And like you know, I mean I I've thought about 0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:05.840 like my life before and after starting this podcast, and 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:10.960 you know, I'll read journals from twenty nineteen, and you know, 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:14.080 I'm anxious. And I think if you had told me 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:19.720 writing those journals in twenty nineteen that externally, a lot 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:24.240 of the things that you're anxious about won't be present, right, 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:27.600 they won't be present. You would think, Okay, that's where 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.600 the anxiety stops. But then I'll read a journal from 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:35.839 a week ago, and the anxiety is still there. 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:38.120 It's so I think that. 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:44.480 I might just have this kind of permanent neurotic personality 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:52.399 that I would like to learn how to mitigate. 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:55.000 But I don't know. I don't know if it's possible. 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:56.440 I don't know if people just kind of are the 0:02:56.440 --> 0:02:59.720 way that they are, or if they can I think 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:04.280 a lot of things have evolved, but yeah, it's just 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:08.760 been a very consistent way. So that's that's my answer 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:11.480 to how I'm doing and what I'm thinking about. If 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:13.120 you wanted the honest answer from me. 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:16.120 Hey I did honest, sweet, that was pretty I don't 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:19.200 very straightforward to the answer. I like that, you know, 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:22.639 and journal and doon like doing the journal thing. I 0:03:23.280 --> 0:03:26.320 don't journal people that tell me to things like that, 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:28.960 but hire listening and I've been listening for you for 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.680 a while now, and like setting people journal as well, 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:35.520 and you like, I never got the like the concept 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:38.680 of actually like journaling your thoughts out people. People say 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:41.080 it helps things like that, which I see it does 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:45.800 for you as well. And I'm like like like like 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:50.280 what like like what type of things that actually want 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:50.800 to need? 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:50.920 You? 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:53.600 Like, it's like it's the journal. Is the journal there 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:57.120 for just for it, like for your help, that's it. 0:03:57.600 --> 0:03:59.880 Write down your thoughts, you'll you'll your fears and ship 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:02.560 your fears and shit like that. You know, I never 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:05.960 get right by the grasp of the whole conflict is 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:07.120 writing it down? You know. 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:11.800 Well, I'll well I'm sorry, no, no, well, I was gonna say, 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:14.200 I I mean I usually I use my notes app 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:17.520 and I just uh put the date and I just 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:19.280 let it rip. And a lot of the times I 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:21.919 use it for like kind of getting all my thoughts 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:26.760 out there, and I also use it for like recording events, 0:04:27.000 --> 0:04:30.240 like you know, here's what happens to me, and here's 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:33.800 how I'm feeling about it, and here's I Also, I 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:38.360 slightly believe in manifestation in the sense of like what 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:42.840 you constantly think about it becomes how you act through 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:46.320 the world, and how you act through the world kind 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:49.480 of uh, you know, does inform your external reality. So 0:04:49.520 --> 0:04:52.200 I think there's a little bit of manifestation in there 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:54.320 of like consistently kind of writing down the things that 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:56.400 you want in the directions that you want to go down. 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:58.880 I mean, have you ever have you ever tried sitting 0:04:58.920 --> 0:04:59.560 down to journal? 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:00.960 Yeah? 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:04.880 I did, Yeah, I tried it. I tried everyone. I 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:09.520 try like every once in a while, you know, when 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:11.800 when when things become like a little bit overwhelming in 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:16.760 my life and something like that, and like it it. 0:05:15.680 --> 0:05:20.720 It helps, But at the same time, I'm like, I'm 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:22.520 like i feel like I'm just right back where I 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:25.400 was at first when I get them, when I before 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:27.040 I jiggled and down stuff like that. 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:31.239 Yes, but then again like on the backhand, it's works, 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.520 you know, It's just it helps a little bit, a 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:34.920 little bit, not too much, but a little bit. 0:05:35.680 --> 0:05:40.640 What what you're what you're describing is my general frustration 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:46.240 with both therapy and journaling, which is like, great, I 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:49.760 talked about all this, but you know, I'm still fucking here, 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:55.120 you know, right, Yeah, yeah. 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:55.560 So I understand. 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:58.800 I understand that frustration, but I think it's been better. 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:02.520 I'm glad I did it. I helps me, especially because 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:04.880 I've done it over like a long period of time, 0:06:04.960 --> 0:06:08.080 I can kind of recognize patterns. And also, you, I 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:10.840 think you kind of tend to look at life through 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:14.520 rose colored glasses or you know, look at yeah, look 0:06:14.520 --> 0:06:19.239 at like previous times in your life. When you journal, 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:21.440 you get to see every You get to see your 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:25.440 life for what it really is. Because I can go 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:28.200 I can think, oh, maybe a year ago I was 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:30.559 doing this, I was happier, I was feeling this way. 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:32.359 But then you go back and you read the journal 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:34.520 and you're like, well, actually, in that very moment I was. 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:35.839 I was feeling. 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:40.719 Not as good as I look back upon the memory, 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:41.799 and it also works differently. 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:42.880 You know. 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:44.920 You can you can look back at like times when 0:06:44.920 --> 0:06:47.520 you're like, oh, that fucking sucked, but then be like, oh, 0:06:47.560 --> 0:06:49.320 maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:53.479 because I have the actual recording of my emotions in 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:54.240 that period of time. 0:06:55.000 --> 0:07:00.360 See not so no so now so now now you know, 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:04.040 like I'm going to go back on my concruiter. I 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:06.200 see what's like, I had a couple I say, a 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:10.040 year are you I'm sorry? A year or two ago? 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:13.160 You know, got me thinking about that I might do that. 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:16.240 I don't know, but like cause two years ago or 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.680 a year ago I was a high probably you know, 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:20.760 but yeah, got me thinking about that. 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:25.200 Man, I I like, will Willie let me ask you something? Yeah, 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:29.600 I know, I've been kind of rambling and using this 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:32.800 podcast for therapy, which is a funny thing to do. 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:36.680 But is there anything in particular that you called in 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:39.200 to want to talk about today? If not, it's cool, 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:40.560 we can just shoot the ship. 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:46.880 I see, Because Okay, when I first tried to call 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:49.679 you the first time, like everyone else on this bonus 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:53.960 platform for you know, I was what I was going 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:55.560 through a rough patch in my life at that moment, 0:07:56.200 --> 0:07:58.840 which is which I'm still is. But well I'm not well, 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:02.120 not really but kind of you know, And I was 0:08:02.120 --> 0:08:03.840 trying to call it in, you know, just get some 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:07.760 not feedback or well feedback or just like some clarification 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:09.960 shing like that, or just let that shout out, you know. 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:16.080 But now I'm doing pretty okay. And when I say 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:21.280 pretty okay, I mean like health wives, you know, no, 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:24.080 you know, yeah, just health wives and say that just 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:29.200 health stuff like that. Because two years ago, I was 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:32.800 two years ago, I got diagnosed with i l D. 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:36.800 And il D is a instant I can into the 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:43.640 work correctly, ancesticial lung disease, which I believe it would. 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.000 I believe it. I believe it would runs it. I 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:49.120 believe it would run in my family because my sister 0:08:49.200 --> 0:08:52.800 had it and she had got a transplant and now 0:08:52.840 --> 0:08:56.880 she's doing okay with it without option. But now I 0:08:57.000 --> 0:09:00.640 have it, and I'm an option at this moment. Twenty 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:03.480 four seven, and that was and I got diagnosed with 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:06.960 that two years ago. But h h, I say a 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:13.200 year ago, Well, yeah, a year ago. Now I'm still 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:16.440 doing it, which is kind of fucking wild to me, 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:21.199 because they had progress to where it's like and like 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:26.360 like like like like fucking uh and reversible, and I'm like, 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:28.240 what the fuck? I thought I was doing everything I was. 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:30.480 I thought I was doing everything I was supposed to 0:09:30.480 --> 0:09:34.800 be doing, you know, but looked like I wasn't. So 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:39.199 now I'm so now I'm here, uh a lung disease 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:45.320 h off writers blood clock and blood blood cloud and 0:09:45.360 --> 0:09:47.040 the lungs, Like the fuck is going on here? 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:47.720 Then? 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.840 Then diabetes on top of that I ain't having at first, 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:53.040 but when I left the hospital, I'm that shit craziest 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:58.400 for then. Now I'm just sitting here for you know, 0:09:58.520 --> 0:10:00.720 you know, just chilling, trying to see what was going on. 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:03.440 I'm doing a little bit exercises every once in a 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:08.280 while with tu longs to going to physical therapy, not 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:11.120 going to therapy theory, but like you know, primonary therapy 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:15.480 type ship do you feel me? And but but at 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:19.240 this moment, I'm doing pretty okay and like, but like 0:10:19.320 --> 0:10:23.040 it can be draining. It can be draining, like just mentally, 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:26.200 like emotionally like that because you will see all these 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:31.600 stories about people you know, recovering being don't recovering and 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:33.800 stuff like that, and like they'd be like, ah, these 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:35.920 five years to live. I'm like, how the fuck is 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:38.000 five years to live? And I was like, had got 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:40.760 ten years and they dealt with this whole thing. I'm 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:44.960 just chilling. I'm like, oh, okay, cool, cool, whatever. Now 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:50.120 I just found this woman on Instagram where you know 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.720 she's doing She's doing pretty well, but she's an option. 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:56.920 She had the same she has the same thing I have, 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.920 but like a little bit probably a little bit more probably, 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:03.840 but she's off her pills and stuff like that. I'm like, 0:11:03.840 --> 0:11:07.520 oh okay, but she's still a oxygen and she's on 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:11.040 a list for a launch transplay, which they have suggested 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:15.400 that to me, and I'm like, yeah, i don't want 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:19.040 to do that, even though I've seen the effects, which 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:22.600 is the effects is okay, you know, the whole thing 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.240 with it, it's okay. It's just the fact that I 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:28.240 have to like go through a certain period of where 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:32.120 someone has to cut me open trip put a whole 0:11:32.120 --> 0:11:34.520 new set of loans in me, and you for me, 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:38.000 I have to rebreathe again, which I'm trying to rebreathe now, 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:38.959 which is crazy to me. 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:43.240 You're learning, you're learning how to rebreathe. 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:49.679 Basically. Yeah, So it's like, okay, so you know how 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:53.800 you like, you don't even know it, but you do it, 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.520 like you walk in and talk here. Yeah yeah, you're 0:11:56.640 --> 0:11:58.280 like you walking and talking and it don't pay no 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:01.320 mass to it, right right, you know when when you 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:04.760 walk in and it's like it ain't nothing. But with 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:09.160 like with me, I have to I have to constantly 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:13.040 focus on breathing basically, not the constantly, but like I 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:17.800 have to like basically take take take steps a little 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:22.120 bit slower than usual people take it, you know, because 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:24.679 at one point you will be at one point you 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:27.040 will be just chill. You be at one point you 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:30.560 will be just chilling, walk at your stroller the lord. Nextly, 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:33.480 you know, your option dropped to like eighty damn are 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.880 seventy five? I don't I don't even want to go 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:38.600 that five. I'm gonna say eighty five, you know, spouts 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:40.959 and drop to eight eighty five You don't even know it, 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:44.160 but you could feel your heart rate and you have. 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:47.040 Then then you can hear like your brother breathing mad 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:51.000 heavy and stuff like that. Then you'll start to feel 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.560 light here and I'm like, what is going on? So 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:55.960 so that's like that you know, some like people with 0:12:56.120 --> 0:13:00.440 you know lungs that have like full capacity of five. 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:04.360 You know, it's okay, even even when they're talking, they 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:07.360 had a ninety five. So I'm like, all right, cool, 0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:10.400 I understand that part. Then like then they then they 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:14.800 put you in well the partonary theory where you could 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:18.000 build your lungs back up. They vide your lungs back up, 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:24.120 you know, which they consist of a premire walking viking. Uh, 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:29.960 let's see breathing in and out, you know, doing exercises, 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:34.160 like doing breathing exercises one. Uh, just on you're like 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:38.240 just like sitting up straight, work and leaving inside to side, 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:41.200 breathing like over your over the orange type ship, you know, 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:44.000 breathing like like like they try to open and like 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:46.360 your lungs up a little bit more like stretch it, 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:49.880 like to stretch your chests basically. So like that's what like, 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:52.000 you know, trying to breathe again. That's that's that's what 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:57.440 I mean basically, And now I'm doing pretty good. You know. 0:13:57.520 --> 0:13:58.560 It's a cruise struggles. 0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:02.000 Yeah, that's how crazy learning how to breathe. You know, 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.439 it's crazy how many things we just do that we 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:06.400 don't even like think about, you. 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:09.840 Know, right, you know, and it's kind of wild to 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:14.439 me because at first, you know, I was like partying, 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:19.640 you know, smoking, drinking all this stuff. I drink every 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:21.440 once in a while, but not like you know, heavy 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:24.520 like I was before. You know, when I said I 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:28.160 was drinking, I was drinking healthy. God damnum, what were 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:29.600 you brought an alcoholics? 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:31.520 What were you doing when you were partying? 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:37.160 Like like not okay, okay, not not too crazy for me, 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:39.680 just like we a little bit posh every once in 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:43.360 a while. Like uh, when I say posh, I mean 0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:47.320 like the eat cigarettes and ship like that. You know, 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:50.240 the key with all that shit I want like I 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:55.600 want doing crack cocaine, no hearing, no fucking fucking psychedelics, 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:57.680 which I want what I did once before. I did 0:14:57.720 --> 0:15:01.520 a psychedelics once before. But I so not that I was 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:02.240 so cool. 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:04.720 So Willy, let me ask well, let me ask you 0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:06.800 a few things. 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:09.080 Are you Are you still partying at all? 0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:09.240 Like? 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:11.160 What's your I actually, here's what I wanted to ask you. 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:13.560 It is like who are you, Willy? What's your what's 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:15.320 your what's your life? 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:15.560 Like? 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:17.360 Where do you? What do you do? 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:18.600 Well? 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:20.640 What part of what part of town do you live in? 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:24.200 You know, what's what's the day in Willy's life? 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:26.040 Oh? 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:30.680 Okay, okay, they will life. Okay, what I do right 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:35.880 now currently unemployed? You know, fucking the government. If you 0:15:35.920 --> 0:15:41.160 ask me, I am h and I'm trying to well, 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:44.680 I'm trying to edit videos ship for YouTube, which I'll 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.560 go off and on with that on a daily basis, 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:49.880 on a daily day basis, try to scream, try to 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:52.720 stream on Twitch and stuff like that. And I'm like, 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:55.120 I'm trying to get back into it, but I'll go 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:57.120 away for a couple of days, for a couple of months. 0:15:57.320 --> 0:15:59.000 What do you what do you make? What do you 0:15:59.000 --> 0:15:59.760 make videos about? 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:05.600 Basically like just you know gaming gaming videos like uh, Overwatch, 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:10.160 you know, uh, Call of Duty, Valeriant, you know, all 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:12.040 like type like type shooting games. 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:12.760 Uh. 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:17.120 New games. I just uh just just played. It's called 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:20.800 the Shadow of War. It's like, what's the name game? 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:21.200 It's like a. 0:16:24.400 --> 0:16:24.680 Board. 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:27.120 Oh, it's like the Lord of the Rings game. It's 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.320 like that, but it's not that, but I still had 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:33.160 the same concept of that. You know, it's called Shadows 0:16:33.160 --> 0:16:35.640 of War. Pretty good. It came out on the PS 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:38.400 four by have it on the PS five and I'm 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:40.440 kind of loving it right now. So it's like it's 0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:43.040 like a one player game, you know, single player game. 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:46.440 Pretty fucking nice, loving it. I'm playing that ship not 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:48.880 daily no more, because I kind of reached I kind 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:50.280 of reached a level where I want to be up 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:53.440 to fucking control oak orcs and shit like that. So 0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:54.080 I'm loving it. 0:16:55.000 --> 0:17:01.000 Ah, yeah, okay, go ahead, Yeah yeah. 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:06.120 So if I ain't doing that, I'm basically taking walks, 0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:10.200 taking walks every once in a while, going through going 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:13.080 to like tell a doctor's appointments and ship like that, 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:20.600 right for fucking like yeah, for my lungs, yeah for yeah, 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:24.919 for for auto the moon auto mune disease. I probably 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:26.639 have that too, But they ain't. They ain't coming around 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:28.199 to that. They still trying to figure out what the 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:31.920 fuck this will shit is. So, you know, boom, uh. 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.159 If I ain't doing that going to doctor's appointments and 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:39.160 stuff like that, h you know, chilling partying, I ain't 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:43.520 doing too much of that. I'm just chilling at home 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:48.800 and uh yeah, chilling out home in Chicago, you know, 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:51.359 trying to see what the next step is for me. 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:54.359 What's the best bet? Yeah, what's the best that I 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:56.680 could do for myself my lungs. 0:17:57.000 --> 0:17:59.960 So what is what is that? What is that pondering? 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:00.280 M hm? 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:02.639 Where has it led to you? What is the best 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:03.920 bet for you? 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:08.679 The best bet right now? I feel that. 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:18.720 Just like. 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:20.480 I'm gonna say, let it be like, the best bet 0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:22.120 right now for me is to go with the float 0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:26.160 like sit still, don't do like, don't don't do too much, 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:29.439 but do enough where you're not fucking miserable. You know, 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:32.560 you're not depressed, you're not sad type ship. You know, 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:36.520 don't yeah, don't wait from yeah, Yeah, that's for me. 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:42.800 You know I can't. I can I'm sorry. I can't 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:45.960 just sit now and just not do nothing anymore. At 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:48.360 first I did. At first, I did that. Don't get 0:18:48.400 --> 0:18:48.680 me wrong. 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:49.000 I was. 0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:51.399 I was hell of the press. I'm talking. When I 0:18:51.400 --> 0:18:53.600 say hell with the person, I mean hell of the press. Ye, 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:56.040 like I ain't like I want to say, not shower 0:18:56.800 --> 0:19:00.680 probably like I'll take a shower every once once once 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:04.280 a week type ship. You know, Uh, don't sit in 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:06.000 my room. I don't sit down my room no more. 0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:08.360 I'm like, I'm out. I'm trying to get out, trying 0:19:08.359 --> 0:19:10.760 to get out about even when I have a seat 0:19:10.840 --> 0:19:13.240 ass option taint. I'm trying to get out and about. 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:15.919 You know, I'm trying to keep it moving, you know, 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:20.160 hcause right now, like at first, it was it was 0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:22.680 like it was it was when I found out that news. 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:25.080 I was, I was, I was tellous that, you know, 0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:27.679 I couldn't do nothing no more. I couldn't eat the 0:19:27.680 --> 0:19:29.440 food that I won't eat no more. Well I could, 0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:31.600 but it gonna it gonna trying to lead down to 0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:34.879 the fuck up problems. But yeah, I can't do that 0:19:34.920 --> 0:19:36.639 no more. Which I still do a little bit, but 0:19:36.760 --> 0:19:39.840 not too much. I have a I have a buzz 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:42.720 ball every once in a while, not too much, but you. 0:19:42.680 --> 0:19:45.000 Know, a little bit. 0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:48.360 But you know, I'm just like like going, going, going 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:52.320 with the flow. Was talking about you know in dalven Lin. 0:19:53.200 --> 0:19:55.840 I an't gonna need a fucking h They said, I'm 0:19:55.840 --> 0:19:56.960 gonna need a lung transport. 0:19:57.600 --> 0:19:59.919 Yeah mm hm. 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.000 So I'm like, I don't want it, but if it 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:04.119 has to, I'll come down to it. And I'm like 0:20:04.200 --> 0:20:08.280 only twenty seven, right, yeah, and I sell. And I 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:10.119 see a lot of people come in and out of 0:20:10.240 --> 0:20:14.040 like uh of the of the rehab center, you know, 0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:18.120 or prim and every center. I guess for your lung 0:20:18.160 --> 0:20:19.840 story that I see a lot of people come out 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:22.800 of there. You know, they don't get me wrong. They 0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:26.280 look they look pretty cool, they look okay, they look happy, 0:20:26.800 --> 0:20:29.240 they up and they moving. I see something. I see 0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:32.879 people in wheelchairs that's not moving at all. Yeah, And 0:20:32.960 --> 0:20:35.480 I'm like, I'm like, they still like the smell. They 0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:38.160 still too. I'm like, what not the fuck I gotta 0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:41.359 be said for right now? Why the fuck? Like I 0:20:41.400 --> 0:20:42.440 can't I can't do it. 0:20:42.560 --> 0:20:43.360 I can't do nothing else. 0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:45.880 So wait, you know, if ship, if shit get worse 0:20:45.880 --> 0:20:50.600 than what I'm doing, ship, God, damn, I can't do 0:20:50.640 --> 0:20:54.000 nothing but take my medicine, keep it moving. And that's 0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:56.359 all you know I have because I have to figure 0:20:56.400 --> 0:20:59.119 that out for a while. And like people was asking me, 0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:02.480 oh you at well, I've seen you wild. You don't 0:21:02.520 --> 0:21:06.160 come around no more? Or like, uh, will you don't 0:21:06.520 --> 0:21:08.320 to me? You don't come, you don't come and hang 0:21:08.320 --> 0:21:09.679 out with us no more. You don't drink with us 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:10.359 no more? Why is that? 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:10.680 Man? 0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:13.600 Oh ship, Willie, I ain't see you in a game 0:21:13.640 --> 0:21:16.880 no more? Like because man, I'm trying to like, I'll 0:21:16.920 --> 0:21:19.919 be gone for like I say, tax months tops and 0:21:20.000 --> 0:21:21.760 trying to get my I'm trying to I'm trying to 0:21:21.760 --> 0:21:25.240 wrap my head a lot of like like just trying 0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:27.080 to wrap my head a lot around like a lot 0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:30.960 of ship, you know, and like some people understand it. 0:21:31.000 --> 0:21:33.399 Some people don't, don't, get me wrong. But at the 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:36.639 same time, like when I feel like when life is 0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:39.560 you like that, I just you have I feel like 0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:42.760 people you have to step away and re evaluate yourself 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:45.120 for a bit, because that's that's and that's what I did. 0:21:45.320 --> 0:21:48.560 You know. I still I steel step away too. I 0:21:48.600 --> 0:21:52.240 still step away from time to time, but because at times, 0:21:52.280 --> 0:21:56.439 you know, it do get hard, they do. But at 0:21:56.440 --> 0:21:57.800 the same time, mm. 0:21:57.760 --> 0:22:01.960 Hmm, yo, really no, it's I was I listened, Will, 0:22:02.000 --> 0:22:03.760 I was gonna say, I appreciate you sharing all this 0:22:03.800 --> 0:22:04.160 with us. 0:22:04.240 --> 0:22:04.359 Uh. 0:22:04.600 --> 0:22:09.760 You know it's definitely, uh, you know, an inspiring thing 0:22:09.800 --> 0:22:13.280 to fucking keep going after all, uh, you know, after 0:22:13.320 --> 0:22:18.680 having to learn how to rebreathe I will, I'll say 0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:20.840 this man before we go. Uh. Do you want to 0:22:20.880 --> 0:22:23.280 give a plug out to your to your YouTube or 0:22:23.280 --> 0:22:23.879 to your twitch? 0:22:25.720 --> 0:22:25.920 Sure? 0:22:26.680 --> 0:22:31.359 Yes, my twitch is Wilster tv w I L L 0:22:32.480 --> 0:22:37.200 L S t E R W I L l S 0:22:37.320 --> 0:22:43.640 t E R Capital TV on the score on Twitch. 0:22:43.840 --> 0:22:45.440 Wilster underscore. 0:22:45.480 --> 0:22:49.560 Yeah, here we go. I got you your Wilster t V. Oh, 0:22:49.640 --> 0:22:52.480 this is your Twitter. Let's see what's going on on 0:22:52.520 --> 0:22:56.439 your Twitter. I don't know why I'm just sub scrolling 0:22:56.440 --> 0:23:00.920 to your Twitter now that you got some wild things 0:23:00.960 --> 0:23:02.760 on Twitter, it's not that well all right here, I'm 0:23:02.760 --> 0:23:06.080 on your Yeah. Look, I'm on your I'm on your 0:23:06.160 --> 0:23:09.920 YouTube right now while you're playing Overwatch. I've never played Overwatch, 0:23:12.080 --> 0:23:15.919 never played it. I'm not a big I'm not a 0:23:16.119 --> 0:23:20.639 big like I don't. I don't play like online multiplayer 0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:24.080 games except like I play Melee on slippy but that's it. 0:23:24.400 --> 0:23:29.040 I don't really play like a Fortnite or Overach or anything. 0:23:29.119 --> 0:23:31.600 But okay, I'll give you a follow. 0:23:31.640 --> 0:23:33.399 I'll give you a follow on the twitch in case 0:23:33.440 --> 0:23:36.439 if you're ever live when I'm live, we'll give you 0:23:36.480 --> 0:23:36.800 a raid. 0:23:36.920 --> 0:23:37.520 Let's see. 0:23:38.600 --> 0:23:40.680 Oh man, that's all pretty cool, man. 0:23:40.760 --> 0:23:41.280 Very cool. 0:23:41.800 --> 0:23:45.920 Well ship will uh will stir TV underscore. Man, I 0:23:46.000 --> 0:23:48.000 appreciate you sharing your story with us. Is there is 0:23:48.000 --> 0:23:49.719 there anything else you want to say to the people 0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:50.760 before we get out of here? 0:23:51.960 --> 0:23:52.120 Oh? 0:23:52.200 --> 0:23:58.399 Yes, my slogan has always stayless. State of pat girl Friends. 0:23:58.480 --> 0:24:02.800 I hope y'all go to rest, beautiful, take care, Willie, 0:24:02.800 --> 0:24:03.359 thanks for calling. 0:24:04.280 --> 0:24:05.359 Oh yes, thank you. 0:24:06.520 --> 0:24:07.040 That was Willy. 0:24:07.119 --> 0:24:12.200 He's a nice guy, plays call of duty. I'm inspired 0:24:12.240 --> 0:24:14.720 by that story. Seems like he tries to keep it 0:24:14.760 --> 0:24:18.360 a buck. You know, it's hard, Life's hard. Ah, fuck man, 0:24:18.440 --> 0:24:19.320 everything every time? 0:24:19.359 --> 0:24:20.600 You know what? Man, you know what? 0:24:20.760 --> 0:24:27.520 I honestly, the more I do this show, or like 0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:30.480 interview people, or like go out and do things, I'm like, 0:24:34.160 --> 0:24:34.639 I don't know. 0:24:34.800 --> 0:24:39.240 The more I think I think it's I think it's 0:24:39.280 --> 0:24:42.879 good to know. Is that is that bad? 0:24:43.000 --> 0:24:45.320 If my conclusion from this show is that it's actually 0:24:45.320 --> 0:24:49.439 good to know less things, I think it might be 0:24:49.480 --> 0:24:50.880 good to know less stuff. 0:24:52.480 --> 0:24:53.159 It's an option. 0:24:53.720 --> 0:24:56.920 I think the more stuff you know, you you get 0:24:56.960 --> 0:25:00.800 expanded to the world, and that's maybe healthy. I think 0:25:00.800 --> 0:25:02.360 if you only I think you know what, I take 0:25:02.400 --> 0:25:04.480 it back, if you only get to live once, which 0:25:04.480 --> 0:25:08.640 I think you do, I would rather get to know 0:25:09.280 --> 0:25:12.640 more about the world around me and the people in it, 0:25:13.080 --> 0:25:15.679 even if it's on, even if the process of doing 0:25:15.720 --> 0:25:19.000 that and the truths revealed and doing that are uncomfortable, 0:25:19.520 --> 0:25:23.840 I think I'd rather do that than live ignorant to 0:25:23.920 --> 0:25:27.239 those things. And I'll hold true to that if I, 0:25:27.280 --> 0:25:30.040 you know, if I'm eighty years old, if I'm lucky enough, 0:25:30.080 --> 0:25:33.159 who knows, Goddamn, I'll look back and I'll be like, 0:25:33.200 --> 0:25:40.040 I'm glad I sought rather than you know, stayed put 0:25:40.080 --> 0:25:45.080 and didn't seek anything. I don't know's I that's tangentially 0:25:45.119 --> 0:25:47.960 related to the conversation that we just had, at least 0:25:47.960 --> 0:25:48.720 in my own brain. 0:25:49.200 --> 0:25:51.359 But that's how I feel. 0:25:52.840 --> 0:25:57.720 Call from uh Hello, Hello. 0:25:58.320 --> 0:26:00.200 Hey, can you hear me? 0:26:01.000 --> 0:26:01.240 Yes? 0:26:01.359 --> 0:26:01.520 Hi? 0:26:01.640 --> 0:26:02.280 What's your name? 0:26:02.680 --> 0:26:03.000 Great? 0:26:03.200 --> 0:26:03.400 Hi? 0:26:05.080 --> 0:26:07.440 I don't want to use my real name, so let's 0:26:07.480 --> 0:26:08.120 make up one. 0:26:09.640 --> 0:26:15.639 Let's say I'm I don't know, bread or something cool? 0:26:16.040 --> 0:26:17.400 Bread? What's up? How's life? 0:26:19.040 --> 0:26:19.879 You know? Not great? 0:26:20.240 --> 0:26:23.639 If I If I'm being honest, I've been wanting to 0:26:23.680 --> 0:26:25.159 talk to you forever, sus kind of crazy. 0:26:25.200 --> 0:26:28.960 So let me like, I don't know, relax for a bit. 0:26:31.640 --> 0:26:35.760 Well, listen, let's talk about it. If you want to. 0:26:36.119 --> 0:26:37.960 I guess why not, Let's do it. 0:26:38.200 --> 0:26:41.840 Okay. The thing is, it's like, my life isn't hard. 0:26:42.840 --> 0:26:44.840 I think I'm going through a similar thing as you 0:26:45.119 --> 0:26:51.880 with the existentialism, and so sure, sure, yeah, I mean, 0:26:52.760 --> 0:26:55.840 you've been alive longer than I have, and it's like 0:26:56.240 --> 0:26:57.920 just through listening to you, it just seems like you're 0:26:57.960 --> 0:27:00.200 still I don't know when this started for you, but. 0:27:02.119 --> 0:27:02.879 I don't know. 0:27:02.920 --> 0:27:04.320 I don't know how long it's going to go on 0:27:04.520 --> 0:27:06.960 for or like how what you're doing to manage it. 0:27:07.280 --> 0:27:12.720 Like I've just been like searching stuff on the internet 0:27:12.840 --> 0:27:14.800 and that's all I'm doing, but I don't feel like it's. 0:27:14.720 --> 0:27:17.800 Helping, right, Well, what I mean, what is it? 0:27:20.600 --> 0:27:25.920 I this existentialism? I don't know, like just not feeling 0:27:26.040 --> 0:27:31.080 like there's any direction or meaning if that makes sense 0:27:31.320 --> 0:27:33.600 to like yeah, and that you're going to die and 0:27:33.640 --> 0:27:36.680 it's gonna matter. It's like, yeah, you've heard all about 0:27:36.720 --> 0:27:39.520 the absurdism or whatever where it's like you make up 0:27:39.520 --> 0:27:41.240 your own meaning live de fite. 0:27:44.000 --> 0:27:45.479 But I don't know. 0:27:45.640 --> 0:27:47.800 A part of me it just doesn't want to take that, 0:27:47.960 --> 0:27:50.960 I guess, and that's my problem. 0:27:51.160 --> 0:27:55.840 Well, I well I'll tell you a few things. So, yeah, 0:27:55.960 --> 0:27:58.640 you know, I went through a really, really really tough 0:27:58.680 --> 0:28:03.440 period of time with existent for about I would say 0:28:04.600 --> 0:28:11.960 February March April May, so it's about four months where 0:28:11.960 --> 0:28:14.440 it's really bad. It was really really bad for four 0:28:14.440 --> 0:28:18.320 months and then now, you know, I mean, I I 0:28:18.600 --> 0:28:21.120 I existential questions pop up in my head. 0:28:21.160 --> 0:28:22.440 But like, I mean, there's four months. 0:28:22.240 --> 0:28:27.080 Where it's really like incapacitating my ability to fucking do anything, 0:28:27.119 --> 0:28:30.040 and it was bad. But after those four months, I mean, 0:28:30.040 --> 0:28:34.040 now I still have existential thoughts and feelings that you know, 0:28:34.119 --> 0:28:39.800 I think about all the time, you know, but I 0:28:39.840 --> 0:28:41.800 have found ways to mitigate it, and I can I 0:28:41.800 --> 0:28:45.160 can tell you ways I've found to mitigate it. I 0:28:45.200 --> 0:28:51.920 intentionally figured out different ways to put myself around other 0:28:51.960 --> 0:28:57.000 people and have a place to go every day. I 0:28:57.040 --> 0:29:01.840 gave myself a mission or an objective of a thing 0:29:01.880 --> 0:29:09.280 I want to pursue. I've been accepting that the certain 0:29:09.360 --> 0:29:15.479 existential questions are beyond me, and occupying my brain with 0:29:15.560 --> 0:29:18.840 them is not I mean, it feels like something out 0:29:18.840 --> 0:29:21.440 of your control, uh when you're in the thick of it, 0:29:21.560 --> 0:29:25.040 but uh, you know, they're beyond they're beyond you. You're 0:29:25.040 --> 0:29:27.960 never going to figure them out, and it's just it's 0:29:28.000 --> 0:29:33.600 not fun too just stay in them, and so you know, 0:29:33.680 --> 0:29:36.680 you leave them be. But I mean, for everyone's brain 0:29:36.720 --> 0:29:38.360 is kind of different. I mean, you know, I I've 0:29:38.600 --> 0:29:45.640 been taken vibeance that helps, but just I think continuing 0:29:45.680 --> 0:29:50.520 to pursue some kind of meaning or purpose, and that's 0:29:50.520 --> 0:29:51.880 that's that's I think. 0:29:53.560 --> 0:29:56.640 At least what's helped me. I mean, do you have. 0:29:58.960 --> 0:30:01.120 Do you have any any you kind of purpose or 0:30:01.120 --> 0:30:04.160 meaning or direction or anything at all that you vaguely 0:30:04.200 --> 0:30:04.840 want to do. 0:30:06.480 --> 0:30:12.640 M I mean finding meaning to cure existentialism, Like they're 0:30:12.720 --> 0:30:15.080 kind of interlocked, right, Like if you're going to try 0:30:15.120 --> 0:30:17.000 to define what meaning is to you and like what 0:30:17.040 --> 0:30:19.280 you want to do with your one life, then it's 0:30:19.360 --> 0:30:21.400 kind of like it kind of brings you back, if 0:30:21.440 --> 0:30:27.240 that makes sense. Like if I had to sit down 0:30:27.240 --> 0:30:29.200 and be like, Okay, what am I going to do 0:30:29.240 --> 0:30:33.560 with my life, and it's like I need meaning to 0:30:33.600 --> 0:30:36.600 distract me from this, from all this thinking about life, 0:30:36.680 --> 0:30:36.880 you know. 0:30:37.880 --> 0:30:39.200 Uh, But then. 0:30:39.160 --> 0:30:47.680 It's you can't help but think like once you define it, 0:30:47.760 --> 0:30:51.400 is this meaningful? Is this worth my time? And it 0:30:51.440 --> 0:30:57.160 should be unquestionably worth your time whenever, but like, uh, sorry, 0:30:57.200 --> 0:30:57.880 my thoughts aren't. 0:30:58.040 --> 0:31:01.520 Really it should be unco sesstionably worth your time because 0:31:01.680 --> 0:31:02.840 the time is so valuable. 0:31:04.440 --> 0:31:07.320 Yeah, yeah, if you value life. 0:31:07.080 --> 0:31:09.920 Sure, but but also but also that that what you 0:31:09.960 --> 0:31:17.200 just said, saying it must unquestionably be worth your time is. 0:31:18.600 --> 0:31:21.720 An important thing to scrutinize. It's really important. 0:31:21.960 --> 0:31:26.640 It's really what's your name, bread, It's really really important 0:31:26.920 --> 0:31:33.120 to scrutinize what you just said, because unquestionably, uh so, 0:31:33.680 --> 0:31:37.160 I'm faced with the fact that I only have one life, 0:31:37.600 --> 0:31:42.280 and my time is extremely valuable, and it's a precious, precious, 0:31:42.280 --> 0:31:45.920 precious thing, this one life. And thus, because it's such 0:31:45.920 --> 0:31:50.880 a precious thing, I must do something that is unquestionably 0:31:51.720 --> 0:31:54.680 the correct thing to do with my life. 0:31:55.120 --> 0:31:59.240 That's what you're saying. Yeah, and and yes, and and 0:31:59.240 --> 0:31:59.760 and X. 0:32:00.080 --> 0:32:05.360 Existentialism gives you that, But there's a lot, there's a 0:32:05.600 --> 0:32:10.040 lot of things wrong. And by the way I live that, 0:32:10.120 --> 0:32:11.720 I live that all the time, and I think about 0:32:11.760 --> 0:32:13.360 that all the time, and it's one of the things 0:32:13.360 --> 0:32:16.120 that I think leaves me in a lot of paralysis 0:32:16.120 --> 0:32:23.160 and is a negative thing because that doesn't exist, and 0:32:23.200 --> 0:32:25.800 it doesn't exist. It won't exist for you, it won't 0:32:25.840 --> 0:32:35.000 exist for anyone because nobody will do it perfectly. Life 0:32:35.040 --> 0:32:41.640 is error correction, and so you're just inevitably gonna make 0:32:42.600 --> 0:32:47.360 errors and you will never ever ever live the perfect life. 0:32:47.840 --> 0:32:51.720 Maybe you know what, fucking maybe somebody out there, maybe 0:32:51.760 --> 0:32:55.640 a large amount of people out there, look back at 0:32:55.680 --> 0:32:58.160 their life and they just did it perfectly, you know, 0:32:58.480 --> 0:33:00.680 And good for them if that happened to them and 0:33:00.720 --> 0:33:03.440 everything was perfect. But the vast majority of people, ninety 0:33:03.520 --> 0:33:06.040 nine point nine nine percent of people, I mean, nobody, 0:33:06.280 --> 0:33:10.320 nobody does it perfectly. To say that you're gonna do 0:33:10.400 --> 0:33:19.480 the unquestionably correct thing is insane, And so just do things, 0:33:19.960 --> 0:33:23.840 you know, So like the paralyzing yourself with trying to 0:33:23.840 --> 0:33:26.760 find the most perfect, amazing thing to do with your 0:33:27.240 --> 0:33:30.720 with your life, it's paralyzing, it's ridiculous. So to just 0:33:31.200 --> 0:33:38.200 instead go, well, what would be some worthwhile things to 0:33:38.280 --> 0:33:40.920 do with my life? And That's how I've approached a 0:33:40.920 --> 0:33:41.600 lot of my life. 0:33:41.680 --> 0:33:45.440 And so look I'm talking. I'm spending. 0:33:46.800 --> 0:33:49.680 A part of my finite life talking to you right 0:33:49.720 --> 0:33:53.040 now about this subject. And is this the is this 0:33:53.120 --> 0:33:57.080 am i am? I? Is this without question the perfect 0:33:57.120 --> 0:34:00.920 thing to be doing with my time right now? Of 0:34:00.960 --> 0:34:04.360 course not, nothing's without question. But can I look at 0:34:04.360 --> 0:34:07.600 this conversation, and can I look at making this podcast, 0:34:07.640 --> 0:34:09.640 and can I look at talking to you even if 0:34:09.719 --> 0:34:13.440 just even if having this conversation is a remote help 0:34:13.480 --> 0:34:16.000 to you, or to me, or to anyone listening. Can 0:34:16.040 --> 0:34:17.719 I look back at it and go, you know what, 0:34:17.760 --> 0:34:19.480 whether or not that was the perfect thing to do 0:34:19.560 --> 0:34:22.319 with my life it was worthwhile to do? 0:34:22.920 --> 0:34:23.640 The answer is yes. 0:34:24.160 --> 0:34:26.000 You know, if I call my mom on the phone 0:34:26.560 --> 0:34:30.440 this morning, was that was that the optimal thing to 0:34:30.480 --> 0:34:33.160 be doing with my life? I don't, I don't know, 0:34:33.239 --> 0:34:36.120 But was it worthwhile to talk to my fucking mom? Yeah, 0:34:36.160 --> 0:34:37.600 of course it was. You know, if I go on 0:34:37.640 --> 0:34:41.400 a walk for four hours and I look at trees 0:34:41.640 --> 0:34:44.040 and I and I eat a fucking sandwich and I 0:34:44.120 --> 0:34:48.799 drink water, was it unquestionably the most optimized thing to 0:34:48.880 --> 0:34:51.000 do with my life? I don't, I don't know, But 0:34:51.120 --> 0:34:52.480 was it a worthwhile thing to do? 0:34:53.000 --> 0:34:53.680 Of course it was. 0:34:53.760 --> 0:34:57.640 It's just walking around, you know, so like just the 0:34:58.120 --> 0:35:02.640 think about the things that would just simply be worthwhile. 0:35:03.000 --> 0:35:04.920 And then that way you can at least look. 0:35:04.800 --> 0:35:06.359 Back at your life and look back at how you've 0:35:06.400 --> 0:35:11.080 spent your time and go, I did things that were 0:35:11.200 --> 0:35:13.279 worthwhile and they kept me in the moment, and I'm 0:35:13.360 --> 0:35:17.799 proud of how I spent my time. And by the way, 0:35:17.800 --> 0:35:20.760 even if you get trapped in crazy dopamine loops, which 0:35:22.719 --> 0:35:25.920 everyone does I'm living proof of. Like, I mean, you 0:35:25.920 --> 0:35:27.680 have no idea how much time I've spent, you know, 0:35:27.840 --> 0:35:33.040 on checking emails for no reason, no just searching for dopamine, 0:35:33.680 --> 0:35:36.959 a porn or Instagram reels or eating. 0:35:36.800 --> 0:35:37.400 Food or what. 0:35:37.680 --> 0:35:43.440 I have so so so much time of my life 0:35:43.560 --> 0:35:44.960 that I've dedicated to that. 0:35:45.440 --> 0:35:48.080 But I still am able to look back. 0:35:47.920 --> 0:35:51.560 At my life proud because you know, I had enough 0:35:51.560 --> 0:35:55.520 time to do that. But I also made friends, and 0:35:55.560 --> 0:35:57.319 I also went on a lot of good walks, and 0:35:57.360 --> 0:36:00.880 I got to travel, and I got to have worthwhile conversations, 0:36:00.880 --> 0:36:03.400 and I got to do things that were full of meaning. 0:36:03.680 --> 0:36:05.799 And it was And of course it wasn't perfect because 0:36:05.840 --> 0:36:09.120 I spent I mean fucking today before I started streaming 0:36:09.560 --> 0:36:14.920 making this podcast, I probably you know, spent four hours 0:36:14.960 --> 0:36:18.600 just like dicking around, just dicking around. But at least 0:36:18.600 --> 0:36:21.359 to these, look, these ten minutes that we're talking right now, 0:36:21.400 --> 0:36:24.360 I'll remember it. So if I if I, at least 0:36:24.960 --> 0:36:28.400 within my own ability and within my own energy, do 0:36:30.400 --> 0:36:34.319 things that are kind of worthwhile, I'll be able to 0:36:34.360 --> 0:36:36.640 look at my life and be proud of it. But 0:36:36.719 --> 0:36:40.320 this thing you're talking about this unquestionable. It makes perfect sense. 0:36:41.000 --> 0:36:43.600 The conclusion that you're coming to the way you got 0:36:43.640 --> 0:36:45.800 here makes perfect sense. 0:36:45.880 --> 0:36:46.160 Again. 0:36:46.200 --> 0:36:49.360 I know that because I've got caught into that logical 0:36:49.400 --> 0:36:53.440 conclusion myself that because life is so finite and precious, everything, 0:36:53.480 --> 0:36:58.160 every part of it has to be optimized. But that's 0:36:58.360 --> 0:37:03.280 not realistic, and if you try to live that way, 0:37:03.880 --> 0:37:08.839 you'll just spiral infinitely. So just do things that are 0:37:08.840 --> 0:37:13.200 worthwhile and lower your bar for what's worthwhile, you know, 0:37:13.880 --> 0:37:16.279 I mean, do the big things if you want, go 0:37:16.360 --> 0:37:19.200 travel and make the art you want to make, or 0:37:19.320 --> 0:37:23.840 have the connections you want to make, but also the 0:37:23.880 --> 0:37:26.440 small like what I watched this morning. I watched the 0:37:26.480 --> 0:37:35.560 YouTube video about the old Hannah barbera ride at Universal Studios. 0:37:36.360 --> 0:37:36.760 Whatever. 0:37:37.040 --> 0:37:39.680 That's what I did with that finite amount of time 0:37:40.000 --> 0:37:44.120 in my life. I don't, I don't. I don't regret it. 0:37:44.440 --> 0:37:49.000 I bought the the Switch, I played the new Donkey 0:37:49.120 --> 0:37:50.320 Kong game. 0:37:50.400 --> 0:37:52.600 I don't regret it. You know what, fuck it? 0:37:52.640 --> 0:37:55.320 I don't regret the seven times I checked my fucking 0:37:55.320 --> 0:37:56.840 email this morning. 0:37:56.880 --> 0:37:58.480 Why would I regret it? Who cares? 0:37:58.600 --> 0:37:58.799 You know? 0:37:59.080 --> 0:37:59.640 Just don't. 0:38:00.040 --> 0:38:04.359 It's too much pressure it's too much pressure to have 0:38:04.400 --> 0:38:10.880 those regrets and to so just just do do worthwhile things, 0:38:10.920 --> 0:38:15.400 try not to beat yourself up too much, and you know, 0:38:15.600 --> 0:38:20.000 lower your bar for what's worthwhile. It's not what it's 0:38:20.080 --> 0:38:22.680 it's It's funny because when you start thinking about it 0:38:22.719 --> 0:38:24.719 a lot, it becomes a lot of pressure. 0:38:25.760 --> 0:38:26.480 And then you. 0:38:26.400 --> 0:38:28.839 Start thinking about it even more and you start thinking 0:38:28.840 --> 0:38:33.319 about it in a different direction, and it actually becomes a. 0:38:33.200 --> 0:38:38.239 Lot less pressure. So that's what I got. That's my 0:38:38.320 --> 0:38:38.880 long rants. 0:38:40.320 --> 0:38:41.920 No, yeah, thank you for that. 0:38:42.080 --> 0:38:47.279 I think definitely, the perfectionist paralysis whatever is definitely just 0:38:47.960 --> 0:38:52.239 a pattern within a lot of people. It seems like 0:38:52.360 --> 0:38:54.439 people it's like there's a certain type of person who 0:38:54.440 --> 0:38:56.640 just doesn't care and does things and they end up 0:38:56.640 --> 0:39:00.000 getting a lot more accomplished and totally. Yeah, it's something 0:39:00.040 --> 0:39:05.480 I should reference though, what you say about doing worthwhile things. 0:39:05.680 --> 0:39:09.840 It's the fact that there could be something good you 0:39:09.880 --> 0:39:12.680 could be doing or not. There's like it's all like 0:39:12.719 --> 0:39:14.799 a spectrum or a scale or whatever. It doesn't matter 0:39:14.800 --> 0:39:17.040 if you do like the lowest of the low, but 0:39:17.320 --> 0:39:20.839 the fact that there's some kind of value there, there's 0:39:20.880 --> 0:39:23.080 some value of good or bad even though you can 0:39:23.120 --> 0:39:26.560 repeat to yourself, doesn't matter. It's that itself can also 0:39:26.600 --> 0:39:30.160 be paralyzing. It's a another secondary layer of perfectionism. I 0:39:30.200 --> 0:39:32.720 feel it's like, Okay, yeah, I can't be perfect perfect, 0:39:32.800 --> 0:39:37.680 but here's this thing closest to perfection possible. Even if 0:39:37.719 --> 0:39:41.960 it's by objective standards, not perfect or even good to you, 0:39:42.040 --> 0:39:44.280 it's the best you could do, which is perfect. 0:39:44.480 --> 0:39:45.399 I don't know if that makes sense. 0:39:45.880 --> 0:39:47.839 It does make it does make sense. 0:39:47.880 --> 0:39:48.200 But the. 0:39:50.640 --> 0:39:56.200 You're taking a thing that's in some ways subjective and 0:39:56.719 --> 0:40:01.279 and I guess making it kind of objective. I mean like, well, 0:40:01.320 --> 0:40:03.399 so for let me so for example, right, I mean 0:40:03.520 --> 0:40:07.919 like in your life, how is the paralysis playing out? 0:40:08.239 --> 0:40:08.319 Like? 0:40:08.760 --> 0:40:10.440 What what are the what are the opt what are 0:40:10.480 --> 0:40:15.440 the things? I know, I understand the general paralysis of 0:40:15.480 --> 0:40:18.520 trying to optimize your life, right, But if we got 0:40:18.560 --> 0:40:20.399 a little bit more into the weeds than we were 0:40:20.480 --> 0:40:22.120 and we come back that when we come back down 0:40:22.160 --> 0:40:25.439 to earth, where how does that paralysis play out? 0:40:25.920 --> 0:40:28.040 Like you know, in your day to day life. 0:40:30.960 --> 0:40:36.879 I guess constant procrastination. So I'm gonna be graduating from 0:40:36.880 --> 0:40:40.600 college soon and I'm not planning out anything at all. 0:40:40.800 --> 0:40:43.759 I don't know anything about anything. I tell myself I 0:40:43.800 --> 0:40:46.840 should be studying. I could always be doing something to 0:40:47.080 --> 0:40:51.319 improve my situation. There's whatever, Like it's just up to me. 0:40:51.360 --> 0:40:52.920 I just do it and I'll feel better too, And 0:40:52.960 --> 0:40:57.080 I know that. But for some reason, it's just such 0:40:57.120 --> 0:41:03.479 a daunting thing. And it's honestly what you talked about, 0:41:03.600 --> 0:41:07.320 like the dopamine leaves. It's probably just that it's probably 0:41:07.360 --> 0:41:11.160 just a biological thing and not like maybe this existential, 0:41:11.320 --> 0:41:12.279 big question thing. 0:41:12.920 --> 0:41:13.760 It is kind of stuck. 0:41:13.840 --> 0:41:16.359 Yeah, I understand why. 0:41:16.400 --> 0:41:19.399 I know, I understand why that sucks. 0:41:19.840 --> 0:41:20.400 Yeah it is. 0:41:20.440 --> 0:41:25.160 It is a biological thing. I don't know anything about biology, 0:41:25.239 --> 0:41:27.600 but I the more I don't know anything about psychology. 0:41:27.640 --> 0:41:29.520 But the more I learned about it, the more I 0:41:29.560 --> 0:41:31.799 realize that a lot of things I think are existential 0:41:31.920 --> 0:41:34.920 are just like my human brain behaving the way that 0:41:35.000 --> 0:41:35.920 human brains behave. 0:41:36.239 --> 0:41:37.720 But there's also still there's still a lot. 0:41:37.560 --> 0:41:42.320 Of questions I have about human brains, Like personality is 0:41:42.360 --> 0:41:45.759 a weird thing to me, like why do why are 0:41:45.800 --> 0:41:48.400 certain people so good at not procrastinating and others are 0:41:48.440 --> 0:41:53.799 I don't know, but uh, I mean, what are you 0:41:53.800 --> 0:41:57.440 procrastinating on? Like when you say when you when you say, oh, 0:41:57.440 --> 0:41:59.000 I should be studying like studying what. 0:42:00.440 --> 0:42:04.120 Uh, funnily enough, like psychology, So I have to apply 0:42:04.239 --> 0:42:09.160 to my psychology degree. It's actually like like to declare 0:42:09.160 --> 0:42:12.399 my major. I mean, and it's coming up pretty soon 0:42:12.480 --> 0:42:19.240 the deadline. And I'm perfectly qualified, I know, exactly, like 0:42:19.239 --> 0:42:21.319 like I just need to type weber out and then 0:42:21.400 --> 0:42:25.520 they'll probably accept me more than likely. And despite that, 0:42:25.560 --> 0:42:29.120 it's just like I, I don't know, it's just like 0:42:29.320 --> 0:42:33.439 I could just put it off. Why sit here and 0:42:33.920 --> 0:42:37.760 do it when I don't have to? I guess it's 0:42:38.080 --> 0:42:40.080 because I have to write like a personal statement. It's 0:42:40.080 --> 0:42:42.760 like two hundred fifty words. It's pretty simple. They'll take 0:42:43.000 --> 0:42:50.400 weber chat GPT, you know, like paragraph. But it's I 0:42:50.440 --> 0:42:52.560 don't want to do that. I actually want to put 0:42:52.640 --> 0:43:00.000 work into it, even if they don't care. Also, yeah, 0:43:00.040 --> 0:43:02.759 I don't want to put in the work because it's 0:43:02.760 --> 0:43:04.160 not going to be quote quote perfect. 0:43:04.560 --> 0:43:07.520 I think it's my mindset. 0:43:08.239 --> 0:43:09.800 What do you what do you like care about? 0:43:11.040 --> 0:43:19.480 I don't know, man, I guess having a I don't know. 0:43:20.000 --> 0:43:22.480 I don't know, like feeling fulfilled? 0:43:27.719 --> 0:43:31.680 Do you honestly feel like you don't know or do 0:43:31.719 --> 0:43:36.080 you can you find something within yourself that you actually 0:43:36.120 --> 0:43:40.320 do care about. 0:43:41.480 --> 0:43:44.960 I think I could, but I think I don't trust 0:43:45.080 --> 0:43:48.040 my brain enough because it's I mean, done this to 0:43:48.080 --> 0:43:52.319 me first of all, and I like, we're all I've 0:43:53.000 --> 0:43:55.520 gotten this completely off of TikTok and whatever, but it's 0:43:55.560 --> 0:43:59.120 just like we're very influenced, and I'm not sure if 0:43:59.160 --> 0:44:03.520 my desires are really my desires and you know the whole. 0:44:02.920 --> 0:44:07.680 Uh clear with what h So go ahead. 0:44:08.160 --> 0:44:11.080 Oh, once you achieve your dream, it's actually not as 0:44:11.120 --> 0:44:13.080 great as you thought it would be, and like like 0:44:13.160 --> 0:44:15.880 you become a doctor or whatever, you'll actually kind of suffer. 0:44:16.640 --> 0:44:18.239 It's just like I don't know what to pick. Then. 0:44:18.440 --> 0:44:23.000 Yeah, I'm also be very I'm dude, be very very 0:44:23.120 --> 0:44:26.960 very careful with TikTok, because I'm sure that your TikTok 0:44:27.160 --> 0:44:31.280 is feeding you like Alan Watt's shit and like people 0:44:31.320 --> 0:44:34.239 being like when I was you know things things I 0:44:34.280 --> 0:44:36.399 wish I knew at twenty when I was thirty, and 0:44:36.640 --> 0:44:38.080 like is that your algorithm? 0:44:38.160 --> 0:44:38.800 Is that your feed? 0:44:40.120 --> 0:44:43.560 Kind of yeah, yeah, my feed does that ship to 0:44:43.600 --> 0:44:47.040 me too, and like, do be careful with that ship. 0:44:47.080 --> 0:44:50.640 I've deleted TikTok because like you now, because because you're 0:44:50.640 --> 0:44:54.680 already going through all this existential shit and TikTok is 0:44:54.719 --> 0:44:57.400 going to like feed into it, you know, like it 0:44:57.520 --> 0:44:57.799 just does. 0:44:58.080 --> 0:44:59.920 Yeah, No, I totally get. 0:45:00.080 --> 0:45:02.360 It's like it's our first time living, right And so 0:45:02.360 --> 0:45:05.200 they're like, oh, this person's older than me or more successful, 0:45:05.200 --> 0:45:07.040 so let's listen to them. But they could say whatever 0:45:07.080 --> 0:45:10.600 shit and they could like turn out not so great, 0:45:10.600 --> 0:45:14.680 but you'll still not know or have the experience to 0:45:15.080 --> 0:45:17.319 you know, spot it out until it's I don't know, 0:45:17.520 --> 0:45:18.759 a bit too late for some. 0:45:19.440 --> 0:45:22.480 There's that, but it also whether or not like the 0:45:24.000 --> 0:45:25.319 advice is. 0:45:26.760 --> 0:45:27.480 Good or not. 0:45:27.600 --> 0:45:30.359 It's more just about like the state of mind because 0:45:30.920 --> 0:45:34.479 like my understanding is that you're bothered right now because 0:45:34.560 --> 0:45:37.160 your brain is in an existential state of mind like 0:45:37.239 --> 0:45:44.239 all the time, and that's really uncomfortable. And when you 0:45:44.280 --> 0:45:50.279 go on TikTok and your whole feed is existential, it 0:45:51.160 --> 0:45:56.600 reinforces the state of mind. Dude, I was, I uh 0:45:57.680 --> 0:46:00.160 like I saw I was. 0:46:00.320 --> 0:46:00.640 I was. 0:46:00.719 --> 0:46:04.880 I was dating this person and my brain was in 0:46:04.880 --> 0:46:09.360 an existential mood and like all of my TikTok shit. 0:46:11.200 --> 0:46:13.239 Comes up as is like is the feed. 0:46:13.280 --> 0:46:18.040 I just described it's like when you're how to know 0:46:18.400 --> 0:46:21.720 like whatever, like things I wish I knew at twenty 0:46:21.840 --> 0:46:26.520 when I was thirty and I was watching this person 0:46:26.560 --> 0:46:29.279 I was dating, like scroll through her TikTok and it 0:46:29.360 --> 0:46:33.040 came up on one of those videos and I was like, oh, 0:46:33.080 --> 0:46:35.320 that's what I'm naturally interested in, and she just scrolled 0:46:35.400 --> 0:46:36.080 right past it. 0:46:36.719 --> 0:46:39.800 And then all of the videos on her feed were. 0:46:39.680 --> 0:46:43.040 Like like, you know, like dogs and shit, you know 0:46:43.080 --> 0:46:45.920 what I mean, Like things had nothing like dogs or 0:46:46.080 --> 0:46:50.160 like skincare, you know, and it was like just a 0:46:50.239 --> 0:46:52.319 shit that had nothing to do with this, And I'm like, oh, 0:46:52.320 --> 0:46:55.040 that's why you know that. 0:46:55.600 --> 0:46:57.759 It was an interesting observation. It was like, oh, what 0:46:57.800 --> 0:46:58.200 do you mean? 0:46:58.320 --> 0:47:03.240 My brain does not have to be in this state 0:47:04.000 --> 0:47:07.520 all the time, you know, Like because you get a 0:47:07.560 --> 0:47:09.359 little existential, then you go on the internet and then 0:47:09.360 --> 0:47:13.520 YouTube starts feeding you alls guru shit and TikTok, sex, fienialds, gurushit, 0:47:13.560 --> 0:47:15.279 and before you know it, before you know it, it 0:47:15.280 --> 0:47:17.960 becomes the world you live in. You know, and you 0:47:17.960 --> 0:47:21.200 don't and it's uncomfortable, and you go out with other 0:47:21.200 --> 0:47:23.360 people and you meet it and you're realize that not 0:47:23.400 --> 0:47:26.440 everyone lives in this world of existentialism that you live in, 0:47:26.920 --> 0:47:32.000 and you're like, damn, I gotta stop programming myself. 0:47:32.320 --> 0:47:33.440 It's hard. I get. I get that. 0:47:33.480 --> 0:47:35.120 It's a whole thing where it's like once you see it, 0:47:35.120 --> 0:47:39.160 you can and see it. But I it's manageable. 0:47:38.960 --> 0:47:39.160 You know. 0:47:39.400 --> 0:47:42.280 That's I would say that. I don't know if I'm 0:47:42.520 --> 0:47:43.640 as a tangent. 0:47:43.280 --> 0:47:45.080 But yeah, no, I get that. 0:47:45.200 --> 0:47:49.440 Yeah, I gotta ask. I don't I personally observe it 0:47:49.480 --> 0:47:51.239 in myself, but I don't know if you feel like 0:47:51.280 --> 0:47:53.879 a sense of pride almost like oh my gosh, I've 0:47:53.880 --> 0:47:56.880 been chosen to look at life in the face for 0:47:57.000 --> 0:48:00.759 its deepest whatever and I'm special Like you don't want 0:48:00.800 --> 0:48:01.839 to say that, or. 0:48:04.200 --> 0:48:06.160 But I can feel that's sort. 0:48:06.000 --> 0:48:09.200 Of what's going on with me to sustain myself in 0:48:09.239 --> 0:48:10.640 this Uh, let. 0:48:10.560 --> 0:48:20.160 Me think about that for a second. M let me 0:48:20.200 --> 0:48:25.520 think about that for a second, because that I hmmm, 0:48:26.000 --> 0:48:34.080 have you been chosen? I've I have a lot of 0:48:34.600 --> 0:48:36.480 I have a lot of thoughts about that. Well what 0:48:36.600 --> 0:48:37.719 is I mean, what does that mean to you? 0:48:39.400 --> 0:48:40.480 Like? Not chosen? 0:48:40.840 --> 0:48:42.239 It was kind of no, I I know, I know, 0:48:42.400 --> 0:48:44.040 I know, no, No, No, I know you. I know what 0:48:44.120 --> 0:48:45.919 you mean, though, uh huh. 0:48:46.239 --> 0:48:49.600 I guess it's just like like you said, you can't 0:48:50.080 --> 0:48:52.960 unsee what you've seen. And then it's it's like you 0:48:53.040 --> 0:48:57.040 realize other people around you seemingly because you're not them 0:48:57.080 --> 0:49:00.840 seemingly or just kind of uh like vain or like 0:49:00.960 --> 0:49:04.200 invested in this and like worldly things whatever. They don't 0:49:04.200 --> 0:49:06.359 really think about what they're doing. But I'm over here, 0:49:06.960 --> 0:49:10.200 you know, you, like really contemplating what's important, and once 0:49:10.239 --> 0:49:12.560 I get it, I know I'll be greater or whatever. 0:49:13.320 --> 0:49:19.440 It's I feel like that's an underlying voice that I 0:49:19.440 --> 0:49:21.279 don't realize, at least my ex on socialism. 0:49:21.680 --> 0:49:25.440 Yeah, so okay, here's a little thing about that voice. 0:49:25.480 --> 0:49:28.680 I've had that voice, Yeah, where it's like not not 0:49:28.680 --> 0:49:32.720 not I'm the chosen one, but like I see life 0:49:33.080 --> 0:49:36.160 for what it is because I've had this existential crisis 0:49:36.680 --> 0:49:40.280 and everyone else is just going through the motions and whatnot, 0:49:40.719 --> 0:49:47.600 and it's dangerous for a few reasons. Okay, So there's 0:49:47.600 --> 0:49:51.759 a bell curve I think with this, do you know 0:49:51.800 --> 0:49:56.440 that you know the bell curve meme? Yeah, where it's like, uh, okay, 0:49:56.480 --> 0:49:59.040 so there's a bell curve, so and I have to. 0:49:59.080 --> 0:50:00.640 I think I talked about this on here before, but 0:50:00.680 --> 0:50:01.239 I'll do it again. 0:50:01.600 --> 0:50:05.319 There's a bell curve meme where Okay, so at the 0:50:05.440 --> 0:50:07.839 very left side of the bell curve you have like 0:50:07.960 --> 0:50:14.200 dumb Wojack, and dumb Wojack is like, you know, Herder, 0:50:14.280 --> 0:50:17.759 I just do things that I like and have a 0:50:17.840 --> 0:50:21.440 chill time. Right And then in the middle of the 0:50:21.440 --> 0:50:25.080 bell curve that's where you are right now, is life 0:50:25.160 --> 0:50:27.319 must be optimized because it is so precious, and we 0:50:27.360 --> 0:50:30.480 cannot allow ourselves to, you know, live in ignorant bliss 0:50:30.480 --> 0:50:32.680 because I have seen life for what it is, and 0:50:32.719 --> 0:50:37.040 I must make the most optimal choices because I have 0:50:37.120 --> 0:50:40.200 to do that in service of the deep preciousness of 0:50:40.200 --> 0:50:42.680 life that I have come to understand, you know. And 0:50:42.680 --> 0:50:47.520 that's crying freaking out Wojack. And then on the right 0:50:47.560 --> 0:50:51.400 side of the bell curve is enlightened Wojack with the 0:50:51.440 --> 0:50:55.319 hood up and he's like, I just do things that 0:50:55.360 --> 0:51:00.200 I like, and I think about I used to think 0:51:00.200 --> 0:51:05.880 about my uh my, my mom and my stepdad without fail. 0:51:06.360 --> 0:51:07.960 Every single. 0:51:09.160 --> 0:51:13.760 Night they eat, they make salmon, and they watch Jeopardy, 0:51:14.800 --> 0:51:18.080 and growing up, I would think, like, man, that's crazy 0:51:18.080 --> 0:51:19.800 How are you gonna spend your whole life just eating 0:51:19.840 --> 0:51:23.480 salmon and watching Jeopardy? You know, like, isn't there isn't 0:51:23.520 --> 0:51:27.320 there more to be ascertained or achieved or whatever whatever. 0:51:29.320 --> 0:51:31.520 And then kind of as you close a bit of a. 0:51:31.440 --> 0:51:34.520 Loop on an existential crisis, you realize like, oh, they 0:51:34.560 --> 0:51:37.560 had it right all along, you know, like they're the 0:51:37.600 --> 0:51:45.880 every every nothing. They the the the breadth of human 0:51:46.000 --> 0:51:51.439 experience and the amazing ascension that I'm thinking I'm going 0:51:51.480 --> 0:51:55.239 to achieve as a result of quote unquote seeing life 0:51:55.320 --> 0:51:58.160 for what it is. They don't need to do all 0:51:58.200 --> 0:52:02.720 that shit because all of that is found within eating 0:52:02.800 --> 0:52:06.360 salmon and watching Jeopardy. Like it was all right there, 0:52:06.600 --> 0:52:11.360 you know, so I don't I don't need to There's 0:52:11.360 --> 0:52:14.000 no ascension there. I don't think there ever will be 0:52:14.040 --> 0:52:22.399 an ascension. There's just uh, mitigating things in dealing with them. 0:52:23.400 --> 0:52:29.399 I think That's how I feel on this uh, on 0:52:29.440 --> 0:52:33.120 this journey right now. Is I I have I've always 0:52:33.120 --> 0:52:37.279 had this faith that one day I will have some 0:52:37.440 --> 0:52:42.839 form of ascension, not in like a religious way, but 0:52:42.960 --> 0:52:49.719 like ascending beyond this kind of like inherent discomfort. 0:52:51.360 --> 0:52:53.840 But maybe I will. There's still a lot of factors left. 0:52:53.960 --> 0:52:55.759 But I've achieved a lot of things in my life 0:52:55.800 --> 0:52:58.600 that I thought would bring me to that ascension, and 0:52:59.600 --> 0:53:01.560 they have yet. But I still there's a lot of 0:53:01.600 --> 0:53:07.080 other things that I still have on my list before 0:53:07.080 --> 0:53:10.680 I've ascended. But I don't you know, if the other 0:53:10.760 --> 0:53:13.160 things that I thought would bring me to some form 0:53:13.160 --> 0:53:15.120 of ascension didn't bring me there, then I don't think 0:53:15.160 --> 0:53:16.200 this will either. 0:53:16.320 --> 0:53:17.120 But who knows. 0:53:17.120 --> 0:53:17.440 Man, I. 0:53:19.520 --> 0:53:21.320 You know, there's things I haven't tried. 0:53:21.480 --> 0:53:23.560 I still, I still, in my heart of heart, believe 0:53:23.640 --> 0:53:30.120 that I'll you know, to me, you know, ascension to. 0:53:30.200 --> 0:53:31.239 Me feels like. 0:53:33.920 --> 0:53:37.960 Having a strong state of well being day to day. 0:53:38.480 --> 0:53:40.320 That's what it feels like to me. You don't ever like, 0:53:40.400 --> 0:53:44.680 you don't like become God or some shit. Yeah, you know, 0:53:46.960 --> 0:53:51.799 but yeah, that's my experience with that feeling you're talking about. 0:53:52.600 --> 0:53:58.319 M I see, have you have you heard of self realization? 0:53:59.000 --> 0:54:02.719 That concept of like, no, what is that? 0:54:03.880 --> 0:54:04.719 I mean, I don't know. 0:54:04.760 --> 0:54:06.640 I don't know that much about it. I've just heard 0:54:06.680 --> 0:54:10.400 it from someone. Apparently it's it's kind of like enlightenment 0:54:10.440 --> 0:54:11.680 and Buddhism or. 0:54:13.440 --> 0:54:13.800 Whatever. 0:54:13.840 --> 0:54:16.160 It's like where you can reach a state of just 0:54:17.120 --> 0:54:23.680 nearly just not being neurotic anymore, not ever facing like 0:54:23.840 --> 0:54:26.520 anger or any negative emotion of any sort, and you're 0:54:26.600 --> 0:54:28.600 just kind of like living like an animal because like 0:54:28.640 --> 0:54:34.120 they're just living on instinct. Right it's realizing the error 0:54:34.200 --> 0:54:35.920 of self image or whatever. 0:54:37.760 --> 0:54:38.440 I don't know that. 0:54:38.520 --> 0:54:40.640 Much about it myself, but that's a state that you 0:54:40.840 --> 0:54:41.799 apparently can reach. 0:54:42.440 --> 0:54:47.440 Yeah, and again for where I'm at right now, I'm 0:54:47.520 --> 0:54:51.759 kind of like I mean, like I was talking to 0:54:51.840 --> 0:54:56.440 the guy before about you know, I'm neurotic and I'm 0:54:56.440 --> 0:54:59.520 always going to deal with crap. And I honestly think 0:54:59.719 --> 0:55:04.920 part of honestly think part of the ascension is just 0:55:04.960 --> 0:55:09.520 accepting that, accepting that, accepting the like instead of trying 0:55:09.560 --> 0:55:12.520 to imagine a world where I never have any problems, 0:55:12.520 --> 0:55:15.520 I never have any negative emotions, I never have fear 0:55:15.600 --> 0:55:18.520 or anxiety. I just I just take it in as 0:55:18.640 --> 0:55:22.040 part of life and I and I accept my imperfections 0:55:22.120 --> 0:55:26.640 and I accept the uncertainty. That's where I think the 0:55:26.680 --> 0:55:28.800 piece is found. I don't think the piece is found 0:55:28.800 --> 0:55:31.160 in some kind of state where I don't experience those things, 0:55:31.160 --> 0:55:38.440 but rather a state where I integrate them and accept them, 0:55:38.800 --> 0:55:42.360 and I feel I almost feel honored to be alive, 0:55:42.520 --> 0:55:45.760 to have them. 0:55:44.560 --> 0:55:47.759 M I see it. 0:55:49.080 --> 0:55:51.200 I guess in a way, it's it's like, definitely not 0:55:51.400 --> 0:55:55.480 enjoyable to experience, you know, the consequences of being neurotic. 0:55:55.640 --> 0:55:58.680 But it's like, I'm sure afterward it's kind of like, oh, 0:55:58.719 --> 0:56:01.400 it's kind of you know, nice being alive. 0:56:01.840 --> 0:56:06.719 It's it's like you're able to feel. But also, I. 0:56:08.480 --> 0:56:12.120 Like your whole life is kind of following the pursuit 0:56:12.160 --> 0:56:14.759 of not feeling these things as little, like as much 0:56:14.800 --> 0:56:16.040 as possible, right. 0:56:16.120 --> 0:56:18.080 Right, but then once but once you accept right, but 0:56:18.120 --> 0:56:23.840 once you accept it, you're like, is paradoxically when you 0:56:23.920 --> 0:56:24.960 find some peace. 0:56:26.400 --> 0:56:28.120 Mm hmm let me. 0:56:28.080 --> 0:56:31.319 See accept it, like except that it's always going to 0:56:31.360 --> 0:56:34.359 be there, but still try to minimize it. 0:56:36.920 --> 0:56:37.360 Mmmm. 0:56:39.000 --> 0:56:39.960 Something like that. 0:56:40.200 --> 0:56:48.080 Probably okay, I mean yeah, yeah, I can't put this 0:56:48.239 --> 0:56:49.360 pressure on you. 0:56:49.680 --> 0:56:53.000 You're no, yeah, don't feel I don't feel No, I 0:56:53.040 --> 0:56:55.960 don't I don't feel any pressure at all. I'm just 0:56:56.160 --> 0:57:01.319 this has just been my uh experience. I mean it's 0:57:01.320 --> 0:57:04.160 still I'm still working it out. 0:57:04.320 --> 0:57:05.080 That's why I'm. 0:57:04.960 --> 0:57:07.160 Able to sound like I have any kind of authority 0:57:07.160 --> 0:57:10.640 on the subject. Is uh, you know, just a lot 0:57:10.680 --> 0:57:15.600 of work, continuing to work it out. But I'm you know, 0:57:16.600 --> 0:57:22.240 I'm trying to find my uh you just just keep working, 0:57:22.600 --> 0:57:24.760 just keep working and trying not to go insane. 0:57:25.440 --> 0:57:27.760 That's what I would say, got it, bread? 0:57:29.120 --> 0:57:29.440 Yes? 0:57:30.280 --> 0:57:31.640 Wait, sorry, you wanted to say something. 0:57:32.760 --> 0:57:37.520 I just wanted to ask about, like how you're direct 0:57:38.280 --> 0:57:40.680 how you're directing your life. I guess, like how do 0:57:40.760 --> 0:57:43.480 you start this podcast? Like what motivated you too? And 0:57:43.520 --> 0:57:46.320 then what are you following? I guess what are the 0:57:46.400 --> 0:57:48.760 big meaningful things that let you hear? 0:57:49.120 --> 0:57:56.880 And this podcast truly started as an accident. Okay, Well, 0:57:56.920 --> 0:58:00.680 I've always done stuff, and I've always fucked. 0:58:00.400 --> 0:58:03.200 Around on the internet and made movies and I. 0:58:03.160 --> 0:58:07.040 Did stand up for a while, and this podcast started 0:58:07.040 --> 0:58:09.120 as an act, truly as an accident. 0:58:10.520 --> 0:58:11.280 That kind of. 0:58:13.280 --> 0:58:18.800 I was able to turn into a thing. And I've 0:58:18.800 --> 0:58:22.080 been doing it for five years now, and I think 0:58:22.320 --> 0:58:28.600 now my now, my big like direction and focus is 0:58:28.640 --> 0:58:32.480 going to be on, uh making making little documentaries like 0:58:32.520 --> 0:58:35.560 I made my Tijuana documentary, I made my Japan documentary. 0:58:35.600 --> 0:58:40.360 I've got two other little docu videos in the works, 0:58:40.600 --> 0:58:44.280 and those are those those videos are what interested me 0:58:44.560 --> 0:58:46.560 right now. So I'm gonna keep trying to make those 0:58:46.640 --> 0:58:53.920 videos of like you know, uh traveling and uh interviewing people, 0:58:53.960 --> 0:58:56.320 and you know that feels like a very worthwhile use 0:58:56.360 --> 0:58:59.120 of my time. And I'm gonna keep trying to put 0:58:59.160 --> 0:59:04.680 on little fun things that bring people together and try 0:59:04.720 --> 0:59:10.360 to enjoy my life and make good work and uh 0:59:11.840 --> 0:59:15.480 do do things that feel worthwhile to me. That's been 0:59:15.520 --> 0:59:17.920 my kind of north star over the. 0:59:17.960 --> 0:59:18.480 Over the year. 0:59:20.560 --> 0:59:23.640 Solid sounds good. I hope it all goes well. 0:59:24.040 --> 0:59:26.120 I hope so too, Man, I hope so too. 0:59:27.640 --> 0:59:31.480 I'm sure it will. Like this podcast, it's basically the 0:59:31.520 --> 0:59:32.480 same thing I feel. 0:59:35.200 --> 0:59:37.760 Yeah, I mean, I you know, I was, I was struggling. 0:59:37.760 --> 0:59:40.520 I was journaling about it before I even started recording this, 0:59:40.560 --> 0:59:43.160 where I was struggling with like, uh, you know, the 0:59:43.240 --> 0:59:48.920 vulnerability involved in kind of putting all your eggs, taking 0:59:49.120 --> 0:59:52.640 taking your eggs out of the basket they've been in 0:59:52.680 --> 0:59:54.600 for a while and putting them into a new one. 0:59:54.800 --> 0:59:57.959 It's you know, there's some vulnerability there. But I think, 0:59:59.640 --> 1:00:02.280 I think, think, what else are you gonna do? 1:00:03.680 --> 1:00:07.480 True, maybe they'll hatch I don't know if that makes sense, 1:00:07.560 --> 1:00:09.840 but something will happen to them, something good. 1:00:10.640 --> 1:00:13.160 Yeah, and and and and If none of that works out, 1:00:13.200 --> 1:00:15.720 I'm gonna eat a lot of chocolate. I'm gonna eat 1:00:15.720 --> 1:00:18.640 a lot of I'm gonna eat a lot of Ben 1:00:18.720 --> 1:00:19.280 and Jerry's. 1:00:19.280 --> 1:00:22.160 Oh my god, I had I had? You ever have 1:00:22.320 --> 1:00:23.640 zebra cake ice cream? 1:00:24.800 --> 1:00:26.320 No? Is that a thing? 1:00:26.680 --> 1:00:29.600 It's ice cream with fucking zebra cake chunks in. 1:00:29.640 --> 1:00:34.160 It is zebra cake, the thing from like Debbie whatever, Yes. 1:00:34.240 --> 1:00:36.840 Yet Debbie, Yeah, little Debbie, zebra cakes. 1:00:38.080 --> 1:00:38.320 Due. 1:00:38.320 --> 1:00:41.920 They're just putting whatever in there. It sounds good. 1:00:42.760 --> 1:00:43.320 It's insane. 1:00:43.320 --> 1:00:43.720 Oh yeah. 1:00:43.840 --> 1:00:48.880 Honestly, I don't regret any I don't regret any time 1:00:48.920 --> 1:00:50.959 in my life that I ate zebra cake ice cream. 1:00:51.240 --> 1:00:52.760 I mean maybe I do a little bit. I mean 1:00:52.800 --> 1:00:53.040 I don't. 1:00:53.200 --> 1:00:55.720 I don't regret it. I'd like to move forward. I'd 1:00:55.760 --> 1:00:58.320 like to eat less ship. But if I don't regret it, 1:00:58.360 --> 1:01:01.560 if I did, it was all fine. It all happens. 1:01:02.280 --> 1:01:04.440 I live in the presence. I'm trying to at least. 1:01:08.480 --> 1:01:11.360 Yeah, man, that ice stream pretty much has never happened. 1:01:11.520 --> 1:01:13.720 It's fine. There's no consequences. 1:01:14.160 --> 1:01:18.480 Yeah, bread, was this conversation in any way, shape or 1:01:18.520 --> 1:01:20.040 form good or helpful for you? 1:01:20.920 --> 1:01:22.440 It was very much so. 1:01:22.680 --> 1:01:25.720 Yeah, I think it was like a slap in the face. 1:01:25.760 --> 1:01:28.600 It's just like, you know, just you know, don't overthink it, 1:01:28.800 --> 1:01:31.520 like you said, do worth of all things? Just yeah, 1:01:31.720 --> 1:01:34.720 you need to stop thinking so much and live. I 1:01:34.760 --> 1:01:37.800 guess I don't know. 1:01:38.560 --> 1:01:40.360 I'll tell you. I'll tell you what if if if 1:01:40.400 --> 1:01:42.120 you try to do that, I will try to do 1:01:42.200 --> 1:01:42.600 that too. 1:01:43.920 --> 1:01:44.960 Sounds good. 1:01:46.680 --> 1:01:47.880 Is there anything else you want to say to the 1:01:47.920 --> 1:01:53.160 people of the computer before we go? Bread Er, No, sir, 1:01:54.600 --> 1:01:57.440 beautiful bread, I will see you around the universe. 1:01:58.240 --> 1:01:59.120 Yep, same to you. 1:01:59.200 --> 1:02:01.200 But that was bread. 1:02:01.760 --> 1:02:02.040 Hello. 1:02:02.440 --> 1:02:03.080 Hey, what's up? 1:02:03.080 --> 1:02:05.560 Man? You know? Is this Lyle? 1:02:06.440 --> 1:02:06.720 Yeah? 1:02:06.800 --> 1:02:08.000 Who is this? 1:02:08.000 --> 1:02:08.720 This is Carler? 1:02:08.840 --> 1:02:09.040 Man. 1:02:09.880 --> 1:02:11.520 What's going on, Tyler? How's life? 1:02:12.720 --> 1:02:16.000 I would say it's been pretty good recently, for sure. 1:02:17.560 --> 1:02:20.080 I just finally got a job, finally after like six 1:02:20.120 --> 1:02:21.080 months of unemployment. 1:02:21.600 --> 1:02:25.200 Very good, very good. 1:02:25.840 --> 1:02:31.800 What kind of job, like like accounting, like accounts. 1:02:31.160 --> 1:02:38.040 Receivable, accounts receivable, that's the job from that I actually 1:02:38.080 --> 1:02:43.320 I just watched, Uh there's a scene from the show 1:02:43.520 --> 1:02:44.520 Bob's Burgers. 1:02:45.720 --> 1:02:48.600 Where have you ever seen this? What's on YouTube? 1:02:48.720 --> 1:02:50.640 I mean it's also in the show Bob's Burgers, but 1:02:50.800 --> 1:02:54.840 I know from YouTube where Bob has like a has 1:02:54.880 --> 1:02:58.160 a day dream about having a normal job after getting 1:02:58.200 --> 1:03:01.200 like pissed off about owning the restaurant, and he goes 1:03:01.200 --> 1:03:03.240 and he's like reading, he's reading a newspaper and he 1:03:03.280 --> 1:03:07.440 goes accounts receivable specialist. That sounds nice, and then he 1:03:07.480 --> 1:03:10.040 has this daydream about working in an office as an 1:03:10.040 --> 1:03:11.520 accounts receivable specialist. 1:03:12.120 --> 1:03:12.800 Have you ever seen that? 1:03:14.560 --> 1:03:17.680 I've watched Bobs Berger, but I haven't watched that specific clip. 1:03:18.000 --> 1:03:21.080 You watch it, maybe it might make you romanticize being 1:03:21.120 --> 1:03:23.600 an accounts receivable specialist? 1:03:24.080 --> 1:03:30.000 Honestly, am I for real? I mean, but yeah, I 1:03:30.080 --> 1:03:34.240 got yeah, No, I was just like, I mean, I 1:03:34.320 --> 1:03:35.760 was just gonna have to say, like, you know, I mean, 1:03:36.080 --> 1:03:38.720 it's not the ideal job I'm looking for, but it's 1:03:38.800 --> 1:03:41.640 definitely just like I mean, literally, I haven't gotten paid 1:03:41.640 --> 1:03:43.840 in like six months, so it feels good to like 1:03:43.880 --> 1:03:44.640 make money. 1:03:44.360 --> 1:03:49.960 Again, you feel, Tyler, I'm gonna ask, it's okay if 1:03:50.000 --> 1:03:52.160 not or if this was the thing, but is there 1:03:52.200 --> 1:03:53.960 anything in particular you called in to want I talk 1:03:53.960 --> 1:03:55.840 about today? 1:03:57.680 --> 1:04:01.320 I guess, like I don't know. I didn't expect to answer, really, 1:04:01.640 --> 1:04:04.480 but I mean I was just damn you know, I mean, 1:04:04.600 --> 1:04:06.920 I don't know. I mean particularly you know, I mean 1:04:06.920 --> 1:04:09.040 that that was just telling me about the good news 1:04:09.040 --> 1:04:15.320 of I guess my week. I guess so yeah, I mean, 1:04:15.320 --> 1:04:17.720 I'm I don't really have anything else really on the top. 1:04:17.600 --> 1:04:19.560 Of my head right now, but that's okay. 1:04:19.560 --> 1:04:21.200 I just want to say it's the good news and whatnot. 1:04:21.520 --> 1:04:25.800 That's good, that's good. What's your life like in general? 1:04:29.840 --> 1:04:32.840 I would say just pretty like pretty regular, I would say, 1:04:32.880 --> 1:04:35.360 you know, just like I guess I can the unemployed 1:04:35.360 --> 1:04:40.600 life I was living just like, wake up, go to 1:04:40.640 --> 1:04:45.840 the gym, do homework, especially like job applications, maybe smoke 1:04:45.920 --> 1:04:48.800 some weed. I mean, that's really kind of really my 1:04:48.880 --> 1:04:50.480 day really kind of every day. 1:04:53.240 --> 1:04:57.480 How's how's weed been for you? 1:04:57.480 --> 1:05:00.280 You know what? Like I'm gonna lie like I took 1:05:00.320 --> 1:05:02.200 like an eight hundred milligram edible like a couple of 1:05:02.240 --> 1:05:05.520 days ago, and I've just been mad chilling. I don't 1:05:05.520 --> 1:05:07.960 really smoke since then, so a couple of days. 1:05:08.680 --> 1:05:11.800 So so you're you're you're to tell me that you're 1:05:12.120 --> 1:05:16.600 currently still riding the high of that eight hundred milligram edible, 1:05:16.680 --> 1:05:18.040 like it hasn't worn off. 1:05:19.640 --> 1:05:21.919 You know what. Like the next to like I think 1:05:21.960 --> 1:05:24.400 like the next day, like so like keep in mind, 1:05:24.440 --> 1:05:26.200 like well I took it, like I took like five 1:05:26.280 --> 1:05:28.680 hundred milligrams of it, and I took like another three 1:05:28.800 --> 1:05:32.200 hundred like maybe like a couple hours later, and like 1:05:33.560 --> 1:05:37.200 that next day I pretty much was just sleeping pretty 1:05:37.240 --> 1:05:42.760 much like thirteen hours right and then and then like 1:05:42.800 --> 1:05:45.120 I just really haven't had the craving, I guess, because 1:05:45.160 --> 1:05:46.800 you know, sometimes you just have like that craving. It's 1:05:46.840 --> 1:05:49.320 like they don't really want to smoke right now. M 1:05:49.840 --> 1:05:51.960 But like I haven't had that since the edible. 1:05:52.760 --> 1:05:58.880 Mm so the edible just got rid of cravings, I guess. 1:05:59.080 --> 1:06:01.080 I mean, I mean theoretically it's kind of like a 1:06:01.120 --> 1:06:03.680 blessing in disguy, since I got the job, you know 1:06:03.720 --> 1:06:05.800 what I mean. It's like I don't feel like smoking 1:06:05.800 --> 1:06:08.840 weed before or after the job right now. Just kind 1:06:08.840 --> 1:06:11.520 of like figure out the you know, like how my 1:06:11.680 --> 1:06:13.040 new routine will work and whatnot. 1:06:13.160 --> 1:06:19.120 You feel, Yeah, I feel I feel Hmmm, Tyler, what 1:06:19.160 --> 1:06:21.760 do you do in your free time besides I guess 1:06:21.760 --> 1:06:22.560 smoke weed. 1:06:24.480 --> 1:06:27.240 You know what? Like I was doing like I did 1:06:27.240 --> 1:06:32.280 pick up ball for a little bit. Oh yeah, yeah. 1:06:32.480 --> 1:06:35.080 I was part of a group for like I would say, 1:06:36.000 --> 1:06:39.720 a good four months and then it just kind of 1:06:39.760 --> 1:06:42.520 disbanded randomly. So I haven't really been able to do 1:06:42.640 --> 1:06:46.000 that much, but I guess, like in a general sense, 1:06:46.040 --> 1:06:52.760 like I've done like some ikes, like the gym, I 1:06:52.840 --> 1:06:55.640 try to get into like puzzles and whatnot again, which 1:06:55.680 --> 1:06:59.960 is been kind of therapeutic, but I don't know, sometimes 1:07:00.080 --> 1:07:01.960 like you just got to be really locked into like 1:07:02.040 --> 1:07:04.520 wanting that in order to like focus. 1:07:05.160 --> 1:07:06.520 What kind of puzzles are we talking? 1:07:08.080 --> 1:07:10.480 Oh no, like the like the dollar tree puzzles, like 1:07:10.520 --> 1:07:13.800 the two hundred and fifty to five hundred piece puzzles 1:07:13.840 --> 1:07:16.400 that are like just random images probably you can sitch 1:07:16.400 --> 1:07:16.840 on Google. 1:07:17.680 --> 1:07:20.760 Yeah, puzzles are very calming, you know, they feel they 1:07:20.760 --> 1:07:22.120 feel productive and linear. 1:07:24.400 --> 1:07:28.880 Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly. But you know, I mean I've 1:07:28.920 --> 1:07:32.240 done the puzzles, like I've sometimes had like color, Like 1:07:32.280 --> 1:07:35.600 I've like I like have like this thing where like 1:07:35.600 --> 1:07:37.480 like really earlier on like this year, I was like 1:07:37.480 --> 1:07:39.560 I really want to get into like my creative elements 1:07:39.560 --> 1:07:41.960 in a sense and just like trying to just to 1:07:42.440 --> 1:07:44.600 expand like the left side of my brain or whatever. 1:07:45.480 --> 1:07:46.760 So like I kind of just bought a bunch of 1:07:46.840 --> 1:07:52.040 coloring books and like crosser puzzles and actual puzzles. 1:07:52.840 --> 1:07:54.600 What kinds of shit have you been coloring? 1:07:57.800 --> 1:08:00.680 It's kind of like sometimes there's like print out online. 1:08:00.880 --> 1:08:04.720 Sometimes there's like the coloring books themselves are just kind 1:08:04.720 --> 1:08:07.680 of like regular general colored books, like for example, like 1:08:07.720 --> 1:08:11.800 there's like one dedicated like animals, or like one decade 1:08:11.840 --> 1:08:14.280 just the cars. You know, just kind of like those 1:08:16.080 --> 1:08:18.919 kind of just basic coloring books you could just find anywhere. 1:08:20.120 --> 1:08:22.040 But I don't know, it kind of it is kind 1:08:22.040 --> 1:08:23.679 of weirdly therapeutic in a sense. 1:08:25.520 --> 1:08:30.559 M yeah, I gotta I gotta get on that coloring 1:08:30.560 --> 1:08:35.559 book ship, you know. Yeah, just something to occupy the mind, right, 1:08:35.680 --> 1:08:37.040 I mean that's kind of like what we were talking 1:08:37.080 --> 1:08:40.040 about in the previous call, is like just trying to 1:08:40.080 --> 1:08:42.080 not have your mind wander on shiit. 1:08:43.479 --> 1:08:43.920 Mm hmm. 1:08:45.320 --> 1:08:47.479 A video games are good for that. What are you 1:08:47.479 --> 1:08:47.920 gonna say? 1:08:48.960 --> 1:08:49.080 Oh? 1:08:49.160 --> 1:08:51.040 Yeah, I was just gonna say. My grandpa said this 1:08:51.080 --> 1:08:53.800 one quot where it's like like I don't like the 1:08:53.880 --> 1:08:56.760 idle mind is after about the exact quote, but it's 1:08:56.760 --> 1:08:59.160 like something like the idle mind is like the. 1:08:59.120 --> 1:09:00.280 Worst mind or something like that. 1:09:00.320 --> 1:09:02.880 I don't know totally like just being not preoccupied or 1:09:03.000 --> 1:09:05.000 not totally and you. 1:09:04.960 --> 1:09:07.240 Know what, you know what, you start go ahead and 1:09:07.280 --> 1:09:07.840 go ahead? 1:09:08.160 --> 1:09:09.439 No no, no, no, go ahead, no go ahead. 1:09:09.680 --> 1:09:10.360 Oh I was gonna. 1:09:10.479 --> 1:09:14.040 So you know what's funny is like some people, some 1:09:14.080 --> 1:09:16.320 people say the opposite of that ship. They're like, you 1:09:16.360 --> 1:09:19.639 can't keep doing stuff to escape your thoughts. You gotta 1:09:19.840 --> 1:09:22.320 improve you, guys, improve the quality of your thoughts when 1:09:22.320 --> 1:09:23.240 they're when you're idle. 1:09:23.479 --> 1:09:25.200 I think that's fucking stupid. 1:09:25.400 --> 1:09:29.120 You know. I think doing things to escape your thoughts 1:09:30.479 --> 1:09:36.519 great idea. Meditation that I mean, I'm I'm, I'm, I'm 1:09:36.560 --> 1:09:38.920 I'm kind of bullshitting here. I'm just being being funny, 1:09:38.920 --> 1:09:42.160 but uh, meditation does feel like a kind of bullshit 1:09:42.240 --> 1:09:43.960 in that sense of like, wait, I don't want to 1:09:44.000 --> 1:09:44.599 sit with my thoughts. 1:09:44.640 --> 1:09:45.880 I gotta avoid these guys. 1:09:46.439 --> 1:09:49.040 You know, I think it's just about it's about the 1:09:49.200 --> 1:09:52.200 quality of the thing you're doing, probably to avoid your thoughts, 1:09:52.240 --> 1:09:55.840 because you know, you can avoid thoughts by fucking eating 1:09:55.840 --> 1:10:00.640 ice cream or doing starting a fucking landscaping company. But 1:10:01.400 --> 1:10:04.040 it's still doing the same thing, still avoiding thoughts. That's 1:10:04.040 --> 1:10:05.799 why you go to work or do anything. 1:10:07.960 --> 1:10:10.439 Yeah, I guess. I mean, I don't know, Like I 1:10:10.479 --> 1:10:13.679 feel like I don't know, Like I guess, like when 1:10:14.280 --> 1:10:17.280 I have like those negative thoughts, sometimes I kind of 1:10:17.280 --> 1:10:20.360 just try to like figure out why, and then like 1:10:20.880 --> 1:10:23.040 when I discovered the why, then it kind of leads 1:10:23.120 --> 1:10:25.160 to like a whole like oh wait, I've been avoiding 1:10:25.160 --> 1:10:28.320 this for like years and then like and then you're like, 1:10:28.400 --> 1:10:31.439 oh wait, I probably should just make slowly efforts at things, 1:10:31.479 --> 1:10:35.160 like I'll give you an example, Like I guess, like 1:10:36.280 --> 1:10:39.599 I trance, like I switched to like schools online originally 1:10:39.640 --> 1:10:42.080 being in person, and I kind of like lost like 1:10:42.160 --> 1:10:44.120 that social kind of like aspect of. 1:10:44.080 --> 1:10:45.839 It of school and whatnot. 1:10:45.920 --> 1:10:48.879 So like I guess like the feeling of like loneliness 1:10:48.960 --> 1:10:51.120 kind of like overtakes me sometimes, so like sometimes I 1:10:51.120 --> 1:10:52.960 got to figure out like how to deal with the thoughts, 1:10:53.080 --> 1:10:56.920 like maybe not smoking weeds, just like actually like going 1:10:56.960 --> 1:10:59.120 out there and actually going on like a meetup kind 1:10:59.120 --> 1:11:02.959 of like have you've mentioned for in your previous episodes. 1:11:03.240 --> 1:11:09.760 M hm, did you say that you did you say 1:11:09.800 --> 1:11:11.280 that you went to a meet up or you thinking 1:11:11.280 --> 1:11:12.160 about going to a meetup? 1:11:13.680 --> 1:11:15.800 Oh, Like I've been to like a couple like I've 1:11:16.040 --> 1:11:19.600 I think it's like whenever, like well like as recently, no, 1:11:20.600 --> 1:11:23.200 but like within the past six months, yes, like for 1:11:23.240 --> 1:11:26.439 that pickleball thing. That's how I found it. 1:11:27.479 --> 1:11:28.960 Yeah, well that's why it's. 1:11:28.760 --> 1:11:30.760 Tougher in my area at least, I don't know. 1:11:30.800 --> 1:11:32.320 Well, what's your area. 1:11:33.920 --> 1:11:38.240 I'm in, like southern California where it's like kind of 1:11:38.280 --> 1:11:40.519 the unique culture. I mean I could kind of like, 1:11:41.280 --> 1:11:43.559 I mean, I could just go to LA area. It's 1:11:43.600 --> 1:11:46.000 like an hour for me for some better things, but 1:11:46.840 --> 1:11:49.400 I don't know, I'm I have to like drive everywhere. 1:11:49.880 --> 1:11:51.320 Yeah, well, so what do you mean it's I mean, 1:11:51.360 --> 1:11:53.800 so cal is full of I mean La is full 1:11:53.840 --> 1:11:58.559 of ship everywhere. M hm, you know. 1:11:58.760 --> 1:12:01.240 Yeah. But like but at least my area right or 1:12:01.280 --> 1:12:05.479 like the OC area, Like I don't know, it's like 1:12:06.160 --> 1:12:09.880 it's either like a bunch of like like younger families 1:12:11.400 --> 1:12:14.960 or just like really old people. So it's like kind 1:12:14.960 --> 1:12:16.640 of hard to find people my age because usually they 1:12:16.640 --> 1:12:19.439 moved out of the area by then, or if they did, 1:12:20.000 --> 1:12:25.280 or if they didn't, I don't know where to find them. 1:12:26.000 --> 1:12:28.920 How was the pickleball meet up? 1:12:31.240 --> 1:12:35.640 Yeah, so I'll try to remember as much as I can, 1:12:35.720 --> 1:12:39.000 but pretty much when I got there. How it first 1:12:39.000 --> 1:12:41.200 started was we had to like we had to like 1:12:41.439 --> 1:12:45.680 determine like what level of pickleball knowledge we were. I 1:12:45.680 --> 1:12:47.479 think it's like like it goes from like one to 1:12:47.600 --> 1:12:50.800 five and I barely I mean, I played tennis a 1:12:50.840 --> 1:12:54.759 little bit back in the day, but I wasn't really 1:12:54.760 --> 1:12:57.400 as like knowledgeable about the rules of pickleball, so I 1:12:57.439 --> 1:12:59.360 was kind of just like learning. It's like the first 1:12:59.439 --> 1:13:02.160 day of me going to this was like actually learning 1:13:02.160 --> 1:13:05.600 the sport, and then kind of like it's kind of 1:13:05.680 --> 1:13:09.120 turned into like just random groups revolving like you would 1:13:09.160 --> 1:13:10.719 be this like an hour and just you'd probably play 1:13:10.720 --> 1:13:13.639 like three or four games do that like once a week. 1:13:15.640 --> 1:13:17.479 It's pretty fun. I mean I didn't really connect with 1:13:17.600 --> 1:13:22.320 a lot of people at that because like I don't know, 1:13:22.400 --> 1:13:23.759 it's like it's it's. 1:13:23.640 --> 1:13:26.400 Well, well, well, well, well, Here's one thing that I 1:13:26.400 --> 1:13:28.280 think people don't realize when they go to meetups or 1:13:28.360 --> 1:13:32.240 shit like that, is that you don't if if you 1:13:32.320 --> 1:13:34.880 go to a thing like that and you instantly make 1:13:34.960 --> 1:13:39.519 a bunch of friends and uh, everything instantly feels amazing, then. 1:13:39.360 --> 1:13:41.519 You got very lucky. 1:13:41.720 --> 1:13:41.920 Right. 1:13:42.720 --> 1:13:46.360 You're supposed to the like you don't that shoul didn't 1:13:46.400 --> 1:13:51.280 happen overnight. Like you join communities by repeatedly being a 1:13:51.320 --> 1:13:53.720 part of them. So you you can't like just go 1:13:53.800 --> 1:13:56.479 to one thing and then see that it already has 1:13:56.520 --> 1:13:58.360 You can't because I think like a lot of people, 1:13:58.360 --> 1:14:00.200 like they go to one thing and then they see 1:14:00.240 --> 1:14:02.720 that it already has its own culture and whatnot, and 1:14:02.760 --> 1:14:05.040 then they feel isolated from that culture and then they 1:14:05.080 --> 1:14:06.400 go home and they're like, I don't know if I 1:14:06.400 --> 1:14:06.800 ever want. 1:14:06.720 --> 1:14:07.200 To do that again. 1:14:07.240 --> 1:14:10.360 But that's because you're you have way too many expectations 1:14:10.400 --> 1:14:12.479 from the first thing. You got to kind of find 1:14:12.479 --> 1:14:16.519 a thing that you're repeatedly showing up to, and even then, 1:14:16.560 --> 1:14:17.439 it doesn't take that long. 1:14:17.840 --> 1:14:21.680 Really, it doesn't take that long, you know. 1:14:21.760 --> 1:14:23.320 I mean if you go to the se because if 1:14:23.320 --> 1:14:27.000 you go to the same fucking pickleball thing, you know 1:14:27.080 --> 1:14:31.880 once a week for six months, you know you're you're 1:14:31.880 --> 1:14:32.439 in the clear. 1:14:34.479 --> 1:14:38.320 No, you're absolutely right, Like I definitely believe that. I 1:14:38.400 --> 1:14:42.880 definitely do that, honestly. And yeah, I mean, like the 1:14:43.000 --> 1:14:45.479 pickleball is a unique situation since the it just got 1:14:45.479 --> 1:14:49.639 disbanded and just disappeared. But like, yeah, like i I've 1:14:49.640 --> 1:14:52.080 been trying to learn to like have that expectation kind 1:14:52.080 --> 1:14:53.400 of go down where like, you know, I'm not going 1:14:53.439 --> 1:14:55.680 to be friends with everyone immediately, but if I do, 1:14:55.760 --> 1:14:58.280 that'd be nice. But you know, it's just it's just 1:14:58.360 --> 1:15:01.760 kind of being consistent regular. It's kind of like the 1:15:02.360 --> 1:15:06.080 big kind of key component. It's like the meeting community 1:15:06.120 --> 1:15:07.840 is just being consistent with where you're going to. 1:15:08.439 --> 1:15:09.680 Yeah, I agree with that. 1:15:11.880 --> 1:15:15.640 What did you say your name was, Jacob Kyler? 1:15:16.040 --> 1:15:19.920 Fuck you? 1:15:20.760 --> 1:15:23.200 No, Well, it's annoying because if you came up to 1:15:23.240 --> 1:15:25.800 me in three years and you were like, yo, we 1:15:25.840 --> 1:15:28.480 talked about how I went to meet people at a pickleball, 1:15:28.520 --> 1:15:30.280 I'd be like, yeah, I do remember that, but I 1:15:30.320 --> 1:15:34.479 won't I won't remember what the I honestly, I honestly, 1:15:34.520 --> 1:15:37.240 I don't apologize for not for forgetting the names. I 1:15:37.280 --> 1:15:40.000 remember the things, but I don't remember any names. It 1:15:40.120 --> 1:15:42.080 just is a thing you. 1:15:42.160 --> 1:15:44.320 I'll go with me. Man, you probably talked to some people. 1:15:44.479 --> 1:15:46.519 You're probably no, it's not even it's not even that. 1:15:46.600 --> 1:15:49.839 It's not even that. It's not even that Kyler. 1:15:51.360 --> 1:15:53.439 Yes, because I talked to so many people, but I 1:15:53.520 --> 1:15:55.479 remember a lot of the I don't know why I'm 1:15:55.520 --> 1:15:58.479 getting upset right now. I remember a lot of the thing. 1:15:58.720 --> 1:16:02.880 I remember the things, the conversations, but I just like 1:16:03.040 --> 1:16:07.599 names or not. You know, I forget names of people 1:16:07.640 --> 1:16:09.160 that I know in real life all the time. 1:16:10.720 --> 1:16:12.240 Wasn't there like a time when you're like, I'm just 1:16:12.240 --> 1:16:15.599 gonna call people caller, Like, I'm not gonna remember names, 1:16:15.920 --> 1:16:21.320 call people call her. Yeah, but but hey, it's all good. 1:16:23.760 --> 1:16:25.719 You know what. What's your name is, Kyler? 1:16:27.080 --> 1:16:28.600 Yep, you got it. 1:16:28.680 --> 1:16:29.840 Is there anything else you want to say to the 1:16:29.840 --> 1:16:31.040 people of the computer before we go. 1:16:33.760 --> 1:16:35.680 Just be consistent with what you want to do with 1:16:35.680 --> 1:16:38.719 your life, and things will hopefully happen. 1:16:40.080 --> 1:16:43.240 Thank you, Kyler, have a good rest of your entire existence. 1:16:43.280 --> 1:16:48.479 Appreciate it. Get blessed by Kyler goes on the line, thinking, 1:16:49.520 --> 1:16:50.200 every night. 1:16:50.439 --> 1:16:53.120 Everything goes to teaching you. 1:16:53.680 --> 1:16:53.720 The