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Speaker 1: This is John, this is Sam.

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Speaker 2: Your og okay storytime podcast hosts.

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Speaker 3: We have some spectacular stories coming up, but.

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Speaker 2: Real quick, we get a two minute break from our

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Speaker 2: lovely sponsors keeping this ship sailing.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend has exclusively male friends. Am I right in

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Speaker 1: thinking this is weird? My girlfriend, eighteen female, I am

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Speaker 1: twenty male, is friends with exclusively guys. She is zero girlfriends.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not talking close friends, I mean any female

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Speaker 1: friends in general. I think that's a little bit of

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Speaker 1: a red flag in general, because I'm like, why can't

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Speaker 1: you be friends with women?

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Speaker 3: I always feel like there's a deep rooted self self

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Speaker 3: like security or like, yeah, internalized misogyny when that happens,

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Speaker 3: since they I don't, Oh, women are too complicated, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: like it's you're maybe you have trauma?

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. The guys who she's friends with are people

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Speaker 1: who constantly lie and cheat on their own girlfriends compulsively

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Speaker 1: and don't support our relationship at all. Ooh and they

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Speaker 1: have never asked to meet me, And I've even gone

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Speaker 1: as far as to talk crap about me behind my

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Speaker 1: back to her, have hit on her and talk to

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Speaker 1: her through social media essentially every day. Nothing flirty, just

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Speaker 1: stuff friends would talk about as far as I've seen.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from just Scade on the

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Speaker 1: Okay storytime subured it. So I have met one of

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Speaker 1: them so far, and I thought all went well until

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend told me that the only thing the guy

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Speaker 1: said to the rest of his friend group after meeting

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Speaker 1: me was that I asked too many questions and that

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Speaker 1: he found it annoying. What the questions I asked were

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Speaker 1: completely normal and standard questions you would ask anyone who

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Speaker 1: you meet for the first time. Was literally just getting

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Speaker 1: to know him, What are you studying? Et cetera. I

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Speaker 1: wasn't in his face or anything, just trying to act

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Speaker 1: as friendly as possible. He barely asked me anything about myself.

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Speaker 1: Apart from this one time, none of them have ever

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Speaker 1: asked to meet me. But despite this, she remains friends

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Speaker 1: with them, and she shows no signs that any of

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Speaker 1: this bugs her. Huge red flash to her bar yea, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean she's eighteen.

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Speaker 3: So people these girls hate women.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she probably hates women, Yeah, and that's why she's

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Speaker 1: came out with him. She has asked them a good

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Speaker 1: few times whether she could bring me to one of

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Speaker 1: their dinners, events, hangouts, and they have always said no

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Speaker 1: next time. Maybe she's told me. They never ask about

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Speaker 1: me either. Why is she telling so weird? Why are

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Speaker 1: you Yeah, like my friend said, you can't come to

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Speaker 1: the dinner. Yeah, it doesn't seem like she's standing up

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Speaker 1: for him at all. That's really fun like. They also

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Speaker 1: probably don't like her that much. One of them has

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Speaker 1: even gone as far as to say to my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: over text, you're standing up to your boyfriend over me.

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Speaker 1: Does he even respect you? He doesn't even know how

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Speaker 1: to be in a relationship. He's weird. This is a

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Speaker 1: guy who I have never met and have never had

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Speaker 1: any interaction with, apart from one very polite and unconfrontational

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Speaker 1: short message I sent asking him to stop sending romantic

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Speaker 1: Instagram reels and dozens of I Miss you messages to

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Speaker 1: her after she had told them to stop many many

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Speaker 1: times when.

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Speaker 3: She that's what doesn't respect too.

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Speaker 1: Thankfully, she had shut down all of these messages that

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Speaker 1: he sent her instantly and didn't entertain any of his

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Speaker 1: pursuits in the slightest. She backed me up when he

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Speaker 1: brought it up to her and didn't mind that I

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Speaker 1: sent him a message. But anyway, after all of this

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Speaker 1: she wants to continue friendships with him and people like this.

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Speaker 1: I could include a lot of other examples of what

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Speaker 1: these guys are like, but I want to keep things

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Speaker 1: fairly short. I wouldn't think too much of this if

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Speaker 1: she had even one or two close girlfriends as part

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Speaker 1: of the group. But the thing that's starting to get

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Speaker 1: to me slightly is that she does not have a

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Speaker 1: single friend who is a girl. What confuses me is

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Speaker 1: that she appears so trustworthy and loyal, has never seen

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Speaker 1: any of these guys one on one, but doesn't see

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Speaker 1: a problem with the way they act. That also, just

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Speaker 1: like sucks to never have a friend that you hang

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Speaker 1: out with one on one. Yeah, Like, just that's sad.

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Speaker 3: I feel like for anyone out there who doesn't have

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Speaker 3: people like we need that.

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Speaker 1: We need that, we need that don't settle for these guys. No,

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Speaker 1: she seems so far removed from what these guys are like,

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Speaker 1: and I don't understand how someone like her would want

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Speaker 1: to surround herself with people like this. I mean, for

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Speaker 1: Christ's sake, one of them show the whole group a

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Speaker 1: video of him having spicy sleep with his girlfriend while

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Speaker 1: talking about how he wants to cheat so badly. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: I would have a conversation with your girlfriend and say, hey,

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Speaker 1: if you want to be friends with these people, I

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Speaker 1: don't see how like I think that we're not aligned.

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Speaker 3: No, I think there needs to be a conversation about boundaries.

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Speaker 1: Because this is insane, that's weird. Why would you ever

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Speaker 1: be friends with someone like this? I asked her at

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Speaker 1: the beginning of a relationship that I'm not really comfortable

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Speaker 1: with her hanging out with only guys if they're people

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Speaker 1: like this, not even like they're guys, it's that.

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Speaker 3: No, it's just the these guys specifically, Like I think

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Speaker 3: it's good for people to be friends with.

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Speaker 1: I agree, people of the opposite gender, many like I

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Speaker 1: live in a house with all men. Yeah, it's not like.

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Speaker 1: It's just who your friends were exactly. And since that conversation,

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Speaker 1: there has always been a girl with them, But the

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Speaker 1: girl is almost always one of the guys girlfriends who

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Speaker 1: she seems to barely interact with. She's never pursued any

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Speaker 1: sort of friendship with them and never talks to them

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Speaker 1: again after meeting them. She's never invited any of her

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Speaker 1: own girlfriends because she doesn't have any, and there's no

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Speaker 1: girls apart from her and the friend group. I'm just confused,

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Speaker 1: I guess, and I'm not trying to complain or wringe

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Speaker 1: about the because I feel like our relationship is actually

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Speaker 1: extremely strong and so far nothing has ever happened between

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Speaker 1: her and any of these guys. We have each other

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Speaker 1: on Life three sixty WHOA. She openly lets me use

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Speaker 1: her phone whenever she wants me to. She's never lied, cheated,

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Speaker 1: entertained any guy's pursuits on her, and has only been honest, transparent,

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Speaker 1: and genuine with me. She shows me her messages with them,

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Speaker 1: and I have only seen her shut them down. To clarify,

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Speaker 1: only one or two of these guys has tried to

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Speaker 1: talk to her in a flirty way. The rest I'm

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Speaker 1: not really fond of because of how they don't support

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Speaker 1: our relationship, criticize me behind my back, don't want to

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Speaker 1: meet me, and because they're bragging about how often they

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Speaker 1: want to cheat on their own girlfriends. She needs to

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Speaker 1: drop these, I.

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Speaker 3: Mean, yeah, really valid reasons, not like people. Yeah, maybe

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Speaker 3: he would feel better if she was making an active

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Speaker 3: effort to make other like female friends.

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Speaker 1: Just I don't know anyone but these guys like.

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Speaker 3: Maybe like Okay, don't drop them completely, but clearly they're

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Speaker 3: not good people.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you want to be friends with them

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Speaker 1: when they actively try and pursue you and you have

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Speaker 1: to shut them down. They don't listen. I have really

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Speaker 1: no reason to doubt her loyalty, and she is continually

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Speaker 1: reassured right from the beginning. I feel like I treat

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Speaker 1: her incredibly well. I have always respected her, have never

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Speaker 1: gotten aggressive, and have always been supportive, kind, caring, and

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Speaker 1: selfless towards her. Because I love her heaps, I treat

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Speaker 1: her as best as I possibly can, and she does

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Speaker 1: the same towards me. The thing I just don't understand

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Speaker 1: is why she feels the need to continue friendships with

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Speaker 1: exclusively guys who are inherently toxic and misogynistic, and why

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Speaker 1: she's unable to make friends with any girls at all.

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Speaker 1: Does anyone think there's a reason for this. I could

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Speaker 1: never be around anyone who talks crap about my girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: and I definitely distance myself from any of my friends

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Speaker 1: if they started to continually cheat, let alone brag about it. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I have brought this up to her a few times,

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Speaker 1: and even she is admitted to me that they're crappy

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Speaker 1: people and that she has barely anything in common with them,

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Speaker 1: but has always assured me that they will never influence

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Speaker 1: her and that she can't change how they are. By

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Speaker 1: the way, I would never her try to influence you

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Speaker 1: to join us live every week, to have three PMPSD

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Speaker 1: on YouTube and Facebook. Just tap her profile. In concern

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Speaker 1: to Opie's questions, it is a huge red flag to

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Speaker 1: surround yourself with people like this and to also realize

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Speaker 1: that you don't have anything in common with them and

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Speaker 1: they're crappy people, and you're still gonna hang out with them.

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Speaker 3: Yep, And it's giving. She probably has low self esteem

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Speaker 3: and has had some kind of negative relationship with women

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Speaker 3: and needs to work on that.

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Speaker 1: Yes, because any like truly, anytime a girl talks to

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Speaker 1: me and she's like, ah, all of the women in

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Speaker 1: my life are tear like. Women are like I can't

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Speaker 1: be friends with women because you're yeah, there's so much trauma.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what do you talk?

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Speaker 3: Female friendships are beautiful.

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Speaker 1: They're beautiful. They're beautiful. I love them me too. For

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Speaker 1: some more context, it seems like she has always been

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Speaker 1: like this, no female friends. To contextualize things a little,

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Speaker 1: I'm wide Australian and she is from Hong Kong. She

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Speaker 1: moved to Perth at the beginning of twenty twenty four

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Speaker 1: to study and all of these friends I've mentioned are Asian,

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Speaker 1: all Asian guys through UNI, so she sees them pretty often.

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Speaker 1: From what I've gathered, her parents also share the same

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Speaker 1: views and don't seem to like her friends much at all,

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Speaker 1: probably because of all the same reasons as someone who

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Speaker 1: is raised in Western culture. I've never seen anyone's girlfriend

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Speaker 1: be part of a friend group of exclusively guys and

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Speaker 1: not having any female friends. Maybe I'm overthinking this a

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Speaker 1: crap ton. Everything I've ever known about relationships tells me

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Speaker 1: this isn't normal. Again, it really doesn't. It's really not

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Speaker 1: the all guys thing, it's the these guys. Yeah, that

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Speaker 1: is the problem.

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Speaker 3: And also it's like you're not overthinking, but it's also

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Speaker 3: like not uncommon, Like there are people that exists, This

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Speaker 3: does happen, Like there are women who don't engage in

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Speaker 3: like female friendships. And I do think it's a red

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Speaker 3: flag and it's a sign of like maybe we need

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Speaker 3: to reflect on that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm nineteen male and she's eighteen female. We have

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Speaker 1: been dating for five months. Thanks for taking the time

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Speaker 1: to read. Does anyone have any ideas of how to

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Speaker 1: approach the situation and what they would do if they

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Speaker 1: were me? I think just I mean, if your relationship

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Speaker 1: is great, otherwise you need to have a talk about

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Speaker 1: setting batteries and saying, hey, I don't appreciate that your

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Speaker 1: friends are talking crap about me, and I would never

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Speaker 1: be friends with people that talk crap about you. Your

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Speaker 1: relationship it might be great, but this is part of

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Speaker 1: the relationship and who she surrounds herself with is an

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Speaker 1: indicator of who she is.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think, you know, encouraging her to to

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Speaker 3: pray seat I have a female friendship exactly. Maybe you know,

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Speaker 3: like join a club, or like please do a sport,

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Speaker 3: like do some kind of extracurricular It seems they're like

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Speaker 3: college age or like young enough, you know, like there

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Speaker 3: are people out there you should be making dis.

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Speaker 1: Settle for these guys. Please. But that is the end

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Speaker 1: of that story, so we'll see you next time. My

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Speaker 1: girlfriend is mad at me just because I call my

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Speaker 1: father's search.

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Speaker 2: Excuse me, ma'am.

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Speaker 1: I twenty three female am from the Deep South of

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Speaker 1: the United States. Well, my girlfriend, twenty two female, is

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Speaker 1: from New England. We met at college when we were

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Speaker 1: both freshmen and have been dating for three years.

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Speaker 2: I'm so glad it said New.

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Speaker 1: Because all of my family is from the South as well.

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Speaker 1: I was hesitant to introduced my girlfriend to them, so

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Speaker 1: they just recently met her about six months ago, and

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Speaker 1: I'm very lucky that my family has been supportive thus far.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend likes my family as well and has fit

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Speaker 1: in well. However, there's been a problem since the beginning

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Speaker 1: that has been worse than normal lately. Oh by the way,

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Speaker 1: this comes from Terrible Print sixty eight forty nine on

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Speaker 1: the Okay Storytime Separate It. The problem is the fact

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Speaker 1: I call my father sir, not exactly exclusively. I do

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Speaker 1: still call him dad, but most of the time I'm

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Speaker 1: addressing him as sir. For some reason, this makes my

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Speaker 1: girlfriend uncomfortable. The first time she brought it up was

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Speaker 1: after the first time she met my parents, mostly commenting

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Speaker 1: on how she thought it was a little silly. I

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Speaker 1: laughed with her and explained it was just a cultural

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Speaker 1: thing and thought that would be the end of it.

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Speaker 1: I was about to say, it's just a cultural thing.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I say yeah, I say ma'am, then I'm

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Speaker 2: more than I do sir to your mom anyone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. It however, was not the end of it. She

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Speaker 1: brought it up nearly every time we saw my parents,

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Speaker 1: and it quickly turned from joking to explaining how it

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Speaker 1: made her uncomfortable and then I shouldn't feel like I

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Speaker 1: have to call me dad. That I explained on multiple

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Speaker 1: occasions that I don't feel like I strictly had to

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Speaker 1: call him sir, and that it wasn't something that I

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Speaker 1: was punished for not doing as a child or anything.

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Speaker 1: It was just how things were. I call everyone I

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Speaker 1: interact with sir or ma'am, from my four year old

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Speaker 1: cousin to any adult I speak with. She just doesn't

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Speaker 1: seem to get it. I understand that it isn't really

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Speaker 1: a thing where she's from, but that's just how things

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Speaker 1: are down here. Things came to a bit of a

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Speaker 1: head a few days ago when we had dinner at

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Speaker 1: my parents, and as usual, I called my father shirt

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Speaker 1: no different than anytime I was with him. I noticed

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend was a little quiet at dinner, but I

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Speaker 1: didn't think much of it, since sometimes she's on the

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Speaker 1: quieter side However, when we got in the car afterwards,

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Speaker 1: she started talking about how I called my dad sir.

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Speaker 1: Yet again. She explained that it made her uncomfortable because

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Speaker 1: that is a title used for someone who has authority

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Speaker 1: over you. She used the example as in the bedroom,

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Speaker 1: and I shouldn't believe my father has any sort of

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Speaker 1: control over me. I explained that I respected my father

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Speaker 1: as he raised me to be the person I am today,

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Speaker 1: the same with my mom, and once again tried to

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Speaker 1: say that I was a little more than a cold

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Speaker 1: difference between the two of us. I'm not sure exactly

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Speaker 1: what set her off, but she went off about how

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Speaker 1: it made it sound like me and my dad have

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Speaker 1: a weird relationship and that it sounds like a spicy

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Speaker 1: desire your girlfriend is weird. I'll admit I got angry

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Speaker 1: when she said that, but I did my best to

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Speaker 1: not of react. I asked her if she felt the

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Speaker 1: same way about me calling my mother ma'am, and she

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Speaker 1: said no. In the end, she asked that I never

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Speaker 1: call my dad sir around her or not, and that

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Speaker 1: if I did, I was disrespecting her boundaries. I said,

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Speaker 1: plain and simple that I was not going to stop

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Speaker 1: calling him sir, and she got silent and is not

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Speaker 1: speaking to me. I honestly don't see how I might

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Speaker 1: be the a hole here, but I want to hear

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Speaker 1: from other people. If I'm truly in the wrong, I

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Speaker 1: will do my very best to fix it and do better.

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Speaker 1: And there is an update.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm just trying to think how to explain this

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Speaker 2: to your parents.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like, hey, dad, we're having a soul I'm

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a tiff.

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Speaker 2: Oh why is that soon?

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Speaker 1: I don't like it. First, some things to clarify. I

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Speaker 1: not only call my dad sir, but pretty much every

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Speaker 1: male in my life, from young children I work with

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Speaker 1: to homeless people on the street. The same goes with

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Speaker 1: calling females ma'am. It is just my father. My girlfriend

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Speaker 1: has a problem with me calling sir. No other males.

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Speaker 1: Also for everyone suggesting we're outright asking, the title sir

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Speaker 1: has no place in our bedroom life. We used titles.

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Speaker 1: That is not one of them. Anyway. I've tried several

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Speaker 1: times over the past week to speak with my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: about what went down, but she refused to talk for

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Speaker 1: the most part, and I wasn't going to push her.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't until tonight that I finally got a chance

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Speaker 1: to sit down and have a real conversation with her.

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Speaker 1: I read every single comment to my original post Scott,

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Speaker 1: and asked her about several things someone suggested. I ask

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Speaker 1: if she had seen any example of my father trying

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Speaker 1: to control me in any way. This got her worked up,

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Speaker 1: and she walked away from the conversation for a little while,

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Speaker 1: claiming I was trying to attack her. I gave her

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Speaker 1: time to calm down and was honestly surprised when she

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Speaker 1: returned to the conversation. She explained to me that it

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Speaker 1: wasn't that she had seen specific things with my father

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Speaker 1: trying to control me, but rather her an undertone that

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Speaker 1: I was in his control. I asked what she meant,

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Speaker 1: but she didn't really have any other explanation beyond that

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Speaker 1: because she doesn't have anything.

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Speaker 2: Yum, she doesn't have any proof.

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Speaker 1: She's just being weird. I honestly don't know what undertone

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Speaker 1: she was talking about. I respect my father and his

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Speaker 1: knowledge and experience beyond mine, but I am a grown adult.

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Speaker 1: I live and think independently and am perfectly capable of

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Speaker 1: making my own decisions. I've occasionally asked for my father's

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Speaker 1: advice on things since we've been together, life advice, not relationship,

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Speaker 1: and that may be what she's talking about, but I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure. Another thing people brought up was a possibility

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Speaker 1: of her having trauma around the title. I experienced regular

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Speaker 1: essay as a child, and she knows that, so we've

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Speaker 1: had conversations about the topic, but this was the first

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Speaker 1: time I asked her outright if she had been through

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Speaker 1: anything like that, and if that was the case, I

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Speaker 1: would not hesitate to call my father something else to

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Speaker 1: avoid triggering her. She said no, that she hadn't been

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Speaker 1: through anything like that, and I honestly believe her that

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Speaker 1: isn't something she would be dishonest about. However, my offer

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Speaker 1: to stop saying it if it was triggering her did

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Speaker 1: the the opposite of what I had hoped. She blew

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Speaker 1: up at me, screaming that if I could stop because

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Speaker 1: she was triggered, then why couldn't I stop just because

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Speaker 1: she didn't like it. I tried to stay calm and

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Speaker 1: explain that being weirded out by something is nothing close

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Speaker 1: to having traumatic thoughts triggered, but she just kept going.

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Speaker 1: In her yelling, she mentioned her boundary again and that

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Speaker 1: I was being toxic At this point, I could feel

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Speaker 1: myself getting angry and said we could finish the conversation.

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Speaker 1: Another time she stormed out, and I haven't spoken to

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Speaker 1: her at all for the past several hours. Now I've

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Speaker 1: just been contemplating. I really don't want to give in

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Speaker 1: and change how I address other people. I feel like

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Speaker 1: she's being unreasonable, but maybe I'm the one being unreasonable.

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Speaker 1: I'm just unsure how to proceed here. The thought of

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Speaker 1: possibly ending the relationship has come up, but that seems

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Speaker 1: like me making a bigger deal out of it than

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Speaker 1: it is. I don't know. I'd be thankful for any

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Speaker 1: advice on what to do. And there is another update. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I don't think oh P's would be making a

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Speaker 1: big deal out of it. It's the girlfriend who's making

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Speaker 1: me a big deal. If you guys break up, it's

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Speaker 1: because of.

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Speaker 2: Her oh yeah, over reaction over this.

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Speaker 1: And also seems like every time Opie's like feeling herself

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Speaker 1: get angry, she's like, you know what, take a minute,

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Speaker 1: come back when we're able to be calm, because her

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Speaker 1: girlfriend keeps trying to escalate these arguments. Honestly, after posting

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Speaker 1: my last update and getting comments about how my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: is crazy and a walking red flag. I got a

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Speaker 1: little defensive, not wanting to think of that about her,

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Speaker 1: but more recent events have really opened my eye. Here

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Speaker 1: we go, you go here it is. My girlfriend returned

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Speaker 1: to our home the morning after I posted the first update,

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Speaker 1: but didn't want to talk. But I didn't mind because

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Speaker 1: it gave me more time to think. Eventually, I told

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Speaker 1: her we need to sit down and have a real conversation.

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Speaker 1: No yelling, no accusations, and if she did either of

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Speaker 1: those things, I would be pausing the conversation. She wasn't happy,

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Speaker 1: but she agreed to it. I asked her again about trauma,

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Speaker 1: more specifically her relationship with her father. I've interacted with

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Speaker 1: her father many times and haven't noticed anything, but not

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Speaker 1: all things are easily noticeable, so I asked anyway. She

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Speaker 1: said that I was projecting my own issues with my father,

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Speaker 1: which I don't have, onto her, and I can't comprehend

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Speaker 1: an appropriate and respectful relationship between father and daughter. What

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Speaker 1: is she Oh?

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Speaker 2: Wow, why is she coming up with this?

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Speaker 3: Wow?

390
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,960
Speaker 2: You're trying to understand, and she's like, you're just projecting.

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Speaker 2: I didn't and she's projecting. Yes, she thinks that you're projecting,

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Speaker 2: and then maybe you're actually projecting because maybe you do

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Speaker 2: have issues, but maybe you're not because they have issues

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Speaker 2: and they're putting that on you, and it just is endless.

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Speaker 1: It's an endless cycle. I did my best not to

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Speaker 1: react to this and moved on. We talked in circles

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Speaker 1: for a long time about everything that happened, and she

398
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 1: eventually yelled out that she didn't feel respected in a relationship,

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Speaker 1: that her telling me the first time that me calling

400
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Speaker 1: my father Sir made her uncomfortable should have been the

401
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Speaker 1: end of it. That I shouldn't be prioritizing something as

402
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Speaker 1: stupid as what I call my father over her, and

403
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Speaker 1: that if I didn't stop, she would be breaking up

404
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Speaker 1: with me. This girl is crazy. She also mentioned she

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Speaker 1: didn't like how often we went to see my family

406
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Speaker 1: five ish times a month. Aw That worried me, and

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Speaker 1: I asked her if she felt unwelcome or anything around

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Speaker 1: my family, and she said no, but talked about how

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Speaker 1: I am an adult who needs to live my own life,

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Speaker 1: and once again brought up breaking up with her if

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Speaker 1: I didn't change things.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, So we have expectations we need to live

413
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Speaker 2: up to great, but.

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Speaker 1: You should never change joining us live every week day

415
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Speaker 1: three PMPSD on YouTube, Facebook and TikTok just to her profile.

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Speaker 1: But before we get into it, the not only is

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Speaker 1: the title thing a huge red flag, but the fact

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Speaker 1: that now she's like, I don't even want you to

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Speaker 1: visit your family at least she's like, oh, you're you're

420
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Speaker 1: an adult. You can't see your family five times a month. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: some people are just closed with their families.

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Speaker 2: Yea.

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Speaker 1: She can't seem to comprehend that.

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Speaker 2: Oh p, he's a family gal.

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00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:39,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I see my family like at least, you know,

426
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Speaker 1: one to two times a week. Some people are just

427
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Speaker 1: Some people like their families.

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00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. I see Angie's family like three or four times

429
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Speaker 2: a week.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

431
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,480
Speaker 2: And if I was near my family, I probably would exactly.

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Speaker 1: Some people like their families.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

434
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Speaker 1: And just because I mean, sorry, it's just because, like,

435
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Speaker 1: it sucks if you don't if her girlfriend doesn't have

436
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 1: a close relationship with her family, But don't put that

437
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:04,159
Speaker 1: on other people. Stop projecting projecting. I ended the conversation

438
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,840
Speaker 1: when it didn't seem like she had anything else to say,

439
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,400
Speaker 1: and said I needed to do some thinking. I've thought

440
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 1: for a while and finally have made the decision to

441
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,880
Speaker 1: break things off with her. It's not an easy decision,

442
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,439
Speaker 1: and I still feel a little ridiculous for breaking it

443
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,880
Speaker 1: off over something so little as this, But I've come

444
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:24,119
Speaker 1: to realize that it's not just that. If this is

445
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,000
Speaker 1: the kind of person she's going to be and how

446
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,200
Speaker 1: she was going to go about conflict, I think it's

447
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 1: best if I'm no longer with her, let's go. We

448
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,800
Speaker 1: haven't had the conversation with her about that yet, but

449
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,080
Speaker 1: I know I need to soon. I sometimes struggle to

450
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,959
Speaker 1: put my thoughts together the right way, so any advice

451
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,160
Speaker 1: on how to approach that without setting her off again

452
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 1: would be appreciated. And that is the end of that story,

453
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,400
Speaker 1: right op, I think you're making the right decision. Heck yeah,

454
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:49,879
Speaker 1: she's intense and I don't like her.

455
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:52,320
Speaker 2: I don't like her either. My boyfriend wants me to

456
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 2: stop participating in my favorite sports now I can't see

457
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 2: him the same way I did before.

458
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,440
Speaker 1: You should stop participating in that relationship.

459
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,440
Speaker 2: My boyfriend and I have been dating a year now.

460
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 2: I think we're really dissimilar, but we make it work

461
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,919
Speaker 2: really well. He's a lot more involved in art and

462
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,160
Speaker 2: I'm into athletics. When we first started dating, I made

463
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 2: my interests clear to him, and he was enthusiastic. I'm

464
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:19,040
Speaker 2: not Olympics good, but I hope to be before it

465
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,720
Speaker 2: gets too lame. He said he wanted to support me

466
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,480
Speaker 2: and he was willing to try some new sports and

467
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 2: stuff with me. Of course, right at the start of

468
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,440
Speaker 2: us dating, I wrecked my leg. At our first few dates,

469
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 2: I wrecked my leg, and our first few dates were

470
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 2: spent doing puzzles and crosswords together, cute watching movies while

471
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 2: I was buzzed on painkillers. He was awesome. It really

472
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,320
Speaker 2: solidified that he was the person I wanted to spend

473
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,119
Speaker 2: my line for. He took great care of me, and

474
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,520
Speaker 2: I love to spend time with him and learn about

475
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 2: what he enjoyed. He set up some paints in my

476
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 2: living room so he could paint while we hung out,

477
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 2: and I have so many paintings of me, my cat,

478
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 2: my house, and plants. They're all so incredible and I

479
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 2: love what he does. By the way, this comes from

480
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:04,440
Speaker 2: cyan Throwaway seven on the r slash Okay story tom subreddit.

481
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:08,199
Speaker 2: So after a lot of physical therapy and recovery, I

482
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:14,439
Speaker 2: finally got the chance to start snowboarding again. Snowbirding is hard.

483
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,199
Speaker 2: I thought it was like I'm a rugby player, or

484
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,200
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to think of something that would make

485
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,439
Speaker 2: ope uncomfortable.

486
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 1: I guess snowbirding. I mean, it does have a little

487
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 1: bit of danger.

488
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 2: In it, but it doesn't involve other people like where

489
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:28,160
Speaker 2: he could get jealous. That's what I was saying. Oh,

490
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,880
Speaker 2: I see like co Ed tnat tennis. You know how

491
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 2: tennis can get spicy really late into the season. But

492
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 2: I was able to I asked my boyfriend if he

493
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,000
Speaker 2: wanted to come with me, and he wasn't up for it.

494
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,639
Speaker 2: The past few weeks, I've been having a lot of

495
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 2: fun going on my own, but I do wish I

496
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,679
Speaker 2: had him with me. I asked him one time if

497
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 2: he wanted to go with me as a sort of

498
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 2: a romantic Valentine's thing, then we could get dinner and

499
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 2: have him anyed in. He's been trying to teach me

500
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 2: to paint, so I figured we could do a bit

501
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 2: of that. He said he didn't want to, and then

502
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 2: decided to cancel all our plans into snowboarding. Dump him,

503
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,919
Speaker 2: Dump him. You know how many how many people in

504
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 2: the world would love to have a snowboarding girlfriend.

505
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 1: That's almost an Olympic so many come on, you got options, girl?

506
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 2: What the heck? I felt really kind of hurt. I

507
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 2: asked him if he was okay, but he just shut

508
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,200
Speaker 2: me down. We've been watching the Olympics together and he's

509
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 2: just not at all engaged. He shushes me when I

510
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,919
Speaker 2: get excited and just leaves if he's not interested in

511
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 2: the event.

512
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 1: What the freak? The Olympics is the only time I'm

513
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,639
Speaker 1: interested in sports, That's right.

514
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,959
Speaker 2: I felt a little disrespected. I watch him paint for

515
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 2: hours on end.

516
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, watch paint.

517
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:39,000
Speaker 2: I've watched you watching pain paint dry. I ask for

518
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 2: the technique I try to learn. I go to the

519
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 2: museums with him, even when I think they're boring and tedious.

520
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 2: He doesn't have to love it, but he could at

521
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 2: least show some interest. Today, I just felt a little

522
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 2: fed up and ask him why he wouldn't go with

523
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 2: me and why he was so upset. I feel like

524
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 2: I'm really respectful of his interest, but it doesn't seem

525
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:02,159
Speaker 2: like he cares about so I confronted him. He told me,

526
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 2: he feels like I'm going to get hurt again, and

527
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:06,879
Speaker 2: it just comes off as a waste of time to

528
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,680
Speaker 2: do stuff like that. He said art is more permanent

529
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 2: and something like sports doesn't last.

530
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 1: This is so weird.

531
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 2: Well f me for liking it, right. Yeah, he said

532
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 2: he'd never go to that sort of stuff with me,

533
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 2: but told me he still loves me and just wants

534
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 2: me safe. I told him I appreciate the sentiment. I

535
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,200
Speaker 2: just wish he showed more respect. He said it wasn't

536
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 2: fair for him to pretend to like something he doesn't,

537
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,439
Speaker 2: and then told me I should take up something less dangerous.

538
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:37,439
Speaker 2: He said he'd support me more if I did running,

539
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:39,959
Speaker 2: or tennis or even golf. I told him, I've got

540
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 2: a limited window and I want to keep pursuing this.

541
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 2: If something happens, it happens, but I want to at

542
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 2: least make an attempt. This feels like a Disney movie.

543
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:48,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

544
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:52,760
Speaker 2: He told me it doesn't matter and he can't support

545
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:57,959
Speaker 2: me doing this. I am so frustrated. Is this breakup worthy?

546
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:00,679
Speaker 2: Or can I reconcile with him? Is he right? We

547
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:01,680
Speaker 2: got an update.

548
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 1: He's not right. I don't know if this is necessarily

549
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 1: break up territory quite yet, but I think if you

550
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,199
Speaker 1: say like, hey, this is my life. You know you

551
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 1: can't control me, and he still is like, well I

552
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 1: don't want you to do this blah blah blahlah blah.

553
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: Then maybe it's breakup territory, but I think you can

554
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 1: still have a couple more conversations before updates.

555
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 2: Basically, my boyfriend wanted me to stop snowboarding, despite it

556
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,479
Speaker 2: being my favorite sport and something I plan to pursue

557
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,119
Speaker 2: for a while. I was really frustrated by it, especially

558
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 2: because he'd pledge an interest in it beforehand then gone

559
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 2: back on it, and I felt it was really disrespectful.

560
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 2: It seemed a lot of people agreed, and I was

561
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 2: grateful for it. It gave me the confidence to tell

562
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 2: my boyfriend that either he got with my passions or

563
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,119
Speaker 2: he didn't get with me.

564
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:46,680
Speaker 1: Whoo.

565
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 2: I made it clear he didn't have to snowboard, he

566
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 2: didn't have to like it. He just had to respect it.

567
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,880
Speaker 1: What ourspect, that's.

568
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,680
Speaker 2: What you need for me. Honestly, If he had like

569
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 2: a little tube and it was like like the little

570
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 2: snow tube and he like always like down the hill

571
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:03,920
Speaker 2: with her, why can't you like.

572
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,399
Speaker 1: Why can't you just be fun?

573
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 2: He got pissed and told me, I was sacrificing my

574
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,080
Speaker 2: bunny for something that's not permanent, and that just luck

575
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 2: and danger. I told him me he was being a

576
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 2: snob and pointed out that sports is at times very

577
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 2: artistic and super permanent. Just look at the Olympics. When

578
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 2: I brought that up, he went ballistic and said, I

579
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 2: didn't know what real art is, and I don't have

580
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 2: any taste.

581
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 1: She's such a snob, snap snob, snob central.

582
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 2: Out here, and not like crapping on art. But he

583
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 2: did do a lot of paintings of cats, And is

584
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 2: that true? They say she has paintings of cats and

585
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 2: plants in her around the house.

586
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:46,160
Speaker 1: Is that all he does? What else do you draw? Yeah? Dude,

587
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,120
Speaker 1: come on, do you even know real arm? Yeah, that's

588
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:49,960
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, subjective, man.

589
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,679
Speaker 2: It better be like a cat made of potatoes.

590
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, do something like, dude, is some real art? Like

591
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:56,440
Speaker 1: a cat made of potatoes?

592
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 2: Come on? He said he liked me better when we

593
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:03,440
Speaker 2: started dating, and now I'm barely a good girlfriend. Yeah.

594
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 2: I liked you better when you were hurt and injured.

595
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, but she couldn't do anything.

596
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 2: I asked that if he meant he liked me on

597
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 2: painkillers and in bed, and he said, if that made

598
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 2: me a better woman, then yes.

599
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Leave this man.

600
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:18,680
Speaker 2: By the way, you can be better as a person

601
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:21,159
Speaker 2: if you join us live every weekday on three pm PSD,

602
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 2: on Facebook, YouTube and Twitch.

603
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: Just top our profile.

604
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,360
Speaker 2: What the flippity flag flag? Whoa?

605
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 1: This guy showed like after a year, he's showing all

606
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 1: of his red flags. Nowikes, that is crazy, big old Yeah,

607
00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 1: how could you say that to someone? Yeah, someone who's like, wow,

608
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 1: so you'd like me when I was on pink killers

609
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 1: and in bed And he was like, well that made

610
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,719
Speaker 1: you a better woman? What you suck, dude?

611
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 2: You just go to a nursing home. Yeah, that's the

612
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 2: best woman ever.

613
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: They'll play they'll paint with you all day. You play

614
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,880
Speaker 1: scrabble with him. Not your perfect woman.

615
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 2: Oh. It was the moment that it clicked. He didn't

616
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 2: really care about who I was this a person. Nope,

617
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 2: he only cared about me being involved with him, about

618
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 2: me being involved with him?

619
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 1: Whoa, whoa.

620
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 2: It's like he was riding it out on the wall.

621
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 2: He doesn't love me.

622
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: He's writing it out on the wall. Whoa.

623
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 2: He loved the version of me that was on painkillers

624
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 2: and didn't have the strength or energy to do anything

625
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 2: but watch what he did and to be his captive audience.

626
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 2: He's a complete tool. It's like a flashing neon sign.

627
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 2: This guy doesn't love you. And I can't believe I

628
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 2: missed it earlier. I was reading the comments on my

629
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 2: original post and I was like, hmm, but it only

630
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 2: clicked when he was actually spewing that garbage in my face.

631
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 2: I felt so distinctively hurt. Anyways, I kicked him out

632
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 2: to the curb and took myself and a friend snowboarding

633
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:44,159
Speaker 2: as a reward for putting up with it. We had

634
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 2: a lot of fun and I'm definitely glad he's gone.

635
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 2: There's so much more room for the awesome people in

636
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 2: my life. Let's freaking gos.

637
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,400
Speaker 1: Lfg's in the chats.

638
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 2: That's it, baby, that's it.

639
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 1: That's how the cookie crumble. Sometimes you realize that the

640
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,439
Speaker 1: person that you're dating freaking sucks and you're.

641
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 2: Like, wow, bye, yeah, that's h And I hate that

642
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 2: I had to like come out to this. Yeah, kind

643
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,360
Speaker 2: of like that you have so many like random paintings

644
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 2: of him in your house and like you have to

645
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 2: find more paintings. Now, now you have to throw a bonfire,

646
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 2: and now you're always going to think of painting in

647
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 2: a weird way. In art, Dang, I think a theater

648
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 2: a weird way. Sometimes you think of what theater in

649
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 2: a weird way.

650
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 1: I have a love hate relationship with rock climbing. I'm like,

651
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with it. But I'm like, wow, but like

652
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,680
Speaker 1: there's so many rock climbing lads out there, that's true.

653
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: I haven't seen the mean though.

654
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 2: Really, yeah, you're enough.

655
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 1: I know. Well, a lot of people come up to

656
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:36,680
Speaker 1: talk to me, but they're like older men.

657
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 2: So do you not like money?

658
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 1: I don't think they have money if they're at the

659
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 1: rock climbing gym.

660
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 2: Whoa you broke?

661
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 1: If you go rock climbing it you have to have

662
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 1: a certain amount of money to I don't know. I

663
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 1: guess it depends on what you have. Job you have,

664
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: that's where you trich. If you're spending a lot of

665
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 1: time rock climbing, or you're spending so much time rock

666
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 1: climbing that you're not making any money.

667
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 2: Next old guy that comes up to you and it's

668
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 2: like what's your name, You're like, boom, you do for

669
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 2: a living. How much is in your bank account?

670
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 1: What's your name? Then I go, how much money? I

671
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: don't know. I I got the money for myself. I

672
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 1: don't need no man to give me money.

673
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 2: I don't know what. Dude, she's so stingy. She has

674
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 2: a chance to go on a trip, and like I

675
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 2: was like, She's like, I'm not gonna go if my

676
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 2: plane ticket is not paid for. I'm like, oh, what's

677
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 2: like you're living on a planetack. She's like two hundred dollars.

678
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 2: I'm trying to save money, but like you could, like

679
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 2: everything else is paid for and all you have to

680
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 2: do is like a plane chicken.

681
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 1: She sounds so bad. Yeah it does.

682
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 2: And you're like, you have all the money you need.

683
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 3: Girl.

684
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, if someone wants to make my plane ticket,

685
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say no.

686
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 2: True, but I don't know anyway. We can tell that

687
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 2: out at the end of that story. I see end

688
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 2: in that story.

689
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 1: Sam.

690
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 3: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's

691
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 3: three of it's bads from our sponsors. My wife deleted

692
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,479
Speaker 3: her text with another man. She says we should just

693
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 3: move forward.

694
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 1: I think because it helps her to move forward. Yikes,

695
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 1: She's like we should not focus on the path just

696
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 1: just farmers ignorish.

697
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 3: Let's start at the beginning for me of the problem.

698
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 3: Several years ago, I found that my wife was texting

699
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 3: with an acquaintance of mine, former coworker. They've known each

700
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 3: other for our entire marriage, and he lives across the

701
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 3: country from us. The texting was not the issue, per se.

702
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 3: The content was nothing alarming. It was one text that

703
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 3: might notice. He asked if I was busy. I then

704
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 3: realized that these texts were mostly recurring on alternating Thursday evenings.

705
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: Interesting, what's happening on Thursdays?

706
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 3: A night that I have set aside for a game

707
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 3: night with friends from childhood that now live all around

708
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 3: the US. We play three to four hours every other week,

709
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 3: and in those times, my wife was having recurring talks

710
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 3: with this acquaintance. Red flag hugdrid lug By the way

711
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 3: this comes from you capable dash kinda on the RK

712
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 3: storytime subreddit. So I confronted my wife about the matter.

713
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 3: She was right to note that the conversations were not

714
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,720
Speaker 3: inappropriate and didn't see an issue. I was a bit

715
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 3: un settled and pushed the issue to the point that

716
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 3: she brought it to a good friend of hers, who

717
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 3: sided with me on the matter. My wife agreed to

718
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 3: stop the conversations and offered to delete his number from

719
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 3: her phone. I said that I didn't think it was

720
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 3: necessary to delete the number, but was glad She agreed

721
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 3: that it was not exactly a settling thing for me

722
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 3: to find. Some months later, she mentioned that he texts

723
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 3: her again. They talked, but nothing else.

724
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 1: Okay, honestly, that I think is well. The fact that

725
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 1: she texted me. I mean, at least she told me.

726
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, it's good that she told him.

727
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 1: It is a little bit alarming that she texted back

728
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: before telling him. Yeah, I don't know.

729
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 3: I'm just like confused what the relationship is. I told

730
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 3: her that I didn't have an issue with that, and

731
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 3: that was it. Now to present day, I was looking

732
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,840
Speaker 3: for a message that my wife could not find and

733
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:46,959
Speaker 3: discovered that she had some forty deleted messages from one number.

734
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 3: How do you even find that?

735
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you find four messages? Unless? I don't know?

736
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, someone tell me how you find that? Thinking this

737
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 3: is odd, I restored the messages.

738
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:57,719
Speaker 1: How do you do this?

739
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 3: But before I could do more or then glance at them.

740
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 3: My wife grabbed her phone and asked if I found

741
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 3: the one that I was originally looking for. Fisious, this

742
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 3: is all very fishy.

743
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 1: So fishy.

744
00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 3: I told her that I had not bought heart Racing,

745
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 3: did find a lot of messages from another number. I

746
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 3: only had a glance, and the number was not associated

747
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,479
Speaker 3: with a contact. When restored, she said she didn't know

748
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 3: what I was talking about as she looked at her texts.

749
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 3: I repeated myself, and she handed me her phone. The

750
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,600
Speaker 3: texts were deleted, but permanently. This two like, I don't

751
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 3: know what you're talking about about? Oh no, none. Now

752
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 3: I was internally furious. I'm not an idiot or a fool,

753
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 3: and this was such a blatant lie. But our children

754
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,479
Speaker 3: were still awake and getting ready for bed. I simply

755
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 3: looked her in the eye and asked, what in the

756
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 3: world did you do that for?

757
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: What in the load did you do that? Fu? Yikes,

758
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: because she's lying to you who.

759
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 3: Once the kids were in bed, I pressed into this issue.

760
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 3: I had briefly seen the most recent texts but didn't

761
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 3: know who they were with. The most recent were about

762
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 3: our local football team, and I saw one emoji biting

763
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 3: That had me confused, who are you sending a biting

764
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 3: lip emoji? If it's not what atatious? Also, who uses those?

765
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 3: The football team? The football g She's like, I'm gonna

766
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 3: go see a football match.

767
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think I've ever used that serious what wait?

768
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 1: What emoji is that? There's a biting lipomo?

769
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 3: It was literally the one that's like, oh, I've never.

770
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 1: Seen this sold on biting lip emoji. Oh my gosh.

771
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: Oh it's the literal lips ewe. Who are you sending

772
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 1: that to? Yeah? Weird? Unless that's sarcastic, it's gross.

773
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 3: That's the same emoji she usually uses with me when

774
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 3: we're building anticipation. Her responses were all eyes to my

775
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 3: face that I called out immediately. She said there were

776
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 3: no texts. I told her that I'm not technically incompetent.

777
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems to Coopie really knows how to use technology,

778
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 1: at least better than us.

779
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 3: She said she didn't know who they were with. Eventually

780
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 3: she admitted it was with the same acquaintance. She said

781
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 3: she didn't know what the texts were about, then eventually

782
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 3: stated they were all just chit chat and catching up.

783
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 3: She stated she didn't think she sent any emojis. After

784
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,840
Speaker 3: I insisted, she stated that it was about a football

785
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 3: player that she thinks is cute. T I left to

786
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 3: drive and cool off, heading to home depot to look

787
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 3: around and try to think over parts that I need

788
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,959
Speaker 3: for some projects that I'm doing at the house. While

789
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 3: I was gone, she called and said a few things

790
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:26,239
Speaker 3: that I noted. I don't know why I did that,

791
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,719
Speaker 3: deleting the texts because you were lying. You're a great husband,

792
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 3: and why are you texting another man? I don't know why.

793
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 3: I like having the attention of another.

794
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:39,440
Speaker 1: Man, shares sarities like it. We don't know why, but

795
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: you need to stop it. I'm not that attracted to him.

796
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 1: I don't know why I did that.

797
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 3: Okay, Over the last two weeks or so, things have

798
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 3: mostly settled. I want to be able to trust my

799
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 3: wife to move forward, but I'm having a very hard

800
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,520
Speaker 3: time reconciling what she did and what she said immediately

801
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 3: thereafter with the current statements from her. She says that

802
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 3: there was nothing inappropriate, which I disagreed with at a minimum,

803
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,880
Speaker 3: that she was talking about things that arouse her for

804
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 3: another man. Though I know this is shaky for many

805
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 3: that they were only chit chatting, but she doesn't know

806
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 3: why she was deleting their text and that I need

807
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:12,919
Speaker 3: to move forward with things. I'm having a hard time.

808
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 3: I've told her that I need some resolution and answers

809
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 3: that only she can provide to help me move forward. Namely,

810
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 3: why was she deleting text for what I've confirmed was

811
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 3: an extended period of time with someone that I previously

812
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 3: said it would be a problem to talk to. Why

813
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 3: did she delete these texts right in front of me

814
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,800
Speaker 3: and deny it? And why did she lie about every

815
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 3: step of finding information? Why did she lie about not

816
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 3: knowing what was in the text? Why did she lie

817
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:41,320
Speaker 3: about specific information i e. The emoji in the text?

818
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 3: Why did she remove his number and then memorize it

819
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,200
Speaker 3: to continue texting to lot?

820
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 1: She's emotionally cheating at you.

821
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 3: At the very least, she was ashamed of her behavior,

822
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 3: so she denied it.

823
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think I think because you have kids,

824
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: I don't think this is necessarily like a make or break. Yes,

825
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: I don't think this is a divorce, but I think

826
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,280
Speaker 1: this is definitely you guys need to go to counseling. Yeah,

827
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,280
Speaker 1: and you need to tell her that she has to start,

828
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 1: you know, confessing and being very upfront and very transparent

829
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 1: towards some of the work. I agree.

830
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 3: She said that she agreed it was wrong to hide

831
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 3: talking to someone and that she won't do it again.

832
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 3: I've asked her to find some means of assurance for

833
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,439
Speaker 3: me to know that she isn't just permanently deleting text

834
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,960
Speaker 3: as they happen, and she has not done so. Otherwise,

835
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 3: she has just given a generic answer of I don't

836
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:28,840
Speaker 3: know to these questions. I plead with her today to

837
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,319
Speaker 3: answer these questions. She told me, I need to find

838
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,239
Speaker 3: a way to move forward. I asked her to try

839
00:36:33,320 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 3: to figure it out, because otherwise I'm left feeling like

840
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 3: I have to assume that she deleted everything and won't

841
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 3: answer because the texting was inappropriate and she doesn't want

842
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 3: to admit to more. She said that she does not

843
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 3: want to have this break our marriage, and I don't

844
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 3: have anything to say other than what I've said, assume.

845
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 1: What you want.

846
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:54,080
Speaker 3: I just hope we can move forward together. That's unfair,

847
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 3: that's so stupid. Yeah, I think yes, like, once you

848
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 3: resolve this, you move forward, and he's gonna have to

849
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 3: learn how to trust her. But she's not taking accountability.

850
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,440
Speaker 1: We haven't even gotten past the we can't move forward.

851
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 1: Climb over the hump.

852
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, resolve the tip, climb the hump, then you can

853
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 3: move forward. Yeah, she's giving this man crumbs.

854
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 1: She's like, we're still in the problem area. She's like,

855
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:21,800
Speaker 1: let's move forward. You guys are in the quicksand yeah.

856
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 3: By the way, you can join us live on YouTube

857
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 3: and Facebook every weekday at three pm PST. And we're

858
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 3: probably live right now, so tap on our profile. There's

859
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:36,200
Speaker 3: another relevant update. But let's discuss Yeah. Same, The fact

860
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 3: that she's saying, oh, we should just move forward. You

861
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 3: can assume what you.

862
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,960
Speaker 1: Like, Like, no, it's you need to trade the trust

863
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,360
Speaker 1: of the relationship, so you need to actively work to

864
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: improve it. And the fact that no one's mentioned couples counseling.

865
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 3: Like where's the remorse, Where's I'm sorry I hurt you?

866
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's like, well, I'm gonna keep you know, I'm

867
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 1: going to tell you that I'm not doing anything, but

868
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep doing it. Yeah, that's what it sounds.

869
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 3: I think as human beings, we need to realize you

870
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,880
Speaker 3: need to take accountability. For our actions. It's okay if

871
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 3: we make mistakes, stay sorry, own up to it, and

872
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 3: then you can move forward.

873
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. She never even really said sorry. She just said, like,

874
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 1: I don't know why I did this.

875
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,839
Speaker 3: Also, even if she didn't technically like do anything, that's

876
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 3: like divorce worthy. The fact is like her actions had

877
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,240
Speaker 3: an impact, and so she should like validate her husband

878
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 3: for that.

879
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 1: Yes, apologize, like make an effort to make sure that

880
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 1: he's not, you know, constantly insecure about the relationship because

881
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: you broke the trust Exactly?

882
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,719
Speaker 3: Am I wrong to ask for the answers to these questions?

883
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 3: Do I need to just move forward? I feel very

884
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 3: hurt by being unable to resolve what feels like cognitive

885
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 3: dissonance to me, and hurt that she is not helping

886
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 3: with that. I don't really know what I'm looking for,

887
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 3: but any advice or thoughts would be appreciated, both by

888
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 3: husbands and wives.

889
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think you need to tell her we can't

890
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 1: move forward in an effective way. Yeah until you own

891
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,040
Speaker 1: up too and like actively work to find a better

892
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:00,279
Speaker 1: path forward for us. Yeah.

893
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,360
Speaker 3: And I think you should consider a couples counselor.

894
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 1: I think so. Yeah, absolutely, because it's clear that she's

895
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 1: not going to take any responsibility for it, but maybe

896
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:09,439
Speaker 1: having a mediator would help.

897
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, best of luck, Best of luck.

898
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:13,359
Speaker 1: But that's the end of that story. So we'll see

899
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 1: you next time.

900
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,440
Speaker 3: My wife cheated on me, so to get back at her,

901
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 3: I cheated too.

902
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:19,719
Speaker 1: Doesn't seem healthy.

903
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 3: I don't know if I recommend that. My wife and

904
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 3: I have been married for eighteen years and together for

905
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,360
Speaker 3: twenty two. I can say she is my best friend

906
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 3: and soulmate. However, we have done some very awful things

907
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:32,839
Speaker 3: to each other. At the beginning of our relationship, there

908
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 3: was infidelity on her part. In her defense, she told

909
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 3: me there was no intercourse, which I believed, and this

910
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:41,360
Speaker 3: involved a guy who took advantage of her desire for attention.

911
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 3: This doesn't make it right, but we're all human, and

912
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 3: since this point I have fully forgiven her. But when

913
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 3: this happened, I was completely destroyed and didn't understand how

914
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 3: much of this I would keep with me over the

915
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 3: years and how it would affect me. By the way,

916
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 3: this comes from you, if you underscore Apricot eight five

917
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 3: zero three on the Roka storytime side bred it. So

918
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 3: this incident marked the start of our issues. She immediately

919
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 3: admitted to her mistake and apologized profusely. We had a

920
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 3: heartfelt conversation with tears and apologies exchanged. At that point,

921
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 3: I decided never to bring it up again because I

922
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 3: knew that dwelling on the past would hinder our relationship. Unfortunately,

923
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 3: this decision would turn out to be a mistake that

924
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 3: compounded our problems and led to years of pain for

925
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:23,440
Speaker 3: both of us.

926
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should, always you should. You have to actively

927
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,320
Speaker 1: work through any sort of emotional or frushhating through.

928
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,359
Speaker 3: The rug, I never fully resolved my feelings about it,

929
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 3: and never truly forgave her to understand my wife better.

930
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 3: She had a difficult childhood with a father who body

931
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,879
Speaker 3: shamed her and a speech issue due to a disability.

932
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 3: Her upbringing was filled with negative experiences that severely affected

933
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:47,880
Speaker 3: her self esteem. She has assured me she never cheated again,

934
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,440
Speaker 3: and I believe her. However, due to her job in

935
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,839
Speaker 3: social life, which primarily involves male students and friends from

936
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 3: our social circle, my trust issues intensified. She is a teacher,

937
00:40:57,719 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 3: and at the time she worked with vets to get

938
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 3: them college ready. I struggled with serious trust issues, and

939
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 3: although I never brought up the past infidelity. Interaction she

940
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 3: had with certain guys, especially one in particular, made me

941
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 3: extremely uncomfortable. I expressed my concerns when he gifted her

942
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 3: a coat, which, though seemingly innocuous, raised a red flag

943
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:17,960
Speaker 3: for me. She did not see it the way I did,

944
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 3: and continued to interact with this guy for a long time,

945
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 3: leaving to tutor him, and every time it was like

946
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 3: the first time she cheated all over again. I hated

947
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 3: her for that. It was torture. This man has a

948
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:32,080
Speaker 3: lot of unresolved feelings. Wait, she's tutoring someone. Yeah, and

949
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 3: he's like, she's cheating on me every time. Well, it's

950
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 3: like the emotional experience, that's how he feels.

951
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 1: He needs to bring this up. Yeah, don't keep it in.

952
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 3: It was torture. She tutors, so her interactions were work related,

953
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 3: but she did visit his place once, and I couldn't

954
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 3: understand what business she would have at another's man's house alone.

955
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 3: They met in public places, but to me it felt

956
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,399
Speaker 3: like they were spending time together. I became convinced she

957
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 3: was cheating.

958
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 1: Tutoring. Yeah herfe Yeah, that's her job. Oh my god.

959
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 3: Came embittered and truthfully, I reached a point where I

960
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 3: wanted the relationship to end. I spiraled into a decade

961
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 3: long binge on booze jeez. There was never a physical abuse,

962
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,920
Speaker 3: but looking back, I recognize I was often mean and

963
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 3: my words bordered on emotional abuse. They should have They

964
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 3: should have gone to counseling immediately. Ago avoided all of

965
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,240
Speaker 3: this pent up resmment ten.

966
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 1: Years because she had like a short emotional affair, Yeah

967
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:29,239
Speaker 1: she liked.

968
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 3: I mean, it's an either ended or you have to

969
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 3: fully commit to like forgiving that person.

970
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 1: It's totally fine to end a relationship if there's emotional

971
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 1: or physical cheating. But if you're going to stay in it,

972
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 1: then you have to put in so much work.

973
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, because those like that's real, but you need to

974
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,719
Speaker 3: work on that. If she tried to intervene with my

975
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 3: behavior spending habits, I would lash out. We had two

976
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 3: younger children, and I deeply regret how I treated her.

977
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,840
Speaker 3: I ended up cheating on her with a married woman.

978
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 3: Oh my god. I ended it quickly because I couldn't

979
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,319
Speaker 3: bear to destroy someone else's relationship. I confessed to my

980
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 3: wife immediately. She told me she has just recently forgiven

981
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 3: me for that and doesn't think about it all the time.

982
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 3: Around that time, I began to sober up, but it

983
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 3: took years of struggling with substance abuse. It took another

984
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:18,320
Speaker 3: four years or so before I completely snapped out of

985
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:21,440
Speaker 3: it and came to my senses. I quit using substances

986
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 3: three or four years ago and have significantly cut back

987
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 3: on drinking, except for occasional beer with old friends, one

988
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 3: of whom is a neighbor and a close family friend.

989
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 3: I've completely cut ties with the bar scene to distance

990
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 3: myself from destructive behavior. It seems like it's spiraled into

991
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:37,319
Speaker 3: a much larger thing.

992
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:39,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, at least it seems like it's going

993
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 1: in the right direction. Yeah, but like years of ten years.

994
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 3: Of this, Yeah, that's a lot. Since getting sober, a

995
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 3: few things have happened. I had a breakdown at work

996
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 3: due to overwhelming feelings that something was wrong. I had

997
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 3: to leave work because I couldn't stop crying. I thought

998
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,880
Speaker 3: I had destroyed my marriage. Oh why would she stay

999
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 3: with me? Can I even ask her to do that?

1000
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 3: We talked for hours that day, and I apologized profusely

1001
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 3: with her and felt some relief recently, I revisited the

1002
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:06,279
Speaker 3: initial infidelity with her, gaining a better understanding of what

1003
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 3: happened back then. I'm now in a better place and

1004
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 3: am starting counseling with my pastor and a marriage counselor.

1005
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 1: Great finally good.

1006
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 3: Through self reflection, I've come to understand how I reached

1007
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 3: this point. I'm sober, spending more time at home with her,

1008
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:22,240
Speaker 3: and have rediscovered my love for her. Ah, I'm experiencing

1009
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 3: symptoms of love sickness. My stomach hurts, I long to

1010
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 3: spend every moment with her, and I'm filled with regret.

1011
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 3: I feel like a teenager again, deeply in love. Oh

1012
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 3: my gosh, what a turnaround. Yeah, what is happening?

1013
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 1: Hmm.

1014
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 3: However, I struggle with the persistent feeling of sickness in

1015
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,280
Speaker 3: the pit of my stomach. When I think things are improving,

1016
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 3: the feeling returns. I sit here with what feels like

1017
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:45,760
Speaker 3: a boulder in my stomach and it won't go away.

1018
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,839
Speaker 3: No amount of apologizing and loving on her will take

1019
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 3: away what I have done to her. I haven't forgiven myself.

1020
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 3: How do you forgive yourself for hurting the person you

1021
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 3: love who is the light of your life? The things

1022
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 3: we do unintentionally to the people we love, and I

1023
00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 3: know the hurt is ten times because it is coming

1024
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 3: from someone you should be able to trust. It is

1025
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 3: hard to swallow. But I am grateful we went through

1026
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 3: all this. We have a chance to put all the

1027
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 3: baggage away, and I think and hope we can have

1028
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 3: the relationship we were meant to have from the start.

1029
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 1: Man, oh man, what a what a twenty year saga? Yeah?

1030
00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 3: I mean I believe that they think they can do

1031
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 3: the right track.

1032
00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 1: I think so, And I think it's just like knowing,

1033
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: like your wife has put it in the past. Yeah,

1034
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 1: she wants to move on, So don't continue to hold

1035
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:28,239
Speaker 1: this on, you know, Yeah, don't continue to have all

1036
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,319
Speaker 1: these regrets and be like, oh, I should have done that,

1037
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 1: Like why would she want to stay with me? Because

1038
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:32,840
Speaker 1: that's not going to help anyone.

1039
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 3: And I feel like you spent so long like not

1040
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,520
Speaker 3: forgiving her, and then now you're like not forgiving yourself.

1041
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 1: It doesn't help anyone.

1042
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 3: You know, that's not going to help your situation. No. Yeah, lastly,

1043
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 3: I want to mention two things. I'm severely dyslexic, so

1044
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 3: please forgive any difficulties in reading this. I plan to

1045
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 3: use AI to improve clarity, but my writing can still

1046
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 3: be challenging. Also, I'm sharing this to clear my mind

1047
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 3: before discussing it with professionals and my wife. Despite everything,

1048
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 3: we still love each other deeply and have no intention

1049
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 3: of ending our relationship. We're committed to moving forward and

1050
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 3: becoming stronger. We love to see that. This is what

1051
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:04,920
Speaker 3: I want. This is what I like to see.

1052
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like you both made mistakes and a lot

1053
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,520
Speaker 1: was going on for like a decade. Yeah, but you're

1054
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:14,880
Speaker 1: finally stepping forward. Yeah, you're making You're making moves.

1055
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:17,239
Speaker 3: At the end of the day, like damaged people hurt

1056
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 3: other people and then you just.

1057
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 1: Got to work on that. Yeah.

1058
00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 3: I do want to hear what you think. I know

1059
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 3: others have been through similar things, maybe not the same,

1060
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 3: but close enough. Your insights would be helpful. Yeah.

1061
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:29,759
Speaker 1: I mean I think they're on the right track.

1062
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 3: Like if they really care about each other and they're

1063
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 3: willing to put in the work and get the help,

1064
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 3: then yeah, you can get through anything.

1065
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 1: I agree. And it seems like you both love each other,

1066
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 1: so that's all you can ask for at the end

1067
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:40,359
Speaker 1: of the day.

1068
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:42,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, truly, and I feel like a lot of people

1069
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:44,960
Speaker 3: like cheating as a deal breaker. And again I don't

1070
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 3: blame I blame anyone for that being a deal breaker.

1071
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 3: But do I think people can recover from that?

1072
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 1: I do. It just takes so much. Yeah, And you

1073
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:56,600
Speaker 1: have to know going in that it's going to take

1074
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 1: so much work on both ends, and you have to

1075
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:01,560
Speaker 1: both be very honest, very upfront, and you can't just

1076
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:03,399
Speaker 1: brush it in the rug. No, that doesn't work.

1077
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,400
Speaker 3: No, but we will brush that under the rug to

1078
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 3: mention that you can join us live on YouTube and

1079
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 3: Facebook every weekday at three pm PST. And we're probably

1080
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 3: live right now, so tap on our profile. There is

1081
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:19,400
Speaker 3: another relevant update let's discuss. I mean, I think we

1082
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:20,840
Speaker 3: already covered it.

1083
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:21,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Edit.

1084
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 3: I've also tried to make amends with my children. I

1085
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,200
Speaker 3: never realized it, but my older son was affected by

1086
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:27,920
Speaker 3: my attitude.

1087
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 1: Uh.

1088
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,440
Speaker 3: But until you take the time to look back, you

1089
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 3: can miss the obvious stuff sometimes. Edit too, I wanted

1090
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 3: to say this, no matter what happened before, my actions,

1091
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 3: they did.

1092
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 1: Not cause what I did. I did that. I understand.

1093
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:41,799
Speaker 3: You can't justify something bad you did because someone did

1094
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 3: something bad to you. I take full responsibility for my actions.

1095
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:48,320
Speaker 3: I don't blame her for anything. We all make mistakes

1096
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:51,520
Speaker 3: and these are our mistakes, good, bad, or indifferent. I mean,

1097
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:55,760
Speaker 3: I think that's a very much perspective, very emotionally sound.

1098
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:57,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, you guys.

1099
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: Really made a lot of improvements.

1100
00:47:58,760 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 3: And that's the end of the story.

1101
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,040
Speaker 1: Ah Okay, you know what, like just human happy. I

1102
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,719
Speaker 1: just you know, like that's just life, Like it's just

1103
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:06,280
Speaker 1: a life.

1104
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 3: Life's messed up.

1105
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 1: That's a whole life in there. Yeah, twenty years of

1106
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 1: a relationship and I think a lot of reflection and

1107
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 1: growth happen, which I love, I love to see it.

1108
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 1: But I think, you know, I think you know what

1109
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,920
Speaker 1: path you're heading on and what path you want to

1110
00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 1: head on. And I hope you all live a happy

1111
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:24,080
Speaker 1: life together. But that is the end of that story.

1112
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,359
Speaker 1: So we'll see you for the next one, Yes we will.

1113
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 3: Hey y'all, it's John Oji host here. We're gonna get

1114
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 3: back to the stories.

1115
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 2: But here's a quick three minute break from as for

1116
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 2: more sponsors.

1117
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 1: My wife of six years just told me she's leaving

1118
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:40,080
Speaker 1: me for someone else. Dang, oh, hi read it. I'm

1119
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 1: here because I need to share my story and maybe

1120
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 1: gain some perspective from others who've been through something similar.

1121
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 1: It's been a tough few months and I'm still coming

1122
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 1: to terms with everything that's happened. Maybe by putting it

1123
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: out there, I'll find some clarity or at least feel

1124
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 1: less alone. By the way, this comes from deleted on

1125
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,759
Speaker 1: the Okay storytime Severate. So to start, I'm thirty eight

1126
00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: years old and my wife is thirty seven. Been married

1127
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 1: for over six years and together for nearly nine years.

1128
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 1: We have two young kids together, and for most of

1129
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,879
Speaker 1: that time I thought we were a solid family unit.

1130
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,320
Speaker 1: Sure we had our ups and downs like any marriage,

1131
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 1: but I never imagined things would unravel the way they did.

1132
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:16,280
Speaker 1: A few months ago, she told me she was leaving.

1133
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 1: She blindsided me with the divorce and said she was

1134
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:21,839
Speaker 1: unhappy in our marriage and had been for a long time.

1135
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: She said she loved me, but wasn't in love with me.

1136
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 1: I was devastated. In my shock and desperation, I got

1137
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: a counselor and threw myself into the gym, hoping I

1138
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 1: could prove to her that I could change and that

1139
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 1: we could reconcile. We weren't perfect in our marriage, no

1140
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,839
Speaker 1: one is, but when you love someone, you accept them

1141
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 1: flaws and all the small things don't matter, especially when

1142
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:43,760
Speaker 1: you've built a life together, the whole kingdom you've dreamed

1143
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 1: would last. I soon found out she was already involved

1144
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 1: with someone else. I mean, that's that's the thing. That's okay.

1145
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:52,840
Speaker 1: If she actually was, you know, wanted to work on

1146
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:54,879
Speaker 1: your relationship, she would have brought it up. She said, Hey,

1147
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 1: it's not like something's not nine side someone from her

1148
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:00,400
Speaker 1: workplace who is thirty one years old. But made it

1149
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 1: even harder to swallow was that this someone else was

1150
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 1: also married to his thirty year old wife and they

1151
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:09,360
Speaker 1: have a newborns Oh my god. Both my wife and

1152
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:12,319
Speaker 1: new partner upended their lives to be together without a

1153
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:14,799
Speaker 1: word to me or his wife until it was too late.

1154
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:16,839
Speaker 1: I later learned that he had even told his own

1155
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 1: wife nearly every day about my wife and me, and

1156
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,879
Speaker 1: that he loved my wife more than he loved her.

1157
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 1: What WHOA? That revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. Meanwhile,

1158
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,719
Speaker 1: my wife never once mentioned him to me, not even

1159
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 1: in passing. When I asked her about work, she'd tell

1160
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 1: me nothing of him. And when I tried to talk

1161
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,720
Speaker 1: about the affair, after it came to light, she denied

1162
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,360
Speaker 1: everything or told me it was none of my business.

1163
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: How is that none of them? That's your husband you're

1164
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 1: about to do. You've been with this man for nine years.

1165
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:45,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's bad.

1166
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:47,879
Speaker 1: That's tough. The hardest part to accept is that while

1167
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: this emotional affair was unfolding, she and I were still

1168
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 1: going through the motions of our marriage. We were still intimate,

1169
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 1: We still shared fun moments, and she continued to be

1170
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 1: affectionate to me. It felt like we were happy, even

1171
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 1: though I sensed some distance. At times, I thought we

1172
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 1: were just in a rough patch that we could work through.

1173
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 1: But clearly she had already started detaching herself from me

1174
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,960
Speaker 1: in ways I didn't fully understand. It's painful to look

1175
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 1: back and wonder how much of that intimacy was real

1176
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 1: and how much was just going through the motions. Then,

1177
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:18,239
Speaker 1: just a week after blindsiding me with the news that

1178
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 1: she was leaving, she blindsided me again, this time with

1179
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 1: divorce papers. Stop blinding this man. He has no hard guy.

1180
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 1: We both have lawyers, and the process has been messy

1181
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:34,840
Speaker 1: and emotionally exhausting. The demands she made felt outrageous and cruel.

1182
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:38,320
Speaker 1: She asked for ninety one percent custody of our kids,

1183
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,320
Speaker 1: essentially wanting me to have very limited access to them. Honestly,

1184
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:44,879
Speaker 1: I think Opie could probably win this ooh no card. Yeah,

1185
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 1: because she cheated on him. Yeah, so she could probably

1186
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 1: he could probably get more custody. That's wild. She wanted

1187
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:53,920
Speaker 1: us to sell our house, and she requested a substantial

1188
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:56,719
Speaker 1: amount in child support and child care costs. I love

1189
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 1: my children deeply and have always supported them, so to

1190
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:01,680
Speaker 1: be asked to give up most of my assets felt

1191
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 1: like a punch to the gut. It felt like she

1192
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 1: wanted me to sacrifice everything I've worked for so she

1193
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,880
Speaker 1: could start a new life with someone she technically barely knows.

1194
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:12,760
Speaker 1: After my breakdown, I went through impatient care and started counseling.

1195
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:15,359
Speaker 1: Since then, she hasn't let me see my kids at all.

1196
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:19,200
Speaker 1: Oh oh. I have text messages where I asked to

1197
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 1: see them, but her response is always I don't feel

1198
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 1: safe with the kids around you.

1199
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 3: That's so sad because it seems like he was a

1200
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:26,479
Speaker 3: very good father.

1201
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,280
Speaker 1: Seems like he was a good dad.

1202
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:31,200
Speaker 3: I mean, i'd have a breakdown too if my partner

1203
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 3: blindsided me with divorce and like cheated on me and

1204
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 3: stole my kids.

1205
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:37,240
Speaker 1: Yeah geez, I've been trying to put myself back together

1206
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:40,320
Speaker 1: piece by piece, but it hasn't been easy. The hardest

1207
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:44,080
Speaker 1: part is being separated from my kids. Every time she

1208
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:47,279
Speaker 1: denies me access, I take a screenshot and send it

1209
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:51,080
Speaker 1: to my lawyer, building up evidence for our upcoming temporary

1210
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:54,360
Speaker 1: custody hearing. So they don't even have a specific custody agreement.

1211
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 1: She's just keeping him from from his kids. That's messed up.

1212
00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:59,480
Speaker 1: What's worse is the feeling that I've been replaced, not

1213
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 1: just as a but as a father. Her new partner,

1214
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,440
Speaker 1: the same guy she left me for, was introduced to

1215
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 1: my kids right out of the gate. Also so messed up.

1216
00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 3: That's weird.

1217
00:53:08,120 --> 00:53:10,440
Speaker 1: He's now spending more time with them than I am,

1218
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:12,880
Speaker 1: doing things with them that I used to do, and

1219
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 1: it stings. Her family, who I was close with for

1220
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: almost a decade, is so accepting of this relationship that

1221
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,399
Speaker 1: they let him come over to their house all the time. Now,

1222
00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:22,280
Speaker 1: who are these people?

1223
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 3: That's so weird? And he just had a baby too, ah.

1224
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 1: And I mean, like Opie's ex's family is accepting even

1225
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:32,319
Speaker 1: though Opie's been in this relationship for nurse so long. Yeah,

1226
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:35,640
Speaker 1: that's the gut. I never in a million years thought

1227
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:38,720
Speaker 1: my kid's grandparents would be like this. They always seemed

1228
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 1: very traditional, But now I feel like I no longer

1229
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 1: matter to them. Adding to the stress, I told her

1230
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 1: I wasn't leaving the house, which she didn't take well.

1231
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:49,360
Speaker 1: Because of this, she ended up moving in with her parents. Meanwhile,

1232
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 1: it feels like she and her new boyfriend are moving

1233
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,400
Speaker 1: at warp speed. I don't understand how they think this

1234
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 1: will last. They have completely different ideologies, a significant age gap,

1235
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 1: and the relationship began by both of them cheating on

1236
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:02,719
Speaker 1: their respective spouses.

1237
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:05,520
Speaker 3: Great foundation, it's not great foundation.

1238
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, somehow they think they're going to beat the odds

1239
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 1: and defy the statistics to make things even harder. They

1240
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 1: work together constantly. She's in human resources.

1241
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 3: Oh she's an H. I rethink that she's an HR.

1242
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 3: How do you like report yourself?

1243
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:24,959
Speaker 1: She needs to be reported? And he's in safety. They're

1244
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 1: with each other all day at work and even after work.

1245
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 1: You can write people up and send them to her

1246
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 1: to handle, which is a complete ethics violation. How they

1247
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,480
Speaker 1: both still have a job is beyond me. Everyone they

1248
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 1: work with knows about the affair, and nobody there trust

1249
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:40,840
Speaker 1: them anymore. But they either don't seem to care or

1250
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:43,920
Speaker 1: are oblivious to it, which is I mean, wow, everyone

1251
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 1: there knew about it.

1252
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 3: They're in their little careless cheating bubble.

1253
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:50,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, and no one thought to tell ope, and they

1254
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 1: don't have shame, No shame. I keep asking myself if

1255
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 1: there was something I could have done to prevent this.

1256
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 1: I've tried to reach out, try to be civil, and

1257
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:00,640
Speaker 1: even offered help when it comes to to our kids,

1258
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:03,879
Speaker 1: but every attempt seems to fall flat. She's moving on,

1259
00:55:04,120 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: and I'm left picking up the pieces, feeling like I

1260
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:09,240
Speaker 1: never got a fair chance to fix what was broken

1261
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 1: because you didn't break up. You know, you might have

1262
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 1: had problems. But if she wasn't, if she was going

1263
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:17,400
Speaker 1: to be a coward and not bring them up to you, yeah,

1264
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:21,759
Speaker 1: or end the relationship like a singing person, Yeah, then

1265
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:24,319
Speaker 1: none of that is your fault. No, her cheating is

1266
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:24,719
Speaker 1: all on her.

1267
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,360
Speaker 3: She decided she wanted to end this, and there was

1268
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 3: nothing that you could have done about it.

1269
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:31,879
Speaker 1: No. Yeah. Right now I'm focusing on the little things

1270
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:34,440
Speaker 1: I can control, going to the gym, working with my

1271
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:36,680
Speaker 1: counselor and doing my best to show up for my

1272
00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 1: kids in any way I can. I'm trying to let

1273
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:40,960
Speaker 1: go of the past and accept that the person I

1274
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,719
Speaker 1: loved may no longer be the same. But it's hard

1275
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:46,319
Speaker 1: to separate those memories from the person she is now.

1276
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,200
Speaker 1: But you should never separate from us, because you can

1277
00:55:49,280 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 1: join us live every weekday at three PMPST on YouTube, Facebook,

1278
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:55,840
Speaker 1: and TikTok no. Just top her profile. But there is

1279
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:58,000
Speaker 1: a little bit left to the story. But what are

1280
00:55:58,040 --> 00:55:59,360
Speaker 1: your final closing thoughts?

1281
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:02,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I just feel like she decided their fate.

1282
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:06,319
Speaker 1: Yeah. And she's screwed him over yep. Use nothing you

1283
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:09,840
Speaker 1: could do because she's a coward. Yeah. And she cheated

1284
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:12,800
Speaker 1: on you and there's no excuse for cheating.

1285
00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 3: No, And she should be fired from her job.

1286
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 1: She should be hrk. She should be fired from her

1287
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:20,759
Speaker 1: job and fired from her role as a parent. And

1288
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,000
Speaker 1: that is the end of that story. Though, no, it's

1289
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,080
Speaker 1: not I lied. There is a little bit left. Thanks

1290
00:56:25,120 --> 00:56:27,319
Speaker 1: for reading if you've made it this far. I'm not

1291
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:30,560
Speaker 1: sure what I'm looking for. Maybe some encouragement, advice, or

1292
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 1: even just the comfort of knowing someone out there gets it.

1293
00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:35,839
Speaker 1: If you've been through something similar, I'd appreciate hearing how

1294
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:38,799
Speaker 1: you managed to cope and rebuild. Right now, every day

1295
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:40,799
Speaker 1: is a challenge, but I'm holding on to hope that

1296
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 1: things can get better. They will get better. I hope

1297
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 1: they get better. Yeah, it's kind of comforting knowing that everyone,

1298
00:56:46,239 --> 00:56:50,600
Speaker 1: like no individual experience is unique. No, everyone's gone through something.

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Speaker 3: Time heals everything, and everyone gets through it eventually and

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Speaker 3: go to therapy, go to therapy.

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Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story and the

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Speaker 1: end of this episode. So if you love us, make

1303
00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:04,600
Speaker 1: sure to subscribe, and we love you and see youmorrow.

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Speaker 3: MHM.