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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hi friends, Hi, hi girl, welcome back. Thank you. I

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Speaker 2: surely missed you last week.

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Speaker 1: Name.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I was in I was away. Did you end

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Speaker 2: up doing anything.

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Speaker 1: When I want to go with No, I did nothing? Well, yes,

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Speaker 1: I kind of did. I did nothing last week and

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Speaker 1: it was absolutely depressing.

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Speaker 2: Well, I was gonna say it, I was.

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Speaker 1: I was about to say, I.

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Speaker 2: Don't think that was a positive for you.

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Speaker 1: No, for the first time I was well because both

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Speaker 1: of my older kids were away.

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Speaker 2: I felt that almost.

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Speaker 1: I literally text her, I was like, why did I

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Speaker 1: go with you?

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Speaker 2: Meanwhile, I'm like, I did absolutely nothing and just the

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Speaker 2: happiest I v about it.

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Speaker 1: It was for the first time awful.

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Speaker 2: But here's what I came up for you.

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Speaker 1: Well, because usually you know, the lately on fourth of July,

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Speaker 1: we do like a party for Emmy and her friends,

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Speaker 1: but they were gone. Kayden was gone, Emmy was gone,

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Speaker 1: Ramsey was there, but she was like going off and

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Speaker 1: playing with friends a lot. So I was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: the first day, I was like, this is great, I

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Speaker 1: got nothing to do. And then I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is great, I got nothing to do. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I have literally nothing to do.

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Speaker 2: Well. I think it's different for her situation because yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: her kids are off doing other things. Yeah, it's like

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Speaker 2: a lonely then.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've never.

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Speaker 2: Because even Ramsey doesn't like super need you at home.

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Speaker 1: It's the first summer where she's like staying up till eleven,

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Speaker 1: sleep until nine or ten, and like going and playing

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Speaker 1: with her friends. And I'm like, this is why my

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Speaker 1: kids don't need me anymore now. When they were younger,

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Speaker 1: I mean, this kind of sounds terrible, it was so

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Speaker 1: much easier for me to, you know, have that time

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Speaker 1: and oh I need this break and whatever. But I'm like,

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Speaker 1: they're older, they're easy, Like, they don't really need me

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Speaker 1: that much now anyway when they're home besides to drive them,

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Speaker 1: you know. But I literally texted her and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I have nothing to do.

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Speaker 2: I want to be sure. I never I need to do.

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Speaker 1: You look like you were living your best life here.

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Speaker 2: Oh we had a g looked like you had so

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Speaker 2: much had a great time. Dada went to the nation's

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Speaker 2: capital and hung out with Carlton from Fresh Prince and

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Speaker 2: I didn't have fomo, which is weird. I felt really good.

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Speaker 2: We just had a really we have a beautiful neighborhood

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Speaker 2: for fourth though. Yeah, I think when you realize that

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Speaker 2: it just is what it is. For example, the travel

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Speaker 2: back from Michigan, it was me and the three kids

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Speaker 2: because Alan flew to Portugal, and in those moments, it's

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Speaker 2: you know, when he is literally screaming and I'm trying

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Speaker 2: to just keep an alligator in a seat, It's kind

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Speaker 2: of becomes a thing like it is. I'm I am.

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Speaker 2: It's just me and there's no reason to lose my

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Speaker 2: or not enjoy it or just I just have to

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Speaker 2: go with what this is. And I feel like kind

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Speaker 2: of the same situation with you. It's like, all right,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to make the best of what the situation is.

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Speaker 2: And it was great. And you know, I think too,

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Speaker 2: because we are in that spot where the baby needs

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Speaker 2: to go to bed. Being at our house for Fourth

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Speaker 2: of July is just it for a minute because I

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Speaker 2: can put her to bed and the biggies and I

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Speaker 2: went outside and we watched fireworks and hung out with

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Speaker 2: neighbors and it was great and everybody got good sleep.

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Speaker 2: And that is that And is it always easy? No,

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Speaker 2: it's also so fleeting.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you get to that and it's like,

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Speaker 1: I know, like.

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Speaker 2: I have that moment. I think I told you guys

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Speaker 2: this a couple weeks ago, but I had that moment

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Speaker 2: where I'm like, man, we are halfway through our summers

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Speaker 2: with love. Yeah, if she is an eighteen year old

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Speaker 2: leave the house kind of gal And that just really

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Speaker 2: is something. It just hits differently.

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Speaker 1: I mean it was like I was, what is I

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Speaker 1: have to find a hobby. Where are we moving in

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Speaker 1: a couple of years because we're not going to live here?

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Speaker 2: Find a hobby?

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Speaker 1: I literally do we like each other?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: Nick can' is like if he's bored, he's like all right,

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Speaker 1: I'll go fishing, you know or whatever. Like he has that,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like.

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Speaker 2: Let's play tennis.

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Speaker 1: I need something, yeah, Because it's like all I can

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Speaker 1: think is like I don't want to go and just

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Speaker 1: spend money. To spend money, that's stupid, you know. And

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Speaker 1: it's like, well I could go get a massage. Okay,

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Speaker 1: Well that's just more money and I'll do those every

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Speaker 1: now and then anyway. So it's like I literally sat

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Speaker 1: there and I was like, well, I can binge Netflix

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Speaker 1: only so much, you know, So but I mean it was.

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Speaker 1: It was also I think good and good to see,

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Speaker 1: you know. I mean Nick and I obviously got a

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Speaker 1: lot of time together, but it was also like, what

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Speaker 1: are we doing when these kids are gone?

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Speaker 2: I wondered if that was part of that.

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Speaker 1: It was a minor like freak out, like a little

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Speaker 1: tester of a nester. Yes, I felt like an empty nester.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I have to get apartments where

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Speaker 1: all my kids move yet, but literally just told me that.

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Speaker 1: He's like, hey, and I was like, I'm not joking,

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Speaker 1: like we can have one central place. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: have apartments where they are and that's just it. And

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Speaker 1: he's like, I have no doubt that you will I

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Speaker 1: know a great realtor great news exactly, I'll go far.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, so but next year, and I told Nick,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I mean, if she invites us or not,

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Speaker 1: I think we're going to Michigan next year. There's a

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Speaker 1: hotel on the Street Hills.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: I love it up there.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what I was in.

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Speaker 1: It was like we might be there though with you.

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Speaker 1: So how was your fourth of July?

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Speaker 2: No, fourth of July was amazing. I mean I have

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Speaker 2: spent since I was six years old, we've been going

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Speaker 2: up not to Lake Manuga. It was Big Bear Lake

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Speaker 2: from like six to ten and then from about ten on.

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Speaker 2: So for the last thirty one years, I've gone up

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Speaker 2: to Lake Manuga. So I mean that has been that was,

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Speaker 2: It's been my childhood so to bring and it's every memory.

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Speaker 2: Even if it wasn't a great one for some reason,

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Speaker 2: it still doesn't tarnish like it is. It is my

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Speaker 2: happy place. It'll forever be my happy place. I love

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Speaker 2: it so much. It's obviously changed, you know, with my

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Speaker 2: grandpa being gone, and you know, but it's it's just

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Speaker 2: it's it truly is the best. And I love having

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Speaker 2: Alan and the kids up there because they're experiencing how

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Speaker 2: fun it is to be on a lake and they,

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Speaker 2: you know, they just kept saying, this is the best

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Speaker 2: week ever. And you know, we love it up here.

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Speaker 2: You know, something kind of went down the last night,

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Speaker 2: but you know it's, uh, yeah, yeah, do you feel

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Speaker 2: like sharing or pinning? I don't know because it's like

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Speaker 2: I know, it's if.

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Speaker 1: I don't know it yet, so you could tell me on.

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Speaker 2: Here it becomes a clip and then it's yeah, we

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Speaker 2: could talk to productive control over that movie. You don't know.

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Speaker 2: It's one of those things where like you know, when

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Speaker 2: you've talked about your mom and then they get their

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Speaker 2: feelings hurt it, so it's but it's also my feelings too,

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Speaker 2: So it's what is it's it's the it's a difficult

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Speaker 2: line to balance that because I think I have valid

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Speaker 2: feelings in it, and she might she has her own

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Speaker 2: valid feelings in it as well too. Uh So. But

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Speaker 2: I did end up. I did text Kristen that night

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Speaker 2: and just was like, big blow up, like and she's like, Okay.

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Speaker 2: I was like, nope, crying in the closet. Well, because

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Speaker 2: I had facetimed you that morning. You were talking about

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Speaker 2: the kids doing a sleepover. Yeah, and you were like

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Speaker 2: I could just tell you felt great, You're having fun,

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Speaker 2: and then like hours later, crying in the closet, big

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Speaker 2: blow up. I was like, oh, okay, it's shifted. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: So it's how fast it can sometimes shift. I thank you.

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Speaker 2: Even sharing a little bit is needed, not for clips,

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Speaker 2: but just for the reality, you know, like the reality

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Speaker 2: of people listening need to know that it isn't always

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Speaker 2: picture perfect, right, Like we always talk about everyone talks

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Speaker 2: about that Instagram that's the highlight reel, and we don't

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Speaker 2: want to air dirty laundry. That's never the goal. But

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Speaker 2: like the honesty of it is, parental relationships at our

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Speaker 2: age are tricky, and I think that's just fair to

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Speaker 2: say that it isn't. I know a lot of my

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Speaker 2: friends that have these emotionally available, emotionally healthy, wonderful parents,

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Speaker 2: people that even actually give them money and do things

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Speaker 2: for them or fly in when times get tough, and

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Speaker 2: that is not my situation. And so I don't want

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Speaker 2: to throw anyone under the bus. I mean by deductive reasoning,

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Speaker 2: we can all figure it out, because I only have

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Speaker 2: one parent of life, but figured it out, we all

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Speaker 2: carried the one anyways. I just yeah, it's and it's

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Speaker 2: not for pity and it's not. I just there's a

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Speaker 2: block there. Amy and I have talked a lot about it,

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Speaker 2: like a gridlock, Amy called it, which I felt like

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Speaker 2: it was really that felt really fitting where I was like,

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Speaker 2: I am not a very forgiving person. I can get

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Speaker 2: apologies out of I can piece together apology without it

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Speaker 2: being stated I am sorry. And then there's also just

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Speaker 2: actions speak louder than the words, and there's valuing myself

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Speaker 2: and knowing that I've worked so freaking hard and thousands

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Speaker 2: of dollars in Kopays to make a safe place for

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Speaker 2: myself inside of myself and inside of my home, and

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Speaker 2: I don't I don't feel like I owe it to

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Speaker 2: anyone to have to break that. So I think it's

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Speaker 2: fair for us to say that it is not always amazing.

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Speaker 1: Well, there's also three of us in this room, and

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Speaker 1: we all three have very tricky relationships with our mothers.

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's just the reality. So if there's three

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Speaker 1: of us and all three of us have issues, it's

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Speaker 1: a pretty high likelihood that a lot of people listening

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Speaker 1: have very tricky relationships with their parents as well. I

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Speaker 1: think it's just a very common thing, especially at this age.

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Speaker 2: And probably their ages too, their generation, I think. But

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Speaker 2: I think that goes and that's what Amy said, like

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Speaker 2: their generation didn't do the therapy because we have the

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Speaker 2: triple workload. We just talked about this. If I didn't

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Speaker 2: have whatever is going on with my mom brain, I

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Speaker 2: could tell you who I talked about it with, but

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Speaker 2: I don't remember. But we are we are healing parents,

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Speaker 2: healing ourselves and making sure that it's safe and maybe

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Speaker 2: doesn't have to be healed for our kids. So that's

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Speaker 2: triple the workload. No matter what we're doing, if you're

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Speaker 2: if you're trying to be a whole person and a

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Speaker 2: healthy person in this orbit right now, it's already hard

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Speaker 2: because the weight of the world is heavy, and then

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Speaker 2: we've got these like generational things. So we're doing a

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Speaker 2: lot of work. And it doesn't have to be so

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Speaker 2: dark and so heavy all the time in the healing

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Speaker 2: of relationships, but sometimes it is. Yeah, yeah, I mean

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Speaker 2: should I Yeah, So I was saying on that I

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Speaker 2: can link to you up so that you could come in.

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Speaker 2: Maybe we were talking about it. Yeah, well I think

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Speaker 2: it just all goes back to again too so much

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Speaker 2: built up stuff. Yeah, you know, it usually does. It's

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Speaker 2: not because if what I will say, someone will be like,

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Speaker 2: oh you're that's you know, why would you get upset

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Speaker 2: about that. It's all the things kind of leading up

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Speaker 2: to this moment, right And I don't really know much

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Speaker 2: about the situation this one. Yeah, I mean I didn't.

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Speaker 2: I didn't say I just wisdered I would like to

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Speaker 2: know the like, but you might not even think it's

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Speaker 2: a big deal. I think because it's the the years

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Speaker 2: of that disconnect and resentment that builds to this.

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Speaker 1: Very little things can trigger those feelings though, because that's

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Speaker 1: coming from such childhood wounds.

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Speaker 2: That is what I have learned.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it can be the smallest thing that Nick

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Speaker 1: still to this day may not understand. I'm like, you

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Speaker 1: will never understand why this triggers me and why I

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Speaker 1: get upset about it. Yeah, so I think that's important to.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think you know, and you know, Alan

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Speaker 2: and I had this conversation afterwards. He goes where he

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Speaker 2: and he understood, but I said, I can tell you

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Speaker 2: the moment, the age that I was, and then how

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Speaker 2: it shifted. And that's where I in my you know, adulthood,

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Speaker 2: go oh wow, when I was this age it made

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Speaker 2: me feel this and then you know, trying to work

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Speaker 2: through it. But long story short, you know, we were

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Speaker 2: not even going to go up for the fourth of

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Speaker 2: July because the sleeping arrangement up there is just is

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Speaker 2: not you know, there's Roman needs to kind of have

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Speaker 2: his own thing because or he wouldn't sleep. You know,

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Speaker 2: he's not even two yet, so he needs a quiet

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Speaker 2: because the kids would wake him up. And the last

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Speaker 2: thing I want is for him to not is to

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Speaker 2: be in the same room as the kids. So but

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Speaker 2: his so we were kind of thinking, well, maybe we'll

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Speaker 2: just rent something close by, or we just won't go

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Speaker 2: at all until he can be in the room with

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Speaker 2: the kids and we can all sleep together in one room.

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Speaker 2: But his her husband was like, oh, well, you can

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Speaker 2: take our room and then if you want to, just

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Speaker 2: put him in the closet because they have a kind

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Speaker 2: of like a walking closet. And I was like, actually,

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Speaker 2: that would be amazing because that, you know, I would

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Speaker 2: just keep the door cracked, and I've done that before

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Speaker 2: in airbnb. Is like yeah, white and again out close

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Speaker 2: the door, like saying, but okay, we can go both

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Speaker 2: go down together. I've put mine in a bathroom before.

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Speaker 2: There was yeah, bathrooms are so good, but they only

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Speaker 2: have one bathroom in the you know, the three bedroom,

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Speaker 2: so uh and even so like there's no even where

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Speaker 2: to put like a pack and play in that one.

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Speaker 2: So it's just like really like logistically like hard to

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Speaker 2: find a sleeping arrangement and you're coming in five people deep,

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Speaker 2: so that's a thing. Yeah, And so I was like,

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Speaker 2: that is so sweet that you offered like, that was

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Speaker 2: really nice of him to offer, and so we obviously

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Speaker 2: took them up. I'm that great, then we can definitely,

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Speaker 2: you know, come And so that week was filled with

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Speaker 2: comments about us being in the room from my mom like, well,

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Speaker 2: I didn't offer it. And so what I worked with

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Speaker 2: before going there with Amy was to not let comments

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Speaker 2: affect me, because I'm like, I am quick to be

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Speaker 2: affected in a family dynamic because of the resentment. So

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Speaker 2: what I said was to her is we had a

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Speaker 2: whole session about walking in and not letting things affect

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Speaker 2: me so that it doesn't take away the time from

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Speaker 2: my family. Because I know that I get really like

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Speaker 2: like I immediately box up. I immediately get more defensive

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Speaker 2: or just like guarded.

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Speaker 1: Guarded.

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Speaker 2: Yeah it guard It's a great word. And I can

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Speaker 2: feel like the tension in my body. So I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to feel that way. I was like,

295
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Speaker 2: that's one of reasons why I don't even want to

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Speaker 2: go up, you know. She's like, well, let's figure out

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Speaker 2: how to to not do that. So I came up

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Speaker 2: with a something that worked for me where it was like,

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Speaker 2: all right, my main focus is my you know, my

300
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Speaker 2: kids and Alan that is my main cast, and like

301
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Speaker 2: that is like where I'm gonna put the energy into.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna let any comments kind of like ping off

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Speaker 2: of me, you know. So we came up with like

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Speaker 2: this thing and it's and it was great, like everything

305
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,960
Speaker 2: was so good, but there were comments like that that

306
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Speaker 2: I'd be like and in my mind, I'm like, well,

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Speaker 2: of course you wouldn't have offered, because it didn't. So

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Speaker 2: then that's where like kind of the it started to

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Speaker 2: seep in a little bit, and then by like the

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Speaker 2: end of the week, on the last day, there was

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Speaker 2: another yet again comment, and I was like, I get it.

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Speaker 2: You don't want us in here, like we didn't ask

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Speaker 2: you for this room. But I felt so at that

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Speaker 2: point out of place in like that I wasn't welcome

315
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Speaker 2: and that I just inconvenience them. But I'm like, I

316
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Speaker 2: didn't ask to take this room like you guys offered,

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Speaker 2: and now you've made me feel bad for being in

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Speaker 2: this room. I've inconvenienced you, and it felt crap to

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Speaker 2: feel that way. Can we just time out for a second,

320
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Speaker 2: because in our orbits we're dealing with this, but in

321
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Speaker 2: what world would we ever say to our daughters passive

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Speaker 2: comments like that. Ever, I will give Love everything I

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Speaker 2: have anytime she needs any of my kids. I would

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Speaker 2: never make a comment. That is where I think we

325
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:46,560
Speaker 2: function too well inside of the unhealth sometimes because I

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Speaker 2: would never make Love feel like she's out of place. Ever,

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Speaker 2: I would never make Legend feel like him and his

328
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Speaker 2: wife couldn't stay ever mark my world. Yeah, in her defense,

329
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Speaker 2: like she's not used to not being I know, she's

330
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Speaker 2: not used to travel or being in a separate room

331
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Speaker 2: and moving daughter, right, I know, But I'm also just

332
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Speaker 2: trying to like people.

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Speaker 1: Are a little bit. I get it, it's in their

334
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,160
Speaker 1: ways what they're used to. I mean, but you don't

335
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,360
Speaker 1: agree with you. I wouldn't do that to my kids either.

336
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Speaker 1: That's the part where I get, but I can't understand.

337
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,240
Speaker 1: But also I'm coming from a place of the chip

338
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,840
Speaker 1: away gets to me too, right. But my problem is

339
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:25,080
Speaker 1: is by that point I go I want to leave, correct,

340
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,840
Speaker 1: because that is where I go to. I go to

341
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,040
Speaker 1: reactive when I am pinged. A certain amount of times,

342
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, f it, we're leaving, we're packing up, and

343
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,480
Speaker 1: we're going home tonight. So I'm like that and I

344
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,320
Speaker 1: want that to be known and said and spoken about

345
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Speaker 1: this is why we are best friends, damn it.

346
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Speaker 2: And so Alan comes in the room and I'm like,

347
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:51,240
Speaker 2: I'm ferociously packing because I will not take another ounce

348
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,680
Speaker 2: of this room of hers that is offered, that was

349
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,920
Speaker 2: offered to us, you know. So he's like, what is

350
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,680
Speaker 2: going on? Like we're leaving right now, Like I'm I'm done,

351
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:04,600
Speaker 2: like ice, It's seven pm on the last night, the

352
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,960
Speaker 2: last night, okay, yeah, so Roman's about to go to

353
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:10,200
Speaker 2: bed in an hour. I'm wanting to drive back down

354
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,520
Speaker 2: to Michigan to my dad's house. Okay, y y yeah,

355
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,440
Speaker 2: to then take the flight out the next day, which

356
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,120
Speaker 2: was planned. Yeah, He's like, what happened? I was I'm

357
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,560
Speaker 2: the comments. I was like, I feel so like that.

358
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 2: I'm so inconvenienced. And I'm like why did she have

359
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,639
Speaker 2: to say it? Like again and again. I'm like I

360
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,640
Speaker 2: get it. You didn't want us to have this room.

361
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,760
Speaker 2: I'm like, I didn't ask for you again, it was offered.

362
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,760
Speaker 2: So long story short, He's like, you know, you're being reactive.

363
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,760
Speaker 2: I understand. I you know that would upset bother me

364
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,840
Speaker 2: to I'm like, well, what if we just all move

365
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,480
Speaker 2: into you know, the other room and then she comes in.

366
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,000
Speaker 2: She's like, what's going on? And I was like, I'm

367
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Speaker 2: getting out of your room because I'm so sick. Oh

368
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:48,480
Speaker 2: my god, you're so sensitive. And I was just like,

369
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,520
Speaker 2: well maybe, but also like I would never say that

370
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Speaker 2: to my daughter. And she's like, oh, that's right, because

371
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Speaker 2: you've had so much air quote therapy. It's the air

372
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Speaker 2: quote therapy for me. And I was like yeah. And

373
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Speaker 2: that's when I just like we both just went offline.

374
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,480
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, you need some you know what

375
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:10,159
Speaker 2: I mean, like we should probably go you know, and

376
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,600
Speaker 2: then you know, and I was like I would never

377
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,280
Speaker 2: She's like, well what would.

378
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,520
Speaker 1: She's like, I just haven't been.

379
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Speaker 2: In my room and in five nights, and she's like,

380
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,639
Speaker 2: you know, what would you do? Like would like? And

381
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,000
Speaker 2: I was like, I would sleep on the fucking couch.

382
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,520
Speaker 2: I would never make my daughter. She goes, oh, because

383
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,119
Speaker 2: you're a perfect parent, and I was like wow, the

384
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,040
Speaker 2: gas lighting like and I was like no, But I

385
00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:32,840
Speaker 2: was like no, I'm not a perfect parent. Mom, there's

386
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,879
Speaker 2: no perfect parent. I was like, but I wouldn't. I

387
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,080
Speaker 2: would literally sleep on a couch for a week from

388
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:41,720
Speaker 2: my daughter and not say one word. Parents with ownership

389
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:45,720
Speaker 2: could be the perfect parent. Yeah, and so I just

390
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 2: it's not about being perfect, it's about being honest and accountability. Yeah. Yeah,

391
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,480
Speaker 2: Like I go up there once a year. That's my

392
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 2: whole parth. This is once a year a year you

393
00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,440
Speaker 2: cannot take And that's why I said. I was like,

394
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,879
Speaker 2: you can't take five to six nights out of your

395
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 2: room to go to the next like and again again

396
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:08,159
Speaker 2: I didn't ask, and this is how you're making me feel. Well.

397
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 2: I didn't mean to me. I just like, oh, I

398
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,119
Speaker 2: want to get back in my room and my stuff.

399
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:15,119
Speaker 2: And I just was like, I I will never like,

400
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 2: don't you worry. And she's like, oh, here come your threats.

401
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,400
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, they're not threats. I just promise

402
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,440
Speaker 2: you I will not. Like I don't even know. I'm

403
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 2: mad at myself that I even thought this was okay,

404
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 2: you know, and then I wouldn't hear something about it.

405
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 2: But it was just, yeah, it was a lot of

406
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,760
Speaker 2: those comments about the perfect parent, and I was like, again,

407
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,680
Speaker 2: I just would never do this to my daughter. And

408
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,639
Speaker 2: then it, you know, it spiraled into the all the

409
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:37,240
Speaker 2: other resentment stuff and we we just were at it.

410
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 2: So what is Ellen doing during this well, he went

411
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,399
Speaker 2: to my brother and he goes, what do I do?

412
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,160
Speaker 2: And my brother goes, let him go, because he goes,

413
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 2: She's gonna have stuff that they just gotta they gotta

414
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,320
Speaker 2: get it all out. And the problem is I just

415
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:56,240
Speaker 2: end up crying right like I'm well, turn yeah, and

416
00:19:56,359 --> 00:20:00,360
Speaker 2: then you know she's upset, and you know, I don't

417
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 2: I don't think that. I don't think these people are

418
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 2: bad people's And I want to make that like clear,

419
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 2: because I just think there is a certain level of

420
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:13,640
Speaker 2: like avoidance or whatever in that generation that just makes

421
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:18,480
Speaker 2: it like they're this like almost impossibility to own things

422
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 2: enough to apologize for them. Well, she ended up saying

423
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 2: she was sorry, and she's like, maybe we should go

424
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:30,879
Speaker 2: to therapy together. And again, I think we're so far

425
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,680
Speaker 2: past that that I just have to understand, like the

426
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 2: day she's my mom and I, you know, and I

427
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 2: have it's like what I did with my dad. Now

428
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,640
Speaker 2: we have a great relationship. I don't expect certain things,

429
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 2: you know, and we I have kind of reformed my

430
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,360
Speaker 2: relationship with him and we're great now again. My dad

431
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 2: gave us his car for the week, and he had

432
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 2: one car with him and his wife didn't complain. When

433
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 2: I got back, I was like, guys, I'm so sorry

434
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,719
Speaker 2: that must have been such an inconvenience. Oh not at all.

435
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 2: We've we did great, you know, and didn't make me

436
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 2: feel bad for I asked. I was like, can I

437
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,200
Speaker 2: porwer one of your yells because my dad can get

438
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,640
Speaker 2: loner car sometimes. But he's like, oh, we'll be fine

439
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 2: with one, like zero issue. Yeah. I think it's like

440
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 2: because if we're in that position, you just want your

441
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,680
Speaker 2: people with you so badly you would sacrifice whatever. Yeah.

442
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 2: I was like, you guys want to use my room

443
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 2: when you go like whatever? Fine, But again, I'm also

444
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 2: used to being out of a suitcase. I know that is.

445
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 1: I do think there is an element to both of us.

446
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:26,639
Speaker 2: No.

447
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 1: I mean this coming from a girl who did leave

448
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:33,480
Speaker 1: a beach trip with my family, changed flights, everything, the

449
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 1: last time we ever went on a beach trip together

450
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,840
Speaker 1: as a family. So this isna yakay.

451
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,560
Speaker 2: So I'm not like crazy for having that anymore.

452
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 1: This was Yeah, it was bad, But I do think

453
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,919
Speaker 1: there is an element of older people being very comfortable

454
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,159
Speaker 1: in their in their surround you know, they don't go

455
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,159
Speaker 1: you know, a lot they don't go a lot of

456
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,120
Speaker 1: places they don't go a lot. I do think there's

457
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 1: an element of that. My question is, do you think

458
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 1: she really cared that much about not being in her

459
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 1: room or is she just really insensitive about her comments?

460
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying, Like, does she really care

461
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,120
Speaker 1: that much or she just likes to make comments?

462
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:14,359
Speaker 2: I don't know, you know what I mean, She's just

463
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:15,960
Speaker 2: kind of talking about how out of sorts she felt

464
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 2: and she couldn't wait to get back in her room again.

465
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,439
Speaker 1: I mean, I do think there are are also certain

466
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 1: personalities that like to make comments and they think that

467
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 1: they're funny, but they're not funny.

468
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,200
Speaker 2: I mean I have I do that sometimes. Yeah, I

469
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 2: think we all do.

470
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, we all do. So that's why I was trying

471
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,960
Speaker 1: to see exactly the dynamic of it, like was she

472
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 1: truly upset probably that she wasn't in her space.

473
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 2: My guess, well, apparently she told like other people too,

474
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,360
Speaker 2: like Dan offered our room to like, because my sister

475
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,439
Speaker 2: in law was telling me that she was making comments to.

476
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: People, right, Because I was gonna say, if she's just

477
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,359
Speaker 1: making comments because she thinks it's funny even though it

478
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,640
Speaker 1: doesn't land or she's you know, because you know those

479
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,640
Speaker 1: people that can kind of do that sometimes, Okay, hey,

480
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: I get it. No, but it sounds like she just

481
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 1: really wanted her space back, and that is hard for

482
00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 1: us all to imagine because we're trying. You just wouldn't

483
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 1: do that to our children. Having said that, I can,

484
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 1: being fifty feet like out of this completely, I can

485
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 1: see where that would also be hurtful to hear that

486
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,360
Speaker 1: as a mother, Well, I wouldn't do that to my kid.

487
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 1: That would be a hard thing to hear, though true,

488
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 1: Though true, I could see where if my daughter later

489
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: in life was saying, well I wouldn't do what you did,

490
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 1: how that would be a very thing hard thing to hear,

491
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 1: and how that would kind of cause a little bit

492
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 1: of a you know, but that doesn't mean. That just

493
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 1: means you're avoiding the truth, because it is the truth,

494
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: and you have to be able to look at that

495
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 1: and address that well.

496
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 2: And I think, and I agree with you. I totally

497
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,479
Speaker 2: agree with you. I think where that hurt comes from

498
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 2: and why you say that is I realize and it's

499
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 2: not even her fault. I just will never be a

500
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 2: grandparent like her like And I did make a comment

501
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 2: that was a built up resentment of like, well, how

502
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 2: many how many softball games or baseball games have you

503
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 2: come to you? She said, well, it's not my fault.

504
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 2: You meet to Tennessee and I go. If my daughter

505
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 2: moves anywhere in the world, I will make sure I

506
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 2: will see you. Know again, they might not be able

507
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 2: to see I could see every gay obviously, but like

508
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,360
Speaker 2: you're the only grandparent that has never come to a game. Yeah,

509
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 2: you know. So though that resentment starts to come up,

510
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 2: and then because I moved to Tennessee, Well, so I

511
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 2: just think with that is I I have to just

512
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 2: not say anything because at the end of the day,

513
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,920
Speaker 2: we are too different. We parent different, and we will

514
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 2: also be different grandparents and parents. Yeah, and that's just

515
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 2: the reality. And to Alan and I talk Alan and

516
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 2: also you know, we he feels similar about that grandparent

517
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 2: side of things, where it's like we will be just

518
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 2: different grandparents for our grandkids and just how we are

519
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 2: different moms to our kids because of what we've seen.

520
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 2: And I think it's just going through that is I

521
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 2: have to now just not take that out on her,

522
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 2: because just as I am a different mom because of

523
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 2: things that I was with her, I will now be

524
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:00,320
Speaker 2: a different grandparent because is it that?

525
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, and see the positive in it. I mean it

526
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 1: does teach us a lot of lessons and how we

527
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 1: you know, you see those things and how you don't

528
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 1: want to be And I know again that would be

529
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,880
Speaker 1: hurtful to hear as a mom if I could put

530
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: myself in that place. I can already think in the

531
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: future at some perst, me and my daughter's getting in

532
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 1: a fight and they're like, well, I would never do

533
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: that to my suit. That will happen. But we're only

534
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 1: doing as best as we can and learning from the

535
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 1: things that we don't want to do to our kids.

536
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 1: And I mean maybe it's good for y'all probably to

537
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 1: get it out. I feel like though, y'all kind of

538
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 1: get it out and then it kind of.

539
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a samary and it's fine. It's just again

540
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,959
Speaker 2: I kind of just know what the relationship it'll never

541
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:46,120
Speaker 2: be what it was, yeah, And I'm honestly like okay

542
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: with that. Yeah, I mean what kind of is what

543
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 2: it is? And I don't want to go through all

544
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 2: this stuff because it's I don't think what it was

545
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 2: was healthy anyways. Usually it existed, Okay, at a certain

546
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,640
Speaker 2: point because of an unhealth in US. So the healthier

547
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 2: we get, yeah, less tolerant we can be. So it's

548
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,879
Speaker 2: a forever change dynamic no matter way. And it is like,

549
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 2: end of the day, she's my mom. I love her,

550
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 2: you know, and there are good times. There will still

551
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 2: be good times. I just have to set different expectations

552
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 2: than like I did with my dad to be able

553
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 2: to have a healthy relationship with her. Yeah.

554
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and if you you know, if you want to

555
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: go up north, you just know that, which I will

556
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 1: staying somewhere else. It'll be somewhere else. Yeah, I mean,

557
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:27,960
Speaker 1: and that sucks. I mean, yeah, I was here the

558
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 1: first to say that sucks. It's like it's your mother

559
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 1: and you're not you don't feel welcome with your children

560
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 1: and her home.

561
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,359
Speaker 2: No, it's not. That's not the truth.

562
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 1: Okay I do.

563
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 2: But like it's again the sleeping arrangements. I'll have to

564
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 2: wait until Roman is old enough to stay in the

565
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,360
Speaker 2: same room because I do feel very welcome there. It's

566
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 2: just this the logistics of trying to keep a sleeping

567
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 2: baby sleeping in the same room. Yeah, it's really tough. Yeah,

568
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 2: I don't feel welcome in her room there. We go, well,

569
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 2: that's fair yea.

570
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, we just yeah, And the thing is to the

571
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: good news is, well, y'all are still going to have

572
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,119
Speaker 1: these things because there's a lot of resentment obviously, and

573
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:06,919
Speaker 1: things are going to come up and she's it's going

574
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,160
Speaker 1: to be another thing that she's probably gonna make comments about.

575
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 1: But for this situation, the good news is that's only

576
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 1: a couple of years. Yeah, and eventually you'll be able

577
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 1: to all stay in the same room.

578
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 2: Yeah. And every time it is I've learned. I learned

579
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 2: things right, like sure when I had Roman and the

580
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 2: other times I'm like, why isn't she helping with this?

581
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 2: I've learned that I have to ask her that she

582
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 2: just won't do it again. Now how I'll be Yeah,

583
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 2: and that's okay because we're different. So now I know,

584
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 2: like when I was up there, I was like, hey,

585
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 2: can you watch Roman so Alan and I can go

586
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 2: for a run. So it's not like instead of her

587
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 2: not and then I'm like she didn't even offer yeah,

588
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 2: you know, so it's like that's where I and I'm like, no,

589
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 2: I'm not going to hold that resentment because that's not

590
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,919
Speaker 2: fair for her because she needs to be asked.

591
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, to help totally.

592
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:50,160
Speaker 2: And now it's fine.

593
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I mean I have a great relationship

594
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,879
Speaker 1: with my dad, but like I mean, i'd have to

595
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 1: lay it out to a tea, like he's helping me

596
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,080
Speaker 1: when I'm gone next week. And I already know the

597
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 1: things that he's not capable of thinking. He will not

598
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: think through to make sure, you know, And it's like

599
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: I have to. I just kind of know who can

600
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: do what, who's good at what, what I have to

601
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,120
Speaker 1: ask specifically, And I just think that we learned through

602
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 1: that and then instead of holding that resentment, that's all,

603
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:16,880
Speaker 1: you know, that's all we can do. Really.

604
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 2: But I don't worry for sharing that. Actually I want

605
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 2: to say that thanks, because it is tricky. It's hard

606
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,120
Speaker 2: to navigate these relationships like I have. I don't want

607
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 2: to have a fallout because she's my mom end of

608
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 2: the day. Like I was, like, she's your mom, and

609
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 2: I'm like, of course, and I love her, of course,

610
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 2: I love my more just two different, very two different,

611
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 2: two very different people. Yeah, I also really love myself now,

612
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 2: and so that's something. Yeah, just trying to figure it

613
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:43,960
Speaker 2: all out. But we're doing our best.

614
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 1: So have y'all talk since then well this is what

615
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 1: we do.

616
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 2: Oh I already can I predict that? Chirk? Let me

617
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 2: just see if that track? Yeah? Now is it just

618
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 2: back to you've made it safely on your plane, You've

619
00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 2: made it safely at home? We ask, but like you, no,

620
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 2: did you just do that? Oh?

621
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 1: What did you text her?

622
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 2: No? No, it was just she was like, hey girl,

623
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 2: can you send me the photo of the kay? Yeah,

624
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 2: because I'm like I just don't even like, well, it's

625
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,520
Speaker 2: not worth your it's not gonna it was that, it's done,

626
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 2: it's over. You can't take a break, it is read

627
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 2: at the hardware store. You can't get out at the

628
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 2: hardware store. And yeah, and I'm almost mad at myself

629
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 2: for having I don't.

630
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 1: Want you to. I wonder did you do like that too?

631
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 1: Why that was not worth it?

632
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 2: Literally? I was like, no part of that was worth it. Yeah,

633
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 2: I know, but when you're I didn't get anything squeeze

634
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 2: out of the lemon? Yeah, I really didn't though, I know,

635
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,239
Speaker 2: but it was a last It was like the last one.

636
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:44,719
Speaker 2: And now I'm like, I think I got it all

637
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 2: out to be like, okay, nothing, no lemon comes out? Yeah, yeah,

638
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:51,480
Speaker 2: why why do that? Why did I just do that.

639
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 2: Why did I call it? You are in it for

640
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 2: that long? Like say keeping you're in it for a week.

641
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 2: It just feels that way. And we're on top of

642
00:29:58,360 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 2: each other all in the small house, you know. I mean, whatever,

643
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 2: let's take a break and let's wind about it because

644
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 2: I got a topic. Oh that wasn't it? Okay? Yes,

645
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 2: all right, guys, I have a topic. I love it

646
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 2: or whine about it. I may or may not have

647
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 2: been told that I was high strung, Okay, so why

648
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 2: do I get personally offended for you? But I really

649
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 2: want to talk about it because and I literally wrote

650
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 2: it down and it wasn't from my mom, And.

651
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here going hmm, I'm just want to.

652
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 2: Know who it was. Do you know it was? It

653
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 2: was set in like a heated oh even worse worse, right,

654
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 2: because I'm like, do you really think that?

655
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 1: Like?

656
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 2: Is that what you think? And the person is like,

657
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 2: I love you? Is that what you do? You really

658
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 2: think that? I'm super high strong about this comment? So

659
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 2: my question is is this a really close person? I

660
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 2: need to know that. Yes, But they say things when

661
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:09,800
Speaker 2: they're angry and frustrated. Okay, well yeah, right, okay, but

662
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 2: I do want to know if it's like a wild

663
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 2: source out in the world. No, No, it's not like

664
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 2: a US weekly troll, like someone we actually know, we

665
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 2: care about this person, got it? Okay? So but my

666
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 2: question is what is high strong verse handling stuff, because

667
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 2: I do think there are moments where, yes, I can

668
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 2: call myself out and be like, in certain situations, I

669
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 2: am more, I'm more stressed than maybe Catherine would be

670
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 2: in the situation or Kristen would be in the situation.

671
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 2: But I'm also thinking about all the spinning plates I'm

672
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 2: trying to hold.

673
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: That.

674
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 2: Yes, I do get a little stressed.

675
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: So is it.

676
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 2: I guess high strong verse handling stuff. Is there? What

677
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 2: is the line between the two? Because I don't want

678
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 2: to say I'm high strong when it's really in fact

679
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 2: I'm I might just be stressed and dealing with a

680
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 2: lot of things, and that's okay. Maybe you'd like to

681
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 2: not have to be high strong. So what are your thoughts? Actually?

682
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 1: Funny you bring this up.

683
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 2: Oh you think you're high strong.

684
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,200
Speaker 1: Oh I'm high strong for sure. Okay, Absolutely, I am

685
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: too wish in stressful moments. Absolutely, I also.

686
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 2: Just wish that I didn't and then someone will say, well,

687
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 2: you don't have to be. I just wish that I

688
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 2: didn't have to be because it and maybe this is

689
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 2: probably what you're feeling too, Like I probably people are

690
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 2: saying I'm high strong. I because if I'm not the

691
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 2: one doing it, then it won't get done most often.

692
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 2: And if I'm not the one prethinking it and proactively

693
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 2: doing it, then it won't get done. So, yes, I'm

694
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 2: high strong, and what I love a vacation from that.

695
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 2: I would love to know that I don't have to be.

696
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 1: But I think her question is and I do think

697
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 1: that there's a line and I cross it. Don't get

698
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 1: me wrong, but I do think there's a line all

699
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 1: of us women moms are handling it. Just be real

700
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 1: like even today, yeah, exactly download today. Even today, I

701
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 1: got a little high strung thinking about leaving that. That's

702
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: why I said, funny you brought this up. This is

703
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 1: our cycle. Every time if I have to start getting

704
00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 1: ready to leave town, I get stressed. I get high

705
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: strung every time. It doesn't matter even if I'm just

706
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: going for like one trip with you, I'll get a

707
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 1: little high strung before and I'll start mentioning.

708
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 2: Strung or is it stressed? And is there a difference.

709
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: It's how you I think you can get stressed, but

710
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: I think high strung is then how level the level

711
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: up and how you handle it. So, yes, I get stressed,

712
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 1: but then I get high strung. Yeah, and then you

713
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 1: just try it and I'll strong switch. I'll start with

714
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 1: the stress like, oh I got a pack.

715
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 2: Oh I got a pack.

716
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 1: Oh I got a pack? Drives it crazy? I get it?

717
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: How many times have I mentioned it? And in his

718
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: head he's probably like, then just go pack right? Just

719
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 1: so today he was like, it's gonna be okay, and

720
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 1: I go you're gonna have to be nice and he

721
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 1: was like what because I could feel it right and

722
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to be nice? Yeah, And he was

723
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 1: like okay, okay, what And I was like, You're not

724
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 1: the one that has to think about everything. I was

725
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 1: like I and he's like, but I'm gonna help you.

726
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,399
Speaker 1: I understand you're gonna have to help. You're gonna help,

727
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 1: but you aren't going to help, but you have to

728
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 1: organize what to delegate exactly. Have you seen the list

729
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 1: that started? Because who thought of the list?

730
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:16,800
Speaker 2: Me?

731
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 1: That's stressful enough. But I will take it and then

732
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 1: I'll keep going. So again, yes, I think there's a level,

733
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 1: and it's learning how to take that stress and everything

734
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 1: that we have to do and not take it to

735
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 1: a place. Now, if you can figure out how to

736
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: do that, let me know.

737
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 2: Okay, So this actually goes along with something I wanted

738
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 2: to bring up to you too, So I'm just gonna

739
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 2: find it really fast because I did pin it for

740
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 2: us to see your thoughts, but it actually loops right

741
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 2: inside of this. I guess my point too while you're

742
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 2: looking for that is I just don't want it to

743
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 2: be seen as a negative thing. And then maybe that's

744
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 2: because I know that I am at time.

745
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 1: I mean, that's I agree, and I don't want if

746
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 1: someone said it to me, I would be offended, but

747
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:56,560
Speaker 1: it's because I know it's true.

748
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I's same like I know that I am

749
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 2: and don't you see why?

750
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 1: Right?

751
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 2: But in this person, it's like, well it's because you

752
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,880
Speaker 2: get upset about this when I wouldn't. I'm like, well

753
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 2: that's great for you, Yeah, you know what I mean,

754
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 2: because yeah, but it stresses me out right, like like

755
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 2: naps stress me out. That stuff stresses me out. I'm

756
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 2: sorry if the baby doesn't I get I get stressed

757
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 2: and then I switch to the my strongness. But if

758
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,800
Speaker 2: you're not stressed, then it doesn't happen, and then you

759
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:29,960
Speaker 2: have a baby that's worse off.

760
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:33,359
Speaker 1: And what other people would say, again, I'm not care

761
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 1: if they're if they're because you don't have to.

762
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 2: I was going to say, they're the same people that don't.

763
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: Have to deal with them and their defense. I've seen

764
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 1: plenty of parents who don't care about that nap, and

765
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: if they don't get it, they do actually handle it fine,

766
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 1: gonna I'll give them props.

767
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:54,879
Speaker 2: I was never that mother, and I hate that about myself. Never.

768
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:57,800
Speaker 2: But I can't like if love breast wasn't Love is

769
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 2: not a good person if she doesn't get sleep one.

770
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 1: I think all kids are different too. I know all

771
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 1: three of mine. I knew which ones could skip a

772
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 1: nap and be fine and which one I still was

773
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 1: stressed about them getting an app either way. But I

774
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 1: do think that we have to just sit here on

775
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,840
Speaker 1: this couch and admit that we are a little bit

776
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: higher strung in these situation than some point.

777
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 2: But I just want it to be okay, that that

778
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 2: is okay. I think that's why I don't want it

779
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:24,799
Speaker 2: to be looked at a bad thing. And I guess

780
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 2: I'm being trying to I'm purely defensive about it.

781
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 1: I think, just own it.

782
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,720
Speaker 2: Well, we've had the same it just seems negative.

783
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:33,800
Speaker 1: It does seem negative.

784
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 2: But and I don't like when I do it. Oh

785
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 2: well yeah, sorry, But I also know again I'm going

786
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 2: to be stressed out different than this other person. Yeah, yeah, no,

787
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 2: I I think I feel this for you because it's

788
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 2: been said to me in ways too. Well, you're just

789
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 2: overly like you know, I saw this like funny thing

790
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 2: that was flowing around that was like, your house is clean. Thanks.

791
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 2: I screamed to my kids for two hours to get

792
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 2: it this way. You know. It's like, see that's where

793
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 2: I'm not high strung. But yeah, but I see, but see,

794
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 2: we're all different. Yeah, but I am. I am about

795
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 2: even though we frantically clean before this podcast, You and

796
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,480
Speaker 2: I it's like helping me clean. I mean, I'm like

797
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 2: a clean house.

798
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 1: Either my house is going to be a mess and

799
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 1: I'm not going to stress about it, or all of

800
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 1: a sudden I'm gonna be highrunk and screaming at everyone

801
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 1: to clean the house.

802
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 2: For me, it's a control thing. So it's what I

803
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 2: can control when things feel uncontrollable. At one point in

804
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 2: my life, it used to be eating. Thank god, it's

805
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 2: not that anymore. So now I just grab the thieves

806
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 2: spray and really get after it. Hashtag blessed. But it's like,

807
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,840
Speaker 2: I also know that if I take time off, I

808
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 2: get resentful sometimes because I can witness even in my

809
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 2: own home, my husband works really hard and then he

810
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,320
Speaker 2: comes home and he wants to just be in his

811
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 2: home for a minute. I don't have those days off. Yeah,

812
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 2: I don't sit on the sofa ever, you know.

813
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 1: But you could and if you decided.

814
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 2: And that's the great point.

815
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:54,879
Speaker 1: I am getting well. I am to the point where

816
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:59,240
Speaker 1: I used to get really frustrated and about Nick going fishing,

817
00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,680
Speaker 1: and I realized through the years it made me mad

818
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 1: because I was sitting at an office and I couldn't

819
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 1: just pick up and go fishing, or I don't have

820
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 1: a hobby that I like to, and then I eventually

821
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 1: had to go. This has nothing to do with him

822
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 1: being able to get away and go fishing. It has

823
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,360
Speaker 1: everything to do with me. So if he wants to

824
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,000
Speaker 1: sit on the couch or I want to sit on

825
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,320
Speaker 1: the couch. We can all make those decisions.

826
00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 2: I can't once I still have the baby, so I can't,

827
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 2: so I can't be sitting. And I think that's part

828
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 2: of it too, you know, because she's still so little, right,

829
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 2: We're just not in a sitting season, right. But but

830
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 2: could you have help or and I can and you

831
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,760
Speaker 2: sit on the couch? I think that would be hysterical.

832
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 2: I might make if strongness doesn't allow it. It doesn't.

833
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 2: Are you ready for this recent report? Because this is

834
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 2: I thought of us. According to a recent report, seventy

835
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 2: eight percent of moms considered themselves the default parent, with

836
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 2: those primary caregivers saying that they carry roughly seventy five

837
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 2: percent of the mental load for their family. And while

838
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,760
Speaker 2: that's all too often just considered the status quo dynamic

839
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 2: default parent, divorce does appear to be on the ride.

840
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 2: No secret affairs, no double lives to blame, just growing

841
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 2: number of women realizing that the real deal breaker isn't

842
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 2: the big stuff, it's the quiet erosion that comes from

843
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 2: being the only one who knows when the library books

844
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,479
Speaker 2: are due. Today's mothers often balance careers alongside parenting, creating

845
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 2: an impossible double burden also managing the household. Many of

846
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:22,160
Speaker 2: the clients are recognizing mental health consequences of this imbalance,

847
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 2: including chronic stress, anxiety, depression, burnout, cognitive overload. Intimacy suffers

848
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 2: as they feel more like a household manager than a

849
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,800
Speaker 2: romantic partner. Yeah, I have so much to say and

850
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:35,919
Speaker 2: they are now high strung. Yeah, but and then being

851
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 2: told that they are.

852
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:38,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, that sucks. I would definitely not want to be

853
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 1: told that. But two things. One, is there any part

854
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 1: of y'all or me or the seventy eight percent that

855
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:48,320
Speaker 1: would allow.

856
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 2: I think it's ninety five percent. Yeah, yeah, I think it's.

857
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 1: That would allow that to be the husband, Like, I

858
00:39:56,520 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 1: can't imagine trusting that all all of those things are

859
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 1: actually going to float up in his head and he

860
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 1: would make sure it was all taken care of. And

861
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 1: I don't mean that in a terrible like. I don't

862
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,919
Speaker 1: even he's a great dad and he does a lot,

863
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 1: I mean a lot, yeah, same, but I cannot imagine

864
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,480
Speaker 1: letting him be the default that where he's actually keeping

865
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 1: those plates spinning.

866
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 2: No, it's the forward thought piece, Like it's the I

867
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 2: get in the car with seven bags and make sure

868
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,360
Speaker 2: everyone has the snacks and like, because I'm thinking the

869
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 2: packing for everyone, yeah, when they pack their bag. Yeah, yeah,

870
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:28,800
Speaker 2: I mean Nick.

871
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 1: Has gotten really good at that. But also it's taken

872
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:34,400
Speaker 1: a lot of here's the list, and here's everything that.

873
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,839
Speaker 2: We need, and you know, but even so we're checking

874
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 2: to be but we're.

875
00:40:37,480 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: Still exactly So I just think a a lot of

876
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: us wouldn't even allow it to be the other way.

877
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:48,879
Speaker 1: And b now we kind of see why households used

878
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 1: to be the way they were. Yeah, because moms have

879
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 1: always and will always be the default parent and taking

880
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 1: care of everything. But now like that says, now we've

881
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 1: got the careers. You know, back in the day, there

882
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,400
Speaker 1: weren't really as many careers. Women didn't have careers. The

883
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:06,359
Speaker 1: men were that, the women were this, and it's it's

884
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 1: causing a lot. I'm not saying people shouldn't have careers.

885
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:10,839
Speaker 1: I'm just saying it is causing a lot because now

886
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:12,879
Speaker 1: it's think how much is on women.

887
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 2: It's a lot. Yeah, plus social media, I know, I

888
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:20,959
Speaker 2: mean it's the weight of the world.

889
00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, I'm sorry, the high strung in.

890
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 2: Me honors the high strung in you.

891
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want everyone to tell us if they think

892
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,719
Speaker 1: they're a high strung, because I bet that seventy eight percent.

893
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,719
Speaker 2: Is actually yes, it's actually ninety nine percent of wind

894
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 2: down listener.

895
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 1: But strong, I would admit that they're all Also.

896
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 2: I was I did maybe in all different in all different,

897
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 2: all different things, different things. Yeah, I gaslip back on

898
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 2: the last time that a comment was made about me

899
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 2: in this way, and I just said, I wish actually

900
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,439
Speaker 2: you were a little more this way. So I guess

901
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:55,400
Speaker 2: we both have some things that we wish could be different,

902
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 2: because if you were more this way, then I could

903
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 2: maybe round the edges a little bit. Yeah. I think

904
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,840
Speaker 2: what is challenging in our dynamic too, is you know,

905
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 2: he's not Jolie and Jase's dad, and so there is

906
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 2: just more of a load that I carry.

907
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 1: Uh.

908
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 2: I love that we got to the root of who

909
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 2: said that's really toughly.

910
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 1: Saying it's Allen.

911
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 2: No, I'm not saying it's Allan. I have one dead

912
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:21,399
Speaker 2: parent and my parents. We already did that Detective Race.

913
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,800
Speaker 2: But he's also so great, But I do there is

914
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 2: such more of a load that is. Yes, well he

915
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 2: also works at it. My husband and Alan have a

916
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 2: pace in common I would say they are slow. Is

917
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 2: Nick slow? No, I don't think so. But I remember,

918
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 2: like early on we would like joke about, you know,

919
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 2: like the Scotsman pace or like it's it's Preston's pace too.

920
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 2: It's just very different. And I think because they probably

921
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 2: have to hustle in other areas of their life, so

922
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,280
Speaker 2: they're really fast and really diligent. Like he's handled sixteen

923
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:56,240
Speaker 2: contracts by the time that I even left this morning,

924
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,240
Speaker 2: and and I didn't.

925
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 1: But is he slow or fast?

926
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 2: Presty, he's slow and pace So we were talking about

927
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:08,960
Speaker 2: nest and handled in different areas. He's yaster paced. So

928
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,359
Speaker 2: like we're high strung, we're probably just not high strong

929
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 2: in other areas. Yeah, and again I think we all

930
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 2: just it's different for each other. But I just think again,

931
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:23,319
Speaker 2: I just have to go passion not being a negative thing,

932
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 2: and we just feel that way. But maybe it's because

933
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:27,439
Speaker 2: I'm going to think it just is what it is. Yeah,

934
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:42,360
Speaker 2: We're gonna skip padlines, stay and go straight to listener advice.

935
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 2: Needing some advice. My sister has been married for three

936
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 2: years and has a fifteen month old son. She and

937
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 2: her husband are nasty to each other, they call each

938
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 2: other names, say rude things to one another, and blame

939
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 2: each other when things happen. My sister has been tough

940
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,719
Speaker 2: growing up my whole life. She is quicker to anger,

941
00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:00,839
Speaker 2: never takes responsibility, and constantly blames others. At times when

942
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 2: she knows she was the wrong one, she never admits

943
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 2: it and just expects everyone to move past it because

944
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,799
Speaker 2: she is over it and she will never apologize. Her

945
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 2: marriage is falling apart, and I'm struggling on how to

946
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:12,680
Speaker 2: support her because I know to an extent what her

947
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 2: husband is going through. She gets super upset when my

948
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 2: family and I defend him, because he can say some

949
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:19,719
Speaker 2: pretty mean things to her too. There has been so

950
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 2: much back and forth with her kicking him out and

951
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,239
Speaker 2: then asking him to come back. In my opinion, they

952
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 2: need to go their separate ways and work on how

953
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,000
Speaker 2: they get into a healthy coparent relationship. But through all this,

954
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 2: I feel like a bad sister, always taking her husband's side.

955
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 2: How can I put my past with her behind me

956
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:38,440
Speaker 2: and just be there and genuinely support her during this time?

957
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's tricky. I think that there's

958
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 1: a way to be there and support your sister and say, okay,

959
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:48,839
Speaker 1: I can see both sides of this. I can see

960
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 1: where he's coming from. I can see where you're coming from,

961
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 1: instead of just always taking his side, because that is hurtful.

962
00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 1: No one wants to feel like anyone that should be

963
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:01,399
Speaker 1: in their corners all way taking the other person's side,

964
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 1: even if they can understand it. So I think if

965
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 1: there's a way to kind of come and kind of

966
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 1: be on both sides in a way and kind of

967
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,879
Speaker 1: see both sides understand, but then also kind of step

968
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 1: out of it a little bit and let them kind

969
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 1: of figure it out, it would be my.

970
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 2: I was going to offer, like a therapy gift. I

971
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,920
Speaker 2: found this hard. Yeah, like I just sit down and

972
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 2: doesn't even have to be I think you need this

973
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:28,400
Speaker 2: just as something i'd found super helpful. Would love to,

974
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:31,640
Speaker 2: I don't know, offer to watch the baby while they

975
00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:33,320
Speaker 2: go do something, the two of them. I mean, we

976
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:37,520
Speaker 2: all know that world. Fifteen months with your first baby, Yeah,

977
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 2: it's hard. It's hard. It's hard on them, it's hard

978
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 2: on both parents and the dynamic and the intimacy and

979
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:47,359
Speaker 2: all of it. I don't know, I agree with both

980
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 2: of you, guys. I also think too, you have to

981
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:55,719
Speaker 2: let them figure it out, you know. And I like

982
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 2: going air on the side when she does bring it

983
00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 2: to you, because again, it's so you want to be

984
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:02,880
Speaker 2: there for them, and they are the ones that are

985
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:04,440
Speaker 2: in the marriage that they need to figure it out.

986
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 2: And though the nasty names all that stuff is not

987
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:11,480
Speaker 2: right to be reminded of that, she probably won't like

988
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:14,720
Speaker 2: all that stuff. So just say I can see both sides,

989
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 2: and I'm here if you need me. Just keep saying

990
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:19,920
Speaker 2: that instead of maybe offering advice, Just I'm here if

991
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 2: you do need me.

992
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and just yeah again because I'm healthy. No

993
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:26,280
Speaker 1: one wants to, I think, put yourself in her position

994
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,439
Speaker 1: for a second. She's already struggling, and no one wants

995
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 1: to constantly just hear the other person being defended right

996
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 1: or wrong, no matter who's in the right or wrong

997
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:37,880
Speaker 1: in that moment. There's a lot of emotions and everyone's

998
00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 1: tired and all the things. So just kind of being

999
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:42,800
Speaker 1: a little understanding to that.

1000
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:47,080
Speaker 2: Amen to that, all right, ladies, Well until next Ludi's

1001
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 2: a good one. Bye. Ba