Speaker 1: Parents. If you think you know your kids, you.
Speaker 2: Don't, dead ass, because I remember when Lord.
Speaker 3: And I refuse to become that mom that refers to
Speaker 3: various apps and social media platforms as the Facebook. Can
Speaker 3: you hit me on what's up? Don't let me be
Speaker 3: that girl? I cannot be that mom. Y'all dead ass. Hey,
Speaker 3: I'm Kadeen and and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos.
Speaker 3: With our boys and reading each other publicly as a.
Speaker 2: Form of therpy.
Speaker 4: Wait.
Speaker 1: I make you need therby most days.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 5: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 5: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: The lens of the lend you marry a couple.
Speaker 5: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
Speaker 5: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts
Speaker 5: one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
Speaker 5: the truth. Were about to take philosoff to our whole
Speaker 5: new level.
Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: Okay, story time.
Speaker 5: Now, I'm known for telling stories about my young athletes,
Speaker 5: but this time in particular, I'm going to tell story
Speaker 5: about different set of athletes. My female athletes, and the
Speaker 5: young female athletes move different than the young male athletes.
Speaker 5: I noticed that they were way more sneaky. Right in
Speaker 5: this particular time, all of the parents and I were
Speaker 5: all we were all friends because we also did our
Speaker 5: own training sessions. And I remember they tried to run
Speaker 5: the okie dog, and the okie dog was you tell
Speaker 5: one set of parents you staying at their house, and
Speaker 5: you tell those set of parents that you staying at
Speaker 5: another parent's house. Meanwhile, all of the kids are going
Speaker 5: to a party, thinking that none of the parents are
Speaker 5: gonna check in. And I remember there was one parent
Speaker 5: in particular. She was a younger single mom. She had
Speaker 5: access to the snapchats.
Speaker 3: And I said, the snapchats for a reason, the several snapchats, several.
Speaker 5: Snapchats, and she happened to check the snapchats and realize
Speaker 5: that all of the girls were at a party. So
Speaker 5: she didn't do like they do on the sitcoms and
Speaker 5: waited home and tried to catch the girls in the line.
Speaker 1: No, she got in.
Speaker 2: Her car, Oh she didn't.
Speaker 5: She got in the car and popped up knock knocked
Speaker 5: on the door, walked in there and snatched them girls
Speaker 5: up out of that party, like the most embarrassing thing
Speaker 5: a mom can do on the most embassing when she
Speaker 5: snatched them girls out and then brought them to training
Speaker 5: on that Monday and said, Coach Deval, this is what
Speaker 5: your athletes were doing, and now they left it up
Speaker 5: to me to punish them. So they ran a lot.
Speaker 5: They they did a lot of duck walks a.
Speaker 6: Lot because the mom was just like, oh, you know
Speaker 6: what they was doing, Coach vow they want to be
Speaker 6: in the party lights of shaking their booties all over.
Speaker 5: Everybody wanted to do all these dances and stuff. So
Speaker 5: you know what, I think their legs need to.
Speaker 3: Be quad strength, yeah, quad strength and flexibility.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: There's a lot of sad faces in practice that day.
Speaker 5: I didn't scream it all. I was just like, Mama,
Speaker 5: they are they good moms? Just like, nah, they're not good.
Speaker 2: I know exactly the mom he's talking about.
Speaker 3: And if there was a mom that I had to
Speaker 3: pick to go up to somebody's house and snap some
Speaker 3: people out of there, yes, she'd have definitely been the one.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's probably why I don't have daughter's lord because.
Speaker 5: Shout out to her though, because she taught me a
Speaker 5: very valuable lesson. And then this lesson we're going to explain.
Speaker 2: Let's do it. So karaoke time.
Speaker 5: We're back to karaoke, and I'm you know, y'all know
Speaker 5: I'm terrible with lyrics, so I'm actually gonna pull up
Speaker 5: the lyric and the lyrics.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not going to butcher it because the lyrics are.
Speaker 2: Very very important, but many songs on karaoke time.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not gonna butcher because these words are important.
Speaker 2: You Okay, go for it.
Speaker 1: You can jump on whatever you want, all right.
Speaker 4: I can show you the world shining, shimmering, spanned. Tell me, princess, Now,
Speaker 4: when did you last let.
Speaker 2: Your heart is sign?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: Yes, I can open your rise to social media take
Speaker 4: you wonder by one over Sideways and the Magic carpid
Speaker 4: ride a.
Speaker 2: Whole new world, don't you dare? Close Your ride a
Speaker 2: new fantastic point of you.
Speaker 5: Listen, no one to tell us no where to go
Speaker 5: or say we're only dream.
Speaker 2: Not damn Come on voice addiction, you better hit that dream.
Speaker 1: Yes, but listen to the words. That's what social media
Speaker 1: be doing.
Speaker 5: The people taking you on a magic carpet ride, a
Speaker 5: cess pool of.
Speaker 1: Stuff that's going on out here in the world.
Speaker 2: What kind of magic was that?
Speaker 5: Shining, shimmering, splendid everything you see in the world.
Speaker 1: Ain't the way it's presented on social media.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's exactly it.
Speaker 3: And if no one's there to tell you know where
Speaker 3: to go, baby, you will end up down bad. So yeah,
Speaker 3: let's take a quick break and pay some bills, and
Speaker 3: then we'll come back in and talk about why it's
Speaker 3: so important for us as parents to stay up on
Speaker 3: all of these technologies and social media trends and what's
Speaker 3: next and all the app and the lingo and this
Speaker 3: that and the third, because we will get left behind
Speaker 3: in the dust and can't keep up with our own
Speaker 3: damn kids.
Speaker 2: All right, we'll be back.
Speaker 1: All right, we're back.
Speaker 5: So this, this story, even though it's funny, was super
Speaker 5: important to me because it came to me like an
Speaker 5: epiphany two weeks ago.
Speaker 1: You know, Jackson turned thirteen. He turned thirteen.
Speaker 5: Earlier in the year in April, and I've noticed just
Speaker 5: a change in him, you know, like he walks with
Speaker 5: a little bit more of a swag. He hasn't really
Speaker 5: gone through puberty yet, but he's almost taller than you.
Speaker 1: Now he's feeling himself.
Speaker 5: He actually says all the words to this rap songs,
Speaker 5: like he's not just saying to beat no more.
Speaker 1: He's listening to the words.
Speaker 5: And then he introduced me to something last year that
Speaker 5: I didn't even know existed. It was chat GPT me too.
Speaker 5: And in this moment, I was just like, yo, show
Speaker 5: me what this is. He showed me how it works,
Speaker 5: and you was showing me some stuff on AI. He
Speaker 5: was like, Dad, did you know on your phone? You
Speaker 5: can do this? And instantly my first response was, Man,
Speaker 5: I'm not doing all that shit. Man, I'm too old
Speaker 5: for this. Yeah, young people can have all this technology.
Speaker 5: I'm focusing on what I got to do to make money.
Speaker 5: But then I started realizing as I watched the world,
Speaker 5: and you know, I used to mentor a bunch of
Speaker 5: young men and young women, and I'm watching so many
Speaker 5: young men and young women now having to deal with
Speaker 5: social media in real time. And I look at the
Speaker 5: Kaitlyn Clark's and the Angel Reese's and the Shador Sanders,
Speaker 5: and I'm looking at all of these young people who've
Speaker 5: been like thrust it into social media and they're expected
Speaker 5: to behave a certain way. And I said those three
Speaker 5: names in particular, because when you look at social media
Speaker 5: or you look up who's the most search athlete that's
Speaker 5: not a professional, those are the first three names that
Speaker 5: come up. Oh psychology, Yeah, because number last year, before
Speaker 5: they became rookies in the wa it was Kaitlyn Clark
Speaker 5: and Angel Reees. They were the biggest buzz. And then
Speaker 5: Shador Sanders had came into Colorado. And then I said
Speaker 5: to myself, those young children or young people's parents probably
Speaker 5: had no idea the type of vitriol that their children
Speaker 5: would receive through social media, or would have no idea
Speaker 5: how to help their children navigate what they're seeing or
Speaker 5: what they're going through because us as parents so time,
Speaker 5: so many times we disregard what the young people doing
Speaker 5: as a fad or a trend and loss.
Speaker 3: I think about so many different times that growing up, right,
Speaker 3: of course, we were before social media ages, right, so
Speaker 3: that was a little bit easier for us to maneuver
Speaker 3: and navigate and sneak around and do things that we
Speaker 3: probably had no business doing. But the layers of it
Speaker 3: now are so much more intense. Then you have the
Speaker 3: push for, for example, athletes. Since we're talking about your
Speaker 3: track girls, we can go back to the story. But
Speaker 3: the push for athletes with nil deals and all these
Speaker 3: things that they have going on social media is necessary
Speaker 3: for them to build a persona from an early age.
Speaker 3: So it's like, who's regulating those things when it comes
Speaker 3: to someone social media persona when they're younger.
Speaker 2: Who's regulating those things? Are the kids?
Speaker 3: I mean sure at that age, when you have that
Speaker 3: need to want to fit in, you're looking through the comments,
Speaker 3: You're letting that affect you. So I'm wondering what that
Speaker 3: looks like for children or I guess athletes in that position.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm I'm glad you brought that up because it
Speaker 5: was one name that I forget and forgot and I
Speaker 5: don't know how I even forgot this because he's a
Speaker 5: professional and still gets a ton of vitrio. But Bronnie James,
Speaker 5: when I watch how they maneuvered Bronnie on social media,
Speaker 5: and when you really think about it, did BRONI ever
Speaker 5: really have a social media?
Speaker 1: See?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Following it, you see what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: He had a social media but you can tell his
Speaker 5: page wasn't run by him, and it was specifically monitored
Speaker 5: by his parents, which makes sense because Bron knows everything
Speaker 5: he has gone through through social media. Same thing with Savanna,
Speaker 5: So they were like, I'm not going to throw my
Speaker 5: kids into social media now that whole idea of in
Speaker 5: order to boost your profile social media is necessary. Yes,
Speaker 5: that's true, but your thirteen year old doesn't have to
Speaker 5: manage their.
Speaker 2: Social their own account exactly.
Speaker 1: There can be a.
Speaker 5: Page dedicated to the work that your child does that
Speaker 5: they don't have access to, if that's something they want
Speaker 5: to do, or you can sit down with your child
Speaker 5: and say, look, you get a social media page, because.
Speaker 2: They're probably gonna get one anyway.
Speaker 1: Facts without without you knowing it.
Speaker 5: That you could do like what we did with Jackson,
Speaker 5: and I said, look, you can't post anything, and Jackson like,
Speaker 5: why can't I post anything? I say, because at thirteen
Speaker 5: years old, you don't understand the repercussions and the ramification
Speaker 5: of something that you post exactly.
Speaker 1: So I don't want you to have I don't want
Speaker 1: you to post.
Speaker 3: Anything, and we don't want you don't We don't want
Speaker 3: you subjected to other people's opinions about what you post
Speaker 3: because Ultimately, when you do post on social media, which
Speaker 3: was also the conversation we have with him, when you
Speaker 3: post on social media, you have to understand that it's
Speaker 3: fair game. Whatever you put out there, people have the
Speaker 3: right to be able to comment, to share, to like,
Speaker 3: to do whatever. That's the whole point of it. So
Speaker 3: by not posting anything, you already remove that. But what
Speaker 3: Deval and I have done uniquely, it's like on the
Speaker 3: platform that he does have, we sometimes will just send
Speaker 3: him little, you know, messages.
Speaker 1: It's all the time. I see you do it because
Speaker 1: I have his.
Speaker 2: I guess, I say some time because I know, yeah.
Speaker 1: I have his password.
Speaker 5: And part of the thing that we decided was you
Speaker 5: can have a social media page if I have access
Speaker 5: to it. So on his social media page, I have
Speaker 5: his social media page linked, so I can just double
Speaker 5: click it and I'm on on his page exactly.
Speaker 1: So he doesn't even know. I don't even have to say,
Speaker 1: give me your phone, Jacks, I can look.
Speaker 5: And I told him, I said, look, I'm just letting
Speaker 5: you know that I can see right, just so that you.
Speaker 2: Know, yeah, his whole phone is pretty much successible to
Speaker 2: no HI.
Speaker 1: If you want to look at stuff, ask questions, but
Speaker 1: go ahead.
Speaker 3: No, So yeah, I was just saying that to say,
Speaker 3: when you think about the algorithms and how those work
Speaker 3: with social media platforms, I feel like, Okay, if I'm
Speaker 3: pushing him that things that are motivational inspirational to build
Speaker 3: his confidence. We joke over certain things, like we have
Speaker 3: our own little inside jokes. I'll send them things that
Speaker 3: have to do with that. Then that will hopefully push
Speaker 3: his algorithm to search more things that are inspirational and motivational.
Speaker 3: But then also having, like you said, the follow up conversations,
Speaker 3: knowing what he's looking.
Speaker 5: At, there's no hopefully it will because the way the
Speaker 5: algorithm works, things that you save or things that you
Speaker 5: click on they constantly send you because the algorithm wants
Speaker 5: you to stay on the app. So if you're constantly
Speaker 5: looking at trees, for example, the algorithm's going to send
Speaker 5: you trees because they want you to stay engaged with
Speaker 5: what you like. So I purposefully send him inspirational quotes,
Speaker 5: wealth building things, muscle building things, minds, things about being
Speaker 5: peaceful and staying away from social media. Like I send
Speaker 5: them all of these stats about why you shouldn't spend
Speaker 5: a lot of time or not become a scroller on
Speaker 5: social media because I want to create and set his algorithm.
Speaker 1: I know he has his cousins and his friends. It's
Speaker 1: another thing I do.
Speaker 5: You can't accept anybody without me seeing because your praise
Speaker 5: is private. So when I go in there and I
Speaker 5: count I'm that dad guy, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I listen to me.
Speaker 5: Kadeen and I are unapologetic about what we're doing with
Speaker 5: our kids, and I've met with other parents and other
Speaker 5: parents the most you think that's a big controlling and
Speaker 5: I said, yes.
Speaker 2: It is controlling. Absolutely it is because.
Speaker 5: The minute my child goes out there in the world
Speaker 5: and does something that people don't like, the first thing
Speaker 5: they say is like, why is this child out of control?
Speaker 2: Exactly, I'm not going Exactly.
Speaker 1: Kadeen and I are not going to let social.
Speaker 2: Media or leave it up to them or children, it's.
Speaker 5: Friends or anybody to raise our kids. So what are
Speaker 5: we going to do control what they see and how
Speaker 5: they see it? Now, granted, he's gonna find other ways.
Speaker 5: Absolutely we know this, right, We also know and we
Speaker 5: told him that we know this. So now it's a
Speaker 5: point where it's like, yo, we're being as transparent if
Speaker 5: you want to do things or try things or see things,
Speaker 5: come to us, we'll walk you through.
Speaker 3: Literally like nothing is off the table in this household
Speaker 3: essentially when you think about it, nothing because we want
Speaker 3: them to always feel comfortable coming. And that's even me
Speaker 3: as a mom, you know, thinking raising for boys, like
Speaker 3: there's things that they probably wouldn't feel comfortable with, something
Speaker 3: to a mom about because it may be things having
Speaker 3: to do with girls or having to do with just
Speaker 3: growing as a man and being a boy and change
Speaker 3: it in the body.
Speaker 2: But Jackson, he comes to us.
Speaker 3: It comes to us, and he comes to me and
Speaker 3: he'll ask and he literally does not have that like
Speaker 3: fear or anxiety.
Speaker 2: I don't see that.
Speaker 3: And I love that freeness that we have with our
Speaker 3: boys because they literally like I want to be in
Speaker 3: the car with y'all, and I want to be rapping
Speaker 3: to a little baby too, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: I've been known a time too to pull up some
Speaker 3: lyrics a to see what the hell they're rapid about,
Speaker 3: just so I know, because we do believe that you
Speaker 3: know the power of speaking things and saying things. So
Speaker 3: I want to know a little baby talking about sometimes too.
Speaker 3: But at the same time too. I want to be
Speaker 3: up on game and on trend and we bond over
Speaker 3: music and you know, those are things that I think
Speaker 3: are invaluable to have those kind of connections with your children.
Speaker 5: I think the truth is for both of us right,
Speaker 5: and we need to do a whole podcast on this trouble.
Speaker 1: Please write this down.
Speaker 5: I want to do a podcast on me being the
Speaker 5: type of man that I want my boys to grow into,
Speaker 5: and them seeing you as a type of woman they
Speaker 5: would want to spend the rest of their life with,
Speaker 5: and how important it is for the both of us
Speaker 5: to make a decision once we had children. It's like, yo,
Speaker 5: I have to be what I want my kids to be.
Speaker 5: You know, it's not enough like when we grew up,
Speaker 5: do as I say, not as I do. That don't
Speaker 5: work anymore.
Speaker 2: No, they don't actually live exist.
Speaker 5: Yes, because I want my kids to look up and
Speaker 5: be like I want to be like my dad. So
Speaker 5: if my dad is not doing these things, I don't
Speaker 5: want them to be like, look at my dad.
Speaker 1: It's so old school. I don't want to be like.
Speaker 5: Him because then it becomes a thing where it's like, oh,
Speaker 5: if he's not doing these things, because he's a square.
Speaker 3: Did you feel like that with your dad, because I
Speaker 3: know like you got some pushback when you were growing
Speaker 3: up about like getting braids or getting a tattoo or
Speaker 3: doing those things that they felt like was on trend
Speaker 3: at the time that the young people were doing, but
Speaker 3: it was frowned upon, you know, from your parents' generation.
Speaker 5: I'll be honest, I never really like sat down and
Speaker 5: thought about it, but I will remember this.
Speaker 1: My dad was the cool guy.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Remember growing up in Flatbush, Brooklyn.
Speaker 5: All of the dudes that was on the corner always
Speaker 5: like people in the people over there.
Speaker 1: In album, all knew my pops through his organization.
Speaker 6: So I looked up to my father because he's the
Speaker 6: dude that all the guys I looked up to looked
Speaker 6: up to.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Okay, so your dad was cool.
Speaker 5: Yeah, de Sean Freeman is the Chris Jackson's, the Kevin Caesars.
Speaker 5: Like all of those guys who protected us in Flatbush
Speaker 5: and made sure we was good.
Speaker 1: They yo, mister t uncle. They looked up to my pop.
Speaker 5: So I was automatically like, Yo, whatever my pops is doing,
Speaker 5: That's what I'm want to do. You know, walking around
Speaker 5: with my sleeves cut off my shirt. My father wore jewelry.
Speaker 5: People asked me why I wear jewelry. My father wore jewelry.
Speaker 5: Why he liked nice cars while he put ten in
Speaker 5: windows and rims on his cars.
Speaker 2: My dad didn't was that guy he was though.
Speaker 1: My pops literally was that guy.
Speaker 5: That's why, you know, when people talk to me about
Speaker 5: fatherhood and stuff, and they just like, you know, who
Speaker 5: are your role models? And I understand why they asked
Speaker 5: people who their role models were, because it's very rare
Speaker 5: that you hear a black man say my role model
Speaker 5: was my dad, because they purposely don't choose black men
Speaker 5: with fathers to ask them. They always asked the black
Speaker 5: men who don't have their father who was their role models?
Speaker 5: And they say other father figures. But for me, I
Speaker 5: looked up to my pops like he had a car
Speaker 5: with system in it. He used to write, the beats
Speaker 5: would be boom, boom, And I think about it. My
Speaker 5: father had me when he was twenty two. Yeah, so
Speaker 5: at seven, my father's twenty nine, he just started becoming
Speaker 5: who he was supposed to be.
Speaker 3: So I got to watch my dad, you know, I
Speaker 3: literally grew up with your dad's lessen. Yeah, I think
Speaker 3: about my mom and dad, or particularly my mom, because
Speaker 3: you know, girls like to emulate their moms. My mom
Speaker 3: carried herself with the utmost like presence. Everything was about
Speaker 3: the apparents and being put together, and that's what I
Speaker 3: wanted to emulate as I grew up. So like being
Speaker 3: in pageants, for example, was like so spot on for
Speaker 3: my mom. Like she bought into that whole thing once
Speaker 3: I said I wanted to do it, because she was like, yes,
Speaker 3: this is going to make you into a respectable young
Speaker 3: lady who has manners and etiquette and knows how to
Speaker 3: carry herself like that was important for her.
Speaker 2: So I'll completely get that.
Speaker 3: All right, Let's jump into some facts and stat's really
Speaker 3: quick so we can see what's going on in this
Speaker 3: world of parenting and children and how we're trying to
Speaker 3: stay up.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's see more than half.
Speaker 3: That's fifty six percent of parents who report having at
Speaker 3: least one minor child but who may also have an
Speaker 3: adult child or children say they spend too much time
Speaker 3: on their smartphones, while smaller shares say they spend too
Speaker 3: much time on social media. Thirty six percent or playing
Speaker 3: video games eleven percent. Eighty four percent of parents say
Speaker 3: their children use technology with them or another parent at home.
Speaker 3: Sixty two percent of parents feel that technology has a
Speaker 3: positive impact on the time spent with their children. Monitoring
Speaker 3: children's online activity, sixty one percent of parents check what
Speaker 3: websites their teens have visited, sixty percent check their teens
Speaker 3: social media profile. Thirty nine percent of parents use parent
Speaker 3: controls or other technological tools to monitor their teens online activities,
Speaker 3: and parents worry about their children's online safety. Eighty four
Speaker 3: percent of parents say they are worried about their child's
Speaker 3: online safety.
Speaker 5: Now, I don't want to say throw all of this away.
Speaker 5: I don't write because I read all of this right,
Speaker 5: but throw all of this shit away, okay, Because there's
Speaker 5: a story that I told, oh, I think it was
Speaker 5: two years.
Speaker 1: Ago about parents who came in.
Speaker 5: Remember I used to do social media checks for protogah
Speaker 5: at the gym, and these parents came in because I
Speaker 5: had a profile from their for their son. Mom says,
Speaker 5: there's no way that my son has a profile because
Speaker 5: my son doesn't even have a phone. Coach, if I
Speaker 5: wouldn't even let my son have a phone, I said,
Speaker 5: are you sure, I said, well, these pictures and video
Speaker 5: are from a phone that I found in your son's possession.
Speaker 5: She's looking at it. She's like, I've never seen this
Speaker 5: phone in my life. I purchased nothing, went through everything.
Speaker 5: Turns out his friend got updated, upgraded, the phone still
Speaker 5: had the old iPhone. Their son purchased the IP iPhone
Speaker 5: four hundred and fifty dollars from the friend.
Speaker 2: Probably with his allowance money, saving us lunch.
Speaker 5: And saving up his own money that he got, put
Speaker 5: his own pro, created his own profile and everything, no
Speaker 5: number because it worked on Wi Fi. Then hard all
Speaker 5: of his own But here's the here's the smartest part.
Speaker 5: All of the stuff that he had on the phone,
Speaker 5: he kept it at the gym. That's why the phone.
Speaker 5: He never took the phone home. But that's why his
Speaker 5: parents didn't know. Wow, because those.
Speaker 3: Parents, those parents were probably probably in his shit trying
Speaker 3: to find stuff.
Speaker 5: That's why I say all of these stats where you
Speaker 5: think you know your child, you don't. You have to
Speaker 5: be caught up on technology. These parents were listening to
Speaker 5: their child. My child would never lie to me, same
Speaker 5: thing we said about Jackson. Right, My child would never
Speaker 5: lie to me, right, my child doesn't have a phone.
Speaker 5: You find out that your son not only has a phone,
Speaker 5: but it's on there at fourteen, throwing up gang signs,
Speaker 5: threatening people, exchanging pictures, elude pictures of young women. Because
Speaker 5: he didn't know it, because he was fourteen, right, and
Speaker 5: no one told him how this works. And the reason
Speaker 5: why I had to bring it up to his parents
Speaker 5: is because I got a phone call from a young
Speaker 5: lady's parents that these group of boys had shared some
Speaker 5: pictures of their daughter.
Speaker 1: His name came up.
Speaker 5: Now you here denying the fact that your child has
Speaker 5: a profile and them has a phone, press charges on you.
Speaker 5: Your son now he has pedophile charges against him for
Speaker 5: sharing pictures of a minor to his friends. And this
Speaker 5: is why I say all of this stuff about facts
Speaker 5: and stacks, throw it out.
Speaker 3: It's true, because the real fact about it is that
Speaker 3: whatever you think you know about your kid, you probably
Speaker 3: know that much just about that.
Speaker 5: And I'm saying the same thing about I need to
Speaker 5: know the technology, right. The reason why we need to
Speaker 5: know the technologies. I can't trust that my kids are
Speaker 5: gonna tell me everything about the technology. And he felt
Speaker 5: comfortable doing stuff on Snapchat. He's fourteen, he said, I
Speaker 5: thought it just disappears. And I said that to him.
Speaker 5: I said, you see, this is the problem with you guys.
Speaker 5: He was sending stuff thinking it was funny and joking
Speaker 5: our dad. I'm not in the gang, like I'm not
Speaker 5: them this other stuff. We were sending pictures and sending videos
Speaker 5: and stuff. I thought the stuff disappeared and it went
Speaker 5: away in walk.
Speaker 2: Screen recording in walk saving the story.
Speaker 1: When I asked Hm, I said, how do you think
Speaker 1: I got all of these things right?
Speaker 3: They just don't even know the pork. They're so dumb
Speaker 3: like teenagers. They man, they are so dumb. I know
Speaker 3: we were so dumb.
Speaker 1: Then not only teenagers.
Speaker 5: Parents are dumb because you know who else monitors social media,
Speaker 5: the Feds.
Speaker 1: The FEDS monitor social media.
Speaker 5: They didn't know that their child was caught up with
Speaker 5: a bunch of kids who were all gang affiliated fourteen.
Speaker 1: I know what you think of fourteen. They're not really
Speaker 1: doing anything in gangs. You know.
Speaker 5: With the highest rate of murders amongst kids in New
Speaker 5: York City during the most time twenty twelve to twenty sixteen,
Speaker 5: murders from between twelve and sixteen years old. That was
Speaker 5: when Wu and chow really started to develop twenty twelve.
Speaker 5: In twenty sixteen, they used to use young boys as
Speaker 5: shooters because you could. You didn't get fed time as
Speaker 5: a shooter when you were young. You get out when
Speaker 5: you're eighteen. So they would tell kids all the time,
Speaker 5: it's not that big of a deal. I need you
Speaker 5: to take care of this for me. I'll give you
Speaker 5: some bread, you get some clout, you become the man.
Speaker 5: And when you have impressionable kids who don't know any better,
Speaker 5: whose parents don't know who's And I love rap music,
Speaker 5: I grew up during the time of Gimme the Lute,
Speaker 5: Biggie and hit them up with Tupac. So I'm not
Speaker 5: going to sit here and shit on on hip hop music.
Speaker 5: But when you got drill music, who's teaching kids, kids
Speaker 5: to look for the ops and bang bang, they start
Speaker 5: to glorify the things they see. They need a parent
Speaker 5: to not sit next to them and say, don't listen
Speaker 5: to this, it's trash. They need a parent to say, yo,
Speaker 5: what do you listen to? Do you know what this is?
Speaker 5: Do you know the repercussions.
Speaker 2: That you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1: You should know this.
Speaker 5: You shouldn't be singing certain songs and then walking through
Speaker 5: East New York, because if you sing those songs and
Speaker 5: walk through East New York, you may have beef with somebody.
Speaker 5: You singing these songs so loud because you got your
Speaker 5: EarPods in and you walking through a drug zone or
Speaker 5: a zone where these dudes are the ops, and you
Speaker 5: get your ass what I've lived it when that prototype.
Speaker 5: So when I tell you these parents are just as
Speaker 5: dumb as these kids they are, we as parents have
Speaker 5: to decide, like, if this is the new technology, I'm
Speaker 5: not going to push it aside as a trend because
Speaker 5: my kids know know all the snapchats, all the Instagrams.
Speaker 5: I wasn't on TikTok. You know what I'm about to do.
Speaker 5: Get on TikTok, and I'm not getting onto who dance
Speaker 5: I'm not. I'm not doing no TikTok things. I'm forty
Speaker 5: years old. My knees and my little back do not
Speaker 5: work like that.
Speaker 3: Man. Because I was going to one of the questions
Speaker 3: would asked it was what trends do you feel behind
Speaker 3: on when it comes to technology? And I'm like, maybe
Speaker 3: as much as I try to get on TikTok and
Speaker 3: try to post on there and be a tiktoking person.
Speaker 2: I just I just don't have the capacity at all.
Speaker 2: I don't have the capacity.
Speaker 3: And I don't think it's a special kind of brain
Speaker 3: power that requires its required to do TikTok.
Speaker 2: It's just not Maybe it's just not my You don't
Speaker 2: have the band with. I don't have that. Don't have
Speaker 2: the band with?
Speaker 5: When are you going to sit down and practice dances
Speaker 5: between all the other stuff you got going on?
Speaker 3: That is absolutely true. I think it's more of a
Speaker 3: time thing. I just don't have the time, the energy,
Speaker 3: or the real interesting either, you know. So that's somewhere
Speaker 3: where I fall behind. But like you said, to your point,
Speaker 3: having a TikTok and at least knowing like that's going
Speaker 3: to be something that you can have just to insane.
Speaker 3: It has to be the op want to know me
Speaker 3: for your kid to know what's happening and know what's
Speaker 3: going on.
Speaker 5: What about in the I think it was the nineties,
Speaker 5: This is before TikTok. This I told about my parents
Speaker 5: when U teens were playing a knockout game where they
Speaker 5: pined you up against the wall and had you fight, and.
Speaker 1: It like they cut off.
Speaker 5: And a couple kids had died and the parents didn't
Speaker 5: know like why they choked my son out like this?
Speaker 1: And it was like they were doing a trend.
Speaker 5: Parents need to know the trend so that they can
Speaker 5: talk to their kids like, yo, don't play this knockout trend.
Speaker 2: You know what?
Speaker 3: I else to rely on to having like a younger sibling,
Speaker 3: Like my sister's ten years younger than me. Your sister
Speaker 3: is nine years younger. It's like, what's happening.
Speaker 2: Over in that world? You don't know?
Speaker 3: Like now I have to tap into our nieces and
Speaker 3: our nephews. Yeah, who are the eighteens and the nineteen
Speaker 3: and twenty year olds to be like yo, like let's
Speaker 3: have what's happening. But it's again having the genuine interest
Speaker 3: as parents and not writing it off like oh, these
Speaker 3: young people, these young people, you know as social media
Speaker 3: personalities are having a presence on social media. Do you
Speaker 3: think that our kids are going to be more responsible
Speaker 3: when it comes to social media?
Speaker 5: Well, I've had conversations with with our children, all of them,
Speaker 5: even the little one, Dakota, because he liked to pick
Speaker 5: up the phone. And I'm learning through social media, like
Speaker 5: they're learning, you know, we don't put our children on
Speaker 5: social media as much as we used to because now
Speaker 5: we're realizing. At first, I thought social media was a
Speaker 5: trend that was going to be gone, right, and we were,
Speaker 5: you know, we were utilizing it to help boost our
Speaker 5: TV and film careers. But then as it became the norm,
Speaker 5: became a business, became an actual medium that people rely
Speaker 5: on to get information. Now it's not a game like
Speaker 5: you dont you wouldn't let your children play at a
Speaker 5: TV station, or you wouldn't let your children play at
Speaker 5: paramount studios. You can't let your people, your children play
Speaker 5: on social media because the reach in social media is
Speaker 5: even grander than those other mediums, right, Because in television,
Speaker 5: something has to get approved before it goes out to everyone.
Speaker 5: In movies, it has to get approved, you know, the
Speaker 5: studio has to prove it before it goes out. With
Speaker 5: distribution social media, they click send. Now the whole world
Speaker 5: gets a chance to see you in your roars form.
Speaker 5: And that's a scary proposition for a parent with young.
Speaker 3: Children, and it's like you can't take it back. Like
Speaker 3: once it's out there, it's like forget it, Like love
Speaker 3: love my fan page down, baby, But let me post
Speaker 3: the Instagram story real quick, and within like two minutes
Speaker 3: it's reposted on the fan page. So I'm like, damn,
Speaker 3: if I wanted to take the story down, I can't
Speaker 3: now because y'all already reposted it and you know, and
Speaker 3: it's just so quick that people have the access.
Speaker 5: That's why we have to become those same people like
Speaker 5: the TV model and the movie model, where they have
Speaker 5: governing bodies who decide what people are going to post.
Speaker 1: We have to be that for our children.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so it's no longer you know, you can't have this, No,
Speaker 5: it's let's talk about this. Why would you post this?
Speaker 5: Let's discuss why is it important for you to post this? Now,
Speaker 5: let's discuss what can happen if you post this? You
Speaker 5: know what I'm saying. It's those types of conversations, not
Speaker 5: not no, you can't ever stay away because it's the
Speaker 5: same things. It's church. When I was growing up, most
Speaker 5: of the people that I knew who grew up in
Speaker 5: the church whose parents were just like no, no, no,
Speaker 5: went to college and said yes to everything and either
Speaker 5: came back with.
Speaker 2: That's a whole nother s.
Speaker 6: Child alcoholism, a drug problem, depression because the minute they
Speaker 6: got out in the real world and there was nobody
Speaker 6: there to tell them no.
Speaker 1: They were stimulated by everything.
Speaker 3: I kind of worked out well in a sense. Maybe
Speaker 3: it's because I found you. Maybe you helped to save me,
Speaker 3: because I know I was baby. I was ready to
Speaker 3: turn up in college when I left my parents' household,
Speaker 3: because I was the textbook person that was we did
Speaker 3: turn up.
Speaker 2: We turned up in life.
Speaker 3: No, but I was that textbook person leaving my parents'
Speaker 3: house going to college. That was like completely suffocated by
Speaker 3: my parents. But in their eyes, which I completely understand
Speaker 3: and I don't knock them for it now as an adult,
Speaker 3: they were trying to do everything to protect me.
Speaker 2: So I get where they were coming from.
Speaker 3: You know, both of them came up here when they
Speaker 3: were just teenagers and had to fend for themselves, so
Speaker 3: they're trying to protect me from this world.
Speaker 2: That they were up against.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I was prepared to go to college to
Speaker 3: just be like, all right, I'm in every party, I'm
Speaker 3: outside like I'm going to do all the things that
Speaker 3: I couldn't do at home.
Speaker 5: I said no, and nah, I'll put the kabasha on that.
Speaker 2: So aside from falling in love with you.
Speaker 3: I think there was always just like this innate, healthy
Speaker 3: fear that I had, not wanting to disappoint my parents
Speaker 3: like that, That for me.
Speaker 2: Trumped everything else.
Speaker 3: So if it came down to me making a decision,
Speaker 3: even when it came down to decisions you and I
Speaker 3: had to make, as you know teenagers in college, it
Speaker 3: ultimately boiled down to, oh my god, what are my
Speaker 3: parents going to think if they got wind of this?
Speaker 3: There was always that in the back of my mind.
Speaker 1: You know. See, for me, I grew up differently.
Speaker 5: May I think because I was a boy growing up
Speaker 5: in the nineties, different than your parents.
Speaker 1: Raising a daughter.
Speaker 5: I got a little bit more leeway and part two
Speaker 5: because my parents weren't home all the time, so they
Speaker 5: had to trust me. So a lot of times it
Speaker 5: was just like, okay, you're gonna wear who you going with?
Speaker 5: I need to know And because I had to share
Speaker 5: that information because I wasn't afraid of my parents always
Speaker 5: saying no, I trusted my parents. When I wanted to
Speaker 5: try things, my parents like, okay, bet you can try here.
Speaker 5: Shout out to my uncle Kevin, who I had my
Speaker 5: first drink in his house. I was fifteen years old
Speaker 5: and he was just like I was just like, yo,
Speaker 5: what's you drinking? And he was like, hennessy, you want
Speaker 5: to try something? And I was just like, all right,
Speaker 5: you know what I mean. He's a police officer, so
Speaker 5: I felt comfortable that.
Speaker 2: He was gonna you know, he would never put you
Speaker 2: in harmsquad.
Speaker 5: He gave me some Hennessy on the rocks, me and
Speaker 5: my boy Jay, my brother, and he was like, the
Speaker 5: only thing is if you're gonna drink it, you gotta
Speaker 5: drink the whole cup. Jay thought he was super smooth
Speaker 5: and drank the whole cup and was messed up for
Speaker 5: the rest of the day. I sipped mind, my brother
Speaker 5: sipped out. Was but we didn't like the feeling. So
Speaker 5: from that point it was just like I wasn't in
Speaker 5: a rush to drink. You know, I was at home
Speaker 5: in his house. We all stayed the night.
Speaker 6: There, so it was just like, so you weren't ed
Speaker 6: by it, No, I wasn't because it was something I
Speaker 6: had access to.
Speaker 5: And then when I did it and it didn't feel good,
Speaker 5: I didn't want to do it no more. And he
Speaker 5: was just like, you know, in typical uncle Cape Fast
Speaker 5: see'all athletes now you're supposed to go to practice the
Speaker 5: next day. How you can go to practice feeling like this?
Speaker 5: And it was like, you know what, it was like,
Speaker 5: you know what? Are he right though? Like I'm trying
Speaker 5: to be nice at this? Why would I mess that up?
Speaker 5: And for that reason, I didn't drink or smoke in
Speaker 5: high school at all because I was afraid that my
Speaker 5: performance was going to be diminished. But I had to
Speaker 5: go through that, and someone guided me through it, you
Speaker 5: know what I'm saying. There was someone who was on trend.
Speaker 5: My uncle was a cop. He was there when they
Speaker 5: arrested Diddy and j Lo with the whole Shine shooting.
Speaker 6: Like.
Speaker 1: He was known as hip hop cop. So he was
Speaker 1: the guy that was on trend.
Speaker 5: Who knew all the music, who was you know, let
Speaker 5: me drive his car, but also kept an eye out
Speaker 5: so I knew how to navigate.
Speaker 1: So that's what I want to do for our kids.
Speaker 3: You know. Yeah, I think we're kind of well on
Speaker 3: our way with that because I even see it, like
Speaker 3: even outside of social media, it'll be little things like
Speaker 3: when the kids decided to grab a snack. Kaz for example,
Speaker 3: God love cas down, Okay, Kaz is my little He's
Speaker 3: like my little pantry mouse, right, He's the one that's
Speaker 3: always looking for a snack, and after dinner, he's the
Speaker 3: one that's going to ask for dessert. Yep, you would
Speaker 3: think that Kaz was like one hundred pound seven year old,
Speaker 3: but he's not. Kaz is like this big right, and
Speaker 3: he'll be like, mom, can I have dessert after eating
Speaker 3: after eating his entire meal, or he'll say he's full,
Speaker 3: and he'll have a couple of things left on the
Speaker 3: plate and I'll be like, oh, yeah, what do you
Speaker 3: want for dessert?
Speaker 2: Kaz an orange?
Speaker 3: I'll take some watermelon because that's a healthy right.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, he's using discernments.
Speaker 3: So like where most kids would be like, let me
Speaker 3: get the cookie, let me get the brownie, let me
Speaker 3: get So it's like little things like that are starting
Speaker 3: to resonate with them where they're like, I'm going to
Speaker 3: make a healthy choice because this is good for my body.
Speaker 1: Conversation.
Speaker 3: I want to yeah, and I want to be like
Speaker 3: the best version of myself. I want to be a
Speaker 3: supreme athlete, so I actually give my body the right things.
Speaker 5: Jackson and Cairo was just like then I walked in
Speaker 5: and it was a box of prime on the floor.
Speaker 2: They sent Yeah, the company said the company.
Speaker 5: Center and Jackson and cairols, Now, we're not drinking those.
Speaker 5: It's not good for us as athletes. And I was like,
Speaker 5: you'll be listening, but the box been there.
Speaker 3: But you know what it tells me, and it tells
Speaker 3: us that our word holds weight heavier than what they
Speaker 3: watch or what their friends say. Because when it first
Speaker 3: came out, they were like, oh, we need to get this, this,
Speaker 3: that prime and all because all the kids were doing it.
Speaker 3: And then once we told them, I'm like, you know,
Speaker 3: we don't. It's it's a new it's a new dream.
Speaker 3: We don't even really know what's in it. Let's do
Speaker 3: some research and research on it first to see and
Speaker 3: then slowly they were like, yeah, we don't really want that.
Speaker 3: So this morning, what did Jackson have before he went
Speaker 3: to practice, because he had early practice, oking up water
Speaker 3: and a bowl of fruit there and I was like,
Speaker 3: see that's how you break fast living water and fruit
Speaker 3: in the morning.
Speaker 1: Son.
Speaker 5: You know when we became cool with our kids when
Speaker 5: we took the picture with the rapper not grbo oh
Speaker 5: NFL Chappa NL chappo. You said NFL Chopper.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you see what I'm saying. Guys, You
Speaker 1: see what I'm saying, NFL Chopper. No, you see what
Speaker 1: I'm saying about to send us back? The kids gonna
Speaker 1: be like.
Speaker 2: Namn a Facebook. No, you know what it is.
Speaker 3: Y'all have to excuse me because we're knee deep in
Speaker 3: the NFL season and that's all we talk about, and
Speaker 3: that's all that's on my team.
Speaker 2: L E Chopper, Please forgive me, baby. Okay, but you're.
Speaker 5: Thinking about NBA young Boy because there's an NBA young
Speaker 5: boy and then there's an n L E child.
Speaker 2: I NL Chopper.
Speaker 5: Yes, we met NLI Chopper at the hip hop at
Speaker 5: the BT Awards and we took a picture.
Speaker 1: But then me and him was throwing the ball to
Speaker 1: each other.
Speaker 5: And shooting jump shots at the game again, and that's
Speaker 5: when Jackson was like, yo, Dad, he was playing ball
Speaker 5: with NLI Chopper.
Speaker 1: Yes, right, And I was just like, that's what's up right.
Speaker 1: He was like, you don't even know what song he singing,
Speaker 1: do you?
Speaker 5: And I was like, yes, I do, and he started
Speaker 5: singing the song and then I was like, well I
Speaker 5: should I actually do know the song?
Speaker 2: Which which one is that you remember Walkome Down Down?
Speaker 2: Oh you know, yeah, got a little dance to go with.
Speaker 1: The twenty nineteen. But I feel old even saying that.
Speaker 5: You know that song that the boy sang, the NFL Chapel,
Speaker 5: you know, NFL Chopper, He sang the song and walk
Speaker 5: them Down.
Speaker 1: He sang the song and the walk them Down.
Speaker 3: We watched the NFL all day yesterday, game after game
Speaker 3: after game, from.
Speaker 5: One o'clock to eleven. There's a football game on every Sunday.
Speaker 6: Absolutely, and it's Monday, so it's gonna be game on today.
Speaker 3: It will be my life, my life, my life, all right, y'all.
Speaker 3: Another part of life is paying bills. Let's take a
Speaker 3: quick break. We're gonna pay some more bills and we
Speaker 3: will get back into listener letters when we.
Speaker 2: Return, so stick around, all right, y'all.
Speaker 3: Were back, and we were just laughing about the fact
Speaker 3: that I totally totally called and then lean chopping and
Speaker 3: chop yo yo.
Speaker 2: That is wild.
Speaker 1: The kids can't see.
Speaker 2: Them, and that was that was my typical West Indian
Speaker 2: mom moment.
Speaker 3: Where I was just like call them punder, whats up
Speaker 3: and tell them so that you know, the.
Speaker 1: Chop up on the TV. And if you know.
Speaker 4: Football, Tom Bradgy, you know, uh traffic.
Speaker 2: They wouldn't even know Tom Brady. They would, they would,
Speaker 2: they would.
Speaker 1: Completely tail us swift tail us swift.
Speaker 2: Brian what's his name again? Remember? Anyway?
Speaker 5: Let it over.
Speaker 2: Yeah, speak for yourself, bro let me. I'm about to
Speaker 2: get up.
Speaker 1: On the I'm speaking for you. You don't want to
Speaker 1: say the NFL chop. But what you may speak for yourself,
Speaker 1: I just know I speaking for both of us.
Speaker 3: It was the confusion, y'all. I'm living in the matrix
Speaker 3: that is boy mom life. Okay, you gotta want me
Speaker 3: go first, I'm sure, go for it, Hey, go first, Hey,
Speaker 3: fam I just want to.
Speaker 1: I just want to put this out here, right.
Speaker 5: And there was a study that came out right and
Speaker 5: I'm gonna put this out here for trouble that heterosexual
Speaker 5: couples the divorce at the rate of forty six.
Speaker 1: Percent on half.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's quite a bit, right.
Speaker 5: Lesbian couples, No, I'm just male gay couples twenty six percent.
Speaker 6: Really, m lesbian couples seventy four percent. Damn Yeah, y'all
Speaker 6: a problem. I'm not a lesbian, no, but you're a
Speaker 6: woman so what I got.
Speaker 5: To do it.
Speaker 2: I'm married to you and we.
Speaker 5: Still what you just did to me, What you just
Speaker 5: did to me is the problem. You said I could
Speaker 5: do it that you change your mind missing just cut
Speaker 5: me off. If I was a lesbian like Trouble, we'd
Speaker 5: be fighting.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you write trouble.
Speaker 5: You ain't taking that shit, huh. But as a man,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna take it. You know why, Happy wife, happy life.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 3: I just said, tell me get the longer ones, you know,
Speaker 3: because I'm trying to save you from doing all this
Speaker 3: the work. You know what I'm saying, teamwork.
Speaker 1: I will never say let me take the longer one.
Speaker 1: You can have that, all right.
Speaker 2: I indeed enjoy the longer one. Thank you? All right? Now, Hey,
Speaker 2: you're nasty.
Speaker 1: Y'all.
Speaker 5: Kids can't watch this between NFL Chopper and you begging podcast.
Speaker 3: It's not for them kids, Okay, period. Much love from Houston, Texas.
Speaker 3: I'm in a bit of a pickle. Bos does it?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: My husband and I going on am eight years married,
Speaker 3: and for the first two years of our marriage, he
Speaker 3: decided he wanted to open his own massage therapy business.
Speaker 2: I agreed that this would be.
Speaker 3: A great idea, even though it would push back our
Speaker 3: plans to move to Houston. Originally, we lived in Louisiana
Speaker 3: until twenty nineteen. For the first year of our marriage,
Speaker 3: we stayed with his mom so that he can have
Speaker 3: money to build his business. The second year, he finally
Speaker 3: got We finally got our own place so that he
Speaker 3: can take care of his business. I decided to take
Speaker 3: on all the bills, including rent and daycare. Six years later,
Speaker 3: it's my turn to do what I'd like to do,
Speaker 3: which is go back to school for occupational therapy. But
Speaker 3: he doesn't seem excited about it, especially since that means
Speaker 3: that I would have to stop working full time and
Speaker 3: he would have to take on more bills.
Speaker 2: I asked if he could at least pick.
Speaker 3: Up a part time job while I'm in school, which
Speaker 3: would only be for two years, and that was an
Speaker 3: immediate no. So I asked if he could at least
Speaker 3: pick up on trying to get clientele for his business.
Speaker 3: But he hasn't really put the work in to even
Speaker 3: speak or pass out business because.
Speaker 1: I still got a business after six years.
Speaker 3: So that he can gain this clientele that he really needs,
Speaker 3: he wants me to help with his business, which I do.
Speaker 3: I post on Facebook, on our page and posting groups
Speaker 3: around the city. I even speak at his business when
Speaker 3: people even mention needing a massage. If he doesn't bring
Speaker 3: in close to what I make, then it would mean
Speaker 3: that I would not be able to go to school,
Speaker 3: which means I would be resentful for what he couldn't do.
Speaker 3: How do I motivate my husband or what can I
Speaker 3: do so that I don't forget about my dreams?
Speaker 1: All Right?
Speaker 5: The first thing, I'm not even gonna approach this for me,
Speaker 5: I'm not going to take I'm gonna take all the
Speaker 5: personal stuff out.
Speaker 2: Of here and keep a business.
Speaker 5: Six years doing a business and you haven't been able
Speaker 5: to scratch the surface to build a clientele. You don't
Speaker 5: have a business. You're hemorrhaging money, and since you're not
Speaker 5: worth you're hemorrhaging your wife's money. Right, most businesses that
Speaker 5: become successful and have sustainability start to make a profit
Speaker 5: after three years.
Speaker 6: So I'll give you the first six years. That's the glideline. Yeah,
Speaker 6: the first two years you win a red. Right, once
Speaker 6: you get to the third year, you're supposed to be
Speaker 6: in the black. You get to the fourth year, then
Speaker 6: it's like, oh, my business can sustain. The fifth year
Speaker 6: is oh, my business has solvency by the sixth years
Speaker 6: now was like, how could I expand or even scale
Speaker 6: my business by year six?
Speaker 1: Like, that's that's a long time.
Speaker 5: If you're in year six of the business and you're
Speaker 5: still in putting your own money into the business and
Speaker 5: don't have the clientele for it to be sustained, you
Speaker 5: should pivot and try to do another business. Maybe that
Speaker 5: business isn't for you, the business model you're using isn't good,
Speaker 5: or you're.
Speaker 3: Just not a good business person, right, or maybe you
Speaker 3: don't give good massages, sir, because if you didn't, if
Speaker 3: a friend didn't tell a friend to tell a friend
Speaker 3: by now, like, yeah, that's usually how businesses thrived. I mean,
Speaker 3: I think number one is like word of mouth. That's true,
Speaker 3: telling people. Then she says she's on Facebook share and
Speaker 3: talking like anytime someone brings up you know, oh my
Speaker 3: neck might hurt. Oh my husband he does a massage,
Speaker 3: just like that's crazy. The thing that struck me in
Speaker 3: this is that final question, how do I motivate my husband?
Speaker 3: Like I understand that when you're in a relationship and
Speaker 3: a marriage that you know, we have ebbs and flows.
Speaker 3: There's moments when you may feel like you're not motivated
Speaker 3: in that moment to do something, or you may be
Speaker 3: a little bit in a rut. If you're a creative,
Speaker 3: it's like, damn, like right now my antenna is a
Speaker 3: little bit down, or things are a bit foggy. But
Speaker 3: the motivation I feel like in itself should be you.
Speaker 3: It should be you your dreams. Like when I think about us,
Speaker 3: even like, we're so motivated by each other's dreams that
Speaker 3: I never have to ask de Val to help motivate
Speaker 3: me or vice versa.
Speaker 1: You know that.
Speaker 2: Huh, it's just dead indeed it is.
Speaker 1: Can we be real?
Speaker 2: Be real?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 4: Man?
Speaker 5: That nigga don't need no fucking motivation. Bro, He don't
Speaker 5: you know what he need a foot up his ass.
Speaker 5: There's no way in the way if that's my.
Speaker 1: Sister, right, Seriously, six years, my sister's been paying all
Speaker 1: of the bills and then now it's time for her
Speaker 1: to do something for herself, to go back to school,
Speaker 1: which wild probably help her make more money.
Speaker 2: And you like, and it's a problem, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: So how like real talk?
Speaker 5: Because I think a lot of what people they tend
Speaker 5: to try to pander to either sex or pander to
Speaker 5: a situation so that they don't sound bad.
Speaker 1: This is the truth.
Speaker 5: As a man, right, you have a responsibility to provide.
Speaker 5: As much as we like to say women should do
Speaker 5: this and women should do that, as a man, you
Speaker 5: have a responsibility to provide. Your wife gave you an
Speaker 5: opportunity in years to set up something.
Speaker 1: Did we not do the same thing?
Speaker 2: Literally the.
Speaker 1: NFL?
Speaker 5: And I was just like, yo, I want to start
Speaker 5: this beast training business. And I said, Yo, after these
Speaker 5: two years, you will not have to work at.
Speaker 1: That store anymore. Literally that, I said, I'm not We're
Speaker 1: not doing this anymore.
Speaker 2: It was literally that.
Speaker 5: And if I didn't build that business after two years,
Speaker 5: you know what, I would have went and done got a.
Speaker 1: Job because I had a part time job the whole time.
Speaker 2: Anywayuly did.
Speaker 3: And there's an actual timeline that you need to put
Speaker 3: into place when you're doing something with a part facts
Speaker 3: you have a husband and wife. What's the point in
Speaker 3: having a teammate when you're not wor working as a team.
Speaker 1: Child.
Speaker 5: Part of motivation is accountability, and the accountability is for
Speaker 5: her to say to him, and this is when you
Speaker 5: know that you've met your match with someone who's evenly yoked.
Speaker 5: Right when I wanted to do certain things and I
Speaker 5: needed you to go back to work, it wasn't a hey, babe,
Speaker 5: how can I find ways to motivate?
Speaker 1: It was like, Yo, we got a plan. The plan
Speaker 1: is to do this.
Speaker 5: Part of that plan requires you going to get insurance
Speaker 5: so that we can at least survive for these two years.
Speaker 1: And it was I say less, so said so done.
Speaker 5: Right when you was working and you was like your devow,
Speaker 5: I hate working and going for the holidays, it was no, babe,
Speaker 5: how can I motivate you?
Speaker 1: It was like DIVI, I don't want to do this. Okay,
Speaker 1: so what's the plan?
Speaker 2: What is the plan?
Speaker 5: If this is your life partner? There's no how can
Speaker 5: I motivate? Sit down with that man and the two
Speaker 5: of y'all created a plan that works for both of you,
Speaker 5: not just one. The plan that they created in the
Speaker 5: beginning was only working for him. But he seems very
Speaker 5: comfortable because she's handling all.
Speaker 2: The bills bills exactly.
Speaker 5: Nah, bro, Now if that's my sister either, I'm fighting you.
Speaker 1: You know, what I'm saying, or I'm telling her to leave.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 6: If you my brother, I'm asking you what are you
Speaker 6: doing there? Like, what are you doing?
Speaker 5: You got to get up, Go get a job, do
Speaker 5: the massage business in the since you don't have a
Speaker 5: lot of clients, go be a substitute teacher.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if it's your own clients, you schedule your days.
Speaker 3: It's flexible, and then you pick up something else on
Speaker 3: the other side. Like to me, it's just a no brainer.
Speaker 5: Nobody mass in the middle of the day, So go
Speaker 5: work somewhere in the middle of the day. Between you
Speaker 5: can be a parer at a school and make a
Speaker 5: quick fifteen hundred dollars every two week just being a
Speaker 5: power in the school. And if you're a massage theup pison,
Speaker 5: you have a skill set you can offer to teach
Speaker 5: the kids.
Speaker 1: Why you can't teach massage stup being the school that's.
Speaker 2: Episode ye.
Speaker 1: Teaching.
Speaker 3: You have a basis of people that you can then say, hey,
Speaker 3: guess what I do.
Speaker 2: You know what my business is like.
Speaker 3: You find different ways to network and you spread the
Speaker 3: word about your business. He got to get it together,
Speaker 3: it up. That's crazy. Craze.
Speaker 5: Hope that helps. Like long, we said this is dead
Speaker 5: ass podcast. We're not judging you, but.
Speaker 2: Good luck to you, my man. We want to see
Speaker 2: you live your dreams out too, saying we all got dreams.
Speaker 3: Shit.
Speaker 2: I'm right all right, babe, you can number two.
Speaker 1: Hell, thank you allowing me to do number two. Pause.
Speaker 1: It's not a pause but something around doing number two
Speaker 1: then sound right. Hello. My name is to Quisha aka Cuisha.
Speaker 1: What's up? Quisha? I'm thirty nine years old and my
Speaker 1: boyfriend is thirty four.
Speaker 5: We've been in a relationship since December eleventh, twenty twenty three.
Speaker 5: That's what's up, guys. We met at work while working
Speaker 5: in the same building. We spent every break together. Now
Speaker 5: he's on third shift and I'm on first shift. Still,
Speaker 5: I understand that it's going to take time to get
Speaker 5: used to the different hours we have, But my question
Speaker 5: is how am I supposed to get used to it
Speaker 5: when we make plans to spend time together. He sleep
Speaker 5: from being tired at work. I love this man with
Speaker 5: all of me. We don't live together. We have a
Speaker 5: son that he gets every other weekend. I have three daughters. Oh,
Speaker 5: he has a son. He has a son that he
Speaker 5: gets every other week, and I have three daughters and
Speaker 5: all I want is time with my man. It's like
Speaker 5: I'm crying out for the time with him, but I
Speaker 5: don't want him to feel like I'm not happy about
Speaker 5: his new position. But how do I stay strong When
Speaker 5: I talk to him at night sometimes and text him
Speaker 5: throughout the day, checking on him and letting him know
Speaker 5: that I love him. He says he loves me too,
Speaker 5: but I need time. Plus he's an introvert, so he
Speaker 5: loves time to himself. I see the love y'all have
Speaker 5: for each other and how strong that relationship is. How
Speaker 5: can I get my relationship together because this is the
Speaker 5: last relationship I have in me?
Speaker 1: Please help?
Speaker 2: Yeah thirty nine for kids, I get it.
Speaker 3: I kind of feel like with this situation here, since
Speaker 3: it's like a different shift than they're working at the
Speaker 3: same place, this sacrifices in everything sometimes. I mean, at
Speaker 3: least he's working, both y'all are working. Y'all have jobs.
Speaker 3: It seems like he's spends time with his son. You
Speaker 3: have your daughters, so it's a sacrificial period, you know,
Speaker 3: until maybe you guys can do better or get on
Speaker 3: another shift. I don't know what where they work or
Speaker 3: what it looks like. But it's hard when you don't
Speaker 3: have time. Because I know for a fact that and
Speaker 3: Deval and I don't have time to get there, bad
Speaker 3: stuff gets really, really bad, and it's just for nothing
Speaker 3: more than lack of just wanting to be together and
Speaker 3: wanting time and missing each other. If not living together
Speaker 3: right now is not an option, you know, are you
Speaker 3: going to his place?
Speaker 2: Are you spending time?
Speaker 3: Sometimes just being in the presence and falling asleep together
Speaker 3: can be enough.
Speaker 5: We've been doing that as podcast for so long that
Speaker 5: I'm starting to realize that it's not up to us
Speaker 5: to decide how they're going to make the perfect life
Speaker 5: for themselves. Them too have to have a conversation and
Speaker 5: build the life they want. I honestly believe in the
Speaker 5: law of attraction. Right if you really want something in
Speaker 5: the world and you put any all of your energy
Speaker 5: around it to get it, the universe will conspire to
Speaker 5: give it to you. If you love this man that
Speaker 5: much and he loves you that much, y'all just need
Speaker 5: to work together to find out how to make it work.
Speaker 5: That's all Ka and I have ever done. When things
Speaker 5: weren't going perfectly in school.
Speaker 1: We pivoted.
Speaker 5: We figured out, well, how can we change our schedule
Speaker 5: and see each other more When it was the NFL
Speaker 5: and she was still living in a Long Island and
Speaker 5: I was living in Detroit.
Speaker 1: We got on flights.
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 3: That's it's it's sacrificial. It's like doing whatever by any means,
Speaker 3: that is it. Nothing could keep de Val and I apart, Like,
Speaker 3: nothing could. It couldn't, not a job, not distance, not anything.
Speaker 3: And we just we literally like you're right, we worked
Speaker 3: to be together. Like whatever we're fired, we do it now.
Speaker 5: Is you got twenty four hours in the day. Nobody's
Speaker 5: working all twenty four hours, Like you have time in
Speaker 5: the day, whether it's an hour to get on Facebook
Speaker 5: when we're in a Facebook on face time face get
Speaker 5: on the Facebook and listen to the NFL travel. No,
Speaker 5: it's if there's an hour in a day where I'm
Speaker 5: in Canada and I'm filming and Kay got an hour
Speaker 5: we get on FaceTime and we spend time like that,
Speaker 5: Like like you have to be deliberate with your partner
Speaker 5: and if one of the partners is like, oh, I
Speaker 5: don't have time, that partner is just not as serious
Speaker 5: about creating the time as the other partner, and that
Speaker 5: has to be a discussion.
Speaker 3: That has to be a discussion for sure with him. Yeah,
Speaker 3: taking to each other, you have to. Yeah, because just
Speaker 3: working different ships and being tired. I get it, everybody tired.
Speaker 3: But if I'm tired with you, look at us.
Speaker 1: I was up this morning to practice it.
Speaker 3: Well, six, I was up with thirty. Took him out
Speaker 3: by six at the rest of the kids be tired.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what happened.
Speaker 5: We came back into bed, fell back asleep for about
Speaker 5: an hour and a half and woke up and we're
Speaker 5: here and we're here.
Speaker 6: So yo, fine, time for your your loved ones. Man,
Speaker 6: your spouse is your family. Gotta make it time for
Speaker 6: each other even when you're tired.
Speaker 2: Man, that's a fact. All right, y'all.
Speaker 3: If you want to be featured as one of our
Speaker 3: listener letters, be sure to email us at dead ass
Speaker 3: Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 5: That's D E A D A S S A D
Speaker 5: V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: All Right, moment of truth time. Today, we're talking about
Speaker 3: parents staying up on trends social media technology.
Speaker 2: It seems like we may need a course for this babe.
Speaker 5: To be honest, my moment of truth is very simple.
Speaker 5: All right, have the type of relationship with your kids
Speaker 5: that allows them to be open about their one needs
Speaker 5: and desires. We talk about it as spouses all the time, right,
Speaker 5: creating that safe space for each other. And a lot
Speaker 5: of time, I don't think parents create that safe space
Speaker 5: with their children. You know, they create a barrier where
Speaker 5: there has to be a level of respect and a
Speaker 5: level of fear so that the kids don't do things
Speaker 5: when you're not there.
Speaker 6: But I'd rather my children speak to me, and I'm
Speaker 6: still maintain their respect absolutely sometimes, But no, I think
Speaker 6: there's a healthy level of fear.
Speaker 5: I'm an old school parent and I'm not looking for
Speaker 5: when I say fear, I'm not looking for everyone to
Speaker 5: agree with me. People can disagree with me, even you
Speaker 5: as a mom. I don't even mind if you disagree
Speaker 5: with me. I want my sons to fear me a
Speaker 5: little bit because I want them to understand that there
Speaker 5: is a hierarchy that exists in the world. The hierarchy
Speaker 5: starts with God, right, and then from God it goes
Speaker 5: down to the people who are able to provide you
Speaker 5: with the type of lifestyle, want to live and protect you,
Speaker 5: you know, so it goes from God to your parents,
Speaker 5: to your siblings and people you live with, your grandparents,
Speaker 5: your aunts and uncles.
Speaker 1: You should have a fear of these people, you know.
Speaker 6: It's to be like, Okay, these people you know have
Speaker 6: my best interest in heart, but they also have an
Speaker 6: authority to tell me what's good and what's not good,
Speaker 6: and what's right and what was wrong.
Speaker 2: And that's kind of missing from this day and age.
Speaker 3: Now. Yes, when you think about it, yes, you think
Speaker 3: about the village. And we talk so much about the
Speaker 3: village and how they're able to help us raise our children.
Speaker 2: That used to be an extended village that we had.
Speaker 3: Really so when we didn't have social media and we
Speaker 3: didn't have phones and technology, we had people on the
Speaker 3: street on the ground.
Speaker 1: Who would you.
Speaker 3: Walk past Miss Mary's house or you'd walk past Uncle
Speaker 3: Joe's house. And it's like, if you were doing something
Speaker 3: that you knew you weren't supposed to be doing, or
Speaker 3: you with the group of people you shouldn't have been with,
Speaker 3: the word is probably gonna get back to your parents
Speaker 3: faster than you're getting home that night.
Speaker 5: It's funny, you say that, right, because we have a
Speaker 5: village here, right, And Josh will say it Trouble will
Speaker 5: say it's like, y'all kids are just different.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: My kids also have fear in us, but they also
Speaker 5: have fear in all of these adults. And that fear
Speaker 5: is if I do something outside of the character or
Speaker 5: the moral standard that my parents, it's created and Matt
Speaker 5: or trouble and then Josh sees it. I couldn't get
Speaker 5: in trouble. That's why they feel like all your kids
Speaker 5: are so well behaved because they're scared, you know, And
Speaker 5: I'm unapologetic that while they are young, and I want
Speaker 5: them to be afraid of us so that they do
Speaker 5: the right thing. And as they were sure enough to
Speaker 5: understand it. Wait a minute, I don't have to fear
Speaker 5: my parents exactly. I can't respect them enough to not
Speaker 5: make those decisions because I don't want to disrespect them.
Speaker 5: Then they don't have to fear me because I don't
Speaker 5: fear my parents anymore. But I still make decisions like
Speaker 5: I'm not.
Speaker 2: Doing parenting our parents.
Speaker 1: Yeah you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: I guess I could tie this into my moment in
Speaker 3: true time. But Jackson just said to us last night
Speaker 3: that he's starting to see in life as his life
Speaker 3: is unfolding, He's starting to see why we are the
Speaker 3: way we are, why we parent the way we parent,
Speaker 3: why we say the things we say, why we raise
Speaker 3: him the way we raise him.
Speaker 2: He had to do and overnight.
Speaker 3: Retreat, and that already built of anxiety and being devoured
Speaker 3: because the minute I saw the email come across about
Speaker 3: an overnight retreat, I was like, he overnight over with
Speaker 3: who you got FACETI a mind baby, because he's gonna
Speaker 3: be sleeping in our house because we don't do the
Speaker 3: whole sleep out thing. However, it's something that he was
Speaker 3: required to do. So we had to like, really, you know,
Speaker 3: get get have the discussion about what that's going to
Speaker 3: look like with you being away. So it was like
Speaker 3: an overnight retreat camp for school. And he came back
Speaker 3: and he said, I get why y'all tell me to
Speaker 3: do a lot of the things you do. And it
Speaker 3: was deval andy and even like Mimi, the things that
Speaker 3: she instills in him, she's like he said, because he
Speaker 3: went to this this this cabin, this retreat where he
Speaker 3: was rooming with other individuals, and he said he took
Speaker 3: out his toiletry bag, and he had his shower slippers together,
Speaker 3: and his toothbrush where it was supposed to be, and
Speaker 3: he made his bed up and everything. And he said
Speaker 3: some of the other people in his cabin just had
Speaker 3: stuff all over all over the place.
Speaker 5: On the floor, there's one flip flop. Can't find my
Speaker 5: flip flop? Who stole my shirt? And he's just like,
Speaker 5: I have to deal with none.
Speaker 2: Of that problems because all my stuff was together.
Speaker 3: And he said he didn't realize how naturally that came
Speaker 3: to him, that he just was. He just did it
Speaker 3: because that's what was instilled in him. And then he
Speaker 3: talked about sitting down to eat dinner at nights.
Speaker 1: What looks like, see I'm cutting the steakman. They elbows
Speaker 1: all love steak, flying crazy, They dropped for his knife.
Speaker 5: He's like, I'm sitting here, elbows tuck. I'm just they
Speaker 5: asking me, Jackson, how you do that? He said, simple practice.
Speaker 5: He's just like yeah. He couldn't believe it. He's sitting
Speaker 5: down with all of these kids. He said, it was.
Speaker 6: Like it was like a jungle in there, exactly every
Speaker 6: man for themselves.
Speaker 1: They didn't know what was going going on, and he.
Speaker 3: Was just so put together, but that was his first
Speaker 3: time doing something like that and away yes from us,
Speaker 3: And naturally, Deval and I were in talk about being
Speaker 3: in a pickle. We were over there looking at each
Speaker 3: other like, man, I hope I.
Speaker 5: Don't ever let my wife say that the vials always
Speaker 5: the pickle and I'm always in her Okay, all right,
Speaker 5: just make that clear, unpaused.
Speaker 2: Think we're clear, all right?
Speaker 3: But that being said, parents, we need to be the
Speaker 3: ones to instill that moral compass and instill the things
Speaker 3: in the children, our children that we want for them
Speaker 3: to be in this world.
Speaker 2: And then stay up on.
Speaker 3: The trends to baby, get you a young friend, get
Speaker 3: you a niece, a nephew, somebody who knows how to
Speaker 3: tick tack drop like you had, all that stuff.
Speaker 2: Okay, and never ever get the name wrong. N l
Speaker 2: e Chappa.
Speaker 3: Listen, miss kay, I got you, baby. I know your name,
Speaker 3: I know exactly who you are. I know the whole
Speaker 3: dance and all that thing. Okay, all right, cool. Be
Speaker 3: sure to follow us on social media, y'all. Okay, if
Speaker 3: you haven't been doing that already, where have you been?
Speaker 3: You can see exclusive dead ass podcast content on Patreon.
Speaker 2: Let me start that over, y'all, because.
Speaker 3: The whole thing all right, y'all, be sure to find
Speaker 3: us on Patreon to say exclusive dead Ass podcasts, video
Speaker 3: content and exclusives. Ellis family content, and you can find
Speaker 3: us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast. I'm Kadine,
Speaker 3: I am and I am Devo.
Speaker 5: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review,
Speaker 5: and subscribe and get your copy of We Over Me
Speaker 5: The counter of Tuitive Approach to getting Everything you want
Speaker 5: out of your relationship.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: Oh and it's officially fall, y'all, and we're going into
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Speaker 1: That's true, That's very true.
Speaker 2: It's a change, it's a movie. Gets your It's dead ass.
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