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Speaker 1: Parents. If you think you know your kids, you.

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Speaker 2: Don't, dead ass, because I remember when Lord.

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Speaker 3: And I refuse to become that mom that refers to

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Speaker 3: various apps and social media platforms as the Facebook. Can

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Speaker 3: you hit me on what's up? Don't let me be

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Speaker 3: that girl? I cannot be that mom. Y'all dead ass. Hey,

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Speaker 3: I'm Kadeen and and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos.

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Speaker 3: With our boys and reading each other publicly as a.

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Speaker 2: Form of therpy.

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Speaker 4: Wait.

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Speaker 1: I make you need therby most days.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.

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Speaker 5: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 5: li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 2: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: The lens of the lend you marry a couple.

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Speaker 5: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.

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Speaker 5: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts

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Speaker 5: one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but

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Speaker 5: the truth. Were about to take philosoff to our whole

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Speaker 5: new level.

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Speaker 2: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: Okay, story time.

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Speaker 5: Now, I'm known for telling stories about my young athletes,

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Speaker 5: but this time in particular, I'm going to tell story

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Speaker 5: about different set of athletes. My female athletes, and the

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Speaker 5: young female athletes move different than the young male athletes.

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Speaker 5: I noticed that they were way more sneaky. Right in

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Speaker 5: this particular time, all of the parents and I were

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Speaker 5: all we were all friends because we also did our

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Speaker 5: own training sessions. And I remember they tried to run

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Speaker 5: the okie dog, and the okie dog was you tell

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Speaker 5: one set of parents you staying at their house, and

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Speaker 5: you tell those set of parents that you staying at

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Speaker 5: another parent's house. Meanwhile, all of the kids are going

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Speaker 5: to a party, thinking that none of the parents are

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Speaker 5: gonna check in. And I remember there was one parent

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Speaker 5: in particular. She was a younger single mom. She had

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Speaker 5: access to the snapchats.

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Speaker 3: And I said, the snapchats for a reason, the several snapchats, several.

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Speaker 5: Snapchats, and she happened to check the snapchats and realize

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Speaker 5: that all of the girls were at a party. So

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Speaker 5: she didn't do like they do on the sitcoms and

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Speaker 5: waited home and tried to catch the girls in the line.

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Speaker 1: No, she got in.

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Speaker 2: Her car, Oh she didn't.

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Speaker 5: She got in the car and popped up knock knocked

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Speaker 5: on the door, walked in there and snatched them girls

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Speaker 5: up out of that party, like the most embarrassing thing

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Speaker 5: a mom can do on the most embassing when she

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Speaker 5: snatched them girls out and then brought them to training

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Speaker 5: on that Monday and said, Coach Deval, this is what

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Speaker 5: your athletes were doing, and now they left it up

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Speaker 5: to me to punish them. So they ran a lot.

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Speaker 5: They they did a lot of duck walks a.

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Speaker 6: Lot because the mom was just like, oh, you know

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Speaker 6: what they was doing, Coach vow they want to be

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Speaker 6: in the party lights of shaking their booties all over.

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Speaker 5: Everybody wanted to do all these dances and stuff. So

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Speaker 5: you know what, I think their legs need to.

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Speaker 3: Be quad strength, yeah, quad strength and flexibility.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: There's a lot of sad faces in practice that day.

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Speaker 5: I didn't scream it all. I was just like, Mama,

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Speaker 5: they are they good moms? Just like, nah, they're not good.

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Speaker 2: I know exactly the mom he's talking about.

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Speaker 3: And if there was a mom that I had to

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Speaker 3: pick to go up to somebody's house and snap some

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Speaker 3: people out of there, yes, she'd have definitely been the one.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's probably why I don't have daughter's lord because.

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Speaker 5: Shout out to her though, because she taught me a

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Speaker 5: very valuable lesson. And then this lesson we're going to explain.

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Speaker 2: Let's do it. So karaoke time.

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Speaker 5: We're back to karaoke, and I'm you know, y'all know

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Speaker 5: I'm terrible with lyrics, so I'm actually gonna pull up

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Speaker 5: the lyric and the lyrics.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm not going to butcher it because the lyrics are.

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Speaker 2: Very very important, but many songs on karaoke time.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm not gonna butcher because these words are important.

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Speaker 2: You Okay, go for it.

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Speaker 1: You can jump on whatever you want, all right.

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Speaker 4: I can show you the world shining, shimmering, spanned. Tell me, princess, Now,

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Speaker 4: when did you last let.

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Speaker 2: Your heart is sign?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 4: Yes, I can open your rise to social media take

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Speaker 4: you wonder by one over Sideways and the Magic carpid

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Speaker 4: ride a.

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Speaker 2: Whole new world, don't you dare? Close Your ride a

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Speaker 2: new fantastic point of you.

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Speaker 5: Listen, no one to tell us no where to go

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Speaker 5: or say we're only dream.

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Speaker 2: Not damn Come on voice addiction, you better hit that dream.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but listen to the words. That's what social media

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Speaker 1: be doing.

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Speaker 5: The people taking you on a magic carpet ride, a

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Speaker 5: cess pool of.

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Speaker 1: Stuff that's going on out here in the world.

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Speaker 2: What kind of magic was that?

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Speaker 5: Shining, shimmering, splendid everything you see in the world.

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Speaker 1: Ain't the way it's presented on social media.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's exactly it.

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Speaker 3: And if no one's there to tell you know where

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Speaker 3: to go, baby, you will end up down bad. So yeah,

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Speaker 3: let's take a quick break and pay some bills, and

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Speaker 3: then we'll come back in and talk about why it's

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Speaker 3: so important for us as parents to stay up on

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Speaker 3: all of these technologies and social media trends and what's

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Speaker 3: next and all the app and the lingo and this

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Speaker 3: that and the third, because we will get left behind

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Speaker 3: in the dust and can't keep up with our own

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Speaker 3: damn kids.

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Speaker 2: All right, we'll be back.

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Speaker 1: All right, we're back.

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Speaker 5: So this, this story, even though it's funny, was super

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Speaker 5: important to me because it came to me like an

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Speaker 5: epiphany two weeks ago.

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Speaker 1: You know, Jackson turned thirteen. He turned thirteen.

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Speaker 5: Earlier in the year in April, and I've noticed just

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Speaker 5: a change in him, you know, like he walks with

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Speaker 5: a little bit more of a swag. He hasn't really

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Speaker 5: gone through puberty yet, but he's almost taller than you.

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Speaker 1: Now he's feeling himself.

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Speaker 5: He actually says all the words to this rap songs,

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Speaker 5: like he's not just saying to beat no more.

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Speaker 1: He's listening to the words.

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Speaker 5: And then he introduced me to something last year that

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Speaker 5: I didn't even know existed. It was chat GPT me too.

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Speaker 5: And in this moment, I was just like, yo, show

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Speaker 5: me what this is. He showed me how it works,

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Speaker 5: and you was showing me some stuff on AI. He

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Speaker 5: was like, Dad, did you know on your phone? You

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Speaker 5: can do this? And instantly my first response was, Man,

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Speaker 5: I'm not doing all that shit. Man, I'm too old

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Speaker 5: for this. Yeah, young people can have all this technology.

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Speaker 5: I'm focusing on what I got to do to make money.

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Speaker 5: But then I started realizing as I watched the world,

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Speaker 5: and you know, I used to mentor a bunch of

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Speaker 5: young men and young women, and I'm watching so many

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Speaker 5: young men and young women now having to deal with

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Speaker 5: social media in real time. And I look at the

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Speaker 5: Kaitlyn Clark's and the Angel Reese's and the Shador Sanders,

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Speaker 5: and I'm looking at all of these young people who've

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Speaker 5: been like thrust it into social media and they're expected

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Speaker 5: to behave a certain way. And I said those three

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Speaker 5: names in particular, because when you look at social media

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Speaker 5: or you look up who's the most search athlete that's

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Speaker 5: not a professional, those are the first three names that

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Speaker 5: come up. Oh psychology, Yeah, because number last year, before

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Speaker 5: they became rookies in the wa it was Kaitlyn Clark

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Speaker 5: and Angel Reees. They were the biggest buzz. And then

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Speaker 5: Shador Sanders had came into Colorado. And then I said

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Speaker 5: to myself, those young children or young people's parents probably

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Speaker 5: had no idea the type of vitriol that their children

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Speaker 5: would receive through social media, or would have no idea

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Speaker 5: how to help their children navigate what they're seeing or

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Speaker 5: what they're going through because us as parents so time,

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Speaker 5: so many times we disregard what the young people doing

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Speaker 5: as a fad or a trend and loss.

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Speaker 3: I think about so many different times that growing up, right,

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Speaker 3: of course, we were before social media ages, right, so

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Speaker 3: that was a little bit easier for us to maneuver

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Speaker 3: and navigate and sneak around and do things that we

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Speaker 3: probably had no business doing. But the layers of it

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Speaker 3: now are so much more intense. Then you have the

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Speaker 3: push for, for example, athletes. Since we're talking about your

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Speaker 3: track girls, we can go back to the story. But

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Speaker 3: the push for athletes with nil deals and all these

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Speaker 3: things that they have going on social media is necessary

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Speaker 3: for them to build a persona from an early age.

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Speaker 3: So it's like, who's regulating those things when it comes

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Speaker 3: to someone social media persona when they're younger.

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Speaker 2: Who's regulating those things? Are the kids?

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Speaker 3: I mean sure at that age, when you have that

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Speaker 3: need to want to fit in, you're looking through the comments,

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Speaker 3: You're letting that affect you. So I'm wondering what that

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Speaker 3: looks like for children or I guess athletes in that position.

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Speaker 5: Well, I'm I'm glad you brought that up because it

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Speaker 5: was one name that I forget and forgot and I

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Speaker 5: don't know how I even forgot this because he's a

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Speaker 5: professional and still gets a ton of vitrio. But Bronnie James,

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Speaker 5: when I watch how they maneuvered Bronnie on social media,

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Speaker 5: and when you really think about it, did BRONI ever

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Speaker 5: really have a social media?

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Speaker 1: See?

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Following it, you see what I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: He had a social media but you can tell his

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Speaker 5: page wasn't run by him, and it was specifically monitored

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Speaker 5: by his parents, which makes sense because Bron knows everything

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Speaker 5: he has gone through through social media. Same thing with Savanna,

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Speaker 5: So they were like, I'm not going to throw my

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Speaker 5: kids into social media now that whole idea of in

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Speaker 5: order to boost your profile social media is necessary. Yes,

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Speaker 5: that's true, but your thirteen year old doesn't have to

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Speaker 5: manage their.

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Speaker 2: Social their own account exactly.

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Speaker 1: There can be a.

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Speaker 5: Page dedicated to the work that your child does that

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Speaker 5: they don't have access to, if that's something they want

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Speaker 5: to do, or you can sit down with your child

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Speaker 5: and say, look, you get a social media page, because.

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Speaker 2: They're probably gonna get one anyway.

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Speaker 1: Facts without without you knowing it.

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Speaker 5: That you could do like what we did with Jackson,

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Speaker 5: and I said, look, you can't post anything, and Jackson like,

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Speaker 5: why can't I post anything? I say, because at thirteen

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Speaker 5: years old, you don't understand the repercussions and the ramification

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Speaker 5: of something that you post exactly.

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Speaker 1: So I don't want you to have I don't want

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Speaker 1: you to post.

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Speaker 3: Anything, and we don't want you don't We don't want

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Speaker 3: you subjected to other people's opinions about what you post

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Speaker 3: because Ultimately, when you do post on social media, which

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Speaker 3: was also the conversation we have with him, when you

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Speaker 3: post on social media, you have to understand that it's

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Speaker 3: fair game. Whatever you put out there, people have the

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Speaker 3: right to be able to comment, to share, to like,

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Speaker 3: to do whatever. That's the whole point of it. So

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Speaker 3: by not posting anything, you already remove that. But what

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Speaker 3: Deval and I have done uniquely, it's like on the

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Speaker 3: platform that he does have, we sometimes will just send

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Speaker 3: him little, you know, messages.

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Speaker 1: It's all the time. I see you do it because

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Speaker 1: I have his.

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Speaker 2: I guess, I say some time because I know, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I have his password.

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Speaker 5: And part of the thing that we decided was you

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Speaker 5: can have a social media page if I have access

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Speaker 5: to it. So on his social media page, I have

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Speaker 5: his social media page linked, so I can just double

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Speaker 5: click it and I'm on on his page exactly.

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Speaker 1: So he doesn't even know. I don't even have to say,

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Speaker 1: give me your phone, Jacks, I can look.

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Speaker 5: And I told him, I said, look, I'm just letting

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Speaker 5: you know that I can see right, just so that you.

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Speaker 2: Know, yeah, his whole phone is pretty much successible to

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Speaker 2: no HI.

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Speaker 1: If you want to look at stuff, ask questions, but

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Speaker 1: go ahead.

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Speaker 3: No, So yeah, I was just saying that to say,

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Speaker 3: when you think about the algorithms and how those work

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Speaker 3: with social media platforms, I feel like, Okay, if I'm

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Speaker 3: pushing him that things that are motivational inspirational to build

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Speaker 3: his confidence. We joke over certain things, like we have

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Speaker 3: our own little inside jokes. I'll send them things that

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Speaker 3: have to do with that. Then that will hopefully push

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Speaker 3: his algorithm to search more things that are inspirational and motivational.

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Speaker 3: But then also having, like you said, the follow up conversations,

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Speaker 3: knowing what he's looking.

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Speaker 5: At, there's no hopefully it will because the way the

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Speaker 5: algorithm works, things that you save or things that you

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Speaker 5: click on they constantly send you because the algorithm wants

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Speaker 5: you to stay on the app. So if you're constantly

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Speaker 5: looking at trees, for example, the algorithm's going to send

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Speaker 5: you trees because they want you to stay engaged with

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Speaker 5: what you like. So I purposefully send him inspirational quotes,

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Speaker 5: wealth building things, muscle building things, minds, things about being

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Speaker 5: peaceful and staying away from social media. Like I send

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Speaker 5: them all of these stats about why you shouldn't spend

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Speaker 5: a lot of time or not become a scroller on

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Speaker 5: social media because I want to create and set his algorithm.

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Speaker 1: I know he has his cousins and his friends. It's

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Speaker 1: another thing I do.

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Speaker 5: You can't accept anybody without me seeing because your praise

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Speaker 5: is private. So when I go in there and I

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Speaker 5: count I'm that dad guy, I'm not.

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Speaker 1: I listen to me.

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Speaker 5: Kadeen and I are unapologetic about what we're doing with

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Speaker 5: our kids, and I've met with other parents and other

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Speaker 5: parents the most you think that's a big controlling and

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Speaker 5: I said, yes.

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Speaker 2: It is controlling. Absolutely it is because.

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Speaker 5: The minute my child goes out there in the world

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Speaker 5: and does something that people don't like, the first thing

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Speaker 5: they say is like, why is this child out of control?

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Speaker 2: Exactly, I'm not going Exactly.

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Speaker 1: Kadeen and I are not going to let social.

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Speaker 2: Media or leave it up to them or children, it's.

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Speaker 5: Friends or anybody to raise our kids. So what are

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Speaker 5: we going to do control what they see and how

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Speaker 5: they see it? Now, granted, he's gonna find other ways.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely we know this, right, We also know and we

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Speaker 5: told him that we know this. So now it's a

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Speaker 5: point where it's like, yo, we're being as transparent if

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Speaker 5: you want to do things or try things or see things,

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Speaker 5: come to us, we'll walk you through.

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Speaker 3: Literally like nothing is off the table in this household

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Speaker 3: essentially when you think about it, nothing because we want

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Speaker 3: them to always feel comfortable coming. And that's even me

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Speaker 3: as a mom, you know, thinking raising for boys, like

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Speaker 3: there's things that they probably wouldn't feel comfortable with, something

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Speaker 3: to a mom about because it may be things having

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Speaker 3: to do with girls or having to do with just

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Speaker 3: growing as a man and being a boy and change

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Speaker 3: it in the body.

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Speaker 2: But Jackson, he comes to us.

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Speaker 3: It comes to us, and he comes to me and

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Speaker 3: he'll ask and he literally does not have that like

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Speaker 3: fear or anxiety.

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Speaker 2: I don't see that.

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Speaker 3: And I love that freeness that we have with our

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Speaker 3: boys because they literally like I want to be in

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Speaker 3: the car with y'all, and I want to be rapping

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Speaker 3: to a little baby too, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: I've been known a time too to pull up some

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Speaker 3: lyrics a to see what the hell they're rapid about,

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Speaker 3: just so I know, because we do believe that you

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Speaker 3: know the power of speaking things and saying things. So

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Speaker 3: I want to know a little baby talking about sometimes too.

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Speaker 3: But at the same time too. I want to be

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Speaker 3: up on game and on trend and we bond over

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Speaker 3: music and you know, those are things that I think

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Speaker 3: are invaluable to have those kind of connections with your children.

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Speaker 5: I think the truth is for both of us right,

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Speaker 5: and we need to do a whole podcast on this trouble.

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Speaker 1: Please write this down.

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Speaker 5: I want to do a podcast on me being the

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Speaker 5: type of man that I want my boys to grow into,

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Speaker 5: and them seeing you as a type of woman they

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Speaker 5: would want to spend the rest of their life with,

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Speaker 5: and how important it is for the both of us

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Speaker 5: to make a decision once we had children. It's like, yo,

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Speaker 5: I have to be what I want my kids to be.

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Speaker 5: You know, it's not enough like when we grew up,

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Speaker 5: do as I say, not as I do. That don't

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Speaker 5: work anymore.

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Speaker 2: No, they don't actually live exist.

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Speaker 5: Yes, because I want my kids to look up and

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Speaker 5: be like I want to be like my dad. So

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Speaker 5: if my dad is not doing these things, I don't

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Speaker 5: want them to be like, look at my dad.

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Speaker 1: It's so old school. I don't want to be like.

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Speaker 5: Him because then it becomes a thing where it's like, oh,

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Speaker 5: if he's not doing these things, because he's a square.

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Speaker 3: Did you feel like that with your dad, because I

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Speaker 3: know like you got some pushback when you were growing

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Speaker 3: up about like getting braids or getting a tattoo or

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Speaker 3: doing those things that they felt like was on trend

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Speaker 3: at the time that the young people were doing, but

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Speaker 3: it was frowned upon, you know, from your parents' generation.

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Speaker 5: I'll be honest, I never really like sat down and

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Speaker 5: thought about it, but I will remember this.

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Speaker 1: My dad was the cool guy.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: Remember growing up in Flatbush, Brooklyn.

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Speaker 5: All of the dudes that was on the corner always

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Speaker 5: like people in the people over there.

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Speaker 1: In album, all knew my pops through his organization.

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Speaker 6: So I looked up to my father because he's the

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Speaker 6: dude that all the guys I looked up to looked

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Speaker 6: up to.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so your dad was cool.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, de Sean Freeman is the Chris Jackson's, the Kevin Caesars.

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Speaker 5: Like all of those guys who protected us in Flatbush

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Speaker 5: and made sure we was good.

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Speaker 1: They yo, mister t uncle. They looked up to my pop.

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Speaker 5: So I was automatically like, Yo, whatever my pops is doing,

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Speaker 5: That's what I'm want to do. You know, walking around

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Speaker 5: with my sleeves cut off my shirt. My father wore jewelry.

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Speaker 5: People asked me why I wear jewelry. My father wore jewelry.

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Speaker 5: Why he liked nice cars while he put ten in

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Speaker 5: windows and rims on his cars.

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Speaker 2: My dad didn't was that guy he was though.

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Speaker 1: My pops literally was that guy.

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Speaker 5: That's why, you know, when people talk to me about

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Speaker 5: fatherhood and stuff, and they just like, you know, who

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Speaker 5: are your role models? And I understand why they asked

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Speaker 5: people who their role models were, because it's very rare

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Speaker 5: that you hear a black man say my role model

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Speaker 5: was my dad, because they purposely don't choose black men

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Speaker 5: with fathers to ask them. They always asked the black

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Speaker 5: men who don't have their father who was their role models?

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Speaker 5: And they say other father figures. But for me, I

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Speaker 5: looked up to my pops like he had a car

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Speaker 5: with system in it. He used to write, the beats

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Speaker 5: would be boom, boom, And I think about it. My

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Speaker 5: father had me when he was twenty two. Yeah, so

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Speaker 5: at seven, my father's twenty nine, he just started becoming

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Speaker 5: who he was supposed to be.

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Speaker 3: So I got to watch my dad, you know, I

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Speaker 3: literally grew up with your dad's lessen. Yeah, I think

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Speaker 3: about my mom and dad, or particularly my mom, because

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Speaker 3: you know, girls like to emulate their moms. My mom

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Speaker 3: carried herself with the utmost like presence. Everything was about

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Speaker 3: the apparents and being put together, and that's what I

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Speaker 3: wanted to emulate as I grew up. So like being

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Speaker 3: in pageants, for example, was like so spot on for

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Speaker 3: my mom. Like she bought into that whole thing once

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Speaker 3: I said I wanted to do it, because she was like, yes,

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Speaker 3: this is going to make you into a respectable young

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Speaker 3: lady who has manners and etiquette and knows how to

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Speaker 3: carry herself like that was important for her.

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Speaker 2: So I'll completely get that.

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Speaker 3: All right, Let's jump into some facts and stat's really

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Speaker 3: quick so we can see what's going on in this

401
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Speaker 3: world of parenting and children and how we're trying to

402
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Speaker 3: stay up.

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Speaker 2: Okay, let's see more than half.

404
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,159
Speaker 3: That's fifty six percent of parents who report having at

405
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,679
Speaker 3: least one minor child but who may also have an

406
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:55,920
Speaker 3: adult child or children say they spend too much time

407
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Speaker 3: on their smartphones, while smaller shares say they spend too

408
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,160
Speaker 3: much time on social media. Thirty six percent or playing

409
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:08,240
Speaker 3: video games eleven percent. Eighty four percent of parents say

410
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:12,000
Speaker 3: their children use technology with them or another parent at home.

411
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Speaker 3: Sixty two percent of parents feel that technology has a

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Speaker 3: positive impact on the time spent with their children. Monitoring

413
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,920
Speaker 3: children's online activity, sixty one percent of parents check what

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00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,359
Speaker 3: websites their teens have visited, sixty percent check their teens

415
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,879
Speaker 3: social media profile. Thirty nine percent of parents use parent

416
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Speaker 3: controls or other technological tools to monitor their teens online activities,

417
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,280
Speaker 3: and parents worry about their children's online safety. Eighty four

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Speaker 3: percent of parents say they are worried about their child's

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Speaker 3: online safety.

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Speaker 5: Now, I don't want to say throw all of this away.

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Speaker 5: I don't write because I read all of this right,

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Speaker 5: but throw all of this shit away, okay, Because there's

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Speaker 5: a story that I told, oh, I think it was

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Speaker 5: two years.

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Speaker 1: Ago about parents who came in.

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Speaker 5: Remember I used to do social media checks for protogah

427
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Speaker 5: at the gym, and these parents came in because I

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Speaker 5: had a profile from their for their son. Mom says,

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Speaker 5: there's no way that my son has a profile because

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Speaker 5: my son doesn't even have a phone. Coach, if I

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Speaker 5: wouldn't even let my son have a phone, I said,

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Speaker 5: are you sure, I said, well, these pictures and video

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Speaker 5: are from a phone that I found in your son's possession.

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Speaker 5: She's looking at it. She's like, I've never seen this

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Speaker 5: phone in my life. I purchased nothing, went through everything.

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00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:34,720
Speaker 5: Turns out his friend got updated, upgraded, the phone still

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Speaker 5: had the old iPhone. Their son purchased the IP iPhone

438
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Speaker 5: four hundred and fifty dollars from the friend.

439
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 2: Probably with his allowance money, saving us lunch.

440
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,160
Speaker 5: And saving up his own money that he got, put

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Speaker 5: his own pro, created his own profile and everything, no

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Speaker 5: number because it worked on Wi Fi. Then hard all

443
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,520
Speaker 5: of his own But here's the here's the smartest part.

444
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 5: All of the stuff that he had on the phone,

445
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:03,440
Speaker 5: he kept it at the gym. That's why the phone.

446
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,280
Speaker 5: He never took the phone home. But that's why his

447
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,720
Speaker 5: parents didn't know. Wow, because those.

448
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:11,160
Speaker 3: Parents, those parents were probably probably in his shit trying

449
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,240
Speaker 3: to find stuff.

450
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 5: That's why I say all of these stats where you

451
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 5: think you know your child, you don't. You have to

452
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,199
Speaker 5: be caught up on technology. These parents were listening to

453
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,880
Speaker 5: their child. My child would never lie to me, same

454
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 5: thing we said about Jackson. Right, My child would never

455
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 5: lie to me, right, my child doesn't have a phone.

456
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,880
Speaker 5: You find out that your son not only has a phone,

457
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,560
Speaker 5: but it's on there at fourteen, throwing up gang signs,

458
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 5: threatening people, exchanging pictures, elude pictures of young women. Because

459
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 5: he didn't know it, because he was fourteen, right, and

460
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 5: no one told him how this works. And the reason

461
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,119
Speaker 5: why I had to bring it up to his parents

462
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,400
Speaker 5: is because I got a phone call from a young

463
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,160
Speaker 5: lady's parents that these group of boys had shared some

464
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 5: pictures of their daughter.

465
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:52,400
Speaker 1: His name came up.

466
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 5: Now you here denying the fact that your child has

467
00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:00,080
Speaker 5: a profile and them has a phone, press charges on you.

468
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 5: Your son now he has pedophile charges against him for

469
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 5: sharing pictures of a minor to his friends. And this

470
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 5: is why I say all of this stuff about facts

471
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 5: and stacks, throw it out.

472
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 3: It's true, because the real fact about it is that

473
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 3: whatever you think you know about your kid, you probably

474
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,639
Speaker 3: know that much just about that.

475
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,480
Speaker 5: And I'm saying the same thing about I need to

476
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,800
Speaker 5: know the technology, right. The reason why we need to

477
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 5: know the technologies. I can't trust that my kids are

478
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:28,399
Speaker 5: gonna tell me everything about the technology. And he felt

479
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,240
Speaker 5: comfortable doing stuff on Snapchat. He's fourteen, he said, I

480
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 5: thought it just disappears. And I said that to him.

481
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,639
Speaker 5: I said, you see, this is the problem with you guys.

482
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 5: He was sending stuff thinking it was funny and joking

483
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,119
Speaker 5: our dad. I'm not in the gang, like I'm not

484
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 5: them this other stuff. We were sending pictures and sending videos

485
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 5: and stuff. I thought the stuff disappeared and it went

486
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:46,960
Speaker 5: away in walk.

487
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 2: Screen recording in walk saving the story.

488
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:51,360
Speaker 1: When I asked Hm, I said, how do you think

489
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 1: I got all of these things right?

490
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 3: They just don't even know the pork. They're so dumb

491
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 3: like teenagers. They man, they are so dumb. I know

492
00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 3: we were so dumb.

493
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 1: Then not only teenagers.

494
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,679
Speaker 5: Parents are dumb because you know who else monitors social media,

495
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 5: the Feds.

496
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 1: The FEDS monitor social media.

497
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 5: They didn't know that their child was caught up with

498
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 5: a bunch of kids who were all gang affiliated fourteen.

499
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 1: I know what you think of fourteen. They're not really

500
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,919
Speaker 1: doing anything in gangs. You know.

501
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,679
Speaker 5: With the highest rate of murders amongst kids in New

502
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,639
Speaker 5: York City during the most time twenty twelve to twenty sixteen,

503
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 5: murders from between twelve and sixteen years old. That was

504
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:29,040
Speaker 5: when Wu and chow really started to develop twenty twelve.

505
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 5: In twenty sixteen, they used to use young boys as

506
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 5: shooters because you could. You didn't get fed time as

507
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 5: a shooter when you were young. You get out when

508
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 5: you're eighteen. So they would tell kids all the time,

509
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 5: it's not that big of a deal. I need you

510
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 5: to take care of this for me. I'll give you

511
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 5: some bread, you get some clout, you become the man.

512
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,160
Speaker 5: And when you have impressionable kids who don't know any better,

513
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 5: whose parents don't know who's And I love rap music,

514
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 5: I grew up during the time of Gimme the Lute,

515
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,720
Speaker 5: Biggie and hit them up with Tupac. So I'm not

516
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 5: going to sit here and shit on on hip hop music.

517
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:00,280
Speaker 5: But when you got drill music, who's teaching kids, kids

518
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 5: to look for the ops and bang bang, they start

519
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 5: to glorify the things they see. They need a parent

520
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 5: to not sit next to them and say, don't listen

521
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 5: to this, it's trash. They need a parent to say, yo,

522
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 5: what do you listen to? Do you know what this is?

523
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 5: Do you know the repercussions.

524
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 2: That you know what I'm saying?

525
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: You should know this.

526
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,199
Speaker 5: You shouldn't be singing certain songs and then walking through

527
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 5: East New York, because if you sing those songs and

528
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 5: walk through East New York, you may have beef with somebody.

529
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,919
Speaker 5: You singing these songs so loud because you got your

530
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 5: EarPods in and you walking through a drug zone or

531
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,399
Speaker 5: a zone where these dudes are the ops, and you

532
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,679
Speaker 5: get your ass what I've lived it when that prototype.

533
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 5: So when I tell you these parents are just as

534
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:43,200
Speaker 5: dumb as these kids they are, we as parents have

535
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 5: to decide, like, if this is the new technology, I'm

536
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,679
Speaker 5: not going to push it aside as a trend because

537
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 5: my kids know know all the snapchats, all the Instagrams.

538
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 5: I wasn't on TikTok. You know what I'm about to do.

539
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 5: Get on TikTok, and I'm not getting onto who dance

540
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 5: I'm not. I'm not doing no TikTok things. I'm forty

541
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 5: years old. My knees and my little back do not

542
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 5: work like that.

543
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 3: Man. Because I was going to one of the questions

544
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,640
Speaker 3: would asked it was what trends do you feel behind

545
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 3: on when it comes to technology? And I'm like, maybe

546
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,679
Speaker 3: as much as I try to get on TikTok and

547
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 3: try to post on there and be a tiktoking person.

548
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,680
Speaker 2: I just I just don't have the capacity at all.

549
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 2: I don't have the capacity.

550
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 3: And I don't think it's a special kind of brain

551
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 3: power that requires its required to do TikTok.

552
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 2: It's just not Maybe it's just not my You don't

553
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:27,879
Speaker 2: have the band with. I don't have that. Don't have

554
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 2: the band with?

555
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,199
Speaker 5: When are you going to sit down and practice dances

556
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,679
Speaker 5: between all the other stuff you got going on?

557
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 3: That is absolutely true. I think it's more of a

558
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 3: time thing. I just don't have the time, the energy,

559
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 3: or the real interesting either, you know. So that's somewhere

560
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,160
Speaker 3: where I fall behind. But like you said, to your point,

561
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 3: having a TikTok and at least knowing like that's going

562
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:46,160
Speaker 3: to be something that you can have just to insane.

563
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 3: It has to be the op want to know me

564
00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 3: for your kid to know what's happening and know what's

565
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:51,360
Speaker 3: going on.

566
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 5: What about in the I think it was the nineties,

567
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,480
Speaker 5: This is before TikTok. This I told about my parents

568
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 5: when U teens were playing a knockout game where they

569
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 5: pined you up against the wall and had you fight, and.

570
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 1: It like they cut off.

571
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 5: And a couple kids had died and the parents didn't

572
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,119
Speaker 5: know like why they choked my son out like this?

573
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:11,879
Speaker 1: And it was like they were doing a trend.

574
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 5: Parents need to know the trend so that they can

575
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,159
Speaker 5: talk to their kids like, yo, don't play this knockout trend.

576
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 2: You know what?

577
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 3: I else to rely on to having like a younger sibling,

578
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 3: Like my sister's ten years younger than me. Your sister

579
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 3: is nine years younger. It's like, what's happening.

580
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 2: Over in that world? You don't know?

581
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 3: Like now I have to tap into our nieces and

582
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 3: our nephews. Yeah, who are the eighteens and the nineteen

583
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,800
Speaker 3: and twenty year olds to be like yo, like let's

584
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 3: have what's happening. But it's again having the genuine interest

585
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 3: as parents and not writing it off like oh, these

586
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:44,440
Speaker 3: young people, these young people, you know as social media

587
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 3: personalities are having a presence on social media. Do you

588
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 3: think that our kids are going to be more responsible

589
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:51,360
Speaker 3: when it comes to social media?

590
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 5: Well, I've had conversations with with our children, all of them,

591
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 5: even the little one, Dakota, because he liked to pick

592
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 5: up the phone. And I'm learning through social media, like

593
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 5: they're learning, you know, we don't put our children on

594
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 5: social media as much as we used to because now

595
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 5: we're realizing. At first, I thought social media was a

596
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 5: trend that was going to be gone, right, and we were,

597
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 5: you know, we were utilizing it to help boost our

598
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,679
Speaker 5: TV and film careers. But then as it became the norm,

599
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 5: became a business, became an actual medium that people rely

600
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 5: on to get information. Now it's not a game like

601
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,119
Speaker 5: you dont you wouldn't let your children play at a

602
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 5: TV station, or you wouldn't let your children play at

603
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,640
Speaker 5: paramount studios. You can't let your people, your children play

604
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:39,159
Speaker 5: on social media because the reach in social media is

605
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 5: even grander than those other mediums, right, Because in television,

606
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,719
Speaker 5: something has to get approved before it goes out to everyone.

607
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 5: In movies, it has to get approved, you know, the

608
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,199
Speaker 5: studio has to prove it before it goes out. With

609
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 5: distribution social media, they click send. Now the whole world

610
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 5: gets a chance to see you in your roars form.

611
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 5: And that's a scary proposition for a parent with young.

612
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 3: Children, and it's like you can't take it back. Like

613
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:07,360
Speaker 3: once it's out there, it's like forget it, Like love

614
00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 3: love my fan page down, baby, But let me post

615
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,960
Speaker 3: the Instagram story real quick, and within like two minutes

616
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,160
Speaker 3: it's reposted on the fan page. So I'm like, damn,

617
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 3: if I wanted to take the story down, I can't

618
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 3: now because y'all already reposted it and you know, and

619
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 3: it's just so quick that people have the access.

620
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,959
Speaker 5: That's why we have to become those same people like

621
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,120
Speaker 5: the TV model and the movie model, where they have

622
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,119
Speaker 5: governing bodies who decide what people are going to post.

623
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: We have to be that for our children.

624
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,199
Speaker 5: Yeah, so it's no longer you know, you can't have this, No,

625
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 5: it's let's talk about this. Why would you post this?

626
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 5: Let's discuss why is it important for you to post this? Now,

627
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 5: let's discuss what can happen if you post this? You

628
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 5: know what I'm saying. It's those types of conversations, not

629
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 5: not no, you can't ever stay away because it's the

630
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 5: same things. It's church. When I was growing up, most

631
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 5: of the people that I knew who grew up in

632
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 5: the church whose parents were just like no, no, no,

633
00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 5: went to college and said yes to everything and either

634
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 5: came back with.

635
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 2: That's a whole nother s.

636
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:07,479
Speaker 6: Child alcoholism, a drug problem, depression because the minute they

637
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 6: got out in the real world and there was nobody

638
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 6: there to tell them no.

639
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 1: They were stimulated by everything.

640
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 3: I kind of worked out well in a sense. Maybe

641
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 3: it's because I found you. Maybe you helped to save me,

642
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 3: because I know I was baby. I was ready to

643
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 3: turn up in college when I left my parents' household,

644
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:25,400
Speaker 3: because I was the textbook person that was we did

645
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 3: turn up.

646
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 2: We turned up in life.

647
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,919
Speaker 3: No, but I was that textbook person leaving my parents'

648
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 3: house going to college. That was like completely suffocated by

649
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 3: my parents. But in their eyes, which I completely understand

650
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,560
Speaker 3: and I don't knock them for it now as an adult,

651
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 3: they were trying to do everything to protect me.

652
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 2: So I get where they were coming from.

653
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 3: You know, both of them came up here when they

654
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 3: were just teenagers and had to fend for themselves, so

655
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 3: they're trying to protect me from this world.

656
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 2: That they were up against.

657
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 3: But yeah, I was prepared to go to college to

658
00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 3: just be like, all right, I'm in every party, I'm

659
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,080
Speaker 3: outside like I'm going to do all the things that

660
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 3: I couldn't do at home.

661
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 5: I said no, and nah, I'll put the kabasha on that.

662
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 2: So aside from falling in love with you.

663
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 3: I think there was always just like this innate, healthy

664
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 3: fear that I had, not wanting to disappoint my parents

665
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 3: like that, That for me.

666
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 2: Trumped everything else.

667
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 3: So if it came down to me making a decision,

668
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 3: even when it came down to decisions you and I

669
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 3: had to make, as you know teenagers in college, it

670
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 3: ultimately boiled down to, oh my god, what are my

671
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 3: parents going to think if they got wind of this?

672
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 3: There was always that in the back of my mind.

673
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 1: You know. See, for me, I grew up differently.

674
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 5: May I think because I was a boy growing up

675
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 5: in the nineties, different than your parents.

676
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 1: Raising a daughter.

677
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 5: I got a little bit more leeway and part two

678
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 5: because my parents weren't home all the time, so they

679
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 5: had to trust me. So a lot of times it

680
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 5: was just like, okay, you're gonna wear who you going with?

681
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 5: I need to know And because I had to share

682
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 5: that information because I wasn't afraid of my parents always

683
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 5: saying no, I trusted my parents. When I wanted to

684
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 5: try things, my parents like, okay, bet you can try here.

685
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 5: Shout out to my uncle Kevin, who I had my

686
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 5: first drink in his house. I was fifteen years old

687
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 5: and he was just like I was just like, yo,

688
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 5: what's you drinking? And he was like, hennessy, you want

689
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 5: to try something? And I was just like, all right,

690
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 5: you know what I mean. He's a police officer, so

691
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 5: I felt comfortable that.

692
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 2: He was gonna you know, he would never put you

693
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 2: in harmsquad.

694
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 5: He gave me some Hennessy on the rocks, me and

695
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 5: my boy Jay, my brother, and he was like, the

696
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 5: only thing is if you're gonna drink it, you gotta

697
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 5: drink the whole cup. Jay thought he was super smooth

698
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 5: and drank the whole cup and was messed up for

699
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 5: the rest of the day. I sipped mind, my brother

700
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 5: sipped out. Was but we didn't like the feeling. So

701
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 5: from that point it was just like I wasn't in

702
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 5: a rush to drink. You know, I was at home

703
00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 5: in his house. We all stayed the night.

704
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 6: There, so it was just like, so you weren't ed

705
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,520
Speaker 6: by it, No, I wasn't because it was something I

706
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 6: had access to.

707
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 5: And then when I did it and it didn't feel good,

708
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 5: I didn't want to do it no more. And he

709
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 5: was just like, you know, in typical uncle Cape Fast

710
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 5: see'all athletes now you're supposed to go to practice the

711
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,239
Speaker 5: next day. How you can go to practice feeling like this?

712
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 5: And it was like, you know what, it was like,

713
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 5: you know what? Are he right though? Like I'm trying

714
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,080
Speaker 5: to be nice at this? Why would I mess that up?

715
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 5: And for that reason, I didn't drink or smoke in

716
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 5: high school at all because I was afraid that my

717
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 5: performance was going to be diminished. But I had to

718
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 5: go through that, and someone guided me through it, you

719
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 5: know what I'm saying. There was someone who was on trend.

720
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 5: My uncle was a cop. He was there when they

721
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 5: arrested Diddy and j Lo with the whole Shine shooting.

722
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 6: Like.

723
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,600
Speaker 1: He was known as hip hop cop. So he was

724
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 1: the guy that was on trend.

725
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 5: Who knew all the music, who was you know, let

726
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 5: me drive his car, but also kept an eye out

727
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 5: so I knew how to navigate.

728
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 1: So that's what I want to do for our kids.

729
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 3: You know. Yeah, I think we're kind of well on

730
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:39,160
Speaker 3: our way with that because I even see it, like

731
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 3: even outside of social media, it'll be little things like

732
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 3: when the kids decided to grab a snack. Kaz for example,

733
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 3: God love cas down, Okay, Kaz is my little He's

734
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 3: like my little pantry mouse, right, He's the one that's

735
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 3: always looking for a snack, and after dinner, he's the

736
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 3: one that's going to ask for dessert. Yep, you would

737
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:01,280
Speaker 3: think that Kaz was like one hundred pound seven year old,

738
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 3: but he's not. Kaz is like this big right, and

739
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 3: he'll be like, mom, can I have dessert after eating

740
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 3: after eating his entire meal, or he'll say he's full,

741
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 3: and he'll have a couple of things left on the

742
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 3: plate and I'll be like, oh, yeah, what do you

743
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 3: want for dessert?

744
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 2: Kaz an orange?

745
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 3: I'll take some watermelon because that's a healthy right.

746
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, he's using discernments.

747
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 3: So like where most kids would be like, let me

748
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 3: get the cookie, let me get the brownie, let me

749
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 3: get So it's like little things like that are starting

750
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 3: to resonate with them where they're like, I'm going to

751
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 3: make a healthy choice because this is good for my body.

752
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: Conversation.

753
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 3: I want to yeah, and I want to be like

754
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 3: the best version of myself. I want to be a

755
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 3: supreme athlete, so I actually give my body the right things.

756
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 5: Jackson and Cairo was just like then I walked in

757
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 5: and it was a box of prime on the floor.

758
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 2: They sent Yeah, the company said the company.

759
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 5: Center and Jackson and cairols, Now, we're not drinking those.

760
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 5: It's not good for us as athletes. And I was like,

761
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 5: you'll be listening, but the box been there.

762
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 3: But you know what it tells me, and it tells

763
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 3: us that our word holds weight heavier than what they

764
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 3: watch or what their friends say. Because when it first

765
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 3: came out, they were like, oh, we need to get this, this,

766
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 3: that prime and all because all the kids were doing it.

767
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 3: And then once we told them, I'm like, you know,

768
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 3: we don't. It's it's a new it's a new dream.

769
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 3: We don't even really know what's in it. Let's do

770
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,560
Speaker 3: some research and research on it first to see and

771
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 3: then slowly they were like, yeah, we don't really want that.

772
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 3: So this morning, what did Jackson have before he went

773
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 3: to practice, because he had early practice, oking up water

774
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 3: and a bowl of fruit there and I was like,

775
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 3: see that's how you break fast living water and fruit

776
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 3: in the morning.

777
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 1: Son.

778
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 5: You know when we became cool with our kids when

779
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 5: we took the picture with the rapper not grbo oh

780
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 5: NFL Chappa NL chappo. You said NFL Chopper.

781
00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you see what I'm saying. Guys, You

782
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: see what I'm saying, NFL Chopper. No, you see what

783
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 1: I'm saying about to send us back? The kids gonna

784
00:33:58,960 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 1: be like.

785
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 2: Namn a Facebook. No, you know what it is.

786
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 3: Y'all have to excuse me because we're knee deep in

787
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 3: the NFL season and that's all we talk about, and

788
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 3: that's all that's on my team.

789
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 2: L E Chopper, Please forgive me, baby. Okay, but you're.

790
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 5: Thinking about NBA young Boy because there's an NBA young

791
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,479
Speaker 5: boy and then there's an n L E child.

792
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 2: I NL Chopper.

793
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 5: Yes, we met NLI Chopper at the hip hop at

794
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 5: the BT Awards and we took a picture.

795
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 1: But then me and him was throwing the ball to

796
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 1: each other.

797
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 5: And shooting jump shots at the game again, and that's

798
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 5: when Jackson was like, yo, Dad, he was playing ball

799
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 5: with NLI Chopper.

800
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: Yes, right, And I was just like, that's what's up right.

801
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:36,320
Speaker 1: He was like, you don't even know what song he singing,

802
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 1: do you?

803
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,800
Speaker 5: And I was like, yes, I do, and he started

804
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 5: singing the song and then I was like, well I

805
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 5: should I actually do know the song?

806
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,959
Speaker 2: Which which one is that you remember Walkome Down Down?

807
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 2: Oh you know, yeah, got a little dance to go with.

808
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 1: The twenty nineteen. But I feel old even saying that.

809
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 5: You know that song that the boy sang, the NFL Chapel,

810
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 5: you know, NFL Chopper, He sang the song and walk

811
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:56,919
Speaker 5: them Down.

812
00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 1: He sang the song and the walk them Down.

813
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 3: We watched the NFL all day yesterday, game after game

814
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 3: after game, from.

815
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,920
Speaker 5: One o'clock to eleven. There's a football game on every Sunday.

816
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 6: Absolutely, and it's Monday, so it's gonna be game on today.

817
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 3: It will be my life, my life, my life, all right, y'all.

818
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 3: Another part of life is paying bills. Let's take a

819
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 3: quick break. We're gonna pay some more bills and we

820
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,399
Speaker 3: will get back into listener letters when we.

821
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:30,720
Speaker 2: Return, so stick around, all right, y'all.

822
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,359
Speaker 3: Were back, and we were just laughing about the fact

823
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:36,960
Speaker 3: that I totally totally called and then lean chopping and

824
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 3: chop yo yo.

825
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 2: That is wild.

826
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 1: The kids can't see.

827
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 2: Them, and that was that was my typical West Indian

828
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:49,359
Speaker 2: mom moment.

829
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 3: Where I was just like call them punder, whats up

830
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 3: and tell them so that you know, the.

831
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,880
Speaker 1: Chop up on the TV. And if you know.

832
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:04,439
Speaker 4: Football, Tom Bradgy, you know, uh traffic.

833
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:06,320
Speaker 2: They wouldn't even know Tom Brady. They would, they would,

834
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 2: they would.

835
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: Completely tail us swift tail us swift.

836
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:18,240
Speaker 2: Brian what's his name again? Remember? Anyway?

837
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 5: Let it over.

838
00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:21,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, speak for yourself, bro let me. I'm about to

839
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 2: get up.

840
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 1: On the I'm speaking for you. You don't want to

841
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 1: say the NFL chop. But what you may speak for yourself,

842
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 1: I just know I speaking for both of us.

843
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 3: It was the confusion, y'all. I'm living in the matrix

844
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 3: that is boy mom life. Okay, you gotta want me

845
00:36:33,719 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 3: go first, I'm sure, go for it, Hey, go first, Hey,

846
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 3: fam I just want to.

847
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: I just want to put this out here, right.

848
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 5: And there was a study that came out right and

849
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 5: I'm gonna put this out here for trouble that heterosexual

850
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:51,320
Speaker 5: couples the divorce at the rate of forty six.

851
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 1: Percent on half.

852
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:54,359
Speaker 2: Okay, that's quite a bit, right.

853
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 5: Lesbian couples, No, I'm just male gay couples twenty six percent.

854
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:05,919
Speaker 6: Really, m lesbian couples seventy four percent. Damn Yeah, y'all

855
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 6: a problem. I'm not a lesbian, no, but you're a

856
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:09,760
Speaker 6: woman so what I got.

857
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:09,800
Speaker 5: To do it.

858
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 2: I'm married to you and we.

859
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 5: Still what you just did to me, What you just

860
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 5: did to me is the problem. You said I could

861
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 5: do it that you change your mind missing just cut

862
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 5: me off. If I was a lesbian like Trouble, we'd

863
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:20,720
Speaker 5: be fighting.

864
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you write trouble.

865
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 5: You ain't taking that shit, huh. But as a man,

866
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 5: I'm gonna take it. You know why, Happy wife, happy life.

867
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 2: I love it.

868
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 3: I just said, tell me get the longer ones, you know,

869
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,319
Speaker 3: because I'm trying to save you from doing all this

870
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 3: the work. You know what I'm saying, teamwork.

871
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,440
Speaker 1: I will never say let me take the longer one.

872
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: You can have that, all right.

873
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 2: I indeed enjoy the longer one. Thank you? All right? Now, Hey,

874
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:47,240
Speaker 2: you're nasty.

875
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 1: Y'all.

876
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:52,560
Speaker 5: Kids can't watch this between NFL Chopper and you begging podcast.

877
00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 3: It's not for them kids, Okay, period. Much love from Houston, Texas.

878
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 3: I'm in a bit of a pickle. Bos does it?

879
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 2: I don't know.

880
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 3: My husband and I going on am eight years married,

881
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 3: and for the first two years of our marriage, he

882
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:09,000
Speaker 3: decided he wanted to open his own massage therapy business.

883
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:11,239
Speaker 2: I agreed that this would be.

884
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,879
Speaker 3: A great idea, even though it would push back our

885
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:17,799
Speaker 3: plans to move to Houston. Originally, we lived in Louisiana

886
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 3: until twenty nineteen. For the first year of our marriage,

887
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 3: we stayed with his mom so that he can have

888
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:26,280
Speaker 3: money to build his business. The second year, he finally

889
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:29,520
Speaker 3: got We finally got our own place so that he

890
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 3: can take care of his business. I decided to take

891
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 3: on all the bills, including rent and daycare. Six years later,

892
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:36,759
Speaker 3: it's my turn to do what I'd like to do,

893
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 3: which is go back to school for occupational therapy. But

894
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,840
Speaker 3: he doesn't seem excited about it, especially since that means

895
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 3: that I would have to stop working full time and

896
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 3: he would have to take on more bills.

897
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 2: I asked if he could at least pick.

898
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,919
Speaker 3: Up a part time job while I'm in school, which

899
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 3: would only be for two years, and that was an

900
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:58,399
Speaker 3: immediate no. So I asked if he could at least

901
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 3: pick up on trying to get clientele for his business.

902
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 3: But he hasn't really put the work in to even

903
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 3: speak or pass out business because.

904
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 1: I still got a business after six years.

905
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 3: So that he can gain this clientele that he really needs,

906
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 3: he wants me to help with his business, which I do.

907
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 3: I post on Facebook, on our page and posting groups

908
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 3: around the city. I even speak at his business when

909
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 3: people even mention needing a massage. If he doesn't bring

910
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 3: in close to what I make, then it would mean

911
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,320
Speaker 3: that I would not be able to go to school,

912
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 3: which means I would be resentful for what he couldn't do.

913
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:36,360
Speaker 3: How do I motivate my husband or what can I

914
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,800
Speaker 3: do so that I don't forget about my dreams?

915
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 1: All Right?

916
00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:44,400
Speaker 5: The first thing, I'm not even gonna approach this for me,

917
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 5: I'm not going to take I'm gonna take all the

918
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 5: personal stuff out.

919
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 2: Of here and keep a business.

920
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:53,919
Speaker 5: Six years doing a business and you haven't been able

921
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,160
Speaker 5: to scratch the surface to build a clientele. You don't

922
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 5: have a business. You're hemorrhaging money, and since you're not

923
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 5: worth you're hemorrhaging your wife's money. Right, most businesses that

924
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 5: become successful and have sustainability start to make a profit

925
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 5: after three years.

926
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 6: So I'll give you the first six years. That's the glideline. Yeah,

927
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 6: the first two years you win a red. Right, once

928
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 6: you get to the third year, you're supposed to be

929
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 6: in the black. You get to the fourth year, then

930
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 6: it's like, oh, my business can sustain. The fifth year

931
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 6: is oh, my business has solvency by the sixth years

932
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 6: now was like, how could I expand or even scale

933
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 6: my business by year six?

934
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 1: Like, that's that's a long time.

935
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 5: If you're in year six of the business and you're

936
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 5: still in putting your own money into the business and

937
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,880
Speaker 5: don't have the clientele for it to be sustained, you

938
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,000
Speaker 5: should pivot and try to do another business. Maybe that

939
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 5: business isn't for you, the business model you're using isn't good,

940
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:46,320
Speaker 5: or you're.

941
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 3: Just not a good business person, right, or maybe you

942
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 3: don't give good massages, sir, because if you didn't, if

943
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 3: a friend didn't tell a friend to tell a friend

944
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 3: by now, like, yeah, that's usually how businesses thrived. I mean,

945
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 3: I think number one is like word of mouth. That's true,

946
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 3: telling people. Then she says she's on Facebook share and

947
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 3: talking like anytime someone brings up you know, oh my

948
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:04,240
Speaker 3: neck might hurt. Oh my husband he does a massage,

949
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 3: just like that's crazy. The thing that struck me in

950
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 3: this is that final question, how do I motivate my husband?

951
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 3: Like I understand that when you're in a relationship and

952
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 3: a marriage that you know, we have ebbs and flows.

953
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 3: There's moments when you may feel like you're not motivated

954
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:18,279
Speaker 3: in that moment to do something, or you may be

955
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 3: a little bit in a rut. If you're a creative,

956
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,800
Speaker 3: it's like, damn, like right now my antenna is a

957
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 3: little bit down, or things are a bit foggy. But

958
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 3: the motivation I feel like in itself should be you.

959
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,399
Speaker 3: It should be you your dreams. Like when I think about us,

960
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 3: even like, we're so motivated by each other's dreams that

961
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:36,240
Speaker 3: I never have to ask de Val to help motivate

962
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:37,200
Speaker 3: me or vice versa.

963
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:38,400
Speaker 1: You know that.

964
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 2: Huh, it's just dead indeed it is.

965
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 1: Can we be real?

966
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 2: Be real?

967
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 1: All right?

968
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:44,439
Speaker 4: Man?

969
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 5: That nigga don't need no fucking motivation. Bro, He don't

970
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 5: you know what he need a foot up his ass.

971
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:51,359
Speaker 5: There's no way in the way if that's my.

972
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: Sister, right, Seriously, six years, my sister's been paying all

973
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 1: of the bills and then now it's time for her

974
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,080
Speaker 1: to do something for herself, to go back to school,

975
00:41:58,080 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 1: which wild probably help her make more money.

976
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:01,840
Speaker 2: And you like, and it's a problem, that's crazy.

977
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 1: So how like real talk?

978
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 5: Because I think a lot of what people they tend

979
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 5: to try to pander to either sex or pander to

980
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 5: a situation so that they don't sound bad.

981
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 1: This is the truth.

982
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 5: As a man, right, you have a responsibility to provide.

983
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 5: As much as we like to say women should do

984
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 5: this and women should do that, as a man, you

985
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 5: have a responsibility to provide. Your wife gave you an

986
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:24,880
Speaker 5: opportunity in years to set up something.

987
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: Did we not do the same thing?

988
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 2: Literally the.

989
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:29,280
Speaker 1: NFL?

990
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 5: And I was just like, yo, I want to start

991
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 5: this beast training business. And I said, Yo, after these

992
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,319
Speaker 5: two years, you will not have to work at.

993
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:40,879
Speaker 1: That store anymore. Literally that, I said, I'm not We're

994
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 1: not doing this anymore.

995
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:42,799
Speaker 2: It was literally that.

996
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 5: And if I didn't build that business after two years,

997
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 5: you know what, I would have went and done got a.

998
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 1: Job because I had a part time job the whole time.

999
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 2: Anywayuly did.

1000
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:54,480
Speaker 3: And there's an actual timeline that you need to put

1001
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:56,800
Speaker 3: into place when you're doing something with a part facts

1002
00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 3: you have a husband and wife. What's the point in

1003
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 3: having a teammate when you're not wor working as a team.

1004
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: Child.

1005
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 5: Part of motivation is accountability, and the accountability is for

1006
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 5: her to say to him, and this is when you

1007
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,720
Speaker 5: know that you've met your match with someone who's evenly yoked.

1008
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,279
Speaker 5: Right when I wanted to do certain things and I

1009
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:15,840
Speaker 5: needed you to go back to work, it wasn't a hey, babe,

1010
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 5: how can I find ways to motivate?

1011
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:18,919
Speaker 1: It was like, Yo, we got a plan. The plan

1012
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 1: is to do this.

1013
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 5: Part of that plan requires you going to get insurance

1014
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,760
Speaker 5: so that we can at least survive for these two years.

1015
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 1: And it was I say less, so said so done.

1016
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,360
Speaker 5: Right when you was working and you was like your devow,

1017
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:34,400
Speaker 5: I hate working and going for the holidays, it was no, babe,

1018
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 5: how can I motivate you?

1019
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,760
Speaker 1: It was like DIVI, I don't want to do this. Okay,

1020
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 1: so what's the plan?

1021
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:40,239
Speaker 2: What is the plan?

1022
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 5: If this is your life partner? There's no how can

1023
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,239
Speaker 5: I motivate? Sit down with that man and the two

1024
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 5: of y'all created a plan that works for both of you,

1025
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 5: not just one. The plan that they created in the

1026
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 5: beginning was only working for him. But he seems very

1027
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 5: comfortable because she's handling all.

1028
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:57,280
Speaker 2: The bills bills exactly.

1029
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 5: Nah, bro, Now if that's my sister either, I'm fighting you.

1030
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 1: You know, what I'm saying, or I'm telling her to leave.

1031
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

1032
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 6: If you my brother, I'm asking you what are you

1033
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 6: doing there? Like, what are you doing?

1034
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,840
Speaker 5: You got to get up, Go get a job, do

1035
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 5: the massage business in the since you don't have a

1036
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,400
Speaker 5: lot of clients, go be a substitute teacher.

1037
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, if it's your own clients, you schedule your days.

1038
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 3: It's flexible, and then you pick up something else on

1039
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,760
Speaker 3: the other side. Like to me, it's just a no brainer.

1040
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:27,319
Speaker 5: Nobody mass in the middle of the day, So go

1041
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 5: work somewhere in the middle of the day. Between you

1042
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 5: can be a parer at a school and make a

1043
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 5: quick fifteen hundred dollars every two week just being a

1044
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 5: power in the school. And if you're a massage theup pison,

1045
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 5: you have a skill set you can offer to teach

1046
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 5: the kids.

1047
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 1: Why you can't teach massage stup being the school that's.

1048
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:44,399
Speaker 2: Episode ye.

1049
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:46,760
Speaker 1: Teaching.

1050
00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 3: You have a basis of people that you can then say, hey,

1051
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 3: guess what I do.

1052
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:54,680
Speaker 2: You know what my business is like.

1053
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:56,840
Speaker 3: You find different ways to network and you spread the

1054
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 3: word about your business. He got to get it together,

1055
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 3: it up. That's crazy. Craze.

1056
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 5: Hope that helps. Like long, we said this is dead

1057
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 5: ass podcast. We're not judging you, but.

1058
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:09,120
Speaker 2: Good luck to you, my man. We want to see

1059
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 2: you live your dreams out too, saying we all got dreams.

1060
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 3: Shit.

1061
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 2: I'm right all right, babe, you can number two.

1062
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:19,320
Speaker 1: Hell, thank you allowing me to do number two. Pause.

1063
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 1: It's not a pause but something around doing number two

1064
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:28,320
Speaker 1: then sound right. Hello. My name is to Quisha aka Cuisha.

1065
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 1: What's up? Quisha? I'm thirty nine years old and my

1066
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 1: boyfriend is thirty four.

1067
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 5: We've been in a relationship since December eleventh, twenty twenty three.

1068
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 5: That's what's up, guys. We met at work while working

1069
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 5: in the same building. We spent every break together. Now

1070
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 5: he's on third shift and I'm on first shift. Still,

1071
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 5: I understand that it's going to take time to get

1072
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:46,760
Speaker 5: used to the different hours we have, But my question

1073
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:48,359
Speaker 5: is how am I supposed to get used to it

1074
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,720
Speaker 5: when we make plans to spend time together. He sleep

1075
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 5: from being tired at work. I love this man with

1076
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,000
Speaker 5: all of me. We don't live together. We have a

1077
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:59,160
Speaker 5: son that he gets every other weekend. I have three daughters. Oh,

1078
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 5: he has a son. He has a son that he

1079
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 5: gets every other week, and I have three daughters and

1080
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 5: all I want is time with my man. It's like

1081
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 5: I'm crying out for the time with him, but I

1082
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 5: don't want him to feel like I'm not happy about

1083
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 5: his new position. But how do I stay strong When

1084
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 5: I talk to him at night sometimes and text him

1085
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 5: throughout the day, checking on him and letting him know

1086
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:18,279
Speaker 5: that I love him. He says he loves me too,

1087
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:21,239
Speaker 5: but I need time. Plus he's an introvert, so he

1088
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 5: loves time to himself. I see the love y'all have

1089
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,319
Speaker 5: for each other and how strong that relationship is. How

1090
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 5: can I get my relationship together because this is the

1091
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:29,840
Speaker 5: last relationship I have in me?

1092
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 1: Please help?

1093
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:33,960
Speaker 2: Yeah thirty nine for kids, I get it.

1094
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 3: I kind of feel like with this situation here, since

1095
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:39,880
Speaker 3: it's like a different shift than they're working at the

1096
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 3: same place, this sacrifices in everything sometimes. I mean, at

1097
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 3: least he's working, both y'all are working. Y'all have jobs.

1098
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 3: It seems like he's spends time with his son. You

1099
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:51,239
Speaker 3: have your daughters, so it's a sacrificial period, you know,

1100
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 3: until maybe you guys can do better or get on

1101
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,400
Speaker 3: another shift. I don't know what where they work or

1102
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:57,719
Speaker 3: what it looks like. But it's hard when you don't

1103
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,080
Speaker 3: have time. Because I know for a fact that and

1104
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 3: Deval and I don't have time to get there, bad

1105
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 3: stuff gets really, really bad, and it's just for nothing

1106
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 3: more than lack of just wanting to be together and

1107
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 3: wanting time and missing each other. If not living together

1108
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 3: right now is not an option, you know, are you

1109
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:16,360
Speaker 3: going to his place?

1110
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 2: Are you spending time?

1111
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 3: Sometimes just being in the presence and falling asleep together

1112
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:21,160
Speaker 3: can be enough.

1113
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 5: We've been doing that as podcast for so long that

1114
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:26,839
Speaker 5: I'm starting to realize that it's not up to us

1115
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:29,040
Speaker 5: to decide how they're going to make the perfect life

1116
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 5: for themselves. Them too have to have a conversation and

1117
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 5: build the life they want. I honestly believe in the

1118
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:37,279
Speaker 5: law of attraction. Right if you really want something in

1119
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 5: the world and you put any all of your energy

1120
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 5: around it to get it, the universe will conspire to

1121
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 5: give it to you. If you love this man that

1122
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:46,879
Speaker 5: much and he loves you that much, y'all just need

1123
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 5: to work together to find out how to make it work.

1124
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 5: That's all Ka and I have ever done. When things

1125
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 5: weren't going perfectly in school.

1126
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:53,800
Speaker 1: We pivoted.

1127
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 5: We figured out, well, how can we change our schedule

1128
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:57,800
Speaker 5: and see each other more When it was the NFL

1129
00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 5: and she was still living in a Long Island and

1130
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:00,720
Speaker 5: I was living in Detroit.

1131
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:01,920
Speaker 1: We got on flights.

1132
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:02,279
Speaker 2: Listen.

1133
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,440
Speaker 3: That's it's it's sacrificial. It's like doing whatever by any means,

1134
00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:07,840
Speaker 3: that is it. Nothing could keep de Val and I apart, Like,

1135
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 3: nothing could. It couldn't, not a job, not distance, not anything.

1136
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,800
Speaker 3: And we just we literally like you're right, we worked

1137
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,480
Speaker 3: to be together. Like whatever we're fired, we do it now.

1138
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 5: Is you got twenty four hours in the day. Nobody's

1139
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,719
Speaker 5: working all twenty four hours, Like you have time in

1140
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 5: the day, whether it's an hour to get on Facebook

1141
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 5: when we're in a Facebook on face time face get

1142
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:32,000
Speaker 5: on the Facebook and listen to the NFL travel. No,

1143
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,719
Speaker 5: it's if there's an hour in a day where I'm

1144
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 5: in Canada and I'm filming and Kay got an hour

1145
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 5: we get on FaceTime and we spend time like that,

1146
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 5: Like like you have to be deliberate with your partner

1147
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 5: and if one of the partners is like, oh, I

1148
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:47,320
Speaker 5: don't have time, that partner is just not as serious

1149
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 5: about creating the time as the other partner, and that

1150
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 5: has to be a discussion.

1151
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:53,359
Speaker 3: That has to be a discussion for sure with him. Yeah,

1152
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:55,920
Speaker 3: taking to each other, you have to. Yeah, because just

1153
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 3: working different ships and being tired. I get it, everybody tired.

1154
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:01,200
Speaker 3: But if I'm tired with you, look at us.

1155
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 1: I was up this morning to practice it.

1156
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,919
Speaker 3: Well, six, I was up with thirty. Took him out

1157
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 3: by six at the rest of the kids be tired.

1158
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what happened.

1159
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 5: We came back into bed, fell back asleep for about

1160
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:15,279
Speaker 5: an hour and a half and woke up and we're

1161
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 5: here and we're here.

1162
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 6: So yo, fine, time for your your loved ones. Man,

1163
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 6: your spouse is your family. Gotta make it time for

1164
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 6: each other even when you're tired.

1165
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:25,239
Speaker 2: Man, that's a fact. All right, y'all.

1166
00:49:25,239 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 3: If you want to be featured as one of our

1167
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 3: listener letters, be sure to email us at dead ass

1168
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:31,280
Speaker 3: Advice at gmail dot com.

1169
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,800
Speaker 5: That's D E A D A S S A D

1170
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 5: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1171
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:39,840
Speaker 3: All Right, moment of truth time. Today, we're talking about

1172
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 3: parents staying up on trends social media technology.

1173
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 2: It seems like we may need a course for this babe.

1174
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 5: To be honest, my moment of truth is very simple.

1175
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:56,719
Speaker 5: All right, have the type of relationship with your kids

1176
00:49:57,160 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 5: that allows them to be open about their one needs

1177
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 5: and desires. We talk about it as spouses all the time, right,

1178
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:06,759
Speaker 5: creating that safe space for each other. And a lot

1179
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 5: of time, I don't think parents create that safe space

1180
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:10,799
Speaker 5: with their children. You know, they create a barrier where

1181
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 5: there has to be a level of respect and a

1182
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 5: level of fear so that the kids don't do things

1183
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 5: when you're not there.

1184
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:20,279
Speaker 6: But I'd rather my children speak to me, and I'm

1185
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 6: still maintain their respect absolutely sometimes, But no, I think

1186
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:27,480
Speaker 6: there's a healthy level of fear.

1187
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 5: I'm an old school parent and I'm not looking for

1188
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:32,719
Speaker 5: when I say fear, I'm not looking for everyone to

1189
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,279
Speaker 5: agree with me. People can disagree with me, even you

1190
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:38,120
Speaker 5: as a mom. I don't even mind if you disagree

1191
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 5: with me. I want my sons to fear me a

1192
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:43,760
Speaker 5: little bit because I want them to understand that there

1193
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:46,840
Speaker 5: is a hierarchy that exists in the world. The hierarchy

1194
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,919
Speaker 5: starts with God, right, and then from God it goes

1195
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 5: down to the people who are able to provide you

1196
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 5: with the type of lifestyle, want to live and protect you,

1197
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 5: you know, so it goes from God to your parents,

1198
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 5: to your siblings and people you live with, your grandparents,

1199
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 5: your aunts and uncles.

1200
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 1: You should have a fear of these people, you know.

1201
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,359
Speaker 6: It's to be like, Okay, these people you know have

1202
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 6: my best interest in heart, but they also have an

1203
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 6: authority to tell me what's good and what's not good,

1204
00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 6: and what's right and what was wrong.

1205
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 2: And that's kind of missing from this day and age.

1206
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,200
Speaker 3: Now. Yes, when you think about it, yes, you think

1207
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:18,759
Speaker 3: about the village. And we talk so much about the

1208
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:20,880
Speaker 3: village and how they're able to help us raise our children.

1209
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:22,920
Speaker 2: That used to be an extended village that we had.

1210
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 3: Really so when we didn't have social media and we

1211
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,680
Speaker 3: didn't have phones and technology, we had people on the

1212
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:28,840
Speaker 3: street on the ground.

1213
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 1: Who would you.

1214
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 3: Walk past Miss Mary's house or you'd walk past Uncle

1215
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 3: Joe's house. And it's like, if you were doing something

1216
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:36,319
Speaker 3: that you knew you weren't supposed to be doing, or

1217
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 3: you with the group of people you shouldn't have been with,

1218
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 3: the word is probably gonna get back to your parents

1219
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:41,760
Speaker 3: faster than you're getting home that night.

1220
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 5: It's funny, you say that, right, because we have a

1221
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:47,160
Speaker 5: village here, right, And Josh will say it Trouble will

1222
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:48,640
Speaker 5: say it's like, y'all kids are just different.

1223
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 1: You know.

1224
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:52,879
Speaker 5: My kids also have fear in us, but they also

1225
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:55,520
Speaker 5: have fear in all of these adults. And that fear

1226
00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 5: is if I do something outside of the character or

1227
00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:01,520
Speaker 5: the moral standard that my parents, it's created and Matt

1228
00:52:01,719 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 5: or trouble and then Josh sees it. I couldn't get

1229
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:06,359
Speaker 5: in trouble. That's why they feel like all your kids

1230
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 5: are so well behaved because they're scared, you know, And

1231
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 5: I'm unapologetic that while they are young, and I want

1232
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,359
Speaker 5: them to be afraid of us so that they do

1233
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 5: the right thing. And as they were sure enough to

1234
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:20,879
Speaker 5: understand it. Wait a minute, I don't have to fear

1235
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:24,040
Speaker 5: my parents exactly. I can't respect them enough to not

1236
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,919
Speaker 5: make those decisions because I don't want to disrespect them.

1237
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 5: Then they don't have to fear me because I don't

1238
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 5: fear my parents anymore. But I still make decisions like

1239
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 5: I'm not.

1240
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:33,160
Speaker 2: Doing parenting our parents.

1241
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 1: Yeah you know what I'm saying.

1242
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:37,440
Speaker 3: I guess I could tie this into my moment in

1243
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,040
Speaker 3: true time. But Jackson just said to us last night

1244
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 3: that he's starting to see in life as his life

1245
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 3: is unfolding, He's starting to see why we are the

1246
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:53,680
Speaker 3: way we are, why we parent the way we parent,

1247
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 3: why we say the things we say, why we raise

1248
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:58,319
Speaker 3: him the way we raise him.

1249
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:01,319
Speaker 2: He had to do and overnight.

1250
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:05,120
Speaker 3: Retreat, and that already built of anxiety and being devoured

1251
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:07,439
Speaker 3: because the minute I saw the email come across about

1252
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 3: an overnight retreat, I was like, he overnight over with

1253
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:13,879
Speaker 3: who you got FACETI a mind baby, because he's gonna

1254
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 3: be sleeping in our house because we don't do the

1255
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:18,520
Speaker 3: whole sleep out thing. However, it's something that he was

1256
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 3: required to do. So we had to like, really, you know,

1257
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,719
Speaker 3: get get have the discussion about what that's going to

1258
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 3: look like with you being away. So it was like

1259
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:29,239
Speaker 3: an overnight retreat camp for school. And he came back

1260
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 3: and he said, I get why y'all tell me to

1261
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:35,319
Speaker 3: do a lot of the things you do. And it

1262
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:37,759
Speaker 3: was deval andy and even like Mimi, the things that

1263
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,160
Speaker 3: she instills in him, she's like he said, because he

1264
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:42,920
Speaker 3: went to this this this cabin, this retreat where he

1265
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:45,839
Speaker 3: was rooming with other individuals, and he said he took

1266
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 3: out his toiletry bag, and he had his shower slippers together,

1267
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 3: and his toothbrush where it was supposed to be, and

1268
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 3: he made his bed up and everything. And he said

1269
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,799
Speaker 3: some of the other people in his cabin just had

1270
00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 3: stuff all over all over the place.

1271
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:02,319
Speaker 5: On the floor, there's one flip flop. Can't find my

1272
00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 5: flip flop? Who stole my shirt? And he's just like,

1273
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:06,320
Speaker 5: I have to deal with none.

1274
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:08,320
Speaker 2: Of that problems because all my stuff was together.

1275
00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 3: And he said he didn't realize how naturally that came

1276
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 3: to him, that he just was. He just did it

1277
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:15,719
Speaker 3: because that's what was instilled in him. And then he

1278
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:18,680
Speaker 3: talked about sitting down to eat dinner at nights.

1279
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:23,320
Speaker 1: What looks like, see I'm cutting the steakman. They elbows

1280
00:54:23,320 --> 00:54:26,359
Speaker 1: all love steak, flying crazy, They dropped for his knife.

1281
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:28,840
Speaker 5: He's like, I'm sitting here, elbows tuck. I'm just they

1282
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:32,319
Speaker 5: asking me, Jackson, how you do that? He said, simple practice.

1283
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:34,800
Speaker 5: He's just like yeah. He couldn't believe it. He's sitting

1284
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:36,319
Speaker 5: down with all of these kids. He said, it was.

1285
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:39,080
Speaker 6: Like it was like a jungle in there, exactly every

1286
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:39,840
Speaker 6: man for themselves.

1287
00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:41,680
Speaker 1: They didn't know what was going going on, and he.

1288
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:44,439
Speaker 3: Was just so put together, but that was his first

1289
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 3: time doing something like that and away yes from us,

1290
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,680
Speaker 3: And naturally, Deval and I were in talk about being

1291
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 3: in a pickle. We were over there looking at each

1292
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:54,480
Speaker 3: other like, man, I hope I.

1293
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 5: Don't ever let my wife say that the vials always

1294
00:54:57,120 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 5: the pickle and I'm always in her Okay, all right,

1295
00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:02,839
Speaker 5: just make that clear, unpaused.

1296
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 2: Think we're clear, all right?

1297
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,759
Speaker 3: But that being said, parents, we need to be the

1298
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 3: ones to instill that moral compass and instill the things

1299
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:14,560
Speaker 3: in the children, our children that we want for them

1300
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:15,720
Speaker 3: to be in this world.

1301
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:16,879
Speaker 2: And then stay up on.

1302
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,920
Speaker 3: The trends to baby, get you a young friend, get

1303
00:55:18,960 --> 00:55:21,200
Speaker 3: you a niece, a nephew, somebody who knows how to

1304
00:55:21,280 --> 00:55:23,680
Speaker 3: tick tack drop like you had, all that stuff.

1305
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 2: Okay, and never ever get the name wrong. N l

1306
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:29,720
Speaker 2: e Chappa.

1307
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:34,879
Speaker 3: Listen, miss kay, I got you, baby. I know your name,

1308
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:36,839
Speaker 3: I know exactly who you are. I know the whole

1309
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:40,840
Speaker 3: dance and all that thing. Okay, all right, cool. Be

1310
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 3: sure to follow us on social media, y'all. Okay, if

1311
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:45,399
Speaker 3: you haven't been doing that already, where have you been?

1312
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 3: You can see exclusive dead ass podcast content on Patreon.

1313
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:52,600
Speaker 2: Let me start that over, y'all, because.

1314
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 3: The whole thing all right, y'all, be sure to find

1315
00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 3: us on Patreon to say exclusive dead Ass podcasts, video

1316
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:05,279
Speaker 3: content and exclusives. Ellis family content, and you can find

1317
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:08,480
Speaker 3: us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast. I'm Kadine,

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00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 3: I am and I am Devo.

1319
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:13,080
Speaker 5: And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review,

1320
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:15,640
Speaker 5: and subscribe and get your copy of We Over Me

1321
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Speaker 5: The counter of Tuitive Approach to getting Everything you want

1322
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Speaker 5: out of your relationship.

1323
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Speaker 2: Absolutely.

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00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:24,279
Speaker 3: Oh and it's officially fall, y'all, and we're going into

1325
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 3: colder weather.

1326
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Speaker 2: We have merch.

1327
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, got t shirts, we got hoodies, we got all

1328
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Speaker 3: the vibes, we got hats. So don't forget to copulate

1329
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Speaker 3: this Deadass merch baby, because it's a vibe. When you

1330
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Speaker 3: wear dead Ass podcast merch outside, people know exactly what

1331
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Speaker 3: time it is.

1332
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Speaker 1: That's true, That's very true.

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00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 2: It's a change, it's a movie. Gets your It's dead ass.

1334
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Speaker 1: Dead Ass.

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00:56:42,360 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 5: Got dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network,

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Speaker 5: and it's produced by Donorpinia and Triple Follow the podcast

1337
00:56:50,640 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 5: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never

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Speaker 5: miss a thing,