WEBVTT - Super Secret Store Snooper 0:00:01.080 --> 0:00:02.240 Attention Shoppers. 0:00:02.320 --> 0:00:06.920 Attention Shoppers Employees Only is an improvised comedy podcast about 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:11.000 an official big box store. Any similarity to real stores 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:14.000 or real people is completely coincidental. 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:21.560 By okay, everybody, wain't a s ads, Come on in 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.640 here to eat, break room, do the morning announcement where 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:28.000 we go open the store. Corporate wanted me to remind you, 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:30.760 guys that when you answer the phone here at the store, 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:34.159 you can't just say hello, Okay, You've got to answer 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:36.760 the phone, thank you for calling. Buy well where the 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:39.840 prices are low and the services swell buy everything, by well, 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:40.760 how can I help you? 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:44.400 I know that's a lot, that's a mouthful, but we are. 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:48.400 Contractually obligated to say the whole thing every single time 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:51.440 we answer the phone. You can't say what you've been saying, 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:54.400 because like Victor the other day, I think you answered 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:58.480 go for Victor. Yeah, And Liz, you can't answer the 0:00:58.520 --> 0:00:59.240 phone what. 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:00.880 You can't just say what? 0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:01.640 Go what? 0:01:02.320 --> 0:01:03.720 And then they just tell me what they want. 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:07.319 Yet Liz, don't don't don't answer the phone what? All right? 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:12.679 We're not We're not doing that, lewis nothing. 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:17.440 We don't say everything. 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:21.959 By all right? 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:23.720 The thing I wanted to talk to you guys about 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:26.920 the most today. The most important thing is that I 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:30.600 heard a by Well super secret store snooper is going 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:31.720 to be in the store today. 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:32.360 Okay. 0:01:32.680 --> 0:01:36.920 This is a person who evaluates the store and reports 0:01:37.040 --> 0:01:42.200 back to corporate. They're looking for excellent customer service, excellent 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:43.240 customer rapport. 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:44.520 They're looking for. 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:48.680 Neat and tidy shelves and work areas. They're looking for 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:53.360 efficiency and service. All right, and anyone in the store 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:57.760 could be the BSSSS anyone interesting. 0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:01.800 Seems to me as though we've got some interoffice espionage 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:02.560 on our hands. 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:04.760 It is a little bit of espionage. Victor. 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:08.239 That is. Yes, today, I need you all to watch 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:11.440 out and make sure that you're on your best behavior. So, Liz, 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:16.000 that means do not talk to the customers about abortion rights. Okay, 0:02:16.120 --> 0:02:18.200 just don't bring it up. And that's a rule for 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:20.160 every day, Liz, not just today. 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.359 Jerry, I know you're not infringing on my free speech 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:26.359 right now because Bywell is not ready for the lawsuit 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:27.000 I'm gonna bring. 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:29.480 How come every time we have a morning meeting, someone 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:31.800 threatens a lawsuit. Every morning. 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:34.280 It's the only thing Corporate America respects. 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.960 Working at one of these stores is like playing the lottery. 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:39.440 We're just hoping one day something's going to happen. We 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.600 can sue you guys for us. We can stop working 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:44.960 here and live a semblance of a normal life. 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:47.760 I know, I tried to zoom when I slipped on 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:49.519 all of that spaghetti sauce, but then they said I 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:51.480 couldn't win because I bought the sauce from home. 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:54.800 I was so close, Shilah, I want you to stop 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:58.520 dragging that recliner over from furniture so you can sit 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:00.679 while you ring people up the check out. 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:01.480 Stop doing that. 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:04.000 Okay, Wow, are you trying to make a pregnant woman 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:04.840 stand Jerry? 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:05.640 That's messed up. 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:08.440 You know what, Shla, I'm not gonna believe you this time, 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:12.040 because this is like the fifth time you have pretended 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:12.960 to be pregnant. 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:18.600 You keep crying wolf about being pregnant. You're pregnant, I'm not. 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:21.079 You pretended you were pregnant last week just so I 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:24.840 would let you wear your uniform untucked. Okay, that is 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:30.200 a very trivial reason. So we can't have any shenanigans today. 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:33.040 There can be no high jinks, which is why I 0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:35.520 don't want to see anything like Victor and Robert when 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:38.640 you were having the fight with the nail guns from hardware. 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:41.400 Come on, man, we did that one time. That was 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:42.120 one time. 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:45.080 Yeah, hardly enough to come down on us like that. 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:48.280 And oh and thank you once again Robert for driving 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:49.000 me to the er. 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:51.880 Oh man, no problem, you healed up goods. Oh you 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:54.560 can't even tell the nails still in there. That's right now. 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:57.280 The doctor said, it's a miracle that I survived. It's 0:03:57.280 --> 0:04:01.000 sort of a Phineas Gauge situation. Hear about that fellow 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:03.560 had a railroad spike driven through his head and he 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:07.080 survived for years afterwards. Apparently I'm a medical marvel. 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:08.280 Okay, so that's it. 0:04:08.360 --> 0:04:11.800 Okay, everybody on their best behavior, keep your area neat 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:14.840 and tidy, and ask the customers what you can do 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:15.640 to help them. 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:18.760 Because the Bywell Super Secret store snooper could. 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:27.479 Be anyone, that's right, even one of us. By Well. 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:30.880 Thanks everybody for not showing up to the final Bywell 0:04:30.920 --> 0:04:34.000 softball game of the year. We lost again, in case 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:39.440 any of you care, sorry or what sorry whatever. If 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:41.120 we had won, I guess Jerry might have tried to 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:43.720 kiss me like that Rubialis guy at the World Cup. 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:45.599 This guy is such an idiot. 0:04:45.760 --> 0:04:47.760 Everyone knows when you sexually hear us, so when you 0:04:47.800 --> 0:04:50.120 wait until there are no TV cameras filming it. 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:52.479 Hey man, this dude wasn't just kissing people. He was 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:55.240 grabbing his balls in the stands and everything else. Like 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:57.840 I don't know what kind of commissioner he is, but. 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:00.680 This guy just became the Harvey Weinstein of soccer, and 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:03.520 he's about to learn all about the Yotambian movement. 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:05.760 I mean in a perverse way. You got to credit 0:05:05.760 --> 0:05:07.719 this man's courage. He tried this with a group of 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:10.400 women who are known for kicking balls as hard as 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:13.320 they can. It's a miracle he walked out of there. 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:15.520 We had a coach that would actually kiss the players 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:18.000 in high school. I mean, it's passed up, but Coach 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:20.600 Garry was my first kiss. And you can say it 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:24.040 was inappropriate, but we want to state yeah. 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:26.680 I mean it's completely inappropriate. No one kisses anyone after 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:29.040 they win at a Magic the Gathering tournament. 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:31.839 You know you messed up when FIFA's mad at you. 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:34.600 I mean, they'll play in countries with a string of 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:38.320 human rights violations. This guy's officially worse than Saudi Arabia. 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:41.560 EA. Sports has got to put this in the next FIFA. 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:44.840 In FIFA twenty four, they gotta have Horny commission a 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:47.320 mode where Spanish guy runs around trying to kiss you 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.359 until the time runs out. It's got to be some 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:50.320 type of bonus. 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:53.240 Yeah, they should make more video games hornier. Just think 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:55.000 of what those Tetris tiles get up to. 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:02.960 I'm trying to book a flight to my cousin's wedding 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:05.919 in North Carolina and the rates are through the roof. 0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:08.480 Didn't realize you had to be the ruling class to 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:09.560 fly southwest. 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:13.240 Now, Yeah, there have been a lot of plane crashes 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:13.920 lately too. 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:17.240 Oh thanks for bringing that up, Victor, very helpful, thank you. 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:19.880 Yeah, No, he's right. They're saying the plane that they've 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:23.159 got progosion was somehow sabotaged by Putin, and that's why 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:26.200 I crashed. If you just led a mutiny against Putin, 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:29.159 why the hell are you getting on a plane. Putin 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:31.440 doesn't let shit go, He doesn't forget shit. He's still 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:34.040 mad at Ukraine for declaring independence and that happened in 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:36.680 ninety one. That's like still being mad at mc hammer. 0:06:36.960 --> 0:06:38.839 You got to let that Taco bell commercial go. 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:41.440 Russians do hold grudges. It's true. 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:43.839 I broke up with this Russian dja in like twenty fifteen, 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:46.800 and he still won't give me his new Netflix password. 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:49.920 It's like, oh my god, get over it, move on, obsessed. 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:52.440 Well, I don't know about your little boyfriend, Shilah, but 0:06:52.440 --> 0:06:56.520 Putin's entire personality screams small penis syndrome. Some woman in 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:59.200 his past shot him down. Now he's shooting planes down. 0:06:59.520 --> 0:06:59.880 Listen. 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:02.880 Putin is a thug. Remember when Trump said he could 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:04.560 shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue and he 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:07.960 wouldn't lose any voters. Putin's actually doing that next week. 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:11.320 Oh now, everybody thinks there's a conspiracy. But when I 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:14.720 said that Elon Musk is secretly using the SpaceX program 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:18.800 to launch weather satellites to control global climate change, everyone 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:19.840 thinks I'm crazy. 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:23.800 The man Putin kills six Russians in one minute. That's 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:28.280 some John Wick type shit who killed this man's dog. Yeah, like, 0:07:28.480 --> 0:07:31.240 just give him that guy. It's a very interesting situation. 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:34.680 I mean, Progotion was Putin's chef and has become his 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:37.160 most feared killer. I think it's well past time for 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:41.520 NATO to arm one of our greatest shifts. Gordon Ramsay, Yeah, 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:43.880 just telling Putin is like under cooking a Yorkshire pudding 0:07:43.880 --> 0:07:46.280 and get the body bags ready. We need to weaponize 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:49.000 that rage. I think there should be a whole chef's initiative. 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:51.000 We got to get Bobby Flay in there as well. 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:54.760 Is this like your weird Homeland Food Network fan fiction 0:07:54.880 --> 0:07:56.360 that you're working on, Victor. 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:58.760 If you want to see it, I can email you 0:07:58.800 --> 0:07:59.280 a copy. 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:03.840 My mayor from Flavortown, Gaffieri, them outfits he wears. 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:07.840 Picture it. You're there in your Eastern European stronghold. Suddenly 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:11.040 from behind you, the smell of donkey sauce and hot 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:15.160 wings emerging from the shadows comes the Lord of Flavortown, 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:19.640 and Gaffietti comes and groats you. Your body is found 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:23.840 weeks later with a buffalo chicken sandwich protruding from your mouth. 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:27.160 Victor, you're too close. Step back, You're standing too close 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:27.400 to me. 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:30.600 To me, it just feels nice having everybody thinking this way. 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:34.160 It's like, now everybody thinks there's a conspiracy. I don't 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:38.080 feel so alone. 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:49.319 Oh God, Victor, it smells so strongly of bleaching. Here. 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:52.120 We're supposed to eat lunch in a year, not feel 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:53.760 like we're being gassed to death. 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:57.600 What the look, dude, There's a mystery wet spot over 0:08:57.640 --> 0:09:00.000 here by the refrigerator. Every time I mop it up, 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:04.320 it just returns. I've tried everything. No matter how I 0:09:04.400 --> 0:09:08.160 clean it, it always returns. Whether I use bleach or ammonia, 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:11.920 it always comes back. I'm losing sleep over this, y'all. 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:14.640 This wet spot haunts me in my dreams. 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:16.520 I don't know. I love the smell of bleach. 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:18.440 It reminds me of the time me and my friend 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:20.080 Cassie went to get our buttthole done. 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:21.839 It was so much fun. 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:25.240 Now, what has done mean in this particular instance? 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:26.880 Think about if you'r aboto had to go to a 0:09:26.880 --> 0:09:28.839 formal dinner and you wanted it to look like super 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:29.240 and Ice. 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:31.360 Now it's not the time to be talking about brown 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:35.080 eye black Jays, because I've figured out who the snitch is. 0:09:35.400 --> 0:09:37.559 It's the guy who came in the hardware asking all 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:40.400 the suspicious questions like why did the light bulb should 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:42.400 I use in my main living room? I told him 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:44.600 nobody would know that the only person that would know 0:09:44.640 --> 0:09:46.240 that is a nark. And if you a nark, you 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:48.800 need to tell me what why dish does he need? 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:50.640 I don't even know how good his eyes are. That 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.640 all depends on your personal preference. I started to rip 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:57.280 his mustache, y'all, but I couldn't quite reach him. Nobody 0:09:57.320 --> 0:10:00.920 has the big magnum pi mustaches. No more did give away? 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:01.920 I don't know. 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:04.640 I think it's that suspicious looking guy in that big 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:05.599 brown raincoat. 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:07.400 He looks so familiar. 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:10.760 Yeah, Shilah, that's the guy who keeps flashing us in 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:11.240 the store. 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:16.240 Remember, Oh my god, I love that guy. His junk 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:16.920 is so small. 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:19.559 It's like so cute and adorable, like a little teeny 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:20.200 tiny weaning. 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:23.160 It's so cute, totally, Oh my god. 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:26.040 Remember how hard we laughed last time I got a cramp? 0:10:26.280 --> 0:10:26.960 I got a cramp. 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:29.160 It honestly brightens my day when I see him come in. 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:31.520 I'm like, show me the goods I could. Mama could 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:32.360 use a laugh. You know. 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.120 Well, I don't know about you, but I think it's 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:37.800 the guy with the beard out front of the store. 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:40.520 You know, the one who's always ranting and screaming about 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:42.120 the rapture to anyone who will listen. 0:10:42.360 --> 0:10:45.720 Victory, that's Sam. He's been out there since this place 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:48.199 used to be a car wash. It's impossible for him 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:50.720 to be the super Secret Store Snooper exactly. 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:54.120 That's why no one would ever suspect him deep cover, 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:57.280 although of course it could be one of us. 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:02.080 Okay, y'all know, I've been thinking about it, and I 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:05.160 think that the super Secret Store Snooper could actually be 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:05.800 one of us. 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:07.640 So if it's one of y'all, you get. 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:10.960 You have to tell me, Okay, Jerry, get a grip. 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:11.680 I don't know. 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:14.240 This feels like a sociological experiment. I bet there isn't 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.160 even a super Secret Store shop wher. They're trying to 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:17.680 see how you crack under pressure. 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:21.080 Oh, very interesting, Liz, it's probably. 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:23.920 You, You the snoopiest. If one of us had to 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:25.959 be a snooper, I would say, you, you snoop. 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:28.719 Don't you think I'm too obvious of a choice? Then 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:30.120 don't you think I'm too obvious? 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:31.800 They could just bring me in and I could just 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:33.320 report everything I know about all of you. 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:37.360 Shilah, you're being awful quiet over there. Does that lead 0:11:37.400 --> 0:11:40.600 me to believe it might be you? Right, hanging back, 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:41.760 not saying anything. 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:42.520 Now, it's not me. 0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:45.200 I'm really bad at keeping secrets. Like that warp cream 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:46.760 we found in the break room was Jerry's. 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:47.240 Oops. 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:51.000 See give me that, hand me that. That's my warp cream. 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:53.520 Yeah, you have your own office, so it's weird that 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:55.440 your warp cream would be in the breakroom. 0:11:55.800 --> 0:11:56.720 I was. 0:11:57.000 --> 0:11:58.640 I find that all over the store. 0:11:58.880 --> 0:11:59.920 Give me that warp cream. 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:05.120 Listen, medication for chronic warp flare ups is not a 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:05.920 laughing matter. 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:07.760 Let's work together. 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:11.199 Let's go out there and give those customers the best 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:13.199 service experience they've ever had. 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:18.280 Go team. Is anybody gonna put their hand on my hand? 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:19.600 Because that it's kind of a thing. 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:26.920 After that warp talk, I'm good bye, Shila. Are you 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.320 looking at that video you took at the aerostur again? 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:31.800 You can't even see Taylor Swift. She's just like a 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:34.720 little aunt in the horizon. 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:39.240 Somebody's jelly And yeah, I am because I just admire 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:40.439 her so much. 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:43.560 She has all that money and then she left her manager. 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:45.360 But mostly she has so. 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:48.040 Much money, Shila, this is what happens when you get 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:51.319 all your news from TikTok. She didn't leave her manager. 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:54.439 Scooter Braun is a manager who took all of Taylor's 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.960 masters when he bought her old record label and never 0:12:57.000 --> 0:12:58.800 gave her the option to buy them, which made her 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.720 and the Swifties very upset, but ultimately ended up with 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:04.640 Taylor earning millions of dollars by re recording all the songs. 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.280 And at the moment, actually a lot of people are 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.840 ditching Scooter Braun who he actually did manage, such as 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:14.600 Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, a Dina Manzelle. They're all hitting 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:17.080 the road and I can see why no one should 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:19.400 give any authority to a man who calls himself Scooter 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:22.840 that has kicked out of college for a hazing scandal 0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:23.800 written all over it. 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:27.640 Wow, Liz, for a diehard Natalie Merchant fan, you sure 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.400 know your Billboard Top ten Listen. 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:32.920 I'm never going to pass up an opportunity to eviscerate 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:34.800 a man who's trying to steal money from a woman. 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:38.440 Amen to that. I wasn't personally familiar with Scooter Braun 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:40.839 because none of the artists he managed play heavy metal 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:45.240 music based on the fantastical worlds of speculative fiction. Unless 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:48.040 there's a Justin Bieber song about the planet of Aracus 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:49.080 that I somehow missed. 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.000 Isn't that what Yummy is about? 0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:56.200 Well, perhaps Yummy refers to the spice milunge Lucky. 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:58.280 You can just fire your manager. My uncle was a 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:00.240 singer back in the day in Philly and to have 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:02.240 a knife fight with his manager just to get his 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:02.880 suits back. 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:06.640 Look, my mother handled my business for years. Yes, anything 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:09.200 to do with my business was in her hands. She 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.280 manipulated it in all kinds of ways. I finally had 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:14.680 to say, Hey, Mom, I'm a grown man, Let go 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:15.400 of my business. 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:21.440 Wait a minute, is Scooter Braun White People's sugar night? 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:23.160 I get it now. 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:26.000 Now, I just want to know who he dangled out 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:27.440 of a window by his ankles. 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:30.040 It's probably the girl that sang the song from Frozen 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:31.160 threatened to let her go. 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:34.040 You know, the word manager just means something different in 0:14:34.080 --> 0:14:36.880 the music business. It's like Jerry's our manager. We can't 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:38.800 all just leave him on mass. 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:40.160 Im My God, can we fire Jerry? 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:42.440 That would be so dope. I wish you could leave Jerry. 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:46.520 Hello, I thought I heard my name? Did were my 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.080 ears tingling? You guys talking about me? 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.440 Yes, Jerry, we would love to fire you, but you 0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:53.280 keep telling me that's not how it works, and you 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:54.280 keep showing up. 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:55.960 Okay, it was something hurtful. 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:56.240 Again. 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:01.239 If anybody needs me, I'll be in my office alone. 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:09.320 Bye bye. 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:11.400 Oh my god. 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:15.680 Another redneck customer just asked me where I'm really from. 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:18.560 It's like, bitch, I'm really from Philadelphia. My mom gave 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:21.920 birth while tailgating at an Eagles game. Okay, I'm so 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:24.800 sick of this. Any people can come from anywhere. We 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:26.320 were just on the frickin moon. 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:29.840 Oh yeah, I just read that India lands at a probe 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:31.320 on the south pole of the Moon. 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:32.720 There might be vital. 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:35.200 Reserves of frozen water up there, and you know, our 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:37.720 environment here on Earth is completely fucked. When the water 0:15:37.800 --> 0:15:40.120 on the Moon is now considered vital, I wonder how 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:42.720 much they're gonna sell that. For Fiji water's four dollars 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:44.640 a bottle, how much is moonwater gonna be? 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:47.000 Wow? So the Moon got water before Flint d. 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:50.160 Great point, Robert, speaking of Indian people in space, anyway, 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:53.360 we could send vivek Rumaswami up there just until twenty 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:56.360 twenty five. I mean, really, just shoot him right up 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:58.600 there or anywhere without a camera. Would be fine too. 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:01.200 He laid his hail to the space. I mean, what, 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:04.120 we landed in nineteen sixty seven on the Moon. What else? 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:06.240 What they're gonna do next, India? What'd you gonna give 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:06.920 us color TV? 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:09.240 I don't know. It takes a long time to say 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:12.080 goodbye to a billion people. Okay. I tried to leave 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:14.040 my aunt's house once that It took me a full week. 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:16.840 Now I just can't stop thinking about that delicious moonwater. 0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:17.760 Oh I want to. 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:18.360 Have some of that. 0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:21.400 I've had moon cheese. Is that really from the moon? 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:21.960 Probably not. 0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:25.520 How many products are they eggs booring from the damn moon? Yeah? 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:28.200 Many things come from the moon. Uh, even the moon walk. 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:28.840 Check it out. 0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:34.040 Stop grabbing your crotch in the break room, Victory, Stop 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.280 robbing your crotch, Simoni. 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:40.840 He's not bad, He's not bad. He's really gladden across 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:41.320 the floor. 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:43.440 There's more than one reason I keep the floor so 0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:46.080 slick around here. But yeah, you're you're you're not wrong. 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:49.320 This is a great step for India. I mean, for 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:51.760 the country to have developed the technology to fake a 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:54.560 moon landing, just like the other major world powers. I mean, 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:55.640 kudos to them. 0:16:55.840 --> 0:17:01.080 Yeah, no, if India faked a moonlight and was directing 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.400 a video. There would be at least three dance numbers 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:06.760 and a tiger fight. So it's the real footage. 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:17.679 Okay, y'all. I halloa. Wo jesus, Jerry, what an entr? 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:20.119 I don't get up yet. Don't get up yet. If 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:22.720 you want to see him, call your personal injury attorney. Folks. 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:24.960 Ah, oh my god, Jerry, can you do that again? 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:27.040 I wasn't recording, all right. 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:29.439 Get off me, get it back up back Okay, I'm okay, 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:30.160 I'm okay. 0:17:30.440 --> 0:17:34.359 This dang old wet spot just keeps coming back. And Jerry, 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.520 now that I'm actually looking at what it's done to 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:40.880 your shirt and trousers, creating sort of a tie die effect, 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:43.480 I'm starting to think that the bleach I've been using 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:46.359 to tidy the wet spot is creating the wet spot. 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:49.439 Yeah, a lot of these bottles look pretty old, Victor. 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.840 Let's change him out for some new stuff. Well, I 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:56.720 got the report back, and uh it is not good. 0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:57.159 People. 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:04.040 I got specific comments on each of your performances. Right here, 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:08.240 it says in the evaluation a man from maintenance kept 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:09.919 winking at the customers. 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:13.639 All right, Well, Yeah, that was me. I was thinking 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:17.000 that if they winked back, I know that was the 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:17.840