WEBVTT - Countess of the Demimonde 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:04.560 Welcome to Noble Blood, A production of iHeartRadio and Grimm 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:12.799 and Mild from Aaron Manky. Listener discretion advised. In eighteen 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:18.440 ninety five, the French forensic pathologist, doctor Henri Le Ludique 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:23.720 published his first work, Notes and Observations on Forensic Medicine 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:29.800 Offenses against Morality. If that sounds fairly dull, please stay 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:33.840 with me, listener, because I promise you this episode is anything. 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:38.120 But it's the final section of the book. 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:41.280 That we're interested in today, a section that the doctor 0:00:41.400 --> 0:00:45.479 actually did not write himself, which consists of the entire 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:50.360 text of a unique autobiography that the doctor had acquired, 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:57.320 an autobiography entitled Secret Confessions of a Parisian. Legludique claimed 0:00:57.480 --> 0:01:01.280 the autobiography's author was one of his patience from his 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:05.120 time as a prison doctor, and he had chosen to 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:10.800 include the autobiography quote for documentary purposes in order to 0:01:11.040 --> 0:01:15.880 enable readers to understand the writer's state of mind end quote. 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:19.480 Many of leglu Diique's patients when he was a prison 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:24.720 doctor had been convicted for sexual violence, but this particular 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:29.120 prisoner had instead been booked as an army deserter and 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:34.360 petty thief. The autobiography then was included not as a 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:38.720 study of a devious criminal mind, but to quote the 0:01:38.760 --> 0:01:43.480 doctor to quote trace the origin and evolution of the 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:51.760 author's sexual inversion. End quote. The autobiography begins quote in 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:56.360 the beautiful year of eighteen sixty, there lived in Paris 0:01:56.680 --> 0:02:02.040 a woman whom all gilded and gallant Paris knew. This woman, 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:06.400 who happens to be the humble author herself went by 0:02:06.680 --> 0:02:11.040 many names, but in the byline of the autobiography she 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:16.760 narrows it down to two, Arthur w and the Countess. 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:21.239 Throughout this episode, I will refer to our subject mostly 0:02:21.360 --> 0:02:25.280 as the Countess and as Pauline, another name she used, 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:30.200 as those were the names she used most commonly. Pauline 0:02:30.400 --> 0:02:34.079 presents her life story in the vein of many nineteenth 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:38.240 century buildings romans. She takes the reader from her early 0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:43.079 experiences as a young boy wishing to wear the dresses 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:46.839 her mother made, to her courtship with the nobleman who 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:50.640 introduced her to the life of a female courtesan. We 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:54.920 then follow her as she becomes Pauline and the Countess, 0:02:55.480 --> 0:03:00.320 working as a performer in Parisian clubs frequented by the 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:04.919 queer community as she gets drafted into the army and 0:03:05.240 --> 0:03:09.920 ultimately is sentenced to years in a men's prison for 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:15.760 abandoning her post Confessions of a Parisian was largely inspired 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:20.360 by Rousseau's Confessions, and it offers the reader a similar 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:25.600 look into the author's psyche. Pauline's insight is often funny, 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:32.840 often joyous, and often heartbreaking. Sinner, degenerate, and corrupt are 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:39.240 often used self descriptors. These ideas echo the common societal 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:45.280 view of homosexuality and other non traditional sexual and gender 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:52.240 identities as immoral vices. Her work was ultimately published, after all, 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:57.240 as a documentation of mental illness. At the same time, 0:03:57.400 --> 0:04:02.640 Confessions also offers an intimate, vibrant look into the lives 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:06.760 of members of Paris's queer community during a time where 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:10.720 they were regarded as little more than case studies by 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:16.120 social scientists and deviants by larger society. On top of 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:20.400 being a talented performer and writer, Pauline was a very 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:25.280 competent illustrator, and her drawings of different members of her 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:31.600 community were included in Confessions publication. As I mentioned in 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:35.599 one of our earlier episodes on the nineteenth century writer 0:04:36.080 --> 0:04:41.920 and nobleman Marc de Montefad. Discussing the gender and sexuality 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:47.200 of historical figures through our modern understanding is a very 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:53.240 complex task. The Parisian queer community at the time had 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:58.120 their own language and system of identification, and this is 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:03.200 how the Countess best On understood and described herself. In 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:07.120 her words, she was a fil or mignon, both of 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:13.120 these terms applying to multiple identities. The latter term, for example, 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:18.240 originated from Henri the Third's fashionable young male favorites, but 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:23.680 eventually evolved to apply to a broader queer identity. In 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:28.279 Pauline's writing, we see mignon mean a homosexual man, a 0:05:28.360 --> 0:05:33.800 cross dressing man, and a transgender woman. The Countess seems 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:37.840 to have identified at times with all of those descriptors. 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:43.320 She was happiest, however, when society saw her as a woman. 0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:48.640 She proudly reflected, I, who had so desired to be 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:54.200 a girl, had triumphed over natural law. I'm Danish Schwartz 0:05:54.520 --> 0:06:02.400 and this is noble blood. Uness opens her autobiography in 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:07.360 the time and place I described earlier, eighteen sixty Paris, 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:11.280 At the height of her local fame, she was around 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:14.560 twenty two or twenty three at the time, and had 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:19.960 begun performing six years earlier. Though the book is in autobiography, 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:24.760 the prolog is written in third person and introduces us 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:29.960 to our quote heroine. Speaking of the third person, this 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:33.080 is a good time to acknowledge that there is very 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:37.680 little secondary scholarship on the life of the Countess. Our 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:41.720 main source of information about her life is the woman herself. 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:47.120 Certain details and events have almost certainly been embellished or 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:52.279 glossed over. Dates and ages don't always match up, she 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:57.120 writes at one point, quote time doesn't matter, nor does space. 0:06:57.600 --> 0:07:01.120 In this sect of those who deny their sex, I 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:06.000 was an example of that. Pauline is, however, a fairly 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:10.640 balanced narrator, and seeing as she did not know whether 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.400 or not the work would be published in the end, 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:17.760 there was likely little reason to self censor. In fact, 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:21.360 I would argue that reading it, her writing comes across 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:26.360 as brutally honest. She describes herself in a measured, if 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:32.080 flamboyant tone. As a young adult, she had quote literary tastes. 0:07:32.200 --> 0:07:35.920 She read a lot, She drew passively, and she sang agreeably. 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:40.280 Her face lent itself marvelously to makeup like the face 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:43.920 of all of those whose physiognomy is large, full and 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:49.320 marked by strong features. While she considered her face beautiful 0:07:49.400 --> 0:07:53.560 to average, she thought her hands ugly and her figure 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:57.840 too thin. When it came to her character, writing in 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:03.560 the third person, quote she was good despite her cold air, sensitive, 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:09.640 despite her reputation of insensitivity, a little romantic, generous to 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:15.040 a fault. She also described frequent bouts of depression. She 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:19.920 had quote a melancholic air, a tinge of sadness, which, 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:24.320 despite her efforts, changed the expression on her face from 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:28.640 laughter to sorrow in an instant. It appeared as suddenly 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:31.600 as a lightning bolt in the summer, in the middle 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:37.600 of her gayest hours pun ironically not intended. While the 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:43.400 Countess's life drastically changed after her childhood, we see her goodness, 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:48.160 her sensitivity, and sometimes her sadness in her earliest years. 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:53.200 Pauline says she was born in eighteen thirty nine, though 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:57.080 that would make her twenty or twenty one in eighteen sixty. 0:08:57.640 --> 0:09:00.640 Her parents were working class and, in her her words, 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:05.080 decent folks in all senses of the word. Her father 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:09.959 was a coachman turned steward, raised and educated by his 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:15.000 first master. Pauline notes interestingly that he belonged to a 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:19.680 now extinct class of servants who were treated as family 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:23.520 by those they worked for. She concludes that her father 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:29.160 quote had only one great flaw, a weak character compounded 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:34.760 by excessive vanity. I inherited these two traits almost in 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:39.440 their entirety. Her mother was a seamstress, and according to 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:43.800 her an angel, the image Pauline holds of her mother, 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:49.640 even years after her mother's death, is nothing short of seraphic. 0:09:50.320 --> 0:09:54.840 The two were incredibly close. From her earliest years, Pauline 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:58.839 much preferred to spend time with her mother rather than 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:03.000 play with other children. While her mother would sow, young 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:06.960 Pauline would read romance books she found stored away in 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:11.440 the home. Quote, my eyes would often fill with tears, 0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:15.839 forcing me to stop reading. My dear mother would also cry, 0:10:16.160 --> 0:10:21.079 and we dry our tears with exchanges of kisses. Her 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:24.320 mother would say, my dear little boy, you have a 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:29.040 good heart. The countess described the first part of her 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:34.480 life as one long musical poem. Her mother loved singing, 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:39.920 and the pair sang together every day. Quote. These golden 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:44.520 hours developed a powerful taste for singers and concerts In me, 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:49.960 I specifically mean female singers, because my frivolous nature was 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:54.640 seduced by the brilliance of their appearance. Her mother often 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:59.000 took her to shows at cafe concerts, which were popular, 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:05.040 accessible alternatives to cabarets. Pauline quote drank them all in 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:09.280 with my ears and my eyes wide open, and dreamed 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:13.559 of one day being on stage. Many of her mother's 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:17.480 clients were actresses in the theater, and they liked to 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:22.760 spoil Pauline with gifts of candies and books. She reflected, 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:28.560 those experiences didn't leave me indifferent. The sight of these women, 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:34.080 decorated like holy shrines and perfumed like sachets, filled me 0:11:34.240 --> 0:11:39.640 with all possible joys. She remembers running her fingers over 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:43.160 the lace of their dresses and playing with their jewels 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:47.560 while she'd sit in their laps. Her most prominent memory 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:52.000 is of a blue satin dress with gold spangles. A 0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:55.079 theater owner had sent the dress over to have her 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:59.120 mother make a copy, and Pauline became fixated by the 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:03.000 dress on the mail Anakin, She wrote that blue satin 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:06.400 gown had obsessed me ever since it had been brought in. 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:09.240 I looked at it, I touched it, I took it 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:12.000 off the mannequin, and I managed to put it on myself, 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:15.320 even though it was too big for my little body. 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:17.600 She knew the tricks of the trade from her mother 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.840 and her clients and pinned the dress at the front 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:23.720 so that she could walk in it. She then picked 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:26.319 up her mother's fan and began to show off for 0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:30.400 herself in the mirror. Absorbed in her fantasy, she didn't 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:33.920 hear the delighted giggles of her mother and her assistants 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:38.640 having returned to the studio. When her mother asked what 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:42.280 she was doing all dressed up, Pauline replied, with a 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:47.400 little embarrassment, Mamma, I'm playing diva. Her mother smiled and 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:51.800 simply replied, that's nice, but you must take off Madam 0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:57.480 Dee's gown. You might damage it. Pauline's father also simply 0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:01.840 laughed at the anecdote. He did not to enforce masculinity 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:06.720 on his young son. While Pauline loved women's dresses and 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:11.079 accessories from a young age, she would burst into tears 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:15.480 at the sight of boy's shorts, refusing to wear them 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:20.560 unless they were decorated with embroidery and lace. Pauline believed 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:26.120 both the innate tendencies of her character, her shyness and sensitivity, 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:30.480 and the chance of her mother's profession developed in her 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:35.760 quote love of beauty and style that would later degenerate 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:40.040 into a frenzy and cause the disorders and missteps that 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:46.719 mark my life end quote. Despite that perspective, she cherished 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:50.800 that time, She wrote, my whole childhood was spent in 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:57.120 an atmosphere of graciousness, delicacy, and lovely faces. And neither 0:13:57.240 --> 0:14:01.599 the passage of time, nor misfortune, nor the cruel disappointments 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:05.280 of life, nor the long hours of imprisonment can ever 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:11.240 tarnish that glorious memory. As an adolescent, she was sent 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:14.760 to a boys boarding school very close to her home. 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:21.920 Her first sexual experiences happened there, masturbating with older male peers, 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:27.760 namely one boy called Charles. Pauline recalls she didn't think 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:31.880 much of the quote evil she had committed, only the 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:36.840 desire to do it more. She wrote, having indulged in pleasure, 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:41.040 I had drunk deeply from the source of those predilections 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:46.320 that make a man prostitute himself. Not by circumstance, no, 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:51.080 by starting out with a boy four years older than myself. 0:14:51.520 --> 0:14:55.480 I was destined always to play the woman's role, the 0:14:55.600 --> 0:15:00.400 role of the mignon, that distinct, separate type among all 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:04.600 men with similar passions. It was during her time at 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:08.360 boarding school that Pauline began to realize she would never 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:12.440 be like her peers. She wrote, people have often said 0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:15.560 that morally I am not like other men. I can 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:19.520 only add that I'm different physically as well, and this 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:23.960 difference has caused me pain. It is the rapidly growing 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:27.920 ulcer that has engulfed all my happy moments, and the 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:31.560 poison that has corrupted my life from the time that 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:35.600 I became a man. This sadness, which is so powerful 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:39.000 in my life, is the real cause of the enjoyment 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:42.880 that I had in concealing my sex beneath a woman's 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:48.760 exterior end quote. It is an evocative early description of 0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:54.080 what we today would recognize as gender dysphoria. The countess 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:58.200 tells the reader that she still sees Charles sometimes and 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:02.840 declares that by seducing her, he had quote broken down 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:05.720 the barrier that my shyness would have raised against the 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:09.920 desires that the sight of me kindled in the mind 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:16.720 of the Marquis d X. The original Marquis de X 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:20.800 was her father's employer, and we do not know his 0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:26.920 identity beyond the mysterious moniker. Marquis de X died when 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:31.320 Pauline was just an adolescent, and then his son inherited 0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:36.640 his title. This new younger Marquis, whom Pauline refers to 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:41.120 as M, began to come to her family home, often 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:46.200 maintaining a friendly relationship with her father. When Pauline was 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:50.960 a young teen, M began to court her. He was, 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:55.800 in her words, a tall, handsome man of twenty six. 0:16:56.440 --> 0:17:00.520 With her parents' permission, he would take Pauline for in 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:03.880 his coach, where he would praise her beauty and tell her, 0:17:04.280 --> 0:17:07.119 if you wished, dear, you could be happier than a 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:10.479 king's son, and you could have all the lovely things 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:13.960 that you want so much. He laid out his wishes 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:17.719 plainly for her. He would take care of her generously, 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:20.920 giving her as much money as she needed each month, 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:25.879 and she in turn would provide him pleasure. Pauline was, 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:30.680 according to her, thrilled by the splendors. Everything he had 0:17:30.800 --> 0:17:35.159 told me seemed so special that, with my regret dissolving 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:38.800 into my desire, I was eager to latch onto this man, 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:41.840 who said that he loved me like a friend and 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:46.280 like a lover. The marquis also charmed her into sharing 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:51.080 her secrets. I'd tell him everything about my wild dreams 0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:54.639 and the frustrations that I felt at not being a woman, 0:17:55.080 --> 0:17:57.920 since I was so ill suited for being a man. 0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:02.000 He replied, you so unlike a man that it would 0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:05.479 be very easy to change you into a charming lady. 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:09.960 Em told Pauline's parents that he would take her in 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:14.080 to further her education. That was one word for it, 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:18.760 she equips to the reader. Pauline's mother was hesitant at first, 0:18:19.160 --> 0:18:23.320 distraught to part with her dear child, but Em persuaded 0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:26.919 her that Pauline could pursue her talent for art with 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:33.320 his connections and opportunities. Perhaps, by twenty first century standards, 0:18:33.680 --> 0:18:39.639 we might identify EM's tactics as grooming. Instead of enrolling 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:44.880 Pauline in art school, Em took her to meet a courtesan, Paula, 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:50.920 who styled Pauline into a courtesan herself. Paula acquired her dresses, 0:18:51.280 --> 0:18:54.960 found her an apartment nearby, and gave her lessons on 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:58.480 how to walk and talk. The part of a courtesan. 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:03.840 Paula was very influential to young Pauline. It was she, 0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:09.560 not coincidentally, who offered the name Pauline as Pauline's first 0:19:09.800 --> 0:19:15.520 chosen name. The name was in full Madame Pauline de Florene. 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:20.199 This woman, who quickly became my friend and confidant, was 0:19:20.280 --> 0:19:24.919 my first true platonic love. She wrote. With her, I 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:32.560 experienced the charm of exquisite and intimate friendship. After Paula's lessons, 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:36.800 em took Pauline out in society as a woman for 0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:41.360 the first time. At the popular restaurant in Madrid. He 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:46.359 introduced her to his noble friends and their own kept women. 0:19:47.080 --> 0:19:50.119 She wrote, it took some nerve, and in spite of 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:54.600 my confidence, the confidence I had in my luxurious wardrobe, 0:19:54.920 --> 0:19:59.080 I could feel myself blanching under my pancake makeup and 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:05.080 my heart something to Pauline's delight, everyone was cordial, and 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:08.719 she saw the women paying close attention to the details 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:13.400 of her fashionable outfit. After recounting this day, we get 0:20:13.520 --> 0:20:18.280 one of the most arresting passages of the autobiography. The 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:23.240 countess reflected years later, there's one thing in my life 0:20:23.240 --> 0:20:27.280 that made me so happy that it alone banished all 0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:32.239 my regrets and my sorrows, at least temporarily. It was 0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:37.040 the realization of my most bizarre dream of seeming to 0:20:37.119 --> 0:20:41.040 be something that I was not. The desire to dress 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:44.280 as a woman, to be accepted in the eyes of 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:48.320 the world as an elegant lady pleased me so much 0:20:48.680 --> 0:20:51.800 that when I was able to do it, it took 0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:57.080 the sharp edge off my regrets. She continued, with a 0:20:57.119 --> 0:21:01.679 great deal of patience and effort, had succeeded in resembling 0:21:01.800 --> 0:21:06.119 the finest being in all creation. I was a woman, 0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:10.080 and when people talked about me, they referred to me 0:21:10.320 --> 0:21:14.399 as the lovely, the charming Pauline. With that I was 0:21:14.440 --> 0:21:18.480 able to forget my feeble body and enjoy hours and 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:24.560 hours of an enchanting illusion. Her euphoria jumps off the page. 0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:28.400 It's especially remarkable when you remember she was writing this 0:21:28.480 --> 0:21:34.720 in eighteen seventy four. Her relationship with m wasn't always 0:21:34.800 --> 0:21:38.920 as joyous. While she claimed to have accepted his offer 0:21:38.960 --> 0:21:42.959 without a second thought, she was conflicted over the nature 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:46.160 of their relationship and the nature of her role as 0:21:46.320 --> 0:21:50.920 a mistress. Sweet words from M would placate her doubts. 0:21:51.440 --> 0:21:55.200 She explained, since I had so often envied women when 0:21:55.200 --> 0:21:58.600 I was reading, I was able to forget when listening 0:21:58.600 --> 0:22:01.560 to this seducer that I was nothing more than a 0:22:01.560 --> 0:22:06.040 plaything for a debauched man whose affection for me would 0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:09.959 last only as long as I could please him. The 0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:13.719 source of much of the Countess's shame around her gender 0:22:13.760 --> 0:22:19.919 and sexual identity was it seems inexorably intertwined with the 0:22:20.000 --> 0:22:24.600 grief she felt about her profession and position in the world. 0:22:25.240 --> 0:22:30.480 She declared, every kind of prostitution is a moral degradation, 0:22:31.119 --> 0:22:35.600 a dishonorable situation, so that in order to live happily, 0:22:36.040 --> 0:22:40.280 you must not even recognize it. Because she could not 0:22:40.640 --> 0:22:43.800 live as a woman until she had become a courtesan, 0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:48.200 one became forever associated with the other. In her mind, 0:22:48.960 --> 0:22:53.080 its tragic, and Pauline was certainly not the only queer 0:22:53.119 --> 0:22:58.199 person of the time to feel similarly. Around three years 0:22:58.240 --> 0:23:04.520 into their arrangement grew distant. He eventually ended things, leaving 0:23:04.560 --> 0:23:09.080 her a letter enclosed with some money. Pauline claimed she 0:23:09.240 --> 0:23:12.840 was sixteen or seventeen at the time, and she worried 0:23:12.920 --> 0:23:16.040 about what would happen to her Now she could not 0:23:16.320 --> 0:23:19.200 return to her parents because they would ask too many 0:23:19.280 --> 0:23:23.080 questions she couldn't or didn't want to answer. She also 0:23:23.160 --> 0:23:26.400 admitted she had no desire to return to the quote 0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:30.240 straight and narrow, as she called it, after time in 0:23:30.280 --> 0:23:35.399 the vibrant circles of Parisian society, and so she made 0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:40.520 her debut in the cafe concerts. She used the parting 0:23:40.680 --> 0:23:44.520 money the marquie had left her to buy exquisite stage 0:23:44.600 --> 0:23:50.320 costumes and considered herself a quote passible singer. This is 0:23:50.359 --> 0:23:54.040 the time in which she became truly immersed in the 0:23:54.080 --> 0:23:58.480 Parisian queer community, for they were her fellow performers and 0:23:58.680 --> 0:24:04.359 audience members. One group was known as the tribudes, a 0:24:04.480 --> 0:24:08.760 term allegedly coined from the Greek verb to rub, which 0:24:08.760 --> 0:24:11.960 had long been used to describe women who had sex 0:24:12.040 --> 0:24:17.040 with other women. In Pauline's words, these women came usually 0:24:17.080 --> 0:24:21.399 in pairs and were charming priestesses of that enormous cult 0:24:21.720 --> 0:24:26.119 that worshiped at Sappho's altar. They belonged to that strange 0:24:26.200 --> 0:24:32.040 sect that incomprehensible love from which men are excluded. They were, 0:24:32.200 --> 0:24:36.560 as Pauline described them, women who loved women and dressed 0:24:36.880 --> 0:24:41.520 like men. She analyzed, such a woman so comfortable dressed 0:24:41.600 --> 0:24:46.200 as a man usually has a masculine personality and masculine 0:24:46.320 --> 0:24:51.800 tastes like Mignon. As described earlier, Tribid also applied to 0:24:51.920 --> 0:24:57.600 a broader queer identity. Pauline's illustration of one tribid friend 0:24:57.840 --> 0:25:02.280 B is included in the audio biography. She wrote, the 0:25:02.400 --> 0:25:05.960 despair that B felt at the age of fifteen was 0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:10.080 the same one that I felt. So she adopted men's 0:25:10.200 --> 0:25:14.760 clothing and looked ravishing in them. Even men were fooled 0:25:14.800 --> 0:25:19.119 and women went wild over her. Another part of the 0:25:19.160 --> 0:25:23.200 audience was made up of quote mincing, perfumed young men 0:25:23.560 --> 0:25:28.000 fitted out with the finest gloves, makeup, and professionally curled hair, 0:25:28.440 --> 0:25:32.200 a group sometimes known as Fee. An illustration of a 0:25:32.240 --> 0:25:35.919 Fee and good friend of the Countess Le Charles is 0:25:36.040 --> 0:25:40.080 also featured in the book. Within their group, All of 0:25:40.080 --> 0:25:43.560 these terms applied to one born as a man who 0:25:43.680 --> 0:25:47.679 either identified as a cross dressing man or as a woman. 0:25:48.359 --> 0:25:54.240 Specific terms were also seemingly associated with sex work. Pauline 0:25:54.520 --> 0:25:58.119 was also engaging in sex work as a performer, taking 0:25:58.160 --> 0:26:02.240 audience members on as client after the shows. As the 0:26:02.320 --> 0:26:06.720 other Phee performers did. She also found two more quote 0:26:06.720 --> 0:26:11.960 protectors following M's departure, but neither lasted as long as 0:26:12.000 --> 0:26:15.560 her original affair. The group she worked with had a 0:26:15.600 --> 0:26:20.800 tradition of quote baptizing new members of their circle. One night, 0:26:21.000 --> 0:26:25.600 drinking champagne, a fellow feed adorned Pauline with a new 0:26:25.680 --> 0:26:30.160 name on behalf of all these young ladies as well 0:26:30.200 --> 0:26:33.880 as our dear sisters who are assembled here, I August 0:26:34.119 --> 0:26:40.919 D now baptized Arthur W. The Countess. The Countess noted 0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:46.159 how seriously everyone took the ceremony for the Trebad's and 0:26:46.240 --> 0:26:49.359 the Mignons who were there. This was a well known 0:26:49.440 --> 0:26:52.560 and powerful act. For me, I thought that it was 0:26:52.720 --> 0:26:55.840 just a joke. But when D, taking his seat again, 0:26:55.960 --> 0:26:59.520 added my lovely, I dubbed you the Countess, and I 0:26:59.560 --> 0:27:02.640 swear that this name will remove all traces of your 0:27:02.680 --> 0:27:08.000 real one, he was only too accurate. She found genuine 0:27:08.160 --> 0:27:13.800 friendship and community. She commented on the solidarity between Tribades 0:27:13.880 --> 0:27:18.600 and phil writing that Tribades were quote deeply sympathetic toward 0:27:18.680 --> 0:27:23.040 Filin Mignon, since like them they have an unnatural love, 0:27:23.520 --> 0:27:26.920 They're indulgent and have a soft spot for the young 0:27:27.000 --> 0:27:30.840 men whom they call their sisters, and that feeling is 0:27:31.000 --> 0:27:37.320 genuinely reciprocated. In her early twenties, now years into her career, 0:27:37.800 --> 0:27:42.359 the newly named Countess rekindled her relationship with her mother. 0:27:42.960 --> 0:27:45.840 Her father had died and she wanted to bring her 0:27:45.840 --> 0:27:49.880 mother as much joy as possible. It was around this 0:27:49.960 --> 0:27:53.720 time as well, that she was required to participate in 0:27:53.760 --> 0:27:58.280 the conscription lottery, drawing the number one hundred and eighty. 0:27:58.600 --> 0:28:03.040 She was in the reserves and eventually deployed. Not only 0:28:03.200 --> 0:28:06.399 was the Countess afraid to join the regiment, being an 0:28:06.560 --> 0:28:10.920 army man meant living as a man again. The Countess 0:28:11.000 --> 0:28:15.280 eventually was given leave to visit a fictional uncle and 0:28:15.400 --> 0:28:19.480 she was able to see her beloved Paris again. Returning 0:28:19.520 --> 0:28:23.479 to her mother's home, Pauline threw herself into her arms, 0:28:23.800 --> 0:28:27.680 weeping that she could not return to the regiment. Her 0:28:27.720 --> 0:28:32.160 plan to desert was simple. Arthur could not be found 0:28:32.240 --> 0:28:36.280 if only the Countess existed. She told her mother that 0:28:36.320 --> 0:28:39.880 she was quite comfortable as a woman, and rather than 0:28:39.960 --> 0:28:43.360 just playing the part when she performed, she would become 0:28:43.400 --> 0:28:48.040 one forever. Her mother, whose quote dearest wish had been 0:28:48.080 --> 0:28:51.280 to have a daughter was pleased with the idea. The 0:28:51.360 --> 0:28:54.240 Countess told her that she would return the next day. 0:28:54.480 --> 0:28:59.320 Transformed when the police were sent to find the lost soldier, 0:28:59.600 --> 0:29:01.880 the count un as his mother told them she hadn't 0:29:01.920 --> 0:29:06.360 seen him. The soldier in question was naturally standing in 0:29:06.400 --> 0:29:09.840 the very same room. The Countess returned to the theater 0:29:10.200 --> 0:29:15.440 and for years continued living life as before. In eighteen sixty, 0:29:15.560 --> 0:29:20.400 after a brief illness, the countess's beloved mother died. Falling 0:29:20.440 --> 0:29:24.120 into a depression, Pauline lost much of the desire and 0:29:24.320 --> 0:29:28.040 energy to dress up and perform. She stole from the 0:29:28.080 --> 0:29:31.280 home of her mother's former employer to pay off her debts, 0:29:31.680 --> 0:29:35.760 and was later caught and identified as the missing soldier. 0:29:36.360 --> 0:29:40.400 She was arrested and sentenced to ten years in prison. 0:29:43.920 --> 0:29:48.000 As she wrote in her autobiography, at the beginning of 0:29:48.080 --> 0:29:53.080 September eighteen sixty one, I arrived chained to another inmate 0:29:53.440 --> 0:29:58.400 at the Central Prison. The countess claimed that less than 0:29:58.400 --> 0:30:01.680 two hours after her arrived, all of the inmates had 0:30:01.760 --> 0:30:06.200 learned her life story naturally. She claims she gained many admirers, 0:30:06.880 --> 0:30:10.960 According to her quote, those who had had unnatural sexual 0:30:11.080 --> 0:30:15.480 urges outside of prison would have more so inside, and 0:30:15.560 --> 0:30:19.720 those who had never experienced those thoughts would adopt them easily. 0:30:20.280 --> 0:30:25.000 So my arrival stirred up many thoughts and unleashed many desires. 0:30:25.720 --> 0:30:30.600 She eventually accepted the proposal of a particularly devoted admirer 0:30:31.040 --> 0:30:35.600 she calls R in the autobiography. This man had saved 0:30:35.680 --> 0:30:39.040 up quite a bit in prison and promised the Countess 0:30:39.120 --> 0:30:44.320