1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: Andre Martinez in Real Life podcast. Oh my god, my 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 1: this is my ninja. I'm so happy you're here. I'm 3 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: so happy to be here. I feel like I had 4 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 1: early conversations with you about me having ideas to do 5 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 1: podcast thing or to do these kind of conversations or 6 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: a show. We've talked about both of our lives and 7 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 1: our careers many times, and I was like, do it. 8 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 1: What are you talking about? You the Voice of New York. 9 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: We will follow you like this seriously sweet. It's been good, 10 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,920 Speaker 1: it's been interesting. I have learned about people, I have 11 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 1: learned about myself. I've done some self correct thing even 12 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 1: since I've started this, and I'm still doing I'm still 13 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,159 Speaker 1: figuring out. I'm still figuring out what the platform is. 14 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,880 Speaker 1: How are we gonna see what I really care about 15 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: about the conversations? Um, but when the one thing it 16 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 1: has been it has been real since the beginning. That's 17 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: the only thing that matters. It is right. You could 18 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,800 Speaker 1: be anywhere and you can have the large just platform 19 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,520 Speaker 1: in the world, but if you ain't talking about nothing real, 20 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,679 Speaker 1: you're gonna miss the people. No, that's what it is. 21 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: That's what it is. So whenever I get off the 22 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: track a little bit. It's always like, I don't know. 23 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:12,559 Speaker 1: This is one thing I'm working on that I wonder 24 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: if you do this to yourself too. It's like, um, 25 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: because you've had so much greatness you I mean t 26 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,959 Speaker 1: you know, we're friends, so we don't necessarily sit around 27 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 1: and talk about our greatness. We just we're trying to 28 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,959 Speaker 1: get through the day, right. But like, you have so 29 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,120 Speaker 1: much greatness in your life that you have given to 30 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 1: the world, and so that comes with like joy and 31 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: pride and work and all the things that greatness comes with. 32 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,959 Speaker 1: But there's other side that people don't ever talk about 33 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:45,120 Speaker 1: and we don't ever see. It's like, um, the disappointment 34 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: to let down, the head conversations you have with yourself, 35 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 1: the imposter syndrome, those conversations that we run in our heads. 36 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 1: You know, nobody gets to see that I'm training to 37 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: be on you know what, you were so good at 38 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:05,480 Speaker 1: it too, Listen you you would never know what I'm Honestly, 39 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 1: That's why I always say my message always to humans, 40 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:13,280 Speaker 1: my fans, people that follow me, it's just please be kind, 41 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 1: Just be kind. Because yes, social media is where people 42 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: post and they live this fantasy, um realization it's not real. 43 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 1: Nobody's posting their pain. Nobody's posting the days where they 44 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,520 Speaker 1: don't want to, when they don't give a fuck, or 45 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: they're contemplating, you know, suicidal audiation. Nobody's posting that, you 46 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: know what I mean. They're posting all the good or 47 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 1: on those dark moments when they come out on the 48 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,359 Speaker 1: other side, they post the other side. But no one's 49 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 1: posting the darkness. You know. That's why you gotta take 50 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: that social media with a grain of salt, because at 51 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,760 Speaker 1: this point we're all addictive. It ain't even about the 52 00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:02,919 Speaker 1: kids anymore. I know. It's a we're all addicted. You 53 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 1: hated accepted. You have to accept. No, I'm trying to 54 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: change it. I don't want to accept it. The only 55 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 1: way to change is to accept it. Here's what here? 56 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: What are you addicted to? Are you addicted to? What 57 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,680 Speaker 1: part of it? For you like? What part though like? 58 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 1: Because for me, I like the I like when people 59 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 1: like what I like. So if I'm really proud of 60 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: something and I put it all back, I posted because 61 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,720 Speaker 1: I'm really proud and I like it, and then I 62 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 1: see other people proud and they like it too, that 63 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: literally gives me joy. But the problem with that is 64 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: when they don't right, So you have that's not okay, 65 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 1: you can't look like that, but you have to control that. 66 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 1: And that's the thing is how you manage your addiction. 67 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 1: How do we manage it? Are you always healthy? Way? 68 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 1: Are you always self correcting? Because I'm always self correcting 69 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: to the point of so like all the time. Oh, 70 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 1: it's terrible. It is terrible. Things will wake me up 71 00:03:56,040 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: out of my comato sleep. You need not addressed this, 72 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 1: Like literally, I have issues with sleeping because my my 73 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 1: mind won't rest. I will leave this conversation and this 74 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: interaction will go because we're going out, and we're going 75 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: out after that, right, But I will leave this night 76 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,440 Speaker 1: and it's a beautiful night. It's a soul fulfilling night. 77 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 1: I know it is as always is when we have 78 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 1: these interactions. But I will leave the situation to be like, 79 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 1: what did I say? Was that offensive? Like I really 80 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 1: even with your friends. Wow, I'm not gonna say I 81 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 1: don't do that. I have done that. Um, I don't 82 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: know that it's a regular thing. I think there is 83 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 1: a core group of people that I most of the time. 84 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 1: But I guess you're right. I guess even with even 85 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,359 Speaker 1: with close friends, I'm always watching what I say. You 86 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: know what I was like, Oh my god, was that offensive? 87 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: Do you think she took when she blinked her eye 88 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,040 Speaker 1: her left eye? What did that mean? You know? Like 89 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,479 Speaker 1: that's how I'm wired. Even with my mom, Like people 90 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,839 Speaker 1: that I know that will never shun me of love 91 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,799 Speaker 1: because they know I'm human. I still have those moments. 92 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,719 Speaker 1: What is that? Where does that come from? What is 93 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: that root to? I think for me, for the Virgo 94 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 1: sign is the perfection thing. And you still feel like this. 95 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: I still feel like this, but I manage it because 96 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 1: because of the projects, the type of projects that I've 97 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 1: taken on, and I've seen the residual effect I've seen 98 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,799 Speaker 1: from hidden figures, how a little black and brown girls 99 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 1: have been driven to dream to be scientists, to be 100 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 1: you know, mathematicians, to do coding. You know, I grew 101 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 1: up in a time where I was told math and 102 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:44,719 Speaker 1: science was for boys. So I didn't dream those dreams. 103 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 1: So I know the impact of what I do, and 104 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,480 Speaker 1: I know you have to take the good with the bad. 105 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: I didn't sign up this for sign up for this 106 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 1: for the fame. I'm very clear on why I do 107 00:05:56,279 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 1: what I do is it art can change the fact 108 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: lives in the most positive way if you handle it properly. 109 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 1: Like I'm clear on why I do. I'm clear on 110 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: why God gave me this gift. It's not it's bigger 111 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 1: than me. God put us here for humans make the 112 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 1: world go around. We need each other. Somebody's story affected you. 113 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:20,600 Speaker 1: Somebody's story inspired you to do what you're doing, just 114 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 1: like somebody's story inspired me. It's so much bigger than 115 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: who you are and what you think you're doing. You 116 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 1: want to make God laugh, tell them your plans that's 117 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 1: so true, it's so true, or try to control of this. 118 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,159 Speaker 1: This is an exercise. I'm I'm literally I'm in it 119 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 1: right now in my life. I'm in a pivot and 120 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:42,839 Speaker 1: a change in my life and place in my life 121 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: where I'm really testing the waters of letting things happen 122 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:49,920 Speaker 1: as opposed to um always making them happen. Not to 123 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: say I don't work hard, not to say I don't 124 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,640 Speaker 1: have a vision and I don't execute and all those things. 125 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: But there has to be a certain amount of piece 126 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,360 Speaker 1: that you give away that it's gonna be what it's 127 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,720 Speaker 1: gonna be, and it's gonna be okay. I didn't have 128 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: that for most of my career. I'm just learning how 129 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,280 Speaker 1: to do that now. And it's still a struggle. It's 130 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 1: I don't have it all the time, but sometimes when 131 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 1: I fall into the pocket, it's like, he don't disappoint 132 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 1: you never. It's like it's actually fascinating, and I'm sure 133 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 1: to be tapped in. Though. You gotta be tapped in 134 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 1: so you know exactly what I'm saying. I know exactly 135 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,160 Speaker 1: what you're talking about. You have to be tapped in. 136 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: You can't. We think we're in control, and it's those 137 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: humbling moments when we realize, oh, I gotta surrender, and 138 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 1: I have to surrender in a way where I have 139 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 1: unshakable faith because things are gonna come at you and 140 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 1: you're gonna question your faith. You better not. You better 141 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: fucking not, because your faith is what got you where 142 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 1: you are. And you know, you gotta remember life is 143 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 1: spiritual warfare. You know those cartoons back in the day 144 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 1: when they hand a little devil over here in the angel. 145 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 1: That's literally life. That's every day, and it's a choice 146 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 1: every day, and it's a fight every day. Like literally, 147 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 1: in today's times, my joy is something I have to 148 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:08,240 Speaker 1: fight for every day. Now that we have social media, 149 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: I have to fight for it. I have to fight 150 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: for it every day. And how do you choose? Like? 151 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 1: What what do you choose that works? Like on a 152 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: good day when you fought for it and you won, 153 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 1: what did you do? I fought against all the negative thoughts. 154 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: I chose gratitude. Whenever I feel in my darkest moments, 155 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: I run to gratitude because that's gonna shift my whole, 156 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: my my whole attitude towards life. It'll make me have compassion, 157 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:45,200 Speaker 1: It'll make me give mercy and grace. Um. Once I 158 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:52,079 Speaker 1: tap into um, the fact that I'm human and I'm 159 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 1: experiencing human moments every day. I'm not gonna be perfect 160 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: some days because of what I went through and my trauma. 161 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 1: I might choose violence, you know, but that's the battle, 162 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: that's the battle of being a human. How are you 163 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: doing overall? I just interviewed Jay Balbin and he told me, 164 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: you know, he's struggled with some things and his life too, 165 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 1: and he um, he's developed the system where he checks 166 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,559 Speaker 1: in with his team and his friends and his family. 167 00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 1: He asked, he asked them how happy are you on 168 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,599 Speaker 1: the scale of one to tend And I love that. 169 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,199 Speaker 1: I told him I was gonna steal it for the podcast. 170 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 1: It's really like to check in with people like how happy? 171 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 1: So I will ask you that miss sense, how happy 172 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,079 Speaker 1: are you? I don't know? To be quite honest, I 173 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: thought I was happy. But the things that I thought 174 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: I'm gonna get emotional, I don't want to. The things 175 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:48,079 Speaker 1: that I thought was making me happy, they don't. They 176 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: don't cut it anymore. And so I'm in a place 177 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 1: where what does that look like? And I'm kind of 178 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,440 Speaker 1: spinning because I don't know the things that made me 179 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:01,360 Speaker 1: happy before, Like you know, when I was going to 180 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 1: get married and that didn't work out. It's not that 181 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: it's not marriage, it's not a man, it's not. So 182 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:10,200 Speaker 1: it's for me to tap into find my happiness. And 183 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 1: to be quite honest with you, Angie, I haven't been happy, 184 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 1: like purely happy in a long time, your hands, I haven't. 185 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 1: I'm sorry I'm not because it's just a wake up 186 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,079 Speaker 1: call and I'm still here, I'm still living, so that 187 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 1: means I have time to find it and and it's 188 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,680 Speaker 1: work and it's okay because it's it's uh for the 189 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,120 Speaker 1: benefit of me, and I ain't gonna do with nobody 190 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,640 Speaker 1: else A man, a friend. This is all me and 191 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 1: I'm I'm excited about this next chapter in finding this happiness. 192 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 1: Don't you feel like that could? Because I always think 193 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,800 Speaker 1: when I'm in the time of my life, I don't know. 194 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 1: I just feel like we all have moments in our 195 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 1: life where we have to pivot, right, we have to pivot. 196 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,520 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I posted that. I said it's time 197 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:56,920 Speaker 1: for pivot. Go ahead. Yeah, So that's what it is. 198 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 1: All of us have those moments, right, and those moments 199 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: are tough, a pivoting and shifting and changing what you 200 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,079 Speaker 1: cared about, changing how you view the world, changing how 201 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: you gonna your operating systems. It's not easy. Some people 202 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 1: don't make it, or some people stay still and stagnant 203 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 1: because they're afraid of that. They're afraid of evolution, They're 204 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,200 Speaker 1: afraid to pivot. And it's just so sometimes we have 205 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 1: to go through to be because how are you supposed 206 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 1: to be happier if you can't be unhappy? How you 207 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:28,319 Speaker 1: have to be able to identify that you are unhappy? 208 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:33,800 Speaker 1: And you know, one thing I know about me is 209 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 1: that I don't fear change. I celebrate it, and as 210 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: uncomfortable as it is, I know that when I get 211 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: to the other side, I want to be a better person. 212 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,079 Speaker 1: I will have a story to tell that's going to 213 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: inspire and help and change someone else life for the better. 214 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: And that's why when I talk to people, I'm like, 215 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,439 Speaker 1: if you have a story to tell, tell it. No 216 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,720 Speaker 1: one wants to hear how easy your fucking life was, 217 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 1: because life ain't easy. Nobody believes goddamn what color you are, 218 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 1: how privileged you are. Life ain't easy, and it's getting 219 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 1: harder and harder every day. Right, So if you have 220 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 1: a story to tell, if you come through some tribes 221 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 1: with you, you need to share it because you're gonna 222 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 1: inspire someone. You're gonna you're gonna give somebody the motivation 223 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,800 Speaker 1: to not give up, to not to quit, you know. So, 224 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: I like, when I'm in these places, when you're that 225 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 1: gray area, you got to celebrate that gray area because 226 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,880 Speaker 1: coming out of that is your rebirth. It's your resurrection. 227 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,360 Speaker 1: You can't run from that. Has this happened to you before, 228 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 1: absolutely many times, So you've had this a few times. 229 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 1: I'm going through it right now. And another thing is 230 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 1: when you see people happy doesn't mean that they're not 231 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: going through anything. You know, you came in here super happy. 232 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,000 Speaker 1: Anybody in this room who didn't know you or didn't 233 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 1: have the chance to sit with you and have this 234 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 1: like deeper conversation, it's like she's like the happiest lady 235 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 1: on the planet because you because it's what you present 236 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: that this is what a lot of people present that 237 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 1: and that's how you get to the place like how 238 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 1: did this person die by suicide? I know, I know. 239 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 1: So that's why I always air on the side of kindness, 240 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:13,439 Speaker 1: because you never know. We all have our crosses to bear. 241 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,559 Speaker 1: Some wear it on their sleeves, some are very open 242 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 1: about it, and some choose not to for their whatever reasons. 243 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,280 Speaker 1: But that's why you air on the side of kindness, 244 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: because you never know what a person is going I 245 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:27,440 Speaker 1: had this weird thought the other day that maybe, like, 246 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 1: because I saw all these posts about you never know 247 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,080 Speaker 1: you know twitch on Twitch. I saw everybody posted about it, 248 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,880 Speaker 1: and uh, people were It's just people are so mean 249 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 1: and people are so interested in judging and um, I 250 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 1: don't know, just saying so smart ass ship or being 251 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 1: cruel to people. It's like, I wonder if the whole 252 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 1: world isn't because I feel like everybody's going through something 253 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,959 Speaker 1: right now, and I'm wondering if the whole world is 254 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: going through something because the whole world needs to be 255 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 1: checked about how much judgment there is out here, how 256 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 1: much me ship is out here. I just feel like 257 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 1: some people need to get checked. Well, what we're discovering 258 00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: is there a lot of people in pain because hurt 259 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,560 Speaker 1: people hurt people they have to because they have to 260 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 1: ignore their own pain and trauma. And so that's what 261 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:16,199 Speaker 1: it's bringing up. It's bringing up the pain that people 262 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 1: are going through. And so to shift that pain, they misguided, 263 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: they misdirected, and they directed onto somebody else. And we know, 264 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 1: you know any human that can pull back and go, 265 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: you know what, give them a minute that wasn't I 266 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 1: shouldn't have said, or did you know who has the 267 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 1: time to slow down? Like the news cyclists, you know 268 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: what I mean, something happens, you're like the next thing, 269 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: it's something else to worry about it. It's so much 270 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 1: coming at us and and and light speeds moments like 271 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,000 Speaker 1: we don't have time to heal from one to the next. 272 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,640 Speaker 1: How do. How are we? You know, it does make 273 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 1: me feel better when I if I think I'm going 274 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,880 Speaker 1: through something or feeling you hear somebody else it does. 275 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, well, you're never alone. And that's the 276 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: thing about this mental health piece. No one is alone. 277 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 1: I don't care. I can sit up here and smile 278 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,000 Speaker 1: on your face and be but and you know I'm 279 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:18,280 Speaker 1: going through ship you know it. But um, at the 280 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: end of the day, it's about fighting for your joy 281 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: and finding it because yes, life is gonna throw you curveballs. 282 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 1: Yes it's unpredictable, but at the end of the day, 283 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 1: you have it. Some people ain't waking up to figure 284 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:36,120 Speaker 1: it out and make it better today. You know. Some 285 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 1: people they checked out and that's what they gotta go 286 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 1: home with, you know what I mean. So the fact 287 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 1: that you're still able to wake up the next day 288 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: and try and try again, that's all you can do 289 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: as a human as long as you're learning, as long 290 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: as you're learning along the way and you're not turning 291 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: back your back you turn the stone. What are you 292 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: learning now? What it's like? What are your recent lessons? Oh, 293 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: patience is always my lesson because you ain't got it 294 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: yet because you haven't. You haven't I feel you by 295 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: the way I feel you, I've gotten better. I'm a 296 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:14,520 Speaker 1: better version of myself. I'm a better version. But it's still. Yeah, 297 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:21,760 Speaker 1: that patience thing is Honestly, I think that's what we've 298 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 1: been here, placed on earth to practice patients seriously us. 299 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 1: Maybe not everybody, but that might not be. Everybody's heard 300 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,240 Speaker 1: everybody New York go out and listen to these damn 301 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:35,000 Speaker 1: carl see damn horns. Where are you racing to the 302 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: next red lights? Like stop? I know my Uber driver 303 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,240 Speaker 1: was beeping before. I was like, sir, you're beeping. They 304 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: can't go anywhere. It doesn't you're just making because it 305 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:47,240 Speaker 1: was upon us we're bag you'll be beeping. Yeah. Trying 306 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:51,119 Speaker 1: to find peace. I'm trying to find peace any means 307 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 1: necessary in the world that is trying to cram down 308 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: our throat. Non peace, like it's everything you look at, 309 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 1: anything you turn on, tell it's a fight. It's a fight. 310 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:08,119 Speaker 1: There's no peace, there's no rest, fear fear mongering. And 311 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 1: I believe in God, I believe in love, I believe 312 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 1: in positivity. That's what I have to lean on because 313 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 1: other than that, it's darkness. I can't live in darkness. 314 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: Darkness is death. You ain't living. You have to pick 315 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 1: a side. I want to live. So I'm going to 316 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 1: choose light. I'm going to choose the light. I'm gonna 317 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,119 Speaker 1: choose love. I'm going to choose positivity every time, because 318 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:38,359 Speaker 1: that is where life dwells, doesn't dwell in fear and hate. 319 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 1: That's so good and it's a choice every day, Like 320 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:47,600 Speaker 1: you said, day, there are days I did you know. 321 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 1: I'm about to go to boy for a month by myself. 322 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: It's my own spiritual journey. I love this for you. 323 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: Tell me about this. Wait, do you normally do trips 324 00:17:56,080 --> 00:18:01,359 Speaker 1: by yourself? Never? I think I've told this before. I 325 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,760 Speaker 1: used to do this every single year. I'm like a 326 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,639 Speaker 1: year out, haven't done it, and my spirit is like, 327 00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 1: so I did it first. Maybe I'm only four or 328 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,040 Speaker 1: five years ago, and then I did it every year 329 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 1: because when you do it, whenever you're with somebody else, 330 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,480 Speaker 1: you're on their time and their energy. Even if it's 331 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 1: the best friend, you're somebody to consider, it's just you 332 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:24,160 Speaker 1: got problems you can't really focus on. You go by yourself, 333 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,240 Speaker 1: you wake up by yourself. It's your own thoughts. If 334 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,680 Speaker 1: you forced that you just and you could be at 335 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,160 Speaker 1: peace and comfort. I love it. I haven't never done 336 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,240 Speaker 1: it a long long time. Normally, my trips for myself 337 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,800 Speaker 1: would be like four days, I'll go go to turks 338 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 1: sitting and by the pool for four days. Books, pen right, no, 339 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:47,879 Speaker 1: just whatever, but Polly sounds listen, it's gonna take me 340 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,920 Speaker 1: twenty four hours to get there. That's by myself. That's hey, God, 341 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,600 Speaker 1: let's get up my mouth. So like that's literally by myself, 342 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,440 Speaker 1: and then I'm going to be there by myself. It's 343 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 1: I'm wow. Literally is this because of where you're at 344 00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:07,080 Speaker 1: and you're trying to la. I gotta find my happiness 345 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 1: And it's not in my friends, it's not in my mama, 346 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 1: it's not in you know, it's me. It's me and 347 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,560 Speaker 1: this is the work I gotta do. So that means 348 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,400 Speaker 1: work gets shut down everything Well, it's it's the perfect time. 349 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 1: I'm the type of person that if I'm not my best, 350 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 1: I don't want to be around people because I feel 351 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,399 Speaker 1: like God has given me a gift to lift people up, 352 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,840 Speaker 1: and so if I'm not capable in my own being 353 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 1: to do that, to get low and I don't want 354 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,960 Speaker 1: to go because I don't want to bring everybody down. 355 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 1: I know that about me. I know that I'm an 356 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 1: energy transfer like everybody is. But I wonder that for 357 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,920 Speaker 1: you sometimes as your friend and just watching you and 358 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 1: a fan of your career, you're you're always the life 359 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:57,399 Speaker 1: of the party, your life of the party. And it 360 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,200 Speaker 1: was it was my best friend that said it. It's 361 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: like it is very challenging. She said, you know, I 362 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:07,760 Speaker 1: watch you and to Rogie, no matter what you're going through, 363 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,880 Speaker 1: you will go into it. She said, You're such an impath. 364 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: You're so compassionate that no matter what you're going through, 365 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,879 Speaker 1: and I know you'll go into a room and you'll 366 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,120 Speaker 1: see people not able to pull themselves up, and you'll 367 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 1: be that person and you'll ignore your whole what you're 368 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 1: going through, your mental state, you'll ignore it just to 369 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:35,119 Speaker 1: lift that room up. And I'm just getting to it. 370 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,880 Speaker 1: I'm just getting to this point where it's like it's 371 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 1: empty for me now, like I can do it, and 372 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,800 Speaker 1: I I love it. I love to make people happy 373 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:48,199 Speaker 1: and smile. But then what about me? Because I go 374 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 1: home and the shadows and the four corners of my room, 375 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:56,040 Speaker 1: Who's there to lift me up. M hm. So this 376 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 1: trip to Bolly and got to do with my friends, 377 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 1: my mama, my day. It No, this is me. What 378 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: are you hoping to get out of it? I'm trying 379 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:14,600 Speaker 1: to find that happiness again, the happiness that that was 380 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,560 Speaker 1: innately in me, you know you like a happy kid, 381 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: Like I was the only kidd you know, I could 382 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: play by myself. I had the most incredible imagination. That's 383 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 1: why I'm an actress. That's why I am the actress 384 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,479 Speaker 1: that I am because I had so much time alone 385 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 1: and all I could do was create and pretend that 386 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,199 Speaker 1: the other person was sitting. I had to pretend you 387 00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,560 Speaker 1: were there. I didn't have you know, you know what 388 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,879 Speaker 1: I mean. So that's me. That's what I do, and 389 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:45,840 Speaker 1: it's in me, like I grew up like that. But um, 390 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 1: I just hit my glass ceiling. I think, you know, 391 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:53,200 Speaker 1: lifting rooms and being the life of the party is 392 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:58,440 Speaker 1: like where is your life? Yeah? But what a blessing 393 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,359 Speaker 1: that you could Number one, be comfortable enough to say 394 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: that clearly, you gotta be comfortable enough to tell your 395 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,720 Speaker 1: whole team and everybody involved with you, like I'm going 396 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,879 Speaker 1: away for a month and being okay with that and 397 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 1: and just have the the will and the ability to 398 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 1: be able to be like it got so dark that 399 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 1: I couldn't see, and I was afraid because for the 400 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: first time, the person who everybody thinks is so strong 401 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:32,280 Speaker 1: was not, and I was scared for myself. I don't 402 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:37,199 Speaker 1: think I would ever harm myself, but suic suicidal ideation, 403 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:43,439 Speaker 1: it's real, it's real. I get it. I don't have 404 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 1: those thoughts. I haven't. I don't know in my life. 405 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: I'm sure I have period, but but I understand it's real. 406 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:57,359 Speaker 1: I understand how I understand, especially now where things you 407 00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:01,159 Speaker 1: see people who are strong, you deemed to be strong 408 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:05,680 Speaker 1: or happy, happy, Yeah, but they're doing the same thing 409 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:10,640 Speaker 1: you said you do. You show up in the room, smile, 410 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 1: you hug people, you give them love. That that has 411 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 1: nothing to do with what's going on inside. Yeah, I mean, 412 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,800 Speaker 1: thank god, I'm I'm as somebody who cares about you. 413 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,680 Speaker 1: I'm grateful that you have the will and the um 414 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:30,160 Speaker 1: and to care for yourself to even make that take 415 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,600 Speaker 1: that shift, make that change. I'm proud of myself. I 416 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,520 Speaker 1: feel very proud to be able to look in the 417 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,200 Speaker 1: camera and say I'm not that strong, like I'm fighting 418 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,880 Speaker 1: for my joy every day. It's a fight. Every day 419 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:48,200 Speaker 1: is a I feel like I'm fighting for my life, 420 00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:52,480 Speaker 1: you know, because I feel like so many people look 421 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:56,200 Speaker 1: up and they're counting on me. You know what I mean. 422 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:02,639 Speaker 1: I don't feel like no hero. It's okay, baby, you 423 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,480 Speaker 1: take a second. I'm not a fucking hero. Like I'm 424 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:09,399 Speaker 1: not I'm not perfect. I'm somebody who I'm a human. 425 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 1: I'm flawed. I'm trying to figure this thing out every day, 426 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 1: and um, it just for me right now, I just 427 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: seem like it's getting harder and harder. But is it? 428 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 1: Is it? Is it my perception? Is it what I'm 429 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: putting on? It? Is it? You know, when you get 430 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,200 Speaker 1: into a dark place, you go you can compound yourself 431 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,360 Speaker 1: with the darkness, you know, and it's all about your thoughts. 432 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,720 Speaker 1: And it's like, am I doing this to myself? Is 433 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 1: this happening in real time? I just I'm finally to 434 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,000 Speaker 1: a place in my life where I just need to 435 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 1: say it's like a whoa. Everybody stopped, Thank god, thank god? 436 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,719 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Can we get a tissue too? 437 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,919 Speaker 1: I just want to make sure she's okay. Maybe you 438 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 1: aren't it's crazy because you talk so much about like 439 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,679 Speaker 1: what we do and that we do it for other people, 440 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,159 Speaker 1: even you sharing your story. Now this is hard, and 441 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 1: even as your friend is hard, I kind of like 442 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 1: want to stop. But if after that, and you know 443 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,120 Speaker 1: I listened, if after this you had said to me, 444 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 1: just so everybody's clear, if after this she says to me, 445 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,160 Speaker 1: cut it all out, I would. I would come back 446 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:22,880 Speaker 1: and cut it all out, you know why. But I'm 447 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 1: just saying I know, and I feel safe with you 448 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,000 Speaker 1: as what I'm saying, well, just know that because but 449 00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 1: I also feel at the same time cutting out of 450 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,960 Speaker 1: this ship, you know why, because people need to see it, 451 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,200 Speaker 1: and I think that's what we got his paper towels 452 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:41,560 Speaker 1: though whatever, Okay, it's okay, I'm okay, it's the perception. No, 453 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 1: this is what I'm saying to the reason I don't 454 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 1: stop you. The reason I don't stop you, even though 455 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: as my heart, as your friends like, I want to 456 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:52,119 Speaker 1: protect you. But um, there's somebody who is in the 457 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,240 Speaker 1: same place you are or worse and hasn't doesn't have 458 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 1: the You've done a lot of work on yourself, You've 459 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 1: done therapy, you've read a lot, you are you travel 460 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 1: the world, you are. You know, you have the ability 461 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,119 Speaker 1: to say I'm not good and I'm gonna shift and 462 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,720 Speaker 1: I'm going to do these other things. There are people 463 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,680 Speaker 1: right now that are not good, but don't They don't 464 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,159 Speaker 1: know how to say it. They don't know how to 465 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:15,239 Speaker 1: say it. They don't even have the capacity to kind 466 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 1: of understand what it's going to take to get you 467 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,600 Speaker 1: out of it. And so you sharing that I think 468 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:24,200 Speaker 1: is really important because we have all been there. You've 469 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,960 Speaker 1: seen me there. Oh my god, remember we for your birthday. Yes, 470 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,720 Speaker 1: I was not good. I know, I kept my eyes 471 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:35,479 Speaker 1: on you. No, but that was not good. But I 472 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,440 Speaker 1: was coming out of it right now that moment you were, 473 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,960 Speaker 1: and I'm and the reason why I knew you were 474 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:43,200 Speaker 1: coming out because you came out, you know what I'm saying. 475 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,000 Speaker 1: You could have been like I'm not coming. You could have, 476 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,479 Speaker 1: but you came, you know, and even though I know 477 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:53,120 Speaker 1: you weren't at your best, but you were at your 478 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 1: best because you were honest with yourself, You were honest 479 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,119 Speaker 1: with us, You were honest with me. I knew exactly 480 00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 1: where you were, so I didn't push hard with Angie. 481 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,920 Speaker 1: She not at the you know, what I mean, like, 482 00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,399 Speaker 1: because you were honest and you communicate. I was like, 483 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:08,560 Speaker 1: give her, let her sleep in like she needs, Like 484 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 1: this is not about a turn up for her, listen 485 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,359 Speaker 1: about something else. And what happened at the end of that, 486 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,919 Speaker 1: everybody walked away from that celebration a better person. My 487 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,119 Speaker 1: other girlfriend just lost her mother, like it was and 488 00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:23,960 Speaker 1: it was like all your friends, I didn't really know 489 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,239 Speaker 1: all of them like that. You invited me, and I 490 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,280 Speaker 1: was like, and I needed to go away. It was 491 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,520 Speaker 1: this was after the accident, hadn't really come outside yet. 492 00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 1: My body was still hurt. I still was just I 493 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 1: was tired. I just was like tired. I didn't know 494 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 1: what was next. I didn't feel cooked, I didn't feel 495 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,879 Speaker 1: connected to nothing. I was just like it wasn't like 496 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 1: I was sad. I wasn't like sitting in my room crying. 497 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,679 Speaker 1: But I just was like I couldn't. I was just 498 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 1: that was odd moment. It was just I just was 499 00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:53,240 Speaker 1: like stuck in kind of like what had happened, how 500 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,360 Speaker 1: I had changed, and I didn't know what was next. 501 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,600 Speaker 1: So I was just uncomfortable and then you invited me 502 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 1: and so I went and I was a little quiet, 503 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:06,200 Speaker 1: right like you were. Then You're awakening happened and it 504 00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,640 Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I didn't know how much 505 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 1: I needed that sad I got on the water. The 506 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:14,240 Speaker 1: ocean was very healing. The ocean is very healing. Um, 507 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 1: but I tried. I was trying to be and I 508 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 1: thought I was presenting well. I didn't know anybody could 509 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,120 Speaker 1: see it. And then you said to me on the trip, 510 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,680 Speaker 1: you said, I just want to know, like I see 511 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 1: a difference from you from the time he came in 512 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,359 Speaker 1: to the end of the trip, like you have let 513 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,760 Speaker 1: let a weight go, and it felt, you know, it 514 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,040 Speaker 1: was nice to have it was it was nice to 515 00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:34,520 Speaker 1: have a space where like I didn't have to tell 516 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,119 Speaker 1: you everything single thing I was feeling, but like I 517 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,680 Speaker 1: also had a space where could feel you were saying 518 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,040 Speaker 1: without having to have to talk about everything, because I 519 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: go through stuff and a lot of times I don't 520 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,200 Speaker 1: want to talk about it, you know what I mean, 521 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,520 Speaker 1: Like it's triggering, I don't want but I just want 522 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 1: to be in a safe place where I can just 523 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 1: be me wherever I am right now. It might not 524 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,600 Speaker 1: be the best me, but it is the version of 525 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,720 Speaker 1: me always the best, and and and the fact that 526 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 1: I'm being accepted and celebrated in this version of me 527 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 1: is what's important, and that's what keeps me going right, 528 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 1: because then it dispels the I have to the perfection 529 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,840 Speaker 1: I have to be or look or you know. My 530 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:22,000 Speaker 1: friends don't care. They will pull up on me. If 531 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 1: my hello sounds off, they will pull up on me. 532 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,840 Speaker 1: I don't care what country I mean. I remember when 533 00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:34,480 Speaker 1: John Single passed away, m hm that I was going 534 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,800 Speaker 1: through a lot. And then that happened and my best 535 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 1: friend did not like she said, my hello sound weird 536 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:46,400 Speaker 1: to her. She flew from DC to Vancouver, pulled up 537 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 1: on me. She said, yeah, I don't trust what you're 538 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:54,160 Speaker 1: saying on the phone. I need to see you know, 539 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 1: Mary would do that. I think that is a very 540 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 1: important thing for people in life. I talked about this 541 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 1: on the show. Like the people that we choose as 542 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 1: friends literally can change your life. They literally lift you up, 543 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 1: they save you when you need to be saved, or 544 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,840 Speaker 1: they bring you down, or they bring you down. Bad choices, right, 545 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,480 Speaker 1: you have you have always been somebody who like shows 546 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:18,640 Speaker 1: up like you take friendship seriously. I take it very seriously. 547 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,120 Speaker 1: You can you can't choose your family, You can choose 548 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,680 Speaker 1: your friends. You know, how does this all this like 549 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,480 Speaker 1: You're gonna go to bothering for him a month, which 550 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,200 Speaker 1: I'm so I'm like low key jealous but in a way, 551 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 1: but I'm so happy for you you're going to boy 552 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,840 Speaker 1: for a month. How does this like, when you're going 553 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 1: through this pivot in this moment, these things, How does 554 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,880 Speaker 1: that affect your career and your career choices? You know, 555 00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:47,240 Speaker 1: I don't care, because, um, I have to be in 556 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:51,440 Speaker 1: control of me. I can lose myself giving it all 557 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:55,200 Speaker 1: to the industry doing things because I have the job 558 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,200 Speaker 1: to do. Funk that job. If I'm not mentally well, 559 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:02,800 Speaker 1: if I'm not good, I won't service that role. I 560 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,480 Speaker 1: won't service my fans. They will not get the best 561 00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:08,720 Speaker 1: of me. I can't do it. I just think because 562 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 1: like I know, you did that show. You're talking about 563 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: mount mental health, and you have these products, and you 564 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,800 Speaker 1: know your brand is not if you're not just an 565 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,320 Speaker 1: actress like you have right, You're not just an actress, 566 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: And so I just wonder how your brand shifts as 567 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:27,040 Speaker 1: you shift as I as I um understand what my 568 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: life purposes, didn't it shifts? You know? I get clearer 569 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,360 Speaker 1: on what my purposes. You know, at first I thought 570 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,680 Speaker 1: it was just to be a glamor and superstar. You know. 571 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,440 Speaker 1: Then it was like, but no, God gave you the mic. 572 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:40,880 Speaker 1: What you're gonna say, don't suck it up like you 573 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,479 Speaker 1: have the mic? Are you going to use it for 574 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:45,640 Speaker 1: the greater good? What are you gonna do with this mike? 575 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,480 Speaker 1: And so once I realized the impact that I have 576 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:54,880 Speaker 1: on people, I took it very seriously and it wasn't 577 00:31:54,880 --> 00:32:00,080 Speaker 1: about picking the most positive characters. People need representation. And 578 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 1: so here we go with um hustling flow. She was 579 00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:08,760 Speaker 1: a whore. Let's just say what it is. She was 580 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:14,960 Speaker 1: a woman of the night right. It's sex work. That's real. 581 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: People do that. Who am I to judge? How do 582 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,560 Speaker 1: I make her human? How do I make people empathize 583 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:23,720 Speaker 1: with her? How do I make people look at the 584 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,600 Speaker 1: film and go, how do I find this shugar? I 585 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 1: want to help her. That's my job to make these 586 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:36,560 Speaker 1: characters human, to make you not judge them. Right, you 587 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,680 Speaker 1: see a black woman, she's loud and public. You might 588 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,600 Speaker 1: think of Cookie before you judge her. You might go, 589 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 1: there's a reason why she's like that. You know what 590 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:58,680 Speaker 1: I mean cookie, cookie, Um. I love her being in 591 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,560 Speaker 1: the past. I think she's been you know what I 592 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: mean like that there's nothing to you know, bring back 593 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,640 Speaker 1: for her. Like she did what she was supposed to do. 594 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:18,040 Speaker 1: She she um, and she energized people to be themselves 595 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,600 Speaker 1: whatever that looks like and be unapologetic. You have to 596 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,400 Speaker 1: be so proud of even what you've done to now, 597 00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,120 Speaker 1: like if you did nothing else, like I'm very proud 598 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 1: I am. Um. Do you spend time on that thinking 599 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:37,080 Speaker 1: about because I would imagined that you're like me where 600 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:38,640 Speaker 1: you're like always like but what am I going to 601 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 1: do next? But what do I do after this? So? What? Okay, 602 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,760 Speaker 1: so we have a great conversation, what is the next 603 00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,200 Speaker 1: conversation for me? That's my ship. It's like and I'm 604 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,560 Speaker 1: trying to not be like that. I'm trying to like 605 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:53,640 Speaker 1: not to not be motivated, but to be um okay 606 00:33:54,320 --> 00:34:00,360 Speaker 1: with however, I'm being used your narrative. Okay, get help me. 607 00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,360 Speaker 1: How are you going to use me next? That way? 608 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,880 Speaker 1: It's open? You know, how are you? What platform? How 609 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:08,719 Speaker 1: are you? You knew it was time for you to 610 00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:12,560 Speaker 1: move on? You knew that, But what am I doing next? 611 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,840 Speaker 1: And you're onto it. This is how people want to 612 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,239 Speaker 1: see you that we want to hear your voice of 613 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,760 Speaker 1: New York. I'm sitting here. You understand what I'm saying. 614 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:24,200 Speaker 1: People you built that, you did that, and people want 615 00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:26,319 Speaker 1: to hear your voice. It doesn't matter. You ain't gotta 616 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,760 Speaker 1: be here or there wherever you're gon, We're gonna follow. 617 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:33,000 Speaker 1: You know, No, I appreciate that, but I don't take 618 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 1: it lightly. I feel like you have the same way. 619 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,680 Speaker 1: You don't take your ship lightly. It's like I take, Okay, 620 00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:38,959 Speaker 1: this is what you want me to do, I'm gonna 621 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,200 Speaker 1: do it. Or this is what's my calling, or you 622 00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:42,840 Speaker 1: put me through these things in my life and you 623 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,479 Speaker 1: give me like a yearning to want to share deeper more. 624 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:47,799 Speaker 1: And so then how that's why I asked you, how 625 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,439 Speaker 1: does it show up in your career? Because for me, 626 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:54,200 Speaker 1: it's all together. Absolutely, people like separate, but it's all together, 627 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,600 Speaker 1: or at least I feel most whole and most um 628 00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,719 Speaker 1: just peaceful when everything kind of is aligned and truthful, 629 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,160 Speaker 1: and like, you know, if I have to act one 630 00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,719 Speaker 1: way over here and then go over here, and it's 631 00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:08,000 Speaker 1: exhausting to do that. So if I could create this 632 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,200 Speaker 1: platform where I could kind of talk to the ship 633 00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,920 Speaker 1: I want to talk about and and I can control it. 634 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,840 Speaker 1: And that's um, that's like a great I don't know, 635 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:17,719 Speaker 1: it's just been good and you work your ass off 636 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,080 Speaker 1: to get here and you're at the place where people 637 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,640 Speaker 1: will listen. They want to listen. They want to hear 638 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:24,759 Speaker 1: what you have to say because it matters and it 639 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:29,680 Speaker 1: means something. Thank you. Yeah, but see, I don't know, No, 640 00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 1: what do you mean? You don't know. I think that's 641 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,719 Speaker 1: when you start getting tapped into ego a little bit, 642 00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:38,040 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. We'll see because I know you. Yeah, 643 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,160 Speaker 1: you have your ego now, y'all gotta know. Ego is 644 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:43,160 Speaker 1: a good thing. You need ego, you gotta That's what 645 00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:48,120 Speaker 1: Mike Tyson told me. Told me, away from it if 646 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,640 Speaker 1: you have to check it. But you know, they say 647 00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:54,319 Speaker 1: that ego is like that's how that's but that's why 648 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:58,279 Speaker 1: we suffer. Unchecked ego. Ego is the main clause of 649 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:04,040 Speaker 1: checked ego. Unchecked ego is the main source of stuff. 650 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,640 Speaker 1: Rag ego is there? So how do you check it? It? Bitch? 651 00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:14,440 Speaker 1: Settled down the best. See, here's the thing. This is 652 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,319 Speaker 1: not a dig to anybody strive to be whatever you 653 00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:25,120 Speaker 1: want to be. But when you're connected and you know 654 00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:28,839 Speaker 1: that what you've been placed on this earth to do 655 00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 1: and the messages that you've been placed on this earth 656 00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,960 Speaker 1: to relay are much bigger than you, there's no space 657 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:38,240 Speaker 1: for ego. But you have to come to that first. See, 658 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:40,799 Speaker 1: I don't strive to be the greatest. Let me tell 659 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 1: you why you did at one point. Let me tell 660 00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:46,399 Speaker 1: you why striving to be the greatest means you gotta 661 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:51,440 Speaker 1: shoot on somebody else? Am I right or wrong? Usually? Well? 662 00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:58,440 Speaker 1: Does it? I don't know. I don't know. Does it? 663 00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:04,320 Speaker 1: Maybe you're not doing and intentionally because to be the greatest, 664 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:07,960 Speaker 1: you're shunning somebody else's talent. How how how dare you 665 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 1: say you're the greatest? Why wouldn't What makes you the 666 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,160 Speaker 1: way on the ground? What makes you're the greatest? What 667 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,720 Speaker 1: I'm saying when someone is striving to be the greatest, 668 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:19,839 Speaker 1: what makes you the greatest? Yeah? Well that can't be 669 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:21,880 Speaker 1: your goal. That can't be what you're rooted in, Like, 670 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,319 Speaker 1: you can't be trying to be better than everybody else, 671 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:27,160 Speaker 1: because if you are, you're you're you're serving a different God. 672 00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,279 Speaker 1: Well you understand what I mean by that, yes, do 673 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:35,239 Speaker 1: you understand what I'm saying? I do No, No, I 674 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,640 Speaker 1: never me personally. I don't ever do that me. I'm 675 00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:40,799 Speaker 1: always trying top myself. I didn't think about nobody else ever, 676 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,399 Speaker 1: because that's when you slip up. Once you start looking 677 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,600 Speaker 1: over there and be like her show is killing it 678 00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 1: or their show is killing and then you trying to 679 00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,120 Speaker 1: do what somebody else does and what you're not here 680 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,960 Speaker 1: to do. That's when you start tripping up and whatever 681 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,200 Speaker 1: you're doing. So when the person goes I want to 682 00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,880 Speaker 1: be the greatest, this is deep. I don't even want 683 00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,320 Speaker 1: to go here. Come up, please please, I'm just saying, 684 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 1: watch them. I don't want get it myself in any trouble. 685 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,719 Speaker 1: But just look at the lives of the people who 686 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,160 Speaker 1: said I'm the greatest and how it ended. That's all 687 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:26,359 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say. God is the greatest. You feel me, 688 00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:31,960 Speaker 1: and God put you here to do his work. Check 689 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,920 Speaker 1: your ego. I don't strive to be the greatest, because 690 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:41,760 Speaker 1: that's serving something else. The humble man knows that God 691 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:45,800 Speaker 1: gave him those talents to change and shift the world 692 00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:50,080 Speaker 1: into a better place. But when you get into im me, 693 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:55,120 Speaker 1: I I I that's another God. Does that make sense 694 00:38:56,160 --> 00:39:00,000 Speaker 1: in a real way? Yes, Yes, this is what I'm 695 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,239 Speaker 1: want to tell you. You are the one who told 696 00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,520 Speaker 1: me I had to have it ego. No, you gotta 697 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,399 Speaker 1: have it. You gotta check it, gotta check it. It's good, 698 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,719 Speaker 1: it's healthy to have it, ego. Keep it checked. I 699 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,279 Speaker 1: don't think you go. I think confidence and I think um, 700 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:15,800 Speaker 1: I think confidence. We all have ego. Every human has it. British, 701 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 1: it's our fight so much. Yes, I do human you 702 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,840 Speaker 1: keep I'm asking this, but I'm not gonna try and 703 00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,440 Speaker 1: get you in trouble. I'm asking this is a genuine question. 704 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:32,000 Speaker 1: I really would like to know about myself in what ways? 705 00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:33,960 Speaker 1: You know? But I'm not saying it's a bad thing. 706 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,160 Speaker 1: I just want to understand it, Like, in what ways 707 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,080 Speaker 1: does that show up? Come on, Britt, tell me what 708 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:46,400 Speaker 1: you tell me? In what ways does my ego show up? Work? 709 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:52,160 Speaker 1: When you it correlates with confidence. But when you walk 710 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,799 Speaker 1: into a room and things are supposed to be you're 711 00:39:55,040 --> 00:40:00,200 Speaker 1: quick and sometimes sharp when correcting other people. So I 712 00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:05,239 Speaker 1: can well, because not a bad thing. I don't think 713 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,840 Speaker 1: she's not saying it's a bad thing. You asked a 714 00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:11,120 Speaker 1: specific question okay, but let me say how you perceive. 715 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,960 Speaker 1: But let me say that she perceives that as ego. 716 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,960 Speaker 1: I don't you perceive that as work. I perceived that 717 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,120 Speaker 1: is in I care about something because I know what 718 00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:25,400 Speaker 1: I'm doing is important, could be potentially hopefully that's the 719 00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:30,080 Speaker 1: goal important to somebody, And so when other people don't 720 00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:33,520 Speaker 1: show up, it makes me. You know, I don't have time. 721 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:43,239 Speaker 1: That's that's different. Ego is I don't because I don't 722 00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:46,320 Speaker 1: want people to beat me up and go. But ego 723 00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:50,120 Speaker 1: to me, honestly is when you compete with other humans, 724 00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,759 Speaker 1: I'm going my show has to be number one. My 725 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:58,040 Speaker 1: show has to be fucking Okay, you're not going to 726 00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:00,400 Speaker 1: be number one. I mean it may get great number 727 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,000 Speaker 1: you know what, everybody's not gonna identify. You understand what 728 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:06,200 Speaker 1: I'm saying. So so that's where ego shows up. Does 729 00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:13,680 Speaker 1: that make sense? Absolutely? Whoa I aspire to be like 730 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:18,120 Speaker 1: this person? Or comparison? Is this a trap? A trap? 731 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,200 Speaker 1: Comparison is a trap. We don't do that. But I 732 00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:24,439 Speaker 1: will say this in there because because what you're trying 733 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,719 Speaker 1: to do in in in that moment is be better 734 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:31,480 Speaker 1: than that person. And the sad thing about it is, Yes, 735 00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,360 Speaker 1: your show is great, and I'm talking to myself, but 736 00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:36,960 Speaker 1: you're not going to connect to everybody because everybody don't 737 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,240 Speaker 1: identify with you. So check your fucking ego because somebody 738 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:43,680 Speaker 1: else may deliver the message in a way that somebody 739 00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:46,000 Speaker 1: else will hear it better than the way you're delivering 740 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,800 Speaker 1: the message. That's why you gotta check your fucking ego. 741 00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,960 Speaker 1: And this room for everybody. Just because your show is 742 00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,920 Speaker 1: great doesn't mean somebody else's show can't be great. Like 743 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,239 Speaker 1: me as an actress, how do I? How am I 744 00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:00,480 Speaker 1: the fucking greatest? Well, all this good work out here? 745 00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,080 Speaker 1: How can That's how I have to check my ego? 746 00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:06,440 Speaker 1: So how does that Because we were talking about this 747 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:10,479 Speaker 1: before you got here, about the awards. When you get 748 00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:13,359 Speaker 1: nominated for an Oscar and you show up that night, 749 00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:19,799 Speaker 1: how much how much of your ego is in that room? 750 00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:24,200 Speaker 1: I have checked my ego first of all, or my 751 00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:27,640 Speaker 1: ego has been checked because when I didn't get nominated 752 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:33,839 Speaker 1: for Katherine Johnson, where I played a rocket scientist, smart, intelligent, 753 00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:38,640 Speaker 1: beautiful woman, I didn't get nominated, right, But when I 754 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:42,520 Speaker 1: played the help who wasn't as glamorous and I was 755 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:49,439 Speaker 1: supporting in the supporting category, I was nominated. I gotta 756 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:53,520 Speaker 1: check my ego again. See when you get in. I 757 00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:56,960 Speaker 1: was very clear when I had my conversation with guys, 758 00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,239 Speaker 1: said I want longevity. I want work that school to 759 00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:05,759 Speaker 1: last beyond my my life on this earth. I want 760 00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,919 Speaker 1: work that people are gonna study long after I'm gone. Right, 761 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,279 Speaker 1: I'm very clear on that. And a lot of times 762 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:17,000 Speaker 1: that doesn't come with the accolades. But the accolades are 763 00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:20,200 Speaker 1: the people studying, ain't going. See this moment right here, 764 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:25,399 Speaker 1: I'm saying yes, in this moment, I finally understand it's 765 00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:28,760 Speaker 1: not necessarily this thing that man gives me and say 766 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:32,640 Speaker 1: because men are fickle. Humans are fickle, and what they're 767 00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,840 Speaker 1: feeling is the best thing that year. You know, I 768 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:40,759 Speaker 1: have no control of that. And also those awards are political. 769 00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,920 Speaker 1: I don't give a funk what you say. How do 770 00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:44,560 Speaker 1: you go this one is better than that? But let 771 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,200 Speaker 1: me tell you why. I understand you now it Just 772 00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:49,279 Speaker 1: when you would keep telling me you have to have ego, 773 00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,759 Speaker 1: it wasn't connecting for me. Right now I understand you 774 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:53,640 Speaker 1: know why. I get it. Here's why I get it. 775 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,880 Speaker 1: So when I got nominated for the people always were like, 776 00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:58,640 Speaker 1: you gotta be in the Radio Hall of Fame. I 777 00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,440 Speaker 1: was like, fuck the Radio Hall of Fame. What does 778 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,840 Speaker 1: that do for my everyday life? How does that serve? 779 00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:26,279 Speaker 1: How does that That's when you know you have to 780 00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:28,520 Speaker 1: be like the ego has to kick in a little 781 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:30,160 Speaker 1: bit because I did, like I have to show up 782 00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,839 Speaker 1: for all those things from like you said, because it's political, right, 783 00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:35,680 Speaker 1: and so I had to. But again, is that ego? 784 00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,560 Speaker 1: I don't know. That's like representation. Representation is important. Here's 785 00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:43,279 Speaker 1: the thing, Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. Ego is good. 786 00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:45,920 Speaker 1: You gotta have it, don't shut it. You need it. 787 00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,200 Speaker 1: That's the thing that gives you a confidence. That's the 788 00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:51,120 Speaker 1: thing is it gives you a gisp. Like you have 789 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:57,000 Speaker 1: to have ego. But ego unchecked is detrimental. I'm not 790 00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:58,920 Speaker 1: saying you can't have ego. You have to have it. 791 00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:01,359 Speaker 1: We all have it. We all have That's like I said, 792 00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:03,960 Speaker 1: that's what gives us our confidence, right, but you have 793 00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,920 Speaker 1: to check it and you have to keep it grounded 794 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:10,759 Speaker 1: because the ego unchecked is when you get somebody who 795 00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:12,960 Speaker 1: thinks they're better than you are the greatest and it's like, 796 00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:14,480 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell what you're not gonna do. You're not 797 00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:17,359 Speaker 1: gonna diminish my word? Why do we kick into that 798 00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:21,200 Speaker 1: that that's like, that's rooted in drama, that's rooted in drama, 799 00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:31,040 Speaker 1: trauma or trauma, you know, trauma, TA definitely trauma. That's 800 00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:35,480 Speaker 1: that's rooted people telling us that we couldn't be anything 801 00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,160 Speaker 1: that's rooted in us not seeing enough representation of people 802 00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,760 Speaker 1: that came from where we came from and had success 803 00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:42,920 Speaker 1: that's rooted in all those things. And see, for me, 804 00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:44,759 Speaker 1: I didn't take it and be like I'm gonna be 805 00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,520 Speaker 1: the greatest. I was like, we can be the greatest, 806 00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:51,080 Speaker 1: like just because like you know what bucked the funk 807 00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:55,200 Speaker 1: out of me and not get it. But when Viola 808 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,120 Speaker 1: won the Emmy and I this is what I would do. 809 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:03,120 Speaker 1: It's anybody, I don't care who that was, Like you went, 810 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:04,960 Speaker 1: I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna cook, and that's 811 00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:08,160 Speaker 1: who I am. But it was a very weird moment 812 00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:11,799 Speaker 1: in that room. In that moment, no one everybody was 813 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:16,319 Speaker 1: like huh. And then it was a headline, why is 814 00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:19,759 Speaker 1: this a headline? I was a little irritated by that. 815 00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:23,640 Speaker 1: Really irritated. It irritated me because that's what you do. 816 00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,960 Speaker 1: Like why is this a headline when humans are happy? 817 00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:30,160 Speaker 1: You know why? Because it was. It was a great moment. 818 00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:32,880 Speaker 1: It was just a little weird when that was a 819 00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:36,239 Speaker 1: headline when her like even though they just they gave 820 00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:40,719 Speaker 1: Viola all of the the glory and the press, but 821 00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,680 Speaker 1: it was like, it really just needs to be that, 822 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:47,880 Speaker 1: Like her speech was incredible. Why that? I guess what 823 00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,920 Speaker 1: you I do anyway? Like what? But I get it 824 00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:54,440 Speaker 1: because the room was it was a strange moment, like 825 00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:57,840 Speaker 1: I was expecting the room like but it was like hushed. 826 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:02,080 Speaker 1: It was like what is she doing? Like what y'all 827 00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:08,520 Speaker 1: don't do that. Y'all don't celebrate your friends, like whatever, Okay, 828 00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:13,000 Speaker 1: I accepted it. It was fine, but it was a 829 00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:17,960 Speaker 1: weird moment for me. You gave Regina that's what I do. 830 00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,000 Speaker 1: That's what I mean. And I when I saw that, 831 00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,280 Speaker 1: and she was like, because you know that's my friend, right, 832 00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,640 Speaker 1: And she was like, oh my god, Like I knew 833 00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:32,160 Speaker 1: I won when you opened that envelope because I was like, 834 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,840 Speaker 1: because you know that's my friend, she knew, you know 835 00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:40,359 Speaker 1: what I mean? Like everybody wanted it to be. Oh 836 00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:44,520 Speaker 1: my god, are you kidding me? We grew up watching her. God, 837 00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:48,160 Speaker 1: I'm so glad for her to have gotten her flowers. 838 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:53,440 Speaker 1: You know, while she's still here. You know, she's a 839 00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:57,160 Speaker 1: she's a She's definitely a gift, a gift in the 840 00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,680 Speaker 1: arts and a gift as as a friend. You are 841 00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,400 Speaker 1: a gift too, baby, Thank you. I hope you go 842 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,600 Speaker 1: to Bali and I hope this pivot in this shift 843 00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:08,239 Speaker 1: is otherworldly and you come back and you give us 844 00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,759 Speaker 1: this version of Taragi that we've never seen before. That's 845 00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:14,040 Speaker 1: what I'm hoping for. I just for me, Like I said, 846 00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,359 Speaker 1: I just I want to tap back into that raw 847 00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:21,200 Speaker 1: happiness that I that I had and got lost somewhere. 848 00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,280 Speaker 1: I don't know I'm gonna find it though, I'm fighting. 849 00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,359 Speaker 1: You got you got people in your corner. Yeah, I know, 850 00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:29,359 Speaker 1: I feel it. I love for you, guys, I feel 851 00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:33,480 Speaker 1: your prayers. I do love you. I love you more Toagi, 852 00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:39,480 Speaker 1: p Hess and everybody.