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Speaker 1: The Fread Show is on it stay or go all right,

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Speaker 1: Daniel is here.

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Speaker 2: You can always hit us up by the way on

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Speaker 2: fredshow Radio dot com, Freendshaw Radio, on Instagram, v fread Show,

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Speaker 2: TikTok all the places, Daniel. Good morning, Good morning, Good morning, Fred, Daniel.

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Speaker 2: What's going on with this woman who you've been dating?

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Speaker 2: We're all ears. We can't wait to give you the

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Speaker 2: advice that will clearly set you on the right path. Well,

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Speaker 2: I can't promise you that, actually, but anyway, don't go ahead,

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Speaker 2: tell us what's going on?

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Speaker 1: You're fine.

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Speaker 3: So I recently started dating this girl.

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Speaker 1: She right out.

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Speaker 3: She seems awesome, she's similar interest. We agree on very

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Speaker 3: important issues more superficially. She's very attractive, you know. But

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Speaker 3: there's one thing about her that to me feels like

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Speaker 3: a red flag, and that she's never been in a

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Speaker 3: relationship never never never, Like she's okay, she's she's not

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Speaker 3: like a virgin or anything. She's definitely like dated people,

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Speaker 3: but none of those ever led into anything deeper in

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Speaker 3: just like like there was always like a reason, like

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Speaker 3: the guy treated her poorly or she just didn't like

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Speaker 3: the guy. And that leaves me a little anxious about

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Speaker 3: going further with her? Is this I don't know, does

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Speaker 3: this sound like enough of her red flag to anybody else?

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Speaker 1: That's what I was gonna Daniel.

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Speaker 2: You sound like you're in maybe you're I don't know,

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Speaker 2: late twenties, early thirty something like that. I assume she's

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Speaker 2: the same age. Yeah, yeah, okay, never in a relationship,

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Speaker 2: but she's done other stuff, so she's had, you know,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, a different interaction with man. Just never

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Speaker 2: do you think it's a commitment thing? I mean, is

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Speaker 2: there is that any component you just or simply she's

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Speaker 2: just never met the right guy. It kind of as

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Speaker 2: you described, Yeah, like.

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Speaker 3: She's it was always someone treated her poorly, never met

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Speaker 3: the right guy. I just I'm just little word before

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Speaker 3: I go like invest myself deeper emotionally, like if someone's

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Speaker 3: if she's like flaky, you know, that's what I'm worried about.

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Speaker 2: Huh Okay, all right, Well, I'd love to take calls

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Speaker 2: on this eight five five five three five. You can

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Speaker 2: call and text the same number. You guys have any

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Speaker 2: questions for Daniel before we talk about him.

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Speaker 4: Behind this back, I mean, I'm just gonna assume she's

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Speaker 4: of age you know, like because that's well, I.

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Speaker 2: Mean, yeah, I asked that question. She in her twenties

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Speaker 2: or thirties, and he said, yes, so yeah, no, she's

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Speaker 2: not seventeen. This isn't like a ditty freako party or whatever.

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Speaker 2: It's yeah, we're having We're not having a freak off

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Speaker 2: over here, at least I don't think so. So she's

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Speaker 2: of age, But otherwise you get the impression that she's

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Speaker 2: like a well rounded, sort of i don't know, grounded

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Speaker 2: an individual. Like you get the impression that she's flaky.

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Speaker 2: She's flaky in other ways.

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Speaker 3: Uh not really, It's just I mean, this is the

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Speaker 3: only thing that's really come up that's like set up

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Speaker 3: like a red flag type of alarm for me. But

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Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, I'm just I've never experienced anyone

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Speaker 3: that's never been in any form of like a deeper relationship.

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Speaker 2: Like hmm, okay, all right, this one kind of has

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Speaker 2: me a little bit stuffed. Thank you, Daniel, have a

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Speaker 2: great dea, have the radio and we're gonna talk about

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Speaker 2: you behind your back.

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Speaker 3: Now, Okay, appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, good yeah, good talk. Yeah. Eight five.

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Speaker 2: I don't necessarily think this is a problem. I mean

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Speaker 2: I haven't been in that many super long term relationships.

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Speaker 1: Are she's never been in a relationship, okay, right, I

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Speaker 1: mean I don't.

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Speaker 2: I don't necessarily think that's I mean, look like if

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Speaker 2: you that's like a for me, that'd be like a

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Speaker 2: super trust is like like are you gonna be with

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Speaker 2: me or you're just gonna you know, be with me

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Speaker 2: for two weeks or.

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Speaker 5: Whatever, Like I would have concerns, right exactly.

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Speaker 4: Really, yeah, yeah, it's the concern I've never cheated on

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Speaker 4: anybody you've you've ever.

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Speaker 1: Seen with the opportunity.

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Speaker 4: It's like it's like when you applied for a job

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Speaker 4: and they want you to have all this work history,

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Speaker 4: Like bro, just graduated college, give me a chance.

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Speaker 1: Thirties is like if.

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Speaker 2: You look at my situation, I went to small high school, no,

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Speaker 2: I mean really didn't date that much, went to college,

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Speaker 2: dated a little bit, and then I got you know,

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Speaker 2: super career focused and moved around a whole bunch. So like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, it just wasn't there wasn't really the

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Speaker 2: occasion necessarily, Nor do I think I met the right

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Speaker 2: person and it wasn't my priority.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: That's another thing is everybody I think everyone in the

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Speaker 2: world assumes that you're supposed to date one person consistently

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Speaker 2: for a long time. You're supposed to be everyone's supposed

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Speaker 2: to be parted up, everyone's supposed to be in a

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Speaker 2: long term relationship, everyone's that's what everyone's supposed to do,

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Speaker 2: because that's what most people do. But maybe this woman

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Speaker 2: just hasn't that just hasn't been a priority for her.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, no judgment on her, but I'm just saying for me,

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Speaker 5: if I was, you know, going on a date with someone,

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Speaker 5: I would be a little bit concerned. If you're in

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Speaker 5: your thirties and you haven't been able to hold down

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Speaker 5: a relationship.

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Speaker 2: Especially if you're looking for someone to be in a

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Speaker 2: relationship with, and this where's it was like, I've never

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Speaker 2: been in a relationship. That's like why not? Like well, also,

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Speaker 2: you're saying hold down a relationship. I mean, like, again,

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Speaker 2: that's a choice that she might be making. It's it's

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Speaker 2: not that she I mean, yes, is she could be

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Speaker 2: a cheater, she could be someone who's incapable of commitment,

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Speaker 2: she could be flaky. She could also just be somebody

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Speaker 2: who hasn't met the right person, just hasn't felt strongly.

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Speaker 1: Enough I gotta hear why, Like I want to.

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Speaker 6: I would ask her if I was dating her and

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Speaker 6: be like why, you know, just curious having you been

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Speaker 6: in a long term or a serious relationship? Like was

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Speaker 6: it by a choice? Like is that where you're moving?

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Speaker 6: Were you in school? Were you like prioritizing other things?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 5: There's also other issues that come with someone who hasn't

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Speaker 5: been in prior relationships, like communication tends to be an

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Speaker 5: issue you don't really know how to argue sometimes. I mean,

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Speaker 5: there's I think there'd be other issues that would I mean,

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Speaker 5: I don't know, just for me, it would be a concern.

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Speaker 5: I wouldn't stop dating someone, but it would definitely be

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Speaker 5: a concern.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I guess I would also look at her friendships.

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Speaker 2: Does she have a does she have long term friendships?

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Speaker 2: Does she you know, outside of romantic relationships, Because if

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Speaker 2: she can, if she can carry on, you know, relationships

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Speaker 2: from high school or growing up or or else, you know,

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Speaker 2: then she's capable of it. She's just made the decision

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Speaker 2: to prioritize other things. And I don't necessarily think that's

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Speaker 2: a problem. Hey Mallory, good morning, Good morning him, Mallorie.

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Speaker 2: So this guy's concerned because he met a woman that

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Speaker 2: he likes a lot. She's just never and she's in

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Speaker 2: her late twenties early thirties, he implied, she's never been

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Speaker 2: in a relationship romantically, and he's not sure if that

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Speaker 2: should be a red flag or Now what do you think.

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Speaker 7: Well, I'm thirty six and I'm in my first long

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Speaker 7: term relationship. We've been together for four years, and prior

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Speaker 7: to him, I'd only had kind of short term things.

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Speaker 7: And it really came down to just not being with

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Speaker 7: the right person and kind of having a little bit

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Speaker 7: lower self esteem and so only really entertaining those guys

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Speaker 7: that really weren't worth my time and just kind of

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Speaker 7: telling them to hit the road. Stats. That's really what

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Speaker 7: it came down to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: And this guy made you feel comfortable and this guy,

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Speaker 2: it all just kind of came together for you. It

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Speaker 2: clicked the guy you're with now, yes, yes, yeah, see,

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Speaker 2: I don't I don't know. I mean, and it's going well,

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Speaker 2: you haven't had any issue with commitment or uh. You

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Speaker 2: guys are able to communicate well and all those things.

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Speaker 2: It all kind of came together.

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Speaker 7: Yes, we communicate well, we're able to talk through arguments,

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Speaker 7: not that we've had many. We're living together now, we

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Speaker 7: bought a house together, the engagement ring is coming, so yeah,

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Speaker 7: we're doing really well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well Kiki thinks the same thing, So just be careful.

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Speaker 1: What's that was?

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Speaker 2: Hopefully he's living in your house, you know, just make sure, Hey,

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Speaker 2: does this man live with you, Mallory or do you

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Speaker 2: live with them?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 8: God, are both on the house?

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Speaker 2: Okay, technicality, you have.

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Speaker 7: A good day, okay.

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Speaker 5: I also think that a guy would be like accused

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Speaker 5: of having commitment issues if he had never been in

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Speaker 5: a relationship by that age.

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Speaker 1: I think it would be a different I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I think people would treat it differently, which I don't

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Speaker 5: know if that's fair or not.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know that's true. I get a hard

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Speaker 2: time all the time. I mean, people are constantly.

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Speaker 5: I feel like I'm not judged constantly yeaheah, well get

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Speaker 5: judged harder.

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Speaker 2: Yeah maybe maybe so maybe that's true. You know, I

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Speaker 2: get judged all the time. It's like, well, there must

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Speaker 2: be something wrong with you. There must be you know,

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Speaker 2: you must not be able to you must you must

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Speaker 2: have Peter Pan syndrome. You must be capable of commitment.

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Speaker 2: You must, and it's like people have I'm telling you,

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Speaker 2: people have the hardest time in general understanding that some

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Speaker 2: people choose this life, some people choose the life I

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Speaker 2: am living. And it is so hard for people to

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Speaker 2: understand because I think the convention is you meet someone,

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Speaker 2: you date them long for you meet multiple people, or

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Speaker 2: one person you date for a long time, you get married,

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Speaker 2: you have kids, and you're you're partnered, and I don't know,

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Speaker 2: it's just that's never been a priority to me.

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Speaker 1: I'm relationships. I've seen one too.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, well, well I have that in last very long

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Speaker 5: but okay, I'm okay with that.

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Speaker 2: And one of them was a god awful human being,

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Speaker 2: and then some of the other ones were, you know,

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Speaker 2: maybe not not great choices.

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Speaker 1: But still it's a learning.

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Speaker 8: I would be okay with that.

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Speaker 1: You've had too, I've seen them right back to bed,

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Speaker 1: Yeah they were, Yeah, you came here, real hot, pandemic?

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Speaker 7: What right?

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Speaker 2: Well, And for the record, not everybody who's been with me,

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Speaker 2: I'm sure has amazing things to say, but at least

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Speaker 2: I don't think they would say that I didn't cheat

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Speaker 2: on them.

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Speaker 1: I don't have commitment issues.

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Speaker 2: I'm not a god awful human being, so I got

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Speaker 2: that going for me, those things. But I mean again,

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Speaker 2: it's like it's really mind Oh my god, you're forty

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Speaker 2: three years old. You you've never been married, like basically,

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Speaker 2: what's wrong with you? And it's like, well, I don't know,

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Speaker 2: maybe nothing, maybe a lot of things. The things that

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Speaker 2: are wrong with me might not have anything to do

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Speaker 2: with the fact that I've chosen, you know, to prioritize

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Speaker 2: myself and the.

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Speaker 5: Marriage thing doesn't bother me at all.

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Speaker 1: I think that's fine. Hey, Maggie, good morning, good morning.

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Speaker 1: How are you me?

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Speaker 2: Hey, good morning, Thank you for calling and for listening.

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Speaker 2: Why don't you want to say this guy Daniel, he's

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Speaker 2: been dating somebody for white likes her, but she's never

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Speaker 2: been in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: But he's worried about.

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Speaker 8: It, so I think he should stay.

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Speaker 1: I have a thirty.

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Speaker 7: Three year old cousin who has never been in a relationship,

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Speaker 7: and she would be devastated if that's why someone left.

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Speaker 2: Now, why do you think this Your cousin has never

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Speaker 2: been in a how would you describe to us your yes?

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, So I mean it would.

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Speaker 4: Just be down and be like, oh, she's shy.

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Speaker 2: She finally sound found someone she liked, and then just

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Speaker 2: because she didn't find the right person in the past is.

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Speaker 7: Now her reason shouldn't get the next person.

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Speaker 2: But if if she did meet somebody, you wouldn't you

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Speaker 2: wouldn't think that they need to be concerned about her

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Speaker 2: lack of relationship history.

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Speaker 1: No, okay, thank you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she's a little sheltered.

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Speaker 4: But you know, I think everybody's got.

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Speaker 8: Problems in life and good and bad, and trying to hook.

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Speaker 1: Your cousin up with friend is what's going on.

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't say you're doing a great job, Maggie. We

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Speaker 2: gotta sell a little better.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: When I say to you, like what's wrong with it?

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Speaker 2: You're like, yeah, man, I mean anytime you say tell

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Speaker 2: me about this person and they go, Maggie, would you

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Speaker 2: date your cousin? Yeah, okay, I love you, mag you

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Speaker 2: have a good day, I'm.

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Speaker 1: Like, Maggie, what's the problem with this person? Is like, well,

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Speaker 1: I mean she shot right. I mean, I mean.

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Speaker 2: I have anyone who's ever described is I don't know

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Speaker 2: that's a good thing. Hey, Julie, good morning, welcome to

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Speaker 2: the show.

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Speaker 9: How are you.

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Speaker 8: I'm doing great, Hi Fred, how are you, Hi.

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Speaker 2: Julie, Thank you for listening, for calling. So a person

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Speaker 2: who's not been in a really any relationships in this case, non,

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Speaker 2: I mean, do you look at that and say, red flag,

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Speaker 2: I can't do it?

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Speaker 1: Or do you say maybe maybe sokay, yeah.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, give her a chance?

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Speaker 1: Why?

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Speaker 8: I mean, you got a good thing going? Why not?

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Speaker 8: I mean, and I say that because I am. I

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Speaker 8: am happily married thirteen years and when I started dating

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Speaker 8: my husband, now, I hadn't been in a relationship and

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Speaker 8: I was like thirty six, and you know, I had friends,

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Speaker 8: I had a social life, I had a career, but

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Speaker 8: I just hadn't found the right guy. And you know,

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Speaker 8: I didn't have a lot of self confidence, so that

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Speaker 8: was probably.

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Speaker 3: My biggest thing.

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Speaker 8: But I mean I was a normal person and I

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Speaker 8: am a good communicator. So like all these red black things, like,

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Speaker 8: I mean, give her a chance. Not everybody prioritizes the

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Speaker 8: same and not everybody has the same experiences, So like

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Speaker 8: why just discounter.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it makes sense.

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Speaker 3: Thank you to You're good. You go.

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Speaker 2: So Daniel, look, there is it's possible, you know, it's

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Speaker 2: possible that there's there's hope out there, Thank you, have

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Speaker 2: a good day, you too. I will say this much

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Speaker 2: for the like the people who are always, you know,

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Speaker 2: the people that are always in a relationship, like they're

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Speaker 2: always in a relationship, like they can't be alone, I

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Speaker 2: think the opposite can be true too. And I will say,

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Speaker 2: if I fall into any sort of red flag category,

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Speaker 2: it's that I've just become so familiar with being on

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Speaker 2: my own and doing my own thing, and you know,

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Speaker 2: kind of putting myself first. And you could argue that

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Speaker 2: it's selfish, but I mean, it's not selfish because I'm not.

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Speaker 2: It's not like there's someone else in my life who

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Speaker 2: is getting ignored because I'm putting my needs first. I'm

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Speaker 2: just choosing to put myself first. I think you can

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Speaker 2: become so familiar with that life that it does become

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Speaker 2: hard to figure out how you would incorporate someone else

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Speaker 2: and how you would go fifty to fifty the same

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Speaker 2: way that people. You know, there are people out there

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Speaker 2: who can't imagine being alone.

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Speaker 5: Fred I would also have hesitation if somebody has never

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Speaker 5: had a period of being single. It's the same thing

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Speaker 5: if someone could not seem to be alone. I would

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Speaker 5: also have hesitation because I think that's so important.

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Speaker 3: J Loo.

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Speaker 1: I think that's I think that's valid. Yeah, I think

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Speaker 1: it's valin.

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Speaker 2: But I also think, you know, look, for some people,

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Speaker 2: the awakening happens at eighteen, sixteen, twenty five, you know whatever.

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Speaker 2: For me, I'm only now, literally at forty years old,

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Speaker 2: I'm only now beginning to sort of say, you know what,

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Speaker 2: I can see it like, it makes sense to me.

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Speaker 2: And the truth is, I know that's late, but if

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Speaker 2: it had happened earlier, I maybe wouldn't it wouldn't have

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Speaker 2: worked because I hadn't come to that conclusion on my own.

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Speaker 2: And some people come to it earlier, some people come

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Speaker 2: to it later. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know, a lot of questions we didn't ask,

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Speaker 2: what's she in school?

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Speaker 9: You know?

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Speaker 1: Was she you know, building up a career? Was she

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Speaker 1: you know? Is there trauma? Is she working on herself?

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Speaker 1: Is she you know?

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Speaker 2: There's a million different things. But again, I think the

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Speaker 2: convention seems to be, well, you know, you meet someone,

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Speaker 2: you date them for a long time, it works out,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't, then you move on to the next one.

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Speaker 2: And yet you know, it's easy for people to look

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Speaker 2: at situations that aren't like that, and then decide that

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Speaker 2: it's a problem somehow because it's not like what they're

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Speaker 2: used to.

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Speaker 1: Rachel, Hi, Rachel, good morning, Good morning.

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Speaker 2: Hey, So what do you think about somebody who if

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Speaker 2: you met someone today, I don't know, late twenties, early thirties,

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Speaker 2: they've never been in a relationship, would you worry about it?

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Speaker 8: I wouldn't.

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Speaker 9: So I'm forty three now and I met my husband

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Speaker 9: now husband at thirty seven. I had never been in

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Speaker 9: a relationship, never bought anyone home. I'm going to just

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Speaker 9: I was working on my career, didn't want to settle,

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Speaker 9: like I'd rather be by myself and be happy than

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Speaker 9: be in a relationship and be miserable.

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Speaker 1: Well yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean I think you said it well and you

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Speaker 2: feel like everything clicked, And I mean, do you feel

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Speaker 2: like your sort of lack of experience ever caught up

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Speaker 2: to you in a negative way.

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Speaker 9: And not that I can think of, And I think

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Speaker 9: you think the same thing.

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Speaker 7: Like, we're very open.

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Speaker 9: We haven't had a ton of arguments, but we do

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Speaker 9: disagree and we work through it like grown ups. And

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Speaker 9: I think that some of it is we're both so

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Speaker 9: much further in life that we learned how to have

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Speaker 9: those relationships, not romantically, but you know, like how to

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Speaker 9: deal with other people, like adults. I think that really

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Speaker 9: helped our relationship.

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Speaker 2: To be honest, Well, let me ask you this. I

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Speaker 2: don't mean to get too personal, but you know, we're

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Speaker 2: kids a priority for you? Because I think that's another

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Speaker 2: thing I think that people seem to, you know, they

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Speaker 2: expedite the process, be it good or be it bad.

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Speaker 2: If you want a family, well then you know you

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Speaker 2: oftentimes you got to find somebody else to do that with.

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Speaker 2: Not always, but I mean if kids weren't a priority,

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Speaker 2: well then there really wasn't probably any hurry for you.

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Speaker 9: To be honest, they really did want kids, but I

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Speaker 9: wasn't going to have kids with somebody that I didn't

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Speaker 9: love and I didn't want.

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Speaker 8: To deal with.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I do think people they put the kids,

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Speaker 2: they put the family, they put the a lot of

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Speaker 2: things in front of you know, maybe picking the right person.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes maybe that's why I had, you know, half

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Speaker 2: of marriages end in divorce or whatever, because it's like,

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Speaker 2: well I want a family, and I want kids, and

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Speaker 2: I want security, and I want someone to come home

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Speaker 2: to every night. But yet the fifth thing on the

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Speaker 2: list is I really hope they're like the ideal person

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Speaker 2: for me and and I think maybe we if we

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Speaker 2: flip that whole thing around, people might be happier.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know. What do I know. I'm forty

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Speaker 1: three and.

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Speaker 9: Singles, so I agree with you, and here I am yeah.

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Speaker 2: Well, good, Rachel, Well thank you for context for Sharon,

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Speaker 2: have a good day. It is am I the only

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Speaker 2: one who has like minimal I guess I am. I'm

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Speaker 2: the only one who has like minimal relationship experience in

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Speaker 2: the room. Yeah, well, I mean, but you're married and

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Speaker 2: Kiki's almost maybe someone there long terms.

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Speaker 4: Yeah they are long term, but it's only two and

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Speaker 4: I don't see the issue, you know, like she just

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Speaker 4: hasn't had a lot of experience, and it's not a

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Speaker 4: lot of good being out here. I mean, girl, you know,

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Speaker 4: everyone has to have a first some point, at some point.

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Speaker 6: If it's at you know, sixteen, or if it's at

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Speaker 6: thirty six. I think that's okay. Because for my relationships,

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Speaker 6: they've all been really short. That's to the point that

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Speaker 6: I don't consider that. I'm not to be mean, but

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Speaker 6: I'm just like looking back at it now, it's like

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Speaker 6: that was a whole lot of nothing. Like it was

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Speaker 6: a relationship, but like compared to my marriage, like was

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Speaker 6: it you know what I mean? It hits there for

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Speaker 6: you're like, okay, you really were nothing. I was gonna

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Speaker 6: say the bad words. You're really nothing, you know.

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Speaker 8: What I mean.

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Speaker 6: So like looking back at it, my husband is said

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Speaker 6: about me and be like she didn't have long term experience.

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Speaker 5: I didn't for sure, But you guys have now all

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Speaker 5: been in long term relationships, which I think like today, Yeah,

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Speaker 5: because one.

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Speaker 6: Man gave me that opportunity. As far as like we are,

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Speaker 6: you know, we were a match. It worked out good

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Speaker 6: for sure.

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Speaker 8: You know.

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Speaker 1: The other guys were good. Jason was having sex with

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Speaker 1: women before I was too. He's a fan, and he's younger,

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Speaker 1: and he's gay. So that's you know that we have

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Speaker 1: a lot of problems. I have a lot of problems.

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Speaker 1: Never mind, I forget everything I said. I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of problems. The entertainero for three hundred bucks