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Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive. Sweetie.

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Speaker 2: I am Christopher n Ae Hazlet, and today we are

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Speaker 2: talking about in this new season with Megan Ashley Brooks. Guys,

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Speaker 2: I'm so excited to have her on my couch to

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Speaker 2: that you are absolutely stunning you. Oh my goodness, we

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Speaker 2: were talking about you last night, how beautiful you are,

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Speaker 2: and just excited to have you here with us today.

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Speaker 3: I'm excited to be here. Yes.

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Speaker 2: Of course, when I think about in this new season,

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Speaker 2: I think of a quote that says God prunes us

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Speaker 2: when he is about to take us into a new

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Speaker 2: season of growth and expansion by Christine Kane, and I

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Speaker 2: feel like we're both in that area of our lives

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Speaker 2: where God is prumining us and molding.

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Speaker 1: Us to what he wants us to be.

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Speaker 2: So you are a christ minded mother for formerly the

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Speaker 2: co host of No for Sure podcast, which everyone really

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Speaker 2: kind of fell in love with you obnestly, like I

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Speaker 2: know that when I was like, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Who is this girl?

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Speaker 2: So amazing, so amazing we first met, it changed church,

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Speaker 2: I know, and we.

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Speaker 3: Did that Panels or we had the.

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Speaker 4: Live podcasts that you were a guest, and that was

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Speaker 4: amazing so much. That was the first time I saw

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Speaker 4: and I was like, oh my gosh, she's more beautiful

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Speaker 4: in person.

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Speaker 1: That's what I said about you think.

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Speaker 2: You know, we had a really did it was a

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Speaker 2: good talk too, it was.

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Speaker 3: It was a really good talk.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was so much fun.

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Speaker 2: Shout out Changed Church Pasta Daius and pastor Shamika Daniels.

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Speaker 2: So let's get into it. Where are you from a

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Speaker 2: lot of people we've seen me on the podcast, but

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Speaker 2: we want to know who Megan is.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So I'm originally from Columbus, Ohio, And so when people

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Speaker 4: think Ohio, they think like Cornfield, they think, and we

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Speaker 4: have that. I actually just went home this past weekend

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Speaker 4: and got to spend some time with my family. But

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Speaker 4: Columbus is really a progressive city. It's has great food,

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Speaker 4: great art, great fashion, really known for that. But when

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Speaker 4: you go there, you're like, Okay, this is not bad.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, born and raised there my whole life. My

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Speaker 4: mom and my dad. My dad's from Ohio, my mom's

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Speaker 4: from Mississippi. Okay, So I was raised by a real

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Speaker 4: Southern woman. That that's like a real Southern woman, like

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Speaker 4: real Southern. So I was raised by my mom and

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Speaker 4: and yeah, I built my life in Ohio, like I

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Speaker 4: spent my whole life like this was Atlanta was the

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Speaker 4: first place I moved to outside of Ohio.

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Speaker 1: So it brought you here.

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Speaker 4: So I moved here to to help with my friend's

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Speaker 4: businesses and you know, just kind of help with her

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Speaker 4: with her things.

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Speaker 3: And it was just a.

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Speaker 4: Total transition from life in Ohio to Atlanta. Is just

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Speaker 4: a different place. It's just a different Wow.

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Speaker 1: It is totally different because, yeah, when'd you move here?

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Speaker 4: I moved in the middle of the pandemic August twenty twenty. Wow,

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Speaker 4: So we were like really in the middle of the pandemic.

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Speaker 1: That's crazy. That's a crazy time to move.

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Speaker 4: Sold my house quickly, like put it on the market.

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Speaker 4: It sold, packed up all like, packed the kids up,

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Speaker 4: packed the dog.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 4: And we drove from Ohio to it to Georgia in

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Speaker 4: the middle of the pandemic. And yeah, started our journey

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Speaker 4: here in Atlanta.

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Speaker 2: That's incredible when you say started, that was you were

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Speaker 2: with your.

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Speaker 4: Ex husband and my kids and my three boys, and

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Speaker 4: that was just like the biggest I don't recommend that, Like,

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Speaker 4: don't don't.

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Speaker 3: Move in the middle of a pandemic.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but actually it wasn't bad because it wasn't like

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Speaker 4: we had to do, you know, activities outside the home.

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Speaker 4: So we got you know, we had all the time

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Speaker 4: to pack.

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Speaker 1: Up and get settled, get settled and stuff.

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Speaker 3: So it wasn't that bad.

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Speaker 4: But but yeah, we moved here and you know, a

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Speaker 4: new journey.

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Speaker 1: Yeah awesome.

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Speaker 2: So now you've recently said that you're going through divorce.

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Speaker 2: How did you and your husband meet and what made

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Speaker 2: you think this?

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Speaker 4: So I've been divorced now for since March, so it's

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Speaker 4: been I don't know how many months that's been, but

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Speaker 4: it's been a good six over six months. We met

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Speaker 4: when I was nineteen, and we went to the same

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Speaker 4: Bible College, but at different times.

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Speaker 1: Bible College.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so we went to Bible College, the same Bible

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Speaker 4: College with different times, so we.

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Speaker 3: Had mutual friends.

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Speaker 4: And I was working all the way on the West

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Speaker 4: Side at a bank. So I worked for Chase Bank

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Speaker 4: for a lot of years, and I.

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Speaker 3: Was a teller.

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Speaker 4: I was a part time teller, So I went to

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Speaker 4: Bible College in the morning and then afternoons I was

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Speaker 4: working at the bank and he came in a few

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Speaker 4: times to make deposits, and then I just kept noticing

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Speaker 4: he kept coming in and just yeah, lot my counter

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Speaker 4: and he would always have these ash deposits and sometimes

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Speaker 4: it would be big, and sometimes it's like you could

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Speaker 4: have waited, like you didn't have to deposit that that

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Speaker 4: ten dollars, and like you didn't have to do that.

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Speaker 4: So he would, you know, come in and are a

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Speaker 4: mutual friend that we know. He asked about me because

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Speaker 4: apparently one day when I wasn't at work, one of

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Speaker 4: my coworkers was like, oh, yeah, she goes to this

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Speaker 4: Bible college. Like told all my business to this stranger,

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Speaker 4: and he realized that we went to the same Bible college,

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Speaker 4: and he asked one of his friends if they knew me.

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Speaker 4: And went to church one night and he was sitting

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Speaker 4: right behind me and asked for my number, and it

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Speaker 4: just like I was head over heels in love with him.

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Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it feels like it's got our day.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. We we spent every single day together.

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Speaker 4: We talked all the time, and yeah, it was just

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Speaker 4: it was somebody I never would have thought I would

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Speaker 4: date before because he was very kind of you know,

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Speaker 4: he wasn't like a rough, tough like hood guy. He

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Speaker 4: was very like, you know, straight, narrow, like just clean,

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Speaker 4: and you know, it was just different than what I've

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Speaker 4: ever dated before. And we were so young, and I

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Speaker 4: think when you fall in love, people think that like

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Speaker 4: it's love, but maturity has taught me that it's infatuation.

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Speaker 3: Like I was. Really I think we were really infatuated

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Speaker 3: with each other.

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Speaker 4: Love was there, but I think like we ain't gone

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Speaker 4: through enough to.

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Speaker 3: Be in love with each other this soon.

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Speaker 1: We've all been there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so but yeah, that's how that's how it happened.

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Speaker 3: It moved really fast.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Really, at what point in the relationship did you realize, hmm,

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Speaker 2: this isn't this doesn't feel right, this doesn't feel.

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Speaker 4: Like I think, you know, I didn't have a grasp

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Speaker 4: on what God said marriage was what God said, a

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Speaker 4: woman was what God says a wife is. And I

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Speaker 4: don't think I had a full grasp of that. I

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Speaker 4: don't think I knew what those things were in full

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Speaker 4: comme text. I just had the desire to be a wife.

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Speaker 4: I had the desire to.

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Speaker 3: Be a mom, you know.

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Speaker 4: And I think when life happened, that's where the relationship

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Speaker 4: is proven, if this is really a thing or not.

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Speaker 4: We really called to each other because life happened, and

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Speaker 4: life kept happening.

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Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 4: And when my son got diagnosed with autism, my middle son, Caleb,

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Speaker 4: he was diagnosed with autism when he.

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Speaker 1: Was two Wow.

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Speaker 4: And I had my first son, Eli at I got

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Speaker 4: pregnant at nineteen and me and my husband weren't married

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Speaker 4: at the time, and then we got married after Eli

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Speaker 4: was born, and then two years later I had Caleb.

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Speaker 4: And Caleb was the child that I prayed for and

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Speaker 4: I tried so hard to have him.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't for whatever reason.

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Speaker 4: A year after I had Eli, it was really hard

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Speaker 4: for me to get pregnant. I could not get pregnant.

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Speaker 4: I could not get pregnant, and I was begging God.

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Speaker 3: Like God, please please, I want.

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Speaker 4: This baby and taking inventory of my heart posture. I

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Speaker 4: knew that I wanted Caleb because I thought that he

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Speaker 4: was going to redeem me from having a baby out

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Speaker 4: of wetlock because now I'm married. I'm married now and

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Speaker 4: I can do it the right ways. And I wanted

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Speaker 4: him so bad and for selfish reasons.

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Speaker 3: Then you know, if I'm being honest.

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Speaker 4: They were not I was gonna love him, and obviously

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Speaker 4: he's my baby, but I wanted him to redeem me.

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Speaker 4: I thought he was going to redeem me. And I

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Speaker 4: prayed so hard for him. Oh God, I prayed so

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Speaker 4: hard fast it prayed. I want him so bad, God,

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Speaker 4: please please. And I remember sitting in church one day

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Speaker 4: and the pastor was preaching on Jude, and in Jude

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Speaker 4: it talks about contending for the faith. And I remember

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Speaker 4: sitting in church and I'm having this dialogue with God

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Speaker 4: and I'm like, God, please please, I want this baby's

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Speaker 4: so bad.

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Speaker 3: I just want to get pregnant. Please please.

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Speaker 4: And I remember God said, I heard you don't ask

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Speaker 4: me again.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: And and he was like, I want you to go pray.

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Speaker 4: He was like, now, go pray for someone else to.

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Speaker 3: Have a baby.

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Speaker 4: And he gave me two people to pray for. And

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Speaker 4: he said, I heard, you don't ask me again. Go

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Speaker 4: pray for someone else. And he gave me two people

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Speaker 4: to pray for. Within a month, I got pregnant. The

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Speaker 4: next month, the other girl got pregnant. The next month,

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Speaker 4: the other girl got pregnant. We all had babies at the.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 4: So God was kind and he heard me and he

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Speaker 4: gave me what I asked for. But then my son

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Speaker 4: got diagnosed the one that I prayed for, the one

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Speaker 4: that I wanted, the one that I you know, yeah,

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Speaker 4: felt like I fought so hard to get. He was

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Speaker 4: diagnosed with autism in twenty twelve, and then the next year,

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Speaker 4: his pediatrician was like, I really, you know, my gut

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Speaker 4: is telling me that we need to do more testing.

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Speaker 4: We need to do some blood work, and he had

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Speaker 4: been asking me to do it for a while and

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Speaker 4: I was like, no, no, no, like, you know, Calyb's fine,

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Speaker 4: Like he doesn't need to and I don't want to

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Speaker 4: put him through all that testing. And so then the doctor,

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Speaker 4: his pedetrician was like, I think we need to do this,

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Speaker 4: and I need you to trust me, and I need

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Speaker 4: you to take him and go get.

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Speaker 3: A blood test.

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Speaker 4: And so I took him to the children's hospital and

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Speaker 4: he was diagnosed with fragile X syndrome.

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Speaker 3: And what that is so that we have the male

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Speaker 3: has an X in a Y chromosome.

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Speaker 4: So when there's a dysfunction in the X chromosome, there's

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Speaker 4: nothing there to support what's lacking. So Caleb doesn't have

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Speaker 4: the protein that produces brain development. And so technically he

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Speaker 4: would be mentally handicapped. He is at a lower level.

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Speaker 4: He won't be able to function on his own. That's

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Speaker 4: what they say, you know, he'll never graduate. And they said,

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Speaker 4: you down when your child is autistic. And if in

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Speaker 4: this situation with fragile X and they tell you these things,

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Speaker 4: your kid is never going to graduate from high school.

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Speaker 4: Your kid's never going to have real relationships, he's never

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Speaker 4: gonna have friends. He's probably always gonna have to depend

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Speaker 4: on you. He's always gonna have to live with you.

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Speaker 4: All that. Never never never, yeah, never never never. And

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Speaker 4: when Caleb got diagnosed with autism, I became a stay

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Speaker 4: at home mom. And then the year later we got

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Speaker 4: the second diagnose, and it just felt like blow after blow,

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Speaker 4: you know, and I felt really guilty because I was like, dang,

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Speaker 4: like this is I forced him here.

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Speaker 3: I felt like I forced him here, I.

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Speaker 4: Forced him into like selfishly because I wanted to. I

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Speaker 4: wanted to redeem myself so bad. I didn't want people to,

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Speaker 4: you know, look at me in a in the way

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Speaker 4: of how they looked at me because I got talked bad.

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Speaker 4: I mean, they dogged me at church when I got

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Speaker 4: pregnant at nineteen and was unmarried, and you know, and

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Speaker 4: so I just wanted to redeem that that part of

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Speaker 4: my life again. And I felt really bad that I

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Speaker 4: prayed for him to.

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Speaker 3: Come here like he was.

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Speaker 4: You know, I'm like, oh my God, I prayed this.

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Speaker 3: Child here and he's going to struggle his whole life because.

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Speaker 4: Of me, you know, and dealing with that mommy Guilden,

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Speaker 4: Did I do enough? Did I take my prenatal vitamin.

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Speaker 3: Instead of do this? Do that?

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Speaker 4: And you beat yourself up? And it played a large

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Speaker 4: role in our marriage.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 4: Neither one of us, I think, knew how to deal

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Speaker 4: with that. Neither one of us knew how it was

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Speaker 4: going to impact us. And you know, when things happen

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Speaker 4: in your life, it doesn't just impact that situation, but

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Speaker 4: then it triggers all things, all the hurt, all the pain,

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Speaker 4: and I think that neither one of us was prepared

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Speaker 4: for that, you know, and it strained our marriage.

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Speaker 3: It made us through, at least for me.

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Speaker 4: I don't know really what his experience was like that,

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Speaker 4: but for me, I felt like it put a wedge

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Speaker 4: between us because of how our response We're very different

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Speaker 4: to his diagnosis, and so it felt like it put

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Speaker 4: a wedge between us, and I think, you know, life

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Speaker 4: just keeps happening, and when things aren't resolved, it just

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Speaker 4: powers up. And so for me, I think that's where

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Speaker 4: things shifted where I was like, oh.

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Speaker 3: Man, yeah, how are we going to get through this?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: How did you begin to navigate once you said, Okay,

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Speaker 2: this is what it is. I have to be here

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Speaker 2: from my son. I know you said you became a

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Speaker 2: stay at home mom. How is Caleb doing now?

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Speaker 4: Kall's great, He's eleven. He's the most amazing human being.

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Speaker 3: I've ever met in my life.

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Speaker 4: He is the reason that I know God, Like, he's

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Speaker 4: the reason I know him and I know of him.

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Speaker 4: My mom is the reason why I know God. You know,

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Speaker 4: I was introduced to God. But Caleb, he's the reason

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Speaker 4: why I know God is real, Like he gave me that,

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Speaker 4: you know, and still to this day. Like he's completely

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Speaker 4: non verbal, but sings. So he sings verbally, but he

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Speaker 4: won't talk verbally.

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Speaker 3: But he'll sing.

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Speaker 4: And when I say he knows like his ear he

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Speaker 4: listens to Lailah halfaway and he's on pitch and on

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Speaker 4: key and like and I'm like, okay, yeah, so I'm

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Speaker 4: just so thankful that I got to experience him like

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Speaker 4: I get to experience he's such I mean, he's just

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Speaker 4: the most amazing kid. And to see God do amazing

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Speaker 4: things in his life, even with the stuff that they

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Speaker 4: said he'll never do.

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Speaker 2: So because the guy we serve, all those he'll never,

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Speaker 2: he'll never never.

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Speaker 1: God can turn into it.

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Speaker 3: He will and God created him, you know.

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Speaker 5: I think that's the thing that I always try to

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Speaker 5: tell special needs moms is.

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Speaker 1: Like, you know, God, thank you well.

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Speaker 4: God created that child, you know, And he didn't say

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Speaker 4: that we feel freely and wonderfully made if we fit

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Speaker 4: to society standards.

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Speaker 3: He says that you're fearfully and wonderfully made. And before

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Speaker 3: you know, and Jeremiah.

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Speaker 4: It says, before I placed.

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Speaker 3: You in your mother's room, I knew you.

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Speaker 4: And God knows Caleb. So it's like, you know, I

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Speaker 4: try not to look at his you know, struggles or

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Speaker 4: challenges and just look at the fact that he's the

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Speaker 4: one that God.

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Speaker 1: Created absolutely, you know, so and it's so beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you talked about well, you openly speak about your

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Speaker 2: faith and your love for Christ. But when you were

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Speaker 2: nineteen you got pregnant. You said, the church dogged you out. Man,

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Speaker 2: Did you have any church hurt from that? Did they

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Speaker 2: pull you away from the church, because I know, like

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Speaker 2: a lot of people deal with church, and I feel

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Speaker 2: like people in church can be some of the most critical,

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Speaker 2: judgmental people.

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Speaker 1: And they don't understand the hurt that they caused.

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Speaker 2: You know, how did you even get back to okay

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Speaker 2: this you said, you guys can drag me through the

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Speaker 2: mud whatever, But I know that God I served.

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Speaker 1: What was that? Like?

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Speaker 4: Thank God I had my mother who you know, my

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Speaker 4: mom was very active at that church, and like she

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Speaker 4: was in a pretty.

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Speaker 3: Leader, you know, in a decent leadership role.

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Speaker 4: And when I found out I got I was pregnant,

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Speaker 4: I was so ashamed, and you know, I wanted to

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Speaker 4: I thought about abortion, and I thought about all types

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Speaker 4: of things.

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Speaker 3: You know. I just was so embarrassed.

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Speaker 4: That because I was the kid that was like at church,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean, Like I was on the

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Speaker 4: dance team and I did all the things. So I

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Speaker 4: was so man, I was so embarrassed, and she made

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Speaker 4: me come to church. She was like, I'm not ashamed

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Speaker 4: to you. God's not ashamed of you. And she sat

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Speaker 4: right next to me every Sunday on the second row.

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Speaker 5: And she made me sit right next to her. She

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Speaker 5: was like, we are not ashamed. You know, God gave

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Speaker 5: me that baby. He'll out that baby to be here.

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Speaker 5: So that baby was given to us by God, you know,

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Speaker 5: and so you can we can be upset about you,

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Speaker 5: you know, having sex before marriage, like we can deal

355
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Speaker 5: with that. Or we're not going to be ashamed that

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Speaker 5: you're bringing this life into the world.

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Speaker 3: We're not going to be ashamed of it.

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Speaker 4: And if it wasn't for her, that presence of just

359
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Speaker 4: sitting next to me and not caring, Yeah, she was like,

360
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Speaker 4: this is my baby and she's having my grandson and

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Speaker 4: we're going to raise this baby in church and we're

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Speaker 4: going to love on her and we're you know, and

363
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Speaker 4: her and her friends, like one of her closest friends

364
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Speaker 4: is my children's godmother. Wow, Rhonda, who just loved me.

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Speaker 4: She was that person that was a part of church too,

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Speaker 4: and she just didn't she loved me. She helped me

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Speaker 4: plan my baby shower. She you know, took me to

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Speaker 4: find bottles and you know what I mean, like they

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Speaker 4: just the next so I mean.

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Speaker 1: They did what Christians just supposed to do.

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Speaker 3: Love, Yes, Yeah.

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Speaker 4: They then take my hardest moment or my biggest fall

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Speaker 4: or my biggest sin and punish me for it.

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Speaker 3: They loved me through it.

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Speaker 1: That's beautiful. So I love that. Yeah, Oh my goodness, who.

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Speaker 4: I know, I'm like I already started and I wasn't

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Speaker 4: flat and on doing that.

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Speaker 3: Sorry, no, I'm my good word.

379
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Speaker 2: Oh speaking of the shame that you felt, how because

380
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Speaker 2: I mean, you prayed for this little boy, you beg God,

381
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Speaker 2: and God's like, stop it, I heard you. What How

382
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Speaker 2: did you even navigate through that? Because I know for me,

383
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Speaker 2: walking through my shame has been hard and a lot

384
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Speaker 2: of the times we don't speak about it, you know,

385
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Speaker 2: and it's something that we go through privately. What were

386
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Speaker 2: those private moments that you have with God and feeling shame?

387
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Speaker 4: Shame is like shame is like the thing that is

388
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Speaker 4: always at my doorstep in my life. I feel like

389
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Speaker 4: shame is one of the enemies. Most used weapon for

390
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:11,919
Speaker 4: me is shame, And I think that, to be honest

391
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Speaker 4: with you, I'm still even in this season of my

392
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Speaker 4: life right now, navigating through how I handle shame. Do

393
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Speaker 4: you know what I mean of just you know, because

394
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Speaker 4: it stems from that embarrassment of like that's not I

395
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Speaker 4: don't want people to see me like that. I didn't

396
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Speaker 4: want that mistake to be seen or I didn't want

397
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Speaker 4: that thing to not work out and everyone have to

398
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Speaker 4: see it.

399
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Speaker 3: You know.

400
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Speaker 4: And shame is the it's the enemy accusing you. It's

401
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,280
Speaker 4: like that thing. He just wants to keep reminding you

402
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,800
Speaker 4: of you did this, you did this, Like he's just

403
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Speaker 4: that accusing.

404
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:51,919
Speaker 3: You know.

405
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,640
Speaker 4: And that's what shame feels like for me, Like I

406
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:59,400
Speaker 4: feel shame the most when the enemy reminds me of

407
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 4: the things that I've done wrong. But what has helped me,

408
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:08,480
Speaker 4: especially in this season, in the season where I dealt

409
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 4: with shame in church, when I got pregnant with my

410
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 4: oldest son, my mom helped me with that because she

411
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 4: wasn't ashamed of me, and she reminded me that God

412
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 4: isn't ashamed of me. And that is something I needed

413
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,960
Speaker 4: to be reminded of, is that he wasn't angry with me.

414
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 4: He didn't like that decision. He wouldn't have That wasn't

415
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,159
Speaker 4: his desire for me. His desire wasn't for me to

416
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,080
Speaker 4: have my son out of what luck. That wasn't his desire.

417
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:36,240
Speaker 4: But he still loves me, and he was the one

418
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,159
Speaker 4: who placed that child in my womb, so he allowed it. So,

419
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 4: you know, so that was something that but now in

420
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:47,959
Speaker 4: this season, shame still tries to kind of creep up.

421
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Speaker 3: And God.

422
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,239
Speaker 4: Had to do a lot of reminding me, and I

423
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,879
Speaker 4: have to do a lot of reminding the enemy that

424
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 4: you are not going to make me remind or make

425
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 4: me feel ashamed over what God has forgiven and forgotten,

426
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,359
Speaker 4: because the Bible says not only does he forgive, but

427
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,720
Speaker 4: he forgets. And so God had to come to me

428
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:12,680
Speaker 4: one time and say, why you keep bringing up.

429
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Speaker 3: Stuff that I forgot about.

430
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 4: You're the one bringing it up. I'm not bringing it up.

431
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,200
Speaker 4: You're bringing it up. You're not done with it. I'm

432
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,679
Speaker 4: done with it. When you came to me with a

433
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 4: sincere heart and you said, Father, forgive me, and you

434
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,359
Speaker 4: were sincere in that.

435
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,200
Speaker 3: I forgave it. I searched your heart.

436
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 4: I know your heart, and I've forgiven it.

437
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 3: Move on, move on. But it's us that keeps bringing

438
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 3: it up.

439
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 1: All the time. I'm guilty of it.

440
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,399
Speaker 4: You know, Like God, remember when I did my girl.

441
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,720
Speaker 4: We're still talking about that, And like I was telling

442
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 4: you before, you know, the Scripture where it says, behold,

443
00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 4: I am new, like He makes us new. His mercies

444
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 4: are what new every morning. And that is the faith.

445
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Speaker 3: That is the hope that I have to hold on to.

446
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 4: When Shane tries to come knocking at my door, I

447
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 4: have to remind the enemy where you know facts. I

448
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,439
Speaker 4: know truth. The fact is, yes I did do that.

449
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 4: But the truth is is that I'm redeemed. The truth

450
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,920
Speaker 4: is that he loves me. The truth is that I'm

451
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 4: fearfully and wonderfully made. These are the truth and I'm

452
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 4: going to stand on that, and that's hard. Sometimes it's

453
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 4: not easy, and I still struggle with it. I'm not

454
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,640
Speaker 4: at all trying to act like I have evolved into

455
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 4: this place of you know, enlightenment. But that's how I

456
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 4: speak to shame.

457
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: I love that.

458
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 2: And also I hope that you find peace in knowing

459
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,920
Speaker 2: that everything that you felt ashamed of God is using

460
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,840
Speaker 2: it like He literally can use you. And as I'm

461
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,480
Speaker 2: starting to read the Bible and really dive into it,

462
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 2: I'm noticing that like everybody, he uses flaw.

463
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 6: I mean, it's like you know everybody, everybody, everybody, So

464
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 6: it's crazy even that in itself, it's like we we

465
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 6: look at ourselves and we show a shame of things,

466
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 6: but we have to remember, like God can use that.

467
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 2: And it's like you're literally a blessing to other people.

468
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 1: You just sharing your story.

469
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 2: It's going to be a blessing to so many people

470
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,600
Speaker 2: because there's I know there's some young woman or man

471
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 2: that's watching this right now and it's like, oh my goodness,

472
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 2: I've been carrying the shame and I don't have to anymore, don't.

473
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,640
Speaker 3: You don't. And it's like he already paid for it. Man,

474
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 3: It's like it's paid for.

475
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,640
Speaker 4: It's like you holding that is you saying I rather

476
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 4: pay for it, and.

477
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:39,440
Speaker 3: He's like, I already bought.

478
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 1: It's already bought.

479
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 3: Let it go. No, be new. It's a grace, you know,

480
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 3: it's a grace.

481
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:50,160
Speaker 4: And I hope that in any story that I share

482
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:55,080
Speaker 4: that there's that hope that you can be redeemed. You

483
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 4: can't be reconciled back to him and you don't have

484
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:58,840
Speaker 4: to hold onto the past.

485
00:23:58,920 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 1: You don't.

486
00:23:59,440 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 3: You don't.

487
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 1: Don't.

488
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 2: So you grew up in the church, you worked in

489
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,239
Speaker 2: the church. Do you ever see yourself doing anything in

490
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 2: the church.

491
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 4: No, in the church in the sense of like I

492
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 4: want to serve church.

493
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 3: I want to serve the people of God.

494
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 4: I want to always do that, but in the sense

495
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 4: of like doing something.

496
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:27,119
Speaker 3: For church, like in an actual church. Oh God, no,

497
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 3: oh my God.

498
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 4: No no, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is even doing

499
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:36,880
Speaker 4: this is like God's like, all right, She's at least

500
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 4: doing this, yeah, Because I just don't you know, I

501
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,359
Speaker 4: take responsibility very serious, and I believe that that's not

502
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 4: something to take lightly.

503
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 3: And I know that we live in a culture.

504
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 4: Where everyone wants a million followers and everyone wants, you know,

505
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 4: to be trendy and to go viral and to be known.

506
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:02,600
Speaker 4: But I know the rate the weight of that responsibility,

507
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 4: and I don't take it lightly. And I think for me,

508
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,919
Speaker 4: my goal and focus right now is to be the

509
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 4: one that he knew, more than being the one that's

510
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 4: known to everyone else, you know. I want to be

511
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 4: the one that he knew. And I don't know why

512
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 4: that thing has been sticking on me, but I was

513
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,679
Speaker 4: reading the scripture that scares the life out of me.

514
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 3: Is depart from me.

515
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 4: I never knew you, And so when I was reading

516
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 4: that scripture, I'm just like, well, God, that doesn't make sense,

517
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 4: because in Jeremiah, you said that before we were entered

518
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:36,919
Speaker 4: into our mother's womb.

519
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:37,239
Speaker 3: You knew us.

520
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 4: So how could you ever, how could we ever stand

521
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,400
Speaker 4: before you and you say that you didn't know, Well,

522
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,600
Speaker 4: that would be us becoming something that he didn't create,

523
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,159
Speaker 4: by being something he didn't create.

524
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 3: Listen, do you know what I'm saying.

525
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,919
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, so, if we're standing before him and

526
00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 4: he says, depart from me, I never knew you, then

527
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 4: you're not the one that he knit together in the

528
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 4: wound of your mother. You're not the person.

529
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 3: To create it. That's not who he knew.

530
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 4: And so for me in my life, as for me

531
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 4: right now, I got to be the one he knew.

532
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 4: I care who many people, how many people know me.

533
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,640
Speaker 4: I don't care how many people follow me. I don't

534
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 4: care how many people watch my podcast. I don't care

535
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 4: how many times a clip goes. I got to I

536
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 4: have to focus on.

537
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 3: Being the one he knew.

538
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,240
Speaker 4: And I want to stand before him and I want

539
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 4: him to say I know you.

540
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 1: Yes, that's my girl.

541
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 3: Oh my, that's my girl.

542
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 4: That's the one that I created. I want that so badly.

543
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 4: I've never wanted that before in my life, and in

544
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 4: this season.

545
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,239
Speaker 3: I want that so badly. I want to be the

546
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 3: one he knew.

547
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,800
Speaker 4: Yes, more than anything, what's only we see it?

548
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 2: Yes, oh my goodness, you got to know her about

549
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:53,479
Speaker 2: to run around the house.

550
00:26:54,040 --> 00:27:00,640
Speaker 1: Yes, that is so deep.

551
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 4: That would be the only And I'm not a theologian,

552
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 4: so I'm not trying to like and I know Bible.

553
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:06,920
Speaker 3: There are people that will.

554
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just saying for that's what it spoke to me.

555
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 3: That's what that spoke to me.

556
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 4: If I stand before him and he says I don't

557
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 4: know you, but he said in Jeremiah, before I placed

558
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,640
Speaker 4: you in your mother's womb, I knew you, that has

559
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 4: to mean that I have allowed the deception of the

560
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 4: enemy to make me become something that you didn't create, Jesus,

561
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,159
Speaker 4: because the enemy knows that he is the only The

562
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 4: enemy doesn't have any power of authority over any of us.

563
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 4: He doesn't And the only person that can hinder the

564
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,879
Speaker 4: purpose and plan that God has for our lives is us,

565
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,120
Speaker 4: because He loves us so much that he gave us

566
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 4: the choice. So the enemy knows that the only way

567
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 4: that I can get them to not be the one

568
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 4: that he is to deceive them and make you think

569
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:53,919
Speaker 4: that you're something that you're not.

570
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 1: Oh my god, m M.

571
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 3: Mego.

572
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 1: I mean the show is yeah, so good.

573
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 4: I'm just those are just things where I'm like, I

574
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:12,120
Speaker 4: I have to.

575
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 3: That's ah, it has to be my focus.

576
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I love that because we live in the

577
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:19,439
Speaker 2: industry or we work in the industry, and we live

578
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 2: in a world where people aren't as comfortable speaking out

579
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 2: about their love for Christ. You know, everything is like,

580
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 2: thank you God. We wanna be very vague, vague, very

581
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 2: vague about where we stand, and they're just saying, like

582
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 2: I stand on business, I stand on Jesus period. You

583
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,399
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, Like I'm going to shout his

584
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 2: name from let it be known.

585
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 1: Yes, what was it where you like?

586
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,360
Speaker 2: I have this platform and I'm gonna let you guys

587
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 2: know where I stand.

588
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 4: I just you know, I'm a flawed human being, but

589
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 4: I am not fake.

590
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 3: Yes, do you know what I'm saying. I'm super flawed.

591
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 4: I got man w and especially without Jesus, I'm just

592
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 4: Oh God, even when he doesn't even have like God

593
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 4: has to have all of me, and when he even

594
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 4: has like ninety nine point.

595
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 3: Nine, I'm trash. I've got to have all of me

596
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 3: and so but I'm not.

597
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 4: Fake and I have I've always had this like reverential

598
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 4: fear of God. And I know that if I'm ever

599
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 4: going to be on a platform, I want to lead

600
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 4: people to Him in everything that I do. I just

601
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,080
Speaker 4: think that that's the most important thing I can. I

602
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 4: can try to you know, I can fit into the

603
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 4: you know, five steps to making the Great cast role

604
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 4: or you know, or whatever I can do that that's fine,

605
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 4: But I just don't know. In the time that we're

606
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 4: living in, I feel that there's an urgency on the

607
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 4: health of our soul absolutely and the health.

608
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 3: Of our spiritual growth.

609
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 4: I feel like there's an urgency there, and so if

610
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 4: I have a gift to speaking about that, then I

611
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 4: want to use that gift for that.

612
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 3: And God's been too good to me same and.

613
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 4: What and the thing that He has impressed on me

614
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 4: so much is that whatever you think it's going to

615
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:03,800
Speaker 4: cost you, it didn't cost you as much as it

616
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 4: cost him. Oh so, if you think it might cost

617
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 4: you some relationships, it might cost you some business deals,

618
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 4: it might cost you some money, it might cost you

619
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 4: some time. Whatever it costs you, it don't cost you

620
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 4: more than what it cost him, and so I have

621
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 4: to honor him.

622
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 3: With my life.

623
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 4: Yes, it cost him too much to redeem me back

624
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 4: to him. It cost him too much for us to

625
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 4: be reconciled. The least I can do is give you

626
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 4: my life. Yes, that's the least I can do.

627
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 1: That's the least we can do.

628
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 4: That's the least. The least we can do is to

629
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 4: give him everything. Yeah, because he deserves so much more.

630
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 4: So the least I can do is give you every

631
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:47,280
Speaker 4: part of me the best that I can.

632
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 3: Am I perfect at.

633
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 4: It, absolutely not, absolutely not. But I've never been more

634
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,880
Speaker 4: dedicated than I've been in the last six months. I've

635
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 4: never been more dedicated to him for me, Like in

636
00:30:58,520 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 4: my personal.

637
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 2: Walk with him, what was that transition you said in

638
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 2: the last six months?

639
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 1: What was it that drew you to him?

640
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 2: And said, Okay, I got a lock down because.

641
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 4: My divorce being finalized in March, and then I moved

642
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 4: out in May. Wow, So we were still living together

643
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 4: because we had to sell our home. And so then

644
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 4: I moved out in May and being on my own. Yeah,

645
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 4: and then it just relationship changes in my personal life,

646
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 4: there were some relationship changes and I just was like, Okay, God,

647
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 4: it feels like you brought me to this season and

648
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 4: I thought it was going.

649
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 3: To be great.

650
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 4: I thought like, Okay, I'm getting my new hat, I

651
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 4: got my new house. You know. You know, I'm out

652
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 4: of that season. And I was talking about this on

653
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 4: my podcast. But I was like, I was so focused

654
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 4: on getting out of that old season that I didn't

655
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 4: ask God about the new season.

656
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 1: I didn't get ahead of oursel.

657
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 4: I was so trying to get out of it that

658
00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 4: I didn't say, God, what do you have for me

659
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 4: in this season?

660
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 3: What do you What are you requiring of me?

661
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 4: What are the things that you need me to get

662
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 4: rid of? How can I make sure that I'm stewarding

663
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 4: this time properly with me and you Like, I didn't

664
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 4: ask him, Just like I didn't ask him when I

665
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 4: wanted to get married. I didn't ask him about that.

666
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 3: I just got married. I didn't really ask God. I

667
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 3: just was like, Yeah, it's the right thing to do.

668
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 4: I got a baby, I love him, he loves me,

669
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 4: Go get married. I didn't ask God. I didn't ask God,

670
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 4: you know, and really spend time with him and seeking

671
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 4: him on every decision that I've made.

672
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 3: And so.

673
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 4: He brought me to what I say is my wilderness

674
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 4: season I mean and he I mean the way he

675
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 4: snatched me of and placed me in this place of

676
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 4: like isolation and total surrenderance me and him where I

677
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 4: had to like have the biggest magnifying mirror in front

678
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 4: of me.

679
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 3: And he said, Yeah, we're gonna search. We're gonna get

680
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 3: to the bottom of yeah stuff.

681
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 4: We're gonna dig up some real the stuff, the deep

682
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 4: things that you have hidden in your heart. We're going

683
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 4: to really work on those things. And it's been a process.

684
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 4: And it was funny because I was on my way here,

685
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 4: I was looking in the sink and I hate seeing

686
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 4: dishes in my sink in the morning.

687
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 3: I feel like, as a single mom, I'm like this.

688
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 4: I'm like, hey, y'all, I paid the bills around here,

689
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 4: I cook around here, and make sure the house is clean.

690
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,400
Speaker 4: You got brand new Jordan's on your feetbody. I should

691
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 4: never see dishes in.

692
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 3: The if I'm giving my life to God, the least

693
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 3: dishes and this.

694
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 4: Sink, I just, oh, it drives me cuts. So anyway,

695
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 4: I see these dishes in the sink, and it was

696
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 4: a bowl and it had something in the bowl that

697
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 4: made when I was pouring, when I was turn the

698
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 4: sink on, it was going into the bowl, and the

699
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 4: bowl it was like it looked like the water milky

700
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:04,200
Speaker 4: like whatever was in the bowl. And I just kept

701
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 4: the water running and I just watched it there for

702
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 4: a second. I felt, I don't know, I felt the

703
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,840
Speaker 4: Holy Spirit say just sit here for a second.

704
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 3: And I was looking and.

705
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 4: This pure water that's clear was going into this bowl,

706
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 4: but the water was all this milky color, just like cloudy.

707
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:26,719
Speaker 4: And I sat there for a minute and I was like,

708
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 4: I wonder when this water is gonna turn clear. And

709
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 4: it took a while, but it got lighter and it

710
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 4: got lighter, and it got lighter and it got lighter,

711
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 4: and eventually that clear water had purged out whatever was

712
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 4: in there. And So what I have learned and what

713
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 4: God was showing me just in that moment this morning,

714
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 4: is that sometimes when God doesn't work in us, we

715
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,840
Speaker 4: know the work that He does in us, but sometimes

716
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 4: the evidence doesn't look like that. That water still looked

717
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:02,319
Speaker 4: like it was being cleansed, but it wasn't all the

718
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 4: way clean yet, right, And so I've had to give

719
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 4: myself grace and like yeah, but the faucet's still on.

720
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 4: You're still getting per Like there are things that are

721
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 4: still pershing. They're things that are still getting clean. And

722
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 4: just because it may not look that way on the surface,

723
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 4: or because I think I want everyone to see my change, yeah,

724
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 4: do you know what I mean? Like, you know the

725
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 4: where God is doing in you, and you want everyone

726
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:31,360
Speaker 4: to see it so they can be like, oh, Okay, you're.

727
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,359
Speaker 3: Changing this and this and that.

728
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 4: And another example of that, I was at an amusement

729
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:40,879
Speaker 4: part not that long ago with Jordan, who's like.

730
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 3: My fourth child.

731
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 4: She's my little I love her so much and she

732
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 4: helps me with my kids.

733
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:48,040
Speaker 3: And we were at this amusement.

734
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 4: Park and you know the basketball game, and you know,

735
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 4: those rims are like kind of it's like so I

736
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:56,319
Speaker 4: kind of already went into it, and I was like, man,

737
00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 4: it's gonna be kind of hard, but whatever, I'll try,

738
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:02,239
Speaker 4: you know. And so I missed the first one, then

739
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 4: I got the second one, then I got the third one,

740
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 4: and so I want two big stuffed animals.

741
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 3: And it was the first time I've ever done this

742
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:11,160
Speaker 3: ever in my life. I'm so excited.

743
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 4: I'm you know, I feel like a beast because They're

744
00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 4: always making fun of me and saying, you know, my

745
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 4: kids play basketball.

746
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 3: They're always making funny and so.

747
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,719
Speaker 4: I felt so good and I was like, man, I

748
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 4: was having this dialogue with God in my head. I

749
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 4: was like, dang, I wish I would have recorded that.

750
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 4: And he said why I said it because I made

751
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 4: the shot. He's like, but the evidence is already there.

752
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 3: How did you get that.

753
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 4: If you didn't make the shot, stop trying to sit

754
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,320
Speaker 4: you don't everyone don't have to see this.

755
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 3: This is a me and you thing. This is a

756
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 3: me and you thing.

757
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 4: And if you're doing and so it's these moments where

758
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 4: I have to have this heart posture check. Am I

759
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:51,239
Speaker 4: doing this because I want a heart that God has made?

760
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 4: I want to be christ minded. I want a heart

761
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 4: that is pleasing to Him? Or do I want growth

762
00:36:57,080 --> 00:37:01,799
Speaker 4: that looks good to everyone else else caught up and

763
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 4: trying to And it's like, no, I just want God

764
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 4: to be pleasing because the Bible says that the heart

765
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 4: is deceitful above all who can know it? But God,

766
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 4: not even we know our dumb heart. He's the only

767
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 4: one that knows it. So why am I sitting here

768
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:21,720
Speaker 4: putting on this pressure on myself to make everyone see

769
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:25,760
Speaker 4: what only God knows.

770
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 1: Megan, my God, you know what I mean.

771
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 4: These are like real I mean these are real life things.

772
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 4: Like I told you I was looking at that bowl

773
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 4: this morning, and God's speaking the stuff to me today.

774
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 4: You know, So this is in real time. This is

775
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 4: how I'm processing. But I'm just like, man, like, I understand.

776
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 3: I get it.

777
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 4: You want people to see or change, but they and

778
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 4: maybe they will, maybe they won't.

779
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, in a part is that because you want to

780
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,720
Speaker 2: inspire people. You want to bring people closer to Christy.

781
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 4: You want to be cancund in certain relationships. You want

782
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 4: things to be better. You want people to know like, hey, man,

783
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 4: like maybe I did hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't.

784
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 3: I didn't have the revelation of God that I have

785
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:04,399
Speaker 3: right now.

786
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 4: And you want people to see that you're changing.

787
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 3: But it's like.

788
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,359
Speaker 4: God brought me to this place, this wilderness where it's

789
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 4: like this is about me and you period. And if

790
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 4: you trust me and you trust that I'm good, then

791
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 4: I'll bring the right people into your life. I'll bring

792
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 4: the right friendships into your life. I'll bring the right

793
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 4: business opportunities, I'll bring the right, husband, I'll bring the

794
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 4: right community around you. But this is about me and you,

795
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,440
Speaker 4: and I need you to know that if you have me,

796
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:36,959
Speaker 4: yes you have everything everything you need.

797
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,319
Speaker 2: M So, oh my goodness, I'm going through the same thing.

798
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 2: I did an episode recently called Purging Season, and you

799
00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:49,720
Speaker 2: talked about purging and I felt like relationships with friends, family,

800
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:53,919
Speaker 2: like you know how you ask God, God, wherever I'm going,

801
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 2: if just bring along who's meant to come?

802
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 3: And then you see everything like you.

803
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 4: Be like, oh so nobody, Like where did nobody?

804
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 1: Nobody's coming?

805
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 2: And we guys like this is what you explored, and

806
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:10,399
Speaker 2: it's like a really tough time isolation, silence. We talked

807
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:14,959
Speaker 2: about that, and for me, it's a grieving process also

808
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 2: something I'm still grieving. I was very open about it.

809
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,880
Speaker 2: I know that you and Be Smoke had a podcast

810
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,360
Speaker 2: which everyone that's where I felt love with you.

811
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:25,760
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh my gosh, I just adored

812
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 1: this girl and love be too.

813
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 2: And you guys touched a lot of lies with that,

814
00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: and then you decided that you guys, we got the

815
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 2: announcement you didn't want to do.

816
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 1: The podcast anymore.

817
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,399
Speaker 2: What was that like, you know, just even navigating because

818
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 2: you're doing new things. You got your own podcast, you're

819
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 2: doing more with your family, we get to see them more.

820
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 1: Now, what is that transition life?

821
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 3: It's been.

822
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 4: It's been the most tragic blessing.

823
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 3: Wow, I could ever.

824
00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:54,719
Speaker 4: I mean, I feel like that's the best way to

825
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 4: describe it, Like a very tragic blessing.

826
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

827
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 4: It sucks when you know, you think that things are

828
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 4: going to work out a certain way and then they don't.

829
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 4: Like and I've I've dealt with disappointment in that way before,

830
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 4: of like having to grieve the idea that I had

831
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:16,320
Speaker 4: of something.

832
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,799
Speaker 2: Yes, you know what I mean, because we're go into

833
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,840
Speaker 2: something you see it like, oh, this is gonna be amazing.

834
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 4: Oh and you know, especially and I think too, it

835
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 4: was like.

836
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,200
Speaker 3: Just I in the enemy because I'm like, see, I knew,

837
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.

838
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:39,160
Speaker 4: But it's been, like I said, a tragic blessing because

839
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 4: it was the thing that propelled me into a wilderness season,

840
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:45,880
Speaker 4: which was needed.

841
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:46,879
Speaker 3: Right.

842
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 4: And the way that I know God now in the

843
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:57,480
Speaker 4: way that I am experiencing his realness, his kindness, his gentleness,

844
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 4: his grace, his mir the way that I'm experiencing the

845
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:07,279
Speaker 4: fullness of God, his character in totality, the way that

846
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 4: I'm experiencing now, I wouldn't trade it for anything in

847
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 4: the world. This is too precious to me to regret

848
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 4: anything that led me to this point. Right But the

849
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,279
Speaker 4: season that I'm in right now, it's beautiful because I

850
00:41:20,320 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 4: get to really focus on what God is doing in

851
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 4: me through me. I get to focus on the things

852
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 4: that He gave me that I know that He gave me,

853
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 4: like my children. I get to really, you know, steward

854
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 4: the things properly. And so it just offered this amazing

855
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 4: opportunity to do things in a way that's more aligned

856
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 4: with Him.

857
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 3: And so it's been a blessing.

858
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,920
Speaker 4: I spend more time with my kids, you know, I

859
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 4: spend more time with God because I have all the

860
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 4: free time in your world to do it. And the

861
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:04,839
Speaker 4: impact that it's been having on me, the ones that

862
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 4: are really close to me, I'm being I've been discipled

863
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:13,360
Speaker 4: for a few months now and that's been amazing, Like

864
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 4: keeping accountability around me, keeping I've been in therapy since

865
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 4: since the beginning of May, and that has been super beneficial.

866
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:27,760
Speaker 1: I mean, therapy is everything.

867
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 4: Like and she helps and she loves God, she loves

868
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:33,240
Speaker 4: the Lord, she believes important, and she gives me Bible.

869
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 4: You know.

870
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 3: She's like, yeah, well the word says hello, you know,

871
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:37,399
Speaker 3: and I need that.

872
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 1: I need so And so.

873
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:44,760
Speaker 3: It's just been. It's been.

874
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 4: You know, there are moments like I have on my

875
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:53,840
Speaker 4: Patreon I have I'm doing this docu series where you

876
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:57,080
Speaker 4: really get to see like how I'm living this out

877
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 4: and I'm sharing some really you know, it's things on

878
00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 4: there and you I really I'm just grateful for the

879
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 4: opportunity to know God on this in this season and

880
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 4: to just know him and know how he sees me.

881
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:23,279
Speaker 4: I don't think I ever saw myself the way he

882
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 4: saw me. And so that's been.

883
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 3: It's if we did.

884
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 2: Literally, it's a game changer when you started to see

885
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:31,839
Speaker 2: yourself away down.

886
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 4: Game changer, and I just have never lived that way.

887
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 4: I have a very I'm naturally pessimistic. I'm naturally don't

888
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 4: trust anyone. Naturally, I don't think things are going to

889
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:49,399
Speaker 4: work out. Naturally don't see myself in a positive light. Ever,

890
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 4: I don't think I ever have. I don't like and

891
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 4: I've had to search this thing out. I don't think

892
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 4: I've ever seen myself in a positive light. But when

893
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:03,360
Speaker 4: some tragic things happened in this last couple of months,

894
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 4: with the divorce ending and the podcast ending and all

895
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 4: of those things, it afforded the opportunity for me to

896
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,919
Speaker 4: learn how God sees me, which has been the most

897
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 4: amazing thing.

898
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:17,880
Speaker 3: And it's just been a blessing.

899
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 1: I love that.

900
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 2: I love that we often talk about doing business with

901
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,359
Speaker 2: friends and you and being known each other for over

902
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 2: twenty years, grew up together, and then you're going through

903
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,200
Speaker 2: a divorce. You just never know what somebody's going through.

904
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,319
Speaker 2: Like I had no idea until we sat down and

905
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 2: really talked. I was like, oh my goodness, like.

906
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 1: You, I see you, and you just had this glow

907
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: about you. You really do.

908
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 2: You have a light on you, and it's I just

909
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 2: wanted to let people know you just never know what

910
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 2: somebody's going through. And also, how does that affect when

911
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 2: you like go into new relationships are you Are you

912
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 2: kind of in a space where you're like loved and hesitant.

913
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 4: I really love Jesus right now, like I really do.

914
00:44:57,719 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 1: And I.

915
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 4: Had to admit the other day I was like, I

916
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,399
Speaker 4: am terrified to be intimate with anyone. I don't want

917
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 4: to be intimate. I'm like very reluctant on intimacy. I'll

918
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 4: be honest with you, I'll be transparent if you ask honest,

919
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 4: no problem.

920
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:21,800
Speaker 3: But having the idea of.

921
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:28,959
Speaker 4: Like intimacy, like real intimacy that feels like hm, hmmm.

922
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 3: I don't know if I don't know where I'm at

923
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 3: with that.

924
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:35,920
Speaker 4: I know that I am reluctant. That's all I can

925
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 4: say right now. I'm reluctant with intimacy. I want to

926
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 4: get to a place where I can be with people

927
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 4: and not think like.

928
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:49,320
Speaker 3: I'm not going to put too much.

929
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 4: Into this or just being like we'll see yep.

930
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 1: But it's a protective thing. It's like it's almost like

931
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 1: a shield, like all right, got it, let me go

932
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 1: ahead and armor up.

933
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 2: So then whatever happens, I'm ready to take the hits.

934
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 2: And if it doesn't, then I can take a little

935
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 2: piece off at a time.

936
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:14,319
Speaker 4: And it's hard, though, to go through some you know,

937
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:22,839
Speaker 4: impactful relationship changes and not grow a hard heart, you know.

938
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 4: And I have to daily pray God, please keep my

939
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:31,160
Speaker 4: heart like keep my heart soft, and which means praying

940
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 4: for those who hurt me and asking God to give

941
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 4: me a heart for those who hurt me, because I

942
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 4: don't want my heart to grow hard. I don't want to,

943
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 4: you know, miss genuine relationships and friendships because i'm you know,

944
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 4: I don't trust myself and being honest and being like,

945
00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 4: you know, I don't think I trust myself. I don't

946
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:55,759
Speaker 4: think I trusted I pick the right people, and I

947
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:58,160
Speaker 4: don't think i'm I trust what I'm going to do

948
00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,439
Speaker 4: in the relationships. Maybe I'm the problem. I don't want

949
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:02,839
Speaker 4: to mess up again. I don't want to, you know.

950
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 4: And it's just all the enemy. It's not you know,

951
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 4: it's not the way that God, I know, wants me

952
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:07,879
Speaker 4: to think.

953
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 3: But I'm honest with how I feel.

954
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 4: About those things, and I just ask God to help me.

955
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 4: And recently he had to remind me of something that

956
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:20,600
Speaker 4: he told me a long time ago when it comes

957
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:23,720
Speaker 4: to allowing protecting your heart.

958
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 3: So you can protect your heart with a brick wall or.

959
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:30,440
Speaker 4: A concrete wall, you can build that wall all the

960
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:34,919
Speaker 4: way around and you can protect it, but then it's

961
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 4: like no one gets to see no one gets to

962
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 4: see it. Yeah, and so it's like, maybe put a

963
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 4: fence around it so that people can see your heart.

964
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:49,839
Speaker 4: But in order to have access to it, there's going

965
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 4: to have to be a process to have access.

966
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 3: To that heart.

967
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 4: You're going to have a gate code, know what I'm saying,

968
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 4: to have access to my heart. But I want to

969
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 4: be in a better place where people can see my

970
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 4: heart and see how God is changing my heart and

971
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,719
Speaker 4: see how He's turning my heart in certain ways, and

972
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,840
Speaker 4: still be wise on who I allowed to have access

973
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:13,360
Speaker 4: to my heart in relationships platonic or romantic. I just

974
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:15,640
Speaker 4: want to go into it with that type of mind frame.

975
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 4: So that's I'm like, just keep just pray for me,

976
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 4: because I'm like, I know that that's it. I know

977
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 4: I'm having an intimacy issue, but I know that I

978
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 4: want to keep a soft heart and for people to

979
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 4: see my heart and you know, and just have more

980
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 4: wisdom on who has access to it.

981
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 1: I love it.

982
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's beautiful.

983
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:36,239
Speaker 2: Now you're saying that you are guarded. You were absolutely

984
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:37,360
Speaker 2: drop dead gorgeous.

985
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 1: You're single? Now are you open to love? Are you like,

986
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:43,359
Speaker 1: are you still in this? It's just me and Jesus

987
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 1: right now?

988
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:44,720
Speaker 2: I'm cool.

989
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is definitely just me and Jesus for sure.

990
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 4: I think that's a lifetime thing though it's like, yeah,

991
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 4: you will have and I and I think there's wisdom

992
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 4: in it because I feel like for me, if a

993
00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 4: woman is.

994
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 3: Focus and.

995
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 4: Dedicated to her relationship with God, than any man that

996
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 4: comes to her really would have to go through that avenue,

997
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:12,759
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. So it's like not in

998
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 4: a sense of trying to make things hard for a

999
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 4: man like you need to read Psalms and Ecclesiastics and Amos.

1000
00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 4: It's like, I'm not saying that, but I'm saying that

1001
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:25,800
Speaker 4: I want to be with a man that searches God

1002
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 4: to have access to my heart that he searches him

1003
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 4: and he says, God, this is your daughter.

1004
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:33,480
Speaker 3: You love her, you know her?

1005
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 6: How do I How do I love her?

1006
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:38,359
Speaker 3: You know? I want?

1007
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 4: I just I think it's that thing so open one

1008
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,399
Speaker 4: hundred percent. But you know, I think maybe in this

1009
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:49,840
Speaker 4: time right now, like God just is you know, healing

1010
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:54,960
Speaker 4: me and allowing that time to heal and grieve so

1011
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 4: that when He does open the opportunity for me to

1012
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 4: have relationships and ships romantic relationships, that my heart is

1013
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:08,360
Speaker 4: open to receive it and I can steward it properly

1014
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:12,759
Speaker 4: without trying to hop into a relationship while grieving the

1015
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,680
Speaker 4: last relationship, and you know what I mean, I just

1016
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 4: feel like it could be a distraction.

1017
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I just.

1018
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:22,920
Speaker 4: Want to be whole, healed, and then I want to

1019
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 4: be able to be in a place where I could

1020
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 4: steward it properly and be the best, you know, be

1021
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 4: my best self in it.

1022
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:32,800
Speaker 1: Absolutely love that. So what are you doing? It's my

1023
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 1: last question when close with this.

1024
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:37,400
Speaker 2: What are you doing daily to make sure that Megan

1025
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:37,839
Speaker 2: is good?

1026
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 4: So my daily routine, if I'm being honest, it probably

1027
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 4: sounds really.

1028
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 3: Like it's like, girl, go work out and.

1029
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:52,399
Speaker 4: Drink water, right, Like I feel like I really wish

1030
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:56,840
Speaker 4: that was my daily routine. But I have trained myself

1031
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 4: to wake up and go to the Bible at first

1032
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 4: instead of because Instagram is the first thing I go

1033
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 4: to because I feel like, you know, there's business things

1034
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:06,879
Speaker 4: in there, there's messages you.

1035
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:08,280
Speaker 3: Want to, you know whatever.

1036
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 4: So Instagram used to be my first go to, and

1037
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 4: then I would be like, did I miss something from

1038
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:14,080
Speaker 4: last night? Like making sure that I'm up to date

1039
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:17,680
Speaker 4: with everything. So from now, for the last couple of months,

1040
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:21,880
Speaker 4: my go to is immediately I'm trying to be realistic

1041
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:23,040
Speaker 4: I know I'm gonna grab my phone.

1042
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,239
Speaker 3: I'm not trying to be you know how people be

1043
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 3: like yep.

1044
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:29,920
Speaker 4: I'm like, well, let's keep it a buck. I'm gonna

1045
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:32,719
Speaker 4: grab my phone. I don't have a clock in my room.

1046
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:34,359
Speaker 4: I need to know what time it is, and that

1047
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:37,880
Speaker 4: phone is the clock, is the alarm clock, like, it's everything.

1048
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:39,880
Speaker 3: So I'm gonna grab it. So I grab it.

1049
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:41,920
Speaker 4: But I forced myself to go to the Bible at first,

1050
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:44,719
Speaker 4: and so the first thing that I'm digesting is the

1051
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:45,560
Speaker 4: scripture of the day.

1052
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 3: So it's God's word. It's the first thing that I'm do.

1053
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:52,279
Speaker 4: And then I consciously in my head make sure that

1054
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:55,359
Speaker 4: I acknowledge Him before I do anything. So I open

1055
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 4: my eyes and I'm like, God, thank you for this day.

1056
00:51:57,640 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 4: As I'm grabbing my phone to go to the Bible

1057
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 4: app that's my first thing. I take my kids to school,

1058
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 4: and then for the first probably two hours of my morning,

1059
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 4: I spend in my office with God. Two hours and

1060
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:13,839
Speaker 4: I don't plan on it to be two hours. I'm

1061
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 4: not saying two hours because I'm just this amazing spiritual guru.

1062
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 4: I'm not it becomes two hours because I'm weeping and

1063
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:25,359
Speaker 4: sobbing and his presence is real. But I spend that

1064
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 4: morning doing my devotional. I read a devotional by Jackie

1065
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:33,520
Speaker 4: Hill Perry. She has a sixty day devotional which I love,

1066
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:38,080
Speaker 4: and it's like, so it's short, it's not long, but

1067
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:40,400
Speaker 4: it's Bible, so there's scripture that you can go to

1068
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 4: and it's just very helpful and she speaks in a

1069
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:45,759
Speaker 4: way that I understand, so I think that's important. So

1070
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 4: I read that, I go to scripture and I pray,

1071
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:51,400
Speaker 4: and that's my morning routine. Amazing, and that literally, like

1072
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:55,000
Speaker 4: when I don't do that, I feel the difference.

1073
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 2: Saying, oh yeah, if I'm off my morning routine with God,

1074
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,399
Speaker 2: that messes up the tone for the whole day.

1075
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:04,200
Speaker 4: It's like, literally, I've had to reset my day in

1076
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:04,799
Speaker 4: the middle of the.

1077
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:08,359
Speaker 2: Day and be like, what happened, Oh, you didn't spend

1078
00:53:08,400 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 2: time with y'all.

1079
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 3: Give me about twenty minutes and I'm gonna go.

1080
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:14,200
Speaker 4: And sometimes that's all it takes. It doesn't have to

1081
00:53:14,239 --> 00:53:15,360
Speaker 4: take twenty two.

1082
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 3: Hours every day.

1083
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 4: But I realized that if I get up or try

1084
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:24,040
Speaker 4: to be mindful of preparing myself before I have to

1085
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:26,200
Speaker 4: be anything else, before I have to be a mom,

1086
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 4: before I have to be a businesswoman, before I have

1087
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:29,840
Speaker 4: to be a podcast host, before.

1088
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:31,480
Speaker 3: I have to be anything else.

1089
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 4: If I can just give myself the first few hours

1090
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,320
Speaker 4: of the day so that God can deposit something in

1091
00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 4: me so that I can be his first and then

1092
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:44,280
Speaker 4: go be everybody else's yes. And when I am his first,

1093
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:47,239
Speaker 4: he strengthens me. He gives me all the things that

1094
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:49,960
Speaker 4: I need because he knows my day. I don't know

1095
00:53:50,040 --> 00:53:52,040
Speaker 4: my day, but he knows what my day has in

1096
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 4: store for me. So when I go to him first,

1097
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 4: it's like it's the cheat code. It's like he knows

1098
00:53:57,719 --> 00:53:59,160
Speaker 4: what I'm going to face today.

1099
00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:00,719
Speaker 3: So I go to him. It gives me what I

1100
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 3: need to grace me.

1101
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:02,800
Speaker 1: Through that day.

1102
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 3: And that's that's it.

1103
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:04,880
Speaker 1: That's amazing.

1104
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:06,839
Speaker 2: I want to challenge everybody to make sure you carve

1105
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 2: that time for God before you start anything. I'm telling

1106
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:11,320
Speaker 2: you it is a game changer.

1107
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 3: Change, yeah, game changer. Yeah.

1108
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:17,759
Speaker 2: So you talked about this season showing you how God

1109
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 2: sees you, which I think is so important, But how

1110
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:21,200
Speaker 2: do you feel like God sees you?

1111
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 1: And how do you see yourself?

1112
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 2: Now?

1113
00:54:24,080 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 4: I think the more that I read God's word was

1114
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 4: the more I saw how he sees me. And so

1115
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:35,759
Speaker 4: the woman that's discipling me, she would she takes me

1116
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,239
Speaker 4: through scripture and we break down the text and she,

1117
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:41,279
Speaker 4: you know, really breaks it down for me so that

1118
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:43,759
Speaker 4: I can really understand what God is trying to say.

1119
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 4: But when she when I read it, she makes me

1120
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:49,319
Speaker 4: replace the you with my name, like she makes me

1121
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 4: personalize it, like making you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Yeah,

1122
00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:57,320
Speaker 4: you are, you know, so you are a new creature

1123
00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,439
Speaker 4: I am like, and making me personalize it, which has

1124
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 4: helped me seeing that his word wasn't just to everyone,

1125
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:09,799
Speaker 4: but it was for me, like it was personalized, like

1126
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:16,080
Speaker 4: he personally allowed this beautiful love letter for me. And

1127
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 4: just seeing that and believing it that He did this

1128
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 4: for me. Yeah, And so seeing his word and reading

1129
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:27,000
Speaker 4: it and knowing it and making a commitment to know

1130
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 4: it has allowed me to see myself the way that

1131
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 4: He sees me. And you know, and knowing the lies

1132
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 4: of the enemy because I know God's word, and so

1133
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:39,600
Speaker 4: I know when the enemy is talking because I know

1134
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,120
Speaker 4: God's word. And I'm like, God, don't sound like that

1135
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:43,120
Speaker 4: I said.

1136
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:44,319
Speaker 1: God did not say that.

1137
00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:47,080
Speaker 4: God did not say that He didn't say that. That's

1138
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 4: not No, that's not that's not him. And so just

1139
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:52,400
Speaker 4: knowing those things knowing his word.

1140
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:54,320
Speaker 2: Now, when you look in the mirror in the morning,

1141
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,640
Speaker 2: what do you see? Do you see everything that God sees?

1142
00:55:57,760 --> 00:55:59,520
Speaker 3: Not yet I don't see it all yet.

1143
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 4: I still struggle with seeing myself in totality the way

1144
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 4: that He sees me.

1145
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:05,839
Speaker 3: I still struggle with that.

1146
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 4: But I am by reading his word. It's in me,

1147
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 4: and so it comes up when certain things come up.

1148
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 4: I'm quick to make so the Bible says that take

1149
00:56:18,040 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 4: every thought into captivity and make it come into submission

1150
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 4: to Christ. So I take those thoughts when I start

1151
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:26,560
Speaker 4: to have negative thoughts, and I say, uh uh uh

1152
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:29,360
Speaker 4: mm hmm, does this on ligne with God's word? And

1153
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:30,600
Speaker 4: if it doesn't, all right, you.

1154
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:32,160
Speaker 1: Gotta go, you gotta go.

1155
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:34,879
Speaker 4: I'm not doing that. And sometimes I have these these

1156
00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 4: out loud dialogues. I'm like, uh uh no, you can

1157
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 4: know enemy, No, you gotta go.

1158
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:41,359
Speaker 3: I'm not in the movie.

1159
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:44,240
Speaker 1: I just I'm.

1160
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:46,799
Speaker 4: Just like no, yeah, And I just you know, the

1161
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:48,000
Speaker 4: Bible says resistant enemy.

1162
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:49,760
Speaker 3: Hopefully it's that It's that simple.

1163
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:50,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1164
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:52,759
Speaker 4: I just those are not thoughts that my Father has

1165
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:55,720
Speaker 4: given me, so I just get rid of them.

1166
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 3: It's a daily process.

1167
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:59,879
Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, can you tell us what that is? When

1168
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:02,280
Speaker 2: he sees me as redeemed, he sees me as graceful.

1169
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:09,879
Speaker 4: I think, like I said, the more that I read

1170
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 4: his word, the more that I know his truth.

1171
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:18,440
Speaker 3: And okay, if i'm a little side.

1172
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 4: Thing that is helpful is that you guys know like

1173
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 4: chat gbtye. So they have a Bible chat now really

1174
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:29,120
Speaker 4: and it's called it's called Bible chat. It's like the

1175
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:32,480
Speaker 4: best thing ever, I think, because I'm not saying it

1176
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:33,959
Speaker 4: replaces a Bible at all.

1177
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 3: But there are certain questions that I have, like how

1178
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:37,600
Speaker 3: am I redeemed?

1179
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 4: If I like, will God ever get sick of me

1180
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 4: coming to him the questions that I have? And so

1181
00:57:46,440 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 4: then when there's Bible to prove that, like if you

1182
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 4: come to him with a sincere heart, he's faithful, knocking.

1183
00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:55,240
Speaker 3: The door will be open like those type of things.

1184
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:58,760
Speaker 4: And so knowing that when I start to feel that

1185
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:01,680
Speaker 4: shame bringing that shit up again, or like when the

1186
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:03,880
Speaker 4: enemy is trying to convince me of something that God

1187
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:06,439
Speaker 4: didn't say, I just have to keep bringing those things

1188
00:58:06,520 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 4: up and by confessing those things. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.

1189
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 4: I'm the head not to tell I'm above and not beneath. Right,

1190
00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:21,280
Speaker 4: He's called me lovely. You know, he knows me. He

1191
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:24,840
Speaker 4: did all of this for me, and I just have

1192
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 4: to just remind myself of that.

1193
00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:28,560
Speaker 3: And it's proven in his word. This is what his

1194
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:30,120
Speaker 3: word says. He loves us.

1195
00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 4: Not only does he love us, but he so loves

1196
00:58:32,880 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 4: us that he gave his only.

1197
00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 3: To redeem us back to him.

1198
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 4: I believe that, and my faith is sustained in believing that.

1199
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 4: And it's like, you got to believe God in totality

1200
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:49,520
Speaker 4: or not. You can't pick and choose the parts you

1201
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 4: want to believe. It's either this or it's not. He

1202
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:55,840
Speaker 4: either loves you or he doesn't. Yeah, so if he

1203
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:58,920
Speaker 4: loves you, then he loves you, and simple as that.

1204
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:01,560
Speaker 4: And there's nothing I can ever do to change that.

1205
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:05,160
Speaker 4: I think there's some in the Psalms where David says,

1206
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,280
Speaker 4: I can go to the highest mountain or make my

1207
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:11,080
Speaker 4: bed in hell, and you'll be with me no matter

1208
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 4: where he goes. He loves you so much that he

1209
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 4: can't escape you. And I start to see these things,

1210
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 4: and this is how I know that he loves me

1211
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:20,120
Speaker 4: where it says that his thoughts for me outnumber the

1212
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:23,320
Speaker 4: grains of the sand, of all the earth, of all

1213
00:59:23,320 --> 00:59:28,600
Speaker 4: the earth, Your thoughts for me, right, little old me? Yes,

1214
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,919
Speaker 4: And it's he's consistent in this all throughout his word.

1215
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:35,480
Speaker 4: He's consistent in how much he loves us and pointing

1216
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:37,960
Speaker 4: us in that direction. And so I just choose to

1217
00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 4: believe that he's real. I choose to believe that he's

1218
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,680
Speaker 4: real and that his love is real. I just choose

1219
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 4: to believe it. Yeah, And that choice in believing it

1220
00:59:45,480 --> 00:59:46,200
Speaker 4: changes everything.

1221
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 1: It does.

1222
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:52,200
Speaker 2: So you've been very open on your podcast Know for

1223
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:55,480
Speaker 2: Sure about mental health issues that you've dealt with, depression,

1224
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 2: even battling thoughts of suicide and my kids, can you

1225
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 2: when I tell you the.

1226
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:03,400
Speaker 1: I can't.

1227
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:06,560
Speaker 2: It's like literally the team spends hours going through emails

1228
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 2: trying to find letters for our positive outcomes to read

1229
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:13,240
Speaker 2: on each episode, and they go through and like almost

1230
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:16,920
Speaker 2: all of them is going through depression, suicidal thoughts, and

1231
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:18,800
Speaker 2: it's really heartbreaking, it really is.

1232
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:21,040
Speaker 1: When I found out, I was like, what you know?

1233
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:21,760
Speaker 1: And you don't.

1234
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:23,919
Speaker 2: Understand, like when you share that, how many more people

1235
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:24,800
Speaker 2: are actually going through the.

1236
01:00:24,760 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 1: Exact same thing. What is something that you can share

1237
01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:28,360
Speaker 1: to maybe just.

1238
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 2: Give them some advice on how to handle that since

1239
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 2: you've opened up about it as well.

1240
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it's such a heartbreaking experience.

1241
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:45,680
Speaker 4: And because I know it personally, I just hate hearing

1242
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:48,760
Speaker 4: other people go through it because I know what I've experienced,

1243
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:51,920
Speaker 4: and I'm like, if I've experienced this, I know what

1244
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:54,600
Speaker 4: I've experienced, So I just hate the idea that other

1245
01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:56,160
Speaker 4: people have experienced that.

1246
01:00:56,280 --> 01:01:03,400
Speaker 3: And I have.

1247
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:09,000
Speaker 4: A really big problem with the enemy right now and

1248
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 4: what he's doing to attack people in their minds. And

1249
01:01:14,400 --> 01:01:18,600
Speaker 4: what I would say is is that you have to

1250
01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:21,560
Speaker 4: know and I actually said this on one of my episodes.

1251
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,600
Speaker 4: I was saying, you have to know who your God is,

1252
01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:27,840
Speaker 4: and you have to know who your enemy is, and

1253
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 4: that the enemy is a deceiver. And like I was

1254
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 4: saying before, he knows that the only way for you

1255
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:40,160
Speaker 4: to forfeit the promises that God has for your life

1256
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 4: is for you to do it, and so he wants

1257
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 4: to deceive you into thinking that you are unworthy, that

1258
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:57,160
Speaker 4: you are you can't be redeemed, that your life isn't

1259
01:01:57,480 --> 01:02:00,680
Speaker 4: worth anything, and these are lies. But he knows that

1260
01:02:00,680 --> 01:02:02,880
Speaker 4: if he can get you to believe this, then you

1261
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 4: will forfeit the things that God has for you. And

1262
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:07,000
Speaker 4: you have to know that it.

1263
01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:07,560
Speaker 3: Is a trick.

1264
01:02:08,440 --> 01:02:13,160
Speaker 4: It is a sick trick of the enemy to make

1265
01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:16,480
Speaker 4: you think that your life has no purpose. It is

1266
01:02:16,560 --> 01:02:22,680
Speaker 4: one of the It is one of his biggest influences

1267
01:02:22,800 --> 01:02:25,800
Speaker 4: right now. It is to get people to think that

1268
01:02:25,840 --> 01:02:30,720
Speaker 4: their life isn't worth it. And the only thing that

1269
01:02:30,760 --> 01:02:33,200
Speaker 4: I can say that has worked for me. For me,

1270
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:39,160
Speaker 4: I have done medications for depression, for suicide, for anxiety,

1271
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 4: I've done those things. The only thing that has worked

1272
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:50,000
Speaker 4: for me is knowing who God is and really believing

1273
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:53,360
Speaker 4: in who He is and who he says that I am,

1274
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 4: and really believing it. And I don't know a way

1275
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 4: to I don't have a five steps on how to

1276
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 4: get to that point to believing it, but I do

1277
01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:05,480
Speaker 4: know that I have been desperate enough where I've tried everything.

1278
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:09,800
Speaker 4: And I think that sometimes that people get confused with

1279
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:13,880
Speaker 4: people who battle depression in suicide and they think that, oh,

1280
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,400
Speaker 4: you just want to die like it, And it's not

1281
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:20,400
Speaker 4: that It's that this pain that I'm feeling causes me

1282
01:03:20,480 --> 01:03:22,680
Speaker 4: not to want to live but it doesn't mean I'm

1283
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 4: trying I want to die.

1284
01:03:23,840 --> 01:03:26,320
Speaker 3: I don't have a desire to die. I just can't

1285
01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:27,560
Speaker 3: live with this pain.

1286
01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:32,760
Speaker 4: This pain feels too deep into it's consuming me, it's

1287
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:36,720
Speaker 4: consuming my thoughts, it's consuming everything in me, and it

1288
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:38,640
Speaker 4: feels that I am never going to get out of

1289
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:42,320
Speaker 4: this pain. And when I tell you, for me, the

1290
01:03:42,640 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 4: only person, the only thing that has relieved that pain

1291
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:49,280
Speaker 4: has been God's love and his presence and his realness

1292
01:03:49,320 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 4: and his word, and it has healed the deepest wounds

1293
01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 4: in my heart, the deepest wounds in my heart. He

1294
01:03:57,320 --> 01:04:01,160
Speaker 4: has been the only thing that has help me, the

1295
01:04:01,240 --> 01:04:06,040
Speaker 4: only thing that has fully made me free from that.

1296
01:04:06,880 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 4: Now I still struggle. I struggle, you know, I struggle sometimes,

1297
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:15,560
Speaker 4: and there are opportunities that present themselves for me to

1298
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:18,560
Speaker 4: fall into a depression or for me to, you know,

1299
01:04:18,760 --> 01:04:20,960
Speaker 4: think that my life is worthless and I can't move

1300
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 4: on and I can't do anything.

1301
01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:24,479
Speaker 3: But it's a.

1302
01:04:24,400 --> 01:04:27,720
Speaker 4: Feeling, and that's it.

1303
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:30,280
Speaker 3: It's not real. It's just a feeling.

1304
01:04:30,640 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 4: And it's a feeling that the enemy likes to manipulate

1305
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:36,200
Speaker 4: because he's a manipulator. He is, and so you just

1306
01:04:36,320 --> 01:04:38,320
Speaker 4: have to know the truth. You have to speak the

1307
01:04:38,360 --> 01:04:41,960
Speaker 4: truth over yourself. You have to know surround yourself with

1308
01:04:42,120 --> 01:04:45,840
Speaker 4: people that are going to speak truth to you, speak

1309
01:04:45,880 --> 01:04:49,320
Speaker 4: God's word to you. People that are going to hold

1310
01:04:49,400 --> 01:04:52,320
Speaker 4: up your arms and say, hey, listen, I know you

1311
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:53,120
Speaker 4: can't hold yourself.

1312
01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:54,840
Speaker 3: It's okay, I'm gonna hold you.

1313
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:56,600
Speaker 4: I'm gonna speak God's word to you, even if you

1314
01:04:56,680 --> 01:04:58,600
Speaker 4: don't know it, even if you don't believe it, I'm

1315
01:04:58,640 --> 01:04:59,360
Speaker 4: going to speak.

1316
01:04:59,160 --> 01:04:59,640
Speaker 3: It over you.

1317
01:05:00,680 --> 01:05:04,160
Speaker 4: Therapy, getting a good counselor you know what I mean,

1318
01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:10,880
Speaker 4: getting help, godly wisdom, yes, yes, godly wisdom. And then

1319
01:05:11,560 --> 01:05:15,760
Speaker 4: you know, there are some people that sometimes just take

1320
01:05:15,800 --> 01:05:19,120
Speaker 4: an inventory and having someone who can help you really

1321
01:05:19,160 --> 01:05:22,800
Speaker 4: take good inventory of your heart because sometimes you not depressed.

1322
01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:26,479
Speaker 4: You disobedient. Uh, you not depressed that? And my friend

1323
01:05:26,480 --> 01:05:28,720
Speaker 4: Brace said this, She said, yeah, you're not depressed.

1324
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:29,600
Speaker 3: You disobedient.

1325
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 4: You don't have anxiety, You're disobedient because sometimes that that

1326
01:05:35,440 --> 01:05:38,760
Speaker 4: freedom is on the other side of obedience. Sometimes there's

1327
01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:41,360
Speaker 4: something that God is requiring you to do and you

1328
01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:45,360
Speaker 4: keep avoiding it, and you're wondering why you keep finding

1329
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:47,120
Speaker 4: yourself in this same situation.

1330
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:49,120
Speaker 3: And I'm guilty of it too.

1331
01:05:49,160 --> 01:05:51,440
Speaker 4: I have a chemical imbalance, So I'm not saying that

1332
01:05:51,440 --> 01:05:54,520
Speaker 4: that God, you know, but there were things that He

1333
01:05:54,840 --> 01:05:57,200
Speaker 4: required me to do, and once I start doing those things,

1334
01:05:57,240 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 4: I started to feel free.

1335
01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:01,040
Speaker 3: Yeah you know what I mean.

1336
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:04,760
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's just on the other side of obedience. Sometimes

1337
01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:09,520
Speaker 4: it is medication and a therapist with Godly wisdom. Sometimes

1338
01:06:09,520 --> 01:06:11,280
Speaker 4: it's a combination of things.

1339
01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:11,320
Speaker 3: You know.

1340
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:15,800
Speaker 4: But I do know for me, including God into that

1341
01:06:15,840 --> 01:06:19,320
Speaker 4: process whatever you do, because he's the ultimate healer, he's

1342
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:23,120
Speaker 4: the ultimate caregiver, he's the ultimate like and so just

1343
01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:24,160
Speaker 4: adding him into.

1344
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:26,200
Speaker 3: That routine, I think will.

1345
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:30,040
Speaker 4: Show the difference and help, you know.

1346
01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:33,120
Speaker 1: And so thank you, Yeah, thank you for sharing that.

1347
01:06:33,240 --> 01:06:37,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I mean it helped me, so I

1348
01:06:37,040 --> 01:06:42,440
Speaker 2: know I did it. Will thank you so much. We

1349
01:06:42,480 --> 01:06:44,120
Speaker 2: are coming to the close of the show and we

1350
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:47,080
Speaker 2: do something that is called positive Outcomes, where our listeners

1351
01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:48,520
Speaker 2: write in and we give them advice.

1352
01:06:48,600 --> 01:06:50,720
Speaker 1: Okay, listener says Hi, Crystal.

1353
01:06:51,080 --> 01:06:53,200
Speaker 2: I'm a fifty three year old man just coming home

1354
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:56,880
Speaker 2: from prison on false charges. I'm a god fearing, spiritually

1355
01:06:56,880 --> 01:06:59,640
Speaker 2: inclined man who believes in are being made in the

1356
01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:03,400
Speaker 2: image of our Creator. My passion lies in service and

1357
01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:05,360
Speaker 2: it does my heart good to know that my God

1358
01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:09,440
Speaker 2: given ability was able was able to help make someone's

1359
01:07:09,480 --> 01:07:12,120
Speaker 2: life better or solve a problem for them. As I

1360
01:07:12,160 --> 01:07:14,760
Speaker 2: mentioned earlier, I came home a few years ago, and

1361
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:17,560
Speaker 2: the signs and pressure have been a deterrent for me.

1362
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:20,440
Speaker 2: Both family and friends expect the person who left and

1363
01:07:20,480 --> 01:07:23,560
Speaker 2: not the person who returned. I was recently blessed to

1364
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:26,200
Speaker 2: hear a sermon where a preacher talked about the power

1365
01:07:26,240 --> 01:07:29,200
Speaker 2: of attitude and what I should or shouldn't allow to

1366
01:07:29,240 --> 01:07:32,320
Speaker 2: affect my spiritual walk. Do you have any advice for

1367
01:07:32,440 --> 01:07:35,960
Speaker 2: walking a more spiritually engineered walk? When I tell you

1368
01:07:36,040 --> 01:07:38,800
Speaker 2: that all the tests are presently showing up to pull

1369
01:07:38,840 --> 01:07:42,320
Speaker 2: me away from my right walk would be an understatement.

1370
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,600
Speaker 2: My wish is to continue to serve, and my hope

1371
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:48,400
Speaker 2: is that God will bless me with favor.

1372
01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:49,680
Speaker 1: Wow.

1373
01:07:51,320 --> 01:07:54,360
Speaker 2: I cannot imagine my life coming to a halt off

1374
01:07:54,360 --> 01:07:55,520
Speaker 2: of something I did not do.

1375
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:56,360
Speaker 3: How many years?

1376
01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:57,680
Speaker 1: He didn't say, how many years?

1377
01:07:57,720 --> 01:07:57,880
Speaker 4: You have?

1378
01:07:58,160 --> 01:07:59,959
Speaker 1: He just Yiah, but he's been home for a few

1379
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:04,959
Speaker 1: years for false charges. Wow.

1380
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:09,400
Speaker 2: I would say, sometimes people cannot forget who you were.

1381
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:12,200
Speaker 2: When you say family and friends still want the guy

1382
01:08:12,200 --> 01:08:15,920
Speaker 2: who left and not the guy who returned. It may

1383
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:19,920
Speaker 2: take a while for them to realize, Hey, you really changed,

1384
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:22,840
Speaker 2: You're not the same person. But what I would do

1385
01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:26,000
Speaker 2: is continue to pour into your word, make sure that

1386
01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:28,519
Speaker 2: you go to church, surround yourself with community. I know

1387
01:08:28,600 --> 01:08:32,000
Speaker 2: my church has different groups that you can like connect

1388
01:08:32,040 --> 01:08:33,920
Speaker 2: with people. Say that you're not on this island by

1389
01:08:33,960 --> 01:08:37,280
Speaker 2: yourself trying to come close to God and keep that walk.

1390
01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:39,880
Speaker 2: When I feel like when you have accountability partners and

1391
01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:42,719
Speaker 2: people that are on the same walk as you, it makes.

1392
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:44,679
Speaker 1: It a lot easier to make sure that you stay focused.

1393
01:08:45,400 --> 01:08:51,599
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you know, sometimes people prefer you broken

1394
01:08:52,479 --> 01:08:55,160
Speaker 4: and because it makes them feel better about their broken.

1395
01:08:55,360 --> 01:08:56,160
Speaker 1: They don't want to see you.

1396
01:08:56,280 --> 01:09:00,400
Speaker 4: And so you changing and growing makes them feel like

1397
01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:02,519
Speaker 4: now they got to step it up and change and grow.

1398
01:09:03,080 --> 01:09:08,400
Speaker 4: So I think you have to have grace for them too,

1399
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:12,200
Speaker 4: because they don't know this person yet, and so you

1400
01:09:12,320 --> 01:09:15,439
Speaker 4: have to give them grace because you know the changes

1401
01:09:15,479 --> 01:09:17,320
Speaker 4: that God is meeting you. But that doesn't mean they

1402
01:09:17,439 --> 01:09:19,360
Speaker 4: know that. Like I said, they may not see it yet.

1403
01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:22,360
Speaker 4: They're still purified, you know, they just don't see it yet.

1404
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:25,439
Speaker 4: And so I think having grace for them as you

1405
01:09:25,479 --> 01:09:28,840
Speaker 4: are navigating through this new chapter of your life, and

1406
01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:32,840
Speaker 4: then asking God to bring in the right people that

1407
01:09:33,320 --> 01:09:36,000
Speaker 4: can help you where you are right now and help

1408
01:09:36,040 --> 01:09:39,719
Speaker 4: you grow better and further into that journey.

1409
01:09:39,880 --> 01:09:42,559
Speaker 3: So I think, you know, a combination of those things.

1410
01:09:42,560 --> 01:09:45,040
Speaker 4: But I would say, give your family grace because they

1411
01:09:45,040 --> 01:09:46,280
Speaker 4: don't know this person, and.

1412
01:09:46,280 --> 01:09:49,080
Speaker 3: They'll get to know him. And just stay consistent, you know.

1413
01:09:49,240 --> 01:09:52,800
Speaker 4: And God is faithful that when you ask him for help,

1414
01:09:53,479 --> 01:09:57,519
Speaker 4: he's faithful to give you help, and so so yeah,

1415
01:09:58,040 --> 01:09:59,280
Speaker 4: just love it.

1416
01:10:03,840 --> 01:10:06,200
Speaker 2: We also do a part that's called what I'm going

1417
01:10:06,240 --> 01:10:12,040
Speaker 2: Through and what I'm Growing Through, and I'll start this week.

1418
01:10:12,200 --> 01:10:17,600
Speaker 2: I Am We talked about purging, and oftentimes in the

1419
01:10:17,600 --> 01:10:21,080
Speaker 2: grieving process, you kind of leave hope hoping that things

1420
01:10:21,080 --> 01:10:23,160
Speaker 2: will change, or you have moments where you're like I

1421
01:10:23,200 --> 01:10:25,080
Speaker 2: think I should just reach out or maybe I should

1422
01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:28,240
Speaker 2: do this, and then something comes along and it looks

1423
01:10:28,479 --> 01:10:31,200
Speaker 2: you get news certain things are happening, like okay, No,

1424
01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:33,640
Speaker 2: it's like almost like signs that keep kind of like

1425
01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:36,760
Speaker 2: whatever you thought you have in a moment, don't do it,

1426
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:41,799
Speaker 2: don't go back. And I am going through finally closing

1427
01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:45,680
Speaker 2: the door on some chapters that I was leaving cracks, you.

1428
01:10:45,640 --> 01:10:50,080
Speaker 1: Know, and growing through knowing that.

1429
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:53,040
Speaker 2: I say this all the time, everyone can't go with you,

1430
01:10:53,479 --> 01:10:57,720
Speaker 2: but actually learning that because when you say everybody can't go,

1431
01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:01,120
Speaker 2: you still hope that the figure it out and so

1432
01:11:01,160 --> 01:11:02,280
Speaker 2: they can't come, you know.

1433
01:11:03,200 --> 01:11:04,719
Speaker 1: So I'm growing through that as well.

1434
01:11:04,840 --> 01:11:06,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that.

1435
01:11:06,320 --> 01:11:09,160
Speaker 4: Probably the same thing. I think I'm in that same

1436
01:11:10,479 --> 01:11:22,439
Speaker 4: transition of going through a new season and growing growing

1437
01:11:22,520 --> 01:11:24,400
Speaker 4: in the new season too. I think it's the same,

1438
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:31,280
Speaker 4: like literally the same, like just allowing God to help

1439
01:11:31,360 --> 01:11:34,800
Speaker 4: me as I'm navigating through this new season. So I'm

1440
01:11:34,840 --> 01:11:37,280
Speaker 4: going through it and I'm growing through it, like I'm

1441
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:40,880
Speaker 4: just you know. So yeah, I think the same thing

1442
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:44,360
Speaker 4: that you're experiencing. And we were talking about it. Everybody

1443
01:11:44,479 --> 01:11:46,680
Speaker 4: is experiencing.

1444
01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:51,599
Speaker 2: So we ended with keep it blank, sweetie, and it's

1445
01:11:51,600 --> 01:11:54,840
Speaker 2: what we want to tell our followers or listeners to

1446
01:11:54,920 --> 01:12:02,439
Speaker 2: do for this episode. I'm going to say, we touched

1447
01:12:02,439 --> 01:12:05,000
Speaker 2: on so much and so much has resonated with me.

1448
01:12:06,960 --> 01:12:09,040
Speaker 2: I want to say, keep it hopeful, sweetie.

1449
01:12:09,760 --> 01:12:18,080
Speaker 3: Like that, I'm going to say, keep it faithful.

1450
01:12:18,040 --> 01:12:20,519
Speaker 1: Love it. Yes.

1451
01:12:21,400 --> 01:12:27,160
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Meghan Ashley Brooks, everyone, Oh my goodness,

1452
01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:28,200
Speaker 2: thank you so much.

1453
01:12:28,360 --> 01:12:33,040
Speaker 4: I'm telling you, listen, I'm telling you everyone that sits

1454
01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:34,240
Speaker 4: on the couch ends up saying that.

1455
01:12:34,400 --> 01:12:35,000
Speaker 1: But I'm so.

1456
01:12:35,040 --> 01:12:36,960
Speaker 2: Happy that you're happy that you came and you feel

1457
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:39,559
Speaker 2: like this is good. It was really good and I

1458
01:12:39,640 --> 01:12:42,760
Speaker 2: know you guys are going to enjoy this episode. Guys,

1459
01:12:42,800 --> 01:12:45,639
Speaker 2: if you want to write into our Positive Outcomes Listener letter,

1460
01:12:45,680 --> 01:12:48,240
Speaker 2: write into keep it Positive sweety at gmail dot com

1461
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:51,000
Speaker 2: and at Sweetye with an Ie. You can follow kIPS

1462
01:12:51,040 --> 01:12:53,720
Speaker 2: on all platforms and keep it positive Sweetye. You can

1463
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:56,160
Speaker 2: follow me on all platforms at Love Chris Doorinee and

1464
01:12:56,200 --> 01:12:59,920
Speaker 2: that's l u V Christaurinee. Meghan tell people they can

1465
01:13:00,040 --> 01:13:01,599
Speaker 2: find you and let them know what you got going on,

1466
01:13:01,960 --> 01:13:03,240
Speaker 2: can jump on board and support you.

1467
01:13:03,439 --> 01:13:06,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you can follow me on basically all social

1468
01:13:06,800 --> 01:13:12,920
Speaker 4: media platforms. It's I am Megan Ashley and I just

1469
01:13:13,000 --> 01:13:17,400
Speaker 4: have I'm a new podcast in Totality, which is doing

1470
01:13:17,479 --> 01:13:17,920
Speaker 4: really good.

1471
01:13:17,960 --> 01:13:21,680
Speaker 3: I'm so excited about it. So yeah, so all of the.

1472
01:13:21,600 --> 01:13:24,280
Speaker 4: Streaming platforms YouTube, you can subscribe to my channel.

1473
01:13:24,600 --> 01:13:26,439
Speaker 3: I have a Patreon community.

1474
01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:30,400
Speaker 4: Where they get like exclusive like BTS stuff, and they

1475
01:13:30,439 --> 01:13:33,600
Speaker 4: get my docuseries where you can kind of see the

1476
01:13:33,760 --> 01:13:35,400
Speaker 4: how I'm living this thing out.

1477
01:13:36,320 --> 01:13:37,720
Speaker 1: So yeah, amazing.

1478
01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:39,680
Speaker 2: It's so hard for me to be like, follow me

1479
01:13:39,720 --> 01:13:43,080
Speaker 2: on right, but now you can find you.

1480
01:13:43,160 --> 01:13:46,000
Speaker 1: So I'm excited for what the future holds for you.

1481
01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:48,599
Speaker 1: God bless you. I'm proud of you, and I'm here

1482
01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:48,840
Speaker 1: for you.

1483
01:13:48,960 --> 01:13:50,160
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you.

1484
01:13:50,240 --> 01:13:53,679
Speaker 4: I'm so excited, thank you so much, absolutely so good.

1485
01:13:53,760 --> 01:14:08,519
Speaker 4: Yeah you can