WEBVTT - Second Cup: Try a limited engagement

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is that if you are aiming to get together

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<v Speaker 1>with friends more regularly, try your idea for a new

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<v Speaker 1>routine as a limited engagement. You can commit for a

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<v Speaker 1>short period of time and enjoy it while it lasts.

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<v Speaker 1>and then decide whether you want to stick with it

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<v Speaker 1>for longer or tweak things to make it better. So

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<v Speaker 1>I think most of us understand that few things in

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<v Speaker 1>life last forever. Sunday brunch with your girlfriends might last

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<v Speaker 1>for years, but you will probably not all move in

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<v Speaker 1>together in retirement, Golden Girls style. Your Tuesday morning run

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<v Speaker 1>with your exercise buddy might last a decade, but then

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<v Speaker 1>pause when you're injured and Somehow, never resume. So it goes.

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<v Speaker 1>Something can be wonderful for a long time, and then

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<v Speaker 1>you move on to something else. But few of us

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<v Speaker 1>consider the end when we are starting. I guess we

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<v Speaker 1>are natural optimists, but the problem is that sometimes we

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<v Speaker 1>don't try things because, well, we suspect we won't want

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<v Speaker 1>to do them forever. But you don't have to do

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<v Speaker 1>something forever. you can explicitly try it for a while

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<v Speaker 1>as a limited engagement. For instance, over at my Substack newsletter,

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<v Speaker 1>which is called Vanderhacks, by the way, I suggested that

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<v Speaker 1>if you are considering starting a book club, you will

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<v Speaker 1>agree with everyone that you will plan to meet once

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<v Speaker 1>a month for the next calendar year. After that, you

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<v Speaker 1>will regroup to figure out who wants to continue and

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<v Speaker 1>whether you'd like to tweak anything about the format. Some

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<v Speaker 1>people may opt to re-up, and others may not. But

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<v Speaker 1>nobody has the awkward experience of breaking up with the

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<v Speaker 1>club because they only signed up for a year in

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<v Speaker 1>the first place. The limited engagement makes starting and deciding

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<v Speaker 1>how to proceed a lot less fraught. In a New

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<v Speaker 1>York Times article, friendship coach Danielle Baird Jackson suggests something similar.

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<v Speaker 1>which is what she calls a limited series with your friend.

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<v Speaker 1>You pick an activity that lasts a few weeks or

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<v Speaker 1>months and brings you into more frequent and more structured interaction.

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<v Speaker 1>She gives the example of watching a TV series and

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<v Speaker 1>meeting up on Zoom for 15 minutes after each episode

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<v Speaker 1>to analyze it. The limited series lets you test out

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<v Speaker 1>more frequent interaction. So if you like it, You can

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<v Speaker 1>build it in longer term. But even if you decide

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<v Speaker 1>not to continue, the limited series will have given you

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<v Speaker 1>shared memories that you can look back on. I think

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<v Speaker 1>this is a great idea. Maybe you don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>join a Zoom TV critics club, but you would like

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<v Speaker 1>to take a 10-week yoga class with friends. You could

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<v Speaker 1>try a weekly dinner club for a month. Maybe you

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<v Speaker 1>and some friends decide to do an eight-week training program

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<v Speaker 1>together to get ready for a 10K. You might arrange

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<v Speaker 1>with several friends to read a self-improvement book together over

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<v Speaker 1>the course of a month or two and meet up weekly,

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<v Speaker 1>in person, or via Zoom to discuss how you are

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<v Speaker 1>implementing what you learn. If you read one of my books,

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<v Speaker 1>let me know. Or maybe your limited engagement is with

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<v Speaker 1>a tennis partner. You decide to play every Wednesday before

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<v Speaker 1>work until the end of the semester. And then you

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<v Speaker 1>will take a break. Or you might rally a group

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<v Speaker 1>to rewatch the Pride and Prejudice miniseries. One episode every

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<v Speaker 1>Sunday night. Until you are finished. I'm sure you could

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<v Speaker 1>generate a long list of things you would like to

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<v Speaker 1>do with friends for a little while. Deciding to participate

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<v Speaker 1>in a limited engagement is a lot lower pressure than, well...

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<v Speaker 1>the book club you are expected to be in until

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<v Speaker 1>you die. So it feels easier to say yes. I

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<v Speaker 1>hear from so many people that they want more connection

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<v Speaker 1>with friends. A recurring commitment can be a great way

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<v Speaker 1>to get that connection without the effort of planning multiple

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<v Speaker 1>one-off experiences. With a limited engagement, you get all the

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<v Speaker 1>benefits of a recurring commitment, but without the potential for

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<v Speaker 1>feeling awkward, if the commitment starts to feel like it's

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<v Speaker 1>all obligation and no joy. I mean, maybe your book

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<v Speaker 1>club will last for a thousand years, but it may

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<v Speaker 1>also last for 12 sessions, which could be just as good.

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<v Speaker 1>In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening. And

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<v Speaker 1>here's to making the most of our time. Thanks for

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<v Speaker 1>listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,

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<v Speaker 1>you can reach me at laura at lauravandercam.com. Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>is a production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia,

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