WEBVTT - Second Cup: Don't let criticism sting

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is about how to stop wasting time and mental

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<v Speaker 1>energy ruminating over useless feedback. In other words, how to

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<v Speaker 1>keep criticism from stinging. First, I want to say that

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<v Speaker 1>constructive feedback is a real gift. Someone can be mean

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<v Speaker 1>and nasty, but if that person gives you practical suggestions

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<v Speaker 1>for how to improve something that matters to you, you're

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<v Speaker 1>best off thanking the person. You don't have to be friends,

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<v Speaker 1>but you can be grateful. That said, not all feedback

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<v Speaker 1>is constructive. I was thinking of this recently when I

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<v Speaker 1>got a letter from a Before Breakfast listener who leads

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<v Speaker 1>a church. This minister lost a close family member shortly

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<v Speaker 1>before Christmas. It was too late to find someone else

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<v Speaker 1>to lead all the holiday services, so the minister did

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<v Speaker 1>so while deep in grief. Then she received a note

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<v Speaker 1>from a parishioner who knew about the death, saying that

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<v Speaker 1>her holiday preaching was sub par. Ouch in this situation,

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<v Speaker 1>the listener knew that this criticism wasn't really fair, but

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<v Speaker 1>as she ruminated about it, she wondered, looking forward, if

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<v Speaker 1>there was a way to spend less mental energy worrying

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<v Speaker 1>about such criticism. I think this is a good goal,

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<v Speaker 1>but not just for criticism. We should also spend less

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<v Speaker 1>mental energy seeking out unhelpful praise. Over the years, I've

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<v Speaker 1>had a number of people read my books before publication

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<v Speaker 1>to see if they flag issues that I can't see.

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<v Speaker 1>I always tell them that I love it and I

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<v Speaker 1>hate it are equally unhelpful, even if as a human being,

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<v Speaker 1>I vastly prefer hearing the former. Instead, I want to

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<v Speaker 1>know things like I stopped reading in the middle of

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<v Speaker 1>chapter two because these points seemed repetitive. That's good to know.

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<v Speaker 1>We can contort ourselves too much to seek out praise,

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<v Speaker 1>just as we can make short sighted moves to avoid criticism.

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<v Speaker 1>Better to decouple our self esteem from both instead, I

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<v Speaker 1>think that unhelpful criticism or praise can best be kept

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<v Speaker 1>in context by drowning it with a high volume of

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<v Speaker 1>helpful feedback. The more feedback you get, the more you

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<v Speaker 1>can see that not everyone thinks X, but a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of people do think why, which you hadn't even considered.

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<v Speaker 1>You can evaluate all of it without assigning too much

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<v Speaker 1>weight to any one bit of it. You can see

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<v Speaker 1>which feedback resonates most strongly with you and figure out

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<v Speaker 1>a way to deal with critical feedback in a way

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<v Speaker 1>that feels authentic. In the minister's case, I suggested identifying

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<v Speaker 1>a handful of thoughtful church members who could commit to

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<v Speaker 1>providing feedback on her sermons every week. I also suggested

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<v Speaker 1>inviting some skilled retired preachers to visit her church frequently

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<v Speaker 1>and provide feedback as well. The higher the volume, the

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<v Speaker 1>more the random feedback from grumpy people can be taken

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<v Speaker 1>for what it is. If you find yourself then for

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<v Speaker 1>days about unhelpful criticism, you might think about how you

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<v Speaker 1>can increase the volume of feedback you receive as well.

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<v Speaker 1>Can you show your work to a handful of colleagues.

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<v Speaker 1>Can you enlist a few mentors to provide advice? If

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<v Speaker 1>you do public speaking, can you try out new material

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<v Speaker 1>in front of smaller audiences. The goal is to have

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<v Speaker 1>your feedback be somewhat like receiving a gift basket. If

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<v Speaker 1>someone gave you a box of chocolate covered cherries as

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<v Speaker 1>a gift, and you hated chocolate to cover cherries, well,

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<v Speaker 1>you might be a little bit miffed. But when the

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<v Speaker 1>cherries are packaged with popcorn, fancy cheeses, crackers, truffles, cookies,

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<v Speaker 1>and a bottle of wine. Well, no big deal. You

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<v Speaker 1>can find other things that you'd find worthwhile in there,

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<v Speaker 1>so it's all good. How do you keep unhelpful negative

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<v Speaker 1>feedback in chat? You can let me know at Before

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<v Speaker 1>Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com. In the meantime, this

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<v Speaker 1>is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making the

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<v Speaker 1>most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear

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<v Speaker 1>from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

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<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,

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<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E the

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<v Speaker 1>number four then Breakfast pod. You can also shoot me

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<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in touch.

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts

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