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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARBFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: It could be yours.

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Speaker 3: Buckle up and hold on type you got it for you,

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Speaker 3: And here it is Strawberry.

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Speaker 1: Let us all right, Telly, thank you. Subject What's my

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Speaker 1: role in my marriage? What's my role in my marriage?

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Speaker 1: Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm married to a man that doesn't

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Speaker 1: do his own laundry, rake his own plate into the sink,

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Speaker 1: or do any chores in our home. He said, he

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Speaker 1: makes the money and provides a decent living for our children,

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Speaker 1: and I'm supposed to have sex with him and do

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Speaker 1: my duty as the wife and mother. He is only

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Speaker 1: thirty two, so he's getting this from his daddy, who's

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Speaker 1: been divorced twice. He told me that if he can't

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Speaker 1: be a king in his household, he will have to

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Speaker 1: go where he celebrats. I have told him several times

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Speaker 1: to go ahead and see if the grass is greener

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Speaker 1: on the other side, but he.

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Speaker 2: Won't do it.

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Speaker 1: I refuse to be treated like a handmaid at home.

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Speaker 1: The only time he treats me like an equal is

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Speaker 1: when it counts. He brags to his friends that I'm

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Speaker 1: so smart, and I'm a great wife, and I'm raising

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Speaker 1: our daughters to be polite and kind. Then as soon

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Speaker 1: as we're alone, he's telling me to go get ready

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Speaker 1: for bed and wait for him before I fall asleep,

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Speaker 1: because he is in the mood for intimacy. He never

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Speaker 1: does the appetizer part first anymore. He skips right to

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Speaker 1: the entree and then takes the shower. If I try

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Speaker 1: to take a shower with him like we used to,

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Speaker 1: he will say that he won't be in there long.

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Speaker 1: I would love to know where I stand with my

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Speaker 1: husband and if this is what our marriage will be

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Speaker 1: like forever. I want to talk to his dad to

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Speaker 1: see why he's advising him to treat me like I'm

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Speaker 1: his servant. And I want to ask his mother if

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Speaker 1: this is how her marriage was. My husband says, but

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Speaker 1: I have no right to speak to his parents if

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Speaker 1: he is not present. Am I part of this marriage,

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Speaker 1: or am I a smart maid and nanny that he

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Speaker 1: enjoys having sex with? What is my role with him?

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Speaker 2: Well?

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Speaker 1: Right now, your role is that of a wife who

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Speaker 1: is being controlled and defined by her husband. I don't

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Speaker 1: like the fact that you are letting him tell you

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Speaker 1: who you are in this marriage. Marriage is supposed to

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Speaker 1: be a loving, committed partnership between two people. Marriage is

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Speaker 1: not a dictatorship like what your husband has going on

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Speaker 1: in your marriage. You can control your own narrative, meaning

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Speaker 1: you decide your own role with him. He doesn't decide that.

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Speaker 1: You say. He treats you well outside of the house,

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Speaker 1: but inside he's cold and mean. You've told him many

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Speaker 1: times to go ahead and see if the grass is

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Speaker 1: greener on the other side. Go ahead, but he won't

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Speaker 1: do it. And why do you think that is? Because

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Speaker 1: he knows better knows that it isn't. So don't just

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Speaker 1: allow him to continue to treat you this way? Talk

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Speaker 1: to you crazy?

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Speaker 2: How dare he?

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Speaker 1: You have to teach him how to treat you? And

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Speaker 1: you don't need to talk to his parents about what's

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Speaker 1: going on in your house either. Talk to him, that's

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Speaker 1: your husband, Tell him how you feel or better yet,

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Speaker 1: show him. Don't wait for him to come to bed

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Speaker 1: only to just satisfy himself. You go to bed and

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Speaker 1: go to sleep if that's what you want to do,

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Speaker 1: because your body and mind only respond to a caring,

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Speaker 1: loving husband. Let him know that that's what you got

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Speaker 1: to tell him. No one said he couldn't be the

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Speaker 1: king of the castle. He's just got to remember that

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Speaker 1: you are the queen of the castle and he needs

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Speaker 1: to treat you as such.

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Speaker 2: Period.

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Speaker 3: Steve Well, the problem with this guy realizing that his

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Speaker 3: wife says the queen of the castle is he doesn't

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Speaker 3: have a good definition of what the queen is. He

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Speaker 3: doesn't understand that queen is the most powerful position on

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Speaker 3: the chessboard.

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Speaker 2: Always as being, always will be.

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Speaker 3: Now, the game is over once you capture the king,

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Speaker 3: but if you lose your queen, and the game is

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Speaker 3: very difficult to win, especially if somebody else got one.

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Speaker 2: Now you're married. I'm married to a man.

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Speaker 3: What's my role in my marriage, lady, that's for you

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Speaker 3: to define. This is your definition of what your role

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Speaker 3: in the marriage is. What role are you willing to play?

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Speaker 3: Now you're married to this man that don't do his

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Speaker 3: own linef you rake his own plate into the sink,

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Speaker 3: or do any chores in our home. He said, he

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Speaker 3: makes the money, provides a decent living for our children,

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Speaker 3: and I'm supposed to have sex with him and do

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Speaker 3: my duty as a wife and mother. He's only thirty two,

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Speaker 3: so he's getting this from his daddy, who's been divorced twice.

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Speaker 3: He told me that if he can't be a king

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Speaker 3: in his household, he'll have to go where he's celebrated. Look, man,

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Speaker 3: early threats and what you're gonna do and all this

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Speaker 3: hell man by. I told him several times to go

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Speaker 3: ahead and see if the grass is green on the

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Speaker 3: other side. But he won't do it. No, let me

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Speaker 3: explain something to you. It ain't that he won't do it.

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Speaker 3: He done tried it properly.

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Speaker 2: But what the.

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Speaker 3: Deal is is he not gonna find nobody that's gonna

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Speaker 3: take in with this nineteen fifty two marriage agreement nineteen

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Speaker 3: fifty two. This ain't my three sons or leave it

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Speaker 3: to beaver.

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Speaker 2: This is the same. What this is the Saint Black

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Speaker 2: and White TV. No more think on you.

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Speaker 3: You don't get you don't get to talk to women

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Speaker 3: like this man.

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Speaker 2: You you don't get to.

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Speaker 3: Tell a woman that go in there and get ready

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Speaker 3: for bread till I come in there. What where are

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Speaker 3: you if you're getting this from your stupid daddy that's

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Speaker 3: been divorced twice, don't you know that's where you're headed.

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Speaker 2: I refuse to be treated.

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Speaker 3: Like a handmaid at home. Then you say, the only

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Speaker 3: time we treat you is equal is when it counts.

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Speaker 2: That's it.

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Speaker 3: That's a double canandra or what you call it. That's

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Speaker 3: a oxy moron. I don't know what they call it.

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Speaker 3: This don't make no sense now. The only time he

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Speaker 3: treats me like an equal is when it counts what Getting.

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Speaker 2: Treated right counts all the time.

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Speaker 3: But you think it's kind of when he brad to

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Speaker 3: his friends that I'm smart and a great wife and

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Speaker 3: kind of politen. Then when he's alone, he's telling me

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Speaker 3: to go get ready for bed and wait for him

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Speaker 3: before I fall asleep.

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Speaker 2: Because he had to move for intimacy. Man, girl, I'm tired.

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Speaker 1: Hang on, Steve, hang on. We'll have part two of

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Speaker 1: your response coming up at twenty three minutes after the

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Speaker 1: hour Today's Strawberry letter subject what is my role in

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Speaker 1: my marriage? We'll get back into it right after this

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Speaker 1: you're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.

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Speaker 2: Visit Hondai USA dot com for details.

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Speaker 1: All right, come on, Steve. Let's recap today's Strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject is what is my role in my marriage

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Speaker 1: a wife?

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Speaker 3: One?

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Speaker 2: That's the question, and that we can't answer that.

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Speaker 3: You're supposed to determine that you've married this guy that

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Speaker 3: don't do no household chores at all. Told you that

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Speaker 3: that's the way it works because he make all the money,

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Speaker 3: He take care of his wife and kids. And all

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Speaker 3: you need to do is your wifey does the wifely duties.

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Speaker 3: And you sposed to have sex with him when he

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Speaker 3: wont to, and he'll tell you, you know, go in

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Speaker 3: there and get ready for bed, and before I fall asleep,

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Speaker 3: and I'm coming in there because I want to be intimate.

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Speaker 3: What do you then? Here's a line that stood out

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Speaker 3: for me in the whole letter. The only time he

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Speaker 3: treats me like an equal is when it counts.

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Speaker 2: Lady, it counts all the time.

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Speaker 3: But you think when he gets in front of his

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Speaker 3: friends and he brags on you, talk about how smart

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Speaker 3: you are and how good of a wife, and how

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Speaker 3: you're waising your daughters and all that. And then after that,

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Speaker 3: as soon as we're alone, he telling me to go

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Speaker 3: get ready for bed and wait for him before I

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Speaker 3: fall asleep, because he in the mood for intimacy.

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Speaker 2: Who married to this? Where do you find her? What

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Speaker 2: did you say? Get in there? Get in there and

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Speaker 2: get ready for bed till I come in there?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 3: He never does the advertise a part first anymore. He

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Speaker 3: skips right to the entree and then takes a shower.

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Speaker 3: If I try to take a shot with him like

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Speaker 3: we used to, he'll say.

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Speaker 2: He won't be in that loan.

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Speaker 3: And I would love to know where I stay with

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Speaker 3: my husband. You don't stand no what with him? He

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Speaker 3: done told you you don't stand you get in there

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Speaker 3: and lay in that bed. Wait till I come in Now.

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Speaker 3: I don't do no charge. You do all this clean

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Speaker 3: and mopping, wiping. Take caredy kids. I'm the king of

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Speaker 3: this castle. I want to know where I stand with

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Speaker 3: my husband. If this is what our marriage would be

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Speaker 3: like forever. Yeah, unless you change it, you're getting what

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Speaker 3: you're gonna get. And if you keep doing what you've

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Speaker 3: been doing, you gonna keep getting what you've been getting.

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Speaker 2: The change is up to you.

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Speaker 3: I want to talk to his dad to see why

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Speaker 3: he's advising me to treat me like this.

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Speaker 2: I'm his servant, and I.

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Speaker 3: Want to ask his mom if this is how and

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Speaker 3: her marriage was.

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Speaker 2: What are you talking to them for?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 2: What you keep looking for? Insight?

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Speaker 3: See your problem, young lady, is you keep looking for

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Speaker 3: your justification in other people. You won't talk to his daddy,

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Speaker 3: you won't talk to his mama. Then you say he

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Speaker 3: only treats me right when he counts. You keep waiting

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Speaker 3: on validation for somebody else. My husband said, I have

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Speaker 3: no right to speak to his parents if he is

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Speaker 3: not present. Wow, what kind of relationship y'all got? Am

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Speaker 3: I a part of this marriage? Am I a smart

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Speaker 3: maid and a nanny that he enjoys having sex with

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Speaker 3: you're a part of his marriage. Once you insert yourself

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Speaker 3: into the marria. You do know that it takes two

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Speaker 3: people to be married. I don't know what y'all's viles was,

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Speaker 3: but I most women don't listen to him no way. Now,

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Speaker 3: I'm not talking about in terms of lawtiers, nothing like that,

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Speaker 3: but that that they even took them words out and

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Speaker 3: honor and obeyed. They don't even say that. No more,

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Speaker 3: I don't think because if you can get one to obey,

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Speaker 3: that have to be a miracle.

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Speaker 2: Please please tell me how that work.

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Speaker 3: Honor and obey never and these two that's on this

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Speaker 3: show Mary down obeyed nothing. I can just tell you

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Speaker 3: that it's just not in their card. So I don't

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Speaker 3: even really anyway, They ain't got nothing to do with it.

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Speaker 3: What is my role with him? Well, you're the lady

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Speaker 3: that does all the housework. You're the lady that goes

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Speaker 3: in there and lay down till he get ready to

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Speaker 3: have sex and shut up all this talking.

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Speaker 2: You don't come in here, don't show with me. I

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Speaker 2: don't want to.

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Speaker 3: I don't want that. Don't be a hero, but no,

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Speaker 3: to stop. That's your role that's what you've described to us. Now,

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Speaker 3: Am I a smart maid and a nanny that he

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Speaker 3: enjoys having sex with? I think you just described your

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Speaker 3: role because so far in the letter, that's what you are.

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Speaker 3: You're a smart maid, a nanny, and he enjoys having

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Speaker 3: sex with you.

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Speaker 2: What are you getting out of this? What's in it

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Speaker 2: for you? I mean, you didn't say.

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Speaker 3: He was a great dad. He told you he's a

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Speaker 3: great provider. I know I am. I want that credit

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Speaker 3: all the time, but that ain't all you get to

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Speaker 3: be though, when you're a husband and a father, you

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Speaker 3: got to be something else. And so, yeah, lady, what's

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Speaker 3: your role in this marriage? Only you can determine that.

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Speaker 3: But I tell you what you all are young. If

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Speaker 3: you don't change this, this is this is what's gonna

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Speaker 3: happen in your marriage from now on. And you're gonna

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Speaker 3: be miserable because I don't really see what you're getting

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Speaker 3: out of it. And here's left to his other point,

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Speaker 3: I almost forgot this. Y'all ain't had none of these

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Speaker 3: discussions before y'all got married. Kevin, you didn't. You didn't

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Speaker 3: know that this is what he expected you to do.

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Speaker 3: You didn't know he.

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Speaker 2: Never told you when I get married, I make this money.

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Speaker 2: I ain't doing no cleaning. I told let the march,

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Speaker 2: I said, hey, when we get married, don't ask me

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Speaker 2: to clean. I told her that. She still asked me

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Speaker 2: to clean.

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Speaker 1: You've lift up through it, haven't you.

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Speaker 2: Now? I gotta go in there and wipe account off everything.

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Speaker 2: It's my plate. I don't know what. Damn the dishwasher for?

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Speaker 2: What are these people in here? Well? What has we

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Speaker 2: got these people walking around here?

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Speaker 1: For?

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Speaker 2: Another one? I don't want to stand right all right?

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Speaker 3: Please stop telling me what I need to do with

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Speaker 3: clearly these people are in here.

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Speaker 1: You're coming, buddy on Today's Letter on Instagram.

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Speaker 3: At Wadio clothes can't find the hample. They can't find here,

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Speaker 3: but I don't know where it is.

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Speaker 1: At Steve Harvey FM and check us out on the

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter podcast. On the free iHeartRadio app, you're listening

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Speaker 1: to the Steve Harvey Morning Show