WEBVTT - Fixing Mess Forever 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.119 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.160 and the Black Effect, And just like that, we're back 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:19.120 on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless 0:00:19.120 --> 0:00:23.560 episode with your Girl just hilarious. Now I'm fixing mess 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:25.759 from day on and day out. I will be fixing 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:28.440 mess for the rest of the season, and y'all are 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:30.240 sending me more of it and I love it. So 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:33.000 we're just gonna jump right in. We have a voice memo, 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:35.640 I say. Somebody took advantage of that to Yes, I 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:38.639 love it. What you got to say. Me and my boyfriend, 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:41.080 we've kind of been dealing with each other since I 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:43.880 was sixteen, he was eighteen. He got a baby. We're 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:46.280 dealing with each other for three years, had a baby, 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:48.280 and then we fell out and didn't talk for a year, 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:51.000 and now we've been back together for a year and 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:53.319 then had another baby at all. When we got back 0:00:53.360 --> 0:00:56.440 together a year ago, he told me that he was 0:00:56.520 --> 0:00:59.320 done with the bullshit. He wanted to be with me 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:01.560 and only and he loved me. He was in love 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:04.480 with me. He was gonna trying his hardest, trying his 0:01:04.600 --> 0:01:08.160 best to get me and keep me. So he got me, 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:11.960 and I felt super secure at first, but lately, since 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:14.839 this one situation happened, everything he does has me side 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:17.360 eying him, and it's not comfortable because we lived together, 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:20.520 we're raising the family together, and I feel like I 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:23.399 don't even trust the man that I'm sleeping next to. 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:26.880 So I told you I had a baby. When the 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:30.959 baby was around one or two months, his phone was 0:01:31.000 --> 0:01:33.200 in the in the kitchen and lit up, and I've 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:35.920 seen that he had missed a call from D. So 0:01:35.959 --> 0:01:38.560 I'm like, who is D? Because I know everybody that 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:41.440 he talks to, and I don't know who the D is. 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:44.039 So I look at the call log and I've seen 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:45.680 that they had been on the phone the night before 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:49.600 for about an hour and the text messages were super dry. 0:01:50.000 --> 0:01:52.640 So I just asked him, I said, who is D? 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:54.800 Like who is this? And he's like, oh, it's just 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:56.880 a girl that I used to work with because he 0:01:56.960 --> 0:02:00.920 used to have this job. He got fired after Christmas. 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:04.559 So he said that the girl was a co worker 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:07.520 and that you know, it was just talking on the phone, 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:10.680 like they had never met up or done anything outside 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:13.440 of work for real. So I believed him because, like 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.840 I said, he made me feel secure and I trusted him, 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:20.000 and YadA, YadA, YadA. Come to find out that was 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:24.679 all a big, that juicy fucking a lie. When I 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:27.760 saw his phone, I was around two months ago. Fast 0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:30.440 forward to three weeks ago, I lost my debit card. 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:32.240 I'm looking at my car and for my debit card, 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:34.480 and I opened a little I called the sunglass hatch 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:37.959 in the front. Opened the sunglass hatch and I see 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:40.960 a piece of paper with a phone number and an 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:43.840 address on it. So I'm like, whatse information is this 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:45.960 because it wasn't my handwriting, it wasn't my piece of paper. 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:48.880 So I put the phone number in cash act and 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:51.320 the name comes up and it's the d girl. So 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:54.760 I'm like, why does he have her address? If they 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:57.720 never did anything outside of work, why would you need 0:02:57.760 --> 0:03:00.400 her address? So I'm like, okay, I'm to hit her 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:02.960 up because if I go to him, he's just gonna 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:06.800 keep sucking lying. So I hit her up and I said, 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:09.800 this is his girlfriend. You know what's going on with y'all? 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:12.840 So she was like, oh, yeah, he's real cool. That 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:14.800 was my dog, but we don't We haven't talked in 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:18.160 a while, and he used to come over and we 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:21.000 were smoking talk so I'm like, come over and smoking 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:23.440 talk because I told her, like he said that you 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:25.440 were a coworkers sol, what's up? And she was like 0:03:25.600 --> 0:03:28.720 and um, we never worked together. So I'm like, well, 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.440 where did you meet him? And she stopped responding, which 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:36.240 is fine. So I'm pissed, right, I go up to 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:38.880 his job. I get my car. He's like, what's wrong 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:41.120 with you? And I basically told him I'm not working 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:42.760 with you right now, like you're what was wrong with me? 0:03:42.840 --> 0:03:46.240 You're my problem, you lie, you cheated, blah blah blah. 0:03:46.240 --> 0:03:49.640 I'm going off. So I go home. He gets home 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:52.080 from work and we're talking about it and he's like, 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:55.200 this is what happened. You made me feel this way. 0:03:55.240 --> 0:03:58.600 So this is what I did. I created the plenty 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:00.680 of fishing can because you wouldn't talk to me, and 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:02.240 I wanted somebody to talk to me and give me 0:04:02.280 --> 0:04:06.600 some attention. I'm like, how am I supposed to trust 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:08.520 that you want physically cheat on me? Would have one 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:10.920 day I decided not to have sex with you for 0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:12.960 a month or two, You're gonna go out and cheat, 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:15.440 Like that's what you're gonna do. Because if that's the case, 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:18.120 if we were going out and getting things from other 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.200 people who were lacking at each other. Then I would 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:22.800 have been gone a long time ago, because you it's 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:25.480 there plenty of things that's wrong with you, and I 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:27.479 stuck with you and learned to love you how you 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:32.040 shouldn't want to be loved anyways. So that was one situation, 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:35.479 and then ever since then, I'm just been a side 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:38.560 eying him. Like today he left to go to the 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:42.880 store and I hear somebody yell out hey, and they 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:45.800 said his name was just saying his name is Joe, Hey, Joe. 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:49.120 I hear somebody y'all hey Joe from my bedroom window, 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:51.479 and I didn't know you were back. So I went 0:04:51.480 --> 0:04:53.440 out on the balcony and I Loki was looking for 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:55.280 his mom because she said she was on the way, 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:58.000 so I thought that was her. So I go out 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:01.159 on the patio to look and and nobody's there. But 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:04.760 he's getting out his brother's car, so I'm like, okay. 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:06.160 So he get in the house and I'm like, oh, 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:08.640 who's that that saying hey to you? And he gasped 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:09.880 at me. He was like, I don't know what you're 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:12.360 talking about. You sound crazy, You're tripping, and nobody saying 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.880 my name. There was a girl here for door dash 0:05:14.880 --> 0:05:16.320 and I held the door open for her and she 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:20.440 said thank you. I'm like, I definitely heard somebody saying 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:24.040 hey Joe, but okay, and he's just like, na, no, 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:26.080 you're tripping. I'm like, oh, you didn't see me walk 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:28.000 out on the balcony. He's like, nah, I didn't even 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:30.440 see you. So that his brother comes over and he's 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:32.560 like you he told me about you was mad because 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:35.160 he thought I was mad at him, like, oh, you 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:37.400 got holes walking around the neighborhood and saying hey, because 0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:39.840 we just moved here last Wednesday. We've been here. I 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:42.360 don't even know what it is, but we just got here. 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.000 So no, I don't think you got holes all around 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:47.280 the neighborhood. That's not what I was thinking. My problem 0:05:47.400 --> 0:05:49.480 is you gaspling me, trying to make me feel like 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:52.640 I'm crazy, that I'm hearing ship when that's not the case. 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:54.920 I heard what the funk I heard. You didn't hear it, 0:05:55.080 --> 0:05:57.200 so all you had to say was I didn't hear 0:05:57.240 --> 0:06:00.040 that and left it at that. But you wanted to 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:02.680 make me feel like I'm crazy, So he told his 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:04.800 brother that I was mad, So his brother is like, yeah, 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:06.920 he told more you were mad, Um, I saw you 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:08.600 come out on the balcony. So I'm like, oh, so, 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:10.440 y'all did see me come out on the balcony because 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:12.880 he said he didn't see me. He's like, oh, yeah, 0:06:12.920 --> 0:06:14.919 we've definitely see you because I said, look at day shure. 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:19.479 So I'm like like, just I don't know what to 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:23.240 do because I want to be with him, and like, 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:26.320 I don't see us ending. But it's like, um started 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:28.159 to get the fucking vibes that I did when I 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:30.320 was a teenager dealing with this nigga like and all 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:33.160 his bullshit, and I don't like it. It's not comfortable. 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:34.920 I don't want to walk around with the attitude because 0:06:34.920 --> 0:06:37.719 you're pissing me off, Like I don't like that ship. 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.000 And then we just moved to his hometown, so it's 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:41.920 like he knows everybody here and I don't know nobody. 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:43.520 I don't talk to my family, I don't talk to 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:45.400 my moms. I talked to you with my brother, and 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:47.919 I have one friend that lives in Georgia and my 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:50.520 brother lives in Charlotte and I'm in Michigan. So it's 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:52.880 like I don't have nobody. All I have is him, 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:55.520 and he's letting me down big time, like he is 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:57.880 letting me down right now. And I don't think he 0:06:57.960 --> 0:07:01.359 understands that because everything he does needs a justification. He 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:03.479 can never just admit I was wrong for that and 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:06.120 leave it at that. It has to be justified. So 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:07.640 I don't know what to do, Like do I break 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:09.440 up with him? Just say fuck it? Because I can't 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:10.880 keep living like this. I don't know what to do. 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:14.680 Tell me what? Okay? So I definitely understand, baby girl. 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:17.440 I want you to calm down because I know, even 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:19.440 with you telling me that you were getting worked up, 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:23.560 you're very frustrated. You are. I'm not gonna say walk away. 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:26.240 I'm still not. I'm still not. Y'all have been together 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:28.800 for a while, since y'all were teenagers. Y'all been on 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:32.520 and off. I'll say more so on then off. So 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:34.680 that's why I'm not telling you just to walk away 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:36.640 and just to give up. It's just that you two 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:38.600 have known each other and have dealt with each other 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:42.280 for so long that I'm not gonna say you guys 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:46.120 are growing apart. But sometimes people can mistake growing pains 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:50.559 for growing apart. It just seems like that you two 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:55.320 may need some time away from each other. Now these days, 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:58.080 you can't say that to somebody, you know, a younger couple, 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:01.760 they'll automatically think that someone is going to be with 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:03.640 someone else when they say, oh, we need to take 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:06.400 a break, or you know, the person who initiates the 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:08.880 brick has to just be going to funk with somebody else. No, 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:13.679 that's still true. That's very valid. Self peace, self joy, 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:18.680 self love. Those are three things that are necessary in 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:21.920 a relationship because you're still your own individual person. No, 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:24.160 you should not be having to walk around with an attitude. 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:28.320 But let's figure out what he's going through to you know, 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:31.640 I know, I understand. You move to another city for him, 0:08:31.680 --> 0:08:34.079 another city and state you don't have nobody, so that 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:37.040 also plays a part in your frustration as well, on 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:40.719 top of dealing with this bumpy road that y'all are 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:43.480 on right now. Then you'll have kids together too, so 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:45.960 that can also play a part. You have to figure 0:08:46.000 --> 0:08:48.280 out what's going on with him. Where's his head at? 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:51.720 He has friends, he has family, he has a foundation there. Okay, 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:54.240 but that doesn't mean he's happy either. That doesn't mean 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:58.000 it's not something going on with him mentally? Where is 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:00.520 he mentally? Where is he? You have to figure it out. 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:03.160 That's just the conversation. But if he's going to sit 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:05.240 there and act like you crazy and try to flip 0:09:05.280 --> 0:09:07.920 everything on you, then that's when you fall all the 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:10.800 way the funk back. Even with having children, that's when 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:12.880 you fall all the way the funk back. I don't 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:15.319 know what your financial status is. I don't know if 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:19.240 you have a job or you know whatever, if you 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:22.720 are financially stable enough to go get your own place, 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:26.480 just to create space between you two to see if 0:09:27.000 --> 0:09:30.040 this is really meant to be, just to see it's 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:32.640 nothing wrong with that. You can't lose anything that you 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:36.040 wouldn't have already lost anyway, You understand what I'm saying. 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:39.520 You can't lose anything by taking a step back from 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.679 this relationship if you weren't already supposed to lose it. 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:45.280 Maybe it's not supposed to be there, Maybe you're not 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:47.680 supposed to be there, And I get it. Sometimes you 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:52.480 just don't know what to do. I understand. But that's 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:57.320 why there has to be solid communication between you and him, 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:02.439 and he cannot play these games. He can't. It has 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:05.240 to be a reason why. But he can't play these games. 0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:07.360 If you feel like a man is cheating on you, 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:11.160 if you're not an insecure person, most of the time, 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:14.360 you're fucking right. Even if you are an insecure person, 0:10:14.720 --> 0:10:17.080 something had to make you that way. But most of 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:21.680 the time, well, a lot of times women get in 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.480 our heads. We get in our heads and we'll create 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:28.920 scenarios that aren't even remotely close to being true just 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:32.480 because we haven't caught a person cheating, just because things 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:36.440 saying fishy. But I've been wrong many of times. I've 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:39.800 been right many of times. And I'm not saying whether 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:43.520 you're wrong or right, I'm saying, most of the time, 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:45.719 when you feel a person is cheating on you, they are. 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:49.559 You've started to give your everything, You even utrooted your 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:53.080 life and move to a total different state to be 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:55.480 with this man. You don't have friends, you don't have family. 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.880 That can also be a thing that he's taking advantage 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:01.120 of as well, because totally picked up and moved to 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:03.760 where he is so he can feel like he's controlling 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:07.280 the situation. It's easy for a guy to feel that way. 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:10.040 He knows you have no one there but him, and 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:13.280 I guess your one friend. But he knows that it's 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:17.600 for him solely that you moved, so he already has 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:20.080 in his mind that he has controlled you to a 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:25.880 certain extent. That's why he does things and say things like, oh, 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:28.160 it's because of you. You were doing this, that's why 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:30.040 I went to get her number. It was it was 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.080 that's why you were lacking this. That's why I went 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.959 here to get it. That's where And you made a 0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:39.280 valid point. Well, if it was all about what we lack, 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:42.760 I would have been left your ass. I stuck with you. 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:46.120 You're lacking a lot even now. You've lacked in the past, 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:49.360 and I still I still never stepped out on you. 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:52.400 I gave you my all, I'm giving you my all, 0:11:53.000 --> 0:11:55.679 but it's it's draining me now. I'm tired of this ship. 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:58.880 So y'all two need to sit down and talk. If 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:00.560 you feel like you're not getting any thing, yes you 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:03.400 need to up and leave. Yes you do. And I 0:12:03.480 --> 0:12:05.040 trust that you can do that, and I trust that 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:07.480 you will because of the type of woman I feel 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:09.760 that you are. Just the way you speak, just the 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:13.120 way you tell me your story, I can tell yeah, 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:16.120 you have a backbone. You're just in love with a man, 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.120 that's all. And we can same week for men a 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:21.000 lot of times. But no, it's just that we give 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:22.880 you are all we expect the same thing. We don't 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:26.719 get it. Now we have to act the fucking donkey. Okay, 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:28.880 before I move on, I want to ask you something 0:12:28.920 --> 0:12:33.320 real quick, girl, What fucking year are we in? Why 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:35.360 the fuck is bitches right in their numbers and the 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:37.880 addresses on papers and sticky notes and they is still 0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:40.440 leaving them in the car. That's how my father got 0:12:40.440 --> 0:12:44.360 caught you one time. How the fuck it what from 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:46.160 back end? And I'm talking about back in the day? 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:49.640 Who is still writing down numbers and addresses? Any fucking 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:51.920 lied about that? Girl? Bend as motherfucking co workers two. 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.200 So keep this ship in the back of your mind. 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:57.920 I'm not gonna say leave. It could be a bumpy 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:01.640 road right now. It could be something that he's going through. 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:05.880 But don't ignore ship. Don't forget ship. Motherfucker's lie all 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:07.840 the time. They lie all the time. That doesn't make 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.480 it right. But maybe he wasn't sleeping with her. Maybe 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:13.520 he wasn't. Maybe that was just somebody that he was 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:17.760 getting attention from. Because you were lacking with giving him attention. 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:19.560 That still don't make it the funk right. And if 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:21.600 he's gonna play around with you and try to flip 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:24.080 shit on you and ship like that, then maybe it 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.280 is time for you to take a step back. That 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:29.360 maybe what you need to do check back in with me. 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:32.480 Like I said, I don't know you're living situation. I 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:36.960 don't know if you are stabilized enough financially to go 0:13:37.000 --> 0:13:40.680 get your own place just to see what happens with him, 0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:42.920 you know you. I don't think you need to be 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:46.360 in a situation where he feels that you need him 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.960 so he can do whatever the funk you want to 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:51.560 do because you need him. You're not gonna leave him 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:53.520 because you're in a whole another city. I don't want 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:55.599 him to feel like that. You're a little cripple, you 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:56.960 know what I mean. And you can't go and fly 0:13:57.080 --> 0:13:59.800 on your fucking own because you all away in Michigan. 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:02.079 You can make a life anywhere for yourself if you're 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:03.800 strong enough to do it. You don't need no friends, 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:08.040 no family, no nothing. You don't okay, but you need 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:10.440 to be in your right mind. You can't let him 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:14.720 have everything to do with your mind. You can't okay, 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:17.120 so check back in with me. Girl. Now we got 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:19.160 a commercial, and if you click off of this podcast, 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:23.720 I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Moving on, 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:27.440 we have another voice note. What's up, Jess. My name 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:30.840 is Lamisia Patterson. I'm from the West Side of Chicago. 0:14:31.320 --> 0:14:34.400 I am twenty nine years old. I don't have a 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:38.880 just fix my mass situation. I just really wanted to 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:42.520 get on here and applied you for your work. I 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:47.600 am a big fan since your Instagram videos, like since 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:51.880 your oh YouTube videos like I'm a real, just larious fan. 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:55.960 I love you. You're funny as hell, and I just 0:14:56.040 --> 0:14:59.400 want to be a part of your podcast like shot 0:14:59.440 --> 0:15:03.160 me out, I love you, put me on an episode 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:06.920 to say what that you love me? I love you too. 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:09.440 Lamisia not get the funk on ship making me mad? 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:12.040 I thought she had something to say. I love you too, girl. 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:15.240 Do that ship no more? Now? All right, my bad, y'all, 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:18.640 We're moving on to some real ship. Okay, So nobody 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:22.160 else sent any voice notes in, but they did write 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:26.040 me large paragraphs. So here we go. Hey, jas, my 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:29.560 name is John. I am a transgender male female to male. 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:32.280 I have known this girl for about two and a 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:34.840 half years, and we dated for a bit at the beginning, 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:37.440 but she flipped out and started tripping because she didn't 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:39.680 believe I was on the phone with my mom. We 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:42.160 went back and forth as friends after the fallout, and 0:15:42.200 --> 0:15:44.920 recently started talking again. I let it be known that 0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:47.120 we were just friends from the beginning, but she still 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.560 tried to press a relationship, introduced me as her boyfriend, 0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:55.080 and called me bay, babe, baby, et cetera. I usually 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:58.320 nip it in the bud, but it still happens fast forward. 0:15:58.360 --> 0:15:59.920 I told her I didn't want to be with her 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:02.680 relationship wise, and that she was a great friend and 0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:04.960 I wanted to keep her as a friend. She got 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:07.360 upset and started making it as if I was the 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.080 bad guy and that I let her on when I 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:12.840 made it clear that we were just friends. I want 0:16:12.880 --> 0:16:14.800 to keep her as a friend, but I don't think 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:17.320 she can respect my boundaries. But she is a good 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:20.360 goddamn person and I like her dot dot dot as 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:23.640 a friend. Oh. I mentioned I was trans because during 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:26.440 the argument, after telling her I wanted to be friends, 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:31.040 she started addressing me using feminine terms instead of masculine, 0:16:31.360 --> 0:16:33.000 and that is kind of why I am in a 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:36.840 bind because we always make up, But disrespecting my transition 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:41.160 just ain't it. I definitely understand. First of all, I'm 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:44.360 going to tell you that I'm absolutely proud and I 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:47.920 give you the utmost respect just for telling me that 0:16:48.240 --> 0:16:51.600 you know you are transgendered. You went from female to male. 0:16:52.040 --> 0:16:55.880 But let's just start even before we get to her 0:16:56.000 --> 0:17:00.840 disrespecting your transition. She seems like a very secure female. 0:17:00.960 --> 0:17:02.880 Off the rip. You told her you were on the 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:06.320 phone with your mother, and she didn't believe you that 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.200 she were on the phone with your mother, So something 0:17:09.240 --> 0:17:11.919 they're just that's a red flag that she thinks that 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:13.880 you would have to lie about being on the phone 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:16.879 with your mom. Maybe she's been through some ship and 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:19.800 shanet able to trust no damn body. I understand when 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.920 people get into arguments, people feel like they have to win. 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:24.760 Some people just have to have the last word. Some 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:26.800 people just gotta win. Some people just have to hit 0:17:26.840 --> 0:17:30.520 below the belt at times and sometimes every time. And 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:33.040 that was wrong for her to do. But that's the 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:35.439 reason I feel that she was doing that. She wanted 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:39.119 you to hurt, and that is the only way that 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:41.960 you could hurt because what other reason would she have 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:44.720 to say that she's trying to hurt you, Because I'm 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:47.600 gonna tell you how she feels. Even knowing that you 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:50.840 were born a female and you have transitioned into a male, 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:54.280 she still is in love with you. She is in 0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:58.320 love with you, knowing every part of you. She's accepting 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:02.080 of you, know your transition, and and she just really 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:04.400 fell in love with a good person. Because I can 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:06.280 see that you are a good person from what I 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:08.800 can gather from reading what you sent me. You know, 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:11.760 you seem like a really, really good person, and those 0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:14.800 are hard to come by. She's taking the fact that 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:17.280 you only want to be friends with her as rejection, 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:19.240 when she shouldn't even look at it that way. She 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:21.359 should look, Okay, this man still wants me in his 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:26.560 life as a friend, because I obviously I'm still somewhat 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:28.359 good of a fucking person. He doesn't want to be 0:18:28.400 --> 0:18:30.199 with me, But that doesn't mean that I'm not a 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:33.199 good person. You're looking at all her attributes, her traits 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:36.480 as a person, her personality, her character, and that says 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:39.359 a lot about her that you even still want to 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:42.320 remain friends with her. You said she was a good person, 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:46.080 but that hurts when you want to be with someone 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:48.680 and they're telling you know, I just want you as 0:18:48.680 --> 0:18:51.720 a friend, you know, because she probably can't figure out 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:54.760 why the funk she's not good enough. So these are 0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:57.719 just motions that she's probably going through. I've been in 0:18:57.720 --> 0:19:01.200 that predicament as well. And if right, that's what it is, 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:05.440 she's just focusing on the negative part of it because 0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:07.199 she wants to be in your life, but not as 0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:10.000 a friend. And and she sounds like the type of 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:12.680 person that if she can't have you, no one can. 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:16.240 That's very toxic and very dangerous. But yeah, this girl 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:19.439 is madly in love with you, and that person is 0:19:19.520 --> 0:19:23.200 also dangerous as well. If you can use something against 0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:26.640 me that I told you or that you know it's 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:29.520 a sensitive spot for me, then you're a malicious person. 0:19:29.560 --> 0:19:32.320 You're vindictive. That says a lot about you. You're very 0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:34.959 selfish as well. Why are you trying to hurt me? 0:19:35.040 --> 0:19:38.760 What does my my sex change? What does my transition 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:42.000