1 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:04,720 Speaker 1: Hey, besties, Hello sunshine. 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 2: Today on the bright Side, we're calling in the one 3 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:11,680 Speaker 2: with licensed marriage and family therapist Catherine Woodward Thomas. 4 00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:15,160 Speaker 1: She quite literally wrote the book on finding the love 5 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,680 Speaker 1: of your life in seven weeks or less. So now 6 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 1: twenty years later, her book is popping up everywhere, and 7 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:25,160 Speaker 1: she's here to talk through how it works and why 8 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 1: it's still making waves. It's Monday, April twenty second. Happy 9 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: Earth Day, everybody. I'm Danielle Robe and I'm. 10 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 2: Simone Voice, and this is the bright Side from Hello Sunshine, Danielle. 11 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 2: It's Earth Day, and this day reminds me of one 12 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,879 Speaker 2: formative core memory from childhood. Tell me, and that is 13 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,840 Speaker 2: eating those pudding cups with the cookie crumble on top 14 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 2: and the gummy worm in it. 15 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: I don't know what that is. 16 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,840 Speaker 2: You never had that, No. I used to have it 17 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 2: in like elementary school on Earth Day because it looked 18 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 2: like an earthworm. That symbolized our connection to nature. 19 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 1: That's so sweet. Every Earth Day, my mom used to 20 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,160 Speaker 1: grab garbage bags and gloves and we used to go 21 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: walk around the town that we lived in and pick 22 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: up garbage. And I think because of that memory, I 23 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: always say the only people that I don't like in 24 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,039 Speaker 1: the world are litterers. 25 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:22,160 Speaker 2: I agree with you, not a big fan of litterers. 26 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 1: Everybody else I love and accept and value, but litterers 27 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 1: I cannot do. Obviously, Earth Day is incredibly meaningful. But 28 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,040 Speaker 1: one of the fun things I think you can do 29 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 1: is think about the five best things you've ever seen 30 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 1: on Earth. 31 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,279 Speaker 2: I like that, what would be one of yours. 32 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: I saw two turtles making a baby one time, and 33 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,120 Speaker 1: that blew my mind. 34 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:45,160 Speaker 2: So turtle sex. 35 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 1: No, no, not that it's not like miraculous, but I 36 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: mean animals are cool. Shooting stars are pretty amazing. I 37 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: saw the Grand Canyon that really was awe inducing. How 38 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: about you? 39 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 2: I think the quand see waterfall in Laos. It looks otherworldly, 40 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 2: looks like it's it's literally made by fairies, or fairies 41 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 2: could be like flying above it. It's just gorgeous. The way 42 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 2: the water cascades through these rocks. That was definitely up 43 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:15,880 Speaker 2: there for me. 44 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,200 Speaker 1: That's super cool. What'd you do this weekend? 45 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,959 Speaker 2: I took my kids to meet Blippy. I have a 46 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 2: four year old and a two year old pee. Blippy 47 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:31,640 Speaker 2: is a preschool YouTube personality. Okay, yeah, very educational kind 48 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 2: of like this generation's Mister Rogers meets Pee Wee Herman 49 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 2: something like that. So we took them to go meet 50 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 2: him at a little like educational event. 51 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,560 Speaker 1: I had a very different weekend. 52 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,519 Speaker 2: I can only imagine. I didn't see you at the 53 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 2: Blippy event. It was weird. I was looking for you 54 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:46,880 Speaker 2: and you weren't there. 55 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 1: I went to a birthday party on Saturday night that 56 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,639 Speaker 1: started at ten pm. I haven't been out that late 57 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 1: and so like, I can't even believe that you can 58 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: call a birthday party for ten pm. But the dress 59 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: code was kind of tree chic, so I wore like 60 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 1: an all dnim outfit circa Britney Spears justin Timberlake. Their 61 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,920 Speaker 1: like full dena moment nice. I love costume parties, but 62 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 1: they also stress me out because I never have time 63 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 1: to go and get an outfit right before the party. 64 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,400 Speaker 1: So I try and make something in my closet work, 65 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,399 Speaker 1: and it's never quite as great as the people who 66 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,880 Speaker 1: really take time to get into it. I saw some 67 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:27,520 Speaker 1: great outfits celebrated my friend Rachel and I actually haven't 68 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 1: had a drink in a really long time, and I 69 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,480 Speaker 1: had one drink, just one, just one. I like to 70 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: wake Up Fresh. I can't handle too much well. Swifties 71 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 1: spent almost all weekend listening to Taylor Swift's The Tortured 72 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 1: Poets Department, and I see people online calling it a 73 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 1: breakup album. Not different from her other albums many, I mean, 74 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:53,360 Speaker 1: some are love albums. This is a breakup album. But 75 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 1: the one thing she did differently this time that stuck 76 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: out to me was she put a bunch of positive 77 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 1: messages out with the out drop, and I think she's 78 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: sort of closing this chapter of her life. 79 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm gathering from what she wrote on 80 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 2: Instagram too. She said there's nothing to avenge, no scores 81 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 2: to settle, once wounds have healed and upon further reflection, 82 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 2: this is interesting. A good number of them turned out 83 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:20,039 Speaker 2: to be self inflicted, so she's taking accountability here. I 84 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 2: like this last part of what she wrote. She said, 85 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 2: once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be 86 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 2: free of it. 87 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,240 Speaker 1: Nothing to avenge, no scores to settle. I think this 88 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 1: is important because historically her fans are so intense that 89 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: they go after anybody who they even think has wronged her, 90 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 1: Like do you remember Jake Jillen Hall or Joe Jonas 91 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 1: like her fans just go after people. I think this 92 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 1: is her way of seeing, like, don't do that. All good, 93 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,400 Speaker 1: no hate to my exes. The only drama I've kind 94 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 1: of seen come from this album is a song thank 95 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 1: You Amy, and the k I Am in that title 96 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:01,800 Speaker 1: is capitalized, so everybody thinks it's about Kim Kardashian and 97 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: there's some dramas around that. 98 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:08,279 Speaker 2: So she's taking ownership for her pardon everything and moving forward, 99 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 2: But just with the little bit of drama thrown in. 100 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 1: I just feel like she's saying two opposite things. She's 101 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 1: saying I'm taking accountability, no hate, and she's saying all's 102 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: fair in love and poetry. I'm putting it out there. 103 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,240 Speaker 2: At the end of the day, she's an entertainer and 104 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 2: this is all for entertainment value, and she is so 105 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:30,280 Speaker 2: good at creating a narrative and drumming up this incredible 106 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 2: lore that keeps her fans engaged for decades. 107 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 1: Now. 108 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 2: I mean, here's what I love about this moment in time, 109 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 2: and I loved the reaction to Beyonce's album for this 110 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 2: same reason. There are very few pieces of art or 111 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:47,800 Speaker 2: culture nowadays that unite everyone and draw our attention in 112 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 2: the way that a Taylor Swift album drop does or 113 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 2: a Beyonce album drop does. I mean I feel that 114 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 2: way about like Game of Thrones when it was on, 115 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 2: everybody stopped what they were doing and they all watched 116 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:02,360 Speaker 2: it and digested it together. So this is an example 117 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,720 Speaker 2: of monoculture, and it feels like we don't have that 118 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 2: many instances of that that we can point to nowadays. 119 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: You're right about monoculture. I think this indicates kind of 120 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: a new wave, which I like. Okay, Another thing worth 121 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,120 Speaker 1: talking about is that there was a recent study published 122 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: that says America is not as divided as we think 123 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 1: it is. And I think we tend to think in 124 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: our country right now that we're really divided. It feels 125 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 1: that way if you log onto social media. But I 126 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 1: want to share some good news that I read about 127 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: on the state of our country right now, because I 128 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,840 Speaker 1: think it's going to make us all feel better. A 129 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: recent poll by the Associated Press and the Nork Center 130 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:43,839 Speaker 1: for Public Affairs Research found that despite all of the 131 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: polarization we feel in our country, we seem to agree 132 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 1: on what it means to be American. So nine out 133 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:52,920 Speaker 1: of ten adults in the US believe in the right 134 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 1: to vote, the right to privacy, basically all of the 135 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,279 Speaker 1: First Amendment, and they feel like these are key parts 136 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:05,400 Speaker 1: of the American identity. I'm so tired of the polarization rhetoric. 137 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: I get happy every time I read something like this. 138 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,760 Speaker 2: We need this kind of good news right now. I mean, 139 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,559 Speaker 2: I look at our society today and it just feels 140 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:19,680 Speaker 2: so different from the environment that I grew up in 141 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:23,239 Speaker 2: as a nineties kid. I can remember my parents having 142 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:27,160 Speaker 2: friends that they disagreed with on just about everything in 143 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,120 Speaker 2: terms of politics, but that didn't stop them from being friends. 144 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 2: And it seems like we've lost sight of that. And listen, 145 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 2: I know that everybody has their deal breakers and their 146 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 2: issues that are non negotiables. But I think this is 147 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 2: really encouraging, and this just reflects what I'm seeing. Whenever 148 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 2: we have conversations offline, whenever we have conversations that aren't 149 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,760 Speaker 2: taking place on cable news shows, the extremes just drive 150 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 2: a lot of that conversation and that vitriol and that tension. 151 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 1: We have become divided because we are physically divided, and 152 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: so the more togetherness we have, the less the divisiveness. 153 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: Seems like the end all be all, because you can 154 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,560 Speaker 1: be around a dinner table full of people that you 155 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: disagree with and you can have a conversation face to 156 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 1: face that seems interesting or fine to have. When you 157 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 1: are disagreeing on the internet, people get irate, And I 158 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: think that's like a huge difference here. But I always 159 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 1: try to remind myself, like I'm a student of history, 160 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 1: and I remind myself that America has been held together 161 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,959 Speaker 1: through way worse times than now. We can get through 162 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,679 Speaker 1: this time. We just need a few. 163 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 2: More dinners, exactly, a few more dinner parties. Dinner parties 164 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 2: care everything. Yeah, I love that you brought up that 165 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 2: example of how we've lost sight of that socialization that 166 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 2: we had in like the eighties and before. I'm someone 167 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:57,120 Speaker 2: who has a very ideologically diverse group of friends, and 168 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 2: I don't see that all that often. But what I've 169 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 2: observed in my group of friends, where I have people 170 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 2: who are more on the right, people who are more 171 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 2: on the left, a lot of them are saying the 172 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 2: same things behind closed doors, and a lot of them 173 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:18,320 Speaker 2: feel fear about expressing their true opinions and expressing how 174 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:22,880 Speaker 2: they really feel about certain issues and I often find 175 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 2: myself thinking, Wow, I just wish I could bring these 176 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 2: groups together and let these conversations out and give people 177 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 2: a space where they feel like they could be truly honest. 178 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:36,199 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think our values have really been politicized in 179 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 1: the last few years. But I personally welcome uncomfortable conversation. Like, 180 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 1: I really like hearing from people that I disagree with. 181 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 1: It doesn't mean they're going to change my mind, but 182 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 1: I like hearing where they're coming from and why. There's 183 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 1: usually a story behind it. 184 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,080 Speaker 2: Well. Also, whenever you have conversations with people that you 185 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 2: disagree with, it helps you understand your positions better, and 186 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 2: it helps you understand your own values better. 187 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 1: Yeah I agree. 188 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 2: Okay, up next, can we really find the love of 189 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 2: our lives in just seven weeks? Well, we'll find out 190 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:24,160 Speaker 2: after the break. Welcome back, everybody. I'm Simone Boyce. So 191 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 2: we've been seeing this book everywhere. It's called Calling in 192 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 2: the One seven weeks to attract the Love of your Life. 193 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,320 Speaker 2: A friend of mine found her perfect match this way, Danielle. 194 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,559 Speaker 2: Celebrities have been posting about it book clubs or reading 195 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 2: it together, and apparently it works for a lot of people. 196 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 2: Interestingly enough, this book came out two decades ago and 197 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,320 Speaker 2: it's having a renaissance now. 198 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,719 Speaker 1: I have been seeing it all over today night, and 199 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,240 Speaker 1: we have the creator of this renowned method with us today. 200 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 1: Catherine Woodward Thomas is a licensed marriage and family therapist. 201 00:10:57,080 --> 00:11:00,200 Speaker 1: She's also the best selling author of Calling in the 202 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 1: one seven weeks to Attract the love of your life. 203 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 1: And if you remember the term conscious uncoupling made popular 204 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: by Gwyneth Paltrow years ago, that was Catherine's phrase, Catherine, 205 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,320 Speaker 1: welcome to the bright side. 206 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,440 Speaker 3: Oh, it's so great to be here with you guys. 207 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:18,640 Speaker 3: Thank you for having me. 208 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: This feels like a treat. Oh I'm about to get 209 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:22,680 Speaker 1: a masterclass of love. 210 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,439 Speaker 2: We all are, because I know there are a lot 211 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 2: of applications of this method outside of just calling in 212 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:32,199 Speaker 2: a romantic relationship. So we're going to get to that later. 213 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 2: But Catherine, Danielle and I have been trying to talk 214 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:36,319 Speaker 2: to you about calling in. 215 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 3: The book with me anything. 216 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 2: Yes, we love a carte blanche interview. As I mentioned, 217 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:45,120 Speaker 2: it's all over my timeline. People are still raving about it. 218 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,959 Speaker 2: But I want to start by just breaking down what 219 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 2: this method is. So what is it and how does 220 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,319 Speaker 2: calling in the one work? 221 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 3: Okay, so most great dating advice is kind of external 222 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,600 Speaker 3: to us. This is what you should wear, this is 223 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 3: what you should say, Wait five minutes before you answer 224 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 3: a text. You know, don't appear too available, you know, 225 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 3: all of those great little tips and helpful things. But 226 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,079 Speaker 3: calling in the one is very different because it's really 227 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:20,680 Speaker 3: about aligning your internal consciousness with the future that you're 228 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 3: committed to creating. Now, most of us, when it comes 229 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 3: to love, are carrying history books of disappointments, kind of 230 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 3: mixed messages. We remember when we were twelve and our 231 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 3: friends got bras before we did, and we remember, you know, 232 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 3: the dynamic between our parents or between ourselves and our 233 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 3: older siblings. You know, we kind of have a lot 234 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 3: going on about this concept of love. And basically when 235 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,680 Speaker 3: we're talking about love, we're talking about who really sees me, 236 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 3: Who do I feel safe with, who do I feel 237 00:12:55,800 --> 00:13:00,320 Speaker 3: supported by? Who is there for me? Really? So it's 238 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 3: very core and primal. So calling in the one is 239 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,080 Speaker 3: very informed by your history, and it kind of understands 240 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 3: the psychology of the repetition compulsion and how we all 241 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,920 Speaker 3: have patterns and how we're the source of our patterns, 242 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 3: and we actually start in a really unlikely place, and 243 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:22,440 Speaker 3: that's with the future that you're committed to creating, and 244 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:25,360 Speaker 3: this inquiry like who would you need to be in 245 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 3: order to manifest the relationship you want? How will you 246 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,560 Speaker 3: need to grow? What are you going to need to 247 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 3: let go of? And how can you actively begin to 248 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 3: co create that? What's your next step to co create 249 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 3: with the universe and manifest that miracle of love. 250 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 1: I'm so glad you use the word manifest just now, 251 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 1: because the approach is really about manifesting that person, and 252 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: you ask readers to set a quote miraculous intention to 253 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: meet their person. So, for example, by the summer of 254 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, I will have met the love of 255 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 1: my life. Why is that part that futurizing important for 256 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:04,560 Speaker 1: the process. 257 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,319 Speaker 3: So there's so much now happening, you know, around manifestation. 258 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 3: It's like the big buzzwords, right, we all want to 259 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:14,320 Speaker 3: know what's my you know, how much agency do I 260 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 3: have to impact the future? And a lot of us 261 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 3: have kind of or we kind of grew up being 262 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 3: a little passive about the future. So what's waking up 263 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 3: in the collective is this sense of agency like, wow, 264 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 3: I really can influence what does and doesn't happen. But 265 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 3: I'll also tell you that research has demonstrated this. I mean, 266 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 3: way back in the nineteen eighties, there was research done 267 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 3: on the positive possible self of the future, but they 268 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 3: actually demonstrated that when you're living into a possible self 269 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 3: of your future consciously, because most of us do have 270 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,360 Speaker 3: a possible self of the future and it's negative, it's 271 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 3: like more of the same. Oh, interesting, we're afraid we're 272 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 3: always going to be single, or no one will ever 273 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 3: love us, or we're going to die alone, you know, 274 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 3: something like that. So if you actually consciously cultivate low, 275 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 3: what does it feel like to be me being loved 276 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 3: and supported and happy and having overcome my past and 277 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:23,080 Speaker 3: you know, really located my core value and my you know, 278 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 3: my and access to the power that I have to 279 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 3: grow healthy and strong. If you're living into that future, 280 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 3: it will begin to motivate you to show up very 281 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 3: differently in the present. So how we're showing up has 282 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 3: everything to do with what we're generating. 283 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,920 Speaker 1: When you say living into the future, what if you 284 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:49,680 Speaker 1: can't envision that, Because I do believe you have to 285 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:50,160 Speaker 1: see it. 286 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 3: Yes to achieve it. 287 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,880 Speaker 1: Yes, what if you don't know what the dream house 288 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,080 Speaker 1: looks like or the dream I have no idea what 289 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 1: the face of my future partner looks like. 290 00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 3: Well, you don't need to know the face, but you 291 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 3: do need to start to cultivate a connection with what 292 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 3: it might feel like to be really seen, Okay, And 293 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 3: it's an active imagination process, that's what the visioning processes. 294 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,720 Speaker 3: And you're kind of trying on as best you can, 295 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 3: and you might just get slivers of what that might 296 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,160 Speaker 3: feel like, because maybe you feel that way when your 297 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,400 Speaker 3: dog comes and greets you at the end of the day. 298 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 3: You know, just it's unconditional love. So you do know 299 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 3: the experience, you know the experience from moments in your 300 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 3: life with maybe a child, or your mom, or your 301 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:39,000 Speaker 3: sister or your friends. So if you are overly identified 302 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,120 Speaker 3: with what I call the traumatized self of the past 303 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,040 Speaker 3: or your wounded self, you know, the part of you 304 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 3: that was never good enough, the part of you that 305 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 3: was always put down, or the part of you that 306 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:54,120 Speaker 3: was abused in some way. So you're still emotionally kind 307 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 3: of anchored and it's not really safe to open myself 308 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 3: up to love. So then you have to wake yourself 309 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,320 Speaker 3: up to what else might be more true, because if 310 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 3: you really ask yourself, well, where is that self in 311 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 3: the body, and you'll you know, you can kind of 312 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 3: usually feel it like a heaviness on your heart or 313 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,400 Speaker 3: are you going to feel it like you know, kind 314 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,919 Speaker 3: of a sick feeling in your belly? And then you 315 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,720 Speaker 3: say to yourself, sweetheart, how old are you? And you 316 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,560 Speaker 3: recognize this is a younger part of you. 317 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:23,920 Speaker 1: Now. 318 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,919 Speaker 3: Whatever was happening back then that gave you the idea 319 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,359 Speaker 3: that you weren't safe, You didn't have a lot of 320 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 3: resources to deal with it, you didn't have a lot 321 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:38,600 Speaker 3: of support, and it was completely overwhelming because you couldn't 322 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,880 Speaker 3: really comprehend it with any sense of complexity or sophistication. 323 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 3: So the ability to then speak to yourself and say, 324 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 3: you know what, honey, love is dangerous if you don't 325 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 3: have good boundaries, if you don't know how to actually, 326 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,119 Speaker 3: you know, assert your feelings and needs in a healthy way. 327 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 3: But guess what, we have the power to learn those skills. 328 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,640 Speaker 3: And I am the source of safety in love for 329 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:08,359 Speaker 3: myself and for others. So that's the part that needs 330 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,639 Speaker 3: to be in charge of love and not that younger 331 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,440 Speaker 3: wound itself. O. 332 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,040 Speaker 2: I wasn't planning on doing inner child work today. I 333 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,359 Speaker 2: got to be honest. I did not wake up and 334 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,480 Speaker 2: see this in my day. 335 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 1: For today, you emphasize the concept of calling in the 336 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:28,560 Speaker 1: right partner rather than finding the right partner. What's the difference. 337 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,720 Speaker 3: You know, we all live in such a go get them, 338 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 3: make it happen kind of world. We kind of really 339 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:41,960 Speaker 3: trust the logic of how to create something that's pretty wonderful. 340 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:46,120 Speaker 3: If you want a PhD, you can probably research graduate 341 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,480 Speaker 3: schools and figure out what tests you need to take 342 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,640 Speaker 3: or what you need to do to get into that school, 343 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,159 Speaker 3: how you're going to make the money to do it. 344 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 3: It's pretty laid out before you. But when you want 345 00:18:56,320 --> 00:19:02,199 Speaker 3: to create true love, it's a really different system. You 346 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:06,000 Speaker 3: can't make true love happen. You can really only make 347 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 3: it welcomed and create the conditions for it and become 348 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,919 Speaker 3: who you would need to be in order for that 349 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,000 Speaker 3: future to happen. So it's almost like if you're going 350 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,240 Speaker 3: to go for the Olympic gold. You can't know from 351 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,679 Speaker 3: the start you're going to win the gold, but you 352 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:26,919 Speaker 3: go all in to create the right conditions for that 353 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 3: possible thing to happen to you. So when we're talking about, 354 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,439 Speaker 3: you know, making it happen, which is a little bit 355 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 3: of going out to find that person, you're going out 356 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:41,560 Speaker 3: with your mental self, your list, and what your criteria is. 357 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 3: So you're listening to your intuition. What's my next step? 358 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,960 Speaker 3: What would I need to give up? Well, probably you know, 359 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,160 Speaker 3: the hope that my ex boyfriend is going to come back. 360 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 2: I'm glad you brought that up because you talk a 361 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,399 Speaker 2: lot about letting go in order to let love in. 362 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 2: So what are some of the things that you're asking 363 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:02,280 Speaker 2: your readers to let go of? 364 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 3: You know, I always trust how it comes to it. 365 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 3: So there's this hole in the calling. In the one, 366 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,440 Speaker 3: it's written as a forty nine day course, so it's 367 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 3: to just get a little bits and piece each day 368 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 3: things to do, which we all love. We love roadmaps. 369 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 1: Is that seven weeks? 370 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 3: That's the seven weeks forty nine days? Yes, and that's 371 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 3: you know, and where did that come from? I mean, 372 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 3: I wrote the book twenty years ago. I must have 373 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 3: just been reading something about Siddartha or Gluddhism or something, 374 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 3: because that's how long Siddartha's sat under the body tree 375 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,800 Speaker 3: before he became enlightened, you know, So anyway, that's where 376 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,679 Speaker 3: it came from. But I think we all know what 377 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,720 Speaker 3: there is to let go of. I need to let 378 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 3: go of drinking every night, or I need to let 379 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,679 Speaker 3: go of dimming down to try and not be a 380 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,800 Speaker 3: threat to other people and pretending to be less than 381 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:55,600 Speaker 3: I am. I need to let go of how hard 382 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:59,639 Speaker 3: I am on myself. I need to let go of 383 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,919 Speaker 3: so for less because I don't think I'm really going 384 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 3: to do any better. I need to let go of 385 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:12,480 Speaker 3: tolerating selfish people in my life and accommodating them and 386 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 3: not confronting them when they dismiss me and my needs. 387 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,879 Speaker 3: I need to let go of being conflict avoidant. You know, 388 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 3: do you you know we kind of know this. 389 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,200 Speaker 2: Is so good, This is so good. 390 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,200 Speaker 3: Well, this is good for even being in relationship. How 391 00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 3: do I actualize the potentials of that relationship? And I 392 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 3: do have a lot of people coming and doing calling 393 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 3: in the one and the future that they're committing to 394 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:41,959 Speaker 3: is my partner and I are thriving. You know, we 395 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:46,399 Speaker 3: are doing great. We are expanded in our love. So 396 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,600 Speaker 3: you know you can start with that future too. 397 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,800 Speaker 2: I love that. I kind of want to do this 398 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 2: with my husband. Does anybody ever do that? 399 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,439 Speaker 3: Yes, yes they do. And my wildest story about that 400 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,200 Speaker 3: is I had a whole family of there were six 401 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,679 Speaker 3: grown up children who all over the United States and 402 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,040 Speaker 3: their two parents, and they met once a week and 403 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 3: they all did together. 404 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 1: Both men and women. Yes, Because one of the things 405 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:14,160 Speaker 1: I find is that I hear women talk about this 406 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 1: book all the time, and I kind of wish more 407 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,640 Speaker 1: men were doing it too well. 408 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 3: I think just men need to be invited and know that. 409 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,359 Speaker 3: It's the thing. I mean, Look, men are valued a 410 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:28,439 Speaker 3: lot in the culture. Traditionally that's changing fast, but you know, 411 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,959 Speaker 3: traditionally men have been valued for what they can make happen, 412 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,239 Speaker 3: So you know that kind of hero agency to go 413 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,239 Speaker 3: and you know, make it happen. But this is a 414 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,120 Speaker 3: different system, and you might say it's a more feminine 415 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,440 Speaker 3: system of creativity. 416 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,399 Speaker 1: We're going to take a quick break and we'll be 417 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:55,280 Speaker 1: right back, Catherine Woodward Thomas. You wrote this book twenty 418 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:59,480 Speaker 1: years ago. Yeah, it's still to this day. Is something 419 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:04,040 Speaker 1: that people are gravitating towards. When I talk to people 420 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,280 Speaker 1: about dating that are older than me, they're always like, well, 421 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,800 Speaker 1: dating is just so different nowadays, is it really? 422 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:11,639 Speaker 3: To me? 423 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:16,200 Speaker 1: It's kind of the same. It's just we have some technology. 424 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,359 Speaker 3: You know, it is different and it is the same, 425 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:21,200 Speaker 3: and so the technology is clearly different, but the technology 426 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:25,080 Speaker 3: means that there's more choice. I think twenty years ago 427 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 3: and I wrote it, there was this kind of emerging 428 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:33,680 Speaker 3: new paradigm back then of love between equal partners, both 429 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,880 Speaker 3: people holding power in love, which if you really look 430 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:42,120 Speaker 3: historically at how relationships have gone, was a very new thing. 431 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:46,400 Speaker 3: And then you do have a lot more choices, which 432 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,880 Speaker 3: has been shown to really stress people out and actually 433 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,480 Speaker 3: get in the way of making a decision. So you 434 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:57,800 Speaker 3: have to be very aware of what you like and 435 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 3: what your life is about what you're committed to. And 436 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,920 Speaker 3: so the calling in the One Course, I think why 437 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 3: it's hitting now is because it used to be. When 438 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,440 Speaker 3: the book first came out, it was kind of for 439 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:14,360 Speaker 3: women over thirty five. It was really interesting. Women over 440 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:18,760 Speaker 3: thirty five were finally like, oh, you know, I might 441 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 3: want to have a family. This isn't really working for me. 442 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,400 Speaker 3: Let me be willing to go a bit deeper. Now 443 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:30,720 Speaker 3: it's across the board, women and men in their twenties, 444 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,919 Speaker 3: even in their teens, are more aware. And it's funny 445 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 3: because my first husband, who I wrote, you know, I 446 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 3: have the whole story about how I met him. I 447 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,800 Speaker 3: really did calling in the one just for myself because 448 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 3: I was not winning in this game of love at all, 449 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 3: and I'd been on a ceiling transformative journey for so 450 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,000 Speaker 3: many years that I said, Okay, okay, let me just 451 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 3: figure this one out. And I did it for myself, 452 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,359 Speaker 3: and I manifest this great relationship with this wonderful man 453 00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:01,320 Speaker 3: who is now officially my husband. And so he was 454 00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:05,119 Speaker 3: the inspiration for this book and for conscious uncoupling. But 455 00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,240 Speaker 3: he was very intuitive. It was really interesting when I 456 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:11,000 Speaker 3: was writing the book. He's kind of an intuitive person. 457 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,560 Speaker 3: He meditates a lot and stuff. And he used to 458 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 3: always say to me, Catherine, I don't think this book 459 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,040 Speaker 3: is really going to find its true home for at 460 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:21,359 Speaker 3: least twenty years. Wow, isn't that amazing? Ha out brush 461 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 3: is Yeah. 462 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:26,119 Speaker 2: He knew, Catherine, You've built a career on teaching others 463 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:30,160 Speaker 2: how to cultivate love. After your first marriage ended, how 464 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,199 Speaker 2: did you pick up the pieces and how did it 465 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:33,440 Speaker 2: change your view of love? 466 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 3: You know, I think that We've all been really inside 467 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:44,600 Speaker 3: of the happily ever after myth so much. It's such 468 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 3: a deep archetype in all of our psychees. I mean, 469 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:54,359 Speaker 3: I really had this horrible pattern of unavailable people, married men, 470 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:59,760 Speaker 3: engaged men, alcoholics, you know, workaholics, any size, shape form, 471 00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 3: you know, of impossible loves. And it really was so painful, 472 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,400 Speaker 3: and here I am, you know, trying to figure it out. 473 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 3: I ended up going to graduate school to become a therapist. 474 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,359 Speaker 3: I'm so knee deep. But then I become like a 475 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 3: good therapist for people who are in relationship, and I'm 476 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,440 Speaker 3: coming home to my empty apartment, you know, night after 477 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:22,880 Speaker 3: night with my little kitty cat Clover. So that felt 478 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:27,080 Speaker 3: really unfair. So I figured this out for myself and 479 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:32,359 Speaker 3: manifest this wonderful miracle, had a baby at the age 480 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,399 Speaker 3: of forty three, then wrote a book. It became a 481 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,639 Speaker 3: national bestseller. Then I was teaching everyone. I mean, it 482 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 3: was such a great I mean, Disney could not have 483 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,120 Speaker 3: done any better with this story. And then a decade 484 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,399 Speaker 3: in it became clear to both of us that the 485 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,919 Speaker 3: marriage needed to transition and that we weren't right for 486 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,160 Speaker 3: each other anymore. And mostly it was me just having 487 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 3: kind of outgrown the marriage in a lot of ways. 488 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:01,000 Speaker 3: But so at the time it was quite and I 489 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 3: really thought my career might have been over, you know. 490 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,359 Speaker 3: But the truth is is that I've always been a 491 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:12,199 Speaker 3: person who's kind of hungry for truth and hungry for contribution. 492 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,720 Speaker 3: I always want to pay forward any kind of ounce 493 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:19,520 Speaker 3: of wisdom that I get. So I had to give up, though, 494 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 3: you know, this idea of myself as this big teacher 495 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,639 Speaker 3: and choose truth. But I do remember the day that 496 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:29,119 Speaker 3: I realized this was going to happen. I actually drove 497 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,200 Speaker 3: to a park and I lay down on the grass 498 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,359 Speaker 3: and I just looked up to the sky and I 499 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,639 Speaker 3: prayed the only prayer that made sense to me at 500 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 3: the time, which was, are you fing kidding me? 501 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,439 Speaker 2: Sometimes that's the best prayer. 502 00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: What did you have to talk about letting go when 503 00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,720 Speaker 1: you were calling in your husband? What was the thing 504 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 1: you had to let go of? 505 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,399 Speaker 3: So there were a lot of things that were keeping 506 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:58,680 Speaker 3: me anchored in the past that I hadn't really noticed before. 507 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:05,720 Speaker 3: One of them is something I call old agreements. These 508 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 3: are the agreements maybe you make with yourself, like I'm 509 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 3: never going to get hurt like that again, or an 510 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,040 Speaker 3: agreement that you made with a former partner, I will 511 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 3: never love anyone more than I love you. It might 512 00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:22,879 Speaker 3: be vows you made in front of a priest before God, 513 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:26,080 Speaker 3: or it might be even a misguided loyalty you have 514 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,639 Speaker 3: with your mother who was always unhappy in love and 515 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,240 Speaker 3: you kind of you don't really want to go off 516 00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,679 Speaker 3: and be happy in love and leave her alone. So 517 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:40,040 Speaker 3: these kind of very very deep agreements we might have 518 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:42,280 Speaker 3: made that we completely forgot about. So when I was 519 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:46,200 Speaker 3: doing this meditation of trying on that possible future, really 520 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 3: stretching myself to imagine who I might be inside of 521 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:54,440 Speaker 3: a future that I never had, and I remembered. Now 522 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,720 Speaker 3: now I'm in my early forties when I'm doing this, 523 00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,200 Speaker 3: but I remembered I had a high school boyfriend named 524 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:03,320 Speaker 3: Frank that I love with all my heart, and we 525 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,680 Speaker 3: were in love the way a Romeo Juliet kind of, 526 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 3: you know, that impassioned teenage love. We were together for 527 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,800 Speaker 3: three and a half years. We were secretly engaged to 528 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,720 Speaker 3: be married, but when I turned eighteen, I wanted to 529 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,320 Speaker 3: go to college. He wanted to go in his family's business. 530 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 3: It was just our our lives were not on track 531 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 3: for being together. So it was quite traumatic and very dramatic. 532 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,360 Speaker 3: And I was a bit of a drama queen back then, 533 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 3: not like I'm not now, but I was. I am too, 534 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 3: And I said to him, well, let's part ways now, 535 00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,720 Speaker 3: but when we're in our sixties, we'll get together again 536 00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 3: and we'll marry then. Now. Of course, you know, somehow 537 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,400 Speaker 3: it made me feel better, but he didn't listen to 538 00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,000 Speaker 3: it at all. He married the next person and started 539 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,880 Speaker 3: having his family, so our relationship just kind of got torn, 540 00:29:55,160 --> 00:30:01,080 Speaker 3: just wrenched apart. So here I am something years later. 541 00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:06,120 Speaker 3: I'm still dreaming about him. I'm still wondering if he 542 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,440 Speaker 3: ever thinks of me, you know. And he's still like 543 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:12,920 Speaker 3: the gold standard of love, right my high school sweetheart 544 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 3: who nobody is ever measuring up to. So I realized 545 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:22,040 Speaker 3: I need to actually complete this agreement, and I call 546 00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 3: him into meditation and I apologize for hurting him. I 547 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 3: tell him I'm not going to keep that agreement. I 548 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 3: cry in my tissues and I'm done with it by 549 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:35,120 Speaker 3: the time I get off my cushion, and I felt liberated. 550 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 3: And the funny thing about that story is is that 551 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,560 Speaker 3: then I go and I meet Mark we get married 552 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:46,600 Speaker 3: for my Fabulous Life, Calling The One is Out. A 553 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:52,120 Speaker 3: mutual friend reads the book, recognizes who Frank is, calls 554 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 3: Frank up and tells him that I wrote this book 555 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,920 Speaker 3: and he's in the book. So I'm talking to Frank 556 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:03,479 Speaker 3: on the phone. He connected us and he's confessing to 557 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,440 Speaker 3: me that he dreamt about me for years too. 558 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:06,280 Speaker 1: Wow. 559 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 3: And I said, well, when did they stop? And he 560 00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:12,000 Speaker 3: thought for a moment, he said, eight years ago. 561 00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:13,240 Speaker 1: It's the cord. 562 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 3: It was the core. 563 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 1: There's an invisible court. Yes, and you have to cut 564 00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:20,560 Speaker 1: it because if you feel it, I really deeply believe 565 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:21,840 Speaker 1: the other person feels it too. 566 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:22,360 Speaker 3: They do. 567 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,160 Speaker 2: How do you define the one? It sounds like you 568 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:29,680 Speaker 2: believe that everyone has more than one, though one out there. 569 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:34,400 Speaker 3: I don't know that I do define that for people, okay. 570 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,720 Speaker 3: I mean there's obviously things that we're looking for, which 571 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 3: is the experience of being safe, the experience of being 572 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 3: seen and supported, the experience of love that can grow 573 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:56,760 Speaker 3: with you. You're definitely looking for shared values and shared vision, 574 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,240 Speaker 3: which is not like a perfect man much. But I 575 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 3: think it's important to also remind people that even the 576 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:09,240 Speaker 3: best relationships have areas of incompatibility that are pretty severe. 577 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,520 Speaker 3: You know, you're a morning person, they're a night person. 578 00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:16,240 Speaker 3: Or you know you have a fast rhythm and they 579 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:20,040 Speaker 3: have a very slow rhythm. You like it hot, they 580 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 3: like it cold. I mean, there's just it. It's pretty consistent. 581 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 1: I had a therapist say to me one time, when 582 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,240 Speaker 1: you pick your person, you pick your problem, and you 583 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,840 Speaker 1: have to decide if you're okay with that problem. 584 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:38,120 Speaker 3: Yeah. Look, really good relationships require that both people have 585 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 3: good character, that both people are available for commitment, and 586 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 3: that both people have developed certain capacities to build trust. 587 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:57,920 Speaker 3: Because love is unconditional, but relationships are not. Relationships require trust, 588 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:03,080 Speaker 3: and that means thing like keeping your word or having 589 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:07,160 Speaker 3: the humility to own your mistakes and make amends when 590 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:13,040 Speaker 3: you move forward. The ability to say no, to tolerate 591 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 3: disappointing your partner when no is the right answer for you, 592 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:21,280 Speaker 3: to stay true to yourself and not abandon yourself. That's 593 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:25,960 Speaker 3: actually protecting love. The ability to hear someone else say 594 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:30,160 Speaker 3: no and set a limit and not withdraw or punish them. 595 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,600 Speaker 3: So those are the things that create trust, and that's 596 00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,800 Speaker 3: what's going to help a relationship to actualize its potentials. 597 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:41,400 Speaker 3: So I'm more looking for those three things then, And 598 00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,600 Speaker 3: I think I think we're very top heavy with charisma 599 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:46,600 Speaker 3: right now in our CULTUREZ. 600 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a good solve for it. 601 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, do you have one? You go for it. 602 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:57,960 Speaker 1: So I used to be attracted to charisma and it 603 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:02,520 Speaker 1: landed me in a relationship with a Perton that it 604 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:06,960 Speaker 1: was just really not for me, and a therapist taught 605 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,719 Speaker 1: me to think about it in this way. Is this 606 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:12,960 Speaker 1: the kind of charism when you meet somebody? Is this 607 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 1: the kind of charisma that you'd want your hypothetical future 608 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,040 Speaker 1: son to have. Are you proud that this is the 609 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:23,319 Speaker 1: person that you birthed and parented that is walking out 610 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:23,800 Speaker 1: in the world. 611 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:24,160 Speaker 2: Wow. 612 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,879 Speaker 1: The answer to that is yes, it's a good type 613 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,759 Speaker 1: of charisma. And if the answer is no, it's an 614 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:31,960 Speaker 1: insecure charisma. 615 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:37,880 Speaker 3: Charisma to me, when it's pointed outward so that everybody shines, 616 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 3: is beautiful. If it's charisma, that's just about kind of 617 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,760 Speaker 3: you know, me, me, me, I'm the center of attention. 618 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,360 Speaker 3: That's the one we want to be suspicious of. So 619 00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:52,759 Speaker 3: when it comes to love, though, it's the revaluing of character, right, 620 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 3: good character? 621 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,759 Speaker 2: Okay, I have to ask the obvious because we've seen 622 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,560 Speaker 2: the success stories all over TikTok and Instagram. But it 623 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:03,160 Speaker 2: can't all the time. There's got to be there have 624 00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:06,360 Speaker 2: to be people out there who've tried this and maybe 625 00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:08,680 Speaker 2: they didn't find the love of their life in that 626 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:12,480 Speaker 2: seven weeks, or maybe it took longer, or maybe they're 627 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:16,879 Speaker 2: still looking for that person. So what would you say 628 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:20,240 Speaker 2: about the times where it hasn't worked. Is it something 629 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:24,200 Speaker 2: that maybe the person isn't doing right throughout this course 630 00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,040 Speaker 2: or something that they're missing in the course. 631 00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:30,840 Speaker 3: It could be, it could be. And then on the 632 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,759 Speaker 3: other hand, you know, there's different parts of us that 633 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,720 Speaker 3: you know might want to be single for a while. 634 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,520 Speaker 3: I mean, there's a lot of value to it. So 635 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,760 Speaker 3: calling in the one is not about devaluing the beauty 636 00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:47,560 Speaker 3: of choosing to go deeper on your own journey, and 637 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:52,319 Speaker 3: sometimes you know it's that and sometimes well, first of all, 638 00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:54,360 Speaker 3: calling in the one, even though it's seven weeks to 639 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,640 Speaker 3: attract the love of your life is a bit gimmicky really, 640 00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 3: but you know, because it's really about seven weeks to 641 00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:04,000 Speaker 3: be your best self who's ready and a choice? Yeah, okay, 642 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,560 Speaker 3: And and if I have someone come into my office, 643 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,600 Speaker 3: and say, Okay, are you're going to promise me? Guarantee 644 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 3: me eleven seven weeks? I say no, right, we probably 645 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,560 Speaker 3: should work together because I'm not going to. But it 646 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:22,759 Speaker 3: does get you into the consciousness of the recognition that 647 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:28,040 Speaker 3: you do indeed have the power to do this, that 648 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:32,120 Speaker 3: you're worthy of this. But one of the last lessons 649 00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 3: in week seven is about how to relate to disappointments. 650 00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 3: So usually in the face of disappointments, we kind of 651 00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,880 Speaker 3: collapse into a see it's not going to work for 652 00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,040 Speaker 3: me because I really am fated to be. 653 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:45,160 Speaker 2: Alone those old patterns again. 654 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,799 Speaker 3: Yes, it comes right up. We're not you know, when 655 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,200 Speaker 3: you're talking about the old beliefs, I'm not an advocate 656 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,200 Speaker 3: to get rid of them. I'm just an advotation to 657 00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:55,040 Speaker 3: get them out of the driver's seat and get them 658 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,920 Speaker 3: buckled up safely in the back seat. And you know, 659 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:02,200 Speaker 3: make sure that the adult, competent wise self, the strongest 660 00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:05,399 Speaker 3: part of you, is actually running the show here. So 661 00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,759 Speaker 3: it's about being able to make empowered. Meaning of the disappointments, 662 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,520 Speaker 3: What am I learning? How am I being given an 663 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:15,040 Speaker 3: opportunity to do this differently this time so that you're 664 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:19,520 Speaker 3: constantly able now to generate possibility for yourself. 665 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,120 Speaker 1: You so generously brought Simone and I a copy of 666 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,719 Speaker 1: your book, and I said to you, I have a 667 00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,919 Speaker 1: little resistance to reading your book. What does that mean? 668 00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:35,600 Speaker 3: That's actually a really common experience, And generally the first 669 00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 3: place I explore is what the ambivalence is about having 670 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:46,719 Speaker 3: someone in your life, right, Because that's generally it's going 671 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:50,040 Speaker 3: to be. I'm not really safe. I don't trust myself 672 00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,400 Speaker 3: to not give too much of myself away or to 673 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,680 Speaker 3: get distracted from what it is I'm committed to. So 674 00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,560 Speaker 3: what calling in the one can do, though, is you 675 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:04,040 Speaker 3: might actually set an intention to be complete with your 676 00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:09,680 Speaker 3: old stories in love and really only sourcing relationships from 677 00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:13,919 Speaker 3: the strongest and wisest, healthiest part of you. That would 678 00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:15,520 Speaker 3: be a really good intention to set. 679 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:16,279 Speaker 1: I like that. 680 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:19,359 Speaker 3: Yeah, and then it makes it less scary to do 681 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,440 Speaker 3: the work because it's not like your person is right there. 682 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:22,759 Speaker 3: You know. 683 00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,759 Speaker 2: That sounds like something that could apply to our friendships too. 684 00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:31,320 Speaker 2: What do you think are the overlapping qualities between miraculous 685 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,080 Speaker 2: romantic relationships and miraculous platonic relationships? Oh? 686 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:40,080 Speaker 3: I love that. I think that romantic relationships engage a 687 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:44,240 Speaker 3: more primitive part of us, because there's something about going 688 00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:47,600 Speaker 3: down to touch and sexuality that kind of brings us 689 00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:53,000 Speaker 3: right down into the core of our original bonding. And 690 00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:58,080 Speaker 3: if the bonding patterns were untrustworthy. You know, you're an infant. 691 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,080 Speaker 3: You feel like you're going to die if you don't 692 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:05,160 Speaker 3: get food, you don't get water, You're uncomfortable, your belly hurts, 693 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,880 Speaker 3: your diapers are dirty. You know, it's it's pretty severe. 694 00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:10,239 Speaker 3: The risks are pretty high. You don't really know if 695 00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,920 Speaker 3: someone's coming or not. So a lot of us, you know, 696 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 3: we kind of engage that more primitive relational trauma in 697 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:22,040 Speaker 3: those early relationships because of the closeness of the connection. 698 00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,640 Speaker 3: So that's not to say we are at the effect 699 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,720 Speaker 3: of that. It's really to say that we can build 700 00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:32,520 Speaker 3: a relationship with that younger self and the awareness of 701 00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 3: what our projections are, what our assumptions are in any 702 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:38,680 Speaker 3: given moment, and it's easier to do than we think. 703 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,680 Speaker 3: You know, we think of the subconscious as this big, 704 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:45,360 Speaker 3: mysterious thing and we have to you know, meditate for 705 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:49,520 Speaker 3: years in a cave. But I don't think realistic. You do, 706 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:50,839 Speaker 3: I Alaska, there you go. 707 00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:55,960 Speaker 1: Heartbreak has totally changed me. When people tell me they 708 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,040 Speaker 1: haven't been heartbroken, I almost feel badly because I think 709 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:03,759 Speaker 1: a huge part of the human experience and being in 710 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:08,200 Speaker 1: love has really changed me. I am so curious as 711 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,959 Speaker 1: to the greatest lesson that you've learned in love. 712 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:16,240 Speaker 3: Oh that's beautiful, that love is not something to find 713 00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:21,040 Speaker 3: but to constantly generate and create. You know, when I 714 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:26,840 Speaker 3: look back on my first marriage with this really beautiful 715 00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:30,920 Speaker 3: man Mark, I was the one that kind of drifted 716 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,279 Speaker 3: out of the marriage. I got very preoccupied with my 717 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:39,400 Speaker 3: work and I didn't really scoop him in. I assumed 718 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:43,239 Speaker 3: that because we were married, we were together, and I 719 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:49,200 Speaker 3: hadn't yet developed the skill of creating togetherness and making 720 00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:53,320 Speaker 3: sure that I always was including him in the growth 721 00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:57,040 Speaker 3: that I was experiencing. So that was a big learning 722 00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,279 Speaker 3: for me that it wasn't just about getting married read 723 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:05,319 Speaker 3: or getting the ring, that actually a marriage is just 724 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:09,279 Speaker 3: the container for the real relationship to now be created. 725 00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:16,080 Speaker 3: So constant gestures of kindness, generosity, you know, going the 726 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:21,080 Speaker 3: extra mile for someone just to keep creating and generating love. 727 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,759 Speaker 3: And I think that that's true with our friendships, with 728 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:28,800 Speaker 3: our family, you know, and to be future focused. Where 729 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,799 Speaker 3: are we going, what are we wanting to create other 730 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,920 Speaker 3: than this, and let that begin to inform how we're 731 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:35,520 Speaker 3: showing up. 732 00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:36,799 Speaker 1: Thank you for that. 733 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:39,880 Speaker 2: I cannot wait to go back and re listen to 734 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:43,759 Speaker 2: this interview because you dropped so many gems throughout this conversation. 735 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:47,880 Speaker 2: My jaw is just on the floor and there are 736 00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:51,759 Speaker 2: just so many beautiful takeaways and ideas that I want 737 00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:55,400 Speaker 2: to keep reabsorbing and applying to my life. So thank you. 738 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,080 Speaker 3: You're so welcome. Thank you so much for having me. 739 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,680 Speaker 1: You've shared so much with us, You share so much 740 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:07,480 Speaker 1: of yourself with the world. Thank you. That's it for 741 00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:11,000 Speaker 1: today's show. Tomorrow, we're making Money Moves with Alexavon Tobol. 742 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:14,480 Speaker 1: She's founder of learn Vest and Inspired Capital and the 743 00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:17,760 Speaker 1: author of a new book that teaches kids, especially girls, 744 00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:22,080 Speaker 1: to be absolutely fearless about money. It's called Money Matters, 745 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,480 Speaker 1: a Guide to Saving, spending and everything in between. 746 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,959 Speaker 2: Listen and follow the bright Side on the iHeartRadio app, 747 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:32,560 Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Simone Boys. 748 00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,880 Speaker 2: You can find me at Simone Boice on Instagram and TikTok. 749 00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:40,040 Speaker 1: I'm Danielle Robe on Instagram. And TikTok that's ro ba. 750 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:44,000 Speaker 2: Y see you tomorrow, Folks, keep looking on the bright side.