WEBVTT - "I'M AFRAID TO DIE" 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.040 Hey, everybody, it's Lyle. Just a reminder that I am 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:06.920 going on tour to do therapy Gecko live in several 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:09.520 cities across the United States, and I would love to 0:00:09.520 --> 0:00:12.239 see you there. I will be interviewing random folks from 0:00:12.240 --> 0:00:16.040 the audience up on stage and absolutely anything could happen. 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:21.320 It will be very fun, very terrifying, and very geko wee. 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:23.439 You can find the link to get tickets in your 0:00:23.480 --> 0:00:29.960 city in the episode description. Okay, let's get into the podcast. Hello, Hello, Hello, 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:30.840 how are you? 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:34.879 Uh? You know, I'm pretty amazed I got in. I 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:36.000 know everyone says. 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:40.040 That, but well, here's the thing. Somebody who's going to 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:41.280 get in? So why not you? 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:46.319 Hmm my thoughts exactly. That's why I spammed the call. 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:48.920 I guess what's going on with you, Tristan? 0:00:51.720 --> 0:00:56.440 Well, so I know you only usually pick one thing 0:00:56.480 --> 0:01:01.480 to talk about, So I either wanted to talk to 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:05.160 you about my hypochondria that stems from a bad mushroom 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:08.800 trip years ago, or I kind of been going through 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:13.839 a rough time lately, moving cities and having to break 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:14.840 up with my fiance. 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:21.440 So what hypochondria is when you when you think that 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:26.160 you are ill all the time, correct, right. 0:01:28.800 --> 0:01:29.440 Yeah, So. 0:01:31.000 --> 0:01:35.240 I was experimenting with a lot of psychedelics, mushrooms, d MT, 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:40.480 and I was having a pretty good time. I know, 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:44.440 I know, psychedelics don't really cause the issues, they kind 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:48.280 of bring them out of people. And I guess I 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:54.920 had some hidden anxiety, well, a lot of hitting anxiety 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:59.360 about death. I guess that I didn't really know how 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:01.320 to cope with. So I wasn't aware of when I 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:09.240 took some some honestly a low dose of mushrooms, and 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:12.240 I think I was, you know, this isn't really diagnosed, 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:15.400 this is more of a self diagnosis, but I mean 0:02:16.320 --> 0:02:19.280 I felt like I went into what you could call 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:21.960 a psychosis for maybe six months afterwards. 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:25.760 What kind of psychoses? 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:31.800 Well, see, I guess you know, so after the mushroom trip, 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:35.880 I thought every day afterwards, for six months straight, I 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:39.800 thought I was gonna die every day, and I thought 0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:43.800 I thought the mushrooms were poisoned, and I thought I 0:02:43.840 --> 0:02:48.560 had fungus growing in my head. And it was really, honestly, 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:50.360 really really really tough. 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:50.600 To deal with. 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:57.399 And I went to I went to multiple I spent 0:02:57.480 --> 0:03:02.400 a lot of money because of my hypochondria. 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:06.000 You were about to say, you went to multiple. 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:09.800 Oh, I went to multiple for the first thing. I 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:14.560 went to multiple doctors, neurologists. I've had CT scans on 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:20.400 my head, I had you know, X rays, I had 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:25.320 some talks with therapists, and there's there was nothing wrong 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:27.560 with me, absolutely nothing wrong with me. It was all 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:33.400 just anxiety. But I've dealt with that anxiety in my 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:39.760 own way. I never I don't see a therapist now, 0:03:40.240 --> 0:03:42.640 and the therapist I saw, I felt like, didn't really 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:45.000 help me too much. I kind of took it in 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:47.040 my own hands and I think I'm doing pretty good 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:50.320 with it, but it still bugged me, like right now, 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:53.000 and I know it's ridiculous, but right now I feel 0:03:53.000 --> 0:04:01.200 like I have rabies. I know, I know RABI takes 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:04.480 a long time to present itself. And if I if 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:08.680 I fix it, if I fixate on something like say 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:11.760 I might think I have rabies, I tend to see 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:14.080 it and everything around me, or like if I'm watching 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:16.960 a show or a movie or I read something and 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.080 they bring up rabies. I mean, it just floods my 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:19.960 head with like that. 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:23.520 Here again, So you went to a therapist for this? 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:31.240 No, Initially I did. This was I'm twenty six. Now, 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:34.960 this happened maybe when I was twenty two. 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:45.599 So you said initially that sixah, Okay. 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:53.120 I didn't feel like it was well, I mean I 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:57.000 think I guess I wasn't really like one hundred percent 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:58.760 with them, to be honest with you, because I felt 0:04:58.760 --> 0:05:02.000 like I've had I don't know, I felt I kind 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:04.520 of felt like they were a little condescending, and I 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:06.520 felt like I was when I was younger. I thought 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:08.479 I was going to be judged more for doing you know, 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:09.800 I thought they were going to blame it all on 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:11.680 the drugs, the psychedelics. 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:16.599 Okay, so you thought that they were condescending. What what 0:05:16.720 --> 0:05:18.839 exactly did they say or do to make you feel 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:19.839 like they were condescending? 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:29.679 Well, the lady I went to, you know, I probably 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:32.159 went to the wrong the lady I went to kind 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:34.960 of like was trying to get me to draw pictures about. 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:35.400 How I felt. 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:43.039 Okay then, and I thought I thought that was a 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:46.919 little childish. I don't know, maybe, I mean, you know, 0:05:46.960 --> 0:05:49.440 I'm not a therapist, so but I kind of thought 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:53.240 that was like maybe a little you know, like I 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.680 thought I was being treated more like a kid. 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:59.640 Mm hmmm. You know, I'm not a therapist either, and 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:05.360 I I I guess I would agree with you that 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:07.760 that that that I could see why you would feel 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:08.600 like that's ineffective. 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:09.080 I did. 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:11.120 I've talked to a billion people who they go to 0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:13.480 therapy like once and my fucking myself a clue to man, 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:15.400 where like, they go to therapy once and it doesn't 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:17.120 work out for them, and so they quit all together. 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:21.120 I did the same thing, currently, the same thing. But 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:26.560 you have an issue you and it's funny, it's it's 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:30.200 interesting to me because you are aware, like you know 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:35.799 this is hypochondria, because you know that you are a hypochondriac, 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:38.919 Like you know that you have this issue. You're self 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:42.120 aware about it, and you wouldn't be calling me to 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:45.040 talk to me about your hypochondria if you weren't aware 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:49.279 about it. But yet while you are simultaneously self aware, 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:53.119 fully aware that you have hypochondria, fully aware that you 0:06:54.160 --> 0:07:01.200 over analyze and have high anxiety about you know, knowing 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:04.400 that it's ridiculous that you have think you have rabies, 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:09.920 Yet it sounds like that does not help you with 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:12.760 the fact that you have anxiety about having raveies. 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:21.040 No, and you know any little medical so I'm okay with, 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:25.440 like if I broke my finger, any physical pain, I'm 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:28.360 okay with. But when it becomes internal, well, the rabiest 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:30.440 thing is just I mean, I know, the rabiest thing 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:32.000 is just kind of crazy, to be honest with you. 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:35.840 But anything like, I know, I had a stomach pain 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:42.600 that was I found out was related to blanking. 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:43.640 Gee, what is it? 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:44.120 Erd? 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:48.320 It's just like an over production of acid, stomach acid. 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:51.080 But I mean, for a month, I was obsessing that 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:53.640 I might have had I might have like stomach cancer, 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:56.280 and I would I mean I would lie awake at 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:58.440 night and just like think I was gonna die, and 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:00.800 I go get all these crazy the tests, you know, 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:06.360 like X ray CT scans. You know, when I feel 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:09.040 like I feel like, you know, normal people kind of 0:08:09.080 --> 0:08:13.520 just like deal with it or they take some medicine 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:15.720 and they're cool with it. And then I always seem 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:22.400 to like go to these extreme measures and it hasn't 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:27.680 really affected my relationships too much, I think, besides, you know, 0:08:27.760 --> 0:08:30.600 them thinking that maybe I'm a little crazy. 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:33.439 Interesting. I uh again, I know I said this just now, 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:40.359 But the contradiction of you knowing and stating how ridiculous 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:45.600 this is, but that self awareness not helping you curb 0:08:45.640 --> 0:08:48.000 your anxiety is very fascinating to me. 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:53.360 Yeah, it doesn't because, like I said, so, I mean 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:56.680 the rabies thing came about maybe like two or three 0:08:56.679 --> 0:08:59.520 months ago, and so I think by now I would 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:01.640 have been dead if I had rabies. But you know, 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:04.320 it's just like I got a small scratch from an 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:07.840 outside cat that wasn't acting weird at all. Yeah, and 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:10.360 as but I saw that little bit of blood out 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:13.520 of my skin, and then the rabies fere just takes 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:16.200 over me because one time. You know, it's hard for 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:18.400 me too. I can't really be around people who talk 0:09:18.440 --> 0:09:25.200 about medical issues that might be life threatening, yeah, if 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:28.440 they're not, unless it's like because if they say a symptom, 0:09:29.160 --> 0:09:32.200 my mind focuses on that symptom and I'll get a 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:34.360 little crazy about it, you know. I mean, like nowadays, 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:39.120 I think I'm okay keeping it internally, but I mean 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:42.079 I'll just like sixty eight over fixate over something like that, 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:45.400 and I kind of just like I'm just out of it, 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:47.720 you know. I Mean I just have this like like 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:50.640 my nurse friend told me about the rabies not showing 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:53.640 for three months, So after that, I got scratched by 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:56.440 the cat, and then then it's a downward spiral from there. 0:09:57.840 --> 0:09:59.920 So let me ask you this. Forgive me if any 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:04.720 the questions I ask about this thing are ignorant because 0:10:04.720 --> 0:10:06.080 I don't I don't know, and they'll come from a 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:12.760 genuine curiosity. So you are are out here, you know, 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:15.720 you said you spend a lot of money on doctors, Uh, 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:18.240 you know, trying like getting scans, making sure you don't 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:20.760 have rabies, making sure you don't have gourd and whatnot. 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:22.520 You know, all these all these sort of things that 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:27.640 you're anxious about possibly having. But yet you're again fully 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:32.360 self aware that you are are are are a hypochondriac, 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:36.520 and that the thing that you actually know for sure 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:39.880 that that you do have wrong with you, that you're 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:43.680 a hypochondriac. Sounds like it's the one thing that you 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:46.439 are not spending a lot of money going to doctors 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:50.800 to well instead of instead of the rabies and whatnot. 0:10:52.000 --> 0:10:54.040 You know, the one's ever really put put it that 0:10:54.120 --> 0:10:59.679 way to me before. Yeah, that's unord percent true. 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:13.920 Uh hmm, well I think you're right, So maybe it 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:15.720 comes no go ahead. 0:11:17.920 --> 0:11:24.240 I was about to say, maybe maybe maybe it comes 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:33.600 from a place of I don't know, maybe because I 0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:38.600 feel like I know I have hypochondria, I don't know, 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:39.520 I don't know. 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:45.640 So I mean, look, next time, kit, would you do 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:49.520 you think you have it in you too? Next time 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:52.280 you're like, oh shit, I'm pretty sure I have rabies. 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:53.880 Oh shit, I'm pretty sure I've gird o. Shit, I'm 0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:55.600 pretty sure I have whatever the thing is you think 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:59.040 you have. Instead of you know, directing your attention to 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.280 going to a doctor to make sure you don't have that, 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:08.240 you like think you know, you think a higher level 0:12:08.679 --> 0:12:12.240 step up to be like, oh shit, this is actually 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:16.440 a legitimate symptom of a thing I actually have, which 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:20.680 is this hypochondria. Let's go make sure we're dealing with that. 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:28.240 Do I think I have an enemy to do that? 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:29.920 Yeah, that's the question. 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:42.520 I don't know why it's so hard to say yes, 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:46.000 but yeah, Well. 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:48.720 Because I know you had this experience with the fucking 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:54.280 kindergarten teacher therapist and that maybe turned you off, which 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:57.280 I get, dude. But I'll say this, and I say 0:12:57.280 --> 0:13:01.920 this hypocritically because I myself I have not gone to 0:13:01.960 --> 0:13:04.720 therapy probably shuit, but because I also have had experiences 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:06.360 where I've been in therapy and been like, what the 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:09.000 fuck is fucking is this shit? But I've talked to 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:10.760 so many people on the show and in real life 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:13.920 that they're like, I went to a therapist, he was terrible, 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:16.959 they maybe draw fucking pictures. Went to another therapist, they 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:19.560 didn't listen to me. Went to another therapist, they didn't 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:21.080 help me it all the way. To another therapist, they 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:23.960 were super unhelpful. Went to another therapist, they made it worse. 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:28.800 Went to another therapist, changed my life, never felt better 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:31.280 type of shit. I hear that all the time of people. 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:33.839 They just have to go through a billion different people. 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.000 So I I, you know, and again I'm saying this 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:40.080 super hypocritically because I haven't done it myself. But dude, 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.240 I don't know, if felin if you're having this legitimate issue, 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:45.240 you know, it sounds like it could help you to, 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:48.360 you know, find find a legitimate help for it. 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.559 Yeah, I think you're right. I guess it's just the constant, 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:58.520 like you know, like you find a therapist, they don't 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:00.120 work out for you, and then you try again and 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:02.160 it doesn't work out for you, and then maybe you 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:03.880 try a third time and it doesn't work out for 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:05.360 you and then you're kind of just over it. 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:06.920 Yeah. 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:16.480 I guess, like I said, you know, I guess I 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:22.000 take maybe some pride in dealing with it myself. Oh okay, 0:14:25.000 --> 0:14:27.360 you know I you know, so like after the six 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:31.840 months of like really I mean, I mean I was 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.560 really crazy if I look back on it. I mean, 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:39.280 after the six months of like literally just balling my 0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:40.920 eyes out every day because I thought I was going 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:45.120 to die, I hit I hit a point where I 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.640 and that was after like they couldn't find anything wrong 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:50.760 with me, you know, after that point, I kind of 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:54.080 I joined martial arts, and I try to lose weight, 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:55.920 and I try to get my mind right through that, 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:58.200 and I try to read, and I try to study 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:02.200 myself and and I'm always trying to be introspective. But 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:05.200 it's just always seems to be the one hump I 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:09.320 can't get over. But I don't know, maybe I kind 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:14.120 of wear it like a you know, like a how 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.160 do I want to say it, like a scarred badge? 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:19.920 Sure, yeah, the whole you know, I can handle it 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:22.840 myself kind of thing. I don't need to fucking go 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:25.160 to therapy. I don't need anyone to help me. 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:26.440 Right, I got it. 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:28.280 Right. 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:32.240 And I think problems like if you're depressed or if 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:36.920 you're anxious, you know, mostly everyone today is pretty much 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:39.920 I mean, I think that's stuff, even though it really 0:15:39.960 --> 0:15:42.600 sucks to deal with, helps you to relate to other people. 0:15:44.760 --> 0:15:47.240 Yeah, I agree with you on that front, that it 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:50.200 helps you to relate to other people. That's that's I mean, 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:53.840 weirdly part of the reason why I like why I 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:56.280 like doing the shows because I like talking to people 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:59.040 about I mean, just in my personal life, I have 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:02.720 a weird fascination with like if I'm like looking at 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:06.600 people just in my regular life, like and being like, 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:10.040 what's wrong with them? What is their what's their fucking deal? 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:14.320 Because everyone everyone's got a deal. You know, you stand 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:18.200 in line in fucking Walmart and you go up to 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:22.240 the cash people natural hershey bar, and you're like, what's 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:23.960 this what's this guy's deal? What were you gonna say? 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:28.240 Well, I was going to ask, do people naturally just 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:28.920 open up to. 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:33.160 You sometimes in life? 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:33.880 Yeah? 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:37.440 Sometimes sometimes it was just in Mexico, is the. 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:41.400 Get go persona a little different than the real live persona? 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:44.040 No, I I was gonna say it was just in 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:46.880 Mexico and I met a bunch of people at a hostel. 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:51.840 I felt like I got into some interesting conversations there, 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:54.960 just out of like a again, like a natural weird 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:59.080 curiosity of like what the fuck is going on with 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:02.480 people because it helps inform my own what the fuck 0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:05.760 is going on with me type of thing, right. 0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:12.280 Right, But it does seem to me that you're wha. 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:14.080 I mean, I'm talking to you right now. You're very 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:17.560 easy to talk to, and I think that probably does 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:20.440 come across really well in real life. And I wanted 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:23.359 to say, you know, I live in Florida and I 0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:25.240 really wanted to go to your Miami show, but I 0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:27.080 don't think I can make it. So I'm bummed out. 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:30.960 Are you not going because you're afraid that you'll catch COVID? 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:36.080 You know, I've actually had COVID three times and I 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:37.960 wasn't too worried about that for some reason. 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:42.879 Really, Okay, now that's fascinating to me because it's okay, 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:45.080 Can I just say it's I it's a little bit 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:49.639 funny that, like the thing that's on the news every 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:53.800 single day that's like, oh, everyone's getting fucking dying from 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:57.200 this thing. Everyone's gonna get this thing like didn't phase 0:17:57.280 --> 0:18:01.439 you at all, but like it's a niche type of 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:06.160 thing that like rabies, that's what gets you. That's interesting. 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:10.520 Yeah, I don't know why. I really don't know why 0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:12.680 that is. I don't know. It's because I actually have it. 0:18:12.800 --> 0:18:14.800 I have to deal with it. I made you know 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:16.879 what it is. You know what it probably is, Lyle 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:21.360 is It's probably a fear of the unknown and probably 0:18:21.400 --> 0:18:22.720 a fear of lack of control. 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:30.160 Interesting have you? Is that a realization that you have 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:34.320 have kind of always known under the underneath the surface. 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:39.639 I know then the unknown might have kind of hit 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:42.720 me just now. But the lack of control, I know 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:45.080 I have an issue with that. And I know the 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:47.400 biggest lack of control in your life is pretty much 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:50.199 how and when you die. 0:18:50.520 --> 0:18:53.439 Yeah, yeah, that's a thing that you just have to 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:56.440 come to terms with. You unfortunately cannot beat that. 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:00.720 Right, And I guess I haven't quite come to terms 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:03.919 with it yet, even though even though I want to 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:08.280 pretend I do. You know, hm, you know, I think 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:11.040 all the silly stuff, like you know, there's not going 0:19:11.119 --> 0:19:12.800 to be a tomorrow. You've got to live your fullest 0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:15.159 to you know today, I mean silly in the sense 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:16.760 that like when I say things, I don't know if 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:19.200 I actually believe it, or like you know, oh it's 0:19:19.280 --> 0:19:21.000 you know, you die some day, or it's going to 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:22.800 be all right because you die some day, or you 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:23.800 know stuff like that. 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:31.359 Yeah, that's it's an interesting well you know what the well, Okay, 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:32.919 I'm gonna say this. You know what I think is, 0:19:33.800 --> 0:19:35.520 I'm gonna sa I'm gonna use this word. I think 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:38.119 is the cool thing about that problem. I don't know 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:39.919 if cool is the right word, but it is. 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:42.720 The word problem. 0:19:42.920 --> 0:19:45.280 No, not the hypochondria, but just the coming to I 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:46.680 guess I guess that you consider it as part of 0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:50.800 the hyper country. The coming to terms with the with 0:19:50.920 --> 0:19:55.920 the fact that you're going to die. Is what I 0:19:56.000 --> 0:20:01.200 like about that problem is every sing person that has 0:20:01.359 --> 0:20:04.600 ever fucking lived, every single person that is around you, 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:07.680 every single person that ever has lived. I was gonna 0:20:07.680 --> 0:20:09.920 say I ever will live. That might not be the case, 0:20:10.760 --> 0:20:14.160 but just everyone, every single fucking person has to deal 0:20:14.200 --> 0:20:17.479 with it. It's like, if there is one thing that 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:22.760 every fucking living thing has in common, it's that. And 0:20:22.800 --> 0:20:27.680 I weirdly find that kind of beautiful that we all 0:20:27.800 --> 0:20:32.320 have that problem, whether we are rich, poor, whatever fucking 0:20:33.960 --> 0:20:37.800 whatever our life has been, like, however old we are, 0:20:38.440 --> 0:20:43.359 we all have that problem, and I find that kind 0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:49.160 of beautiful. That's been my personal way of addressing that, 0:20:49.440 --> 0:20:52.879 is like, oh, this thing is really scary, but it 0:20:53.000 --> 0:21:01.440 is also the thing that connects me to every other 0:21:01.680 --> 0:21:03.120 human being on the planet. 0:21:05.480 --> 0:21:08.360 So when you you know, whe awake and I even 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:14.200 think of dying, does that make you feel more comfortable, 0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:19.160 just more comfortable with the idea, or more connected to everybody? 0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:23.240 Because I think, well, let me hear your answer first. Actually, 0:21:23.920 --> 0:21:24.320 now tell me. 0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:26.040 About tell me what you think. I need time to 0:21:26.040 --> 0:21:27.959 think about what question? 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:36.520 Because I think, you know, maybe and maybe this goes 0:21:36.560 --> 0:21:38.560 back to the hypochondria and the fear of it. Maybe 0:21:38.560 --> 0:21:40.600 I wouldn't be so scared if I felt like that 0:21:40.640 --> 0:21:44.359 connected us more. But I always feel like, you know, 0:21:44.440 --> 0:21:51.960 you kind of die individually, regardless of what happens afterwards. 0:21:52.000 --> 0:22:01.199 And I, you know, the I guess I'm sitting on 0:22:01.240 --> 0:22:03.960 a blank now, but you know, I guess it's never 0:22:04.000 --> 0:22:07.159 been a real comfort to me that we all have 0:22:07.240 --> 0:22:08.960 that connection, or we all have that connection. 0:22:10.160 --> 0:22:12.960 Is it something you've even because when people asked you 0:22:13.000 --> 0:22:16.480 go ahead, well, I just say. 0:22:16.320 --> 0:22:18.560 You know, when people when people die, I mean, maybe 0:22:18.560 --> 0:22:20.480 it's the outlook that everyone says about it, you know, 0:22:20.560 --> 0:22:23.320 because regardless of what people believe, and when people other 0:22:23.359 --> 0:22:26.200 people die, they know, they're like, you know, I mean, 0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:28.080 we're going to miss that person forever. There's a lot 0:22:28.119 --> 0:22:32.760 of crying, but it's never really like, you know, hooray. 0:22:33.280 --> 0:22:34.639 I mean, I'm not saying it should be like this, 0:22:34.720 --> 0:22:35.800 but hooray they're dead. 0:22:35.600 --> 0:22:35.760 You know. 0:22:35.840 --> 0:22:39.800 I mean, it's all negative views around it, like horrible tragedy, 0:22:40.440 --> 0:22:41.560 regardless of age. 0:22:42.160 --> 0:22:44.840 Well, have you like this idea that it is a 0:22:44.880 --> 0:22:48.040 thing that connects us all, this idea that it's a 0:22:48.040 --> 0:22:52.800 thing that gives life value at all? Really? 0:22:54.480 --> 0:22:54.679 Is that? 0:22:54.800 --> 0:22:57.920 Is that an idea that you've sat with at all? 0:22:58.800 --> 0:22:59.000 You know? 0:22:59.040 --> 0:23:03.520 I asked that genuinely, that that does that? 0:23:04.200 --> 0:23:07.000 Does death give life value? 0:23:07.480 --> 0:23:14.040 Yeah? 0:23:14.400 --> 0:23:18.879 Yeah, I think it does. Well, it does give value, 0:23:18.880 --> 0:23:26.080 of course, yes, But I guess, well, maybe then the 0:23:26.200 --> 0:23:30.080 lack of fear is too. Besides the lack of control 0:23:31.440 --> 0:23:35.480 is maybe I just don't feel like I've lived my 0:23:35.520 --> 0:23:37.720 life super well yet. M hm. 0:23:39.200 --> 0:23:39.640 Mm hmm. 0:23:42.359 --> 0:23:44.280 You know, sometimes I think I got things going on, 0:23:47.240 --> 0:23:51.960 go ahead. Well, sometimes I think I have things going 0:23:52.000 --> 0:23:55.920 on right, and you know, and then something you know, well, 0:23:56.400 --> 0:23:58.800 like all all the time in life, something comes out 0:23:58.800 --> 0:24:01.160 of nowhere, or you know, things happen in your life 0:24:01.160 --> 0:24:05.040 that aren't very good, and you kind of just like 0:24:05.440 --> 0:24:07.040 and I still know where I'm at right now, I go, 0:24:08.240 --> 0:24:10.480 you know, think things kind of just you think you're 0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:11.359 doing well and then you're not. 0:24:13.320 --> 0:24:16.000 What is your uh the question I was gonna asked 0:24:16.080 --> 0:24:20.360 was you said, you feel like the scary thing is okay, 0:24:20.400 --> 0:24:23.159 maybe you're not living your life well enough. What what 0:24:23.240 --> 0:24:26.560 does your life look like when you are living it? 0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:40.880 Well, Well, it's I know what it's not. It's not. 0:24:43.720 --> 0:24:50.000 Well, I'd like to say, you know, just living comfort. 0:24:50.520 --> 0:24:54.679 You know, actually, ile, if I lived my life well, 0:24:55.960 --> 0:24:58.199 it would be probably you know, somewhere in a mountain 0:24:58.240 --> 0:24:59.320 in a cabin or something. 0:24:59.800 --> 0:25:04.320 Yeah, in a mountain in a cabin, I think. So. 0:25:04.600 --> 0:25:07.200 I mean, here's the thing though, I'm not very like 0:25:07.240 --> 0:25:09.879 a handsy type of dude. So maybe with some electricity, 0:25:09.880 --> 0:25:10.560 I wouldn't mind that. 0:25:13.680 --> 0:25:15.920 You're tried living and hopefully. 0:25:16.119 --> 0:25:18.920 Hopefully a family. Have I tried living in the mountains? 0:25:18.960 --> 0:25:19.120 Now? 0:25:22.080 --> 0:25:22.399 Why not? 0:25:26.880 --> 0:25:27.000 If? 0:25:27.200 --> 0:25:30.280 If that is if that is the true answer, to 0:25:30.359 --> 0:25:31.680 that question, right. 0:25:32.640 --> 0:25:35.240 I don't know if it is the true answer. I'm 0:25:35.280 --> 0:25:35.679 not sure. 0:25:36.520 --> 0:25:38.679 All right, well you said you all right, well can 0:25:38.760 --> 0:25:40.600 I bring this up? You said that you know what 0:25:40.640 --> 0:25:40.920 it's not. 0:25:41.240 --> 0:25:45.800 Huh, Well, what it's not is I think I don't 0:25:45.800 --> 0:25:49.200 know what it's not. I was gonna say what it's 0:25:49.200 --> 0:25:53.280 not is being happy all the time, because I don't 0:25:53.320 --> 0:25:54.879 think anyone can be happy. 0:25:54.640 --> 0:25:55.120 All the time. 0:25:55.160 --> 0:25:56.960 So I think that that's kind of like, you know, 0:25:57.560 --> 0:26:00.399 I say that because when when when you ask people 0:26:01.600 --> 0:26:03.199 what do you what do you want from life or 0:26:03.200 --> 0:26:04.840 anything like that, they always say I just want to 0:26:04.840 --> 0:26:08.480 be happy. But I don't think that lasts often. I mean, 0:26:08.640 --> 0:26:10.240 by the ways that make you happy of course. 0:26:10.880 --> 0:26:14.720 Yeah, yeah, I'm totally with you on that. By the way, 0:26:14.960 --> 0:26:19.480 I I think, you know, there's a gigantic spectrum of 0:26:19.480 --> 0:26:25.560 emotions to experience, and I wouldn't say happiness is more 0:26:25.560 --> 0:26:27.240 important than any of the others. So I you know, 0:26:27.240 --> 0:26:29.800 I'm I'm I understand what you say when you're saying that. 0:26:34.680 --> 0:26:36.479 Do you mind? I mean, I don't want to take 0:26:36.520 --> 0:26:37.879 up too much of your time. I know you have 0:26:37.920 --> 0:26:39.880 all the other colors, but do you mind if I've 0:26:39.920 --> 0:26:41.800 met to you about another issue real quick. 0:26:43.040 --> 0:26:45.320 Hmm, sure, what is it? 0:26:45.359 --> 0:26:45.680 Is? It is? 0:26:45.720 --> 0:26:45.800 It? 0:26:45.880 --> 0:26:47.760 Is it kind of related to what you've been talking about. 0:26:50.960 --> 0:26:53.440 Well, I guess I might another unknown in my life 0:26:53.480 --> 0:26:57.800 at the moment, sort of sort of you know, sort of. 0:26:59.240 --> 0:26:59.679 What is that? 0:27:01.560 --> 0:27:04.560 Well? And maybe I don't know if I'm making the 0:27:04.560 --> 0:27:07.359 best choices because I thought this. I thought what I was, 0:27:07.720 --> 0:27:10.160 what I what I set out to do now would 0:27:10.160 --> 0:27:13.120 make me, against my own advice, a little bit happier. 0:27:13.640 --> 0:27:15.280 Sure, yeah, but I don't. 0:27:15.720 --> 0:27:19.720 But you know, I got so I got one of 0:27:19.880 --> 0:27:24.480 a dream job offer for me, and I was supposed 0:27:24.480 --> 0:27:27.080 to marry this woman that I love and next year 0:27:27.080 --> 0:27:31.720 in October. And before I accepted the job, before I 0:27:31.760 --> 0:27:33.880 went to go get it, I asked if she would 0:27:33.920 --> 0:27:36.399 move with me, and she said she would, And then 0:27:36.440 --> 0:27:40.159 when I got the job, she refused to move with me, 0:27:40.840 --> 0:27:43.520 and so we kind of, I mean, it just seemed 0:27:43.560 --> 0:27:46.560 like it just ended all at once, and I decided 0:27:46.560 --> 0:27:48.240 to go to this job. But now that I'm in 0:27:48.280 --> 0:27:51.600 the new apartment and you know what, I start work 0:27:51.720 --> 0:27:55.639 very soon, I just struggle with if you know, another 0:27:56.440 --> 0:27:59.359 another unknown in life, Like you know, when things are 0:27:59.400 --> 0:28:01.680 going good and sometimes things go bad, and I feel 0:28:01.680 --> 0:28:03.600 like I should be over the moon and really happy 0:28:03.640 --> 0:28:05.879 right now, we're at least excited, and it's just like 0:28:06.840 --> 0:28:09.440 kind of stuck in the depression of it, I guess, 0:28:09.640 --> 0:28:11.200 and I don't know if I make the right If 0:28:11.200 --> 0:28:11.919 I made the right. 0:28:11.800 --> 0:28:20.280 Decision, the decision to move, well, to. 0:28:20.320 --> 0:28:25.200 Move and to take a new job over spending possibly 0:28:25.280 --> 0:28:26.640 forever with somebody love. 0:28:28.440 --> 0:28:31.080 Well, can I ask, what what is it that made 0:28:31.119 --> 0:28:32.200 you want to make the decision? 0:28:40.200 --> 0:28:46.160 Well, I didn't want to when I was living with her. 0:28:46.720 --> 0:28:49.400 Her mom was also living there and there, and so 0:28:49.600 --> 0:28:53.240 is her sister, and I'm not I you know, it 0:28:53.360 --> 0:28:55.480 was okay, but I wanted to like go out and 0:28:55.520 --> 0:28:57.400 start our own thing. And also I didn't want to 0:28:57.440 --> 0:29:00.720 stick around in a place i'm at kind of get 0:29:00.760 --> 0:29:03.479 a job just to have a job, especially if I 0:29:03.520 --> 0:29:06.640 have an opportunity to do something in an industry I've 0:29:06.680 --> 0:29:09.080 been a part of forever. You know, I would like 0:29:09.120 --> 0:29:10.800 to wake up and not be miserable to go to 0:29:10.840 --> 0:29:11.520 work every day. 0:29:13.840 --> 0:29:17.120 I brother, I think that's a very good reason to me. 0:29:17.200 --> 0:29:19.200 I think that's I think it's a very good reason 0:29:19.240 --> 0:29:20.200 to make that decision. 0:29:23.400 --> 0:29:23.640 You know. 0:29:24.120 --> 0:29:26.600 If anything, you know, whether or not you believe the 0:29:26.640 --> 0:29:28.960 decision worked out. You made it with a with a 0:29:29.120 --> 0:29:31.280 with a pretty damn good reason what you just said, 0:29:32.240 --> 0:29:35.760 especially when we're in consideration of of you know, all this, 0:29:36.040 --> 0:29:38.560 all these things that we've been talking about for the 0:29:38.600 --> 0:29:43.200 amount of time we've been talking about, you know, appreciating 0:29:43.240 --> 0:29:45.080 the value of life and wanting to do good things 0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:49.000 with it. I mean, I mean you maybe maybe not consciously, 0:29:49.040 --> 0:29:50.720 but you made that decision with that in mind, that 0:29:50.800 --> 0:29:53.280 you wanted to improve your life, and you felt as 0:29:53.280 --> 0:29:55.600 though the move would improve your life, and so you've 0:29:55.720 --> 0:30:02.400 you made that decision, right, and so now you're at 0:30:02.400 --> 0:30:07.240 this job. But the problem is that this girl left you, right. 0:30:10.400 --> 0:30:14.920 Yeah, I just thought, you know, I don't want to 0:30:15.240 --> 0:30:18.080 tear up over the phone. I guess I just haven't 0:30:18.080 --> 0:30:22.360 really talked about it with anybody. But you know, it 0:30:22.480 --> 0:30:27.440 sucks when you think, you know, somebody's has your back, 0:30:28.160 --> 0:30:33.600 especially if you had theirs, and they just don't, you know, 0:30:33.640 --> 0:30:36.800 they just don't want to follow through with you, and 0:30:37.360 --> 0:30:39.840 you know, it's a great opportunity. I thought it was 0:30:39.840 --> 0:30:43.600 a great opportunity for us, so I didn't even you know, 0:30:43.680 --> 0:30:45.120 I just wanted to support. 0:30:44.720 --> 0:30:45.600 Her and stuff. Like that. 0:30:45.640 --> 0:30:48.400 But you know, it's just one of those things where 0:30:48.440 --> 0:30:50.760 you keep you know, it's one of those things where 0:30:50.760 --> 0:30:54.240 you say, again, you know, you know whatever. You just 0:30:54.320 --> 0:30:56.120 kind of like when you talked about it to other people, 0:30:56.160 --> 0:30:58.080 you're like, you know, it's for the best and stuff 0:30:58.080 --> 0:31:00.560 like that, but sometimes you just don't know. 0:31:00.640 --> 0:31:09.120 I think, mm hmm, yeah, I can, I can, I can. 0:31:09.240 --> 0:31:12.360 I can see why you uh, why you feel like 0:31:12.400 --> 0:31:21.120 you've been a trade. But uh, I'm sorry, no, no, no, no, no, no, 0:31:21.200 --> 0:31:23.080 I'm glad. I'm actually glad we're talking about this because 0:31:24.240 --> 0:31:27.040 again I want to come back to your answer of 0:31:27.080 --> 0:31:29.920 the question of why you made the decision. It was 0:31:29.960 --> 0:31:31.560 a really it was a really good answer, man, It 0:31:31.600 --> 0:31:35.040 really was. You made the decision for a really good reason, 0:31:35.680 --> 0:31:37.720 and you made it with all of the knowledge that 0:31:37.800 --> 0:31:41.640 you had at the time. I mean, to to make 0:31:41.720 --> 0:31:46.640 to to decide that you want to go out and 0:31:46.680 --> 0:31:49.920 try to live a life for yourself and not just 0:31:50.760 --> 0:31:56.600 kind of be shoehorned into your your your girlfriend's family's life, 0:31:57.640 --> 0:32:00.520 and and and not to you know, to pursue a 0:32:00.600 --> 0:32:03.120 job that you really feel like might make your life better. 0:32:04.440 --> 0:32:06.480 I mean, that's that's again, a good reason to make 0:32:06.520 --> 0:32:13.680 that decision. So even if things didn't work out exactly 0:32:13.720 --> 0:32:17.800 how you wanted them to, I think it's great that 0:32:17.880 --> 0:32:22.719 you went after something that you felt like could make 0:32:22.760 --> 0:32:27.320 your life better. And I know when you're hurting, maybe 0:32:27.320 --> 0:32:31.280 you don't want to hear something that's just kind of whatever, 0:32:31.320 --> 0:32:36.440 blindly optimistic. But I do have an optimism that there 0:32:36.520 --> 0:32:38.880 is still the potential for this decision to make your 0:32:38.960 --> 0:32:41.880 life better, you know, because it still sounds like it's 0:32:41.960 --> 0:32:43.240 very early in this career. 0:32:45.720 --> 0:32:49.320 Yeah, and I, you know, thanks for saying that. You know, 0:32:49.360 --> 0:32:52.240 it feels good to you know. 0:32:52.280 --> 0:32:53.280 I've talked to it obviously. 0:32:53.280 --> 0:32:55.280 I talked to a few friends about it, and I 0:32:55.280 --> 0:32:57.520 guess I just wanted to get a person who doesn't 0:32:57.560 --> 0:33:01.640 know me's opinion about it, because you know, your friends 0:33:01.640 --> 0:33:04.200 are always going to support you, and hopefully you have 0:33:04.240 --> 0:33:07.320 one see you that tell you the truth. But it 0:33:07.400 --> 0:33:10.680 was nice to get some friendly get go advice and 0:33:10.760 --> 0:33:14.880 from a person who doesn't know me compared to even 0:33:14.920 --> 0:33:17.400 though even though friends can be honest with you and 0:33:17.520 --> 0:33:20.480 support you. I just it was, you know, it's just 0:33:20.560 --> 0:33:22.720 nice to hear from somebody who doesn't have anything to 0:33:22.720 --> 0:33:23.120 do with you. 0:33:24.000 --> 0:33:25.680 Yeah, man, And by the way, can I just say 0:33:25.720 --> 0:33:30.480 you're you're twenty six by the way, right, Yeah, okay, 0:33:30.520 --> 0:33:34.440 we're we're we're similar ages. I I don't want to 0:33:34.640 --> 0:33:41.560 I don't wanna uh lay toxic positivity shit on you. 0:33:41.640 --> 0:33:43.480 But I in my head when I'm when you're telling 0:33:43.480 --> 0:33:45.239 me about this, I'm thinking, well, no, I'm dude, I'm 0:33:45.280 --> 0:33:48.240 thinking like, okay, you know you'd made the decision. Here's 0:33:48.240 --> 0:33:51.440 the thing about I'm I have a billion thoughts in 0:33:51.440 --> 0:33:53.840 my head. But here's the thing about these decisions that 0:33:53.880 --> 0:33:56.320 we make, and I'm really trying to learn this myself, 0:33:57.200 --> 0:34:00.240 is that something that happens that ends up one way 0:34:00.280 --> 0:34:04.840 that's bad right now, could eventually start a string of 0:34:04.920 --> 0:34:08.040 things that lead to something that you could never have expected. 0:34:08.400 --> 0:34:11.360 So like, Okay, you made this decision to take this job, 0:34:12.440 --> 0:34:15.839 and as a result, things you know don't work out 0:34:16.280 --> 0:34:19.880 with the current person you're with. But fucking what if 0:34:20.040 --> 0:34:23.480 you know this current job sends you to some place, 0:34:23.800 --> 0:34:28.040 you're on some airplane, you're in some meeting, you meet whatever, 0:34:28.080 --> 0:34:30.680 and you meet someone else who you're like, whoa, what 0:34:30.719 --> 0:34:33.680 the who is this person? And then you start a 0:34:33.719 --> 0:34:37.319 new relationship that's you know, you're feeling things that you 0:34:37.360 --> 0:34:40.040 never even knew were possible to feel in the old 0:34:40.080 --> 0:34:43.840 one or or and then maybe that one fucking turns 0:34:43.880 --> 0:34:47.400 out shitty, and then fucking that fails. But then maybe 0:34:47.400 --> 0:34:50.240 that leads you to something else that's amazing in your career. 0:34:50.320 --> 0:34:53.759 Maybe you meet the fucking person in your industry that's 0:34:53.760 --> 0:34:58.440 your your hero. There's just infinite, infinite things that could happen. 0:34:58.440 --> 0:35:00.200 You have no idea if they're positive or negative, and 0:35:00.320 --> 0:35:02.719 so and everything I'm telling you is things I'm trying 0:35:02.760 --> 0:35:05.839 to tell myself. So just fucking roll with it, man, 0:35:06.239 --> 0:35:09.480 you know that's that's Yeah, you're right, that's all I 0:35:09.480 --> 0:35:10.200 gotta say. 0:35:10.360 --> 0:35:11.399 You're absolutely right. 0:35:13.000 --> 0:35:15.200 Well, oh, thank you, Lyle. 0:35:16.360 --> 0:35:19.440 Yeah, man, thanks thanks for having this talk with me. 0:35:19.520 --> 0:35:23.000 I'm really uh, I feel honored that you would, you know, 0:35:23.120 --> 0:35:24.360 share all this this stuff. 0:35:25.320 --> 0:35:28.080 Yeah. Again, I'm sorry to get so heavy at the 0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:31.279 last part there, but you know, I really it was 0:35:31.760 --> 0:35:34.480 I really appreciate. I honestly really appreciate tonight. 0:35:34.600 --> 0:35:35.560 You know that I got in. 0:35:37.880 --> 0:35:40.279 So it was really nice talking with you. 0:35:41.040 --> 0:35:49.480 And yeah, uh are you going to before we go? 0:35:49.560 --> 0:35:51.200 Do you do you think that you know, kind of 0:35:51.200 --> 0:35:53.839 back to the hypochondria, stuff. Do you think you will 0:35:53.880 --> 0:35:59.160 try again to seek, you know, a legitimate type of 0:35:59.239 --> 0:36:00.319 type of treatment that. 0:36:02.880 --> 0:36:03.080 Well. 0:36:03.120 --> 0:36:06.480 Listen, you know, I've been listening to you a lot 0:36:06.520 --> 0:36:10.600 on Spotify, and i know one of your sponsors is 0:36:10.719 --> 0:36:14.520 Better Help, and I've kind of I've been on the 0:36:14.520 --> 0:36:16.319 side a couple of times, and I've like gotten to 0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:18.279 the point where like I'm almost finished signing up and 0:36:18.320 --> 0:36:20.719 then I close off. So but I've been I've been 0:36:20.880 --> 0:36:24.560 definitely thinking about that, and maybe I've been thinking about 0:36:24.600 --> 0:36:27.160 that more because I've been listening to your show so much, 0:36:27.160 --> 0:36:28.600 and I just want to say, by the way too, 0:36:30.360 --> 0:36:33.200 but you know, I've heard, I've I've heard about your 0:36:33.200 --> 0:36:35.960 show and I've seen clips from it before all this 0:36:36.000 --> 0:36:38.920 stuff happened. But since this stuff has been going on, 0:36:39.000 --> 0:36:41.520 I mean, I just I almost just kind of go 0:36:41.560 --> 0:36:44.600 through the catalog every night and it really really really. 0:36:44.320 --> 0:36:45.000 Helps me out. 0:36:45.080 --> 0:36:47.880 So if you ever feel like I mean, you know 0:36:48.080 --> 0:36:50.600 you have your doubts too, But if you're ever doubtful 0:36:50.640 --> 0:36:54.440 that this show doesn't do anything besides provide some funny 0:36:54.480 --> 0:36:56.480 things for the Internet, You're wrong, you know, I mean, 0:36:56.480 --> 0:36:57.880 it really helps out a lot of people. 0:36:57.920 --> 0:37:01.320 I think, thank you, brother. I you that that really 0:37:01.360 --> 0:37:03.799 genuinely does mean a lot to me. It really does, 0:37:04.440 --> 0:37:08.359 because yeah, I am man, I fucking everything I talk 0:37:08.440 --> 0:37:10.759 to you about I on this call is are things 0:37:10.800 --> 0:37:13.960 that I've had my doubts about too, So I really 0:37:14.000 --> 0:37:18.120 appreciate that, man. And you know, once again, thank you 0:37:18.160 --> 0:37:20.640 for talking to me. And I hope that you can 0:37:20.680 --> 0:37:24.560 find a therapist that is helpful to you and doesn't 0:37:24.600 --> 0:37:26.080 make you draw fucking pictures. 0:37:28.200 --> 0:37:30.360 Thanks man. And can I say one thing to the 0:37:30.400 --> 0:37:31.480 audience before. 0:37:31.239 --> 0:37:37.680 I go, Yes, of course, I just want to. 0:37:37.680 --> 0:37:41.399 Say, and I've well, I guess I've learned this recently too, 0:37:41.520 --> 0:37:45.279 that if you guys ever feel stuck in any sort 0:37:45.280 --> 0:37:49.120 of situation, there's a way out, no matter how hard 0:37:49.160 --> 0:37:54.839 it is, and you can really change your lives for 0:37:54.880 --> 0:37:57.120 the better, or at least change it, you know what 0:37:57.200 --> 0:37:59.800 I mean. So that's all I want to say. 0:38:00.080 --> 0:38:02.560 You know, in in in in thinking about everything that 0:38:02.600 --> 0:38:04.600 we've been talking about, I'm really glad to hear you 0:38:04.640 --> 0:38:08.640 say that, because you know, I know that you've you've 0:38:08.640 --> 0:38:10.759 been dealing with a lot of things and probably a 0:38:10.800 --> 0:38:13.799 lot of hopelessness, it sounds, and so I'm glad to 0:38:13.840 --> 0:38:18.960 hear you. Uh, you know, leave us with those optimistic thoughts. 0:38:20.000 --> 0:38:21.319 Thank you. I really appreciate it. 0:38:21.320 --> 0:38:22.160 Man, you helped a lot. 0:38:22.600 --> 0:38:29.840 Hey, take care, Tristan, you too. Oh that was a 0:38:30.800 --> 0:38:34.480 that was a wild, wild call. That might be one 0:38:34.560 --> 0:38:38.440 of the longest calls I've taken on this show. We 0:38:38.560 --> 0:38:40.680 talked about a lot of interesting things. That was a really, 0:38:41.400 --> 0:38:46.480 really great conversation. Thank you again to Tristan for having 0:38:46.520 --> 0:38:51.960 that conversation with me. Thinking about death, thinking about life, 0:38:52.560 --> 0:38:56.960 thinking about decisions, think of a fucking think about all 0:38:56.960 --> 0:39:01.600 this ship that I'm uh, I'm thinking about all the time. 0:39:01.680 --> 0:39:07.520 It's it's it's fun to talk to people through this 0:39:07.600 --> 0:39:11.640 stuff because it reinforces it when I think about it 0:39:11.640 --> 0:39:17.560 in my own life and my own decisions, and and 0:39:17.680 --> 0:39:23.000 I feel like, you know, when I'm thinking through a 0:39:23.040 --> 0:39:26.720 similar problem of oh, okay, well I made this decision 0:39:26.719 --> 0:39:30.279 and that didn't work out. You know, I can think, well, 0:39:30.320 --> 0:39:32.680 you fucking told this guy on the fucking podcast this thing, 0:39:32.760 --> 0:39:34.720 so I want to try to believe in it yourself. 0:39:37.719 --> 0:39:39.600 And yeah, it was just great. It was great. Thank 0:39:39.600 --> 0:39:42.279 you Tristan for talking to me about that. And I 0:39:42.320 --> 0:39:47.360 hope he gets uh, you know, a legit person who 0:39:47.400 --> 0:39:51.839 helps him out with his hypochondria, and fuck, man, he's 0:39:51.840 --> 0:39:55.080 a young he's a young dude. We're very similar ages. 0:39:56.080 --> 0:39:59.600 And I feel like there's lots and lots and lots 0:39:59.640 --> 0:40:06.840 of room for him to experience more. As he said, 0:40:07.280 --> 0:40:09.000 he doesn't just want to be happy all the time, 0:40:09.080 --> 0:40:11.360 and I think there's a lot of experience room for 0:40:11.520 --> 0:40:17.480 him to as he continues through his life, much opportunity 0:40:17.520 --> 0:40:20.719 for him to dive into the wide spectrum of emotions 0:40:21.120 --> 0:40:23.680 that the human experience has to offer. And I hope 0:40:23.680 --> 0:40:29.080 he soaks them all up before he dies and I die, 0:40:29.760 --> 0:40:34.920 and whoever is listening to this dies live in the moment, 0:40:36.200 --> 0:40:40.600 dear thing. I'm a get Hello. 0:40:41.600 --> 0:40:43.880 Wait, wait, hello, is this Wile? 0:40:44.640 --> 0:40:44.839 Yeah? 0:40:45.000 --> 0:40:48.000 Is this Kayla? Yes? 0:40:48.239 --> 0:40:50.799 This is Kayla. Oh wow. I've been waiting a while, 0:40:50.840 --> 0:40:51.480 so I'm excited. 0:40:52.400 --> 0:40:53.399 What's going on with you? Man? 0:40:55.320 --> 0:40:58.719 I am just sitting at my boyfriend's house. We are 0:40:58.719 --> 0:41:00.680 actually watching your line right now. 0:41:01.800 --> 0:41:05.520 Oh beautiful, beautiful. It says here that you and your 0:41:05.560 --> 0:41:09.759 boyfriend have a disagreement going on. I figure you, I'm 0:41:09.800 --> 0:41:10.920 not going to read it. You could just tell me 0:41:10.960 --> 0:41:13.840 what it is, of course. 0:41:14.280 --> 0:41:17.120 So we were driving in the car, actually listening to 0:41:17.200 --> 0:41:23.400 your life. And he was telling me a story about 0:41:23.760 --> 0:41:29.000 how he had neighbors that used to jiz in their 0:41:29.120 --> 0:41:34.759 face as masturbation, and so it's funny, but I just 0:41:35.040 --> 0:41:38.680 we've come to the disagreement on he thinks that it's 0:41:38.719 --> 0:41:44.280 a gay to do that, like it's people homosexual people. Sorry, 0:41:44.280 --> 0:41:45.480 if that's not PC. 0:41:47.040 --> 0:41:47.640 Do it. 0:41:48.600 --> 0:41:51.399 But I thought that would just be like a masturbating 0:41:51.480 --> 0:41:54.880 thing because you're just doing it to yourself, not like 0:41:55.080 --> 0:41:59.160 to another same sex person. So I was curious what 0:41:59.200 --> 0:42:00.280 your thoughts are on. 0:42:00.160 --> 0:42:03.120 It, Okay, for before we get into any of that, 0:42:03.400 --> 0:42:09.040 Before we get into any of that, how what where 0:42:09.040 --> 0:42:11.920 were his neighbors masturbating where he could see it? 0:42:13.600 --> 0:42:15.719 No, no, no, he didn't see it. He wasn't like 0:42:15.840 --> 0:42:19.399 there or anything. It was Uh, it was a conversation 0:42:19.640 --> 0:42:21.520 he had overheard when he was younger. 0:42:23.520 --> 0:42:29.280 It was a conversation he had overheard when he was younger. 0:42:30.880 --> 0:42:32.520 Yeah, is he there? 0:42:32.680 --> 0:42:36.120 Is he there? Well, I'll get into like the initial question, 0:42:36.160 --> 0:42:37.640 but can I talk to him real quick? 0:42:39.120 --> 0:42:39.480 Tucker? 0:42:41.040 --> 0:42:42.040 You're Tucker? 0:42:42.120 --> 0:42:42.400 Wait? 0:42:42.440 --> 0:42:46.840 Sorry, oh wait, I need to hear this conversation. What 0:42:47.000 --> 0:42:51.200 I need I need all of the contexts he possibly has. Hey, Tucker, Hello, 0:42:51.520 --> 0:42:56.120 father G. Tucker Man, Listen, what I know that you 0:42:56.239 --> 0:42:59.200 and your girlfriend have this debate. But I'm doing all right, man. 0:42:59.320 --> 0:43:03.920 What tell me about you hearing your neighbors talk about 0:43:04.080 --> 0:43:07.680 jerking off and on their own faces when young. 0:43:09.280 --> 0:43:12.720 Yeah, this was a very strange, out of context question 0:43:12.840 --> 0:43:17.400 that she could have asked you. But anyways, so, my 0:43:17.400 --> 0:43:22.040 my friend's mom was friends with this gay couple, and 0:43:22.120 --> 0:43:24.799 you know, we're hanging out at their firepit or whatever, 0:43:24.800 --> 0:43:26.600 and they're all drunk or whatever, and so they're pretty 0:43:26.680 --> 0:43:29.520 like open about their gainess, which is sure. And you know, 0:43:29.600 --> 0:43:34.280 I forgot how how the subject came up, but uh, yeah, 0:43:34.320 --> 0:43:37.240 he said that he like came in his own faith 0:43:37.520 --> 0:43:40.480 when he was like, you know, like a teenager or whatever. 0:43:41.160 --> 0:43:43.759 And you know, I I said it was gay, But 0:43:43.840 --> 0:43:46.920 my girlfriend thing is it's not. But you know, tweets 0:43:46.920 --> 0:43:49.239 their own you know, I guess she holds up a 0:43:49.280 --> 0:43:53.799 pretty good argument about it, but I personally think it is. 0:43:53.960 --> 0:43:58.120 But you know, and you know, anybody else when you said, listen, 0:43:58.160 --> 0:44:00.319 when you say you were younger, how young were you 0:44:00.360 --> 0:44:01.040 when you over? 0:44:02.040 --> 0:44:03.840 Yeah, and you know the fact that I was younger 0:44:03.920 --> 0:44:07.160 makes it sound like it's super creepy and like, no, 0:44:07.239 --> 0:44:07.799 I just wait. 0:44:07.920 --> 0:44:11.160 Look, look, I'm not we're not making any judgments. We're 0:44:11.160 --> 0:44:13.359 not making any judgments on the situation. I'm just trying 0:44:13.360 --> 0:44:16.279 to get empirical day to hear. How how old were 0:44:16.280 --> 0:44:17.120 you when this happened. 0:44:18.800 --> 0:44:21.640 I believe I was in like seventh or eighth. 0:44:21.440 --> 0:44:22.000 Grade or so. 0:44:22.480 --> 0:44:25.840 Okay, all right, so you were you were probably masturbating 0:44:25.880 --> 0:44:28.120 at this time. Eighth grade is just typically when. 0:44:28.040 --> 0:44:28.799 Yeah, yeah, I could. 0:44:29.560 --> 0:44:31.719 I guess I could relate in some sense, but not not. 0:44:32.200 --> 0:44:34.399 You know, have you ever jacked off on your own face? 0:44:34.440 --> 0:44:36.239 You ever masturbated and just on your face? 0:44:36.640 --> 0:44:43.000 Negative? No, No, that's not a activity that I've taken exactly. 0:44:43.040 --> 0:44:46.880 And you you believe that it is that I've known anybody. 0:44:46.480 --> 0:44:47.080 Else that had. 0:44:47.200 --> 0:44:48.960 Okay, all right, let me talk about let me talk 0:44:48.960 --> 0:44:49.759 to your girlfriend again. 0:44:51.160 --> 0:44:52.920 Okay, all right, my love here. 0:44:57.040 --> 0:44:57.320 Hello. 0:44:58.480 --> 0:45:01.760 Okay, So you're arguing about whether or not you believe 0:45:01.800 --> 0:45:03.840 it is gay to jack off onto your own face, 0:45:04.200 --> 0:45:07.799 and what is your perspective on this? Where do you 0:45:07.840 --> 0:45:08.840 stand in this debate? 0:45:10.040 --> 0:45:12.520 Well, I would think that if you're doing it with 0:45:12.600 --> 0:45:15.319 someone of the same sex, I think then it would 0:45:15.360 --> 0:45:18.160 be considered gay. However, doing it to yourself, so it's 0:45:18.200 --> 0:45:22.600 like masturbating. I know it's not like what normal like 0:45:22.680 --> 0:45:26.000 normally you would do, I guess, but like it's a 0:45:26.040 --> 0:45:30.319 more rare thing. But I would consider it masturbating. But 0:45:31.920 --> 0:45:33.520 now it's saying it out loud, it sounds a bit 0:45:33.560 --> 0:45:34.080 more silly. 0:45:35.120 --> 0:45:42.560 Well, no, it's interesting because well I guess, I guess 0:45:42.640 --> 0:45:46.160 in order to be like when I think of like 0:45:46.480 --> 0:45:51.160 gay or straight, like straight would be, you know, a 0:45:51.840 --> 0:45:55.040 guy and a girl, and gay would be a guy 0:45:55.080 --> 0:45:58.200 and a guy. But if you don't, if there's no 0:45:58.600 --> 0:46:06.400 second person, then there's no it's just it just is 0:46:06.440 --> 0:46:09.000 what it is. Yes, it's master day. I agree with that. 0:46:10.480 --> 0:46:12.400 So I don't think, Okay. 0:46:12.280 --> 0:46:20.560 Thank you, Yeah, thank you. I masturbating. It's it's arguable 0:46:20.600 --> 0:46:24.520 because the original story comes from a gay couple. So 0:46:24.640 --> 0:46:28.200 the strong point there is it is a gay thing. 0:46:29.200 --> 0:46:31.200 But however, I think, like if you're doing it to 0:46:31.239 --> 0:46:34.279 yourself alone, I just think it might be a weird 0:46:34.280 --> 0:46:37.439 setish people are just think. 0:46:38.640 --> 0:46:43.000 By the way, I'm really curious why your boyfriend says 0:46:43.040 --> 0:46:45.000 that he doesn't jack off onto his own face. But 0:46:45.040 --> 0:46:47.799 I think he's lying because there's no other reason why 0:46:48.040 --> 0:46:52.520 you would be like so embroiled in ument in the 0:46:52.520 --> 0:46:53.239 way that you are. 0:46:56.600 --> 0:46:59.800 I think I think so too. He has a beautiful 0:47:00.520 --> 0:47:04.880 and I want to know his skincare, But there doesn't 0:47:04.880 --> 0:47:07.439 seem too much evidence in the bathroom, so there could 0:47:07.440 --> 0:47:08.080 only be one. 0:47:09.280 --> 0:47:11.319 By the way I'm gonna, I'll say this with the 0:47:11.320 --> 0:47:15.000 whole like, whatever is it gay thing i've Actually here's 0:47:15.000 --> 0:47:18.919 the thing I've I have not gized on my own face, 0:47:18.960 --> 0:47:22.160 but I jizz on my knees all the time, and 0:47:23.080 --> 0:47:25.799 when my GIGS comes out, it's like hot, And when 0:47:25.800 --> 0:47:27.640 I gizz on my knee, it like it feels a 0:47:27.719 --> 0:47:30.040 little bit good in the way that like like on 0:47:30.080 --> 0:47:32.400 my knee, not even in like a sexual way, like 0:47:32.800 --> 0:47:35.440 in the way that like a hot towel does. So 0:47:35.600 --> 0:47:38.240 like I haven't done this yet, maybe I will, who knows, 0:47:38.440 --> 0:47:42.440 But I could see myself if I giezed on my 0:47:42.520 --> 0:47:45.160 own face and my jigs was like warm, it would 0:47:45.200 --> 0:47:48.800 be like a hot towel kind of sensation on my face, 0:47:49.239 --> 0:47:51.920 and that it wouldn't to me even be like a 0:47:51.960 --> 0:47:56.040 sexual thing. So no, I saw again, I'm with you. 0:47:56.080 --> 0:47:57.560 I don't even think it's a sexual thing at all. 0:47:57.640 --> 0:48:00.000 To gigs on your own face. It would just like 0:48:00.040 --> 0:48:01.239 Field call it. 0:48:02.160 --> 0:48:05.080 I mean I can see it as like a like 0:48:05.120 --> 0:48:08.680 a therapeutic thing. I could see it enhancing your skin. 0:48:09.239 --> 0:48:11.520 Have you ever nutrients it's been proven. 0:48:12.320 --> 0:48:14.120 Have you ever have ever? 0:48:14.960 --> 0:48:17.080 Is that that you can do. 0:48:19.760 --> 0:48:21.640 Like my like my vagina juice? 0:48:22.080 --> 0:48:22.520 Yeah? 0:48:22.760 --> 0:48:25.960 I don't. I mean maybe in the sense of like 0:48:26.600 --> 0:48:30.399 during sex, you know, you go in, you come out, 0:48:30.440 --> 0:48:33.520 you go down, But uh no, I don't. I don't 0:48:33.600 --> 0:48:35.760 usually just rub it on my face in my free time. 0:48:36.000 --> 0:48:38.320 So yeah, it is kind of more of like a 0:48:38.440 --> 0:48:42.480 I think, a rare thing to do. But I will. 0:48:46.040 --> 0:48:47.840 Well, I'm glad we had this conversation. This felt like 0:48:47.840 --> 0:48:48.960 it was extremely productive. 0:48:51.000 --> 0:48:51.400 Thank you. 0:48:51.440 --> 0:48:53.759 I was hoping it would. I've been really wanting to 0:48:53.760 --> 0:48:55.800 talk to you, I think for about a about a 0:48:55.840 --> 0:48:58.480 week now, So I'm really glad I got there. It 0:48:58.560 --> 0:49:01.879 called like eighty five times. I was like, Okay, we'll 0:49:01.880 --> 0:49:05.759 get in there. We need to know. I'm glad we 0:49:05.800 --> 0:49:06.200 got your. 0:49:07.840 --> 0:49:09.680 No, I'm I'm glad we got to sell this too, 0:49:09.719 --> 0:49:13.480 because I think a lot of people I think a 0:49:13.520 --> 0:49:16.279 lot of people were wondering, Kayla, is there anything else 0:49:16.280 --> 0:49:17.440 you want to say to the people of the computer 0:49:17.560 --> 0:49:18.080 before we go. 0:49:20.320 --> 0:49:23.000 Thank you all for listening, and I hope you enjoyed 0:49:23.000 --> 0:49:23.759 this conversation. 0:49:24.600 --> 0:49:27.760 Yah, bless you and tell you Tell your boyfriend it's 0:49:27.800 --> 0:49:29.719 it's fine to come on his own face. He doesn't 0:49:29.719 --> 0:49:31.200 need to feel this weird shame about it. 0:49:31.280 --> 0:49:31.680 You're here. 0:49:31.840 --> 0:49:35.960 I think he needs to hear it from you. 0:49:36.000 --> 0:49:41.640 Father by Okay, what's your name again? 0:49:43.320 --> 0:49:43.680 Tucker? 0:49:44.480 --> 0:49:47.080 Tucker. I'll talk to you soon, Tucker. 0:49:48.600 --> 0:49:49.200 Thank you, sir. 0:49:51.400 --> 0:49:58.440 A couple of great guys, Kayla and Tucker. Hello, Hello, 0:49:58.719 --> 0:49:59.200 how's it going? 0:50:00.000 --> 0:50:00.520 How's it going? 0:50:00.560 --> 0:50:04.160 Man? Was wild? 0:50:04.160 --> 0:50:06.200 I'm doing good? Yeah, what's up with you? 0:50:06.840 --> 0:50:11.680 Not much? Man? My work break, dude, Uh, I'd call 0:50:11.719 --> 0:50:12.680 in while I have some time. 0:50:14.280 --> 0:50:16.000 Oh boy, a work break? 0:50:17.520 --> 0:50:22.280 Yeah, man, wild dude. I had a pretty interesting debate 0:50:22.400 --> 0:50:23.440 I wanted to bring up to you. 0:50:23.520 --> 0:50:23.719 Man. 0:50:24.360 --> 0:50:25.359 Oh yeah, what's going on? 0:50:28.000 --> 0:50:31.560 So? I don't know if you saw from the from 0:50:31.560 --> 0:50:34.319 the call screener, but uh, me and my girlfriend had 0:50:34.320 --> 0:50:38.080 a little debate about you know, she had her opinion, 0:50:38.160 --> 0:50:39.920 I had mine, and I thought i'd bring this to 0:50:39.960 --> 0:50:42.880 your attention to tell me what I should do about this. 0:50:45.560 --> 0:50:49.520 So we've been debating. I thought about becoming a firm 0:50:49.600 --> 0:50:55.239 donor ah, And I actually took the time to go 0:50:55.400 --> 0:50:58.120 on an application and apply somewhere just to see what 0:50:58.120 --> 0:51:01.759 would happen. And they accept in my application and told 0:51:01.800 --> 0:51:05.399 me to make an appointment and I haven't responded because 0:51:05.400 --> 0:51:06.680 I'm pretty nervous to do it. 0:51:09.120 --> 0:51:11.239 Interesting what about it is making you nervous. 0:51:13.560 --> 0:51:16.080 Because I'm like, I don't want to, like, I don't 0:51:16.120 --> 0:51:18.080 know how the process is going to be. Like when 0:51:18.120 --> 0:51:21.239 I go there and they just like, you know, take 0:51:21.280 --> 0:51:23.560 a sample or something like, I'm just like and then 0:51:23.560 --> 0:51:27.759 plus like if it does follow through, I'm just like, wait, well, 0:51:27.880 --> 0:51:31.040 like I'm gonna have like they wanted a photo, I 0:51:31.080 --> 0:51:35.160 do picture, like my face next to like you know, 0:51:35.760 --> 0:51:40.279 my my, you know, my sample and everything. And it 0:51:40.320 --> 0:51:43.520 just seems like such a weird process. But but you 0:51:43.520 --> 0:51:46.880 can get paid, like I think, like like a thousand, 0:51:47.160 --> 0:51:48.839 five hundred dollars a month for it. 0:51:51.480 --> 0:51:53.080 A month for like what do you mean a month? 0:51:53.239 --> 0:51:55.080 Like you just give them spur a monthly. 0:51:57.520 --> 0:52:00.080 Well I guess uh, I'm reading on it. They that 0:52:00.239 --> 0:52:01.600 you would have to go like at least two to 0:52:01.680 --> 0:52:07.040 three times a week to go and give them samples. Yeah, 0:52:07.080 --> 0:52:11.240 and then monthly you'll get paid fifteen hundred. So I'm like, okay, 0:52:11.280 --> 0:52:15.239 it's really like easy money. I asked my girlfriend about it, 0:52:15.280 --> 0:52:19.000 and she said, she said, well, that's it's extra money. 0:52:19.000 --> 0:52:21.319 I mean, I you're not like cheating. I don't see 0:52:21.360 --> 0:52:25.239 why not. And I said, well, I mean, would it 0:52:25.239 --> 0:52:28.040 be weird if I like had like a bunch of 0:52:28.239 --> 0:52:31.040 like minimes out there somewhere like that are mine but 0:52:31.160 --> 0:52:31.799 not really mine? 0:52:32.520 --> 0:52:32.680 Mm? 0:52:33.880 --> 0:52:36.520 And she's you know, that's the part I'm nervous about 0:52:36.520 --> 0:52:41.400 because I'm like, that seems a little weird. But then again, 0:52:41.440 --> 0:52:42.960 it's kind of not it's kind of cool. 0:52:43.000 --> 0:52:43.200 Okay. 0:52:43.239 --> 0:52:45.880 Yeah, yeah, So so let's let's let's let's dive into it. 0:52:46.000 --> 0:52:50.479 Why what what if you could kind of put into 0:52:50.520 --> 0:52:55.000 words like take a second and search for them? What 0:52:55.000 --> 0:52:56.920 what feels weird about that? 0:53:04.080 --> 0:53:06.319 The thing that feels weird about it? I mean, I 0:53:06.360 --> 0:53:08.880 know it's for a good cause. I know it's for 0:53:08.920 --> 0:53:12.400 a good cause, but it's just a little weird because 0:53:12.480 --> 0:53:14.560 I mean, what are the odds? You know, one day 0:53:15.040 --> 0:53:17.439 walking down the street and I just see some kids 0:53:17.480 --> 0:53:22.759 and I'm like, hey, he looks kind of like me, like, 0:53:23.440 --> 0:53:25.040 you know, like, what are the odds that I ever have? 0:53:25.200 --> 0:53:28.960 And probably like very very low. But it's just a 0:53:29.000 --> 0:53:33.480 little It just makes me nervous thinking about Like, dude, 0:53:33.640 --> 0:53:37.080 I like out there there are like means out there, 0:53:37.520 --> 0:53:42.960 like somewhere anywhere but here. So here's the thing. So 0:53:43.200 --> 0:53:45.279 I brought it up to my girlfriend, and you know, 0:53:45.360 --> 0:53:47.600 she had her opinion, and she kind of like wanted 0:53:47.640 --> 0:53:49.080 me to do it, kind of like hyping me up, 0:53:49.120 --> 0:53:51.560 like do it, why not just try it out? And 0:53:51.640 --> 0:53:53.239 so I was like yeah, and I think I got 0:53:53.280 --> 0:53:55.120 a little two hyped up. And I was like, yeah, 0:53:55.160 --> 0:53:57.359 you know what, like I could like have like like 0:53:57.440 --> 0:53:59.279 I should have a kid in like every race like 0:53:59.320 --> 0:54:01.160 that'd be awesome. I'm like, yeah, like I should have 0:54:01.239 --> 0:54:03.759 like a MIDI like army. And it's here saying like 0:54:03.800 --> 0:54:05.400 going too far, and they's like, no, I don't want 0:54:05.400 --> 0:54:07.920 you to do it. But now I'm like, hype kind 0:54:07.920 --> 0:54:08.239 of do it. 0:54:08.280 --> 0:54:10.759 I don't know, are you what do you? Are you 0:54:10.800 --> 0:54:16.080 short on cash right now? No? 0:54:16.719 --> 0:54:19.760 But okay, I mean the extra would be nice. 0:54:19.920 --> 0:54:26.040 Okay, I mean listen, here's the thing, right, is what 0:54:26.239 --> 0:54:31.040 makes somebody a father in the modern world. Is it 0:54:31.160 --> 0:54:35.240 simply that their child came out of their own penis, 0:54:36.480 --> 0:54:39.040 or or is it the fact that they took care 0:54:39.080 --> 0:54:40.840 of that child, brought them up, They were in that 0:54:40.960 --> 0:54:45.759 child's lives. So I mean, look, if if if you 0:54:45.920 --> 0:54:49.360 if you're looking to come, there's nothing special, which ultimately 0:54:49.400 --> 0:54:52.680 it's not. There's infinite come in the universe. Come. It's 0:54:52.719 --> 0:54:59.640 not like oil. It's an infinite reoccurring resource that is 0:54:59.719 --> 0:55:03.360 every where. The come is not very special, So you 0:55:03.400 --> 0:55:07.680 know you have come. Just spray it out all over 0:55:07.760 --> 0:55:12.200 into the universe. Make little people. People aren't that special either. 0:55:12.960 --> 0:55:15.160 Just make a bunch of them. Get a little bit 0:55:15.200 --> 0:55:18.440 of money. Money's not that special either, Just do it. 0:55:18.760 --> 0:55:22.759 Why not, dude? 0:55:23.120 --> 0:55:24.960 I mean, who knows one of those kids can like 0:55:25.440 --> 0:55:28.160 someday like become the president and I'll be like, hey, 0:55:28.360 --> 0:55:33.560 like thinks you might contribute, like like I give so 0:55:33.640 --> 0:55:34.040 are you? 0:55:34.400 --> 0:55:36.319 I mean you're talking about it like you're keeping in 0:55:36.360 --> 0:55:38.920 touch with these kids. I mean you're you're throwing your 0:55:38.960 --> 0:55:41.719 coum into a file and then you're never getting You're 0:55:41.760 --> 0:55:46.040 never you know, that's it, You're done. You have relinquished 0:55:46.040 --> 0:55:49.480 your come into the universe. Your part is done. I mean, 0:55:49.520 --> 0:55:51.600 so you're never gonna know, No, You're not going to know. 0:55:52.120 --> 0:55:55.640 You're not going to see, uh, your kids running around. 0:55:56.360 --> 0:55:58.200 You're not going to find out if your come became 0:55:58.280 --> 0:56:03.560 the president. You're just exchanging come for money. There's nothing 0:56:03.560 --> 0:56:04.120 else to it. 0:56:07.560 --> 0:56:11.680 Honestly, it sounds like a kind of reasonable exchange. 0:56:11.719 --> 0:56:11.919 Man. 0:56:12.680 --> 0:56:14.520 I think so too. Well, I don't know, like it's 0:56:14.520 --> 0:56:16.719 really it's a here's it's a good deal for you, 0:56:17.640 --> 0:56:21.759 because I think buying come is crazy. There's infinite come. 0:56:21.800 --> 0:56:26.400 It's not, as I said, a scarce recess. So if 0:56:26.440 --> 0:56:30.520 I were you, I take advantage of the deal before 0:56:30.520 --> 0:56:32.680 they read that their kind of suckers for buying come. 0:56:35.600 --> 0:56:38.880 That's kind of true, man, Like that's access. It's everywhere, 0:56:39.200 --> 0:56:44.520 it's everywhere. Yeah, you know what, man, I think I'm 0:56:44.520 --> 0:56:45.399 gonna consider it. 0:56:46.200 --> 0:56:48.080 Mhmm, you shouldn't. 0:56:48.880 --> 0:56:51.320 I think I think I'm getting I think I'm gonna 0:56:51.360 --> 0:56:53.560 consider it. Well, I'm still a little nervous. I don't 0:56:53.560 --> 0:56:55.440 know what I'm gonna do when I go there, because 0:56:55.440 --> 0:56:57.000 I don't know if they're like, Okay. 0:56:57.200 --> 0:56:58.799 I know what you're gonna do when you're gonna go there. 0:57:01.840 --> 0:57:03.120 I have no idea how it works. 0:57:03.200 --> 0:57:05.480 No, I know how it works. You go in the place, 0:57:05.680 --> 0:57:09.720 they go, here's a little cup, go into the bathroom. 0:57:09.960 --> 0:57:15.760 Do you know how to jack off? You ever come before? Yeah, okay, 0:57:16.360 --> 0:57:18.959 go into a bathroom, you jack off, You think about 0:57:19.000 --> 0:57:21.480 whatever it is that gets you there, and you come 0:57:21.520 --> 0:57:23.880 into a little vial and then you give them the 0:57:23.960 --> 0:57:26.080 vial and they hand you fifteen dollars. 0:57:26.680 --> 0:57:29.640 Or more and then they're like bye, and then. 0:57:29.640 --> 0:57:36.400 Yep, that's it. That's all you gotta do. Huh, you 0:57:36.480 --> 0:57:37.640 are a human coming. 0:57:37.800 --> 0:57:44.880 I mean, yeah, dude, you know what. I think it 0:57:44.960 --> 0:57:46.880 was just gonna be the best the scene I could 0:57:46.880 --> 0:57:47.480 possibly be. 0:57:48.440 --> 0:57:49.840 You should you should do it. 0:57:52.760 --> 0:57:55.600 I think I'm gonna do it well, Daniel. 0:57:55.640 --> 0:57:56.800 Anything I want to say to the people of the 0:57:56.840 --> 0:57:57.720 computer before we go. 0:58:01.520 --> 0:58:05.040 Guys, uh, you know, if you have a good feeling 0:58:05.040 --> 0:58:08.280 about something, you know, even if you're nervous, you know, 0:58:08.760 --> 0:58:10.400 stright out, you know. 0:58:11.560 --> 0:58:13.400 Straight out beautiful. 0:58:13.800 --> 0:58:14.760 Thank you for calling Daniel. 0:58:16.600 --> 0:58:17.960 Thanks all see it. 0:58:18.000 --> 0:58:22.840 Man Can goes on the line taking phone calls every night. 0:58:23.240 --> 0:58:25.120 De Beacon goes to his eye. 0:58:25.160 --> 0:58:26.000 I'm just teaching you. 0:58:25.920 --> 0:58:27.360 Aloud in the memory line. 0:58:27.760 --> 0:58:29.920 But he's not really an expert.