1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and sixty three, 11 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:40,240 Speaker 1: which is airing in mid August of twenty twenty two. 12 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: Sarah is going to be interviewing elder care expert Lauren Smith. 13 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 1: This is definitely a topic we have had requested a lot. 14 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: I mean, probably because it is so universal, right Sarah. 15 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: I mean, obviously we are all going to grow older 16 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: at some point, but I know many of our listeners 17 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: are more immediately dealing with this with parents and in 18 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: laws who are getting older and may be requiring some 19 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 1: decisions to be made, and how you navigate that process, right, Yeah, 20 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 1: I mean I would say not everybody experiences this because unfortunately, 21 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,759 Speaker 1: some people might have been a stranger from their family 22 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: or had family that passes early or something like that. 23 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 1: But most of us have to kind of go through 24 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:24,360 Speaker 1: this and see our older loved ones go through different 25 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 1: stages of independence or medical complexities, et cetera. And I 26 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 1: definitely don't consider myself an expert yet, especially because I 27 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: don't feel like I've hit the part where things really 28 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: kind of heat up and become difficult. But I certainly 29 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 1: think about it a lot and what that might look 30 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 1: like in the future. Yeah, I mean, because your parents 31 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: and laws are all still living independently. I mean, maybe 32 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:54,919 Speaker 1: with some minor assistance here and there, but mostly independently, right, Yeah, yes, 33 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: very much so. My father in law is still working, 34 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 1: actually still doing surgery, so super active there. And my 35 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: parents are long retired but very much independent, still traveling, 36 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:11,079 Speaker 1: still enjoying life, et cetera. And both i'd say have 37 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,800 Speaker 1: been really vocal and thoughtful about what they want for 38 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: their future. I'm not going to share, you know, their 39 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: exact plans or anything like that, but one set has 40 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 1: thought about doing like a kind of like a retirement 41 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: community where you get you put your you kind of 42 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: like pay in and then you are guaranteed different levels 43 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: of care if you need them, and I think that's 44 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 1: really interesting. And then another set is like, definitely doesn't 45 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 1: want that, but I like that both have kind of 46 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: again like done the thinking process. And I'm not sure 47 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: that that's true of everyone, because when I've listened to 48 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: other podcasts or heard people talk about it, one frustrating 49 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,800 Speaker 1: thing I've heard from some is that they people are 50 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: in a sort of denial, or they like they don't 51 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,160 Speaker 1: want to talk about it, or they just assume that 52 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: they'll be able to live in their three story house 53 00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 1: until they're, you know, ninety five and then die in 54 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,360 Speaker 1: their sleep one night, and unfortunately that that could happen. 55 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:05,640 Speaker 1: But I get not always feasible. It's not always feasible 56 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: for everyone. Yeah, have you thought about what you were 57 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: gonna want? I don't feel like I've totally gotten there yet. 58 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 1: I definitely don't think I want to move anywhere communal 59 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: until i'm like, really significantly old. If I choose to 60 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 1: do that, I don't think my husband will ever want that. Actually, 61 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: So as I was thinking about this, I was like, well, 62 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 1: maybe if we like really needed assistance, then that would 63 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,639 Speaker 1: be a decision we would make then, But I don't 64 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 1: necessarily see us buying into something where that's like part 65 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,840 Speaker 1: of the plan. I think I probably would prefer more 66 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: to go and save and make sure we have funding 67 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 1: to be able to afford like private aid if we 68 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: needed it. And I also definitely think we would be 69 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: the type of people to downsize eventually. Like I know, 70 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 1: some people like to keep their big house so they 71 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 1: can host family, but Josh and I have talked a 72 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 1: lot about how we'd rather live in like a minimal, 73 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: like really cool condo somewhere and then go and visit 74 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: family or take trips with family and see them that way, 75 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: rather than you know, having a giant dining room. But 76 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 1: who knows, things could change. That's just you know where 77 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: I am at this juncture. Yeah, it's it's I haven't 78 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: really thought about it personally for me that much. I 79 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: will say that our old house was just down the 80 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 1: street from a retirement community that had a lot of 81 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: you know, town homes and like you know, semi detached, 82 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: smaller houses, but you know that a retired couple would 83 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: live in and then a central facility so as people 84 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 1: needed more assistance, they could move into there, and particularly 85 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,039 Speaker 1: when you're still in the sort of independent stages of it, 86 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:35,040 Speaker 1: it has a very camp like atmosphere to it. I mean, 87 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 1: you know, you can eat you know, one meal a 88 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 1: day or whatever in the dining hall if you want. So, 89 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 1: if you want to just always have you know, a 90 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:45,240 Speaker 1: social dinner, that's an option for you, right or you know, 91 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,800 Speaker 1: two meals a day and go there for breakfast in 92 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:50,599 Speaker 1: the morning and all sorts of activities. Obviously this is 93 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 1: a very different sort of thing during two years of COVID, 94 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:57,320 Speaker 1: but when you know, things have gotten more back to 95 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 1: where they were and certainly were before that. You know, 96 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 1: the have tons of activities and they have a you know, 97 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,679 Speaker 1: communal garden that people are working in and whatever else. 98 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 1: So I'll just throw it out there that we talk 99 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: about the senior living. You know, I think we're often 100 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 1: think of like it's kind of depressing, but like, you know, 101 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,479 Speaker 1: I think it could be a fun few years too 102 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:19,039 Speaker 1: if you were you know, if you enjoyed summer camp 103 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,920 Speaker 1: as a kid. I think there are actually some really 104 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:27,520 Speaker 1: really serious similarities to that. My grandparents who have since 105 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,839 Speaker 1: passed lived in a community like that in Florida for 106 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,040 Speaker 1: many years. Actually not far from where I live now. 107 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 1: I mean I'm in South Florida. Like this, there's like 108 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: and yes, very much summer camp very much its own 109 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,600 Speaker 1: little universe like they had a they had like a 110 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like my grandfather always had 111 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 1: like political positions on their little board and like my 112 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 1: grandmother would like play her you know, tennis games or whatever, 113 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: golf games. And no, you're right, there's some lovely things 114 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:55,360 Speaker 1: about those types of places. And it it didn't feel 115 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,920 Speaker 1: like you know, what we conceive of as like a 116 00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 1: nursing home, but it wasn't one. It didn't have that long. 117 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,040 Speaker 1: Well I don't think of like assisted living. Yeah, well 118 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,840 Speaker 1: you know, yeah, the ones that have the it's the gradations, right, 119 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 1: so you can be there and then if like you 120 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 1: need it earlier than your spouse, like your spouse can 121 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,560 Speaker 1: still be in their house and you're like in there. 122 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: You know. It's just it's thinking through the process and 123 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 1: you know, knowing that it ends for all of us eventually, 124 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 1: like you know, how can you still you know, stretch 125 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 1: out sort of the fun and the independent living before then. 126 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: So I don't know, it's it's something to think about, 127 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: but yeah, so we'll, you know, hear more about elder 128 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 1: care here with with Lauren Smith. So let's go ahead 129 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: and dive into that, all right. I am so excited 130 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:41,000 Speaker 1: to welcome gerontologist Lauren Smith's of the podcast. Lauren, go 131 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,920 Speaker 1: ahead and introduce yourself and tell everybody a little bit 132 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:47,039 Speaker 1: about your background. Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm so 133 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 1: excited to be here. My name is Laurence Smith. As 134 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:53,479 Speaker 1: Sarah said, I am a gerontologist and a licensed nursing 135 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:58,040 Speaker 1: home administrator. I've operated facilities into Oregon and Colorado, and 136 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 1: then one of my other passions and a place where 137 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 1: I actually ended up pivoting in my career is emergency management. 138 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 1: So about four years ago I ended up making a 139 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:12,280 Speaker 1: transition to being an emergency management consultant, and so I 140 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 1: now work remotely for the best company in the world 141 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 1: off their emergency management group. My CEO, Jenny Schwartzer, is 142 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: an avid best of both worlds listeners, so she'll be 143 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: happy to hear the shout out. But I, like I said, 144 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: work remotely. I have some travel that's kind of interspersed, 145 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: and I love it so much. And I guess a 146 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: little about me personally is I have three kids, Helen 147 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: who is eight, Will who's six, and Benny who's three. 148 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: And my husband Caleb and I have been married for 149 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,840 Speaker 1: nine years this coming August. We've had lots of transitions, 150 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: like pretty major transitions pretty much the entirety of our marriage. 151 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 1: So we've had marriage, We've had deployments, we've had cross 152 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 1: country moves on three different occasions, my youngest son was 153 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 1: born with a pretty significant medical condition, and then we've 154 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: had job transitions. So yeah, we sort of just have 155 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: had a lot of different experiences over the last few years. 156 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: So that's a little bit about me. Sounds like a 157 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: very full career in life for those of us like 158 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 1: me who are uneducated, What does gerontologist training look like? Like? 159 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 1: What does that actually mean? Yeah, so I was sort 160 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,280 Speaker 1: of an odd duck when I was younger, and from 161 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,559 Speaker 1: like the fourth grade, I knew that I wanted to 162 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: be a nursing home administrator, like very young and what 163 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,959 Speaker 1: that meant for me is I wanted to learn about 164 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,880 Speaker 1: older adults and then I wanted to be someone who 165 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 1: was an advocate for them, and I saw the place 166 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 1: that the biggest need was for that was in nursing 167 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: home administration. So I ended up actually getting my gerontology degree, 168 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,320 Speaker 1: my master's degree, which is the study of older adults 169 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: from Miami University of Ohio, So I went there, I 170 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: got my master's and then ended up working towards getting 171 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 1: my licensure for a nursing home administration through an AIT 172 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,200 Speaker 1: program that I did in Kentucky, and then there was 173 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: there's a national exam that you have to take, and 174 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:16,440 Speaker 1: then each state has different exams that you have to do. 175 00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:19,800 Speaker 1: So ger intelligist does not necessarily mean that they are 176 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 1: all nursing home administrators, and in fact that's generally not 177 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: necessarily the case, but it laid a really good foundation 178 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,360 Speaker 1: for me to understand. Yeah, a little bit more about 179 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:33,520 Speaker 1: how to advocate and care for and really support people 180 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: as they move through that point in their life. So 181 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: very cool. Yeah, Okay, Well, Laura and I opened this 182 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 1: episode talking about, well, we talked a little bit about 183 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 1: speculating about what we might want in our lives when 184 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 1: we're older, and then a little bit about our parents. 185 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,679 Speaker 1: But one thing that I feel like is just so 186 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 1: universal among listeners, maybe not universal, but very close to it, 187 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: is that someone in their lives is getting older, whether 188 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,199 Speaker 1: that be a parent, or another family member, and you 189 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 1: might have thoughts about what to do to talk to 190 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: them about and how to help them, and you are 191 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,520 Speaker 1: an expert in this area, so I would love to 192 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 1: know how to start that conversation and just guide us 193 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: on kind of what best practices are when you're starting 194 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 1: to realize somebody might need a little bit more help. Yeah, 195 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:21,079 Speaker 1: So for kind of that initial bucket, which is considerations 196 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 1: for aging parents or grandparents or just loved ones in generals, 197 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 1: right whomever that is in your world, there's kind of 198 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 1: three big things that I would recommend to do right 199 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: away if you can. The first one is to have 200 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 1: a conversation early about what everyone's wishes are, and then 201 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:43,240 Speaker 1: to continue that conversation on a regular basis, and especially 202 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 1: if health changes or there's like a big life transition 203 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,560 Speaker 1: and you know, all of a sudden, what they wanted 204 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 1: maybe a year ago shifts dramatically. Having that conversation early 205 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 1: and often, I think is important. And there's never a 206 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,439 Speaker 1: point where it's like, well, you know, you know, I'm 207 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,560 Speaker 1: in my mid twenties or I'm in my mid thirties, 208 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,720 Speaker 1: and I think that it's maybe not the most comfortable 209 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:10,199 Speaker 1: conversation to have. But the key thing that I said 210 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: at the beginning was everyone's wishes, because it's not just 211 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 1: the discussion with your parent or your love one about 212 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 1: what it is that they would like. It's you having 213 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,200 Speaker 1: the opportunity to set some boundaries as well for yourself 214 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 1: about what you think you might be able to handle 215 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 1: and what you don't want to handle. And this kind 216 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:31,560 Speaker 1: of goes anywhere from financial management to healthcare management. Who's 217 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 1: going to mow the lawn if all of a sudden 218 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 1: someone isn't physically able to do that, and kind of 219 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 1: all the way down the list. When you think about 220 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: having that type of conversation about what people want and 221 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: what their wishes are, what their life might look like 222 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 1: as they're aging, you really have to kind of take 223 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 1: a step back and think about what's everything that goes 224 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,440 Speaker 1: into making their life work right now and everything that 225 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,679 Speaker 1: goes into my life, and how can we balance and 226 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: or what are the resources that we need to support 227 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: that if you can't do it. And a big thing 228 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: I like to really encourage is that aging parents does 229 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: not and should not mean an indispensable child. And so 230 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:13,679 Speaker 1: like you as an adult child or as an adult 231 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 1: grandchild or whatever, the role is right. Just because someone 232 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 1: is getting older doesn't mean that you have to drop 233 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,559 Speaker 1: everything and be there for them. Similarly to with our kids, 234 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:26,839 Speaker 1: as they start to get older, you know, we're able 235 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: to set a little bit better boundaries with them about 236 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 1: what we can and can't do. And I think the 237 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:34,640 Speaker 1: same thing is for anybody who's maybe starting that kind 238 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:38,720 Speaker 1: of aging transition. And then the next thing is you 239 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,839 Speaker 1: have the conversation and then you need to document it. 240 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:48,000 Speaker 1: And that is more than just personally. I can speak 241 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 1: to this. Like with my parents, We've had this conversation 242 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 1: pretty frequently because I just really want to understand what 243 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,959 Speaker 1: their wishes are and I want to make sure that 244 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: I'm being respectful and mindful of how they want to 245 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 1: be kind of handled their assets them as individuals and 246 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 1: their finances, and so documenting that sometimes we have these 247 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: informal conversations. But they also have a will and durable 248 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 1: powers of attorney and healthcare power of attorney, and I 249 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 1: know kind of where all of those things live and whatnot. 250 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: But making sure that they're documented is a safeguard not 251 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,680 Speaker 1: just for them, but for you as well, especially working 252 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 1: and nursing homes. I've seen families as they transition into 253 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 1: long term care and having to navigate this sometimes pretty 254 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 1: significant shift from a healthcare need, and then money comes 255 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 1: into the conversation, and family members who maybe didn't have 256 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 1: big opinions all of a sudden really want to see 257 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 1: it at the table. And if something's not documented, then 258 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 1: there are next of kin issues and who is the 259 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: appropriate person to be at the table? Maybe everybody, maybe 260 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,559 Speaker 1: no one. But if it's not documented, it can really 261 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:04,320 Speaker 1: stressful thing to navigate. It's already stressful kind of in 262 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,320 Speaker 1: and of itself, but if you've got it down ahead 263 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:10,680 Speaker 1: of time, then it does help to take a little 264 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,679 Speaker 1: bit off of your plate as well, because then you 265 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 1: weren't trying to interpret or sort of. I don't want battle, 266 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,680 Speaker 1: you know, battle it out with like a family member 267 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,000 Speaker 1: or something, or some rando person that comes out of 268 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 1: the woodworks. You have something you can rely on. But 269 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:31,120 Speaker 1: that's like the second one, And I have two questions 270 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 1: related to all that's okay go. The first is I 271 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 1: love your thought in the beginning when you were talking 272 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:40,200 Speaker 1: about like kind of going through life activities and talking 273 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:42,920 Speaker 1: how you are going to handle each of them, and 274 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,080 Speaker 1: there may not be an answer to this, But is 275 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 1: there like a checklist somewhere, like is there a good 276 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 1: reference where because I would not have thought of like 277 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 1: lawn care, like that would not have crossed my mind. 278 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,280 Speaker 1: And I'm wondering if you know, if anybody's ever put 279 00:14:56,320 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 1: together like, Okay, these are all things you should think about. Yeah, 280 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: I'm not aware of a checklist right off the top 281 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 1: of my head, but there are a couple of organizations 282 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: that might be good places to look for that The 283 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 1: Alzheimer's Association, and I know that has like some nuance 284 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,040 Speaker 1: around it, right Generally they provide a lot of support 285 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 1: for people who are starting to experience memory loss at 286 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:22,560 Speaker 1: different stages. But they have great resources, and so I 287 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 1: would recommend maybe kind of looking there because some of 288 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 1: that information, while it might not be one hundred percent 289 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 1: you know, accurate or applicable to your situation, it does 290 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: give you a place to kind of bounce things off of, 291 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: or a place to a jumping board, so to speak. 292 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: I have personally just kind of thought through like if 293 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,680 Speaker 1: anybody has ever done the Fair play Book, you know, 294 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 1: when you think about like all of the work that 295 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,720 Speaker 1: you do within your household and how you and your 296 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 1: partner split stuff you can reference. I would recommend kind 297 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 1: of looking at that book maybe to sort of help 298 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: you think about do some of these things applied to 299 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 1: my parent or to my loved one, and how can 300 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: I figure out have a conversation with them about is 301 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 1: this essential or not essential? I love it. Eve Orrotsky 302 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,240 Speaker 1: was on the podcast. I'm sure she would love this 303 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 1: completely alternative use of her book. But that's a great 304 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: idea because you're right, she goes into a lot of 305 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 1: detail and granularity about what actually gets done in a household. 306 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 1: That's fantastic. My other question was you talked about like 307 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,600 Speaker 1: creating a document. How often do you have to revise 308 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: that every few years or is it like once it's there, 309 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:32,640 Speaker 1: it's done and you can just check it off the 310 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: list and move on. Yeah. I think that there will 311 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: be definitely different trains of like schools of thought with this. 312 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 1: I know with my mom and dad when when they 313 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,160 Speaker 1: have they'll just come to a bit Lauren, we don't 314 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 1: want that to happen anymore. Now, we would like to 315 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,880 Speaker 1: do this percentage of allocation. And so I make a 316 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 1: mental note. I'm like, but I tell them, like, hey, 317 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 1: if there's a really big change we probably need to 318 00:16:56,440 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 1: actually document this, whether it's a formal document where we 319 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,480 Speaker 1: just like type it up in a word and we 320 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 1: all sign it and that's enough for us that makes 321 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,919 Speaker 1: them feel better, or if it has larger ramifications like 322 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: guardianship issues, if there are some changes like with how 323 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,400 Speaker 1: you want to be cared for medically, those are things 324 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,119 Speaker 1: that I would say, like, if that's in black and 325 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,720 Speaker 1: white and you have a shift, I would recommend to 326 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,440 Speaker 1: speak to an attorney or talk to someone in your 327 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,399 Speaker 1: community who might be able to help you kind of 328 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,400 Speaker 1: navigate that. I'm not an expert there, so I don't 329 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,520 Speaker 1: want to give any kind of like legal advice, but 330 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:35,880 Speaker 1: I would really recommend to consider getting legal documents updated 331 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,679 Speaker 1: if there is the chance that there could be something 332 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 1: interpreted differently than how you are, than the current wish 333 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 1: that you have, you know, so that might be a 334 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,919 Speaker 1: little nuanced for the individual. Got it, all right, We're 335 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 1: going to take a very quick break and we'll be 336 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,679 Speaker 1: back with some practical tips and then some discussion about 337 00:17:55,240 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: resiliency and care for oneself. All right, we are back, 338 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: and there is some really concrete advice you have in 339 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 1: terms of tracking documents and things like that I guess. 340 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 1: I'm guessing you've seen this go awry. I'm not going 341 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: to have you share any horror stories, but go ahead 342 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 1: and tell us what to do to prevent those sorts 343 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 1: of disaster scenarios. Yeah. I cannot more strongly recommend a 344 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,359 Speaker 1: password management system of any kind. It does not matter 345 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 1: what you use. I personally use last pass My husband 346 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 1: and I use it. We share all of our passwords. 347 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 1: If I were to die, he has access to everything, 348 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,679 Speaker 1: so he can, you know, figure out the ways to 349 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 1: get into mind. So Caleb and my husband and I 350 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,359 Speaker 1: even have some of these conversations, not just my parents 351 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:56,600 Speaker 1: and I. But yeah, password management, know where the lock 352 00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: boxes are, know what accounts they're on. This I did 353 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 1: have recently, something happened, had a loved one that passed away, 354 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:07,360 Speaker 1: and we had some random thing come up where it 355 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 1: was like it was a subscription of some kind that 356 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:13,400 Speaker 1: no one knew that they had. It wasn't a bad thing, 357 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 1: but it was just one more item that because no 358 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,880 Speaker 1: one else's name was on it, there was a lot 359 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,120 Speaker 1: of rigormarole that had to be gone through, like providing 360 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 1: the death certificate and then all of this stuff. Whereas 361 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 1: had we maybe known that ahead of time or had 362 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,880 Speaker 1: a comprehensive list we could have either ahead of time 363 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,320 Speaker 1: tried to get like two people on the account so 364 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:35,159 Speaker 1: that we could have avoided this, or at least at 365 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 1: the at the very least been a little bit more like, Okay, 366 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 1: these are all of the accounts we have to take 367 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,919 Speaker 1: care of, as opposed to over a twelve to eighteen 368 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 1: month period finding out about accounts or subscriptions that whether 369 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,439 Speaker 1: they're financially you know, correlated with a credit card or not, 370 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,680 Speaker 1: end up taking time, you know, an effort to have 371 00:19:55,720 --> 00:20:00,719 Speaker 1: to kind of work around the logistics of that. And 372 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 1: then this is like the next thing, I guess, so 373 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:07,239 Speaker 1: that's like password management. If anybody takes anyoneey away from 374 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: their please know your loved ones accounts and if they 375 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 1: are comfortable sharing it with you, the passwords. And then 376 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,000 Speaker 1: the second thing. And I talked to Sarah a little 377 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,800 Speaker 1: bit about We talked about this in an email where 378 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 1: I had like responded to you about this call, and 379 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:27,000 Speaker 1: it was about resiliency, building resiliency in yourself as you 380 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:32,000 Speaker 1: navigate this switch, and specifically I talked about navigating the 381 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: switch and roles of parent child because I think that 382 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:38,720 Speaker 1: that there's just so much there, right. I mean, for 383 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:42,359 Speaker 1: some people, it's like easy, breezy, no issue. You know, 384 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,639 Speaker 1: they've got a good relationship, they've talked about it ahead 385 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 1: of time, and things go well. For others, I say, 386 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 1: the majority of people, this is a pretty This is 387 00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 1: one of those really significant milestones in someone's life that 388 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: they go through that generally has a lot of stress 389 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,440 Speaker 1: around it, and especially if they're if it's not municated 390 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: or expectations aren't discussed ahead of time, then man, there's 391 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 1: just the opportunity for a lot of hurt feelings and miscommunication. 392 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,119 Speaker 1: And yeah, it's just hard. So my first thing is 393 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:12,919 Speaker 1: that it's okay not to be all things for your 394 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,520 Speaker 1: loved one. I know that you and Laura talk a 395 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: lot about how like we can't always be everything for 396 00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 1: our kids or for our spouse, and outsourcing is really important. Well, 397 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:28,439 Speaker 1: outsourcing is just as important with this transition too, And 398 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 1: so you identify what I was talking to my husband 399 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,439 Speaker 1: about this because we were thinking about it, and I 400 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,240 Speaker 1: was like, you know, I would really recommend for people 401 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:39,639 Speaker 1: to consider what all of the things they think that 402 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,000 Speaker 1: they could be for their parent or for their loved 403 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,520 Speaker 1: one and to take that and cut it in half, 404 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,240 Speaker 1: and you might be able to do that much maybe, 405 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,520 Speaker 1: because the reality is is that depending on when this 406 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,679 Speaker 1: transition happens, you may have young kids, you might be 407 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,439 Speaker 1: making a transition in your career. There are all of 408 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,639 Speaker 1: these things that might be going on in your life 409 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:05,000 Speaker 1: that are going to affect your ability to be one 410 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,440 Speaker 1: hundred percent present with your loved one. And this is 411 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,119 Speaker 1: all under the guise of that you're in proximity to 412 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,760 Speaker 1: each other geographically. There's lots of other things to take 413 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,639 Speaker 1: into account if you are not geographically close to one another, 414 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,639 Speaker 1: and that's another expectation to discuss how frequently will you 415 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,840 Speaker 1: see each other or not and understanding. I think some 416 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: things that can help you with not being all things 417 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,679 Speaker 1: is knowing what your loved one's network is, so they 418 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 1: might have friends who want to help. They might already 419 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,639 Speaker 1: be involved with the YMCA, and maybe the Y has 420 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 1: a bunch of stuff that they want to help you 421 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 1: with or something, or the local JCC. I mean, there 422 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 1: are all of these community networks that potentially could offer 423 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,359 Speaker 1: some help so that you don't have to be everything. 424 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,560 Speaker 1: And I would be remiss if I didn't recommend that 425 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:53,400 Speaker 1: in choosing to not be all things for your loved 426 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 1: one sometimes that you need some help navigating that. And 427 00:22:57,119 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 1: I really just recommend maybe finding a good therapist to 428 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: accounts to kind of tak through this with I love therapy. 429 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan of it. I go to see 430 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,520 Speaker 1: my doctor pay once a week and she's the best 431 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:10,160 Speaker 1: saying in the world. And yeah, I just you know, 432 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,560 Speaker 1: all of these things can be really I think that 433 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 1: you'll need support, not just your loved one, but you 434 00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 1: will too, And because it's a huge transition, Yeah, I 435 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,879 Speaker 1: mean it's like you are almost going through some of 436 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: the same stages almost in reverse as when you are 437 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:29,200 Speaker 1: having kids, and the change in your role and things 438 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 1: about guilt and shame and digging up past feelings that 439 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 1: might be present and then conflict with siblings. So yes, 440 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,680 Speaker 1: I can see how this would be, especially if things 441 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 1: happen quickly or suddenly something that is mired in a 442 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,880 Speaker 1: lot of distress, and that support would be super helpful. 443 00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 1: I was also going to say, just like with the 444 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:50,159 Speaker 1: outsourcing conversation with our kids, sometimes it's important to be 445 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,800 Speaker 1: like what could anybody do? And like what am I 446 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,359 Speaker 1: uniquely suited to do, Like, maybe I don't need to 447 00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,160 Speaker 1: do my parents' laundry or like clean for them, but 448 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,359 Speaker 1: I want to go to their doctor's appointments so I 449 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,040 Speaker 1: can help them understand their plan of care. I mean, 450 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 1: that's just an example, but I think like the idea 451 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,800 Speaker 1: of being, like you said, being everything twenty four of 452 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,440 Speaker 1: them when you're also still a parent and you're also 453 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,119 Speaker 1: still a person and you often have a partner too, Like, 454 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 1: it's so unrealistic. So I love your idea to cut 455 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,520 Speaker 1: the list in half and prioritize. Yes, one hundred percent agree. Yeah, 456 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 1: it's just very stressful it can be. And then the 457 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,320 Speaker 1: last two things would be to build in some time 458 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:31,280 Speaker 1: for some rest for yourself. I hear people saying this 459 00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 1: all the time, right as like a parent, as a 460 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,760 Speaker 1: woman who's a full time worker and full time mom 461 00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,159 Speaker 1: and full time for lots of other roles too. In 462 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,359 Speaker 1: my life, I hear people tell me, well, you just 463 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,720 Speaker 1: need to build in some rest time, and I'm like, really, well, 464 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 1: where's that actually gonna fit? Can you help me identify that? 465 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 1: But I have actually started building in like four or 466 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,359 Speaker 1: five hours of like self care time every month, and 467 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,800 Speaker 1: I would really recommend to do that for this too, 468 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,200 Speaker 1: especially if you end up choosing to take on more 469 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,720 Speaker 1: of a full time caregiver rule, you'll need some time 470 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: to step away, even if it's to go do grocery 471 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:09,160 Speaker 1: shopping by yourself and not have to worry about someone 472 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:13,240 Speaker 1: needing help with like getting to the bathroom or making 473 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,440 Speaker 1: sure that they don't leave the house. And that's more 474 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,439 Speaker 1: specific to people who maybe are farther along in their 475 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 1: aging process and have more higher acute needs. And then 476 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: I would also say too that all of this stuff 477 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 1: we're talking about from the understanding of like people have 478 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,959 Speaker 1: a pretty good relationship with their loved one right, like 479 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,360 Speaker 1: they want to do this, and there are a lot 480 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,719 Speaker 1: of circumstances where there are past traumas with family and 481 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,120 Speaker 1: family issues things that you know, just because people get older, 482 00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:45,199 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that all that stuff goes away, and 483 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,159 Speaker 1: in fact, I think that it actually becomes more exacerbated. 484 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: And because you start to get towards the end of 485 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 1: life and life reviews and all this stuff starts to 486 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,800 Speaker 1: come up. I would also encourage, like, if this isn't 487 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,920 Speaker 1: something that you want to do, you don't feel comfortable 488 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,600 Speaker 1: with it for any reason, then now is the time, 489 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:06,080 Speaker 1: especially if you do have kind of that like I guess, 490 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:10,760 Speaker 1: sort of stressed or strained relationship or no relationship. If 491 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,879 Speaker 1: you are the next of kin, if your mom or 492 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:16,880 Speaker 1: your father, whomever it is, has a sudden medical issue 493 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 1: and you're an only child or you're the only child 494 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,119 Speaker 1: that they list, then you might come into a situation, 495 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,200 Speaker 1: And I've seen this happen quite a few times where 496 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,360 Speaker 1: a child is asked to step in to serve as 497 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,360 Speaker 1: the next of kin to make really difficult decisions as 498 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:34,760 Speaker 1: people agent to a long term care facility or are 499 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,440 Speaker 1: in a hospital and need decision making that medical professionals 500 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:42,679 Speaker 1: cannot make on behalf of that patient. So if you 501 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 1: already know this is not something that you want to do, 502 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:50,080 Speaker 1: then maybe talking with an attorney or finding an advocacy 503 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:54,119 Speaker 1: group locally that you could maybe turnover guardianship to. This 504 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,919 Speaker 1: is the time to start figuring that out so that 505 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,399 Speaker 1: you aren't trying to navigate that and then all of 506 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,159 Speaker 1: the emotional issues that come up when you realize that 507 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 1: man and I were here and I don't want to 508 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 1: do this and I don't feel comfortable with it. I 509 00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,560 Speaker 1: would really encourage yah to consider if this is even 510 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,479 Speaker 1: a role that you want to fulfill and if it's not, 511 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,240 Speaker 1: to find find some local resources to support you and 512 00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 1: who potentially would make those decisions on your behalf. That 513 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 1: can be done through an executorship with an attorney. You 514 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:29,440 Speaker 1: can find guardianships perhaps to your county, depending on assets. 515 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,040 Speaker 1: You could even look to a Medicaid case management group 516 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,400 Speaker 1: and talk to people in the county that your loved 517 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,679 Speaker 1: one lives in to try and figure out what can 518 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 1: we do ahead of time. But yeah, those are the things, 519 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,479 Speaker 1: and I would have like a totally different conversation if 520 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,800 Speaker 1: we were talking about just like how do you get 521 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,320 Speaker 1: ready to get someone into a long term care facility 522 00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,439 Speaker 1: and what do you look for? That was like, we 523 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 1: get to talk a lot about that, and I have 524 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,400 Speaker 1: helped people navigate that. I have checklists that I have made, 525 00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,440 Speaker 1: things resources that I would recommend people to look at. 526 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,840 Speaker 1: The maybe that's a discussion for another day if people 527 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 1: want to hear that, So yes, let us know we 528 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:05,760 Speaker 1: may have to do a part too. I wouldn't turn 529 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:10,960 Speaker 1: it down. That is awesome, well, because we are not 530 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:12,800 Speaker 1: going to make this a two hour long episode and 531 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: we can leave the door open for the future. I 532 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,160 Speaker 1: would love you to share a little bit about what 533 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,000 Speaker 1: your day in the life is as you work for 534 00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:23,160 Speaker 1: a company that loves best of both worlds. I mean, 535 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,720 Speaker 1: that's like the dream for every company, So I'm dying 536 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,720 Speaker 1: to hear how that plays out in real life. Oh man, Yeah, 537 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,800 Speaker 1: I really and truly cannot say how much I love 538 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,680 Speaker 1: All Clear Emergency Management Group and working for them has 539 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,480 Speaker 1: been one of, if not the most, the biggest blessing 540 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 1: professionally for me. So my day in the life is 541 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,400 Speaker 1: that All Clear gives me all of the autonomy for 542 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,000 Speaker 1: how to structure my day. I would say that in 543 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: any given week, I spend about fifty percent of my 544 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:52,880 Speaker 1: time with clients and the other fifty percent working on 545 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 1: actual project work. And time with clients could be meetings 546 00:28:56,080 --> 00:29:01,040 Speaker 1: or facilitating exercises or workshops or whatever, so that can 547 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,560 Speaker 1: look a little different, but essentially they have said, you 548 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,160 Speaker 1: do your work whenever it works best for you, and 549 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,400 Speaker 1: please be available for clients when they want to meet. 550 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,520 Speaker 1: So some days my day will start at four am, 551 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: and other days my day will start at nine am, 552 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,840 Speaker 1: and it kind of depends on, you know, what's going 553 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,480 Speaker 1: on with my family. But I would say typically my 554 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,120 Speaker 1: day starts, I get my kids up, I take them 555 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 1: to daycare, so the mornings are really focused on the 556 00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:31,080 Speaker 1: three kids and just like surviving the morning and getting 557 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,840 Speaker 1: them to childcare or to school. And then I come 558 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:38,240 Speaker 1: back and I drink some tea and then I start 559 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,720 Speaker 1: my day. And I generally work, you know, anywhere from 560 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 1: like six to eight hours a day or six to 561 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,200 Speaker 1: ten hours, depending on how I'm trying to kind of 562 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 1: balance my work days. And during that time period, some 563 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,680 Speaker 1: of that is travel, right, so sometimes I'm just gone 564 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,920 Speaker 1: all together, and my husband kind of takes over one 565 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,280 Speaker 1: hundred percent. And then if I'm home, then yeah, it's 566 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:01,080 Speaker 1: just working and kind of fitting in some of my 567 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,080 Speaker 1: house stuff like in between the hours, which is super nice. 568 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:08,040 Speaker 1: And generally work stops for me around like four thirty 569 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,960 Speaker 1: or so. My husband gets home. We generally get to 570 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,160 Speaker 1: spend some time together Mike go for a bike ride, 571 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,680 Speaker 1: or might just like watch some TV together and talk 572 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,880 Speaker 1: about like how our days were. And then I normally 573 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,360 Speaker 1: start dinner and he goes and picks up the kids. 574 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:26,040 Speaker 1: They come home, We eat dinner. The kids generally don't 575 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:30,640 Speaker 1: like anything that we've made, just fine. I've started trying 576 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 1: to mimic a little bit of what Laura does with 577 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: the having like themes for each day. So last night 578 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: was breakfast night. It was a Wednesday, and the kids 579 00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 1: actually made everything so that was great, yay. And then 580 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:47,400 Speaker 1: I normally clean up, my husband does bathtime, we do bedtime, 581 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,840 Speaker 1: and then we generally have maybe like an hour to 582 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,840 Speaker 1: two hours where we can hang out. We can exercise, 583 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 1: watch a show or watch a movie, and that's that's 584 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,600 Speaker 1: pretty much our day, Like it doesn't differ too far 585 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,240 Speaker 1: from that. We intentionally don't do activities during the week 586 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,840 Speaker 1: because I just cannot handle it. We don't have animals, 587 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 1: we don't do activities. We Yeah, I like look at 588 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 1: your schedule, Sarah, and I'm like, I'm just in awe, 589 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 1: like wow. One. Yeah, but I have like a third 590 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,840 Speaker 1: parent helping me basically because I know I'm serious. I mean, 591 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,200 Speaker 1: people don't realize that, Like I'm not usually driving them. 592 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 1: I'm like at work and I come home and then 593 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,360 Speaker 1: the kid comes home and it's like I wouldn't have 594 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:28,800 Speaker 1: even known better. So, well, your kids are similar each 595 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 1: to mine, I guess, right, nine and then what's the 596 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,200 Speaker 1: other two? Yeah, eight six and three, So like eight 597 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,400 Speaker 1: six and three. Okay, you may see it and multiply 598 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,440 Speaker 1: in the next couple of years. Well, yeah, no, for sure. 599 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,320 Speaker 1: They keep asking for stuff and I'm like, oh, I'm 600 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,840 Speaker 1: just you go to daycare. We pay a lot of 601 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,080 Speaker 1: money for daycare, so I feel like that's the activity. 602 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,719 Speaker 1: You know, Well, that is kind of an activity. I'm 603 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:51,560 Speaker 1: sure they do a lot while they're there, so that 604 00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:55,360 Speaker 1: kind of counts. And then love of the week. I'm 605 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: gonna let you go first so I can decide on 606 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,640 Speaker 1: what mine's going to be because I wasn't ready. You're good. Well, 607 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:02,880 Speaker 1: I thought about this, and I have two. So one 608 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,200 Speaker 1: is school related because school is just around the corner, 609 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:08,920 Speaker 1: and I am I'll just forever be grateful for this 610 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,360 Speaker 1: school toolbox. So our school does that. And I know 611 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,600 Speaker 1: you guys have talked about a little bit too. I'm 612 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,960 Speaker 1: actually going to Ireland next week, so I'm going. It's 613 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,760 Speaker 1: my first like really big trip like solo that's not 614 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:24,800 Speaker 1: work related. So I'll be gone for twelve days. And 615 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,360 Speaker 1: I was able to order all of my kids' school 616 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:31,320 Speaker 1: supplies like last may like may have like three months ago, 617 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,200 Speaker 1: so I don't have to worry about school supplies. I'm 618 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:37,640 Speaker 1: really grateful for that. And the second thing would be 619 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:39,920 Speaker 1: the one thing that I know I can rely on 620 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 1: every day that I just like brings me joy, fills 621 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,360 Speaker 1: my cup is my husband makes me a cup of 622 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,080 Speaker 1: makes both of us a cup of tea in the morning, 623 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: and we use it's called b Pollen Tea from Old 624 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:55,280 Speaker 1: Beryl Tea Company, and it smells like birthday cake. It 625 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 1: doesn't taste like birthday cake, but it smells like it, 626 00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:01,640 Speaker 1: and it's just so good. I cannot more strongly recommend 627 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:05,719 Speaker 1: if you are a tea drinker, beepol and tea is 628 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:11,040 Speaker 1: the Beasneys literally and figuratively. I love it. Okay, My 629 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:13,160 Speaker 1: love of the week sort of inspired by your travel. 630 00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,160 Speaker 1: Love of the week is going back to somewhere you've 631 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:18,520 Speaker 1: been before. We're going back to Amelia Island. Actually I 632 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,680 Speaker 1: think I might be there on this aras. I'm not sure, 633 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,240 Speaker 1: but it's just really comforting to go somewhere where you 634 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:27,719 Speaker 1: already know the landscape, the restaurants, and it's like unfamiliar 635 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,520 Speaker 1: but familiar at the same time. So I'm super excited 636 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,720 Speaker 1: for that. That is my love of the week. Well, 637 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:35,920 Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on, Lauren. This is 638 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,840 Speaker 1: incredibly useful, And I mean, I think this is one 639 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 1: of those episodes people we're gonna have to like refer 640 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,959 Speaker 1: to anytime people ask this question and just like you know, 641 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: provide it as a resource. So really, thank you so 642 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,280 Speaker 1: much for volunteering your time and for coming on today. Yeah, 643 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 1: thanks so much for having me. So our question this 644 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:58,880 Speaker 1: week comes from a listener who is asking about how 645 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:03,280 Speaker 1: to motivate yourself to tackle unappealing non work tasks that 646 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,920 Speaker 1: are not urgent. So this listener has a handful of 647 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:08,640 Speaker 1: one time tasks on my to do list that I 648 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,160 Speaker 1: find boring, unpleasant, or time consuming. I see them on 649 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,520 Speaker 1: my calendar, which functions as my to do list, and 650 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,120 Speaker 1: then I conveniently run out of time for these tasks 651 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,480 Speaker 1: and reschedule them to an arbitrary future date because of course, 652 00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,720 Speaker 1: they don't absolutely have to be done at any given moment. 653 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:25,319 Speaker 1: So she says, do you have a strategy for completing them? 654 00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:28,040 Speaker 1: She listens to our podcasts, and she says she once 655 00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,000 Speaker 1: heard me say that if you've gone that long without 656 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,280 Speaker 1: completing them, maybe they're not that important. But she says, 657 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:36,000 Speaker 1: I can't help but feel pressure to complete them on 658 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:39,280 Speaker 1: my days off, particularly since I am working a part 659 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,000 Speaker 1: time schedule. So Sarah, I mean I guess you were 660 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:43,600 Speaker 1: trying to think, what are these tasks? I mean it 661 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,839 Speaker 1: helps something out. What is that? What are you talking about? 662 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,839 Speaker 1: In order to think through this, I felt like I 663 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:51,560 Speaker 1: was like, what would be a non appealing, non urgent, 664 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:52,960 Speaker 1: non work test, And I came up with a few 665 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,960 Speaker 1: examples with different aspects because this helps me think through it. 666 00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,920 Speaker 1: One might be to get the car wash. One might 667 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,520 Speaker 1: be to do some sort of somewhat fun but somewhat 668 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,040 Speaker 1: boring home improvement, like get new window shades. And one 669 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 1: might be like estate planning, which you know, given our 670 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:15,520 Speaker 1: topic of this episode, yes, very topical, probably a little 671 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,320 Speaker 1: bit more important long term, but very unpleasant and boring, 672 00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:20,840 Speaker 1: at least for me. Sorry for the estate planning lawyers 673 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,040 Speaker 1: out there who are insulted. We are so glad you 674 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,600 Speaker 1: love doing it, but from my perspective, not the most fun. 675 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,200 Speaker 1: And I guess I would attack this with a little 676 00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,920 Speaker 1: bit like of a matrix, like what are the benefits 677 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:36,399 Speaker 1: of doing it? What are the consequences of not doing it? 678 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:39,600 Speaker 1: And then putting those two things together, is doing it 679 00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,719 Speaker 1: worth the cost of the year time that you have 680 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:46,680 Speaker 1: to devote, and I do think most tasks, if you 681 00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:50,560 Speaker 1: ask yourself those three questions are going to help you 682 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:52,960 Speaker 1: decide whether it belongs in your calendar at all. And 683 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,000 Speaker 1: I would argue that if it does belong in your 684 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,640 Speaker 1: calendar and you've scheduled it, that you should work on 685 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,680 Speaker 1: if you actually have time block and you don't have 686 00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:03,560 Speaker 1: some reason that you're tired or something came up, amm 687 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,279 Speaker 1: like working on your integrity with yourself, that if you've 688 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,800 Speaker 1: decided it's important to try to do it now, breaking 689 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,120 Speaker 1: things up into smaller, less unappealing task might really help. 690 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,319 Speaker 1: So maybe it's the estate planning one, and every time 691 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,400 Speaker 1: you see it you're like, oh, oh my god, I 692 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,560 Speaker 1: don't even know where to start, Like this is so boring, 693 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,640 Speaker 1: this is so intimidating, and so maybe sitting there and 694 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:24,720 Speaker 1: being like, okay, what's just like the one next step 695 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,640 Speaker 1: might be like text the list serve in the neighborhood 696 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,719 Speaker 1: to see if anybody has a good estate planner, and 697 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,080 Speaker 1: that's like the whole task, and you block just that 698 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,200 Speaker 1: non intimidating task into your calendar, I think you'd be 699 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,680 Speaker 1: less likely to be like push it forward. Then if 700 00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:42,000 Speaker 1: it just says figure out a state, which is incredibly 701 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,840 Speaker 1: intimidating and boring sounding to me. Yes, what do you think. Yeah, 702 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,399 Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of a bribery as well. Once 703 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,160 Speaker 1: you have put those things and you're like, once you 704 00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 1: take that step, being like, I deserve special things now 705 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,600 Speaker 1: as a way, But I've been kind of at different 706 00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,359 Speaker 1: points when I'm feeling like there's a lot of things 707 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,720 Speaker 1: that i can do to get to would start creating 708 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,320 Speaker 1: what David Allen calls a someday maybe list, and it 709 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,480 Speaker 1: would be specifically focused on these sort of non urgent, 710 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,080 Speaker 1: non work tasks and then try to assign yourself like 711 00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,680 Speaker 1: one a week. So going through that list, I'm not 712 00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:17,239 Speaker 1: going to try to do all of it. I'm not 713 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,319 Speaker 1: holding myself to all of it. I'm not, you know, 714 00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 1: feeling bad that I'm not doing all of it. I'm 715 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:24,360 Speaker 1: going to choose one. So when you're doing your Friday planning, 716 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 1: choose one. Put it on the calendar for the week 717 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,680 Speaker 1: at a certain time, and ideally it's something that you 718 00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:31,719 Speaker 1: can in fact put at a specific time. So for 719 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,640 Speaker 1: a while I was behind on a great many different 720 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,840 Speaker 1: appointments that needed to happen, like getting my eyes checked 721 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:41,839 Speaker 1: and whatever. So those could become appointments right like I 722 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,319 Speaker 1: would they're up on Friday, call the eye doctor and 723 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,160 Speaker 1: make an appointment, and then it's on the calendar and 724 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,799 Speaker 1: then like you know, you presumably if you have an 725 00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 1: eye appointment on the calendar, you will go to it. 726 00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,799 Speaker 1: I mean maybe you don't, Like I feel like most 727 00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,120 Speaker 1: people can get their heads around doing something like that 728 00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,759 Speaker 1: once it is on the calendar and is an appointment 729 00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:02,719 Speaker 1: for a specific time, and you know, you could see 730 00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:05,439 Speaker 1: if you could structure other things to be that way too. 731 00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,439 Speaker 1: So you know, if it's if you're doing a lot 732 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,719 Speaker 1: of home projects, for instance, maybe you have a designer 733 00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,720 Speaker 1: you're working with, and so making an appointment with her 734 00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,360 Speaker 1: at the window place is going to increase the chances 735 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,040 Speaker 1: that you show up and do it right. And like 736 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:20,440 Speaker 1: you're going to feel bad if you don't just like 737 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,520 Speaker 1: make the decision and buy it, because you like then 738 00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,920 Speaker 1: wasted the time that you're paying for hers. So I 739 00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,120 Speaker 1: think there's ways you can kind of nudge that forward. 740 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,080 Speaker 1: But it helps to make a list of the tasks 741 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,320 Speaker 1: and then sort of stretch them out. And because I 742 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,160 Speaker 1: think one a week is doable, try to do like 743 00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:36,799 Speaker 1: ten a week is just going to make you feel bad. 744 00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,040 Speaker 1: Totally agree and making sure since you're trying to make 745 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,040 Speaker 1: the most of that part time schedule, that you have 746 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 1: some time blocked out for something you want to do, 747 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,759 Speaker 1: because maybe that makes doing the one task feel a 748 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,560 Speaker 1: little bit better if you know that, Hey, from three 749 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 1: to four, I'm going to go to meet with a 750 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,000 Speaker 1: friend and we're going to take a lovely hike, like 751 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:55,759 Speaker 1: versus just being like, oh, I'm supposed to get through 752 00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:57,239 Speaker 1: this giant list. So I think we're kind of saying 753 00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:01,040 Speaker 1: the same thing, like less is more, think about what 754 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:03,719 Speaker 1: really needs to be done, and then dole it out sparing. Yeah, 755 00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:06,640 Speaker 1: you are far better doing ten things one at a 756 00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,600 Speaker 1: time over ten weeks than like aiming for ten this 757 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,319 Speaker 1: week doing none of them, pushing them forward to the 758 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,040 Speaker 1: next week. Amy to do ten doing none of them, 759 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:16,200 Speaker 1: pushing them forward to the next Like one universe they 760 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:17,880 Speaker 1: get done and the other they don't. So better to 761 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,480 Speaker 1: have some patience and stretch it out. All right, Well, 762 00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,520 Speaker 1: this has been best of both worlds. We've been talking eldercare. 763 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:27,080 Speaker 1: Sarah has been interviewing Lauren Smith, an expert in that topic. 764 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,399 Speaker 1: We will be back next week with more on making 765 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:33,879 Speaker 1: work in life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can 766 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,399 Speaker 1: find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at 767 00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,960 Speaker 1: the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me 768 00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:45,239 Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the 769 00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:48,760 Speaker 1: best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time 770 00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:51,640 Speaker 1: for more on making work and life work together.