1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:06,040 Speaker 1: Andree Martinez in Real Life podcast. So it's real Life 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:07,680 Speaker 1: is the name of the podcast, and real life so 3 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,360 Speaker 1: we talk about real life. Yeah, I know, I remember 4 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,680 Speaker 1: from the show. That's why I wanted to do it. Okay, good, Yes, 5 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 1: I remember. I listened. By the way, I've been posting 6 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,360 Speaker 1: clips from my show, from my show when I was 7 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:20,799 Speaker 1: on your show. Yeah, they're so funny. I love every 8 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 1: time you come on. It's rare people are comfortable, like 9 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: in their own skin and just have a conversation. Oh yeah, 10 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:28,640 Speaker 1: you don't have to work. You could just yeah, you 11 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 1: can engage. Yeah. I'm just like, oh, oh, you're comfortable 12 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 1: on your skin. That's awesome. So you said you were 13 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,559 Speaker 1: going to come. I was. I was thrilled. I was like, oh, goad, 14 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 1: she's a talker, she knows how to talk, communicate, share. 15 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: I just enjoyed conversation. Oh like, I just mean because 16 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: I like it when. That's why I was so excited 17 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: to do your podcast, because I was like, oh, man, 18 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:46,239 Speaker 1: she would be fun to talk to you. One thing, 19 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,960 Speaker 1: I thank you, and I well, let me say let 20 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: me let me ease into that first. I will ask 21 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: you off top because this is a thing that came 22 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: up in one of the episodes is Jay Balvin was 23 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 1: on and he said that he asked his team he 24 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,960 Speaker 1: just newly started asking his team how happy are you today? 25 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: On a scale of one to ten. Yeah, It's like 26 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,520 Speaker 1: an easy way to check in with people, right, Yeah, 27 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,199 Speaker 1: So if I asked you that, Kelly today, how happy 28 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 1: are you on a scale at once to ten? Life? 29 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: And in real life, I'm I'm emotionally and emotionally I'm 30 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: like an eleven. Like I'm really really really good, like 31 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,280 Speaker 1: physically and mentally, I'm like kind of like around a seven. 32 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: Because I've had, like you know, you have, like your 33 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,679 Speaker 1: work schedule, it can be like this. Yeah, it's just 34 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: been like a crazy, crazy few weeks. But um, but 35 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 1: you're catching me right when I'm about to have a 36 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,839 Speaker 1: couple of days off. So I'm excited about that you're happy, 37 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,200 Speaker 1: But no, emotionally, like, I'm so great. And it's so 38 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 1: funny that he does that because I do this thing. 39 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: It's like my new thing now where I'm on vacation 40 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:43,319 Speaker 1: all the time. I just like psych myself. I'm like 41 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: I'm on vacation. I just like you. So I showed 42 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: up here. This is like an excursion on my vacation, 43 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: so we no, but that's why I do with people 44 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 1: like I work with two. I'm like, I'm like, how's 45 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: vacation going? Like we've been we joke about it all 46 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 1: the time in like the glam room, like and with 47 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: the team and crew at the show because I'm like, 48 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: we gotta just imagine what I was on vacate because 49 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,040 Speaker 1: we are we have a really cool job, you know 50 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 1: a job. Yeah, but like unetically eleven, I've never nobody 51 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 1: has given that in you know why though I've had 52 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 1: a really rough like couple of years. They've taken a 53 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 1: minute and like therapy to get there, like so, um, 54 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: what is the what is the number one main thing 55 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 1: that has gotten you through that? And two and eleven? 56 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: You do not have to attend an argument, like every 57 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,920 Speaker 1: argument that comes your way, Like my my therapist is like, 58 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 1: you don't have to attend every time someone invites you 59 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 1: to an argument. And that's like you know, every time 60 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 1: somebody they play you and they try and say something, 61 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: I'm like, m and and I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna 62 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 1: I'm gonna not attend that. And I'm gonna I'm gonna 63 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: move on that'sd So that really helped me. Oh god, 64 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: well there's in work or in personal life. Um, like 65 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:56,239 Speaker 1: you know, divorce is really hard, so you know, and 66 00:02:56,880 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 1: it's even though you love each other like intensely right 67 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,640 Speaker 1: for a moment, it things get real crazy and divorce 68 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 1: and like you know, just kind of the worst versions 69 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 1: of yourself can kind of come out of people sometimes. 70 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 1: So and it's like no one's gonna win, Like you 71 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, nobody, nobody. It's just like this, 72 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 1: like nobody's gonna win. So it's just like, nah, I'm 73 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,960 Speaker 1: not gonna attend this one. So I'm gonna let that go. 74 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 1: And it's like bickering arguing is that which I know, 75 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,520 Speaker 1: just like any kind of because I feel like two 76 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: over two years and like even becoming a mother. I 77 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 1: don't know if you've experienced this like perspective and like 78 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 1: relevance of things, like it's just like why why do 79 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: we let some things blow up? And I think I 80 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: unfortunately have had a lot of people or too many 81 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 1: than I would like have passed away, like like our 82 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: age is younger, So I think it's very eye opening. 83 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: So I think I think that's it. It's just like, Okay, 84 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna attend that today. You can. You can 85 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: be in that world all on your own, Kelly, I 86 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: am the same way I have stoled. Are you happy? 87 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: How happy are you? And once to tend, I am 88 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 1: going to steal. I am not going to attend that today. No. 89 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: I look, I got from so I'm unable to attend. 90 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 1: I literally I was. I was texting my therapist. I 91 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: am not a yeah rs no one, Um no, yeah, 92 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:23,160 Speaker 1: I unsubscribe. That's another thing that my friends does on 93 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 1: the text exchanges, like a bunch of us would just 94 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 1: be like unsubscribed. Um no, it is. It's just because 95 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,680 Speaker 1: I think you're not only helping yourself, but you're helping 96 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:36,920 Speaker 1: that person because maybe that person just I think a 97 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,480 Speaker 1: lot of people with trauma to like generational trauma. I 98 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,160 Speaker 1: think a lot of us will just we don't know 99 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: how to live without it. We don't know how to 100 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: like exist without some kind of drama happening. Yeah are 101 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: you no? I mean no, no, oh god, I mean 102 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: maybe maybe I've been that when I was younger, right 103 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 1: when you're figuring stuff out, definitely like my twenties, like, um, 104 00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:58,720 Speaker 1: and I think it's I mean, I think a lot 105 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,039 Speaker 1: of us fall prey to it. Generational trauma is a 106 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 1: thing like you know you can't yeah, you can't like 107 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 1: escape it sometimes. But I think those red flags that 108 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: that's that's that's why you have to do the work. 109 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: That's why you have to do the work to notice like, oh, 110 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,480 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna go down there again. I'm not gonna 111 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 1: do that again. Yeah, what is the big work that 112 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 1: you had to do? Is we all have like a thing. 113 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 1: Mine was like, well, I have a few things. We 114 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 1: all have a few things. Yeah, we like trust is 115 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 1: a thing. Trust is like and on me burying, Like 116 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 1: if I tend to bury, like so if I'm instead 117 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,600 Speaker 1: of dealing over here, I'll go and work hard on 118 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 1: this and oh, busy, busy bee. You know, I can't 119 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 1: tend to do that, which is looking away from things 120 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,880 Speaker 1: or yeah, making excuses for people because I tend to 121 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,680 Speaker 1: be like an empathetic person. So I always kind of say, oh, 122 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 1: that person's a dick, but probably because they went through 123 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 1: expect you justify I justify, yeah, and make excuses for people. 124 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:52,359 Speaker 1: We are because what you just said is me we 125 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: are targets for narcissists. By the way. So yes, that 126 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:58,440 Speaker 1: can be really difficult because they could be very charming, 127 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: very manipulative, and you work environments, relationships, whatever it is. 128 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:06,920 Speaker 1: People kind of see that about I think, and I 129 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: think the work though that you said is the busy 130 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,039 Speaker 1: bee thing. Like to come back on that is you 131 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 1: have sometimes sometimes you need that, like okay, like so 132 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,720 Speaker 1: during the global pandemic and then also going through divorce, 133 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: like I was so grateful for being busy because like 134 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,240 Speaker 1: that was a lot, like with kids not you know, 135 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: zoom school, and like divorce happening, and like trying to 136 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:32,159 Speaker 1: literally it was our first season of the talk show 137 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,359 Speaker 1: and we're trying to get it off the ground. It 138 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,840 Speaker 1: was just a lot. And so I think being busy 139 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: sometimes it's very helpful. But then it was important like 140 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: this last summer, like I took off and I literally 141 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: probably pissed off so many people, but I was like, 142 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 1: I'm not doing a thing. I was like, I was 143 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 1: busy long enough. I gave myself enough, you know, grace 144 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,479 Speaker 1: to just kind of okay, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. 145 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,159 Speaker 1: I'm not ready. And then I knew I was going 146 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: to have space in this summer, and I knew my kids. 147 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: You know, we split my X and I. They three 148 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,359 Speaker 1: weeks with him through me, three weeks him through is me. 149 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,479 Speaker 1: And that's a long time to not have your babies. 150 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,039 Speaker 1: But it actually ended up being very helpful for me 151 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 1: because it also gives you as a mom, You get 152 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 1: this having that me time. Yes, so like that me 153 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: time was transformative. Like I came back from vacation like refueled, 154 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 1: like ready to go. I felt like sometimes we was 155 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,559 Speaker 1: running empty and then you have nothing to give people 156 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: and then you're depleted, and I feel I feel like 157 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 1: I was busy enough because it was very helpful to 158 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: be busy because there was a lot happening and just 159 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: getting dumped on. And then when you finally take that 160 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 1: time and then you deal with it, you know, you 161 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: do the work. And I did that in the summer, 162 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 1: you know, and I you figure stuff out, not just 163 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 1: about other people, by the way, about yourself, because even 164 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: you say in that like we have to change that, 165 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,600 Speaker 1: but justifying people's actions. Oh yeah, I'm already changing that. 166 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,520 Speaker 1: Yeah me too, says now me too. You want to 167 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: know why? You know what? You want to know what 168 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 1: I what I just went through that triggered that from Yeah, Um, okay, 169 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 1: so this is what I did. Was one of my 170 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:06,920 Speaker 1: things I did because, like you, I grew up no father. Yeah, 171 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: my father disappeared when I was ten. Last time I 172 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: saw him was at my grandmother's funeral. His mom. I 173 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 1: was very close with her. She died. He was on drugs. 174 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: After she died, he kind of just disappeared. Years later, 175 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: I had heard that he died, which was not surprising 176 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: to me because he was a heroine attic, and I 177 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: thought that makes sense. I mean years later, like I 178 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: was older, like my thirties, I heard he died. I 179 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: was like, wow, that makes sense. But I never was angry. 180 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 1: I had never had anger. I never felt I always 181 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: felt bad for him. I always made these like yeah 182 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: he's troubled youth. Yeah, yeah, you know, I tried to 183 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 1: like I gave him grace. I gave him I made excuses. 184 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 1: What was the other words you used before I gave? 185 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: I made um, he just justified justified actions. I justified 186 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: the actions. Right. So then, um, about a couple of 187 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 1: years ago I found that he was in fact not dead. 188 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,679 Speaker 1: What it was a couple of years ago, Yeah, I 189 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: found that he was not dead then about maybe maybe 190 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 1: eight months ago. I finally get around to like making 191 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: the call because I had been in a car accident. 192 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: My life was like crazy for a couple of years. COVID. Yeah, 193 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 1: I just didn't get to it, and I wasn't sure 194 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,800 Speaker 1: if I wanted to open my life up. I have 195 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: a great life, I have a great family. I just 196 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 1: was like, I don't know. I finally do that and 197 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,080 Speaker 1: the man is man is married. The wife doesn't even 198 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 1: know that he was once married to my mother for 199 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,240 Speaker 1: one year. She did not know that I existed. She 200 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 1: did not know that he used to be a drug addict. 201 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:34,160 Speaker 1: He's living a completely different life. Wow. I was not 202 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 1: interested in reconnecting. He was not now as a this 203 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: is what I find interesting. Like and with my father, 204 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:44,840 Speaker 1: I was like this too. I was like I always 205 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,440 Speaker 1: felt hard for him because I'm like, you're missing out 206 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 1: and how would you like you have a kid, I 207 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 1: have kids? Like you know what I'm saying, how do 208 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,720 Speaker 1: you not want to be could you picture? No? I 209 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 1: cannot imagine. Yeah, not wanting to be a part of 210 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 1: your This is something Kelly Rowland and i' walked about 211 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 1: the other Kelly and she was like, you know, he's 212 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: She's like she thought about this when she reconnected with 213 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:09,559 Speaker 1: her father, that maybe he just is not ready or 214 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:13,199 Speaker 1: capable or doesn't want to go back to that place 215 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 1: wherever he is now, is not willing to go to 216 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,839 Speaker 1: that place. So somebody like my father, who was a 217 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: drug addict, who didn't have all this past that he's 218 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 1: clearly hiding from, is not at his age willing to 219 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,120 Speaker 1: I'm not saying this is not justifying, this is just understanding. 220 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: But then what that made me do was like, oh, 221 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:33,320 Speaker 1: I've been justifying for this man my whole life. Um, 222 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 1: maybe he's not troubled and all deserving of all the 223 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: great Maybe he's just an asshole. Yeah you know. Then 224 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 1: it was like, yeah, then I started looking at everything 225 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,559 Speaker 1: else going on. I'm like, that person's you know, not 226 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 1: in pain. That person's an asshole. And so I started 227 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 1: releasing a little bit of doing that. Does that make sense? Like, 228 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 1: it's so funny that you just said deserving, So Burne Brown, 229 00:10:56,559 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 1: I don't know if you follow it. Okay, I'm here, 230 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 1: I am. I'm escaping my shame. Um that's the girl 231 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 1: thing of shame and so um No, I love one 232 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: thing that she said that really stuck with me in 233 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: this interview that she did. I believed it was um, 234 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 1: but she said not everyone is deserving of your story, 235 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 1: not like and I was like At first, I was 236 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,480 Speaker 1: just like what And then I started thinking about it 237 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, because sometimes I feel and 238 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,079 Speaker 1: this is how I don't know, I'm not projecting, this 239 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 1: is how I feel in my world is and my 240 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,960 Speaker 1: father passed away too. But it was like and actually, 241 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,480 Speaker 1: I literally I literally was just asked like two days 242 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,320 Speaker 1: ago by a friend, a really close friend, and their 243 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: parent just died and and or it is close to dying, 244 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: that's what it is, and it's their father, and and 245 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 1: you know, he was like, did you have regrets not 246 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 1: you know, reconciling like before you know, he passed away. 247 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,200 Speaker 1: And I was like no, like and I don't. I 248 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:57,600 Speaker 1: don't feel that loss either, because one you try, you know, 249 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: you try, and you try and you try and then 250 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,560 Speaker 1: it and it just doesn't work out. And it's that's 251 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 1: where not everyone deserves your story. Not everyone deserves that opportunity, 252 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,600 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, because it's like you've 253 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 1: already given it, Like I've already given it several times. 254 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 1: And even my friend that I was talking to him, 255 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: like you've given like multiple opportunities for this French for 256 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:22,520 Speaker 1: this you know, relationship to mend and everyone deserves a 257 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,560 Speaker 1: great dad and everyone deserves that moment and that's why 258 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,880 Speaker 1: we crave it. It's because you want that. You see 259 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 1: it with other people and you're like, oh, man, I 260 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: deserve that, Like why can't I have that? That's so cool? 261 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,959 Speaker 1: But like not everyone gets that, and like and at 262 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,520 Speaker 1: the end, for me, it was like, man, you hurt 263 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:42,080 Speaker 1: me so much. Like it was just constant, like one 264 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 1: thing after the other. So it was like, it's okay 265 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,319 Speaker 1: that you weren't ever prepared or ready to be my father. 266 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, it was like, 267 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 1: I don't you don't deserve this anymore because like because 268 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 1: I am worthy and I'm worthy of having someone that 269 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: deserves my story and deserves my time. And that's when 270 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 1: I really understood like what she was talking about or 271 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 1: how I filtered it. Shoot, I don't know if that's 272 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: how it was supposed to but yeah, but um, but 273 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 1: I don't know. It's crazy though, I feel like there's 274 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 1: a lot of us and like our generation was that 275 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,679 Speaker 1: we were just fatherless. Like I don't know where they 276 00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:18,560 Speaker 1: all went, like some island. I don't know. I don't 277 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,319 Speaker 1: think like literally, like literally this showed I just shot 278 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: in my show, like we just did a whole episode 279 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:24,959 Speaker 1: and like literally there were like three people on the 280 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 1: couch going, oh yeah, I didn't grow up with the 281 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,280 Speaker 1: father either. I'm like, how do we all not grow 282 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 1: up with a dad? Like I was like, this is 283 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,640 Speaker 1: weird and we're all like eighty, you know, seventy to 284 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: eighties kids, And I was just like what, But I 285 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: don't know. I don't feel I feel like I don't 286 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,480 Speaker 1: know if you agree, but I feel like when when 287 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 1: I was younger, I never I was like you. I 288 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 1: was like, oh yeah, I just didn't. That just wasn't happened. 289 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 1: I think it was whenever I had a kid. It's 290 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:51,080 Speaker 1: when I got deeply sad about it because I was like, wait, how, 291 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,560 Speaker 1: Like now I get it because I'm a parent. I'm like, WHOA, 292 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 1: Like how how in the world could you have not 293 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,360 Speaker 1: cared about me? Like how you know what I'm saying, 294 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: because like I could, I'd never do that to my kid. 295 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,280 Speaker 1: You know that that's true. But in the end, it's 296 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 1: sad for them. They miss out, Yeah, you know, like sure, yeah, 297 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,600 Speaker 1: for sure, I totally agree that. What do you think 298 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: the things you know? Because the thing about family and 299 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: trauma and generation, like we carry that we carry what 300 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:23,400 Speaker 1: happened to us, we carry actually what happened to our parents. Yeah. Right, 301 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:27,240 Speaker 1: So how did it translate for you even in I 302 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: don't know, relationships trust all those things like what are 303 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 1: the what are the daddy issues for you that you 304 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: had to get? I think I don't know. I mean, 305 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,240 Speaker 1: I think we were still always like working on it 306 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: because I think, I mean and I think, like I 307 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 1: don't know if that's a sad thing. I think before 308 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:44,800 Speaker 1: I'd make a joke about it and I'd be like, yeah, 309 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 1: I just still have here working. But I but I 310 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: think that's okay because that's like whatever, it's a part 311 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 1: of our story. It's not our only story, but it's 312 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,640 Speaker 1: a part of kind of who makes us who we are. UM, 313 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: But I think relationships can be difficult, especially like with 314 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 1: said problems, like how does that affect the relationship with men? Yeah. 315 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 1: I I just had this conversation with somebody else that 316 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 1: UM recently is getting divorced, and I was just like, 317 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 1: it's just hard and also like it's hard on the 318 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,200 Speaker 1: other person because there's two sides, right and ever, and 319 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 1: those two sides come with their own level of generational trauma, 320 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 1: you know, the stuff going on, and it could be 321 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: hard to for trust, like you've mentioned that earlier, like 322 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,960 Speaker 1: trust issues. That's that's hard when the person that's supposed 323 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 1: to love you most, you know what I'm saying, like 324 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 1: in your parents, Like when the people are supposed to 325 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 1: be there for you the most aren't, then obviously in 326 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: the back of your mind, like anyone is capable of 327 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 1: letting you down, Like you know what I'm saying. If 328 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 1: the one that's supposed to love you, you're their seed, 329 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 1: like you know what I'm saying, Like and like, so 330 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 1: I think you learn that as a young at a 331 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,040 Speaker 1: young age. I think what's hard, And I don't know 332 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: if you agree. I think what's hard. The hardest thing 333 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:56,760 Speaker 1: for me in relationships is and this is actually an 334 00:15:56,760 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: a lyric and a song. I just way your songs 335 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 1: are so good for these like they're so good for 336 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,840 Speaker 1: these type of conversations. Well you're gonna love the next album? 337 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 1: Oh good, yeah, no, it's because of you. Was like, oh, 338 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: that's my life. So but it's so kelly. It's a 339 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: lot of people's lives. It's a lot of people's lives. Yeah, 340 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 1: it's about but it's so good you really cut into 341 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: like what that experience feels like. Yeah, well, and a 342 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,160 Speaker 1: lot of it that I write, like some of it 343 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,080 Speaker 1: is metaphorical and some of it is very literal. Um. 344 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,120 Speaker 1: But like in this recent one and this is in 345 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,760 Speaker 1: a yeah, it's in a song I just wrote. And 346 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,800 Speaker 1: it's like for me, it's like, and let me know 347 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 1: what you think. Maybe I don't think I'm put it on. 348 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 1: I don't think I'm wrong, get it. I think in 349 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: a relationship, you know, any kind of relationship, friendship, love 350 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 1: or whatever. Family, it's like it's like I am aware 351 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: that I don't need you, but I want you. Like 352 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: is that Like it's very simple what I just said, 353 00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:02,160 Speaker 1: but can be very hard for people to swallow of 354 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 1: like like just so you know, like it's like, no, 355 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,359 Speaker 1: I don't I'm not ever gonna need you, you know, 356 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: like if people need you to need them, and it's like, 357 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,280 Speaker 1: I don't know, that's kind of that's kind of manipulative 358 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:15,120 Speaker 1: to me, like to from you know, what I'm saying, 359 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 1: to push on me that I need you like I 360 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 1: want you. Doesn't that mean way more that I want 361 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,639 Speaker 1: you in my life? But I don't need you because 362 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,439 Speaker 1: I feel like if someone needs you to be in 363 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 1: their life, that's different from want and desire, Like that's 364 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 1: just like a necessity, you know what I'm saying. Like 365 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 1: people women back in the day, especially generation like like 366 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,000 Speaker 1: my mom like whenever, like a lot of moms back 367 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 1: in the day, like they needed like another income, they 368 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 1: needed another income, Like you know a lot of times 369 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 1: people need another income. So you get married. There's different 370 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 1: reasons for why you do things. But as like, man, 371 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 1: doesn't it mean the world to you, like to say 372 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:51,680 Speaker 1: like I want you like I choose you. I don't 373 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,680 Speaker 1: need you like I want you here Like not everybody's 374 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 1: ready for that conversation. They're not yeah not the guy 375 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: for you that yeah probably or not the friendship for me, 376 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,719 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Like it's like it's just 377 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: if that's not I think that's my thing with the 378 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,439 Speaker 1: relationships in general, like across the board, Like it's like 379 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 1: if you can't accept that, like that's how that's how 380 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: I am, and I'm probably because of how I grew 381 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 1: up but it's like I think that that is a 382 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: deeper love, for sure. I think that's a deeper level 383 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 1: of friendship, a deeper level of trust, a deeper level 384 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,639 Speaker 1: of all of it. Is like that I don't you 385 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,639 Speaker 1: can't need me to need you. That's never gonna happen, 386 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 1: But I want you. I explored this a little bit 387 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 1: in my first episode of this podcast about um relationships 388 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:39,359 Speaker 1: being based in an egot. Most relationships are rooted an ego, 389 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:43,360 Speaker 1: like possession of each other. What you do for me, 390 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 1: what I expect you to do for me. I don't know, 391 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 1: Just wondering what you make of that or think about that. Man, 392 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:55,160 Speaker 1: I think ego is just it's such a problem. It's 393 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,640 Speaker 1: okay to have UM because I guess it's dependent upon 394 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: your or true like whatever you really believe ego because 395 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 1: not ego isn't bad. You want to have pride in yourself, 396 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: You want to confidence, You want to have confidence, you 397 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 1: want to have the right amount, right, I guess, But like, boy, 398 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,959 Speaker 1: it can really get in the way of progress. I 399 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,880 Speaker 1: feel like, you know, of trying to work on something, 400 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 1: because sometimes you just gotta strip yourself down and be 401 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:22,320 Speaker 1: like look, okay, like let's let's work on those Let's 402 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,679 Speaker 1: do this, whether it's a friendship, relationship, whatever, it's like, 403 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,679 Speaker 1: let's let's get in here, let's do this. But if 404 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:30,760 Speaker 1: that person is not willing to, let you know, to 405 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,959 Speaker 1: pull their ego, their pride, all of that aside and 406 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,879 Speaker 1: just be like all right, ground zero, let's do it 407 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 1: like it's not gonna work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, No, 408 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 1: I totally get that. Yeah, I just think I don't 409 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: think ego in terms of like I have an ego. 410 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,639 Speaker 1: I think in terms of, like I don't know the 411 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:49,680 Speaker 1: notion of like does it serve me? How do you 412 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 1: serve me? Just because we we want to possess people 413 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,880 Speaker 1: like refs. If you love somebody, even your kids, right, 414 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,480 Speaker 1: I love you so much. I don't want to know. 415 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,679 Speaker 1: I don't want you to leave. I don't know if 416 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 1: I do. If I think that, yeah, I'm not saying 417 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 1: everybody does, but it is something for people to look at. No, 418 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 1: because for me, like how I grew up, I'm I'm 419 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,680 Speaker 1: kind of opposite of that, and I've had opposite experience 420 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 1: and relationships where people are like, oh, you're mind like 421 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:14,959 Speaker 1: if you're dating that, you're with me, and I'm like 422 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,959 Speaker 1: ooh that that that doesn't sit well with me, Like 423 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,080 Speaker 1: I'm like your mind. The guy says that, yeah, yeah, 424 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 1: I'm like, uh no, yeah, it just possession becomes I 425 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 1: don't know, you possess products, you product, you possess things. 426 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,879 Speaker 1: You know, people are once again, it's a choice, you 427 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like you choose to be a 428 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,159 Speaker 1: part of it. And like even when my kids like 429 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,040 Speaker 1: and we've had this conversation like because you know you're 430 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,960 Speaker 1: someone off to college, and it was like that's crazy. 431 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,359 Speaker 1: I know that. I look, I'm not excited about it. 432 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,120 Speaker 1: My kids are only six and eight and I'm already 433 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,879 Speaker 1: not excited about it. But I am. I think I 434 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 1: am my mother's child, and I'm raising very independent children. 435 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,680 Speaker 1: They will be out the door as soon as they 436 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,679 Speaker 1: are able and capable. Like they're very independent, and I 437 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,280 Speaker 1: was the same way. Okay, when that moment happens, I 438 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: will be because I feel like one, I mean, I 439 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 1: know you well enough by now, just in our short conversations, 440 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,800 Speaker 1: like like you've raised a young man. You know what 441 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 1: I'm saying, You've raised someone, and I feel like that 442 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 1: by that point I will have raised someone that I'm 443 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:19,159 Speaker 1: if I'm doing my job, like I feel like I 444 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 1: trust you. I trust the decisions you're gonna make. I 445 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 1: trust what's gonna happen, like I feel like if you don't. 446 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,359 Speaker 1: And I'm from the South, so this might be different you. 447 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,959 Speaker 1: But men in the South will be like, you know, 448 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:33,159 Speaker 1: they'll trust their sons to do anything. They always go out. 449 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 1: They don't, they have a later curfew they have, you know, 450 00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: they if they're dating someone's not a deal. But with girls, 451 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 1: like a lot of times the guys, the fathers will 452 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,399 Speaker 1: be like, oh no, you're not dating until you're like thirty, right, 453 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,120 Speaker 1: And I'm like, what the hell is? And I guess 454 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:49,119 Speaker 1: I don't like that because it's like you don't trust 455 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,720 Speaker 1: your daughter, then that's on you. You didn't raise a 456 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,400 Speaker 1: girl to have enough confidence to stand up herself, or 457 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,360 Speaker 1: you didn't teach her. Like, I'm gonna trust that my 458 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 1: daughter and my son will make smart decisions like you know, 459 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,640 Speaker 1: and if they don't, you deal with it. Life happens. 460 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,439 Speaker 1: But like that bothers me. What is the thing that 461 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: you well, I mean, we all, I think we all 462 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,720 Speaker 1: hope to raise our kids well, but you know we 463 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:14,240 Speaker 1: missed them when they got But in raising our kids, 464 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,200 Speaker 1: what are your things that you have to make sure 465 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 1: that they know what you led with Like when you 466 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 1: were saying Jay Bob, I'm like, I literally asked my 467 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,400 Speaker 1: kids every night when we're snuggling and I put in bed, 468 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,479 Speaker 1: I'm like, are you happy? And like if you're not, like, 469 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: what could make you happy? No? That's it that they 470 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:35,080 Speaker 1: always say yes. No. Like sometimes they'll say, especially like 471 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,160 Speaker 1: past two years, like a lot of it and it 472 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,159 Speaker 1: kills me. But they'll and I want them to be honest, 473 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,120 Speaker 1: so I don't ever say, oh God, I don't tell 474 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,160 Speaker 1: me that you know, um, but a lot of times 475 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: it would be like, you know, I'm just really sad. 476 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:47,359 Speaker 1: You know. I wish mommy and daddy were in the 477 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,919 Speaker 1: same house. I wish, And they're really honest about it. 478 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,239 Speaker 1: And that's and I'm raising that kind of individual. I 479 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,199 Speaker 1: want you to be honest with me. And I just 480 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,200 Speaker 1: sit there and I'm like, yeah, I get it. I'm 481 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,560 Speaker 1: from a divorced family as well. I get it. That's 482 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 1: that sucks. You know, we're gonna work it out and 483 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 1: you are so loved by both of us. And I 484 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:06,200 Speaker 1: go through this conversation, I think I think communicating with 485 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,240 Speaker 1: them and not treating them, you know, not not treating 486 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,800 Speaker 1: like an adult because they're not, but not treating them 487 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,439 Speaker 1: like a child that they're they're you know, they're not 488 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,520 Speaker 1: small feelings. Those are huge feelings. Those are huge emotions. 489 00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: And so I think that's my thing. I always ask 490 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:24,760 Speaker 1: them every night, are you happy? I was like, it's 491 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,439 Speaker 1: super simple, but I'm gonna ask my kids later are 492 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:31,080 Speaker 1: they happy? Yeah? It's like I don't ask them, well 493 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,200 Speaker 1: I do. I do ask them that maybe in different ways. Yeah, 494 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,200 Speaker 1: But there's things like I always want my like, honesty 495 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: is a big thing for me. I don't like my 496 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,399 Speaker 1: kids that not only you shouldn't lie, it's a bad characterist, 497 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:43,920 Speaker 1: but like you shouldn't feel like you have to. You 498 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,960 Speaker 1: should feel then why you're doing it? Yeah? Yeah, what 499 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,439 Speaker 1: do you get out of that? Yeah? What do you 500 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,840 Speaker 1: cover it? Like? Why do so? I like, honesty is 501 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:56,439 Speaker 1: lying is the worst lying. It's just it's exhausting as well. 502 00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:00,560 Speaker 1: It's just like it's it's it's exhausting. It's a trigger 503 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,919 Speaker 1: for me, but oh my god, for all of us. Right, 504 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,680 Speaker 1: it's just like, oh my god, it's gonna come out. 505 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:08,440 Speaker 1: I always want my kids to make good decisions about 506 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,000 Speaker 1: the people that they surround themselves. Yeah, especially I have 507 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,080 Speaker 1: one ones in high school and one just left to college. 508 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,960 Speaker 1: Well last year, you remember the momentum, but like when 509 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,159 Speaker 1: they're going out on their own, and I feel like 510 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,560 Speaker 1: this is not something they tell us growing up enough, 511 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,159 Speaker 1: Like especially, well, you've been through heartbreak and heartache and 512 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,480 Speaker 1: all those things. I don't know me growing up my 513 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,960 Speaker 1: first heartbreak, I was like, why did nobody tell me 514 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:36,040 Speaker 1: how awful this is? I felt blindsided by the fact 515 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:38,920 Speaker 1: that somebody could hurt you because you made a bad 516 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 1: You picked the bad person. Yeah, not that you can't 517 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:46,120 Speaker 1: get hurt by a good person. But the people you choose, 518 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:51,560 Speaker 1: your friends, your relationships, you know they matter, it counts. 519 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,960 Speaker 1: You can literally like ruin your life. So make good 520 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,280 Speaker 1: choices in your friends, make good choices in the people 521 00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 1: that you decide you date or you want to leave 522 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 1: in your life. Because people can hurt you if you 523 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 1: allow them to. I don't know that I understood that, 524 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:06,920 Speaker 1: and it took me. I had to get my ass 525 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,720 Speaker 1: knocked down a couple of times. Yeah, to realize, Oh, 526 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,960 Speaker 1: let me be a little tighter with this, I think probably, 527 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,280 Speaker 1: Why is it we're very similar, Like even whenever you 528 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,840 Speaker 1: were talking a minute ago about like you justify, like 529 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 1: sometimes it's hard, and we're working on like not justifying 530 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 1: people's actions, not letting narcissists take hold of you, and 531 00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:25,600 Speaker 1: not letting manipulation happen, because I'm that type of person. 532 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,840 Speaker 1: Like literally I heard in church like as a kid, 533 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: like you know, put yourself in someone else's shoes, you 534 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: never know what they're going through, like and I took 535 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:36,680 Speaker 1: that and just held on tight and was like, okay, 536 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,520 Speaker 1: So someone would do something real shitty to me, and 537 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,720 Speaker 1: I'd be like, Okay, I'm gonna take my shoes off, 538 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 1: theirs on and be like why did that happen? Like 539 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 1: you know, and I would really try and see it 540 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,720 Speaker 1: from their vantage point. And I have enough friends I 541 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,119 Speaker 1: think over the year, especially this one back Charatrisha, she 542 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 1: is like, you need to stop doing that because sometimes 543 00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,239 Speaker 1: people are undeserving of that moment at this time. And 544 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,680 Speaker 1: it's not that necessarily they're a bad person, they're just 545 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,439 Speaker 1: not where you are. Well, my friend said this to 546 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,520 Speaker 1: me too when I was I was explaining to one 547 00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,680 Speaker 1: of my friends about this like shift in me after 548 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,080 Speaker 1: that thing happened with my father where I was like, oh, 549 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,919 Speaker 1: I'm not going to be like that with people anymore. 550 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,960 Speaker 1: They were like, no, don't do that. That's actually a 551 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,200 Speaker 1: great characteristic, that's not the problem. It's literally what my friend, 552 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,080 Speaker 1: they're a good friend. You're a good friend. That's like 553 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,359 Speaker 1: she's like, don't change you. Wait, my friend was a 554 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:28,080 Speaker 1: good friend too. He told me, you're not doing that wrong. 555 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 1: That's right what you're doing. You just have to decide 556 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: what is okay and not okay for you. It's okay 557 00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 1: to give people that grace of like, oh man, that's 558 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,159 Speaker 1: why they're that way. But what you don't do is 559 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,399 Speaker 1: look away. You decide what works for you and doesn't 560 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: work for you. Doesn't mean that you can have compassion, 561 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,120 Speaker 1: you can have empathy, you can understand what people doesn't 562 00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 1: mean you, doesn't mean they're allowed on that typand it 563 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,639 Speaker 1: doesn't mean you have to let it be part of 564 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,320 Speaker 1: your life. That was helpful to me because it was 565 00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 1: like okay, because it's also a beautiful thing that, like God, 566 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 1: we wish society would learn a lot of times. Empathy. 567 00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,720 Speaker 1: I mean, that's a huge thing that I hope we're 568 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:07,359 Speaker 1: all teaching our children how did you. Um, I mean 569 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,280 Speaker 1: we're talking about heartbreak and stuff, but um, what does 570 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: divorce do to you? Like? How does this shift you? 571 00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:15,159 Speaker 1: What it has to shift you? Right? Well, you know 572 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:19,760 Speaker 1: what's interesting is I think we grow up especially I 573 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 1: can only speak from like where I grew up in 574 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:23,160 Speaker 1: like the South where I am Like basically I started 575 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:25,119 Speaker 1: dating some more like thirty, I was like dead like 576 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,280 Speaker 1: people people are like, you're not married with four kids yet, 577 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 1: Like I was like an old maid like where I'm from. Yeah, 578 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 1: at thirty with like no prospects or something like it's 579 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:38,080 Speaker 1: like Jane Austen times. But for me, I never I 580 00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:41,199 Speaker 1: think I felt that pressure, like you know what I'm saying, Like, 581 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I guess yeah. All my friends, like 582 00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:44,879 Speaker 1: a lot of my friends have babies, like all of 583 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 1: my and I felt that pressure and then and then 584 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,879 Speaker 1: you do, Like I find it's so funny. I was 585 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,280 Speaker 1: just talking about I'm literally listening to my new record 586 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 1: and it's being mastered and a lot of it obviously 587 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,480 Speaker 1: is about the last two years and and it's basically 588 00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,200 Speaker 1: this arc. And I was just listening to the whole 589 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,000 Speaker 1: record and it's like there's there's the magical moment too. 590 00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:04,720 Speaker 1: You know, there's that whole thing, and that's what I 591 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:06,480 Speaker 1: fell in love like a thirty and you fall in 592 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:10,720 Speaker 1: love and deeply like every part of me, like every 593 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,119 Speaker 1: ounce to me, like on a level of like whoa 594 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:14,879 Speaker 1: want to ripper close off that kind of love And 595 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 1: that's a good kind of love. That's what you want, 596 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,239 Speaker 1: right and and so I fell in love like that 597 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:20,919 Speaker 1: and that and so it shows kind of that and 598 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:25,120 Speaker 1: then it goes this whole journey and and it it 599 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,800 Speaker 1: rips you apart. You know, whenever you you fall in 600 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,960 Speaker 1: love with someone and it doesn't work, and when do 601 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,840 Speaker 1: you know when is the moment? You know, when do 602 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:35,399 Speaker 1: you know it's not working? I mean, I think I 603 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 1: think the thing about divorce that you know, especially having 604 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,600 Speaker 1: it public size, like it's just you know, and people 605 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: thinking they know the whole thing. The hardest part of 606 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 1: that is like it wasn't an overnight decision like anyone 607 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: that's been divorced, like that was years and like you know, 608 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,680 Speaker 1: trying to trying to make you know, not make it 609 00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,360 Speaker 1: work because I don't want it. I never wanted to 610 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,480 Speaker 1: be partisan make it work. I wanted to make it beautiful. 611 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,200 Speaker 1: I wanted to make it awesome. I wanted to make 612 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:08,239 Speaker 1: it everything it possibly could be, and and sometimes that 613 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:14,160 Speaker 1: just doesn't happen. And for whatever reason. And the point 614 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:18,800 Speaker 1: that I finally was like whoa, I was like, I gotta, 615 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:22,480 Speaker 1: I gotta, I gotta do something different for me is 616 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,720 Speaker 1: I literally I remember I remember reading this book. It's 617 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,760 Speaker 1: called Untamed, and a friend had given it to No, 618 00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 1: it wasn't my therapist. My therapist give it to me. 619 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:34,440 Speaker 1: And she was actually our marriage counselor so you stole 620 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 1: the marriage. I actually kept her. But yeah, because it 621 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,880 Speaker 1: was helpful. It was helpful, Like so I think anything 622 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,320 Speaker 1: that's helping you you should keep in your life. But 623 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,040 Speaker 1: but she had turned me on to um Glenn and Doyle, 624 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:49,680 Speaker 1: and so did I think my nanny she had told 625 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 1: me about Glenn and Doyle. And and then there was 626 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:52,760 Speaker 1: a book called Name Tame and I read it and 627 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 1: I was reading it and it was like, literally she 628 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:57,120 Speaker 1: was talking about her life and she was talking about 629 00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 1: she goes, you know what. It was the hardest thing 630 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,400 Speaker 1: for me to do. But I looked at my daughter. 631 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,040 Speaker 1: I looked at her and I thought, would I want 632 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 1: this marriage for my daughter? Would I want would I 633 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 1: want my daughter to be in this position? Like is 634 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:13,880 Speaker 1: this what I want for her? Like what I want 635 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,920 Speaker 1: this for her? Then why would I Like no, I 636 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 1: don't so, like why would I want it for me? 637 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,840 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. So it just kind of 638 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 1: changed the perspective on it. But it's a difficult thing, 639 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,920 Speaker 1: like right, like you have kids, and everybody thinks about 640 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,520 Speaker 1: that when you have kids. You know, it's like, oh, 641 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 1: I don't want to split my kids. I don't want to. 642 00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:34,920 Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't want to do that to them, 643 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 1: especially if I'm a child of divorce, you know, you 644 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,560 Speaker 1: have a family exactly, you don't want. Nobody wants to 645 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:44,760 Speaker 1: do that, so you know, it happens, unfortunately, and it's 646 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,160 Speaker 1: one of those things that that's also that's a constant, 647 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:51,640 Speaker 1: like working one thing after the aftermath of course, because 648 00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,080 Speaker 1: then there's all types of I mean, I've never been 649 00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:57,239 Speaker 1: legally married, I've been in long relationships, yeah, but but 650 00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:00,280 Speaker 1: there's still the aftermath after that. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, 651 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:02,200 Speaker 1: of that, and then all the like you go through 652 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:06,040 Speaker 1: the phases, the phases of it like that. By the way, 653 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:10,400 Speaker 1: every phase is on my next record. Yeah, there is sadness. 654 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:14,000 Speaker 1: There is rage. Yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot. 655 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 1: It's because you go through all those emotions like you 656 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,400 Speaker 1: because there's no and I feel like if you don't, 657 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,360 Speaker 1: if you don't hit all of those and if you 658 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:25,680 Speaker 1: don't have that, then were you really in it? Like 659 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,320 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like like like I sometimes 660 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,320 Speaker 1: I run across people and they're like, oh, I felt 661 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,120 Speaker 1: like you know fine, And I was just like wait 662 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:37,680 Speaker 1: what I was like I was destroyed, like on the ground, 663 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:42,640 Speaker 1: like crying, like it's because that's that's a loss, that's 664 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:46,120 Speaker 1: a it's a death. Honestly, you grieve something that you 665 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 1: thought would be forever. But you have never been in 666 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,480 Speaker 1: one of those relationships. I have been where oh you're 667 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,520 Speaker 1: not all the way in where you're like oh when 668 00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,040 Speaker 1: you get out, you're like, oh I feel better now. No. No, 669 00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,760 Speaker 1: that's what tripped me up. So I'd never been in 670 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:03,680 Speaker 1: love before being married, like I'd never I had never 671 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,800 Speaker 1: experienced that kind of love like before like he was 672 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:11,160 Speaker 1: like my first like fall in love. Oh yeah, So 673 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 1: that that was really and I mean honestly, even when 674 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 1: you can't stand the person, sometimes you still there's still 675 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:21,320 Speaker 1: always I mean, in my circumstance, I don't know that, 676 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,120 Speaker 1: because my kids asked me another time, They're like, so 677 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,400 Speaker 1: you don't love him anymore? And I'm like no, I 678 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 1: was like, I don't. I don't know if that goes away, 679 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,960 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like to because you've truly 680 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,120 Speaker 1: known someone on an intimate level, you know, even if 681 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,320 Speaker 1: you're not happy with decisions that were made with you 682 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 1: or whatever, or maybe things they did, there's a level 683 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,719 Speaker 1: of understanding or justifying or whatever you want to call 684 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,360 Speaker 1: it that you can't escape because you were, you know, madly, 685 00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: deeply in love with this personnected to them. Yeah, so 686 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:52,720 Speaker 1: I don't know. I think you might always be connected 687 00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 1: in some say, well, obviously we're connected. We have children 688 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:58,440 Speaker 1: together too. But but but I don't want to. I 689 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:02,160 Speaker 1: guess my thing is is I've I'm not the person 690 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,040 Speaker 1: to be like, oh, well you know, oh it never 691 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,400 Speaker 1: had or nothing like that. No, it was beautiful for 692 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 1: a minute, you know what I'm saying. It was awesome 693 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 1: for a minute and then and that's okay, it just 694 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,000 Speaker 1: didn't work out. What do you think, because God, I'd 695 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,560 Speaker 1: imagine even watching this right now, the amount of women 696 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,720 Speaker 1: who are in the trenches of that, Like he's sitting 697 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,240 Speaker 1: here and you're fine now and you're at an eleven 698 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,720 Speaker 1: in your happiness and that took years, know that, I'm saying, Yeah, 699 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 1: so I can imagine somebody might even be watching us 700 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,520 Speaker 1: now and like in the trenches of that, Like what 701 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:33,880 Speaker 1: do you say to that person? What is the well? Okay? 702 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:35,880 Speaker 1: So I had this interesting conversation when I was in 703 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:37,800 Speaker 1: New York and I one of the interviews I did 704 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 1: was with Hillary and Chelsea Clinton. And it was interesting 705 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,560 Speaker 1: because they did this show called Gutsy and this lady 706 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,160 Speaker 1: just flat out asked Hillary like, man, so you stayed 707 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,239 Speaker 1: and like just went there in the interview with her, 708 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:50,840 Speaker 1: and I was like, man, I was like, was that? 709 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,000 Speaker 1: And I started having this conversation with Hillary and it 710 00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:58,000 Speaker 1: was interesting because you know, everybody has their own I 711 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 1: know nothing about your relationship with who you're with, you 712 00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,640 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like people can see from the outside, 713 00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,960 Speaker 1: but if you're not in the relationship, you don't know it. 714 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:11,400 Speaker 1: So like, sometimes what I did is not the answer, 715 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,160 Speaker 1: you know, for everyone. That was the answer for me. 716 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,920 Speaker 1: But you know, it's interesting because Hillary was talking about 717 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:20,600 Speaker 1: how mine was stay like that was that was my 718 00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:22,840 Speaker 1: that was what I needed, that's what I knew it 719 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,840 Speaker 1: was right for me. And I found that very powerful 720 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,799 Speaker 1: because I think we can all be very judgy on 721 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:32,200 Speaker 1: like if somebody is especially for her Mike, Yeah, yeah, 722 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,360 Speaker 1: a lot of people though, even even people we know 723 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:37,200 Speaker 1: in our lives that aren't you know, yes, that was 724 00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 1: probably horrible because it was in the public eye. But 725 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,120 Speaker 1: I just mean even even people like in our lives 726 00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 1: that aren't in the public eye, Like a lot of 727 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,520 Speaker 1: people would be quick to judge because it's a real 728 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,400 Speaker 1: easy to do from the peanut gallery, you know. But 729 00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:51,040 Speaker 1: it's just like what I did in my life. I 730 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 1: don't think everybody like having a hard time in their 731 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,440 Speaker 1: marriage right now should get divorced. I think that's not 732 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,319 Speaker 1: the first thing you should do. I didn't mean then 733 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,320 Speaker 1: in terms of like what people should do in their marriage. 734 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,239 Speaker 1: I'm just saying, what do you do picking yourself up 735 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,840 Speaker 1: off the floor when you're off the floor crying or 736 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:08,200 Speaker 1: you're in the trenches of her and disappointment, all the 737 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,040 Speaker 1: things that when you said you were on the floor, 738 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,839 Speaker 1: and like, what is the thing that picks you up? 739 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 1: What is the thing that that's we're coming back to 740 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,799 Speaker 1: who you surround yourself with. So, I mean, I I 741 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,279 Speaker 1: do not think that I would have made it out 742 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,920 Speaker 1: of that without first of all, my therapist. I'll be real, Like, 743 00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,719 Speaker 1: I mean, she gave me tools that I did not know, 744 00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:29,600 Speaker 1: like even little sayings like I just told you of 745 00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:32,480 Speaker 1: like not attending every argument or not trying to fix 746 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,840 Speaker 1: everything or not you know, being okay with like my kids. 747 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,960 Speaker 1: I think what I saw with my parents' vorce, Like 748 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:41,239 Speaker 1: I just like I don't want to do that with 749 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:42,920 Speaker 1: my kids. Like so I never let them see me 750 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:44,799 Speaker 1: cry and never let them you know, I was very 751 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:48,840 Speaker 1: adamant about just keeping it real polished, and you know, 752 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,719 Speaker 1: and she even the advice from her like and they're 753 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:56,439 Speaker 1: trained professionals that give you tools to like navigate hard situations, right, 754 00:35:56,480 --> 00:36:00,279 Speaker 1: So and it it really tell you about that she 755 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,520 Speaker 1: told me. Yeah, she told me, like it's okay to 756 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:07,839 Speaker 1: let allow your kids to express empathy towards you. It's 757 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:09,960 Speaker 1: okay for your kids to see you have a hard time. 758 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:15,719 Speaker 1: It's better for your kids to see you honestly, like 759 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,759 Speaker 1: and not that I like, I don't cry out time 760 00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:19,279 Speaker 1: from it. But you know, there were a couple of 761 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:21,680 Speaker 1: times when you know, I'd be in my room and 762 00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:24,120 Speaker 1: they would just see my face and my daughter would 763 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:25,800 Speaker 1: be like, oh, what's going on? And I'm like, well, 764 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,680 Speaker 1: today was a hard one, you know, and she'd be like, 765 00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 1: oh man, she was like, so is it do you know? 766 00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:33,600 Speaker 1: She'd flat out asked me already missed dad? I was like, 767 00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 1: of course I do. It was like you missed Daddy too, 768 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,560 Speaker 1: And we'd have conversations and and you know, not not 769 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,640 Speaker 1: anything that she shouldn't have been talked to about, but like, 770 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,359 Speaker 1: but you know, just being honest with her about how 771 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,759 Speaker 1: I was feeling. And that took time for me. And 772 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,440 Speaker 1: that's a lot of work because that's really hard for 773 00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:50,960 Speaker 1: me to do because some of that can be triggering 774 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,960 Speaker 1: from like oh I wish I hadn't seen some of 775 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:54,279 Speaker 1: the stuff when I was kids, so I have to 776 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,879 Speaker 1: like navigate what I feel like it's appropriate or inappropriate. 777 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:02,160 Speaker 1: So but I would not have gotten through that without 778 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:07,240 Speaker 1: and honestly, uh, my therapist, my friends and family and music. 779 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,920 Speaker 1: I know that sounds very cliches and artists and sounds 780 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:13,080 Speaker 1: very type of artists that you are, but that's like 781 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:17,319 Speaker 1: if I if I didn't have the outlet. I didn't 782 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:18,640 Speaker 1: even know if I was going to release an album 783 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:20,799 Speaker 1: because I was like, I don't know if I want 784 00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:22,440 Speaker 1: to talk about this, you know what I'm saying, Like 785 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:24,000 Speaker 1: you you write it all out and you get it 786 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:27,120 Speaker 1: allut and it's all there, and it's like then it 787 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:28,600 Speaker 1: took me a minute. I was like, you know, and 788 00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,080 Speaker 1: I wrote most of them like two years ago, but 789 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:33,439 Speaker 1: it's like I needed that I wrote so much. Like 790 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:36,920 Speaker 1: whatever your art form is, or however you express yourself, 791 00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,000 Speaker 1: whatever your outlet is, like, that's what that was for 792 00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:42,920 Speaker 1: it out, getting it out, and I'm oh, I can't. 793 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,759 Speaker 1: I don't know how people go through something devastated, any 794 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:49,200 Speaker 1: kind of loss or grieving process without that having some 795 00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,279 Speaker 1: kind of outlet. And that was really helpful for me. 796 00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 1: So therapy, um, an outlet, music or whatever. You have 797 00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,760 Speaker 1: friends and family, man, lying on those people you surrounded 798 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:01,880 Speaker 1: That why it's important, Like who do you surround yourself with? 799 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,400 Speaker 1: Are those people you want to be? Like, you know, 800 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 1: are those people that you look up to, you admire 801 00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:10,360 Speaker 1: they should be you know? So why are you holding space? 802 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:14,239 Speaker 1: Yeah around right? Yeah? Why are you taking why are 803 00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:17,239 Speaker 1: you living rent free here? Like yeah, how old are 804 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:21,560 Speaker 1: kids six and eight? Oh god, they're so smart. It's 805 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:25,600 Speaker 1: such good questions. Well, it's more my eldest she's going 806 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:29,080 Speaker 1: to be a talk Yeah, no, she's she very well. 807 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:32,400 Speaker 1: It's so funny too, because I think kids, man, they 808 00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,239 Speaker 1: they and you know this. They will read into say, 809 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:39,080 Speaker 1: they pick up they see. It's pretty great band a parent. 810 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,520 Speaker 1: I love being a parent. I feel like it's hard, 811 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,239 Speaker 1: but I love it. It is hard. What do you 812 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:44,960 Speaker 1: think hard? What has been the hardest thing for you? 813 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:49,279 Speaker 1: Just constantly trying to be the best version of myself? Right, 814 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:50,920 Speaker 1: Like I mean because we all chirp up, we all 815 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,399 Speaker 1: have tired days, we all get short tempered, we all 816 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:55,640 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Like, so it's like it's 817 00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:57,680 Speaker 1: just trying to be the best version of yourself. They 818 00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:00,759 Speaker 1: because they will hold you accountable. I'll be like, wait 819 00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:03,440 Speaker 1: a minute, but remember and I'm like, don't no, that 820 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:09,040 Speaker 1: never happened. But I yeah, it's that. I think. I 821 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:12,239 Speaker 1: think that's it man, Just really trying to be which 822 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,560 Speaker 1: is awesome because it also makes you better human. I 823 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:17,520 Speaker 1: think if you're doing it right, Yeah, for sure. Yeah. 824 00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,920 Speaker 1: I keep thinking about you saying that you're in eleven 825 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:23,000 Speaker 1: eleven is a fucking good number. It's great number. Is 826 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,840 Speaker 1: that like all the time or is that just today? No? 827 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:28,400 Speaker 1: I think honestly, I'll be real with you, it was 828 00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:32,920 Speaker 1: like a four before I went on vacation so recently, 829 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,000 Speaker 1: because like I said, I just kept busy, kept busy, 830 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:38,120 Speaker 1: kept busy. I was, I was shutting off. I was like, 831 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,200 Speaker 1: I can't because I knew. You ever see that Friends 832 00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: episode where Bruce willis like Jennifer Andersson finally gets him 833 00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:45,759 Speaker 1: to cry. She's like, it's so weird he doesn't cry, 834 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:47,840 Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, he just like cries 835 00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:49,719 Speaker 1: all the time. Like I was like, I was like, 836 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:53,520 Speaker 1: if I let if I even open creak this door, 837 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,440 Speaker 1: like if there's just a tiny bit of space, it's 838 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,759 Speaker 1: just gonna come gushing out because you know all those things, 839 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,680 Speaker 1: it's something that matters to you and something that is 840 00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:04,080 Speaker 1: so you're so deeply affected by, and I'm so emotional 841 00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:07,400 Speaker 1: in general, like it. Yeah, I was like I can't. 842 00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:10,120 Speaker 1: I gotta hold back, I gotta smile, I gotta do 843 00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:13,160 Speaker 1: my work, I gotta be busy. And then I was 844 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,439 Speaker 1: not well and then I took that time. I knew 845 00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:19,000 Speaker 1: I needed it. My kids needed it, So I said, 846 00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:21,400 Speaker 1: note everything. It was like, I don't two and a 847 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,840 Speaker 1: half months three months of like me just literally in 848 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:27,160 Speaker 1: the mountains, four wheeling just then that helped you. Yeah, 849 00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,839 Speaker 1: brought your back. Yeah well yeah, good for you. It's 850 00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:32,719 Speaker 1: hard to figure that out sometimes for people because someone 851 00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:35,000 Speaker 1: as you need to credit that space to figure it out. 852 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,520 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, and to see things to have clarity. I 853 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:40,680 Speaker 1: think for sure. Yeah, I knew I was gonna like 854 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:44,560 Speaker 1: this this, but this comes. Yeah, I knew it. I came. 855 00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:47,120 Speaker 1: I was telling her. I was like, I'm so excited 856 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,399 Speaker 1: to do this. So like, no, because I just love 857 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,640 Speaker 1: a real conversation. Thanks, yeah, thank you, me too. I 858 00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,000 Speaker 1: appreciate it. We're so excited. Where are you? Where are 859 00:40:56,040 --> 00:41:00,480 Speaker 1: you right now? Uh? Where are you with love now? Like? 860 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:02,319 Speaker 1: What is a level of the things that you care 861 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,840 Speaker 1: about in life, like in terms of its importance in 862 00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:08,160 Speaker 1: your life and as in a relationship kind of that 863 00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:11,919 Speaker 1: kind of love. Yes, So I I grew up where 864 00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,920 Speaker 1: it's like, you know, you're supposed to graduate high school, 865 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,280 Speaker 1: you find someone you love, have kids, get a job, 866 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,120 Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with that. Like, I think that's beautiful. 867 00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:24,560 Speaker 1: I think it's awesome. I always knew it I was 868 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:28,160 Speaker 1: not going to have I'm just more of a gypsy. 869 00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:29,920 Speaker 1: I just knew I wasn't going to have a normal 870 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,399 Speaker 1: like whatever normal was where I grew up, I knew 871 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:36,359 Speaker 1: it didn't fit for me. I did fall in love 872 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:39,480 Speaker 1: more shocking than me. My mother was still shocked, but 873 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,120 Speaker 1: like yo, like everyone was shocked, like so I did. 874 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:43,879 Speaker 1: Though I fell in love. I did it. I fell 875 00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:48,000 Speaker 1: in love so deeply I experienced that. I feel so 876 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,759 Speaker 1: much gratitude for that, having had felt that. You know, 877 00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,880 Speaker 1: not everybody gets to feel that in a life. And 878 00:41:54,880 --> 00:42:01,640 Speaker 1: and I but I really do, like truly love being single, 879 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:06,040 Speaker 1: Like I yes, I do, Like I know it's so weird, 880 00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:10,560 Speaker 1: but I love a part about okay, like plans changing, 881 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,600 Speaker 1: like you know what I'm saying, Like like like, okay, 882 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:14,399 Speaker 1: we were supposed to do something else this one week 883 00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:15,640 Speaker 1: and coming up, and then all of a sudden, I 884 00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:17,520 Speaker 1: was like, you know what, that didn't feel right. I 885 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:19,520 Speaker 1: was like something wasn't ready. I was like, let's just 886 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:22,400 Speaker 1: go do something else. And I'm very I'm very spontaneous. 887 00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,839 Speaker 1: I like that, and I'm very much a gypsy. I mean, 888 00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:27,480 Speaker 1: my god, I've been on the road and I was nineteen, 889 00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:30,759 Speaker 1: like I'm there's a reason for it, like I enjoy it, 890 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,200 Speaker 1: like a lot of people crave stability, but a lot 891 00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:37,160 Speaker 1: of people's stability is that spontaneity. And I like that. 892 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:44,000 Speaker 1: And I'd like my bed, I like my routine. I 893 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,640 Speaker 1: like like, I think it's awesome. And maybe one day 894 00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,640 Speaker 1: I'm not like saying I'm I'm against it, I won't 895 00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:54,560 Speaker 1: be getting married, but like forever, No, you've heard it here, 896 00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:57,840 Speaker 1: like don't play this back. Yeah, I'm just saying to 897 00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,319 Speaker 1: think about it. No, it's just because I don't and 898 00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,680 Speaker 1: I even you can ask my ex like I never, 899 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:08,040 Speaker 1: I was never. I feel like you, I feel like 900 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,640 Speaker 1: that that has been like in my life. You know, 901 00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,680 Speaker 1: I've been through a couple divorces my own family, like 902 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,239 Speaker 1: as a as a kid. And it's like, to me, 903 00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,919 Speaker 1: you can be in love. I would I would love 904 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,880 Speaker 1: to fall in love, like I would love to find 905 00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:21,960 Speaker 1: someone and fall in love and do that thing. But 906 00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:25,080 Speaker 1: I I have children. And that's why I say it's 907 00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:29,160 Speaker 1: not that I'm like against marriage. I'm saying I have children. 908 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:35,000 Speaker 1: I didn't have the most positive experience with step situations 909 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,560 Speaker 1: and like remarrying and I didn't have the most positive 910 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,360 Speaker 1: situation degree up. I will not do that to my children. 911 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,319 Speaker 1: And so I that's what I mean. It's not so 912 00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:50,120 Speaker 1: much because I'm like against marriage. I'm just like I love. 913 00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:51,799 Speaker 1: I would love to fall in love, but I don't. 914 00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,840 Speaker 1: I don't want like another dude or in my house 915 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,600 Speaker 1: with my children. I just think sometimes I just think 916 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,200 Speaker 1: it didn't work out whenever I was young, not to 917 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,239 Speaker 1: say that wouldn't work out, but I just think it's 918 00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:05,240 Speaker 1: okay just to fall in love. And I love my children. 919 00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:07,360 Speaker 1: I love my time with them. I love my work. 920 00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:11,120 Speaker 1: I love my dogs more than most humans. I love, 921 00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:14,120 Speaker 1: I love my life. I'm so happy. I said, I'm 922 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:17,879 Speaker 1: a loving emotionally like I I love my life right now. 923 00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,319 Speaker 1: It took a minute, it took some work, and I 924 00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:23,239 Speaker 1: got it and I got it back and and I 925 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,960 Speaker 1: no longer have those like preconceived things that you know, 926 00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,359 Speaker 1: society tells you have to do in order to like 927 00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,520 Speaker 1: whatever grew up like especially from the South, like I 928 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,959 Speaker 1: just I don't have that, Like I'm happy really yeah, 929 00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:37,759 Speaker 1: there's a freet a minute and and and I don't 930 00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,680 Speaker 1: I don't want someone, yeah, like in my house around 931 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,279 Speaker 1: my kid I'm not I'm not down with that. So, 932 00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,040 Speaker 1: but I would love to fall in love. YEA love 933 00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:47,560 Speaker 1: is beautiful like I've experienced love. So that's I love passion. 934 00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:50,600 Speaker 1: I love love. I love fear about it. I don't 935 00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:53,440 Speaker 1: really have I don't think I have fear about it. 936 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:56,640 Speaker 1: I just realized, like I have this one. I have 937 00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:59,960 Speaker 1: this whole song called Red Flag Collector on my next 938 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,359 Speaker 1: next album because I refuse to be that anymore. UM 939 00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:05,799 Speaker 1: can break this down for me. This is so red 940 00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,080 Speaker 1: flag clagers. Like basically it's like, oh, I'm just over 941 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:11,440 Speaker 1: here collecting red flags, like like why and I just 942 00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:13,480 Speaker 1: refuse to do that. So I think I've been better 943 00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:18,799 Speaker 1: about like treasure, I've been better about about about seeing it, 944 00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:21,839 Speaker 1: you know and being like, oh that's not good. So no, okay, 945 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:23,520 Speaker 1: so you see a red like what's a red flag? 946 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,359 Speaker 1: I'm trying to think what's my red flag? Someone being 947 00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:29,279 Speaker 1: like manipulative in a conversation and I'm like, yeah, I 948 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,960 Speaker 1: don't like that, and I'm like okay, no, I'm goody. 949 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:33,839 Speaker 1: That's like it's like you didn't need to do that. 950 00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:35,920 Speaker 1: Let's bust some down because people probably need to know 951 00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:38,000 Speaker 1: some of the red flags that's a good one. Yeah, 952 00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:42,000 Speaker 1: you probably have a bunch of manipulation is a yeah, animulation. Yeah, 953 00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,640 Speaker 1: I for a red flag for me sometimes is if 954 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:49,640 Speaker 1: um liar A liar is a huge red flag. Yeah. 955 00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:52,000 Speaker 1: Also a red flag for me is somebody who has 956 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:55,600 Speaker 1: way too many friends and they were all his best 957 00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,680 Speaker 1: his best friends. I feel like when some a red 958 00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:00,160 Speaker 1: flag can also be if they have no for if 959 00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:02,640 Speaker 1: they have no friends yea, also saying that's also a 960 00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:05,200 Speaker 1: red flag. Also to be a red flag. But sometimes 961 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:09,000 Speaker 1: if somebody's friends with everybody, Yeah, I feel like, how 962 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,919 Speaker 1: can you be a real friend to anybody if you're 963 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,080 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like I could be friends 964 00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,720 Speaker 1: avery of course I feel like you only have really 965 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,160 Speaker 1: room for like a few people on that kind of levels, 966 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,279 Speaker 1: is what I'm saying. Yeah, you like you need too 967 00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:27,880 Speaker 1: many for then that's a networker red flag for me. Yeah, 968 00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:29,920 Speaker 1: it's a red flag that should be a red flag 969 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:34,480 Speaker 1: for all of us. Flag Yeah. Um else that might 970 00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:38,399 Speaker 1: be a ladder climber as well. Yeah for sure, Yeah, 971 00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:42,080 Speaker 1: yeah that's definitely but again, no friends also a problem. Yep. 972 00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:44,880 Speaker 1: Also not a good thing. Yeah, you know, it's a 973 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:46,960 Speaker 1: red flag for me. Because I hated this. I don't 974 00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:53,919 Speaker 1: like this in man m complainers like chronic complainers. Yeah, 975 00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:57,040 Speaker 1: somebody that could be many and women, but somebody who 976 00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,040 Speaker 1: always finds like the negative, Like I could be like, 977 00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:01,680 Speaker 1: you have seven amazing things going on in your life, 978 00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:03,920 Speaker 1: why are you yep? Why is this the thing? And 979 00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:05,640 Speaker 1: if you see that a couple of times, that should 980 00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:08,799 Speaker 1: be a flag because that means that person likes being 981 00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,319 Speaker 1: in that state. Yeah, it's not just something, That's what 982 00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:13,640 Speaker 1: I'm saying. Some people with that generational they don't even 983 00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,319 Speaker 1: know how to exist without it. Yes, they don't know 984 00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:18,640 Speaker 1: how well you got to watch for those flags because 985 00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:24,480 Speaker 1: otherwise than you're in a relationship, they aren't. Maybe these 986 00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:26,520 Speaker 1: are good. I don't like like any kind of this 987 00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:30,960 Speaker 1: is for people I work with, people in relationships, frendship, family, 988 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:38,080 Speaker 1: I do. I insecure people who red flag and not 989 00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:41,919 Speaker 1: only a red flag just exhausting as hell. It's like, 990 00:47:42,560 --> 00:47:44,759 Speaker 1: oh my god, I don't have time to do all 991 00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:48,040 Speaker 1: these things plus be your daily cheerleader, like I can't. 992 00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:51,160 Speaker 1: I can't do that. That's not fair. To be supportive 993 00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:54,279 Speaker 1: is one thing you know of friendships or people, but 994 00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,600 Speaker 1: like to have to like every day be like you're amazing. 995 00:47:57,719 --> 00:48:00,000 Speaker 1: It's like, WHOA, I feel like you maybe a younger 996 00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:05,279 Speaker 1: you might have been a little too susceptible to that, 997 00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,200 Speaker 1: Like as you're so friendly and warm and you talk 998 00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:10,040 Speaker 1: to me, probably a good You're a good ear, so 999 00:48:10,080 --> 00:48:12,280 Speaker 1: I feel like you might have been open to people 1000 00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:16,200 Speaker 1: taking advantage of that. Is that good assessment your friends? 1001 00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:18,960 Speaker 1: Because I have a friend, one of my good friends, 1002 00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:21,360 Speaker 1: she's like one of my favorite people because she cares 1003 00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:24,640 Speaker 1: so deeply about everybody. She'll help everybody out of a crisis, 1004 00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:28,200 Speaker 1: and she'll um and she's just she stay on the 1005 00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:30,480 Speaker 1: phone all this person's going. She's just a good friend, 1006 00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:33,960 Speaker 1: like a really just good friend. Sometimes like you're a 1007 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,840 Speaker 1: better friend than me, Like I'm not getting up at 1008 00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:37,600 Speaker 1: three in the morning and going because you're like, you know, 1009 00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:40,040 Speaker 1: she's just a good friend. And I always had to 1010 00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:43,080 Speaker 1: tell her like it's really a beautiful thing about you. 1011 00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:46,000 Speaker 1: But also be really careful because then you're also a 1012 00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:50,360 Speaker 1: magnet to people who need a lot all the time. 1013 00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:55,240 Speaker 1: And then you're drained. She's nothing. You're drained because you're 1014 00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:58,080 Speaker 1: you gave everything you got to everybody, to everybody else, 1015 00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:01,799 Speaker 1: and people who love you shouldn't want you shouldn't want 1016 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,160 Speaker 1: to do that to you. I know. It's also it's 1017 00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:06,319 Speaker 1: it's about I guess the people we attract and the 1018 00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:11,560 Speaker 1: people we allow in. Yes, right, so exactly, still working 1019 00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,000 Speaker 1: on that. The same thing, you're too needy if you're 1020 00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,600 Speaker 1: like insecured. I say that to say, be aware of 1021 00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:19,719 Speaker 1: like even friends, not just relationships. No, that's I mean, 1022 00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:22,239 Speaker 1: like I'm staying across the board. But first of all, 1023 00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:25,440 Speaker 1: I'm also just getting too old. Like I'm just like, look, 1024 00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:27,239 Speaker 1: I get it, like I'm not I'm not even mad 1025 00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:29,520 Speaker 1: at you about it. Like I'm just like I like 1026 00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,560 Speaker 1: I don't have like I'm taking care of two humans. 1027 00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,920 Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm living my life. I'm trying to 1028 00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:36,720 Speaker 1: do my best at what I do in my life. 1029 00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:39,000 Speaker 1: I'm like I can be there a bit, but I can't. 1030 00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:40,879 Speaker 1: That That's the thing I will say to another thing 1031 00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:45,400 Speaker 1: that I learned and therapy was like one day she 1032 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:48,719 Speaker 1: was like, hey, why don't you try and treat yourself 1033 00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:51,879 Speaker 1: how you treat everybody else? And I was like, why 1034 00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:55,640 Speaker 1: are you coming at me with that? Like like don't 1035 00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:58,839 Speaker 1: you come in here with honesty? Like so, and it's 1036 00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:02,560 Speaker 1: a hard thing when you know you I have always 1037 00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:05,120 Speaker 1: been I'm a I was a total people pleaser. I'm 1038 00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,759 Speaker 1: still a people pleaser, you know. It's just I have 1039 00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:11,000 Speaker 1: to watch myself and be like, yeah, wait, I can't 1040 00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:13,080 Speaker 1: do that. Isn't that a great moment when you when 1041 00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:15,320 Speaker 1: you come to that realization. Somebody said that to me. 1042 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,520 Speaker 1: There was a therapist actually two years ago. I was 1043 00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:20,680 Speaker 1: going through something and I was like, this thing, I 1044 00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:22,200 Speaker 1: can't get out of it. I can't get out of 1045 00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:25,480 Speaker 1: this relationship. And if I do, he's gonna fall apart. 1046 00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:27,719 Speaker 1: This is gonna fall apart. That's gonna fall apart. And 1047 00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:29,320 Speaker 1: she thought, and she said to me, She's like, you 1048 00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,919 Speaker 1: keep talking about everybody else. She's like, why is would 1049 00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:34,520 Speaker 1: everybody else, how everybody else is going to be affected 1050 00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,520 Speaker 1: more important than how you are being affected? Why? Why? 1051 00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:39,560 Speaker 1: She said, I'm not telling you to care about yourself 1052 00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:41,839 Speaker 1: more than everybody, which would be great. I just want 1053 00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,680 Speaker 1: you to at least put yourself on it in the mix, 1054 00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:46,520 Speaker 1: equal like the man, about yourself as much as you 1055 00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:49,440 Speaker 1: care about yea. And something about that was like, but 1056 00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,840 Speaker 1: it's funny though, because it's simple, right, But it's a 1057 00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:55,239 Speaker 1: real thing. For a time, it's like I was like, like, 1058 00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:58,799 Speaker 1: especially growing up in church, like it's never about you. 1059 00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:03,120 Speaker 1: It's always about others, Like it's always about yeah, I know, 1060 00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:05,279 Speaker 1: but that's how I was raised. Like so it's just 1061 00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,160 Speaker 1: like you're raised like it's never about you or even 1062 00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:11,360 Speaker 1: any you know, any time you win something or anything, 1063 00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:13,960 Speaker 1: and that's not you, that's God. And I'm like, that's beautiful. 1064 00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:16,239 Speaker 1: I love that that it is something bigger than me. 1065 00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:19,200 Speaker 1: I love that mentality. But at the same time, if 1066 00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:21,640 Speaker 1: we're always out of here thinking about everybody else, like 1067 00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:23,960 Speaker 1: it's like, at some point you do need to think 1068 00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,760 Speaker 1: about yourself. And here's the thing too, why at some point, 1069 00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:28,840 Speaker 1: I know I know it all the time you should. 1070 00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:30,600 Speaker 1: But but if you're in that bad you know, that 1071 00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,640 Speaker 1: habitual pattern of doing that, like, at some point you 1072 00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:34,320 Speaker 1: gotta get out of that. They gotta break that cycle. 1073 00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:37,640 Speaker 1: And and for me, breaking that cycle was my children, 1074 00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:42,319 Speaker 1: Like I am a way better parent when I take 1075 00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:45,359 Speaker 1: care of myself as well, like the oxygen mask mentality, right, 1076 00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:48,480 Speaker 1: and and you know you do have to take care 1077 00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:51,480 Speaker 1: of yourself in order for that to like trickle down, right, sure, 1078 00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:54,080 Speaker 1: And so I think that's the thing we goo will 1079 00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:56,839 Speaker 1: run ourselves ragged, like trying to please, please, please, do please, 1080 00:51:56,840 --> 00:51:58,600 Speaker 1: and then you're on empty. I did, like, you have 1081 00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:00,239 Speaker 1: a friend like that? And I have a friend too. 1082 00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:02,640 Speaker 1: I won't say his name just in case you don't 1083 00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:04,640 Speaker 1: want me names, but but I have a friend and 1084 00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:07,440 Speaker 1: I do I ask him all the time. I'm just like, so, 1085 00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:09,960 Speaker 1: when do you like do something for yourself? Because he 1086 00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,960 Speaker 1: is because I'm almost like, are you afraid to be still? Like, 1087 00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:14,920 Speaker 1: are you afraid to not do for others? Are you? 1088 00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:17,399 Speaker 1: What are you because it kind of seems like you're 1089 00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:21,200 Speaker 1: always doing for everyone else? What does that mean? Like 1090 00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:23,479 Speaker 1: why aren't you like is there something you're running from? 1091 00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:27,960 Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, he was like, why are 1092 00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,280 Speaker 1: you saying? I was like, because it kind of seems 1093 00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,160 Speaker 1: that way. You're always, I mean literally a person that 1094 00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:35,240 Speaker 1: would give the shirt off his back, like always helpful, 1095 00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,919 Speaker 1: always there, Like you got to make sure you're those 1096 00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:40,120 Speaker 1: people are deserving and would do the same for you, 1097 00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:43,960 Speaker 1: you know, put yourself somewhere somewhere in that equation. Yeah, 1098 00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:46,960 Speaker 1: what do you think your overall? Like, I mean, you 1099 00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,279 Speaker 1: have so many sphases of your life. Your career has 1100 00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:52,400 Speaker 1: been amazing. You're clearly a great, mom, What do you 1101 00:52:52,440 --> 00:52:55,760 Speaker 1: think in this grand scheme of it, like your purpose 1102 00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,440 Speaker 1: here is have you thought about that? I'm sure and 1103 00:52:57,480 --> 00:52:59,600 Speaker 1: all that therapy it's sad to have come up. Yeah, well, 1104 00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:01,959 Speaker 1: you know it's interesting. I don't know if you feel this, 1105 00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:05,800 Speaker 1: but like I feel like you know, from you know, 1106 00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:08,000 Speaker 1: ever since I was young, I knew my purpose was music. 1107 00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:10,239 Speaker 1: I didn't think I would ever be like a lead 1108 00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:12,120 Speaker 1: singer like where I am right now. My goal was 1109 00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:13,880 Speaker 1: honestly to be a background singer because I liked a 1110 00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:16,239 Speaker 1: lot of different styles of music. Yeah, and I wanted 1111 00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:17,920 Speaker 1: to just be able to sing with all these different artists, 1112 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,759 Speaker 1: you know, and be able to kind of, you know, 1113 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:24,000 Speaker 1: dip my toe into different genres. I love that. It 1114 00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:25,719 Speaker 1: took a minute, but I ended up getting to do 1115 00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:29,279 Speaker 1: that with my career. But I always thought my purpose, yeah, 1116 00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:31,960 Speaker 1: was was music. Music, and I thought it was singing 1117 00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:34,400 Speaker 1: and I thought that was how I would and I 1118 00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,480 Speaker 1: think it is a bit of my purpose. But I 1119 00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:40,920 Speaker 1: will say I never I always say like the talk 1120 00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:44,799 Speaker 1: show was like a dream I didn't know existed, and 1121 00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:48,640 Speaker 1: even as a mom, like purpose wise, like I feel 1122 00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,279 Speaker 1: like I've been given these two little gifts that I 1123 00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:53,920 Speaker 1: get to like help try and mold and become the 1124 00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:57,600 Speaker 1: best versions of themselves. And and all the friendships that 1125 00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:01,000 Speaker 1: come into your life and you feel like you know 1126 00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:03,680 Speaker 1: you can learn from and maybe help them too. But 1127 00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:07,400 Speaker 1: I feel like there's not one. Like I feel like 1128 00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:09,239 Speaker 1: we always think like we have one purpose, So I 1129 00:54:09,239 --> 00:54:12,160 Speaker 1: feel like all of those are purpose. And I feel 1130 00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:15,600 Speaker 1: like we always think like in terms of like it's 1131 00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:19,160 Speaker 1: this one thing, and it's not like our purpose is 1132 00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:23,839 Speaker 1: to keep growing and to become the best version of ourselves. 1133 00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:27,600 Speaker 1: And I am one of those people that loves working, 1134 00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,200 Speaker 1: like I love doing it work. I know, I love it. 1135 00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,200 Speaker 1: I'll read any book you give me like I love it. 1136 00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,640 Speaker 1: I think it's I just think it's intriguing. Not that 1137 00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:36,520 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm lacking anything. I just think like 1138 00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:40,560 Speaker 1: it's it's intriguing to know, like what has helped somebody 1139 00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:42,880 Speaker 1: else and what my you know, a little tidbit I 1140 00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:45,120 Speaker 1: might take and that might help me on my way. 1141 00:54:45,239 --> 00:54:47,680 Speaker 1: Like I don't know if there's one purpose. I guess 1142 00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:50,560 Speaker 1: I think I have a lot of purpose. That's probably 1143 00:54:50,560 --> 00:54:53,680 Speaker 1: actually a better way to live, because you know, sometimes 1144 00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:55,760 Speaker 1: we put all our purpose or we think our purpose 1145 00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:57,279 Speaker 1: is this one thing, and like, and then what if 1146 00:54:57,280 --> 00:54:59,520 Speaker 1: it goes away and something knocked your ass down? Yeah? 1147 00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:01,680 Speaker 1: Stop that? And then what you have no purpose because 1148 00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:03,080 Speaker 1: people are like, oh, what if you lost your voice? 1149 00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,600 Speaker 1: I go, well, I guess I do something else, Like yeah, 1150 00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:07,600 Speaker 1: I mean you know, I you know, I love singing. 1151 00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:11,200 Speaker 1: I love that it's my outlet. I love talking. Obviously 1152 00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:12,959 Speaker 1: y'all can tell you're gonna have to edit this down. 1153 00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:16,680 Speaker 1: But but but I just I love the fact that 1154 00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:18,440 Speaker 1: you came from your talk show and then came here 1155 00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:20,839 Speaker 1: is really fast. And I'm say I have two shows too, 1156 00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:22,759 Speaker 1: and I all week long, like I've been to a show, Like, 1157 00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:25,279 Speaker 1: but I love talking. I love it, And so I 1158 00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:27,960 Speaker 1: don't know it. I don't, I don't everything. Like I'm 1159 00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:29,600 Speaker 1: not just a singer, I'm not just to talk to. 1160 00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:32,239 Speaker 1: I'm not just I'm many things. And I think that 1161 00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:34,840 Speaker 1: people should not because I know you have friends like 1162 00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:37,520 Speaker 1: this in the industry where all of a sudden their 1163 00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:41,399 Speaker 1: career isn't what it was and they have like a 1164 00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,920 Speaker 1: full on identity crisis and you're like, oh my god, 1165 00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:47,719 Speaker 1: like how sad? Like why do you feel like this 1166 00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:50,040 Speaker 1: is your this is not your one? This is your 1167 00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:52,680 Speaker 1: more than this one thing, like and you see it 1168 00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:55,799 Speaker 1: but they can't. Yeah, and it's like, I'm not gonna 1169 00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:58,000 Speaker 1: end up like that. Yeah. A lot of that happens 1170 00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:01,600 Speaker 1: too as we get older, because you're you know, your 1171 00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:05,439 Speaker 1: career goals and ways, even even if you're super successful, Yeah, 1172 00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:07,439 Speaker 1: you're gonna it's just gonna. So as you get older, 1173 00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,880 Speaker 1: that happens a lot. But also aged, especially for women, 1174 00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:15,279 Speaker 1: um sometimes sends people in a like their start unrattling, 1175 00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,920 Speaker 1: sometimes the career is not going well, or sometimes just 1176 00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:22,399 Speaker 1: the aging of it all I know, isn't it interesting? Though? 1177 00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:25,479 Speaker 1: Like I've had this conversation with a couple of people 1178 00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:28,759 Speaker 1: in the industry, and I'm just like, it's okay that, 1179 00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:33,839 Speaker 1: like everyone's career has a not an end, but like 1180 00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:38,879 Speaker 1: just kind of like fades, it fadesca. But you know why, 1181 00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:42,480 Speaker 1: it's because then while that's happening with you, someone else 1182 00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:44,480 Speaker 1: is killing it and it's their moment, you know what 1183 00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:48,360 Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, why is that not okay? Like you 1184 00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:49,759 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, and do you know how 1185 00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:52,759 Speaker 1: many people would have killed to have had what you 1186 00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,640 Speaker 1: had in that moment? Yeah? You know, Like it's like 1187 00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,520 Speaker 1: why yeah, but sometimes people become addicted to that moment, 1188 00:56:58,560 --> 00:56:59,960 Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. But I think they become an 1189 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:03,440 Speaker 1: addicted to it because they that's their identity. It's like 1190 00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:06,799 Speaker 1: they derive their like validation and like who they are, 1191 00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:11,600 Speaker 1: and it's like whoa No, Like I think that I 1192 00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:13,759 Speaker 1: love what I do, Like I don't think I know. 1193 00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:16,120 Speaker 1: I love what I do. I love that I'm that 1194 00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:18,560 Speaker 1: I'm blessed and I'm able to do things. But that's 1195 00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:21,640 Speaker 1: not like who I am at my core, you know, 1196 00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:24,560 Speaker 1: like that's my family, that's my friends, as my kids, 1197 00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:28,960 Speaker 1: that's my dogs. Once again, I love my dogs. I do. Um, 1198 00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,240 Speaker 1: they woke me up this way. They're my alarm clock. 1199 00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:32,920 Speaker 1: The one was like right here in my arm. One 1200 00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,320 Speaker 1: was like my face looking at me. Um. But like, 1201 00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:38,320 Speaker 1: I don't know, I just think we are more than that. 1202 00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:40,520 Speaker 1: And I think I don't know about you, but I 1203 00:57:40,520 --> 00:57:43,320 Speaker 1: feel like whatever belief people have and like why we're 1204 00:57:43,360 --> 00:57:46,400 Speaker 1: here or whatever, I do think that you have to 1205 00:57:46,600 --> 00:57:50,680 Speaker 1: think that you're a part of something that's bigger than 1206 00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:54,480 Speaker 1: just you, and really stepping outside that ego and that 1207 00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:58,880 Speaker 1: like yourself is really helpful. It's freeing because you don't 1208 00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:01,040 Speaker 1: put so much pressure on yourself. Yeah, and then you 1209 00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:02,280 Speaker 1: want to look at people and be like you're not 1210 00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:04,280 Speaker 1: that important, Like you know what I'm saying, Like not 1211 00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:06,160 Speaker 1: to be a jerk about it, but it's like we're 1212 00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:08,560 Speaker 1: all not that individually that important, you know what I'm saying. 1213 00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:11,080 Speaker 1: Like it's like I think you're putting way too much 1214 00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:14,920 Speaker 1: on it. What type of like old lady? Are you 1215 00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:18,240 Speaker 1: gonna be my sister? I talked about this all happen Yeah, 1216 00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:20,080 Speaker 1: my friends. Yeah, I'm gonna be a golden girl. I'm 1217 00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:22,680 Speaker 1: just gonna be like killing it, like with some games 1218 00:58:23,080 --> 00:58:27,120 Speaker 1: and maybe a drink or two. Listen, um, you said games. 1219 00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:32,040 Speaker 1: I love games. I know. Yeah, oh I know you 1220 00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:34,720 Speaker 1: unfairly beat me into games on your show. I'm the 1221 00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:38,240 Speaker 1: same way. I feel like I always I'm a funny 1222 00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:41,040 Speaker 1: one that Lynne didn't get his own face. It was ridiculous, 1223 00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:45,040 Speaker 1: but listen how funny? So listen could we like I 1224 00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:46,560 Speaker 1: don't know how many times we'll see each other for 1225 00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:50,120 Speaker 1: our cross our pass a pastical quirrels like I will 1226 00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:51,800 Speaker 1: come to your show. I would love to stay in touch. 1227 00:58:51,840 --> 00:58:54,400 Speaker 1: But also like if for some reason, our world's go 1228 00:58:54,560 --> 00:58:57,080 Speaker 1: different ways, Okay, I would love to, like when we're 1229 00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:59,720 Speaker 1: golden girls and golden ladies, we should have like a 1230 00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:02,040 Speaker 1: game night Bay Nights. No, I'm telling you, I'm I 1231 00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:04,760 Speaker 1: we just have old lady game likes old lady game nights. 1232 00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:07,160 Speaker 1: I'm down, I'm boarding and I'm down to start him now, 1233 00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:09,280 Speaker 1: oh kay, I'm like, yeah, I love. I love that's 1234 00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:10,640 Speaker 1: my sister. I talk about the time because I have have 1235 00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:12,480 Speaker 1: I have a ranch in my Tanna and I and 1236 00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:15,240 Speaker 1: it's like the most beautiful place ever, like just it's 1237 00:59:15,280 --> 00:59:17,920 Speaker 1: just peaceful and lovely. And I h I have a 1238 00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:21,120 Speaker 1: little two bedroom cavin and I love just sitting there 1239 00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:23,000 Speaker 1: and like I had this whole summer with my sister 1240 00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:25,160 Speaker 1: and my nephew. I basically smith whole summer with them 1241 00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:28,320 Speaker 1: and my kids, and and it was just awesome. Like 1242 00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:30,560 Speaker 1: we just played games, we went on four wheelers, we 1243 00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:34,400 Speaker 1: just we just experienced life together and like the most 1244 00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:38,400 Speaker 1: simplest form, right, So um yeah, just like walking along 1245 00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:40,440 Speaker 1: the water on the property, like it's just it was 1246 00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:44,280 Speaker 1: just awesome. And that's how I'm going out. So know 1247 00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:47,440 Speaker 1: that if some accident happens to me, I'm pissed that 1248 00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:51,440 Speaker 1: I do have a plan and I Honestly, I don't 1249 00:59:51,480 --> 00:59:53,400 Speaker 1: have the plan because I I we have this whole 1250 00:59:53,440 --> 00:59:55,360 Speaker 1: thing like in our group too. It's like, you know, 1251 00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:58,040 Speaker 1: use the good china like so like that's why you 1252 00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:00,320 Speaker 1: know I'm not saving my Oh I'm gonna save this 1253 01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:02,040 Speaker 1: purse or when I do so, or I'm gonna save 1254 01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:04,520 Speaker 1: this outfit or save this you know, I'm gonna save 1255 01:00:04,600 --> 01:00:06,760 Speaker 1: my retirement rand or whatever. No, I'm gonna do that 1256 01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:09,080 Speaker 1: every summer, and I think you should be doing it now. 1257 01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:11,560 Speaker 1: Oh yes, yeah, because we were saying about retirement, like 1258 01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:15,280 Speaker 1: we all aren't promised that, so like make sure you're 1259 01:00:15,440 --> 01:00:20,080 Speaker 1: getting that in now. Now. I love flowers now you 1260 01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:22,120 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, give everyone flowers that they're 1261 01:00:22,120 --> 01:00:27,480 Speaker 1: flowers now. Yeah. Have game nights now, game nights, yes, yea, 1262 01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:30,120 Speaker 1: or dinner as we started. We look, we've been doing good. 1263 01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:32,800 Speaker 1: We've been like implementing real life. Usually I would just 1264 01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:34,600 Speaker 1: work like right before this because I like to stay busy. 1265 01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:37,120 Speaker 1: But now I'm like, we go out to dinner, whether 1266 01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:38,760 Speaker 1: it's the band. Yeah, I was gonna say, give me 1267 01:00:38,800 --> 01:00:41,040 Speaker 1: the real life. How you implement real life? We do? 1268 01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:43,560 Speaker 1: Like my therapist God, for the longest time, she kept 1269 01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:46,440 Speaker 1: saying it's interesting actually because she kept she kept saying, look, 1270 01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:48,600 Speaker 1: can you please just take one night a week, like 1271 01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:51,400 Speaker 1: get a babysitter, take one night a week, and and 1272 01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:54,640 Speaker 1: I just never did it because honestly, I didn't realize 1273 01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:57,360 Speaker 1: how depressed I was. I didn't realize how sad I was. Like, 1274 01:00:57,400 --> 01:00:59,760 Speaker 1: So I think I didn't want to do that because 1275 01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:02,520 Speaker 1: I didn't want anyone to ask me, like any kind 1276 01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:04,720 Speaker 1: of question we've been talking about now, because I wasn't ready. 1277 01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:08,640 Speaker 1: So I would have said how happy, I would have 1278 01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:14,000 Speaker 1: probably just started crying. That's so I wasn't ready for that. 1279 01:01:14,120 --> 01:01:16,520 Speaker 1: So so I think the once I got back and 1280 01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:19,120 Speaker 1: I had time and space and I really worked some 1281 01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:21,560 Speaker 1: stuff out like you know this summer and made time 1282 01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,760 Speaker 1: for me and UM, I came back and I was like, look, 1283 01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:26,640 Speaker 1: I was like, we're doing it. I was like, once 1284 01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:29,840 Speaker 1: we've been doing something, either going to dinner with people 1285 01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:34,280 Speaker 1: like um, hanging out just with the girls like after work, 1286 01:01:34,360 --> 01:01:36,720 Speaker 1: just talking like you know, just the experience of going 1287 01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:40,040 Speaker 1: to shows, like we've just been doing stuff and that's important. 1288 01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:42,240 Speaker 1: Just going to the beach like in a weekend or 1289 01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:44,439 Speaker 1: two as something as we next weekend like we're we're 1290 01:01:44,520 --> 01:01:46,880 Speaker 1: you know, we're really like doing it. I'm like, use 1291 01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:49,040 Speaker 1: the good china. Now, let's have a let's have a 1292 01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:51,400 Speaker 1: good time. Use the good china. Yeah, who was the 1293 01:01:51,440 --> 01:01:52,880 Speaker 1: other thing I said? I was going to steal from you. 1294 01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:54,480 Speaker 1: I don't even have china. I love that I used 1295 01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:56,760 Speaker 1: that reference. I just have like these really cute anthroplates 1296 01:01:56,760 --> 01:01:58,840 Speaker 1: that all don't match or whatever. You use that, but 1297 01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:02,320 Speaker 1: I use them. Okay, So those are my takeaways a 1298 01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:05,040 Speaker 1: couple of Yeah, whenever I have one of these conversations 1299 01:02:05,040 --> 01:02:08,000 Speaker 1: with somebody, I tend to it stay. They stay with me, 1300 01:02:08,080 --> 01:02:10,120 Speaker 1: which is why I love them. It's like, yeah, these 1301 01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:13,040 Speaker 1: conversations stay with me. There'll be something from every episode 1302 01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:15,080 Speaker 1: that I've done, and I'll and it comes back to 1303 01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:17,840 Speaker 1: me like something that somebody said. So I don't know 1304 01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:20,000 Speaker 1: what yours will be because it will happen after Yeah, 1305 01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:24,360 Speaker 1: but sitting right here, definitely, I'm not attending every party, yeah, 1306 01:02:24,440 --> 01:02:27,560 Speaker 1: don't and don't attend every argument yea or argument yeah 1307 01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:30,320 Speaker 1: what was the second thing? And oh and use the 1308 01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:34,280 Speaker 1: second one? Yeah, and once a week for real life. Yeah, 1309 01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:37,200 Speaker 1: but that's why I love like conversations like that. That's 1310 01:02:37,240 --> 01:02:41,160 Speaker 1: it's it's a cool show you're doing because small talk 1311 01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:44,280 Speaker 1: is for shallow people in my opinion, like you know 1312 01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:47,200 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, and I like the deep end. So yeah, 1313 01:02:47,320 --> 01:02:52,000 Speaker 1: so this is like deepened material. So congratulation, thank you many. Yeah, 1314 01:02:52,160 --> 01:02:54,920 Speaker 1: you left us with some jewels, some gems today. Well 1315 01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:59,000 Speaker 1: you're welcome, brought to you by my therapist. Maybe. Yeah, 1316 01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:03,400 Speaker 1: she's awesome. Everybody'll get it. Everybody should. Yeah, people should. 1317 01:03:03,480 --> 01:03:06,040 Speaker 1: And people did say they don't need one. You do, 1318 01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:09,440 Speaker 1: and you're making others have to go for sure, and 1319 01:03:09,560 --> 01:03:12,240 Speaker 1: making your life harder for your partners. I remember someone 1320 01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:14,000 Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, I've never needed to go. I'm like, 1321 01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:17,640 Speaker 1: that's because you're sending us there. Thank you, thank you. 1322 01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:21,120 Speaker 1: I adore you. Game night soon, game night, Thank you 1323 01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,400 Speaker 1: so much. I know I enjoyed this. Thank you, Thank 1324 01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:26,840 Speaker 1: you so much. I will not attend every party, not 1325 01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:29,680 Speaker 1: intend every argument. Argument you wanted to be a party. 1326 01:03:29,720 --> 01:03:31,680 Speaker 1: You just don't want to go to parties either. You know, 1327 01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:32,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to say a party. I want to 1328 01:03:32,960 --> 01:03:36,080 Speaker 1: attend every argument. But I'm glad I attended today. Yes, 1329 01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:38,640 Speaker 1: look at that stitch it on a pillow. See what 1330 01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:40,720 Speaker 1: I see? What I see? How I wrapped it up. 1331 01:03:43,840 --> 01:03:45,760 Speaker 1: I'm Kelly Clarkson in real life.