WEBVTT - Ep. 2 "No Church in the Wild" 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:06.400 Talk. We're just too unapologetically black women with an opinion 0:00:06.960 --> 0:00:13.119 who talks back. Hey, everybody's Tavan and it's a j 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:18.279 and we talk back on the Black Effect podcast Network 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:21.320 on I HI Radio. We are happy to have y'all 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:24.560 back listening to us, and we got some crazy ship 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:27.360 to talk about. The day, I text Tam and told 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:30.000 her that our new episode, our next episode should be 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:33.159 on open relationships, and that's based on some of the 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:38.640 things that I've been experiencing in my monogamous relationship. Well 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:42.040 it's so crazy because I was in a lift on 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:46.519 the way to see this nigger, right, and he might 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:49.640 have been somebody else's bigga. I don't know. But anyway, 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:52.320 that's besides the part. I was talking to my lift 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:54.720 driver and we got to chopping it up and we 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:57.400 were talking about manifesting the things that you want your 0:00:57.440 --> 0:01:00.480 life and energy, and he was like so dope. So 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:03.240 like I took his card and I went on with life. 0:01:03.240 --> 0:01:05.720 That night, I started doing drugs and drinking and then 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:08.480 I just kept on, you know. And then later in 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:11.240 that week, I was talking with my sister and I 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:14.319 was trying to encourage her about what she thought about 0:01:14.400 --> 0:01:17.000 and how she needed to focus her energy on goodness 0:01:17.120 --> 0:01:19.520 and and then I went in my purse. It was 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:22.559 this gentleman's car. I think it's it like a healer 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:26.040 or spiritual guy. So long story short, we got together 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:30.679 and we talked about spirituality and his practices to manifest 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:32.920 good things in his life. And then I get a 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:35.800 text message from a j and she's like, let's talk 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:41.160 about open relationship and long behold my guests dealing Lane today. 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:45.560 Hello everybody he's in and then open relationship at an 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:47.680 open marriage and I was like, ship, you gotta come 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:49.920 and tell us about it. And we didn't even know 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:52.120 that at the point. So when we met in the left, 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:55.600 we were talking about like love and gratitude and manifesting 0:01:55.600 --> 0:01:58.520 that through the practice. That's what Tammy was asking about 0:01:58.680 --> 0:02:01.080 was what is your this? Why? And then why do 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:02.680 you do the prep? She didn't even ask why. She 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:05.200 was interested in what the practice was. So then when 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:07.560 we got together, that's when I gave her the background 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:09.880 and why I do the love and gratitude practice that 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:12.600 I do. And then through our conversation when we met 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:16.600 about the spirituality and the manifesting, then she said that 0:02:16.639 --> 0:02:18.720 she had a podcast and that the topic was going 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:21.960 to be our open relationships in an open marriage. We 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:25.360 didn't know that at crazy. It happened when we to 0:02:25.480 --> 0:02:28.120 talk about manifesting. So it was just like the light 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:30.560 bulbs were going off. Hold on, before we get into 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:37.639 anything else, let's pay some bills real quick. So Dylan 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.240 is in an open marriage? Has it? Did it start 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:42.400 out open? So this is what this is what happened, 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:44.360 and this is what was so important was I was 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:46.160 meeting new people because I was in a new city. 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:48.519 I was on Tinder, so I was talking to It 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:50.280 was a couple of girls at the time, and then 0:02:50.600 --> 0:02:53.239 I met what ended up being my future wife. What happened, 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:57.600 and I was talking to a couple other people. So 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:00.240 when we met, we we we hit it off. But 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:03.359 like I let her know at the beginning, Hey I'm 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:06.120 talking to a couple other people, but I really like you. 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:08.080 I was like, I might even date this one girl 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:10.120 because she won't she won't let me hook up with 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:12.200 her unless we're like boyfriend girlfriend, And and then she 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:15.080 was like My wife was like, I don't care because 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:17.400 I just got out of a five year relationship and 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.919 I'm still exploring my options too. In that moment when 0:03:20.919 --> 0:03:24.799 we both admitted where we were at and our yes. 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:27.239 It was like that was like the spark of a 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:31.440 of attraction that actually allowed like a good relationship to 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:34.680 develop because it was like at the outset of the relationship, 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:38.040 her and I ended up being honest right away, so 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.280 we didn't bring the mask like, hey, this is who 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:42.440 I think you want me to be, this is who 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:51.400 I am. I'm a I'm a hoe like remember one 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:56.240 Savage and umm Rose. But then okay, so that's self 0:03:56.280 --> 0:03:58.760 awareness of like, well here's my flaws. I lust is 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:01.520 one of my flaws. Do you accept it? In that moment, 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:04.760 my wife, well this girl at the time, was like 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:08.680 I accept it. Now we can really move towards something 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:12.800 meaningful because the overall acceptance was there. So then when 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:15.960 I start acting up, she's like, well I already accept you. 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:19.400 But she knows that we're working through truth and we're 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:23.640 working towards the long term, so as we continue the relationship. 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:26.400 It was very quickly realized that we wanted to stay 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:30.400 together like through that time, like and maybe forever. Like 0:04:30.440 --> 0:04:32.480 we this is what we said, were like, I don't 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:34.200 know what's going to happen, but like we're going to 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:37.159 retire with the shitty convertible on the beach. Whatever happens 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:40.240 in between. Nothing to do is get through it together. 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:43.960 But we're gonna get through it with communication. And that's 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:46.640 what happened at the beginning. But guess what. I was 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:49.760 still a liar, a ho, a manipulator at that point, 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.560 but then truth came in. But I had all this 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:56.279 residual does she actually accept me while I'm a hoe? 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:58.560 So then I would I would be doing it in 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:00.440 the open relationship, like I'd be going to see people, 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:02.599 I'll be driving to see people, I'd be sucking them, 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:06.200 and then I'd be feeling like, does she actually accept this? 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:10.239 And then what happened was I would carry that birden 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:13.160 around with me and then it would affect my relationship 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:16.640 with her. But then once I started unloading it truthfully 0:05:16.720 --> 0:05:19.320 to her and she actually accepted me for it, it 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:22.960 was like, I can actually be myself, come to be 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:26.479 open if I tell the truth to her. But guess what. 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:29.320 Guess what, telling the truth is hard and it makes 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:31.359 you feel like shit sometimes because you have to admit 0:05:31.400 --> 0:05:34.040 where you've sucked up, and that's what nobody wants to do, 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:36.239 and you have to be accountable for the other person's feelings. 0:05:36.520 --> 0:05:38.920 So while you're out being a hole, is it okay 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:40.919 for her to be the home at that time? Because 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:42.760 I know you guys are in a different place now 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:45.440 so before being married, yes, But the thing is that 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:48.800 she didn't pursue it as much as I did because 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:52.080 she's not driven or attached to lust the way that 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:55.160 I am. She has different flaws, which I always tell 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:58.359 her she doesn't have flaws, her flaws like she's like lazy. 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.280 But I accepted that. But it's like she really is, 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:03.279 just like she's there to support. She supports me, and 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:05.760 I support her. Whatever flaws end up being whatever they 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:09.240 whatever her flaws manifest, we decided to accept them. She 0:06:09.320 --> 0:06:11.400 accepted me being a hoe, even if she isn't going 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:13.520 to be as much of a hoe now down the road. 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:17.160 She experimented too, way less than me because she's not 0:06:17.200 --> 0:06:19.680 as attached to it. But guess what we had that 0:06:19.760 --> 0:06:22.400 honest dialogue about it. Well, how did it make you 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:26.080 actually feel? What did you guys do? Like she said 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:30.000 she was getting and was like okay, so all right, 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:33.160 so this is one thing that men don't Yeah, before well, 0:06:33.480 --> 0:06:36.480 I don't even know when she before we got married, 0:06:36.600 --> 0:06:40.159 we were engaged, she started to explore like more because 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:42.880 we um What happened was I had done a bunch 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:44.560 of stuff and not told her about it because I 0:06:44.560 --> 0:06:48.160 didn't feel I still didn't feel comfortable coming and telling 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:51.599 her the truth. So then once I I had done 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:55.400 about six things that were like hidden lies and I 0:06:55.440 --> 0:06:58.080 had to not tell her. Then when I brought them 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:00.280 forth and I was like, this is what I did 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:02.320 and I had to come clean. It was like basically 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:04.560 like I'm repenting to my wife, like this is what 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:08.640 I did wrong. She was like okay, Like she cried, 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:11.080 there was hurt feelings, I felt like ship. But then 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:13.000 then we talked about it and we're like, well, how 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:14.400 do we want to approach this, and it was like 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:17.520 let's let's do some more exploring. And that's when we 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:19.360 got on the apps. And then that's when she got 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:22.960 more involved in doing it and exploring, and then she 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:25.320 started to she started hanging out with people and she 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:27.560 she sucked some other people too, and then I got 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:29.960 to see how that made me feel. And then we 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:32.560 got to actually truthfully talk about it, and what we 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:36.000 found out was like we do accept that about each 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:39.720 other you. We can explore that, but you have to 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:43.040 tell the truth, like and even when it's hard, because 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:45.680 like I might be going to fux somebody and you 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:47.720 don't want to you don't want to call your wife 0:07:47.920 --> 0:07:50.200 or your your fiance and be like, all right, baby, 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:53.480 I just I'm leaving work, but I'm going to hang 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:56.400 out with this girl. Like that's a hard conversation. Like 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:58.160 it's easy in theory to sit here and be like, oh, yeah, 0:07:58.200 --> 0:07:59.880 I'll call her then when it's time to make the 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:02.320 all and be like, I'm going to fux somebody. And 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.360 you got to tell that to somebody, Yeah, you do. 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.080 You pick the phone up and you call him and 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:08.760 you tell him. And I've done that with my life 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:10.880 and she's done that with me. Okay, So you guys 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.960 have a discussion because I told Rozac what we were 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:15.680 talking about the day and he was like, so do 0:08:15.800 --> 0:08:20.200 they tell each other before after? So y'all, y'all, So 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:24.040 is the call to ask for permission? We've done both. 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:27.280 We've done both where it's been like all right, we're 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:30.040 don't ask, don't tell, just do we do what we do? 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:32.319 And then we put it on a calendar and then 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:33.560 it was like if we want to talk about it, 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:35.800 we do it. Then we did. Well, let's let each 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:38.719 other know. We have a calendar and as we call 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:44.679 it church. No, this is good stuff. Man. The calendar 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:46.760 is called church. So we can share a calendar and 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:49.920 it will be like seven pm Thursday Church. So that 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:54.320 means dick for her or I'm going out to get 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:58.800 to hang out with somebody. And so we've done. We've 0:08:58.800 --> 0:09:00.640 done that where it's like just put on church, don't 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:03.319 tell me we've done. Let's plan the week and tell 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:05.480 each other when we're gonna be doing it. So on 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:07.080 Sunday it's like, hey, I'm hanging out with somebody on 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:13.280 Tuesday and Thursday. That's that one does. That one sucks. Church. No, 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:16.280 church is good because it's like you, it's passive aggressive. 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:18.040 It's like, all right, that's getting the in the calendar 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:20.520 Church Thursday at seven. We don't even have to talk 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:21.960 about it. If I don't see it or she doesn't 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:24.280 see it, we don't even talk about it. But when 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:27.199 it was like hey, baby, on Tuesday and Thursday, I'm 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:32.320 going to yeah, yeah, well and then okay, listen to this. 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:35.760 When this happens, this is what happens Sometimes she would 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:38.000 get a date right and she'd be like, all right, 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:39.920 so Wednesday's or date. Then my date would blow me 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:44.320 off and then she would be and I'm like, that's 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:48.280 all right. That's when you do some serious like self 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:52.760 evaluation where you're like, oh my god, like she's out, 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:56.880 like she's getting pipe. Yeah, because the women turned down 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:01.240 much more dick than men get pussy, So that's easy 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:04.280 for her. She go to Walmart ale nine and get anything. 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:09.200 Alter process is way more intensive. Exactly swipe right, swipe right, 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:14.440 swipe right, swipe right. I'm taking. So we did that. 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:17.360 That was part of our process. We we we are 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:21.160 now beyond that. At one point last year, in the 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:23.480 year before that, we had two separate like we call 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:26.480 him like seasons cycles where we like we really we 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:29.439 really explored it and went hard at it. We used 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.319 the apps, we we met people and we were texting people, 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:35.359 we were planning things. That's we were having a communication 0:10:35.559 --> 0:10:38.280 all the time about it. Our relationship suffered because we 0:10:38.160 --> 0:10:42.840 were leaking so much energy into other people lust. My 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:46.040 lust that I indulge was not getting taken out on 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.640 my life. It was getting taken out to other girls. 0:10:48.800 --> 0:10:50.920 And then so then I didn't have time to Like 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:53.839 I didn't, I wasn't putting in my my energy to her. 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:58.680 But we already decided way back when when the stock 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:01.480 is down, we're going to continue to talk about it. 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:03.960 And we are. Stock was down when we were going 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:06.600 out and hanging out with other people because we didn't 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:12.280 we weren't each other. We were we were literally physically disconnected. 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:15.120 I would be with you and she would be with him. 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:18.240 And it's like, so now our relationship is suffering. But 0:11:18.320 --> 0:11:21.240 guess what, when you commit to get through that cycle, 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:23.600 when you come out the other end and have a 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:26.800 conversation about it, then you can adjust how you approach 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.079 the open relationship. And like, I know, we don't have 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:31.280 a lot of time right now, but it's like we've 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:35.480 done like don't ask, don't tell, talk about everything, put 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:39.480 it on a calendar or or do it and then 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:42.800 tell me later. And each of them has its own 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:45.360 set of pros and cons. But like how it affects 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:49.920 us individually, that's what's most important, because because when I'm 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:53.000 down and she's down, because we're out doing wasting our 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:56.480 energy trying to find people to fuck, we're not spending 0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:59.240 that energy on each other and then and y'all actually 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:02.040 love each other, yes, and then this will happen at 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:04.480 the end of all these cycles, when we recommit to 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:07.960 each other to have these conversations for each other, to 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:11.200 be romantic with each other, it's just we just our 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:14.760 relationship just goes so much better. Like we're communicated bout 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:17.760 every we're cooking, we're fucking, we're making love. We're also 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:20.800 just being silly. We have so much energy for each other. 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:23.199 Because that energy isn't getting leaked on these new people, 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:25.800 because it takes like if I'm gonna be present with 0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:28.000 you as a new person, like somebody that meeting for 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:30.360 the first time, it's like you have all these great feelings. 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:32.560 It's like, oh, I'm get excited, I get the butterflies. 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:35.200 It's a new person. They look different, they got different 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:38.080 and then my wife, they got different asks, like they 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:41.920 got different interests. They've never I'm an aquarius. They've never 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:45.120 heard me talk about my spirituality. My wife has heard 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:48.640 the conversation four million times. My wife is like, shut up, 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:50.959 I don't care about the high y, I don't care 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:54.319 about the chakras. And this new girl is like open, 0:12:54.679 --> 0:12:57.880 She's like listening to me, she's asking questions. Then we're 0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:01.280 fucking and then it's like WHOA, that was awesome. And 0:13:01.320 --> 0:13:02.960 then I come back to my wife and she just 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:09.480 did the same thing, and then we're like going to sleep. 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:12.200 We're not even touching each other because it's like, see, 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:14.040 that's what I talk about. Like, that's why I feel 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:19.439 like I want to open relationship because variety, but a 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:21.440 lot of people, a lot of people can't admit to that. 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:24.000 And I feel like a lot of men if they 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:25.679 get to that point to where they can be honest 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:29.560 with themselves first, because that's my my god, that's one 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:31.439 of his things. One of his advices. He knows is 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:33.920 like lust. And I don't want to get into his 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:37.360 personal life whatever, but um, you know, like that's that's 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:40.160 one of his main things. So before so we got engaged, 0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:44.800 he doesn't calculate our relationship before asking me to marry him. 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:48.480 And we have been to me, in a relationship since 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:51.000 twenty I would say seventeen. We met at the end 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:55.920 of so seventeen up until now, we have been in 0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:57.960 a relationship and I dealt with a lot of things 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:02.320 because to me, like going out and smashing people. I 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:04.880 feel like I'm just letting somebody else use my pussy 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:07.000 at that point, if you're not about to change my life, 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:08.679 because I don't you know, if I'm if I go 0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:12.959 smash somebody, I'm probably trying to leave you. So if 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:15.280 the person I'm smashing isn't about to change in my life, 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:17.360 I feel like I don't feel like that's get back 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:20.640 all the time to me when I started calculating that 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.760 in my mind, like I'm really looking for a replacement 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:26.240 at that point. So the only time you have six 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.840 outside of your relationship is we're left to level up, 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:32.400 is what you're saying. Do not do it just for 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:35.760 your own fulfillment, because I don't feel fulfilled after that. 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:39.280 I won't feel fulfilled after that for real, because now 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:42.360 I'm older in this relationship. He had women, and he 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:45.400 had had we had had conversations before getting engaged, like 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:47.560 a year or two ago, about being in an open 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:51.600 relationship or a polygamous relationship where he would have multiple women, 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:53.720 And I'm like, I'm not fol that, and neither all 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:55.600 the women that you're fucking with, because they wouldn't be 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:58.040 stalking you the way they are. You're not being honest 0:14:58.080 --> 0:15:00.440 with people. If you were being honest with me, and 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:02.800 if you would be honest with them, you wouldn't have 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:04.400 the problems that you have. And like right now, I 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:07.360 feel like you are in lust with the fucking headache 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:12.200 of dealing with these any of them problems exactly. They 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:14.440 have to tell me because I'm the main one, right. 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:18.360 So that's what was happening before we got um I'll 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.960 say the year before being engaged, not like the entire 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:24.800 last year, but the ship pretty much ended maybe the 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:28.760 end of right, and then when you asked me to 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:31.160 marry you. But you don't facilitate the relationship prior to 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:33.280 asking me to marry you because you put me through 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:36.480 all this stuff. And in his mind he didn't because 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:38.800 in his mind we weren't in a relationship. But I 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:41.280 was being faithful to you and probably these other women too. 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:44.640 But I can't be a hole, you know what I'm saying, 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:46.560 Like I went through my whole phase to where I 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:49.280 don't have to I don't feel like I just gotta 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:51.320 get some dick from someplace else. You know what I'm 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:53.360 saying is it has to be more of a connection 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:55.680 for me at this point. So I'm not just going 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:59.640 out and just sucking people for fun, and you said 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:02.920 it or you were liked it. Didn't it doesn't fulfill me. 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:05.360 And that was what I was gonna say. Like every 0:16:05.400 --> 0:16:07.680 the more I did it, and the more I got 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:11.480 the shiny object, the new the variety, the more I 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:14.600 realized like it was never going to fulfill me or 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:17.440 fill the void. It was just gonna be like in 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:22.200 saytable lust, I could never quench that thirst. I would 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:24.480 drink a bottle of water, which would be the new girl, 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:28.880 and then like six weeks, six six minutes later, I 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:32.440 need to drink another bottle. So it's likely, but so 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.600 it never fulfilled it. But guess where I got the 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:39.440 fulfillment was with my wife every time when we after 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:43.720 these after these whole hoodowns, whatever you want to call it. 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:46.080 When I would come back and then we would rekindle 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.080 with my wife and all my energy would get directed 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:52.000 to my wife. Every time it would be so much 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:56.400 deeper and more fulfilling. All right, I was. I hung 0:16:56.400 --> 0:16:58.520 out with the girl about It was probably like twelve 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:01.080 and fifteen times, and she was a Leo, my wife's 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:03.640 leo Leo. We hit it off, me and this girl, 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:07.520 and it was it was almost scary because it was 0:17:07.720 --> 0:17:11.280 really good. It was really and then one time we 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:13.919 hooked up and then and we talked about all the 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:16.520 spiritual stuff and it was amazing. And then she I 0:17:16.600 --> 0:17:18.639 was trying to hang out with her and she was like, 0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:21.840 you know, I'm I'm telling the universe that I'm not 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:24.080 going to hook up with men that leave me and 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:27.439 go home to another man. And I was like that's powerful, 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:29.680 Like that's good, you should do that. And then it 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:32.880 also made me realize like what I was doing, which 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:36.080 was oh wait, wait go home to another woman who 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:40.480 she did. She was like, I'm not going to hook up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:17:40.480 --> 0:17:45.520 I go home. She's like, I can't be hooking up 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:47.040 if you're gonna just like all right. So we have 0:17:47.119 --> 0:17:49.960 this great conversation, everything's on fire. Then we fun and 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:54.159 it's amazing. And then it's like she's becoming yeah, and 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:56.480 she's like this is and I'm becoming connected to her 0:17:56.520 --> 0:17:59.320 because we're hitting it off because she's still knew we're 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.760 talking spear virtual, we're talking ABO, it's going well. She 0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:05.159 sends me that text and all it did for me 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:07.119 was reinforced like I need to get back home to 0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:11.119 my wife. I can't be dissipating this energy into other people, 0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:14.199 because it's not only fucking with their head, it's taken 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:16.600 that energy out of my wife. Like, here's what happens 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:18.840 to my wife and to me when I give her 0:18:18.880 --> 0:18:22.160 all my energy is she then gives the energy back 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:25.080 to me, and then it's reciprocity. I love her, I 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:28.000 romance her, I lust her, I touch her hair, I 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:30.320 we do the thing, we go on the date. Now 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:32.520 it's easier to do the dishes, it's easier to handle 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:34.919 the finances, it's easier to clean the house, it's easier 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:39.879 to move to fire. I told my guy, like, the 0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:43.159 happy life, happy wife is a real thing. It's a 0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:46.800 real thing. It's reciprocity. Yes, because I'm gonna make sure 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:49.080 you good. If you make sure, if you make sure 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:51.639 I'm good, I'm gonna make sure you're you're great to look. 0:18:52.000 --> 0:18:54.639 Before we move on to the next segment, let's have 0:18:54.680 --> 0:19:01.840 a word from our sponsors. So you're feeling all those 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:04.200 good things. You're washing dishes and cooking and rubbing here 0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:06.880 and ship, Yeah, what makes you decide to go get 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:09.919 a little side and how long? So this is what 0:19:10.000 --> 0:19:13.240 happens after the good time. So we so we're at 0:19:13.240 --> 0:19:15.719 the point where it's like we don't want to go 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:19.560 search it like so we used the applications like bumble 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:23.160 and the tinder and all that, and that's like seeking. 0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:25.800 That's like taking your will and putting it out into 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:27.720 the community. This is what I'm looking for lust. I 0:19:27.760 --> 0:19:30.159 want to not Yes, I'm trying to. So if you 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:34.000 run into someone, you meet some So that's the next evolution. 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:36.640 We're at the point where you've come into my car 0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:39.560 and left and I just want to put a disclaim 0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:47.120 where I have not okay, And then that's that's me 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:51.960 following my my my service oriented career and like my 0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:54.760 out in the community doing my thing. I'm not sitting 0:19:54.800 --> 0:19:57.119 at home alone when I could be reading, when I 0:19:57.119 --> 0:19:59.720 could be working out, when I could be clean and cooking. 0:20:00.320 --> 0:20:02.359 This is I'm working. And then all of a sudden, 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:05.160 pretty face comes in the car and we work it out. 0:20:05.680 --> 0:20:10.680 Like that's different than me projectively will my comfort of 0:20:10.760 --> 0:20:13.400 my own home. So I call it like a blast. 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:15.600 You send a blast, you send the same message to 0:20:19.080 --> 0:20:26.840 it's like boom, who yeah, who fucking a knight a night. 0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:33.080 But and then and then you get like you get 0:20:33.119 --> 0:20:36.640