1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:06,400 Speaker 1: Talk. We're just too unapologetically black women with an opinion 2 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:13,119 Speaker 1: who talks back. Hey, everybody's Tavan and it's a j 3 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:18,279 Speaker 1: and we talk back on the Black Effect podcast Network 4 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: on I HI Radio. We are happy to have y'all 5 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: back listening to us, and we got some crazy ship 6 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: to talk about. The day, I text Tam and told 7 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 1: her that our new episode, our next episode should be 8 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,159 Speaker 1: on open relationships, and that's based on some of the 9 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:38,640 Speaker 1: things that I've been experiencing in my monogamous relationship. Well 10 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 1: it's so crazy because I was in a lift on 11 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:46,519 Speaker 1: the way to see this nigger, right, and he might 12 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,640 Speaker 1: have been somebody else's bigga. I don't know. But anyway, 13 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: that's besides the part. I was talking to my lift 14 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: driver and we got to chopping it up and we 15 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 1: were talking about manifesting the things that you want your 16 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 1: life and energy, and he was like so dope. So 17 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: like I took his card and I went on with life. 18 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 1: That night, I started doing drugs and drinking and then 19 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 1: I just kept on, you know. And then later in 20 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,240 Speaker 1: that week, I was talking with my sister and I 21 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,319 Speaker 1: was trying to encourage her about what she thought about 22 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 1: and how she needed to focus her energy on goodness 23 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: and and then I went in my purse. It was 24 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,559 Speaker 1: this gentleman's car. I think it's it like a healer 25 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 1: or spiritual guy. So long story short, we got together 26 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 1: and we talked about spirituality and his practices to manifest 27 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: good things in his life. And then I get a 28 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: text message from a j and she's like, let's talk 29 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 1: about open relationship and long behold my guests dealing Lane today. 30 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:45,560 Speaker 1: Hello everybody he's in and then open relationship at an 31 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 1: open marriage and I was like, ship, you gotta come 32 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 1: and tell us about it. And we didn't even know 33 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: that at the point. So when we met in the left, 34 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: we were talking about like love and gratitude and manifesting 35 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: that through the practice. That's what Tammy was asking about 36 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: was what is your this? Why? And then why do 37 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: you do the prep? She didn't even ask why. She 38 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 1: was interested in what the practice was. So then when 39 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 1: we got together, that's when I gave her the background 40 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 1: and why I do the love and gratitude practice that 41 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 1: I do. And then through our conversation when we met 42 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 1: about the spirituality and the manifesting, then she said that 43 00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: she had a podcast and that the topic was going 44 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: to be our open relationships in an open marriage. We 45 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: didn't know that at crazy. It happened when we to 46 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 1: talk about manifesting. So it was just like the light 47 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 1: bulbs were going off. Hold on, before we get into 48 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:37,639 Speaker 1: anything else, let's pay some bills real quick. So Dylan 49 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 1: is in an open marriage? Has it? Did it start 50 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 1: out open? So this is what this is what happened, 51 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:44,360 Speaker 1: and this is what was so important was I was 52 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 1: meeting new people because I was in a new city. 53 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,519 Speaker 1: I was on Tinder, so I was talking to It 54 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 1: was a couple of girls at the time, and then 55 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,239 Speaker 1: I met what ended up being my future wife. What happened, 56 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: and I was talking to a couple other people. So 57 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 1: when we met, we we we hit it off. But 58 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,359 Speaker 1: like I let her know at the beginning, Hey I'm 59 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: talking to a couple other people, but I really like you. 60 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,080 Speaker 1: I was like, I might even date this one girl 61 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 1: because she won't she won't let me hook up with 62 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 1: her unless we're like boyfriend girlfriend, And and then she 63 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 1: was like My wife was like, I don't care because 64 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,400 Speaker 1: I just got out of a five year relationship and 65 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,919 Speaker 1: I'm still exploring my options too. In that moment when 66 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:24,799 Speaker 1: we both admitted where we were at and our yes. 67 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,239 Speaker 1: It was like that was like the spark of a 68 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: of attraction that actually allowed like a good relationship to 69 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 1: develop because it was like at the outset of the relationship, 70 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: her and I ended up being honest right away, so 71 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: we didn't bring the mask like, hey, this is who 72 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: I think you want me to be, this is who 73 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 1: I am. I'm a I'm a hoe like remember one 74 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: Savage and umm Rose. But then okay, so that's self 75 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: awareness of like, well here's my flaws. I lust is 76 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: one of my flaws. Do you accept it? In that moment, 77 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 1: my wife, well this girl at the time, was like 78 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: I accept it. Now we can really move towards something 79 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: meaningful because the overall acceptance was there. So then when 80 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 1: I start acting up, she's like, well I already accept you. 81 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: But she knows that we're working through truth and we're 82 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: working towards the long term, so as we continue the relationship. 83 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 1: It was very quickly realized that we wanted to stay 84 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 1: together like through that time, like and maybe forever. Like 85 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,480 Speaker 1: we this is what we said, were like, I don't 86 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 1: know what's going to happen, but like we're going to 87 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 1: retire with the shitty convertible on the beach. Whatever happens 88 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,240 Speaker 1: in between. Nothing to do is get through it together. 89 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:43,960 Speaker 1: But we're gonna get through it with communication. And that's 90 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 1: what happened at the beginning. But guess what. I was 91 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 1: still a liar, a ho, a manipulator at that point, 92 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 1: but then truth came in. But I had all this 93 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:56,279 Speaker 1: residual does she actually accept me while I'm a hoe? 94 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,560 Speaker 1: So then I would I would be doing it in 95 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: the open relationship, like I'd be going to see people, 96 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,599 Speaker 1: I'll be driving to see people, I'd be sucking them, 97 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: and then I'd be feeling like, does she actually accept this? 98 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,239 Speaker 1: And then what happened was I would carry that birden 99 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,160 Speaker 1: around with me and then it would affect my relationship 100 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 1: with her. But then once I started unloading it truthfully 101 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: to her and she actually accepted me for it, it 102 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 1: was like, I can actually be myself, come to be 103 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:26,479 Speaker 1: open if I tell the truth to her. But guess what. 104 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 1: Guess what, telling the truth is hard and it makes 105 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,359 Speaker 1: you feel like shit sometimes because you have to admit 106 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,040 Speaker 1: where you've sucked up, and that's what nobody wants to do, 107 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,239 Speaker 1: and you have to be accountable for the other person's feelings. 108 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: So while you're out being a hole, is it okay 109 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,919 Speaker 1: for her to be the home at that time? Because 110 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: I know you guys are in a different place now 111 00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 1: so before being married, yes, But the thing is that 112 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: she didn't pursue it as much as I did because 113 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: she's not driven or attached to lust the way that 114 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 1: I am. She has different flaws, which I always tell 115 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,359 Speaker 1: her she doesn't have flaws, her flaws like she's like lazy. 116 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,280 Speaker 1: But I accepted that. But it's like she really is, 117 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 1: just like she's there to support. She supports me, and 118 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: I support her. Whatever flaws end up being whatever they 119 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 1: whatever her flaws manifest, we decided to accept them. She 120 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: accepted me being a hoe, even if she isn't going 121 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 1: to be as much of a hoe now down the road. 122 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,160 Speaker 1: She experimented too, way less than me because she's not 123 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 1: as attached to it. But guess what we had that 124 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 1: honest dialogue about it. Well, how did it make you 125 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: actually feel? What did you guys do? Like she said 126 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: she was getting and was like okay, so all right, 127 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:33,160 Speaker 1: so this is one thing that men don't Yeah, before well, 128 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 1: I don't even know when she before we got married, 129 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,159 Speaker 1: we were engaged, she started to explore like more because 130 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: we um What happened was I had done a bunch 131 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 1: of stuff and not told her about it because I 132 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 1: didn't feel I still didn't feel comfortable coming and telling 133 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,599 Speaker 1: her the truth. So then once I I had done 134 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: about six things that were like hidden lies and I 135 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: had to not tell her. Then when I brought them 136 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,280 Speaker 1: forth and I was like, this is what I did 137 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: and I had to come clean. It was like basically 138 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 1: like I'm repenting to my wife, like this is what 139 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:08,640 Speaker 1: I did wrong. She was like okay, Like she cried, 140 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 1: there was hurt feelings, I felt like ship. But then 141 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 1: then we talked about it and we're like, well, how 142 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 1: do we want to approach this, and it was like 143 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 1: let's let's do some more exploring. And that's when we 144 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: got on the apps. And then that's when she got 145 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: more involved in doing it and exploring, and then she 146 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: started to she started hanging out with people and she 147 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 1: she sucked some other people too, and then I got 148 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 1: to see how that made me feel. And then we 149 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 1: got to actually truthfully talk about it, and what we 150 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: found out was like we do accept that about each 151 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 1: other you. We can explore that, but you have to 152 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:43,040 Speaker 1: tell the truth, like and even when it's hard, because 153 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 1: like I might be going to fux somebody and you 154 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 1: don't want to you don't want to call your wife 155 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: or your your fiance and be like, all right, baby, 156 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 1: I just I'm leaving work, but I'm going to hang 157 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 1: out with this girl. Like that's a hard conversation. Like 158 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 1: it's easy in theory to sit here and be like, oh, yeah, 159 00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: I'll call her then when it's time to make the 160 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 1: all and be like, I'm going to fux somebody. And 161 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: you got to tell that to somebody, Yeah, you do. 162 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: You pick the phone up and you call him and 163 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 1: you tell him. And I've done that with my life 164 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 1: and she's done that with me. Okay, So you guys 165 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: have a discussion because I told Rozac what we were 166 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 1: talking about the day and he was like, so do 167 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 1: they tell each other before after? So y'all, y'all, So 168 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: is the call to ask for permission? We've done both. 169 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 1: We've done both where it's been like all right, we're 170 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 1: don't ask, don't tell, just do we do what we do? 171 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,319 Speaker 1: And then we put it on a calendar and then 172 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:33,560 Speaker 1: it was like if we want to talk about it, 173 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: we do it. Then we did. Well, let's let each 174 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,719 Speaker 1: other know. We have a calendar and as we call 175 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 1: it church. No, this is good stuff. Man. The calendar 176 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,760 Speaker 1: is called church. So we can share a calendar and 177 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: it will be like seven pm Thursday Church. So that 178 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: means dick for her or I'm going out to get 179 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: to hang out with somebody. And so we've done. We've 180 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 1: done that where it's like just put on church, don't 181 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:03,319 Speaker 1: tell me we've done. Let's plan the week and tell 182 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 1: each other when we're gonna be doing it. So on 183 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,080 Speaker 1: Sunday it's like, hey, I'm hanging out with somebody on 184 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 1: Tuesday and Thursday. That's that one does. That one sucks. Church. No, 185 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,280 Speaker 1: church is good because it's like you, it's passive aggressive. 186 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 1: It's like, all right, that's getting the in the calendar 187 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: Church Thursday at seven. We don't even have to talk 188 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 1: about it. If I don't see it or she doesn't 189 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 1: see it, we don't even talk about it. But when 190 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,199 Speaker 1: it was like hey, baby, on Tuesday and Thursday, I'm 191 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 1: going to yeah, yeah, well and then okay, listen to this. 192 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 1: When this happens, this is what happens Sometimes she would 193 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 1: get a date right and she'd be like, all right, 194 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,920 Speaker 1: so Wednesday's or date. Then my date would blow me 195 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:44,320 Speaker 1: off and then she would be and I'm like, that's 196 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 1: all right. That's when you do some serious like self 197 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: evaluation where you're like, oh my god, like she's out, 198 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 1: like she's getting pipe. Yeah, because the women turned down 199 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:01,240 Speaker 1: much more dick than men get pussy, So that's easy 200 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:04,280 Speaker 1: for her. She go to Walmart ale nine and get anything. 201 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 1: Alter process is way more intensive. Exactly swipe right, swipe right, 202 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 1: swipe right, swipe right. I'm taking. So we did that. 203 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 1: That was part of our process. We we we are 204 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 1: now beyond that. At one point last year, in the 205 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 1: year before that, we had two separate like we call 206 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 1: him like seasons cycles where we like we really we 207 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,439 Speaker 1: really explored it and went hard at it. We used 208 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,319 Speaker 1: the apps, we we met people and we were texting people, 209 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,359 Speaker 1: we were planning things. That's we were having a communication 210 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 1: all the time about it. Our relationship suffered because we 211 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 1: were leaking so much energy into other people lust. My 212 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: lust that I indulge was not getting taken out on 213 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 1: my life. It was getting taken out to other girls. 214 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,920 Speaker 1: And then so then I didn't have time to Like 215 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,839 Speaker 1: I didn't, I wasn't putting in my my energy to her. 216 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:58,680 Speaker 1: But we already decided way back when when the stock 217 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 1: is down, we're going to continue to talk about it. 218 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 1: And we are. Stock was down when we were going 219 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 1: out and hanging out with other people because we didn't 220 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 1: we weren't each other. We were we were literally physically disconnected. 221 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: I would be with you and she would be with him. 222 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 1: And it's like, so now our relationship is suffering. But 223 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: guess what, when you commit to get through that cycle, 224 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 1: when you come out the other end and have a 225 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 1: conversation about it, then you can adjust how you approach 226 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,079 Speaker 1: the open relationship. And like, I know, we don't have 227 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,280 Speaker 1: a lot of time right now, but it's like we've 228 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: done like don't ask, don't tell, talk about everything, put 229 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 1: it on a calendar or or do it and then 230 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,800 Speaker 1: tell me later. And each of them has its own 231 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 1: set of pros and cons. But like how it affects 232 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:49,920 Speaker 1: us individually, that's what's most important, because because when I'm 233 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: down and she's down, because we're out doing wasting our 234 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: energy trying to find people to fuck, we're not spending 235 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 1: that energy on each other and then and y'all actually 236 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 1: love each other, yes, and then this will happen at 237 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 1: the end of all these cycles, when we recommit to 238 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,960 Speaker 1: each other to have these conversations for each other, to 239 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,200 Speaker 1: be romantic with each other, it's just we just our 240 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: relationship just goes so much better. Like we're communicated bout 241 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,760 Speaker 1: every we're cooking, we're fucking, we're making love. We're also 242 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 1: just being silly. We have so much energy for each other. 243 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,199 Speaker 1: Because that energy isn't getting leaked on these new people, 244 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: because it takes like if I'm gonna be present with 245 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,000 Speaker 1: you as a new person, like somebody that meeting for 246 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,360 Speaker 1: the first time, it's like you have all these great feelings. 247 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,560 Speaker 1: It's like, oh, I'm get excited, I get the butterflies. 248 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:35,200 Speaker 1: It's a new person. They look different, they got different 249 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 1: and then my wife, they got different asks, like they 250 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 1: got different interests. They've never I'm an aquarius. They've never 251 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,120 Speaker 1: heard me talk about my spirituality. My wife has heard 252 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 1: the conversation four million times. My wife is like, shut up, 253 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,959 Speaker 1: I don't care about the high y, I don't care 254 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,319 Speaker 1: about the chakras. And this new girl is like open, 255 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 1: She's like listening to me, she's asking questions. Then we're 256 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: fucking and then it's like WHOA, that was awesome. And 257 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 1: then I come back to my wife and she just 258 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 1: did the same thing, and then we're like going to sleep. 259 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,200 Speaker 1: We're not even touching each other because it's like, see, 260 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: that's what I talk about. Like, that's why I feel 261 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:19,439 Speaker 1: like I want to open relationship because variety, but a 262 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,440 Speaker 1: lot of people, a lot of people can't admit to that. 263 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: And I feel like a lot of men if they 264 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,679 Speaker 1: get to that point to where they can be honest 265 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 1: with themselves first, because that's my my god, that's one 266 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 1: of his things. One of his advices. He knows is 267 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:33,920 Speaker 1: like lust. And I don't want to get into his 268 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,360 Speaker 1: personal life whatever, but um, you know, like that's that's 269 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 1: one of his main things. So before so we got engaged, 270 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,800 Speaker 1: he doesn't calculate our relationship before asking me to marry him. 271 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,480 Speaker 1: And we have been to me, in a relationship since 272 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 1: twenty I would say seventeen. We met at the end 273 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: of so seventeen up until now, we have been in 274 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 1: a relationship and I dealt with a lot of things 275 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,320 Speaker 1: because to me, like going out and smashing people. I 276 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: feel like I'm just letting somebody else use my pussy 277 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 1: at that point, if you're not about to change my life, 278 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,679 Speaker 1: because I don't you know, if I'm if I go 279 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,959 Speaker 1: smash somebody, I'm probably trying to leave you. So if 280 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 1: the person I'm smashing isn't about to change in my life, 281 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 1: I feel like I don't feel like that's get back 282 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 1: all the time to me when I started calculating that 283 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 1: in my mind, like I'm really looking for a replacement 284 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,240 Speaker 1: at that point. So the only time you have six 285 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 1: outside of your relationship is we're left to level up, 286 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 1: is what you're saying. Do not do it just for 287 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,760 Speaker 1: your own fulfillment, because I don't feel fulfilled after that. 288 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:39,280 Speaker 1: I won't feel fulfilled after that for real, because now 289 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,360 Speaker 1: I'm older in this relationship. He had women, and he 290 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 1: had had we had had conversations before getting engaged, like 291 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: a year or two ago, about being in an open 292 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 1: relationship or a polygamous relationship where he would have multiple women, 293 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,720 Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm not fol that, and neither all 294 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: the women that you're fucking with, because they wouldn't be 295 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,040 Speaker 1: stalking you the way they are. You're not being honest 296 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 1: with people. If you were being honest with me, and 297 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: if you would be honest with them, you wouldn't have 298 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 1: the problems that you have. And like right now, I 299 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 1: feel like you are in lust with the fucking headache 300 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 1: of dealing with these any of them problems exactly. They 301 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: have to tell me because I'm the main one, right. 302 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:18,360 Speaker 1: So that's what was happening before we got um I'll 303 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 1: say the year before being engaged, not like the entire 304 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 1: last year, but the ship pretty much ended maybe the 305 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 1: end of right, and then when you asked me to 306 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 1: marry you. But you don't facilitate the relationship prior to 307 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 1: asking me to marry you because you put me through 308 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 1: all this stuff. And in his mind he didn't because 309 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 1: in his mind we weren't in a relationship. But I 310 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 1: was being faithful to you and probably these other women too. 311 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 1: But I can't be a hole, you know what I'm saying, 312 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: Like I went through my whole phase to where I 313 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,280 Speaker 1: don't have to I don't feel like I just gotta 314 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,320 Speaker 1: get some dick from someplace else. You know what I'm 315 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 1: saying is it has to be more of a connection 316 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: for me at this point. So I'm not just going 317 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: out and just sucking people for fun, and you said 318 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 1: it or you were liked it. Didn't it doesn't fulfill me. 319 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: And that was what I was gonna say. Like every 320 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 1: the more I did it, and the more I got 321 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,480 Speaker 1: the shiny object, the new the variety, the more I 322 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 1: realized like it was never going to fulfill me or 323 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,440 Speaker 1: fill the void. It was just gonna be like in 324 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 1: saytable lust, I could never quench that thirst. I would 325 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 1: drink a bottle of water, which would be the new girl, 326 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 1: and then like six weeks, six six minutes later, I 327 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: need to drink another bottle. So it's likely, but so 328 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,600 Speaker 1: it never fulfilled it. But guess where I got the 329 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: fulfillment was with my wife every time when we after 330 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: these after these whole hoodowns, whatever you want to call it. 331 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: When I would come back and then we would rekindle 332 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,080 Speaker 1: with my wife and all my energy would get directed 333 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: to my wife. Every time it would be so much 334 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: deeper and more fulfilling. All right, I was. I hung 335 00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: out with the girl about It was probably like twelve 336 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 1: and fifteen times, and she was a Leo, my wife's 337 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 1: leo Leo. We hit it off, me and this girl, 338 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 1: and it was it was almost scary because it was 339 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: really good. It was really and then one time we 340 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,919 Speaker 1: hooked up and then and we talked about all the 341 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 1: spiritual stuff and it was amazing. And then she I 342 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,639 Speaker 1: was trying to hang out with her and she was like, 343 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm telling the universe that I'm not 344 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 1: going to hook up with men that leave me and 345 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,439 Speaker 1: go home to another man. And I was like that's powerful, 346 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,680 Speaker 1: Like that's good, you should do that. And then it 347 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,880 Speaker 1: also made me realize like what I was doing, which 348 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: was oh wait, wait go home to another woman who 349 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,480 Speaker 1: she did. She was like, I'm not going to hook up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 350 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 1: I go home. She's like, I can't be hooking up 351 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 1: if you're gonna just like all right. So we have 352 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,960 Speaker 1: this great conversation, everything's on fire. Then we fun and 353 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:54,159 Speaker 1: it's amazing. And then it's like she's becoming yeah, and 354 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,480 Speaker 1: she's like this is and I'm becoming connected to her 355 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 1: because we're hitting it off because she's still knew we're 356 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 1: talking spear virtual, we're talking ABO, it's going well. She 357 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,159 Speaker 1: sends me that text and all it did for me 358 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,119 Speaker 1: was reinforced like I need to get back home to 359 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:11,119 Speaker 1: my wife. I can't be dissipating this energy into other people, 360 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:14,199 Speaker 1: because it's not only fucking with their head, it's taken 361 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: that energy out of my wife. Like, here's what happens 362 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,840 Speaker 1: to my wife and to me when I give her 363 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,160 Speaker 1: all my energy is she then gives the energy back 364 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,080 Speaker 1: to me, and then it's reciprocity. I love her, I 365 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 1: romance her, I lust her, I touch her hair, I 366 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 1: we do the thing, we go on the date. Now 367 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 1: it's easier to do the dishes, it's easier to handle 368 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:34,919 Speaker 1: the finances, it's easier to clean the house, it's easier 369 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:39,879 Speaker 1: to move to fire. I told my guy, like, the 370 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,159 Speaker 1: happy life, happy wife is a real thing. It's a 371 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 1: real thing. It's reciprocity. Yes, because I'm gonna make sure 372 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 1: you good. If you make sure, if you make sure 373 00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,639 Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm gonna make sure you're you're great to look. 374 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,639 Speaker 1: Before we move on to the next segment, let's have 375 00:18:54,680 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: a word from our sponsors. So you're feeling all those 376 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 1: good things. You're washing dishes and cooking and rubbing here 377 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,880 Speaker 1: and ship, Yeah, what makes you decide to go get 378 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,919 Speaker 1: a little side and how long? So this is what 379 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,240 Speaker 1: happens after the good time. So we so we're at 380 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,719 Speaker 1: the point where it's like we don't want to go 381 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 1: search it like so we used the applications like bumble 382 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 1: and the tinder and all that, and that's like seeking. 383 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,800 Speaker 1: That's like taking your will and putting it out into 384 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,720 Speaker 1: the community. This is what I'm looking for lust. I 385 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,159 Speaker 1: want to not Yes, I'm trying to. So if you 386 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:34,000 Speaker 1: run into someone, you meet some So that's the next evolution. 387 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,640 Speaker 1: We're at the point where you've come into my car 388 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,560 Speaker 1: and left and I just want to put a disclaim 389 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:47,120 Speaker 1: where I have not okay, And then that's that's me 390 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 1: following my my my service oriented career and like my 391 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 1: out in the community doing my thing. I'm not sitting 392 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,119 Speaker 1: at home alone when I could be reading, when I 393 00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: could be working out, when I could be clean and cooking. 394 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,359 Speaker 1: This is I'm working. And then all of a sudden, 395 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,160 Speaker 1: pretty face comes in the car and we work it out. 396 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:10,680 Speaker 1: Like that's different than me projectively will my comfort of 397 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,400 Speaker 1: my own home. So I call it like a blast. 398 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: You send a blast, you send the same message to 399 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 1: it's like boom, who yeah, who fucking a knight a night. 400 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: But and then and then you get like you get 401 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:36,640 Speaker 1: ten hits back, so fifteen ignore ten, hit back, two 402 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,560 Speaker 1: or down. To make a plan, you pick the one, right. 403 00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: That's that's different than like living your life. It's like this, 404 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,919 Speaker 1: it's like going and spending your paycheck on drugs versus 405 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 1: like going and like living your life and somebody's like, hey, 406 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,879 Speaker 1: you want to hit this j It's like I don't 407 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 1: buy so I can try. So you don't buy the cigarettes, 408 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 1: you don't buy the weed, you don't buy the thing. 409 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 1: But like when somebody has a try it, and that's 410 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,560 Speaker 1: the same. Like we're trying to transition that to the 411 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,880 Speaker 1: to the open relationship and the open it's now open 412 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:12,000 Speaker 1: marriage where it's like we get to get to explore it. 413 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 1: But this is what we called it at the beginning spot. 414 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 1: We wanted it to be based on spontaneous human interactions 415 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,840 Speaker 1: like oh we lock eyes and then we just like 416 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,880 Speaker 1: we just look at each other and it's like okay, yes, 417 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 1: and then we go. Then we can go to be 418 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,880 Speaker 1: out and just like blasting out like hey, I'm trying 419 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 1: to funk to every girl that's out to have to 420 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 1: because like you mentioned earlier, yeah she's getting yeah she's 421 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 1: she's getting still gets them because like and so like 422 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,400 Speaker 1: I know that, because I still like they'll be girls, 423 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,120 Speaker 1: I don't talk to you for six months, nine months, 424 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,399 Speaker 1: then I cycle back through wanting to go out and 425 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,960 Speaker 1: get the thing, and then I'll put my blast out 426 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:56,120 Speaker 1: and then it's less responsive because when accorded constantly, if 427 00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,639 Speaker 1: you're not courting, like you guys know this, you're getting 428 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 1: men want you and they're letting you know. So we 429 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 1: have to have like Pazilion, the willpower to not funk 430 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,440 Speaker 1: as much because we get nick thrown at us all day, 431 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,159 Speaker 1: all day and men have to throw to well some 432 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,480 Speaker 1: men I guess have to throw the day. Yeah, well 433 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 1: that's the thing. Is like, so you you are what's 434 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 1: getting blasted at. So it's like I see that because 435 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 1: I've done it. Then she tells me. My wife will 436 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 1: be like, oh this guy hit me up again. It's 437 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: like you can see, Hey, where are you up to tonight? 438 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,320 Speaker 1: Hey you want to grab a drink. It's like the 439 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,360 Speaker 1: same bullshit, And it's like if you're not courting, then 440 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,840 Speaker 1: they don't respond because there's fifty people that have been 441 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 1: courting them. So I'll send these blasts out like nine 442 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 1: months later and like I get no response, because those 443 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 1: women are like in relationship, they got twenty dudes that's 444 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: been buying them ship taking them out. I just got dick, 445 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 1: Like yeah that ship was okay. What else? And that's 446 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,600 Speaker 1: what I'm talking about, Like, that's what I'm talking about, 447 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,240 Speaker 1: Like if this person will change my life, but you 448 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 1: just got some dick for me that everybody got the stock? 449 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,160 Speaker 1: What about this though? Like when it comes to jealousy, 450 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,880 Speaker 1: have you ever like she's like, oh baby, I can't 451 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,520 Speaker 1: fuck you tonight. Tyrone so good, he's tired, Like how 452 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: do you deal with that? Happened? All right? Yes, I 453 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 1: ain't gonna say no names, but he was not jealous. 454 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,160 Speaker 1: It makes me like it challenges your pride in your 455 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,800 Speaker 1: ego when the dude is like six three, he was 456 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 1: just he was just stalling. His ass was like thick, 457 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:40,679 Speaker 1: Like we actually hung out with this couple right and 458 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,440 Speaker 1: the other dude. I was like, Yo, this dude, this 459 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,679 Speaker 1: is that dude right here, he's the man. He's in 460 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,720 Speaker 1: the open relationship. He's like smart, good looking, he's like 461 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,280 Speaker 1: kind of quirky, but he's like I know he's packing. 462 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,639 Speaker 1: And then she told me he was packing, and I 463 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:58,640 Speaker 1: was like I don't know, well it was. I asked 464 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,360 Speaker 1: because I wanted to confirmed my like, was there pussy good? 465 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:07,760 Speaker 1: I've asked, I've seen I've seen his lips, I've seen 466 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: his hips in his ass, Like I knew this was funny. 467 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 1: It's funny. But then it's like you get jealous at 468 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: the beginning, and then when you go through it and 469 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,280 Speaker 1: you communicate about it, you get to a point of acceptance. 470 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 1: So the jealousy is at the beginning when you're exploring 471 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,360 Speaker 1: and you don't know how you're going to react when 472 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,440 Speaker 1: she leaves you that night to go funk somebody else, 473 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 1: or I leave her to go funk somebody else. And 474 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,479 Speaker 1: we've done all these different things. I mean, I d 475 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:38,639 Speaker 1: I've driven hours to go funk somebody. Yeah, so you 476 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 1: don't know how you're gonna react. I've seen how she reacts, 477 00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: I've seen how I react. We both get in our feelings. 478 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 1: But then through it, it's like you get accustomed to 479 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,119 Speaker 1: dealing with anything, and if you deal with things with 480 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,399 Speaker 1: communication and honesty, and it's like this is how I felt. 481 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 1: It was like that really challenged my ego when I 482 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,480 Speaker 1: found out that he had a fucking hammer. But it's like, bitch, 483 00:24:55,480 --> 00:25:00,200 Speaker 1: I knew we had a hammer, like but like mean, 484 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,359 Speaker 1: it's like but it's like that. So this is what 485 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: I tell my friends. They're like, how can you do that? 486 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,479 Speaker 1: And it's like, this is the thing. We've accepted that 487 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 1: we're going to be together to the end. So it's 488 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,920 Speaker 1: like if I come home and the panthers are running 489 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:15,640 Speaker 1: a train on her. She as a free will individual 490 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,919 Speaker 1: that wants to explore whatever, She's allowed to do that, 491 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,879 Speaker 1: and it's up the world. You get you get my 492 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,600 Speaker 1: reaction reaction, but she's allowed to be herself, and her 493 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,880 Speaker 1: reaction is her reaction. I'm allowed to be myself. I'm 494 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:29,920 Speaker 1: working on myself. My goal is to not be doing 495 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,000 Speaker 1: this in my thirties and forties. But my goal is 496 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 1: not to be in my thirties and forties and be 497 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 1: wishing that I had done it in my twenties. So 498 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,199 Speaker 1: we've been really going at it. So the goal is 499 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,280 Speaker 1: to be you know, when we're hitting into our thirties 500 00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,960 Speaker 1: and forties, were like, we're actually mature. Why souls? Because 501 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,119 Speaker 1: we had the experiences where a lot of men and 502 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 1: women are in these forced monogamous relationships where they're getting 503 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,480 Speaker 1: attention all day from other people, and they want to 504 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 1: do it, but they don't, so they go to porn 505 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,800 Speaker 1: and they go to vices like other ways to stimulate, 506 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,080 Speaker 1: like get sucked up, whatever it is. They escape because 507 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 1: it's like they want to be doing something, but they're 508 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,400 Speaker 1: afraid to tell the truth. If they tell the truth, 509 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,160 Speaker 1: they won't be accepted. And then once you're not accepted, 510 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,160 Speaker 1: then you're really going to be looking for somebody else. 511 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 1: But we decided at the beginning, I accept you. Then 512 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,840 Speaker 1: we struggled, and now it's better. This is corny, but 513 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,359 Speaker 1: it's really like a stock. It was at twenty bucks 514 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,159 Speaker 1: and then it goes to thirty and then when it 515 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: goes back down to twenty five, you need to give 516 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,000 Speaker 1: it attention. You throw more resources at it. Then it 517 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,960 Speaker 1: goes up to thirty five, and then it's just constantly 518 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 1: up and down. But when you're in those down like 519 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 1: those cycles where I was talking to you about, like 520 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 1: we're really just sucking other people. We're not giving each 521 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,560 Speaker 1: other any attention. My and her stock is going down, 522 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,879 Speaker 1: that's when we really come together. We can say we 523 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:45,719 Speaker 1: talk about what what's been happening while the stock has 524 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,760 Speaker 1: been going down. It's like well, you've been talking, You've 525 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:49,720 Speaker 1: been with other girls, You've been sucking other girls, given 526 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,359 Speaker 1: other people your attention, you've been indulging your vices. Because 527 00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,400 Speaker 1: the devil never travels alone. So my lust comes with 528 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 1: my gluttony. So it's like I'm going out spending money, eating, eating, 529 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 1: smoke in drinking, fucking the devil. It never comes alone. 530 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 1: So it's all my favorite things, saying saying. So you 531 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,159 Speaker 1: find somebody that accepts you, I might be a yell po. 532 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 1: I've been looking at yell for the best restaurants. The 533 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:17,520 Speaker 1: way have I met? It comes in these groups of challenge. 534 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: You don't have somewhere to go with that information. You 535 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:22,119 Speaker 1: keep it inside and then you internalize it and then 536 00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:25,760 Speaker 1: it gets expressed in negative emotion and resentment towards your partner, 537 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,240 Speaker 1: resentment towards your family or career, your other opportunities, because 538 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 1: you really have this thing eating at you and it's 539 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,159 Speaker 1: hurting you and you have nowhere to express the truth, 540 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,240 Speaker 1: and then that makes you suffer and everybody around you. 541 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,159 Speaker 1: My fiance, he says, you know, he wants to be 542 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,560 Speaker 1: able to be vulnerable with me completely, Like that's his 543 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 1: idea of being in a relationship with somebody just to 544 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,000 Speaker 1: be able to be completely honest and completely vulnerable. But 545 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,200 Speaker 1: I still feel like we're we obviously on at that. 546 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you a situation I just recently happened. 547 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,840 Speaker 1: I told you, Tammy. Anyway, we were going through it, 548 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,080 Speaker 1: and we went to counseling, were still going to therapy, 549 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 1: and he said, had something really nasty to me, and 550 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,240 Speaker 1: so I had an opportunity to hook up with somebody else. 551 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,800 Speaker 1: I didn't have sex with him, I went out on 552 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:10,600 Speaker 1: a date with him. I lied to him, so he 553 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,800 Speaker 1: just you know, he came and brought me four dozen roses. 554 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,160 Speaker 1: It took me to breakfast, all just so he can 555 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,600 Speaker 1: just covertly get my cell phone to go through it 556 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,440 Speaker 1: to find the truth. Right, so then you find it truth. 557 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,440 Speaker 1: His hand started shaking, like, oh fuck, So now I'm busted. 558 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 1: I didn't tell you the truth because I didn't want 559 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 1: to hurt you, and we're not in a relationship where 560 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,400 Speaker 1: I feel like I can be honest in that way. 561 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,679 Speaker 1: So now for the last month, he's been putting me 562 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:37,439 Speaker 1: through hell basically like every and I just told him recently, 563 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 1: if you were just consistently nasty to me, every day. 564 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:41,960 Speaker 1: I would be okay with that because that would make 565 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,080 Speaker 1: me leave sooner. But because you like give me all 566 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,200 Speaker 1: these good days and then you give me bad days, 567 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 1: it's like, uh, like okay, we could probably get through 568 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 1: this type thing. So that's where the open relationship argument 569 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,320 Speaker 1: came up the other day, which I kind of said 570 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,040 Speaker 1: this to him back in February because I found some 571 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,240 Speaker 1: emails of his and I asked him that. I said, 572 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 1: you want to be an open relationship, but see, I 573 00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,160 Speaker 1: don't feel like men can handle that. I don't know, 574 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,360 Speaker 1: I feel like they can't handle that. They'd rather be 575 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 1: sneaking and covert. And then you know, they want ownership 576 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: over all of them, all of not just you. They 577 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,400 Speaker 1: want ownership over all the women that they're dealing with, 578 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 1: like even pussy they never had before. They think it's 579 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,560 Speaker 1: on reserve for him. This is the thing, is like 580 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,920 Speaker 1: men are like that. A lot of my friends, people 581 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 1: that I know, they are monogamous and then they lie 582 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,160 Speaker 1: in cheat and then they don't they but if their 583 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:43,400 Speaker 1: woman does it, they will absolutely go absolutely right. So 584 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:46,520 Speaker 1: that's what So so he feels like I am now 585 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 1: justifying what I did because of the past history of 586 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 1: his and I kind of am I can't lie because 587 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:55,680 Speaker 1: I haven't got over the trauma of those things. And 588 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 1: my thing is like, you have the audacity to be 589 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,240 Speaker 1: mad at me, now look at the ship you put 590 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 1: me through, which I shouldn't because I shouldn't be that way, 591 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,920 Speaker 1: because that's really deflecting. I like with um Will and 592 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 1: Jada Smith, like everybody was like, oh, um, so, so 593 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,800 Speaker 1: Jade is a bad person in relationship because Will just 594 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 1: was like on her ass when they did a little interview. 595 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,959 Speaker 1: But no, she just wasn't deflecting. She was owning up 596 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,360 Speaker 1: to what she did. She wasn't bringing up what he'd 597 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,600 Speaker 1: done in the past to justify what she did. She 598 00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 1: was just owning her ship and not bringing his ship up. 599 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:32,480 Speaker 1: And exactly, yes, he definitely has ship. They're big in 600 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,400 Speaker 1: the public, but then look at look at what you 601 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:39,080 Speaker 1: see from look at their family and their their relationship. 602 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: It's like it's very complicated because it's open, but and 603 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,160 Speaker 1: they're truthful, so look at how it affects their whole dine. 604 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,040 Speaker 1: And there's always the rumors that they were an open relationship. 605 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 1: And I don't feel like, well, god dick like that. 606 00:30:52,080 --> 00:31:00,240 Speaker 1: So many people do oh god, Okay, you were talking 607 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:04,320 Speaker 1: about you were getting reciprocity in your relationship that was 608 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:08,440 Speaker 1: based on wise and manipulation. So one would do it, 609 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:16,640 Speaker 1: the next one would do it. That's reciprocity too, yeacy, yes, 610 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,360 Speaker 1: because it's gonna be what you are and what you've 611 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 1: done and what he's done, and yeah if it's not. 612 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 1: And see, I've never given him anything to deal with, 613 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:27,560 Speaker 1: so like this is like he's shocked. He's shocked, and like, 614 00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:30,280 Speaker 1: how dare you type ship? And I'm like, you've been 615 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,680 Speaker 1: doing this ship the way you feel. I felt that 616 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,720 Speaker 1: way ten times over. So my thing. So we got 617 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,080 Speaker 1: into argument last week and I text Tammy and I say, 618 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 1: you know what we need to do our next episode 619 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:45,400 Speaker 1: on open relationships because to me, an open relationship would 620 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:50,280 Speaker 1: be just open lines of communication. Healthy ones don't communicate 621 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,479 Speaker 1: as a hair stylus. I'd be a lot of different women. 622 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 1: I mean, no, we're innocent, let me not say that. 623 00:31:57,120 --> 00:32:00,680 Speaker 1: But women do step out of their relationships out siling 624 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 1: a bat. They're sneaky and it's just like, yeah, he 625 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: did whatever, he did that and they're comfortable with it. 626 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:08,720 Speaker 1: Just everybody lying to each other. And I just think 627 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 1: that's sick. Like, let's just be honest with one to know, 628 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:15,680 Speaker 1: and everybody has to because we're all human for whatever reason, 629 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 1: Like men just think they're more human than women. We're 630 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,840 Speaker 1: more human than them, Like we all go through the 631 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,520 Speaker 1: same ship emotionally. I like what you were saying about 632 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,720 Speaker 1: being in salon and being one on one with these 633 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,480 Speaker 1: women and you see that, like they know what their 634 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,680 Speaker 1: men are up to, and then once they see what 635 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,880 Speaker 1: the men are up to, they're like, oh, well, I'm 636 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 1: gonna just do that. So this is what the problem 637 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,560 Speaker 1: is is like now you're both in the dark. Now 638 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 1: you don't even know the relationship that you wouldhabit. No trust, 639 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:46,080 Speaker 1: nobody knows what's actually going on. Well yeah, because if 640 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,040 Speaker 1: it got brought into the light, they would have to 641 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:51,160 Speaker 1: deal with it. And that's more. That's hard. That's what 642 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:53,400 Speaker 1: people don't want to do. So they sweep it under 643 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,800 Speaker 1: the rug, they sweep it into the closet, and then 644 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,960 Speaker 1: guess what happens though, when the finances go bad, guess 645 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:05,800 Speaker 1: what happens All that comes into the lights? Ny, Hey, boom, 646 00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:11,200 Speaker 1: like why did I get married? Boom? That's so then 647 00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,280 Speaker 1: we were fortunate enough my wife and I to get 648 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:18,840 Speaker 1: out in front of that and experiment with hiding but 649 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,240 Speaker 1: still being accepting of the hiding lying, then being out 650 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,800 Speaker 1: in front and talking about it. So now when I 651 00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,240 Speaker 1: do something, I'm telling her the next day and we're 652 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,600 Speaker 1: coming clean because I don't want to carry that around 653 00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:33,800 Speaker 1: where other people they're carrying around their darkness. It's heavy. 654 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:35,560 Speaker 1: They don't want to bring it into the light. When 655 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,360 Speaker 1: they bring it into the light, it's scary to look 656 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,200 Speaker 1: at me because and you've been pushing it away. That's 657 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:43,479 Speaker 1: when you really see how fucked up it is. And 658 00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,360 Speaker 1: people don't want to see how funked up it is. 659 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,800 Speaker 1: They just want to keep going on. He was saying, so, 660 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,080 Speaker 1: how will we do an open relationship? So you're just 661 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,640 Speaker 1: gonna be given different people your phone number and stuff 662 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,880 Speaker 1: like that. And I made a comment just being smart 663 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,640 Speaker 1: at the mouth, because I said, no, maybe we could 664 00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:58,680 Speaker 1: just do with people we've already dealt with before. So 665 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 1: then last night that made him feel that I want 666 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,520 Speaker 1: to go back and funk with somebody I used to 667 00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,640 Speaker 1: funk with, man, I know, And I explained to him, 668 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,040 Speaker 1: like I just was saying something that midst of being angry, 669 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,080 Speaker 1: but like you said, if it's organic, you're out, you 670 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:15,200 Speaker 1: meet somebody new. I feel like new friends can get 671 00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:18,480 Speaker 1: you place as old friends can't. Right, you meet new people. 672 00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: So we married for fifty years, are we not supposed 673 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,000 Speaker 1: to engage when nobody else? Let's be honest. A lot 674 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 1: of people say that, and then it's like, it's impossible, 675 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,200 Speaker 1: sounds stupid, sounds. Let's be honest, not real, that's not 676 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,440 Speaker 1: real life it was, and then we can get rid 677 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,920 Speaker 1: of the line. The monogamous relationships like fail so much 678 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,600 Speaker 1: because of that, because people are honest about their true 679 00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:41,160 Speaker 1: human desires. Yeah there is a song. It is no 680 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,719 Speaker 1: church in the wild. Oh yeah, there's a thing in there. 681 00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: This literally sums up. We formed a new religion. No 682 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,480 Speaker 1: sins as long as there's permission, and deception is the 683 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:55,520 Speaker 1: only felony. So never funck nobody without telling that ship 684 00:34:55,560 --> 00:35:02,360 Speaker 1: is so it. I love that song before I knew that, 685 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,920 Speaker 1: But then when they listen to it and it came back, 686 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:06,440 Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, I'm like living this 687 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,400 Speaker 1: that sentence. So I was deceiving though, because I was 688 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:14,480 Speaker 1: fucking people without telling her. But our religions stated the 689 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:18,200 Speaker 1: only sin, the only felony is not telling me, and 690 00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:22,480 Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, that's where the open relationship isn't just 691 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,600 Speaker 1: open we fucked, we fuck, we fun. It's open line 692 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:30,200 Speaker 1: of communication with with yourself, with your partner, and with 693 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:34,239 Speaker 1: the world because you don't know where the yo. I 694 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 1: talked to people, and maybe the reason I talked to 695 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,080 Speaker 1: him was because lust, But then it turns into something different. 696 00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,120 Speaker 1: I'm able and willing and I don't have to hide 697 00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,239 Speaker 1: talking to this person from my wife or anything, and 698 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,360 Speaker 1: then it shuts it down. I just want to talk 699 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,880 Speaker 1: to them with the open mind and see where maybe 700 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,520 Speaker 1: there might be something that's not lust related here as 701 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:58,680 Speaker 1: an opportunity and what do you what do? Yeah? Yeah, 702 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 1: open that open because you said it. What are we 703 00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:05,000 Speaker 1: gonna do together and not meet new people? People doesn't 704 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,400 Speaker 1: have to be about just sex exactly. That's I mean. 705 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,120 Speaker 1: I try to explain that all the time, Like, man, 706 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,239 Speaker 1: every guy I know I haven't had sex with. You know. 707 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,719 Speaker 1: I have friends that I have real life platonic relationships with. 708 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 1: I might talk about you to them, like just to 709 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:20,759 Speaker 1: get a male perspective about different things, and I've never 710 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,359 Speaker 1: slept with them. Like it's very well possible. I think 711 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,640 Speaker 1: men try to funk every woman they come in contact with, 712 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,640 Speaker 1: so it's kind of hard for them to believe that 713 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:31,319 Speaker 1: we don't do the same thing. You see what I'm saying, Like, 714 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:33,560 Speaker 1: I know, he say my home girl, I know you 715 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:36,520 Speaker 1: probably sucked them. When I say my homeboy, that's really 716 00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:39,360 Speaker 1: my friend. I don't want to get rid of my friends. 717 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,000 Speaker 1: He says this home girl, he's trying to funk them. 718 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,480 Speaker 1: You said your homeboy, he's trying to fuck you. Now, 719 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,319 Speaker 1: all of them. That's you know, that's another thing I've said. 720 00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,960 Speaker 1: I said, you know the people that kind of like 721 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,799 Speaker 1: if I feel like I'm straddling a little bit frttenizing. 722 00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,560 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not talking to them, you know, like not. 723 00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,960 Speaker 1: I don't talk to anybody else on a day to 724 00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:00,440 Speaker 1: day basis, and I don't really I'm never never want 725 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,920 Speaker 1: to really initiate conversation like people text me, hitting me 726 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,759 Speaker 1: up Instagram. I've had the same phone number since I 727 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:09,640 Speaker 1: was eighteen, mid thirties now, so you know people, and 728 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:11,520 Speaker 1: he wants me to change my phone number. I don't 729 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:15,640 Speaker 1: really want to because I have anxiety about changing my 730 00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:18,080 Speaker 1: note for whatever reason, cause I'm attached to it. For 731 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,920 Speaker 1: whatever reason, it's my number you're in and you're allowed, 732 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:24,000 Speaker 1: So you're trying to cut my connection off people in 733 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,200 Speaker 1: lines of communication, people of past and potential people in 734 00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,399 Speaker 1: the future. He projects that all your homeboys are then 735 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,480 Speaker 1: people that are trying to suck you because he's trying 736 00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:34,520 Speaker 1: to funk all his home girl. Then that's where the 737 00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,040 Speaker 1: fear of like, well, who are you talking to and 738 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,759 Speaker 1: what could they be to me? A threat? And then 739 00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:43,279 Speaker 1: that threatens my position as the dominant male, and then 740 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:47,080 Speaker 1: that scares me because I'm not accepted and I'm inferior 741 00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,280 Speaker 1: in my own self. That's why men have that that fear, 742 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,560 Speaker 1: because they don't want to be overtaken by the better man. 743 00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:57,000 Speaker 1: That's what the long term we're committed is crucial, because 744 00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,840 Speaker 1: then when the fucking the dude rides in out of 745 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:03,480 Speaker 1: field on his horse and he's smart and funny and rich, 746 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:08,360 Speaker 1: and I'm still like, I'm good because you're not gonna 747 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:11,480 Speaker 1: be there when this season passes, You're gonna be gone. 748 00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:14,640 Speaker 1: But I shouldn't have the possession to be like, well, 749 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:17,359 Speaker 1: you can't be in my wife's life at all, because 750 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:18,759 Speaker 1: what if they don't even have sex, What if he 751 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:22,440 Speaker 1: has a business opportunity, what if he has opportunity. This 752 00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:26,000 Speaker 1: connection is like, I feel like relationships are worth way 753 00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:29,680 Speaker 1: more than money. Like I want to facilitate as many wholesome, 754 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,839 Speaker 1: fruitful relationships as possible. You learn from other people if 755 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,400 Speaker 1: it's just me and you, and then we get this 756 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:39,799 Speaker 1: echo chamber of like our problems and we're just reciprocating 757 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,200 Speaker 1: what we already know. We're not letting in new information. 758 00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,520 Speaker 1: So part of what we wanted to do, my wife 759 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,200 Speaker 1: and I was have a podcast called Open. It's not 760 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:50,279 Speaker 1: about just the open relationship. It's about being open to 761 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,960 Speaker 1: new information, new ideas, new people, new opportunities to come 762 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,279 Speaker 1: to you. Because look at when you walk around with 763 00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:59,760 Speaker 1: closed doors, the best thing ever might walk right past 764 00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:02,200 Speaker 1: you just deflect off and never come back. With this 765 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:04,920 Speaker 1: open line of communication with my wife, I'm not afraid 766 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,840 Speaker 1: to have the most challenging, difficult conversation with the person 767 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,479 Speaker 1: that's most important to me. So y'all both haired or sexual, Yeah, yeah, 768 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,200 Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not attracted that man at all. Like sexually, 769 00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:17,319 Speaker 1: I'm I'm attracted to men in a way that's like 770 00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,600 Speaker 1: a matter of fact, like that dude is the man, 771 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,360 Speaker 1: whether it's his energy, Well, you know, and that's something 772 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,560 Speaker 1: that's good man for you to even admit that, because 773 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,000 Speaker 1: in the black community, that's where the big homie ship 774 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,960 Speaker 1: come from. You know what I'm saying, Those memes that 775 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,120 Speaker 1: go around on Instagram like, oh men like other men 776 00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:36,719 Speaker 1: for money too, they just call them big homies. They 777 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,120 Speaker 1: got call a newborn baby big homies. You got more 778 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:43,680 Speaker 1: money exactly. Thank you dealing Lane for absolutely. Thank you. 779 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:48,560 Speaker 1: I want to see you a lot more time. Man. 780 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,040 Speaker 1: That was a good ass conversation. Man, dam you would 781 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:54,120 Speaker 1: an open relationship or nah, I don't know, girl life. 782 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,080 Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I could be down with that, 783 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:58,759 Speaker 1: but then I just think about how jealous I am 784 00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:02,560 Speaker 1: in real relationships and and probably wouldn't work. Honestly, you whack. 785 00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,640 Speaker 1: I'm not there yet. Maybe when I get older, when 786 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:08,480 Speaker 1: I get like real tired of me, get you another 787 00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:15,520 Speaker 1: bitch in here. So guys, well, y'all, if you enjoyed 788 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:19,080 Speaker 1: this episode, tune in every Thursday on the I Heart 789 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:22,640 Speaker 1: Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts at. Yeah 790 00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:24,279 Speaker 1: we love y'all. Come back