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Speaker 1: Okay, Chip, I feel like we're officially going to get

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Speaker 1: some really good dating advice today.

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Speaker 2: Yes, we have an expert.

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Speaker 3: We do have an expert.

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Speaker 1: It's still the month of Love on the v podcast,

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Speaker 1: and we really did need to call on the expert

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Speaker 1: on dating because obviously Chip and I are both singles.

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Speaker 1: Because you guys are emailing us these questions about dating,

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Speaker 1: We're like cool, so we don't know what we're talking about.

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Speaker 1: So let's call in some reinforcements. And today we have

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Speaker 1: Melissa Hobbley here and she is the chief marketing officer

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Speaker 1: for Okaycupid. I feel like we need you, Melissa, we

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Speaker 1: need everything about you today.

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Speaker 3: Listen. I don't think you guys need me, but I

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Speaker 3: am so excited to have this conversation. And I'll I'll

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Speaker 3: spill it all. I'm like the anti exec. I'll just

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Speaker 3: I can't, I can't help it. I'll just I'll give

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Speaker 3: all the secrets, I'll answer all the questions whatever you

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Speaker 3: want to know. I'm I'm going to give you all

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Speaker 3: the all the insider hacks, all of it. Well, then

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Speaker 3: you're the.

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Speaker 1: Perfect fit for this podcast because we both of us

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Speaker 1: have no filter either.

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Speaker 3: I love I love this podcast. I was so excited

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Speaker 3: to chat with you guys, and I think that you

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Speaker 3: talk about things that are so important and and you

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Speaker 3: don't sugarcoat it. So I can't wait. I need a

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Speaker 3: glass of wine.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, it's always our goal, Like you know, when

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Speaker 4: Kelly and I set out to do this, like we're like,

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Speaker 4: we're not experts on any of the stuff, but we

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Speaker 4: wanted to feel like we're just friends talking, you know,

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Speaker 4: and that we're in the room with you.

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Speaker 2: And so I'm glad that it's resonating.

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Speaker 3: People really have that feeling. It really does feel like that,

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Speaker 3: and you're not afraid to be vulnerable, and most people are.

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Speaker 3: They're not gonna like share all of you know, how

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Speaker 3: they're feeling or if it's even like a weird day

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Speaker 3: or and I just think it's great. So we just

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Speaker 3: love what you do. We're huge hands of Okaycupid and

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Speaker 3: thank you. Yeah, y'all are great.

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Speaker 1: Well, we appreciate that. We were talking a little bit

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Speaker 1: before and Chip said, you know, it's fun because I

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Speaker 1: actually sort of forgot about Okay, keep it ship. What

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Speaker 1: were you saying to Melissa?

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Speaker 2: So when I lived in Los Angeles, I was on

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Speaker 2: it and I actually really liked it, but it was

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Speaker 2: like pre app well, like the apps being really big,

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Speaker 2: so it was a web based thing. So then when

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Speaker 2: some of the app based stuff started to come like

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Speaker 2: and for in my world because I'm gay, like it

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Speaker 2: was the grinders and the scrups of the world. So

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Speaker 2: because they were catering to a gay audience, I migrated

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Speaker 2: over to those. And then the web based stuff as

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Speaker 2: they were developing their apps caught up with the times

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Speaker 2: and they weren't just they were welcoming gay people too,

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Speaker 2: not that they weren't before, but they just weren't at

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Speaker 2: based in location based in that same way. So I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna have to download it up for this conversation.

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Speaker 3: I love hearing that. Yeah and Okaye Blissen were og

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Speaker 3: and edg We're so og and okakeeping starved by Harvard

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Speaker 3: grads who were like, I'm using technology this before apps

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Speaker 3: to like find a car or a house or email.

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Speaker 3: Why can't this help me find somebody? And dating is hard,

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Speaker 3: It's fucking hard, and let's do that. And and we've

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Speaker 3: had a real comeback over the last few years. And

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Speaker 3: part of that chip to your point, is we have

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Speaker 3: we devoted two years to really understand the LGBTQ experience.

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Speaker 3: I would hear from my queer and lesbian female friends like,

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Speaker 3: you're you're kind of been. You've been all we had.

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Speaker 3: Like the gay guys I had, they've got. You know,

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Speaker 3: there's other apps for them, but you've been all that

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Speaker 3: we've had. But we really wanted to understand. And partly

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Speaker 3: because other dating apps were ignoring if you're non binary,

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Speaker 3: if you're trans, if you're pan sexual, if you're bisexual

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Speaker 3: or sapio sexual. I'm not throughout words y'all have never heard,

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Speaker 3: and we wanted. We cared so much about supporting daters

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Speaker 3: that other people ignored. We we hired We're well also

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Speaker 3: the only dating app born and raised in New York City,

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Speaker 3: and you can, I think you can feel that in

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Speaker 3: the experience that we will over invest in the engineering

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Speaker 3: and the architecture. It's really complicated shit to say, Okay,

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Speaker 3: you're by but you don't want to be seen by

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Speaker 3: street people. Da da da da da or you know.

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Speaker 3: So anyway, we were really proud of what we've done.

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Speaker 3: We've done over the last four years too. Something else

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Speaker 3: happened that helped us have this like comeback and that

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Speaker 3: is that people wanted to know how you felt about

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Speaker 3: certain issues in the world. Are you an LGBTQ ally

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Speaker 3: and do you support the right to love? And we

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Speaker 3: have been one of the ACLU's longest partner in the

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Speaker 3: data space. We have been the longest partner and the

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Speaker 3: oldest partner and the biggest partner, and so we created

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Speaker 3: a big filter. If you don't give a shit about

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Speaker 3: LGBTQ rights, get the fuck out. I don't want to

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Speaker 3: see you as one of my matches. And climate change,

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Speaker 3: gun control, immigration, reproductive rights. Wow, you name it. A voter,

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Speaker 3: And it doesn't mean that you have to answer the questions,

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Speaker 3: and it doesn't mean that you have to find somebody

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Speaker 3: that feels exactly the way you feel about all these

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Speaker 3: issues that it does mean that when you slow people

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Speaker 3: down and when you say you really care about mental

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Speaker 3: health advocacy, or you really care about social or racial

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Speaker 3: equity in this country, my god, that is hot. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that is so hot. Yes, And no other app is

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Speaker 3: asking you if you how you feel about that stuff,

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Speaker 3: if you feel about it, and then using that to

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Speaker 3: power the algorithm, because what doesn't matter is somebody's neighborhood.

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Speaker 3: And when I awad an app Right, I'm on twenty

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Speaker 3: seven aps around the road now, and I open one

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Speaker 3: up and I see your neighborhood and your height. Okay,

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Speaker 3: your height is going to be attractive, but that doesn't

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Speaker 3: that tells me fuck all about what you're going to

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Speaker 3: be like when I have a hard day, Right.

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Speaker 2: I love that you're like, I love that you help

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Speaker 2: lead with that because when one of the things that

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Speaker 2: I find really complicated is how you fill out your

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Speaker 2: profile to sort of indicate all the things that you

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Speaker 2: care about without sounding like an asshole or even remembering

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Speaker 2: to mention that you care about climate change, you know

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Speaker 2: what I mean? So like putting some of that stuff first,

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Speaker 2: that you're answering those questions, like it allows you just

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Speaker 2: to put your personality into the profile.

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Speaker 3: It totally does, and you actually the data shows that

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Speaker 3: people will respond to your profile differently when you don't

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Speaker 3: just say here's what you should not do, just an

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Speaker 3: easy going, laid back girl looking for a great guy.

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Speaker 3: How would I even say to that? What do I?

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Speaker 3: And everybody does that, by the way, like I do

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Speaker 3: you get it? Yes? Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: People don't know what to say about each other.

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Speaker 3: They don't know what to say about themselves and so

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Speaker 3: and so you know, and so your question is a

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Speaker 3: really good one, you know, like how do I feel

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Speaker 3: that section out? One thing I say is like, get

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Speaker 3: your girlfriend or any friend that knows you and get

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Speaker 3: it margarita and have them fill it out.

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, it's funny. Kelly and I we're talking

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Speaker 2: one day, I was like, I think I have a

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Speaker 2: million dollar idea, Like it's a dating app where your

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Speaker 2: friends fill out your profile and like or your friend

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Speaker 2: is the one who's actively using it. Like, but then

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Speaker 2: I saw there the exist they just you know, they

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Speaker 2: haven't you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And we have a friend who's really good at

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Speaker 1: putting words together and kind of pitching you as she

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Speaker 1: used to be in PR.

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Speaker 3: Maybe that's a lot.

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Speaker 1: He does it for all of our friends, because we

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Speaker 1: realized that when our friends are sitting down to make

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Speaker 1: these profiles, the way they would describe themselves is actually

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Speaker 1: just not true, Like period is not true. Yes, we

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Speaker 1: had one friend started listening off this stuff and I

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Speaker 1: was like, you're not even like that.

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Speaker 2: What do you say? She's so much more fun than

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Speaker 2: she made herself.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, right, we're not good at it. It's kind of like,

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Speaker 3: you know, when you have to like update your resume,

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Speaker 3: are even writing that little bio section of your Instagram

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Speaker 3: or your Twitter for the first time. It's it's tough,

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Speaker 3: it's hard, and so yeah, get that friend that knows you.

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Speaker 3: Another thing that really works is list so it says like,

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Speaker 3: tell you know, describe yourself to a little by yourself, you

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Speaker 3: do for work, podcast, you know, slub, makeup art, whatever, right,

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Speaker 3: list out your things, pottery, hustle on Etsy on the side.

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Speaker 3: You know, shows I mentioned in COVID, albums that change

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Speaker 3: my life, places I can't wait to go to, when travels,

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Speaker 3: normal whatever. Listing things is really good for two reasons. One,

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Speaker 3: you don't have to think and be like, oh god,

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Speaker 3: I know it sound funny enough. Don't worry about being funny.

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Speaker 3: You just get some stuff out there. But here's the secret.

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Speaker 3: For both straight and LGBTQ daters, You're kind of trying

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Speaker 3: to think of it this way. You're trying to give

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Speaker 3: people something to like, make it easy to reach out

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Speaker 3: to you about it. And so when I when someone says,

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Speaker 3: just look at you know, laid back girl, looking for

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Speaker 3: like a nice, down to earth person, Well everyone wants that.

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Speaker 3: I can't respond to that. But if you say albums

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Speaker 3: that change my life Janet Jackson, blah blah blah and whatever,

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Speaker 3: then you're really upping the chances that someone's going to say, Okay, yes, Janet,

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Speaker 3: but not that album. It was obviously this was her

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Speaker 3: best ever.

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Speaker 1: Right missus Jackson. If you're nasty, I love that. That's

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Speaker 1: actually what our friend does, is she kind of does

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Speaker 1: bullet points, you know. So it's like, it's to the point,

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Speaker 1: here's some top things about me. You're not the whole

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Speaker 1: like I'm the cool girl whatever you keep saying, the

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Speaker 1: laid back like the blah blah blah blah blah that

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Speaker 1: is so boring and also probably not true. Like we're saying, yeah, anyone.

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Speaker 2: Who calls himself laid back is probably.

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Speaker 3: You're probably not right right playing the role.

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Speaker 1: And it's like the whole point of all of this

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Speaker 1: is to actually find someone who's compatible with you, which

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Speaker 1: is what I love about what you first said. When

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Speaker 1: you're actually talking about real issues, and I think so

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Speaker 1: much in our climate right now, those are the things

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Speaker 1: that really matter. I don't think we've ever seen a

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Speaker 1: climate like this where politics or any sort of issue

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Speaker 1: that is really important to you. Actually matters with probably

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Speaker 1: who you're picking or dating, even who you're friends with.

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Speaker 1: So I'm sure that's a huge piece of this.

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Speaker 3: It's a huge piece of this. It's it's made okay

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Speaker 3: Cupid all like hot dating apping it and it's a

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Speaker 3: really it's a really great ingredient for like a relationship

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Speaker 3: if that's what you're looking for, right, No, Imagine if

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Speaker 3: you went out with somebody and you were really you

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Speaker 3: really cared about the environment and they did not believe

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Speaker 3: climate change is real. Can you imagine the waste of

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Speaker 3: time you would be like I got pretty for this,

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Speaker 3: or I got a babysitter, you want whatever, or imagine

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Speaker 3: then imagine if you're like, well I don't really maybe

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Speaker 3: it's okay. Imagine you know a little box you tick

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Speaker 3: on like grub Hub or uber eats it says, don't

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Speaker 3: include the plastic silverware. Imagine if you care about the

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Speaker 3: environment and you're dating someone who never ticks that box

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Speaker 3: and never imagine those little tiny fights all day like

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Speaker 3: you're gonna explode on each other. So it really does work.

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Speaker 3: It's why, it's why we're really good at this. It's

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Speaker 3: why I get I get wedding invitations every week saying

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Speaker 3: we just wanted to say thank you, like I never

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Speaker 3: thought i'd need some rough time. My friend made me

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Speaker 3: do this and he proposed last week, and you know,

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Speaker 3: so it does work.

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Speaker 1: That just reminded me of The Bachelor. You know, they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: my friend signed me up for this, and you're like,

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Speaker 1: sure they did, Sure they did. Okay, So once you

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Speaker 1: have your profiles set up, one of the insider tips

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Speaker 1: that you told us she would give us is how

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Speaker 1: do we make these algorithms actually work for us?

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Speaker 3: Yes, okay, so here's here's one tip is, yes, I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna have you. I'm gonna have to reference these and

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Speaker 3: like I'm gonna give you a power point. I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: give you. Okay, So here is one of the first

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Speaker 3: things you want to do is actually swipe, like swipe

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Speaker 3: and light because we are trying to learn what you like.

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Speaker 3: You know, when like you turn on Netflix, like ooh

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Speaker 3: I just watched the crime documentary and they're showing me

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Speaker 3: more crime documentaries, I'm in right, We that's dating apps,

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Speaker 3: so like, especially okay Cupid, because our algorithm really wants

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Speaker 3: to like show you the right people. So swiping and

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Speaker 3: sending messages or likes, letting us know who you like.

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Speaker 3: That helps us do a better job.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So that will actually help filter in the people

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Speaker 1: that you like, Okay, will.

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Speaker 3: It will on okay Cupid especially Okay especially. Some of

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Speaker 3: the other apps do that a little bit less or

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Speaker 3: a lot less, but on okay Cubid especially, that will

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Speaker 3: do that. Another thing is the more uh, if you

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Speaker 3: go two weeks, the the longer you take inactive, some

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Speaker 3: of those apps will just stop showing you to people,

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Speaker 3: which is actually really good because what you don't want

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Speaker 3: we call them zombies on okay Cupid, where you didn't

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Speaker 3: delete the app, but you're not active at all. I

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Speaker 3: don't want to show somebody that's really motivated and trying

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Speaker 3: to be but I don't want to show them those

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Speaker 3: profiles because like, well he has actually been here in

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Speaker 3: a few weeks, so you know, don't get too excited.

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Speaker 3: So the other thing is if you're you know, if

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Speaker 3: you're really in the mindset, and it's also okay if

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Speaker 3: you're not know when you're ready. No, I get Kelly,

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Speaker 3: I think you're you've got really good self awareness about

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Speaker 3: the Yeah, and no, I'm not ready. You know you're

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Speaker 3: not ready. No, you're not not headspace, So don't force it.

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Speaker 3: But when you are, don't, you know, don't let Two

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Speaker 3: weeks is kind of the window where a lot of

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Speaker 3: apps will stop showing to people. Another thing is so interesting.

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Speaker 3: Here's here's the one that nobody does. Seventy percent of

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Speaker 3: daters on Okaycupid set it and forget it, meaning they

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Speaker 3: set their profile and then they don't touch it. Okay.

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Speaker 3: And imagine if you were like looking for a job

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Speaker 3: and you you would not do that with your resume.

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Speaker 3: You've not that with your LinkedIn. If you're in social media,

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Speaker 3: you wouldn't just let it. And you're trying to get

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Speaker 3: a new social media job or whatever, you can just

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Speaker 3: not update it. So we do a lot of things,

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Speaker 3: and I blame like the Disney, you know, we want

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Speaker 3: to be whisked away. We think that, you know, Matthew

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Speaker 3: mccontaey is going to push us out of the cab

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Speaker 3: and that'll be it. And and that is not how

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Speaker 3: people are meeting. Fifty percent in the US are from

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Speaker 3: a dating app. Eighty percent of LGBTQ relationships are from

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Speaker 3: a dating app. And listen, I also I'm the only

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Speaker 3: dating app person that will say I get it. You

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Speaker 3: hate dating apps like me too. I get it. I

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Speaker 3: totally get it. But when you when you update your profile,

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Speaker 3: here's what happens. The algorithm thinks you're new, so it

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Speaker 3: lights up. And when you're new, it's kind of like

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Speaker 3: when you're a new cell phone person. That's when you're

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Speaker 3: training in the nest, so it lights up. It shows

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Speaker 3: you to more people. You see more people also your

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Speaker 3: you know what I say to people, because like, oh

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Speaker 3: my god, I can't have a picture on my profile

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Speaker 3: every week. Was hard enough to find four. By the way,

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Speaker 3: if you have at least four photos, you are sixty

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Speaker 3: percent more likely to get a message on the okay,

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Speaker 3: keep it okay, but is actually taking.

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Speaker 2: I'm literally taking those I love it.

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Speaker 3: I love it, okay, So four pictures are more. At

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Speaker 3: least four pictures are more. And then you're every week

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Speaker 3: to two weeks. I think it's great if you do

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Speaker 3: every week, but every at least every two weeks, you're

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Speaker 3: going to add something to your profile. And it could

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Speaker 3: be go back to those bullet points or lists like uh,

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Speaker 3: you know, show again, like shows you love right now,

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Speaker 3: concerts that you know, your top ten concerts of your life. Okay,

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Speaker 3: I think of like fun stuff that like people ask

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Speaker 3: you about things that actually change you know, yeah, things

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Speaker 3: that new updates.

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Speaker 1: One of the things I've noticed with a lot of

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Speaker 1: my friends is the picture picking and how difficult that is.

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Speaker 1: Which is there a certain type of picture, like, for instance,

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of professional pictures that I have,

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Speaker 1: but I would never put those on a dating app,

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Speaker 1: right because it looks like I'm trying to be like, all, oh,

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Speaker 1: look at this like model picture or whatever. Do you

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Speaker 1: have certain like bullet points that we should look at

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Speaker 1: when picking a picture. Is it something that we're doing, like,

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Speaker 1: tell us more about that piece of totally.

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Speaker 3: And you're right, this is actually the hardest part is

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Speaker 3: the picture taking. And also ladies, every other ladies say,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to wait till I'm more this, I'm more

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Speaker 3: of this, I'm skinnier, I'm just like, cut all that

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Speaker 3: bullshit out and just get it up here. Did you

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Speaker 3: write that one down? You are so cute? What a

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Speaker 3: catch chicken. Either way, I'm like, I love the glasses.

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Speaker 2: He's got to.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So and and so the most important picture is

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Speaker 3: your profile picture and here's what you have to do

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Speaker 3: for the profile picture. It needs to be like like

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Speaker 3: high school yearbook. Okay, so like chesting up. I need

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Speaker 3: to be able to see your face. And the photos

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Speaker 3: they get the most likes are you're smiling, like I'm

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Speaker 3: seeing the early whites. No sunglasses in that first photo, Okay,

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Speaker 3: And it's kind of like when I look at that picture,

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Speaker 3: do I lean in a little bit so you're smiling,

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Speaker 3: you're looking at the camera. There's some data that shows

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Speaker 3: that if you're wearing a bright color that helps. Okay,

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Speaker 3: I don't. I think we see that a little bit

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Speaker 3: on Okay Cupid, but not enough. We're like, oh well,

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Speaker 3: I'm wearing a white shirt in this one, and I

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Speaker 3: feel good, all right, put it up. So first photo,

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Speaker 3: you're smiling, it's like neck and above I can see

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Speaker 3: your face. The other three photos, at least one of

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Speaker 3: those should be you doing something. So if you're if

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Speaker 3: you love to cook, put a photo in of you cooking.

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Speaker 3: Like if you think about when I look at those

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Speaker 3: four photos, what can I tell about you? And I

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Speaker 3: don't want it to be that you can take a

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Speaker 3: bathroom selfie and I don't want it to be they

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Speaker 3: were to Biggas pool party. Okay, like make it. I

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Speaker 3: ran one marathon. I did it for a nonprofit and

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Speaker 3: I put on my I have on my profile one

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Speaker 3: and done. Don't get any I am not a runner,

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Speaker 3: but I ran a marathon. I'm really fucking proud of it,

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Speaker 3: and I want to put it on my and I

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Speaker 3: and people write to me about that, They're like, oh

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Speaker 3: my god, that's really funny. No, I did one too.

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Speaker 3: It was awful. So one needs to be something you do.

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Speaker 3: It could be hell, you're doing makeup, chip, you're interviewing someone,

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Speaker 3: You're like backstage at a concert. Like you know, I

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Speaker 3: saw your instagram. You got some real action shots. You

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Speaker 3: guys have good like behind the scenes music industry.

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Speaker 1: Wait, but I have a question about that because, like

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Speaker 1: I actually was thinking I wouldn't want anything related to

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Speaker 1: my job because that's like falling into the category of

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Speaker 1: I'm a human doing not a human being. You know,

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Speaker 1: Like is that accurate or like that's my instinct is

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Speaker 1: to be like I don't want to lead with my

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Speaker 1: job or what I do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. No, I think that's a fair point. But I

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Speaker 3: also think if it's a part of your life, you're

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Speaker 3: proud of and girl, you should be proud of that.

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Speaker 3: It's okay for it to be a part of that story,

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Speaker 3: right because it's not your lead picture and it's not

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Speaker 3: all it's just one. You know, you have a career

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Speaker 3: to be proud of that you love. If you hated

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Speaker 3: your job and you hated your life, I'd say you

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Speaker 3: don't put it in there, but I think I think

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Speaker 3: it make it part of it or you know, it's

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Speaker 3: a you should have a podcast like photo in there,

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Speaker 3: both of you. But you know, do the headphones in

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Speaker 3: the mic? Right? More like an action shot?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 3: And that handed do one and one or two photos

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Speaker 3: with friends is good. Some people do like five and

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Speaker 3: I can't figure out who are you?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that gets really confusing, especially when it's photo Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: definitely not.

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Speaker 3: No, you cannot do it as a profile photo. But

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Speaker 3: it's nice because I heard someone say once, yeah, I

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Speaker 3: want to know they're like not a serial killer, Like

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Speaker 3: you have friends, like you're a normal dude. Right, that

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Speaker 3: makes sense, That makes sense. But like you know, we

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Speaker 3: often have our friend photos at a thing. So if

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Speaker 3: you love to ski, like pull one of those photos

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Speaker 3: in because that's something again, that's something I can maybe

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Speaker 3: I love to ski too, think about things that what

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Speaker 3: people Here's another insider thing what people don't think about

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Speaker 3: is it's really hard to send that first message. And

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Speaker 3: and some of the nicest guys, straight and gay and

401
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Speaker 3: everything between are are not the ones that are like hey, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: just what to say. But they're a little shy and awkward.

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Speaker 3: And so you want to make it easier by putting

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Speaker 3: something out there that you can talk about. Did you

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Speaker 3: go to Machu Pishu and it was amazing? All right?

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Speaker 3: Put that you love to travel, you should have something

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Speaker 3: related to travel in that to make it something that

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Speaker 3: people can ask you about.

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Speaker 2: Do you all have data? Because you know, I have

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Speaker 2: the pit that I fall into is that I'm like

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Speaker 2: watching television and it's just this, you know, it's all.

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Speaker 3: So oh yeah, sorry, you know, this is a podcast.

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Speaker 2: That so I'm sliping and it's literally like the phok

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Speaker 2: And most people's photos are terrible. But I'm like, how

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Speaker 2: do you your photos from the eighties? Like what? Yes,

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Speaker 2: but it's I don't I catch myself not even reading

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Speaker 2: anything about anybody? Yeah, do you all have data? Like?

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Speaker 2: Is that what most people are doing? A lot of people.

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Speaker 2: It's really important exactly.

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Speaker 3: That's why that first photo is important. But also you

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Speaker 3: we all need to slow down. We all need to down.

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Speaker 3: What I say to people is give that profile the

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Speaker 3: time and energy and respect that you want.

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Speaker 2: Have you ever toyed with the idea of not even

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Speaker 2: having a photo? We we have.

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Speaker 3: We've toyed with that idea. We've toyed with the idea

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Speaker 3: of what if you force slowed people down? Like what

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Speaker 3: if we create some kind of mechanism right and go

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Speaker 3: over this mile poer hour speed limit, like you're way

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Speaker 3: too fast. Want to shut you down. We toyed with

431
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,520
Speaker 3: taking away everybody's photos for like one hour. That's like

432
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:30,480
Speaker 3: that love is blind.

433
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 2: I mean I like that's the thing is like I

434
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 2: wish I was reading more of the profiles.

435
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, so here's here's a fun tip to do. Here's

436
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 3: what I I will tell people. Get with your friend

437
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,640
Speaker 3: and you don't look at the profiles, but you tell

438
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 3: them to read the profile. Ta oh, I like that's fun.

439
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,920
Speaker 3: So like I would read a trip about certain guys. You, Yeah,

440
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 3: you're going to wake the chips phone and you're going

441
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 3: to say, like a profile is sas morning. I okay,

442
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 3: keep it. Uh, left my fancy corporate job to work

443
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 3: full time in a nonprofit to we get wrongly convicted

444
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,400
Speaker 3: death row inmates off of death row and exonerated. How

445
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 3: hot is right?

446
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,359
Speaker 2: Right? Super? Like?

447
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 3: Whatever the thing is, what it is and so and listen.

448
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 3: Women are actually worse. Women are more judgmental. The data

449
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,399
Speaker 3: showsmen are appears than men. Are you believe that?

450
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I believe it because I've seen my friends

451
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,240
Speaker 1: do it. We have one friend, well, one of our

452
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,360
Speaker 1: friends always says, hello, are you reading the profile? And

453
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 1: a lot of our friends aren't. They're just swiping on

454
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:38,400
Speaker 1: the picture and.

455
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:40,679
Speaker 2: Online.

456
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, well the one who.

457
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,880
Speaker 2: Reads the profilefile.

458
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 1: Yes, But the other friends end up going on these

459
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 1: dates based off of the car he drives, or how

460
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 1: tall he is or things like that, and it's like

461
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 1: there's no compatibility really, or he's a jerk most of

462
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 1: the time. He's so yeah, you just want them to

463
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,119
Speaker 1: read the profile. I actually get to know the people, and.

464
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:09,439
Speaker 3: Listen, you if for nowherether reason, don't waste your time. Actually,

465
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 3: I'm right. Those profiles tell you everything. They tell you

466
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,840
Speaker 3: so much. Women are like, oh my god, everyone goes

467
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,399
Speaker 3: to me and I'll be like let me look at

468
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,040
Speaker 3: who you have gone out with, and it's like shirtless

469
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 3: selfie at Vegas, like a fancy red car, and there's

470
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,400
Speaker 3: four words in his profile. Do you think this guy

471
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 3: is here for relationship? Honestly? Exactly the clues? What's that

472
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 3: saying from Oprah? When they show you who they are,

473
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 3: believe them. They are showing you a lot of who

474
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 3: they are, right.

475
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:36,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

476
00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 3: And also when someone has taken the here's nothing that

477
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 3: people don't do. When someone has taken the time to

478
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 3: fill out a profile, you you already know how much

479
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 3: they're putting in you already. Okay, they're they're much more

480
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 3: likely to be serious about meeting up. And on Okay Cupid,

481
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 3: we take it a step further, so you have to

482
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 3: answer fifteen of our questions. We're kind of famous for

483
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 3: these questions. You have to answer fifteen to get to passo.

484
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,400
Speaker 3: Most people answer fifty. We then show you a match percentage,

485
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 3: so you know exactly why you know Chad and Mark

486
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 3: are in ninety two percent. You click on that and

487
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 3: then it shows you what you agree on. But you

488
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 3: just love that, yeah, And then you can also see that,

489
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 3: oh my god, Mark has answered four hundred questions, he

490
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 3: is in, he is invested, Yeah, invested.

491
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm downloading this so fascin happy.

492
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 3: Right now, let's make it on because.

493
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 2: You know, some a lot of the other ones don't

494
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 2: give you even enough space to say anything about you.

495
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 3: They don't. And I think I think that some apps

496
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 3: are not in the business of getting you together, and

497
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 3: I think they you know, it's funny to you know,

498
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 3: we're in a business where we we we want to

499
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:05,440
Speaker 3: get you off pun intended, and so if we're doing

500
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 3: our job, you're getting off and.

501
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 2: You're right, So yeah, I guess it's not it's not

502
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 2: very good for your business model if people are like

503
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 2: truly meeting and shutting down the app.

504
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, but then the success stories seem like it would

505
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 1: make it harder everyone. There's always going to be people

506
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 1: looking to date, period. There is So okay, you've listed

507
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 1: a couple of these, but can you give us maybe

508
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 1: the top dues and don't of being on a dating app?

509
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, so to get your pin Okay, the top

510
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,120
Speaker 3: is top dus and domes. The top dues are put

511
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 3: that time in you know. Again, it's like we put

512
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 3: time into every part of our lives and when you

513
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 3: really want to meet someone, you can They're not going

514
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 3: to break into the house. So do get on an app.

515
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,159
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be Okay Cupid, find out, like

516
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:01,919
Speaker 3: pick the one that's right for you. Do get on

517
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 3: an app. Do put the time in. If you're telling yourself,

518
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 3: I want to meet him in real life, well is

519
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 3: that working for you? Like is that really working for

520
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 3: you? You know?

521
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,719
Speaker 1: I think that's such a good point though, because these days,

522
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,360
Speaker 1: like I've never done a dating app, but I have

523
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 1: said to multiple friends this time, like I know I'm

524
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,920
Speaker 1: going to have to do that this go around, because

525
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: it's just the way things are. And if I don't

526
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,400
Speaker 1: do something like that, I'm just going to be in

527
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 1: my office working all day and like I work alone

528
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,639
Speaker 1: unless Chip comes over. So like when am I going

529
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 1: to meet people?

530
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 3: You know?

531
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,679
Speaker 2: And it's not mutually exclusive, Like you can be on

532
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 2: a dating app and still go out to the bar.

533
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: You know, you're putting that energy out into the universe

534
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 1: of like I'm ready to date, ready to meet somebody,

535
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 1: and you put the action steps in. And I do

536
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,639
Speaker 1: think that's when I've seen people get rewarded or you've.

537
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 2: Seen somebody that you've seen online at the bar and

538
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,640
Speaker 2: you're like, oh my god, there they are.

539
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 3: Okay, and that actually happens a lot. That happened so much, right.

540
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 3: And the way I think about dating apps is like,

541
00:26:58,560 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 3: you know, when you go to a bar and you're like,

542
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 3: I wish that I walked into this bar. I knew

543
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,399
Speaker 3: exactly who was single in here, Like, yeah, the dating

544
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 3: apps are doing that for you go and we think,

545
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 3: as long as they're being honest, it's real. It's become

546
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 3: harder and harder for people because there's no stigma now.

547
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 3: It's like, you know, kind of hell, you're kind of

548
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 3: saluting to this.

549
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 2: Now.

550
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 3: The stigma is more like if you're single and you're like,

551
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 3: I'm not doing it, your friends like what do you mean?

552
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,840
Speaker 3: Just try it? You know, and most of them are free,

553
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:33,159
Speaker 3: so you know, it's it's a I don't think you

554
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 3: have a lot. I don't think you have a lot

555
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 3: to lose. I like, why not? Why not? Like, what

556
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 3: are some more dos? And don't? Okay, let me give

557
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 3: you some more don'ts. Don't mindless swipe Chad, you brought

558
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 3: this up. You already know big don't don't, don't don't

559
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 3: mindless swipe? I do. Make yourself send some messages. Make

560
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 3: yourself do this. I do this my girlfriends and my

561
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,359
Speaker 3: guy friends and my non binary friends and all the friends.

562
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 3: Make yourself send a couple messages every week. Make yourself

563
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,159
Speaker 3: like actually, and if you are not sending, you're like,

564
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,400
Speaker 3: I didn't see anyone what I liked, then I need

565
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 3: you to slow it down. Make your do the exercise

566
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 3: with your friend. We're like, I'm not going to see

567
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 3: the I don't want to see their pictures. I want

568
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,120
Speaker 3: you to read me the profile and I'm gonna I'm

569
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 3: gonna say, yeah your nay, okay, okay. That's another that's

570
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 3: another big one.

571
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that. We're gonna do that on Super

572
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 2: Bowl Sunday.

573
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 3: Oh I got you boo. I love playing on other

574
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:35,360
Speaker 3: people's dating apps. It's it's fun. It's so fun. It's

575
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 3: so fun. Well, and that's that's actually another big do

576
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 3: is is let your friends help you, like make it fun.

577
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 3: You know, I know dating is hard. I know that

578
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 3: it's really hard, but it can it also really it

579
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 3: is worth it. You know, the the incredible stories of

580
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 3: love are out there. And here's another reason why you

581
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 3: have to do this. We work with a really incredible

582
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 3: social anthropologist, and I wanted to know what happens after

583
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 3: a big like world changing event, and uh, after the

584
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 3: pandemic when nineteen hundreds. After both world wars, people really

585
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 3: do get very motivated. So it is quite literally the

586
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 3: best time to get on an app because everybody is saying,

587
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 3: I want to meet someone, I want to put myself

588
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 3: out there. I'm going to stop worrying about these other things.

589
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 3: I'm not going to make any more excuses. And by

590
00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 3: the way, this is different from Kelly what we were

591
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 3: talking about, which is when you know when you're when

592
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 3: you should put yourself out there when you shouldn't. So

593
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 3: this is not mean. And by the way, also there's

594
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 3: it's one. It's amazing to also not feel like you

595
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 3: have to be with someone, right. That's really really lonely,

596
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 3: you know. So this is not about you have to

597
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 3: be with someone and you're not happy. Fuck that absolutely not.

598
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 3: I was so happy single. I'm happy Mayrior. You know,

599
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 3: it's just when you're ready. Here's the when you're ready.

600
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, and everyone's on a different timeline.

601
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 3: That's great, that's right, that's right. And then you know,

602
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 3: my last due is there's a really interesting study out

603
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 3: of the UK that showed an unprecedented spike in interracial marriages,

604
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 3: and that coincided with when Tinder exploded. So when Tinder

605
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 3: came on the scene, it grew dating apps around the world,

606
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 3: and it made the stigma totally go away. Because what

607
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 3: happens in a lot of countries and okay, Cupid's global, we'

608
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 3: have single people around the world is you get on

609
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 3: tender when you go to college. You have to be

610
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 3: eighteen to get in a dating app, and so you

611
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:27,959
Speaker 3: really don't have a stigma because you're like, oh, I've

612
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 3: been doing this like since I was a kid, basically,

613
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 3: and so the important thing what was so amazing about

614
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 3: that study, though, is dating apps have exposed us to

615
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 3: things that we didn't necessarily maybe we didn't grow up with.

616
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 3: It's not something one of some of the ingredients of

617
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 3: attraction are similarity and familiarity, and many countries in the

618
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 3: world are segregated. With dating apps, you're way more likely

619
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 3: to date someone that may not have I grew up

620
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 3: in on see Indiana that I am married to a

621
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 3: Chinese Australian. Now it happened, you know, and but this

622
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 3: is what's so and I think that's so beautiful. Is

623
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 3: dating apps enable you to be exposed to different cultures,

624
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 3: different backgrounds, different things. So my my other big do

625
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 3: is be open? Yeah, be open. This may not be

626
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:25,400
Speaker 3: on on paper what you thought you wanted or needed.

627
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 3: He's not six to two. Okay, let's relax a little bit, right.

628
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 2: Where did that rule come from? Anyway, it's like, what's

629
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 2: more important?

630
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:39,760
Speaker 3: By the way person seriously and by the way women

631
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 3: they It's always one of the first things people at

632
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:45,640
Speaker 3: singleman tell me is height. And you have just knocked

633
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 3: out ninety eight percent of the population. So you have

634
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:54,720
Speaker 3: just killed your chances because of a height requirement? Are

635
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 3: you serious? Like right now?

636
00:31:56,520 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 1: Like I'm sending this to one of our friends her later.

637
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's funny because I also like, I'm five to eleven.

638
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 2: I've never thought of myself as tall, but I noticed

639
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 2: when I'm at concerts, I'm usually one of the taller

640
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,200
Speaker 2: people in the room, and I'm like, oh, guys are

641
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 2: actually kind of short. Like, so all these women that

642
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 2: are like or men that want somebody who's six foot

643
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 2: tall like you truly are limiting yourself.

644
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 3: You are sole yourself and women are like an average

645
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 3: height on a woman is five to five get out

646
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 3: of here with that. It's it's really and and women

647
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 3: are you're leaving wonderful, amazing guys on the table. So

648
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 3: that's another another don't is don't have don't have this

649
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 3: list that you Kelly, you said earlier. That is not

650
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 3: about compatibility their neighborhood, if they went to an ivy

651
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 3: league college, if they make a certain amount, that is

652
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 3: you know, what we have learned and noticed about happy

653
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 3: long term relationships, and you guys have had experts to

654
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 3: talk about this too, is are they kind? Are they empathetic?

655
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 3: Are they going to be there for you when you

656
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 3: get fired, when you lose a parent, when you lose

657
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 3: a pet, when you feel low, when you're dealing with

658
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 3: clinical depression? That is where the beauty of having that

659
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:16,479
Speaker 3: person in your corner is. That is where that is,

660
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 3: you know, that's the power and the importance of relationships.

661
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 3: Are they going to support your daughter when she starts

662
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 3: to feel the pressure of society on girls you should

663
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 3: look like this and do this and do that. Are

664
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,719
Speaker 3: they going to say fuck all of that? That is

665
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 3: what you want to look for and the way that

666
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 3: you know that most people are engaging on apps is

667
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 3: not setting them up for those things.

668
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 1: So that's so true because it's like you can either

669
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:47,240
Speaker 1: have the kind empathetic person or you could have the

670
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 1: good on paper person. And it's like the good on

671
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 1: paper person is fun at first, but it really never

672
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 1: works out ultimately because you really want if you're looking

673
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 1: for a real relationship or that's been my experience.

674
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 3: No, that's one hundred percent right. And listen, if you're

675
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 3: looking for Saturday night, okay, like yeah, day, all right,

676
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,399
Speaker 3: but if you are looking for more than that, then

677
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 3: you need to, you know, to change the way you

678
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 3: maybe have been doing things. And you know, I also

679
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 3: tell people like let your friends, like, let your friends

680
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:24,360
Speaker 3: take over for a minute. Let them take over for

681
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 3: a minute and and see what happens. Wait, how tell

682
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 3: me what the dating scene is like in like Nashville.

683
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 3: How's that? I have no idea.

684
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 2: I mean, it hasn't been great for me, and I

685
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 2: don't know that that's necessarily a result of the scene itself.

686
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 2: I think it's probably some of my own hesitations and

687
00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:47,279
Speaker 2: my own insecurities that are playing into it. But the

688
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 2: interaction that I have online is pretty slim too, And

689
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 2: I think it's it's probably because I'm doing it wrong.

690
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, by the way, Chip, there's a whole

691
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:03,319
Speaker 3: other we should do a whole other. If what the

692
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 3: straits could learn from the gaze on dating interesting, they

693
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 3: need to learn a little bit. They need to learn

694
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 3: a little bit. The gays are also a lot looser,

695
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 3: though they are.

696
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just my gay friends.

697
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 2: I think there's an adventurous I mean, look, I don't

698
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 2: know the psychology behind it, but I feel like the

699
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 2: process of coming out and living in your truth it

700
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 2: sort of forces you to have to live with a

701
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,959
Speaker 2: little bit more risk and excitement. And because I think

702
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,359
Speaker 2: back to like all the time that I missed when

703
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 2: like my straight friend, I mean, I was dating as

704
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 2: a straight person in high school, but it wasn't my truth,

705
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,279
Speaker 2: so I had a lot of catching up to do.

706
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 2: So it sort of forced that adventure because I had

707
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 2: I had to learn things that I'd never learned. So

708
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 2: I wonder if some of that plays into it.

709
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 3: Maybe you said that so beautifully that so many people

710
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:03,319
Speaker 3: in the LGBT community had had a challenging to say

711
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:06,040
Speaker 3: the least experience, and even the act of coming out

712
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,440
Speaker 3: makes you get very comfortable with your truth and putting

713
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:13,600
Speaker 3: that out there and and you know it's funny. I

714
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 3: just I just did an interview saying like, what can

715
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 3: straight men learn from queer daters? And I was like

716
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 3: a lot, Oh got a lot? Yeah, and then mad

717
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:28,879
Speaker 3: all the help I feel they do? God, what they

718
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,880
Speaker 3: really they really do?

719
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 2: Well, you know what's funny is I feel like a

720
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 2: lot of straight men probably think that like the car,

721
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 2: the money, the job, the neighborhood is what matters yeaheah, I.

722
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:41,920
Speaker 3: Mean it does is to get a girl.

723
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, it's it's all of us playing into all the

724
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,640
Speaker 1: same stuff and hopefully that's being rewired right now. I

725
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 1: love that you guys are setting up the things you

726
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: are because I think that that really helps us to

727
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 1: take a deeper look into what do we want, what

728
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 1: actually matters to us. Like it sounds like a dating app.

729
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 1: I haven't done it yet, but assuming it's going to

730
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:04,280
Speaker 1: be a really big deep dive into myself, like asking

731
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 1: myself what I like to do and really getting to

732
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: know myself on a different level.

733
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 3: It is. It is in the same way that like

734
00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 3: enneagrams are having a real moment. Yeah, okay, cupe. It

735
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,640
Speaker 3: is because we're asking you. We're asking you this stuff,

736
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:21,240
Speaker 3: and we worked with social psychologists and anthropologists and relationship

737
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 3: exports to help develop our questions. But then you know,

738
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 3: when you when you slow down and you do think

739
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 3: about that and you think about what really matters to me,

740
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 3: you are going to behave a little bit differently. And

741
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 3: also because it takes a few minutes to set up

742
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,359
Speaker 3: your profile and not like ten seconds like on some

743
00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 3: maps you can set up your profile in ten seconds,

744
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 3: and we think that's not like, you know, that's not

745
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 3: our game. You do it does help you weed out

746
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 3: people that that are not that are just there for

747
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 3: that ego boost of like oh she swiped around on

748
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 3: me or like right, you know that's that is a thing.

749
00:37:55,640 --> 00:38:00,799
Speaker 3: It's a thing. So how how are people meeting? Are

750
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:04,320
Speaker 3: people back to like meeting out and going out in Nashville?

751
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 3: Is it getting a bit?

752
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:10,280
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I mean it's it feels like for almost

753
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 2: a year.

754
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: Oh really yeah, literally, it's sort of like that. Yeah,

755
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: So I mean people meet online, what do you have

756
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: a certain like amount of time you should be messaging

757
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: with somebody before like if a dude drags it out

758
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:31,839
Speaker 1: and he's just messaging for a long time.

759
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 3: When are you over it? Before he actually asks, Oh

760
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,360
Speaker 3: that's such a good question. Yes, Okay, here's another rule.

761
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 3: Do not go two weeks a messaging okay before and

762
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,760
Speaker 3: then don't go longer than that before you meet up. Okay.

763
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: So if he's just dragging his feet kind of like

764
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 1: fucking around, he's probably gonna end up sending a dig pic.

765
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 1: We don't want to do anything with that dude.

766
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 3: Don't do anything with that dude. You know he's either

767
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:00,719
Speaker 3: not that interested, maybe he's dating around. You don't know,

768
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 3: and you don't need to know the story. But if

769
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 3: it's been at least if it's been two weeks of

770
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 3: messaging and there's no date, cut, cut and run. We

771
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 3: were once pitched a reality show like, oh, these people

772
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 3: met in a dating app, they fell in love, but

773
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,240
Speaker 3: they've never met in real life. And I said, no way.

774
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 3: If you have met someone in a dating app and

775
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 3: not met in real life and it's been a significant

776
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:22,320
Speaker 3: amount of time, there is never a good reason for that, right.

777
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:30,600
Speaker 3: There's it's so shady. He I'm country, yeah, and COVID like,

778
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 3: you live in London? Was this the US? That's a

779
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 3: six hour flight? Come on? You can like, aren't you

780
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 3: putting in things that it would make someone close to you? Usually? Yes,

781
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 3: usually looking for someone in a different country, Yeah, usually

782
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 3: most people are. You know, it's like five mile radius

783
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 3: in New York, Like two miles is like very farm

784
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:55,360
Speaker 3: right to get to your neighborhood deep in Brooklyn. In

785
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 3: Nashville and like, you know, California, it's not as bad

786
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:01,760
Speaker 3: as that. But but more and more people are using

787
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 3: art turning on different modes and different dating apps. We

788
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 3: let you meet people in other parts of the world.

789
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 3: Maybe you're traveling there, maybe you just are up for

790
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:13,840
Speaker 3: a new adventure.

791
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 1: We we travel mode seems to be effective. We have

792
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: a really good friend who is now in a serious

793
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,320
Speaker 1: relationship from that.

794
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:26,240
Speaker 3: That's amazing. Okay's awesome. Ye, it's happening more and more

795
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,480
Speaker 3: And because of COVID, covid has changed dating a little bit.

796
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 3: The first thing that COVID did, and I love this,

797
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,120
Speaker 3: is it made the video date a first date like

798
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 3: a real thing. Probably less prevalent in a place like Nashville,

799
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 3: where people have been kind of like you know, back

800
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 3: out there. But if you're if you're a nurse, new

801
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 3: be crazy schedule, or you're a doctor or you're a

802
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 3: single mom, and getting like out on a date is

803
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,800
Speaker 3: more effort and cost and all those things. You should

804
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,360
Speaker 3: do a video date first because your time and energy

805
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 3: is too precious, and you know, and minutes of that

806
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:04,399
Speaker 3: video date if you if this is not a good fit,

807
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 3: or if you want to meet them Saturday night, So

808
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 3: that's it, that's a good fit. Long distance dating is

809
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 3: more popular than it's ever been. That's that.

810
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 2: I've actually been thinking about Chicago because it's an easy flight,

811
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 2: you know.

812
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, oh my gosh, you should totally, I'm going

813
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 3: to hook you up on Okaycupan, all right, this is

814
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 3: going to be so fun.

815
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:27,439
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I can't wait.

816
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 1: I have another question. So I since I've never done

817
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: a dating app, you know, I obviously have a lot

818
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 1: of nerves about that, and like I've said it a

819
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 1: million times, I'm not ready yet. But there will come

820
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,160
Speaker 1: a day where I'm like, Okay, it's time to bite

821
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,960
Speaker 1: the bullet. Gotta do it. And one thing I know

822
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: about myself is before this last relationship, I can be

823
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 1: a little shy, like when it comes to guys, especially,

824
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,760
Speaker 1: I'm a little timid, which people are a little surprised

825
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: about but I am and I don't necessarily like just

826
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 1: throw myself out there. And so, do you have any

827
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,279
Speaker 1: advice for someone who might be a little bit let's

828
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 1: just say tim about a dating app or shy as

829
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 1: a human in general, Like what would you say to

830
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 1: those kind of people?

831
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,160
Speaker 3: Yeah? I love that you asked that question because the

832
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:13,879
Speaker 3: the day that shows that most people think they're in

833
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 3: that bucket. And really, yeah, and I share that because

834
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:24,839
Speaker 3: when you tell yourself going in, actually most people kind

835
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 3: of feel this way, it already makes you feel a

836
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 3: little bit more relaxed that it's actually only two or

837
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:36,799
Speaker 3: three percent of daters that are that feel like I

838
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 3: got this, you know, I'm I'm super extroverted. I could

839
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 3: talk to anybody abou da da da da da like

840
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,719
Speaker 3: it's it's most people are not do not feel that

841
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,879
Speaker 3: way going in? So know that and that I when

842
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,359
Speaker 3: I when I would hear that as a single dater,

843
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:54,480
Speaker 3: I always felt a little bit better. The other thing

844
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 3: I would do is is slow yourself down, put put

845
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:02,879
Speaker 3: put stuff on your on your uh, on your profile.

846
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 3: That's going to make it easier for somebody to reach

847
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 3: out to you with something great. You know, put your

848
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:16,800
Speaker 3: enneagram on there too, like that my diagram so emo everything,

849
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 3: I love it, I love it. Put put that on there.

850
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 3: And then here's your formula. So here's another tip for

851
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 3: shidyaters especially, here's your formula for the first message. Okay,

852
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 3: it's not hey, not that, hey, that oh I'm messaging first.

853
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm just going to know because you are.

854
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 3: Because listen, because you are messaging first, Kelly. If you're

855
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:40,920
Speaker 3: already going to do this, I'm going to think I'm

856
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 3: going to call you like an intermediate advance. Dare I'm

857
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 3: a virgin, you are dating virgin. You're going to message

858
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:55,719
Speaker 3: first because some of those wonderful guys out there are shy,

859
00:43:55,760 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 3: they are they are going to think this girl is gorgeous.

860
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 3: She has got so much going on. I am I

861
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 3: am intimidated to reach out to her. So your assignment

862
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 3: is going to be when you're ready, when you're ready,

863
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 3: it's going to be to send that first message. And

864
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:14,879
Speaker 3: here's the formula for the first message. It is not hey,

865
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 3: you'll get that will get ignored, okay. It is a

866
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 3: question about something on their profile. Okay. And if you're

867
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 3: a little more advanced, you're going to put You're gonna

868
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 3: like debate something that they put on their profile to

869
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 3: like in a funny way or making any way in

870
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:40,720
Speaker 3: a like not aggressive you you are like coming down

871
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:44,399
Speaker 3: but in a in a clever way. So let's say

872
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:50,760
Speaker 3: it's not like your political your political views suck, like okay,

873
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 3: good to know that democracy what you just put on

874
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 3: yet not but if they say, you know, maybe they

875
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:02,120
Speaker 3: have something about like you know, you can catch me

876
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 3: with a margerite on a Saturday night. You might say, hey, Scott, like, okay,

877
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 3: so is the margaritea at Tony's or is it at

878
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 3: Okay Mexicana Girl, Like you're gonna You're gonna because that

879
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 3: says to him, you read his profile, you you you

880
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 3: saw something, and because you asked a question, you're giving

881
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 3: him something to respond to. Yeah, right, like that.

882
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:33,600
Speaker 1: I definitely know that, at least with conversation in general,

883
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: that would be like like on the podcast, I have

884
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 1: a really good experience with this because you can't just

885
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,880
Speaker 1: say these things to people without prompting them with something

886
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 1: that you're saying that elicits a response, or you're asking

887
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,719
Speaker 1: them a question about themselves, and pretty much everyone can

888
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 1: talk about themselves to some degree, to some degree, and

889
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: the research shows that when you get someone to talk

890
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 1: about themselves, they're you know, they're releasing those endorphins, they're

891
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 1: feeling better. They're more likely to kind of lean in.

892
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 1: So and you know, when there's no magic, there's no

893
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:10,440
Speaker 1: magic thing you can do. When you're especially feeling shy,

894
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 1: or you're new to it, or you know, let's say

895
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 1: you have you you know, you haven't put yourself out

896
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 1: there in a while, there's no.

897
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:23,000
Speaker 3: You know. I wish there was like an easier Chandler

898
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 3: shortcut to that, but I just say, and don't wait

899
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:29,239
Speaker 3: till your hundred percent, because you'll never be there. You'll

900
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:33,320
Speaker 3: never be here, right, yeah'd be like ninety ninety two, Okay,

901
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:38,960
Speaker 3: be like okay, I'm still. I'm still but you know,

902
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 3: And then I I kind of had when I was

903
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 3: single in New York City. I enjoyed dating, but I

904
00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 3: had this mentality of, you know, at the very least,

905
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:50,759
Speaker 3: I'm going to learn this person just sounds really interesting,

906
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 3: and I'm I'm going to learn about what it was

907
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 3: like to grow up in Milan. I don't know whatever,

908
00:46:58,120 --> 00:47:00,840
Speaker 3: have an attitude of I do think that what you

909
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 3: put out there. You know, you do attract some of that.

910
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 3: It doesn't mean that this guy's an asshole and so

911
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,759
Speaker 3: therefore you were putting out like asshole vibes. But you know,

912
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 3: I think when you go in with that attitude of

913
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:15,840
Speaker 3: like wanting to genuinely wanting to get to know someone

914
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 3: and maybe there's a spark there and maybe there isn't,

915
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:19,840
Speaker 3: you know, you're taking.

916
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 1: The pressure off a little bit, right. It doesn't have

917
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 1: to be the love of your life. You're just curious

918
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:26,319
Speaker 1: about another human being.

919
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're curious about hrvan being. You're you're going in

920
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 3: to have a good glass of wine, a good margarita

921
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 3: and and have a good conversation and maybe it leads somewhere.

922
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,839
Speaker 3: And so that's the other thing for shydaters is take

923
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 3: that pressure off you. You know, it's a drink. And

924
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,359
Speaker 3: that's another thing, is like make that first date like

925
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,440
Speaker 3: a drink or a coffee. Yeah, it's not a dinner.

926
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:51,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're not trapped, you know. Thinking back to

927
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:55,839
Speaker 2: her saying you take the first move, Kelly, Yeah, well,

928
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 2: you know what, I think the reason why it's a

929
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 2: good idea for you to do it is because the

930
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 2: guys who are going to be willing to be the

931
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,800
Speaker 2: ones who take the first move are like the bucked

932
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 2: up stallions that like.

933
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:09,319
Speaker 3: Think they have guys always date that I don't where.

934
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 2: It's like you opening the door to someone who might

935
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 2: be shy. You're like, holy shit, I just met like

936
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 2: this really nice dude you might not who might have

937
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:19,360
Speaker 2: thought you were out of his league.

938
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:24,279
Speaker 3: Okay, you know even they're really hot, right, that is

939
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 3: exactly right, one hundred percent, one hundred percent.

940
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 2: That's so true because we all have such skewed views

941
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,879
Speaker 2: of ourselves and like how we look at what other

942
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:37,719
Speaker 2: people think of us. So I've always what I've loved

943
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 2: about online dating. I mean I will talk to any

944
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,440
Speaker 2: I'll talk to a lightful like I can. So I'm

945
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 2: the same thing when you said, like I don't know,

946
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 2: go to dinner or a drink or whatever, like you

947
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 2: might learn what it's like growing up in Milan, like,

948
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,239
Speaker 2: or you might make a good friend. And one of

949
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 2: the things that I've always struggled with is I don't

950
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,080
Speaker 2: have a ton of gay friends. So it's like on

951
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:57,840
Speaker 2: my profile on all the profiles that I have on

952
00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:01,440
Speaker 2: the various sites, I say I'm also to friendship but

953
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:04,959
Speaker 2: like no one ever, like no one's ever like hey,

954
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 2: I'm looking for friends too. So it's like I have

955
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 2: to be wary about how far I take things if

956
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 2: it's not someone who I'm interested in physically or romantically,

957
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,200
Speaker 2: because I don't want to lead anybody on either. And

958
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 2: it's just like, so I feel like a little disingenuous

959
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 2: having that in there, saying I'm looking for friends. When

960
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 2: someone's like, well, I thought you were just looking for friends,

961
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, you never even indicated that's what you wanted,

962
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 2: you know, And I say in my profile like, if

963
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 2: that's what you're looking for, please lead with that, because

964
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 2: it needs to be clear.

965
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 3: It needs to be learned. That's really good. I thought

966
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:40,560
Speaker 3: it great that you have that in there and that

967
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 3: you say like, please lead with it. And by the way,

968
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 3: that's another thing that's been happening and COVID accelerated that

969
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:50,280
Speaker 3: is people being really upfront and direct in their profile summary.

970
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:55,359
Speaker 3: They'll say, hey, I I I'm looking for the real deal.

971
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 3: Please don't reach out if you're.

972
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 2: Not, or I want kids, and that's a nonstar.

973
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm we have a lot

974
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:07,840
Speaker 3: of people that are you know, putting out there upfront

975
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 3: that they're sober, which I think is wonderful. Like I'm sober,

976
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:12,560
Speaker 3: it's not an issue for me.

977
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I yeah, I've thought about that because I've

978
00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:18,720
Speaker 1: recently like I don't know if I'll be sober forever,

979
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 1: but I'm not drinking right now and I'm kind of

980
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: more sober curious. And I've told Chip I'm like, oh

981
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:26,520
Speaker 1: my god, I've never dated without alcohol.

982
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:27,680
Speaker 3: Being involved, and it's such a thing.

983
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 1: It's just like, let's go grab a drink, like you said,

984
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,680
Speaker 1: And so it does start to put this extra pressure

985
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:34,239
Speaker 1: even on it too, because you're like is.

986
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:35,760
Speaker 3: That a deal breaker for people?

987
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,040
Speaker 1: Because I don't care if other people drink, It's just

988
00:50:38,040 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: something that's for me better. My friends drink a lot

989
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 1: around it.

990
00:50:46,239 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it. I think that is beautiful and

991
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:56,000
Speaker 3: I think I think I think you should put that

992
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 3: in there. Yeah, it's just a part of I guess

993
00:50:58,280 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 3: y because I wouldn't want to show up for a

994
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:01,840
Speaker 3: drink and then I'm like, I'll take a club soda

995
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 3: and they're like, wait, what I mean that feels like

996
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 3: yeah right, or it just feels like it makes other

997
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 3: people uncomfortable, like I've talked about a lot, and so

998
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:11,239
Speaker 3: I could imagine if you're on a date, it would

999
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 3: feel a little misleading if you didn't, I don't know,

1000
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 3: just put it out there.

1001
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:20,400
Speaker 2: Especially if like the data is let's grab drinks, right well.

1002
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 1: I mean, and I would be like, okay, cool, because yeah,

1003
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 1: I will drink water, so that's a drink. But yeah,

1004
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 1: it just makes other people more uncomfortable really than it

1005
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:34,440
Speaker 1: makes me. Yeah, and I and more and more and

1006
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 1: more daters are putting I'm sober curious or I'm sobering now,

1007
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:40,880
Speaker 1: or hey, I'll meet up for a drink, but you'll

1008
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:46,320
Speaker 1: catch me with like the most clever mocktail at the bar. Okay, yeah, yeah,

1009
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 1: because I think again it's.

1010
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:52,880
Speaker 3: It's a reflective of of who you are. And uh yeah,

1011
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:53,799
Speaker 3: so did that?

1012
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 1: Was the pandemic a big push for people really just

1013
00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:59,600
Speaker 1: owning who they are a little bit more like just

1014
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:02,960
Speaker 1: cutting the bullshit. Here it is, this is what I like,

1015
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:05,399
Speaker 1: this is about me, this is what I'm looking for.

1016
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:06,880
Speaker 1: I mean, did you guys see a rise in that

1017
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:07,880
Speaker 1: after the pandemic?

1018
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 3: Unbelievable. It was so interesting and it happened in every way.

1019
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 3: It happened with people saying what they wanted in their profile.

1020
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 3: It happened with sexuality and orientation. So we had an

1021
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 3: eighty four percent increase in daters identifying as pan sexual.

1022
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 3: And if pan sexual is bisexuals, i'mtracted to men and women.

1023
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 3: It doesn't allow for what if someone's on binary and

1024
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,960
Speaker 3: so's so many people say, oh, well, it actually is

1025
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:40,440
Speaker 3: about the human it's not about the gender, and pan

1026
00:52:40,560 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 3: sexual is a better a better word to describe who

1027
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:47,759
Speaker 3: I am. So we had and like we've been around

1028
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 3: was twenty years. We've never seen anything like that in

1029
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:53,200
Speaker 3: the history of like Okay Cupid. You have people say

1030
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 3: I really do want kids. This is a deal breaker

1031
00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:57,800
Speaker 3: and I've never turned that on. But I have nothing

1032
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,759
Speaker 3: to lose. You know, some people, some of us feel

1033
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,360
Speaker 3: like we lost like two years in the pandemic because

1034
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:06,680
Speaker 3: it was hard to date or you know, whatever's going on,

1035
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:09,800
Speaker 3: maybe more so in Kitty's like New york Ian Chicago,

1036
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:14,520
Speaker 3: where Okay keep it is is also popular. So but yeah,

1037
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 3: it did make people really think about what they wanted.

1038
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 3: And that's why it's a good time to date too,

1039
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,840
Speaker 3: because they're just they're very motivated. They really you know,

1040
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 3: people say to me, I'm skin hungry, like, oh I

1041
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:28,719
Speaker 3: just touch. Yeah, I don't want to be touched. I

1042
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 3: want to want to get it on. I want to

1043
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 3: go spoon on a Sunday morning. And so it's really

1044
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:37,799
Speaker 3: there are a lot of people. This is the other

1045
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,600
Speaker 3: thing that should be helpful for for shy folks or

1046
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:44,319
Speaker 3: like virgin dating app folks, is there's a lot of

1047
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:47,319
Speaker 3: first timers out there. There's a lot of that that

1048
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:50,400
Speaker 3: does help to hear. You're right, oh my god, and like,

1049
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 3: you know, I saw it. I saw a profile okay,

1050
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:55,840
Speaker 3: keep it this morning of a guy in Chicago. He

1051
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:59,399
Speaker 3: was straight, and he's like, hey, guys, like longtime listener,

1052
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 3: first time called. And I was like, that's cute, that's funny.

1053
00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 3: It's night. And then he's like, I'm giving this a go.

1054
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 3: It's the first time. I'm like trying a dating app,

1055
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 3: like I you know. And then he's like, I work

1056
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 3: as a lawyer, but I am really passionate about you know.

1057
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:14,319
Speaker 3: I don't know what he's passionate about, but but it

1058
00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:16,839
Speaker 3: was really you know, so even saying stuff like that

1059
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 3: and your profile has become really really common and uh

1060
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 3: and again I think just a nice you know. I

1061
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:26,840
Speaker 3: mean I immediately felt like reading that prope like okay,

1062
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:29,920
Speaker 3: like he's a little like a lot like most people,

1063
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 3: he's a little like a little uncomfortable, a little vulnerable

1064
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:35,120
Speaker 3: muces put stuff out there. But like you know, he's

1065
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:41,160
Speaker 3: not you know, he's not gonna like be the most romantic, confident,

1066
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:47,000
Speaker 3: like smooth guy. And that's okay because it feels like

1067
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 3: I'm dealing with someone pretty genuine.

1068
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:51,399
Speaker 2: What do you mean so funny? I was thinking about

1069
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 2: like what I could have as an open line that's

1070
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:55,760
Speaker 2: like elephant in the room. I'm single, you know, because

1071
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 2: everyone on there is the same suation.

1072
00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 3: I love that so cute. I love that tm it

1073
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:05,600
Speaker 3: write it down now. I love this. We're going to

1074
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 3: steal it from you. What would you say?

1075
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 1: Because you know we have we have actually some serious

1076
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 1: success stories in our friend group. We have a friend

1077
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,399
Speaker 1: getting married from meeting someone on a dating app during

1078
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 1: the pandemic, another friend in a very serious relationship, and

1079
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:21,759
Speaker 1: then we have another friend who's a dude that just

1080
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 1: says they're bullshit and he hates them, and I do

1081
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:28,960
Speaker 1: feel like their dating mentalities were a little different.

1082
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 3: Chip would you agree?

1083
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:32,319
Speaker 2: I mean, I've seen the people that he's swiping right

1084
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:37,960
Speaker 2: on and it's like everything that she has said.

1085
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 1: Okay, So do you think like an overall like for

1086
00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 1: the people that are just like, oh, dating app suck?

1087
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 1: Is it maybe some of the stuff we've talked about

1088
00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:51,200
Speaker 1: the main thing, or like what your biggest success stories?

1089
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:54,320
Speaker 1: Is there just one quick recipe that you can give us?

1090
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:58,240
Speaker 3: You know, what I'll say is this, people have hated

1091
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:01,719
Speaker 3: dating since the dawn of time and I and I

1092
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 3: think people forget that. And yes, I work at a

1093
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:08,759
Speaker 3: dating app, but it no one in the history of

1094
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 3: like creation has liked dating or courtship. And there is

1095
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:18,840
Speaker 3: a lot that is really fucked up about the way

1096
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:24,280
Speaker 3: that we engage and and behavior is bad for sure,

1097
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:30,280
Speaker 3: but there are way there are so many success stories

1098
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:36,480
Speaker 3: and so many beautiful connections of love and and it

1099
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:40,680
Speaker 3: you know, it's it also wouldn't be a big business

1100
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:44,400
Speaker 3: if it didn't work, like it wouldn't it would not right,

1101
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:48,120
Speaker 3: would not not have all these friends we all know,

1102
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:49,880
Speaker 3: Like when someone is like I hate dating apps, and like,

1103
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 3: how many people do you know that their pertatement on

1104
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:54,120
Speaker 3: other dating apps? Like oh no, no, no, no, no, no, okay,

1105
00:56:54,120 --> 00:56:57,359
Speaker 3: actually yeah, fair enough and and then I also say things.

1106
00:56:57,360 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 3: You know, I grew up in Indiana, if you were getting

1107
00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:04,960
Speaker 3: like a dating app was like your oh yeah, right,

1108
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:08,040
Speaker 3: if you're a single mom, you are not going hard

1109
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:10,960
Speaker 3: every night, right. So I also think it's important to

1110
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 3: remember that there are communities and cohorts of people that

1111
00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:19,960
Speaker 3: this is a safe way to find and meet somebody

1112
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:23,160
Speaker 3: and maybe the only way, right. And part of the

1113
00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:25,080
Speaker 3: reason why dating apps need to exist is a really

1114
00:57:25,160 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 3: fucking awesome reason, and that is that women do not

1115
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 3: have to get married the minute they get out of

1116
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 3: high school. And that is because women are having jobs

1117
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 3: and having careers and all those things, right, And that

1118
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 3: is because we have finally had an LGBTQ moment in

1119
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:43,479
Speaker 3: this country where you can marry who you want to marry,

1120
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 3: and you can be who you want to be with,

1121
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:46,920
Speaker 3: and you can be in an open relationship. You can

1122
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 3: do whatever you you know, you can do whatever you

1123
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 3: want to do. And there's still we still have some

1124
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:54,600
Speaker 3: progress to make in those ways, but dating apps will

1125
00:57:54,640 --> 00:58:00,160
Speaker 3: facilitate those connections. And so you know, the the I

1126
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 3: think in some there are there are shitty people out

1127
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:06,160
Speaker 3: there for sure, and if we could figure out how

1128
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 3: to kick them all off the app. We would definitely

1129
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:15,040
Speaker 3: do that, but you know, it's interesting. We've thought about

1130
00:58:15,640 --> 00:58:20,440
Speaker 3: one or two apps have tried that with very mixed results.

1131
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 3: In some cases, what was happening is when guys were rejected,

1132
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:28,560
Speaker 3: they were writing bad reviews, right, And.

1133
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:30,600
Speaker 1: I actually think it's a good practice in your own

1134
00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:32,560
Speaker 1: discernment and learning to trust yourself.

1135
00:58:32,880 --> 00:58:35,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh I like that, thank you.

1136
00:58:36,520 --> 00:58:39,120
Speaker 1: That's what I'm telling myself, at least when I get

1137
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:43,080
Speaker 1: in there and I'm like, oh, that guy's such a douche.

1138
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:45,600
Speaker 3: Well, and you know, you also can't be hard on

1139
00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:50,680
Speaker 3: yourself too, because some people are good at at being chameleons. Right.

1140
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:56,000
Speaker 3: I think that what we can do a better job

1141
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 3: of is like reading those signs. The guy's not going

1142
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:02,280
Speaker 3: to say I'm a little faky, I'm dating around. I'm

1143
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:06,080
Speaker 3: not that sure. But does he take four days to

1144
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:08,720
Speaker 3: respond to your text? Okay? You know?

1145
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know we know the one. The one thing

1146
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 2: people can't hide that I always love to talk about

1147
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 2: is they're spelling. Like if you don't know the difference

1148
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:21,000
Speaker 2: between your your and your yes, I'm like white last

1149
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:24,160
Speaker 2: like I'm out, I'm out. I give people the benefit

1150
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 2: of the doubt, but if it's a repeated thing in

1151
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 2: their profile, I'm like, no, I can't. No. I mean

1152
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:31,880
Speaker 2: and that that you don't know if you meet somebody

1153
00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:33,560
Speaker 2: that's hot at a bar, you.

1154
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:35,960
Speaker 3: Know that's true. I don't know if they're a good

1155
00:59:36,000 --> 00:59:36,600
Speaker 3: speller or not.

1156
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:39,720
Speaker 2: Thing, but like that to me is like that drives

1157
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 2: me crazy.

1158
00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:44,320
Speaker 3: Yes, do you know that? And that I think that's

1159
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:48,120
Speaker 3: I think that's awesome. You're an intelligent, interesting guy. You

1160
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:50,440
Speaker 3: need somebody that knows the difference between your.

1161
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:52,920
Speaker 2: And your I agree, yeah, I yes.

1162
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 1: And don't you dare come near tip with a green text?

1163
00:59:59,280 --> 00:59:59,800
Speaker 2: No?

1164
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:03,200
Speaker 3: You know I'm right though, you know I'm right.

1165
01:00:04,280 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 2: I can make an exception if they're an person, but

1166
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 2: this would definite, Like, my god, I'm gonna can I'm

1167
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 2: going to cancel this date. Can you move to text? God?

1168
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:17,280
Speaker 3: Oh my god?

1169
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 1: Well, I think we know what we're doing this weekend. Chip,

1170
01:00:19,720 --> 01:00:24,720
Speaker 1: I'm on your okay Cupid profile. Wait and Melissa, and

1171
01:00:24,760 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 1: I'm ready. I am reaching directly out to you to help.

1172
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:31,920
Speaker 3: Please do listen. I you too are so lovely and

1173
01:00:31,960 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 3: I had so much fun talking about this and Chip,

1174
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:36,320
Speaker 3: I want to I want to see that profile.

1175
01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:38,880
Speaker 2: Okay, please, I want you to help me make it perfect.

1176
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,840
Speaker 1: Want to be a successful Right, we're gonna we're gonna

1177
01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 1: send it your way and Kelly.

1178
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,760
Speaker 3: Whenever you're ready.

1179
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:47,720
Speaker 1: We so appreciate that. I know our listeners appreciate all

1180
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:48,680
Speaker 1: the tips you gave them today.

1181
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 3: Obviously.

1182
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:52,240
Speaker 1: Okay, Cupid is the app to download you guys, But Melissa,

1183
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:54,919
Speaker 1: will you tell other people where they can find you?

1184
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:55,440
Speaker 3: If you know?

1185
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:56,680
Speaker 1: I know you do a lot of things like the

1186
01:00:56,720 --> 01:00:59,040
Speaker 1: Today Show. You're always giving dating advice. So where can

1187
01:00:59,040 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 1: we keep up with you?

1188
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 3: Yeah? Oh, follow me on Twitter Instagram. It's Melissa Hobbley

1189
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 3: h O b l e y h O b l

1190
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:08,080
Speaker 3: e y. And I'll put all of this in the description.

1191
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:10,960
Speaker 3: You guys. I hope that we're helping the people find

1192
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:12,520
Speaker 3: some dating. If we have any.

1193
01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:15,960
Speaker 1: Success stories from the vo want to know that, yes,

1194
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 1: send it our way.

1195
01:01:17,960 --> 01:01:19,960
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I want we want to hear about this.

1196
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,040
Speaker 3: If there are some success stories out there, we will

1197
01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:24,640
Speaker 3: cover your honeymoon or your date.

1198
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 2: If that is not motivation for me, exactly here we go.

1199
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:38,880
Speaker 1: Gabone, Melissa, thank you so much. This was truly helpful,

1200
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:40,840
Speaker 1: I think for both of us, and really I hope

1201
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 1: for the listeners. You guys got some really good tips

1202
01:01:42,560 --> 01:01:45,600
Speaker 1: about your profiles things to do. Dating apps are clearly

1203
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:48,000
Speaker 1: the way to go these days, so keep up the

1204
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:48,760
Speaker 1: good work with that.

1205
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:51,520
Speaker 3: And Melissa, thank you. We really appreciate you being here.

1206
01:01:51,640 --> 01:01:54,040
Speaker 3: Thank you guys so much. This was the most fun conversation.

1207
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:57,560
Speaker 3: You too, are lovely, and let's find someone half as

1208
01:01:57,640 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 3: awesome as Chip and then when already half a one

1209
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:06,640
Speaker 3: for three fours three whatever. All right, thank you guys

1210
01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:07,040
Speaker 3: so much.

1211
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:10,840
Speaker 2: H