WEBVTT - "I PRETEND TO BE A BABY" 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:04.440 Hello, Hello, Hi, is this a gag? 0:00:05.440 --> 0:00:06.240 Yeah? Who's this? 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:08.719 You can call me snail? 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:12.479 Snail? How are you, Snail? 0:00:14.760 --> 0:00:15.280 I'm great? 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:18.200 How are you? I'm a gecko on the computer. 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:25.840 Yeah, yeah, I can tell. Okay, so we're here today. 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:32.280 I wanted to talk to you about my life as 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:37.959 an adult baby. I don't know, kind of a taboo subject. 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:40.040 But what do you mean by adult baby? 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:46.680 So in my free time, I dress up as a baby. 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:53.960 I have a a daddy currently, and I specifically wanted 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:56.400 to talk to you about I went to a convention 0:00:57.600 --> 0:00:58.840 for adult babies. 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:04.440 Interesting, So you dress I have a bunch of questions 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:06.440 for you. So you dress up as a base? 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:06.679 Yeah? 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:11.399 Yeah, Like what is what is the attire? Exactly? It's 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:13.679 a diaper, it's what is it? 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:21.000 Everything? Yeah? Diaper? You got onesies, you got you know, 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:25.679 cute looking shirts you got you know, you got the pacifier, 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:27.839 you got the bottle everything. 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:35.160 Okay. So and your daddy, who? Who? Who is your daddy? 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:36.640 What does he wear? In the equation? 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:42.200 So he's about you have like two hours away from me, 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:44.000 so I don't get to see him all that often, 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:47.640 but my school is close to him. So every time 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:53.120 I go to school. I will visit him and we uh, 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:56.120 you know, he'll just kind of take care of me, 0:01:56.880 --> 0:02:00.480 make me feel good. I get a little little teased 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:03.640 by him. Yeah, it's like part of our dynamic. 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:03.960 You know. 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:09.920 He he has a wife, and you know, she doesn't 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:11.959 seem to give a crap about the whole thing. 0:02:12.160 --> 0:02:12.360 You know. 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:15.440 I think she thinks it's cute. And they're probably amorous anyway, 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:16.760 so I don't think they really care. 0:02:17.880 --> 0:02:21.519 But yeah, so is this a sex thing? 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:27.720 You know what in this current relationship? It is not, 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:32.960 because in terms of like sex stuff, I'm really only 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:34.080 into women, you know. 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:37.640 Okay, So if you have this relationship with this daddy 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:38.919 that is not sexual at. 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:43.280 All, not sexual at all. I think he wishes it 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:45.280 would be, but no, it isn't. 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:51.840 Okay, So I've I have a bunch of questions for you. 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:55.080 I want to know this kind of off the bat 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:58.440 mm hmm. And this is what everyone this is. And 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:00.799 you know this because I'm sure you've received a fair 0:03:00.840 --> 0:03:04.040 amount of criticism to anyone that you've talked about this 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:05.480 with in your life. Is that accurate? 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:07.359 Oh? 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:10.600 Yeah, yeah, I had I had a group like it 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:12.880 was like me and like three friends. We had been 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:16.040 friends for like years and years, and I told a 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:19.000 couple of them, the whole group like, disown me, stop 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:19.520 talking to me. 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:23.520 So here's the main point of criticism. In my eyes, 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:28.320 I personally am a big fan of anyone can go 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:31.960 do anything that they want with their lives. You know, 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:34.239 you want to go dress up as a baby. It's 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:36.800 it is what it is. You know, live your life, man. 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:42.840 But I think the main point of contention is do 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:53.480 you see a a red flag in a guy who 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:57.480 is sexually interested in you dressing up as a child. 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:03.040 Yeah, So that's like a huge point of contention in 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:07.040 this like community. I mean, and we do have a community. 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:10.600 You know, there's all these girls on Instagram who have 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:13.360 tens of thousands of followers and stuff like that, and 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:15.560 and it's it's a big talking point that like it's 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:19.159 brought up a lot, and you hear these people talking 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:21.680 about it on their accounts, and I guess you know, 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:27.520 the answer is, you know, as long as they're going 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:31.240 for an adult and the adult is consenting, then it 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:34.320 has nothing to do with children. Even though we are 0:04:34.360 --> 0:04:36.680 acting out a childish role play, which I know, like 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:43.800 is a little I don't know, it's I mean, yeah, 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:44.440 it's tough. 0:04:45.000 --> 0:04:49.680 It's I ahead, go ahead, go ahead, and I'll ask 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:51.080 my questions later. I want to hear what you have 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:51.440 to say. 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:59.880 Yeah, I I just say that, you know. For me personally, 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:06.480 I love the feelings that come along with someone like 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:09.280 babying me, taking care of me, like making sure I'm 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:12.200 all right all the time, kind of looking after me 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:14.360 in a sort of way, making me feel small, making 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:17.680 me feel taken care of. But you know, I do 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:20.440 have this thought a lot of the time, like like 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:23.240 like you brought up of you know, is this guy 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:25.880 looking for a child, and like, I don't think that's 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:29.200 the case, because you know, what he's getting out of 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:33.599 it isn't like praying on a child's innocence. It's more like, 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:37.800 oh my, you know, my partner looks really cute dressed 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:42.280 up like this, and you know, I'm humiliating her. I'm 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:45.839 making her feel belittled like that kind of thing. It's 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:50.160 less about the baby aspect and more about the role play, 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:51.080 if you get what I mean. 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:54.119 Yeah, I do get with you, man, It's more about 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:57.359 I mean, it's like a power play type of like 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:05.400 a role play. Yeah exactly, So has there ever been, 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.360 And I guess not even saying that this is saying something, 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:12.400 but I don't know, I'm curious what the answer is. 0:06:13.120 --> 0:06:20.280 In this community, have there been people who have been 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:22.880 kind of outed as like, oh, this person actually is 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:23.560 a pedophile? 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:30.240 Oh yeah, yeah, And I mean I just recently. It's 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:32.960 a big thing and it happens all the time, unfortunately, 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:37.000 because you know, there's a lot of people who are 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:41.480 are not pedophiles of course in this community. But what 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:44.320 ends up leading pedophiles here is they're like, oh, well, 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:46.200 I can't get my hands on a real child, I 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:50.960 guess I'll do with like second best, you know, and 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:55.279 this becomes their solution, and you know, eventually you kind 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:59.160 of they get outed somehow, like someone finds child porn 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:03.080 on their computer or something happens, you know, like but 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:06.520 I've heard I've heard definitely like a lot of stories 0:07:06.560 --> 0:07:10.640 of that happening in the past, but you know, relatively rare, 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:13.600 but happens a good amount still. 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:22.640 Yeah, And in this community, how often, uh are is 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:24.360 this subject talked. 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:32.480 About fairly fairly often? I would say, I mean, you know, 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:34.760 I was just talking like whenever I meet up with 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:37.720 my friends who are kind of in in this community, 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.400 like it comes up in our conversations. It's it's a 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:43.880 big I Like I was saying, a big point of 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:46.240 contention in this community, and like, you know a lot 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:48.320 of people end up talking about it on the big 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:51.760 abl Instagram accounts and all that sort of stuff. 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:58.840 What do you what do you? And I kind of 0:07:58.880 --> 0:08:03.120 see for how you've explained it, what you get out 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:06.200 of it in terms of the dynamic, you know, feeling 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:15.480 like you're being taken care of. You know, what do 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:19.520 you what would you want people to know about this 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:24.480 that you think maybe they are misinformed. 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:35.040 About Okay, okay, Number one, the the whole idea, Like 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:38.440 when when people look at this community too often, the 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:40.640 perception is like these. 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:46.880 You know, kind of not very good looking, like white 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:50.080 guys who like to dress up like a baby, and 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:52.520 they look you know, they look terrible. 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:52.800 You know. 0:08:52.880 --> 0:08:55.320 You look at them in like these documentaries and videos 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:57.400 and stuff like this, and you look at them and 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.360 I'm like, oh my god, I feel bad for this guy. 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:01.880 Like me, as a person of this community, I look 0:09:01.880 --> 0:09:03.640 at him and I'm like, oh god, I feel sad 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:07.200 for him, you know, just because so many of them 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:09.280 don't seem to know how to act like a normal 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:12.760 human being, like outside of their kink. But also they're 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:17.040 just you know, they're struggling with loneliness because they have this, 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.000 and I you know, what I have to say is 0:09:20.040 --> 0:09:22.760 like there are so many people who are not that 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:26.600 like stereotype of our community. There are many many like 0:09:27.000 --> 0:09:30.400 beautiful women in this community, and like there's a ton 0:09:30.440 --> 0:09:32.960 of trans people in this community. It's just it's so 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:37.160 much more diverse than the stuff that is put on 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:40.760 the internet about specifically our community. 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:44.120 Somebody in the chat and I try to read the 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:47.120 chat very often, but somebody in the chat right that 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:51.600 it's it's almost like wondering if furries are actually into 0:09:51.720 --> 0:09:56.880 having sex with animals, where it's like, right, they are 0:09:57.000 --> 0:09:59.920 most I assume most of them aren't, but the ones 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:01.720 at all, I mean, there's got to be a couple 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:04.679 of people in that community that do want to have 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:06.720 sex with foxes and shit. 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:11.640 Exactly. No, I think you're totally right on that point. 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:14.719 Like it's what I mean, is that like to you? 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.719 But but then to you, is that like I mean 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:20.320 is that scary to you? 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:20.600 Like? 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:22.600 Is that is I mean, how does that feel that 0:10:22.640 --> 0:10:25.600 you're part of a community that is you know, you 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:30.920 know that you don't have malicious intentions and that the 0:10:30.920 --> 0:10:34.119 people that you do this with don't have malicious intentions. 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:37.720 But how does it feel for you knowing that you're 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:41.160 so deeply entrenched in a community where something like that 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:42.120 happens all the time? 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:48.960 You know, I mean, it doesn't happen all the time, 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.080 like I said, like it's a part of our community, 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:55.120 but it's it's relatively rare, and you know, I take 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:58.120 comfort in knowing that I surround myself with good people 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:01.640 with good intentions, and like I think that I'm I'm 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:04.040 very good at sussing that kind of stuff out and 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:07.720 you know, knowing whether someone's like kind of a weirdo 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:10.000 or not. And and I feel like you can tell 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:12.800 with the I don't know, people always want to make 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:19.720 pedophilia like this uh hidden thing that suddenly gets discovered 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:21.959 about a person, But I don't know. My personal opinion 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:23.760 is like I feel like you can tell, you know, 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:26.720 like there's there's something off, and I feel like I 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.440 have a good sense of that sort of thing, so 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:30.000 it doesn't really bother me as much. 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:35.000 Do you ever poop your pants and have somebody clean it? 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:35.320 For you. 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:42.439 I have never had that happen personally. You know, I'm 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:46.920 not saying it wouldn't be an interesting experience. I don't know. 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:51.600 I think it would be fun. I've never done that, 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:55.960 but I definitely have feed myself and had someone change me. 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.400 Yeah, okay, is it? Is it a to you? Is 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:03.240 it a big Is there a big step between peeing 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:05.800 yourself and pooping yourself? Like, is pooping yourself kind of 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:06.520 a different level? 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:12.520 Yeah, yeah, definitely, it's uh. I mean there's a lot 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:14.600 of people in this community who are like, oh, I 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:17.199 wear diapers, I see them and I do all that, 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:21.600 But you know, I would never poop myself. That's absolutely 0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:26.360 disgusting and filthy. And like, I see where they're coming from. 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:29.000 And I understand why Why is pooping? Why is pooping? 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:33.720 Why is pooping yourself that much more disgusting than peeing yourself? 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:38.160 I don't know. I mean, in my mind, you know, 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:40.400 you're in as you're in as sterile. I mean, at 0:12:40.480 --> 0:12:42.240 least as long as it's in your body, as soon 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.440 as it comes out, it's no longer sterile. But I 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:52.800 find you'urine to be much less. I don't know, And 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:57.600 like the thing about poop is that it it sticks everywhere. 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:02.720 It's absolutely disgusting. Like there's just there's a difference. You know, 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:05.520 Pete doesn't Pe doesn't smell like that. Pee doesn't like 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:09.440 stick to everything and like make things nasty, you know 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:12.640 what I mean? Like poopa is just gross stuff. Man. 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:18.439 You know, I respect that you're willing to defend all 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:24.480 of your statements at U three. Yeah, you kind of 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:28.400 have to you at this Are there props and stuff? 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:30.320 Is there? Do you like shake up? 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:30.440 Oh? 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:34.560 Yeah, rattle and have a binkie and ship I have. 0:13:35.040 --> 0:13:38.680 I think I have two rattles I have. I have 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:45.840 quite a collection of binkies and or pacifiers. I'd say 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:51.840 maybe like like twenty or thirty of those. I have 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:55.840 a big thing for for onesies I have. I've probably 0:13:55.920 --> 0:14:00.560 about like somewhere in between ninety and one hundred and closet. 0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:06.480 You have ninety onesies in your hunt I don't even have. 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:09.960 I don't I have like three of these gecko suits. 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:13.359 You have ninety onesies in your closets? 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:16.560 Yes, somewhere. I mean the last time I counted was 0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:19.600 like a year and a half ago, and I was 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:23.160 at seventy two. So I'm guessing it's somewhere around there 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:25.680 now with what I've recrued over the last year and 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:26.080 a half. 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:28.040 How long have you been doing this for? 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:36.880 So I kind of yeah. My story is basically, I mean, 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:44.000 as a community, the ABDL community adult baby diaper lover 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:50.280 community is very you know, they're they're extremely good about 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.640 keeping miners out of the community to an extent where 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:56.800 they can almost be like really mean and like really 0:14:57.080 --> 0:15:01.800 forceful about it, and so pretty much as soon as 0:15:01.840 --> 0:15:04.440 I turned eighteen is when I started getting into all 0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:08.320 this stuff because you know, I just there was so 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:12.880 much pushback and I felt like bad about getting involved 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.800 in things before I was actually an adult. But I 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.960 mean I learned around on like forums and stuff and 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:23.120 you know, looked at pictures, but I never actively became 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:26.080 a part of this community until I like turned eighteen. 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:32.560 What is it that drew you to want to be 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:35.720 doing this like as soon as you possibly could? 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:42.400 Well, I don't know quite where it came from, but 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:47.280 I just it started for me as like a diaper kink, 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:50.640 you know, when I turned I say, like when I 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:56.520 was in middle school, probably around like thirteen, fourteen years old, 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:59.720 I started to get into this this kink and like 0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:02.440 that's where it started for me, and then like the 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:07.080 baby stuff came alongside of it. It didn't start with 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:09.800 the baby stuff. It was more of like I like diapers. 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.080 I think they're hot. 0:16:12.760 --> 0:16:17.800 Interesting. Okay, I want to know about this convention because 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:24.680 I'm imagining a exhibition floor where there is some fucking 0:16:24.760 --> 0:16:28.440 guy who like his whole like like there's like booths 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:33.000 and there's like a rattle booth where there's like all 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:36.520 these premium rattles that you can buy, and like all 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:41.400 these onesie exhibitors and like binky booths, and like there's 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:45.200 people who they make a living selling fucking binkies at 0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:50.240 adult baby conventions all across America. Is that accurate? That's 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:51.080 what I'm imagining. 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:55.960 You're you're I would say you're halfway accurate. Like there's 0:16:56.880 --> 0:16:59.520 I think the convention I went to, there was probably 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:04.439 about uh five or six vendors there and they're all 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:08.000 like they were all the convention doesn't do as much 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:11.880 of like the independence sellers. They do like the big ones. 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:15.359 So we had all the big players in the A 0:17:15.480 --> 0:17:17.919 B d L world, which is like a by universe 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:22.600 tyker bowls rears well, so. 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:25.159 There are like there are like big you said, you 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:27.840 said the big players. There are big players that are 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:34.240 giant brands who specialize in creating baby products for adults. 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:40.840 Yes, yeah, I'd say Rears is pretty much the biggest one. 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:44.199 They have a huge You look at their website, they 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:48.640 have a huge selection of different kind of diapers with different. 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:51.560 I need to look at this. What is this called? 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:56.359 Yeah, it's called uh it's r E A r Z 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:58.600 dot c A. 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:04.560 Dude, holy shit, this is a real this is a 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:10.080 real thing. There's like, well, there's they have they're having 0:18:10.119 --> 0:18:15.240 a Black Friday sale right now. Plates? How they have bibs, bottles? 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:17.359 Do you drink out of a bottle and ship. 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:21.320 Sometimes? I mean it's not. 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:24.679 Calm out of a baby bottle. 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:28.880 I have never drank come out of a baby bottle. 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:33.919 Okay, what do you do at this convention? Like? What 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:36.639 are there panels? What? What's going on here? 0:18:38.280 --> 0:18:42.360 Yeah? So there's they have what's called the playrooms. And 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:46.040 the playrooms are just like all these different little rooms 0:18:46.080 --> 0:18:50.800 that are geared towards a different facet of like this lifestyle. 0:18:50.880 --> 0:18:53.399 So you have like the toddler room, you have the 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:57.040 baby room, you have the like middle room and middles 0:18:57.080 --> 0:19:02.399 are for an explanation, they're like they're they're like like 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:05.119 adult babies, but they like acting out more of like 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:07.400 a teenage role if that makes. 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:11.760 Sense, like like a braddy teen thing. 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:18.320 Yeah, exactly. And then there's like there's there's a room 0:19:18.520 --> 0:19:21.640 for the furries. Of course, there's there is a large 0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:24.240 furry presence in this community, so that you have they're 0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:28.040 called the diaper fers or the baby furs or whatever, 0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:32.760 and they have their own dedicated space. There's obviously like 0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:35.439 a dark room where if you want to do like 0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:39.359 BDSM stuff, you can go and do that there. And 0:19:39.440 --> 0:19:41.760 they have like you know, people kind of walking around 0:19:41.800 --> 0:19:44.880 the room making sure everyone's being safe. 0:19:45.160 --> 0:19:45.520 Uh. 0:19:45.560 --> 0:19:50.159 There's a lot of drugs and partying at these conventions, 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:54.479 even like the convention like owners, the people who run it, 0:19:54.960 --> 0:19:59.080 they are they're constantly on drugs during these conventions. 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:07.879 It's crazy that kind that tracks that makes sense. That 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:12.000 makes a lot of sense to me. What kind of 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:13.680 drugs are these babies doing? 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:22.240 I say the most popular ones are like acid, a 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:22.800 lot of weed. 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:27.720 I cannot imagine being on ass and walking around and 0:20:27.760 --> 0:20:31.440 seeing a bunch of adult babies running around that would 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:33.160 be that would be really intense. 0:20:35.160 --> 0:20:38.560 It's it is really intense. I mean, like I remember 0:20:38.600 --> 0:20:41.320 being on acid and just walking through these hallways and 0:20:41.359 --> 0:20:43.560 like I think I had taken a little bit of 0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:48.800 shrooms too, so the hallways like twisting around and there's 0:20:48.840 --> 0:20:51.800 all these people just like walking around wearing diapers and 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:55.680 like doing baby shit. And then I think we kind 0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:59.359 of ended up cordening ourselves off in this one room 0:21:00.080 --> 0:21:02.439 and we stayed until in there until like one am 0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:04.840 when they kicked us out. But we were playing in 0:21:04.880 --> 0:21:07.919 like this ball pit, which is disgusting. You never go 0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:10.600 in the ball pit at any convention, but especially in 0:21:10.680 --> 0:21:14.200 diaper convention. That was a bad idea on our part. 0:21:14.200 --> 0:21:21.000 It's probably how we got COVID the uh yeah, it 0:21:21.040 --> 0:21:26.440 was just it was it was definitely an experience, and 0:21:26.480 --> 0:21:28.080 when they ended up kicking us out of the room, 0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:31.159 it felt that much more awful being on acid and 0:21:31.200 --> 0:21:34.960 getting like basically kicked out of your like safe spot. 0:21:35.040 --> 0:21:37.960 You know, well what you see what would be horrible 0:21:38.119 --> 0:21:40.240 is is is I think it's one thing to be 0:21:41.840 --> 0:21:46.040 in your diaper with your binkie and your rattle on 0:21:46.240 --> 0:21:50.520 acid at the baby convention, but then getting kicked out 0:21:50.560 --> 0:21:54.680 and now you're just on the streets in a diaper 0:21:54.760 --> 0:21:55.320 with oh. 0:21:55.200 --> 0:21:58.120 No, no no no, not not not kicked on the streets. 0:21:57.800 --> 0:22:03.800 But kicked out of the just kicked out of the playrooms. 0:22:03.840 --> 0:22:05.480 You know, they were like, okay, you can't be in 0:22:05.520 --> 0:22:06.320 it here anymore. 0:22:06.359 --> 0:22:10.440 Closing the pal They didn't playroom look like, is there 0:22:10.480 --> 0:22:13.399 like a slide? Are there monkey bars? Is it like 0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:15.760 is it actually like a playground? 0:22:18.240 --> 0:22:20.199 The one we were in, I think they called it 0:22:20.240 --> 0:22:22.600 the toddler room, and it just had it was like 0:22:22.720 --> 0:22:25.760 very simplistic. There were some like toys and shit scattered around, 0:22:26.720 --> 0:22:30.159 some little like barriers you could put up these like 0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:34.399 boam blocks, and then there was there was a giant 0:22:34.440 --> 0:22:39.800 ball pit covered in like a what do you call it, 0:22:39.800 --> 0:22:42.360 like a like a mesh curtain to kind of keep 0:22:42.400 --> 0:22:45.040 the balls from getting out of the pit. There was 0:22:45.080 --> 0:22:47.439 like a slide you could go down, like a little 0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:51.320 slide that kind of had all these rolling I don't 0:22:51.359 --> 0:22:53.720 know if you've ever seen one of those slides. The playground, 0:22:53.760 --> 0:22:55.800 the house, all the little rollers that you slide down, 0:22:57.000 --> 0:23:00.280 it's pretty interesting. But you know, all the room had 0:23:00.280 --> 0:23:05.440 different stuff. Some of them had like actual furniture. There 0:23:05.560 --> 0:23:10.119 was one room that had a giant or three giant 0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:10.880 cribs in it. 0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:15.639 Yeah, three giant clibs. 0:23:17.359 --> 0:23:17.600 Yeah. 0:23:17.640 --> 0:23:20.720 Can you like rent I mean and like you and 0:23:20.800 --> 0:23:24.160 your you guys can like do crib stuff. 0:23:26.960 --> 0:23:29.600 You don't rent it. You just you just use it, 0:23:29.680 --> 0:23:31.440 you know, like they let you use it. 0:23:31.520 --> 0:23:34.880 But you know, you I really wonder, you know, at 0:23:34.880 --> 0:23:38.960 every convention they have like the Allied security people who 0:23:38.960 --> 0:23:41.639 are like just hired to work whatever's going on at 0:23:41.680 --> 0:23:45.800 the convention center that weekend. I really wonder what their 0:23:45.880 --> 0:23:47.439 experience of all of this is. 0:23:49.640 --> 0:23:52.600 So they the security they had hired for the convention 0:23:52.720 --> 0:23:55.679 were actually all people who had like volunteered from the 0:23:55.720 --> 0:23:59.479 community to do the security. I mean, they had some 0:23:59.560 --> 0:24:03.320 like more officially trained security members, but they weren't going 0:24:03.400 --> 0:24:06.200 to be like stepping out and doing anything unless they 0:24:06.280 --> 0:24:12.919 really had to. But you know, the the draw for 0:24:13.040 --> 0:24:15.399 them is if they become a security member, then they 0:24:15.440 --> 0:24:18.080 get to go to the convention for free, and they 0:24:18.119 --> 0:24:20.440 basically you know, they worked like maybe half the day 0:24:20.520 --> 0:24:22.640 and then the other half they get to be part 0:24:22.680 --> 0:24:28.240 of the convention. But the hotel staff was actually really 0:24:28.240 --> 0:24:33.600 interesting because they were all this takes place at a 0:24:33.600 --> 0:24:35.480 hotel by the way, I don't know if I mentioned that, 0:24:36.040 --> 0:24:38.679 and you rent out. They rent out the entire hotel 0:24:38.800 --> 0:24:43.920 for this convention. But the hotel staff, you know, they 0:24:43.920 --> 0:24:47.879 were basically the worst thing is they were told, you know, 0:24:48.160 --> 0:24:50.560 if you're at all comfort uncomfortable with this, you don't 0:24:50.560 --> 0:24:52.600 have to work, and which you know, isn't bad. I 0:24:52.600 --> 0:24:55.040 think it's a good thing that they were given that choice. 0:24:55.720 --> 0:24:58.360 But at the same time, that meant like three quarters 0:24:58.359 --> 0:25:01.080 of the staff dipped out, So we were all stuck 0:25:01.200 --> 0:25:10.160 there with like, you know, seventy. 0:25:06.880 --> 0:25:10.520 Five percent of the staff dipped out. 0:25:10.920 --> 0:25:14.200 Oh yeah, definitely. They like they they totally left. They 0:25:14.240 --> 0:25:16.000 did not want to be a part of this convention 0:25:16.080 --> 0:25:18.560 if they didn't have to be, even though I think 0:25:18.680 --> 0:25:23.360 they were getting paid extra to do it, which is understandable, 0:25:23.440 --> 0:25:25.399 you know, like if you're not into this thing, you 0:25:25.480 --> 0:25:27.800 might not want to go to a convention with a 0:25:27.800 --> 0:25:33.480 bunch of adult babies running around, you know. But there 0:25:33.520 --> 0:25:36.040 was this one staff member who actually got like really 0:25:36.080 --> 0:25:39.199 into the whole thing, and at one point we were 0:25:39.200 --> 0:25:41.840 all sitting in the convention hall. They were like, I 0:25:41.840 --> 0:25:44.400 think they were doing like the talent show we had 0:25:44.440 --> 0:25:47.240 like a talent show that was getting put on, and 0:25:47.400 --> 0:25:50.800 she came into the room with her with her hair 0:25:50.920 --> 0:25:53.720 in pigtails on a tricycle. This is one of the 0:25:55.920 --> 0:25:59.639 just this. The hotel staff came in riding into the 0:25:59.720 --> 0:26:02.919 room on this tricycle with her hair and pigtails, and 0:26:02.960 --> 0:26:05.359 everyone in the room was like, holy shit and started 0:26:05.359 --> 0:26:06.200 clapping for her. 0:26:09.760 --> 0:26:12.919 This is an interesting thing that you're you're a part of. 0:26:12.920 --> 0:26:19.240 What's your name again, Snail, Snail, this is an interesting 0:26:19.359 --> 0:26:24.800 thing that you're a part of here. I I don't know. 0:26:24.880 --> 0:26:26.920 I don't know how I feel about it, because I 0:26:26.960 --> 0:26:33.280 think I I I guess when you explained to me 0:26:35.800 --> 0:26:40.199 the idea that it's more about a power dynamic in 0:26:40.280 --> 0:26:42.720 the way that I'm pretty sure a lot of b 0:26:42.880 --> 0:26:49.879 DSM and non traditional sex things are, it makes sense. 0:26:50.040 --> 0:26:52.439 But I don't know. I don't even know if I 0:26:52.480 --> 0:26:58.040 really have to give my opinion. But hmmm, is there 0:26:58.040 --> 0:27:00.840 any other aspect of this that you feel we didn't 0:27:00.920 --> 0:27:03.199 cover that you you wanted to talk about, Snail? 0:27:05.880 --> 0:27:08.000 I guess the one thing I wanted to say was like, 0:27:08.520 --> 0:27:11.920 I just you know, this was my first ever convention 0:27:12.000 --> 0:27:15.440 I had gone to, and you know, if you can 0:27:15.480 --> 0:27:19.440 picture it the kind of sheer awe I had when 0:27:19.480 --> 0:27:22.520 I was sitting in this room when we were doing 0:27:22.520 --> 0:27:25.600 like the opening ceremony for it. We're all sitting on 0:27:25.640 --> 0:27:29.679 the floor. There's probably there's there's literally like fifteen hundred 0:27:29.680 --> 0:27:33.240 people sitting in this convention hall, and they're all dressed 0:27:33.280 --> 0:27:38.040 like babies. And then these the kind of leaders of 0:27:38.080 --> 0:27:41.600 the convention who are dressed like camp counselors, get up 0:27:41.640 --> 0:27:44.600 on the stage and start like leading everything. You know, 0:27:45.160 --> 0:27:47.560 it felt like I was in like a like a 0:27:47.640 --> 0:27:51.040 lucid dream or something. It was. There was absolutely absurd. 0:27:52.080 --> 0:28:00.280 What's the most fucked up thing you've seen at this convention? Like, 0:28:00.359 --> 0:28:02.280 did you see anyone like eat shit out of a 0:28:02.280 --> 0:28:05.439 guy's diaper? No? 0:28:05.440 --> 0:28:08.280 No, So there's like a lot of rules to kind 0:28:08.280 --> 0:28:11.200 of keep that stuff, Like no one's allowed to be 0:28:11.520 --> 0:28:16.320 shitting themselves in the public areas, Like you have to 0:28:16.320 --> 0:28:18.199 do that in your own hotel room. If you're going 0:28:18.280 --> 0:28:22.040 to do it, you can't like be doing that stuff, 0:28:22.040 --> 0:28:23.919 and you can't be like walking around in like a 0:28:23.960 --> 0:28:26.639 disgusting diaper that you haven't taken off in like twelve 0:28:26.640 --> 0:28:27.560 hours or something. 0:28:27.640 --> 0:28:29.320 You know, they have rules about it. 0:28:32.160 --> 0:28:35.960 I'd say the craziest thing I saw. We were on acid. 0:28:36.840 --> 0:28:39.760 My friend, who doesn't speak English very well, kept like 0:28:39.800 --> 0:28:43.400 saying she kept saying like, fuck machine party. She kept saying, 0:28:43.440 --> 0:28:45.680 fuck machine party. And I'm like, what are you talking about? 0:28:45.760 --> 0:28:50.840 Fuck machine party. She took me up to this room, 0:28:51.080 --> 0:28:55.280 someone's hotel room, and we just kind of sat on 0:28:55.320 --> 0:28:59.200 the floor and we were chatting, and in the background, 0:28:59.520 --> 0:29:04.480 this dominatrix is setting up this you know machine. It's 0:29:04.480 --> 0:29:07.160 a fuck machine, which is basically just like a thrusting 0:29:07.240 --> 0:29:15.080 dildo machine, and the she keeps she's uh counting someone's 0:29:15.320 --> 0:29:18.239 ass with it, and she keeps saying, you like that, 0:29:18.280 --> 0:29:21.280 you little flat, You like that, you little whore. And 0:29:21.320 --> 0:29:23.720 we're just sitting there on the floor, just like chatting, 0:29:23.800 --> 0:29:27.719 minding our own business, and this crazy shit is happening 0:29:27.720 --> 0:29:31.320 in the background, you know. And I didn't really think 0:29:31.320 --> 0:29:33.680 about it all the time because I was on acid, 0:29:33.840 --> 0:29:36.200 But like, thinking back to it, that's like one of 0:29:36.240 --> 0:29:38.520 the craziest things I've ever been a part of. 0:29:39.480 --> 0:29:45.320 You weren't thinking about it because you were on acid, 0:29:45.480 --> 0:29:47.080 that would be all I was thinking about. 0:29:48.840 --> 0:29:51.320 No, I was just I was sitting there. We were 0:29:51.400 --> 0:29:55.280 chatting about stuff I glanced over occasionally, but like, I 0:29:55.320 --> 0:29:57.360 think the conversation was more interesting. 0:30:00.720 --> 0:30:04.160 Well, Snell, thanks for sharing this stuff. I feel like 0:30:05.880 --> 0:30:08.160 you don't. It's that I don't assume that you have 0:30:08.240 --> 0:30:12.360 many opportunities to talk about this, uh in your life, 0:30:12.880 --> 0:30:18.920 not at all? It Do you intentionally keep it a secret? Oh? 0:30:18.960 --> 0:30:23.360 Yeah, definitely. I mean, like i'd say, you know, the 0:30:23.400 --> 0:30:25.840 only people who know about this are my friends who 0:30:25.840 --> 0:30:29.960 are part of the community, or the one friend that 0:30:30.000 --> 0:30:31.560 I'm extremely close with. 0:30:34.680 --> 0:30:37.960 Do are you like, uh like, do you have a 0:30:38.000 --> 0:30:43.400 significant other at all? I don't, do you? Do you 0:30:43.640 --> 0:30:47.920 does your family know that you're into this? Uh? 0:30:48.040 --> 0:30:51.040 Yeah, My mom's kind of uh she's she's been in 0:30:51.080 --> 0:30:57.320 my house before and she'snooped around unfortunately, And I think 0:30:57.360 --> 0:30:59.400 her take on it is she just doesn't even want 0:30:59.440 --> 0:31:01.680 to talk about it to me, which is like understandable, 0:31:02.480 --> 0:31:05.280 but it is a little awkward that she knows about it. 0:31:08.000 --> 0:31:10.600 Does that make you like upset that she doesn't want 0:31:10.640 --> 0:31:14.600 to talk about it or do you totally understand why 0:31:14.680 --> 0:31:16.000 she did not want to talk about it? 0:31:16.040 --> 0:31:19.760 Oh? I totally understand. And there's nothing I want less 0:31:19.800 --> 0:31:23.720 than to have a conversation about this ship with my mom. 0:31:24.400 --> 0:31:26.000 I think that makes a lot of sense to me. 0:31:27.000 --> 0:31:29.640 I don't think I mean what I you know, it's funny. 0:31:29.880 --> 0:31:31.680 I wouldn't want to talk to my mom about my 0:31:32.240 --> 0:31:35.720 regular vanilla sex life, let alone if it involved me 0:31:36.240 --> 0:31:37.760 dressing up as a baby. 0:31:39.240 --> 0:31:39.760 Exactly. 0:31:41.800 --> 0:31:42.960 Is there anything else that you want to say to 0:31:43.000 --> 0:31:44.760 the people the computersnaiw. 0:31:48.360 --> 0:31:50.920 You know, diapers are great, man, give them a try. 0:31:52.200 --> 0:31:52.680 That's it. 0:31:54.160 --> 0:31:56.280 Thank you for calling and sharing, Snell. I appreciate it, 0:31:56.400 --> 0:32:00.160 and good luck to you and all of your or 0:32:00.240 --> 0:32:02.400 baby endeavors. 0:32:03.200 --> 0:32:06.800 Thank you, Lyle. All Right, good night, good night. 0:32:07.480 --> 0:32:16.640 Yeah, I'm still I'm looking at this fucking website. Uh dude, 0:32:16.640 --> 0:32:19.520 this is a whole. This is a hole, a rabbit 0:32:19.600 --> 0:32:22.680 hole of a thing that you could get into. I'm 0:32:22.720 --> 0:32:26.520 not here to give my opinion on, uh, you know, 0:32:27.320 --> 0:32:36.120 the validity of whatever people are doing. It is interesting 0:32:37.240 --> 0:32:41.600 to think about there there's a whole convention of people. 0:32:41.840 --> 0:32:44.160 I wonder what the average person there is like. And 0:32:44.200 --> 0:32:45.680 I almost kind of wish I would have talked to 0:32:46.240 --> 0:32:50.040 Snail a little bit more, because it's like, is there 0:32:50.080 --> 0:32:54.520 a kind of person that goes to adult baby conventions 0:32:55.000 --> 0:32:58.360 or or when you get down to it and you're 0:32:58.400 --> 0:33:02.960 actually there? Is it all all kinds of folks? Is 0:33:03.000 --> 0:33:08.640 it people who look like you know? Is it your coworkers, 0:33:08.760 --> 0:33:15.600 is it your family? Is it your teacher? I don't know. 0:33:17.200 --> 0:33:20.640 Although you could say the same thing about pedophiles. You 0:33:20.680 --> 0:33:23.200 could say the same thing about pedophiles. What does one 0:33:23.240 --> 0:33:30.320 look like? Like a thin mustache and glasses? No, I 0:33:30.320 --> 0:33:36.920 guess they look like everyone. Anyway, let's take another call. 0:33:37.840 --> 0:33:39.560 Hello, well, Hi, how are you? 0:33:40.520 --> 0:33:43.600 I'm good? How are you good? 0:33:43.760 --> 0:33:45.680 Is this Lyle? Yeah? 0:33:45.760 --> 0:33:46.160 Who's this? 0:33:47.880 --> 0:33:51.880 Holy crap? Hi, I'm Allison. You sound really different on 0:33:51.920 --> 0:33:53.400 the phone than need do on your stream. 0:33:54.280 --> 0:33:55.400 What's going on? Allison? 0:33:57.240 --> 0:34:02.880 Hi? So this year, last year, I actually spent Thanksgiving 0:34:03.000 --> 0:34:04.040 in a mental hospital. 0:34:05.120 --> 0:34:07.520 Oh yeah, did they? Was it catered? Was there still? 0:34:07.560 --> 0:34:11.080 Do they still like feed you turkey and mashed potatoes 0:34:11.120 --> 0:34:11.880 and all that stuff? 0:34:13.400 --> 0:34:13.720 Yeah? 0:34:13.880 --> 0:34:18.840 Surprisingly, it was actually really fucking good, because like, mental 0:34:18.880 --> 0:34:24.960 hospital food is really really really bad. But like, I 0:34:25.000 --> 0:34:27.759 don't know, they like they went all out for Thanksgiving Day. 0:34:28.400 --> 0:34:30.399 They had like the straight on. So we just sat 0:34:30.440 --> 0:34:33.320 around at eat turkey and did crosswords. It was great. 0:34:34.360 --> 0:34:37.000 So you're saying the food is typically bad in the 0:34:37.000 --> 0:34:39.759 mental hospital but on Thanksgiving it was pretty good. 0:34:41.400 --> 0:34:44.759 Yeah, like like shockingly good. 0:34:45.560 --> 0:34:50.480 Interesting. So you're saying that Thanksgiving in a mental hospital 0:34:50.600 --> 0:34:53.480 could be even better than you know, just Thanksgiving at 0:34:53.480 --> 0:34:54.600 my family's house. 0:34:56.120 --> 0:34:59.919 One thousand percent. I So it was the first time 0:35:00.760 --> 0:35:03.879 in my twenty six years of life that I did 0:35:03.920 --> 0:35:09.479 not go home for Thanksgiving, and it was the best 0:35:09.480 --> 0:35:12.000 Thanksgiving I've ever had, ironically enough. 0:35:13.000 --> 0:35:13.520 Interesting. 0:35:13.960 --> 0:35:17.120 So it kind of taught me, like, I don't have 0:35:17.280 --> 0:35:20.640 to go home for family holidays if I don't want to. 0:35:22.719 --> 0:35:25.959 Is that do you do you? I mean, these past 0:35:25.960 --> 0:35:28.000 twenty six years that you've been going that you've been 0:35:28.040 --> 0:35:31.920 being home for Thanksgiving, has that been against your will? 0:35:32.320 --> 0:35:37.120 Or have you know, how is your feeling of being home? 0:35:38.520 --> 0:35:40.759 What is your feeling about about about going home? 0:35:43.960 --> 0:35:51.279 Yeah, so it's complicated, it's yeah, it's kind of been 0:35:51.320 --> 0:35:54.960 against my will. So I grew up on the West 0:35:55.000 --> 0:36:03.719 Coast and I went to another state for college, and 0:36:04.080 --> 0:36:07.440 my parents basically would get me a plane ticket and 0:36:07.560 --> 0:36:10.320 say you're coming home and tell me when I was 0:36:10.360 --> 0:36:15.400 coming home for Thanksgiving, just for any winter break that 0:36:15.440 --> 0:36:19.480 they wanted me there. I wanted to do research and 0:36:19.600 --> 0:36:21.799 stay at the university in the former time, and they 0:36:21.800 --> 0:36:24.200 wouldn't let me. They said, we're not going to help 0:36:24.239 --> 0:36:26.400 you with rent, and I lived in an area that 0:36:26.440 --> 0:36:32.399 was very expensive, so I essentially had to keep going home. 0:36:32.480 --> 0:36:35.520 And then I went to grad school completely on the 0:36:35.520 --> 0:36:41.640 other coast in New York City, and they still wanted 0:36:41.640 --> 0:36:43.359 me home for those holidays, but it was a little 0:36:43.400 --> 0:36:46.799 bit easier to get away from going home. And then 0:36:47.080 --> 0:36:49.359 now that I work full time and have a really 0:36:49.400 --> 0:36:54.960 really terrible vacation time, I literally can't and I mean 0:36:55.000 --> 0:36:57.960 it's a lot harder too. But the mental hospital thing 0:36:58.120 --> 0:37:01.399 kind of solidified it for me last year. And now 0:37:01.440 --> 0:37:04.320 this year, I'm not going back to Oregon for Thanksgiving. 0:37:05.480 --> 0:37:06.000 I stopped. 0:37:06.400 --> 0:37:08.360 We get together once a year and go to a 0:37:08.440 --> 0:37:11.239 lake and I'm not in the summertime and I'm not 0:37:11.280 --> 0:37:13.520 going so did to go last year? 0:37:14.160 --> 0:37:16.360 So listen, So, so you're talking about how you know 0:37:16.520 --> 0:37:18.840 you don't want to go because you want to, uh, 0:37:18.920 --> 0:37:20.920 you know, stay where you were and and do your 0:37:20.960 --> 0:37:24.040 research and all that, But like, what is your relationship 0:37:24.160 --> 0:37:25.320 like with your family? 0:37:27.280 --> 0:37:31.200 Yeah, so my dad's abusive. There's not really any way 0:37:31.239 --> 0:37:38.000 to sugarcoat that. I guess he's an alcoholic, he's extremely 0:37:38.719 --> 0:37:44.520 manipulative and emotionally abusive, and some of these circumstances where 0:37:45.000 --> 0:37:46.920 a part of the reason I wasn't the mental healthpittal 0:37:47.040 --> 0:37:50.560 is because I have like really bad PTSD from growing up, 0:37:51.880 --> 0:37:59.520 anxiety depression, borderline personality disorder, and yeah, I just it's 0:37:59.760 --> 0:38:02.600 one of those weird dichotomies where no one ever told me. 0:38:02.600 --> 0:38:04.719 He's like, hey, you don't have to have a real 0:38:04.800 --> 0:38:06.080 relationship with your father. 0:38:07.160 --> 0:38:07.879 What about your mother? 0:38:10.280 --> 0:38:13.040 I love her, I let her to pieces, but she 0:38:13.840 --> 0:38:22.160 basically enabled everything that happened, and so we're close. But 0:38:22.320 --> 0:38:27.160 my therapist doesn't think that's for the best. So it's 0:38:27.280 --> 0:38:29.120 kind of a complicated situation there. 0:38:29.920 --> 0:38:31.680 What did your what did your therapists have to say 0:38:31.680 --> 0:38:32.359 about all of this? 0:38:34.400 --> 0:38:36.400 She thinks it's great. She's been trying to get me 0:38:36.440 --> 0:38:43.360 to like avoid my family for years, She's I've so 0:38:43.719 --> 0:38:46.839 I've been with my therapist for about three years now. 0:38:47.440 --> 0:38:49.680 She's the one that finally got me the diagnoses that 0:38:49.760 --> 0:38:53.880 I needed because I've been mentally ill for like a 0:38:53.920 --> 0:38:57.319 really long time, very very sick for a very long time, 0:38:57.920 --> 0:39:03.000 and I haven't any progress in my life until my 0:39:03.080 --> 0:39:06.560 lowest point last year, when I finally started creating distance 0:39:06.600 --> 0:39:07.920 between myself and my family. 0:39:10.360 --> 0:39:13.520 And so when's the last time, as of today that 0:39:13.600 --> 0:39:15.920 you talked to your family? 0:39:18.320 --> 0:39:22.840 Actually, yesterday my uncle had a heart attack, my dad's brother, 0:39:25.160 --> 0:39:29.400 and it was one of those situations where I was like, Okay, 0:39:29.760 --> 0:39:32.880 I need to be I had that self imposed like 0:39:33.120 --> 0:39:36.279 I need to be a good daughter and call and 0:39:36.360 --> 0:39:39.759 so just kind of checked in on that. 0:39:42.400 --> 0:39:43.879 Do you have siblings at all? 0:39:45.600 --> 0:39:46.480 I do, ye? 0:39:46.880 --> 0:39:49.880 And what's your relationship like with the siblings? 0:39:50.560 --> 0:39:53.440 Used to be really bad. Now we're really close. My 0:39:53.480 --> 0:40:00.560 brother is actually getting married next month, and so yeah, 0:40:00.760 --> 0:40:05.080 he and his fiance, they've been together for about eleven years. 0:40:05.680 --> 0:40:09.239 He got out and actually started improving his mental health 0:40:09.320 --> 0:40:13.920 when he moved away as well for my parents, and 0:40:14.120 --> 0:40:16.520 he doesn't go home for holidays. 0:40:16.080 --> 0:40:18.959 Either, so he cut off the family like a little 0:40:19.000 --> 0:40:22.000 bit before you did. And in terms of his timeline. Yeah, 0:40:23.560 --> 0:40:26.200 And now, because it's interesting because you said now that 0:40:26.520 --> 0:40:28.520 he's getting married and you're could I assume you're going 0:40:28.520 --> 0:40:30.520 to a wedding And I was thinking, I was like, oh, 0:40:30.560 --> 0:40:31.800 I hope the parents aren't going to be at the 0:40:31.840 --> 0:40:34.520 wedding because that would be a conflict. But it sounds like, 0:40:34.520 --> 0:40:36.000 that's not something you're gonna have to worry about. 0:40:38.239 --> 0:40:41.200 No, he hasn't like quite cut them out, cut them out. 0:40:41.280 --> 0:40:42.960 He just has a healthier distance. 0:40:43.920 --> 0:40:45.840 Okay, So are they going to be at the wedding? 0:40:46.600 --> 0:40:50.239 Oh yeah, okay. And so to that point, what you 0:40:50.320 --> 0:40:54.280 just said, cutting them off versus a healthy distance, where 0:40:54.520 --> 0:40:56.560 are is that sort of how you're looking at it, 0:40:56.600 --> 0:40:58.640 Like you're trying to keep a healthy distance but not 0:40:58.719 --> 0:40:59.879 necessarily cut them off. 0:41:02.040 --> 0:41:06.400 That's kind of where I'm at. Yeah, I think I 0:41:06.400 --> 0:41:10.319 think I'm scared of the idea of cutting them off. 0:41:11.400 --> 0:41:14.080 I did have a conversation with my mom about a 0:41:14.080 --> 0:41:19.360 month ago where I basically like laid everything out and 0:41:19.400 --> 0:41:22.960 I was like, look like, I don't want to be ungrateful, 0:41:23.000 --> 0:41:26.560 I don't want to be that daughter. But dad is abusive. 0:41:27.440 --> 0:41:31.760 You know it, I know it. It's kind of a fact. 0:41:32.560 --> 0:41:35.400 And I finally got hurt to say like, okay, like 0:41:35.680 --> 0:41:40.600 I won't pressure you to come home anymore. And I 0:41:40.640 --> 0:41:45.560 was really grateful for that, I guess. So basically from 0:41:45.560 --> 0:41:49.200 then on out, like that conversation out, my muntal health's 0:41:49.200 --> 0:41:53.319 got a lot better, my therapist is really happy. I'm 0:41:53.360 --> 0:41:57.560 really proud of that conversation, and I just the only 0:41:57.600 --> 0:42:00.359 time that I've talked to him since then was just say, hey, 0:42:00.400 --> 0:42:03.120 I'm sorry. You know, our uncle had a heart attack. 0:42:03.840 --> 0:42:06.359 You know, I hope he's doing better. Just drive safe 0:42:06.360 --> 0:42:07.319 when you go to see him. 0:42:07.440 --> 0:42:13.120 And so, So, has this overall been a difficult process 0:42:13.120 --> 0:42:16.880 to you? I mean it kind of sounds like something 0:42:17.360 --> 0:42:20.440 that you've been working on doing for a while. 0:42:22.840 --> 0:42:26.840 Yeah. I didn't know why. I've always had that question, 0:42:26.960 --> 0:42:29.160 like why am I like this? Like why am I 0:42:29.280 --> 0:42:37.000 so depressed and sad? And I didn't really piece it 0:42:37.040 --> 0:42:40.920 together until like really recently in my life it's like, oh, 0:42:41.200 --> 0:42:48.440 I have like severe familial trauma, and like it's really 0:42:48.520 --> 0:42:53.439 is as simple as creating my own life. There's a 0:42:53.440 --> 0:42:55.880 portion of time where I thought, Okay, well, if anything 0:42:55.920 --> 0:42:58.040 happens my mom, I'm just going to end my life 0:42:58.040 --> 0:43:01.080 because I don't want to live without her, which is 0:43:01.200 --> 0:43:07.160 obviously really unhealthy and not like a productive thing for 0:43:07.920 --> 0:43:13.200 you know, someone to be kind of thinking. And I 0:43:13.400 --> 0:43:17.399 this time last year, I was just like I kind 0:43:17.440 --> 0:43:19.640 of tried to end my life. I just wasn't having 0:43:20.200 --> 0:43:23.239 a great time. I didn't want to live anymore. And 0:43:23.640 --> 0:43:27.959 I put my foot down. I didn't go. I didn't 0:43:28.000 --> 0:43:30.560 have to go see my family. My mom did come 0:43:30.600 --> 0:43:32.920 and stay with me for a little bit because I 0:43:33.000 --> 0:43:36.960 was very, very very sick for a while, just to 0:43:37.000 --> 0:43:39.840 help me, like get things done around the house. But 0:43:41.239 --> 0:43:45.239 I got friends, I adopted some pets, I quit my job, 0:43:45.360 --> 0:43:49.120 got a new job, and just started living the life 0:43:49.160 --> 0:43:50.760 that I've always wanted for myself. 0:43:51.120 --> 0:43:56.560 And so it's great to hear. Man. I was gonna 0:43:56.560 --> 0:44:01.200 ask you, uh, like before we go, what your uh 0:44:02.680 --> 0:44:06.360 what is your sort of social circle look like? Now? 0:44:06.400 --> 0:44:09.839 Do you do you have a lot of you said 0:44:09.880 --> 0:44:11.759 you have a lot of friends. Are you able to 0:44:12.239 --> 0:44:16.000 kind of like, you know, do you have people in 0:44:16.040 --> 0:44:20.880 your life that you know you can you can be 0:44:21.040 --> 0:44:24.880 with or you know, are you are you living a 0:44:24.960 --> 0:44:32.000 life that that is does not feel like it's void 0:44:32.080 --> 0:44:37.760 of of whatever was you know, a family might provide 0:44:38.120 --> 0:44:39.000 if that makes sense. 0:44:39.760 --> 0:44:43.959 Yeah, yeah, thank you for asking. I it's the first 0:44:44.000 --> 0:44:46.400 time in my life that I actually have friends that, 0:44:46.880 --> 0:44:52.200 like I think would be there for me. So yeah, 0:44:52.280 --> 0:44:55.960 I've got I found it. I was really lonely for 0:44:56.000 --> 0:44:58.000 a while because I didn't know anyone in the feat 0:44:58.120 --> 0:45:00.440 and so I went on meetup dot com and I 0:45:00.480 --> 0:45:05.640 found a couple of meetup groups. Yeah, amazing circle that way. 0:45:05.719 --> 0:45:10.879 I recommend anyone everyone yeah is your best friend. 0:45:10.680 --> 0:45:16.319 And so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that. That's 0:45:16.320 --> 0:45:18.560 my that's I love hearing you say that. 0:45:19.480 --> 0:45:19.640 Uh. 0:45:20.000 --> 0:45:23.920 For a lot of reasons. Uh, and I hope uh. 0:45:24.000 --> 0:45:26.360 This is not an ad for meetup dot com. But 0:45:26.440 --> 0:45:29.959 it also it's an official it's an unofficial one because 0:45:30.000 --> 0:45:36.200 I have a very strong belief that, like you know, 0:45:36.840 --> 0:45:42.120 there are so many doomer takes about the Internet, which 0:45:42.280 --> 0:45:46.200 a lot of them are pretty fucking valid, I'll say that, 0:45:46.640 --> 0:45:49.640 but it's here to stay, and there's a lot of 0:45:49.640 --> 0:45:52.399 prose to it, which is that the world is more 0:45:52.400 --> 0:45:56.640 interconnected than ever before. And so if you're you know, 0:45:57.320 --> 0:45:59.640 brave enough and willing enough to take the initiative as 0:45:59.640 --> 0:46:03.920 you did, to go on the Internet and go to 0:46:04.000 --> 0:46:06.640 one of these you know, websites like meetup dot com 0:46:06.760 --> 0:46:10.200 or uh like even like Facebook groups and ship like that. Like, 0:46:10.760 --> 0:46:17.239 you know, they're for anyone who's willing to take the 0:46:17.360 --> 0:46:21.760 jump of putting themselves out there. Uh. The the tools 0:46:21.960 --> 0:46:26.240 exist to do that. You know. It's it's less about 0:46:26.320 --> 0:46:29.240 the the how and more about the gusto to actually 0:46:29.320 --> 0:46:30.759 go and do it. And I'm glad that you had that, 0:46:30.840 --> 0:46:35.120 you had that gusto to, you know, go go find 0:46:35.360 --> 0:46:38.279 find a group and and and show up to the 0:46:38.320 --> 0:46:41.240 place and say hi and and that and then everything 0:46:41.280 --> 0:46:43.400 worked out for you because that's a tough thing to do. 0:46:43.440 --> 0:46:45.440 I assume you went up. I assume you went to 0:46:45.480 --> 0:46:47.920 this meetup group alone to meet these people. Is that? 0:46:48.120 --> 0:46:48.920 Is that accurate? 0:46:50.400 --> 0:46:50.640 Yeah? 0:46:50.760 --> 0:46:54.320 I did Facebook groups too, I'm help. My My biggest 0:46:54.360 --> 0:46:58.200 thing is I have really bad social anxiety. My trick 0:46:58.239 --> 0:47:01.560 before going to if you're the same way, is on 0:47:01.680 --> 0:47:04.280 the way, stop to get yourself a coffee. Practice talking 0:47:04.320 --> 0:47:06.720 to the brista and ordering your coffee and just remind 0:47:06.760 --> 0:47:09.400 yourself that talking to people is just like ordering a coffee. 0:47:10.040 --> 0:47:15.120 Mm hmmmm hmmm hmm. Well, congratulations, Allison. I'm really stoked 0:47:15.120 --> 0:47:19.759 to hear that, and I'm yeah, yeah, I love I 0:47:19.800 --> 0:47:23.719 love the whole thing of of like going out of 0:47:23.719 --> 0:47:26.480 your way to make new friends because it's a tough 0:47:26.520 --> 0:47:28.680 thing to do, and you know, I get a lot 0:47:28.680 --> 0:47:30.600 of calls about it, and it's something that I think 0:47:30.600 --> 0:47:35.279 about a lot in my own life too. Of Like, 0:47:35.560 --> 0:47:37.600 you know, if I moved to a new place or 0:47:37.680 --> 0:47:39.319 did a new thing or whatever, like, how would I 0:47:39.360 --> 0:47:44.480 go about trying to meet people? So kudos to you, Allison. 0:47:44.560 --> 0:47:45.880 Is there anything else that you want to say to 0:47:45.880 --> 0:47:49.520 the people of the computer before we go, Yeah. 0:47:49.400 --> 0:47:51.560 Thank you so much. While I just want to wish 0:47:51.600 --> 0:47:55.919 everyone a happy holidays. Oh and I want to say 0:47:56.680 --> 0:47:59.160 you had an interview a while back about this person 0:47:59.200 --> 0:48:01.719 that worked at RBS and Chop Chicken and Chop Chicken Land. 0:48:03.120 --> 0:48:06.680 I want to say that I use that phrase with 0:48:06.719 --> 0:48:11.680 my therapist now all the time. I want to say 0:48:11.719 --> 0:48:14.200 that that thank you for what you do, Like that 0:48:14.280 --> 0:48:17.359 really positively affected me and gave me tools to talk 0:48:17.360 --> 0:48:18.240 about how I'm feeling. 0:48:18.360 --> 0:48:20.279 So I'm very sorry. 0:48:21.080 --> 0:48:22.160 What holidays. 0:48:22.640 --> 0:48:25.520 Hey you too, man, you take care all right? 0:48:25.560 --> 0:48:26.319 Thank you as well. 0:48:26.440 --> 0:48:30.719 I know, uh, that was a great call. Yeah, the 0:48:31.000 --> 0:48:35.759 the that was really cool. I liked that she she 0:48:35.800 --> 0:48:41.759 really had an ARC to her that is inspiring. I mean, 0:48:42.360 --> 0:48:45.920 I I I love I love any call that starts 0:48:45.960 --> 0:48:50.600 with you know, I was in the hospital and I 0:48:50.719 --> 0:48:55.400 was depressed, and you know, things were pretty shitty, and 0:48:55.640 --> 0:48:59.120 ends with you know. Now I have all these friends 0:48:59.160 --> 0:49:03.480 and I'm working out on things in a positive way. 0:49:03.600 --> 0:49:08.200 And I just said now that I love calls where 0:49:08.239 --> 0:49:10.439 people talk about being in the hospital. Maybe that came 0:49:10.480 --> 0:49:12.040 off wrong, but you guys know what I'm trying to 0:49:12.040 --> 0:49:18.160 say here. Yeah, I said it a thousand times as well. 0:49:18.160 --> 0:49:23.480 Reiterate like she really took the initiative of like it 0:49:23.560 --> 0:49:26.839 can be so easy to sit at home and not 0:49:27.680 --> 0:49:31.480 want to put yourself out there because it's scary, but 0:49:31.840 --> 0:49:35.000 she did it anyway and it worked. You know, I 0:49:35.040 --> 0:49:36.359 wasn't when I mean she said she had a bunch 0:49:36.360 --> 0:49:38.480 of friends. Now, I wasn't expecting it to like have 0:49:38.640 --> 0:49:45.640 been from such a place of like her taking her 0:49:45.680 --> 0:49:48.279 own initiative to do it. Like you know, sometimes your 0:49:48.360 --> 0:49:51.240 your circle of friends just happens naturally if you're lucky, 0:49:51.640 --> 0:49:53.719 and then other times you got to you know, do 0:49:53.800 --> 0:49:58.919 the work to go form it. So shout out to her, Hey, 0:50:00.719 --> 0:50:01.200 what's up? 0:50:02.440 --> 0:50:06.680 Hey, how you doing, buddy? I want to just preface 0:50:06.719 --> 0:50:09.000 and apologize in advance to the audience if they hear 0:50:09.040 --> 0:50:13.359 me like moaning and groaning actually going through an incredible 0:50:13.400 --> 0:50:16.600 amount of pain passing kidney stones right now. So that's 0:50:17.280 --> 0:50:18.480 that's kind of why I wanted to call it, just 0:50:18.560 --> 0:50:22.000 to distract myself and get my mind off the pain 0:50:22.040 --> 0:50:25.120 as much as possible, and rant a little bit about 0:50:25.719 --> 0:50:30.200 America's healthcare system here because it's not been true to 0:50:30.200 --> 0:50:32.760 me the best. 0:50:32.960 --> 0:50:35.359 So the fact that you want to take your mind 0:50:35.400 --> 0:50:37.280 off the pain, does that mean I should not ask 0:50:37.360 --> 0:50:38.560 you about the kidney stones? 0:50:38.960 --> 0:50:41.640 No? No, please do. It's just like to do something 0:50:41.680 --> 0:50:44.560 other than just lay there shaking in pain as a 0:50:44.640 --> 0:50:45.520 huge plus. 0:50:46.160 --> 0:50:48.960 So the kidney stone, that's when you're like peeing rocks 0:50:48.960 --> 0:50:51.440 out of your penis, right, So. 0:50:51.480 --> 0:50:53.719 Yeah, what happens is you get some kind of build up. 0:50:53.760 --> 0:50:58.480 It's usually like calcium or some other material that you're 0:50:58.760 --> 0:51:01.839 kidney's I get. I believe they naturally produce somebody you 0:51:01.880 --> 0:51:05.440 have like an overproduction. And then so a lot of 0:51:05.440 --> 0:51:07.359 people this is like, this is the third time I've 0:51:07.360 --> 0:51:10.880 dealt with this, and this time it's taking I've been 0:51:10.880 --> 0:51:14.399 passing them for three days now, and the first two 0:51:14.640 --> 0:51:18.160 instances they passed within the day. So this is just 0:51:18.160 --> 0:51:21.279 like prolonged health. But a lot of people think that 0:51:21.400 --> 0:51:24.640 the painful part is when it comes out like your peel, 0:51:24.880 --> 0:51:28.719 and that's literally the least painful part of kidney stones. 0:51:28.719 --> 0:51:31.840 It's when it's actually exiting the kidney and the stone 0:51:31.880 --> 0:51:35.560 goes into something called the urorder, and the order connects 0:51:35.560 --> 0:51:38.480 the kidney to the bladder, and then I guess once 0:51:38.480 --> 0:51:39.920 it's in the bladder, you're kind of like in the 0:51:39.960 --> 0:51:42.799 home stretch, but you do get like a lot of 0:51:42.800 --> 0:51:45.359 blood in your ear and depend on depending on the 0:51:45.400 --> 0:51:49.440 size of the stone. But yeah, I waited like a 0:51:49.480 --> 0:51:52.560 whole day thinking I was just gonna pass it from 0:51:52.560 --> 0:51:54.720 home because, like I said, tod ate my first rodeo, 0:51:55.600 --> 0:51:59.160 and the pain just kept intensifying, intensifying. I finally told 0:51:59.160 --> 0:52:00.840 my wife, I'm like, you know, we gotta go to 0:52:00.840 --> 0:52:04.759 the e R. And got admitted and luckily they were, 0:52:04.880 --> 0:52:06.960 you know, really quick to get me into bed and 0:52:07.680 --> 0:52:12.719 start getting pain meds something to me. But they did 0:52:12.800 --> 0:52:17.240 like a CT scan, X ray, blood were e KG, 0:52:17.600 --> 0:52:24.840 all kinds of tests and sorry and hurts. 0:52:25.400 --> 0:52:26.359 Yeah, it sounds like you're not. 0:52:28.239 --> 0:52:32.799 It's not at all asle It's I wouldn't wish this 0:52:32.840 --> 0:52:36.200 on my worst enemy. Honestly, It's like I talk to women, 0:52:36.719 --> 0:52:38.040 Oh no, dude, it's. 0:52:38.120 --> 0:52:40.280 Who's who's your who's your worst enemy? Devon? 0:52:43.960 --> 0:52:46.680 Luckily I don't have many. I'm kind of keep to myself. 0:52:46.800 --> 0:52:49.960 Uh so, if you've never had a worst enemy, how 0:52:49.960 --> 0:52:52.239 do you know that you wouldn't wish this on them? 0:52:53.760 --> 0:52:54.959 That's fair, that's fair. 0:52:55.480 --> 0:52:59.480 I say, wait until I say you wait until somebody 0:52:59.560 --> 0:53:02.839 really fucking crosses you. I guess your worst enemy would 0:53:02.840 --> 0:53:08.960 be the kidney stones themselves. Would you wish that like 0:53:09.200 --> 0:53:12.400 the kidney Would you wish kidney stones upon kidney stones? 0:53:14.880 --> 0:53:17.480 That's fair? Yeah, you know what, those those guys can 0:53:18.080 --> 0:53:19.759 get a taste of their own medicine for once, and. 0:53:19.760 --> 0:53:22.600 Maybe so you would wish it upon your worst I. 0:53:23.239 --> 0:53:28.600 Would, And yeah, you're right analyzing it. Yeah, maybe that's 0:53:28.600 --> 0:53:30.400 why I'm getting the stones. Maybe it's like karma. 0:53:30.520 --> 0:53:35.200 I don't know, it's true, it's true. Yeah, so God's 0:53:35.239 --> 0:53:36.440 way of punishing. 0:53:36.000 --> 0:53:40.920 You very well could be because I mean, I've done 0:53:41.000 --> 0:53:44.719 some questionable stuff in my life where I'm sure that 0:53:44.800 --> 0:53:47.160 I've been fucked the pain and hurt on other people, 0:53:47.239 --> 0:53:51.320 and other than this, I've got a pretty cushy, nice life. 0:53:51.840 --> 0:53:54.399 What do you so tell me? So let's elaborate. Hold 0:53:54.480 --> 0:53:57.279 hold me on there real quick. What do you feel 0:53:57.320 --> 0:54:00.880 like you might have done in your life? 0:54:01.920 --> 0:54:06.319 It's like ex girlfriends. I used to think I used 0:54:06.320 --> 0:54:08.040 to think I was like a little player, so you know, 0:54:08.120 --> 0:54:12.640 and growing up on the MySpace and Instagram, you know, 0:54:12.719 --> 0:54:14.680 dropping the d ms, it makes it so easy to 0:54:14.760 --> 0:54:21.680 like be promiscivous. So I'm thinking, you know, possibly those 0:54:22.160 --> 0:54:25.840 occurrences of kind of being in dirt back to the 0:54:25.920 --> 0:54:30.120 women I've dated in the past could be my karma. 0:54:30.239 --> 0:54:35.200 I mean, I've never done anything drastic, like because you know, 0:54:35.400 --> 0:54:38.879 physical harm on someone or stole from someone, or it's 0:54:38.920 --> 0:54:42.600 mostly like lying and cheating, I would say, but I 0:54:42.640 --> 0:54:44.759 think that's a fair amount of dudes these days and 0:54:44.840 --> 0:54:45.839 women for that matter. 0:54:46.360 --> 0:54:49.160 Is it is it weird to me that I feel 0:54:49.200 --> 0:54:54.800 like internalizing this this is crazy? Is it weird to me, Devin, 0:54:55.400 --> 0:55:01.080 that you internalizing this idea even if it's like not true, 0:55:01.120 --> 0:55:04.200 like this idea that you deserve it, Like, doesn't that 0:55:04.239 --> 0:55:07.000 kind of make it better? The idea that like, all right, 0:55:07.040 --> 0:55:08.840 I'm experiencing this pain, but at least it's for a 0:55:08.880 --> 0:55:11.120 good reason, you know what I'm saying, Like, if you 0:55:11.160 --> 0:55:14.439 really did feel as though you did something like you 0:55:14.960 --> 0:55:17.880 fucking MySpace too many girls and now you have to 0:55:18.360 --> 0:55:21.080 pay the price for that, and that's your kidney stones, 0:55:21.160 --> 0:55:23.440 like cause at least because if you didn' because it 0:55:23.440 --> 0:55:26.680 wouldn't be it would be worse if you were innocent, 0:55:27.440 --> 0:55:30.680 and this bad thing is happening to this poor innocent 0:55:30.719 --> 0:55:34.680 Devin who never did anything bad ever. But if you 0:55:35.040 --> 0:55:37.160 thought if you were like, I'm a fucking asshole and 0:55:37.200 --> 0:55:42.279 I deserve stones in my penis, it's almost like take yourself, 0:55:42.320 --> 0:55:44.040 like leave your ego out of it, and like just 0:55:44.080 --> 0:55:47.240 look at yourself objectively and you're like, man, I suck. 0:55:47.360 --> 0:55:50.440 I deserve all this pain. Does that like does that 0:55:50.520 --> 0:55:53.000 make it better? Maybe? Am I crazy? 0:55:53.120 --> 0:55:56.680 I mean those are no, those are very valid points. 0:55:57.320 --> 0:56:00.040 I do think. You know, I've been cheated on. It 0:56:00.080 --> 0:56:02.680 doesn't feel great, especially when you're like super into the person. 0:56:04.400 --> 0:56:06.680 But let me tell you, man, just this amount of pain, 0:56:06.760 --> 0:56:10.360 there's like nothing I feel anyone could do short of 0:56:10.400 --> 0:56:15.000 like murder, murdering someone that they would actually like warrant 0:56:15.400 --> 0:56:18.879 how bad this feels. Because it's like the first time 0:56:18.920 --> 0:56:21.000 I've experienced it. I thought I was literally dying, Like 0:56:21.320 --> 0:56:25.520 I called the ambulance and was saying my goodbyes and stuff, 0:56:25.560 --> 0:56:28.880 because it's just like it, you feel like something horribly 0:56:28.920 --> 0:56:31.719 has just gone wrong within your own body. Have no 0:56:31.800 --> 0:56:37.440 idea what it's just intensifying and intensifying. But I don't know, like. 0:56:37.600 --> 0:56:39.520 See Devin, I what about I mean, I think at 0:56:39.520 --> 0:56:41.360 this point we should just make like even if you 0:56:41.360 --> 0:56:44.839 didn't do this, like, let's make up things that you 0:56:44.880 --> 0:56:49.280 did wrong, Like have you ever like pushed a child 0:56:49.719 --> 0:56:53.239 or something like that. Like I'm saying, what, let's let's 0:56:53.280 --> 0:56:58.239 say that you convince yourself that you did, and now 0:56:58.320 --> 0:57:03.080 the kidney stones are punishment for that, like at least 0:57:03.400 --> 0:57:07.319 I was. All I'm saying. All I'm saying is that 0:57:07.360 --> 0:57:09.560 if you convince, if you did, convince yourself that you 0:57:09.600 --> 0:57:13.600 deserved the pain, it would make it better because then 0:57:13.760 --> 0:57:15.880 you'd be like, all right, well, at least this happened 0:57:15.920 --> 0:57:16.400 for a reason. 0:57:16.440 --> 0:57:19.880 You know what I'm saying, right, No, I you know, 0:57:19.960 --> 0:57:23.720 I'm trying perting myself in that headspace. And if I'm like, 0:57:23.920 --> 0:57:27.480 you know, really sold on the idea that this is 0:57:27.560 --> 0:57:30.120 my payment for all the bad jus you I've put 0:57:30.120 --> 0:57:32.280 out in the world, then you know what, if this 0:57:32.360 --> 0:57:34.000 is the price I have to pay to like clear 0:57:34.080 --> 0:57:37.760 up listens if you want to call them that, then. 0:57:37.680 --> 0:57:41.640 Yeah, I mean that's like when I I'm not like 0:57:41.680 --> 0:57:46.200 a hyper religious person. I don't think like when I die, 0:57:46.360 --> 0:57:49.040 I'm going to be like showing a movie reel of 0:57:49.080 --> 0:57:51.080 everything bad I've done in my life, that kind of thing. 0:57:51.120 --> 0:57:54.320 But if there is something after the after this life, 0:57:54.480 --> 0:57:56.400 and they're like, you know what, you and Jert Chidney 0:57:56.400 --> 0:58:00.280 Stone three times in your life to make up and 0:58:00.360 --> 0:58:03.360 pay your Hey, you pay the price for everything you've 0:58:03.400 --> 0:58:06.400 done so you can come back as like a million 0:58:06.560 --> 0:58:13.120 like the next Elon Musk or something I would happily. 0:58:12.320 --> 0:58:16.560 You know, Devin, do you feel do you feel sufficiently 0:58:16.600 --> 0:58:19.320 distracted from your kidney stones? Dude? 0:58:19.480 --> 0:58:22.640 Absolutely. I'm reading the comments right now. It's pretty hilarious. 0:58:22.680 --> 0:58:28.000 And and someone says something about soda. I'm guilty of that. 0:58:28.160 --> 0:58:32.760 Costco had like a case of the really good coca 0:58:32.800 --> 0:58:35.720 cola from Mexico and the glass bottle of the real 0:58:35.800 --> 0:58:38.720 cane sugar. And you know, when you got a whole 0:58:38.760 --> 0:58:42.440 case of that, you're gonna drink as much as your 0:58:42.480 --> 0:58:43.040 heart desire. 0:58:43.880 --> 0:58:45.160 What causes kidney stones? 0:58:47.200 --> 0:58:52.040 For some people, it is a very big trigger as 0:58:52.040 --> 0:58:55.680 well as like yellow something of another red like the 0:58:55.680 --> 0:58:59.080 food coloring dyes and like mountains Jela like these uh 0:58:59.240 --> 0:59:02.640 these that's it for some people. 0:59:02.960 --> 0:59:04.800 Talk about how if you drink enough mountain dew you 0:59:04.840 --> 0:59:09.440 can't come because we all five like it's ready to sperm. 0:59:09.440 --> 0:59:14.320 Interesting, interestingly enough, one of the prescriptions the doctors wanted 0:59:14.320 --> 0:59:16.439 me to take, which I didn't take because I read 0:59:16.440 --> 0:59:21.120 the potential side effects it does correct because of what 0:59:21.120 --> 0:59:23.280 it does is supposed to make you retain more water 0:59:23.760 --> 0:59:26.800 and have like heavier flow piece to get get more 0:59:26.800 --> 0:59:30.560 pressure in there to eject the kinney zone. But some 0:59:30.640 --> 0:59:34.880 of the side effects were like erection lasting too long 0:59:34.960 --> 0:59:36.920 towards painful you have to go to the doctor, or 0:59:37.000 --> 0:59:44.000 difficulty ejaculating, or prone to more infection. And I'm so 0:59:44.160 --> 0:59:50.320 skeptical of medication because I have been having I'm sorry, go. 0:59:50.280 --> 0:59:53.360 Ahead, well, Devin, listen before we go. I want you 0:59:53.400 --> 0:59:55.959 to know something. Maybe maybe this makes you feel better. 0:59:57.840 --> 1:00:01.680 Sure you've your pain that you've shared with us. This 1:00:01.760 --> 1:00:05.760 evening has done us all a service because now everyone 1:00:05.800 --> 1:00:08.960 listening to like, think about this, Devin. Everyone listening to 1:00:09.000 --> 1:00:12.640 this now like whatever. Like let's say somebody was in 1:00:12.680 --> 1:00:14.880 their car and the like say, someone that's listened to 1:00:14.920 --> 1:00:16.680 this in their car right now, and they're like in 1:00:16.800 --> 1:00:20.400 traffic and they're like, so pissed off and upset with 1:00:20.440 --> 1:00:23.000 all the stuff that's going on with their lives. They 1:00:23.080 --> 1:00:27.880 now feel better because at least they don't have kidney stones. 1:00:28.120 --> 1:00:31.440 You gave that. Yeah, that makes. 1:00:31.360 --> 1:00:36.040 You, thanks man, That means a lot coming from you. 1:00:36.720 --> 1:00:38.240 Is there is there anything else that you want to 1:00:38.280 --> 1:00:40.400 say to the people of the computer before we go. 1:00:42.280 --> 1:00:46.360 Take care of yourself. Drink more water, don't drink todas 1:00:46.440 --> 1:00:51.360 or tease everything in moderation. But yeah, take care of 1:00:51.360 --> 1:00:54.240 yourselves because you know, you only get older with time 1:00:54.320 --> 1:00:56.160 and your body starts to break down more and more 1:00:56.200 --> 1:01:00.720 and has less opportunity to recover as it does in 1:01:00.720 --> 1:01:05.040 your youth. And just enjoy that time you have where 1:01:05.040 --> 1:01:08.320 you don't have any thoughts of my health because you know, 1:01:08.520 --> 1:01:13.440 you cross the line where pulses of utmost importance and 1:01:13.480 --> 1:01:17.360 it's something you actually have to invest energy and money into, 1:01:17.440 --> 1:01:21.240 like I've probably invested well over fifteen hundred bucks and 1:01:21.360 --> 1:01:23.600 just going to er visits and doctors just within this 1:01:23.680 --> 1:01:30.640 last month. Unrelated to the kidney stones. But yeah, enjoy 1:01:30.640 --> 1:01:31.000 your youth. 1:01:31.560 --> 1:01:35.960 At least now you have lots of time to you know, 1:01:36.080 --> 1:01:38.800 lay in bed and go on Instagram if you know 1:01:38.840 --> 1:01:43.160 what I'm saying, oh God, thank you for calling Devin there. 1:01:44.160 --> 1:01:45.640 Hey, thanks, Well, it's always a pleasure. 1:01:45.680 --> 1:01:50.200 But I feel like I transition too seamlessly from taking 1:01:50.240 --> 1:01:57.000 things seriously to not taking things seriously that maybe people 1:01:57.040 --> 1:01:59.600 think that I'm being serious when I'm not, whether they 1:01:59.600 --> 1:02:02.800 think I'm not being serious when I am. And I'll 1:02:02.800 --> 1:02:03.520 never tell. 1:02:05.000 --> 1:02:05.200 God. 1:02:05.240 --> 1:02:08.600 I feel great right now, not having kidney stones. Thank 1:02:08.640 --> 1:02:10.080 you for calling Deren there. 1:02:10.080 --> 1:02:13.400 Remy Ken goes on the line taking your phone calls 1:02:13.440 --> 1:02:14.000 every night. 1:02:14.400 --> 1:02:17.479 The Rep Ken goes doing his night's teaching you loud 1:02:17.520 --> 1:02:18.520 in the middle of your life. 1:02:18.920 --> 1:02:21.080 Money's not really an expert.