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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay Dot in a production of I Heart Radiers.

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Speaker 1: What's up everybody? It is a fine day, a fine

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Speaker 1: dame bed. We are here on this hell podcast, this

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Speaker 1: j dot il podcast Business, and we're gonna talk about

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Speaker 1: some things. Who is the we? The we is Ajar

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Speaker 1: Gragan and and Jill's got We're talking about loneliness. I've

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Speaker 1: heard many, many times before that successful women are particularly lonely.

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Speaker 1: Ship you're already going there, already, all right, jahead, all right,

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Speaker 1: She's just gonna go right from the art, like the

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Speaker 1: what is that as an African American woman? Um, particularly

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Speaker 1: when you've got it going on and you've a accomplished

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Speaker 1: the things that you want in this life, most of

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Speaker 1: us end up dying alone. That's like it's like a

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Speaker 1: moment of sacrifice. What to do because that's what people

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Speaker 1: act like. It's like if you want this or you

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Speaker 1: want that, but you can't have them all. Who says

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Speaker 1: the man? Damn you man, damn you the man? And

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Speaker 1: maybe looking at Oprah and Gael, I don't know. So

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Speaker 1: you're trying to tell me that in order to be

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Speaker 1: with somebody and and be successful, I have to what

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Speaker 1: I have to have a woman, or you can't have

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Speaker 1: a man, or yeah, or right when you were talking

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Speaker 1: about earlier, is a is a real thing. It's so funny.

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Speaker 1: One of my girlfriends had this realization the other day.

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Speaker 1: And she just got a major promotion and it's now

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Speaker 1: like the executive Suite and like, you know, TV World,

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Speaker 1: And she was like, and I was talking to my

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Speaker 1: boss was a black woman, and her and his girlfriends,

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Speaker 1: and I just realized that all of them are single. Single, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and which is not let me be clear, which is

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Speaker 1: not the worst thing in the world to be single

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Speaker 1: if you're happy about it. But if you're not, if

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Speaker 1: you want to have somebody, if you want to be

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Speaker 1: with somebody married, I suppose it makes it really hard

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Speaker 1: to do both be successful and hamp Okay, let's look.

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Speaker 1: Let's see Denzel Washington and his wife. They've been together forever. Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's see I'm trying to think a couple. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: see Okay, but dive into that. Though. While Denzel has

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Speaker 1: has has reached his levels of platinum success, I'm sure

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Speaker 1: Pauletta made a sacrifice in the sense of the family.

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Speaker 1: And you see what I'm saying, right, I mean, I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of it has to I think it

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Speaker 1: gets a little harder though, when the relationship has to

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Speaker 1: be initiated after the woman has had a certain amount

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Speaker 1: of us because if if the relationship has to exist

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Speaker 1: in the same kind of universe as the woman's success,

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Speaker 1: then it kind of opens up all these other implications like, well,

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Speaker 1: how does that make that man feel? How do other

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Speaker 1: people perceive him? How do other people perceive her? It's

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Speaker 1: all kinds of different ways that other people will judge,

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Speaker 1: and then those things will take root in how the

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Speaker 1: two people see themselves and x y Z. I do

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Speaker 1: think that I see some of this stuff beginning to

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Speaker 1: come up to the surface that may be different for

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Speaker 1: the women that are coming after. Oh, I hope. So

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Speaker 1: I just think what I've observed from some younger married

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Speaker 1: couples and their desire to build together that is not

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Speaker 1: built on the woman making herself small so that the

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Speaker 1: guy can succeed country there's this whole thing, right, So yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I think there's a I think there's a thing

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Speaker 1: where they're starting to see that as problematic and going

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Speaker 1: into it with that part of the conversation being said

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Speaker 1: in the very beginning, Hey, I want to be successful.

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Speaker 1: I'm on the pathway to that. That's the trajectory of

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Speaker 1: my life. So let's talk about it, Like, how are

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Speaker 1: we going to use each other's strengths to move forward? Applause,

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Speaker 1: applause to the next generation of women that can see

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Speaker 1: where we might be, you know, failing that's what they're

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Speaker 1: supposed to that that's what you're supposed to do. Bless you. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: The the problem is that obviously we are all, you know,

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Speaker 1: in a certain age group, and the men that we

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Speaker 1: come in contact with their products of that generation, and

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Speaker 1: some of them have just not evolved to that place yet.

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Speaker 1: Like listen for this podcast. Just be clear, I'm I

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Speaker 1: really don't have any intentions on telling other people's business.

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Speaker 1: I'll share some of mine. You ain't gonna know everything

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Speaker 1: because I I just won't, uh, just won't. But I

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Speaker 1: will say that success, I don't know if it was

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Speaker 1: necessarily success. With my first marriage, the only one that

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Speaker 1: I actually count, it is true, that's the only one

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Speaker 1: that I count. We were doing really great and then

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Speaker 1: success came along and I had other priorities too, and

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Speaker 1: it was hard to build something. I don't know. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that it was his fault or my fault.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying that circumstances and us all of a

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Speaker 1: sudden coming from you know, not much two way more

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Speaker 1: was uncomfortable and it all seemed on my shoulders at

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Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, Like Lie and I we talked about this,

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Speaker 1: you know, every every couple of months, you know, so

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Speaker 1: it's not new to either of us. But that success

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Speaker 1: was getting hard. I know. I'm us now side that

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Speaker 1: you can't listen to other people about your relationship. You

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Speaker 1: just gotta let them have the relationship they have with

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Speaker 1: your ship and just just step out, just let them

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Speaker 1: at name a moment and they'd be like, all right,

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Speaker 1: Nick is by like that's all right. We're looking at

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Speaker 1: y'all like I remember, yeah, But it's so cool that

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Speaker 1: you guys are good friends. That's right there. That's that's

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Speaker 1: the thing. That is the thing is that the idea

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Speaker 1: of being human with each other and and having friendship.

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Speaker 1: I think that takes also the edge off of loneliness

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Speaker 1: to a degree because that having quality relationships in your life,

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Speaker 1: you kind of know what you want and what you

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Speaker 1: don't want. And if you have really strong relationships in

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Speaker 1: your life with men and women, you don't have to

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Speaker 1: be trying to find something in a person a mate

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Speaker 1: that you don't already possess. It's like you're able to

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Speaker 1: see and and differentiate between what is a requirement and

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Speaker 1: what is just something that's feeding a need or making

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Speaker 1: me not lonely in the moment. So that's just my

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Speaker 1: assumption about that. But I do think that I when

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Speaker 1: I see women pick a beautiful relationship, it comes out

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Speaker 1: of that knowing that security of that, Hey, I know

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Speaker 1: what good friendship is. I know what a good relationship is,

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Speaker 1: and I'm only gonna choose according to what falls in

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Speaker 1: line with that. And then sometimes my fucker's just what up, Yo,

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Speaker 1: That's what I want for you, And selfishly that's all

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Speaker 1: I want for you. I want you to be with

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Speaker 1: somebody that you enjoy. But you know who you are,

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Speaker 1: so you know what you want and you know what

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Speaker 1: you enjoy and who was gonna build with you and

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Speaker 1: not be afraid of success. That is not me implying

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Speaker 1: as I was afraid of it. It just was very

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Speaker 1: hard for the two of us to have to deal

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Speaker 1: with that. We were so used to us and how

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Speaker 1: we did things and how we liked things, and then

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Speaker 1: everything changed, and in reality, we were we were freshly married,

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Speaker 1: so it just kind of threw us for a loop.

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Speaker 1: And then I was and then I was alone, and

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Speaker 1: then I was alone, married and alone, and that also

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Speaker 1: married and married and alone, and that definitely producing terrible decisions, terrible.

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Speaker 1: It's so interesting that we're talking about loneliness and I

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Speaker 1: was just thinking, even though I'm the same way, but

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Speaker 1: how we tend to like lean on our romantic relationship

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Speaker 1: as like solutions for our loneliness. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: is there a way that like your friendship can really

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Speaker 1: be and do we really want It's so it's just

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Speaker 1: so interesting to me. I'm like, we tend to just

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Speaker 1: go to the romantic side because even if you have

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Speaker 1: a beautiful friendship, it seems that's not going to be

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Speaker 1: how you want to build a life forever, but you

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Speaker 1: still need that romantic I mean, the reality is that

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Speaker 1: there's lots of folks that are single, and even if

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Speaker 1: they want to have a relationship with somebody, sometimes they

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Speaker 1: just don't. And I think it would be unfair to

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Speaker 1: ever present that life as being some life of lack,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean? It just is just a

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Speaker 1: life that which being single and having any prospects to

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Speaker 1: make that the definition of loneliness. So I think it's

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Speaker 1: really important what Jill said about that being married and lonely,

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Speaker 1: that that's the real thing. Being in a home full

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Speaker 1: of people. I've been there and feeling lonely, or being

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Speaker 1: around a crowd of people and feeling lonely is possible

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Speaker 1: because you want to shift that kind of narrative that

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Speaker 1: says that a woman who is single with with no

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Speaker 1: man or no relationship and no children or something like

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Speaker 1: that is just by definition a person who may be lonely.

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Speaker 1: And I don't I don't want to buy into that

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Speaker 1: part of it. You on. I mean, some women aren't

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Speaker 1: gonna lie to you. I see some women and that

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Speaker 1: I know want to have a relationship, but they want

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Speaker 1: a quality relationship, and they are very specific that that

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Speaker 1: they will never enter into anything that doesn't elevate the

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Speaker 1: already beautiful life that they are living. So that I

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Speaker 1: know some single women who are absolutely in that space.

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Speaker 1: They're not shunning relationships. They're not saying I don't want nobody,

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Speaker 1: They're not saying any of that. They're not even suggesting

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Speaker 1: that people who are married are miserable. Because I hate

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Speaker 1: that to like, get over there. We're not but they're

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Speaker 1: just saying, listen, I know what I want. I haven't

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Speaker 1: found it yet. In the meantime, I'm about to have

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Speaker 1: a fucking blast and when I find that person, good

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Speaker 1: if I don't meet a bitch in Bali. Okay. I

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Speaker 1: think that is the mentality right there, because I've seen

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Speaker 1: and I noticed a lot of successful women are are

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Speaker 1: really upset about the fact that they don't have what

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Speaker 1: they thought they were going to have a partner in life, partner,

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Speaker 1: and upset it the way that society makes them feel

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Speaker 1: like something must be wrong with them, like oh, well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know that's the default. Yeah, but it's it's interested

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Speaker 1: in that age because at the same time, I think

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Speaker 1: still most are like but I still would prefer to

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Speaker 1: be able to share this life with someone and of

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Speaker 1: course well not of course, yes that I see that.

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Speaker 1: I definitely see that. Who does it People want to

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Speaker 1: find someone whom they can share life and love and

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Speaker 1: experiences with. I mean, yes, absolutely, And I haven't fear

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Speaker 1: of that as a black woman because I just I

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Speaker 1: feel like I know too many black women that are

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Speaker 1: my mom's age and my Grandmam's age that the last

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Speaker 1: twenty thirty years of their life it was even though

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Speaker 1: and not to say it was lonely the whole time,

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Speaker 1: but getting still, man, you know, sometimes it's nice just

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Speaker 1: to have a partner in a way, so but does

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Speaker 1: it have to be permanent partner. It's like, I just

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Speaker 1: get harder as you get older, even if it's not.

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Speaker 1: But go ahead, I'm sorry, this is true. This is true.

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Speaker 1: Like my mentor, she made it real plain to me.

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Speaker 1: She's very successful, her children are adults, they're successful. And

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Speaker 1: she says she did love. Don't know her anything. She's

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Speaker 1: had enough of it and she's just fine. God, that's

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Speaker 1: a something goalie about that feeling. I'm not got something

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Speaker 1: about it. I'm envious. I said, do you think you'll

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Speaker 1: ever get married again? And she's like for what she

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Speaker 1: was like, why would I want that? I get up

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Speaker 1: when I want to, I work when I feel like it.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to explain myself to anybody or make allowances.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to apologize for anything. I do what

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Speaker 1: I want when I want, how I want. And I

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Speaker 1: don't see any better way to live. And you know,

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Speaker 1: she said, I had a husband and that's over and

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Speaker 1: I don't want another one, and she blew my whole my,

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Speaker 1: oh my, how old is this woman? She's got to

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Speaker 1: be about seventy two now, mm hmmm mm hmmm. I

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Speaker 1: mean I remember my mom and her friends having similar conversations,

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Speaker 1: like it's nice to Like I said, does it really

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Speaker 1: have to be permanent? Can it be? Oh, this is

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Speaker 1: someone I like to hang out with sometimes, YadA, YadA, YadA,

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Speaker 1: But I don't really need to be in a permanent relationship.

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Speaker 1: As I get to have more older women around me

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Speaker 1: and their sixties and seventies, this is what I continue

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Speaker 1: to hear, you know. But that's but not not in

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Speaker 1: a way to make men feel like they are disposable

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Speaker 1: or anything like that. I think that there are a

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Speaker 1: lot of men that feel this way too. There are

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Speaker 1: some I just the right though. A just a lot

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Speaker 1: of women have a third at that. I'm just like,

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Speaker 1: I'm over the sex thing. I just really feel like

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Speaker 1: there should be a service if you want your feet up.

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Speaker 1: I mean, not not just that, but if you want

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Speaker 1: you know, a little happy ending, you know. I just

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Speaker 1: think that that's fair. I think that that women should

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Speaker 1: have these things that and it shouldn't be, you know,

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Speaker 1: a stigma attached to calling a service where you can

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Speaker 1: get your feet rubbed in a nice pop off before

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Speaker 1: you go to slate. Yeah, I think that's fair. I

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Speaker 1: think it's especially for successful women. Well, I think I

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Speaker 1: think poor women should have access to Yes, ma'am. I

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Speaker 1: think be able to have a little pop off at

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Speaker 1: the end of her shift, like hold that fair enough?

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Speaker 1: Slide and scale, slide and scale scale. You're putting this

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Speaker 1: out there, but this is this is actually a really

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Speaker 1: great idea, you said, Joe, I know that before. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what we call this. I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: just I just don't want anybody to go to jail

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Speaker 1: for such a good thing. You know, this is a

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Speaker 1: good quality, a service that could be provided and started

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Speaker 1: in Vegas where the laws are a little lighter. Listen,

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Speaker 1: look at Atlanta. What is it like eighteen to one girl.

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Speaker 1: It's a whole bunch of women Atlanta. D C. I

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Speaker 1: tell all my boys, I'm like, you know, you meet

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Speaker 1: him and your marryam and d C. Honey, that's lucky

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Speaker 1: for y'all, and easily catch six or seven more if

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Speaker 1: you want to. Just yes, we don't it's just funny

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Speaker 1: because we don't have what are our cities? What are

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Speaker 1: the cities? Eight black women need to go out here?

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Speaker 1: Where are they even make a list to they even

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Speaker 1: make lists like that for black women. They don't make

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Speaker 1: lists for black women any dag on the way. We

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Speaker 1: gotta thumb through our own, you know, networks to find

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Speaker 1: these things out. Well, that's why I created True Voice.

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Speaker 1: So I'm trying to make a list of places and

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Speaker 1: things and stuff for black women so we can find

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Speaker 1: are what we want. What about Portland's I think there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of black men in Portland that are I

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Speaker 1: think there are. I'm not gonna go with a lot,

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Speaker 1: not you, but there are some black men in Portland

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Speaker 1: that just just they're just they're just a little oaky.

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Speaker 1: They don't know what to do. That's all. You just

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Speaker 1: gotta we just gotta take a both vacation right quick.

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Speaker 1: You forgive me. I'm you know, I'm from the from

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Speaker 1: the East Coast. I'm fully as we all are. I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying, there you go, the granola and the birken

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Speaker 1: stocks and the peace of mind and the wonderful marijuana. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you can always put some lotion on them. Ash she asked,

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Speaker 1: knees and ankles and pull them into the world, which

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Speaker 1: I can feel all the I can feel all the

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Speaker 1: emails from the black men in Portland coming in right now,

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Speaker 1: I can hear it. I can hear the email coming in.

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Speaker 1: We'll be back after the break. Let me say this

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Speaker 1: about me and loneliness. Okay. I used to think that

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Speaker 1: I could help somebody get to the other side. Does

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Speaker 1: that make sense to anybody. I used to think that

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Speaker 1: I can help a man get to the other side. Like, oh,

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Speaker 1: we just you know, just like for me, I didn't

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Speaker 1: know what uh duck laurnge was until I had duck laurrange.

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Speaker 1: You know. I didn't know about Senegalese food until I went,

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Speaker 1: you know, and and and found a place in Paris

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Speaker 1: and like like you like, like look at this, try this.

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Speaker 1: But but if you don't find someone, I've learned that

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Speaker 1: you just cannot share with everybody. Some people are not

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Speaker 1: prepared for it. Some people don't even want it. They

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Speaker 1: don't deserve Some people don't deserve it. Come on, come on,

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Speaker 1: some people don't deserve. That is what it is. And

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Speaker 1: the intention is good, the idea sounds right, but it's

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Speaker 1: just it's the same as finding a mentor or mentee

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Speaker 1: for that matter. You you can lead the horse to water,

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Speaker 1: but you cannot make them drink. And yeah, if you're

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Speaker 1: lonely and you find somebody, my biggest suggestion to you

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Speaker 1: is take as someone who is married for fifteen months once,

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Speaker 1: take your slow molasses as time before you jump into

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Speaker 1: anything with anybody, especially as a woman. If you're more

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Speaker 1: successful and you've got more to lose. M b b

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Speaker 1: b b b B, be careful because there's a different

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Speaker 1: generation and a different breed of males out here. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't think this was real until I

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Speaker 1: knew it was real. You expanded my broke mind. I'm

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Speaker 1: like girl to teach me because I don't plan on

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Speaker 1: stand here. So you know, I just need to thank

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Speaker 1: you for preparing me. You know, I mean you we

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Speaker 1: think we know how well I knew I was. I

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Speaker 1: guess I thought I knew how men operate. But there's

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Speaker 1: a different breed now. So you have to mind that loneliness. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you really have to mind that thing and

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Speaker 1: be on top of it, because you can't let the

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Speaker 1: loneliness drive you to a place that will definitely not

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Speaker 1: benefit your life. I just mean in the arms of

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Speaker 1: the wrong motherfucker at some point that takes like a

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Speaker 1: little bit of reevaluation, but themselves too, though I feel

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Speaker 1: like that only that's what I was saying about loneliness, Like,

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's always too about another person. Some

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Speaker 1: part of it is you too, because at some point

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Speaker 1: you also need to feel comfortable with yourself, right like so,

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Speaker 1: because being with somebody else is not gonna make it

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Speaker 1: better whatever is wrong with you, even if you're in

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Speaker 1: a relationship, there's lots of things that can cause that

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Speaker 1: same feeling of being isolated, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: That same isolation not being able to connect because there's

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Speaker 1: loneliness in the sense of that there's no one else around,

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Speaker 1: and that the reality of that, the reality of maybe

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Speaker 1: you haven't been like you said, your feet haven't been rubbed, do,

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Speaker 1: you haven't been hugged or even just touched. You haven't

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Speaker 1: even had no one put their hand on your shoulder

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Speaker 1: or wake you up or anything like that. So there

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Speaker 1: is that kind of experience with their loneliness. But then

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Speaker 1: there's also, you know, ways to feel lonely and isolated

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Speaker 1: when you're you are not single. I mean not to

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Speaker 1: be obvious like, uh, let me try him for the

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Speaker 1: people who are single, but you know, I don't you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying that not not to come across

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Speaker 1: like that, but just because I know that that's a

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Speaker 1: real thing. And particularly when you are going to therapy,

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Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship with someone or married or partnered,

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Speaker 1: it's like, and you go to therapy to start fixing

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Speaker 1: your own stuff, it's a real easy way to start

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Speaker 1: feeling super isolated and lonely because you're starting, you're you're

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Speaker 1: you're evolving, you're evolving sometimes at a rapid pace, and

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Speaker 1: your mate isn't and that communication and connectedness that makes

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Speaker 1: the partnership work is interrupted, and a lot of people

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Speaker 1: don't recover from that, you know. And then any kind

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Speaker 1: of change in life, like losing your job or losing

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Speaker 1: a parent, because obviously gott been through that part of

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Speaker 1: it too, So it's like all of those different emotions

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Speaker 1: and things where you need to kind of rely on partnership.

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Speaker 1: Partnership can sometimes maybe not even be an asset in

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Speaker 1: that moment. Sometimes it can actually be the rock around

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Speaker 1: your neck, like goodness, good night, this person can't see

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Speaker 1: me or hear me. Yeah, I'm laughing at what you

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Speaker 1: just said. And I'm laughing, but it's not really funny

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Speaker 1: because it's also like, well, right now, during these times,

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Speaker 1: these are the most loneliest times of most of our lives.

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Speaker 1: So and all those things are happening, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, Like people are realizing that this ain't that

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Speaker 1: I can't I can't live with him, I can't live

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Speaker 1: with him and hud no more. You know, people are

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Speaker 1: like it's a time of high stulice that I was

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Speaker 1: just reading the Time magazine article about it, like it's

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Speaker 1: just such a it's a lonely time. Yeah. Not having

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Speaker 1: access to touch, well that means so baby. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not talking about sex, yeah, I'm not saying I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about yeah, just on your skin, not having access to touch.

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Speaker 1: The first time I saw a family member during the quarantine,

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Speaker 1: when I couldn't put my arms around them, it was

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Speaker 1: like a real grieving process behind that. It was like, women,

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Speaker 1: I can't touch you, and that was very odd. And

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Speaker 1: then to take that experience and magnify it, I think

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Speaker 1: I'm sure that it takes loneliness up a thousand notches.

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Speaker 1: It's like old. Wait a minute, I'm I'm alone, and

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Speaker 1: how how do you deal with that? So you're seeing

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Speaker 1: a lot of people do things and find new hobbies.

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Speaker 1: And I've been seeing tons of people bike riding, yoga.

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Speaker 1: I don't seen more yoga on the good people's internets

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Speaker 1: in the past six months and I've seen in six years. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: people are really trying to find ways to cope, you

385
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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, and not find themselves in a

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Speaker 1: ditch where they can't get out. I know, for me

387
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Speaker 1: and my household is there are a couple of like

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Speaker 1: real contracts. One is, my husband has to get out

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Speaker 1: of the house. He's not a person who likes to

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Speaker 1: be indoors a lot, so he has to get out

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Speaker 1: of the house. So he has an office. He goes

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Speaker 1: his office every day, he gets up in the morning,

393
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Speaker 1: like he goes and it is not a problem. I'm

394
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Speaker 1: actually thrilled that he has it. Some of my contracts aren't. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I gotta have a lone time. When I say my

396
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Speaker 1: office I wars are over, I'm trying to tell y'all,

397
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Speaker 1: y'all be hanging out that window like Big Red. Don't

398
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:09,199
Speaker 1: play with me. My office hours are are done for

399
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: the day. But more than anything is the connection part.

400
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: So having the option to connect is also, I understand,

401
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 1: a huge privilege because if you don't even have the

402
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 1: option to connect when you're ready to, that can be devastating. Yeah,

403
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:27,640
Speaker 1: it's got a lot of health issues. Two I think

404
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:32,880
Speaker 1: we said that, but yeah, like chronic pain, how we

405
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 1: feel in our head and heart and our spirit really

406
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: does affect our bodies. So you know, you're already paranoid

407
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,959
Speaker 1: about what's going on with this quarantine and catching something

408
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 1: that could possibly kill you if you're alone, that just

409
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: makes things so much worse. It makes it so much

410
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:57,160
Speaker 1: harder to deal with, and your body starts to ache.

411
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Speaker 1: And I know, I thought I had COVID. I don't

412
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 1: know about set damn so far. I was like, I

413
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,479
Speaker 1: got a headache. I got a headache, you know what

414
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 1: I mean? Like I keep you coughing in a public

415
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 1: spaces is like a whole new meaning these days, Like

416
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 1: and being outside inside your mask is lonely too. Yeah,

417
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 1: because you having that physical separation from others, that that

418
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 1: visual and physical separation from other people, it just it

419
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: really intensifies it. I ain't gonna lie to you, guys,

420
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 1: having and let me ask you, both having had parents,

421
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Speaker 1: how do you think your parents are experienced in this time?

422
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 1: Both of you have parents who are not married and

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Speaker 1: let alone at their age, Like, how are they experiencing

424
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 1: this and how they're dealing with their loneliness? Have they

425
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,880
Speaker 1: talked to you all about it or anything like that?

426
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Speaker 1: You know, it's funny. I always say, well, my equation

427
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 1: is similar to most kids, Like my dad has a

428
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,919
Speaker 1: girlfriend and my mom is single, and so you know,

429
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 1: for my dad, he's he's always like baby, I'm just

430
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,640
Speaker 1: so glad we have face time, you know. But as

431
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 1: you guys know, I went home for a month a

432
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 1: couple of days ago, and that was the first time

433
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,439
Speaker 1: I had hugged them in months. And like me and

434
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: my mom have had many conversations about the loneliness and

435
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: what the future looks like for her being in the

436
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: House of Skies, and you know, at the same time,

437
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 1: I was there for a mom, so I also got

438
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: to see that she's trying. She's on these these apps

439
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 1: she's trying to me to do. You know, it was

440
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 1: one he might be a little bit too, too militant,

441
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 1: but you know, it's just it's it's an interesting conversation.

442
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,879
Speaker 1: And like I said, it's somewhat of a fear of mine.

443
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: And I pray every day, not for nothing. I prayed

444
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: every day in my prayers for my mom to to

445
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: find a companion in life. M hm um. I can't

446
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: imagine if Joy Salas had somebody. I don't even know.

447
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 1: She doesn't currently, but she she does him. He's two

448
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 1: damn dogs. And when I tell you, she cooks for

449
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 1: them every day, Yeah, she cooks their food. She has

450
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 1: been doing this for years. My mom other is a

451
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 1: wonderful caregiver when it comes to people and animals. She

452
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 1: talked to me not too long ago about she's also

453
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 1: like a touch healer. But she's got her homies where

454
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 1: she is. And we're about twenty good minutes away from

455
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 1: each other, maybe twenty Yeah, so I just far enough

456
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 1: and just close enough. That's that's notual. Maybe about a

457
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:28,080
Speaker 1: good forty I'm a double at good forty minutes, So

458
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: that's that's that's just so it's a little bit of

459
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 1: a trip. But it's cool because when you get there,

460
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 1: I know I'm staying, you know, I'm hanging out. So

461
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:40,399
Speaker 1: she's okay. She has her moments and I can always

462
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 1: tell because then she's shopping. Yeah. See, it's funny. I

463
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,199
Speaker 1: want to say again, I totally know that women at

464
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 1: a certain age coming all different kinds of flavors, attitudes,

465
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 1: and taste, and so I understand that. But I do

466
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 1: understand that I'm probably gonna be much like my mother.

467
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 1: In the SIPs that me and my boythen were just

468
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,400
Speaker 1: talking about this. He has a mother who's single as well,

469
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 1: and his father is married, and I was like, how

470
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 1: is she doing? Is she lonely? You know? He was like,

471
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: she's got this dog, you know, she good. And I'm like,

472
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 1: but Kareema, me and my mama, we're still they're a

473
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: sexual type of people. So you know, I just know

474
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 1: that like a pet ankle, the fur baby is not

475
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: gonna get It's just like, that's just more responsibility and

476
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: somebody I got to stay home for, yeah, and get

477
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 1: home for. But isn't it interesting how the sun sees

478
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: it one way? In the door. Yeah, the sun is

479
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 1: not thinking like, oh my bab might need I don't know,

480
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: a man, you don't even don't even want to think

481
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 1: of it like that. They don't even want to think.

482
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 1: And we have those conversations. I don't want to think

483
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 1: of my mom like that. I'm like, but like a

484
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 1: human to her happiness. Yeah, that was tied into her happiness. Sir, sir,

485
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 1: don't you want somebody to play with your stuff? Right?

486
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 1: Whatever made I'm with, I let him know. Listen, this

487
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 1: is what I'm gonna be when I'm sixty seventy two.

488
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 1: This is what I play, and so all the way

489
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 1: into ain't no quitting. Yes, they got some pills for that. Yeah,

490
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 1: they got some drinking drinks a long. When I'm done,

491
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 1: you could be done to have this? What is a yangling?

492
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: What is it? Um? What's the beer? No? No, no,

493
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 1: I know yngling is a beer. But yangling is supposed

494
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 1: to help you know that that strong bull? What is that?

495
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: I know what you're talking about. I didn't know what

496
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: I'm saying, but okay, yeah, if I'm not mistaken, it's

497
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 1: a yngling that's supposed to keep that thing. We are

498
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 1: so how we always end up coming back to sex,

499
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: And I'm not mad at that. This is a human

500
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 1: condition people. I personally am very out of myself because

501
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: we are half more than halfway through this podcast and

502
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 1: I have not found a way to blame loneliness on

503
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 1: white supremacy. So person, well, let's look let's look at that,

504
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 1: let's look back. Okay, So you could say that white

505
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: supremacy is responsible for the COVID been in quarantine as long,

506
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 1: and therefore it has something to do with why everybody

507
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: is so lonely and dealing with loneliness right now to

508
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:33,480
Speaker 1: this extent. Well, that's fair enough. You could also say that,

509
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 1: let's look at the seventies with the welfare system and

510
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 1: not being able to have a man in your house

511
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 1: at all, not being able to have a man or

512
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:50,479
Speaker 1: visit in order to feed your children or keep your

513
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:54,959
Speaker 1: lights on. That is that's a very very major major

514
00:30:55,480 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 1: part of our history. Women and who are lonely. Yes,

515
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 1: m m, yeah, come on in there. Let's blame this

516
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 1: white man, make him accountable for his deeds. I only

517
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: laugh because it's uncomfortable. That's the that's the only reason

518
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 1: I laugh. I just need you to understand that. It's

519
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: because it's uncomfortable to have to put a name, or

520
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 1: not even a name, but a face to a problem.

521
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 1: But when you look at our issues and our problems,

522
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 1: so much of it, so so much of it goes

523
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: back to where we are and how how the society

524
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 1: is running and to what agents. Yeah, I mean, that

525
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: isn't the reason that a lot of our mamas and

526
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 1: mamas are single. I'm convinsed, but you know that's whatever.

527
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and even down to the whole idea of

528
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 1: what it takes to be successful and how women we

529
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 1: have to grind so hard and so much, and that

530
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 1: we don't have time to take to be social, to

531
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 1: time to interact with one another, to have quality time

532
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: with other people, and social time enough with other people

533
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 1: in order to build those kinds of relationships, and the

534
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 1: ways in which certain doors are closed to black men

535
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 1: and women, you know, and let's just keep it real.

536
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: They underpaying us anyway, so if they can get some

537
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: brilliance at a discount, they're gonna take it right, So

538
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 1: trust and believe that we're dealing with. It's a backhanded

539
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: opportunity for black women. It's like, yeah, you had this job,

540
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 1: but but you're gonna get forty two cents on the dollar,

541
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna need you to work alonger than thes

542
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 1: eight hours and you can't and you can't act like

543
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 1: this job, this job ain't the most important thing in

544
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 1: the world to you. Oh you have kids, Forshonda. I

545
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 1: didn't even know that. I ain't know that. Wow, that's something.

546
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 1: Do they all have the same father? Really? That's fascinating. Wow, fascinating.

547
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 1: That's so Toshanda. This is like the third funeral you've

548
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: gone to. I've never been to one another funeral. Rashonda. Sure, people,

549
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 1: take care of yourself. Oh God, I love you, Rashonda. Okay,

550
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 1: shout out to Rashonda. We have your back, Rashonda right

551
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: here on Jay dot il. Okay, more conversation after this break. Listen,

552
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: how do we combat this thing? How do we combat loneliness?

553
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:56,440
Speaker 1: So many ways this yoga thing is helpful, and it

554
00:33:56,520 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 1: also moves the body and sadness. Just like with cancer,

555
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 1: staying positive is really really important when dealing with illness. Anyway,

556
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 1: you already know that our emotions just like with plants.

557
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 1: Just just like with plans, you speak negatively to a plant,

558
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: it's going to wither. You speak positively and and say nice, creative,

559
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 1: interesting things, and the thing will grow. It is the

560
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: same with our bodies, feeding it positivity. That's why, Jill,

561
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 1: I just want to add, even though I'm not consistent,

562
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 1: I am an advocate of meditation. I'm trying to be better,

563
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 1: be better with me. Hey, this is what it's all about.

564
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 1: We're all trying to be better. I wish I wish

565
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 1: I would sit somewhere and talk about, Oh, I got

566
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,839
Speaker 1: it all together. I know how to think. I don't know.

567
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: I'm trying to know. I'm trying to do better. And

568
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 1: I think that's you know, while we're here, We're all

569
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:48,320
Speaker 1: in this thing together, trying to be better human beings,

570
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 1: trying to be stronger for the next generation and stronger

571
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 1: for ourselves. Come on, somebody, amen. Amen. One thing that

572
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: I think has helped me in the past with loneliness

573
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,440
Speaker 1: is being really clear and getting to know myself what

574
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: it is I need and what it is I like

575
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:08,160
Speaker 1: who I am, because it's sad. I know. You get

576
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 1: to your forties and you realize, damn, I've lived this

577
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 1: long and may not all the way know myself, and

578
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 1: that realization is kind of a lot, you know, But

579
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 1: once you start asking yourself that question, you realize, oh,

580
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 1: I do know myself. I just have impressed myself to

581
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 1: make that the priority. I've not centered myself in the conversation.

582
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: So I think loneliness. In terms of how I've dealt

583
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: with it is getting to know myself a lot better.

584
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:33,919
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable with myself. I know what I need. When

585
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 1: I need interaction, I know how to ask for it,

586
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: and when I want to interact, I know how I

587
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: want to interact. And the big conversation in the past

588
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 1: couple of years, at least I hear it almost at

589
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 1: nauseum is love languages and people knowing what their love languages,

590
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 1: and how they interact and how they need to interact

591
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,479
Speaker 1: and when they don't feel like interacting, and all those things.

592
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: Making sure you have those boundaries, speaking up where you

593
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: need to. All of that. It comes with the confidence

594
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,680
Speaker 1: of dealing with your stuff, getting to know yourself, and

595
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:08,759
Speaker 1: honoring yourself. It's all the self work. Unfortunately, it all

596
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 1: kind of keeps coming back to the self work. It is, though,

597
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:16,719
Speaker 1: and it's not selfish. It's not selfish to do the

598
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 1: self work. It's the It's funny because as the Asian

599
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 1: was given like the whole it's funny, always called the

600
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 1: intellectual version of I was thinking to myself literally, like

601
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: all these things that you should be doing, but you

602
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,839
Speaker 1: just did this whole intellectual like translation of things, because

603
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 1: I was like, well, you know, not for nothing, folks,

604
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,279
Speaker 1: like people are breaking their backs to make content for

605
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 1: you at the end of the day, you know, learn

606
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 1: something new on your computer for yourself, like spend some

607
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: more time with yourself. Read this book that you said

608
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: you was gonna read and you still haven't read it.

609
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: Check on that friend that you've been saying for the

610
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:49,760
Speaker 1: last year. I wonder how they're doing all these things

611
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 1: that are part of like everything that Asia said in

612
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 1: a really smart way, but this is why, and even

613
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,239
Speaker 1: a one more thing instead of to my I was

614
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 1: very insistant. She turned seventy for her birthday and she

615
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 1: was like, I do not want to drive by zoom

616
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 1: birthday party. So even in that way be creative. We

617
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 1: did a drink by. We were like, you know what,

618
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,240
Speaker 1: y'all come back for thirty to forty five minute infrements

619
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 1: and then roll the freak out in our backyard, like

620
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 1: let's just try to think bigger and you know, I

621
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,800
Speaker 1: just I just think what you want? What do you want,

622
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 1: what do you like? What are you into? And if

623
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,200
Speaker 1: you can't think of anything, go look for it. See

624
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 1: if you can find something that you like. I think

625
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 1: I would like making pottery. I think I would dig

626
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 1: that right, you know the YouTube show that Jill. But

627
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:39,839
Speaker 1: that means I got to go by the clay and

628
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 1: the stuff, all the stuff. I don't know if I

629
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 1: like it yet. I need to try first, call him

630
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,080
Speaker 1: anything you need. I think I would like playing the

631
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 1: hard I've been trying to figure out what I've been

632
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 1: playing with these fingers for years. I don't know, but

633
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 1: it might be a magical invisible harp. Give it a try.

634
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 1: Why not? I want to say this real quick thing too,

635
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,719
Speaker 1: about some of the options that we have really do

636
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 1: come along with a few of the privileges that we enjoy,

637
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 1: you know, just have an access, you know. And a

638
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 1: friend of mine told me once that poverty is about

639
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 1: the most instances, is about not being able to have

640
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: any time. Time is a privilege. Having time is a privilege.

641
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 1: And and many of us, many of us, many black

642
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:30,400
Speaker 1: women in this country and women of color, just have

643
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 1: a very difficult time even having the time to do

644
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 1: something new. Everything is in survival mode. Everything is I

645
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 1: have to go to work, I can't stay home. I

646
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 1: don't have to I don't have this, and the stress

647
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 1: levels are like very very high. And so I just

648
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 1: want us to remember because I realized that even though

649
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 1: obviously we have all experienced times of leanness, there is

650
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: a privilege in this conversation of the three of us,

651
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 1: the three of us do have as and it's too

652
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 1: many people who just don't and they can't solve their

653
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,359
Speaker 1: loneliness by going to a yoga class because they can't

654
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 1: afford a yoga class. Because because here's the gag. If you,

655
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 1: if you have the privilege to be able to sit

656
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,760
Speaker 1: here and listen to me and Asian Jail right now,

657
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:21,879
Speaker 1: then you might be able to do some of these

658
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 1: other things too. Because yeah, and just to be clear,

659
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,720
Speaker 1: while while you're you know, cleaning the kitchen or whatever

660
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:35,360
Speaker 1: you're doing, listening to this podcast, just because you amassed

661
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:39,320
Speaker 1: a certain amount of success depending on what you're thinking,

662
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 1: it is. My days as as an actor, sometimes there

663
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:46,400
Speaker 1: are seventeen hour days, and I would say more often

664
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 1: than not, um fortunately, and that means there's a very

665
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 1: very short amount of time in between tomorrow and getting home,

666
00:39:56,960 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 1: taking a shower, getting your makeup off, learning your new lines,

667
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 1: are going over your lines, and getting to bed, and

668
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,879
Speaker 1: then you're writing up and and early the next day

669
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 1: and the whole thing starts all over again. You normally

670
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:13,799
Speaker 1: work on a Faturday, which is it starts on Friday

671
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 1: and it ends on Saturday morning, and that means Saturday

672
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: is done. So you're exhausted most of Saturday. You have

673
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 1: Saturday evening and you have Sunday. But you got to

674
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,359
Speaker 1: get ready and learn all the lines that you need

675
00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 1: to know for for Monday, Tuesday, Wesy, Thursday, Friday, because

676
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: you don't want to wait till the last minute and

677
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 1: not know your lines, because that is horrible and turmoil

678
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 1: in turn, and you can't be showing up as a

679
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:49,840
Speaker 1: black woman unprepared, over prepared high And I've had that

680
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 1: happen where I was just like, I'm so tired. I

681
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 1: just don't know. But what I did do in order

682
00:40:56,080 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: to keep the sanity that I had is on the

683
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 1: ride too set, I was like, how long is it?

684
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: How long is the ride today? Sometimes ride will be

685
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 1: an hour and a half. Praise God. That means I

686
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,640
Speaker 1: get a little bit of a nap, And it also

687
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 1: means that I get to listen to some music and breathe.

688
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 1: Listen to some music and breathe, Like just trying to

689
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 1: find the space in the midst of it all to

690
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 1: take some deep breaths. That's helpful. That's helpful. You know.

691
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: If you can have somebody come and visit and knock

692
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 1: the cobwebs off the thing, that's nice too, you know.

693
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:42,359
Speaker 1: But but they gotta go because you have you got

694
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 1: you got things to do. I get it. I get it.

695
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 1: The working time doesn't change. I was watching a video

696
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 1: yesterday and or earlier today, and the sky was talking

697
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 1: about how really is about intentional living. It's not that

698
00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:58,800
Speaker 1: you have like tons of time, but it's also this

699
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: is how you're spending your So if you're doing something

700
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 1: that it has no intention, it has an intention behind

701
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: it where it's like like if you want to scroll

702
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 1: social media and you have a reason for why you're

703
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 1: doing that, you're like because I enjoy it, or because

704
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: I want to do or because I want to check

705
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:16,359
Speaker 1: in on some things or whatever. It's like, yeah, okay, great.

706
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: Bottom line is that everything. If you can start to

707
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 1: look at your life in this way where it's like

708
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 1: I'm doing things for this intentional reason and I'm being

709
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 1: intentional about that, it can help to give you a

710
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 1: lot more peace of mind. And it's interesting because I

711
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 1: have teenagers, tons of them now, Like almost all the

712
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 1: kids are teenagers except for I got one that's twenty

713
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 1: one and one that's ten, so they're kind of out

714
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 1: of the teenager e space, but in the middle four teenagers.

715
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,000
Speaker 1: And one thing about teenagers is that they are most

716
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 1: definitely always going through some sort of you know, on

717
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 1: somewhere on that spectrum of am I depressed them, I

718
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 1: have anxiety and my this and my dad you know,

719
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: da da da da, there's somewhere on there almost all

720
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 1: of the time, some sort of way and helping them

721
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 1: to say, Okay, yeah, today you might be lonely, today

722
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: you might be sad, or today you might be have anxiety.

723
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 1: What is your intentional choice in this moment so that

724
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 1: you can address that. No, that doesn't mean that you

725
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 1: won't feel it at all, But what is your response?

726
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 1: What are you being intentional about? What is that gonna

727
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,359
Speaker 1: give you? How is that going to feed you? And

728
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 1: if you can practice doing that at this age and

729
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,759
Speaker 1: when you get older, you're not as at risk to

730
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 1: go under because of it. That doesn't mean that the

731
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:34,319
Speaker 1: feelings will not be there, and it doesn't mean that

732
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 1: because you choose to do something else and somehow the

733
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 1: thought of it will not still be there. You may

734
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,479
Speaker 1: not still feel this way, but you're keeping that body going.

735
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 1: You're making intentional choices in order to address how you're feeling.

736
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:49,799
Speaker 1: And UM, I'm no therapist or anything like that, obviously,

737
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:53,120
Speaker 1: I'm just saying what the conversations I'm having at home

738
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 1: with my young people, and how that has also helped

739
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:59,839
Speaker 1: me to hold myself to the same standard because will

740
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 1: be havevior? Are we modeling then for them? So that

741
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 1: that has helped to keep me honest, particularly about this issue.

742
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,319
Speaker 1: I think it's like facing the ugly if you will,

743
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: like facing what is it that that you're feeling? Like

744
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: you just said, aga like having our our young people

745
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 1: and I'm throwing it out to the elders too, to

746
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 1: face what is this? What is this precise loneliness? It's

747
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 1: like questioning what's going on? Are you? Are you just horny?

748
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 1: Because that's different. Do you want somebody to talk to

749
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:41,520
Speaker 1: and what kind of conversation are you really interested in having?

750
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 1: The what of the what? What is the what of

751
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:48,319
Speaker 1: the what? Because you know you have some girlfriends that

752
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 1: you call and you know they're gonna make you laugh.

753
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 1: That's all. They're gonna make you laugh. They're not gonna

754
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: tell you anything too deep, it's not gonna get too heavy,

755
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 1: but they are going to make you laugh fun. Some

756
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,280
Speaker 1: friends are gonna help you cry. And then of course

757
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:04,880
Speaker 1: there's those brilliant minds that just inspire you to, you know,

758
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 1: write a novel or get your your bank account in order,

759
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: whatever the case may be. You have to be specific.

760
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: I think this is what agent just said, being specific

761
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: to your needs. What are you looking for? And that

762
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 1: again goes with knowing who you are and being okay

763
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 1: to see the ugly parts. What what's what's what's what's missing?

764
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: But what is it? Exactly? This is because let me

765
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,360
Speaker 1: tell you something, that is the honest conversation. That first

766
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:40,480
Speaker 1: honest conversation you have with yourself is like breaking out

767
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:45,240
Speaker 1: of chains, like that first time you really say out loud,

768
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 1: like what is really really bothering you? What is really

769
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 1: fucking with you too? Underneath the bones of the bones.

770
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:56,520
Speaker 1: I never forget that. It's when I started praying out

771
00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 1: loud or talking out loud to myself and talking to

772
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 1: God out loud. I do it all the time now

773
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 1: because I need to name the thing. I don't have

774
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 1: time for the letting all that stuff float around in

775
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 1: my head. I'm like, you know what, I don't like

776
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:13,359
Speaker 1: doing this, guy, I don't like this. I don't like it.

777
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 1: I don't like it because it don't feel right or

778
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to that person. And when

779
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:22,800
Speaker 1: I'm say the words out of my mouth, it makes

780
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: me understand what is the why of the why. I've

781
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:29,240
Speaker 1: taken to saying no thank you out loud to private thoughts.

782
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 1: Nobody else can hear what I was just thinking, but

783
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 1: you'll hear me all over this house. And Jet my

784
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 1: son is taken to that as well. No thank you, no,

785
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 1: no thank you, like I'm not. I'm not. I'm honoring

786
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 1: these thoughts. I just don't want them. I don't want that.

787
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:49,919
Speaker 1: I don't want to have nothing to do with that

788
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 1: negative energy that It's been a practice for a long

789
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 1: time and I don't you know, Hey, look, somebody really

790
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:01,160
Speaker 1: might think I'm nuts, but I and explain what I'm doing.

791
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:04,720
Speaker 1: No thank you. I watched the movie The Ship scared

792
00:47:04,800 --> 00:47:09,280
Speaker 1: me and now I'm in here hearing everything and maybe

793
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 1: something is it here. I don't know, no thank you,

794
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 1: and I'm a turnal way, go to sleep. I said no,

795
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 1: thank you, And it's so that's it, because yes, because

796
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 1: we're nothing more powerful than that voice in your head,

797
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 1: you better learn how to talk to that voice in

798
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: your head. And it's soundwha saying that I rebuke you.

799
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 1: Rebuke you, Yeah, rebuke it too, whatever has to happen.

800
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 1: I'm yeah that too. I'm just saying, like, okay, I

801
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 1: recognize I'm not trying to say that I have any

802
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,759
Speaker 1: Rebuke is a good way. That's such a good word.

803
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,800
Speaker 1: You know what I else? I like? I like buying.

804
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 1: Buying is a good word to find you. Come on,

805
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 1: you're so nasty. I'm sorry. Was I not appused to

806
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 1: take it that way? Because of course you would. You

807
00:47:54,840 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 1: said it. I didn't say bind. Yes, old black church

808
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 1: words a church words are everything, and it is also

809
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:13,959
Speaker 1: the word from craft. I bind you from doing harm

810
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 1: to yourself and harm to others. I bind you from

811
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 1: doing hard. That's right, Come on, bind bind. But I'm

812
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 1: seriously don't know, seriously isolation and loneliness, yes, thinking about

813
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 1: our folks and our ancestors and what what they must

814
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 1: have felt. My God is sobering too. You know you're

815
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:44,920
Speaker 1: away from your people, your family. You were just with

816
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: them yesterday. Now you're surrounded by people who don't speak

817
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:50,719
Speaker 1: your language. You don't know. They look like you, but

818
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 1: they're from different areas, different tribes. Just in Butuana alone,

819
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 1: if I'm not mistaken, if there's over forty languages just

820
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 1: in that's one country. Yeah, I mean we're talking about

821
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 1: an entire continent. You've just been roaming around, snatching folks up,

822
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:11,800
Speaker 1: putting them all in one ship. Like h I cannot

823
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 1: imagine knowing, uh. A mother leaving her babies, a man

824
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:22,279
Speaker 1: leaving his family and his wife his parents. M hm.

825
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 1: I learned last week we're talking about Phyllis Wheatley and

826
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 1: about how she's a for those of y'all don't know,

827
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 1: she's a poet and a writer. And Phyllis Wheatley arrived

828
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:39,800
Speaker 1: in America on a slave ship, and the slave ship's

829
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:46,239
Speaker 1: name was Phyllis. She was named for the ship that

830
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 1: she came on. And when she arrived in America, she

831
00:49:50,239 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 1: arrived alone. She was six years old, alone and was

832
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 1: sold off of a boat alone, and then named for

833
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 1: the boat. And I think to myself, how do you

834
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 1: how do you shake that? How do you say alive.

835
00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 1: How do you you know? And and it reminds me

836
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 1: and pulls me back into that thinking about who we

837
00:50:23,560 --> 00:50:28,720
Speaker 1: are and what we have survived through, but also saying

838
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 1: that we have to give ourselves that space and that

839
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 1: moment of compassion and care that we weren't able to

840
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 1: take for our ancestors. Our ancestors won't be able to

841
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 1: take that, so we take it for them. We take

842
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 1: that moment of rest and in our loneliness and our

843
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:55,280
Speaker 1: we acknowledge our feelings and and not try to just survive.

844
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 1: Because we have that ability, we're able to have this

845
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:05,280
Speaker 1: discussion and outside of just survival because Phyllis Weekly survived,

846
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 1: because these children came here alone and survived, because they

847
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:13,800
Speaker 1: survived the deep isolation and loneliness and fear and anger

848
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:17,879
Speaker 1: and confusion that comes along with the experience that we've

849
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,320
Speaker 1: had all over the world, not just here in America,

850
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 1: but all over the world outside of our home countries

851
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: and so our home concident. So I think by honoring

852
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:30,800
Speaker 1: it and talking about it and staying and feeling these

853
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 1: moments of weakness and and along with the strength that

854
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:40,320
Speaker 1: it says we're human beings, it reclaims the humanity again.

855
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:43,640
Speaker 1: So I just want us all to not fear claiming

856
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:46,280
Speaker 1: our humanity. And if we are lonely, if we are sad,

857
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:49,080
Speaker 1: if we are dealing in that place, that it's okay

858
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 1: to name it and say so. It's not weak, it's

859
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: not weakness, and we're not forever strong. We are people

860
00:51:56,160 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: and human beings, and that people really did die and

861
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 1: suffer from all to put generations not ever being able

862
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:10,360
Speaker 1: to give themselves that space to just feel m m.

863
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,359
Speaker 1: This is a poem by Nikki Giovanni. It's called I'm

864
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 1: not lonely. I'm not lonely sleeping all alone. You think

865
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 1: I'm scared, but I'm a big girl. I don't cry

866
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,520
Speaker 1: or anything. I have a great big bed to roll

867
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 1: around and and lots of space. And I don't dream

868
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 1: bad dreams like I used to have that you were

869
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 1: leaving me anymore. Now that you're gone, I don't dream.

870
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:47,320
Speaker 1: And no matter what you think, I'm not lonely sleeping

871
00:52:47,360 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: all alone. How do you eat an elephant? One by tie?

872
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 1: So we've reached the end of another episode, and that

873
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 1: means that it's time for me Eaves the producer, to

874
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:27,280
Speaker 1: give you some resources. Aja recommends following the black Yogi

875
00:53:27,360 --> 00:53:31,480
Speaker 1: hashtag on Instagram as a source of insight on wellness,

876
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:35,279
Speaker 1: self care, and solitude. She also mentioned love languages in

877
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 1: this episode, which are a concept that came from the

878
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:41,560
Speaker 1: book The Five Love Languages, The Secret to Love That

879
00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 1: Last by Gary Chapman, and Last, but never Least is

880
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: Phyllis Wheatley, the first black person in the US to

881
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:52,480
Speaker 1: publish a book of poetry. Aja read about Phyllis Wheatley

882
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 1: in the book In the Wake on Blackness and Being

883
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 1: by Christina Sharp. You can find links for all of

884
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 1: these resources in the episode just option. Thank you so

885
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 1: much everybody for listening. Peace, Thank you for listening to

886
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:31,280
Speaker 1: Jill Scott Presents j dot il the Podcast. This podcast

887
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:34,840
Speaker 1: is hosted by Jill Scott, Laias st Clair, and Aga

888
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:38,840
Speaker 1: Graden Danceler. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g

889
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 1: and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by Lias st Clair and

890
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:45,799
Speaker 1: me Eve Jeff Cope. The editing and sound design for

891
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:49,680
Speaker 1: this episode we're done by Christina Loranger. The poem I'm

892
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 1: Not Lonely It's from the collected poetry of Nikki Giovanni

893
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 1: Copyright Compilation two thousand and three by Nikki Giovanni, used

894
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:03,799
Speaker 1: by permission of Harper Collins Publishers. I like when my

895
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 1: husband fall asleep at the office. He'd be like, I'm

896
00:55:06,160 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 1: so sorry, I'm tired. Good baby. God. Just later, I

897
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:13,720
Speaker 1: stretched my whole body out like that. That is something

898
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:16,400
Speaker 1: that I wonder about with me and like ever getting

899
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:22,920
Speaker 1: married again. I'm not sure that I want to share. Yeah,

900
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:25,359
Speaker 1: and I'm sure I want to do that. You mean

901
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:27,840
Speaker 1: you're going to be here all the time, like there's

902
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:32,239
Speaker 1: no nights off, Like you're gonna snore. J dot Ill

903
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:36,480
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts

904
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:39,880
Speaker 1: from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app,

905
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:44,320
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.