Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Terry, I'm Andrea, and I'm Emerson And this
Speaker 1: is our x y Z bonus episode of desperately Devoted Congratulations.
Speaker 2: You made it to the bonus.
Speaker 3: We like to pick out something that felt like we
Speaker 3: should pay it a little bit more attention. A theme
Speaker 3: that came up in this week's episode that we want
Speaker 3: to discuss a little bit more that might have been
Speaker 3: a little bit juicy.
Speaker 4: And in this X y Z we are talking about
Speaker 4: sexual surrogacy.
Speaker 1: And is it a thing?
Speaker 2: What the hell is that?
Speaker 1: Even?
Speaker 3: Wait?
Speaker 2: Does that mean?
Speaker 3: Because I needed a sexual surrogate to explain to me
Speaker 3: what a sexual surrogate is.
Speaker 1: But basically this, this is a real job where people
Speaker 1: come in and teach couples that need help with their
Speaker 1: sexuality together how to do it. And so it makes
Speaker 1: me how to do it right?
Speaker 2: How to do it right?
Speaker 3: How to do it well?
Speaker 1: I feel like I've just lowered my voice for this
Speaker 1: for this bonus sexy juicy episode. But in this episode,
Speaker 1: it was Bri and Rex that or exploring the idea
Speaker 1: of if they needed help to improve their sex life. So,
Speaker 1: I mean, somebody start, how has everybody whoever needed help
Speaker 1: with their sex life?
Speaker 2: In this room.
Speaker 4: Gotten it well, I think, I mean, thanks mom for
Speaker 4: kicking that.
Speaker 2: Question over way.
Speaker 1: Is this even legal to have this conversation with your
Speaker 1: own child.
Speaker 3: It's great. I think it's great.
Speaker 2: It's great. I'm sorry, we'll find out.
Speaker 3: I think it's important to have an open line of
Speaker 3: dialogue with If you have that kind of relationship with
Speaker 3: your mom, which you guys do. You know, you have
Speaker 3: a lot of respect for each other, and you probably
Speaker 3: feel like safe spaces for one another. And I always
Speaker 3: appreciated my mom was very open minded with me with
Speaker 3: having conversations. I think it's different. I hear my sisters,
Speaker 3: my older sister's perspectives, and I think she got increasingly
Speaker 3: open minded. And I was the I benefited from being.
Speaker 1: The youngest, and my mom never said anything. I mean,
Speaker 1: honestly like it.
Speaker 4: You have any idea what happen when you lost your virginity?
Speaker 4: How did you learn that? No?
Speaker 1: In fact, I think I didn't know what a condom was.
Speaker 1: In fact, I think the first time I was going
Speaker 1: to have sex as a high school student in my parents' house,
Speaker 1: in their waterbed.
Speaker 4: I love that you went to their bedroom. Well, it's
Speaker 4: a bold move.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know what, Emerson.
Speaker 2: It was a waterbed, it was.
Speaker 1: Yes, But I was looking for a condom because I had,
Speaker 1: you know, I guess i'd been told from I don't know,
Speaker 1: high school that you should have a condom, but I
Speaker 1: didn't know what they were or what they looked like.
Speaker 1: And so I was looking in my parents' drawers like
Speaker 1: to see if there was anything. And still to this day,
Speaker 1: I've never told this story to anyone. I found this
Speaker 1: thing that was like a white like almost like a
Speaker 1: band aid, like a like a like but like thicker
Speaker 1: than a band aid, but like about like I'm putting
Speaker 1: my two fingers like. It was like maybe three or
Speaker 1: four inches long, and it looked like and came in plastic,
Speaker 1: you know, like you would unwrap it. And I had it.
Speaker 1: I had that you. I had it in my head
Speaker 1: that maybe you put it over the tip of the
Speaker 1: penis like to keep the like you guys, this is
Speaker 1: out inexperienced sex. So of course I didn't use that.
Speaker 1: And no, I didn't get a condom, so I didn't
Speaker 1: use one.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, yeah, he didn't bring a condom. No,
Speaker 4: you invited him into your parents' waterbud and he didn't
Speaker 4: bring a condom.
Speaker 1: I don't remember parable. I just know that I'm lucky
Speaker 1: I got out alive.
Speaker 2: That's all lucky. I'm here today to talk about any
Speaker 2: of it.
Speaker 1: If we're really going to examine my sexual history, it's
Speaker 1: just you know, yeah, it's filled with error.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Did you feel comfortable? Did you have conversations growing up
Speaker 3: Emerson freely openly about sex and being curious about sex,
Speaker 3: or did you feel any shame about talking about it
Speaker 3: or embarrassment?
Speaker 4: You know, I mean a combination of both of those things.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 4: I feel like I did grow up generally between both
Speaker 4: my mom and dad, like in pretty sex positive, like
Speaker 4: households that you know, didn't attach a lot of shame
Speaker 4: to you know, even when even when you think about,
Speaker 4: you know, parents who are uncomfortable, like sitting through a
Speaker 4: sex scene in a movie with their kids, I feel
Speaker 4: like I always felt slightly more like that wasn't something
Speaker 4: that was horrible or abnormal, or like you couldn't, you know,
Speaker 4: do if that came up in a movie or something.
Speaker 4: And I mean when I was really little, before any
Speaker 4: feelings of sexuality really start to emerge, I feel like
Speaker 4: I lived in a very naked positive house. I was like,
Speaker 4: definitely the kid running around naked all the time.
Speaker 2: My parents actually did rend this song.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I think I started at it and
Speaker 1: beautiful and full of inspiration.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: So we we lived in New York at the time,
Speaker 1: and she was like a little toddler and and she
Speaker 1: would run around and we would sing that. I think
Speaker 1: I made that.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure what a banger.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty sure that came from me, and I do
Speaker 1: I still sing that to myself. And I have to say,
Speaker 1: I think that level of openness just around like body
Speaker 1: and you know, asking.
Speaker 2: Questions of like what is a vagina? Like what is
Speaker 2: a penie?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 4: I feel like those things were always talked about. That said,
Speaker 4: I do think when I started to explore feel like
Speaker 4: more sexual feelings, you know when you're a preteen or
Speaker 4: whatever and you're like having your first kiss or whatever.
Speaker 2: I did feel a little.
Speaker 4: Bit uncomfortable talking about that at home, not because anyone
Speaker 4: said you can't talk about that, but because I think
Speaker 4: it's a I empathize with the tightrope it is to
Speaker 4: walk as a parent of what do you normalize and
Speaker 4: how do you want to protect, you know, your kid
Speaker 4: from things you think that they're doing too soon.
Speaker 2: It's totally a balance.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's totally abalance if someone's too hyped, Like if
Speaker 3: someone if my mom or my dad was like too positive,
Speaker 3: I would shut down for sure. I'd be like, this
Speaker 3: is mortifying. I don't but it's a if they were
Speaker 3: they if they were totally closed door on it, then
Speaker 3: I would I would hate that, right, So I do
Speaker 3: think there's a balance.
Speaker 1: Does do you remember I know, Okay, In our episode
Speaker 1: of Desperately Devoted, I talked about a memory of being
Speaker 1: in my early twenties and having a friend at some
Speaker 1: big party out in Malibu, being on the sand at
Speaker 1: a table and teaching a bunch of girls how to
Speaker 1: give a blowjob on a beer bottle.
Speaker 4: And how many men were standing next to the table
Speaker 4: watching this down.
Speaker 1: No, I don't have a recollection of any men being around,
Speaker 1: but maybe that I think I was just with girls.
Speaker 2: Actually, we were filming it for this site called only.
Speaker 1: Fans, which didn't exist then, so we were not anyway,
Speaker 1: And I think that made us think about, oh, there's
Speaker 1: a there's a broader conversation here, but do you recall
Speaker 1: how you learned how to have sex? Other than the
Speaker 1: book that I bought you when you turned eighteen.
Speaker 4: Yes, which I had had sex before that book arrived.
Speaker 3: What's the book?
Speaker 2: The book?
Speaker 4: Okay, the book my mom got me when I was eighteen,
Speaker 4: which I think was like a year going off to college.
Speaker 2: You know what. Empowered?
Speaker 3: Be empowered, you're beautiful, naked and inspired or whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, full of inspiration. The book was called The Art of.
Speaker 4: Sexual Ecstasy, and honestly it was a very like Comma
Speaker 4: Sutra inspired a book. I think it's highly ambitious. I
Speaker 4: did not really crack that book open in earnest until
Speaker 4: I was in my twenties and like kind of out
Speaker 4: of college, although I think I definitely leafed through it
Speaker 4: a bit. I think it's very vulnerable to you know,
Speaker 4: pull out a textbook when you're with a partner and go,
Speaker 4: do you want to try page you know, sixty nine, and.
Speaker 2: It's why that one spring that one?
Speaker 4: You don't need it really a book for that one's
Speaker 4: pretty self explanatory. They're much more complex positions in the book.
Speaker 4: I think another book that I have found actually like
Speaker 4: just recently in my life that is less although it
Speaker 4: does get into I think more and it's very hetero.
Speaker 4: It's much more it was written at a time it's
Speaker 4: much more focused on male and female relationships, but I
Speaker 4: think it can apply to all types of relationships. Is
Speaker 4: a book called Passionate Marriage, which makes a really interesting
Speaker 4: argument for the idea that real intimacy and ultimately super
Speaker 4: free and invigorating sex comes from emotional intimacy first. And
Speaker 4: I think that is something that we don't teach. I
Speaker 4: feel like we teach the mechanics maybe of this is
Speaker 4: how you give a blowjob, this is how you know
Speaker 4: you have penetrative.
Speaker 1: Sex, this is what a condom looks like.
Speaker 2: I remember, not a band aid.
Speaker 4: I remember googling, like in like reading a Cosmo art
Speaker 4: about like how I actually remember this when I was
Speaker 4: dating men, googling a Cosmo article about how to give
Speaker 4: a woman head because I wanted to be able to
Speaker 4: more clearly ask for what I wanted from a guy
Speaker 4: going down on me. And then that article has been
Speaker 4: immensely helpful in other ways now in my life dating women.
Speaker 4: But I think it is interesting to name. I think
Speaker 4: there's much more research done on naming the mechanics of
Speaker 4: things that can feel good or do feel good, or
Speaker 4: this is how you do it, but I think not
Speaker 4: a lot. And I'm enjoying this book Passionate Marriage right now,
Speaker 4: there's not a lot of emphasis put on sex really
Speaker 4: as an outcome of merging emotional intimacy and starting with
Speaker 4: even if it's like talking through your sexual fantasies, not
Speaker 4: even touching each other, just being in an intimate setting
Speaker 4: and being vulnerable enough to say what really turns you
Speaker 4: on or what you would like and letting that conversation
Speaker 4: evolve into a desire to be close to someone you
Speaker 4: have a deep emotional connection with, and then that segueing
Speaker 4: into sex with orgasm even like an additional outcome after that.
Speaker 4: I think we're so orgasm centric, so much so, and
Speaker 4: it's so you know, great, but like not at all
Speaker 4: the main act.
Speaker 2: I think of sex, and I feel like I'm still.
Speaker 1: Well, I only have a relationship with a machine at
Speaker 1: this point, it is the main act and it is
Speaker 1: all that matters.
Speaker 2: Wait, let's talk.
Speaker 3: About that a little bit, because I do think that,
Speaker 3: you know, we're focusing a lot on partnered sex, but
Speaker 3: I think that often people's first experiences by themselves, you know,
Speaker 3: they're exploring their sexual side with masturbating, with masturbating. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and so when you mentioned a machine, is that, yeah, mubating.
Speaker 3: It's also not a pleasant word, like can we I mean.
Speaker 1: Do I've had I've had disturbating it's your Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: had many vibrators of the many years. But I have
Speaker 1: one that I've had for many many years, like too
Speaker 1: many years, loyal and I'm loyal to this one.
Speaker 2: They still make it.
Speaker 1: No, it's from Sharper Image and it actually has a plug.
Speaker 2: Like Sharper Image.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know the store with.
Speaker 2: The back stuff. Yeah, and they made like vibrators.
Speaker 1: Well no, they made like shoulder massages that were in
Speaker 1: the shape of something you liked.
Speaker 2: Why vibrators, But I.
Speaker 3: Think everyone used them for that. I don't think people
Speaker 3: use them for back massaging.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, they were. They they people pretended to buy
Speaker 1: them for their shoulders and then they used them on
Speaker 1: other parts. But the thing that's funny about it is
Speaker 1: like most vibrators these days are all like come, they
Speaker 1: charge in a USB and they and they you know,
Speaker 1: they have batteries or whatever. Mine still has a plug
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm tethered to the electric outlet by with
Speaker 1: my with my uh hot so hot.
Speaker 4: So this is a bad idea for us to be
Speaker 4: doing this bonus episode.
Speaker 1: And not only am I tethered to the electric outlet.
Speaker 1: I you know, after I've I've enjoyed the part of
Speaker 1: it that I need to enjoy, then the whole point
Speaker 1: of masturbating for me anyway, is to have the release
Speaker 1: that makes you allowed to relax, you know, like you're
Speaker 1: in that sort of that that bliss that everybody blissed
Speaker 1: out place. But I am so afraid that I might
Speaker 1: like drop dead in the middle of the night that
Speaker 1: I have to then get up and take the vibrator
Speaker 1: across the room and hide it in a drawer, because
Speaker 1: I don't want to be found dead with an electric
Speaker 1: plug vibrator.
Speaker 2: It looks like it's just a back massager.
Speaker 1: Also, I have to say, I think that's what anybody
Speaker 1: would think I was doing.
Speaker 3: I think that's an iconic way to go, Like, I
Speaker 3: hope that's not how you go. But I do think
Speaker 3: that if one discovered someone some lady and she's there
Speaker 3: with her vibrator and they're like, and now that's how
Speaker 3: she died, I'd go kudos, Okay for.
Speaker 2: Maybe I won't get up and put it in.
Speaker 1: The drawer anymore.
Speaker 3: I want to say, I want to add to.
Speaker 2: This conversation because how do you get off Andrew?
Speaker 3: Well, that's not where I was going to go with that,
Speaker 3: but I was going to say that I don't have
Speaker 3: that many interesting stories that I feel like, are that
Speaker 3: scandalous about growing up as a teen in Hollywood? Because
Speaker 3: I was pretty tame, right, I tried to be a
Speaker 3: pretty good girl. But I will say the first vibrator
Speaker 3: that I ever saw owned had was given to me
Speaker 3: at a gifting suite while you were doing Desperate house
Speaker 3: while I was doing Desperate Housewives, was.
Speaker 1: One of those platinum ones, those like kind of they.
Speaker 3: Just look like they gave you the good ship.
Speaker 4: This was just like me.
Speaker 3: Because I do want to say this. I so these
Speaker 3: these gifting suites are things that happen around award season
Speaker 3: usually where you can go to these rooms at a
Speaker 3: hotel or a conference space and then they fill you
Speaker 3: up with bags of free stuff and you take pictures
Speaker 3: with it and it helps them promote you know, their products,
Speaker 3: and then you get free stuff for being on a
Speaker 3: show that is popular. It's kind of a weird them,
Speaker 3: but anyway, I went to one of these gifting suites,
Speaker 3: sometimes they gave you things in bags where you didn't
Speaker 3: even see them necessarily, So this was one of those times.
Speaker 3: I got home and I was unpacking the gifting suite
Speaker 3: bag and there was this little item and I didn't
Speaker 3: know what it was, you know, because like I said,
Speaker 3: it didn't look like a penis or anything. It was
Speaker 3: just like this little pink thing, and and I was
Speaker 3: looking at it and I was like, huh, what is this?
Speaker 3: And I touched it and it started vibrating, and then
Speaker 3: I realized what it was, and I.
Speaker 2: Oh, come on, you.
Speaker 1: Too young? Too young.
Speaker 3: I was so embarrassed by myself, going like what do
Speaker 3: I do with this thing? And do I how do
Speaker 3: I get rid of it? And and you know, I
Speaker 3: kept thinking like did I poseiler? Yeah, that was your
Speaker 3: that was your Season one rap gift, don't you remember, Terry. No,
Speaker 3: But I didn't know what to do with it. And
Speaker 3: then I was horrified that me I might like I
Speaker 3: forgot that somehow I posed with it, because you know
Speaker 3: how you have to like sometimes pose with the shampoo
Speaker 3: that they give you or this or that that, And
Speaker 3: I was like, did I pose with this weird thing?
Speaker 3: But no, I don't think I ever did. It never
Speaker 3: got out there, and but you know, that's kind of
Speaker 3: a weird side of growing up in Hollywood.
Speaker 2: Crazy. I'm so sad you didn't use it.
Speaker 1: I'm sad you didn't keep it until a time where
Speaker 1: you arrived at a point in your life where you
Speaker 1: would have wanted to keep it. I think that was
Speaker 1: Is that like the hot bunny or what's the hot?
Speaker 3: Like the little the rabbit? The rabbit? No, it didn't
Speaker 3: have an interesting shape at all. There was nothing exciting
Speaker 3: about it.
Speaker 2: It was just crazy.
Speaker 1: It was just crazy that they didn't realize they were
Speaker 1: giving that to a miner.
Speaker 2: That's insane.
Speaker 3: I know, I'm you know, have the things that miners
Speaker 3: were slipped at these parties. It's probably not that bad,
Speaker 3: you know, in hindsight, Like people tried to serve me
Speaker 3: alcohol all the time, things like that, and I would
Speaker 3: have to, at my own discretion be like, yeah, no,
Speaker 3: I'm not interested.
Speaker 1: I keep telling everybody it's so amazing that she turned
Speaker 1: out to be such a lovely human being. It is
Speaker 1: hard to be raised as a child actor in Hollywood.
Speaker 1: So okay, well I'm just going to say I loved
Speaker 1: our first X y Z episode, and I find that
Speaker 1: that you and I were I'm happy to go down
Speaker 1: this awkward road with you. I think we're going to
Speaker 1: learn a lot here we go.
Speaker 4: Let's link arms and skip down the road of uncomfortable conversations.
Speaker 4: You can't wait because I'm so desperately devoted to you, listeners.
Speaker 2: I'm going to do this with my mother. God help
Speaker 2: us all.
Speaker 3: We're blushing, but we're happy.
Speaker 1: We're blushing and happy and we hope that we hope
Speaker 1: you enjoyed it. So we'll see you next week.
Speaker 3: Thanks for coming to our Blowness episode, I mean bonus episode,
Speaker 3: our Blowness episode.