1 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: So I've been talking about aboarding dates because I've aboorded 2 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:18,600 Speaker 1: multiple dates, and I've been talking about this on social media, 3 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,119 Speaker 1: and later I'm going to get into the stories. But 4 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,800 Speaker 1: the data Board is about cutting your losses. It doesn't 5 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,640 Speaker 1: mean just being afraid and running into your cave. It 6 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: means doing a little bit of due diligence and trusting 7 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,160 Speaker 1: your gut and your instincts and if something feels bad 8 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: in your body, not going. So you got to find 9 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: that line between being scared and just not wanting to 10 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,520 Speaker 1: put yourself out there and in something not feeling right 11 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: in your body. And sometimes something doesn't feel right in 12 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 1: my body and it feels like a pink flag, and 13 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 1: I'll go and I'll do a deeper dive as a 14 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 1: result of that. And it's left me inside someone's divorce agreement, 15 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,720 Speaker 1: finding out that their ex wife supports them and that 16 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 1: they were lying about how much they make. It's left 17 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 1: me finding out that someone was lying and pretending they 18 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 1: live in a certain area that they don't, that they're 19 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: hanging out with a certain wealthy person that they're not. 20 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: And it's left me realizing that a person wouldn't give 21 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: me their last name and I could have mistakenly met 22 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: with them and put myself a risk, like dating is 23 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: also a risky business. And so I've aboarded multiple dates. 24 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,039 Speaker 1: And it's not because I think I'm better then. It's 25 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 1: not because I will never be happy and I can't 26 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 1: be alone and I just have to wait. I'm not ready. 27 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: It's not because of any of those things. It's because 28 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: I don't want to go out on a date with 29 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 1: someone who is supporting a woman who asked me to 30 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 1: pick them up on the way to the date. I 31 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 1: don't feel good about it. And one thing I talk 32 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 1: a lot that comes up in every time I talk 33 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,680 Speaker 1: about a dat aboard, I don't like how it makes 34 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 1: me feel. I don't like how this is making me 35 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: feel like you're allowed to say that, you're allowed to 36 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: be that. I had a guy on a text very 37 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 1: early in I don't know this person, I've never met them. 38 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 1: Start judging the fact that I'm friends with a married 39 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 1: couple and go to dinner at their house and we'll 40 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 1: sit next to the man in the married couple because 41 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 1: he's a business minded person and we talk about business. 42 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 1: And I had a guy say to me like, don't 43 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,360 Speaker 1: tell me that he wouldn't want to fuck you. I'm like, 44 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,079 Speaker 1: excuse me. He's like, yeah, your friend is comfortable. I 45 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: don't know this guy. I'm like, are you okay? I go, 46 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,680 Speaker 1: I don't like how this is making me feel. Please 47 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 1: don't call me again. Like there's a strength in that. 48 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 1: There's a strength and a dat aboard. There's a strength 49 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: in saying I don't like how you're making me feel. Now. 50 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: By the way, if you have to say that sentence, 51 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,359 Speaker 1: it's probably somebody. It's something you should a borught. You 52 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 1: should be like, please don't call me again if you 53 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: get to that point, like it means if someone's like 54 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: texting you back and forth a little much, but if 55 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: they're being a little sleazy and you don't feel the 56 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: way that someone's texting you or something, or the way 57 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 1: someone's talking to you on a day, like oh maybe 58 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 1: it shouldn't have worn panties tonight on the first day, 59 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 1: people go sleez and I don't know how you feel 60 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,880 Speaker 1: about that, but for me, am I judging you. If 61 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 1: someone is gonna go sleeze like go and people go 62 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,639 Speaker 1: sleeze early. I've had someone say oh yeah, like something 63 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 1: like that. Wow, I like, if you wore a shorter 64 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 1: skirt or I have about not wearing one pieces, Like 65 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: I've had people go sleeze and I'm like, yeah, I 66 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: don't like that. I don't do sleazy, And maybe you 67 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 1: just have to get yourself through the check and get 68 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 1: through the date, Like maybe it's not bad enough that 69 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 1: you're gonna get up and walk out, which I would 70 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,640 Speaker 1: absolutely do too, but I don't like how this is 71 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: making me feel. And I've done it where someone has 72 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 1: been so different than what was supposed to be set 73 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 1: up with and you feel enraged and you gaslight yourself 74 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 1: where you feel like a bad person that you want 75 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: to get up because the person didn't present is who 76 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: they are. The person presented a certain way, you know, 77 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 1: on their profile or in their picture or was described 78 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 1: a certain way, and then you see somebody totally different, 79 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: and now you are gaslighting yourself because you feel like 80 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: you're being superficial because you thought the person was tall 81 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: and they're short, because you thought something and it's something else, 82 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: and you feel guilty. And that's sort of like you're 83 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: gaslighting yourself because the person intentionally or unintentionally kind of 84 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 1: duped you. Like you need to look like what you've 85 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 1: presented as, you need to be what you've presented as. 86 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 1: And I'm sorry if this is going to be a 87 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: hardcore business, because it is. But I have been out 88 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 1: and i have gotten up and I've said I'm so sorry. 89 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: I don't think this is a fit because I'm not 90 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 1: leaving my house and leaving my child and leaving my 91 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: dogs and getting duped, which is why you must FaceTime. 92 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 1: You must FaceTime. If you're meeting people on apps, like 93 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,239 Speaker 1: it's not a discussion, you're not going out and getting 94 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: dressed and taking that risk. It's gonna make you feel bad. 95 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,600 Speaker 1: And you don't want to risk how something's gonna make 96 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 1: you feel, because if it makes you feel bad, it's 97 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: going to deter you from wanting to go when it's 98 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: gonna be good, and then you'll get full and feel 99 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,799 Speaker 1: bad about yourself and not want to go because you're defeated. 100 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,919 Speaker 1: So you've got to really treat your time wisely. So 101 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 1: when people are thinking I'm being too precious about it, 102 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: someone was like, well, maybe they're busy and their text 103 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:53,480 Speaker 1: game is off or something. Because someone that I made 104 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 1: a date with weeks before, on the day of that 105 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 1: I text in the morning by eleven thirty. I feel 106 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,320 Speaker 1: like a loser. I don't like how it's making me 107 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 1: feel that I don't know where we're going. And if 108 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 1: we're still even on and I've blocked out that night, 109 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,360 Speaker 1: I text the person. They don't text you back within 110 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: a couple of hours like, yeah, no, we don't have 111 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 1: to go, It's okay, we'll do it another night. Why 112 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 1: Because I don't like how this is making me feel 113 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 1: like as a woman, you've got to be strong enough 114 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 1: to say that, and that's your intuition, that's your gut, 115 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: and you could say the words out loud, or you 116 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: can know the words and back out. Quality over quantity. 117 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 1: This is not a volume business. This is a patient business. 118 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: So that's how I feel about aboarding dates Absolutely something 119 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: I completely condone. I don't care what the person is 120 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,359 Speaker 1: going to think about. You do it nicely, be confident. 121 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:41,359 Speaker 1: If someone's being a sleezebag, also do it just confidently 122 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: and emphatically and block. It's my opinion that when you're dating, 123 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,160 Speaker 1: you should have a dating board of advisors, and that 124 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: means some trust. People. Could be someone you work with, 125 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,280 Speaker 1: it could be a girlfriend, it could be a guy. 126 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 1: Whoever it is. It should be a group that you 127 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:11,279 Speaker 1: can go ask questions, tell them the situation. Everything doesn't 128 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 1: have to be somebody you want to marry. It could 129 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 1: be someone you're just dating, and then you're going to 130 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 1: give them the context to be able to be honest 131 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: with you about who's paying. Do I go on this trip? 132 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: Do I have sex? Do not? Does it matter? Does 133 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: it matter that he goes to church twice a week? 134 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,840 Speaker 1: Does it matter that he has four kids? Does it 135 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: matter that his kids are young? Like, have a dating 136 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 1: board of advisors that are not going to be yes, 137 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: people that are going to push back and then crowdsource. 138 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: I'm a big crowdsourcer of opinions with business and with 139 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: personal and then I ultimately make a good decision. But 140 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 1: that does reflect the advice I've gotten. Nothing's worse than 141 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,200 Speaker 1: getting advice from people and then realizing you're just asking 142 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,160 Speaker 1: them to hear your self talk like You've got to 143 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,880 Speaker 1: be a person that is willing to validate and take 144 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:05,360 Speaker 1: other people's opinions and criticisms and in your minds assigning 145 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,839 Speaker 1: who those people are. It doesn't mean it's not an 146 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 1: official board. It's ridiculous, But people that also feel like 147 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 1: they're part of it and you're including them and you're 148 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 1: validating and thanking them. You got to thank them, thank 149 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 1: you so much. Like it's a lot of work to 150 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,200 Speaker 1: be on that board. If someone's in the dating process, 151 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 1: then they're not. But sometimes they're entertained by it. Sometimes 152 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: they're married they find it fun. I have you know 153 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 1: a major guy who's very successful and his wife that 154 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 1: are on that board of mine that I'll ask questions 155 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: and you would be shocked at the perspective you get. 156 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 1: One person gave me the perspective of, don't you know, 157 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: go away with someone for more than two nights. It's 158 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: going to be too much, too much of a good thing. 159 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: Somebody else was like, yes, stay in a hotel or 160 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: don't sleep with them on the first night. Everyone's going 161 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 1: to have a different opinion. And then, like in business, 162 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 1: you're going to ultimately make the decision yourself. But I 163 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 1: think a dating board of advisors is extremely valuable. And 164 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 1: you could have one of your kids on the dating 165 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 1: board of advisors, Like if your child is at a 166 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:03,160 Speaker 1: certain and including them is maybe helpful, maybe makes them 167 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: feel like they're not left out, or they may know 168 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 1: you better than you know yourself because they live with you. 169 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 1: I mean, there are many different ways to go about it, 170 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 1: but I think it's a good practice. So dating is 171 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 1: like fishing, and fishing is a patient game, as is golf, 172 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,239 Speaker 1: as is anything to be good at. It's not something 173 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,680 Speaker 1: where you expect a fish to jump right on the 174 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:29,360 Speaker 1: line the second you sit down. You could have a 175 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: really bad day. You could go out for hours. I'm 176 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 1: allergic to fish, incidentally, but I am aware of what 177 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: the sport is like or the hobbies like, and it 178 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,200 Speaker 1: takes a lot of patience. It takes understanding the process. 179 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 1: It takes appreciating the reward, and it does take sort 180 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 1: of not like just settling and not just you could 181 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 1: be frustrated. You could go home frustrated, and you also 182 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: could be and I go, I'm gonna go now, say 183 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: fishing and hunting, because you could be a big game 184 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 1: hunter and you're not going to settle for something that's 185 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: less than what you deserve. And if you kind of 186 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: fold before the big fish comes on your fishing rod, 187 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: you could be doing yourself a disservice because if you 188 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,719 Speaker 1: get nervous and you sort of choke and like then 189 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: you just accept like something that in your mind is 190 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 1: dating down or a smaller fish. You're being impatient and 191 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 1: you're expecting it just to come on a silver platter. 192 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 1: That means that you're not trusting yourself enough to wait 193 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 1: for the good thing to come. And we've all done that, 194 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 1: like we all have done that where you've like convinced 195 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: yourself and then you end up settling. And it's not 196 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 1: just that you end up settling and you get less 197 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: than what you deserve, which is the worst thing. It's 198 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 1: that you end up settling and then you take up 199 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,760 Speaker 1: that time block and maybe if you just went a 200 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: little longer, if you just sat a little longer with 201 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,359 Speaker 1: the fishing rod, would you come with a great, amazing fish. 202 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:49,560 Speaker 1: So I think you have to be patient and you 203 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: have to go through the frogs to get to the prints, 204 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,440 Speaker 1: you know, I really do think that. And that's where 205 00:09:56,160 --> 00:10:00,160 Speaker 1: people fold. That's where people you know, that's where you 206 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 1: separate the men from the boys, the women from the girls. 207 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,199 Speaker 1: Where if you're willing to wait, and you're confident enough 208 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: in yourself and in being alone, then you might be 209 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,080 Speaker 1: willing to wait for something great because you'd rather be 210 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:14,559 Speaker 1: alone than be with something mediocre. In any situation. I'm 211 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,679 Speaker 1: like that with food, with anything, I'd rather not go 212 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,559 Speaker 1: if it's not going to be great, and i'd rather 213 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 1: not eat if it's not going to taste great, and 214 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: I'd rather not date if there's not the potential of 215 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 1: something being amazing. I'd rather be home with my dogs 216 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: and my daughter.