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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot Ill, a production of My Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: Hell Dumb, Love Dumb. Welcome to Joe Scott, says Jacot Hill.

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Speaker 1: My name is Jill Scott, my name is Edea Graydn.

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Speaker 1: My name is Lah st Clair. Who's sup everybody? Today

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Speaker 1: we are going to be talking about what Joe Mama

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Speaker 1: told you about sex. I'm all, I'm ready. I bet

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Speaker 1: you are? I bet you ready? Am I Patty, I'm not.

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Speaker 1: I don't. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you this.

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Speaker 1: My mother absolutely, without question kept it all the way gully. Yes,

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Speaker 1: she was like, there's a difference between screwing and making love,

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Speaker 1: and I hope that you get a chance to do both.

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Speaker 1: Think that well, I must have been about seventeen, okay,

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Speaker 1: But from the beginning I was on the porch. I

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Speaker 1: was a little girl on the porch. Girls have about

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Speaker 1: jin yes, boys have a big as. That was That

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Speaker 1: was that was me. That was me. Did I know

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Speaker 1: what any of that meant? No? But I knew my part,

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Speaker 1: and I knew that nobody was supposed to touch my

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Speaker 1: private places, right, Yes, that's what I knew. That was

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Speaker 1: the beginning. That was just about you know, boundaries, but

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Speaker 1: when it came to sex, she was like, all right, look,

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Speaker 1: do the best you can to do your dirt all

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Speaker 1: by you only if you're gonna date somebody. If ever,

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Speaker 1: you can only date one boy in the neighborhood for life,

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Speaker 1: so be wise if you're going to choose somebody from

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Speaker 1: the neighborhood. Yeah, And she said to watch their els.

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Speaker 1: And she said, a boy, you know I have dirty fingernails.

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Speaker 1: You know, you certainly don't want him, you know, playing

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Speaker 1: playing in your girlfriend and you certainly don't, you know,

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Speaker 1: watch out for hangnails and such. And you mentioned this before.

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Speaker 1: Every time you do this, you make my kushi feel funny. Listen,

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Speaker 1: this is what she told me. She said, watch watch

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Speaker 1: for a boy with a dirty neck if he has

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Speaker 1: If he has a dirty neck, then he probably has

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Speaker 1: a dirty penis. That's what she said, because he's not

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Speaker 1: cleaning himself properly. And if he's you know, ignoring his neck,

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Speaker 1: which is something that can be seen, then you can

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Speaker 1: only assume that the rest is not as clean as

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Speaker 1: a show either. Let me found out the neck is

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Speaker 1: an adolescent precursor to the adult booty when they get

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Speaker 1: up from the toilet and they don't wash their ass.

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Speaker 1: That's like with brown Man, you know, like Ben watched Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. You know, sometimes men leave the thing okay

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Speaker 1: because they don't like okay, I'm sorry. And and she said, uh,

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Speaker 1: it was the neck, the fingernails, and she said, watch

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Speaker 1: their gum lines, because if it looks like a guy

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Speaker 1: has a bunch of crud on his gum line, you

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Speaker 1: certainly don't want him to kiss you in the mouth

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Speaker 1: and you and you definitely don't want anybody going down

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Speaker 1: on you with nasty gums. My mother was a dental hygeness,

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Speaker 1: you know, so these things were a part of our

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Speaker 1: sex conversation. That's what the woman saying. That's what the woman.

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Speaker 1: I think that Susan and Joyce may have been killed

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Speaker 1: spirits for lack of about of job, because I didn't

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Speaker 1: tell you that conversation about the about boys don't wash

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Speaker 1: their hands. Because my mother we started out our conversation.

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Speaker 1: She was like, there's such a thing. It's called there's petting,

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Speaker 1: and there's heavy petting. These were my mother's words, heavy.

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Speaker 1: She said, there's petting, and this heavy petting. Now that

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Speaker 1: petting that's over the clothes. She says, heavy petting that

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Speaker 1: under the clothes, she says, now that heavy petting. Let

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Speaker 1: me tell you something. Boys don't wash their hands after

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Speaker 1: they pee. They don't wash their hands before they do anything.

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Speaker 1: They're nasty. She said, I know that little vagina is

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Speaker 1: calling out to the world. I want to be happy,

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Speaker 1: I want to be touched. But just remember that boys

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Speaker 1: don't have the same type of habits that you've got.

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Speaker 1: So she told me how early on, like when I

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Speaker 1: first started getting my cycle and was really starting to

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Speaker 1: she thought I would probably be having little feelings and this, this,

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Speaker 1: that and the other, you know. But she was really really,

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Speaker 1: really like forward about all that stuff. The only thing

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Speaker 1: she didn't talk about and I would say, this, go

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Speaker 1: ahead to your mama, because my mom we have a

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Speaker 1: conversation about oral sex. So I was a little older,

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Speaker 1: definitely older older about that particular one. But she was

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Speaker 1: also very open about her experience ass and how she

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Speaker 1: you know, grew as a woman in her sexuality and

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Speaker 1: just how um she didn't really know a lot because

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Speaker 1: of the you know, some experiences she had when he

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Speaker 1: was she was young that were traumatic. And then she

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Speaker 1: also talked about, you know, what are some unhealthy habits

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Speaker 1: in men around affection and sentence that I should be

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Speaker 1: looking for, you know. So she would talk about things like,

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Speaker 1: you know, just how men respond in intimate settings, you know,

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Speaker 1: just to be very cognizant of men who are very

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Speaker 1: possessive around, you know, after after you've been intimate with them,

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Speaker 1: or even beforehand. She was like, you know, just watching

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Speaker 1: it because the intimacy makes that worse. And she was like,

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Speaker 1: you know that thing, you've got that drive that, you

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Speaker 1: know that thing. They might already have a you know,

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Speaker 1: predisposure for some craziness. You give them the happy bobs

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Speaker 1: and they lose their whole. These are some amazing conversation.

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Speaker 1: It's so funny. I don't know if it's the weird

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Speaker 1: or what, but I cannot remember having a conversation with

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Speaker 1: my mom about sex until maybe after I got pregnant

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Speaker 1: the first time in my mind, which was the year

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Speaker 1: after I first started having sex, but when I started

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Speaker 1: having sex at fifteen years old, and I was a

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Speaker 1: junior in high school and my boyfriend was a senior,

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Speaker 1: and I remember I went to his prom and he

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Speaker 1: was my first and I made sure I had sex

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Speaker 1: before I went to the prom. But I remember when

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Speaker 1: my mom tells the story back, because I was supposed

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Speaker 1: to come home that night, but I didn't because you know,

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Speaker 1: we went to the hotel. But my mom tells the

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Speaker 1: story back and she's like, yeah, you know, I knew,

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Speaker 1: like it was out party and doing stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think that she was like at the hotel,

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Speaker 1: so she I don't know if she it was. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I got I wish she was here because

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Speaker 1: I was like, I feel like it wasn't until the

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Speaker 1: next year when I was having sex with this guy

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Speaker 1: at Howard because I went to high school to call

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Speaker 1: the street um that. I feel like that's when we

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Speaker 1: really started getting into our sex talks, and then that's

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Speaker 1: when we started taking the birth controls and things of

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Speaker 1: this nature. I hid my face. Oh I hid my

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Speaker 1: face for I managed to get back, or about a

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Speaker 1: day and a half before my mother looked me in

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Speaker 1: my face and was like, I was like, oh no,

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Speaker 1: but I knew she was gonna see it. I knew

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Speaker 1: she was going to see it. So she called me

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Speaker 1: out on the porch and she was like, so you

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Speaker 1: are having sex now? And I knew that this was

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Speaker 1: the question, but I shook my head no and answered yes,

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Speaker 1: yes said well, are you using condoms? That's what she said,

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Speaker 1: quote unquote condoms. Thought that was funny, but I better

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Speaker 1: not laugh. I was like yes. She was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: are do you feel like it? And I shook my

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Speaker 1: head though I was like yes, like like that I did.

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Speaker 1: I knew that I would, though I knew that I

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Speaker 1: was the first time. Jill um, Yeah, I didn't like

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Speaker 1: the first time. Y'all didn't have a sense of pain.

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Speaker 1: I remember a little a little bit of pain and

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Speaker 1: resistance because well, the first guy that I was would

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Speaker 1: cared about me, I know, so it wasn't it was.

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Speaker 1: It was my boyfriend too. But I just thought that

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Speaker 1: because that place had never been entered before. I told

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Speaker 1: that hurt. Be clear, to be clear that that hurts.

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Speaker 1: But initial was like the initial, this is what she's

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Speaker 1: been talking about. And I, you know, I said to

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Speaker 1: myself after I said, okay, you know I tried it

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Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna do that again. And about about

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Speaker 1: two weeks later, I was a hot cat humping on

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Speaker 1: the door like I want to do that again and

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Speaker 1: again and again and again and again and again and

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Speaker 1: again yep, yep, yep, until ten years later and talking

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Speaker 1: that ship y'all. Who oh if you was having an

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Speaker 1: orgasm as a teenager, I am going to fight like

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Speaker 1: there's no I don't remember that. I just need you

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Speaker 1: to understand what she didn't want you to understand my mother,

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Speaker 1: the conversations that it started with, there's a difference between

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Speaker 1: making love and screwing, and she she, oh God, please

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Speaker 1: don't kill me, mom Um, I'll never forget. This is

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Speaker 1: actually a highlight. I was sleeping, minding my own business,

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Speaker 1: and I wake up and my mother is on her

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Speaker 1: knees in front of my face by the bed, and

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Speaker 1: I you know how you can feel when somebody's looking

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Speaker 1: at you. So I opened my eyes and my mother's like,

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Speaker 1: she says, can you see yes? Can I see what?

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Speaker 1: And she goes, she goes like this, that doctor blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah is a wonderful I love her. I just

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Speaker 1: love her. There was I could see in my mother

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Speaker 1: when she had been you know, screwing, and when she

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Speaker 1: had made love. I could see the difference in her.

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Speaker 1: That's interesting. And we would have these conversations over man

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Speaker 1: of Chevits in the basement, listening to Millie Jackson. So

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Speaker 1: I had a pretty good idea the difference between the

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Speaker 1: two Jackson. She said that screwing was about you, Screwing

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Speaker 1: is about you. Make love is about the two of you,

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Speaker 1: and making love is so so so much better in

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Speaker 1: her opinion. So I had a pretty good idea of

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Speaker 1: what that was. And then I'm gonna say that I

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Speaker 1: was pretty aware of my body and I knew what

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Speaker 1: pleased me. So I would, you know, actively search out

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Speaker 1: that thing that place so that I could experience that

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Speaker 1: I wanted that often. And then I found out that

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Speaker 1: there were many different kinds. I was about to say,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like as a as a young person,

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Speaker 1: I definitely knew how to these self satisfy myself. But

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Speaker 1: even in you know, it's a whole coming versus orgasm thing.

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Speaker 1: So but the orgasm part still came later, even though

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Speaker 1: the coming part we're doing too technically that makes sense. Listen,

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Speaker 1: this is grown folk conversation. It's intended to be. This

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Speaker 1: is conversation to spark conversation. Just in case, if my chance,

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Speaker 1: you're listening to j dot Illen, you don't know why

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Speaker 1: we're telling you and talking to you and talking amongst ourselves,

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Speaker 1: you know about what it means to live. We're living

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Speaker 1: and existing and learning and sharing. So yeah, I think

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Speaker 1: I had a sense of and maybe not had the language,

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Speaker 1: but I definitely feel like I had a sense of

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Speaker 1: the difference between like intimacy and just kind of having

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Speaker 1: sex to relieve, you know, to relieve myself. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if that's the right word, but but my day.

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Speaker 1: But the difference in that actually came from my dad,

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Speaker 1: believe it or not, something that my father told me.

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Speaker 1: My dad was kind of like, and he told me

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Speaker 1: in a very male black boomer way, So this is

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Speaker 1: not romantic what he said. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: and it's a little bit off subject, and I kind

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Speaker 1: of got what he meant. He said to me. He

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Speaker 1: was like, you're just like a guy. You're gonna want it,

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Speaker 1: You're gonna have your reasons, and you're gonna do whatever whatever.

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Speaker 1: He was like, men and women are not really that different.

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Speaker 1: He was like, you know, he said, but my thing

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Speaker 1: with you is if you just got the feeling and

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Speaker 1: you need to get rid of that feeling, then just

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Speaker 1: make sure that in your mind you understand that's what

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Speaker 1: that is. He said. What I see a lot of

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Speaker 1: women do is they attached their rest of their actions

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Speaker 1: as an aftermath to them just kind of doing what

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Speaker 1: they have to do for their pleasure kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: He was like, this is where you became this is

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Speaker 1: where I became him because he was like, because my

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Speaker 1: dad was in a lot of ways. I mean maybe

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Speaker 1: you know, sorry to anyone who was in a relationship

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Speaker 1: with him at the time, but the point is that,

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Speaker 1: you know, he he was just kind of like that,

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Speaker 1: you gotta be able to know the difference. Baby, you

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Speaker 1: can't be attaching all the activities of being some body's

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Speaker 1: woman to somebody who you just getting your thing thing from.

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Speaker 1: Can we please cue the hand clapping. I need to

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Speaker 1: him cheering and hand clapping like you're in a stadium

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Speaker 1: right now. So that changed my life because I was

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Speaker 1: just kind of like, well, it wasn't him giving me

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Speaker 1: permission to go have a bunch of teenage sex, but

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Speaker 1: he was just basically saying, I'm not gonna be able

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Speaker 1: to stop you from and what you want, and I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying what I don't want to see as my

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Speaker 1: daughter out here playing herself. That's what that was in

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Speaker 1: his mind, where he was thinking, like, you know, you

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Speaker 1: dedicate those emotions in that time and energy to somebody

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Speaker 1: who's not just there to service you sexual and his

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Speaker 1: words were, don't be out here right nobody resume and

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Speaker 1: driving him around in your car and then you know

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Speaker 1: that's where he you know. But I, as I got older,

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Speaker 1: I understood what he meant. He just like, you know,

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Speaker 1: there's a difference between those two things. He you know,

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Speaker 1: he didn't have the language to say intimacy and making

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Speaker 1: love and all that. He was just like, listen, don't

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Speaker 1: let it. Don't as he told me this to my

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Speaker 1: father told me this word for word, don't be letting

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Speaker 1: no niggers sleep at your house. Don't let him leave

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Speaker 1: his stuff at your house. Don't ever. And my dad

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Speaker 1: told me these two things explicitly. Now, ladies, all ladies,

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Speaker 1: my dad told me these two things explicitly. He said,

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Speaker 1: never let a man know that he can get a

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Speaker 1: meal at your home. So when did you When did

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Speaker 1: you first cook? For time? Because I'm like, so when

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Speaker 1: do you cook? Then he said he also said this,

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Speaker 1: he said, don't ever spend a dime on a man

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Speaker 1: who's not your husband. Uh, I don't know that. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to tell, oh, listen, what I'm saying to y'all,

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Speaker 1: I'm not telling y'all not to sift through it. This

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Speaker 1: is old black man talk. This is this is the

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Speaker 1: thing y'all gotta y'all come now, this is old black

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Speaker 1: man talk. You're not gonna agree with all love it,

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Speaker 1: but let's let's maybe try to unpack it a little bit.

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Speaker 1: What he said about the food is that my dad

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Speaker 1: always had a thing about a man should be able

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Speaker 1: to feed himself. A man should be able to take

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Speaker 1: care of himself. If he believes that he can get

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Speaker 1: his essentials from me, you what services he to you

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Speaker 1: in your life? You don't want a man that can

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Speaker 1: come up with his own meal, who expects to eat

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Speaker 1: on your dome, who expects to eat in your home.

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Speaker 1: It's one thing if you say, hey, come over, so

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Speaker 1: I may make you a meal. But it's another thing

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Speaker 1: for a man to show up at your doorstep around

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Speaker 1: dinner time and think he about the city of the

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Speaker 1: table to church music is huh, I was and shouting

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Speaker 1: at something. And the thing about the money was that

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Speaker 1: my dad, believe it or not, my father was an

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Speaker 1: attractive man and he had a lot of relationships over

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Speaker 1: the years. Some were legit, and some of them were opportunistic,

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Speaker 1: and so he basically was telling me, he was like, look,

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Speaker 1: your husband, that's where you make a financial commitment to

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Speaker 1: in terms of you're spending out of your wealth. He

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Speaker 1: was like, that's that's the person who deserves that, that

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Speaker 1: person who you feel is in a partnership with you.

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Speaker 1: Otherwise he owned his own what he needs you to

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Speaker 1: buy him something for? What for? Huh, It's just I

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Speaker 1: just wanted to give me. Yeah, that's so wonderful. But

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Speaker 1: it was interesting. A lot of those things shaped to

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Speaker 1: my early thoughts, a lot of right now, Ricky Ricky

287
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,639
Speaker 1: was a mess though. I love my father, I really do.

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Speaker 1: He dropped a few gems on me. I will not lie,

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Speaker 1: but he he talked real straight, very straight with me.

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Speaker 1: So though that kind of hardcore talk about men and

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Speaker 1: sex actually didn't come from my mom, and he actually

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Speaker 1: came from my dad. I love your father and I

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Speaker 1: appreciate him so much, and I love this message real rag.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we have just listen not I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna say we because I was here for it.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna say a John, I feel like listen, I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to I really feel like you just saved a

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Speaker 1: whole rack of women, a whole lot of trouble, a

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Speaker 1: whole lot of trouble, you know what she think. I

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Speaker 1: do believe. I'm sorry I was slow to it, but

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Speaker 1: I do see your father's point. Now I'm starting to think,

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Speaker 1: oh I did give away some things. Maybe that's why

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Speaker 1: I never had a husband, you know, That's what I

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00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:42,679
Speaker 1: was thinking. I was like, what have you never had

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Speaker 1: a husband? But then like, yeah, I was like, oh man,

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Speaker 1: that's why you never had a husband because she was

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Speaker 1: doing these things. Okay, thanks daddy. I don't think. I

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Speaker 1: didn't think either is linked to each other. I think

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Speaker 1: it's more so about the quality of how you interrack

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Speaker 1: with with people, what you get from it. So you

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Speaker 1: may not end up getting married, but you know, it's

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Speaker 1: just about kind of feeling and understand how you're gonna

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Speaker 1: move and how you feel when it's all over if

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Speaker 1: it does come to a close. You know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: It's like, you know, what did I what did I

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Speaker 1: invest in this? And do I feel okay with that?

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Speaker 1: You know? And so that that was I think where

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Speaker 1: he was coming from. Where it's like, you know what

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Speaker 1: you invested in if you feel okay with it, If

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Speaker 1: you're okay, if you can sleep at night, if you

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Speaker 1: don't feel like somebody tried to play you or somebody

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Speaker 1: did play you. That can put you in a box

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Speaker 1: of just not not believing in yourself, you know, searching

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Speaker 1: for something that you know may or may not exist.

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Speaker 1: I think that you just saved a lot of people.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm so excited. I'm so excited. But then you

327
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Speaker 1: slip aside it too. Don't bring your baggage to because

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Speaker 1: I also was thinking. I was like, man, but you

329
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Speaker 1: also don't want to be dwindled down who you are

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Speaker 1: as a person when it comes to like you're giving

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Speaker 1: and your love. You know what I'm saying, because what

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00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,040
Speaker 1: can happen is too is you because you're one of

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Speaker 1: those people. And then you're like, well, you know what

334
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,960
Speaker 1: the next time, I ain't gonna get this ship so easily.

335
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,080
Speaker 1: But I don't know. It's like a weird but you know,

336
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:07,600
Speaker 1: enter into my mom honestly, for real, My mother was

337
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,400
Speaker 1: My mother was the opposite of that. And that's why

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00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,200
Speaker 1: I took a little bit from each of them, because

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00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 1: my mother would say, hey, I will never allow someone

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Speaker 1: else's inability to love me to dictate how I choose

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Speaker 1: to love. I have to be true to myself. So

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Speaker 1: I think that that's really what I is saying. It's like,

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Speaker 1: you gotta be true to yourself, even down to the

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Speaker 1: bearer kind of rawness of sex. You have to be

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Speaker 1: true to who you are in that space, you know

346
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Speaker 1: what I mean. So she did used to say that too,

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Speaker 1: you know. For me, I would say how I took

348
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Speaker 1: both of those things was that my dad always talked

349
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Speaker 1: real kind of tough like that, so I always knew

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Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, Dad, Like I got part of that,

351
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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But I think for me,

352
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,120
Speaker 1: it was just more so about I got to know

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Speaker 1: what I want and be clear who I am going

354
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Speaker 1: into the situation. If just just sex, it's just sex.

355
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,960
Speaker 1: If I'm invested emotionally, I'm invested emotionally. But I gotta

356
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 1: keep it one hundred with myself and be honest with myself.

357
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Speaker 1: I don't always have to announce that to the other person.

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00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 1: I just allow who I am to dictate how I

359
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,199
Speaker 1: move and food be told. I told my daughter this

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Speaker 1: a week ago. She's eighteen, and I was like, and

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Speaker 1: I've had some really row conversations with her, and I

362
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 1: basically said, listen, always ask yourself the proper questions, says,

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00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 1: and whatever you're doing from that moment on, let your

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00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 1: actions reflect the answer to those questions. Word, don't be

365
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,359
Speaker 1: out here lying to yourself. If you want this dude

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Speaker 1: and you want him to be your man, don't be

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Speaker 1: sitting up there acting like you really don't want them

368
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Speaker 1: like that. Don't lie to yourself like that, because here's

369
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 1: the funny thing that he knows you're lying. And every

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00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,560
Speaker 1: time every day you stay in that knowing that you

371
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 1: want that, and you allow him to say that, he doesn't.

372
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Speaker 1: Every day you stay, he knows you stay in a

373
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Speaker 1: day into a lot, and he loses respect for you

374
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:09,480
Speaker 1: every single day. Pretty what y'all think about this one,

375
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 1: because let that it's Let that let that resonate. Listen.

376
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:23,360
Speaker 1: That is like, it's the rules of engagement. And I

377
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 1: think that this information empowers a lot of women. Empowers

378
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,920
Speaker 1: a lot of women. These are the things that our

379
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,879
Speaker 1: mother said, you know, when it comes to sex. We

380
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 1: talked about cleanliness. We talked about the difference between intimacy

381
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 1: and screwing, because there is a huge difference. And we

382
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:48,520
Speaker 1: talked about the wise of having sex with someone like why,

383
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 1: you know, the important questions who why? And what's the

384
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 1: other important question? Who why? And there's well more and

385
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:05,359
Speaker 1: for what for and for what? I admit though many times,

386
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 1: especially when I was young, those things that always click

387
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,640
Speaker 1: now coming out, Oh you know, say, but you still

388
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 1: gotta figure out how to get to it right. But

389
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,880
Speaker 1: these young women are a lot smarter, you know, than

390
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,960
Speaker 1: than I think they know. And if they have the tools,

391
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,320
Speaker 1: then they can make better choices. I'm not saying that

392
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 1: they will, I'm just saying that they can. Because this

393
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 1: is this is game, baby, This is this is game.

394
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: That all of that is game. Hold on, you know,

395
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 1: and when you hold the cards you really can't you

396
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 1: can win up to you. I love it so on

397
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 1: the hold the cards thing. I know. For the longest,

398
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 1: my mom has always said to me, you know, there's

399
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,440
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with him loving you or being in this

400
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 1: just little more than you are. You are. My grandma

401
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 1: said the same thing, which I've been chasing for a minute.

402
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 1: Because I love hard. So even when you try to

403
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 1: consciously go in and put you're a little bit of

404
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: pull back after it doesn't work. It doesn't work. I

405
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 1: get why. Our generation of parents told us that, but

406
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 1: and along run it. It doesn't work, It doesn't. Here's

407
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: what my grandmother said. My grandmother said that the man

408
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,959
Speaker 1: is supposed to hunt. He's supposed to hunt. You're not

409
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 1: the hunter. He's the hunter. So no matter what it

410
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:38,879
Speaker 1: is that you're doing out here trying to find your mate,

411
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,639
Speaker 1: your mate is going to find you. And it's up

412
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,840
Speaker 1: to you. Just like with the lions and maybe put yeah,

413
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: back to put Just like with the lions mating in Putona,

414
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 1: it's up to the lioness to decide if she's going

415
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 1: to take him or not. And if he steps in correctly,

416
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 1: she's gonna smack the funk out of him and have

417
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:08,680
Speaker 1: him bleeding on the face, going, you know, and then

418
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: he's got to try again, and this time it's gonna

419
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,439
Speaker 1: be a lot gentler. This time it's gonna you know,

420
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,880
Speaker 1: he's gonna think more than react. See, this is why

421
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,639
Speaker 1: bumble don't feel natural. That's why what bumble the app

422
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 1: that you're the dating app where the woman has to

423
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 1: make the first move, that's why they don't feel natural. Well,

424
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,159
Speaker 1: I don't know, I know, I got a girlfriend right now.

425
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,919
Speaker 1: Her man she loved him dearly. They met on that

426
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:35,679
Speaker 1: app day. Yeah, that lovely couple. Yeah, I know a

427
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 1: couple that meant on Black people meet that in the

428
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:43,399
Speaker 1: last two years. Yeah, people said, because it's a lot

429
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:49,560
Speaker 1: of uncles over there. Okay, I know somebody got married off. Okay, cupid. Hey,

430
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: I think I can't call it. But because I've been

431
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 1: married twice and divorced twice and I only got one

432
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: more in me three time after that, and I don't

433
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: want to think about after that. I don't really want

434
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,639
Speaker 1: to claim after that, after that, after that, it's just no.

435
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 1: I mean, I crossed all my bridges when I reached them.

436
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 1: I feel like my mom and the other women in

437
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 1: my life because let me just bring that up too,

438
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: because I had Hella aunties. My aunties used to go hard,

439
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 1: like my aunties went in on me, so I knew

440
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff from them too, So I want

441
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 1: to make sure I picked them up. But I feel

442
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 1: like I was pretty like informed going into my early

443
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 1: twenties and particularly for that time for me being married. Oh,

444
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,439
Speaker 1: I gotta tell this story y'all real quick, because I

445
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 1: didn't my grandmother y'all. My grandmother was a g for real.

446
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: And I saved this because we were talking about grandmothers

447
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,720
Speaker 1: in another episode and I said, no age to hold that,

448
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,399
Speaker 1: hold that for the sex episode says and it was hard.

449
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 1: But my grandmother, Yo, she had a man. Her man

450
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,679
Speaker 1: was Murray, right, and we all used to be you

451
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 1: don't thought it was funny, like you know, my grandmother

452
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: got a boyfriend. He had a little pork chop side

453
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 1: burns child Cadillac. Murray was that beast so and then

454
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:16,159
Speaker 1: Christmas time Murray would buy all the girl grandchildren cabbage. Yes,

455
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:28,480
Speaker 1: Murray had money. Child could listen real cabbage pack. It's

456
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 1: my girlfriends our babysitting. My girlfriend's all right. So so yeah,

457
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: always when I made had conversations with my mother about

458
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,040
Speaker 1: their sex life. Now mind you, my mother admits this

459
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 1: to me way later. Okay, but anyway, fast forward to

460
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: my grandmother. I'm getting married. When I said I was

461
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: getting married, everybody was like tripping. My grandmother was very

462
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 1: much in support of this. Monana comes to me right

463
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 1: before my wedding. She said, maybe come in let me

464
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 1: talk to you for a sheet because okay, she said, listen,

465
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 1: that's what I want you to do. She said. Later

466
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: on tonight, after you get to the hotel. I want

467
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 1: you to fuck his brains out, I promise you. My

468
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 1: nana said them words to me on my wedding day.

469
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 1: Was there nothing following, and I want you to She

470
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 1: dropped that and walked away like a g it's she serious?

471
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 1: You know what for you? Grandma? Well, so, no, y'all

472
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 1: know what I did, right. You know what I had

473
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 1: to do. I had to snitch. I was kill mom.

474
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 1: I'm like mom, And so she started laughing. She like child, listen,

475
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 1: I could tell you something she hadn't told me about

476
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: her and murray, that will wear you out. She said,

477
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:58,960
Speaker 1: you're not even ready. I'm going for you to get married, Joe.

478
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 1: I know things about my nana's sex life that no

479
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 1: grandchild should know. But yeah, that that was wild stuff.

480
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 1: And I knew, I knew the stock in which I

481
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 1: came from. Come that day, I said, Oh, okay, knock

482
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: him out. Box out the box, read knock him out,

483
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: I said, I said, baby, My nanna said, my nana

484
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: had said, oh that night you told him to stop

485
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 1: to knock it out the box. You're ready girl. That

486
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: we always joke about that. We got pregnant that night.

487
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 1: He talked about I knew I got you pregnant that night,

488
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 1: Minnesota trifeless. I hate boys. Boys are so terrible. Oh,

489
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: I know I got you pregnant that night. Girl. I

490
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: love him a hot miss, miss mom, I'm missing mine.

491
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: Oh look at you. I heard you niggers. Okay, I'm sorry.

492
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 1: Everybody set up a little different on that conversation. Yes,

493
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 1: just something. Yeah, so yeah, Mama taught me stuff more

494
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 1: real talk after the break. I know that I don't

495
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 1: know Vanessa del Rio, you know, but she has to

496
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: understand wherever she is. I just want to thank you

497
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 1: for being like a sexual mom in a way part

498
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 1: of the show at this point. You know that I

499
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 1: talked about her so much, like I really really appreciate

500
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 1: that she knew what she wanted to do and she

501
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 1: did it without It didn't matter to her about anybody's opinion.

502
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 1: She's lived the life that she wants and I don't

503
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 1: know what the repercussions are. You know, I'm still The

504
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: book is like seven hundred pages, so you know, I'm

505
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 1: still reading, and I have to hide it because there's

506
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 1: pictures in the book, so I gotta, you know, find

507
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 1: a spot to be by myself, you know, to make

508
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 1: sure nobody walks in on that, because the pictures are

509
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:17,760
Speaker 1: quite something. But nonetheless, like I feel like she she said,

510
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: without saying, this is good, This is healthy. Sex is fun, Michael,

511
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 1: and you should you should go ahead and and and

512
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 1: and get yours. Just wrap it up. Just yeah, yeah, yeah,

513
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 1: get it. Not not not having somebody get you, but

514
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 1: you get what you want and need out of this,

515
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 1: and let me ask you aspreciate it. I feel like

516
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:47,960
Speaker 1: for the most part, we seem to have had some

517
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 1: not necessarily sexually repressed adults around us. But I saw

518
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 1: a post on social media recently when they were talking

519
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 1: about women kind of pushing back at a lot of

520
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: the messaging they get from spiritual spaces and particularly around

521
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 1: like church and places like that, where you're like, look,

522
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 1: if you stay pure and you do this and do

523
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 1: that that you're gonna find this this mate, that's gonna

524
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: be great for you. And a lot of times that

525
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 1: doesn't work out, and they feel duped around conversations they've

526
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:25,400
Speaker 1: had about and the link between the sexuality and her morality.

527
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I mean I wasn't raised around peethns.

528
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,160
Speaker 1: I mean people were definitely spiritual, went to church and

529
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 1: all this different stuff when I was growing up, But

530
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 1: there was still a normalized conversation around the fact that, Okay,

531
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 1: you probably will do this before you get married. But

532
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 1: that's probably why because you probably didn't grow up in

533
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: this trade. I know I didn't. I grow up in

534
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: more of a spiritual situation. We might hit church once

535
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 1: every other month or so. But they are my family.

536
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: My mother used to be Muslims, so she always claimed,

537
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 1: you know, spirituality. But I think those that are in

538
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: a more strict situation, that's and that kind of comes

539
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 1: into ye like when their mother they told him nothing.

540
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: It's just like, don't don't have sex, don't do that.

541
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 1: And I see I've seen that. I mean, I know

542
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 1: of fifties seven, fifty year old virgin. You know we

543
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 1: also fasks. Yeah that too that you don't know that

544
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 1: y'all set them kids loose than the world. Yes, And

545
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 1: you didn't give them any insight into what sexuality means

546
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 1: and the cost of it. You didn't prepare them in

547
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 1: any way, shape or form. And they went off to

548
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:36,240
Speaker 1: college and came back, you know, scratching, burning, or pregnant

549
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 1: or all. All of them you didn't prepare. You didn't

550
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 1: prepare them. It's important that they know, you know what's

551
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 1: going on and how to navigate, you know, their own sexuality. Yeah,

552
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 1: I think it's hard not to make kids scared, you know.

553
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 1: I think I'm going to tell you that my mother

554
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 1: showed me the Encyclopedia of Anarial Diseases. It was one

555
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 1: and it's like there absolutely still is a very thick

556
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:08,359
Speaker 1: book full of all kinds of venarial diseases with very

557
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 1: graphic photos. My mom didn't show Guess why I saw it.

558
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,919
Speaker 1: I saw it because we used to have to take

559
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,520
Speaker 1: sex thead and when we had that book of that

560
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 1: nine seventies book, the thick one where showed everything from

561
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:26,240
Speaker 1: like pictures like not even drawing sex at it girls

562
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 1: high at the time. But it was primarily the parts.

563
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 1: It wasn't the action, you know. It was just like

564
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 1: I had like the weirdest childhood ever. Because I promise you,

565
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,719
Speaker 1: I just want to shout out to miss Carr, who

566
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 1: was my gym teacher in primary school. Teachers always a

567
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 1: sex teachers, hilarious. She was my gym teacher and school

568
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 1: and when we got to fifth grade, I want to

569
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,200
Speaker 1: say either fifth or sixth grade, which was the time

570
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 1: where they assumed all the girls would be having their cycles.

571
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: They sent a letter home and said, hey, you can

572
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 1: sign a letter if you want your child to take

573
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 1: sex it and my mother signed it and I went.

574
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,440
Speaker 1: And when I was in sixth grade, not high school,

575
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: not middle school, sixth grade was when I learned about

576
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 1: session transmitted diseases, pregnancy, how you get pregnant, the parts

577
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 1: of your vagina, your uterus, all of that. Learned all

578
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 1: that before I went to even before I went to

579
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 1: middle school. They got to bring it back. I'm sorry.

580
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: I was sorry paper in two point two second because

581
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 1: most of our parents had the joy of sex book too.

582
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:44,399
Speaker 1: Did your your parents had that joy of sex books? Mom? Yeah, yeah,

583
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 1: I remember sneaking and reading it. I'm I'm really still

584
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 1: in shock. And there's no sex education in schools. There's

585
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 1: some music either. Lets you go to music school, like

586
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: it's really really nuts, and them taking out physical and

587
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,959
Speaker 1: you know, Jim, there is no Jim teacher, so there's

588
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: no sex as like as you're taking out cooking. You know,

589
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 1: remember shop shop That's how I learned how to make snooker.

590
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 1: Secret doodle just snecret okay, and shopping. We made the cars,

591
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 1: remember the little try the triangle cars with the to

592
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 1: the race cars. Hold on, I was I was a

593
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 1: bit of a delinquent by the time we got to

594
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 1: that class. He was a too much busy pimping in

595
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 1: the hallways. I'm sorry. I should have never told you

596
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,759
Speaker 1: all about my secrets. So that's the thing where you

597
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 1: try to share your secrets with people and then they

598
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 1: want to throw that back on here every time. Well,

599
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna tell you that that is what happens.

600
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:48,319
Speaker 1: That is exactly what happens on this planet. You think,

601
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 1: you think you're trying to share youthing or help somebody else,

602
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,879
Speaker 1: because you you come to an understanding, it's gonna get

603
00:36:56,000 --> 00:37:03,359
Speaker 1: thrown in your face like crazy. All right, y'all did

604
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 1: your mama What was the first conversation you had with

605
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:07,879
Speaker 1: your mama or an elder woman in your life about

606
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,719
Speaker 1: oral sex? And I ain't talk about him going down

607
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 1: on you. That was a conversation I did not add,

608
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: I don't. I mean we talked about I don't even know.

609
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 1: We talked about I'm just reever telling my girlfriends. Remember

610
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: I told you, I remember being the first one. It

611
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 1: was you know, ninety three. But I think so some

612
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: things are just some things have to be conversations with girlfriends.

613
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 1: It's not a mama conversation. You're having them conversations with

614
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 1: your kids. Asia, what about all sex? Yeah? What? What? What?

615
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:43,800
Speaker 1: How do you do that? What's to talk with the

616
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:46,880
Speaker 1: the goal and the conversation to be better or to

617
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 1: you know, I think the main thing is about them

618
00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 1: understanding that you can contract a condom on because that's

619
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 1: that you can contract that way, that there are condoms

620
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 1: that don't have sperms out on them that are specifically

621
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:06,320
Speaker 1: for that. But then also to the conversation around just

622
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:10,359
Speaker 1: the fact that certain things are associated with intimacy, right,

623
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:15,359
Speaker 1: and so there is a thing to consider about how

624
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 1: you get to intimacy. So for me, it's not just

625
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 1: a conversation just about oh, this is the thing that

626
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:24,800
Speaker 1: people doing sex, let's talk about it. It's like there's

627
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 1: something that happens in a sexual experience where you land

628
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: in a certain place, and so it's important for me

629
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 1: to have a conversation about well, how how how do

630
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 1: you think someone lands at that form? So more too,

631
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 1: like when does that person deserve that? Like when not

632
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 1: when is that something you desire and that's something you

633
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 1: are doing for response and reaction? When are you doing

634
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 1: something because that is something you desire sexually. So there's

635
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: a real kind of conversation about the pathway to certain

636
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 1: experimentation as it comes to sex. Because one thing about

637
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: women is that we do have a lot of things

638
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:06,480
Speaker 1: that we're willing to do sexually that have nothing to

639
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 1: do with something we desire. It's like I gotta keep

640
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 1: it fresh, or I gotta keep it hot, or I

641
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 1: gotta be like this woman or that woman, or they

642
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 1: talked about it. This is what girls are doing. And

643
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 1: so in order for him to think I'm sexual, I

644
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 1: gotta do that. So to me, I wanna kind of

645
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 1: erase that thinking and say, let's recenter your needs. So

646
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: a lot of times with my girls, I talk about

647
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 1: recentering your needs, and I talked about this with you

648
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 1: with my boys too, about life, every environment and you

649
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 1: go into you have to remember to recenter your needs,

650
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 1: not in a selfish way, but in a self awareness

651
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,239
Speaker 1: kind of way. So that's the thing was like for me,

652
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, well you know, and I'm not trying

653
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:50,799
Speaker 1: to say that every conversation is appropriate for a young girl.

654
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:54,319
Speaker 1: But I do think that it's important that if your

655
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 1: kid possesses even a fraction of that language outside of

656
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 1: their interaction with you, is your respon autability to address it.

657
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 1: And it is likely that your kids have this language

658
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 1: way before you're ready to admit that they do. As

659
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:17,200
Speaker 1: it's a deep breath and then you tell the truth,

660
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: you know, as much as possible, because when did you

661
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:23,320
Speaker 1: really start liking giving oral sex? As that's so interesting

662
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 1: that you say that, because it's so valid. It's like,

663
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:29,240
Speaker 1: when did you really, as a woman start enjoying giving

664
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 1: oral sex? It wasn't initially, it was its usually is

665
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 1: it right at the moment when you start no? Uh, well,

666
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 1: my mother said two things she said now that I

667
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 1: think about this. One was not everybody can go? Not

668
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:49,759
Speaker 1: everybody can go? And so what was the other thing?

669
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:54,839
Speaker 1: Probably something really really important, but not everybody can can

670
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 1: get that. That's not for everybody, just like you know,

671
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 1: for our young men, not every You're not supposed to

672
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 1: have your head between everybody's legs either, you know. So

673
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 1: that's that you all realize that that though that may

674
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 1: be our own personal value, that also to even that

675
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:17,720
Speaker 1: is indicative of a very kind of specific value around

676
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: sex and sexuality. There are some people who look at

677
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 1: at that as it's just another part of the sexual act,

678
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:28,399
Speaker 1: and that placing so much importance on it then kind

679
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:33,800
Speaker 1: of continues to perpetuate this idea about what is right, proper, moral,

680
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:39,680
Speaker 1: what is what makes you a good girl? And xual

681
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,919
Speaker 1: bag in this conversation, and we're still in a very

682
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 1: headeral bag, we are a lot of it. Who's to say,

683
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,719
Speaker 1: your pleasure can be wrapped up in any number of

684
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 1: different things. So it is so at the end of

685
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: the day, you gotta you're I'm always thinking with young

686
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 1: people it's about helping them to understand that it's always

687
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,840
Speaker 1: about a conversation with yourself, discovering who you are, what

688
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,360
Speaker 1: your needs are, and being focused on that so that

689
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:10,879
Speaker 1: the person who you are with is clear that that's

690
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 1: what this is about to a degree, not in a

691
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 1: selfish way, but just that knowing yourself helps you to

692
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 1: know that person also you know what I mean and

693
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 1: be a fair and equal partner and what's happening no

694
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 1: matter what the outcome of that situation, whether it's a

695
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 1: relationship or it's just an exchange of sexual energy, Like

696
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 1: people just you know today, my physical mother told me

697
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 1: that not everybody can get it. My horn mother the

698
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:49,840
Speaker 1: great finess, don't she taught me to mother. Yes, she

699
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:55,439
Speaker 1: taught me that you are supposed to orgas on from

700
00:42:56,200 --> 00:43:01,320
Speaker 1: everything that you do, and if you're not getting leisure,

701
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:07,719
Speaker 1: then you should not be doing it. It's it's a

702
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:14,160
Speaker 1: pleasurable act, right, and if it doesn't please you, then

703
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:17,520
Speaker 1: this is not what you should be doing or who

704
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:24,919
Speaker 1: you should be doing it too. Yes, porn mother, fair enough? Yeah,

705
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 1: I agree, I mean, I agree. I don't think I'm

706
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 1: doing my kids any any favors from dealing and respectability

707
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 1: because respectability greature. And I don't want my kids to

708
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,280
Speaker 1: go silent on me and I don't want to erase

709
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 1: them in my mind consciousness. So that's that's not I'm

710
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 1: not interested in that, right. It's not going to help

711
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 1: you or them to to be silent because you're trying

712
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 1: to be morally correct or prudish or whatever it is.

713
00:43:56,719 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: I don't know. You can throw a thousand glossy verse

714
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 1: on it. Your children are going to have intimacies, they're

715
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 1: going to have sex, They're probably they're going to fuck somebody.

716
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 1: They are to me all these parents just but it's true,

717
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:20,279
Speaker 1: and the better you prepare them, the better off they

718
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: will be period period and they won't go jack up

719
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 1: somebody else's kid. Yeah, how about that? How many? How

720
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: many young men were never they were taught to get it,

721
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,800
Speaker 1: you know, by any means necessary, go out and get it.

722
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 1: How many men in general have messed up a relationship

723
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 1: with a great woman, you know because they were just

724
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,839
Speaker 1: trying to get it. They didn't stop, they didn't think,

725
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:50,400
Speaker 1: they weren't present, They just trying to do it. And

726
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:54,080
Speaker 1: that's it. You know, that happens. It happens quite a bit,

727
00:44:55,120 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: and it's a shortcoming. Quite frankly, that's my opinion. I agree,

728
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 1: because as a human being, you're missing out on so much. Yeah,

729
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 1: you can screw, but be up from be clear about

730
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 1: what it is, that why you're here. And then with

731
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: the information that you gave Agia, it's it's teaching young

732
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 1: women and my age too, don't just assume because you're

733
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 1: having sex with somebody that it means more than what

734
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 1: it actually does. You're getting some stress relief, and I

735
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 1: think it's important to add this to the mix. Added

736
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 1: one and four women will experience some sort of sexual assault. Yeah,

737
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:43,360
Speaker 1: and so there is trauma around sex, and many times

738
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 1: these things happen in young women's lives and young men's

739
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 1: lives and their parents don't know. So the conversation their

740
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: parents are having are not from the lens of that

741
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:59,560
Speaker 1: my kid could have been already victimized or will be

742
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 1: in the future. So I think that normalizing conversations around

743
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 1: sexual trauma also is really an important part of helping

744
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 1: your children to be free in this space and free

745
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:19,759
Speaker 1: themselves in those spaces, because as we all know and

746
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 1: have discussed in other places in this podcast, that we

747
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 1: can carry those things into our adult life and they

748
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 1: can affect our relationships for the whole time that we're here.

749
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 1: So you know, if the key is to have this

750
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 1: really healthy kid, you gotta be open to that's a

751
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 1: human and that that human will come in contact all

752
00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:44,280
Speaker 1: kinds of different experiences people and know many things about themselves,

753
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,120
Speaker 1: so you know, you gotta be ready for all that.

754
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:50,320
Speaker 1: And again, there are three women on this podcast, and

755
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 1: all three have been sexually assaulted. I will say that

756
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 1: is one of the things that my mother told me

757
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 1: about sex is after I was sexually assaulted, she said

758
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 1: she know unfortunately, baby. She was like, this is something

759
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:05,919
Speaker 1: that most women go through and that was an interesting moment.

760
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 1: I was like, the hers was date on our date.

761
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 1: You know, everybody has a story, So you're right, we

762
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 1: gotta have these conversations, right and honestly, and I have

763
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 1: not had this experience before, but I think it's important too.

764
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 1: And this is probably a whole another conversation, but in

765
00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: the black community, like how we have conversations about sexuality

766
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 1: and sex with our children who are queer or a

767
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: l g B t Q. So I think that's really

768
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 1: important as well, because I feel, like you said, you

769
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 1: put the nail on the head. We're coming from very

770
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:42,239
Speaker 1: heater resexual lands today and obviously that's our experience, so

771
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:44,320
Speaker 1: we should speak on what we know and not on

772
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 1: what we don't. You know what I mean. But I

773
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,520
Speaker 1: think if you're talking about what your mom told you,

774
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 1: or you're kind of functioning in a mothering space, which

775
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,959
Speaker 1: all of us have, those of us who have biological children,

776
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 1: those who of us who don't, bottom line is that

777
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 1: you're doing plenty moothering. And the idea here is that

778
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,319
Speaker 1: we know that all kids are different, and all young

779
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:04,200
Speaker 1: people are different, and they're going to be different adults.

780
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 1: They have different experiences with sexuality and with sex and

781
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 1: only I'm sorry, go ahead forgive me. Oh no, no, no,

782
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,799
Speaker 1: just just if that's your only space, if you're if

783
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:21,440
Speaker 1: you're only ready and open to talk about one particular

784
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:25,480
Speaker 1: kind of experience, then that is a form of silence

785
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:27,960
Speaker 1: in that person and raising that person. So you gotta

786
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 1: be really aware of that. And that's something that you

787
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 1: know that even I'm still trying to, you know, wrap

788
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:37,759
Speaker 1: my head around as well. And this is where the

789
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 1: village comes into play, because you know, I can only

790
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 1: speak on the things that I know, and they have experience.

791
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,760
Speaker 1: And you know, this is when you you pull in anto,

792
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 1: your uncle or homely friend, whatever the case may be,

793
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 1: to have a conversation that you're not prepared to have

794
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,840
Speaker 1: because you just don't know. But they need to know.

795
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: It's important that we send our children out into this

796
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: world armed as well, armed as possible. I do wish

797
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 1: I had your Dame. I do wish your dad told

798
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 1: me you know the rules of the age. I mean

799
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 1: that right there. I hope somebody you know, can you

800
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 1: can replay this and listen to that again. I should

801
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 1: have stopped and say hey, hey, get your pen and

802
00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:21,280
Speaker 1: your paper, get your get your phone out, and Jack's

803
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:24,280
Speaker 1: down in your notes. Like these these things are super

804
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:31,759
Speaker 1: important because damn it, life will take its turns it certainly, Well,

805
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 1: we all bring our stuff with us, you know what

806
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:38,839
Speaker 1: I mean, and along with our baggage and and lie

807
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:40,560
Speaker 1: you said it perfectly, along with our baggage, but we

808
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 1: do also bring our intentions are good intending and it's

809
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:49,080
Speaker 1: a very human space and vulnerable space to talk about

810
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:53,279
Speaker 1: these things, and particularly with young people. And if we

811
00:49:53,400 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 1: embrace that vulnerability, I just really think we're gonna be

812
00:49:57,120 --> 00:50:00,800
Speaker 1: in a great position with them. If you tell positioning

813
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:04,320
Speaker 1: with young people like I know what I'm yeah, you know,

814
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 1: then if people couldn't see my face the positioning like

815
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 1: I know, I know what I'm talking about from I

816
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 1: know everything about you don't know. Yeah, you're gonna You're

817
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:20,799
Speaker 1: gonna turn them away from you, and they're not. I'm

818
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 1: gonna talk to you. And you need them to communicate,

819
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 1: and they need to hear your voice, and they need

820
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 1: to hear your villages voice as well. You get to

821
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 1: choose as a parent, who do they talk to? You know?

822
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 1: For uh far as adults are concerned now when it

823
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:36,880
Speaker 1: comes to kids. Kids, you know, they get a lot

824
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 1: of information too, and a lot of that stuff trash, yes, grass,

825
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:46,840
Speaker 1: And you certainly do not want the fourteen, thirteen, twelve

826
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 1: year old girl who has been sexually assaulted in her

827
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:54,520
Speaker 1: own home to talk to your kid about what sex

828
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 1: and sexuality means because she she doesn't, she doesn't have

829
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:02,840
Speaker 1: the same mindset that you will as dangerous thing. But

830
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 1: sex is beautiful and it is healthy and important part

831
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 1: of our lives. And I'm grateful for the things that

832
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 1: my mother shared, uh and grandmother shared with my mom.

833
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 1: And I'm hoping that your mother's out there and your

834
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 1: daughters remember to to share with with our young guns,

835
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:26,279
Speaker 1: our young guns, because they need us and our boys

836
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 1: do too. We'll be back after the break. Coming up

837
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 1: next on the show What's on Your Heart an occasional

838
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 1: segment where we're check in with people we respect about

839
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:54,839
Speaker 1: how they're really feeling. How do y'all? I think that's

840
00:51:54,960 --> 00:52:00,719
Speaker 1: somebody calling. That must mean it's time for what on?

841
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:09,760
Speaker 1: What a pleasure? With a pleasure? We have somebody on? Hello, Hello,

842
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 1: Hi liya? Can you explain who is up here with us? Right? Now, well,

843
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:18,440
Speaker 1: of course I can explain. We have the creator of

844
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 1: the Black Mom's Blog. She also is the writer of

845
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:24,680
Speaker 1: the book that You Need called Oh Sis, You're Pregnant,

846
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 1: The Ultimate Guide to Black Pregnancy and motherhood. And my

847
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 1: favorite thing that she does is sending folks on retreats. Yeah,

848
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 1: she has created the ultimate retreat with the self Care Retreats.

849
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, tell us tell everybody who we have

850
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,360
Speaker 1: on the line today. Thank you all for having me.

851
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,719
Speaker 1: My name is Snisha Boswell. I'm like, how do I

852
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:47,080
Speaker 1: follow up the introduction? She hit? She hit all the points.

853
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:50,320
Speaker 1: I am the creator of Black Mom's Blog, where we

854
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:52,720
Speaker 1: talk parents and culture and lifestyle from a black mom's

855
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 1: point of view. We are a global community of more

856
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:59,359
Speaker 1: than five hundred thousand wonderful, wonderful women from all over

857
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,799
Speaker 1: the world. I just wrote a book. It is an

858
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:06,200
Speaker 1: Amazon best seller, Oh Sister Your Pregnant. Yes, it's a

859
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 1: Black Black What to Expect when You're expecting. And I

860
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: also have a retreat company which I just finished doing

861
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 1: work for. We have four retreats to summer three and

862
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: shamake that in one in Columbia coming coming. That's it.

863
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 1: I think I think you need three whole listens. Well,

864
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:27,920
Speaker 1: I think you need you just need the one. You

865
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 1: just need the one one for every I know that's right.

866
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:37,239
Speaker 1: I got him, y'all, I got him. But yeah, thank

867
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 1: you for having love it, Ben Tastic. I appreciate so

868
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,840
Speaker 1: much that you saw the need, because, right, you have

869
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 1: what to expect when you're expecting, you have Joe Frost,

870
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 1: you know, the nanny or supernanny, you know. But to

871
00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:55,440
Speaker 1: to see that there was a need and to address

872
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:58,680
Speaker 1: it being a mom is hard. Now throw in being

873
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: an African of dissent mama, there's a lot to deal

874
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 1: with and a lot that is misrepresented. I agree, and

875
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 1: I think for me it was also like where my

876
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 1: mama's at? Everybody Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama at heart, great auntie,

877
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: I know all that. Yes, so you know, I have

878
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: my daughter at twenty three years old, and everything that

879
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 1: I read online or I saw it was like the oh,

880
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:30,720
Speaker 1: my belly is getting bigger, and my feet are spreading,

881
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:33,720
Speaker 1: my nose is spreading. But there wasn't anything that spoke

882
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:36,200
Speaker 1: to me as a black woman. And I'm like, Okay,

883
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:38,919
Speaker 1: how do I talk to black women about empowerment using

884
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:42,200
Speaker 1: their voice, but then those very real conversations about like

885
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 1: what do I need to talk to my O B

886
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 1: about how do I pay off my student loan? Dead

887
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:48,839
Speaker 1: um Anthony Hamilton's has a part in the book where

888
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:52,239
Speaker 1: he wrote a letter to black fathers, empowering them and

889
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,800
Speaker 1: telling them what it's like, because y'all know, being a

890
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,760
Speaker 1: black parent in this world is not just the typical

891
00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,040
Speaker 1: conversation of oh, I'm happy one day that child is

892
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 1: going to be an adult, and so how do we

893
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,320
Speaker 1: talk to our kids about that? And then just motherhood

894
00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 1: in general, how do I get my groove back? Because

895
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:09,879
Speaker 1: I'm a sexual being, right, and that what got me man.

896
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 1: So I can't stand that part of motherhood that we

897
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,279
Speaker 1: act like sex doesn't exist and it's not a real thing.

898
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:17,640
Speaker 1: But I mean, come on, what we what were we

899
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 1: doing when we got pregnant? Right? Hello? Hello? I hear

900
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:27,959
Speaker 1: a lot of black mothers in particular say I live

901
00:55:28,200 --> 00:55:32,360
Speaker 1: for my children and I crazy. I think, so true,

902
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:35,840
Speaker 1: it's crazy, girl. I wish they could have sing your

903
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:39,279
Speaker 1: look the look on your face so Connie, because the

904
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:43,200
Speaker 1: hair got pushed back and the face went no, no, no, no,

905
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:47,040
Speaker 1: we don't scare that. He you hear that a lot.

906
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 1: What's the remix to that. That remix is there is

907
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:54,800
Speaker 1: a separation between motherhood and womanhood, and you cannot forget

908
00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:57,960
Speaker 1: your womanhood. It is not the same because my my

909
00:55:58,080 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 1: belief is I don't live from my daughter. I live

910
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:03,400
Speaker 1: for myself, and she benefits from saying a happy, healthy

911
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:06,480
Speaker 1: and well rounded mother. I teach her about peace, I

912
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:09,879
Speaker 1: teach her about self care now because at the same time,

913
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:12,239
Speaker 1: when we're talking to moms all day long about find

914
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 1: your pieces, do this, how will your children are running

915
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:18,000
Speaker 1: around the house like like they're crazy. Okay, you can't

916
00:56:18,080 --> 00:56:20,280
Speaker 1: do that. And so once again, like we said earlier,

917
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:22,440
Speaker 1: like a part of me teaching my daughter about anything

918
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:25,320
Speaker 1: is teaching her about her self worth and understanding that

919
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 1: a big part of her self worth is understanding who

920
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 1: she is and why she needs her A long time

921
00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:31,880
Speaker 1: before I got on this call, we just had a

922
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:34,719
Speaker 1: whole thirty minute conversation about hygiene and taking care of

923
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:37,000
Speaker 1: her body because of how she shows up in the

924
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 1: world and so not to divert but going back to that, yes,

925
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:43,480
Speaker 1: there is a huge difference between who I am as

926
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,719
Speaker 1: a mother and who I am as Shanisha. I'm a

927
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,400
Speaker 1: whole person. And I'm thirty two years old, you know,

928
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 1: and so a large part of my audience is their

929
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 1: millennial moms. And I'm like, you're not old, you're young.

930
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 1: You still like to go out with your friends. Don't

931
00:56:57,120 --> 00:57:00,040
Speaker 1: feel guilty about that, but handle your business so that

932
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:02,680
Speaker 1: you can do it in peace and comfort without the

933
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 1: worry of you know, Oh my god, I gotta, you know,

934
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,160
Speaker 1: figure this out so you know all of all of

935
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 1: what I do. And that's why I have to retreat

936
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 1: company because I was seeing all these women. Majority of

937
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 1: my attendees are mothers, but a lot of them are

938
00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 1: just women. And I'm like, Sis, come on here and

939
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 1: let's let's let's gain some truth so that when you

940
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 1: leave here you know how to go home and know

941
00:57:22,280 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 1: that you're still a person that deserves some love, attention,

942
00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 1: respect and care from those around you. You're not just

943
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:31,600
Speaker 1: a mama. So we talked about that in the book.

944
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:37,640
Speaker 1: I think it's so fabulous that we're getting to this

945
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,800
Speaker 1: point where we're starting to really be super clear about

946
00:57:40,840 --> 00:57:45,200
Speaker 1: separating these roles and being really intentional about how we

947
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 1: treat ourselves as women outside of the role of mother.

948
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:52,720
Speaker 1: But I think, you know, what's really kind of fascinating about,

949
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:54,960
Speaker 1: you know, just kind of about this point of view

950
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 1: that you're that you're talking about, is that you know,

951
00:57:57,360 --> 00:58:00,520
Speaker 1: it's just really about being seen. I was like, women

952
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:03,200
Speaker 1: have a hard time being present and seen in the room,

953
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 1: and so all the different things and over the years

954
00:58:05,680 --> 00:58:08,040
Speaker 1: have made it harder for us to be seen in motherhood.

955
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 1: Although it's a beautiful thing, it can be a thing

956
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:14,560
Speaker 1: that tends to overshadow who you are as an individual.

957
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:17,760
Speaker 1: And a lot of mothers are not saying we're afraid

958
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,840
Speaker 1: to take up We're afraid to take up space exactly.

959
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 1: We're so afraid, we're afraid to be loud, because what

960
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 1: do they call you when you're when you're allowed black woman,

961
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:30,920
Speaker 1: They call you ghetto, they call you unworthy, they call

962
00:58:31,000 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 1: you they we just have all these say sassy, angry,

963
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 1: And it's like, how many times did I say this

964
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:40,240
Speaker 1: quietly before anybody cares? And now that I'm now that

965
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 1: I'm roaring, Now I'm the problem. And so for a

966
00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:48,040
Speaker 1: lot of us, like we're afraid to take up space simply,

967
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:50,560
Speaker 1: like simply and in the motherhood community, I used to

968
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:52,920
Speaker 1: say that, you know, I'm a mom blogger, That's why

969
00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 1: I started off so many other things, but I started

970
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:58,160
Speaker 1: off as a mom blogger. And what I was seeing

971
00:58:58,480 --> 00:59:02,400
Speaker 1: was I felt like all I were mothers, like white women,

972
00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:04,440
Speaker 1: and then the black women were like white women with

973
00:59:04,520 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 1: brown paint pord on top. They still weren't black, you know.

974
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:10,200
Speaker 1: They were like, I'm just trying to trying to squeeze

975
00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 1: into this little you know, this little, this little category.

976
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, I'm going to create a

977
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:18,320
Speaker 1: platform called black Mom's Blog. And everybody was like, why

978
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 1: would you do that? Why would you? Why would you

979
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:26,160
Speaker 1: isolate yourself in that way? And why I'm gonna want

980
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 1: to work with you? And nobody's gonna want to do this?

981
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 1: And I was like, who are these white people? She said,

982
00:59:35,320 --> 00:59:37,720
Speaker 1: these are black people. That's why I said why. I

983
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:39,919
Speaker 1: have noticed over the years a lot of black mom

984
00:59:40,000 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 1: bloggers have steered away from being specific about their blackness

985
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:49,360
Speaker 1: talking about the experiences as black mothers. It's just very universal.

986
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:52,760
Speaker 1: And even though I find it beautiful talking about it, regardless,

987
00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 1: seeing black faces and those spaces are always you know,

988
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,800
Speaker 1: a breath of fresh air. But it's good to know

989
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:00,880
Speaker 1: that you're being super intentional about it, even outside of

990
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:03,120
Speaker 1: your work. I mean, we know, you know, we know

991
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:05,720
Speaker 1: what you do. You know this particular part of this

992
01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:09,880
Speaker 1: show is really about what is on your heart. And

993
01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 1: so please tell us, my darling, my darling, dear, what's

994
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: on your heart? You know what this is? So okay?

995
01:00:20,920 --> 01:00:28,040
Speaker 1: I just ended two relationships to the front. Ended one.

996
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:32,080
Speaker 1: It was one was a platonic and the other one

997
01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:36,600
Speaker 1: was a you know, a thing thing right, and I

998
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 1: had to let it go. And it was because you know,

999
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:43,160
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm super great at manifesting things in

1000
01:00:43,240 --> 01:00:45,560
Speaker 1: my business and my friendship because I listened to my

1001
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:48,560
Speaker 1: I listened to my intuition. But when it comes to men, folks,

1002
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:53,400
Speaker 1: I suck at love. I am such a fixer. And

1003
01:00:53,560 --> 01:00:56,080
Speaker 1: because I'm a fixer, I'm always trying to fix, fix, fix,

1004
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:58,800
Speaker 1: and all love with potential. And one day he gonna

1005
01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:00,800
Speaker 1: beat this and one day he gonna be that. And

1006
01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:04,480
Speaker 1: I had this Sister Circle ceremony this weekend and I

1007
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:08,000
Speaker 1: walked away with so much clarity, and I said, the

1008
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:09,680
Speaker 1: thing that I put on the table was that I

1009
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:12,920
Speaker 1: want respect. I was like, I want respect from my

1010
01:01:13,480 --> 01:01:16,800
Speaker 1: my partners, right, I want respect from those that you know.

1011
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:18,680
Speaker 1: I want a man to walk into my life and

1012
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:23,080
Speaker 1: say it's you and not listening to anybody telling me

1013
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 1: that I can't have that. And I live in Atlanta

1014
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:32,200
Speaker 1: and struggle girl, all the women. You know, it's such

1015
01:01:32,240 --> 01:01:35,240
Speaker 1: a thing down here, you know. So that's what's on

1016
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 1: my heart. What's on my heart right now is making

1017
01:01:38,120 --> 01:01:41,720
Speaker 1: space in my life to accept love. And I knew

1018
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:45,440
Speaker 1: I couldn't do that if I kept convoluting the space

1019
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 1: with people that weren't supposed to have me in that way.

1020
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:51,240
Speaker 1: And so people that aren't supposed to have me in

1021
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:56,800
Speaker 1: that way after many years, girl, I was I was sad,

1022
01:01:57,280 --> 01:01:59,080
Speaker 1: but I said, this is gonna feel so much better.

1023
01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:01,440
Speaker 1: And I feel really good right now. So that's what's

1024
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:11,000
Speaker 1: all my heart. Congratulations girl, congratulation three weeks fresh. So

1025
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:12,960
Speaker 1: I'm with you on that, because when you know you

1026
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:15,320
Speaker 1: did the right thing, when you know you did the

1027
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:17,600
Speaker 1: right thing for yourself, even as much as you love

1028
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:20,960
Speaker 1: that person and love that relationship, it's it's spills. Its

1029
01:02:20,960 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 1: spills so much more different than five years ago when

1030
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:26,080
Speaker 1: you broke up with somebody and it was just you

1031
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,040
Speaker 1: didn't have an understanding of what you wanted and who

1032
01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:30,360
Speaker 1: you were blah blah, blah, right, like you take the

1033
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 1: right right. But see this being a mother of a daughter,

1034
01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:40,720
Speaker 1: see this is the clarity that warms my heart deep

1035
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:45,760
Speaker 1: on the inside because I know that this is the

1036
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:48,720
Speaker 1: experience that when it is time to sit and have

1037
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:53,000
Speaker 1: that woman to woman talk with your daughter, that this

1038
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:56,440
Speaker 1: you can explain from personal experience and not as a

1039
01:02:56,600 --> 01:03:00,400
Speaker 1: mother warning. Right, because as moms we grew up mother's

1040
01:03:00,400 --> 01:03:03,960
Speaker 1: given us the warnings but did not have but did

1041
01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:08,040
Speaker 1: not have why, but did not have the actions to

1042
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:10,240
Speaker 1: go with me. So it's like, yeah, you're telling me

1043
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:12,640
Speaker 1: to do something you haven't even done for yourself. Yes,

1044
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:15,440
Speaker 1: go past that. What you have here is an intentional

1045
01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:17,760
Speaker 1: life that they led. And then on top of that,

1046
01:03:18,280 --> 01:03:20,160
Speaker 1: you're then you're able to say to her, this is

1047
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:21,880
Speaker 1: how you do it. I know because I didn't. I

1048
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:24,960
Speaker 1: know from experience. It's that mama trauma. And you know,

1049
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:27,280
Speaker 1: like I said, I had the sister circle this weekend

1050
01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:29,120
Speaker 1: and I was sitting there and we were talking about

1051
01:03:29,120 --> 01:03:31,680
Speaker 1: our mama trauma, and we were talking about the times

1052
01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:33,440
Speaker 1: that we've looked back at our parents and been like

1053
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:35,800
Speaker 1: you knew better, Why didn't you do better? Why did

1054
01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:38,000
Speaker 1: you why did you snatch me out of that situation

1055
01:03:38,840 --> 01:03:41,720
Speaker 1: and something better. Why did I have to learn about

1056
01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:45,480
Speaker 1: heartbreak from from Jill Scott songs? Why did I have

1057
01:03:45,640 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 1: to learn about heartbreak and all these things from my

1058
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:51,880
Speaker 1: friends and movies? And you were my mother? Why weren't

1059
01:03:51,880 --> 01:03:54,520
Speaker 1: you talking to me about this? But at the same time,

1060
01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:58,400
Speaker 1: not blaming my mother, but knowing that I wanted to

1061
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:00,760
Speaker 1: do it differently. And so the way, you know, we're

1062
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:04,040
Speaker 1: moving past because I said so a way of parents.

1063
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:06,800
Speaker 1: You know, it's like, look at the example, look at

1064
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:09,200
Speaker 1: what I'm doing, and I can't tell you to walk

1065
01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:12,000
Speaker 1: in like if I'm not even doing that. And so

1066
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:14,760
Speaker 1: you know, this is such a process. And it's like

1067
01:04:14,920 --> 01:04:17,600
Speaker 1: when you have children, especially a little girl. You're growing.

1068
01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:20,720
Speaker 1: As your daughter grows, I'm looking at her and I'm like,

1069
01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:22,800
Speaker 1: I would not want no man to treat you like this.

1070
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:25,520
Speaker 1: So why am I allowing myself to go through this?

1071
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:28,960
Speaker 1: You know? And a lot of it's just fear. You

1072
01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:31,000
Speaker 1: don't want to end up by yourself. You know, We're

1073
01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:35,120
Speaker 1: doing great in our business, our friends are great, we're traveling,

1074
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:37,880
Speaker 1: but at the end of the day, we want companionship.

1075
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:40,240
Speaker 1: And I feel like I want more women to start

1076
01:04:40,240 --> 01:04:44,000
Speaker 1: admitting that it's so hard all the time, all the time,

1077
01:04:44,480 --> 01:04:47,439
Speaker 1: all the time. We're so we're so, we're so hard.

1078
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:49,920
Speaker 1: And I'm okay, I'm not okay by myself, but I

1079
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:53,840
Speaker 1: also know and let me take that back. I'm okay,

1080
01:04:55,320 --> 01:05:01,240
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean. But okay, okay, it's

1081
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:05,960
Speaker 1: not okay. It's not a preference, right, It's not like, fine,

1082
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:10,400
Speaker 1: I want to be great, yeah, fine, okay, Yeah, I

1083
01:05:10,480 --> 01:05:12,880
Speaker 1: have to have a great partner in life. This big

1084
01:05:12,960 --> 01:05:16,080
Speaker 1: girl decision that you just made the choice to to

1085
01:05:16,440 --> 01:05:20,240
Speaker 1: step away from something that was convenient, that was probably

1086
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:24,720
Speaker 1: some a lot of fun at times, that filled some holes.

1087
01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 1: You know, with time, you know, the fact that you've

1088
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:31,680
Speaker 1: done this is a major step. And I can tell

1089
01:05:31,760 --> 01:05:35,800
Speaker 1: you from personal experience that when you make room for

1090
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:39,120
Speaker 1: what you really want in your life, you already know,

1091
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 1: manifestation happens. It happens. Yeah, And it's been like that

1092
01:05:45,480 --> 01:05:47,200
Speaker 1: every time I, you know, and I had to. I

1093
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:50,160
Speaker 1: had to find my comfort in that space because every

1094
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:52,440
Speaker 1: time I've walked away before, because we've all done it, right,

1095
01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:54,440
Speaker 1: how many times do you walk away before you've finally

1096
01:05:54,520 --> 01:06:00,040
Speaker 1: done it? Probably happens like six times? Fair enough? It

1097
01:06:00,120 --> 01:06:03,200
Speaker 1: a lot, but this is the final. But every time

1098
01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:09,760
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I've been married for twenty one years.

1099
01:06:09,800 --> 01:06:14,080
Speaker 1: So she's like, AJ, never walked away from here. I

1100
01:06:14,160 --> 01:06:16,959
Speaker 1: was thinking. I was actually thinking, she's telling my truth

1101
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:18,840
Speaker 1: because I just walked away for the first time. So

1102
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:20,840
Speaker 1: I might have to come back a few more times

1103
01:06:21,200 --> 01:06:24,240
Speaker 1: on this, but you the truth. Go ahead. I'm sorry,

1104
01:06:25,400 --> 01:06:29,000
Speaker 1: don't I'm trying. I'm I'm trying. I'm trying. It's a

1105
01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:32,440
Speaker 1: lot sex, a lot, but I'm walking away. But honestly,

1106
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:35,880
Speaker 1: every time that I've walked away, I've invited in this

1107
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:38,000
Speaker 1: beautiful thing and my friendly You know, this is why

1108
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:40,880
Speaker 1: your girlfriends are important. I always say your counsel. You

1109
01:06:40,960 --> 01:06:43,880
Speaker 1: gotta have a counsel of friends like that ain't afraid

1110
01:06:43,920 --> 01:06:45,920
Speaker 1: to hurt your feelings, that ain't afraid to tell you

1111
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:47,480
Speaker 1: when you're wrong, but will also tell you the truth.

1112
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:50,000
Speaker 1: And someone phone my friend and I'm you know, I'm unloading,

1113
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:52,040
Speaker 1: and I'm telling her all this and how this is hard,

1114
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:54,640
Speaker 1: and she was like, she needs to. Every time you

1115
01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:57,560
Speaker 1: walk away from something, something great happened. So just hold

1116
01:06:57,600 --> 01:07:00,760
Speaker 1: on to that. Just hold on to that and stop tripping.

1117
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:03,120
Speaker 1: And so I took a deep breath, and I was like,

1118
01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:06,440
Speaker 1: you're right, okay, And so that's where I am right now.

1119
01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:10,600
Speaker 1: I'm feeling okay. I'm strong today, Shanisha. Do you have

1120
01:07:10,680 --> 01:07:14,000
Speaker 1: a Do you have a wife? I talked about it.

1121
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:21,640
Speaker 1: Oh my work wife. Her name is Brendan Colemore. Yes, yes,

1122
01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:24,800
Speaker 1: that's my ten years of friendship. That is my work wife.

1123
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:29,080
Speaker 1: My wife will get you through. Wife will get you through. Listen,

1124
01:07:29,120 --> 01:07:31,520
Speaker 1: I got I got about four of them. Okay. I

1125
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:34,640
Speaker 1: have one thing, you know, I'm really grateful for my life.

1126
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:37,120
Speaker 1: I have a really really strong group of friends. And

1127
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:39,160
Speaker 1: I always say they come to like brains, right. So

1128
01:07:39,240 --> 01:07:41,400
Speaker 1: I have my inner ring, my outer ring, the outer ring.

1129
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:45,520
Speaker 1: But that's what I do. I I operated sister circles

1130
01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:49,120
Speaker 1: and and healing women and healing myself. And so because

1131
01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 1: of that, like my my friendships are the world to me.

1132
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:55,920
Speaker 1: They are one of my pillars of brownding. I am

1133
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:58,000
Speaker 1: who I am because of the women around me, and

1134
01:07:58,120 --> 01:08:00,680
Speaker 1: all of my friends are doing well. You know. So

1135
01:08:01,120 --> 01:08:02,880
Speaker 1: when I when I hear women talk about how they

1136
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:04,920
Speaker 1: don't get along with other women, and I look at

1137
01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:07,080
Speaker 1: how they treat each other, I'm like, well that damn,

1138
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:11,680
Speaker 1: I get it. Yeah, I love women. I don't like bitches.

1139
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:20,200
Speaker 1: You don't I can't. Yeah, I don't. I don't know

1140
01:08:20,320 --> 01:08:26,280
Speaker 1: so many bitches. I know so many amazing women that

1141
01:08:26,360 --> 01:08:28,439
Speaker 1: got so we talked about this all the time. It's

1142
01:08:28,479 --> 01:08:34,120
Speaker 1: like you are speaking, you're singing my sorry because you

1143
01:08:35,280 --> 01:08:40,640
Speaker 1: are singing my song. Because I love this is this

1144
01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:43,080
Speaker 1: is one of the biggest joys of my life. And

1145
01:08:43,120 --> 01:08:45,360
Speaker 1: I always say that I got this guy, that I

1146
01:08:45,520 --> 01:08:47,360
Speaker 1: learned this from my mom, because my mother had the

1147
01:08:47,439 --> 01:08:49,840
Speaker 1: same kind of way that she functioned in her friendships.

1148
01:08:50,240 --> 01:08:52,600
Speaker 1: But it's scientific. I don't know if y'all know this,

1149
01:08:52,800 --> 01:08:56,200
Speaker 1: but women have been studied that they function better cognitively

1150
01:08:56,400 --> 01:09:01,000
Speaker 1: and emotionally when they have really healthy interactions with other

1151
01:09:01,080 --> 01:09:04,240
Speaker 1: women on a consistent basis. And so so this is

1152
01:09:04,280 --> 01:09:07,920
Speaker 1: a real component to women's health and women's wellness. Is

1153
01:09:08,000 --> 01:09:10,920
Speaker 1: having a good so crazy that it's always been that way,

1154
01:09:11,040 --> 01:09:13,760
Speaker 1: you know, because I mean, it's it's like common sense

1155
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:17,120
Speaker 1: at this point you get around some women examples, you know,

1156
01:09:17,439 --> 01:09:22,840
Speaker 1: align like we're powerful in that way. But look at

1157
01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:25,320
Speaker 1: our look at our tribes as black people. Isn't that

1158
01:09:25,439 --> 01:09:27,920
Speaker 1: what we did? Didn't the women run the village didn't

1159
01:09:27,920 --> 01:09:30,600
Speaker 1: we berthed around the tree together? Didn't we do that?

1160
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:33,559
Speaker 1: You know? I talked about that in osis, like when

1161
01:09:33,600 --> 01:09:36,920
Speaker 1: you look at our tradition, our culture, our birthright, we

1162
01:09:37,120 --> 01:09:39,960
Speaker 1: were that's how we were raised, That's how that's how

1163
01:09:40,040 --> 01:09:42,559
Speaker 1: we were birthed into this world. The men they sat

1164
01:09:42,600 --> 01:09:44,679
Speaker 1: on the outside. The women came together in a circle,

1165
01:09:45,080 --> 01:09:47,240
Speaker 1: and the birthing mother leaned against the tree and had

1166
01:09:47,280 --> 01:09:50,160
Speaker 1: a baby, and they chanted for her and they loved

1167
01:09:50,240 --> 01:09:52,839
Speaker 1: on her, and that that baby was raised in this village.

1168
01:09:53,320 --> 01:09:55,479
Speaker 1: So when when did we get away from that? What

1169
01:09:55,960 --> 01:09:58,240
Speaker 1: took us away from thinking that we no longer needed

1170
01:09:58,280 --> 01:10:10,160
Speaker 1: each other? Sa ladies one, two three, I want on

1171
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:16,160
Speaker 1: that one. I'm gonna catch up. You have to always

1172
01:10:16,280 --> 01:10:20,760
Speaker 1: put the blame where the blame belong. Baby, put the

1173
01:10:20,840 --> 01:10:25,000
Speaker 1: blame where it belongs. It's very easy to do yourself

1174
01:10:25,160 --> 01:10:27,040
Speaker 1: if the whole world is telling you you don't have

1175
01:10:27,120 --> 01:10:33,599
Speaker 1: any value. Yes, and every against each other. Yeah, yeah,

1176
01:10:34,760 --> 01:10:40,000
Speaker 1: I love this conversation because it has always come down

1177
01:10:40,080 --> 01:10:43,879
Speaker 1: to my favorite people, black women on my favorite people period.

1178
01:10:46,400 --> 01:10:50,200
Speaker 1: I think I date my favorite they are my favorite people.

1179
01:10:51,160 --> 01:10:53,960
Speaker 1: And it's not to take anything away from anyone, but

1180
01:10:54,240 --> 01:10:57,280
Speaker 1: it is just really the way that I feel most

1181
01:10:57,400 --> 01:11:02,400
Speaker 1: ful and coming down from to this past week and

1182
01:11:02,560 --> 01:11:06,439
Speaker 1: having to deal with so many different aspects of my

1183
01:11:06,600 --> 01:11:12,680
Speaker 1: children's development and interacting with them so much. Having this

1184
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:18,479
Speaker 1: conversation with other black women is that replenish that I needed.

1185
01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:20,680
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I no, this wasn't about me, but you

1186
01:11:20,800 --> 01:11:24,600
Speaker 1: know what I had to speak on it had to

1187
01:11:24,640 --> 01:11:26,800
Speaker 1: speak on it. This was the replenish that I needed.

1188
01:11:26,880 --> 01:11:29,000
Speaker 1: We oftentimes feel this feeling that when we get on

1189
01:11:29,080 --> 01:11:32,000
Speaker 1: the phone would be like I missed it. This is

1190
01:11:32,040 --> 01:11:37,920
Speaker 1: a sister circle though, when three or more gathered, you know,

1191
01:11:38,600 --> 01:11:42,880
Speaker 1: and the four more powerful East, West, North, and South

1192
01:11:43,479 --> 01:11:48,080
Speaker 1: together and we speak a thing, it happens. So you know,

1193
01:11:48,160 --> 01:11:51,719
Speaker 1: obviously we need to be really mindful of what we say. Indeed,

1194
01:11:52,240 --> 01:11:54,400
Speaker 1: in the I was just thinking, I was like those

1195
01:11:54,479 --> 01:11:56,120
Speaker 1: for those ladies that listen to the at least to

1196
01:11:56,200 --> 01:11:58,080
Speaker 1: listen to this show, that are those kind of ladies

1197
01:11:58,120 --> 01:12:01,760
Speaker 1: that are like, I don't have any girlfriends. Maybe now

1198
01:12:01,880 --> 01:12:03,720
Speaker 1: you do, and maybe now you can see that you

1199
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:06,000
Speaker 1: can interact with the ladies, and maybe now you need

1200
01:12:06,040 --> 01:12:08,400
Speaker 1: to open your heart. And there it is when whenever

1201
01:12:08,479 --> 01:12:10,640
Speaker 1: women talk about what it makes me so sad. I

1202
01:12:10,720 --> 01:12:13,040
Speaker 1: made a post about that last year, women like I

1203
01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:15,200
Speaker 1: don't like other women, and I'm like, what I'm hearing

1204
01:12:15,280 --> 01:12:18,120
Speaker 1: is that you don't like yourself. You know, you have

1205
01:12:18,320 --> 01:12:21,920
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable, you gotta open up your heart to

1206
01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:24,280
Speaker 1: other women, and a lot of us are scared of that.

1207
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:26,240
Speaker 1: A lot of women are scared to do that because

1208
01:12:26,240 --> 01:12:28,040
Speaker 1: they don't want to be found out, you know, said

1209
01:12:28,080 --> 01:12:30,600
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. They don't feel like they don't belong or

1210
01:12:31,000 --> 01:12:33,120
Speaker 1: she's gonna you know, she's gonna smell my nerdy draws,

1211
01:12:33,360 --> 01:12:36,160
Speaker 1: you know, whatever the case may be. It's exhausting wearing

1212
01:12:36,200 --> 01:12:38,880
Speaker 1: that mask though It's like, man, I look, I just

1213
01:12:38,960 --> 01:12:41,040
Speaker 1: helped that all those women know that those masks are heavy,

1214
01:12:41,560 --> 01:12:43,600
Speaker 1: and man, a good girlfriend can help you take that

1215
01:12:43,720 --> 01:12:49,000
Speaker 1: thing right off. I always feel like friendships, like good friendships,

1216
01:12:49,120 --> 01:12:51,640
Speaker 1: it's not something you have to think about. You just

1217
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:54,200
Speaker 1: have to You have to be in the space where

1218
01:12:54,920 --> 01:12:57,720
Speaker 1: you're doing something that you that you enjoy. You know,

1219
01:12:57,840 --> 01:13:01,280
Speaker 1: you're around people you enjoy or a place you enjoy,

1220
01:13:01,800 --> 01:13:04,880
Speaker 1: and a friend will just show up like and you

1221
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:08,080
Speaker 1: know it. I love when that happens. You just see

1222
01:13:08,120 --> 01:13:11,120
Speaker 1: somebody like your girl, where are you going? You know.

1223
01:13:11,360 --> 01:13:15,439
Speaker 1: I love those moments like I'm riding with you, you know,

1224
01:13:16,080 --> 01:13:19,400
Speaker 1: I love when that happens. The best relationships in my

1225
01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:22,800
Speaker 1: life are the ones where I've allowed myself to not

1226
01:13:22,920 --> 01:13:26,120
Speaker 1: only trust others, but to trust me. I trust who

1227
01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:28,320
Speaker 1: I am, I know who I am coming into that,

1228
01:13:28,560 --> 01:13:32,880
Speaker 1: into that space, and I just feel this really great

1229
01:13:32,960 --> 01:13:35,760
Speaker 1: sense of confidence and trusting yourself from you. You know,

1230
01:13:35,840 --> 01:13:37,920
Speaker 1: when I'm looking at you and your body language and

1231
01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:41,679
Speaker 1: the way that you speak, I'm like, girl, you trust yourself.

1232
01:13:41,840 --> 01:13:44,040
Speaker 1: You trust that what's coming out of your mouth is

1233
01:13:44,080 --> 01:13:46,200
Speaker 1: out of love, is the truth, it's who you are,

1234
01:13:46,360 --> 01:13:51,040
Speaker 1: it's your personal truth. So that that makes me feel wonderful.

1235
01:13:51,120 --> 01:13:53,080
Speaker 1: Like I'm looking at you, like, yes, girl, we are

1236
01:13:53,120 --> 01:13:56,360
Speaker 1: exactly ten years apart, you and me. You all can't

1237
01:13:56,439 --> 01:14:00,080
Speaker 1: see her, but it's it's just heartwarming to see you

1238
01:14:00,200 --> 01:14:06,160
Speaker 1: just glowing. It's wonderful because so often you know, our

1239
01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:11,000
Speaker 1: sisters and not they're not allowing. They're not allowing, especially

1240
01:14:11,600 --> 01:14:13,560
Speaker 1: since they tell us like the thirties. I remember what

1241
01:14:13,680 --> 01:14:15,200
Speaker 1: I turned thirty and they were like, this is the

1242
01:14:15,360 --> 01:14:17,439
Speaker 1: stage we're supposed to realize who you are and what

1243
01:14:17,640 --> 01:14:20,799
Speaker 1: you want, and to be honest, we've had a conversation

1244
01:14:20,840 --> 01:14:23,080
Speaker 1: on this show that those number formulas don't always add

1245
01:14:23,160 --> 01:14:25,719
Speaker 1: up like that. So the fact that you are closer

1246
01:14:25,880 --> 01:14:27,680
Speaker 1: to that and I'm not putting that pressure on you,

1247
01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:30,240
Speaker 1: but it just feels like you are closer than most

1248
01:14:30,320 --> 01:14:34,360
Speaker 1: of them have been. That is beautiful. That's beautiful. It's

1249
01:14:34,680 --> 01:14:38,439
Speaker 1: so many things. Remember Girlfriends came on Netflix, and I

1250
01:14:38,920 --> 01:14:43,160
Speaker 1: know that Joan was only years You gotta you gotta

1251
01:14:43,200 --> 01:14:46,240
Speaker 1: re watch things as an adult that you grew up on.

1252
01:14:46,800 --> 01:14:49,040
Speaker 1: That was like she was nine, but that she was

1253
01:14:49,080 --> 01:14:54,599
Speaker 1: a partner on the law firm, that yes, the house anything.

1254
01:14:55,439 --> 01:14:57,880
Speaker 1: It's like you think that you have to have everything

1255
01:14:58,040 --> 01:15:01,680
Speaker 1: figured out by tommy thirties, don't. You don't. But one

1256
01:15:01,760 --> 01:15:04,880
Speaker 1: thing I can't say is that motherhood raised me and

1257
01:15:05,200 --> 01:15:08,600
Speaker 1: a heartbreak raised me even more. And so sometimes we

1258
01:15:08,680 --> 01:15:12,080
Speaker 1: do both things that causes us to grow up. You

1259
01:15:12,200 --> 01:15:14,400
Speaker 1: know that grow up And it's it's kind of what

1260
01:15:14,479 --> 01:15:16,920
Speaker 1: you say is you're like, when you're around somebody who

1261
01:15:17,160 --> 01:15:19,880
Speaker 1: trust themselves, you feel comfortable because we know that a

1262
01:15:19,960 --> 01:15:23,280
Speaker 1: person who's hungry will eat you, and so I love

1263
01:15:23,360 --> 01:15:26,680
Speaker 1: being around fulfilled women. So you're not gonna eat me.

1264
01:15:27,920 --> 01:15:31,120
Speaker 1: I'm not just say that again. You should just say

1265
01:15:31,160 --> 01:15:37,640
Speaker 1: that again because time when you all got time and

1266
01:15:37,760 --> 01:15:39,920
Speaker 1: I met those women, I love you from Afar because

1267
01:15:39,920 --> 01:15:42,080
Speaker 1: you're not gonna You're not gonna grow upon my soul.

1268
01:15:42,200 --> 01:15:43,760
Speaker 1: I know what you're trying to do, So I'm not

1269
01:15:43,760 --> 01:15:48,760
Speaker 1: gonna eat yours either. When you're hungry, you don't. At

1270
01:15:48,840 --> 01:15:50,519
Speaker 1: one more time, just so I can repeat it like

1271
01:15:50,600 --> 01:15:54,160
Speaker 1: I said it myself. Were you hungry, you don't what

1272
01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:57,200
Speaker 1: when we're hungry, you don't want nobody to eat you,

1273
01:15:57,720 --> 01:16:03,959
Speaker 1: So stay away from hungry people. They will eat you alive.

1274
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:13,000
Speaker 1: You live, Hony, You said a yeah. Many many jewels,

1275
01:16:13,360 --> 01:16:18,120
Speaker 1: many many jewels have been drussed, and I for one,

1276
01:16:20,479 --> 01:16:25,720
Speaker 1: so much for spending your We're so happy to see you,

1277
01:16:25,880 --> 01:16:29,760
Speaker 1: young woman. Where can we find you, babe? Where where

1278
01:16:29,800 --> 01:16:32,559
Speaker 1: can we find? You can find me on the internet

1279
01:16:32,680 --> 01:16:36,479
Speaker 1: at Shani sha Boswell Shania Boswell dot com if you're

1280
01:16:36,479 --> 01:16:39,439
Speaker 1: a mama, black Mom's blog, Black Mom's blog dot com,

1281
01:16:39,520 --> 01:16:42,280
Speaker 1: Black Mom's blog across all social media, and my book

1282
01:16:42,360 --> 01:16:44,160
Speaker 1: is wherever books you're sold. You can find it at

1283
01:16:44,200 --> 01:16:47,960
Speaker 1: Barnes and Noble, Amazon Books a Million, Walmart, go pick

1284
01:16:48,040 --> 01:16:50,559
Speaker 1: up a copy, buy for yourself, by for a friend,

1285
01:16:50,640 --> 01:16:53,400
Speaker 1: support a black woman. I love you, we love you too,

1286
01:16:53,520 --> 01:16:58,240
Speaker 1: Thank you so very much. Bravo says this, somebody clep,

1287
01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:17,880
Speaker 1: how do you eat an elephant? One by time. If

1288
01:17:17,920 --> 01:17:20,200
Speaker 1: you've made it to this part of the show, then

1289
01:17:20,320 --> 01:17:22,760
Speaker 1: there's a good chance you already know us up. But

1290
01:17:22,880 --> 01:17:25,960
Speaker 1: if you don't, I'm producer Eves and this is the

1291
01:17:26,080 --> 01:17:28,400
Speaker 1: part of the episode where I give you some resources

1292
01:17:28,560 --> 01:17:31,880
Speaker 1: that are related to this conversation, and this time they're

1293
01:17:31,920 --> 01:17:36,439
Speaker 1: all books. Layah recommends Our Bodies Ourselves by the Boston

1294
01:17:36,520 --> 01:17:39,640
Speaker 1: Women's Health Book Collective. You can also check out The

1295
01:17:39,760 --> 01:17:43,479
Speaker 1: Joy of Sex and Illustrated Sex Manual, first published in

1296
01:17:43,520 --> 01:17:46,719
Speaker 1: the nineteen seventies. And I know we've told you about

1297
01:17:46,800 --> 01:17:50,000
Speaker 1: it before, but as a reminder, there's the book Vanessa

1298
01:17:50,080 --> 01:17:54,000
Speaker 1: del Rio Fifty Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior. There are

1299
01:17:54,120 --> 01:17:58,439
Speaker 1: encyclopedias of sexually transmitted diseases that provide info on the

1300
01:17:58,600 --> 01:18:03,519
Speaker 1: history and call this of STDs. Of course, sex looks

1301
01:18:03,600 --> 01:18:06,920
Speaker 1: different for different people, and there's a lot of nuance

1302
01:18:06,960 --> 01:18:11,960
Speaker 1: when it comes to sexuality, anatomy, preferences, and sensitivities. So

1303
01:18:12,240 --> 01:18:15,479
Speaker 1: find a book that works for you. There are plenty

1304
01:18:15,600 --> 01:18:20,599
Speaker 1: out there. And finally, get Shanisha Boswell's book Osis You're Pregnant,

1305
01:18:20,880 --> 01:18:24,559
Speaker 1: The Ultimate Guide to Black Pregnancy and Motherhood. You can

1306
01:18:24,640 --> 01:18:40,960
Speaker 1: find links in the description. Hi, if you have comments

1307
01:18:41,040 --> 01:18:44,519
Speaker 1: on something you said in this episode called eight six six,

1308
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:48,000
Speaker 1: Hey Jill, if you want to add to this conversation,

1309
01:18:48,320 --> 01:18:51,880
Speaker 1: that's eight six six four three nine five four five BI.

1310
01:18:52,439 --> 01:18:54,800
Speaker 1: Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode

1311
01:18:54,840 --> 01:18:58,280
Speaker 1: you're referring to. You might just hear your message on

1312
01:18:58,360 --> 01:19:02,200
Speaker 1: a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott

1313
01:19:02,280 --> 01:19:06,519
Speaker 1: Presents j dot il the Podcast. This podcast is hosted

1314
01:19:06,560 --> 01:19:10,320
Speaker 1: by Jill Scott, Laia st Clair and Aga Great and Danceller.

1315
01:19:10,800 --> 01:19:14,160
Speaker 1: It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian

1316
01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:18,880
Speaker 1: Calhoun's produced by Laya st Clair and me Eve Jeff Cope.

1317
01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:21,639
Speaker 1: The editing and sound design for this episode we're done

1318
01:19:21,800 --> 01:19:33,240
Speaker 1: by Christina Loranger. Yeah, my mama was real black and

1319
01:19:33,400 --> 01:19:38,760
Speaker 1: then the black mamas, yes, black mothers. I'm like, you

1320
01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:41,519
Speaker 1: ain't heard these names because Jill, it's a whole thing,

1321
01:19:43,560 --> 01:19:47,320
Speaker 1: the whole thing I did not name myself. Got darned.

1322
01:19:50,240 --> 01:19:52,040
Speaker 1: You're almost trying to look out for your life and

1323
01:19:52,120 --> 01:19:55,760
Speaker 1: your career. That's all until I show up at the job.

1324
01:19:55,880 --> 01:20:03,639
Speaker 1: Interview j dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio.

1325
01:20:04,080 --> 01:20:07,320
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I

1326
01:20:07,560 --> 01:20:11,840
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to

1327
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:13,080
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.