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Speaker 1: Guys, social media is not real, dead ass man, I

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Speaker 1: don't know how many times people gotta say it, it's

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Speaker 1: not real. However, had I known what I know now

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Speaker 1: about social media, I don't know if I would have

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Speaker 1: been as forthcoming with you all about my life in general. Work. Yep.

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Speaker 1: With that being said, follow us the past. Hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: Cadine and we're the Ellises. You may know us from

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Speaker 1: posting funny videos without boys and reading each other publicly

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Speaker 1: as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need

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Speaker 1: therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,

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Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 1: dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most

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Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about. Through the lens of

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Speaker 1: a millennial married couple. Dead ass is the term that

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Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass,

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Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts. One, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. Were about to take pillows

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Speaker 1: off to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: All right, story time, story Tom, I'm gonna take this

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Speaker 1: back to nineteen nineties seven, but believe okay, we're going

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Speaker 1: back in the time for roof for real today. That

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Speaker 1: was the sound, remember that part of it. That was

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Speaker 1: the sound when you were trying to get on Well,

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Speaker 1: we're trying to get too, Well, it's the best. That

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Speaker 1: was the sound. That was for a good time. That

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Speaker 1: is where social media came from. That's where it's starting it.

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Speaker 1: We're part of that. We were part of that. Isn't

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Speaker 1: that amazing? I think about all of the things that

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Speaker 1: we've existed through. Yes, I remember Mom pissed because I

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Speaker 1: used to unplug the phone jack and put it in

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Speaker 1: the computer so I can get my A O. L.

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Speaker 1: And she couldn't get no phone calls and she used

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Speaker 1: to be pissed. Not one. But then let's fast forward

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Speaker 1: to two thousand and three, I believe was when Facebook

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Speaker 1: first started. You had to be in college, you had

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Speaker 1: to have an e d U in order to be

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Speaker 1: on Facebook. And I remember it being a way to

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Speaker 1: connect with people from high school and and elementary school

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Speaker 1: because if they were in college, you could Google. They're

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Speaker 1: not Google at this boot. You could Facebook their name

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Speaker 1: and if it popped up, you could reconnect. That's what

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Speaker 1: social media was supposed to be. Do you remember, like

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Speaker 1: the person that told you about Facebook, like, the moment

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Speaker 1: you found out about Facebook? Do I do? I remember?

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Speaker 1: I think I think it was you, Yeah, because I

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Speaker 1: remember what I remember when I found out was my

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Speaker 1: friend Shannon Jones were in broadcast journalist and She's like,

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Speaker 1: did you guys have it for Facebook? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: what's that? And then it became a whole discussion. And

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Speaker 1: I think in that class, we all signed up for

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Speaker 1: Facebook because we were so fascinated by it. We are

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Speaker 1: the generation that sparked the social media era. Put some

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Speaker 1: respect on our names, y'all dead ass? That's gonna take

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Speaker 1: me to karaoke? I got the perfect karaoke song to

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Speaker 1: represent social media? Really, because are you ready? I'm ready?

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Speaker 1: You want? You want? Your big boys? What are you laughing?

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Speaker 1: Sip by myself talking to them. I just still don't

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Speaker 1: know what he says. I still what the what's the

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Speaker 1: other one? You may live in the dog, but I

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Speaker 1: was born in it. These are all of these TikTok songs.

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Speaker 1: I can't stand kill everything, kill essence? What else did

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Speaker 1: they kill? They killed a lot of stuff? Bro um slide?

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Speaker 1: What's the other Drake song that Shiy was dancing to?

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Speaker 1: I don't know? Kiki do you love me? So I

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Speaker 1: got to take them off my playlist now facts you

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Speaker 1: know what, I don't recover from that. Let's go take

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Speaker 1: a break, y'all. We're gonna pay some bills and come

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Speaker 1: back and we're gonna talk more about social media, all right,

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Speaker 1: And before before you leave, you just remember you big

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Speaker 1: boys talking to them. We'll be back after these messages.

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Speaker 1: So we're back social media. I'm gonna take you back

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Speaker 1: to my SoundBite real quick. And the reason why I

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Speaker 1: say I would not have been this forthcoming was because

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Speaker 1: we just had no idea what social media was going

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Speaker 1: to be. When it first started, it was literally just

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Speaker 1: something that was cute to, like, oh we connect with someone.

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Speaker 1: Oh I haven't seen such in such a long time,

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Speaker 1: you know. And then it became just a thing that

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Speaker 1: kind of spirals out of control in some good ways

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Speaker 1: and then in some really really really bad ways. It

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Speaker 1: became a trend um. But the big reason why I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about it is because I want people

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Speaker 1: to recognize how would has become a business. And once

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Speaker 1: you recognize that it's become a business, you approach it differently. Right,

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Speaker 1: You're less likely to be so nose in deep you know. So,

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Speaker 1: I'll be honest, I never foresaw social media becoming what

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Speaker 1: it is now in college, right, But in two thousand

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Speaker 1: and sixteen, when I started to notice the trending in

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Speaker 1: social media moving more towards mainstream media, that's when I

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Speaker 1: changed my approach to social media and we started to

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Speaker 1: become successful. Right. So, let's let's go. Let's look at

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Speaker 1: some stats. Right first, Let's look at some facts and stuff.

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Speaker 1: Right now. I love that. Let's do that A good

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Speaker 1: way to start. Just look at some facts where we

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Speaker 1: get into these these things. When Pure Research Center began

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Speaker 1: tracking social media adoption in two thousand and five, this

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Speaker 1: is upon just five percent of American adults used at

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Speaker 1: least one of these platforms. By two thousand eleven, this

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Speaker 1: is six years later, that share had risen to half

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Speaker 1: of all Americans, and today seventy of the of the

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Speaker 1: public uses some type of social media. According to that survey,

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Speaker 1: approximately one in three divorces resulted from social media related disagreements.

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Speaker 1: According to a study by the Loyola University Health System,

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Speaker 1: Facebook with more than two billion users, is cited in

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Speaker 1: one out of every five divorces in the United States.

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Speaker 1: Growing research has shown that increased usage of social media

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Speaker 1: has had a negative effect on marriages and relationships. Higher

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Speaker 1: levels of social media usage have led to more marital

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Speaker 1: problems in fidelity, conflicts, jealousy, and eventually divorce. A study

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Speaker 1: published and Computers in Human Behavior found a link between

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Speaker 1: social media used and decreased marriage quality in every model analyzed.

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Speaker 1: So if you think that your model doesn't work that

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Speaker 1: that way, it said every model. Oh. The study results

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Speaker 1: predict that people who do not use social media are

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Speaker 1: eleven percent happier in their marriages than people that regularly

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Speaker 1: to use social media. A preoccupation with social media can

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Speaker 1: lead to neglect of marital relationships. Okay, I mean I

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Speaker 1: can see some of that. I didn't think it was

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Speaker 1: one in every five, but I can see how it

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Speaker 1: would be a thing where if someone is just like

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Speaker 1: overly obsessed with even just time on their phone and

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Speaker 1: not taking the time to engage in real life, that

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Speaker 1: can be a detriment to any kind of relationship parent, child, spouse,

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Speaker 1: you know, sibling, all that. So let's talk about how

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Speaker 1: social media has changed. Right when social media first started,

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about aol instant messenger my black planet, where

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Speaker 1: you can get an instant messenger on yes have a no,

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Speaker 1: no no. I had a BlackBerry messenger, I don't have

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Speaker 1: a side, had a blackbrain messaging. But do you think

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Speaker 1: about all of these things. They were created to shrink

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Speaker 1: the world, make the world smaller by giving people access

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Speaker 1: instantly to people that they haven't seen. Right. So whereas

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Speaker 1: before when you were calling people, you know, you couldn't

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Speaker 1: get group messages and calling stuff like that, but social

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Speaker 1: media allowed you the ability to actually see these people

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Speaker 1: when they can post pictures, create videos. And as they

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Speaker 1: created it and the platforms begin to grow, it became

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Speaker 1: a business. Why is it important to say that it

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Speaker 1: became a business is because of this very very key factor.

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Speaker 1: Once money is involved, the actual inception or conception of

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Speaker 1: social media has to immediately change because it's no longer

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Speaker 1: about connecting people, it's about selling to And once it

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Speaker 1: becomes about selling to people, the authenticity goes out of

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Speaker 1: the window. If people realize that, they will understand that

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Speaker 1: the things that they see every day for hours on

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Speaker 1: this computer, on this television, on this phone is not real.

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Speaker 1: It's curated content in order to get you to buy something.

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Speaker 1: Because as sure as hell gets me to buy ship

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Speaker 1: when I happen to mention a pair of I don't

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Speaker 1: know shoes that I've been looking at. I've been searching

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Speaker 1: recently over the knee boots. Had a conversation with my

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Speaker 1: mom that I'm looking for some over the knee boots.

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Speaker 1: What pops up in my feet when I'm scrolling last

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Speaker 1: night feeding Dakota every over the knee boots? Most things? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there was that. You're they're listening and they're reading your mind.

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Speaker 1: Don't you feel like that they are? And it's important

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Speaker 1: that you bring that up because the algorithm and then

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Speaker 1: curating content allows them to create a world around your wants,

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Speaker 1: not your needs, around your wants that is not real

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Speaker 1: to the world we existent. For example, you get a

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Speaker 1: chance to choose who you follow, So think about that.

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Speaker 1: You're only following certain type of people, right, So every

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Speaker 1: day you wake up your phone, you're looking at what

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Speaker 1: these people have to say. They're a Indians, how they feel,

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Speaker 1: what they think about the world. What that does is

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Speaker 1: curate your reality because every time you look at your phone,

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Speaker 1: what you see is this. Now, there's a whole real

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Speaker 1: world that exists, but you chose to follow these people,

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Speaker 1: and then the algorithm tends to send you people who

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Speaker 1: are similar to the people you choose, So then they

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Speaker 1: create a larger world that is curated to what you want,

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Speaker 1: not what you need, because what you need may often

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Speaker 1: tend may often say I need to get off this phone.

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Speaker 1: They only curated to what you want because your desires

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Speaker 1: is how you spend money. And think about how that

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Speaker 1: also just affects your overall mood. Right, So if you

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Speaker 1: are looking at social media and for example, they're creating

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Speaker 1: content towards you wants, right, and you're like, man, today's Friday.

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Speaker 1: That paycheck just just hit my account, and now I'm

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Speaker 1: just gonna go off, right, Or you wake up on

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Speaker 1: the morning and you look at your social media feed

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Speaker 1: and it's just like like back in May of social injustice,

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Speaker 1: racial injustice. So you tend to now your whole mood

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Speaker 1: can be thrown on from the moment you wake up

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Speaker 1: and pick up your phone and scroll through Instagram, because

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Speaker 1: there's so much unrest in the world that then now

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Speaker 1: there's unrest in your house, there's unrest in your mind,

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Speaker 1: and where do you ever go to escape from that?

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Speaker 1: I feel like social media at one point was an

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Speaker 1: escape for some people, or it still maybe depending on

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Speaker 1: who you follow. You have that couple that we said

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Speaker 1: in a prior episode that's, you know, always on vacation,

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Speaker 1: So that's an escape for you as you sit in

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Speaker 1: your cubicle at work, or it becomes something that's just

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Speaker 1: gonna be very, very daunting at times and you don't

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Speaker 1: even know how or when to log off. So there's

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Speaker 1: so like the psyche around the social media mind is

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Speaker 1: becoming more and more complex as it becomes a thing

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Speaker 1: where we cater to sales, we care to ads, we

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Speaker 1: care to emotions, there's so many different things to impact. Well.

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Speaker 1: Well here, well let's we'll start with this, right, the algorithm.

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Speaker 1: Remember when I said social media they show you what

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Speaker 1: you want, not what you need. Here's a perfect example.

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Speaker 1: If I create a post that has any word in

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Speaker 1: it that says black, those posts statistically get one fifth

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Speaker 1: of the views as all of my other posts. This

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Speaker 1: is a fact, is the fact that I've done the

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Speaker 1: research on my own social media, my own Instagram, I've

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Speaker 1: done my I've looked at my own analytics. Right. We

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Speaker 1: had a children's book called The ellis Is and the

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Speaker 1: Time Machine. Why do we have to say black lives matter? Right?

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Speaker 1: Every time I post something with the book because it

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Speaker 1: has black in it or black Lives Matter, the engagement

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Speaker 1: is extremely low, which means the algorithm tends to push

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Speaker 1: things that for example, they say that we need aside,

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Speaker 1: let's push them the things that we want. Because here

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Speaker 1: was the argument, right, my social media manager, the Norma,

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Speaker 1: shout out to her, I often do other ads. Those

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Speaker 1: ads that don't have black or black Lives matters still

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Speaker 1: get great engagement. So it's not so much about the ads,

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Speaker 1: it's about what the ads say. And if you think

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Speaker 1: about the fact that the algorithm and the people who

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Speaker 1: control social media control what you see, they're creating your life.

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Speaker 1: Every day you wake up and look at this phone.

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Speaker 1: And I know this could be conflicting for us because

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Speaker 1: we built our whole platform through social media. But part

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Speaker 1: of the reason why we've been able to grow through

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Speaker 1: social media is because we've stayed transparent and we stay

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Speaker 1: consistent to our message. Yeah, on Instagram, I mean on

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Speaker 1: YouTube right now, we probably have a four followers. People

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Speaker 1: always say why don't we have over a million followers?

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Speaker 1: You want to know why, because we don't choose to

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Speaker 1: only show the type of content that people want or

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Speaker 1: the trendy content or the trendy content like what people

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Speaker 1: were doing pranks, like couples of pranks and doing all

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Speaker 1: these things. We're like, that doesn't really speak to us,

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Speaker 1: and it's not part of what we feel like. We

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Speaker 1: want to do it faster easily. If we did pranks,

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Speaker 1: we could have grow our page faster, but we chose

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Speaker 1: to do content that we feel people need. And for

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Speaker 1: that reason, it doesn't grow as fast, but it's still

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Speaker 1: growing and we don't give a ship. But the truth

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Speaker 1: of the matter is, there are a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: a lot of companies who are invested and growing their

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Speaker 1: business through social media, and that creates false realities for

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Speaker 1: people in this world, for sure, and and and and

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Speaker 1: what happens is people don't realize that it's happening because

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Speaker 1: it's never really been broken down for them, and they

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Speaker 1: feel like everything they see on their phone is the

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Speaker 1: whole entire world. So if I see it on my phone,

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Speaker 1: that means everyone must see this and everyone must agree

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Speaker 1: with this, so this must be the reality. When the

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Speaker 1: truth of the matter is, it's not insane. That's crazy

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Speaker 1: to me. It's really crazy to me, because, like you said,

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Speaker 1: with us and our content. The way that we choose

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Speaker 1: to evolve our content is really just showing not necessarily.

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Speaker 1: More So, when people say that they feel like they

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Speaker 1: know so much about us, it's not necessarily that they

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Speaker 1: know more about us, because we've as sected it before.

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Speaker 1: Right all the time that we have in a day.

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Speaker 1: You see a one minute clip, how much is it

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Speaker 1: that you really know? But the good thing is that

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Speaker 1: we try to not just show the highlight reel, which

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Speaker 1: most social media tends to be for a lot of people.

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Speaker 1: We try to also show you guys the backside of things,

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Speaker 1: which was why this podcast was so necessary because we

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Speaker 1: felt that it was it was necessary for people to

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Speaker 1: understand that with the ellis Is, you're going to get

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Speaker 1: the highlights, but you're also going to get the low

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Speaker 1: lights as well. And I think that's the reason why

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Speaker 1: people were able to organically follow us and grow with

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Speaker 1: us um, particularly on Instagram because I feel that's where

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Speaker 1: we have the majority of our followers, but then also

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Speaker 1: on YouTube slowly we're growing there um. But we're always

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Speaker 1: just true to our content. So that's how we can

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Speaker 1: lay our heads down at night. And my my sound

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Speaker 1: bite when I started off in the top of the show,

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Speaker 1: saying that if I knew this is what social media

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Speaker 1: would be, I don't know if I would be on

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Speaker 1: board with it. I really wasn't on board in the

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Speaker 1: beginning because it was just the idea of me having

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Speaker 1: to just put stuff out there about my life and

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Speaker 1: my family and stuff. Um. And in the beginning, it

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Speaker 1: was cool and it was cute when you have two

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Speaker 1: or three thousand followers, and didn't expect not for our

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Speaker 1: platform to grow organically into a platform of millions of

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Speaker 1: poor hundreds of thousands of people that support support us.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have that said. I didn't have that mindset

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Speaker 1: at all. I was like, it's cute in the moment,

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Speaker 1: But when it started to grow exponentially, then I was like, oh, shoot,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know, how is this really

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Speaker 1: gonna go? Um. The shout out to y'all for always

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Speaker 1: holding me down, which I'm always concerned, you know, just

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Speaker 1: being mama bear, which you have to expect. It's like

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Speaker 1: just even thinking about social media and the exposure our

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Speaker 1: kids are eventually gonna have to it, Jackson going to

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Speaker 1: middle school. Um, thinking about the children who are Just

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Speaker 1: yesterday I sent you an article about a twelve year

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Speaker 1: old who committed suicide wasn't necessarily for social media reasons,

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Speaker 1: but just the fact that these things are happening, and

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Speaker 1: it's just super sad to see so um but the

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Speaker 1: gift and the curse. It's it's sad to see, but

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Speaker 1: it's the reality. It's the world. And I think we

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Speaker 1: have to kind of like trying to show people how

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Speaker 1: divisive social media it can be. For example, we know

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Speaker 1: we see this every election cycle. I've seen it exhausting

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Speaker 1: when Obama was running for president. Right, people start to

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Speaker 1: argue and debate on Facebook. It's it's like there, it

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Speaker 1: starts on Facebook, then it goes to Twitter. Right, Because

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Speaker 1: there are different places for social media content. Right, people

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Speaker 1: go on Twitter to be witty, make jokes, right and

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Speaker 1: drag people. Right. Facebook is where all the political stuff happens.

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Speaker 1: Because Facebook is an unlimited caricature. You can just make

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Speaker 1: as big a message as you want. You can post

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Speaker 1: what you want on this Facebook. Instagram is more of

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Speaker 1: for aspirational lifestyle, but people just want to show themselves

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Speaker 1: in shape, going on vacation. Here's a beautiful girl, here's

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Speaker 1: a handsome guy. We just got engaged. That's what Instagram

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Speaker 1: is and TikTok is where all the gen zers go

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Speaker 1: to have fun and make dances. So there's different forms

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Speaker 1: of social media. But what I noticed during the election

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Speaker 1: cycle this year in was it's dangerous when you create

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Speaker 1: you're your following list, and then the algorithm and all

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Speaker 1: the people who you follow creates this idea that your

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Speaker 1: world is the real world. So for example, if you're

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Speaker 1: a Trump supporter and you follow Trump supporters, the algorithm,

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Speaker 1: algorithm is going to constantly send you things in support

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Speaker 1: of that ideology. If you are if you believe in

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Speaker 1: Black Lives Matter and you follow that that that I

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Speaker 1: forgot what it's called, but that hashtag, the algorithm or

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Speaker 1: will show you everything that's in that lane, and then

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Speaker 1: you begin to believe that that's how everybody views and

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Speaker 1: see the world because that's how you see it. That's

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Speaker 1: extremely dangerous because you have two different types of people

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Speaker 1: who've curated their reality based on what they follow, what

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Speaker 1: they like, what they share, and that's all they get

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Speaker 1: fed to their psyche seven and then when they finally

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Speaker 1: meet up face to face, it's like, how could you

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Speaker 1: believe that when when you've been fed all of these

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Speaker 1: ideas and ideology by a computer seven because it's scary. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we've all had that friend that will now speak you

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Speaker 1: into persuasion because they have, for example, the vacs and

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Speaker 1: the un vacs. Yes, that's another great one, and it's

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Speaker 1: just like these people will come now and whether you're

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Speaker 1: vacs provacts or you're not, or whatever the case may be,

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Speaker 1: then you have all of these arguments to support your

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Speaker 1: cause social media, when a lot of people aren't consulting

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Speaker 1: with the real people you should be consulting with, with

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Speaker 1: our doctors and scientists and all that. And then you

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Speaker 1: have people who believe that the doctors and the scientists

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Speaker 1: are all in cool with each other. And then you know,

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Speaker 1: there's a whole, a whole you know, black hole that

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Speaker 1: you can go down when it comes to social media

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Speaker 1: based on that because people are getting this truth from there.

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Speaker 1: They also take the one minute clips and they take

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Speaker 1: the you know, two minute clips, and then they create

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Speaker 1: a whole narrative story behind that one little clip and

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Speaker 1: don't even care to do any additional research to listen

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Speaker 1: to something at length, or to read an entire article

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Speaker 1: to get the context. It just becomes what that is

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Speaker 1: in the moment it's that instant gratification is that you know,

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Speaker 1: what are we seeing right there in this moment that

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Speaker 1: as we take his law and this is what's scary. Right.

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Speaker 1: When we were growing up, in order to be on

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Speaker 1: tell a vision, there was a process, a process that

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Speaker 1: you had to go through to be considered a valuable source. Right,

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Speaker 1: So for example, you you have a master's in broadcast journalism.

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Speaker 1: Journalism at one point was something you said with pride,

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Speaker 1: I am a journalist, which means I have a responsibility

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Speaker 1: to deliver the facts and to be out there in

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Speaker 1: the field to get the facts and speak to the

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Speaker 1: credible sources. Absolutely, and and credibility was important back in

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Speaker 1: the day because you want only people only got their

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Speaker 1: information from certain places that were considered credible. Now with

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Speaker 1: social media, you've given access to the masses to people

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Speaker 1: who are not no longer looking for credibility. They're looking

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Speaker 1: for clickbait value or shock value, which means they'll do

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Speaker 1: or say anything to get people to click on their

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Speaker 1: website or to believe their story. And the truth of

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Speaker 1: the matter is a good lie is better than the

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Speaker 1: truth any day, and a lie travel faster than the truth.

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Speaker 1: So even if someone lies and it spreads like wildfire.

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Speaker 1: Once people know the truth, they don't have the same

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Speaker 1: vigor to spread the truth. And someone's like, oh, that

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Speaker 1: wasn't really or whatever. So you just bash this person, clown,

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Speaker 1: this person dragged them on Twitter, did all of these

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Speaker 1: things based on a lie, and then when the truth

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Speaker 1: comes out, you don't do the same thing and apologize.

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Speaker 1: It's just well, let me look for another lot of

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Speaker 1: followers so I can join the the the what is

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Speaker 1: it called the echo chamber, you know of people the

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Speaker 1: virtual lynch mob, you know what I'm saying, so I

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Speaker 1: can just attack someone else. Like social media has become

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Speaker 1: a place where you really cannot trust the things that

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Speaker 1: you see because technology has made it where you can

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Speaker 1: create anything. It's like Hollywood exists every day. I've seen

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Speaker 1: a video. I've seen the video where it was clearly

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Speaker 1: Oprah and Gail talking, but the faces on the bodies

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Speaker 1: was Snoop and fifties and it looked like Snoop and

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Speaker 1: fifty cent. We're wearing Oprah and Gale wigs and having

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Speaker 1: a conversation and it sounded like Snoop and And I

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Speaker 1: said to myself, whoever created this? Number one is a

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Speaker 1: genius because that type of technology, But also what kind

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Speaker 1: of makes you think, like, yo, how much of the

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Speaker 1: stuff that we see can we actually believe? All can't

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Speaker 1: believe it? I mean the good thing with social media though,

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Speaker 1: is that things blow over fairly quickly. Like you'll be

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Speaker 1: hot in that moment for like a day to maybe

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Speaker 1: three days, and then it'll blow over and everybody forgets

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Speaker 1: about it because, like you said, they're looking for the

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Speaker 1: next clip bank or the next thing that's going to

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Speaker 1: give you shock value. So when social media now relates

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Speaker 1: to relationships, like the stats that you spoke about earlier,

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Speaker 1: there's some dangers involved in social media and relationships, which

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Speaker 1: I'm sure y'all can probably if you haven't been there

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Speaker 1: at some point talking about somebody being in somebody's d M,

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Speaker 1: somebody answering somebody, somebody liking somebody's picture, you know, husband

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Speaker 1: or wife. It can create a riff. I know that.

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Speaker 1: Um social media serves as a distraction from focusing on

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Speaker 1: the interactions that nurture relationships. So social media can you

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Speaker 1: sometime be used to be compulsive? Um it, we can,

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Speaker 1: you can be sorry, making it difficult to manage the

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Speaker 1: time spending it In fact, according to a study sided

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Speaker 1: by psych Central, American college students describe abstaining from social

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Speaker 1: media the same way describe staining from drugs and alcohol

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Speaker 1: of draws, They have cravings, they have anxiety, and they

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Speaker 1: feel jitters if they don't have access to their social media. Wow,

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Speaker 1: that's insane. It has become a way of life though

429
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,959
Speaker 1: it had, Like if not when you meet people down

430
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 1: one day to say, what was ther Instagram handle? In

431
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 1: all business cards, own business cards. It's just people don't

432
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,479
Speaker 1: create websites as much anymore. Just my that's like your

433
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,639
Speaker 1: whole resume, it's your whole cop card if you were

434
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,160
Speaker 1: a model, Like everything is there on that Instagram page,

435
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 1: which I feel like now, I don't know if that's

436
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 1: a good thing or a bad thing when it comes

437
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,120
Speaker 1: to dating, because you have to not find this person

438
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 1: on social media and then you scour their social media

439
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 1: to see what is this person really like? What are

440
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 1: they into? What do they post? You know, are they

441
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: posting a bunch of selfies because they're into themselves? Or

442
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: you know, it's just crazy, how much how many layers

443
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: there are there? Something crazy when people meet people if

444
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,239
Speaker 1: they don't have a social media handle. They look at

445
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: them as if crazy. You don't have this person, don't

446
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: have I G you mysterious. You only got four pitches up? Nah,

447
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 1: something's wrong with this person. That's a sickness that cause.

448
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 1: Imagine if you met someone and you just like, wait

449
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: a minute, you don't do coke, Oh, chick, don't do heroin.

450
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 1: You don't do fitting on either, Like what do you do?

451
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,440
Speaker 1: Like that's how people treat Twitter, Twitter, Gram, Instagram, Twitter

452
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: and Facebook. If you don't have one of the three,

453
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 1: something is wrong with you, you know. And I think

454
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:51,240
Speaker 1: that it's scary because as you have children, I watched

455
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,679
Speaker 1: our children, right, we limit the amount of time they

456
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 1: get a chance to spend time. Like Jackson has a phone.

457
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,200
Speaker 1: People keep saying all the time, I get Jacks, I

458
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: G no, No, he don't need a whyn't you get

459
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 1: a YouTube? He don't need one, he don't. You know

460
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,640
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Cairo and Cast they don't need one.

461
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: But I do pick up their iPads and I see

462
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 1: what they follow. So I'll go to their YouTube page

463
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 1: and they and I see Steph Curry, I see Kyrie

464
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,639
Speaker 1: Irving Bose. You know what I'm saying. But but in

465
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 1: their minds. That's all it exists. And this is how

466
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 1: crazy it is. Right, I'll introduced them to another basketball

467
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,560
Speaker 1: player and they'll be like, oh, And when you see that,

468
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 1: it makes you realize, like yo, Some people stop seeking

469
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 1: information because they feel like everything they found on their

470
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: timeline is the world. That's scary because what that does

471
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 1: is that that creates this narrow minded, egocentric view of

472
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: the entire world where everything revolves around my timeline. And

473
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,959
Speaker 1: if you believe everything revolves around your timeline, you're limiting

474
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: yourself to growing. That's why it's so divisive. That's why

475
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 1: over the last couple of years, Republicans and Democrats, trumpers

476
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 1: versus non trumpers, vacts versus non vacts have been getting

477
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: violent because if in your mind what you see is

478
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,360
Speaker 1: your truth, your reality, it can only be this way

479
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 1: because when I pick up my phone, everybody agrees with

480
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,600
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So in your mind, you think you're

481
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 1: correct because everyone in your timeline is agreeing with you.

482
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: Do like I do, right, kid? You not? I started

483
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 1: to don't judge me. I started to follow Candice Owens

484
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 1: during the election cycle. I don't follow her anymore because

485
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 1: I wanted to see. I wanted a glimpse of what

486
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 1: it was like to be on that side, right, and

487
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:49,520
Speaker 1: then this is a completely different world like the people

488
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 1: on that side. And it wasn't just white Republicans, it

489
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,719
Speaker 1: wasn't just black Republicans. It was just people who agree

490
00:26:56,760 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 1: with her ideology. They all have their own ego, change

491
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: of ideas and thoughts that they believe in. And in

492
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: that world, it's that, that's it. That's it. Be the

493
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 1: idea of something else possibly existing does not happen because

494
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: if we look at our world, look, it's true. And

495
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,120
Speaker 1: I used to watch the comments and see, like I'm

496
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:19,119
Speaker 1: reading the comments, nine of the comments agree with Candice.

497
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:22,399
Speaker 1: I don't understand what I said. Well, have you gotten

498
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: off of candice page and looked at other pages and

499
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 1: see nine of those people don't agree with her. And

500
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 1: it's okay that people agree with her, it's okay that

501
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,160
Speaker 1: people don't. But you have to get a realistic view

502
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 1: of the world by not putting yourself on a timeline.

503
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,359
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Don't don't just create your

504
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 1: world on the tomeline and say everything I get here

505
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,200
Speaker 1: is my world. You have to go out there and

506
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: find out what other people are thinking of, so you

507
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: can get a realistic idea of what the world exists.

508
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: Joke about like, um, what they call it is a

509
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 1: water cooler talk like standing over the water cooler and

510
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 1: having those conversations. I'm curious to know that even still

511
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,239
Speaker 1: really exists in workplaces, right because I can envision if

512
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,239
Speaker 1: you're like in a corporate structure and everyone sitting at

513
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 1: their cubicle working and everything. The minute you have a

514
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 1: break or you're in passing, it's like, let me grab

515
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 1: my phone and start scrolling. You grab my phone and

516
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: starts scrolling. And that's what that was that used to

517
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 1: be away. I want to say back in the day,

518
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 1: you make you sound old, But when we used to

519
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 1: be able to exchange ideas and have conversations and have debates.

520
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 1: And that's why I think about loves to have folks

521
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 1: over so he can just talk and debate and just

522
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 1: have conversations. As you can tell on the show is

523
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,719
Speaker 1: debate and have conversations, because it's like a lost art.

524
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 1: Now all we're doing is just getting what we get

525
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 1: from that narrow minded view that we get on social media.

526
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: Social media literally fries your brain, fries your brain because

527
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: the brain is a muscle and the less you use it,

528
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 1: the more atrophies, and it's not gonna work, you know

529
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So if you really think about it,

530
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 1: if you just condition your brain to exist and believe

531
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 1: in one thing and just only see the world one way,

532
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:55,160
Speaker 1: the rest of your brain is no longer working to

533
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: find other ways to think or do things, and cognitively,

534
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: you start to lose interest, You start to lose the

535
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: ability to think other ways. You know, it's no different

536
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: than reading all your books from one author. Yes, that's

537
00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 1: only read books from this author. That's their perspective, that's

538
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 1: only their perspective. What you're doing when you're on social

539
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:22,959
Speaker 1: media NonStop is limiting your perspective. You're saying, I'm only

540
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 1: going to view the world through these eyes. Let's give

541
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,760
Speaker 1: folks some guidelines for like maintaining a healthy Balancet's do it,

542
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 1: like a healthy balance that you guys can have between

543
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 1: social media and relationships. And I guess there can be

544
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: romantic relationships just person to person into person. What was

545
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: it that personal communication into personal communications? Yes, that was

546
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 1: a course back in the day. I wonder if that's

547
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: now replaced with like social media courses and stuff, because

548
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 1: the course is a thing now that I'm curious to

549
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 1: see what those courses look like now on social media building,

550
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 1: you know, a platform and things like that. But inter

551
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 1: personal communication was very much a thing back in the day,

552
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 1: you know, once upon a time when de Val and

553
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 1: I were in school. UM. So it's evidenced by couples

554
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: who use social media to their advantage. It's possible to

555
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 1: have healthy social media or healthy relationships and still be

556
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 1: actively involved in social media. You and I think a

557
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: fair example. UM. In fact, a two thousand thirteen study

558
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 1: in Social psych Psychological and Personality Science UM found that

559
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 1: people who share information about their relationships on Facebook, we're

560
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 1: comfortable with their relationship. We talked about people not sharing

561
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 1: who they're significant other is. You know, that's the big thing.

562
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 1: Emoji over the face, you know, pretending as if we're

563
00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: not with somebody, you know, the whole hand. You know,

564
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: you see the hand in the picture and she's reaching back,

565
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 1: but it's like this anonymous hand. We don't get the

566
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 1: hand is. However, setting guidelines on how to effectively use

567
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 1: social media can mean the difference between a healthy use

568
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 1: of social media within a relationship and taking it into

569
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 1: a danger zone. For example, number one, do not use

570
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 1: social media as a negative point of compar harrison for

571
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 1: your relationship. So talked about that, if you feel compelled

572
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 1: to make comparisons involving your relationship, compare where your relationship

573
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 1: is today with what it was like a year ago,

574
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 1: five years ago, ten years ago, last week, that matter.

575
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 1: Say that again, if you feel compelled to make comparisons

576
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 1: about your relationship, compare where your relationship is today with

577
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 1: what it was like a year ago, five years ago,

578
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 1: ten years ago, two months ago for those in long

579
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: term relationships or short term ones, because the result of

580
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 1: the comparison prompts changes in behavior that can build your relationship. Again,

581
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: comparing you to you have a perfect analogy. I have

582
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: a perfect analogy. Remember when I used to train track athletes'

583
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: train track athletes, and the main thing I used to

584
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 1: tell track athletes is stop looking at other people's times.

585
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 1: You're not competing with their You're competing with yourself. So

586
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: I had to had a young man who just started

587
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 1: running track, and he was running a hund meters and

588
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: this is his first year running track. He was a

589
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,840
Speaker 1: sophomore in high school. All of his other contemporaries have

590
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 1: been running tracks their whole life, right, So he was

591
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: a sophomore and there were a couple of kids on

592
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 1: the track team who could run the hundred in sub eleven,

593
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 1: so they were ten nine guys. A couple of these

594
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: kids were junior Olympic guys. They've been running since they

595
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: were six and seven years old. This kid just was fast.

596
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: He was a basketball player, naturally fast. So he was

597
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 1: running I think eleven seven. He's running eleven seven. So

598
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 1: the whole track season and he's a sophomore, The whole

599
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 1: track season went around and he went from running in

600
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 1: eleven seven to an eleven two, and one of the

601
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 1: fastest kids on the team went from running attend nine

602
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: to attend seven. And he was pissed. Was He's like, damn,

603
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: this kid still runs faster than me. And I said,

604
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: wait a minute, you dropped your time by five tents.

605
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 1: He dropped his by two tents. Was mean, you've gotten

606
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 1: better over time, Then he's gotten better. He's still faster

607
00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 1: than because he started before you. But you can't even

608
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:04,720
Speaker 1: see how much better you've gotten because you're not comparing

609
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 1: yourself to when you started. You're comparing yourself to where

610
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 1: he that's unfair to you, and he was sure fireway

611
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: to just be depressed, bro, And I try to explain

612
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: to him that that's the problem. It's the same thing

613
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 1: in relationship. You look at your significant other and you're

614
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:22,479
Speaker 1: constantly comparing where you two are compared to other people. Right,

615
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 1: you just got together, you just uh, you just, for example,

616
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 1: purchased a car for your your girlfriend. Homeboy bought a

617
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: house for his wife, and you're like, Damn, I just

618
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,320
Speaker 1: got a car. But then he bought a house. They've

619
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:39,240
Speaker 1: been together fifteen years, y'all have been dating for six months.

620
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: You brought her a car. You should you should be

621
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 1: happy about that, but no, but a lot of people aren't.

622
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 1: I got a car, he's her a house. You know

623
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Damn, I only got her car, but

624
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 1: he was able to get her a house. Man, my

625
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 1: life sucks. Stop comparing your life through social media to

626
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 1: other people. I like that one constantly compared to where

627
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 1: you were in the past. That's the real progress. That's

628
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 1: that's the real process right there. All right, spend time

629
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 1: nurturing your relationship, do the things that create closeness in

630
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 1: your relationship and do them regularly without distraction. That's something

631
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: that we This means leaving the cell phone at home,

632
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 1: turning it off, turning it down at the restaurant, out

633
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 1: of sight, out of mind. The distraction factor is one

634
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 1: of the biggest challenges in social media. According to a

635
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 1: study of Scientific American the presence of a cell phone

636
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: can be detrimental to interpersonal relationships. And that's that's that's

637
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 1: that's not just couples. My girlfriends and I, when we

638
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 1: go out, cell phones in the middle of the table.

639
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 1: That becomes a thing. Now, So when your cell phones

640
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 1: in the middle of table, whoever has the urge, because

641
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 1: you know, it's like crack, Now you gotta pick up

642
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: your phone. Whoever has the urge to pick up their phone,

643
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:49,880
Speaker 1: they're paying the bill. That's that's the A lot of

644
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 1: people do that. Now, implement that with your guys. See

645
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 1: if you see if they'll do it. If we can

646
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 1: just do a dinner, which tends to be an hour

647
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,320
Speaker 1: and a half, two hours maybe depending if it's a

648
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 1: good for end, it could be three hours. But can

649
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:03,240
Speaker 1: the phone be down and no one grab it until

650
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 1: we can fully be engaged in the moment. That as

651
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 1: a couple. We've done as a couple because I know

652
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: I've been guilty of just this aimless scrolling that happens.

653
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 1: And if I'll be like, yo' all one thing, I

654
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 1: will say, I'm not shopping, You're always shocking shopping away.

655
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 1: I'm not a consumer of social media, like even even

656
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: people hit me, but you don't like none of my post,

657
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 1: you don't do you a ghost follower. I'm not a consumer, right,

658
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 1: And I'm not a consumer for a reason, right. I

659
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:32,320
Speaker 1: never want to rely on social media to give me

660
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:35,280
Speaker 1: my view of the world. Right, I'm a content creator.

661
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 1: So we used to have the base because Cadine will

662
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: be like, you're on your phone all the time, and

663
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I create editing, post content, and I'm like,

664
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 1: you're on your phone all the time. And she's just like, yeah,

665
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 1: well you're on your phone. But she used to consume

666
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,040
Speaker 1: she'd be scrolling, and I'm like, there's a difference between

667
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 1: creating content and scrolling. So what we decided to do

668
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 1: was when we go on days, we put the phones down.

669
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 1: When we get home and we're having our moments at home,

670
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,600
Speaker 1: I like, yo, get off your phone, and we are

671
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:02,320
Speaker 1: deliberate about making sure that we tell each other that

672
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: we need this time without the phone. You know, we're

673
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 1: very deliberate about it, because whether you're a content creator

674
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 1: or a scroller, that time you're spending on your phone

675
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:16,799
Speaker 1: and not spending with that person, it's time wasted. Absolutely

676
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 1: definitely time wasted. And I've said before we live in

677
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 1: a world of instant gratification where people also expect to

678
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 1: have access to seven and that is just not healthy

679
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,440
Speaker 1: either because that forbid you don't return a message to

680
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,160
Speaker 1: somebody in what they considered to be a timely manner, whish,

681
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 1: whether it's like it's an immediate a couple hours. The

682
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,719
Speaker 1: other day, a woman saying that she was rude because

683
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:38,840
Speaker 1: you don't respond to her. Yes, I did have a

684
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 1: person that said to a friend of mine that I

685
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: needed to have more manners when it came to her mind.

686
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,320
Speaker 1: You I barely know the person. I kind of know

687
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 1: her through a friend, UM, but I need to have

688
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:54,240
Speaker 1: manners and reply to her d M because she messaged

689
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 1: me and she know that I'd be on my phone

690
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:59,439
Speaker 1: all the time because I'll be posting stories. So girl,

691
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 1: by okay, bye, come back in and buy again. Because

692
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 1: what we're not gonna do is that. First of all,

693
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,840
Speaker 1: you're not gonna tell me when I need to be

694
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 1: replying to you. Second of all, my d ms get

695
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:15,440
Speaker 1: flooded this and if it doesn't say seen underneath the message,

696
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 1: chances are I ain't see a little raggedy message raggedy

697
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: and little message it because I haven't seen your raggedy

698
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 1: little message this, than chances are I wasn't able to

699
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:33,399
Speaker 1: exercise those manners that my parents definitely gave well. So yeah,

700
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 1: back to number three, go'll be getting hot here. Don't

701
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,800
Speaker 1: do it again this season. I knew he was on

702
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,439
Speaker 1: one today when you came in with that red lip.

703
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 1: Thank you, because you know I'm not. I haven't warned

704
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: red Lip in a minute, though, because of the whole

705
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 1: mass situations like I don't let it be all over,

706
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 1: keep it on for you, b keep it on for you.

707
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 1: Won't be a all right, do not maintain a separate

708
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 1: social media life. Share your social media world with your partner.

709
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: So I don't know how many people are willing to

710
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 1: do that. Um does it matter really though? Hold on

711
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,720
Speaker 1: about the time to have to share my social media

712
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: world with with my What does that mean? That's I

713
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,160
Speaker 1: knew you were going to be I knew you were not.

714
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 1: You can see nah see, I knew you were not

715
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: gonna know what this is you No, not even the

716
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: group chats. People have separate social media handles, so they

717
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 1: have the one that they spoused may have, but then

718
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 1: they have a secret handle with other things. I wouldn't

719
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: even know how circle goes. Now I'm gonna tell you

720
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: how I found out about this, right, Okay, one of

721
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 1: my my followers, he calling followers because y'all are like

722
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 1: huge supporters of us. But he damned me and said, yo, bro,

723
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 1: I have a question to ask you. Does Kadeen have

724
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 1: multiple Instagram handles? And I was just like no, And

725
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: he was just like, as I see Codeine, I am,

726
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 1: but I also see Cordean Ellis, So like, yeah, she

727
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: had opened up a Codeine Ellis account, like years Facebook

728
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 1: name for for her for her actual Facebook page, but

729
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 1: that's not one that she uses. Why right, he says,

730
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 1: because my wife has a separate Instagram handle that I

731
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 1: didn't know about. And when I asked her about it,

732
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:24,399
Speaker 1: she says, well, Codein has one too, girl. So I said,

733
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 1: hold on, don't be bringing me into I said, so,

734
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 1: I said, so what did she say Her reasoning was

735
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: for having a separate Instagram handle. Well, she said there's

736
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 1: certain things that she following her and her friends look

737
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: up that she doesn't want him to know about. It's

738
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 1: girl stuff that's her like separate friends life thing. They

739
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,719
Speaker 1: have d m s they do, So should they be

740
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 1: following in pages like eggplant files and ships like that,

741
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:59,880
Speaker 1: like the print anonymous pages and whatnot. So to imagine

742
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 1: if he's looking over her shoulder and she's on her

743
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 1: regular page and it's just all like Bible verses rings

744
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: because he said that she wants to get engaged in

745
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 1: rings and all this other stuff, and you know, then

746
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:15,480
Speaker 1: he's like, oh, she's you know, nice, and it's but

747
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 1: then he goes to the other page and it's out

748
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 1: for black Man and playing Friday, and you know what

749
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:24,800
Speaker 1: I'm saying, then he's going to probably create sweatpants Monday.

750
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:28,799
Speaker 1: See what I'm saying. People have that I found out

751
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 1: this guy to me, So now I got to check

752
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 1: your pe because check and see if anybody had been

753
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 1: to baby check and see. But I didn't ask him

754
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: if he check Stulves. I feel like that's invading. But

755
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 1: I've heard of people having ghost pages, right, or I've

756
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: heard of people being on even just like dating apps

757
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 1: and you know, but that's a whole another that's a

758
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,560
Speaker 1: whole other topic for another day. But yeah, the social

759
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 1: media has I didn't I wasn't sure what they meant

760
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:56,680
Speaker 1: by that, but sharing their world with it because I'm like,

761
00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:58,320
Speaker 1: I know what you and your friends talk about in

762
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 1: your group chats and stuff is you know that's yeah, listen, listen,

763
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,800
Speaker 1: I like it. I like, I like yours, can appreciate

764
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:09,320
Speaker 1: them to myself, walk into the podcast. What's up, buddy?

765
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 1: You know I love your mom and you know that bro,

766
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 1: now he ran he ran away. It's jack. You get

767
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:20,799
Speaker 1: to a certain age, you'll be on the same thing.

768
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: That's a fact. But those are just three guidelines right

769
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: there that they've given us, at least in this But

770
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,959
Speaker 1: I think we can we just go back real quickly.

771
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 1: Can we go back real quick? Because you said something

772
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,360
Speaker 1: about sharing group message and stuff like that, right, you

773
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: know what I talk about with my friends. I just

774
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 1: know a lot of people struggle with having a separate

775
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:47,320
Speaker 1: social media life. Even though they are one way in

776
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 1: you know, in person with their person, their social media

777
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: is completely different. And people have asked me before, like

778
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 1: how open am I with codeine? Having my d m

779
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 1: S and having my this is this is just my truth, right.

780
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:05,840
Speaker 1: I like knowing that I can leave my phone somewhere

781
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,760
Speaker 1: and my wife may pick it up and whatever she sees,

782
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 1: she already knows. I just like that. Everybody doesn't. There's

783
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 1: no surprise. Everybody doesn't. It doesn't know prescribe, doesn't subscribe,

784
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,080
Speaker 1: doesn't subscribe to that. Prescription is just for medication, but

785
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,840
Speaker 1: doesn't subscribe to that. But for me, it's easy knowing

786
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 1: that regardless of whether one of my boys sent me

787
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: a booty shot or a pause or some titties or

788
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 1: some girls that he's looking at, my wife already knows

789
00:42:36,080 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 1: what it is. Because that allows us to exist freely.

790
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:42,360
Speaker 1: We talked about this in another podcast. Just because it

791
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 1: it doesn't work for everyone else, and it works your relationship.

792
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:48,360
Speaker 1: You don't need everyone to understand because a lot of

793
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 1: people feel like, note my, my spouse doesn't get access

794
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 1: to all of that, And that's fine because if that

795
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 1: works for you, that works for you. But this works

796
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:59,759
Speaker 1: for us. Memory about too. I got an email in

797
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,600
Speaker 1: or email like this is a while back though, um

798
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 1: and someone was. I think it was after I had

799
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,399
Speaker 1: either Kyro or Kaz and the person was pretty much,

800
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 1: you know, pleading with me in this email to not

801
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 1: go under the knife to have surgery on my body

802
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 1: because she went through the pages I followed on my

803
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: Instagram and notice that I followed a handful of plastic surgeons.

804
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 1: What in the hell does that have to do with anything?

805
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:29,479
Speaker 1: Does that mean that I'm going to go under somebody's knife,

806
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,759
Speaker 1: No shade to people who do. But since you mean

807
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:36,560
Speaker 1: you took you took time out of your day like

808
00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: you have a whole life, and you took time out

809
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:42,200
Speaker 1: of your day to clock who I follow and then

810
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:45,359
Speaker 1: observe the fact that I may follow six seven, eight

811
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: nine plastic surgeons. And then that now gives you the

812
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 1: audacity to email me to say, Kay, I love you

813
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 1: the way you are, sist with that way on you.

814
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:57,320
Speaker 1: Please don't get no light bob. You don't need no bbl.

815
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,480
Speaker 1: Your asses find the way it is. I did not

816
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 1: ask you. I did not ask you, And I'm sure

817
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,799
Speaker 1: if you invested more time in yourself and in your life,

818
00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 1: you'd be farther along or whatever the hell you got

819
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:10,799
Speaker 1: going on, rather than clocking who I follow this red

820
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 1: lip is we this is a different right now, I

821
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 1: don't even know who did you think about that? And

822
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, that was so that was probably one of

823
00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 1: the most ridiculous things that I've ever seen. But this

824
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 1: is why people have ghost pages to follow those pages

825
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,880
Speaker 1: so that people don't know who they're following. Because I

826
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:26,919
Speaker 1: should use my ghost page. We're not my ghost page,

827
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 1: but use a different page to follow what plastic serve

828
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:32,719
Speaker 1: is just because no, realistically, no, realistically, you don't because

829
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,760
Speaker 1: like we talked about before, people don't have to understand

830
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,920
Speaker 1: what you do in order for you to enjoy your life.

831
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 1: They can think what they think. So if you don't

832
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 1: do it because I'm like I want to, don't shock

833
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:44,840
Speaker 1: your pictures of assides and be like, devout what exercises

834
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:46,520
Speaker 1: like I do to get my joint to be lifted

835
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:50,879
Speaker 1: like that full for full transparency. For full transparency could

836
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 1: be looking at BBLS and saying, devout what exercises cannot

837
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 1: do to get my butt to look like full transparented

838
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 1: some extra hips? How do I work that without having

839
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:03,879
Speaker 1: to do any surgery? So we were we were working

840
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:07,400
Speaker 1: on gluteus minimus glutyus maximum exercises a week. She can

841
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:11,320
Speaker 1: work on helping her hips appear to be wider because

842
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: she wants to look a certain way. Now that's a

843
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 1: whole different order of problems because we talked about body

844
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 1: dysmorphia that women have because of all of the social media.

845
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 1: I had a dude say to me, because of social media, Um,

846
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 1: you seem to be so involved in your wife's looks. Um,

847
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 1: you should learn to love her the way she is

848
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 1: instead of pushing her to work out more. It seems

849
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:41,840
Speaker 1: like all you talk about is working out. Okay. So

850
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: I didn't get as upset as you because I didn't

851
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 1: have on a red lipstick, but I did explain to

852
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 1: him like, hey, I know that you're not used to

853
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 1: seeing someone in power and encourage their wife the way

854
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 1: I do, but this is what she wants. I just

855
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,359
Speaker 1: want her to know that I'm rooting for her every

856
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 1: step of the way. And then he said, it doesn't

857
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: seem that way. It looks like all you care about

858
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 1: is her working out. And once again I said, bro,

859
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:08,880
Speaker 1: you're not used to seeing a man be of of

860
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:11,800
Speaker 1: support to their wife like this, so when you see it,

861
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:14,320
Speaker 1: of course you're going to be thrown off. But you

862
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:16,360
Speaker 1: also don't know a lot of men like me. So

863
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,720
Speaker 1: nor does he see me in the bathroom every morning,

864
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 1: or on the scale, or just breaking myself apart as

865
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 1: us women tend to do sometimes, especially after having four kids,

866
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:26,680
Speaker 1: and just looking for ways that I can improve myself,

867
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 1: you know, and not using anyone's standard as a measure,

868
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: but just my own standard of what I'm looking for

869
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:33,520
Speaker 1: for myself. But also he also doesn't know that because

870
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: he said that, I looked at his page. He's a

871
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 1: dog lover and he's not in a relationship, doesn't have

872
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:41,760
Speaker 1: any kids. So from his perspective, it seems like everything

873
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:46,360
Speaker 1: his perspective is from being a dog lover and he

874
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 1: and you're not a dog. So for me, what he

875
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:53,760
Speaker 1: doesn't realize is that dogs can't speak, so him training

876
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,359
Speaker 1: his dog is him doing things to make his dog

877
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: do them. I have a wife, I don't have a pet.

878
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:01,160
Speaker 1: So when I'm incourage you, I'm not training you to

879
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: go to the gym. You're waking up and saying, Babe,

880
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:05,560
Speaker 1: I want to lose some weight, I want to get

881
00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:07,720
Speaker 1: down here, I want to do this, and me saying

882
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 1: let's do it together. But that also shows you how

883
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 1: social media can create a reality for some people that

884
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 1: is not real, because in this man's mind, I was

885
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:20,480
Speaker 1: just a drill sergeant waking you up at five in

886
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 1: the morning with a pan and the spoon, saying, get

887
00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 1: your fat ass up, let's get on the treadmill. But

888
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 1: that wasn't happening. And the funny thing is all of

889
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:32,120
Speaker 1: these women were coming to my defense and saying, sir,

890
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,480
Speaker 1: you obviously are not married, don't have a wife. Most

891
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 1: women suffer from postpartum depression because they don't have someone

892
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: to support them through the process. They've also told him

893
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:44,440
Speaker 1: if you've been following them for a while, da Vo

894
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,840
Speaker 1: has told Cadine many of occasions that he loves her fluffy.

895
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:50,840
Speaker 1: I love when you have it doesn't matter to me.

896
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: But what it shows you is that people create their

897
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:57,840
Speaker 1: own ideas about what the world is through their social

898
00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 1: media profile and timeline. And not only is it toxic,

899
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 1: but it's crazy. And not only do they create their

900
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 1: own world, they create everybody else's world too. Like you

901
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 1: feel like you have everybody else's world figured out based

902
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,960
Speaker 1: off what they post and clearly, according to me in

903
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 1: my situation, what they follow. Yeah, I mean, And here's

904
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 1: the truth. Man, Sometimes you just follow people for entertainment.

905
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: That's a fact. Like, but this is before social media.

906
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:28,120
Speaker 1: Codeine used to watch was It the Biggest Loser? No, um,

907
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 1: the Biggest Transformation? Um me remember the show we used

908
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:36,719
Speaker 1: to watch in college where excuse me, the people looked

909
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 1: in a certain way and Extreme. Ma used to watch

910
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 1: Extreme Makeover and the home editions, and she used to

911
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:46,800
Speaker 1: watch the People edition where people were getting chin in

912
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 1: plants their jaw online is done. She's just always been

913
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 1: fascinated by people making transformation. A big before and afric

914
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 1: kind of person. It's like, this is not the same person.

915
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 1: This should be like sorcery. Maybe that's like as a

916
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:02,520
Speaker 1: makeup artist to the thing I used to love was

917
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 1: like before and after, just to see like how you're

918
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,319
Speaker 1: able to just really transform. That's like the little artist

919
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 1: in me. But you know, and if I wanted to

920
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:12,800
Speaker 1: go into the knife, I would like some what Like

921
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 1: that's just what it is, is a different I'm just

922
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:23,440
Speaker 1: shot me doing the utmost with the least. Okay, that

923
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 1: being said, I think it's a good point that we

924
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 1: should take a break. Let me cool off, right as

925
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 1: long as you as long as you promised to keep

926
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 1: this energy and this red lipstick on later. This feistiness

927
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:37,799
Speaker 1: is what I like to see. I love it, all right,

928
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 1: I promise you bad. We're gonna come back with some

929
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 1: listening letters after we take a quick break. All right,

930
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:56,839
Speaker 1: we're back. We have to listener letters. They don't seem

931
00:49:56,920 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 1: super long today. What's going on now? You want first?

932
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,320
Speaker 1: You want to go first? Um, I can go first.

933
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 1: Take getting a vow a twenty five year old woman

934
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 1: who was born and raised seven day Adventists or in

935
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 1: a seven day events household. That's similar. My parents, are

936
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 1: you making okay? There's one half of me, and as

937
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 1: you know, they're very much opinionated, to say the least.

938
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 1: I've been with my boyfriend for six years and my

939
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 1: parents feel as if I'm acting like a wife to him,

940
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 1: very similar situations. My parents would continuously lecture me about it,

941
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 1: saying that I should get married or that I should

942
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:34,120
Speaker 1: just go to the courthouse and get it done. Although

943
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 1: I do believe I act more like a wife or

944
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 1: spouse to my boyfriend at times. My boyfriend and I

945
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 1: are overall not ready for what marriage and tails. We

946
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:46,279
Speaker 1: both still have a semester lefton nurse. In school, we

947
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 1: do talk about marriage and would like to get married,

948
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:51,600
Speaker 1: but are both not in a financial position to get married.

949
00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 1: Sart so smart. I feel like, right now, that's a fact.

950
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: Right now I'm one ring. How does the role of

951
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:05,359
Speaker 1: a girlfriend differ from the role of a wife? Would

952
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,719
Speaker 1: it be too late in the relationship to reverse back

953
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:12,279
Speaker 1: to doing only things? Don't reverse this? Don't this is

954
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 1: a good question questions. It's a good question because remember trouble.

955
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 1: How does she ask me that question? Like, I wonder

956
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 1: what Canadian did to become a wife? I gotta start

957
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:24,960
Speaker 1: doing that. She was like, man, I'm tired of this ship. Man,

958
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 1: I'm about to become a wife. Let me find out

959
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 1: what what did I do? Act like a wife the beginning. So,

960
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 1: if you were raised in a Jamaican household, chances are

961
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 1: you were raised to be of service to a partner

962
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 1: or with that being an example of something that you saw.

963
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:45,919
Speaker 1: Regardless of what your parents were going through at the time,

964
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,759
Speaker 1: they were very much taking care of each other. Right, Um,

965
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 1: I feel like I was raising a household where I

966
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 1: was seeing from my grandmother and my grandfather and all that. Um.

967
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 1: The woman being of service to her hush and making

968
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,359
Speaker 1: sure he's taken care of. So I can understand where

969
00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:04,759
Speaker 1: she feels like that that urge or a desire to

970
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:07,080
Speaker 1: take care of him like a wife would, because that's

971
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:08,719
Speaker 1: just what I did. I did the same thing with you.

972
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 1: You always felt taken care of, even if I was

973
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 1: a girlfriend, and it wasn't because I was looking for

974
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,880
Speaker 1: a particular title or I was on the pursuit of

975
00:52:18,520 --> 00:52:20,600
Speaker 1: being your wife or having a ring. It was just

976
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 1: a genuine from day one, from day one, it's just

977
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,279
Speaker 1: how I was like being a nurturer. Wanting to take

978
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 1: care of my partner um was just something that was

979
00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 1: of paramount importance to me. So I can understand why

980
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 1: that's something that she's probably been doing for him. I

981
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 1: think you'll haven't figured out where you want to both

982
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,879
Speaker 1: finish nursing school, both be done, then finally get married

983
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 1: when you're a financial position to do that. Like this

984
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,400
Speaker 1: is these are talking to people who are thinking with

985
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 1: their brains and not their hearts, and there's an understood

986
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 1: something that doesn't need to be said here that you

987
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: both care for each other, you being I understand the

988
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:00,400
Speaker 1: pressure the born and race seven day events are how

989
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 1: strict and confining. That can be. But but you know

990
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,839
Speaker 1: that's the issue though, because if they're living together, her

991
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 1: parents have an issue with them living together, right, just

992
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:12,120
Speaker 1: like without being married, just like my parents did, and

993
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 1: how you did, how you fell in two thousand and seven,

994
00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:18,440
Speaker 1: you were like, I don't want to be a living girlfriend, right.

995
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:20,920
Speaker 1: So I get where her parents are coming from absolutely,

996
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,759
Speaker 1: and as a parent, I can understand where it's coming from.

997
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:25,960
Speaker 1: This goes back to the episode W's Happened to Now?

998
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:29,359
Speaker 1: Kind of tune people out of your relationship and doing

999
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 1: the things that you have to do for your relationship.

1000
00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:34,279
Speaker 1: Relationship does not have to make sense to anyone else

1001
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 1: but you two in order for it to work. So

1002
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:37,720
Speaker 1: when it comes down to a role of a girlfriend

1003
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 1: versus a wife, I think that that can be relative

1004
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 1: to the situation, depending on what you feel or you

1005
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 1: see fit. You know, there's no rule, there's no rule.

1006
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 1: There's no rule. There's no girlfriend's wife do that. There's

1007
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,799
Speaker 1: no rule for that. And I see people sometimes social

1008
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 1: media be like, stopped acting like a wife when you

1009
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 1: really just a girlfriend. That's bullshit. It's it's bullshit, Like

1010
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:00,760
Speaker 1: it really is bullshit when you are and of service

1011
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 1: to someone, You just do what they need and want

1012
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 1: because you have services. Whether you're in a relationship or

1013
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:08,600
Speaker 1: not or married. Facts, you should just be putting your

1014
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: best foot forward with this person. And then if marriage

1015
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 1: is a goal like it is for these two, then

1016
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:15,880
Speaker 1: you work towards that in your time frame. That's here,

1017
00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:17,719
Speaker 1: and it's the same thing, the same thing for men. Like,

1018
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 1: there's no, I ain't doing this because I ain't your husband. Listen,

1019
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:24,040
Speaker 1: we lived together. I'm paying the bills. That's how it

1020
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 1: was for me and Cadeine. I wasn't saying, well, we

1021
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,960
Speaker 1: ain't married, so you got to splay. It's like, no,

1022
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:29,880
Speaker 1: this is what I want to do. So and this

1023
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:33,280
Speaker 1: I'm showing you how our life can be working together

1024
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:35,360
Speaker 1: once we get married. So here's an example of what

1025
00:54:35,480 --> 00:54:38,319
Speaker 1: it is. Her example is making my plate and making

1026
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 1: sure that I'm taking care of So some people be like,

1027
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:42,319
Speaker 1: don't make his plate. You and his wife, don't pay

1028
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:44,799
Speaker 1: her bills. You win her husband. That may work for you'all,

1029
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:47,760
Speaker 1: that didn't work for us. We've been we've been working

1030
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:49,440
Speaker 1: this way, says what would it look like if you

1031
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:52,320
Speaker 1: try to reverse back to being this role of a girlfriend.

1032
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:53,759
Speaker 1: What is that even gonna look like for y'all. So

1033
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:55,920
Speaker 1: now you're going to be acting against what you genuinely

1034
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 1: want to do for your boyfriend and the things that

1035
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 1: you want to do to possibly be a service to him,

1036
00:55:01,080 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 1: because you're fearing what either your parents or his parents

1037
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:06,840
Speaker 1: of the world may think about you acting and not

1038
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:09,439
Speaker 1: according to your title. You know what I mean. That's

1039
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:13,560
Speaker 1: completely ridiculous to me. I say, y'all, have I want

1040
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:15,480
Speaker 1: to hug y'all, have your head on straight. It seems

1041
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:17,840
Speaker 1: like y'all are you know, have your ducks in a row,

1042
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:19,880
Speaker 1: you want to finish school, get yourself financially in a

1043
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:22,359
Speaker 1: position to get married, because I'm sure at the same

1044
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,239
Speaker 1: time to your parents are gonna want that wedding to

1045
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 1: matter to them, like just going to the court to

1046
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:28,200
Speaker 1: do it. Maybe they want to be involved in it,

1047
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:30,600
Speaker 1: you know. Hopefully they're not pushing you to just go

1048
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,920
Speaker 1: do something on a whim when you're not ready for it.

1049
00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: So I think that's more the saying what they want

1050
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:38,640
Speaker 1: to see because people that you know, you know parents,

1051
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:41,080
Speaker 1: So so your dodter is living with some and so

1052
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:48,359
Speaker 1: my mother how to how Joseph of Nursing Rivermanic care

1053
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:53,120
Speaker 1: center telling everyone that my daughters on vacation with a man. Absolutely,

1054
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 1: it was like, it was like, why are you gonna

1055
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:58,239
Speaker 1: tell anybody anything? She said this She ain't had no

1056
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 1: red list on anything. I didn't. I was just like,

1057
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:06,920
Speaker 1: how exactly must I explain to your grandmother that you

1058
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:11,880
Speaker 1: will be living with a man in Michigan. Alright, Ma,

1059
00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 1: come on now, I said, first of all, it's not

1060
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:16,600
Speaker 1: your place to have to say that to grandma. I

1061
00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:18,920
Speaker 1: can call grandma. Let grandma know, and chances of our

1062
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:20,600
Speaker 1: grandma is gonna be on my side because grandma know

1063
00:56:20,680 --> 00:56:24,440
Speaker 1: who she raised food. Grandma got seven kids, so you

1064
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:32,440
Speaker 1: know what it's like to get good. Dude. Listen, if

1065
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:34,719
Speaker 1: I was putting it down when you have seven kids,

1066
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 1: you do put it down right there. Yeah, they actually

1067
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 1: had six kids. It will eight technically in two, but

1068
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:43,880
Speaker 1: they was getting in. Actually, Grandma shout out to Grandma

1069
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:48,120
Speaker 1: and she called me after I add Dakota and she's like, um, baby,

1070
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you about something. And I

1071
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 1: don't know if your mother quite spoke to you as yet,

1072
00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:59,040
Speaker 1: but I am your grandmother and I love you and

1073
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:02,960
Speaker 1: I have to this. I think you should give your

1074
00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:07,440
Speaker 1: body a break now, no more kids, No more kids,

1075
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:10,839
Speaker 1: no more kids. I am speaking from experience. I said,

1076
00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:12,800
Speaker 1: all right, Grandma, I got you, I got you. You

1077
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:16,200
Speaker 1: know serious when they put the age experience and she's like,

1078
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:19,520
Speaker 1: if you're thinking about one more, at least give you

1079
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:22,160
Speaker 1: a body at arrest. And I'm I don't worry, grandma,

1080
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:23,800
Speaker 1: We're good to go over here. I can't give the

1081
00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 1: body arrest because I'm getting old. Stum, my eggs are

1082
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 1: about to be scrambled. Okay, we missed her with covid

1083
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:34,920
Speaker 1: robin for years. With your grandma, You've got to get

1084
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:38,120
Speaker 1: down here soon. We love you, all right, Number two.

1085
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:41,520
Speaker 1: Number two. I am twenty years old, a mother of

1086
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:43,919
Speaker 1: four beautiful children, and I've been married for six years

1087
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:46,560
Speaker 1: and with my husband for nine years. Nice. Life is

1088
00:57:46,600 --> 00:57:49,040
Speaker 1: precious and a blessing. But I am but a damn sure.

1089
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:50,840
Speaker 1: You ain't easy. For a long time now, I've been

1090
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 1: trying to find my place, figure out me, find me,

1091
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:56,920
Speaker 1: get to know me. Does that seem strange? No, not

1092
00:57:57,080 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 1: at all. I feel like everybody says they know me,

1093
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 1: and I don't even know myself. Interesting. I always say

1094
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:07,640
Speaker 1: now that I've lost myself and my kids and in

1095
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 1: my husband. I give to all of them and feel

1096
00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:12,560
Speaker 1: guilty if I take any time for myself. You talk

1097
00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:14,360
Speaker 1: about that all the time. I don't even know how

1098
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 1: to take time for myself or where I would even start.

1099
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:19,760
Speaker 1: I often think about vacations, but even then, when I

1100
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:22,640
Speaker 1: see myself vacation and I feel myself, I see myself

1101
00:58:22,720 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 1: doing it with my husband. I mean, that's what you

1102
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 1: typically do with the life partner. But I mean if

1103
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,240
Speaker 1: you have friends and stuff, you can do that as well.

1104
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 1: Trying to think where would he want to go, what

1105
00:58:32,880 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 1: would he want to do. I tend to go all

1106
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,840
Speaker 1: out for him and my kids too, but when it

1107
00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 1: comes to me, I don't, and no one else does either,

1108
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 1: see not that I tend to hold a lot in

1109
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:45,640
Speaker 1: and I sometimes wish that my husband would just see

1110
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 1: right through my fake smiles and it and the act

1111
00:58:48,320 --> 00:58:50,720
Speaker 1: of happiness. That's what you can't do that. I mean,

1112
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:53,800
Speaker 1: if he thinks you're happy, then yeah, Instead I think

1113
00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 1: he sees it, but he's just absolutely quiet about it.

1114
00:58:56,680 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 1: He's not emotionally there for me, and he tell you

1115
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 1: he doesn't know how. Most story short, I'm there for everybody.

1116
00:59:02,600 --> 00:59:04,560
Speaker 1: I take care of everybody. I do everything for my

1117
00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:07,720
Speaker 1: household down to uplifting, motivating any courage in them. I've

1118
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:10,120
Speaker 1: been there before. I'm a shoulder to lean on, but

1119
00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:12,560
Speaker 1: I don't get the same energy. I understand how you feel,

1120
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:14,920
Speaker 1: except for my big sister, but she lives in Georgia

1121
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:18,000
Speaker 1: and I live in Minnesota. I just need some advice.

1122
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:21,160
Speaker 1: I need advice from another mother wife to another mother wife.

1123
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 1: How do you not forget you? Ps? I manifest sitting

1124
00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:26,440
Speaker 1: on that couch with you all one day and talking

1125
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:30,560
Speaker 1: very real. Um, you can answer you and I'll give

1126
00:59:30,560 --> 00:59:32,920
Speaker 1: my two cents after. So what you're feeling, man, is

1127
00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:36,920
Speaker 1: not a mother wife thing like. That's a personality right,

1128
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:40,560
Speaker 1: because in our house it was flipped right. I was

1129
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,280
Speaker 1: the one who was pouring into everybody, pouring into everything

1130
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 1: and not thinking about myself. I only was focused on

1131
00:59:46,680 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 1: Cadine and focused on the kids. There were times where

1132
00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 1: I used to tell Codeine that I didn't feel like

1133
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 1: it was reciprocated. Here's the difference between you and I, man.

1134
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,760
Speaker 1: The difference between you and I is that you're putting

1135
00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 1: on the face and saying everything so kay and expecting

1136
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 1: him to read your mind. You can't do that. I

1137
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:06,840
Speaker 1: didn't put on a face and expect Codeine to read

1138
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 1: my mom. I would tell her exactly what I want

1139
01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 1: and needed. And this is what happens. People tend to

1140
01:00:12,120 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 1: feel guilty about telling other people what they want and

1141
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:17,120
Speaker 1: what they need because they feel like it's selfish. You

1142
01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:19,600
Speaker 1: are entitled to be selfish with your life because you

1143
01:00:19,640 --> 01:00:23,800
Speaker 1: will only have oneself. Right, You're married, so you choose

1144
01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:26,480
Speaker 1: to be of service to them all the time. So

1145
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:29,320
Speaker 1: if you're of service to them all the time, you're

1146
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:31,800
Speaker 1: entitled to be selfish at times and say, hey, babe,

1147
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:34,800
Speaker 1: this is what I need. You'll be shocked what that

1148
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 1: person will do if they know it needs to be done.

1149
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:41,400
Speaker 1: For example, I told he what I need and what

1150
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:45,000
Speaker 1: I wanted. Did it happen right away? No? But here's

1151
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:48,960
Speaker 1: also the truth, right, people typically resort to their factory

1152
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:53,160
Speaker 1: reset button. Right once they get comfortable, they retort back

1153
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:57,480
Speaker 1: to what just happens naturally. So if naturally right, So

1154
01:00:57,600 --> 01:01:00,640
Speaker 1: if naturally, if I've been taking the the brunt of

1155
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:03,800
Speaker 1: everything on and supporting everyone, when people get comfortable, they

1156
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 1: just go back to that because that's what they normally do.

1157
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:08,600
Speaker 1: Once you tell them that you need them to put

1158
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 1: a little bit more energy in one space. They'll do

1159
01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 1: that while they're reminded of it, but it doesn't become

1160
01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:17,320
Speaker 1: second nature until they practice it over and over again.

1161
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:21,919
Speaker 1: They say it takes a thousand muscle movements to become

1162
01:01:22,000 --> 01:01:25,680
Speaker 1: muscle memory. So telling somebody something one time doesn't mean

1163
01:01:25,720 --> 01:01:28,760
Speaker 1: they're gonna master it after one time. You have a

1164
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 1: responsibility to consistently tell him what he needs to do

1165
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 1: in order to assist and cater to you. And he

1166
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:40,040
Speaker 1: has a responsibility as your husband, to follow through with

1167
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 1: that consistently. And the only way it's gonna happen is

1168
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:44,720
Speaker 1: if you open your mouth. Yeah, you have to talk

1169
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 1: about it. Is instead of saying from one mom to another,

1170
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:50,640
Speaker 1: of one wife to another, this is from one spouse

1171
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:54,640
Speaker 1: and parent to another. Open your mouth and tell him

1172
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:56,520
Speaker 1: what you need and what you want. Because I'm just

1173
01:01:56,600 --> 01:01:58,640
Speaker 1: like the mouth said. I had to be deliberate now

1174
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 1: once he was letting me know about the things that

1175
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:03,360
Speaker 1: he needed, because I was also seeing that he was

1176
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 1: very in tune with the things that I needed, or

1177
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:09,240
Speaker 1: kind of foresaw that maybe some days I was burnt out,

1178
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:11,040
Speaker 1: or some days I need a little bit more help,

1179
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:12,920
Speaker 1: or some things I needed a little time to myself

1180
01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:16,080
Speaker 1: just because of life, Like, I know what it's like,

1181
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:18,320
Speaker 1: and we both know what it's like because we get

1182
01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:21,360
Speaker 1: caught up in the mundane of just like going, going,

1183
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:23,960
Speaker 1: going every day. So I think it's very necessary for

1184
01:02:24,120 --> 01:02:27,680
Speaker 1: you to have the conversation with him and just say, babe, like,

1185
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,320
Speaker 1: is it cool if we plan a trip together. I

1186
01:02:30,360 --> 01:02:32,800
Speaker 1: would love to try this. And that's also a great

1187
01:02:32,800 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 1: way to reconnect with your spouse. And then in terms

1188
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,040
Speaker 1: of you trying to figure out who you are, it's

1189
01:02:37,040 --> 01:02:38,960
Speaker 1: super easy to just get lost in that because you

1190
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:41,200
Speaker 1: don't even know what your life are anymore, your dislikes,

1191
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 1: you know, at this point, you're just doing whatever you

1192
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:46,680
Speaker 1: have to do to stay afloat. Um. I don't know

1193
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:48,919
Speaker 1: about many people that take vacations alone or a couple

1194
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:51,160
Speaker 1: of friends that do. But even if you're on vacation

1195
01:02:51,240 --> 01:02:52,760
Speaker 1: with your husband and you leave him to sleep in

1196
01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:55,040
Speaker 1: for the morning, then you go out and do something

1197
01:02:55,080 --> 01:02:57,520
Speaker 1: for yourself, like we do that all the time, for example.

1198
01:02:57,600 --> 01:02:59,880
Speaker 1: And I think I got what she was saying about

1199
01:03:00,000 --> 01:03:02,200
Speaker 1: going on vacation. She says, when she goes on vacation,

1200
01:03:02,280 --> 01:03:05,360
Speaker 1: the first thing she thinks about is what or what

1201
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:08,680
Speaker 1: he wants to do. Codeine plans all of our vacations,

1202
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 1: and in all of our vacation, she knows that there

1203
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:13,560
Speaker 1: are certain things that I like and love to do.

1204
01:03:13,960 --> 01:03:18,480
Speaker 1: One of them mainly sleeping. So she knows that. So

1205
01:03:18,640 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 1: you know what Canine will do. She will plan during

1206
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,600
Speaker 1: the times when I'm sleeping in she gonna go get

1207
01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:25,040
Speaker 1: her son because she knows that I don't like to

1208
01:03:25,120 --> 01:03:27,000
Speaker 1: bake out in the sun. She'll get up, it'll be

1209
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:29,320
Speaker 1: seven o'clock, She's like, hey, baby, going out to get

1210
01:03:29,360 --> 01:03:31,320
Speaker 1: her coffee. She'll go sit on the beach for her

1211
01:03:31,400 --> 01:03:33,120
Speaker 1: hour or two hours, and then I'll come down there

1212
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:36,280
Speaker 1: and join her around nine ten o'clock. But it's important

1213
01:03:36,360 --> 01:03:40,480
Speaker 1: for you to express this because we talked about the

1214
01:03:40,480 --> 01:03:43,400
Speaker 1: Superman complex. It's unfair to your spouse if you walk

1215
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 1: around with his face like you got everything and inside

1216
01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 1: you're hurting. It's unfair to yourself, But it's also unfair

1217
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:52,880
Speaker 1: to your spouse because you never gave them an opportunity

1218
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:55,640
Speaker 1: to help you. I was guilty of that too, and

1219
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 1: the very beginning to have everything under control. I got it,

1220
01:03:59,320 --> 01:04:00,920
Speaker 1: I got it, I got it, and then be mad.

1221
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 1: What's the matter when you see me having all the

1222
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:05,040
Speaker 1: trouble with the thing, and then you said you had it.

1223
01:04:07,320 --> 01:04:09,320
Speaker 1: How am I supposed to know? And that was more

1224
01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:11,720
Speaker 1: than equipped to assist you. Bro, like you gotta you

1225
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:13,640
Speaker 1: gotta tag me and sometimes and you have to be

1226
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 1: tagged out. Yes, sometimes you gotta be tagged out. Yo.

1227
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:19,360
Speaker 1: Maybe this is what it is. Codeine will come with

1228
01:04:19,400 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 1: the baby and be like, Bro, I'm going to take

1229
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:24,560
Speaker 1: a nap. I'm like, all right, you're gonna go get

1230
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:26,960
Speaker 1: her nails done, her feet though, going for a couple

1231
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:30,960
Speaker 1: of hours. That's It's perfectly absolute, not selfish. Don't feel

1232
01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 1: guilty of perusing the oils of Target is a form

1233
01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:36,440
Speaker 1: of self care. It's just what it is. You need

1234
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:40,080
Speaker 1: a target sponsorship, my guy target? How that at me?

1235
01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:42,440
Speaker 1: All right? If you want to be featured y'all as

1236
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:45,080
Speaker 1: one of our listener letters, email us. You should have

1237
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:48,560
Speaker 1: the email address memorized by now. But if you don't,

1238
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:52,120
Speaker 1: dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E

1239
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:55,040
Speaker 1: A D A S S A d V I C

1240
01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:59,840
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. All right, moment of truth time.

1241
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:02,920
Speaker 1: I want forgot what we were talking about today? Many

1242
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:05,720
Speaker 1: things more. Truth is not simple. Social media is not real.

1243
01:05:07,240 --> 01:05:11,160
Speaker 1: Social media is not real and moment of truth, the

1244
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:15,320
Speaker 1: media of social nous is not real. None of them

1245
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:20,680
Speaker 1: are real. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook media which it is of

1246
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:25,920
Speaker 1: social media, all of the media, not just one medium,

1247
01:05:25,920 --> 01:05:27,400
Speaker 1: all of them. Take it with a grain of salt.

1248
01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:30,720
Speaker 1: Don't compare yourself to it. Don't let your life revolve

1249
01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:33,480
Speaker 1: around it. Don't get let that just be your world.

1250
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:37,560
Speaker 1: That's that's that's that's actually a great one. Don't let

1251
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:43,960
Speaker 1: your timeline become your world. Who new? Don't you dare close?

1252
01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:52,560
Speaker 1: Your rise a new fantastic point of view. They want

1253
01:05:52,640 --> 01:05:57,600
Speaker 1: to tell us no where to go or say we're

1254
01:05:57,760 --> 01:06:03,440
Speaker 1: only dodre really, oh now, get back away from the mic.

1255
01:06:03,480 --> 01:06:05,280
Speaker 1: When you when you take, when you hold the note,

1256
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:07,000
Speaker 1: you got to back away from it. Develop I like

1257
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:08,760
Speaker 1: that song, but you know what would have been better

1258
01:06:09,000 --> 01:06:14,400
Speaker 1: if they were like, oh new, you want to talking

1259
01:06:14,680 --> 01:06:23,680
Speaker 1: to them? Yo? Follow us on social media, y'all. As

1260
01:06:23,720 --> 01:06:28,080
Speaker 1: we talked about social media, we don't want to. Don't

1261
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:31,160
Speaker 1: you forget that's that part because we enjoy having you alone.

1262
01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:33,760
Speaker 1: If if we're a part of your world on social media, y'all,

1263
01:06:34,280 --> 01:06:37,080
Speaker 1: we appreciate you, we love you. We always say y'all

1264
01:06:37,120 --> 01:06:40,160
Speaker 1: are not just followers to us. You support us, you

1265
01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:43,040
Speaker 1: support our content, you support our messages, and we love

1266
01:06:43,080 --> 01:06:46,160
Speaker 1: you for that. So please continue to follow us if

1267
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:49,840
Speaker 1: it works for your world. Dead as the Podcast I

1268
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:51,920
Speaker 1: Am and I Am Devout, and if you're listening on

1269
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:55,920
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and rug with

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Speaker 1: bumba as You're on your way to the moon. Oh.

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Speaker 1: Dead as dead Ass is a production of I Heart

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Speaker 1: Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple

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Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the

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Speaker 1: Podcasts and never miss a Thing