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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk, and today's topic is

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Speaker 1: turning forty, midlife crisis or midlife awakening. So, for all

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Speaker 1: of my nineteen eighties babies, I was born in nineteen

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Speaker 1: eighty six, we're turning forty. We are turning forty. I'm

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Speaker 1: turning forty on January twenty eighth, and I'm entering this

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Speaker 1: year very reflective about it. It's kind of like your

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Speaker 1: life not to sound dramatic, but flashes before your eyes.

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Speaker 1: You have all the memories coming back to you from

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Speaker 1: childhood and teenage years and twenties and thirties, and you

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Speaker 1: start thinking about everything that's really shaped you up until

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Speaker 1: this point. The people, the jobs, the experiences, the relationships,

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Speaker 1: I mean everything. I just keep thinking about literally what

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Speaker 1: I have had to go through to be standing here today,

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Speaker 1: approaching forty years old. It's this somewhat of a life,

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Speaker 1: and I guess that maybe is what happens at midlife.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I've never been this age before, but

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Speaker 1: it's so weird because in so many ways, I still

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Speaker 1: feel like that sixteen year old boy running around the

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Speaker 1: suburbs of New Jersey driving in my sky blue Toyota

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Speaker 1: Camery and now I'm here, Now I'm here. So I

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Speaker 1: think a big milestone birthday, even if you're not turning

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Speaker 1: forty per se, maybe fifty or sixty or even thirty.

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Speaker 1: I think it's a big deal in so many ways

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Speaker 1: because you just can't believe that you got here right.

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Speaker 1: And I think people always have this assumption that, oh,

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Speaker 1: my god, forty, midlife crisis year, over the hill, right.

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Speaker 1: I feel like coming up when my parents were turning forty,

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Speaker 1: over the hill was a big thing. You would see

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Speaker 1: the cards and the parties and everything was over the hill,

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Speaker 1: over the hill, over the hill. I can't say I

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Speaker 1: really see that nowadays anymore, which is kind of interesting.

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Speaker 1: But you saw a lot of it, and you still

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Speaker 1: have this this kind of feeling of, well, am I midlife?

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Speaker 1: Guess I am on paper. And what's really funny now

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Speaker 1: is I have these great, great we'll call them gen

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Speaker 1: z ers who work for me at my show, and

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Speaker 1: a lot of gen Zers who come on my show

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Speaker 1: will look at me and they find out my age

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Speaker 1: and they're like, oh my god, you're about to be forty.

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Speaker 1: You don't look forty, which is a compliment, but at

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Speaker 1: the same time, it's like, oh my god, you're acting

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Speaker 1: like I said, I'm turning ninety five, Like it's I'm

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Speaker 1: at that age now where people can't believe your age.

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Speaker 1: So here we are. And I started thinking about, you know,

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Speaker 1: is this a midlife crisis or a midlife awakening? So

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Speaker 1: let's dive in society. They love a crisis narrative. Right

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Speaker 1: over the hill, life is halfway over. It all goes downhill.

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Speaker 1: Get ready for the downfall of your body. And you

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Speaker 1: know what, I say, Hell no to all of that. No, no,

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Speaker 1: no, no no. I am determined to be the best me

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Speaker 1: I can be at forty and the best shape of

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Speaker 1: my life, achieving my wildest dreams. Like I am not

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Speaker 1: participating in that narrative that society loves to throw at us.

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Speaker 1: For whatever reason. It is no thank you. They want

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Speaker 1: to create panic. I feel like when you hit a

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Speaker 1: milestone birthday instead of peace, and I am choosing peace.

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Speaker 1: I have never felt more secure about who I am

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Speaker 1: in my entire life. I know exactly who I am

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Speaker 1: at forty years old. I can't say I knew that

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Speaker 1: about me in my twenties thirties. I started getting there

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Speaker 1: for sure, but a lot of doubt would creep in,

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Speaker 1: and fear would creep in, and I would spend so

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Speaker 1: much time worrying about and focusing on things that didn't

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Speaker 1: matter to be honest, complete bullshit, and focusing on people

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Speaker 1: or problems that I can promise you we're not being

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Speaker 1: thought about from their end right, Like the things I

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Speaker 1: would worry about about certain people, I can't say they

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Speaker 1: were worried about about me. So I'm choosing a more

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Speaker 1: peaceful life at this point of my life, and I

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Speaker 1: truly have never felt more secure about who I am.

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Speaker 1: That's a blessing about this age, and I love that

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Speaker 1: I'm also choosing people that make me feel good. I'm

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Speaker 1: choosing career choices that make me feel good, experiences that

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Speaker 1: make me feel good. If I don't want to do something,

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Speaker 1: guess what, I'm not going to do it. I'm at

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Speaker 1: the age now where I'm going to say no, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to give you an explanation like I'm

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Speaker 1: just not unless you're one of my closest friends or

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Speaker 1: like a best friend. But how many times are we

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Speaker 1: put in situations by coworkers or acquaintances and we feel like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I have to explain why I can't

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Speaker 1: go somewhere, why I don't want to do something. No No,

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Speaker 1: if it's not something that makes me feel good, I'm

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Speaker 1: just not going to do it, and I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to give an explanation for it. That's empowering at forty.

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Speaker 1: I would never do that in my twenties or early thirties,

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Speaker 1: no way. But now absolutely saying no is a powerful thing,

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Speaker 1: and I have no problem doing it, which I really

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Speaker 1: have to say. I like being someone that was a

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Speaker 1: people pleaser for a lot of my life. For sure.

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Speaker 1: I'm also more motivated than ever to achieve my wildest

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Speaker 1: dreams that I still have. I think that for me,

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Speaker 1: and I hope this is something inspiring for you. I

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Speaker 1: feel like my best decade is going to be my forties.

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Speaker 1: I think I was someone who was meant to achieve

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Speaker 1: all the things that were great, so to speak, in

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Speaker 1: my forties, not to say I haven't achieved them already,

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Speaker 1: and I'm very proud of where I've been and where

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Speaker 1: I've come from and the things I've done up to

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Speaker 1: this point. I give myself that credit. I think we

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Speaker 1: have to honor where we've come from and what we're doing.

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Speaker 1: And I know I've accomplished a lot of things on

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Speaker 1: my list, but I don't know. Man, I feel like

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Speaker 1: my forties is really my time to sink my teeth

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Speaker 1: into I want what I want to accomplish, and I

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Speaker 1: think that's probably the same for many of you. And

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Speaker 1: I did an episode about success having no age limit,

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Speaker 1: and there's so many people who have achieved their wildest

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Speaker 1: dreams later in life forties, fifties, sixties. I've always felt

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Speaker 1: that would be me. I can't pinpoint it. I just have.

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Speaker 1: And I attribute that to also knowing who I am.

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Speaker 1: I think that growing up as a closet a kid

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Speaker 1: in Jersey and always feeling like i'd approved myself or

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Speaker 1: hide something like, all of that's gone. All of that

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Speaker 1: is gone. I can really just allow myself to enter

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Speaker 1: into the space I want to enter and bringing my

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Speaker 1: full self to it. And I don't care about I

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Speaker 1: don't care about falling on my face, I don't care

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Speaker 1: about not looking cool doing something like. I just I

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Speaker 1: want to do what I want to do and I

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Speaker 1: don't care about other public opinion. And I think that

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Speaker 1: is so fucking freeing. Oh my god, it feels so good.

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Speaker 1: So I think that being at this point in my life,

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Speaker 1: it is gonna it is gonna help me achieve the

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Speaker 1: things I really want to achieve. Still, and there are

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Speaker 1: all sorts of different things. And we should never stop dreaming.

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Speaker 1: Dreaming forty doesn't mean we have to stop dreaming. We

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Speaker 1: should never, ever, ever stop dreaming, because it's just the beginning,

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Speaker 1: in so many ways, the beginning of a new chapter

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Speaker 1: of stepping into who we really are. So dream big,

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Speaker 1: Dream so big. I'm also more encouraged to live, to

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Speaker 1: say yes, to take a chance. I'm somebody that traditionally

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Speaker 1: maybe has always been kind of type A, a little anal,

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Speaker 1: very organized, and I don't know if something has been

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Speaker 1: planned it can frazzle me. Maybe I think, oh no,

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Speaker 1: I can't do that. And here's an example. A few

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Speaker 1: weeks ago, I've always wanted to see the Danity Cane concert.

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Speaker 1: They were reunite. They're a girl group from like two

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Speaker 1: thousand and eight nine that were made on a trl

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Speaker 1: MTV show and not Tararel, but on an MTV show,

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Speaker 1: and I love them growing up. I think they were

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Speaker 1: so great. And they were doing a reunion tour and

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Speaker 1: stopping here in New York City at Webster Hall and

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Speaker 1: I've been saying for days and days and days, Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I wish I could see them, and I

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Speaker 1: didn't get tickets. And then the day of I woke

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Speaker 1: up and I'm like, damn, I'm still thinking about this.

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Speaker 1: I really want to go, but it's the day of, Like,

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Speaker 1: I can't go to a concert tonight, and how to

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Speaker 1: even get tickets or sold out? Well, guess what I

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Speaker 1: DMed and a member of the group, her name was Andrea,

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Speaker 1: and I said, Hey, if there's any chance to grab

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Speaker 1: some tickets, I know you guys hold them sometimes for

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Speaker 1: friends and family. Let me know. We'll love to grab

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Speaker 1: a ticket. She go back in seconds, and next thing

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Speaker 1: I know, I'm on the VIP list going to see

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Speaker 1: Danity Kane at Webster Hall with a friend. Like I

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Speaker 1: feel like I maybe wouldn't have done that a year ago,

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Speaker 1: but this Tommy, this Tommy is seizing the day and saying,

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Speaker 1: we have one life to live and let's go out

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Speaker 1: there and do fun experiences and make them epics. So

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Speaker 1: I'm more inclined to live and say yes and just

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Speaker 1: jump onto things without having so much planning or worry,

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Speaker 1: like it's just a beautiful thing. I also at forty

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Speaker 1: almost forty. I'm caring less about people's opinions. I'm caring

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Speaker 1: less about setting boundaries, like I will set a boundary

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Speaker 1: if I need to, and I'm not going to feel

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Speaker 1: bad about it. I'm more confident, but it's a quiet confidence.

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Speaker 1: It's a quiet confidence. It's not arrogance. I'm just quietly confident.

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Speaker 1: And words hurt less. We all have people that want

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Speaker 1: to say bad things about us, or knock us down

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Speaker 1: or talk behind our back, especially doing what I do.

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Speaker 1: I see some not so great comments sometimes online or

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Speaker 1: people will message me them, which are awful, and I

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Speaker 1: don't care. Like. The funny thing is the gag is

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Speaker 1: I just don't care. Like if somebody doesn't like I

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Speaker 1: don't know an episode on my show or what I'm wearing,

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Speaker 1: or they think I'm too you know, buff, or too skinny,

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Speaker 1: or my next too big. These are all things I've gotten.

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Speaker 1: Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? I don't care.

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Speaker 1: Words hurt less like words hurt less, right, so public

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Speaker 1: opinion I don't really care about. That's a freeing thing.

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Speaker 1: At forty, it's pretty cool now. I want people in

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Speaker 1: my life who I love to feel proud of me

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Speaker 1: and to you know, look at me as someone that

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Speaker 1: they feel inspired by maybe or motivated by. Like I

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Speaker 1: want the people I love to feel that way, and

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Speaker 1: I hope people that I don't know feel that way

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Speaker 1: because I try to live my life being a good

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Speaker 1: person and putting kindness into the world. And the whole

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Speaker 1: point of my platform is I want to bring people

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Speaker 1: a little more joy than they had before tuning into

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Speaker 1: something that I'm doing. But if you're talking shit, guys,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. And as we grow

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Speaker 1: older we learn that and we don't hold onto those

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Speaker 1: words as much. Oh it's a beautiful thing because don't

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Speaker 1: let anybody dull your crown. You shine that crown so

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Speaker 1: damn brightly on your head and don't let anybody do

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Speaker 1: all that. That's a cool thing about forty right. So

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Speaker 1: I just feel like knowing who I am allows me

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Speaker 1: to step into what I want to be in this

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Speaker 1: next era. A piece of fear may always be there,

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Speaker 1: can't always shake it, but it's less It's a different

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Speaker 1: kind of fear. It's a fear that motivates and inspires me.

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Speaker 1: And I'm sure there are moments I will be flat

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Speaker 1: out just scared shitless, and that's also fine because I

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Speaker 1: want to feel that. That means I'm living. It means

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Speaker 1: I'm trying something new. It means I'm in the arena.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing it. So I'm not scared of fear. I'm

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Speaker 1: and I'm not sad. I'm not sad to be turning forty.

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Speaker 1: I'm nostalgic. I'm thinking a lot about defining moments of

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Speaker 1: my life personally and professionally. I'm thinking about friendship's loss,

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Speaker 1: friendship's gained. I'm thinking of people who I love who

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Speaker 1: have passed. It's a very reflective period. But I said

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Speaker 1: the word peaceful earlier, and I mean it. I'm in

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Speaker 1: a very peaceful moment of my life. And I'm realizing

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Speaker 1: that time is so precious. I feel like I blinked

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Speaker 1: and here I am. I can't believe it. I really

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Speaker 1: do feel like a teen sometimes still and wow, like

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Speaker 1: here I am at forty. So you realize how precious

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Speaker 1: time is. And it's a reminder to savor every moment

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Speaker 1: of life, to live, to truly live life. So for

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Speaker 1: anybody listening who might be hitting a milestone, who have

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Speaker 1: hit a milestone, I just want to say it keeps

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Speaker 1: getting better. It keeps getting better if we continue to

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Speaker 1: take care of ourselves, prioritize ourselves, sleep, eat well, move

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Speaker 1: our bodies, hopefully do a job that fulfills us, and

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Speaker 1: if not, find activities that fulfill us, because that's okay too,

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Speaker 1: that's totally okay, right, And just having some sort of

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Speaker 1: outlet of joy and creativity. I think that's really important.

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Speaker 1: And we have one life to live, one life to live.

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Speaker 1: Yeah I'm forty. Yeah, that used to be called over

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Speaker 1: the hill, But you know what, bring it on, because

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Speaker 1: I have never felt better in my life. I have

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Speaker 1: never felt better in my life. Age is a mentality,

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Speaker 1: it's a number, and I am just so excited to

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Speaker 1: see what this decade is going to bring. So just remember,

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Speaker 1: my friends, as we continue to grow older in this wild,

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Speaker 1: crazy life that we are in, let's make it the

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Speaker 1: damn best we can because we have one shot at it.

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Speaker 1: We have one shot at it, and we deserve to

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Speaker 1: live a life that we dream on. I've never said

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Speaker 1: this before. Is hosted by me Tommy Dedario. This podcast

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Speaker 1: is executive produced by Andrew Pavlici at iHeartRadio and by

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Speaker 1: Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney I've never said

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Speaker 1: this before is part of the Elvis Durant podcast Network

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Speaker 1: on iHeart Podcasts for more, rate, review and subscribe to

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Speaker 1: our show and if you liked this episode, tell your friends.

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Speaker 1: Until next time, I'm Tommy Dedario.