Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want to be.
Speaker 2: There, doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give
Speaker 2: us time and they turmino and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off in style. Do you
Speaker 1: wanna welcome you back home?
Speaker 2: Tell us all about every scared or was it fine?
Speaker 3: Melbourne?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do your need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Ride? Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to
Speaker 4: Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: This is Karen Kilgarriff.
Speaker 4: You like that position? No, okay, Karen is driving my
Speaker 4: Honda car. We are in the car. That's what you heard, right, Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's studio. You can tell by the lowerds sown quality guys.
Speaker 1: This is we're back to our roots.
Speaker 4: Our roots. As some might say. Some people say creek
Speaker 4: or creek.
Speaker 3: I mean I want to say whatever sounds the most
Speaker 3: old fashioned, yeah and kind of wild Westie, So I.
Speaker 4: Say roots, We're back to our roots. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: That guy pulled all the way over and he didn't
Speaker 1: need to. And sometimes I find.
Speaker 4: That's passive aggressed I think he's being condescending.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but then it also could just be maybe he
Speaker 3: just paid his car off and he's just like, please, God,
Speaker 3: can I just have a nice thing for five minutes?
Speaker 4: Well, people that live up here, there's a reason I
Speaker 4: don't know where we are. Do you know where we are?
Speaker 1: We're in the Bourbank Hills.
Speaker 4: Oh it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: Look at that reindeer.
Speaker 4: They're ready, they are ready for the holidays.
Speaker 1: It's pretty nice up here.
Speaker 4: It is very nice up here. And whenever someone lives
Speaker 4: in a nice place, I consider it some version of
Speaker 4: white flight. Like they're scared of people, and of course
Speaker 4: they pull over when they're driving because they think the
Speaker 4: world is going to attack them.
Speaker 1: Yes they do.
Speaker 3: They watch a lot of Fox News probably and they're
Speaker 3: told the world is going to attack them because that
Speaker 3: is what's financially beneficial for Fox News.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But I find also those same people that are
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 3: Also are the same people who get pure bread dogs,
Speaker 3: bring them to the dog park, and then will not
Speaker 3: leave the fucking dog alone the entire time it's at
Speaker 3: the dog park.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, when people get frustrated that their dog is
Speaker 4: playing with other dogs, which is the why dog parks.
Speaker 3: Exist and the only thing a dog wants to do.
Speaker 3: They don't want to play catch with you. They don't
Speaker 3: give two fucks about you and your girlfriend. They just
Speaker 3: want to go run around. And of course, my garbage
Speaker 3: dog Frank, who can't not bark at every dog he sees,
Speaker 3: will run up to try to get the dog to
Speaker 3: chase him and bark at the dogs, and then they're
Speaker 3: like stat scaut and then like start pulling the dog
Speaker 3: toward them as if Frank's going to attack them, and
Speaker 3: instead instead of understanding that that's how dogs interact and
Speaker 3: play with each other, and it's one of the most
Speaker 3: irritating things there is.
Speaker 4: I don't I don't like people at dog parks. I
Speaker 4: do like dogs at dog parks. I'm not a dog owner,
Speaker 4: but I the times I've been to a dog park
Speaker 4: with a friend's dog, just watching them team up into
Speaker 4: clicks mm hmmm, very high school. They do that, get
Speaker 4: into groups and they're like, let's hang out. You have
Speaker 4: a similar bill to as me. Yeah, so we're gonna
Speaker 4: have some animosity at first, but then we're going to
Speaker 4: team up. And then they of course team up on
Speaker 4: a little dog and knock him over and he rolls
Speaker 4: around and knocks over the water bowl. It's so fun, yep,
Speaker 4: to watch dog communities form on some primitive level. It's
Speaker 4: like a society building. I love it.
Speaker 1: I do too, and I love watching my dog.
Speaker 4: God, that's an ugly mustard colored.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a horrible house.
Speaker 4: We're talking about seventeen seventy Cleveland. Go ahead and everything.
Speaker 4: I won't see it because it's yolk colored.
Speaker 3: What if there's like an old man sitting in his
Speaker 3: gorgeous bows speakered room inside that house, listening to our
Speaker 3: podcast and he hears his address, It's just.
Speaker 1: Like, what the fuck?
Speaker 4: I finally made it.
Speaker 1: They're insulting my beautiful mustard home.
Speaker 4: I'm insulted, yet so excited to be mentioned on diner.
Speaker 1: I'm a diner head from way back.
Speaker 4: I usually trow if there is a bus. We used
Speaker 4: to do acid and go to shity shitty. I am
Speaker 4: done with that character. It's hard, it's all right, it's
Speaker 4: hard on the the old vultual chords. I dinar means
Speaker 4: something other than do you need a ride? Abbreviated an
Speaker 4: acronym if we will anytime, abbreviated word, you say it
Speaker 4: and it's a word. It's called an acronym. People often
Speaker 4: take a call M I T for instance, an acronym. No,
Speaker 4: those are initials unless you call it mitt.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 3: I see you speak it out as well. So dinar
Speaker 3: is in reference to something.
Speaker 4: What if on Instagram? Every time I tag a photo
Speaker 4: or something, dinar or it's whatever whatever your social media is.
Speaker 4: But there's hundreds of them and I click on it,
Speaker 4: and it's like Indian folks. So in India, I think
Speaker 4: it means something like a celebration maybe, or what if
Speaker 4: it means uh, what if? It's what if? What if
Speaker 4: we're maybe I should do that research.
Speaker 1: I mean we could what if we're.
Speaker 4: Proclaiming something religious or political?
Speaker 3: I feel like And this is a total guess. Uh,
Speaker 3: isn't dinar or DNR? Dinar money in India could be
Speaker 3: like the dollar over there, but it's spelled with an
Speaker 3: I on y No, this.
Speaker 4: D y n a r is a trending always. Uh,
Speaker 4: there's always hundreds of people talking about dinar and then
Speaker 4: I'll click on it and it's people in dressed up
Speaker 4: in nice robes and burcas and whatever. Shawls pas mean
Speaker 4: as sarongs be dazzled capes on their forehead. Yes, bolero ties. No,
Speaker 4: I'm just saying words, but it is is something and.
Speaker 1: Some day we'll find out what it is. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and do a special special episode on.
Speaker 4: Someone looked it up right now and they're gonna someone
Speaker 4: let us know. Someone corrected me the other day that
Speaker 4: the cook from you Can't do That on television is
Speaker 4: is not Barf, It's Barth. I don't know. Maybe it
Speaker 4: was during another podcast. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I wonder.
Speaker 3: Oh so someone that liked it enough to correct you
Speaker 3: during a different podcast.
Speaker 4: They woke up, they opened their laptop, they cracked their knuckles,
Speaker 4: and they fired off a tweet directly to me.
Speaker 1: That's kind of But don't you think he was named Barth?
Speaker 3: Because it sounds like Barf and he was a cook
Speaker 3: and its children's whatever stet.
Speaker 1: Show or whatever it was.
Speaker 4: Also, I know the guy's name isn't Barf.
Speaker 1: Oh I think I said Barth. I don't know who cares.
Speaker 4: You can't do that on podcasts.
Speaker 1: You can't be wrong about Barf on podcasts.
Speaker 4: These houses are beautiful, I know, aren't they nice? Look
Speaker 4: at that one? What do these people do for a living? Something?
Speaker 3: Spect they all own a piece of the Zancu chicken Empire,
Speaker 3: almost all of them. I actually looked at houses in
Speaker 3: this area. I looked at houses in this area long
Speaker 3: ago when I bought my house. Uh, and there are
Speaker 3: This is a very Armenian neighborhood, which is what that
Speaker 3: joke is about. If you're from a different part of
Speaker 3: the country and didn't get it, Zanku's local chicken restaurant
Speaker 3: that everyone loves and is this is the highest percentage
Speaker 3: of population of Armenians outside of Armenia is in Glendale, really,
Speaker 3: which is where we are.
Speaker 1: We're the Glendale Bourbank Hills.
Speaker 3: Wow, and there's tons of Armenians around here. And there
Speaker 3: is a generalization. But from the houses that I looked at,
Speaker 3: they love tile, marble tile and gold fixtures.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that was.
Speaker 1: Almost all the houses around here.
Speaker 3: The outside it looks like a normal ranch style house,
Speaker 3: but the inside it looks like a gorgeous.
Speaker 1: Palace, but only like say eleven hundred square feet.
Speaker 4: I think, Yeah, I used to like tile and gold
Speaker 4: fixtures are brass, you know, I'm not rare Check grew
Speaker 4: up with a lot of brass from a store down
Speaker 4: the street called Oaken Brass. There was made of oak
Speaker 4: and or brass.
Speaker 1: Oh that's so eighties.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it was so eighties everything there, it's it's
Speaker 4: just walking into the eighties.
Speaker 1: But oak and brass. It would be a miracle if
Speaker 1: that place was.
Speaker 4: Still I think it is. It's part of a place
Speaker 4: called Furniture Row. It just had to get absorbed by
Speaker 4: some sort of mattress outfit.
Speaker 3: Yes, or by Moda Italia two thousand or whatever that
Speaker 3: place is.
Speaker 4: It'd be fun to wear a mattress outfit and then
Speaker 4: just kind of purposefully fall down hills. I'm sorry, everyone's
Speaker 4: that's what they call a curveball in the buz.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No one saw that mattress outfit joke coming.
Speaker 4: It was shocking, and no one said goodbye to it.
Speaker 1: No one let it in the front door. Everybody locked
Speaker 1: down for the evening.
Speaker 4: Are you saying that I shouldn't have that be my Halloween.
Speaker 1: Costume mattress outfit?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a bed No I can't, but you will
Speaker 3: get tired within the first half hour and be really mad.
Speaker 4: It would be fun to dress up like a pretty
Speaker 4: convincing bed.
Speaker 3: A guy in his bed, Yeah, I bet, I bet
Speaker 3: that's been done.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do. I mean I did it before. I
Speaker 4: did a guy sitting on a toilet. So I turned
Speaker 4: my body waist down into a toilet. I paper machee
Speaker 4: my real toilet, put it around my waist, made little
Speaker 4: fake foam rubber legs with a carving knife and a
Speaker 4: carving knife and a mattress, which is why I bring
Speaker 4: it up. I little leg so it really looked like
Speaker 4: I was sitting on a toilet, and it looked like
Speaker 4: the fake legs where my legs and I'm sitting. It
Speaker 4: was so fun.
Speaker 1: People loved it.
Speaker 4: I went to costume contests two hundred bucks here, one
Speaker 4: hundred and fifty here. Yes, I just swept the town.
Speaker 4: Fuck yes, I didn't even have fun that night. I
Speaker 4: saw it as a way to make money.
Speaker 1: It was you were a businessman and I'm not.
Speaker 4: A toiletore as in my early twenties.
Speaker 1: Uh, you could do this again.
Speaker 4: I think I want to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you should.
Speaker 4: You're an artist started on it.
Speaker 1: You're a comedian and an artist.
Speaker 3: You're the one of the few people who can actually
Speaker 3: do a funny Halloween costume correctly. You know, there's a
Speaker 3: lot of people who are like I know, I'll do
Speaker 3: a funny Halloween costume.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a racist. I'm gonna be in the
Speaker 1: KKK shit like that. You're like, no, this a.
Speaker 3: Isn't funny, And then, b why would you put your
Speaker 3: time into that?
Speaker 4: Right? I don't. Just think about how many people this
Speaker 4: year are going to be dressed as Trump. It makes
Speaker 4: me want to stay home.
Speaker 1: Well, it's why I stay home.
Speaker 4: So many people are going to be Trump this year. Yeah,
Speaker 4: just what they're shitty? Wig think of it. If there's
Speaker 4: a guy and he's in a store bought Trump costume,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna treat him like the actual.
Speaker 1: Donald Trump and spit right on him.
Speaker 4: Spit right into his bird's nest.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna grab his pussy. Sorry, I had to say it.
Speaker 3: It's topical.
Speaker 1: Apparently we're all allowed to say it now. You can
Speaker 1: say pussy as much as you want. They do it
Speaker 1: on the news like it's not a problem.
Speaker 4: The funny thing is, I listen to that, and I was,
Speaker 4: of course horrified. But when he said the way delivery,
Speaker 4: and it was like being in a boy's locker room
Speaker 4: hearing that, It's all I left thinking. After hearing that
Speaker 4: conversation was so much I didn't like Billy Bush because
Speaker 4: he already was defending Ryan Lockley and defending rape and stuff, right, wasn't. Yeah,
Speaker 4: he's a piece of shit already.
Speaker 1: Yeah he's a huge but no one knew.
Speaker 4: So the Trump part, I'm like, yeah, oh wow, he
Speaker 4: said the wrong thing. But when he said, oh, I
Speaker 4: just go up and grab him by the pussy, he
Speaker 4: was trying to he was being funny. He was trying
Speaker 4: to shock Billy Bush and make him laugh and it worked.
Speaker 4: And then yeah, it worked, So I wasn't. I left
Speaker 4: that thinking, yeah, Trump piece, same old Trump, but Billy
Speaker 4: Bush he can go eat it. Yeah he deleted his
Speaker 4: Twitter account.
Speaker 1: Did he really?
Speaker 3: I'm sure people were really attacking what an admittance of guilt.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, every every comment it's about him, because the
Speaker 4: Trump thing isn't really news.
Speaker 3: Uh well, also, you know that's I feel like that's
Speaker 3: the kind of it boils down to a thing like that,
Speaker 3: whereas everybody knows kind of what Trump is on the surface,
Speaker 3: it's that thing of and I think it's an impossible request,
Speaker 3: but it's that thing that like women talk about all
Speaker 3: the time where it's just like the Billy Bushes are
Speaker 3: worse than the Trumps, because Trump you can see coming.
Speaker 3: It's the billy Bush that you would trust, that you
Speaker 3: would tell stuff too, that you would you would treat
Speaker 3: like a friend, and that you would expect to be
Speaker 3: treated that way.
Speaker 1: And they're the ones that like.
Speaker 3: But then when it's boys time, like all bets are
Speaker 3: off and you can just fucking like demean whoever whenever
Speaker 3: for your own joy.
Speaker 1: That's the That's what I think.
Speaker 3: What women really fear are the fake, fake friends that
Speaker 3: are actually just total fucking pigs.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a shame. There's some guy you see, be
Speaker 4: actor guy that you know I go part of the
Speaker 4: show sometimes as a judge, and he's one of the
Speaker 4: performers and he seems nice, but he has this alter
Speaker 4: ego that online he says horrible anti women things as
Speaker 4: a as a rape what do you call it when
Speaker 4: someone does that thing? Rape apologist, rape apologist. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: it's not a character I don't think.
Speaker 1: I think, I'm no, Well, there's a lot of guys
Speaker 1: that are like, it's.
Speaker 4: A fucking horrifying because you wouldn't know from looking at
Speaker 4: the dude or talking to him. It seems nice, but
Speaker 4: once that was out there, you know, it's just so
Speaker 4: horrible that how often is that person just walking around
Speaker 4: and you think they're just a normal nice guy, or
Speaker 4: maybe if at worst socially awkward or whatever, But inside
Speaker 4: they are seething terrible. They are terrible things because their
Speaker 4: mom burned them in a bathtub when they're a kid, yes,
Speaker 4: or or for no reason, just because.
Speaker 3: They're past because they're a sociopath, yeah exactly, or yeah,
Speaker 3: they had either a bad mom or they had a
Speaker 3: way too nice mom or whatever.
Speaker 1: There's lots of reasons that people are damaged.
Speaker 4: Every relationship I have that doesn't go well, I blame
Speaker 4: on being circumcised too late in my babyhood. He did
Speaker 4: a sloppy job. I don't know why he signed us an.
Speaker 3: I used to blame it a lot on that I
Speaker 3: was nursed. The nursing end ended too quickly for me.
Speaker 3: But then my mother said when I told her that
Speaker 3: I'd read that somewhere, my mother said, it's always the
Speaker 3: mother's fault.
Speaker 4: Oh that's funny, And.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I guess that's true.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's never like what if it's because your dad
Speaker 3: was withholding or whatever, or your your.
Speaker 4: Dad was basically actually pulling you away from her breast.
Speaker 1: Now it's my turn.
Speaker 3: Now he would yell at a child who the weirdest dad.
Speaker 4: Daddy want milky. He talks, we hate this person.
Speaker 3: No, you know what, Now I'm on that rape apologist's
Speaker 3: side because it all makes sense.
Speaker 1: So if you just explained that at the beginning.
Speaker 4: If I just started this with my daddy want milky character.
Speaker 3: But I have to say, remember, you know, five years ago,
Speaker 3: at the beginning of the like, rape jokes are fine,
Speaker 3: whatever Second Amendment or whatever.
Speaker 1: The fucking argument that everyone was having.
Speaker 4: Oh oh, kind of spurred people are talking about it
Speaker 4: because of some Daniel Tosh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it was that, all of the joke.
Speaker 4: And man, it's a bad example of someone he just
Speaker 4: there's no way.
Speaker 3: That joke could be funny setting it up that way
Speaker 3: of saying everything's funny, no matter what the end of
Speaker 3: that joke has to be so funny that it's impossible.
Speaker 3: He screwed himself by even setting something up that way,
Speaker 3: because it's like, well, first of all, I don't know
Speaker 3: how funny you are to begin with, and now you're
Speaker 3: basically setting up this bar that you have to jump
Speaker 3: over that you're not going to be able to.
Speaker 4: I've heard the real joke, and it the people talking
Speaker 4: about it afterwards. It was worse the way he delivered it.
Speaker 4: I remember, Yeah, it wasn't the funniest joke in the world,
Speaker 4: but it also wasn't He wasn't simply saying rape is funny,
Speaker 4: or it was I can't remember. It's so hard to
Speaker 4: talk about people's material. Well, but there's so many better
Speaker 4: examples I think of offensive the people. I just meant.
Speaker 4: I do think audiences act appropriately though, when just when
Speaker 4: that word comes up, they're kind of trained to not laugh.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's you know.
Speaker 3: Part of my point is that that when that discussion started,
Speaker 3: it seems so impossible because there was many many more
Speaker 3: rape joke apologists and people who are like, look, it's
Speaker 3: not a problem or whatever. And over time I think
Speaker 3: people have slowly begun to wake up to the fact
Speaker 3: that just because like it can't or doesn't or hasn't
Speaker 3: happened to you, that doesn't mean you get to dictate
Speaker 3: how people receive that right topic. And like it's simply
Speaker 3: that it's not about there's no answer to whether or
Speaker 3: not it's funny, because it's purely you know, you have
Speaker 3: to be a great comic to be funny about a
Speaker 3: thing that's that sensitive.
Speaker 1: There are some who can do it, many who cannot,
Speaker 1: many who can.
Speaker 2: Think.
Speaker 4: The dumbest joke I have that is making light of
Speaker 4: pedoph like where I'm like, I'm not trying to fuck
Speaker 4: your kid, he's a redhead. That is just a statement,
Speaker 4: But it is what if someone I don't even think about.
Speaker 4: What if there's a redheaded person that was molested, Yeah,
Speaker 4: and they're sitting there and I really touched on something.
Speaker 4: I guess I'm willing to take that risk.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean exactly, there's always something risk.
Speaker 3: There's someone in the audience always that has gone through something,
Speaker 3: and it doesn't matter if you're being quote unquote risky
Speaker 3: or not that has that has a sensitive I've learned.
Speaker 4: That I got to write no jokes. I got quit
Speaker 4: doing that one.
Speaker 1: I've never heard you do that though.
Speaker 4: Oh it's about me. I like kids, and when I
Speaker 4: see kids, I'm at the age where I should have
Speaker 4: kids maybe or this paternal instinct is kicked in, and
Speaker 4: I talk to kids that aren't my kids all the time,
Speaker 4: like if I'm in a mall or whatever, And people,
Speaker 4: of course think that's weird. If you're like, hey, how
Speaker 4: are you, buddy, Usually the parents are right there, but
Speaker 4: just talking about talking about makes people nervous. So that's
Speaker 4: why I throw that joke in there, and it really
Speaker 4: relieves the tension. But it also makes people think I'm weird.
Speaker 1: Well it's but that's funny because that's true.
Speaker 3: Like men your age, single men kind of can't talk
Speaker 3: to children, especially with that mustache you have right now.
Speaker 4: Yeah, makes it even worse, especially.
Speaker 1: With your windowless van.
Speaker 4: I just don't think it's a good You think the
Speaker 4: hot tub's too much?
Speaker 1: I mean in the back of a van, Yes.
Speaker 4: Can make me a bad mile.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you that.
Speaker 4: No, I do. I do. I do like kids. I
Speaker 4: went to the house.
Speaker 1: My friends don't say it like that.
Speaker 3: I love kids, but don't say, oh, growley, I like kids.
Speaker 1: I do.
Speaker 4: Kids are a thing. I enjoy it.
Speaker 1: No, I just do.
Speaker 4: Little guy, look he's the cutest.
Speaker 1: Hit him.
Speaker 4: There's just a little kid jumping in yelling. Yeah, I
Speaker 4: guess I need to have some hang out with my
Speaker 4: nieces and nephew. That'll fulfill the desire. I shouldn't be
Speaker 4: having kids.
Speaker 3: I desire isn't the word should at all ever, desire
Speaker 3: shouldn't be accurate.
Speaker 1: I just want to have kids around me, around my lap.
Speaker 4: Oh who's the comic that said sitting on a throne
Speaker 4: of boys? But Matt? He was no from back in
Speaker 4: the day Matt's Winehold.
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, he is so funny.
Speaker 4: He is great. He is great.
Speaker 1: She is great.
Speaker 3: He's still alive and he's still doing great comedy.
Speaker 4: Is he doing stand up?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I'm sure I doesn't know.
Speaker 3: I mean I have I see him like once a year.
Speaker 3: He's the best. Look at her outfit? Is that Kim Karduscian?
Speaker 4: Wow, it sure looks like someone that follows her beauty tips.
Speaker 1: Yes, she had a lot.
Speaker 3: Of contouring going on. She was a gorgeous woman. And
Speaker 3: there was cutouts in her little black dress. That's how
Speaker 3: I first noticed her. Was it looked like a chunk
Speaker 3: of her upper thigh dress was missing.
Speaker 1: Oh, wow, you didn't notice.
Speaker 4: I didn't notice that. No. I looked straight at her
Speaker 4: face out of respect, like, look right in the eyes,
Speaker 4: and I not, ma'am. I say to myself, we're.
Speaker 1: Very close to the Moonlight roller rink right now. Have
Speaker 1: you ever been there? No, you've never gone llerating.
Speaker 3: It's an old fashioned, like straight out of the eighties
Speaker 3: roller ring.
Speaker 4: This spl I do love to skate. I I do
Speaker 4: like roller skating. I do enjoy it. I'm decent added it.
Speaker 1: How about bullying.
Speaker 4: Going counterclockwise oddly similar leg thing that I do when
Speaker 4: I'm bowling. I take my right one slide it behind
Speaker 4: the left. Just with skating, I do it repeatedly, that's right,
Speaker 4: not just as a celebrate.
Speaker 1: Very much the same form.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I'm good at both. I'm really pretty good
Speaker 4: at roller skating. I speaking of pedophiles though, There was
Speaker 4: a ice rink in Culver City that sadly just closed.
Speaker 4: But it was real cool because it's just it's real ice.
Speaker 4: It's indoor. Of course it's cold, it's not all year round.
Speaker 4: But I've been there a couple of times because it
Speaker 4: was near my place in mar Vista and it's mostly kids.
Speaker 4: But there was a guy there that was in all
Speaker 4: black with like a turtleneck, and he was just creepy
Speaker 4: in general. Yeah, And he had be dazzled skates, like
Speaker 4: he covered his skates with gems, and he had these
Speaker 4: rings like the Emperor's New Clothes rings, and he was
Speaker 4: going up to kids and shining its rings and they'd
Speaker 4: be like okay, wheredo, and they'd kind of look at
Speaker 4: the rings and then skate away.
Speaker 1: And he was knew that children loved me.
Speaker 4: He was skating around, doing little spins and just being
Speaker 4: real creepy. And then at one point he was on
Speaker 4: the side. I was on a date. He was on
Speaker 4: the side of the rink just looking through the glass
Speaker 4: into the like snack area. Yeah, there's just kids in
Speaker 4: there eating and he's just staring at them, and I
Speaker 4: was I just went up to him and I said,
Speaker 4: you're acting peculiar, That's all I said. But he got
Speaker 4: very defensive and he and then he just started focusing
Speaker 4: on but I think he was getting away from himself
Speaker 4: and basically fucking licking his lips. It was real gross
Speaker 4: and scary.
Speaker 1: Did he leave?
Speaker 4: I had to tell this story because I wanted to
Speaker 4: contrast my joke deep bet and file shit.
Speaker 1: Good idea that you're also doing good in the community.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he knew what I meant when I said that
Speaker 4: he was being real weird. He was shown his rings
Speaker 4: to ooh, sparkly. It's funny because most of the kids
Speaker 4: are like, yeah, I've seen a fake emerald before. Your weirdo.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not that's not a thing. Kids are into
Speaker 3: men and jewelry.
Speaker 4: I don't know if this used to work with you
Speaker 4: back in the Nine Days, but kids don't care about
Speaker 4: your jewels or back.
Speaker 3: When you were Lad the Impaler, what was a decent
Speaker 3: skater At one point he had a career on ice.
Speaker 1: You think did he shoot the duck?
Speaker 4: He probably had kids on ice in his I don't
Speaker 4: want to shoots to shoot the duck.
Speaker 3: That's when you squat down and put one leg up
Speaker 3: straight in front of you and then the other one
Speaker 3: stays in and you.
Speaker 4: Oh, yes, he did shoot was in the bedroom. I
Speaker 4: am a.
Speaker 5: Sorry describe something that did sound like a.
Speaker 4: Sexual body position. So I had to go in there
Speaker 4: with the A lot of people would have did what
Speaker 4: I just did.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's my point. A lot of people would have
Speaker 1: could have. Oh, look at this man sleeping on a
Speaker 1: bus bench.
Speaker 4: Oh and he's a regular guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah he doesn't.
Speaker 4: He's got like dre headphones.
Speaker 1: You know what he looks like.
Speaker 3: To me, it's like they their tour and they've spent
Speaker 3: the day trying to get around Burbank and Los Angeles
Speaker 3: and they're like out here stuck at that bus stop
Speaker 3: and he's had it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I bet you're right that.
Speaker 1: I feel so bad for tourists that come to La
Speaker 1: oh it is.
Speaker 4: There's this Japanese couple that were walking around with a
Speaker 4: map upside down and they were like trying to They
Speaker 4: were walking along by the studio Paramount and I was like,
Speaker 4: they just came up and they're like handed me the
Speaker 4: map and they're like, Highland, Oh, let's see. And then
Speaker 4: I had trouble with the map, which was in all English.
Speaker 4: I was like, where the fuck is island on here?
Speaker 4: And I and I had to direct that day. I
Speaker 4: was like, you have to walk like ten miles that way,
Speaker 4: and I tried to tell them about Uber and they
Speaker 4: didn't know what I was saying though, and their phones
Speaker 4: were in Japanese and I'm just like, fuck, I'm sorry,
Speaker 4: and they just were. I felt so bad because they
Speaker 4: wanted to go up to Hollywood and Highland probably they
Speaker 4: wanted to like see the Hollywood sure, and they.
Speaker 1: Well why not get a translation book? How can you?
Speaker 4: They were they were very young. They were basically me
Speaker 4: if I went to Europe when I was or somewhere
Speaker 4: where they actually don't speaking, you know, when I was young.
Speaker 4: But I can see like, well, we'll just go there
Speaker 4: and walk around. It will work out. It was working out.
Speaker 1: Not working out well.
Speaker 3: But it rarely works out for tourists in Hollywood because
Speaker 3: once you get away from Hollywood and Highland and Vine
Speaker 3: and Libria, which is basically what three block four block distance,
Speaker 3: it's shit town.
Speaker 1: It's awful.
Speaker 4: You either make it into the ship town or you're
Speaker 4: by that point you're already in the sex industry. You've
Speaker 4: been sold into sex.
Speaker 3: You've been sold in and you're just doing it for
Speaker 3: a living. It's tiring.
Speaker 1: The core is not that nice.
Speaker 4: It's mostly brass. I can't but we've only been podcasting
Speaker 4: for twenty five minutes. Is that surprising to you?
Speaker 1: It is surprising to me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the clock off on this beast.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, maybe just because we'd already started.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, yes we did.
Speaker 1: It seems like a long previous thing.
Speaker 3: Well, previously on Dinah. I'd like to record all of
Speaker 3: our previously ons.
Speaker 4: If we ever have to do that, Oh, that would
Speaker 4: be really fun.
Speaker 1: Previously on Dinah, I'll do it like that.
Speaker 4: Has there been there probably has been, But Martha Kelly
Speaker 4: did a funnier die thing. It was like with b J.
Speaker 4: Porter and and uh Scott. It was called what's it called?
Speaker 4: Was a parody of a soap opera? Lake, Charles Lake?
Speaker 4: Did you ever see that? No, I was a guy.
Speaker 4: It was like an overly dramatic Joe Wagner was in
Speaker 4: it and he was great, Martha was great, and I
Speaker 4: was in it. Tig was in it. Patrick Keane was
Speaker 4: in it. It was really fun and it was a
Speaker 4: parody of soap operas. And there was a lot of
Speaker 4: recaps and previously leons and I want to do that again.
Speaker 4: I think someone should do that again. Well, now I'm
Speaker 4: just giving the idea away.
Speaker 1: It's not you can't give it away.
Speaker 4: Who's who did it?
Speaker 1: You guys did it?
Speaker 4: Oh? Yeah, you're right, you're right. I forgot about the
Speaker 4: version that I just brought up.
Speaker 1: You're not talking about a dream you hope comes true.
Speaker 1: It happened.
Speaker 4: It is good. Yeah, it is good that it is
Speaker 4: online permanently. I someone that I was did Q and
Speaker 4: A at the graduation as some comedy class today and
Speaker 4: they asked if I worry about firing off my jokes
Speaker 4: on Twitter, which I thought was a good idea for
Speaker 4: brand new comedian people. And I said, I don't worry
Speaker 4: about it at all because of anything. You're taking your
Speaker 4: idea and you're time stamping it permanently and as evidence
Speaker 4: in case you see someone. I think it keeps a
Speaker 4: lot of people from doing that. It's or does it,
Speaker 4: I don't know, maybe being naive.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean the time stamp thing really is is
Speaker 3: the main reason that I don't not do it, because
Speaker 3: that's what I used to think the same thing. But
Speaker 3: it's like a if you want to be a comedy writer,
Speaker 3: and if you're doing stand up you are a comedy writer,
Speaker 3: then you should get used to churning out massive levels
Speaker 3: of material.
Speaker 1: That's part of.
Speaker 3: It, right, And when you can timestamp it, then any
Speaker 3: all of that is just like, oh I thought of
Speaker 3: that first, then you actually have proof if you thought
Speaker 3: of it first or not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but for the most.
Speaker 3: Part, you should just there should be no joke that
Speaker 3: you think is so precious and dear that you can't
Speaker 3: make it public that.
Speaker 4: Way, right. Yeah. I wish that it had been around
Speaker 4: when I had got Dmitri Martin problem where he had
Speaker 4: similar to or sub verbatim and I was like, hey,
Speaker 4: take my word for it, rather than being accusing someone.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I have a joke just like that. I
Speaker 4: wish that I had had Twitter or something where it
Speaker 4: was or on YouTube. I didn't have that kind of proof.
Speaker 4: And now it's like, I think it's handy. So that's
Speaker 4: what I should have said to that class.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, you know, they shouldn't be doing stand
Speaker 3: up anyway, so it's fine, don't worry it.
Speaker 4: No one knew should get it. It's so so much
Speaker 4: of me wanted to say that because every my stance
Speaker 4: on it, they were asking all these hopeful questions, and
Speaker 4: I think I was just like, oh, it takes no, no,
Speaker 4: it takes at least fifteen years. And yeah, you're going
Speaker 4: to keep asking for work, but you might not get it.
Speaker 4: Success comes and goes right now. And I mean a
Speaker 4: real lull. Is this helping you?
Speaker 1: Guys? You just start crying.
Speaker 4: They just they wanted to hear, like how do you
Speaker 4: get work? And I'm like, still a mystery to me,
Speaker 4: and I make a living doing this. I don't know
Speaker 4: how you get into comedy clubs. I bother them. They
Speaker 4: don't respond, Okay, next question.
Speaker 3: Well, and also I'm glad you did that, because really
Speaker 3: the answer is no one can walk you through this.
Speaker 3: You don't get the easy way is, especially in stand
Speaker 3: up comedy, if you really want to do it, you
Speaker 3: have to go and eat shit for a long time
Speaker 3: and get better.
Speaker 4: That's all I kept saying is I just keep doing it,
Speaker 4: and I don't know. I don't know why I'm doing it.
Speaker 4: Things happen peripherally jobs, you know, writing jobs, and commercial work,
Speaker 4: hosting jobs, things. But I just keep doing stand up.
Speaker 4: It's fine. I like it.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 4: I don't know why. You shouldn't ask why you should
Speaker 4: just want it.
Speaker 3: You should know why you want to do it instead
Speaker 3: of asking someone else why they do it.
Speaker 4: God, I wish you were there to be behind me
Speaker 4: like flavor flave and just yell.
Speaker 3: Back and yell bitchy shit at children who are just
Speaker 3: trying something.
Speaker 1: Stop trying this. You already failed.
Speaker 4: There's no reason to start doing stand up that isn't
Speaker 4: the wrong one no matter.
Speaker 3: What, because you're always wrong, you're always right, and there's
Speaker 3: there to be good at stand up.
Speaker 1: There has to be something deeply wrong with you.
Speaker 3: To be a funny person, you need to be in
Speaker 3: serious pain and very flawed and suck up.
Speaker 1: All the time.
Speaker 4: Had to be yanked away from a breast, you had
Speaker 4: to be burned in a tub.
Speaker 3: You had to just have a deep seated personality disorder
Speaker 3: where you're a narcissiste, self serving co and also don't
Speaker 3: have a lot of shame or feelings.
Speaker 4: Or you or you just got funny parents and they
Speaker 4: were like, Hey, you're funny. Do you want to do comedy?
Speaker 1: That's sometimes that's necessary.
Speaker 4: Some level of that happens if your.
Speaker 3: Parents are boring or assholes who should probably become an
Speaker 3: accountant or a therapist probably it.
Speaker 4: Would be good. Yeah, do you have a lot? There
Speaker 4: are I wonder who? I can't think of anyone right now,
Speaker 4: but I know they exist, funny, legitimately funny people to
Speaker 4: where when you meet their parents you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: how April Richardson April? It's yeah that there, But no,
Speaker 4: her mom wasn't. I could tell that she has.
Speaker 1: A good sense of him.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, just not not a good you know, sense
Speaker 4: of style like comedy style air whatever. What am I saying?
Speaker 1: She loves Steve Harvey.
Speaker 4: She loves Steve Hartt, Like if you love a comedian, Look,
Speaker 4: there's the debate. Oh, wow, I should be watching it.
Speaker 4: I'm supposed to watch it. Oh, it's right now, it's happening,
Speaker 4: but I can catch up later.
Speaker 3: I feel a little fatigued. I feel like I know
Speaker 3: what's gonna happen. I watched the first one and it
Speaker 3: I was in such a deep cringe the entire time
Speaker 3: that I hurt my neck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's he shouldn't be there.
Speaker 4: Really hurt your neck.
Speaker 3: Yes, we were watching it at work, so we were
Speaker 3: I was facing I had to look to the left
Speaker 3: to watch it for an hour, and it was him
Speaker 3: going wrong, wrong, And there's all everything about him. He
Speaker 3: doesn't Yeah, he doesn't know the rules, he doesn't have
Speaker 3: real answers, he's he's a fraud, and yet he is
Speaker 3: so psychotically narcissistic that he thinks he's getting away with it.
Speaker 4: And yet he's still had a couple of applause breaks like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but someone else mentioned maybe it was you and
Speaker 3: I talking about it. Yeah, because the people that are
Speaker 3: that support him are they would applaud him murdering a
Speaker 3: baby with his hands.
Speaker 1: They're they're not Okay.
Speaker 4: It's those people. Yeah. There's a section at the debate
Speaker 4: in the audience for overalls only.
Speaker 3: Well, and also you were they were told repeatedly you
Speaker 3: can't applaud, and they did it of course anyway, because
Speaker 3: these days in our society, everyone thinks they're the exception
Speaker 3: of the rule, right, and so it doesn't matter if
Speaker 3: the rule says you can't do it, I can because
Speaker 3: it's me is everything in our society.
Speaker 1: And really, I'm coming down on society, isn't it.
Speaker 4: So of course Pence would not have had anything to
Speaker 4: do with the debate tonight, the vice presidential one. But
Speaker 4: did he ever read did you? It's not official yet,
Speaker 4: but he's dropped out.
Speaker 3: Most likely there's there's rumors that he is being asked
Speaker 3: asked to be He is asking to be taken.
Speaker 1: Off the ticket.
Speaker 4: Oh you can't take yourself up.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I wonder, I don't.
Speaker 1: I think it's like if you get dominated, you're that's
Speaker 1: an official thing.
Speaker 4: He just keeps going to places with wide out and no, no, no,
Speaker 4: not me, no no, no, no, don't pick me. No,
Speaker 4: it's Eddie Pence, Los Angeles comedian. Oh here's flappers. I
Speaker 4: headlined this place.
Speaker 1: Jeff Garland's in there.
Speaker 4: Look at that jet to is he doing some loose material.
Speaker 1: He's gonna loose loose, meet it up.
Speaker 4: He's gonna Lucy goose it up. Jimmy Pardo, Jimmy Parto.
Speaker 4: Here's a plug for flappers. Jimmy Parto October tenth.
Speaker 1: Oh, he's sure that will be a show worth going to.
Speaker 1: Jimmy Parto.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Jimmy Parto is uh. He's one of my I
Speaker 4: mean he's not old enough to be, but he is
Speaker 4: one of my comedy dads a little bit.
Speaker 3: Yes, he took me a hero on the road O fatherly, Oh,
Speaker 3: I see advice.
Speaker 4: I know, I don't. Yeah, it's weird to say. He did.
Speaker 1: Always a great show to watch together.
Speaker 4: It would be fun. We used to. He'd take me
Speaker 4: to lunch when we are on the road. I need you.
Speaker 4: Go to a restaurant and he's like, Hi, how are you.
Speaker 4: My nephew's in town. This is my nephew, Chris to
Speaker 4: the waiter and then they're like, oh, yeah, he just
Speaker 4: graduated from Naval academy. Tell him, Chris, tell him about
Speaker 4: the navy. It's like, oh, fuck, come on, And you
Speaker 4: had to like play along, otherwise he'd actually get mad
Speaker 4: at you and it's so it's that thing that he does.
Speaker 4: And like talk last where they assign you a comedy
Speaker 4: sketch that you do not want to do, but you
Speaker 4: have to do it. Yeah, there's an obligation to do.
Speaker 1: It with only I would literally walk away if if
Speaker 1: I was there.
Speaker 3: I so don't want to trick normal people who don't
Speaker 3: understand anything that's happening.
Speaker 4: Oh interested, I didn't want to either. But remember a
Speaker 4: very fun version at the Olive Garden where I had
Speaker 4: to talk about him being my uncle.
Speaker 3: For quite a while, and that you're in the Army
Speaker 3: or the Air Force or I couldn't remember which branch.
Speaker 1: We don't ask for experience, we give it.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 1: Remember that commercial. No thought I was Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines.
Speaker 3: We don't ask for experience, we give it, and we
Speaker 3: don't something else.
Speaker 4: We live it. Wow. Remember it sounds more like it's
Speaker 4: a you know, it's a jingle for Pontiac.
Speaker 1: Taurus. Now there's an American car. Look at this, exactly
Speaker 1: what you've been looking for.
Speaker 4: Lately. Remember the English rock version lately driven a fod lightly.
Speaker 4: The mountains right now are being kissed by an angle
Speaker 4: of the sun that can only be described as beautiful.
Speaker 3: This is magic hour they call it in the movies
Speaker 3: where the sun goes down but it's still up, but
Speaker 3: all the light gets diffused.
Speaker 1: It's very pinkagh it's gold twilight hour. You're wrong, it's
Speaker 1: magic ye.
Speaker 4: Look at the sun as a cascades over the Ikea
Speaker 4: that I went to twice this fucking week. Why I
Speaker 4: went to buy curtains. They were labeled under the ones
Speaker 4: they had on display, perfect size for my windows. The
Speaker 4: ones I reached down a grab were made for a castle.
Speaker 1: They went all the way to the ground.
Speaker 4: Yeah. They were big, long tapestry flags, like like Hitler
Speaker 4: you'sda have at his speeches.
Speaker 1: You couldn't cut them in half and have four curtains.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but they still had that swas that's good time.
Speaker 1: You know. We went to Staples before this podcast started
Speaker 1: to buy it what do you call it? Card?
Speaker 3: And the girl I don't know if you notice that
Speaker 3: girl that works there. She had red hair and a
Speaker 3: ponytail and with red lipstick on. And I was already
Speaker 3: at Staples earlier today buying printer ink, and so when
Speaker 3: I walked in she had it was the funniest thing.
Speaker 1: She had the look of shock on her face.
Speaker 4: Oh that's funny. How are you here twice in a day?
Speaker 4: I have to come here once a day and I
Speaker 4: don't understand it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like she wanted to say, what you're back,
Speaker 1: but she didn't say.
Speaker 4: That's funny. Yeah that Ikea. There's a greeter and he
Speaker 4: is from Sweden. He's like an old Swedish guy.
Speaker 1: Oh and do they have that at all of them
Speaker 1: or just that one?
Speaker 4: I don't know. He just happens to be. So they're like,
Speaker 4: we gotta get it. We gotta get this guy to
Speaker 4: at least hand out shopping carts for some And he
Speaker 4: remembers me having left a couple days earlier and I
Speaker 4: came back to return the curtains and he's like returning
Speaker 4: those curtains huh. And I'm like, whoa, because that hundreds
Speaker 4: of people he had small talk with. I'm just saying,
Speaker 4: that guy a great memory. He deserves the free meats,
Speaker 4: like eight, Oh shit, dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so he's doing good.
Speaker 4: Mm hmm. Well you're like me where it's like when
Speaker 4: if someone's above sixty five and they have a better
Speaker 4: memory than me, I want to give them like a
Speaker 4: Nobel peace prize if.
Speaker 1: There's If I meet an old lady in the store,
Speaker 1: you know, every once in a while. I don't know
Speaker 1: if this happens to you, it happens to me a lot.
Speaker 3: Old ladies will talk to me, like if we're both
Speaker 3: in their fruit section or whatever, It'll.
Speaker 1: Be like I thought these pages went out of season
Speaker 1: week ago whatever. I'm always having those kinds of conversations.
Speaker 3: And anytime it's a lady who looks like she could
Speaker 3: be seventy eight or eighty, when I walk away, I
Speaker 3: start crying because God bless them for still being so
Speaker 3: sharp that they are out shopping for themselves, probably drove
Speaker 3: themselves there getting it done, and then aren't riddled with Alzheimer's.
Speaker 4: I love it, and I also cry at that, and
Speaker 4: I think that it's obviously because we both have that
Speaker 4: in common.
Speaker 1: No, I think it's because I'm bipolar.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's because of your emotional problems. Okay, Well, then
Speaker 4: I don't know why I do it. Maybe I just
Speaker 4: had something in my eye. Every time I talk to
Speaker 4: the elderly, Oh, you.
Speaker 1: Should go to an allergists.
Speaker 4: Maybe I should.
Speaker 1: You're allergic to old people.
Speaker 4: I'm heard allergic to those Santa Ana winds now.
Speaker 3: We're driving into the sun. But it's such a pleasant
Speaker 3: experience because it's the whole.
Speaker 1: Sky is gold.
Speaker 4: It is entirely gold. It is gold, like the end
Speaker 4: of the Outsiders. And I don't know if that means
Speaker 4: is there a fire or is it just there's a
Speaker 4: haze over the mountains.
Speaker 3: The sun is just I think we've got a marine layer,
Speaker 3: and I think that's that's making everything look real pleasant.
Speaker 4: Well we have here's a cold front coming in over
Speaker 4: the initial Arctic flow, causing what will be tomorrow. Hey folks, sunshine.
Speaker 4: Do you think I could have been a meteorologist?
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you, voice alone, you could have.
Speaker 4: That's probably just the voice.
Speaker 3: I like to look and see if we're ever getting
Speaker 3: what the percentage chance of rain is. It's been zero
Speaker 3: percent for literally one year. I'm going fucking crazy. I
Speaker 3: need moisture from San Francisco, where there's fog and rain
Speaker 3: and this place is like an old, caked up, leftover
Speaker 3: bar of soap in an abandoned house.
Speaker 4: We live in a in a urinal cake with crime.
Speaker 1: It's terrible.
Speaker 4: There's got to be people that hear us listening, you know,
Speaker 4: our fans in Seattle and Portland that just are like,
Speaker 4: fuck you.
Speaker 1: Yes, all the people are going through the hurricane.
Speaker 4: They're standing right now with headphones drenched, like looking like
Speaker 4: the girl from the Ring, just wet. Well. Jealous.
Speaker 1: If you're please know that I am jealous of you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you're damp right now in any way for
Speaker 3: any reason, and I don't want to hear why I'm jealous.
Speaker 4: This is a classic case of the grass being greener
Speaker 4: on the other side, except here it's all dead, so
Speaker 4: it's not that case.
Speaker 1: There's no because there's no green.
Speaker 4: There is no grass here.
Speaker 1: There's it's all flown away and burned up. Yeah, God
Speaker 1: damn it, God damn.
Speaker 4: We're in a drought and we're angry about it.
Speaker 1: We just want one rinse offt that's all I need.
Speaker 1: It could rain for fifteen minutes, that's all.
Speaker 4: To get some of this oil off the streets.
Speaker 1: And these these the oil off all these goddamn birds.
Speaker 4: These foods are rilled with oil.
Speaker 1: They're filthy birds.
Speaker 4: They have combination skin.
Speaker 1: They need an acne mask of some kind. But first,
Speaker 1: rinse it. I went to Ross Dress for less time.
Speaker 5: To get some shirts, and they had all these I
Speaker 5: bought like two different night masks and all more one
Speaker 5: the other night because someone with Tourett's basically said, oh man,
Speaker 5: you got some wrinkles this year.
Speaker 4: Oh I'm like what, Like, I guess I have some
Speaker 4: laughlyre crows. You know, it's inevitable, right, starting to look
Speaker 4: my age whatever.
Speaker 1: But also that's it's a natural thing for your face
Speaker 1: to bend at certain areas.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I know, I just but I bought some
Speaker 4: bought lot of lotions because they're like normally fifty dollars
Speaker 4: and they're five dollars and some under a pair of
Speaker 4: underwear at ross.
Speaker 1: That's right, and probably because there's a chemical in them
Speaker 1: that burns of your skin.
Speaker 4: It does burn?
Speaker 1: Does it burn?
Speaker 5: There?
Speaker 1: Is?
Speaker 4: I have like red patches on my face. I don't
Speaker 4: think it's good for you.
Speaker 1: Is it a retinol? Is the Does it have the
Speaker 1: ingredient retinol in it?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: Should I not be using that?
Speaker 3: Well, it's just very that's the strongest one you can have.
Speaker 3: That's like that's like middle aged lady face message.
Speaker 4: Oh no, I did see that. Yeah, No, that's it's
Speaker 4: really expensive, like Rock brand retinal therapy.
Speaker 1: Yes, but it actually works of all the things that they.
Speaker 4: Say work okay, because you're burning off your skin, because.
Speaker 1: Yes, you have to. You just take it off. It
Speaker 1: just micro layer by micro layer.
Speaker 4: And god, it's really funny that I'm a man who's.
Speaker 1: Just ready to have this conversation.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've been in fistfights in my life. But the
Speaker 4: lotion that I have that has alpha hydroxy acid is that?
Speaker 4: Does that work?
Speaker 1: That's very good.
Speaker 4: Yes, it's just nutrigena. You know, it's a man's lotion.
Speaker 4: It's slightly tinted.
Speaker 1: But I didn't do that, not a man's lips.
Speaker 4: I shaved the other day and put it on, and girl,
Speaker 4: I was mcaulay Culkin from that classic scene and Daniel
Speaker 4: Sharon takes it in the nuts lighter turned to a
Speaker 4: movie called Home Alone. It really burned my face, like
Speaker 4: like Sea Breeze.
Speaker 3: Oh remember Sea Breeze, God, don't I got it's and
Speaker 3: that ship is so bad for your skin, like seabrees
Speaker 3: and like Saint Ives Apricot scrub, Like that's the worst
Speaker 3: thing you could do, is Acney.
Speaker 1: Yes, oh wow, all those things and that's all we
Speaker 1: were doing.
Speaker 4: My beautiful sister always had in high school, like the
Speaker 4: the most judgmental years for a young girl had acne
Speaker 4: and was using all that stuff. It was seabreez and
Speaker 4: oxy ten and fucking all that shit, and it was
Speaker 4: so frustrating.
Speaker 3: For I remember the first time I saw pro active
Speaker 3: commercial and it was this whole thing of like gentle
Speaker 3: cleansing and this and the all the before and after pictures,
Speaker 3: and I was just like, we've truly come into a
Speaker 3: new age where they've prioritized this problem and actually solved it,
Speaker 3: not just like here's a bunch of shit to scrub.
Speaker 1: Your face with it's the wrong thing, right, but actually
Speaker 1: did research.
Speaker 3: Like that's why I feel like those people. I hope
Speaker 3: they make billions of dollars because then kids don't have
Speaker 3: to have fucking horrible acne anymore.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the worst. It's I was lucky my mom
Speaker 4: and I never had a bad acne problem. Uh, but
Speaker 4: my mom gave divbied out all acne advice. Oh, don't
Speaker 4: touch it, never pop it. Yeah you leave a whitehead
Speaker 4: on the forehead for Yeah, of.
Speaker 1: Course that My mom did the exact same thing.
Speaker 3: Don't don't pick your skin, don't pick your face where
Speaker 3: it's like, what am I supposed.
Speaker 4: To do went to a place and paid someone that's
Speaker 4: what they do.
Speaker 1: Yes, you got to get rid of it.
Speaker 4: I think I don't remember if someone professionally. I know
Speaker 4: that there's people out there that professionally, if you get
Speaker 4: a facial they pops it. It's just like a civilian. Yes,
Speaker 4: they don't do it, and they maybe clean their fingers
Speaker 4: they were.
Speaker 3: Usually they'll wear gloves, yeah, hopefully, and they do it
Speaker 3: like they do it in a circular motion so they
Speaker 3: don't scar or break your skin.
Speaker 4: Wearing gloves it makes you a specialist. Call me a
Speaker 4: doctor and a pro skier. I don't know if that
Speaker 4: makes sense, but I'm just saying gloves don't make you.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, Well, don't wear ski gloves
Speaker 1: to poposits.
Speaker 4: That's not going on, only because it makes it harder
Speaker 4: to pinpoint. You're squeezing half your face if you're don't
Speaker 4: get me started on mittens. I can't even I can't
Speaker 4: even get my boot in the bindings. For some of
Speaker 4: you out there that have snowboarded, now we are Scott.
Speaker 1: It's so gorgeous.
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 1: This is Instagram ready, this sky.
Speaker 4: I'll take a goddamn picture.
Speaker 3: Do it.
Speaker 1: It's so beaprety. Just it's all clouds.
Speaker 3: It looks like I'm sure the chemtrails people are going
Speaker 3: batshit bananas tonight to be.
Speaker 4: Beautiful and we're gonna have this picture on the soon
Speaker 4: as it always looks ugly to have someone's tail lights
Speaker 4: in front of it.
Speaker 1: Get those birds on the wire in there like windshielded.
Speaker 4: So I washed my car and then scrubbed it down
Speaker 4: with a towel that I and, like I said before,
Speaker 4: previously had used to clean an elephant's butthole or something.
Speaker 4: It's very dirty towel, very dirty towel. I don't know
Speaker 4: why I ruined my car wash Anyway, I got a
Speaker 4: picture of the beautiful sky.
Speaker 1: It will be a h go on the website that
Speaker 1: we have built.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, now, I'll just put it as an image
Speaker 4: for this episode.
Speaker 1: Where are you're?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 1: Nice? Are the lights on that? I just turned the
Speaker 1: thing over here?
Speaker 4: I think you Yeah, it looks did you twist it?
Speaker 4: It's probably the same as your Honda well wall, This
Speaker 4: was a good episode. Did you have an enjoyable time?
Speaker 1: I really did. I laughed, and it's fun to.
Speaker 4: It's kind of fun to be in the car as
Speaker 4: just a novelty treat.
Speaker 1: I gotta say, I do love the car. It's fun, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's where. I think there's something
Speaker 1: about the distraction of the drive and the.
Speaker 3: Changing scenery that makes it like when we're in the
Speaker 3: studio as much as I love it because it's convenient. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's almost it's so static. It feels almost tiring.
Speaker 4: Right right, I agree too. It was exciting at first,
Speaker 4: but now I'm seeing the benefits of being in the car.
Speaker 4: Maybe sometimes we'll.
Speaker 1: Do the car sometimes, I think we can. I think
Speaker 1: when we have time.
Speaker 3: I mean, my job is going to get easier because
Speaker 3: we just finished taping my episode for my show, so
Speaker 3: the work. I mean, I'll still obviously there's six more
Speaker 3: episodes to make, but sure.
Speaker 4: I will just that basically, I think just this conversation
Speaker 4: is making some people just jump up and down about
Speaker 4: what in joy with joy.
Speaker 1: They like it in the car, they do like it
Speaker 1: in the car. I want to give it.
Speaker 3: Listen, if there's people that actually regularly listen to us,
Speaker 3: then I want to give them what they want out
Speaker 3: the stupid fucking show, don't you. I mean, there's this
Speaker 3: changes your life somehow. Let's make it good for you.
Speaker 4: Yeah. For me, honestly, I'm such a way. It's almost
Speaker 4: like OCD. I just want the title of the podcast
Speaker 4: to still match what it is, not a dumb reason.
Speaker 1: What do you mean?
Speaker 4: Oh like that we're doing the thing, but them we're
Speaker 4: in a studio and new people will be like what
Speaker 4: I don't und I know.
Speaker 3: There was somebody the other day that asked me about it,
Speaker 3: and then I was like, but now we do it
Speaker 3: in the studio, and then they were like.
Speaker 1: Wait why, And then I was just like, I don't.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's more I'm we've convinced ourselves it's more convenient.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but well we'll get yeah, well we'll do We'll
Speaker 4: occasionally be in a studio. It was just nice to
Speaker 4: have that option because it sounds so good.
Speaker 1: Well, and it's fun. It's a fun changer up, I
Speaker 1: mean wise.
Speaker 4: Yeah, nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you have any plugs?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 4: I uh? I was gonna wear April and I were
Speaker 4: gonna work on a little Northwest tour of sorts. We're
Speaker 4: throwing together. Good good but late November, late December, that's great,
Speaker 4: that'll be fun. Seattle, Portland, those those other towns that.
Speaker 1: Exist Pacific Northwest. Keep your eye peels.
Speaker 4: It's my favorite part of the country.
Speaker 1: Honestly, it is the best.
Speaker 3: When I was up I think we talked all about
Speaker 3: it on this podcast. But when I was up there
Speaker 3: a year ago for that All Jane Comedy Festival, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I wanted to live there because again, moist moisture. So
Speaker 3: many women wearing clogs, yes, so many women with hair.
Speaker 4: Like mine, earthy the clogs. Sorry, I was still on
Speaker 4: the close hair.
Speaker 3: That would be kind of Now. This guy's turning pink,
Speaker 3: blue and gold. This is quite amazing.
Speaker 4: This is like the dress that split the nation.
Speaker 1: I think it's yellow and blue.
Speaker 4: I think you're a communist. So a girl got really
Speaker 4: mad at me because I saw a golden white dress
Speaker 4: in the photo. It's a golden my dress. And someone's like,
Speaker 4: I'm looking at a black, blue and black, a blue
Speaker 4: and black dress, and you're lying to me right now,
Speaker 4: And I'm like, I think you're lying. I don't believe
Speaker 4: that you actually see that. Yeah, it was so hard
Speaker 4: and how has it not been explained to me?
Speaker 3: Well, I mean you probably haven't like really tried to
Speaker 3: look at like a YouTube video of somebody explaining it.
Speaker 1: Right or anything.
Speaker 4: Boy, No, I don't have that kind of time.
Speaker 3: Because they do explain it. It's just the way some
Speaker 3: people's like eyes pull in.
Speaker 1: Light or something.
Speaker 4: It just threw me off because how many times then
Speaker 4: is someone wearing a crazy outfit, like when you do
Speaker 4: see someone with pink socks and an orange shirt and
Speaker 4: they think it's the same. Is it a color blind
Speaker 4: thing or no, it's a lighting thing. I just don't
Speaker 4: get it.
Speaker 1: It's light and it's I think the way some people's
Speaker 1: eyes are.
Speaker 3: I think it's just it's that kind of anominally because
Speaker 3: I see blue and black, I cannot understand how people
Speaker 3: see gold and white.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make sense to me.
Speaker 3: And what I love about it is really it seems
Speaker 3: to me to be kind of it's very representative of
Speaker 3: like the way this country has gone politically, where people
Speaker 3: see things differently and refuse to entertain that the way
Speaker 3: other people see things could be right.
Speaker 4: Well, then, yeah, with this, I couldn't. I was like,
Speaker 4: there's no way your eyes are seeing How often has
Speaker 4: this come up then in life where because of lighting
Speaker 4: you're seeing a different thing than me. That's dresses. The
Speaker 4: first instance where everyone was like.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, right, exactly.
Speaker 3: Well, and that's a good thing to doubt your own
Speaker 3: perception because we're all just flawed human beings with that
Speaker 3: project and have weird rods and cones in our eyes.
Speaker 4: And who the fuck knows what's constantly firing the roads
Speaker 4: the rods at as the cones of course receiving.
Speaker 1: Oh is that true?
Speaker 4: Like nah, who knows?
Speaker 3: Maybe it's like if your rods are bigger, then you
Speaker 3: see blue and black, and if your cones are bigger,
Speaker 3: you see.
Speaker 1: Yellow and gold.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know my rod's bigger when I see some
Speaker 4: nice cones.
Speaker 1: Goodbye, Hey, I get out of the car.
Speaker 4: Es roll into the street. Karen, No, that's not the joke.
Speaker 1: I want you to die on.
Speaker 3: Wait did I ever tell you this story? Our friends,
Speaker 3: Our friends, the Gardener's. It was my mom's best friend,
Speaker 3: Cynthia Gardner, her daughter Carrie, who was a now like
Speaker 3: a surgeon or something. She's really smart and really we
Speaker 3: always heard stories about Kerry Gardener because she was so funny.
Speaker 3: And when she got taught how to drive, when they
Speaker 3: drove home from her driver's test, she was so excited.
Speaker 3: She was driving home with her dad and she was
Speaker 3: so excited to tell her mom that she passed her
Speaker 3: driver's test. That as they were pulling up to the house,
Speaker 3: she saw her mom in the driveway and she got out.
Speaker 1: Of the car as she was driving toward the house.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, she took off the seatbelt and got out.
Speaker 1: Was like, Mom, I passed and got out of a
Speaker 1: moving car.
Speaker 4: And then what happened to the moving car?
Speaker 1: The dad had to reach over and like pull the
Speaker 1: emergency brake.
Speaker 3: And that's like my favorite story because it wasn't She's
Speaker 3: in no way dumb or even an airhead.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she just like was excited. Oh wow, I'm like
Speaker 1: gonna forgot.
Speaker 4: Have you ever noticed this Toyota dealership how they propped
Speaker 4: up mannequins to look like people. We wanted to look
Speaker 4: like people are looking to purchase cars.
Speaker 3: There's many, many customers everywhere around our lot and you
Speaker 3: can be one too.
Speaker 4: And sometimes they are wearing clothing that is very bleached
Speaker 4: by the sun for many years.
Speaker 1: And sometimes their faces are plastic. Are you doing Russian?
Speaker 1: What is this is?
Speaker 4: It's I'm not racist enough to pinpoint accent. I just
Speaker 4: spread it across the board. Oh good, because I hear
Speaker 4: no evil. I don't know I was just a car dealer.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 4: I could have been like, hey, do you want a
Speaker 4: new car? Living all these interested buyers, that.
Speaker 1: Would have been better.
Speaker 3: I feel like I would have been more comfortable and
Speaker 3: less triggered if you had done that.
Speaker 4: This has been a very racist episode of Chris Fairbacks.
Speaker 4: Very what has happened to me? I moved to this.
Speaker 3: City, you start seeing things color only there were some
Speaker 3: people who claim to see no color.
Speaker 1: Total bullshit and also not the goal.
Speaker 4: It was a fun of fun, the funnest thing ever
Speaker 4: for my sister and I to quote lines from Coming
Speaker 4: to America. We really loved that movie when he was young,
Speaker 4: and and then she in college, she took African American
Speaker 4: studies and came home one day and she said, hey,
Speaker 4: we can't. We can't do those voices anymore.
Speaker 1: Did you?
Speaker 3: Because you used to scream sexual chocolate at each other,
Speaker 3: like the way me and my friend TII forget Lewisbo.
Speaker 4: You know we did. And then it was like that
Speaker 4: that's wrong, and I ended. I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 4: I guess you're right.
Speaker 3: I mean it's not fair though, because Eddie Murphy when
Speaker 3: I was growing up, Eddie Murphy was Eddie Murphy was
Speaker 3: right there in my life in the same way George
Speaker 3: Clooney was, where it's like a right at the best age.
Speaker 3: That was the guy that was in every movie and
Speaker 3: on every TV show, and so we were his fan.
Speaker 3: We listened to his stand up tapes. Yeah, like he
Speaker 3: was everything, and you wanted to talk like him because
Speaker 3: you wanted to do say funny things like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: but yeah you.
Speaker 1: But also you're not allowed to look look at the sky,
Speaker 1: look at this guy.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, we're taking at this guy. Look at
Speaker 4: this guy.
Speaker 1: Look at this guy that looks awesome. And that's all pollution.
Speaker 4: Oh, there's always a car in the way.
Speaker 1: It's hot pink.
Speaker 3: We'll go on Instagram for the evening of August ninth
Speaker 3: and you'll see I mean October.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, just just it's going to be a trending
Speaker 4: topic for as far as sunsets.
Speaker 3: Okay, and it's a if you see any sunset picture,
Speaker 3: it's about our podcast Dinar yes, yes.
Speaker 4: And last of course you're talking about Indian weddings.
Speaker 3: And then Dinar Baby. I think the Indian one is
Speaker 3: Dinar Baby, right, I think so.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 4: Congratulations to them, do you need a reception is what
Speaker 4: they're attacking.
Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're okay, You're quick.
Speaker 1: That's all I want.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna say, this was your episode, Karen, Did.
Speaker 1: I really shine?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I gave a little bit of a luster here
Speaker 4: and there, but it was mostly asleep at the wheel.
Speaker 3: I disagree. But here's what I will say. My question,
Speaker 3: my plug is is that we're doing business class this Wednesday.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, You're in Los Angeles on Wednesday.
Speaker 3: October the twelfth, I believe is Wednesday Improv Laboratory ten pm.
Speaker 3: Improv Lab Chris Fairbanks, Karen Kilgarff, April Richardson.
Speaker 1: Uh. Yeah, there's there's some really good people. I think
Speaker 1: Dave Anthony's doing it.
Speaker 4: Oh cool.
Speaker 1: I think Ria Butcher might be doing cool. Andrew Mashawan,
Speaker 1: I believe he's doing it. He's skateboard king.
Speaker 4: He's really good at skateboard.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna talk to him about skateboarding.
Speaker 4: She's uh he rips.
Speaker 1: I love.
Speaker 3: I love knowing that fact. I wish I knew a
Speaker 3: fact like that about every person I know.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, it's while my phone doesn't work in the
Speaker 4: city I live in, so I'm unable to look anything up.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, yeah, perfect.
Speaker 4: Anyway, you uh, we've we've concluded this episode was a
Speaker 4: good one. You enjoyed it. You've been listening to Do
Speaker 4: you Need a Ride? D Y n A R.
Speaker 1: Hong Kong.
Speaker 4: We're in traffic. We didn't want to cat.
Speaker 2: Are leaving you wanna way back?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you clean us time and
Speaker 2: turning on engage. We want to send you us in
Speaker 2: sun Leanna, welcome you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: Re scared her? Was it fine? Melbourne?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen
Speaker 4: and Chriss